parliament consisting entirely of women 
A. PARLIAMENT. of Women    

THE PARLIAMENT OF WOMEN: Or, A complete HISTORY Of the Proceedings and Debates, Of a particular Junto, of Ladies and Gentlewomen, With a design to alter the Government of the World.  
By way of satire.  
LONDON, Printed for John Holford, at the Crown in the Pall-mall, 1684.   

THE PARLIAMENT OF WOMEN.  
YOU are not to imagine, that this▪ Assembly was ever called together by Writ● or Summons, nor do I believe the Penny-post was much concerned in the Convocation. Only a certain Company of Select▪ Ladies, and Female-Burgesses, ambitious of the Title of Patriotesses, never ceased, till they had talked themselves into a numerous Society. These having been long brooding over the Grievances of their Sex, had first their private Consults and Correspondenties, till a● length encourag●d by a General Unanimity▪ and Concurrency in their Complaints, they assumed to themselves the Name of their Sexes Representatives, and took a Resolution to seek Redress in a Parliamentary way. Having likewise agreed to carry on their Designs under the gaudy Mantuaes( for the word Cloak is now to be cast off) of Religion and Property.  
The Place that was debated on for this great Assembly, was the Blew-house in Enfeild-Chase; first, because it was by vulgar famed reputed to be the place where the Gun-powder-Plot was fi●st hatched; and secondly, because the Red-Lyon at Barnet lay so convenient in the Road. But that being displeasing, as being too ●ca●ty, and fearing to be troubled with their Capital Enemies the pleas, if crowded too much together at such a busy time as that, they at last concluded upon Merton-Abby, which they found to be a place where their Husbands Ancestors had fat in former times, and made several Laws; which they resolved to repeal upon the same spot.  
The next thing taken into consideration, was, in what Robes they should sit, whether in Men's or Womens Apparel, whether with Beards, or without ' em.  
Thereupon they agreed to sit in Mens habit, and for Quickness-sake, to make use of their Husbands Clothes. For it was but reason, they said, that they should wear the Breeches, that were going to assume the power. And as for Beards, it was alleged, That the general Custom of shaving close among Men, had saved them the trouble of that Debate. Then, as for Perriwiggs, the Mode had already so much befriended them, that was but putting on a Hat, and they were perfect Man, without contradiction, as good as ever Leg was laid over, from the very Crown of the Head to the very bottom of the Chin, where the chiefest difference between the Sexes lay public to the World.  
Now when the time of the Sessions began to approach, and that it behoved them to repair to the General Rendezvous, these Women made an easy shift to steal from their Husbands, whom they left snoring, and fast bound in the chains of Sleep, over-burden'd with the Ponderosity of the last Nights Compotation. But Heavens! How you would have blessed yourselves? In what an Agony you would have been for fear of losing the Drums of your Ears, to have heard how the men swore Walsingham the next morning, when they awaked? Some for being disappointed in the it Morning Exercises, others not being able to remember where they had laid their Clothes when they went to bed. One missed his Shoes and Stockings; another his Perriwigg, Hat, Sword, fringed— Gloves; a nother was confined to his Chamber for want of his Breeches and Coat. They that had but one svit were in a miserable Condition; they who had two were great losers however, for the Women carried away Silver, Gold, Watches, French, Tweezers, and all away, they had only reason to laugh, who had cozened their Wives, by losing all their Money the night before.  
Upon the tenth of the month Anthesterion or April, according to the Amazonian account, and in the two hundred and fortieth Bissextile or Leap year from the Reign of Pope Joan, this famous Female-Parliament opened. At what time the Honourable Pensithelea, Countess of Mount-Orgu●il, being chosen Speaker of the Upper House, after a deep Silence commanded, began as follows.  
Ladies and Gentlewomen,  
IT is to me the greatest Sign and happy Omen in the World of future Success in our Debates, and prosperous issue of our Consultations, that I see ye here appearing so numerous, and with so much Alacrity in your Countenances. From whence I have conceived assured Hopes, that all things will tend by your painful endeavours to the Dignity and Profit of the Female-Common-weale. You all know how we have suffered for a long-time under the Oppression of men, who have all this while taken upon them to govern the Business of the World, in their Councils, Assemblies and Cabals, while we tied to our Distaffs, and our Needles, have slothfully deserted our own Cause.—  
Ay by my faith have we, presently cried one of the Commoners; You speak like an honest good Lady— And was going on with a long story, had not some of her Acquaintance checked her— By my faith, quoth she, but I will speak— Do we not come all to speak here? And then she clapped her hands, and was beginning to lift up her voice against the Men— But then— Madam, quo ' the Speaker— Pray here me out— You shall speak as much as you please when it comes to your Turn▪— in the mean time hear me out— Now I say Ladies, that from this oppression ●f Men and our own neglect it comes to pass, that we have no share in the Government of the Common-wealth▪ that Men only make use of Us, as we make use of our Bed-pans and Close-stools; So that if we let 'em go on to fool us as they have hitherto done, I refer it to your judgement what will become of us— Why then give me leave to speak— Ile tell ye, cried one— You speak! cried another, why should you speak before me?— My Lady Speaker, since you have referred it to my judgement— Nay Lord! which if ye interrupt me thus— I shall nere ha' done. With that they cried out all together, Go on, my Lady Speaker, go on— The interruption thus over— Bishops, said she, have their Convocations, Souldiers their Councils of War, even Emmets have their assemblies upon Ant-Hills; only Women of all other Creatures are debarred from all Society. Ay truly▪ Madam so they are— Pray be quiet there— Can't you hold one minute or two?— I think the Devil's in ye all— And so having procured a third silence, she proceeded. Nor have we undertaken, Ladies, a thing that never was a t●mpted before, for I remember I have red a story of one Heliogabalus. Who this Heliogabulus was, is nothing to you nor me; But I am sure he was an Emperor, and in his time the Woman had their Senates & Assemblies to consult of public affairs as well as Men. This Example of our Ancestors for some time intermitted, it behoves us now to restore. Never more need— We find how that under the Reigns of Men your Monarchs are nothing but wars and destructions: the Divines are at daggers drawing with the Divines; the Philosophers at Mortal Enmity with the Philosophers; nothing but confusion in the World; which makes me believe that if the Reins of Government were delivered into our hands, it would go much better with the world then it does; let me advice ye therefore Ladies and Gentlewomen, to consider the great work ye have in hand, not to be tumultuous in your disputes, but to show yourselves moderate and discreet; for that it behoves us to out-do our Oppressors, Men as well in Fact as in Talk; by which means when we have got the Government of the World into our hands, we may be able to keep it by prudence and good Management. But above all things Ladies beware of quarreling about trivial things; have a care of peaching one another: For Women are not ignorant that Women do those things in secret which they would not have all the World know; therefore if any Gentlewoman or Lady be privy to any secret of her Friend, let her by no means divulge it in Heat and Passion; for that would be no● to lay her self, but her intimate also open so our Oppressors. And they heaven knows, when they find that Women lay themselves open, are apt enough to take all advantages against them; therefore I say Ladies, and Gentlewomen beware how ye expose yourselves; for women like all sorts of Commodities, lose their intrinsic value, by being too often exposed, we are not therefore now to expose ourselves, but to oppose ourselves; we are to oppose ourselves against the Crafts▪ wil●ss, subtleties and Polices of those that have for so many hundred years enslaved us, and when we have brought our Tyrants under our Girdles, they'l then be glad to expose, repose, depose, compose, or any pose that we shall impose upon ' em. And then Wee'l pick and choose, and leave and refuse— I have seen Women quarrel, and scold, and wrangle, and fight, and scratch one another at Church, and all about the precedency in a Pew; To prevent any such disorders in this great assembly let me advice ye in the first place, to let the most noble to take place according to their several degrees, and the Antiquity of those degrees. Let the Commoners take place according to the number of Children which they have brought forth; let others rank themselves according to their ages, of which they shall be bound to bring a Certificate out of the Parish Church Book; and let them that never had any Children sit lowermost; as for the Widows let them that have Children sit in the Middle between the Married Mothers; but for them that have none, nor ever had, let them sit lowermost of all. Thus Ladies and Gentlewomen, I have as briefly as I could, tho I know with no little force upon your Patience, declared to you the end of this Assembly; go therefore together and be quick in your dispatches; for by that means it may so fall out that we may surprise our Enemies; and I have heard my Husband say that the surprise of one Town is more honourable than the taking of ten by force: therefore if we can, let us surprise our Enemies.  
The Lady S●e●ker had no sooner finished, but she was unanimously applauded by the whole Assembly; you would have sworn they had all laid, there was such general Cackling over the whole House, and one of the Commoners among the rest, thrusting forth her Lil●y white Neck with a Swan-like grace, propounded to choose the Lady Speaker for their supreme Captain; which proposition was immediately and universally received; and then they besought her to stick close to them with her Counsel and Wisdom, protesting on the other side to stand by her with their lives and fortunes. By the pleasures of my Youth, then cried an ancient Matron, a glorious Cause, a most glorious Cause— What must we now march after the Drums again, to the tune of, Cuckolds come dig, come dig?— Well, if I must, I faith I'll be one of the foremost— I have carried a basket of Earth before now— Nay, my Lady Speaker( dropping a low courtesy) I am as ready once more to offer up my Bodkin and Thimble to the support of this glorious Cause, as ever I gave them formerly to the public Faith. With that, And I, and I, and I, they all cried; away, away, away, and so retired to their own apartment.  
And now it is requisite you should know who were the most Eminent Speakers in this Assembly; and first, there were in the Upper House,  

The Countess of Mount Orguell, Speaker,  
The duchess of Female-Charmes.  
The duchess of Bleeding Hearts.  
The duchess of Wantage.  
The duchess of Babylon.  
The duchess of decayed virtue.   

Countesses.  
A●abella Countess of Coyland.  
Mary Countess of Storm-land.  
Frances Countess of Rump-ford.  
Lucretia Countess of Mirth and Glee.  
Joanna Countess of Rule-the-Roast.  
Maudlin Countess of Maiden Broadlye.  
Artemisia Countess of Nothing-ham-shire.  
Dorothy Countess of New castle Under leg.  
Martha Countess of Beafordia.  
Lucy Countess of Brickle-ware.  
Penelope Countess of Rutlandia.  
Rebeckah Countess of Whigg-land.  
Rachel Countess of Tory-land.  
Artemisia Countess of The Bagno.  
Urania Countess of Cuckold-shire.  
The Lady F●sgig Baroness of Giddie-Hall.  
The Lady Rusty Fusty Baroness of Tongue-Castle.  
The Lady Crack-fart, Baroness of Lapdog more.  
The Lady Baisez-man cu Baroness of Great Harlotry.  
The Lady Clara Baroness of Itching.  
The Lady Susanna Baroness of Horn Fair.  
The Lady and Baroness of Rising.  
The Lady Lucida Baroness of the derby Ale-house.   

Commoners.  
Madam Quaint of Whetstone Park Esq;  
Sr. Susan Lye-fair of Low-lye-down in the County of Effex Baronettess.  
Madam Fadomless Esquiress.  
The Lady Squeamish.  
The Lady Polyhimne.  
Madam Rantipol.  
Madam Nere-deny-Man.  
Sr. Amy Nimble-Clack of Tattle-Hall, Baronettess.  
The Lady Twittle-cum-Twattle.  
all of the Long rob. 

The Lady Voluble.  
The Lady Nose.  
The Lady Wrath.    
The Lady Lustful.  
Madam Tomboy.  
Mrs. soak pot.  
Proserpina She-Devil of Hell-house Esquiress.  
Madam Tempest.  
Madam Rash.  
The Lady Restless.  
The Lady Sensual.  
Madam Fleshly-Given.  
The Lady Lofty.  
Mrs. Taradoodle, Sergeantess at Mace.  
Carnal Copulation Barebon clerk of the Junto.   
The Commons being thus retired to their apartment, as I said before, they choose incontinently for their Speaker, Madam Quaint of Whestone-Park Esq; a Lady of great Abilities, and of great Eloquence as well as Power.  
Madam Quaint being thus elected was immediately ordered to the Chair, and to distinguish her from the rest, appointed to sit with a Chamber-pot upon her head, and a Tobacco Pipe in her Mouth. But then what to do for a Mace they could not tell: Madam Rash propounded to sand for the large Rams-Horn Mace that was used to be carried before the Pr●si●ent of the Bulls-feather club; and urged that nothing could be more convenient, for two Reasons; first, said she, the Horns are our own gift, so that we may make use of 'em when we please, and when we have done with 'em restore 'em again; if not the same, yet much larger and fairer. Secondly, it will be a great terror to our Husbands, to see what they must trust to, if they disturb us in our designs.  
How! said Madam Lofty, I'll never yield to it while I breath. Horns are the only Marks of Ignominy that we can bestow upon our Husbands; and stall we take their Marks of Ignominy from 'em, and appropriate 'em to ourselves? No— in the name of virtue let 'em e'en carry them to their Graves.  
With that, up stepped the Lady Polyhimne, a great Poetess, and Antiquary besides, I think, quo ' she, Ladies, I may easily reconcile this difference among us. I have red, how formerly our Sex were want to meet frequently together to celebrate the Feasts of Bacchus. These women, mad as March Hares, that is as mad as ourselves, were wont at those Meetings to have Trunch●o●s of old Vines carried before them, adorned with those Utensils, for which as we ourselves do, they in those times most affected Men: for if it were not for those Utensils of theirs whene● arises our kindness to men, I know not I profess, of what use they would be to us; as I hope I shall make out in this Honourable House when time serves. Now Ladies, one of these Truncheons thus adorned was presented to me from beyond the Seas for a great piece of Antiquity, and is at the service of this Assembly if they order me to sand for it; thereupon they cried out all together, Nemine c●ntradicente, sand for it, sand for it.  
When it was brought into the House, virtue goi! What a twittering, and gigling, and teighing, there was from one end of the Room to the other. It was viewed without any remorse of Conscience; not one that locked upon it through her Fingers: Madam Rantipol laughed out right— by my Fackins Ladies, quo ' she, I never could find what my Husbands devices were good for before; for I'll assure ye Ladies, they are more for Ornament then use. Thereupon it was ordered that the particular thanks of the House should be given to the Lady Polyhimne for her Acceptable present of such a proper Mace, which was presently delivered to Mrs. Taradoodle, Sargeantess Attendant.  
Having proceeded thus far they settled their several Commettees, one to draw up the heads of their grievances against the Male Sex; and to consider of a speedy way of Redress, and of the fittest way to cast off the Yoke of Tyranny which they had so long groaned under: another of due Elections, in case of the decease of any of their Members, a third for Religion, not that they cared so much for the Religion Established, as what Religion to set up upon the Alteration of Government; as believing that the Mens and their Religion would never agree. The fourth and last was for Trade; which as they said had been very much abused by foreign Interlopers; a fifth Committee was also appointed to look over the statute Books and Law Cases which had been made during the Government of Men, and to report what Laws were fit to be repealed, and what to be added for the advantage of the female Commonweal. The same Committee was also to consider of scandalous and seditious Books and Pamphlets.  
Presently cried the Lady Twittle-cum-Twattle, I have heard my Husband talk much of these committees,— I I dont like these committees— No by my truly I don't like it, that some must be packed one way into one Room others another way into another Room, and there forsooth they must have all the Talk by themselves, and we must sit here by ourselves, and not hear a word what they ●ay— No, no, by my Faith, that's not the way; I say let's talk all together. I am for that Court ye call Dover Court, all Speakers and no Hearers,— the Lady Polihimne took her up, and  told her that he Method of Parliamentary proceedings required Committees to prepare Matter, and that then they were altogether to consider the Reason of things.  
How! quo the Lady Twit-cum-Twat, Reasons! what have we to do with Reasons?— Tis an Innocation upon the Female Sex, to bring in Reason amon● us, Reason is the only thing where● the Men pretend to excel us, the Engi● which they have all along made use ● to keep us in Subjection; the Cloak fo● all their Oppression— when I gro● impatient, and am a top o'the Hous● with my Tyrant, hear Reason Wife▪ crys the saucy Malapert Swaggerer— No, I'll hear no Reason for that trick— out upon it— faugh— Reason▪ Why we had as good continue as w● are, they have got the Whip hand o● us at Reason— they go first t● School, and there they learn a hundre● Tricks— then they march to the Universities, and there they get their logic, their syllogisms, and their dilemmas, their Crotchets and their Quillets, and beat us with our own Weapons, Long Talk and Words— But I Faith wee'l pull down their Schools and their Universities for 'em— Wee'l spoil their Reasoning with a vengeance—  
The Lady Wrath moved that every Membresses Husband( to begin with them first for example sake) might be sent for by Mrs. Taradoodle Serjeantess at Arms, and made to kneel at the Bar— God's-life, quo ' she, Mrs. Speaker, my Magisterial Grievance came in t'other night, at three a Clock in the Morning, with his forehead so well freighted, that had he had but as much wit in his Brains as he had juice of the Grape, all the Wise men of Greece might have been Ignoramusses to him— and where d' ye think he had been?— No where but game— so far from having any money in his Pocket, that he was stripped from head to foot like a cased rabbit— and what d' ye think he would have had after all this?— Nothing but my Jewels— to have sent the Helve after the Hatchet. No, I appeal to this Honourable assembly whether he ought not to be made kneel at the Bar for this— and pray Mrs. Speaker do you be sure to rattle him soundly— ●is not the first time, I assure Ye.  
While these things were thus transacting near the Chair, there was a most horrible Clamour at the further end of the House, where two she Country Burgesses were ready to lay violent hands upon each others Coronet, about a difference that arose between 'em, which had the best Receipt for the Making of Almond Puddings. One cited the Queen's Closet opened; the t'other the learn● Mays Cookery.  
Ladies, quo ' Mrs. Speaker these a● low things for the Men▪ to box abo● shortly, ● we are now for higher Co●sultations.  
Well Mrs. Speaker tis true, crys th● one, but I hate to be contradicted— and so do I as much as you, quo ' th● t'other— but you shall be contradicted▪ quo ' the other, if I live and sit here— Slife quo ' the t'other, speak such another word and I'll throw my Fan in you● Face— another Hurly Burly happened in another part of the House, fo● that one that sate upon the seat abov● would needs set her dirty shoes against the Rump of her that sate just under he● The one bid her keep her feet off, th● t'other cried she would put her feet there▪ the lowermost swore by the bones of he● Mother, she should not put her feet there▪ So that the discreeter sort fearing a disturbance, cried out to the Bar, to th● Bar, but when they were commande● to kneel, one cried, that she was such an Enemy to that humble posture o● kneeling, that she never kneeled at he● Prayers. Another said she would be first burnt for a Coiner. A third said, her Husband would once have had her kneel●d and asked forgiveness, but she present●y broken his Pate. A fourth cried 'twas ●dolatry, and that her Conscience would ●ot let her.  
The Lady Lofty  told them they had ●roken the Orders of the House,— Orders of a Turd, cried one of the Delinquents— Order me▪ no Orders— for I'll obey none of your Orders, by the help of God, not I, ● nere obeyed any hitherto, and I wont ●egin now—  
The Lady Squeamish urged, that the very Thieves and Cutpurses lived under Laws and Ordinances for Convenience-sake, and it was but reasonable that they who were about to Rob their Husbands of their long usurped Authority, should agree against the Common Enemy.  
Thieves and Cutpurses Madam▪ cried the other, what's that to me what Thieves and Cutpurses do— I would have your Ladyship know— am neither thief▪ no● Cutpurse, but as good a Women as yourself, and for ought I know brought as good a Portion to maintain me— upon that the Lady Voluble stepped in, and  told them that she highly commended the stiffness of their K●ees in respect of their Husbands, but as the ●ase flow stands, you standing so stiffly upon your Pamables is contrary to Magna Charta, as they call it, by which it was enacted that the lesser number should always submit to the Greater.  
Madam Noise, a great pretender to the Law, as one that had solicited a long cause in Chancery, against an Attorney of Clements Inn; urged the business more home, and offered to bring a hundred presidents to prove what Madam Voluble had alleged. She also cited a Statute of the first of Maud the Empress, wherein it was ordained that tho' Woman might not kneel to Men, upon any terms whatsoever. Yet that one Woman should kneel to another, adding withall, that she had seen several Daughters kneel to their Mothers, and several Mothers ask their Grand-mothers blessing upon their knees; and that it was a Common thing in France, for the Women to kneel when they kissed the Queens hand.  
But nothing would do, the Delinquents would no more buckle in the Hamms, nor cringe to the Chair than the Jews to Titus's Hogs; so that Madam Noise moy'd that they might be expelled ●he House for example sake.  
But Mrs. Speaker, unwilling to lose ●our such notable Membresses, proposed ● Medium; that they should only  shed ●fteen tears in their Hankerchers by way of acknowledgement, and cunningly su●orn'd a Messenger to bring the four Delinquents tydiugs at the same time, of their Husbands Deaths. Well know●ng that if that news would not move ●hem, yet they would cry for Madness that they could not have their wills; 〈◇〉 the first Project took, for they no ●ooner heard their Husbands were gone ●o Pegg Trantums, but they presently ●ull'd out their Muckenders, and dropr ●fteen pearls a piece as naturally, poor ●ouls, as Maids cover Matrimony, to ●he great Satisfaction of the whole assembly, who presently voted them back ●o their Seats. Whither as they were ●oing one of them, more regretting the ●ews of her loss than the rest, gave such ● loud sigh backward, as moved the whole Assembly to pity, believing her ●ause was extraordinary; and ordered that the Verses upon the Parliament fart should be re-printed with certain Altera●ions and Amendments; not deerning it fitting that the Memory of a Male tailsho should be more eternised then a Female one. In the heat of these debates the Committee for Elections made ● report of several Vacancies; some by death, others through the Imperiousnes of their Husbands, who upon discovery had locked up their Wives, and woul● not let them come to the assembly, an● desired the Opinion of the House abou● supplying the Vacant Places.  
The latter Reason of the commit presently put the House in an upproar Madam Lofty cried out, it was a Breach of privilege of the Highest Nature, and moved that the offenders might be sem● for by the Serjeantess at Arms.  
Presently came in one of the She Burgesses for High-Wicked that ha● made her Escape, and ●au●d out a Complaint as loud as a Saints Bell, how he Husband had locked her up in a gre● Trunk, and fed her with nothing b● Chocolate and Cheescakes for four day● together to keep her from stirring abroa● And that she might have lain th●s●●● this time butted alive in a Deal Chest where she heard nothing all day lo● but the Continual Alarms of Death Watches, had not her beloved Waitin● Maid and Cabinet counsellor delivered her, in her Husbands Absence, by the help of a false Key, and made her Superstitious Tyrant believe, that the Devil wire-drawed her through the Keyhole. By and by in came another foaming and swearing Revenge; for that her Husband had kept her chained to the Bed-post with a long Chain, that gave her no more freedom then to rattle from the Bed to the Table, where he fed her with nothing but Carriers Pudding and brown Bread; pretending to make her good conditioned, all which she had endured for seven long days together. And not only so, but that he had bound her up with an Italian Padlock, to secure his Liberty and Property as he called it; that she had still continud under this heavy Oppression, had she not been very watchful of Opportunity's, and one night when her Husband came home drunk as a Rat, picked his Pocket, as he lay in the fetters of a sound Sleen, of the Key of her Horselock, by which means she got her heels out of Bondage and made her Escape to a Neighbours House in her Smock, and there borrowed the clothes she had on to make her personal Appearance according to Summons▪ But for the Italian Padlock, that after all the Art that she or her Neighbours could use, she could not rid her self of it, but was still forced to carry it about her, as a badge of Matrimonial Slavery and Tyranny not to be endured; for the truth of which, if they would not believe her, they might believe their own Eyes, she being ready to show sufficient proof of what she had alleged when the Honourable House should think fitting to require it.  
Which Complaints so incensed the whole Assembly, that they flew high at the poor Men, and came to several Resolves.  
resolved, that who ever should lock up his Wife in a Trunk or chest out of a Tyrannous design to keep or restrain her from gadding abroad at her own will and pleasure, shall be reputed a Capital Enemy to the Female Common-weal.  
resolved, that whoever shall chain his Wife by the Legs or any other Member to the Bed-post, or any other place whereby she shall be restrained from using her own Liberty of going a Swanhopping, shall be likewise reputed a Capital Enemy of the Female Commonweal.  
resolved, that an Italian Padlock is a most unspeakable Grievance to the Female Common-weal, and an insufferable breach of the Liberty and Property of the Subject.  
resolved, that who ever shall by force and violence make use of an Italian Padlock, to debar his Wife from the free Exercise of her Conscience, and the performance of such charitable duties, or otherwise, that she shall think her self obliged to, or to be convenient for her Health or Recreation, shall be reputed a Capital Enemy to the Famale Common-weal, and as such shall be prosecuted to death.  
Thereupon they ordered an Impeachment to be drawn up against the forementioned Offenders for High Treason, the one for Chest-Empounding, the other for Chaining and padlocking up his Lawful sovereign Wife, contrary to the known Laws of the Commonweal of Amazonia.  
Then they took into consideration the First Request of the Committee, touching the replenishing of Vacancies; and being resolved into a Grand Committee of the whole House for that Purpose, Madam Squeamish first stood up and moved that no Virgins might be admitted into the Assembly. For, said she, many things may here happen to be debated, which it is not fitting for Virgins to hear; that they were met upon Affairs of great consequence which required sober and mature heads, not raw and unexperienced Youth to determine. Nor was it proper that Young Flebergebits, that had not yet done playing with their joynted-Babies, should be Companions for their seniors; she farther urged that thereby the Men might come to have a strong Party in the House, for that it was natural to Virgins to hanker after Men and Matrimony and to listen to the first Temptations of Youthful Titillation; they think those Men that give them their Primitive Satisfactions to be Angels at first, till they know better, and have such a high Opinion of al● Men for their sakes, that we shall have all our Designs thwarted, our counsel● betrayed in hopes to pleasure the Me● from whom they expect retaliation o● kindness. There is such a kissing and toying, such protesting and vowing▪ such Adoration and Submission before Virgins yield up their fort of Modesty▪ that they will never desire Men to be greater▪ slaves or to be more in Subjection then they seem to be. And therefore should we discourse of subduing the whole race of Men before them, they would be sure to oppose us, as not desiring that men should be more their Vassals then they were.  
To this Madam Tomboy replied, that Virgins were no such Fools as Madam Squeamish took them to be; They did not go to the Boarding Schools for nothing; for tho they learnt but very little of what they were sent thither to learn, yet either by discourse among themselves, or else by reading of▪ Aristotl's problems, which they Dogseard more then their Psalters, and the learned Comments which the elder and more experienced made upon them they came to know as much at Thi●teen as if they had been Mid-wives of twenty years standing. Nor do they want stories of the Inconstancy, Infidelity, Ingratitude, Treachery, falseness, and deceit of Men; nor fresh Examples of deluded Virgins stolen out of their School, and afterwards rejected, scorned, abused, misused, contemned and slighted by their once the fondest, kindest, most protesting vowing, submissive Spaniellike Lovers in the World. And these things almost with their milk, cause them to suck in an inbred harred of the Male Sex; so that a Virgin that ●as but a barley Corn of discretion is as shie of a Man, as a Wheel-Dogg of a Cook-Maid. A man may as soon lay fault upon a Titmouses tail, as come near to touch 'em; They will rather trust to the satisfaction of three piled velvet, then have to do with that traitor Man.  
By my truly, cried the Lady Nimble-Clack, I'll tell ye Mrs. Speaker, I have been at one of these Boarding-Schools myself, and there we had a Woman to teach us French, Laud— what a pretty melting Language it is! But the Subject I met with melted me even into a jelly of ecstasy; for this French Woman had a pretty little neat Book( if I had it here I could kiss it) call Esehole defilles. In this Book she would often red with great delight: which I observing, fed her with Cakes and sweetmeats( for my Mother, Mrs. Speaker always allowed me money▪ in my Pocket) and never let her alone, till I made her red it all over to me; But Laud— You cannot imagine Mrs. Speaker, what strange Passions it wrought in me! I minded my work no more— no more— no more, Mrs. Speaker what shall I say— no more then a man that is going up the Ladder to be hanged minds a new svit of clothes— Laud— there were such Expressions in it as made my blood dance new Boree, and the Tricketee's in every vain— Then she  told me of another Book, called Ragionamenti D'Aretino: but that she said was in Italion and she did nor understand it. But I got another that did, and made her red it all over to me, and paid her weekly till she had done; then she  told me of another Book, called Aloysia sigea, which was in Latin, and beyond her sphere too. Thereupon I enquired after a Woman that understood Latin, and money that finds out all things, soon found me an Interpreter, and I can assure ye Mrs Speaker, that it is not for nothing, that Latin is called the Language of the Whore▪ For certainly never did any Book in this World give such an absolute and perfect account of Cupids Tacticks as that Book: 'tis a Book so ravishing— I lost my Virginity with only▪ hearing it red— And I am persuaded that were it translated▪ there would not be a Virgin in the Town, by that time a Girl had red her primer out— which woul'd certainly increase our contempt and hatred of Men, when we could have our Business done by hearing only, without being beholding to the sense of feeling. However by this means and cost I got that knowledge by fourteen, that had this Noble Assembly been then summoned, I should have taken it very ill to have been left out.  
But now I am to ask the Lady's that spoken last what sort of Virgins they mean? Whither Virgins so indeed, or Virgins so reputed? If Virgins so indeed, then I confess it were a madness to admit into such an Assembly as this, and up upon Affairs of so great Importance, girls of Ten or Eleven years of Age, from whose discretion we can expect nothing of Counsel or Management: But if they be Virgins so reputed, there can be none fitter for our turn; for they have certainly been deluded by Men, and must therefore of necessity be their Mortal Enemys. Secondly, 'tis a great sign that they are persons of Conduct and knowledge, that they can so well conceal their Losses, and put a cheat upon the World without being discovered. We shall wont dissembling Females to deal with Male Hypocrites, and therefore my humble motion is that all reputed Virgins after years of discretion may be admitted.  
Here the Lady Squeamish started a new Hair, demanding what should be done with Virgins through necessity, that is to say, such as had married Eunuchs for their Husbands?  
How said the Lady Nimble Clack, I conceive Mrs. Speaker, this question is easily answered; for if they have married Eunuchs and continued Virgins, without seeking to revenge the Injury done them, they are Fools indeed, and consequently not fit to have any Room in this Place. And yet one would think there are none that should show less mercy to Men, then they that have been so vilanously abused by them; I am persuaded, if there be one that will patiently suffer under such a disgrace, there can be but one in the World at a time, and that's the Phoenix the Poets have so much talked of, for so many years; and therefore if such a one do chance to come in among Us, wee'l nere turn her out for the Rarities sake.  
By and by there was one stood up, whose name could never yet be known, and moved, that Women who had been thrice married might not be admitted.  
How quo ' the Lady lustful, looking upon her with great disdain! What self-denying Philosophress have we got here? I have turned off two already, and the third is pitching over the Petch. Pray Madam, give me leave to be shod round; why should the having of five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten one after another, hinder a Woman from being a Member of this House? By my troth, I am for the French Proverb reversed. The Husband of her whom God Loves soon Dyes. And I my Conscience she's the best Commons-wealth Woman that can hold out to sand most to Old neck; that's our Complaint, the Worlds over stocked with ' em. And therefore the Old Amazon's wrung off the neck, of all their Mate Squabbs, but only a few of the Choicest which they kept for Breed and Recreation. Nay, I know no reason why a Woman that kicks off three or four Husbands, or forty or fifty, one after another into the other World, ought not to be rewarded at so much a head as the welsh were for killing of Wolves; especially seeing the K. of Spain is so liberal to those that get Male Children. For we must act by maxims contrary to those of Men Monarchs, what they build we must destroy; and therefore let no Woman be put out of this Assembly for good Service.  
This debate being over the House adjourned till to morrow at nine of the Clock.  
As the Lower House was thus all in a Hurley Burley, so was the Upper not without some share of Mutiny and disturbance.  
For upon the passing of a certain Order, the Lady Fisgigg Baroness of Giddy-Hall being desired to give her vote, and demanding in what form she was to do it, the Countess of Mount Orgueil,  told her, by saying content or not content, How, quo ' the Lady Fisgigg, I say I am content! Ye shall as soon draw my Tongue and all my Teeth as any such word out of my Mouth. No, I'll nere aclowledge myself to be content i'this World, as long as I live; had I all the pleasures the Earth could afford, I would never be such a Fool to say I was centent. A Woman and content can never set their Horses together, it was said of Messalina, the Great Empresses p●●fections, that she was never content, a Woman may be cloyed, satiated and glutted for a Time, but never Contented.  
The duchess of decayed virtue endeavoured to convince her, that it was only a word of course to show her dislike or Approbation of what was propounded; don't tell me, quo ' the Lady Fisgigg, i'll agree or disagree as I please, but i'll be contented with nothing, I sit here i'this House with a Soul above that of a Commoner: and I must tell ye, To be content, is for a Woman to confine and limit her Desires, which i'll never control by saying I am contented; what a God's name, is there no other word in the World for a Woman to signify her approbation of a thing but to say she is Content? The duchess of Babylon alleged that it was the Form which the Men had used time out of mind, and very properly too, quo ' the Lady Fisgigg, Content and Cuckoldry go commonly together.  
Thereupon many debates arose what Alteration to make of the word content. The Countess of Pennsil●ania urged, that they were not to alter Old customs for one Lady's humour; but the duchess of Female charms interceded, and said, that Niceties were not to be stood upon, where the Alteration was easy, and therefore moved that to show their consent, they should all clap their hands, and the Dissenters should cry hiss— as they did at the Play-Houses.— But the Lady Fisgigg utterly rejected that Motion, saying, that the Mode of the Play-Houses ill became the grandeur of such a Solemn Assembly,— thereupon the Countess of Rale-the-Roast stood up and swore there could be nothing better to show their agreement, then to cry three times Ay, Ay, Ay; and to show their dislike, to make a wry face and cry Shawaw, and then to tell the Shawaws, and the Ay, Ay, Ayes. So that if the Shawaws were more than the Ay, Ays, then to let the Shawaws carry it; and if the Ay, Ay's out-did the Shawaws, let the Ay, Ay's carry it, which after a great Sputter and bustle was carried by 3 voices.  
While they were in the Midst of these-Contentions, a Message came to the Upper House, to signify that the Commoners desired to have a Mess of Chat with their Ladyships.  
For you must know that when the word Conference was mentioned in the Lower House, there was great distaste taken at it by the Lady Nimble-Clack, with your good Leave, Mrs. Speaker, quo ' she, I do not understand the meaning of this word Conference; these men by going to School, and learning their Latin Tongue, have so confounded us with their Chap-screwing Expressions, that it is high time for Us now to reduce our Language to its primitive plainness.  
Now I know what it meant by it, when we say come Neighbours, let us meet together such a time and have a Dish of Chat together, so 'tis another custom among Us, when we design to go to the House of Office together, as we seldom go single, if we can get Company, we say, come let us go to such a place, and have a Dish of Chat; and thus when we come from making a Visit, we do not say, we have been at a Conference; Or when we have been at a christening, or an Upsitting, where we discourse of sundry Things, and Passages, we do not say we have been at a Conference; God bless us, and therefore my humble Motion is, that the words in the Message may be, that we desire a Dish of Chat with their Ladyships.  
The Lady Voluble approved of this Motion exceedingly: for, said she, I know no more how to manage a Conference, then the Pope of Rome; but I can hold a Chat from New years Day to New-years Day, and so to Newyears Day again.  
This being agreed, the next thing moved was, Who, and how many should go to this Dish of Chat. How, quo ' Madam Tomboy, Who and How Many! Is it come to that? By this Light I'll go for one, who everstayes behind. And I, cries another; and I, cries a third; and I, cries a fourth; and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I; which that there was such a Terrible din of and is, that the noise of Fifteen steeple's with twelve Bells a piece was but mere Whispering to it; which was no sooner ceased, but presently followed such a horr●d Peal and confused Cry of All— All— All— All— that the very sides of the wall were forced to open to give it vent. For while every one feared to be left behind, all tore their Throats with such a unanimous confusion, that the Sun scarce knew whether he should go forward or Backward.  
And now they were all got Higgledy Piggledy together, Peeresses and Commoners without Distinction one among another; at what time, Madam Voluble addressing her self to the Lady Speaker.  
Madam, quo ' she, It is not unknown to yourself and the Rest of these Renowned Lady's, how that both yourselves and we, and all the Female Common-weal have for many Ages even from the time of Lamech, laboured and groaned under the grievous weight of Male Tyranny and Oppression, from whence having now, as we suppose by a just Reckoning gone out our full time, we may at length expect to be delivered; we have at length with many shrieks and lamentations brought forth our grievances, foul and misshapen Births( thank the Fathers of them) and now we are here come to lay our Conceptions before ye, hoping that you the Nursing Mothers of Amazonia well take care of their Relief. Not that we intend to leave them at your doors; for we are resolved to maintain them to be such as they are, the Legimate and true born Issue of our Sorrows, but in hopes that you will be so kind as to bear part of the Charge in putting them forth to the best Advantage: which is one end of our present Meeting.  
Then the duchess of Bleeding Hearts,  
Ladies, Madams, and Mistresses.  
I have had strange wambling i'my Gizzard, and it has pierced to my very Bowels, when I have lain stretched forth under the Pressure of Male-insurrection, to consider, that the more noble Creatures Women s●ould thus be forced to submit, while the more Ignoble Creatures men Act over Us as they do. Surely nature was asleep, or ●rench'd in Noah's bowls, when she ordered the Course of things in this manner; But methoughts, I could away with these sufferings we I enough: but when we had endured all this to satisfy their fiery Heat, and hot Humors, to be frowned upon, to be curbed and snubb'd, to be reviled, contemned, reproached and frumpt, to be bid ●● this, to be commanded to do that, wit● an Or I'll make ye Husie; to assume ● themselves the Title of Lords of the creation, to be forced to petition to 'em fo● our wants, and to have these our petitions more frequently denied the● granted, these are the hard Morsels o● steel, that a Woman had need of a● Ostriches Stomach to digest.  
Therefore it is, may it please your grace replied the Lady Voluble,( for there is not a word which you have spoken that we are not all most deeply sensible of) that we are now met to throw off the insupporrable yoke of these Usurpers, and to cut the Gordian Knot of Male Dominion.  
Then Madam Nimble-Clack, I cannot tell, but I am sure quo ' she, we have little reason to be so served; for by the Confession of men themselves we are their Equals. And if they confess us to be their Equals, you may be certain there's more in it then we are at present ware of; they look upon Women as a Company of easy Souls, soon contented, and therefore allow us to be their Equals; to keep us from prying Farther into the knowledge of that ●uperioritie, which they are too guilty ●ensible to be our due, therefore I say ●gain, there must be something in this condescension of theirs; the Cat did ●ot wink for nothing: for which rea●on I humbly move that the Ancient Records may be preached in the reigns of Penthesilea, Semiramis, Boodicea, & c. ●o the end we may no longer be kept ●the Dark, but may be able to assert ●ur Right by way of claim. There's ●othing like legal claim to sovereignty; ●here are no Plots can prevail against ●t; it crumbles all Oppositions into Chickens meat. As it happened of late ●aye in the claims between Q. Mary ●nd Jane Seymour; for I must tell ye ●adies, when I'm at home, I don't ●pend my time in stitching of Point ●ace, but in reading of Histories.  
At the word History, Mrs. soak Pot, ●ne of the Shee Burgesses for Sambich, ●eing waked out of a sweet Nap, cried ●oud from the farther end of the Room, ●y Lady Speaker, I never knew Histo●y without Ale i' my Life; In our Town Ale and History go always together: and never tell a Canterbury story, but and drink; we never talk of this body, or that body, of this Neighbour o● t'other Neighbour; in short, we nev● spend our verdicts upon any Man o● Woman but we drink; and Ale is ou● liquour still, some indeed will call fo● Ale and Beer, but that's rare. Whe● I go to Church, I always Carry ● Dram of the Bottle with me; Drowt● is next to hanging, for it endange● choking; therefore I always take car● of being a dry: but this is the Drye● Meeting that ever I was at i' my Lif● not one drop of Ale among five hundred People. Heavens bless me! may the Hoops of all my Barrels fly off▪ if ever I saw the like before. If this be your Reformation of Government▪ Heaven deliver me from Reformation,— Pray my Lady Speaker hea● my Motion, my Motion is, that w● may all join our two-pence apiece and sand for some Ale; I'll assure you cannot imagine how well Ale and History taste together.  
Mrs. soak Pot, quo ' the Countess of Mount Orgu●il, you seem to be a good well-meaning Gentlewoman; but your Motion cannot be heard: for it is not for the sovereign assembly of the Female Common-wealth▪ to sit like a Company▪ of shoemakers or Tinckers, ●f you are a dry, with draw into the Courts of Requests: there you'l find tippling bouses enough furnished with all sorts of liquour; and perhaps you may find your own beloved Sambich Ale among the Rest. A thousand thanks, quo ' Mrs. soak Pot, to your Ladyship, my Lady Speaker, for these kind directions of yours, and now hang me like a Dog if I don't try the Experiment presently, and if I meet with any of our own Town-Bub— I'll drink your Ladyships good Health for your good Counsel.  
Mrs. soak Pot being thus marched off to make her discoveries, Madam Rantipol stood up and thus proceeded. By all the Lucky Chances at In and In, quo ' she, surely all our Fore-Mothers slept in Boxes like Dormice; how easy had it been for 'em to have ranvers'd the Government of the World ere this? there are those Nicks of time, when Men may be brought to swear any thing, when they think there is no greater Felicity in this or the World to come, then▪ what they enjoy at the very present; if they revolt from their words, then there are those other Nicks of time, when the Woman may catc● 'em as Moss caught his mere, and fairly Holophernes 'em to the Devil. That Prince was as good as his word, wh● when he had promised the Lady he● Husbands life in the neck of time, to● the Warrant for his Execution; an● being asked the Reason by his counsellors, recited that Golden Sentence— Contre levit Estendu non esi pas aucun remedy. Could we but bring the Women to observe that neck, w●at a world o● business might we disparch in one Night But a pox upon Us, for a Company of Sots; we dream, while our Husbands sleep, she that stands off, and crys, not a bit an t'were to save your life, and this at the very neck, when you may light a hundred Cardmatches at his Eyes, may make a man give hand and feal and foot and all to the Perdition of his Patrimony; were he sure of a Mansion in Paradise, at that neck you might force him to resign it. I wonder that these empty-fellows they call Men, should insist so much upon their Birth-right, which one of the chiefest in Renown among 'em, thought not worth a Mess of Porridge, and yet this same six pen ' oath of Birth-right, countting the Porridge to be made of Balls ●nd Cocks combs; is the main Stru●ture upon which they build their Su●eriorit● over us. Let us down wi●h it, ●y Lady Speaker, down with it to the ●round; and level it as smooth as a ●owling Alley.  
Bravely spok'n, if we could but as ●ravely do, quo ' the Lady Noise, y' are ● the right an't Madam Rantipol, I'll ●ring ye Presidents for it, undeniable, ●controulable Presidents, there was ●rst the President of the Daughters of ●ne Danaus: I have red the story ●omewhere, but I can't tell very well ●here, because I have forgot, and I ●ave forgot because I don't remember, believe it is in a Ballad; for I have ●een a great Reader of Ballads, and ●llads afford a great number of excel●nt Presidents in all sorts of your Book ●arning. In short, this same Danaus ●ad fifty Daughters, and one of the ●ings of egypt having fifty Sons, would ●eeds match his fifty Sons with these ●fty. Daughters; I know not how it ●me to pass nor how they fell ou●, but upon the Wedding Day at the Wed●ing Supper every one of the married ●usbands feloniously and of his malice fore-thought, threw a Trencher at the● Wives Heads; this passed on, al● was reconciled again, every one seem'● well satisfied, and so upon the Weddin● Night every Spouse went to Bed wi● her own Bride. But I faith by th● next Morning the Women had chang● their Husbands money for 'em with ● vengeance; that is to say, every Brid● bravely and resolutely cut her Husband● Wezands with a Nemine Contradicem● just in the neck of time; that is to say● when tired with fighting. Cupids Battel● they lay like so many Logs without sense or Motion. The Young Gentl●women thought 'twas High time to n● themselves of such Proud Princox● that began to play their pranks so early.  
Nor must we forget our own For● Mothers, that killed every one her L●dain, a haughty, imperious sort ● Male-Tyrants, that made the po● Women eat Pompions and Rusty B●con, while they fed upon Capons boyl● in Frontiniac.  
Neither are Women now adays suc● Milk-sops as they take us to be, I hav● seen a Poulterer and his Wife fait● fight it out in the Open Street, and th● Poulterers Wife has got the Day. There was a York-shire Knight that was forced to gag his Wife, and pull out three of her Teeth before he could make her condescend to let him have his own Coach to carry him to the next Market Town. And whereas the Lady that spoken last, said, that Men claim their Tyranny by Birth-right, I know of no such Birth-right they have; let 'em bring a President for it. You'l say, they bring Presidents that some men have beaten their Wives, and wee'l bring 'em ten Presidents for one that their Wives have beaten them again. The Devil that gelded the Baker of Mansfeild himself, was afraid of his Wife.  
If ye go to that, quo ' the Lady Polyhimne, I'll undertake to prove that Women have more right to Govern the State then Men. For first, we are handsomer then men, and men themselves allow, that nothing gains so much upon the People as the comeliness of the Governours Person; so that our Right comes by nature: theirs by Usurpation. And therefore notwithstanding this usurpation, their own Consciences tell them, that it is our due for this reason it was that the greatest and most famous of their conquerors were all subdued in the height of their Triumphs by Women; Alexander and Scipio, Caesar and Mark Anthony loar'd and cring'd before their Mistresses like so many Setting Dogs: they acted with the Spirits of their Mistresses, and won all their Victories with their Mistresses Souls; by which it is plain that nature gave Us the Propriety, however we came to be such Kitlings to lose it. Men are Brutish, rash and heady, Women smooth and temperate, which render them much more fit for Government. Women have their tears at Command; which proves them to be the greatest dissemblers in the World, and it is a Maxim, that they who cannot tell how to dissemble, can never tell how to Govern; it follows then that they who can best dissemble are most fit to rule.  
Madam, quo ' the Lady Nimble Clack, you have talked out your ounce, now let me talk out mine.  
No by my Faith shan't ye, replied the Lady Polyhimne, I came here to talk, and I'll talk out my talk as well as the best of Ye.  
Laud, quo ' Madam Nimble Clack, how I long to talk, and this scurvy Women won't let me— My Lady Speaker forsooth— Have a little Patience Madam— Patience will do no good, Madam 'tis just at my Tongues End; 'tis like Bottle Ale, twill fly out in spite of my Teeth— Put a crust of Bread i' your mouth Madam, 'twill alloy the fury of the Froth— Put a T— d i' my mouth, shan't I?— I protest and vow before all this Assembly if ye won't let me talk, I'll Miscarry; and so saying, the Vehemency of her Passion overcame her Vital Spirits in such a manner, that she sank down in a Swoon. Which put the whole House into such a fit of Gabbling, as would have silenced all the Hammers of a Paper-Mill.  
It was in vain to think of Assa Faetida, being so far off from any great Town, therefore they unrip'd a Bolster, and set a whole Bushel of Feathers a smoking under the Ladies Noise, which created another disorder, of far greater Consequence; for the smoke of the Feathers caused such a filthy stink from one end of the Room to the other, that some fell a coughing, some fell a sneezing, but all fell a Trumping about with such a general concurrence, as if they had resolved since they could not make use of their Tongues, to carry on the work of the Day with their tails; there was Answer and Reply, rejoinder and Surrejoynder, Rump— Trump, Bump— Thump with such a Continuando, as if Destiny had done it on purpose to try the strength of their Lower Bellows as well as their upper Lungs. So that the Lady Speaker finding there was no more good to be done that day, was forced to adjourn the House till the next Morning.  
Being re-assembled the next Morning the Lady Polyhimne continued her discourse; for she had clearly got the day of the Lady Nimble Clack, who was forced to keep her Chamber all the next day to recover her lost Spirits, and to have her nostrils cleansed, which were grown so full of soot with the smoke of the Feathers, that they were constrained to hang a wet sheet before her Face, and shoot off a Musket right against the tip of her Noise; so that the Lady Polyhimne being at liberty thus proceeded.  
In the next place, quo ' she, none can be thought to have a greater affection for their Country then Women, how many example's have we of Women that have cut off their hair to make Ropes for engines, and strings for Bows. Who have been more liberal then they without the constraint of taxes and assessments, to throw their Rings and Jewels into the public treasures to defray the charges of an Exhausted Exchequer? Who redeemed her Country from the slavery of a Triumphant Victor but Joan of Arque, so that 'tis they and not the Universities that are Properly to be called the Nursing mothers of the People; I bless myself to consider, were our Noble Sex restored to that Right which nature has bestowed upon it, what quiet and serenity the Common-weal would enjoy, there would be no Room for Factions and Underminings, but all things would flow into Liberty and pleasure; Instead of raking every Corner of the land for Armies, there would be nothing but preparing for Masques, and Amorous Appointments, Men should then follow their Handy Crafts.—  
Among which, cr●'d Mrs. Soak Pot, interrupting her, I could hearty wish, there were more of one Trade, I mean, that of the Flea-Chainers, methinks 'tis such a proper sight to see a Man spending his time in chaining of pleas, that I could wish the whole Sex were so employed. I assure ye, if we get the Government into our hands 'tis the first thing I shall put 'em upon; for by my Soul, My Lady Speaker, I would willingly that all the pleas i' the Land were chained, they do so plague me at night,— 'Tis thought she would have run on with the History of Flea's, but that my Lady Speaker assured her that care should be taken of that affair in due time, thereupon she sat down and the Lady Polyhimne proceeded.—  
I say, quo ' she, that then Men should follow their handy crafts, as we should set them at work, the Ox might plow, and the blind Mil-horse turn about the Wheel in security, while all their sweat and labours should but serve for the use and splendour of our Courts, and Habitations.  
And then for sleights and cunning tricks requisite for those that govern a state, where does the Devil reside but among our Sex, for what by our Importunities, glances, trains, sleights, Ambushes, Artificies and little Infidelities it is impossible for any Mortal to escape Us; we are so given to deceive, it is impossible to deceive Us. But some may object, that we are Inconstant, the fitter then are we for all occasions of business, they that can turn and vere about according as the wind serves, can never shipwreck; whereas obstinate Men frequently split themselves and their Posterity by being too opiniater'd and fix'dto one Course.  
mary Gap— cried Madam Sensual, what fools are they say Women are inconstant? I appeal to the whole Assembly, My Lady Speaker, whither it be not a confounded lie of the Male Sex, an Aspersion, Madam, a mere Aspersion, for let me ask ye a few Questions, my Lady Speaker. Do not the Women scold in these our daies as they did formerly? Do they not sit in the Winter time toasting their Fiddle Dedees before the fire, as they did formerly? Do they not Sip and Weep at Burials as they did formerly? Do they not cuckolded their Husbands, as they did formerly? Do they not exhaust and tyre their Gentlewoman Ushers, as they did formerly? Do they not love Rambling and Coaches, Exchanges and Spring Gardens as they did formerly? Do they not love to amble between the sheets as much as ere they did? Nay to be short, are they more Inconstant then ere they were? Constant even in Inconstancy; And who then can say that Women are Inconstant?  
Beshrew your heart, quo ' the Lady Polyhimne, for taking the words out of my Mouth, for this is no more then I intended to have spoken; truly my Lady Speaker, quo ' the Lady Sensual, I was een ready to run over, and could not hold; and I must needs say, quo ' the Lady Polyhimne, you ran over very much to the purpose; and truly I am very glad you did so, for this very Excuse, my Lady Speaker, of the Gentlewoman that spake last, puts me in mind of another great Objection against Us, that we are Talkative.  
This is just according to the Proverb, The Kettle calls the Porridge Pot Black-Arse; I would fain know which is most Talkative, the Female or the Male Sex? The Men forsooth can sit talking and prating in a Tavern an hour, nay two or three hours together, and no body must contradict 'em; Nay they are so vain-gloriously conceited of their Prittle Prattle as to trouble the World with it in Print; we talk 'tis true, and perhaps sometimes as they do little to the Purpose, but we never Print to no Purpose; a free talkative Ruler shows his Familiarity to the People, while a reserved and sparing utter●r of Quarter Sentences, one that would have the People know his meaning by his Gaping, leaves the People in suspense, and makes liberty either dangerous, or flattery misconstrue it.  
To conclude as Women bring forth Children, and multiply the World, and when they have brought them forth, are most tender and careful to bring them up; so it is most fitting, since they have all these Pre-eminencies and Indulgencies of Nature, that they should have the Government of the World which they have multiplied and stored with the Fruit of their own Wombs. And I must tell ye, My Lady Speaker, by my consent, would all the Women agree to 't, we would not bring one Child into the World more, but suffer all the race of Manking to perish, that Kings might be without Subjects, Commonwealths without Inhabitants, unless they would submit to let us have our wills, and suffer Us to Govern 'em that brought 'em into the World; which if we had not done, they had never been; and then what would become of all the Pomp and Tyranny which they so unreasonably usurp?  
Quo ' Madam Rash, I like this Project very well, and humbly move it may be taken into farther consideration. In the mean time my Lady Speaker, give me leave to add one reason more to prove, that the Government of the World belongs to the Female Sex; which I look upon to be the greatest, in regard it is the General Women's Reason, and so I say that Women ought to Govern the World rather then Men; because they ought. And this is a Reason which no Man yet from the Lord to the Peasaut ever durst contradict, thus when my Husband asks me the Reason, why I will do such or such a thing, I answer, because I will; at which his mouth is presently bung'd up, he dares not mutter a word more; then again, if you ask me How I prove such a thing to be true? say I, Because it is; if you demand, why I will have it done so, I answer presently without studying like your Hum drum Porers upon Books, Because I will: tell me any argument among Men without all their chopping of logic, was ever so universally prevalent, and therefore should the Men ask Us why we should have the Government of the World rather then they, the reason's at hand, Because we will.  
This convincing Reason split the Hair, and it was resolved upon the Question, that let any one bring a thousand Reasons after this, there should not one be received.  
Thereupon the Lady Polyhimne forbore to urge any more Reasons, and was going to proceed to Examples. Quo ' she, my Lady Speaker, I shall now make bold to offer some Examples of Women that have been more famous for their Gorvernment then ever Men were— she had no sooner mentioned the Word Examples, but the Lady Nimble Clack, whose tongue was then running like the fly of Jack, flung immediately into the Throng— bear leave Ladies, quo ' she, let me come— Hold, my Lady Speaker, Hold— I'm just coming as fast as I can— Hold Mrs. Speaker— Pray hold— Ladies pray give Room— stand aside pray Ladies.  
To omit Heathen story, quo ' the Lady Polyhimne, Deborah did the business, Barach was but the Instrument  
With that the Lady Nimble-clack, start mad to hear the t'other Lady going on— Hold, I tell ye— Hold— still as she prest on, hunching, punching, josling, thrusting, pushing, and ever and anon squaling out— Hold I say— Hold a little Ladies, pray make way— Pray give way— Never did zealous Sister press so eagerly to recover her folding stool i' the clerks Pew at a Meeting House, as she shouldered it a long till she got nere to the Lady Speakers Seat: when she came there, all berumspl'd and Towz'd, as she had been skirmishing with boisterous Iniquity, sweeting, panting, she stood almost breathless a good while; at length endeavouring to speak, she found her self dissastrously disappointed.— For she had made her self so hoarse with screaming that she was constrained to have course to her Manus Christi Lozenge Box.  
Now while she was thus smoothing her Uvula, and settling the Disorders of her Aspera Arteria, the interrupted Lady, whither out of Malice or otherwise, let the charitable determine, fell a Galloping on with the Praises of Deborah at such a rate, that the Lady Nimble Clack not able any longer to endure it, was in such hast to clear her mouth of her Lozenges, that she spit one of her musk-Pellets full i' the Lady Speakers Face.  
The Countess of M●unt O●guile presently began to colour, and cried out Scandalum Magnatum. But being as prudent as she was wise, and as wise as she was prudent, the sooner re-collected her self, and took it for fatisfaction, sufficient that the Offender lent her Orange-Flowr'd Hand-kerchief to wipe her nose, who having now recovered her lungs, and dismounted her friend the Lady Polyhimne, my Lady Speaker, quo ' she, I would have you and all these Ladies to know, that I have heard as much, red as much, and talked as much as ever the Lady Polyhimne did in her Life, so that when I heard her talk of old stories of things that were done I don't know when, by Deborah and Barack I don't know how I could not forbear; knowing I had a story of a far ●resher Date: a Novelty Madam, a perfect Novelty. Sliddikins, what have we to do with Deborah and Barack, 'tis Novelty that is most pleasing to Women; for my part had we had the Government of the World till now, I should have been then for translating it to the Men, as I am now for transferring it to the Women, because they never had it before, and it would be a Novelty; now Madam, I'll tell ye a Novelty story to prove that Women are better able to Govern then men.  
The Great Mogul, don't be frighted Ladies when I talk of the Great Mogul; I confess my Nurse used to fright me formerly, and tell me the Great Mogul was coming; but now I fear the Great Mogul no more, Heav'ns be praised for it, then I do my little page. Slip-string, I say, this Great Mogul, now you'l say, where does this Great Mogul live( for I have found it by woeful experience that 'tis better for a Woman to interrupt her self then to be interrupted by others) this great Mogul lives, where your Pepper grows— stay— no— not where your Pepper grows; that grows now I think out in another place; but where your Diamonds grow upon little Diamond-Trees as big as Cowslips. When these Diamonds are ripe, which is once in seven years, they fall of themselves to the Ground, and then the People come and pick 'em up, and sow the Diamond seed again. I have a Kin-sman that has seen of these Diamond-Trees; I asked him why he did not put a handful in his Pocket; but he  told me no man might come near these Diamond-Trees to handle them, because they are guarded, by Elephants. He  told me farther, that these Diamond-Trees do glitter in a star light night, that you may red a Dr. of physics Bill by the light which they cast; In the same place are made our fine painted Calico's, I have several smocks of the Calico which was made where the Great Mogul lives. The first time I put on one of my fi●est painted Calico Smocks, methought I looked like one of the Ancient Pict-Women mentioned in our English History; ask but any of the East-India Company and they'l tell ye where the Great Mogul lives. Now this Great Mogul had a Mistress, that had got such a hank over him, that she could make him stand with his left finger in his tail, and his right Thumb in his mouth for a week together; one time above the rest, this Great Moguls Mistress commanded him to let her have the full and absolute Rule and Government of the whole Empire, for four and twenty Hours, and he to be Jack hold my staff all the while, stripped of all his power like an Eel of her Skin. The Empero● glad of the opportunity, leaped for joy● when he found it lay in his power to oblige her; for he thought it but ● small matter to let her have so short ● command of his Empire, that had so long domineered over his heart; thereupon the Day was prefixed, the time cam● and the Lady began her four and twenty hours reign. Now you'l say, wha● did she do in this four and twenty hours time? Nay I must ask you, wha● did she not do? She turned out all th● Emperors evil Ministers, put wise an● Able in their Places, she cut off all he● Enemies, she built five hundred alms Houses in several parts of the Empir● for the Relief of the poor; for she ha● got all the Materials ready before, so that the Workmen who were like the sand of the Sea, had nothing to do but to clap 'em together, and when she had done this, and a thousand times more, she passed a dead of Gifts by her own Impertial Authority from the Emperor to her self, and the heirs of her Body, which she commanded the Emperor to sign, and then passed it under her own great Seal, as irrevocable as any Law of the Meads and Persians; and the story tells ye farther that she did more good in that four and twenty hours then in all the reigns of ten Moguls before.  
To tell ye truth, quo ' the Lady Voluble, these men are a Parcel of mere Animals with two legs; they strut upon the Earth without sense or Reason; it is impossible to know where to have 'em: they make Laws to day, and unmake them to Morrow. They hang a Man under one sort of Government, for what he shall be rewarded in another. Nay that is lawful in France which is not lawful in Spain, and that is lawful in Spain which is villainy in France. They are always plotting and contriving, and never well but when they're undoing one another; so that I have often admired that the World has not come to an end long ere this, and therefore my humble motion is that we may come to a General Result in this grand affair.  
Thereupon it was resolved, Nemine Contradicente, that the men were no longer fit to Govern, and that the Government of all the states of the Habitable Earth be delivered up into the hands of the female Sex.  
resolved, that a General Association be entered into by the Women against the Men, and that Embassies be sent into all parts of the World to invite the Women to this Association, and that a solemn League and Covenant be drawn up to the same purpose.  
resolved, that an impeachment be drawn up against the whole race of the Male Sex, and that a Committee be appointed to prepare Articles and examine Witnesses.  
These resolves being made, the Assembly was adjourned till the next Morning, to consider of the ways and means to bring about this Important design.  
Die Veneris prox. post Quinden.  
Omnium Diabolorum.  
The next day, the assembly being met again with every one a good Collation i' their Bellies, Madam She Devil propounded a General Massacre▪ and put them in mind of the Sicilian Vespers, the Irish Rebellion, the Destruction of the Waldenses, and the Massacre of Paris, and that a certain number of Women might be sent in Men's Apparel to the colleges of the Jesuits, there to learn their Maxims and Methods of proceeding in order to the carrying on so pious a work. This she said was a sure way, according to the French Proverb, Dead Men never bite.  
The duchess of Female Charms proposed the milder way of Resignation, then Chronicle 'em for Fools indeed, quo ' Madam She-Devil; there's a proposal with all my Heart, Oh quo ' the duchess you don't consider the force of Female charms; Women do Miracles with those engines, the Magnificent soliman with all his Pomp and Pride was not able to resist the Charms of his Roxohana, then I am able to take the Moon by the Teeth, you may remember what was hinted by a worthy Lady the other day concerning the neck of time; then again, they pretended to be guided by reason. If so, we are able to give them a thousand reasons more then they are able to contradict; If they are governed by reason, we command that reason, and reason must be of our side, or else wee'l sand Reason to the Devil. But suppose that the Male Sex had all the reasons in their heads, I am sure they carry none i' their Breeches, and there lies the chief Rudder of their Passions; there we stand at the Helm and can guide it as we please ourselves. Ay, but, quo ' the Lady She-Devil, why should we put things to the Hazard? Tomyris made sure work, she cut off Cyrus's Head; nay she did not think him safe then, till she had drownded his head and him to another Death in his own Blood. But cruelty, quo ' the duchess of Female charms, is a thing so unnatural to our Sex— Y'are a Fool, replied the Lady She-Devil, why should we be less cruel to Men, then they are to themselves? We daily see how they destroy one another without Mercy, without Compassion, worse then the wildest of beasts, that never prey upon their own kind. Bears will not prey upon Bears, nor Wolves upon Wolves, lions live in amity among themselves, and Tigers live in Unity with Tigers. Only Men devour one another, and what pains do they take to do all this? What hardships do they endure to compass their designs of Mischief? Heats and Colds, Hunger and thirst, Wounds, loss of Limbs, slavery and what not? Now if the Women save them all this labour, and do their own drudgery for 'em, by sending 'em from one quiet sleep to another, what injury do they do ' em?  
But the duchess of Female charms, still abhorring Cruelty argued stiffly against all such Barbarous Proceedings; and to stop the Lady She-Devils Mouth, propounded to get in fee with the Ministers, to persuade the Men to a Resignation upon the score of Conscience. The Women have been always their Great Friends hitherto, and therefore they had all the Reason ithe World to oblige their Benefactresses with their utmost Diligence, and I make no question, quo ' she, if they would set to work, but that they who could prove the lawfulness of the Imposition of tonnage and Poundage by their great Book learning, may much more easily prove the right of the Female Sex to the sovereignty of the World from the same Authorities, I'll undertake( quo ' she) that am no Preacher to prove it from the Confession of Zorobabel to King Darius himself; O ye Men, said he, it is not the Multitude of Men that Excelleth, who is it then that Ruleth them, or has Lordship over them? are they not Women? By which words it is plain that Women have the sole Right of superiority, which being so, then steps in the Common Text, give Caesar his due. Now to prove that by Caesar is meant the Women is the casiest thing for a nimble quick witted, Rhetorical mananger of Parodoxes to prove in the World; And the thing being once proved, then 'tis matter of Conscience to obey, or else there's Hell and Damnation ithe Case.  
The Lady She-Devil replied, that many men had no Conscience, and that it was a usual thing among 'em to venture Eternity to rule the Roast in this World for ten or twelve Years; I have red of one Sixtus the Fifth, that he was so ardently Ambitious of being Pope that he gave his Soul to the Devil for a lease of the Popedom, but for seven years, out of which the Devil cozened him of two to boot.  
The duchess replied, that those were not many perhaps two or three in a Kingdom, and might therefore be easily brought to conformity. And for that reason to avoid Massacre and bloodshed, there was no way like working upon the Consciences to bring men to a Resignation; For that men were like Trouts: if you can but once come to ●ickle their Consciences, you may easily bring 'em to the Frying Pan.  
The Lady Lustful proposed the De●truction of the Male Sex by hard La●our, and undertook to exhaust a thou●and a year for her own share; and ●et quo ' she, this is more then I need ●o do, for do but let every Woman ●rom twenty to fifty, but undertake to ●xhaust fifteen a month for her propor●on, the work would soon be done.  
The Lady Fleshly-given concurred in opinion with the Madam Lustful, but ●aid, that the Lady Lustful was too ●hort in her allotments of no more then ●fteen amonth to one Woman; for said she, we find Mark Anthony complaining of Cleopatra to his Friend Saranus, that she had admitted a hundr'd and six in one Night, according to which proportion every Woman might well be allowed seven in four and twenty hours, who if she took care to put Nature upon the stretch which strong Provocatives, might easily turn off seven in a weeks time, and so alluding four Weeks to a Lunary Month, one Woman might Exhaust one and twenty ● month, according to a true Arithmetical Calculation.  
To which the Lady Lustful made answer, that it was not her Intention to be so precise or punctual in her prescription, but that every Woman might undertake according to her ability, and so that difference was reconciled.  
The Countess of the Bagno, was fo● erecting Bagno's in every street in every City and Corporation throughout th● Land, not said she, that I speak this fo● my own Interest, but because I know quo ' she, these Bagno's are grea● weakners of the Natural strength, and that thousands and thousands of Me● would be carried off in a Trice with could and Consumptions, by the pleasing use of ' em. The B●roness of the derby Ale-hose said, she had known great effects of that Ale, and wished that the men might be confined to drink no other liquour but that well moloss'd, and their Ladysnips should quickly find a Consumption of the Male Sex answerable to their desires.  
The Countess of Brittle-ware, was for the Infallible way of Destruction by Female Contamination, first care being taken to poison all the Drugs that were proper for the cure of the French Disease; or that there should be an Inhibition upon the college of Phisitians and approved Surgeons, and that none should be admitted to practise but Mountebanks.  
With that the duchess of decayed virtue stood up, and having highly applauded the Lady that spoken last, by my feth, quo ' she, I have quiter another prospect then any of ye all. For here of late days I find the men go●ng to destroy themselves faster then we can do it; I find such a vast increase of the Number of Taverns, such an infinite handkerchief to the Swelltubs of damned adulterated, slumm'd and poisonous Mixtures of all sorts of that noble juice called Wine, such a General debaushery; such a Universal thirst has seized the Nation, and plunged it into such a Sea of Drunkenness, that we shall see in short time the Men fall like Autumn leaves from the three of Life, and drop into their graves like rotten Plumbs; and then the Government of this Land, and what need we care for any other, will descend into our hands whither we will or no. And therefore Ladies take my advice, have a little Patience, I find the Tyde-turning already; the word Patience alarmed the two Countesses of Stormland and Rule-the-Rost. Patience! quo ' they, is this a time for Patience? Let us break forth into open Rebellion— and first seize all our Husbands Arms.— I say, let us take away their Weapons— let me have 'em disabled, and the way to disable 'em is to take away their Weapons; and thatis the way to make 'em as tame as Capons; the way to tame your lions and your Mastiffs is to expeditate 'em, that is to pare their claws close to the flesh; let us stop up all the Iron and led mines; they destroy the Wood of the Country. Let us cut out their Drum heads, burn their pikes break their Swords; and then for their Guns, said they, I, we have found out a way, when the men are at the Tavern, to stop 'em up and fill 'em with melted led, and hid 'em in the Garret under the Maids Beds.  
When the Men are thus disabled, let us proclaim open War against 'em; and when they are got drunk, then's our time so set upon them. I have seen( said the Countess of Storm▪ land) a Man drunk as David's Sow, and his Wife has come and pummel'd him, that you would have thought she had been pounding of Sorrel to make green sauce; and the poor fellow has been able to make no more Resistance than a Log to the wedge and the Beetle, and why was this? Because the Man was disabled, I say then( said the Countess of Rule-the-Rost) let us first disable the Men, and then rise up against 'em as one Woman. Private Families are but the Epitomes of Great Common weals, and how many Women are there that are Mistresses and absolute Queens in their own private Territories? The reason is, because they rebel against their Husbands; and generally, when the Women have the courage to rebel, they get the victory; what should hinder then, but that what Women do separately in their particular Dominions, we thus united may do the same, in the great Body of the Commonweal; at large I am apt to believe we are three to one in number; that is one at the head, another at the feet, and the third i' the Middle; ●nd if the Enemy be stubborn, and won't yield take a knife and disable him for good an all.  
Thus my Lady Speaker▪ we have delivered our Opinions faithfull● and cordially, and out humble motion is, that the same may be put to the Question.  
Thereupon, the Question being put, it was unanimously resolved▪ that there should be a General Insurrection on the Women's side, and that notice should be given by the respective Membresses to the Women in their several Counties to get themselves in a readiness and to put themselves in a Posture accordingly; but the Month, Day, and Hour was left to a farther debate▪ and so the whole Assembly adjourned till eight a Clock the next Morning.  
Die Martis Cras. pure.  
The next morning they met as punctually again, as if they had been under a Club forfeiture of twelve pence a piece, and the first thing taken into consideration, was, what form of Government they should make use of when they had got the power i' their Clutches.  
Thereupon the duchess of Babylon stood up and highly applauded the form of Confusion, which she alleged to be the first, and consequently the most Ancient form of Government upon the Earth; for that the first time we red that the People of this world were rammass'd together in one Body, was at the Confusion of Babel; she argued farther, that as the sweetest Harmony is procured by Discords; so the strickest unity was like to arise from Confusion; in like manner, said she, the Chaos was before the Creation, the wild Beasts of deserts live without Statute ●aws, Order or Discipline in a perpetual confusion and yet you shall not hear of one Battle fought among 'em, once in a Thousand years; and it ●s remarkable, that when People have lived some twenty years or thereabouts in all the Peace and tranquillity imaginable, they are never at Quiet, till they are all in Confusion; nay, they make it their chiefest design to plot and contrive disordor and confusion. And indeed the Form of Confusion is most Agreeable to our Humours. View us at our Meetings, at our Gossippings, at our christenings and Funerals. What a Noise, what a Confusion is there among us? When one Woman happens to swoon at Church, what a Confusion is there among the rest? Go into every particular Family, and if she be a right Woman, that rules the roast, what a confusion is there? What is a Womans life without Brawling, Scolding, Rending, Tearing▪ maundering, beating her Children, rating her Servants, reviling her Husband, and all the whole house turned topsy turvi●? It is as natural for a Woman to live in Confusion, as for a Salamander to live in the Fire, or an Eel i' the Mud, and therefore I say the form of Confusion is the best form.  
Here the Baroness of Tongue▪ Castle standing up, My Lady Speaker, quo ' she, before we come to any Resolution in this affair it behoves us to consider, what forms of Government there are, or have been in the World, that we may choose which we like best; you know Madam, that when we go to buy our Commodities at the Exchange we desire to see a great many Parcels afore we pitch upon that which pleases Us. And so it is requisite, that we should know what forms of Government there are before we conclude upon any certainty; Now I desire to know, whether ever there were any forms of Government or no; and if there were, how they are called, and by what marks they may be known.  
The Lady Polyhimne replied, that there were several forms of Government which were Commonly distinguished by the names of Manarchee, Aristocracy, and Dimmocracy, Tyranny, Olygarchee and Anarchy.  
Now the Devil take me, quo ' the Baroness, if this ben't all conjuring to me; I could as well chaw a Pumice ston, as one of these words, have they no softer preserved▪ Apricot▪ Names than these? Why, now 'tis a strange thing, quo ' the Lady Polyhimne, I'll undertake, your Ladyship has r●ad Aristotle's Problems— Yes that I have quo ' the Baroness— and yet you never red Aristotles politics— Not I by my faith— I never heard of 'em before— why there 'tis, quo ' the Lady Polyhimne, had you but red the one as well as the other, there you had found all these hard Names sitting like a Covey of Partridges upon one side of a leaf of Paper. I bless my Education, I have red Aristotles politics, and the Lady Newcastles Oglio, and Hobbs's Leviathan, and can tell the meaning of all these hard Names.  
Pray then, quo ' the Baroness, be so kind as to impart your knowledge.  
Why look ye then, quo ' the Lady Polyhimne, a Manarchee is that form of Government when a State or Kingdom is under the Government of one Person; and this the Men have always accounted, I beseech ye Madam, cried the Lady Lofty, be not so sharp and severe against Tyranny; for though we do not love to be tyrannized over by others, 'tis meat and drink to Us to tyramnize over others Paradise itself foretold what Vexers we should be; and threw it then upon Us as a Curse: but we soon turned the Scales, and improved it to a blessing; esteeming ourselves never more happy than when we could Domineer and tyramnize over our Husbands: Had Cain been married, he had never been put to the trouble to go a rambling to build Cities in the Land of Nod; His wise would have taken his revenge upon her self, and been glad of the Opportunity; and therefore Ladies could we confine Tyranny within these Walls, and entail it upon our heirs Females, 'tis not a pin matter whither Lawfully or unlawfully begotten, Tyranny were the most natural form of Government that we could desire, as being most suitable to our Genius.  
You'l say 'tis impossible, but Interlopers would creep in among Us; that I answer, what have Men their Axes and Blocks, the Gibbets and gallows for, but to cut off Interlopers. And then again, it is remarkable that the Male Tyranny have been the most durable Forms of Government in the World, witness the Turkish, Persian and Ethiopian▪ Tyrannies; and therefore, said she, when your particular Committees consider of these things, let them not forget to think of Tyranny.  
Madam Squeamish, not liking this discourse, alleged that there was not a more chargeable form of government in the World then Tyranny, which the covetous and gripping humour of Women would be soon weary of.  
That the People under Tyranny lived poorly, miserable, wretchedly, neither able to defend themselves nor their Governors, that she loved to see the Subject in good plight, hearty and rich, blessing and not cursing their Governors; that they who had something to lose, would stick close to their Governors, when they who had nothing to lose, cared not a rush which way the World went, well knowing their condition cannot be worse than it is: That the safety of a Government consisted in the Natives and not in foreigners, the usual guard of Tyranny, who would be in continual Mu●iny, either for want of Pay, or else never think their Services fully rewarded.  
Well! quo ' the Countess of Whiggland, what think ye then of a Common-wealth? that is such a form of Government where the Mobile bear all the sway— whereas they go along the streets, they march in couples, a Brewers wife, and duchess, an Alewise and a Countess, a Chandlers wife and Baroness, a Weavers wife and a Lady, the meaner still taking the Wall. Where Coaches must give way to Drays and Carts; and Porters are their own Gentlemen U●hers, and cry, make Room for themselves, and it is a Pillory business not to stand out of their way; for my part, quo ' she, I propose this as a form that I have always had a great kindness for, and have been long plotting to set up, but the Countess of Toryland, shane on her, has always had the Whip-hand of me; for methought it was but reasonable that the People should make their own Laws, since they were to be governed by them.  
If I mistake not, quo ' the Countess of Storm-land, the Lady that spoken last has not given ye a true description of a Common-wealth; for in Commonwealths, as I am  told, there are neither duchess nor Countesses, nor Baronesses nor Ladies, or if there were, so much the worse: for it would be very Improper for persons of Rank and Quality to be familiar with Soap and Candle-Grease; now do I think it fitting to admit the Mobile to the Government by any means, for what says the Proverb, Set Beggars a Horseback and they'l ride to the Devil. And when the Devil has once got our form of Government in his Clutches, who shall retrieve it out of his paws. I never liked any thing that was common i' my life; I hate the Fashion when it grows Common, I can be merry and sipp off my glasses in a Countess-like-way; I can be kind to a friend when I see my time; but Common-toss pots, Common strumpets, Common-wealths, they're all alike.  
Madam, quo ' the Lady Fleshly-giv'n, I cannot jump with your sentiments; for nature surely at first made all things Common, till Law and pretended Necessity invented Hedges, and Bolts, and Bars, and Matrimony, and such like Usurpations of Propriety; the World was but one vast Common-wealth at first, till Mimrod first impaled a part of it to himself by Tyrannical force, and taught others to follow his Example. And what do all these impalements and enclosures of law and necessity signify? Not a Rush. For when nature is once set upon the Merry Pin, down go all these Fences of scarecrow Morality, and we suffer ourselves to lie Common as at first, as it is naturally therefore for Women to love Liberty, and to lay themselves Common, certainly there can be no form of Government so natural to the Female Sex as that of a Common-wealth which allow all the Liberty in the world.  
The Lady Voluble replied that Women were to take their liberty, what ever the form of the Government were. But as they loved liberty, so they loved honour, now what delight can the Women take( said she) in such a form of Government, where the highest Title their Ambition can reach to, is only to be called Plain Mrs. Burgomistress, how sneakingly it sounds; I appeal to ye All, Ladies, whither it be a thing rational for us to admit of such a form of Government that will admit a Woman neither Grace, nor Honour; no, not the home-spun Title of your Ladyship. 'Tis true when ye are all in a body ●ou shall be courted perhaps with the style of your High and Mightinesses, but no sooner out of the Council chamber, but all fellows at foot Ball again.  
May that Woman die of a Clap that speaks for a Common-wealth for me, quo ' the Lady Nimble Clack. Nay faith( quo ' she) if your Commonwealths won't allow us our Titles, and our Dignities, and our Precedencies, they have lost a friend of the Lady Nimble-Clack; a Woman had as good live in Hell as in a Common-wealth: Nay I am apt to believe, added she, that a Common-wealth is a kind of a Hell upon Earth. For there, they say, Popes, and Emperors, and Princes, Dutchesses, and Countesses, and Ladies, live Higgledy Piggledy without any more respect given 'em then we give to our lackeys; nay I am  told the great Men of the World, Xerxes, Caesar, Pompey, &c. are not only deprived of their Hands, but forced to cry Mustard, Old Hats or cloaks, and empty Houses of Office for their living▪ Which makes me think that Hell is a Common-wealth, and all Commonwealths are Hell.  
There is another damned Inconveniency in Common-wealths, quo ' the Lady Voluble, going on— but to the best form that ever was in the world What? quo ' the Lady Nimble Clack, to be governed by one Single Person? Yes quo ' the Lady that spoken last— Gods Niggers Daggers, quo ' the Lady Nimble Clack, one Person rule all Us!— If that be your Manarchee, away wi' your Manarchee's, wee'l ha' none o' your Manarchee's; foh upon 'em— What say you Ladies, will you have a Menarchie: will you have one Single Person to control ye all. With that they all set up their Throats and cried— Naw— Naw— Naw— Naw— No single Person— No Manarchee— No Manarchee.—  
Why, quo ' the duchess of Famale-Charmes, would not you be willing to have had Queen Elizabeth to have reigned over ye? Ay, quo ' Madam Nimble Clack, Queen Elizabeth— Now you say something— Queen Elizabeth was a Phoenix, where will you find such another? She clapper clawed the Spaniards in 88 and rod upon a horse like any Thing— at Tilbury Camp— I have heard my Grandfather say she was a Woman of ten Thousand▪  
By my troth— quo ' the Baroness of Tongue-Castle, I never liked Queen Elizabeth in my life— I have seen her Picture upon Ludgate, and methinks she was but a homely Woman.— And then, what a strange fashioned Gown did she wear? I should be afraid, had I such a Gown, that my maid would mistake the Kitchen shelves, and set up her pewter round about my wast— Naw— Naw,— I am for none of your Queen Elizabeths— none of your Monarchee's, not I. By'r Lady, this is very fine indeed— I expected we should have been all Queens, and now to come and talk of a Plot— This smells like a Plot— and therefore my Lady Speaker, I humbly move wae may hear no more on't.—  
Thereupon the Lady Speaker desired Madam Polyhimne to give an account of the next form.  
Quo ' she, the next form of Government is that which the men call Aristocracy; when the Government is in the hands of these that are of the highest Rank and Quality in the Commonweal; Ay mary— quo ' the Lady Nimble Clack now ye say something — this same Cristocracee as you call it, comes something to the Point— For if the Government must be in the hands of the Nobility and Gentry, then it must be in our hands— for I look upon ourselves as the best in the Parish— that is to say, the best i' the Nation.— Now what think ye Ladies? d' ye think we may challenge Rank and Quality or no?  
May we! cried the Lady Lofty— nay we will do't, and I would fain see that She that dares contradict my Pedigree; my Fathers Fathers great grandfathers Sons Father came in with William the Conqueror, and the Couqueror gave him Ten Castles, and fifteen Lordships: and our Ancestors kept them too, till it was the Fashion for the Gentry to sell their Lands; and then you know, when a Fashion comes up, every one strives to be i' the Fashion. But for all that, I must tell ye, that fo● Rank and Quality, i'll not yield to the best of ye all.  
Quo ' the Baroness of Tongue-Castle, my great, great, great, great Grandmothers Daughters great Grandmothers D●●ghters Daughter was heal of Troy's Sister, and came along with Brutes and the Trojans into England.  
Mrs. Soake-Pot  told their Ladyships, that she knew not who was heal of Troy's Sister, but she was sure of this, that her Family by the Mothers side had born for their Arms three Jonas Whales, in a green Field ever since fourteen year before the Flood, and that she had the Picture of one of her Ancestors at home, that had been Maid of Honour to Kedorlaomer's Wife.  
The Lady Nimble Clack derived her Pedi●ree from the Queen of Sheba, who brought forth Queen easter; who brought forth Judith of Bethulia, who brought forth Cleopatra, who brought forth Europa, whom Jupitur ravished, from whence her Mother was descended in a direct line: and then for her Fathers side, she said, there was never a one i' the Company could show such a scroll with round Circles and Coronets upon 'em, as she could; the two first of which were Heathen Gods, and the three next also known Hero's, only she had forgot their names.  
This Bra●ado of Madam Nimble-Clacks, had like to have put the whole House into Confusion, for the 〈…〉 untess of Whigg and Tory, to outvie her was going to fetch her descent from Lucifer, himself, and the duchess of Babylon talked of nothing but Darius's Grand Cyrus's, Semiramis's and Atossa's, so that the storm was gathering apace, while one cried she was as well Born as her Ladyship, the other  told her she lied; one called another Tapsters Daughter, ●other said her Mother was a gardeners Wife, and that her Husband was never Knighted for his Honesty. And now it came to be Cuds life Hussey, and How Baggage— Speak such another word,— when the duchess of Female charms, having without much ado persuaded silence; desired ●hem for the sake of the Common in●erest to be quiet, and that every ones Rank and Quality should be considered by a select Committee appointed for that purpose, where they should every one of 'em have the liberty to put in, and make out their Challenges, when time required, that as yet it was not seasonable, for that the Government was not as yet in their hands, or if it were, that it was not a straw matter of what Rank and Quality they were among themselves, when they intended to go share and share like in the Government; that these were but bone● thrown in by the Men to distracted their Counsels, well knowing that nothing could serve them in their Dominion● but our own Divisions.  
These words were like the Sprinkling of sweet Wines among Bees in a ski●mish, so that they sate down again i● their places, though they could no● but gloat upon one another like so many gibb Cats, so dangerous a thing it is to raise disputes among Women abou● Rank and Quality and Precedency, bu● then, quo ' the Lady Nimble-Clack, i● this same Crystocracy, hold, there mus● be no Ladies and Commoners; for tha● would be as if some were better the● other. No, replied the duchess o● Female-Charmes, in Christocracy; ther● must be no distinction of Houses, no● difference between Ladies and Commoners; for why? for then Ladie● would be Ladies, and Commone● would be but Commoners; which i● directly against the nature of Cristocracy, where tho' many may excel in parts, and knowledge, yet all are equal in Power and Authority.  
Thus far quo ' the Baroness of Tongue-Land, I like it very well— all that I fear is, that we shall never agree— but always be qua●relling about one foolery or other; one Woman will insist to have this thing her way; another will have that thing her way, and if all be not done as a third will, then she'l be all Fire and Tow.  
But the duchess made Answer that if they could but once agree upon the form, those things would be easily reconciled by the number of voices; for thereby the stronger party carrying it, the weaker must yield of Course, or else undergo those little penalties and forfeitures that the stronger should lay upon ' em.  
But here's a worse Inconveniency than all this; for they say these Cristocracies are subject to degenerate into Tyranny; now we had better continue as we are, slaves to men, then become slaves one to another, I know the humour of Women too well to be a slave to a Woman. How! quo ' Mrs. Nimble-Clack will your Cristocracies degenerate into Tyranny? Away wi' your Cristocracies away with 'em, wee'I ha' none of your Cristocracies, they cried ou● enough, enough— no Common-wealth, no Common-wealth— all thing Common but Wealths— Wealths in Common, and Common-wealths are things of dangerous consequence,— no Wealth in Common— no Common-wealths— thereupon there was a Vote Immediately past against all sorts of Common-wealths, Ragusian, Venetian, Lo● Dutch, Swiss, Geneva, Genoa, but especially against English Common-wealthsfor they, they said, were the wickededest Common-wealths i' the world upon which the Countess of Whigg-lan● entred her Protest.  
Come— come— Ladie● quo ' the Countess of Rule-the-Rost, I find ye must all be beholding to me for a form— I have one i' my head, I'm sure, will please ye all— my Husband, and he's one of your book-learn'd Cornuto's, calls it anarchy.  
anarchy, quo ' the Lady Nimble-Clack, Lord bless us, what a pretty word is that? 'Tis a feat Form I warrant it— the word is such a feat word— pray Madam go on— I long to know what this anarchy is, then, quo ' the Countess, anarchy Ladies is a form of Government, where every Woman may do what she pleases; the Quakers and Anabaptists are all of this sort of Government.  
Ay, ay, now we have hit the Nail o' the head, quo ' the the Lady Nimble-Clack. This is the form for my money— Laud, that we should sit here hammering all this while and nor hit upon this Form— where were my Brains I now? Yet I knew there was such a form, but I could not hit upon that word, that pretty mun●y faced word anarchy; thank ye kindly— thank ye very kindly, Madam Rule-the-Rost.  
Why truly, my Lady Speaker, quo ' the Countess, when I was first married, I could hardly go to Piss without asking my Husband leave, I sent to the Tay●or to come to me and he forbid him; ●  told him I wanted a new Gown, and he  told me want should be my Master— Ay, quo ' I to myself, ●s it so? Then 'tis time to turn over a new leaf I feth, so at length I took heart-a-grace, broken open his Closet, forced open his Scrutory, took away the Money, sent for the tailor, went to the Exchange, and  told him I would do it, that I would, or else— thus by degrees I got a complete Victory, and ever after that I did what I pleased. Now as I did what I pleased, so every one i' the House did what they pleased, the Wenches sate up all Night with their Sweet-hearts, and did what they pleased: the Foot men and Pages Guzzl'd up the Wine and the strong Liqour and did what they pleased: the Dogs run away with whole Shoulders of Mutton and did what they pleased: Me thought it was the pleasantest sight in the World to see every Body do what they pleased— my Husband muttered, and mumbled, and grumbled, of which I took little notice, but went on doing what I pleased; feasting my accquaintance, spending, reveling, throwing the house out at Window, and at length I sent my Gentleman, you know who I mean. Ladies a' t'other side the Water— and there let him lie and be hanged; and now Ladies the Town's my own, I do what I please, and I find it to be the most delightful form of Government that ever was invented— God's Blessing of her heart that first set it up.—  
To the vote, to the vote with it, cried the Lady Sensual, this must be the form, when all's done.—  
Hold— quo ' the Lady Squeamish— I am not for it, that we should do what we please.—  
With that, there was a loud cry, to the Bar, to the Bar with her— what speak against anarchy! Speak against our doing what we please! Treason— Treason,— have ● little Patience, quo ' the Lady Speaker, hear the Lady tell her own tale first. 'Tis her pleasure to speak, and she must do what she pleases, or else you are Transgressors against anarchy yourselves.—  
Thereupon, the Lady Squeamish pro●eeding, Homes home, said she, and ●he Publick's the public— Sup●ose we make the best Laws in the World for the good of the Common●eal, must they be stisted and not pass because they don't please this Mrs. Fid●le-cumfart, or t'other Mrs. Twit-cum●at? Feth and Troth, my Lady Speak●r, I tell ye my mind, I do think 'tis fit●ng that every one do what they please.—  
Quo ' the Lady Lofty, Government is nothing without obedience— if we sit to command, and there be no body to obey I'd not give a T— d to command, if we command there must be obedience— and it cannot be expected that we should enjoin Laws and Ordinances to please every Body.—  
If this be all— quo ' the duchess of Female-Charmes, i'll reconcile this difference presently. Let every one of us make our own Laws according to our own Fancies, and humors, as shall please Us best; and so every one of Us shall be pleased in issuing forth our particular Commands and Proclamations ● and when we have so done, let the People obey with Command, which Law, or which Proclamation they please, they that like your Law, l● them obey You; they that like my Law, let them obey me; they tha● better like another Command, let them obey her; and so People shall be pleas'● as well with their own Obedience a with the Command, while every on● yields a Voluntary Submission without control, according to their particular Affections. We find when there was such a Troop of Heathen Deities the World, and every one ruled the Roast at pleasure, none having any superior, but one Commanded one thing, another another; This God would be worshipped so, and that Goddess thus, the People then worshipped what God or Goddess they pleased. One worshipped Saturn, another Jupiter, another Mars, another Venus, as they pleased themselves; and so pleasing themselves every body was quiet & there was no harmdone. Never did Jupiter envy Venus, because she had more Adorers then he; for being a Smell Smock, as he was, he understood the reason of it well enough; and thus it will happen in this form of Common-wealth, every one will obey as their affection, their dependencies, their interest, or their judgement guides them, which being their own Acts much of necessity be done with pleasure and delight, for these reasons I move my Lady Speaker, that no other form may be so much as mentioned beside that of anarchy.  
The whole House was astonished at the Wisdom of the Lady that spoken last, one said that Minerva her self had spoken, another cried that either some she Devil or else some sibyl spoken within her; and the Lady Nimble-Clack was ready to put her brains out at her Ears, to think that she should be such a Dunce as not to hit of the Project, so that at length the whole House finding the Expedient to be unanswerable came to the following Resolutions.  
resolved, that anarchy is the most Proper form of Government, to preserve the Peace and tranquillity of the Female Common-weal.  
resolved, that anarchy being resolved to be such, it be the business of this House to settle and establish it with all convenient Speed.  
resolved, that who ever by Speaking, Writing, or Printing, shall utter or Publish any things to the prejudice or in Derogation of anarchy, shall be adjudged and shall suffer as a Capital Enemy of the Female Sex.  
All which Resolves being ordered to be drawn into Bills, the House adjourned till the next Morning.  
Die Sab. prox. post di. Sat. antecedente.  
Though the next day were Sunday, yet they were loathe to lose a day, knowing how much their business required hast, to Church they were unwilling to go, presently because they were most of 'em in Men's Apparel, and besides, they had neither a Marshal, nor a nigh, nor a Goodwin, nor a Sterry, to preach before them; therefore they hearto'd themselves up with an Old Proverb, The better day, the better dead, believing because their debates were to be about Religion, it would be the more excusable, and indeed it was no wonder that the Women should have their Religion to choose, when so many Men are in the same Labyrinth.  
The duchess of Decay'd-Vertue, the Countess of Mirth and Glee, the Countess of Brickle-ware, the Baroness of In and In, the Lady Fleshly-given, the Lady Sensual, Madam Fadomless, and the Lady Rantipol, desired to be excused their attendance for that day, in regard they were altogether unacquainted with matters of Religion, and believing they could better spend their time at Lantraloo or some other Chamber-practise, well knowing that their Consciences were not so streight-lac'd, but that they could dispense with playing at Cards a sundays, or any other time as opportunity offered itself. With these in the afternoon joined the Countess of Rut-land-shire, and the Baroness of Giddy-Hall, having first satisfiy'd the nicety of their Morning Devotions with a Lecture out of Cassandra, and two or three short Homilies out of the Queen of Navars Novels.  
But in the Grand Cabal debates ran very High; and indeed it was a matter of great Importance to find out what religion was most Contentaneous to the Form of Government they had made choice of.  
Quo ' the Lady Voluble it is not in choosing Religion, as it is in choosing a Piece of Point Lace. I would undertake to see all the Point Laces in both the Exchanges in half a day— but I would not promise to survey all the Religions in the World in half a year, the Jewish Religion was the first in the World— but that is not for our Turn— for that allows the Men Plurality of Wives— but we must have a Religion that will allow Plurality of Husbands; and I doubt when all's done, we must be forced to make a Religion of our own. For I have always looked upon the Form of Government to be the Body, and Religion to be the svit. Some call it the Cloak, but I say the svit; now if the svit be not made fit to the Body, the svit will never sit well; besides that it will be uneasy and troublesone. Thus the Gown and Cassock accommodates with Manerchee, and Calvinism agrees with none but Common-wealths; but we wave both those Religions, as having utterly rejected both those Forms of Government as not being for our Turn.  
The Lady Rash was for introducing of Mahometism; but it w●● alleged against her, that that Religion shut the Women out of Paradise, and put 'em to dance an Eternal attendance with Infidels and Heathens, so that she recanted her proposal, tho' not without some regret, in ●egard the Mahomitan Religion gave the Women so much freedom to Paint and wash, while they durst hardly come to their Parish Assemblies, for fear of being openly rebuked for only restoring and repairing decayed Nature.  
Quaquerism was utterly condemned, because it destroyed the Manufactures of Ribbin-weaving and Gold-lace; besides that it held plays and Romances in Abomination. Those people, quo ' the Lady Fisgigg, look all as if they were bewitched; the Women simper like so many Possnets of blew starch upon the Fire; if you talk to 'em out of the Academy of compliments, they are as shie as so many Black Birds; court 'em in Scripture Phrase and they come to the line like so many well manured Hawks, mere Hypocrites, incorrigible dissemblers.  
I hate a Hypocrite with my heart, quo ' the Lady Nimble-Clack; I am for dealing fairly above board; they say the Anabaptists are the honestest people i' the World, they'l not take a penny more then they ask ye.—  
Hang 'em, quo ' Madam Tomboy, there's a Religion indeed! They never Christen their Children— they are a Niggardly Generation, that to save a little Burnt Wine and a few Boxes of Sweet-meats, destroy all the Pleasures of Female Society. They only go to a Pond and dowse one another, over Head and Ears, and so home again. mere she Cynies not fit for Common Conversation; No, Madam, if we must choose our Religion among these sort of Enthusiasts, I am clearly for your Ranters. They are a jolly sort of People indeed, they meet together Male and Female, Higgledy Piggledy, put out the Candles, put off their clothes and play at catch that catch can bravely without fear or Wit— there's some Sport in this sort of Devotion Ladies— and I believe it would svit very well with our Form of Government.  
By my troth, and I think so too, quo ' the Lady Rantipol; I like a Religion that has some mettle in't not to sit dream, dream at Church, as it were in so many Cornelius's sweeting Tubs— and so to a Muddy Ale-house at Islington; or a walk i' the Charter House-Garden— and then home to Repetition; What a World of Time is here lost? But the Ranters when they meet, improve their time, which is the only end of Meeting in the World.— There's no Sect therefore in all Rosse's Catalogue like the Ranters— I say— let it be put to the Vote.  
Not so fast pray now, quo ' the Lady Nimble-Clack, we have forgot the Religion of the Papishes all this while Methinks 'tis a very pretty Religion; they have the featest way of Worship i' their chapels, they Come and Go, and Go and Come— and Pray and Whisper and Laugh, and Laugh and Whisper and Pray all at a time— Methinks 'tis such an easy way of going to Heaven— while others are penned up four hours together like sheep in Smithfield Pens upon a monday Morning, and there they must stay murdering a farts, till the man with Kerchief about his neck has said out his, say.—  
Cuds Life the Papishes! quo ' the Countess of Whigg-land, Lord! Ladys, would you have us all Murdered in our Beds? They are all for Powder Plots and Massacres, and Rebellion; should we suffer ourselves once to become Papishes, we should never be at quiet among ourselves; we should have the Jesuits among Us, those Monsters of People, Saw●er-ey'd, and Devilpated; we should have nothing but Plots and Contrivances one among another to the utter Ruin of our Infant state.  
Oh but quo ' the Lady Nimble-Clack, I could willingly be content that we might have an Order of Popes among Us; I fancy a Triple Crown would become me mightily; if ye set up the Religion of the Papishes, we may so bring it to pass that all the Ladies Governantes's shall be made Popes, and wear Triple Crowns to distinguish them from the inferior sort; or else we may give ourselves the title of Cardinals and thats as well. I fancy we should look very Majestically in Scarlet Gowns and read Hats.  
But Madam, replied the Countess of Whigg-land addressing her self to the Lady Speaker, the Gentlewoman that spoken last, does not consider that the very Garments of the Papishes are infectious; they will infuse into us all their▪ evil qualities, make us covetous as they are, cruel as they; we shall be presently laying Taxes upon the Bawdy Houses, making people pay for confessing their sins. And then, another devilish inconvenience would follow, that should we use ourselves to the Cardinals Habit, it would so habituate the Women to the practise of Male venery, that we should have 'em all grinding their Corn at the Mens Windmills, & so spoil the trade of their own Watermills, which would prove of very dangerous Consequence; or at least it would bring them to practise all together with one another without any consideration of the Men, as the Popes and Cardinals converse and sport with their Ca●amites and He-Misses without any regard to the Women.  
The Lady sensual inveighed bitterly against their fasting and penances, Especially the self punishment of Whipping, which she alleged was only for Beggars and vagabo●ds.  
These were cruel rubs in the way of the Papishes; but nothing more hindered its advancement then that it was accused of being guilty of Idolatry; to which they were  told the Papishes were so sottishly addicted, that they would worship an Old Mapstick, if you could but make 'em believe it to be a Piece of the Great St. Christophers Pike-staff. Thereupon with a General Approbation they sent the Papishes to the Devil, not allowing of any Idolatry but what was given to themselves.  
Quo ' the Lady Voluble, why such a deal of stir about Religion? The less we have, the better— 'tis that which still sets the men together by the Ears, and always had done ever since there was any Religion in the World; and therefore, said she, we have but little Reason to be so fond of Religion— a little of that will go a great way— we Women are not so sharp upon cutting one anothers throats— but if ye will needs set up a Religion, Ladies, as it will be very proper for outward Ornament, and shure you can never pitch upon a better Religion then that which they call the independent, for as anarchy permits every body to do what they please in Temporals, so Independency implys the same liberty in Spirituals; for they that depend upon Nobody Nobody, has any thing to do to contradict 'em: and I believe we should be as loathe to be contradicted in Religion, as in the management of our temporal affairs. Now being independents in our Religion, what has any body to do with us? but that we may do in Religion what we please as we do in matters of State; a Pudding is not so pat for a friars Mouth as an independent Religion for anarchy, your independents are neither Debtors nor Creditors, they neither borrow nor lend their Religion, but every one follows her own humour, either goes to Church or stays at home, according to her own humour, or as her clothes pleases her, being independent to all the World besides.  
Then again, said the Lady Voluble, she that is an independent, has an Answer ready to all impertinent Questions. Whither are you going? says my Husband, what's that to you say I, I am independent, what made ye out so late? 'tis no matter, say I, I am an independent— where have you been? I am an independent, that is to say, no body is to question my Will or my Conscience— because I am independent in Both. And thus, my Lady Speaker, here's the Proverb of Trimtram as truly verified as ever it was in this Earth; like form of Government, like form of Religion, as fit as Box and Box-lid.  
Quo ' the Lady Rash, pray give me leave to speak, I have not spoken yet— and I think I shall propose a Religion without exception; my Lady Speaker, in short, I propound the Antinomian Religion; this is a Religion that admits of no Law; 'tis positively an Enemy to all Law, but is a Passionate indulger of Free-will, now what would Women have more then to be lawless, and enjoy their Free-will; and this not only allowed by the form of Government, but by the Established Religion adapted to the form.  
Madam, quo ' the Lady Voluble, my Opinion is that the Antinomian is the same with the independent; for they that are lawless are independents, and the same are also they that enjoy their Free-will; Free-will being perfect Independency, now therefore seeing the contest is only between Antinomian and independent, I humbly move that independent may carry it, as being the Topping Denomination, and a word less subject to Scandal.  
Thereupon after a short debate it was resolved upon the Question, that the Religion of Independency was the only Religion agreeing to the form of Government, intended to be established being Anar●hee.  
resolved, that so soon as we shall have set up anarchy, we will cast off the name of Protestants; and go by the name of independents.  
resolved, that under the notion of independency there shall be a Toleration of all sorts of Religions, that ever were, or ever will be in the World; Chineses, Bannians, Heathens, Turks, Jews, Tartars, Greeks, Romans, Lutherans, Calvinists; Papishes only excepted, because the Constitution of the Nation will never digest 'em, but that the independent be still the Grande of the whole Flock, the Master Bee of the whole Swarm.  
resolved that the independents, Antinomians and Thelemites be all one.  
These things being thus luckily resolved, the Grand Committee dissolved for the Present, and the Commoners return to their own House, where the leading Ladies resolved to set a hundred Gimcracks afoot; to which purpose they adjourned for a Week, to the end they might meet in the mean time and cabal what was fittest to be done.  
Being reassembled it was ordered after a very short debate, that both Houses should have a great Feast, and a Grand gossiping together, for the better maintaining of Amity and good Correspondence.  
Mrs. Soake-pot moved that there might be a Clock set up i' the House, for that she knew not how the time went away— but the Lady Nimble-Clack was utterly against the Motion, saying, that it was only for Nuns and Prickers of Clouts that wrought by the day to count the Hours. Business never minds what a clock 'tis— let me talk till I'm weary( quo she) and then give over— I love a Gold Watch, purl'd with Diamonds to hang by my side for ornament— but for Clocks and Clock Makers, let 'em all go to the Devil— shall I when my tongues upon the Gallap, put a pegg i' the root of my Clapper, because the Clock strikes▪— not I, by my feth— what a fine sight it is to see a Sun-dial upon a Church Wall, with your Cambridge Pun at the Bottom, we must— But by this you may see what silly Creatures Men are to tickle themselves with such Idle Fancies and Gimcracks— away then with your One, two, three's— and your Dye-alls— let us live, and talk and be merry, and let Time with his Sith, and his Hour-glass, go and Contemplate at Salamanca, and come when we sand for him—  
While they were thus debating, of a sudden they heard a most hideous noise in the Court before the House, as if all the City Crys had been setting up their Throats in one Compass of Ground, some with dirty forehead pieces, some with fowl Night rails, some with laced shoes all unript— dirty Gloves, to●n Mantuas, taudry Coronets, as if they had come from the Plunder of Long-lane; Yawling, Bawling, Raging, Fuming, freting, sweeting, Headgear disordered, here about their Eytraes, like so many Bess-a-Bedlams. It seems the Common courtesans having intelligence of this Grand Sessions of the Ladies, and well knowing themselves to be so Considerable a Body of the Female Common-weal, look't upon it as an affront that deserved their highest Indignation, to be so neglected, as not to be thought worthy being summoned to a Place, where they thought they had equal Right to have their shares in Counsel. These Considerations put them into such a fury, that they presently mustered together under the leading of Betty Mackarel, and Orange Moll, and marched all night carrying several of their Bullies with 'em, intending to have surprised the Ladies in their Quarters; but not being able to travail far without a sup of the Brandy Bottle, they made a stop at every good Town, so that the Ladies were sate before they could reach the Place of their Meeting.  
The Ladies beholding such a frantic Rout, and hearing such a Terrible Hurley Burley, sent out the Lady Rantipol, the Lady Fadamless, Madam Tomboy▪ and Madam Noise, to know what was the matter.  
Betty Mackarel made 'em no Answer, but pressed on with all her train, with an intention as it was thought to have broken open the Doors of the House, and to have made their Entry, not after the manner of foreign ambassadors, but like so many Middlesex Bumms upon a Habere Facias Possessionem. Which the forlorn hope of Ladies seeing, they sent in for the rest of their Membresses, and in the mean time bestirred themselves with such an Amazonian Valour, that they put the whole Body of the lewd Rabble to a stand; the Ladies perceiving their few friends so hotly engaged, come running forth with every one a Cushion in her hand, and to their immortal praise be it spoken, bestowed a most liberal Voley of Turky-work upon the Enemy, who were no less diligent to return 'em their Artillery back again with the same Dexterity; This Cushion skirmish continued till the Flocks began to fly about their Ears, and then they came to a close fight, which was maintained on both sides for a time with that fury, that it would have made your heart ache, had you not been a milliner, to see the dismal waste of Hoo●nad scarves, Silk Mantuas, Men's Coats an● Cassocks, laced Petticoats, she that was ● fine, as Come and see, but now, th● next moment would have been glad o● a Figleaf to cover her Nakedness; you would have thought they had been teating one another for the good of som● Paper-mill; some with their Noses and Cheeks all bloody; others with thei● Faces all bespit; others with their Eye● dung'd up like an Ovens Mouth: fo● their very fear had furnished 'em with materials for their Cruelty. The floo● lay covered with pieces of Buttocks, bi● of Chinns, tips of Noses, scraps of Ears, as thick among the strewings of swee● Herbs, that you would have thought it had been a mixture for Lombardy Pies, several Bullies, coming to rescue their Mistresses, had their Chitterlings so stretched that they quiter lost the use of ' em.  
At length, Betty Mackarel, and Orange Moll, being taken Prisoners, the Gil-Trapes's having lost their leaders, and the Ladies having their bellies full, both sides began to pause: and both sides being willing to lie by to mend their Rigging, there followed a Cessation of Arms▪  
And now ever● one began to seek ● their own— but alas among ● many rags and Jaggs and tatters of ●k, fine Holland, Calico, Dowlass, ●rsey, Chalcon and other stuffs; that ●as such an endless work, that they were ●●c'd to be content with what they ●ould get.  
They that could not find their own ●●●ew, must take anothers read, and ●●ey that could not match their own ●●d must take anothers Black; happy ●as she that could get a piece of any ●lour to serve turn. The Common ●alamity made all things allowable, ●●l they could sand for recruits.  
The Ladies of the Upper House, ●●aring of the Fray, kept themselves ●●ose, till the skirmish was over, so saved ●●●ir Bacon.  
And now as their Passions grew could, ●●ey began to consider what they had ●one, and what all this was for, the La●●es, reassumed their Places, here one ●ith her arm in a string, another with ● black patch upon her cheek, a third o a piece of Bown Paper over her ●yess— never was seen such a ●agged Regiment at the General Ele●●ion of Salomon King of the Beggars.  
By and by Betty Mackarel and Orang● Moll, were called in, and Chairs were brought them to sit down, for they were scarce able to stand; being sat● the Lady Quaint, as Speaker, demanded of them the reason of the late unexpected and unseasonable Hurley Burley.  
Ladies, replied Betty Mackarel, for sh● was both nimble of Tongue, and of grea● experience, you need not wonder, w● took it so much in dudgeon as we did▪ to see ourselves so much contemned an● slighted by those who had so little Reason to do it. Surely said she, you coul● not but think we were flesh and bloo● as well as you; and what flesh and bloo● could endure to sit still with our hand● in our Plackets, to see such a considerable body of the Female Common-we● excluded from our Birth-right; as if th● general Consultations for the gener● good of the Female Sex were not ● equal Importance to Us, as to you selves: or indeed as if you could do an● thing without me, or those of my profession, when we came to your Chamber● under the pretence of bringing ye M●lacotoons and boon Christians, an● were wont to convey your Love● Notes and Ballets to ye in fair bunches of Grapes, then it was in a kind and familiar style, Dear Betty Mackarel, Honest Orange Moll— and when we came again to receive your answers, then it was in a most obliging manner, Honey Betty, Sweet Moll, this was private Chamber Practise, smoothly, handsomely, secretly, carried on, and d'ye think we are not as able to manage a public intrigue against the Male Sex for the public Good? What could we think but that you were driving your own interests on to our Detriment, and that you were going about to deprive Us of our Ancient and undeniable Liberties and Properties. I'll assure ye Ladies we looked upon it as a heinous piece of Ingratitude, and it made our blood boil within Us.—  
Betty having thus delivered the sense of her whole Train, they were both ordered to withdraw.  
The doors being shut, the House entered into a deep debate concerning this business— The Lady Polyhimne alleged that the Ladies of Rome had admitted the Roman▪ courtesans into Common Culsultations with them about the Elections of the Popes, for which they gave most solid reason, for th●● they were taxed in the Popes Books▪ and paid largely toward the increase of his revenue, and therefore since it could not be expected but that the courtesans would be assess'd toward the support of the Female anarchy, they ought to be accounted Members of the State, and consequently have their votes by their Representatives in our Female Sessions as others our subjects have.  
To tell ye truth cried Mad. Fadomless I know no such difference between them and Us, they are Daughters of Joy and so are We. Only we have the best of the Market; like will to like, the rich to the rich, the meaner to the meaner sort, for my part ever since I have known the World, the World has been the World, and things have gone still in the same Road; the Ladies and the Daughters of joy have been always the same thing, and there's ne're a Barber about the Town but well knows, that under the Appellation of Lady is comprehended that of a Daughter of joy, and under the name Daughter of joy is comprehended that of Lady, only with this distinction, that the Ladies were secret Daughters of joy, and the Daughter of joy, public Ladies.  
These reasons prevailed, and it was ●hereupon resolved that the Misses▪ Cur●ezans should be admitted to vote and ●ct by their Representatives; and because the courtesans had, it seems formerly yielded the title of most Excellent to the Ladies, therefore it was ordered by the Ladies, that every Representative courtesan should enjoy the Title of your Ladyship.  
Things thus composed, Betty Mack●rel, and Orange Moll, with such others as they should think fit, were again called in, to whom the Lady Q●aint declared the Resolves of the House in ●he following Speech.  

Most Dear and beloved I ady Procurers and courtesans.  
I Have often heard my Brother when he was a School Boy frequently repeat a Latin Fragment, of which the Eng●sh was this; The Falling out of Lovers ● the renewing of Love. I must con●ess this has been a fatal Day, a bloody ●ay, a day to be blotted out of the Al●●nack, Women sometimes, that's very seldom, do govern their Passion, and sometimes, that is, much more frequently▪ do not. But now we are going to gover● the World, we must learn to govern ou● selves better; we have this day rent an● torn and battered one another, about a parcel of Goates-wool, as the men say; for my part, I wish we had been all sick i● our Beds when this Hubbub happened▪ But Ladies, it is in vain to recall wha● is past, we are now to think of Reconciliation, now they say, Shitten come Shite● is the beginning of Love, come on the● do you Cack in our hands, and wee'l Ga● in yours, then shake fists together, and ● all shall be well.   
I am farther commanded to tell y● that it is the Ladies desires that you choose your Representatives who shall be freely admitted to the public Co●sultations, and have their free Vo● equal with the rest, assuring your L●diships that it was their Intentions a● Resolution to have been as careful ● your privileges and Immunities, as this Battle had never been fought; a● for the farther preventing of all conte●tions Animosities, Assaults, and B●teries for the future, they have ordered that from henceforth, all such as ●●all be chosen by the Town Misses and courtesans, whither Plyers or standards ●t Mark for their Representatives in this present Sessions shall be allowed the Title of ladyship, and shall be incorporated into the Company of Ladies of Rank and Quality.  
The Lady Quaint having finished her Speech, delivered a copy of it to the two Commissioners, who having red it to the Rabble, and made a Comment of Moderation upon it, they were all very well satisfied.  
Thereupon they fell to the Election of their Representatives, and presently made choice of Betty Mackarel, the Lady Benness, Moll Hind, Orange Moll, Betty derby, Young Currer, Winny Hack— and several others, who were presently admitted, and took their places accordingly.  
Peace being thus concluded on both sides, the House adjourned till the next Morning, having made three Orders before they rose.  
First, that there should be a General day of thanksgiving throughout the Female Common-weal, for the happy union concluded between both Parties, and that person Bull and the Vicar o● croyden be desired to preach before the House.  
Secondly, that a Considerable sum of Money be taken up upon the public Faith to defray the charges of the late damages, and that Commoners be appointed to make an Estimate of every Persons particular losses.  
Thirdly, that Bonfires should be made at Night in the Court-yard of thei● Parliament Palace; and that the Lady courtesans be desired to get their Fireworks ready to delight all comers, and Goers.  
By this time the Impeachment against the whole Race of the Male kind was finished and brought in, wherein the● had aggravated to the full height not only all their sins of Commission from the beginning of the World to the day of the Date, but also their sins of Omission, but more especially that damned fowl Italian sin of Poaking for Generation in the Bowels of their own Sex; to the great Scorn, Contempt, Neglect, and Reproach of the whole Commonweal of Women.  
In the next place they took it into ●onsideration, that Men had been for ● long time framing and patching up ●veral Laws and Statutes for their own ●se and advantage, which would by ●o means agree with the Female Pile ● Man-modelling which they were go●g to erect.  
To which purpose they condemned ●l the Statutes of A●ility and Nonability ● secula seculorum, and made it high ●eason for any body to be Judges of ●bility or Nonability but themselves.  
And whereas by a Statute in the 5 ●d 6 of Ed. 6. the Men had contrary ● all bonos mores restrained the use of ●iggmills it was looked upon as a ●igh Breach of Female privilege, ●d the Statute ordered to be utterly ●olish'd.  
They confirmed the statutes of Gloce● and Westminster about Cessavits, ●ith this addition that he that ceased ●r Biennium should be sent to the Devil without bail or mainprize: Great care ●as taken in the next place that no woven might want a Habeas Corpus as ●ten as she desired it; but as for the ●rits of supersedeas, it was left to the Discretion of the Women to make ● of them when they saw their time.  
Here the Question was put, wh● Laws should be made concerning matrimony and Cuckoldry; which motion was no sooner made, but the Lad● Fadomless, the Lady Lustful and the lady Sensual began to set up their throat and so asked the Lady Quaint, as speaker, why she permitted such a Motio● to be made; for quo ' the Lady Lustf● in behalf of the rest, 'tis very true th● while men had the reins and Brid● of Government in their own hand they have all along endeavoured to impale the Female Sex to themselves and by Matrimony and custom to ma● married Women their particular Properties, as if they had an absolute power of disposing Women as they pleas'● and that they were their own as the Gloves and their Canes; or else by kind of Pye-corner-Law. This Chu● of Beef is mine because I have put Scewer into it.  
For this reason so soon as we shall hold upon the Curbs, and Snaffles ● Rule, we shall turn things into another Channel; and you shall see it will ● much better with the World then formerly.  
You say very right, said Madam Fadomless,— for now then we shall see Women free, and Nature at Liberty. I would fain know when a Woman was resolved to make her Husband a cuckolded; what all the watchings, and wardings, and spies, and sentinel signified, though every one had been an Argos with a Million of Eyes? For that if a Woman had a mind to cuckolded her Husband, it was the same thing as if hate had destined him to that inevitable Doom. And therefore were not men a Company of Cack-thoughts, Cuckowbrained ninnie Hammers, to think to make the Planets run retrograde; to turn the Motion of the spheres: or stop the Ebbing and Flowing of the Sea, which they might as well do as prevent their being made Cuckolds. And indeed it was but reasonable, that Matrimony should have that continual unlucky fortune atte●ding upon it, which Reprobate Man, has hitherto so unjustly made use of to Chain and Mue us up; contrary to all the Laws of Nature and Reason. Now it is apparent that we have lived all th● while under the Scourges of unjust a● and unreasonable force, a●d therefore the Revenges which we sought and practised, were no more then what th● unwarrantable proceeding of Men deserved; and these are your infallible Reasons that 'tis as impossible for a man to ovoid Cuckoldry as 'tis to take the Moon by the horns. Unless a man could wear upon his Finger Hans-carvells Ring which the Devil gave him in his Dream, as he lay a Sleep with his Wife, and when he waked he found his Finger in his Wive's, &c.—  
With all Reverence to Mahomet be it spoken, quo ' the Lady Fleshly-given, there is no other way to avoid Cuckoldry as the Men had ordered their affairs, but we shall set a new face of things upon the Shoulders of the World; For I do not believe 'tis the judgement of this House that we ever intend to mary.—  
No by my truly, quo ' Betty Mackarel, wee'l ha' no more of your I Tom take thee T— ds— wee'l ha' no more of your serve honour and Obey's— but every one shall take ● many as she pleases at board wages, ● way of Subjection— Now ●ppose my Neighbour have a desire ●o have a piece of my raw flesh.— It may be said Orange Moll, I may ●ave a desire to have a piece of yours— his is but fair Exchange, as the Change ●oes— what I lend I lend, and what I borrow I borrow— this ●s nothing of Cuckoldry.— And ●o shall the fear of Horn beating never trouble the silly World more— and horror of that Hobgoblin shall ●ease, and which is pity, Brow-anthers shall never be the Ornaments of suspi●ious Jolt-heads, and jealous Jobbernols again— I have observed, quo ●he Lady Sensual, that all your Lawgivers of the Male Sex, have had the worst luck with their Laws, of any People ithe World; in their restraints which they have laid upon Women: and that among the rest there is nothing more slighted, more contemned, more ●rampled upon, nothing less regarded then Matrimony; a thing no more minded by the Women then St. Peter minds his Cathedral at Rome. The men did not consider, that nothing so much increases Female desire as the forbidding the Use of a thing; Women are never more a dry, then when they have no drink i' the House; I could muster up a hundred stories to prove this, quo ' the Lady Voluble— among the rest I remember a certain Gentlewoman, that look't always as grave and demure as an Owl in a bide Cage; you would have Sworn that the strings of Matrimony had they been no stronger then Cobwebbs would have held her, one would have thought that she had had a Husband too that night have given her content, proper, handsome, and well proportioned, neat in apparel, gentle in his behaviour, and witty in conversation. But for all that, this Womna falls disparately in love with a certain Baconfac'd, greasy, nasty, tatterdemallionly slubberdegullion, that taught the Parish Children for a groat a week; this same walking dunghill so infernaliz'd this same Woman, that she never left tell she had got him into the House to teach a Sisters Son of hers, having no Children of her own; in short she so ordered the matter, that her Husband was the man must invite him. He was the person that innocently ●e●ch'd the Cock to the Hay-House, and ●o this Pumkin of a pedagogue was presently brought home with his hawkingbag containing a wardrobe which consisted only of two patched Shirts, and three old Books, and lodged by the Mistress in a Chamber convenient for her purpose.  
I need say no more; you may be sure, she, that had such a persuading fancy that the pedagogue by his nose was furnished like an Emperor, was not long before she found an Opportunity to satisfy her Curiosity.  
I could tell ye Ladies, cried Madam Non-Denye of another Gentlewoman, who being the Vicar of the parish put out his hyperboles and make water under her Window, was so befrenzy'd with his Codpiece Furniture, that her soul took no rest till she had brought him to hold forth much more to the purpose in her Pulpit then in his own. But we need not go far for stories of this Nature; for should some of Us give an account of our own Lives, I make no Question, but you would find as good Reading in Modern History, as in any of the Legends of former Ages. Cat will after kind, and there's no thrusting back nature, tho it be with a pitch-fork.  
Thereupon it was moved that a Bill should be brought in for repealing all the C●njugal-Laws that ever were made since Noah's Flood, but it was alleged that there would be no need of putting themselves to that trouble, for that all Matrimonial Laws, Ceremonies and Formalities would fall of course upon the change of the Government.  
There is one great Convenience more that sprouts forth and erects itself out of this Abrogation of Conjugal Laws, for thereby, quo ' she, we shall remove two great sins at once out of the World and ease the Pulpits of a great Deal of Lip-labour, I mean adultery and Fornication, for adultery can never be committed where no Property can be claimed; Nor can she be said to Commit Fornication that has her Body▪ solely at her own dispose, and keeps her M●idenhead for no bodies satisfaction bu● her own, and when she parts with it, parts with it to please her self, not him that has it. There's no deflowering in the case, nor depucelating, no frumps for anothers having had a Sop in the Pan before hand, no Scandal for coming in three Months, no injury done of either side, when a Woman may have as many Fathers for one Child as she pleases, since the Birth always followed the Belly; nor was it an Acorn matter, who was the Father.  
Thus Cuckoldry, or Wittalry, Fornication and Adultery were to have made their Exits all together, and a kind of Community was to have made it's Entry.  
Only it being considered that the Baroness of Horn-fair and the head Landlady of Cuckolds Point would be considerable losers by this same lopping off the entail of their Demeaners, a private Bill was ordered to be brought in to give them plenary Satisfaction out of the Lands of that Italianiz'd Son of Despotic Tyranny that stood impeached for Padlocking his Wives alembic of Salt Water.  
Next day a Bill was ordered to be brought in for the Suppression of Alehouses and Taverns, for that men being hence forward not to have any thing to do about the wast, the Women were resolved to keep them under their girdles, and to preserve them from the damages of continual Wear and tear by a due observation of temperance and sobriety; for that was a certain Rule, that as Venus grew impotent without the Assistance of▪ Ceres and Bacchus, so men's indulging themselves too much to the Service of Bacchus rendered them unfit for Venus's Gambolls.  
Another bill was ordered to be brought in for the prevention of hard studying, and for encouragement of Idleness.  
As to the first, it was alleged that there was nothing like hard study, to cause a dissipation of the Spirits, the wast whereof being a Total prevention of their conveyance to the parts of Duty Now and Anon too; hindered intumidation and decayed strength of Natures incumbent to the great Detriment of Female Expectation. Therefore it was that Minerva the Goddess of your Book worms was said to be a Virgin; and that Cupid being asked by his Mother Venus why he never assailed the Muses, he answered, that they were so intent, one upon Star-gazing, another upon the Reconciliation of Debtor and Creditor, another upon her Diapente's and Hexachordon's, another upon one thing, another upon another, that he no soon came nere 'em, but it presently put him into such a fit of Hypochandriac Melancholy to see them so hard at work, that he immediately unbent his Bow, shut up his quiver, and put out his Flambeau, partly out of shane, partly out of fear to hurt ' em.  
As to the second, the Lady Lustful alleged, that there was nothing so advantageous to the Female service as Idleness, Ovid being asked why Egistus was so great a cuckolded maker, answered, because he was an Idle Fellow, take away Idleness out of the World, and Monsieur Cupid may go hang himself with his Bow and his Arrows, as one that would soon become Bankrupt with the expense of daily recruiting his quiver; therefore the Philosopher being asked what sort of infects Love Toys were, answered, the Passions of Idle minds; and another grave Monsieur, Grey-beard said, that Lechery was the Occupation of people not otherwise employed.  
This debate produced an order for the bringing in two Bills more The one for a General Massacre of all sorts of Books, Historical, Theological, Astrological, Physical, Gresham, Collegetical, Romanical, Hermotical, Trismegistical, all treatises of the Arts of wooing and Complementing, and more particularly for the committing of Bagnals Ballet and the Government of the Tongue to the Consumption of a Flam fit to Burn and Smother the Scandal of two such Egregious▪ libels.  
That both the Universities and all Schools of Learning be suppressed: there being nothing that has made men so presumptuous to Crow over Women, then the Opinion of their Bookknowledge, and their converse with blind needy Poets, and threadbare Philosophers▪ But ignorance is the Mother of Devotion; therefore as they have been hitherto learning to be learned, let 'em now learn as long to be ignorant.  
Provided never the less, and be it enacted, any thing herein to the Contrary notwithstanding, that Aloysia Sigea, L' Eschole de fills, and Peter Are●ines discourses be translated, and fairly Printed for the Particular good of the Female Common-weal; and for the ●eneral Instruction of Youth, and that ●he liberal sciences therein contained be ●ublickly taught in too particular Boarding Schools to be erected for that purpose, the one in Blow-blader-street, ●nd the other in Honey-lane mar●et.  
After this they again fell to repeal ●ndry of the Statutes formerly made ● the Mens reign, and more parti●ularly condemned Magna Charta, es●ecially that clause of it, that men ●ould be tried by their Peers, for said ●ey, though men cannot presume to and our Equals, yet by the new Altera●on of Government, all trials of Men ●elong to ourselves besides the impos●bility that Men should be able to try ●en so well as Women.  
They were exceedingly astonished ●hen they came to look upon the sta●e of weights and measures and found that in those times a yard was to contain three Foot by the standar● of the Exchequer. They cried th● those Statutes sure were made in th● time of the giants; no such yards having been seen or heard of for these many Years: and therefore they too● great care to have those statutes utterl● defaced with a sponge dipped in Lamb black and Size, because they woul● not have that continually in their Ey● which they could not hold in thei● hands.  
With the same fury they utterl● concealed the Statutes of Wast and Wills for they never looked any farther the● the Titles of the Statutes, and if th● saw any thing that seemed to trench upon their humour, they gave it a Da● incontinently, there was but a wot● and a blow. And so believing th● Statutes of Wast had been against th● Profuseness of Women; and that th● Statutes of Wills, were made to cu● and bridle their passions and to hind● their Domineering at Rovers, the presently damned 'em without a● more ado, debarring all pleas demu●rers, or Arguments whatsoever.  
Now as there never was a Parliament without a Projector, here was one that addressed himself to the La●ies of a strange Kidney. He was a Doctor of physic that had been of all the Religions that ever were since Adams time; He had cured a Raga●muffin of the Neapolitan Canker only by touching his Back-bone three times with a piece of the Merry thought bone of a Young Pullet: He cured all sorts of Timpanys, Fevers, Consumptions, Gouts, Dysenteries, and a hundred other diseases by ordering the Patient only to shut his Mouth and open his Eyes for a time; he cured the Erysipela and all manner of inflammations by applying a Fox tail to the Patient under the left Arm●hole.  
This Doctor having the Conceit in his Brain, was resolved to be his own Midwife, and so brought himself to Bed in several sheets of Paper Printed upon one side, which were presented to all the Membresses as they went into the Houses. Wherein he set forth what hearing the Women were going about to alter the Employments of Men, he had found out a way to make the men give Suck and so swell out their breasts and Ni●ples after the manner of Women which would be a great ease to the Women, and take a World of trouble o● their Hands.  
The rest is to come.