Mr. L'Estrange REFUTED With his own ARGUMENTS. BEING A REPLY To his late IMPERTINENT PAMPHLET ENTITLED L'Estrange No Papist, In farther Justification of the Informations sworn against him; before the Lords of the Secret Committee. By J. P. Gent. Allatres licet usque nos & usque Et gannitibus improbis lacessas, Certum est hanc tibi famam negare. Nam te cur aliquis sciat fuisse? Ignotus pereas, miser, necesse est. Matt. l. 5. Ep. 60. LONDON, Printed for R. Baldwin, in the Old-Baly. 1681. Mr. L'Estrange REFUTED With his own ARGUMENTS. SUrely Mr. L'Estrange, you must either dote, or else your Parliament-scared Senses are not yet returned to their Lodging. For certainly you seem to have left them behind ye at the Hague, as if you had laid 'em in pawn for some odd score. Here's a Piece of Gallimawfrey indeed; a silly Oglio of Fiddle-cum-faddle, and feeble threats, as void of Salt as a Witches Feast. Lord! Mr. L'Estrange, that you should be no better a Marksman than so. You have been aiming at five Affidavits, or rather Informations, this five Weeks, and yet have not come near the Mark by the full length of your Bow. For Heavens-sake, leave off your scribbling; wash that same demangeson of yours in Spring Water, or Fasting Spittle every Morning, and kill that, which else will kill you. Otherwise you will certainly expire with a Goose Quill in your hand, and the last blasts of your Breath will be, L'Estrange No Pa— for e'er you can say pissed, you will die with a twang of Conscience. A man would wonder how such an Obsolete Quondam, as Mr. L'Estrange, should pretend to be a Judge of Sense and Grammar. Let any man of Sense and Grammar but look upon his last Right Worshipful Garden of Eloquence, his nonsensical defence of himself, and see where he can find those Tulips and Gillowflowers of Sense and Grammar, which he believes himself so much the Master of. A man may perceive him indeed to be nettled to the Quick; which causes him to flounce and fling, and huff, and ding, and rant and swagger, evade and shift, and fence and falsify, as if he were not only a Papist, but a Jesuit; but for any Answer to the purpose, becoming a Person of Sense and Grammar, there is not the least appearance of it. 'Tis to be feared that Mr. L'Estrange hides his Candle under a Bushel, lest others should be enlightened by his transcendent Gifts of Sense and Grammar. But hold a little; what's this we have got here? L'ESTRANGE NO PAPIST, In Answer to a LIBEL Entitled, L'ESTRANGE A PAPIST. And why a Libel? Oh! the reason is plain; because it is a Book that touches the Copyhold of the most malcontent and right Worshipful Roger L'Estrange, Esq. Otherwise it seems very strange, that he who had been a Licenser for so many years, and a Justice of the Peace too for some short time, should be so ignorant what a Libel is. Had he read my Lord Cook, his Lordship would have told his Worship at the latter end of his fifth Book, that A Scandalous Libel in writing is, when an Epigram, Rhyme, or other writing is composed publicly to the defamation and contumely of another, whereby his good Name and Reputation may be prejudicsd. Which Definition includes both falsehood in the Matter, and Malice in the Person. As to the Matter of the Book which he calls a Libel, it is Matter sworn before some of the greatest persons in the Nation, a selected Committee of the Nobility appointed to Examine that, and matters of the same Nature. To which his Plea of Dismission at the Council-Board is no Plea, as has been already said, and as is apparent by the fresh Precedent of the Lord Chief Justice himself, a Person in a higher Station, than ever Mr. L'Estrange is like to be. And for the malice of the Persons, there is no reason to imagine it, when every one is bound to discharge his Conscience, when called to that end by a lawful Authority. If Mr. L'Estrange will give the world the first occasion, by vilifying, traducing, and undermining the Evidence of so great Discoveries as have been lately made, to think him a Papist, he is no Libeler that calls him so, because there is a probability, that the thing may be true; but more especially when it is confirmed by the Oaths of credible Testimonies, and the words of his own mouth. And therefore I must needs tell Mr. L'Estrange, that his Title is a miserable piece of pedantic ignorance. And why in a Letter to a Friend? He can as well be whipped as leave Dialoguing or Lettering it. As if his sorrows wanted a Companion though in Nubibus. But it looks so like prating and gossipping, that 'tis no wonder he uses it so much. He gins, Sir, So far am I from being troubled at the Box of Libels you sent me, that you could hardly have made me a Present more to my honour and satisfaction. For what greater honour to a man, that has any Sense either of virtue or common Honesty than to be made the Mark of the Common Enemies of God, and of all good men; the Common Enemies of the King and of the Church; and in one word, the Enemies of Religion, Truth, Good-Manners, Order and Government, the Vomit, in short, of all the Jails about the Town, and the very Scandal of reasonable Nature. This is the Just Character and the Quality of these People, according to the very Letter. But where's the satisfaction you'll say of seeing men turned into Beasts; the Spirit of Blasphemy enduing humane State, and managing the cause of Hell in the Name of the Almighty, and in the stile of the Gospel? Of seeing the Spirit of Contumacy, Violence, and Slander not only flying in the face of Gods Anointed, and insulting over Apostolical Institutions, with scorn and triumph, but animated also to those outrages, by all the temptations and encouragement of Popular applause, Impunity and Reward? Non est hic Cynicus, cosme, quid ergo? Canis. The Squire is in one of his Lunatic Paroxysms, and I cannot fancy otherwise, but that when he wrote these two Paragraphs, he foamed at the Mouth, like a mad Dog; and that he thought a Pinch of his Fangs at that time, would have proved as venomous, as the gripe of an unwormed Cur. Here's such a Rhapsody of Malice and imbitterment, as if he durst not encounter his Foes till he had fixed the Bastions of his fury and indignation to protect him from their great shot. You may wonder perhaps what makes this vast distinction between this Altitonant Squire, and those Sons of Earth, those miserable Titans which he so despicably contemns. But the reason is plain. They never were acquainted with that Eminentissimo, Signior Rolando di Pipino, alias, Rowland Pipin, the Truss-maker. Now 'tis a Maxim, that he who was so dearly and intimately acquainted with Rowland Pipin, as Roger L'Estrange Esquire, is above all the rest of Mankind. However to let him understand, that he ought not to think himself so high, nor manage his Informatum fulmen with that usurped authority as he does, I do positively aver, that there is more learning, and truth of History in what Mr. Care has writ, then in all the Quarto's of Mr. L'Estrange's Pamphlets; fit for the Library of Pantagruel, and to be placed in his Study, next the Famous Author of Poltronismus Rerum Italicarum; the Squire's works being no more than Poltronismi Rerum Anglicarum; besides that the disputes in Pantagruel, are carried on with equal heat, and are all of equal importance. However by this Fluster-Bluster, you may taste the savouriness of his wit, and the poinancie of his Expressions, tart, smart, sharp, quick, biting, froppish, peevish, waspish, angry, touchy, and in short, scelerata sinapis all over. Nevertheless he might have had more wit in his anger, or in his brains, or somewhere, then to have thrust Mr. Prance among his Blasphemers, and flyers in the face of Gods Anointed, against whom I'll hold him an even wager he is not able to find the least syllable for such a Nonsensical Accusation. For all false Accusations are but the nonsense of Envy, and generally turn to the shame of the Accuser. But 'tis no difficult matter to comment upon Mr. L'Estrange's Text. For by flying in the face of Gods Anointed, he means the Discoveries of the Plot, and the Assertors of the Protestant Religion; and by Blasphemers, those that, contradict the Follies and Impertinencies of the Diana, and the Goliath of Sense and Grammar. His following Excursions are nothing to our purpose, mere Persollae Nugae, trifles and riffraff, and a congeries of characteristical Raptures in defiance of the Towzer-teazers; only he is very much troubled, that People should think he withdrew either out of fear or guilt. For what was it then? Why, he is so kind once as to tell ye, that being in a State of liberty, he thought it his safest way, Achilles like, to retire among the Batavian Spinsters, for fear of being shot in the heels. And that this is the sober-serious touch of the business the very reason which he urges against his fear and guilt, confirm. For his dismission at the Council, was no plenary bar for the Parliament not to call over his Charge again. And for his withdrawing, before any thing was spoken against him in the House of Lords, it was an act of his prudence, rather to make use of Mercury's wings, than stay to run hazards. Then again, says he, I declared at the latter end of my Appeal, that I would withdraw. But that most People construed in another sense, that he intended to withdraw out of this Impious and Trapanning World, upon the encouragement of Dr. Don's self-Homicide, and not into Holland; however the hopes of a better Secretary-ship then Mr. Prance's, made him alter his resolution. So unluckily did his aged Ambition spoil a good Design. As for his Answer to Mr. Prance's Information 'tis hardly worth taking notice of. For the stress of Mr. Prance's Affidavit does not lie upon Mr. L'Estrange being at Mass, but as he himself has stated his own Case, whether he were at Mass in the Queen's Chapel since the King's Restoration. In the contrary averments of which two different Assertions, either Mr. Prance or Mr. L'Estrange must be forsworn. Now I am apt to think, that the greatest part of the Readers of this hot contest, will take my part, and believe that Mr. Prance has as much reason to be credited as Mr. L'Estrange. For most certain it is, that his word has been taken already, more than once, for greater Matters than Mr. L'Estrange's being at the Queen's Chapel. In that he has answered nothing to the point. For where he says, that had he been at Mass, the Papists would be able to convict him. He knows well enough, and we know too, that 'tis no wonder they should conceal his denials, that are so good at 'em themselves, that they will confess nothing by their good will. And for his saying, that Mr. Prance's Secretary falls upon him most outrageously, 'tis a Don-Quixotisme of his own, for there is all along that Moderation and respect; which perhaps he calls Insipidness, observed toward him; which he ought to have acknowledged rather than ingratefully and disingenuously traduced: But when a thing pinches him, he, being old Dog at the trade, finds it his best way to nip it again with his Barnacles of Outrageous and Insipid, and so to shift it off. But let me tell you, Mr. L'Estrange, this Plot of yours will take as little as young Mr. Tongues. His answer to Mowbray's Affidavit, is nothing but a vain flourishing, upon the accident of his being saluted at the Queen's Chapel by the name of Mr. L'Estrange, by an acquaintance of Mr. anderson's, who was Servant to Mr. Allaby of Grays-Inn. Now because Mr. Mowbray, does not tell the Name of this Mr. anderson's acquaintance, nor where he dwelled, therefore Mr. L'Estrange will have this Person to be a Nullity, or rather as I believe he meant, a non Entity; which is such an odd way of annihilating a Man, that only Mr. L'estranges' Omnipotency could have found out. However, for his satisfaction, it had been but his going with a little expense of Shoe-leather to the Porter of Gray's-inns, and he would have directed him to Mr. Allaby; Mr. Allaby would have directed him to his man Anderson, and Mr. Anderson would have directed him to his acquaintance. Which he would certainly have done, rather than suffered his friend to be thus unkindly annihilated. Truly Mr. L'Estrange would do well to practise this art of Annihilation: I dare be bold to say, he might get vastly by the wicked. But Mr. Mowbray swears that he saw Mr. L'Estrange since that, at the Queen's Chapel, and knew him again to be the same Person he had seen there before, that is the same Person that had been taken notice of by Mr. Anderson's Nullity in the same place. So that if Mr. L'Estrange have nothing else but Conclusions upon surmizes, (the five Jesuits way of Arguing themselves to the Gallows) and his own Hectoring and Swaggering to defend his cause, 'tis positive, that his swearing and protesting for himself is not to be believed against the Oath of two credible Witnesses swearing for the King. Never believe it, Sir, these Hocus pocus-tricks will not pass for the world is grown old and cunning, and is not now to be cajoled with smooth Tales and Rhapsodies of hard words. His Animadversions on the Depositions of Mrs. Jane Curtis, in the first place are such as make against himself; Secondly disingenuously and Scandalously untrue; and in the Third place, ridiculously evasive. He confesses, he charged Mrs. Curtis and her Husband, for publishing Seditious Books, and that being pinched upon curcumstances she confessed, The Appeal from the Country to the City. So then 'tis plain, he looked upon the Appeal to be a Seditious Book. And yet the Imposition of the fine upon Mr. Harris for printing that very Book, was by the Commons of England, voted both Arbitrary and Illegal. And 'tis vehemently to be suspected that their Judgement would have been the same of Mr. L'Estrange's drawing dryfoot after it. And from hence the world may give a shrewd guess at the reason of his withdrawing, as he terms it, notwithstanding all his endeavours to palliate and sleek over the business. 'Tis to be feared they would have given Mr. L'Estrange Esq to understand that neither his Sense nor his Grammar, no nor his Judgement neither, were so superior to Parliaments and Bishops Chaplains, as he presumed within himself. His saying that Mrs. Curtis denies her being concerned in publishing Books upon her Oath, and yet that all the Town knows the contrary, is a conclusion from such a piece of Cretan truth, as a man shall hardly meet with, and would make a man suspect not so much Mr. L'Estrange's Sense and Grammar, as whether he can read or no. For 'tis as plain as the Sun, that the words which he means, were only the denial of a Woman scared with his Imperious frowns and menaces, a Narrative leading only to what she was to swear, and no part of the Oath. Nay Mr. L'Estrange, if ye once begin to put tricks upon the World, Good-bye t' ye. But here's more of the same stamp; and so 'tis to be feared this is not the first time. The business about Oats and his gang, is most ridiculously false. You are infinitely mistaken: For 'tis seriously true. And they that have sworn it already will justify it again; and say besides, you were strangely overseen to assert so confidently and publicly such an untruth. This is therefore positively Jesuitical, and you have no way to deny it, but by invoaking your Gentility to Witness. But now your reason: Because it was not a likely thing that you should say to her, you know what some of them are come to already, at a time when they were in full prosperity. A miserable argument, when all men of Sense will understand that their prosperity could never be so full, while your busy pomp, and vanity strutted in the World. They being then in no such prosperity neither, their exhibitions being either retrenched, or taken away by the industry of their prevailing Enemies, almost to utter discouragement. As to my refusal of Licensing some Books against Papists, which were Licenced without scruple by the Bishop's Chaplains, my answer is, That for or against Papists, 'twas all one, for my Deputation was qualified with an Exception to all Theological Arguments This is a mere pitiful shift: as if his deputation had forbid him to Licence a jocose Sarcasme upon the Papists, occasioned by a Lay Proclamation for expelling them out of the City. He might as well have refused to Licence the relation of the public Executions, because they contained the repentant Speeches and Admonitions of dying Men, and for that a Divine was always ordered to attend them at the Gallows for their Soul's health. I would fain know of M. L. whether the Packet of Advice were not a Theological argument, or at least an Ecclesiastical History, and yet 'tis well known he Licenced that for five Months together, notwithstanding his Qualified Deputation. But I am informed that Curtis herself disowns several parts of her Deposition, and says they are false printed, and imposed upon her. This is one of Quevedo's Dreams, a falsehood, and mere Coney-catching Imposition upon the World. They that know Mrs. Curtis, well know, she is a Woman that considers better what she says, then to be persuaded out of her Reputation; besides the affront which Mr. L'Estrange puts upon the Clerk of so Honourable a Committee, as if he were one that gave out false Copies. Mr. L'Estrange therefore was to blame, not to send a brisker Toper when he employed his Emissary to pump Mrs. Curtise's Husband at the Three Tun Tavern upon Ludgate Hill. But the Fellow it seems got Drunk unseasonably, and instead of pumping others, wanted a Pump for himself; and so Mr. L'Estrange lost his design, and was cheated in his Intelligence to boot. But Mrs. Curtis is so far from Disowning what she has sworn, that she is ready not only to repeat the same again, but to add more, when ever Mr. L'Estrange shall have any occasion for such a kindness. She'll tell him a tale in his Ear, that he swore Oats and Bedlow, etc. were a company of Rogues, and that the Plot, was a Plot of their own making. But no more of this at present. Now I Appeal to Mr. L'estranges' Wisdom, whether it be prudence in him, who looks upon these People, as such a sort of contemptible Infects and Hornets, to be thus continually disturbing their Nests, as if he had the kerbing and Licensing their stings, either to hurt, or not to hurt as he pleased himself. To Mr. Fletcher's Deposition he answers, That as to his asserting the Pope to be the Head of the Church, himself a Member of that Church, or speaking of his hopes to see others return to that Church, or any thing to that effect, by the everlasting God, it is as false, as if he had sworn, I had come down the Chimney upon a Broomstick. So there's my Oath against His. Now Mr. L'Estrange thinks he has done a wonderful piece of business, in swearing by the Everlasting God. Truly such a formidable Oath might have served to have scared a young Lady out of a suspicion of his playing a foul Card at Picquet: but here it does not signify one straw; and is therefore perfectly taking the Name of God in Vain. For Mr. L'Estrange might have gained the Experience, in that little time that he was a Justice of the Peace, how little a man's swearing at Random for himself, will avail against a Testimony sworn for the King upon the Evangelists. Can Mr. L'Estrange be so idle, as to believe, that if he should be accused for Robbing upon the Highway upon the Oaths of sufficient Witnesses legally taken, that his swearing and Hectoring by the Everlasting God, would be a sufficient Argument for the Judges to acquit him? So that his Ostentatious Expression of, Here's my Oath against his, is a mere Bubble. For his swearing by the Everlasting God, upon this occasion, weighs no more in the Balance of Judgement against Mr. Fletcher's Oath before a Magistrate, than nothing against Ponderosity. Mr. L'Estrange therefore, in such cases as these, would do better, to leave off his swearing by his Maker, and the Everlasting God, and take martials advice, Ecce negas, jurasque mihi per Templa Tonantis; Non credo; jura, Verpe, per Anchialum. For as he manages his affair of swearing, the same credit will be given to the one as the other. But for all his swearing and vapouring, and holding up his hands to Heaven, Mr. Fletcher is the same Person still, and avouches his Deposition to be true, and what he is bound in Conscience, and shall be always ready to justify. And more than that, he admires at Mr. L'estranges' Confidence to call the Everlasting God to Witness the attest of his public Impositions upon the World. But the slight Comparison of his coming down the Chimney upon a Broomstick, shows the levity of his Invocation. Now as to the probability of the Matter; First, saith he, I had no discourse with Fletcher, but in the hearing of the other two; and to those two I dare appeal, if he dares but say who they were. As to the first Assertion, Mr. Fletcher affirms it to be false; for that the other two Gentlemen were at the one end of a long Table, and Mr. Fletcher and Mr. L'Estrange at the other, at a competent distance, and consequently divided into several places, and discoursing of distinct matter. As for his Appeal, because he is in such a daring humour, we will ●ell him the Name of one of the Gentlemen who was there, and perhaps took more notice of his Auricular Confessions, than he was ware of; his Name with his addition, is Doctor Frye. Now we must tell him where the Doctor lives too, or else Mr. L'Estrange will make him a Nullity, as he has done Mr. Anderson's Acquaintance; he lives therefore in Black Friars, very near the Water-Stairs, where he is very well known, and where Mr. L'Estrange may attend him for the Julip of his so unquestioned acquittal. Secondly, I must be two great Fools in one, to speak a thing so imprudent, that had no relation either to the Company or the Occasion. As for Mr. L'estranges' Folly, or whether he be one or two Fools, we shall not trouble ourselves with it, nor whether he borrowed this Argument from Gawen the Jesuit at the Sessions-House. But considering that it is the Custom of most people now a-days to preach over their Cups, and to slip out of all other Discourses into that of Religion, at the Tavern, there might be occasion given enough for the Discourse, and Discourse enough upon the Occasion, notwithstanding all Mr. L'estranges' Improbabilities. Thirdly, In case I had said it in so harmless a fashion, etc. So then at length, here's a Confession of the whole matter wiredrawn out of him. But what he means by confessing himself to be a Catholic of Rome in a harmless fashion, by confessing himself to be of that Church in a harmless fashion, and by hoping to see others return to that Church in a harmless fashion; or how the saying of words in a harmless fashion, can make those words void, is somewhat of a Riddle. But now you see what sort of Engine it is which he makes use of, to shove off all Objections made against him, he swears and stairs and hectors in a harmless fashion, and then you are obliged to believe what ever he says to be true in a harmless fashion. But lastly, it is my comfort, that Mr. Fletcher of all the world is is the man to make me a Papist, of whom no man living could ever make any thing. The Assertion is very general and very positive; and properly enough becoming Mr, L'Estranges impotent precipitancy; and shows how little heed there is to be given to a rash and inconsiderate Censurer. But suppose him to be only a moral honest Man (and that Mr. L'Estrange dares not deny) 'tis enough to do his business. Nay, suppose him to be one of the middling sort, a man of no more than a stripped Reputation; yet the Oaths of such a one is sufficient to serve Mr. L'estranges' turn. Is this the Famous L'Estrange that owns such Trifles as these? His Populus ridet, multumque torosa Jnventus Ingeminat tremulos naso Crispante Cachinnos. At these the common Vulgar laugh, the very Boys Sneer up their Noses, and deride his Toys. Mr. Prance Philo-L'Estrange and Pragmaticus, and all the Edge of his Indignation is as still turned upon me, that Heaven knows am innocent of the thing as I was born. How innocent he was born it matters not. He should have done well to have made the Earth as knowing as the Heavens in this particular: Especially having so many good Friends, that for old acquaintance sake, would have spared him room for such a short Advertisement in any of their Weekly Intelligences. But be it whose it will, it runs in his Style, contains his own Principles, pursues his wild and rambling Conceits, and smells of the same Hemp with all the rest of his Pamphlets against the Plot and its Discoverers. His Name is to it, the known Name of Roger L'Estrange Esq and it is said to be printed for his Bookseller. And therefore since the Brat is laid to his Charge, he is bound to keep and maintain it. For otherwise, by his own Rule, unless he can produce the Author, and tell us where he dwells, we must adjudge all other Author's Nullities, but himself. However he says, there is in it one Terrible Pinch against him. Mr. L'Estrange says, in his Discovery upon Discovery Now, Doctor, I do positively aver that there was not one Church of England-Man in the Parliament Army. To which it is answered, that a Metropolitan of England served in the Parliament Army with a command of Horse, and thence inferred, now what becomes of L'Estranges positive aver? To which Mr. L'Estrange replies, that the Covenant was an Abjuration of the Church of England, and the opposing of Bishops, and the Common-Prayer was the Test of the Party, and that an Episcopal man being once dipped, is no more a Church of England-Man, than a Renegade that hath renounced the Christian-Faith, is a Christian.— Truly Mr. L'Estrange had better have let this Argument alone; for he only speaks out of the abundance of his Heart, but not out of the Abundance of his Logic. In the first place, he does not make it out that ever the Archbishop took the Covenant; neither does it appear by any thing from Mr. L'Estrange but that he might make use of the Liturgy of the Church of England at the same time. So that it may be said indeed, that he assisted the Long Parliament as a Rebel; but that did not make him cease to be a Church of England-Man. And thus the Bishop of Munster, when he assisted the French King, was a Rebel, 'tis true, to the Emperor, who was his lawful Prince; nevertheless, he was of the Church of Rome, and Bishop of Munster still. So in the Archbishop the effect must remain, because the cause was not taken away. The cause of his being made Archbishop, was the King's Favour, but the King had not un-arch-bishoped him; and therefore being still an Archbishop, he was still a Church of England-Man. In the second place, He mistakes in Fundamentals. For Episcopacy is not the Church of England, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, de omni, but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 per se, as being inseparable from its Genus; which is Protestantism. Protestantism then is the grand Genus, Episcopacy, Presbytery, and Independency are but the speces; dissentanea diversa indeed, but not Opposita, as differing only in outward Ceremonies and in things of indifferency, not in points of Faith. Neither can any of these three be called Shisms from one another, neither erring in Fundamentis, as the Arrians and Maronites, nor circa Fundamenta, like the Papists. The want of which Knowledge has run Mr. L'strange into two gross Absurdities; that an Episcopal Man Apostatised into Presbytery, or Independency (for one of these two, I know his Ignorance means by the word Schism) which is an impossibility (Apostasy being a revolt from Truth) is no more a Church of England- Man then a Renagado, that has renounced his Faith is a Christian. Which is a Nonsensical conclusion. For to be a Christian and an Infidel are Opposita contraria. 'Tis impossible for Christianity and Infidelity to be both in one Subject. But a Bishop may be a Presbyterian, and a Presbyterian a Bishop without any offence to God or Man. Nay if the Archbishop had taken the Covenant, it makes him cease to be a Church of England-Man no more, then taking the Parliament Test, made a Papist cease to be a Papist. But no more of this, as having said enough to any Men of Sense and Grammar. And therefore Mr. L'strange must go to School again; For I do positively aver, that his Positive aver to Dr. Oates, was a Peg too high; the effect of his rashness or ignorance, or both together. Having thus finished with Mr. Prance, he turns Jupiter Rampant, and falls a Thundering upon his contemptible Enemies, as if he intended to Foot-ball'em to the Devil immediately. To the end therefore that you may behold him in all his Glory, Enter the Exasperated Numen surrounded withal his Fury. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉— ASsist me Goddess, Bloody Wars I Sing, In which no Emperor is concerned, nor King, But mortal Both in thought, whom Goddess fair, You may to Man with Gnats disturbed compare. Who Armed with Fly-flop, as in Bed he lies, When Fly-flop does no good is forced to rise. Then Jove L'Estrange the Sons of Earth bespoke, How dare ye thus my Anger to provoke? Since Peace ye have refused, I am for War; Nor think your threats Norfolcian-Jove shall scare. To him the Dreaded Curtis thus replied, Thy Heaven and Thee the Sons of Earth deride; These brawny Arms and Massy Limbs of ours Shall pull thee soon from thy Olympic Towers. Toned apomeibomenos prosephe nepheleghereta Zeus, Your brawny Arms I value not a Louse. With that the Sons of Earth for War prepare; And straight, enraged, the Hundred-Headed Care, Rheims upon Rheims of Pacquets of Advice, To Pelion's height, advances to the Skies. To him the Hugeous College lent his Aid, And soon of Towzer's Quires an Ossa made; Then in came dreadful Smith, like him was none, And mounted Ossa upon Pelion. Harris stood by, a vast Etnean-Pile, Fire flaming from his Nostrils all the while. What ails this Urchin of a god, quo He? Must we be subject to his Raillery? We, though his low ingratitude forgets, That lately gave him Milk for Licenced Sheets? And for his sake, though favours now disowned, The greedy Saturn-Poverty dethroned. We to the Cretan Cliffs have equal right, There He was Born, there we first saw the light; Though Rhea were a Goddess, so was Tellus; And therefore he must never think to quell us. Courage, then, Sons of Tellus, bravely show Your might, and let the proud Usurper know The Sons of Earth are not so imbecil, But they can reach Olympic Bloomsbury still. Hos ipown, otryne menos, kai Thymon Hekastou, For straight, in great contempt of Pope and Mass too, No sooner had he ended, but the Rout Of horrid Titan's made a dismal shout, As with such force through Pelion's Bowels rung, That Crack-fart-Jove could scarce forbear to dung. And Snaky-periwiged Janaway swore by Styx, He'd make Norfolcian-Jove to feel his kicks. Then all together up the Cliffs they clamber, Resolved t' assail the Demigods own Chamber. 'Twas then no time for Jove L'Estrange to dally, So, forth to meet his Foes he makes a sally. Him first the Fifty-headed-Care received, And at his Breast a Limb of Pope-Jone heaved. Which he repaying with his Fell Appeal Made one of Gyant's Fifty heads to reel. Which the Grim Curtis seeing, straight stepped in, And having under propped Cares Fiftieth Chin, With Oxhide Cestus, all with Libels stuffed, So (Dares once and old Entellus cufft,) Drives at the Thunderer's head with might and main, And made a Window to display his Brain. Out leapt Minerva then with Spear and Shield, And holps him to maintain a second Field. And well it happed; for College, famed in Battle, Choosing out Towzer from all other Cattle, Takes Towzer by the tail, and with one swing Lays at the Forehead of th' Olympic King. Then out flew Towzer's, out the Thunderer's brain, And blended sense of Dog doth Human stain. But Jove himself was forced to stoop to Fate; So with the blended Brains his empty Pate He soon refurnished: which the Critic's say, Makes the old Churl so Cynic to this day. Breathing Revenge, with Mazzard thus repaired, He summoned to his aid his trusty Guard, Zekiel, whose Fangs like Lion's whelps hung out, And Monstrous Ephrim with his Gorgon's snout: They fastened straight on hunderd-headed Care, And thirty heads from threescore shoulders tear; For what availed a hundred hands and more, 'Gainst such as they, that could both tear and roar, With Perseus' Whale, or th' Erymanthian Boar, Like Diomedes' Horses fed with Flesh and gore. Thus Monstrous Care lay rolling in his blood, Whom Jove reviled, and bid him swim that could. This the Grim Curtiss with impatience see's, And up he heaves ten Cartloads of Fuzees, The Composition all Combustible Of new Sheep's Fat, and Oil of Knave and Fool, Papist downright, and wilful breach of Oath; A dreadful Mass to kindle human Wrath; Which thrown by Art, in showers of Fire returned; That, Dejanira's smock-like all had burned (So quickly did the eager Flames embrace him) Had not brave Zekiel sped to uncase him. Nor were the Cinders useless, while the true And trusty Zeck through Quill of Ostridg blew The Periwig Ashes in grim Curtis' Eyes. Th'advantage soon Norfolcian Jove espies: And with his Gun, with Flouts and Scommas crammed, At Curtis envied Nose so truly aimed, That Acre-covering-Curtis unbefriended, On Ossa's Top lay all at length extended. But him the Snakie-curled Janaway soon bestrode, And gave him time to rear his Massy Load; So then afresh the Thunderer they assail; Blows fell like Hops, or if you please like Hail; As when Jove's Offspring, loath to be outdone, In bloody Fight assailed Alcmena's Son. Long was the Fray which cost Pails full of Blood, While Victory still in a brown study stood. While thus the Combat tottered,, Armed with fire And Smoke in rushed Briarean Harris dire, With Immense College close upon his heels; Their very stamps astonished Ossa feels, And shakes for fear. Their torvous Visages, The chased Thunderer did no way please. So he withdrew, and gaped, and breathed, and then Why do I turn, quo he, from Mortal Men? Then Citt and Bumkin, Zech. and Ephrim called, And with fresh Succours Earthborn Sons assailed. Then had you heard their bellowing without Truce, You would have sworn that Hell had been broke lose. But Oh! the Turns of Fate! the Victor Numen Must now succumb to Earthborn Son's Bitumen; There Zech. and Ephrim lie, there Citt and Bumkin, All in mash, like Oven-coddled Pumkin. Jove thus alone, ' his Periwig tore in vain, When Harris Grim, and College most humane Embraced his Corpse, and with their potent hands, Gave him a Cant down to the Netherlands: Go there, said they, and in thy dark Repose, Learn next time, not to scorn thy equal Foes. This is the true Representation of Mr. L'estranges' ridiculous Passion, and his pusillanimous vainglory, which has caused such a Guelf and Ghibelline contest in the City; a Crackfart Son of Rodomantado despising every one but R. L'strange, and triumphing over as good Men as himself. If they are such Pigmies, why does his Eagleship condescend to play the Crane? Such a Gerfaulcon as he, should scorn to stoop to such pitiful Game as Sparrows and Titmice. And yet as contemptible as they are, he can not but hug himself in most of his Pamphlets for the little Victories which he thinks he has got; and with which he flatters his own Fancy. Though for my part I see no such inequality in the Match; but they return him as good as he brings, even to his Vomits, and the Reversions of his Glisters. And therefore if he will vouchsafe to contend with 'em, he must allow 'em more desert, and higher Titles, for his own honour. For all this while, as I said before, as insignificant as he makes his Adversaries, they do but render him the subject of their own mirth, and the sport of the Town. So that 'tis no wonder the Titan's should be two hard for Jupiter, that is, that the contemptible should worst the Contemner, when he himself by his own folly lays himself opon to their Lashes, and makes them the Arbitrators of their own Revenge. But now it seems he intends, after such ill success in his Wars, to take another course with his Antagonists, and tell's 'em he intends to send his Attorney among them. But then they laugh till they spill their Liquor. One cries, Let him be a Norfolk one, I beseeeh your worship; for that's a famous Country for Law. Another asks whither he were not in the Crown-Office himself, when he vented that Rodemontado? Another asks, What he will take for the place, and make a firm Deputation? Another bids him have a care that he be not picked up for Hawks-meat, and presented to the Grand-Jury the next Sessions. And then what would become of all the hopes of Mr. L'estranges' Attorney-general. Hear from him by his Attorney! A very charitable Gentleman to the Lawyers indeed: What fine sport we should have? Norfolcian-Jove Plaintiff, Briarian Care Defendant, in an Action of Scandalum Magnatum. Heavens forbidden, that the French King do not come in among us, and alter the Laws of the Land before Mr. L'Estrange commences his Suits. However Gentlemen, 'tis fair play, forearmed, forewarned; think what ye have to do and what to say: for you will find no mercy after a Verdict. And thus as for the defences of himself, they appear to be all frivolous and impertinent, mere sham's, Delusions, Evasions Shifts and Falsehoods. So that he need not make it such a wonderful thing, that one Man should call him This, and another call him that, when he himself lays himself so open to such unhappy Advantages. 'Tis very true, that 'tis hard case that any Man should be wrongfully Arraigned, yet on the other side, we have no reason to believe, that Mr. L'estranges' Merits were ever so advantageous to Human kind, as to give him a general Pardon for all Offences and miscarriages that should be laid to his Charge in this World, or to oblige us to seal up our belief against all things that can be said against him, or to enforce us to such an obstinate hatred of all Charity for his sake, as to believe that any sober persons as to all other things blameless in the eye of the World, would be so madly precipitate as to damn themselves to injure Mr. L'Estrange. Besides that, such a thought would not a little prejudice Mr. L'Estrange himself; for what could we imagine, but highly to his disrepute, of such a behaviour, that should provoke so dismal and destructive a Revenge? As for his Defence of the public Government, 'Tis the Opinion of more Doctors than one, that he had better have let it all alone: as having done more harm then good. He has only exasperated, exagitated and boutfeud, by accusing almost a third part of the Protestants of the Kingdom of Plots and Contrivances, vilifying and discountenancing the King's Evidence and distracting the minds of People in general; and still the Burden of his Song is, oh the Exorbitont Liberty of the Press; as if he only wrote for his Licensers' Place, and the sweets of Domineering at Stationers-Hall. And indeed I must needs say, that I could never find by any of Mr. L'estranges' Writings, that he has either Learning or History enough, to interpose in any of the Contests now on Foot, which is a work for more sober and judicious Pens than his. For weak Defences, such as his are, give the Adversary advantage, and are worse than none at all. All the severity of Tiberius could not prevent the Inundations of Libels and invectives against his Person, in an Empire much more enslaved at that time and under the Government, by permission only, of the most obsequious and most flattering Senate in the World. And what the Councils of Princes, nay the Pope himself under his very Nose, in Rome, with his Inquisition cannot obviate, does Mr. L'Estrange think to prevent with his Scribbling? Let him leave that to the Govern-and Graver Writers, and whistle in his Whelps, his Citts and his Bumkins, his Zekiels and his Ephraim's which I dare be bold to say, will never make him Immortal; fit behalf to have the same Sentence passed upon them, that Dr. Mayern passed upon the Queen's Cucumbers, or which the Barber and the Curate gave upon Don Quixot's Library, which was to be thrown out at Window, to illuminate the World more in a Bonfire, then by their Literature. Thus Mr. L'Estrange, I have done. I have only said this, to tell you, that your Answers to the Affidavits against you are frivolous and impertinent, and that you must bring better proofs of your Innocency, or else you will never be believed among Rational Men, and so farewell, and Writ till Doomsday for me. FINIS.