THE QUAKER TURNED JEW.  
BEING A true Relation, HOW An eminent QUAKER in the Isle of ELY, on Monday the 18 th'. of April. 1675. Circumcised himself, out of Zeal for a Certain Case of Conscience, Renounced his Religion, and became a Prosolited JEW.  
With the Occasion, and Manner thereof, in all Circumstances.  
LONDON, Printed for W. L: 1675.   

THE QUAKER TURNED JEW: BEING A true Relation.  
HOW An Eminent QUAKER turned JEW; etc.  
NOt to stand trifling with a long Preamble, I shall come directly to the Relation of the Story, which both for the Truth and Rarity of it, deserves the Readers Attention: It happened no longer ago then on Monday, the 18 th'. of April last: the Occasion and manner of it was thus.  
There was a Man in the Isle of Ely, that seemed a great Zealot, and very strict in the profession of that Mock-Religion, which is Vulgarly called Quakerism; He was indeed formerly for a long time, very unstable in his way, and had run through several Forms and Parties, but at last he fell upon this Quaking way; which is a kind of Common Shore, into which the Puddle of Heresies runs, and there settles. Amongst them he soon learned to sigh profoundly, and make scurvy faces, to set his looks in a posture of simplicity, that he might Cheat people with the better Advantage. His Hat was as fixed to his Head as a Turks Turban, and no Man could Thou his betters more nimbly: In a word, He was so strict in observing the Ill manners of that Sect that he seemed to surpass most of them in Zeal: For he would at their Meetings, not only be a Hearer but a Speaker; and rattle it for two hours, till he Foamed at the Mouth, in declaring no body knows what to them. And in all his dealings with his Neighbours he would still be at a word, from which he would not vary in the least, But whatever price he set upon his Goods (being a Chandler by his Calling) he would not bate a Farthing, though it were far above the worth. For being upheld by those of his own Sect (who make it part of their Religion, and perhaps 'tis the best Principle in it, to deal one with another) he would never sell any thing to those of the World, unless they would abandon their own Judgements, and suffer themselves to be abominably Cheated by crediting his very-lyes, and pretensions of Honesty. By which practices making great Gain his Godliness, he grew Rich; and fell into the way of Farming, and great doings in the Country, and often Rid to Cambridge upon his occasions; which puts me in mind of a Cheat of his, Which (though it may seem a Digression) I cannot pass it by with out Relating. It happened one day, he being mounted on a lusty and very goodly Gelding to look at; a Gentleman overtaking him, liked him very well: and asked, If he would sell him, Yea quoth the Quaker, if thou and I can agree; What will you have for him says the Gentleman, Twenty pounds, says the Quaker. In short they agreed, and at the next Inn the Gentleman paid the Money; and then desired to know what faults the Nag had. The Quaker answered▪ Dost thou see any fault in him▪ To which he answered no: Then Friend says he 'tis very like the Beast may not see any in thee▪ For the plain Truth was, he was Stark Blind and the Gentleman Religiously Trappaned, by which public Prank, our trembling Saint began to be noted▪ but soon after grew more notorious by the following Accident, which gives occasion to this Discourse.  
There dwelled in the same Town a Woman descended of honest Parents whom a Friend of the same Religion had Married; She was both handsome and Buxom, about twenty Years of Age▪ and had a Rolling Eye that seemed to declare her Affections apt to wander; our before mentioned Thomas the Quaker, had often attempted her Chastity, alleging that in them it was no sin, but a duty to supply each others necessities, but she several times gave him a Repulse, till at length he affirming that he had a Vision, and was commanded to know her according to the Flesh; and that she should conceive aHoly Seed, which should do great things on the Earth▪ She was prevailed with to consent, and they contrived, That the next time her Husband should (by reason of his Business) be absent▪ they would consummate their Lascivious Desires.  
The place which they had designed for this beastly Action was very suitable, being as sordid as the Deed required, That is to save a Hog's Sty: So having notice the good man was gone out▪ Thomas that dwelled but next Door almost, came as he used to do, and the Woman and he walked out talking together, and slily got into the said withdrawing Room, unobserved by any of the Servants. There he fell roundly to his business as the Spirit moved him; and Read her such a Lecture of Perfection that her Bowels were much refreshed with Consolation in the Inward Man. But whilst they were thus exercising each others Gifts, and spreading abroad their Talents for mutual Edification; Honest Cornute the Husband coming home sooner than was expected, and finding his Spouse absent, was informed by his Servants, That she was gone towards the Garden with Thomas— (of whom he before had some suspicion) Jealousy therefore having taken possession of his Brain, he searched for her with a more curious Eye than ordinary, but at last hearing a noise or Grunting of the Hogs, being disturbed by the Active Couple that had usurped part of their Lodging, he goes up to the Sty, and peeping through the Board's, see to his Grief and Confusion, his Wife fallen flat on her back in an Illuminated Trance, and his Friend Thomas holding forth to her with eager Transports of Zeal; The sight whereof Roused the Old man within him, and made him break forth into these words. Oh ye Generation of Vipers, and Seed of the Serpent, ye Children of Belial, and Instruments of all filthiness, how have ye given way to the Temptation, to work this Wickedness this day before my Eyes. They no sooner heard this Voice but it spoiled their sport, and put an abrupt period to their delights, making them shift away as fast as they could; whoilst the Husband girding up his Loins, resolves not to put his Horns in his Pocket; but repairs to several of their Friends, especially some that were (as they call it) in the Ministry: Whom he tells how he had caught his Zealous Friend Thomas, committing a Deed of Darkness against the Convictions of the Light, and Scandalising the Truth with Fleshly Filthiness, in committing Adultery with his natural Wife, whereof his eyes were Witnesses. Hereupon Thomas is Summoned to appear before a Special Meeting of Friends, where his Crime is laid before him, from which he endeavoured to excuse himself, Saying, Friends! I do confess I am as they say under Blame in this matter; and as a City Friend said, when he had Cheated the Wicked of Forty Thousand pounds; I have much trouble upon my Spirit for the thing, but I hope you will consider that Flesh is Frail, and that I was not yet Arrived at a State of Perfection, but suffered the Light to be Clouded with Concupiscence, but though the outward Man did the Act, the indwelling Seed remains still within me in purity. Wherefore since it is not yet known in Gath, nor declared to the Ungodly▪ ye will do well to pass it by with silence considering it may be any of your own Cases another day.  
But this Apology would not serve; they were resolved to deliver him over to Satan to be buffeted for the Mortification of the Flesh, and therefore disowned him; so that he was forced to depart with sorrow and heaviness of heart: When he came home, considering with himself how he had of ended, and fearing that his Reputation amongst Friends▪ and his Gain that accrued thereby would cease, he resolved upon the following Penance, for immediately he Retired into his Closet, drew forth the man of sin out of his Breeches, and beholding it with an Eye of Indignation, Thou base and filthy Member (quoth he) whose standing hath occasioned my Fall, I now will take Vengeance upon thee: Saying which, with a sharp Knife he Circucised himself, and sending for a Chirurgeon applied Remedies to the Wound; resolving to expiate his offence by dissembling himself for the future to perpetrate any such nefarious Crime.  
This being done, he sent to the heads of his Sect, acquainting them that he had cut off the unruly Member, and desiring again to be admitted amongst them; but this the She Friends, at the next Assembly violently opposed; alleging, That no person unfit for the Work of Generation, aught to be admitted to their Communion. So that he is forced to remain as an Out-cast, being generally known throughout all the Isle of Ely, and parts adjacent, by the Reproachful Name of▪ The Apostalized Quaker; Or, The Proselited Iew● of which Opinion he now owns himself, and has resolved never more to eat Swine's Flesh▪ because of the unhappy Adventure of the Hogg-stye.  
But I may not Conclude this, Tragicomedy without relating one pleasant passage of the Woman that proved a Back-slider with him. Her Husband has since refused to Bed with her; alleging that she had Defiled her Vessel, and having lain apart from her seveal Nights, she comes one Morning early into his Chamber and would needs go into his Bed to him▪ which he perceiving, and resolving to avoid her temptations leapt out, and went into her Chamber, and goes into the Bed where she lay before: By and by she follows him thither, and offered the same kindness there, But he absolutely refusing to admit of her Embraces. She being enraged, catches up her Chamber-pot, and flings it all upon him; Saying, Verily John, if thou wilt have none of the Flesh, thou shalt have some of the Broth. Of which abuse he has since complained to Friends, who have thereupon disowned her likewise: And now she and her Husband live apart. And these Extravagancies being become publicly known in those parts, have occasioned many who werere formerly deluded, by Quaking Seducers, to forsake their deceitful ways, and Erroneous Principles.  
FINIS.