Raillery a la Mode CONSIDERED: OR THE SUPERCILIOUS DETRACTOR.  
A Joco-serious Discourse; showing the open Impertinence and Degenerosity of Publishing Private Pecques and Controversies to the World.  
Occasionally Written. To a Young Gentleman, to show the Odium of this Ingentile Humour, and to direct him in the best choice of Men and Books.  
Multi cum aliis maledicunt, sibi ipsis convicium faciunt,  Seneca. 
LONDON, Printed by T. R. and N. T. for Henry Million at the Bible in Fleetstreet, MDCIXXIII.   

THE PUBLISHER TO THE READER.  
Generous Reader,  
FOR such I would have thee to be, to Answer the true Design of these few Sheets: First occasionally writ by way of Advice to a Young Gentleman abroad, and I humbly conceive not unseasonable to any that make pretence to that Name or Quality.  
It teaches true Courtesy, Charity, Civility, and the Duty of Good Language which we owe unto all Men, which are indeed the Supreme Points of Generosity, Policy, Christianity, as well as of Moral Virtues, among such as approve and practise them.  
You have here the Character of a Detractor, accurately drawn forth and Detected through all his Protean Shapes and Disguises, with the true Embellishments that should adorn a Bred and Worthy Man, whereby yourself are left to judge which of these are most amiable, when you behold both their Pictures here set before you.  
These Lines were purposely set to pull up this Croaking Mandrake (Detraction) from amongst us, and to root   


deed is this strictly so, for it is no more than the Old mad Humour of the Cobbler of Gloucester new Vampt.  
And lest you may not perhaps have seen enough by the Books themselves I have (at your desire) sent you, I shall take a little pains to give you my Sense of the present sort of Writing, to show you (as seasonable to your Young and Inconversant Years) the Ridiculousness, Incivility, and Inhumanity of it, in a few short and sober Reflections on this Public Piece of Folly, which does but indeed render us the mere Ludibrium and May-game of Strangers, it is a fashion so illy introduced among us.  
It is a Vicious sort of Buffonery, that this mistaken Age is ready to cry up for a high acquired Ornament) and Piece of Refined Education, while a sober Judgement, or modest Innocence, is as much mistake, and exploded for mere Dulness and Ignorance. He that can abuse another handsomely, is presently applauded for a shrewd Wit, a notable Man, which indeed imports no better than an abusive K— as a good harmless honest Man is but the better word for a Fool.  
It is indeed, Sir, much my satisfaction, that your Retired inclination hath so happily settled you, (for your seasoning time) so commodiously remote from the Corrupt Converse of a great part of this Infectious Town: And I assure you, that I think it altogether my Duty to be as careful that no Contagious Subjects come intrudingly to your hands; and would also advise you to be as cautious of receiving any, as many were of London-Letters the last Great Pestilence here amongst us.  
Pray take this Advice as from a Friend that most unfeignedly Loves and Tenders you; and be sure ever to Choose your Books as you would your Acquaintance, (i. e.) let them be few, choice, and reputable.  
You cannot well complain you want good Company, when you are not without good Authors to converse with; and that too at the best Advantage, (as I take it) their Writings being for the most part much the best of them, compared with their common converse and personal society.  
When you are soberly contemplative, your Companion is still at hand to entertain your Humour; when your thoughts incline you another way, then have you others to divert you; and when you are weary of all, at last you may take down Apollo's Lute, and refresh your fancy with the most pleasing, and not unprofitable, strains of Poetry, English or others.  
But truly to Buy or Read these Cudgel-playing Books, is but to make Billingsgate your Diversion; or to know the best way how to give bad Language: 'tis no better than downright Railing, Frenchified into Raillery a la mode.  
Beside the smart Itch of Writing and Replying in this New Canting Drolling Way, made up of a few fugitive Expressions, I am sure he that gives himself up to this, must at once licentiously let go the Rains of his Sobriety, Reason, and Religion, to play at Have at All; or to Write in a Refined sort of Frenzy: For let his Rodomantadoes and Bombast be but unreachable Remote, or Far-fought, (as we commonly say) and it will want nothing to make it off; provided the Bookseller be but Wise.  
To be Witty at this Rate, is certainly very Poor, Pitiful, as well as Spiteful, for any one to signalise himself by, because every one that will (sans regard) assume this abominable abusive Liberty, may as easily attain the accomplishment (if any will have it one) for as much as men's Wits are naturally readier at this than any other Theme: Yet though the Ape be never so curiously tricked up, he is still but the same: so let such Works be set out in never so acquaint Language, yet what are they better than unsavory Breathes perfumed? a more precious kind of stink in the Nostrils of either the Judicious or Good; and smell still too much of the Dunghill Declamations of the Schools; studied Oppositions, though by some they may be said smart or witty, yet the order of their Design, or Matters wherewith they meddle, are very little Just or Conformable to the Precepts of good Morality, Humanity, or Christianity, in any degree; and so base and degenerate a Genius, ought utterly to be abandoned by the sober and civil sort of Mankind, and of all that profess and love Virtue, as dissentaneous to the right Rules of true Generosity; and as much beneath that Grandeur of a Christians high Profession, which teaches Men not to revile and slander one another; and forewarns them from being Busybodies in other men's matters.  
Some Men, in the heat of Humour, while the lecherous Itch lasts, care not who they Traduce or Reflect upon, so they can but do it handsomely in huggermugger. Kings and Privy Councillors cannot scape them. But could you peep through the Keyhole while he is in close Adultery (in his Study) with his Wanton Muse, and let but a Mouse, or the least Noise stir, how he abruptly starts, and rumples up the Naughty Sheets in more haste and confusion than the Gallant shifts the Scene of his private Debaucheries upon a dangerous surprise! and when all is whist, is presently at it again.  
When 'tis once delivered, 'tis presently pawned upon the Public, like a Brat upon the Parish, the Incognito Parent standing by to observe how 'tis received; who rails, with the rest, against that, which shame and danger dares not let him own for fear of Penance, or a Whipping-post.  
But 'twere with such highly ridiculous, to ask in St. Paul's Language, What Profit have ye of those Things whereof ye are now Ashamed?  
And in vain may we expect common Civility from those that are not afraid or ashamed (at these days) irreverently to scoff at, and impiously to detract those most Princely Precedents of Piety in holy Writ, David and Solomon. The lewd and Venereous Person, (who makes his Body a Burnt-offering to his inflamed Lust) seeks to acquit and justify himself with this Plea, and to seem wittily wicked, asks you, What did David all when he complained of his Bones, and his Sore ran down in the Night? Give him grave and sober Advice, or but go about to stop him in his Career of Folly, and he presently pleads Solomon; and will purchase convincement at no cheaper a rate, than the dangerous high Price of Experience. He builds Sconces, and runs on Tavern-scores, and then Pleads that Paul Pawned his Cloak, etc.  
At this profane and paltry rate he seeks to purchase the repute of witty: he out-Huffs Hell, out-hectors' Beelzebub, and can dispense with the Name of Atheist, if he be not proud on't, and openly own and glory in it.  
This is one that with little Fear, and less Wit, will still be at his Ludere cum Sacris; that dare be impudent with Heaven, and saucy with its most awful Majesty, to the Hearers astonishment, and his own shameful confusion; that, like an overdaring Vaulter, will forsooth be showing tricks of Activity upon the very Brink and Precipice of Hell; and play at Hide and Seek with the Devil himself, till at last he catches him in his Clutches, as the Cat does her wanton Prey, and so spoils his Sport on a sudden.  
But let's leave him to the justice of that Power his Folly thus inconsiderately provoked; and Sir let me Advise you to shun the Society of such, lest you share in their Punishment, and as you would escape the infamous Censure you will thereby fall under, always taking it for sure, That you shall go under the same Account and Character of the Company you consort with, since the World hath ever looked upon this Rule as infallible.  
And now Sir, passing this, and to come nearer home to my purpose, I shall briefly observe to you, how profuse and heedless Men now a days are of their own and others Fame or Reputation, (too valuable to be thrown or made away in sport) while they thus publicly traduce, detract and asperse one another, as they do both in word and writing; which latter I shall chiefly take notice of, and look upon as a Libel of the Devil's Dictature, such Writers being set on by pure Idleness, the Primum mobile of all Mischief.  
What is there in it else but a mere Itch of Spleen, edged on by the hope of building up a new Credit upon another Man's Weakness.  
A Leapfrog Fancy of Writing Alternis Vicibus, by fits and girds, as the Humour hits, or holds out to the haphazard of the adventurous Bookseller, but the adornment of Posts and Pissing-places, worthy of no further regard or notice, than the Printed Bills for Prizes at the Bear-Garden, being at best but a Trial of Skill another way, where both sides beat up and flourish as Victors; but set no sharper an edge either on their Wits or Weapons, than what will well serve to cut your Purse-strings, the whole aim of these cheating Challengers▪ which if the overcurious Widgins of the World will not believe, but will be still cozened thus with this Hocus Pocus Humour, let them, I say; but (my good Friend) I hope you will take my word, and be wiser.  
Nor do I indeed much doubt or question your discretion, I understand you, and you yourself better: And the best on't is, such Books, besides making the Author's ridiculous, do seldom prejudice the Readers more than with loss of time; nor so altogether, for sure (if he have any sense) he shall grow wiser by the folly represented him, as Drunkards sometimes loathe themselves by beholding it soberly in others.  
Can we term it less than a shameless incivility in such as would go about to oblige the World (whether it will or no) to take notice of their Private Picques and Controversies, which with a great deal of pother they publicly expose to common Censure; nor can it be thought less in those that are the busy Pryers into these public Impertinencies, the very Reading of which is a kind of unhappiness, but a Revisal both Gild and Approbation.  
Certainly as long as this odd mood lasts of taking up one another's Works in this Nature, we must never look to see Ingenuity flourish, for our growing Wits will be afraid to put forth, while the early Blossoms of their best Endeavours are still in danger to be publicly blasted by the vituperious Breath of every malapert Momus, who like the Basilisk, strikes dead all he sees at first sight, and whose whole stress of Wit strives only to stifle others; and such are well set forth by the Ingenious (and therefore envied) Pen of the famed Dryden in this single Couplet of his: 
Those that Advantage of each slip do take,  
Find but those Faults, which they want Wit to make.   
Away then with this ill-natured, disingenuous, faultfinding Humour, and be favourable to the failings of others, as ever you expect Men may in kindness connive at your failings or imperfections; when they happen Humanum est errare, 'tis liable to all in some things, but especially to such as either write much, or variously often; and ought not with an overrigid Censure to be too severely insisted on; for this doth but breed vain jangling; for as one ill word begets another, so (we see) doth one abusive Book another, till they even puzzle, as well as weary the whole World with reading the bare Titles of them.  
One Book bears the Bell away one while, and then presently comes out Reflections, Observations, Answers, Replications, and Exceptions upon it, till the Press is so bepestered with them, that at last the Sheets grow more numerous than the long Books and Papers of a Chancery Cause, which are as pertinent and worthy of publishment as the first, (for aught I know) and in time may both serve to one and the same use (after the World and the Court have dismissed the Controversy and Brangle) in a Grocers or a Chandler's Shop.  
If any such Book have intruded into your Study, let them be turned out for Wranglers, as unfit to keep Company with the quiet and civiler sort.  
Or take my advice, and change 'em away quickly while the humour holds up, for others more pleasant and profitable, though (you lose well by 'em) before the Gamesters have crossed the Cudgels,, and the Ring-round world leaves minding them: As some tough and sturdy Trojans, after much belabouring one another, have long since done.— Laus Deo.  
Our Laureate himself cannot escape Calumny, (though I must confess he too much dared it) that Reward of Wit (Sacred to Poets) he finds could not defend him from the blast of a Critics Breath. In spite of Apollo's self they will attaque him; some thinking to be reputed Wits for only impudently daring to meddle with it.  
Thus was he (for sooth) taken to Task, Postponed, and there Lashed on both sides by the two, too unkind Universities, Oxford first taking him up, while his Mother Cambridge Chastised him severely. In the first place, for forgetting his old Grammar Rules. So rigidly strict were they to keep him to the scrupulous Precepts of their (long since exploded) Pedantry, befettering his fugitive fancy in the Poetic Transport, that he should not hereafter Sore beyond the near Ken of their slow and short sighted Genius; and next for abusing his Grandsire Shakespeare, and Father Ben, and being very saucy with others of his Elders. But he is hush and done, say they, while they seem to hold a little Rod, made up of a few Stalks of disjunctive sense, they had spitefully spoiled the beautiful Bed of his best Flowers off, & picked out to lash him with. And fain would they have confined his Licentious Muse (as they brand her) to her Nunnery: But they since may see how briskly she turns up her Veil, and with a modest scorn acquaints them in the words of her Hero. That he hath neither concernment enough upon him to write any thing in his own Defence; neither will he gratify the Ambition of two wreathed Scribblers, who desire nothing more than to be answered: Finding he wanted not Friends, even among Strangers, who defended him more strongly, than his contemptible Pedant could Attaque him.  
By this becoming scorn you see how he prevents them from further undertaking against him, when (like a Morose or Frumpish odd Fellow, bobbed in the Street with a byword) had he turned again he would have had half the Town hooting at him. Thus he shows more Wit in his slight and silence, then possibly he ever would by his Pen when it performs best; though I truly believe that he is able to make those piece-meal Features, which his over curious Critics examine so illy apart, to appear in their right place and position, no less than what himself says, as so many real Beauties in the Eye of such as are able to judge and admire the true perfections of a Muse.  
Sir, I speak this because I know you have always had a just value for Mr. Dryden's Poems, as well as myself, and I have believed you very discerning this way; and so he cannot easily be brought low in your esteem; you too well perceiving the Design of his Enemies without more words.  
But to inform you further, having, Sir, lately the leisure of an Afternoon, I took occasion to go among the Booksellers to inquire what else there was newly extent: I chopped upon an an Adventurous Author, who had took on him to write remarks on the Humour and Conversation of the Town; which had not been long abroad, but it was seized upon by the sharp Claw of a Critic, and by him Stigmatised with the Name of remarks upon remarks. I was unwilling, and thought it vain to read one without the other, and so thought best to buy neither.  
But the Bookseller would still impose further on me, and presents me with another new piece, called the Rehearsal Transprosed, etc. a Title I understood not I confess: But seeing it a thing that had twice troubled the Press, and having the Booksellers word that it was worth reading, I took it. But having spent my time and Money upon it, all I could say was, I found myself very Wittily beguiled of both: But (believe me) I think I might as well have read Tom of Lincoln, or Bevis of Southampton, for aught I edified by it, and would pay thanks to boot to any little Boy to change with me.  
Yet truly I must confess, Wit there was in it, but like a jewel in the Dunghill of Detraction, not worth the Generous and Ingenious Man's raking for. But the Crabtree Stock of some men's Humours will bear no better Fruit; yet methinks they should not then carry their sour Sentences to the Press, they seem so little serviceable or seasonable, and cannot be counted Solomon's Apples. But some men's petulant Humours incline them still to transpose the Proverb, which says, 'Tis better to be at the latter end of a Feast, than the beginning of a Fray.  
Now you must understand Transprosal is the little a la Mode Word that at present obtains and has of late made such a deal of Gingle Gangle abroad, by the help of Transprosing. The Rehearsal Transprosed (Answer) the Transproser Rehearsed, etc. But how extremely pleasant is it to observe how wittily the Transproser turns Transposer, and finds himself sport at Tickleman Tack for half a Dozen Pages together, and all with two poor Letters [I. and O.] I warrant the Man has a most extraordinary fancy at Composing Anagrams and Acrostics, and is excellent at Wire-drawing Wit, that can so prettily play with two Letters so long, and they happened to be lucky ones for his turn.  
Every one will have a bob at Bays, though alas he is not likely he get a wreath of it, for the Wit he lays out upon it. And now the yelp is up, ' stoo him Bayes Cries one; Hollo Bayes Cries a second, Whoop Bays a third, enough to worry one out of his Wits. I cannot tell what better to compare it to, than like the clapping and scolding of a ragged-canting Crew of Billingsgate Rhetoricians, or those of Rosemary Lane, where if any will once but give the Cue of one Word provocative, he shall presently hear a full Peal of most exquisite Harmony indeed. You shall not meet with a Term so mild as Gregory Father Grace Beard; they could have furnished him with a Title ten times more Taking, (ex Tempore) and possibly more intelligible too. But hang't, let it pass, it comes all to one purpose.  
Having thus given you some hints of this hateful Humour, I would fain draw to a close with my Discourse, there remains only a few Cautionary remarks to direct you in your choice of Men. And what your own Judgement will represent to you, will render the rest odious enough to your generous mind, without any further reflections.  
If we consider the mischief as well as degenerosity of this Destructive Humour among Men, either in Words or Writing, we would certainly shun it with greatest detestation.  
As than you have any respect for your own Peace and Quiet, endeavour still to keep yourself unconcerned from impertinent listening after▪ or prying into private or public Reports of this sort; for that you must either betray, or inevitably bring in question your Friendship if you conceal it; or if perhaps on the other side you impart it, you but kindle Coals of contention, and beget private grudges and heart-burnings, and make yourself in a manner bound either to accuse or vindicate, and had therefore much better to be deaf and dumb in such concerns in both Offices.  
Be sure therefore to show no kind of Countenance to such as can find no other means to screw themselves in to your opinion and favour, than by this treacherous way of traducing others to you.  
Nor would I have you over apt to listen to, or trust him that fain would be tickling you with adulatory praise of your parts and qualities; especially if the Party be a stranger to you, and one that you never any ways had obliged before; for 'tis common with some sort of men to put on a fawning familiarity upon the first Acquaintance they have with any one, to make lavish offers of Friendship and service to you. Sir, (I say) take good heed of such a one, lest there be (as 'tis odds if there be not) some Sting of Design at the end of their Tail.  
Besides, what can sound more harsh or untunable in the Ear of the generous, wise or modest, than to hear an Encomiastic Harangue or Elegy of Praise personally addressed to his Face. Music fit for none but Fools to caper at; alas! they must be but silly Trout, that will be so tickled to death. The saying of Tully ought to be every true Gentleman's; Nolo esse lauditor, ne videar Adulator. Now (for aught you know) this great Praise may be but Ironice prodere Famam; the Man that speaks so & so, may possibly mean nothing less, but the quite contrary; but be sure he that hath any Sense, will not be imposed on at this rate; but will soon find it out, and know how to retort it in the like Language.  
But on the other side, where this kind of Flattery on both sides takes, as said, sadly, really, and indeed, then cannot there be more pleasant Diversion, than to see two Asses bray out Applauses to one another. This is Mulus mulum scabit, or Kee me, and I'll kee thee, as the old Proverb speaks. But certain it is, none can be flattered of another, till he first flatter himself.  
One may observe a sort of Natural Rhetoric, even among the Common Professors of the Art of railing; they have their Figures, Graces, and Ornaments peculiar to their kind of Speech, though they do not distinguish or use them Grammatically, by the Names of Sarcasmus, Asteismus, Micterismus, Antiphrasis, Charientismus, or Ironia, yet have they their Dry Bobs, their Broad Flouts, Bitter Taunts, their Fleering Frumps, and Privy Nips. Besides the use of their admirable Art of Canting, they have a cunning way of Jeering, accusing others by justifying themselves, and saying, I never did— or by ask the Question general, Who did so and so? Why who did you Whore cries ' t'other? did I? and so the Game begins; but by this evasive way of Abuse they will be sure to keep wide off the Law's tenterhooks.  
Thus you see there is none can come out Master of this Art that hath not been brought up at Billingsgate, for only there are found the best Proficients of this kind, which while some of our Authors are but the bashful Imitators; alas, see how far they fall short of the true force and efficacy that is to be found in the perfection of this Faculty.  
But I have deviated a while from my first discourse, giving you the foregoing Reflections, I now come again to consider the end of Writing, and what is most commendable. The principal end of Reading is I am sure to enrich the Mind; and doubtless that is the best Work where the Graces and the Muses meet. But where every Man thinks what he lists, speaks what he thinks, writes what he speaks, and prints what he writes, from such kind of scribbling, carried on by a frantic Fegary, I do not well apprehend what Advantage can in the least accrue one way or other to the Readers, either to the enriching their Discourse, or advancing their Knowledge.  
Nor is it easy to conceive the drift or design of this odd fantastic way of writing without the help of a skilful Interpreter, they having more need of Notes and a Comment, than the History of Don Quixot, without which you shall be no more able to apprehend our Author, than capable to carry off the Intregue of one of our Nowadays Comedies, so hard it is to force the Poetic Fire out of their flinty Inventions. The Treasury of Wit being of late so close looked up in the Wild Meanders of our present Muses, that he that has not the Court-key of the newest forge, shall hardly be the better for't.  
I cannot tell how this way of Writing comes to be now the Mode that so much obtains, I mean of Detracting and Traducing Persons; for I do not remember the Ingenious Author of the Book called, Reflections upon the Eloquence of the Bar and Pulpit, so much as once mentions, much less commends this manner of writing or speaking, as either modish, modest, or decent; but gives this Gentle Lash to the Users of it, That nothing of that kind is entertained with effect, when too personally addressed: and that though with civility we may glance at, yet may we not without rudeness and ill manners, too openly stare upon the faults or imperfections of any Person.  
Detraction is an old Vice, although it be but newly come into request among us again: It was the sin of Haman against Mordecai, of Saul against David, of jezabel against Naboth; and there are whole Psalms of Execration for this Sin.  
I find an old Poet of ours (Gower) Declaiming against this Vice in this manner. 
Invidiae pars est Detractio pessima, pestem  
Quae magis infamem flatibus oris agit.  
Lingua venenato sermone repercuit aures,  
Sic ut in alterius scandala fama volat.  
Morsibus a tergo quos inficit ipsa fideles  
Vulneris ignoti sepe salute carent.  
Sed generosus Amor linguam conservat, ut ejus  
Verbum quod loquitur nulla  
sinistra gerat.   
This honest old Author sets out this Vice in this sort, by way of Admonition. 
Ever keep thou thy tongue still,  
Thou might the more have of thy will,  
If that thyself art envious,  
Thou shalt not be gracious,  
As thou paraventur shouldst be else,  
There wol no man drink of the wells,  
Which as he wot is poison in;  
And oft such as men begin  
Towards other, such as they found;  
That set him oft for behind,  
When that they wenen be before  
My good soon, and thou therefore  
Beware and leave thy wicked speech,  
Whereof hath fallen oft wretch  
To many a man before this time;  
For who so wol his hands lime,  
They must be the more unclean,  
For many a mote shall be seen,  
That wol not else cleave there,  
And that should every wise man fere,  
For who so wol another blame,  
He see kith oft his own shame,  
Which else might be right still, etc.   
Now should I go about to Paint a Detractor forth in his proper Colours, or to Draw every Feature of Deformity in his Face, I fear, in the first place, I should find my Ink not Black enough to Paint so Foul a Monster; nor could a Man have Courage enough to Draw the Devil, without the Security of some Good Guardian by his side.  
But I'll venture on Him; for, as they say, if we can but draw Blood of Witches, their Envious Intents cease: so if the Nib of my Pen be but sharppointed enough to prick to the quick, I need not fear the worst he then can do to me; neither need others, after once they are forewarned.   

THE CHARACTER OF A Detractor.  
A Detractor is a kind of Chameleon, that lives upon the worst sort of Air; at first bred up and suckled with sour Sustenance from the lank and flaggy Dugs of his lean and meager Mother Envy, he afterwards feeds on Fame; his words are worse than Poison of Asps, and are a kind of Witchcraft, so that the Sufferer may justly be said to be under an Evil Tongue. Like one of the wayward Sisters, he spitefully picks the foul and poisonous Weeds out of the fairest Gardens of men's fruitful Labours, wherewith to work his wicked Sorceries; with venomous Breath endeavouring to blast the best and fragrant Flowers of men's Writings, that they may wither in the minds and memories of the World.  
He is a sort of turbulent spirited Furiozo, continually foaming out his frothy Passion on all sides, like a malicious old Woman, ever muttering, extremely incensed; he can find none to vouchsafe to vex him, till out of pure spite he is fain, at length, to be himself both satire, Answer, and Reply. 'Twould fright you, or him either, to behold his own angry Face during the pang of Composure.  
He Writes on as Fish-women Rail, without Cessation, or Premeditation; without Patience to Hear, or Time to Deliberate: and Answers, hit or miss, without Perusal, letting all the while his Passion boil over, without ever skiming of the filthy Foam that always arises from the intemperate Heat of enkindled Fury.  
Erasmus seems to have very well understood the Nature of this Malady amongst Men, and mentions it as if himself had once had some symptoms of it, when he saves, Multi mei similes hoc morbo laborant, ut cum scribere nesciant, tamen ascribendo temperare non possunt. Many (saith he) are very sick of my Disease, and though they can do nothing worthy of the Public, yet they must be publishing their (hellish) Humours, fouler than the Ink they write with; and this makes the World abound so with Books. The Teeming of every Term, which deserves a much severer Tax upon every Sheet then there is imposed upon the Law, that so it might at once breed less Trouble, and more Profit to the Press it Plagues.  

A Detractor  
Is one who knows how to shoot dead your Repute, and yet you never hear the Report; he hath several sorts of Poisons, and but one way to apply 'em, that's commonly at the Ear: He sometimes whispers like one that discourses through the Speaking-Trumpet, you shall hear the sound, but not know who utters it, nor whence it proceeds. He is Traitor to Truth, a Lying Oracle, or the Old Devil of Delphos, to Abuse the Credulous, Delude the Ignorant, Confirm the Suspicious, and Inflame the Jealous.  
He is a kind of Monster among Men, and hath a double Face, a double Heart, and a cloven Tongue; a Viper that will venture to By't, though he break his venomous Teeth out in the attempt. A Proteus in Conversation upon every turn; a subtle Angler of Secrets, he pretends private impartments of others to hook out yours; he first finds out (if he can) your inward resentments of others, and then tickles you either with fallacious Encomiums, or detractive Untruths of them, according as he finds out, or can insinuate into your humour. I like well the Caution in the satire. 
Fingere qui non visa potest, commissa tacere  
Qui nequit, hic niger est, hunc tu, (Roman) coveto.  
Who feigns what was not, and discloaks a Soul,  
Beware him (Noble Roman) he is foul.     

A Worthy Man DESCRIBED.  
A Right Bred, or Worthy Man, will scorn to be so base as to Flatter, and hates to be so Currish as to By't any any one; so that even his Reproofs seem kind and generous, and his Wounds do not want their Balsam. You may read his Temper in his Face; he fleers not at a Reproachful Jeer, but shows his dislike in his looks; he stands aloof when Men Whisper, and is no greedy Listner after Privacies; his Tongue never betrays his Heart, and Report can find no Echo in him. When you Lodge in him a Secret, your necessary Caution locks it safe up, and yourself keeps the Key. It is his Grief to know a Vice of his Friends, and his Charity he shows in concealing it; he never over-Praises nor Undervalues any man, for his Prudence instructs, that the one stirs up Envy, and the other procures contempt. He that can be brought so low as Fear or Flattery, must not presume once to own the Forfeited name of Gentleman or Christian.  
First he cannot lay claim to the Moral Virtues of Justice, Truth, or Civility, so that he is neither fit to be a Friend or an Umpire in any Affair. Fear and a little meanacing makes him Faulty to Both; nor is he to be Trusted with another Man's Reputation, who has not Courage to defend his own, if questioned. A good Poet says, 
Defend the Truth, for that who will not die  
A Coward is, and gives himself the lie,   
He that hath a Cowardly fear within him can never be a true Christian, but like the After-penitent Apostle, he will be apt in time of Trial to give his own Heart the Lie, and Deny the Lord that bought him. He cannot hold the Truth till it wax hot in his Hand, or ever endure a Martyrdom for it: But like the wretched Italian, panting under the hasty Threats of a surprising Enemy, (in hopes to save his Life) Belched out (as bidden) Horrid Blasphemies, to gratify the Will of his insulting Enemy; till in the midst of them he Stabs the Naked Wretch, and then Bragged how he had doubled his Revenge, Destroying Soul and Body at one Blow. But this only by way of illustration to clear the last Assertions of the Degenerate Effects of such sure Symptoms of Cowardice and Unchristianity.  
I have not yet done with our Detractor, I must take him a little further to Task before I give him over; and ask of him, What Amends he can make to the Party, whose Fame and Repute he hath Publicly Traduced and Vilified.  
For doubtless if we respect Human Society, there cannot be a more pernicious Ill attending it; 'tis a giving up a Man's Name to perpetual Infamy and Reproach; an irreparable Wrong, towards which the best Amends falls short of Satisfaction. A Blot never to be razed out, but by writing the whole fair over again in way of Recantation (Public Confession being ever due to Public Injuries) and when that's done too, to Retract does not make full Compensation, since he that does it cannot be sure that he who saw his first, shall read his last also.  
So that he who offends in this kind, does it not only to his Lives, but the World's end in a Book, which cannot Repent; and therefore Reputation once lost is passed Retrieve. An ingenious Poet Cautions well to this purpose: 
Thy Credit wary keep, 'tis quickly gone;  
Being got by many Actions, lost by one.   
I have read a Fable, how that Reputation, Love, and Death, made a Covenant to travel o'er the World, but each was to take a several Way. When they were ready to depart, mutual Inquiry was made how they might find one another again. Death said, they should be sure to hear of him in Battles, Hospitals, and in all Parts where either Famine or Diseases are rise. Love bade them hearken after him among the Children of Cottagers, whose Parents had left them nothing, at Marriages, at Feasts, and amongst the professed Servants of Virtue, the only Bond to tie him fast. They long expected a Direction from Reputation, who stood mute; being urged to assign them Places where they might find him, he sullenly answered, his Nature was such, that if he departed from any Man, he never came to him more. The Moral is excellent to our Subject.  
To Display a Man's Malice in Writing, is no less than deliberate Wickedness, a kind of Civil Murder prepensed; chewed Bullets that wrankle where they enter; the Plague in Paper, which he that would shun, let him take heed how he comes between the Infectious Sheets.  
The Public Breath of Calumny, like contagious Air, is of late become too Epidemical, though the Infection will not soon taint the sound Constitution of a solid Judgement. The humming Noise of Fame, and the harsh grating of Detraction, are now the ungrateful sounds that so much Disturb this mutinous Town.  
The Obscure envy the Eminent; as Boys cry, Whip Coachman, when they cannot Ride as well as others. Ingenuity sure never before knew so many Spiteful Spider-Pates, which wove Book-leaves of Antic Cobweb-wit, to Catch the Roving-headed Butterflies of this Age in.  
Excuse me Sir, if I have enlarged my Letter too much on this Subject; and do not think I have done it merely to please my own itch of Writing; for I could never flatter myself into any Opinion of my own Parts, (if I have any:) And be assured, that above all things I abhor, and most splenefully laugh at the public-spirited Fop, that is Ambitious of the Name of a Reformer; for I have seen so much the serious Folly of that too, that I think it much more fashionable to be of the Laughing than Weeping side of the World; which alas, the more you strive to amend, still the worse you make it.  
Thus we see there is no Curb can keep Men within the Modest Bounds of Civility, albeit Those (whose care it is) be never so Cautious to prevent the Inconveniency of putting forth particular Reflections to open Censure, under the lash of every Licentious Pen and Tongue.  
But the Press cannot escape without its Erratas, and By-blows, (as we count such Books as we have Treated of to be) the obscure Parents sometimes, like counterfeit Gypsies, colouring their Brats over with a Foreign Imprimatur, with a Cant to the Typis, as a Guide to the Gibderish it is fraught withal.  
And now Sir, if you please, you may communicate this to such of your Ingenious Acquaintance as are Book-buyers, that they (as well as you) may be made more sensible of the present Spawn of our Fantastic Fry of Town-Wits, and rest satisfied without buying any more till this Freak be worn out of Fashion, as I heartily wish it were. And so, without more ado, (save only to wish a Return of these Men well to their Wits again) I bid you for this time Farewell.   
FINIS.   

Books sold by Henry Million at the Sign of the Bible in Fleetstreet near White-friar's.  

BIshop Andrews Sermons, Folio. 18. s. Heylins' Cosmography in four Books, containing the Chorography, and History of the World, Folio 1. l.  
Burges Reciprocal Refining, or a Treatise of Grace and Assurance: wherein is handled the Doctrine of Assurance, Folio, first and second Parts.  
Burges of Original Sin, asserted and vindicated against the old and new Adversaries thereof, both Socinians, Arminians, and Anabaptists, in four Parts, Folio. 12 s.  
A General Martyrology▪ containing a Collection of the Greatest Persecutions which have befallen the Church of Christ from the Creation, to our present times, both in England and all other Nations, whereunto are added two and twenty Lives of English Modern Divines, by Sam. Clerk▪ Folio. 1, l. 6. s.  
Pious Annotations upon the holy Bible; Expounding the difficultest places thereof learnedly and plainly. By the learned and Godly Divine Mr. john Diodat, Minister of the Gospel. Folio. 18. s.  
Memoirs of the Lives, Actions, Sufferings, and Deaths of those Noble, Reverend, and Excellent Persons that suffered for their Allegiance to His late Majesty in our late Civil Wars, and continued till 1666. With the Life and Martyrdom of King CHARLES the First. Folio. 12. s.  
The Saints Everlasting Rest, by Mr. Richard Baxter Teacher of God's Word, in large quarto 8. s.  
The Reasons of Christian Religion; the first Part of Godliness, the second Part of Christianity. By Richard Baxter. 7. s.  
— His Apology, in quarto. 6. s.  
— His Disputations on the Sacraments, in quarto. 5. s.  
Look unto jesus, or, an ascent to the Holy Mount, to see jesus Christ in his Glories: 

1. In his Divine Generation.  
2. In his Power over the World.  
3 In his Power over his Church in her twofold Estate; 1. Militant. 2. Triumphant.— At the end of the Book is an Appendix, showing the Certainty of the Calling of the jews▪ by Edward Lane, Vicar of Sparsholt in the County of South alias Hampshire, in quarto 4. s.    
The Young Clerks Guide, or an exact Collection of Choice English Precedents according to the best Forms now used for all sorts of Indentures, Letters of Attorney, Releases, Conditions; very useful and necessary for all, but chiefly for those that intent to follow the Attorneys Practice, in octavo. 4. s.  
The Young Clerks Tutor enlarged, the last Edition, octavo Price bound 1. s. 6. d.  
Female Pre-eminence, or, the Excellency of that Sex ahove the Male; A Discourse written Originally in Latin, and Translated into English, with additional advantages, by H. C. in octavo. Price bound 1. s.  
Memorials of Godliness and Christianity, in three Parts. The first containing Meditations. 1. Making Religion one's business. 2. An Appendix, applied to the Calling of a Minister; With a full account of the Author's life, the tenth Edition, corrected and enlarged, in 12.10. d.  
The Rule and Exercise of Holy Living and Dying by jerem. Taylor D. D. in octavo. Price 5 s.  
The English Rogue, described in the Life of Meriton Latroon, a witty Extravagant; comprehending the most eminent Cheats of both Sexes. 1. Part 2. s. 6. d 2. Part 2. s. 6. d. 3. Part 3. s.  
The Female Secretary, or choice Letters fitted, and wholly designed for the capacity and occasions of Women; with plain, yet full and exact Rules and Directions for the Inditing, Composing, and Writing of Letters, than any extant; Devoted to the Service of the fair Sex, by the Translator of Female Pre-eminence, in octato. 1. s.  
There may be had at Mr. H. Millions several Famous, Approved, and purely Vegetable Spirits, or Essences, which are of admirable use and benefit, as may be seen in Printed Papers, peculiarly describing their Virtues, etc. They may be had in small Quantities, in little Glasses, at reasonable rates. Prepared by David Hampton, Servant in Ordinary to the King's Majesty.  
There is also to be had an excellent Scorbutic Water, that cureth the Scurvy in the Mouth and Gums, and killeth the Worms in the Teeth; fastens the Teeth if loose▪ and restoreth them to their pure whiteness again, though never so black. The Toothache it cureth, and is a great preventer thereof. It is a great healer of the Running Evil, Scabbed Heads, all break out in the Face, the Itch in the Body. The Dry-Scurvy-Scab, next door to the Leprosy, it wonderfully heals, by God's great blessing. And for the benefit of all who are desirous to make use of this Water, it is to be had in Glass-bottles sealed up, from a lesser quantity to a greater, at a reasonable rate.  
There is also to be had a Water that cureth the Gout in old or young, thus applied; Take two ounces, heat it as hot as possibly you can, and with a linen Rag dipped therein, foment the place grieved: repeat the application often; be it never so hot, it will not produce a blister, but through God's great blessing work a perfect Cure.  
Mr. john Pierces Famous and Approved Lozenges for the Cure of Consumptions, Colds, and all Diseases incident to the Lungs; the Price of a Paper containing a quarter of a Pound, 2. s. 6. d.  
You may have at the Bible in Fleetstreet, Writing Paper of all sorts, blank Bonds of several sorts, and the best Ink for Records.   
FINIS.