Vae Vae Vae Vae Vae Vae Vae mihi Vae Vae.  
THE RUMP DESPAIRING, OR The Rumps Proverbs, AND Lamentations.  
Published to promote the Repentance of such as have been, and to deter all others from ever proving Rebels to their Prince and Country.  
LONDON; Printed in the Year, 1660.   

The Rump despairing, etc.  Sir Henry Vane. 
HOW now my Friends, what in your dumps, the Proverb saith, It is a merry World when Knaves meet, and I am sure that there is none of us here, but hath either a Fool in his sleeve, or a Knave in his Doublet, come why should we grieve thus, a pound of sorrow will never pay penny of Debt, you know that all we have came from others, and will now go to others, and let it e'en go and be hanged.  Sir Arthur, 
Oh Sir Henry, sorrow hath quite besotted me, I was meditating on that Proverb, A Wall without a Cross, and a Knight without money is abused by every one. I have been a grand cause of the first, but now I shall I fear pay shot and lot too, would it not grieve a Man that hath had his choice of all the fat of the Land, to fear his being brought to powdered Beef without mustard, Oh the very thoughts of this would make a wiser Man than I mad. My high spirit hath all this while fed upon the revenues of other men's wealth, but must now I fear be contented with less than that I might before my villainies call my own, and you know Pride and Poverty make a double affliction.  Sir H. 
We may even thank ourselves for it, a pitiful Mother makes a scabbed Daughter, as we have brewed so we must bake, and most now expect to be paid in our own coin.  Tichb. 
What means Sir Harry by this miscellany of Proverbs, this truly is a new way of discourse which I never learned either from my Master Oliver, or in the Committee of Safety, but since you will Dialogue, I am content, and I think my fool's bolt will be soon enough shot.  Sir Hen. V. 
Then away with it quoth Washington, But what think you Harry Martin of our present condition.  H. Martin. 
Truly I think we are all as fitting for the Devil, as a pudding for a Friar's mouth, and to him I make no question we shall shortly go.  Lord Monson. 
Good wits jump, I am of the same opinion, for I believe we shall shortly be as sure to be found in Hell, as a Gentleman's Greyhound, and a salt box by the fire side.  Walton. 
They have a Proverb in Spain, that every House in Malagon hath a Thief of its own, but if ever House contained so many thieves together as the Parliament House whilst we were all there, I will lose my ears; but what talk I of losing my ears, my Head is satisfaction too little for my Roguery; we use to say, He that kills a Man when he is drunk shall be hanged when he is sober, and we that were so damnably drunk with the Poison of Rebellion, that we killed our Lord and King, must expect a Halter for our just doom and reward.  Corbet. 
They say that Proverbs are true and witty sentences, but he was a very idiot that made this, Black will not change its hue, for though I am almost as black as the Devil, yet I am sure I am in a blue condition.  Desbrow. 
I am of your opinion too my Lord, and think not otherwise of this. A handful of money is better than a bushel of learning, for had I but been contented to have lived at home the very smell of learned Cambridge, would have preserved me better than all the money I have gotten by my Roguery.  H. Nevil. 
But I am sure Sir I remember a Proverb which is very true, the civil Wars of France made a Million of Atheists, and 30000 Witches, and I mistake, if we have not here in England trebled the number, and I think myself no small fool amongst them.  Peter's. 
You said true Mr. Nevil, for I were no body else. All who come into a Church say not their Prayers. And though I was good at a long prayer, I am sure my grace was short enough.  Lambert. 
'tis a true Proverb, what is got over Devils back must be lost under his Belly. By successful rebellion against my Prince I got good store of Land and Lordships, and would it not grieve a stone, that I should lose all by my unfortunate making head against my fellow Traitors. But Gentlemen, you have no reason now to persecute or laugh at me, now the game is almost ended, I wonder which of us shall be winners.  H. Martin. 
Why should you be thus sullen Sir, what though you are imprisoned, must that break your heart? Yet I confess there is some reason. For a Jackanapes cannot be merry when a clog is at his heels. For had you not been so Apish as to imitate your Predecessor Oliver, both you and we might have still been in a better condition.  Lambert. 
You need not meddle with the mote in my eye, you have a beam in your own to look after, you have been the cause of your own ruin, you must cause the Monk to destroy me, but I think the Monk is turned Fox now, and hath devoured you all like Geese as you are, you are here brisk with your Proverbs.  Gentlemen, 
But methinks you might have remembered, and you above all others Mr. Nevil, that Proverb of the Italians, that you must always keep yourself, dal dinanzi delle donne, dal dietro delle mule, and da tutti i lati de'i frati, from the belly of a Woman, the tail of a Mule, and from every side of a Monk; but I think you have smarted for your foolery sufficiently.  Henry Martin. 
I do confess our error in the last good Sir, and do conclude Monks to be dangerous persons, but I cannot but look in your Proverb as idle in the first clause, which dissuades us from coming into Paradise itself, and from touching at that most pleasant cape of good hope, my own experience can confute you Sir in this, I have now lying in at Chelsey loving Madamozell, and have been before and behind her, and yet neve● found any prejudice by it.  Monson. 
Gramercy brother Harry, you and I are both of a mind, only Ladies are sometimes dangerous persons, if you come before them when they have a Ladle in their hands, which I am sure my Codshead can make affidavit to.  Sir Arthur. 
I wonder Sirs you can thus trifle in your miseries, but I confess you may well enough be content, for you have but your deserts. for scaled Horses are good enough for two such scabbed Servingmen as you are. But though we are all Knaves, yet let's not be all Fools, but now we are in the mire, consider which way to get out, for my part I am resolved never to be quiet till I have got my will, and when that will be the devil knows; there is a Proverb. Give a woman what she would have, and what she would have, and she will be quiet. But though I had my desire ten thousand times fulfilled, yet I should still be unsatisfied, for I was born to be content with nothing; a hal●er was my destiny, and that I will have before I die.  Desborough. 
Oh hold Sir you are too desperate, I have been as furious as you, as male content, turbulent, and frantic, but yet am not so much in love with that thing called hanging, as to venture my neck I know not how; I know I have been esteemed a fool, but Sir after wit is every body's wit, and so I may claim something in it, and for my part I conceive it better to withdraw myself, and return to the place of my first habitation, for I must now confess I am good for nothing else, and business of State is no fit for me then a saddle for a Sow's back.  Henry Martin. 
You say very true Sir. Better a louse in the pot than no flesh at all; I will even to the King's Bench again, and there get me my loving Wh●re at Chelsey, and seek in the sweet embraces of her to forget all State affairs, and I hope the State will forget me too.  Lord Monson. 
As one Cock crows, so the other follows. We have been fellow Prisoners, and fellow Whoremasters a long time, and I am resolved we will not part now.  Peter's. 
Well Gentlemen if you are for the King's Bench and your Whores, than I am for Whitechapel and my Butcher's wife, oh she is a delicate soft piece of flesh, as tender as young Lamb, and as sweet as a Sirloin of roast Beef stuck with Rosemary, and truly Brethren if you intent any of you to scape hanging, the only way is to be quiet, and take these few instructions and Apothegms before we part, for I fear we shall not meet again till we come to Hell, and what sweet Morsels shall all we be for our Master the Devil, methinks when I look on Corbet, we are like so many rashers of Bacon ready broiled for Lucifer's breakfast, but I must departed, only as I said before, let me entreat you all to remember these few things which I shall give you to take notice of to each one.  
To you Sir Arthur. 
 Evil gotten goods never prove well, and therefore it were better for you to get down into the Country, and look that your Bishopric of Durham run not away, for it was always true, male parta cito dilabuntur.  
To you Colonel Walton. 
 An old man is unfit for a young woman, and old fool for making a new state.  To Desbrow. 
A Carrion Kite will never be good Hawk, nor an ignorant Ploughman make a good Counsellor of State.  To my Lord Monson. 
A Sceptre is one thing, and a Ladle is another, and though his Wife can tell how to use the one, yet he is not fit to hold the other.  To Henry Nevil. 
He must needs go whom the Devil drives, the Devil hath for a long time set him a-work, and now let him contentedly receive his wages.  To Sir Henry Vane. 
A little wind kindles much, putteth out a fire, he hath so whimsical and capricious a brain that his designs still overthrow both himself and them, and therefore he and all of us had better resolve to sit still and be patiented, and perhaps the Nation may be more merciful than we deserve, and so farewell.  
FINIS.