THE RAZING OF THE RECORD.  
OR, An Order to forbid any Thanksgiving for the CANTERBVRY news published by Richard Culmer.  
Printed at Oxford, in the year 1644.   

To The honourable COMMITTE Of the House of COMMONS In PARLIAMENT, Concerning plundered Ministers.  
GENT.  
FInding that the Honourable house of Commons, Assembled in Parliament, hath referred to your consideration and examination some matters touching the reformation of unjust acts committed against Ministers; out of my zeal to that work I have presumed to hold the Candle to you a little, to further the discovery of a notable Plunderer of the good names, and rigid ransacker of the lives and conversations of his other fellow Ministers, having all the same Ordination( from the cursed prelatical Hierarchy of Bishops, as himself called it, p. 16.) and no whit inferior( let any thing but a Committee be judge) in the inward Ornaments and graces of the mind, as well as the outward evidence of a virtuous and honest life to the godly and learned divine( that's the word) Richard Culmer, Minister of Gods Word, dwelling in Canterbury, heretofore of Magdalen college in Cambridge, Master of Arts, and what not?  
The personal Errors of men I take not upon me to defend, nor would I have this Honourable Committee persuaded to cleanse the Augaean stable, that is( as he would have it) thrust out the Tribe of Levi, to make room for a Tribe of Many-Asses. Nor let the oil of the fat Revenues of the Cathedrall be drained into the lamp of such a burning and shining light as is Richard Culmer, who follows you, but as the people did our Saviour Christ, for the bread you give him: for if Kent know Canterbury, and Canterbury knoweth but its own gates and ports, certainly nothing can be better known by all men from him that sitteth on the Throne at the Committee, and he that at home grindeth at the mill of his upper and lower teeth, small and sparing morsels to pay the Taxes of his Estate, then Richard Culmer, whose aim is the downfall of Babylon, and the uprising of babel and Confusion. And therefore leaving him, if I could so depict him, full 60 steps high on a well-affected Ladder, taking his aim, I betake me to a miserable and unexcusable loss of time, in perusing of his railing and impudent slanders and lies, which will never be sanctified by the double spirit of the two godly Licensers, John White and Joseph Caryll.   

The Razing of the RECORD: OR, An Order to forbid any thanksgiving for the Canterbury news, published by Richard Culmer.  
THe first thing we meet withall, is, the Horn and strength of this Reformation, a popular petition, which however bearing the title of a peaceable and humble address was made use of only to put the people into an humour of fluctuation and unquietness, that thereby they might be prepared for such motions as the most violent and tempestuous breath of these men was ready to blow them into.  
The truth of those mens bearing Offices in the Church,[ he mentions p. 4:] I will not stand to examine: one of whom he calls a Weaver, another a Tobacco-pipe-maker, another a tailor, another a Servingman. But sure I am, that had not Weavers, Taylors, Tobacco-pipe-makers, and all the poor rabble of London, even to the Porters of the Commons keys, and Wharfes been called to the Office of Reformers in Church and State, petitioning in words they could not red, for matters they could not understand, we had been more peaceable and happy, then became the engagements and interests of some men, whom we could name in Print as well as Richard Culmer, if it would advantage our good wishes at all.  
For the composure of this Newes-mongers book, when we look upon it all at once, we cannot but wonder at the facility and indulgence of joseph Caryll the Licenser, who bestows upon the first page. his observation of what the Hand of providence hath wrought in our Israel, to be looked upon by all with a due mixture of wonder and thankfulness, when as the whole matter is but a raw digestion of such poor and mean impertinences, and incoherent scraps and fragments, as the wit of Richard Culmer was able onely to deliver: where in one place he tells us a tale of starching a ruff, 30 yeares ago; in another, what meat a Cathedral prelate would only eat at dinner on such a day: how low a Prelate looked to see a female kneel at the receiving of the Communion: what dreams my Lord of Canterbury had: how a Butchers dog came into the Church and what he did,[ not as he doth here, lie.] How a little child called singing a pain in the belly: when and where a Coach was overturned. These and many others of the like high concernment doth joseph Caryll conceive necessary to be published to the view of all, and worthy to be looked upon with a due mixture of wonder and thankfulness.  
But to attack Richard himself, to blazon the man, you may say, his Coat is Sable, or rather[ to take away all colour of resemblance or correspondence with Rome] ten, a chief gules, somy of news and Intelligences, as Victories, deliverances, Prince Ruperts death, the taking of the King, and the like, being the Son of Blew Dick of Thanet.  
[ P. 4. 'Tis no wonder to see the Sack bottle keep rank and file in their Cathedral studies.] And yet such an●-wonder you may see in D. Iackson's study at any time, and no where else in the whole Church: who perhaps tired sometimes with his impostures before the people, returned to these warm draughts of Canary, to recover his chill and trembling soul from the horror of so great guilt.  
P. 16. [ How did the Cathedrall Prelates bestir themselves for the brave female Cathedralist, who was lately delivered of a child alone? &c.] mark how the faithful man engageth the whole Cathedrall in a business concerned onely a private family: for a Maid servant of a Prebend of the Church, being indicted upon the Stat. of 21 jac. was b●ought to her trial[ at the same Sessions were Master Necessity, alias superadd now Judge of the Archbishops court at Canterbury, delivered in his charge: that in some cases 'twas lawful to commit Treason, such mad laws and such foolish Judges hath this age brought f●rth] and was accquitted, wherein perhaps she owed something to the counsel of friends in managing her defence; as Richard Culmer himself oweth something to those good friends, by whose means he thrust Master Goffe ou● of his Living, and got in himself. But perhaps 'twas Richard Culmers or the Ministers fault, and not the weak female Cathedralists, that this fact was committed, as the like happened to another gracious Virgin, who conceived with child by a Religious Gent. son and heir to the learned Judge aforesaid, onely for the miscarrying of a Bill, wherein the Minister should have engaged the whole congregation to have prayed against her Temptation, which being omitted, she miscarried herself presently after. As for the Malignant Justices, which were all so it seems, excepting two; one of whom was Learned,[ but not honest] and the other Noble and valiant,[ but not wise:] I leave them to be rayl'd on perpetually for every thing they shall do that Richard Culmer likes not, especially if they omit hanging such as the Learned aforesaid, and the Noble and valiant aforesaid, and his divine self shall think fit, being all their superiors.  
[ P. 5. An able and Orthodox Divine could not have a Living in those parts.] Now if thou lovest me, Richard, tell me if thou dost not mean thyself here; prithee tell me if thou hast not a pretty good opinion of thy own read head, and whether it be not a better age now, since an able and Orthodox divine heretofore of Magdalen college in Cambridge, and Master of Arts, hath gotten a good Living in those parts, and stands very conveniently for him near the high-way, to purvey for news.  
[ P. 7. It was then said to her, look in the crack in that ston, that mouth calls to Heaven for vengeance on those that  shed this holy Martyrs blood.] To the Queen Mother spoken, but by whom not name, that an unwary reader might be caught, and think 'twas some Cathedrall man spake it. blushy at thy own dishonesty and false dealing, Richard.  
[ P. 8. And had it not been for one of that society, who though misled, yet now returned, hath been a constant preacher, and in that respect their Cathedrall salt, &c.] This is that D. jackson name before, one that thinks he can stand behind his beard and act any thing unseen, but he is seen both of God and man. This is he, that when these troubles were in their motu trepidationis, none being able to judge of their inclination, would one day preach for Bishops, another day against them; one day for the liturgy, and the next day against it: one Sunday tell the people they must have a great care they made not an idol of the Parliament; and the next Lords Day make an idol of it himself. And therefore is he here said, to have been misled, but now return'd; as one that having consulted with his bottles, took thence an inspiration to be of the sure side. This is that constant preacher, that for along time preached nothing but his own Inconstancy, to the derision & contempt of al degrees of persons; & yet this is he, whom because the prosperity of the Cause hath kept now in a long lesson, is called the Cathedrall Salt, from the Text in matthew 5.13. ye are the salt of the earth: without considering what follows; but if the salt have lost its savour, wherewith shall it be salted?  
P. 8. A Religious and well affencted Alderman of Canterbury gave me lately a transcript, of a passage written with his own hand, in a spare leaf in his great Bible, which passage I have often red: It's this.] Where it seems something about the real presence is observed,( a high point for an Alderman) and I make a doubt whether his worship was really present or no, at least his understanding.  
[ This is writ in the Aldermans great Bible, but in the transcript he wrote further to me thus: But the Cathedrall Doctor did so conjure, that I went away with my hair an end( though his hair had an end long before) and came no more to the Cathedrall in 8 yeares after, and I could not be in tune till the coming of the Noble Scots, and the Parliament coming set me right again.] This was written 8 yeares after the note in the great Bible: I think the Alderman may compare with Sir Henry Vane for a memory. But I wonder what broken sleeps the poor man had, that was not in tune for 8 yeeres; and what a lamentable life he had lived if we had had no Parliament, for he would never have been right again, but in all likelihood have gone out of the world a wrong way.  
[ P. 8. Christ-tide p. 11. last Michael-tide, 1643.] O the divine gracious lips of sweet Richard, that can tide it thus into a Reformation! But we shall see how long he keeps his new sanctified phrases presently.  
[ P. 11. When some notorious Malignants and Incendiaries, both Priests and others were secured in Canterbury.] That is, when it was lawful for Taylors, Tinkers, Barbers, Sadlers, Hatters,( alias haters) and their Levites, to decree Malignants and Incendiaries, they took upon them also to decree their punishments; and accordingly by night, went out in troops and beset the houses of Gentlemen, to the affrightment of their wives and families, and carried thence the Master of the House( because a stronger then he was come there) & what else they pleased. And the other inhumanities and barbarisms committed by these men, known onely to Richard Culmer, whose emissaries they were, I leave to Richard himself to Chronicle in his next glorious Record.  
[ P. 13. Where that proud Prelate Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, and arch-traitor, was cast down headlong in that Cathedrall for his Treason and Rebellion.] How now! Treason and Rebellion! against whom? Me thinks this were enough to make your hair stand an end, as did the Alderman's. look thy face in a glass, Richard, and tell me if thou seest not an Arch-bishop or any arch-traitor there.  
[ P. 14. Here the Minister is turned Poet: which vein I suppose he had heretofore at Magdalen college in Cambridge, though he had not a fit subject to work it upon never since, till the fall of a weathercock raised his fancy as high as the siege of Troy did Homers. And therefore to meet with thee a little at every point, take a touch of rhyme from me( good Richard) and tell me if I hobble as good Non-sense as thy inspired self.  

1.  
When the strongest was King, there rose up a thing,  
Some called a Divine for the Cause-a,  
Who had put to sale a Canterbury tale  
Made onely to cousin Iack-Dawes-a.   

2.  
The matter was such, it availed him much  
To describe the prelatical sinner:  
For his piety got, a good Living by the Plot,  
And roast beef for a Saturday dinner.   

3.  
For the Round-head devotion had gotten a notion,  
That sleep was procured by much eating:  
And therefore did Feast, beforehand with the best,  
To spend the next day in repeating.   

4.  
When Richard was pleased, the Church then had increased  
One point to a Reformation,  
Then down went all mass, and Idolatrous glass,  
To make room for a profanation.   

5.  
The Saints were bid pack, with their honour at their back,  
Up to their celestial dwellings:  
For Religion now sings, we are all Saints and Kings,  
And hate all prelatical swellings.   

6.  
The music from our ears, was sent up to the spheres,  
And from thence was brought down for it Thunder:  
Which the holy men throw at all those will not show,  
At their gifts how much they do wonder.   

7.  
Now the Aldermans book, with Richard's stern look,  
Have agreed to hurl Antichrist downe-a.  
T'whom is joined the King, for the profit he doth bring  
To the sharers o'th' spoils of the Crowne-a.   
[ P. 15. Steeple of the Cathedrall, called Pauls in London.] Pretty pupil of sweet Isaac's own educating! 'Tis not fit the Saints should be in a worse condition then they were in the Plague Bill, and therefore thou dost well not to name any. Tell me now, what call you Master Solicitor? Is his name Master John? Let it be so, and then accuse the Religious and Learned Divine of Popery, for praying for a Saint departed.  
[ P. 16. The King did at Canterbury, and no where's else in all England.] O wonderful! That the King, being at Canterbury, and no where's else in all England, and therefore at Canterbury, because no where else in all England, should sign a Bill, which, while he did there, he did no where else in all England; wonderful strange!  
[ P. 17. On their Candle-masse day at night,] Ho! Gentlemen, and Officers, and all others, Members of the House, Divines of the Synod, and all that love Religion; here's a fellow with a Pope in his belly, one that would bring in mass again by little and little; and therefore I beseech you, let him be taken out of the w●y. This is he that misleades the people under a show of true Religion, and is himself popishly affencted: a Minister ordained by that cursed prelatical Hierarchy.[ P. 16.] and still retains a savour of their Idolatry and Superstition: away with him, I beseech you, away with him, and trust him not any longer, for the service he seems to do you as a spy & Intelligencer. He is a mere Impostor & deceiver.  
[ P. 17. They could well endure the late felling of 300 episcopal and Cathedrall oaks.] poor Trees! That one day must go down to satisfy the necessity of your Masters, and another day to satisfy the malice of your Masters Enemies. You that have been brought forth and bread up under Episcopacy, whose hoary heads many ages have honoured, and onely must not live to see this last and worst, wherein the world hath dishonoured itself and all that is in it. You that must live and die with Bishops and cathedrals, can you not spare one branch to prefer one man before you leave us? Yes surely. Put on then thy own natural confidence, sweet Richard, and get up quickly, if thou lovest thy Countrymen and neighbours; for if men in high place only can do courtesies, thou shalt in this condition extremely oblige and gratify all that know thee: And fear not the loss of thy gettings, thy own Country privileges shall secure those to thy posterity, as is recorded in that memorable Adage to thy comfort and advantage, the father to the Bough, the son to the Plough.  
[ P. 19. Some Zealous Troopers.] That is, some furious fellowes, that would be damned for Swearing, Lying, Whoring, and Drinking, if the Parliament service did not pardon them, went into the Church and there ravished the Whore of Babylo●'s smock; which Richard Culmer hath so many times had on his own back. These are such good people, some of them as have left committing Idolatry in the Church, to commit adultery in the town.  
[ P. 20. When the Commissioners were upon the Execution, &c.] Commissioners! who were these good Richard? let us know them. The Commissioners pulled down Cheap-side-Crosse. The Commissioners killed the women that came to petition for Peace; and did many more things within these three yeares would fill a volume. Were your Commissioners such as these? Precious men, and of great authority; whose Commissions were dated when there was no King in Israell.  
[ P. 22. A Minister being then on the top of the city Ladder, near sixty steps high, with a whole Pike in his hand.] A Culminating Reformer! The Minister was Richard Culmer's own sweet self, principal Commissioner! A pretty spectacle for a Reformation. But this Ladder may serve to a better purpose hereafter.  
[ P. 22. Others then present would not venture so high] Here was zeal, not onely ascendent, but transcendent. And a hint he gives us of this, to glorify himself before his Masters of the Reformation.  
But our precious Richard is gotten into his own profession of divinity, where he thinks he argues it most Seraphically, he quotes the place of Deut.  
[ P. 23. Deut. 13.6. If any( though never so near or dear unto us) move us to Idolatry, we are commanded by God himself to ston them, our eyes must not spare them: must we not spare a living man, made little inferior to the Angels, but must rend & maul him with stones, and shall we stomach the battering and defacing ●f dead Images?] Now I would fain ask Richard, if this law be in force, why he did not long ago, when his C●thedrall salt had lost its savour and was ducking at the Altar, take him in the manner and knock out his brains with a Brick-b●t? Such a trick would have begun a good Reformation, in making the march up the Ladder the second time.  
From this law it was, that Asa, 2 Chro. 15.13. entred into Covenant to seek the Lord, and that whosoever would not seek the Lord God of Iraell, should be put to death.  
And hence it is, that many of the new-doctrine-men preach killing and destroying of Cavaliers and Malignants. Some of Richard's own craft, by which they get their living, and therefore will never be persuaded to leave it.  
[ P. 23. Let those that cry out against this Reformation, red these and the like places of Scripture, Numb. 33.52. Deut. 7.5. 1 King. 15.12. 2 King. 18.4. Isay. 30.22.] where all Communion with the Idolatrous nations is forbidden, and that Idolatry which the Jews had contracted from that Communion is commanded to be suppressed: which how near it suits with our State, let reasonable men compare. And whether the like difference is between the Kings party and Richard Culmer's, as was then between the Jews and the Heathenish Nations. It shows the weak brain of our culminating Reformer, that he made choice of onely these places in the whole Bible among the great number of others which would have been more to his purpose. But that Text he intends most for the advantage of himself, and the cause is out of Numb. 33.52.53. ye shall drive out the inhabitants of the land.— And ye shall dispossess the inhabitants of the land, and dwell therein, for I have given you the land to possess it. This is a point, believe me, if it be well followed would make them all rich, a sure reward of their holinesse.  
How the text is to be understood of the 7 Nations, and whether they were dispossessed or no, or if only Amaleck, I could teach Richard, if I had leisure out of Exod. 17.14. Deut. 20.10. 1 K. 9.20. Ios. 11.19.20. But I will onely conserve myself and my friends for the present, and put him to show a precept, or command from God, of executing that law against Amaleck, upon the Kings loyal subjects here in England, and then we will deliver quiet and peaceable possession as soon as he doth it.  
[ P. 24. And now the godly flock to that Cathedrall again, in such numbers, that had not the Idolatrous windows in the Sermon house been demolished, as they are, the numerous Cathedrall auditors would be much annoyed with extremity of heat] What a precious good work did Richard execute out of a prophetic foresight of a great heat that was like to be in the Sermon-house? This notable convenience so accidentally happening, will accuse him certainly of a great error that shall go about to glaze those windows again.  
But will the world still look upon this book of his without scorn and derision, will any one believe, he getting up on a ladder 60 steps high, and beating down windows with a whole Pike is the best way to let in air, though indeed it may be the readiest? Then the beating down the roof of a house is the best way to let the rain in to wash the rooms.  
But I have done with this pitiful Newes-Monger, whose whole Relation is such a bundle of frippery ware, and such a tag-rag collection of poor tales, ending in non-sense and slanders, and lies, that I shall never be able to excuse the pains I have taken to look it over.  
And not to leave him so, we shall hold him a glass, wherein he may see his own errors, that he may perhaps learn to amend, and repent him of the offences committed against the laws of the land.  
And first therefore let him take notice what the stat. of Westm. first ordains against Speakers of false news, and lies, which may cause discord between the King and his people. Let him also note the laws before the conque●●, Inter leges Aluuredi, c. 28. Qui falsi rumoris in vulgus sparsi author fuisse deprehendetur, leviori aliqua poena non mulctator, verum lingua ei praeciditor, ni is eam integracapitis sui aestimatione data redem●rit.  
Inter leges Edgar. Regis, & inter leges Canuti, si quis alium rumoribus dissipatis, improba voice lacerarit, quamobrem, aut corpori ejus damnum inferatura, aut de fortunis imminuatur aliquid, tum si alter auditiones, tanquam falsas refellere, & coarguere poterit, aut is linguam data capitis aestimatione redimito, aut ei lingua praeciditor.  
And whether or no he might not be said to bee within the Stat. of Riots, Routs, and unlawful Assemblies, and the 5. Ed. 6. c. 4. for quarreling, chiding, and brawling, in Church and Church-yards.  
These I onely recite to give him subjects of meditation, and occasions to reform himself if he have the Grace.  
Here was intended a Character of the man calling himself Richard Culmer, Minister of Gods Word, &c. which, from some reasons drawn from Charity, we omit, though himself hath taken upon him in his book, one of the highest of Christs Offices, to judge the quick and the dead, it is enough onely that as soon as we saw his Pamphlet in print, we could not but cry out in the Jews Proverb, Is Saul also among the Prophets?  
Can he that lived the life of Ishmael, whose hand was against every man, and every mans hand was against him, Gen. 16.12.( so little love had he gotten among his neighbours and Countrymen) be now the top-stone of a Reformation?  
Can he that( like the vulture when she seeth her own birds grow fat and thrive, will beat them with her wings till she make them lean,) hath in words and actions shewed abundantly, that the possessions of his brethren of the Clergy, are the chief objects of his affections? That with the Sechemities, hath considered with himself, Shall not their cattle, and their substance, and every beast of theirs be ours, be the onely re-builder of the Temple of the Lord, and principal restorer of Religion? Rather if ye see him, as says Ierem. 7.5, 6. amend his ways and his doings, and not to oppress the stranger, the fatherless and widow, and  shed no innocent blood.  
Can he, that begins his Sermons quiter contrary to his Master, with imprecations and cursings, and neither preacheth, nor prayeth, as Christ before him taught, be a Minister of the gospel, or an ambassador of the Prince of Peace? Rather, as Zipporah said to Moses, surely Bloody Messengers have you been to us all. So that while the State we feared at first would have overthrown the Doctrines of the Church, the Doctrines of the Church wee see have at last overturned the foundations of the Sate. What fruits see we from hence brought forth, but a complete and perfect desolation coming on us all? The owl eateth up the crows eggs by night, and the Crow eateth up the Owls eggs by day: what the Religious thief leaves, the Malignant carries away, and what the Malignant thief spares, the Religious destroys: Both, to be revenged of one another, will spoil a kingdom, which they have now divided into parts, to be more capable of ruin and dissolution. jealousy is the rage of man( says the wise man) therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. Prov. 6.34. so miserable is our life, that our afflictions are brought upon us without mercy at home, and without pitty from abroad.  
The Government of Great britain is turned into the Committees of England, and Tables of Scotland. And a● some derive, mons a movendo quia non movet, and lucus a lucendo quia non lucet, so the Parliament of England is so called from parlour le ment, because it is not lawful there to speak ones mind.  
The Subjects are become Kings, and the King and his Rulers become Subjects. Of the meanest in the Church are made Priests, and of the meanest in the Sate are made governours. The servants put in place of their Master, exact more of their fellow-servants then the Master himself.  
First, men are left to their native liberty to do what they are willing; next they are pricked forward to do what they are able; and lastly, tortured to do above that they are able.  
To think is not free, to speak is to be in danger of the council; to act or do, is to be worthy of death. Our money is taken out of our purses, our meat out of our mouths, our blood out of our veins, and if it were possible, our souls by rigid and unlawful oaths forced out of the arms of our blessed Saviour and Redeemer, Jesus Christ.  
They that fit to judge men according to the law, command men to be smitten contrary to the law. They that abhor idols, do themselves nothing else but commit sacrilege.  
They that say, they may err, will however never confess they do err: and from hence have turned the High Commission into a high Committee: The marshals Court into a Martiall Court: cast out one devil, and let in a Legion.  
In a word, the honour and glory of this Nation, is become an empty name and sound, and lives onely in the air; man himself is judged to death by an ordinance of war, and his body thrown into the Earth, from whence he came; his habitations are laid wast, 
Ordinance for Shipping. Ordinance for turf & pet.  and his woods commanded to be cut down and hurled into the Sea. And last of all, the world itself is ordained to be dug up and cast into the Fire.  
So it hath pleased God to confounded and destroy us by the strength of that we most trusted in, a Parliament: which is grown so aged already, it hath transmitted most part of its work to its childrens children, a numerous off-spring of Committees and Sub-Committees, which have dispersed themselves into every corner of this sinful Nation; that we may know how much we have deserved Gods judgements, in a ruin so acute and violent, as nothing but the wickedness of the last age could have invented or executed.  
FINIS.