THE Scots Treacherous designs Discovered: OR, A Result to the Pamphlet, entitled, The Scots Remonstrance.  
With a true Relation of their proceedings at Newcastle, Hereford, Newark, and other parts of this kingdom.  
Wherein, Their 

hypocrisy in Religion,  
Ingratitude to the King,  
falseness to this kingdom,  
unmercifulness in plundering,  
cruelty in shedding of Blood,  
causeless boasting of Valour, is laid open to the view of the world.    
As also, The true cause of their 

Refusing Episcopacy,  
And, Adhering to the Covenant.    
Our dear Brethren have 
mell in ore, Verba lactis;  
Fel in cord, Fraus in factis.   
LONDON: Printed for R.B. & are to be sold in Pauls Church-yard. 1647.   

THE Scots Treacherous designs Discovered, &c.  
WHat now my fine Apologizing Jockie? What? vindicating actions which might exceed the Powder-plot, and blushy not? I had thought Bothell had not left brass enough in Scotland uncoin'd, to have built a face to that Impudence, but what Wallace, a Wight, or other hardy Champion, have ye acoutred forth for this enterprise? certainly his next piece of justified Impudence will be the several Murders of your Native Kings, together with Gouries most obedient loyalty towards King James. Sure this fine rhetorical Apology proceeded from some of Lowdens Spaniels, which with long attending on his Lordship, have licked so much sense from his eloquent Spittle, that they now venture to writ Apologies; as for his Lordship, I believe he is very chary of writing for fear his hand should be guilty of betraying his heart; but for the care of his tongue, I believe he is so much a Christian, that he believes the Lord hates a Double one; wherefore to prevent the malediction, he commonly makes use of three, one for the King, another for the Parliament, but the third for himself and fellow Confederates; yet all these mystically composed in one, and that closeted within the meager chaps of a deceitful Scot. But fearing lest I should be too bold with his honour, I shall return to my business, which is to unravell the impudent bottom of this confident vindicator.  
And first, my fine reformed Apologist makes it his business to excuse his countrymen for their Rising in Rebellious Tumults, and in arms against the King; and then he refines and minces the name of a Rebellions Insurrection into the fine modest name of a Convening of nobility and Gentry, And they, not as Souldiers in a military posture, but as humble Suppliants with a Petition to his majesty, to have the Grievances of their Country redressed. It was a very pretty new-found way( which hath been oft used in England since) of petitioning, to bring a Petition in their pockets and Muskets on their shoulders; yet these Babes of Grace did not appear as Enemies or Disturbers of the Peace of the kingdom, but to settle a safe and well-grounded Peace here, where there had been no Warres since their remembrance.  
But it was Bishops that so troubled their peaceful Consciences, they favoured so of the relics of Rome; yea, the Figure of the Whore of Babylon; for they with their paintings and false dresses, which they put upon the word, tempted silly souls into captivity; yea, they enforced the Spirit against its will; when now the blessed Covenant enforces nor compels none, but onely with a sweet sort of Gentle Imprisonment, and debarring them of their Liberties, and dispossessing them of their Estates by a Gentle way of Sequestration; but that is but the Blessed type of a hopeful Reformation, and no enforcement. But truly, all these convened Saints had very good reason to be inveterate against Bishops, all severally in their particular callings. As for the nobility, their cause was evident, and they ought to hate them were it but for this reason, That because the Bishops were endowed with more means, and assumed to themselves greater Estates by their Learning and virtues, then many of the nobility could purchase with their Salt-pans, Coale-pits, and such like Scotch merchandise, with all their Coal-miners, and their Vices to boot.  
As for the Pulpit-knocking clergy, they must needs hate them; for before the Bishops began to Rule in Scotland, there was a toleration of nonsense throughout the Kingdom. When now it was not stamping, knocking, and pronouncing dreadful damnation, that procured Mas. John A bnfice; but now before he can be trusted with a Parsonage, he must be capable of Speaking mildsense for fear of committing violence on the Cushion; and this was sufficient to cause the Clergy to convene. Then for the plain down-right Case-eating Blew-cap, judge you but his just cause of convening; for before Bishops came in, then was the Bug-breeding Scotch-cloth all in fashion, from the mighty Madam in the Matted-chamber, to Muckell Maggy on the Medden, and then could Sandies wife and his three Bearnes caddle their eighteen-pence a week at Spinning, but now since the Prelates brought in Idolatrous lawn first on his sleeves, now it is grown so common, that every Gill-flirt must have a Gorget on't, and hold the wholesome and comely Scotch-cloth in disdain. This reason I suppose sufficient for blew-breeked Jockie to convene.  
But although these several parties had so great a necessity of convening, yet they did it not in a hostile way, for they sent not fire before them( nor altogether destruction behind them) but came in mildly with a Petition, onely indeed they were armed with Pike and Musket, Drum and Colours, but neither were their Pikes headed with fire as they might have been, but with harmless Iron and steel, and their Muskets onely loaden with compassionate Powder and merciful led, and their Matches lighted but at one end, which shewed them to be no violent Enemies, but our loving Brethren and Friends, as their future actions have manifested.  
And then the just Christians( if they may allowed that name) presume to boast how exact they have been in giving an account for his Majesties Revenues in Scotland, they may well say an account, for his majesty scarce ever received any thing out of the kingdom but In primis and Items for all his Revenues there, onely when he was last in Scotland, they were at the charges of sweeping Holy-Rood house at Edenburg, and new scouring the Organs in the private Cappell; but no sooner was his Majesties back turned towards Scotland, and he marched into England, but they most devoutely converted the Organs into most reverend and melodious, Bag-pipes and tin spoons. Yet some of the nobility were so prodigal to invite his majesty, for whose Entertainment they most voluntarily did slay an ox and half a dozen Milch-Goates, with an old Tup Ram which served for Venison; but for this rioting, flesh was excommunicated their kitchens for one quarter of a year, and the poor hungry Serving-men lived a month after on the steam of the kitchen, and lickings of the Dripping-pans, and the reversions of moldy crusts in the Pantry, and thought themselves in a continual feast too; but in this supposed plenty they remained, till they looked like so many of Pharoah's lean Kine; but they did not onely prognosticate a future famine, but manifest a present, which made that provident Joseph, the good Lord Argile, to Assemble his camels, and Lesley his Asses, to fetch in Provisions from the Neighbouring Countries; but England can testify, that it was not Provisions alone that have satisfied these beasts since they first convened.  
Then you confess, his Majesties Indulgent Clemency you cannot deny: In troth I wonder at it, ye being all so naturally of that trade that knows the danger of confessing. Then you say, you went home so contentedly, hoping to live at peace and rest at home( how long think you ye might have stayed there before ye had been troubled by any? Sure till the last Trump blew; and 'tis a question whether ye will be taken notice on then or no: As for Heaven, ye are not so impudent to hope for it, and Hell will hardly be troubled with ye.)  
But how long pray did your contented life last at home? Why, till you had spent all the moneys you had of your beloved Brethren in England, for so faithfully preferring your so well Armed Petition, and that being once gone, the Bishops troubled you again, and their ecclesiastical Government began to be very offensive, and the Proctors and Registers would not accept of the Humiliation of Jockie of the Bray, and Jannet of the Dale, in the solemn stool of Repentance, but good faith they must pay their Siller too; which tyranny over the cod-piece and placket was never known before in faire Scotland; wherefore I think it was no more then time to convene, to extirpate these Romish Prelates. But certainly Jockie it was not thy zeal to the Kirk, nor absolutely thy envy to the Bishops, that did first induce thee to convene; but thou sawest that good King Jeamy was dead, and that his Bearne was not so easily persuaded to give what thou hadst the Impudence to ask; besides, you perceived that your double hearts and Janus faces were discovered in England, and how the most of you were baffel'd, hated, and scorned out of all company( which you did sufficiently merit) wherefore being conscious, you retired yourselves home to your smokey Mansions, where with your engendering with your Long-eared Priests, and mixing of Treason and Blasphemy together, you at length with much ado brought forth and spawned that wholesome Monster the Covenant, whose Hydra's head did so increase by reason of the mystery of the sense of it, the extirpating the Prelate being the pretended intention, and all assembled knowing no other intent, which being once convened, and in another petitionary and peaceful posture onely Armed for defence, and offence, you then not onely questioned the Prelates tyranny, as you called it, but began to limit the Kings Prerogative too, under the modest and careful names of just Rights and privileges, which are as your usage hath manifested, a confining of his majesty to one punctual place of being; and his privileges to play at Goffe or bowls when you please to give him leave. A very pretty sweet just Right and Prerogative for a Prince, and a very solemn piece to engage a Nation to a sacramental Oath to maintain their Prince in such a Prerogative.  
Then after your second Qualification, O how jealous you were in raising an Army for Ireland at your own charges( as you call it) but it then cost the King triple the value onely towards it,( besides the accounts of his Revenues) and what service they have done there God knows it, but no man can hardly testify any thing of it, onely that the poor English Gentry and others that had any Estates left free from the Rebells, they wearied out of the Kingdom & Country with their heavy oppressions that they might possess themselves of their Estates, which they have done now.  
Indeed they twice besieged Charlemont, and to say truth, they were but twice beat from it; and at Black-water last year they had a glorious Victory, for the Lord was before them, Nay, all the Lords and Commanders they had were before them, but the Irish was in the rear for ten miles, with the devil to boot.  
And there you complain that your men wanted Breeches and Shoes. Why? It is not unknown to the world, that most of your Nation, till they came into England, did scarce think there were any such things Incident to nature; for ye are not onely born without Breeches and Shoes, but bread without them, and being not used to them in your Infancy, I wonder how you have the Impudence to complain for want of them in your age?  
Then thirdly, to show your gratitude to his majesty, and to settle him in his throne, you convened again, for the good of the King onely now, the Bishops being all suppressed, which evidently appeared by your opposing of the Armies raised by his Majesties Command; but alas you could do no more then you could do, for it was against your Covenant to join with such wicked persons as served the King,( besides the King had no hundred thousand pounds for you) and His Souldiers wronged the Country in taking meate for themselves of the Country, but you happy Israelites certainly lived on celestial quails and Manna, but most commonly ye found the quails in the Dove-Coats and Hen-Roomes, and the Manna in your Landlords Pantries, and Ambries. And as for plundering houses, you scorned it,( but what was necessary for you) but you with a religious Sacrilege fell upon Churches, not plundering them, but modestly reforming the Surplices into Sarkes and reverend Nightcaps, the Common-Prayer book into Tobacco Papers, and the Consecrated Chalice blessedlie reformed into a Candle-Cup for Mas. John your prick-card Teacher, which he after a long Grace, devoutly drinks some six times full to strengthen him in a long-winded exercise; and such hopeful Babes could no ways join with the Kings party without hazarding the breach of your cordial Covenant.  
Now to your boasting: First for your battle at Marston More, I am confident your general cannot give an account of any thing done that day after the warning piece was shot: for his Excellency was thirty miles from the place before the fight was done, a shifting a shirt, and bewailing the death of his dear countrymen; And after at New-Castle where you were so merciful, the town cannot but witness your civility in plundering, when you left not an Ale-wife a Spicket and Fosset to set up trading again with, and there was not Canvas enough left in town to make a hawking bag, and yet the harmless Creatures did not plunder neither. And I believe the Countries can witness how civill you were in your march towards Hereford, when the people wrung their Bells for joy of your coming, but at your departure they wrung their hands; and I doubt not out to make up the peal to see you wrung by the e ares for your civility: for in that march beef and Mutton was too gross meat for your queasy stomachs, which were bread up with junkets of long Cale, and refined Oatemeale; and when they wanted shoes,( which they complain of) they made bold with their Landlords Bootes, vestures that neither they, nor their Fore-fathers were guilty of wearing. But how think ye they came by these habiliments? why? first in their march they made Malignants, then searched their houses for arms, and finding such dangerous Instruments of War, as Bootes, Breeches, coats and Shirts, and other such offensive weapons, as by your Covenant you were bound, seized on them, this being the onely way for the settling of a well grounded Peace in both kingdoms, and it much conducing to the Liberty of the Subject.  
Then for your not thirsting after blood, let Canfrome bee witness; where ye spared not the life of either man or woman, but only two old wives, who had long time been suspected to be of the same trade that most of your mothers were of; Then when you were before Hereford, you were indeed so careful of the quiet of the country, that ye scarce left an ox or sheep within ten miles to disturb it, or a Cock to crow, or Goose to hiss at ye, for fear of disturbing the rest and Peace of the kingdom. Then in your march back again, I think you shewed yourselves the same men that marched that ways before; for ye used the same civility.  
But now my friends, for your fine usage of His Majesty a word or two, sure you cannot be so impudent, to deny but with many private Letters, and crafty solicitors, you were continually inviting His Majesty down to your Army, and how you used Him there I can something testify. First you debarred admittance of any to His majesty if he spoke any Language but the Language of the heathen your Country-men: you were so courteously obedient that you would peruse His Letters from His queen, fearing lest there might be some French plots in them against the safety of His Majesties Person.  
A Court was kept for Him, but Nebuchadnezar had as civill homage done to him in the forest, when he was metamorphosed, by the beasts, as you bestowed on your King at New-Castle, and his fare was of far more delicacy: yet you allowed Him meate I confess, and it was so be cooked, that if ever the Litanie come up again, we will have it fixed with an Imprecation to be delivered from them.  
A Guard he had, but no devourers of Bull-beefe, for since their first essence they never tasted any flesh beyond Tripes and Livers; instead of the honourable badges of york and Lancaster upon their back and breasts, they wore the lively achievements of Aberdeen and Dundee, with more Legions of puissant Lice traversing over their Scab-bemountaind bodies: But then to show His majesty the true worship of God, and the Reformed Kirk in her glory, O what plenty of Ionahs did the monstrous Fish, the kirk of Scotland, vomit forth to prophecy the destruction of great Ninivy, with the King thereof! they were daring Priests, what Pulpit Treason did they venture on? the which with his desperate knocking on the Court-Cubbord, which kept time with his blasphemy till the whole Auditory were weary of him, all his matter being the holy Covenant; first he declares, no Covenant no Salvation, no Covenant no Peace, nay, if the King took it not, there could be no Government for Him nor His Kingdom, but He and His Posterity must absolutely perish; more, if He took not the solemn Covenant, He could never make restitution for the blood  shed in Scotland, which the Lord would require at His hands at the last day; this was not preached in a private chapel, but openly in the royal Presence of the King: And certainly these were seducing Motives to tempt the King to Coheare to their Reformation.  
Nobility they had some which served for Court cyphers, still watching when the King would invest them with new honours, but His Majesty thinking none merited so well as Lastly first dubd him with a Cushion, and next wit a Trencher.  
The first, because out of the affection he had to His Majesty, and His Friends he proclaimed it death for any that had served in his Majesties War to stay in New-Castle.  
The second, for the care he had of His majesty by setting a double Guard at His Bed-chamber door in New-Castle, a courteous gratitude to His Majesty for all honour imposed upon him. Nay, Scotch Leards were at the charge of putting themselves in Bootes and Hats, which thing neither they nor their Predecessors ever knew since the time of Iudas Escariot, who was the patriarch of the Nation, And these panch-bellyed Disloyallists being big with Ambition made a journey to Court on purpose to produce a small Knighthood, which proved null; for there they stood labouring for honour( which the titurary Court Lords had promised them) taking as much pains for it, as Dametas did for the Treasure under the ston, and to as much purpose; but for the Committee that sate there, the Contrivers of the French Massacre, nor Catesby and his confederates in the Powder Plot, were not half so perfidious, nor their consultations so destructive, this looked like Herods judgement Hall in the Hangings, where Louderdalle & Argile looked like the two false witnesses, whilst Lowden sate like Pontius desperate, but with unwashed hands.  
And these are they that my pretty vindicator endeavours to justify for selling their King; but alas, they did not sell Him, they did( as the welshman did with his Hare) if the Parliament would lend them two hundred thousand pounds, then they would lend them the King, not sell Him by any means; but they thought themselves not able to protect His Person from danger, therefore it was convenient He should go to a place of more safety, and no sooner they had their two hundred thousand pound, but they obediently  told his majesty that he must go to his Parliament, and so left him to the conduct of I know not whom, neither did they care: But they deserved the sum of Money had the King never come to them, having had but three hundred thousand pound for the raising and maintaining an Army of thirty thousand men for three yeares.  
thirty thousand men Jockie? A goodly Army, but how many of the first twenty four thousand ran away and durst not see the Enemy? Above ten thousand; and the last six thousand never were above four, whereof two of them came out of Ireland; but grant you had thirty thousand men and but this three hundred thousand pound, I hope you would be pleased to remember other trivial sums that came in by the by; as two hundred & fifty thousand pound for coals at Newcastle, and fifty thousand pound at Hereford, beside some such small sum at Newarke. And then free quarter was nothing; for you being bread always with grass, lived here upon Hay and such Rubbish, as Turkies, Capons, and Chickens, and such ordinary meat, which thousands of your Leards at home will go forty miles to behold and admire, and be satisfied with the sight, for tasting was beyond their hopes; then you had a pretty trick called Trencher-Mony too, the which was, 6. pence for every Landlord to pay to each Soldier, that they would be favourably pleased to undo him.  
Courteously then to your kindness,  
Too many neglected Gentlemen which had been of the Kings Party, which thought to have sheltered themselves under you in their distress, when the King desired you to relieve them and you engaged yourselves to him that you would, yet all the relief you did administer, was a groat a day to Gentlemen that had kept your betters to their grooms, and this groat was exacted from the poor country too, which were doubly over-burdened by you before, by your heavy Taxes and Contributions; so that ye may well bring in the North Country to be witnesses of your Civill behaviours, when you forced your poor Landlords to sell their Coats from their backs to buy sauce for their own Powltry; & for beef and Muttons, what ye eat not, ye sent away and carried it to Scotland, for they were all Malignants on the other side Trent; but certainly ye are much wronged and abused by many, that avouch that you will not eat Swines flesh, when the country can testify you left not Swine enough in the country to evacuate enough excrement to serve your laundresses to cleanse your linen( that being the onely soap they use) no there was hardly a hog in the country but those that were Commanders in the Army; then another very pretty trick you had, called Lift Money, which was at your departure, to enforce the country to advance you ten dayes pay for your march home, besides the loan of their Horses( the which they might safely have taken a solemn leave off) to carry the goods with which you( I will not say did Plunder) but had use for in England; but I must be so uncivil to say, that verily you did as it were Plunder in carlisle; for where many families had left the town because their houses were infected, you being filled with the Spirit, according to the measure of grace the devil had left you, most faire and honestly opened the windows of the said houses, and in your care brought forth the goods, carrying them to Scotland to be aired and cleansed, where God was so just to punish you with the disease you plundered from carlisle; and this is part of the faire and civill carriages that my fine Apologist undertakes to vindicate; had his cause been mine I should soon have relinquished it with shane, but in discovering his fathers and brethrens nakedness, he doth perfectly demonstrate his and their Geneology to be derived from the loins of cursed Ham.  
Then in your future intentions, how jealous you would fain seem to be for the true worship of God, when it is not unknown to the world, whom ye call for witness of your integrity, that you are the greatest hypocrites in it: And you know, that through all the world ye are branded with the name of false-hearted Scots; and surely you are a blessed sweet people, and very likely to make a happy Reformation; And certainly we ought to hazard our Lives and Estates for the accomplishment of it. And then you protest, that if any shall entrench on his Majesties just Rights and privileges, to settle him in his throne again: Good Jockie, who were they that first troubled him in it? And how many Fast and Loose Tricks have you shew'd him since? And think you his majesty will trust to you now? No surely, the King hath had trial enough of your fidelity already, and the kingdom of your civility and kindness: From which, with your farther assistance, Good Lord deliliver us.  
And Now I hope I have discovered the Scot according to my weak ability; but what is done is nothing but what is verity and clear from malice, but very near to the true colours of their actions past: For those to come, I fear I must leave to be sensured by the judicious; and for this time, go no farther then my own knowledge.  
FINIS.