Aut Helmont, Aut Asinus: OR, St. George UNTRUST Being a Full Answer to his Smart Scourge.  
LONDON, Printed for R. Lowndes, at the White Lion in S. Paul's Churchyard. 1665.   

Honoured Doctor,  
I Have lately read a scurrilous pamphlet, in whi●● the Author doth endeavour to render your Pill truc●● lent, and himself the only Chemist, and a Pediscque 〈◊〉 Helmont. As to the first, that he may make 〈◊〉 world believe he speaks truth, he pretends knowledge 〈◊〉 each particular concrete that are Ingredients of yo●● Pill; but in this he forgot the Adage, Ne suitor ult● crepidam; for I having had the honour to be 〈◊〉 Southampton-house the 13. of June, 1664. when yo● calcined your powder for the composing your Pill befor● Kings most excellent Majesty, several Princes, Lords Knights, and Gentlemen, am able to say he is mistake● in the foundation of the Composition, and hath plaidth● fool in earnest, in writing against that he never understood: but this Adage may be applied in his excuse Hominem experiri multa paupertas jubet. To te● you my mind, in all that he hath done against you, he hath imitated the Dog in Plutarch, that spends his time i● barking at the Moon, being enraged more at her light that offends his eyes, than at the black spots she weareth 〈◊〉 but you are above, whilst he is below, making good the Adage, Canes timidi vehementius latrant. Next, as to his Chemistry, the Skinner in Walbrook sufficiently experimented it to the damage of 975 l. and loss of his life afterward with grief. He can transmute metals, if you will believe him; and yet is a pitiful Fellow, or else he would not have been so often in prison for his cozenage, insomuch that he is as well known in Newgate, as most of the common Rascals: Qui mendax, idem furax. Lastly, his being the only man understands and imitates Helmont. Helmont was a very holy man, ●●tness his prayers, his visions, and his gifts, and particularly in pag. the 19 where he says, Concidi in fa●em & dixi, Domine ignosce, si favour in proxi●um extra limites abripuit, condona, condona ●omine indiscretae charitati meae, nam tues radi●ale bonum ipsiusmet bonitatis, and so onwards, and ewards the end of the chapter he says, Et quem ●ominus Iesus vocaverit ad sapientiam, ille & non ●lius venturus est. And can the world be so blind as ●o think this Sot is so called, who accowts it his glory by he Circean Charms of Liquor to be metamorphosed into a Sponge, which is fit for little else but to suck in and spew out, that will drink and vomit, and vomit to drink again, and so continue the sport, making good the Adage, Parthi quo plus biberent, eo plus sitiunt? A pretty Fellow, and likely to be called by the Lord Jesus, and Raphael to be bestowed on him. It is confessed he borrows helmont's glorious names, and imposeth them on his trifles: but a Bristol-stone 〈◊〉 no more than a Bristol-stone, although a fool says it is a Diamond, and counterfeit pearls are but counterfeit, though they may make a Fiddler's daughter look like a Germane Princess. And this is the condition of our pageant Helmont, Aut Helmont, aut Asinus. And thus I leave him till he gives the next occasion to be flashed, and rest,  
Nou. 7. 1664. Your Friend, G. S.   

To the ingenious and industrious Gent. Lionel Lockier, Physician, An Encomium upon his Universal Pill.  

SIr, when I view you in your panic Pill,  
And see the throngs which unto you repair,  
Some for their cure, others with thanks; your skill  
And blessed successes, whatsoever are  
The sentiments of others, will subdue  
Vnbiassed minds to give respect to you.   

Should I design to celebrate the fame  
Of your admired Medicine, 'twere in vain  
T' attempt that work in English, sith your Name  
Hath overspread our Land, and crossed the Main:  
And (maugre all detraction) will shine forth  
With the bright rays of its inherent worth.   

What was't acquired the Epithet of Wise  
To Socrates, but that he did reduce  
To practise all the Sophy's Theories,  
And make their Speculations fit for use?  
This Adjunct is your due, who have the Art  
Spagyric made good in the practic part.   
B. M.   

To Mr. George St. concerning his Smart Scourge.  
HOw, turned a Beadle? hold a blow sweet George,  
A Sword and Lance becomes thee, not a Scourge.  
●ar'st thou not look thy foe i'th' face, but come  
●●st like a Cur to snap him by the bum?  
〈◊〉 rather have thee let Erratas pass  
●npunished, than show thyself an Ass.  
〈◊〉 any fault in others works appears,  
●is very fit that you pull in your ears.  
●hat fury thus transports thee? will't avail  
〈◊〉 bring a Birch to whip the Dragon's tail?  
●as this th' account on which you did decry  
scarification and Phlebotomy?  
●●Subolet Medico) that like a Leech  
●ou'd fetch the skin off, and draw blood from's breech.  
L. T.   

St. GEORGE UNTRUST.  
PAssing the street in a melancholy muse, my thoughts were suddenly disturbed with the obstreperous clamours of a poor Ballad-singer, who went squeaking along before me, Will you buy a smart scourge for a silly saucy fool, come four a penny, four a penny, will you buy any smart scourges? being a little curious to know what the import of this strange title was, concluding the Author of it to be some Sexstone or City Dog-whipper, I called after the poor Itinerant bookseller, who very joyfully came, but yet very sadly complaining that she had sold never a book that day; I partly out of charity to the poor book Pedlar, partly to satisfy my own curiosity, gave her four farthings for her four smart scourges, concluding, that though they were good for little else, yet they might serve for tail-timber; considering the Frontispiece a little better▪ I found indeed that I had wronged the Author in imagining him to be a Dog-whiper, whose rods I perceived were only intended for the backs of Fools; ●ut when I had a little considered his Pamphlet, I ●ould not choose but pity the poor man's back and shoulders, concluding that if he were an Impartial Beadle, sure his own poor hide must needs be miserably tanned and tawed; but my pity extending not only to the Beadle himself, but likewise to the guilty delinquent whom he doth so unmercifully rib-roast, I would needs know his name and his crime, and his condition, his name I find G. S. his condition a person of quality, and his crime writing a Letter to the ingenious Gentleman Dr. Lockier, in vindicating him from the calumnies of a cankered Momus. But all this is not enough, I must needs be acquainted with the smart scourger himself to, who subscribeth himself G. S. the same with his Antagonist; which at first glance made me imagine him some furious Don Quixot marching out with indignation to fight with his own shadow; but I was soon undeceived, when I saw the Philosopher by the fire side, come sneaking out of the chimney corner, where he had been warming his benumbed fingers, till he had extinguished the coals with the droppings of his nose; but when I heard him muttering out his tandem aliquando nuper quidem, I mistook him again for an old witch with a beard that was mumbling over some Orison to Belzebub; beseeching him to catch the Dr. dead or alive and post haste away with him a pick pack to hell; but he perceiving my mistake, presently stroaked up his whiskers, struck fire in his tinderbox, and showed me his Pipkins, he was wont to stew Prunes in, which in spite of my reason made me to acknowledge him the profound Chemist or Philosopher by fire. And now Si● since by your frontispiece I am a little acquainted with you, I make bold to confer notes with you in your Pamphlet. And first I cannot but observe your envy at the Dr. being new vamped with a Coat of Arms, to wit, the three Boars heads: well Goodman Cobbler, since you have such good skill in vamping, by my consent we will have you vamped, or at least under lined with a Coat of Arms too, and if you will be advised by me, instead of the three Bores-heads take the three Asses-heads, for upon my Soul they will be pretty Hieroglyphics of that blessed noddle of yours; but it concerneth not you, you confess, whether they were bought, begged, or stolen; well Gaffer Scourger, hadst thou been as little concerned in the Skinner's 975 l. the man perhaps had never died of a cheat, but of that— In the beginning of your Epistolary Discourse, you accuse the Dr. of being a Tailor, and of stitching up of many Diseases all curable by his trifle; if this had been true, I have heard of greater Metamorphoses than this; did you never hear of a man that dedicated a book to Titchburn, and afterwards because he called him Fool for his pains, or perhaps would not give him a crown for his dedication, became an earnest suitor to the two Royal Dukes, beseeching them to hang him out of the way with the rest of his fellow Regicides, showing himself a knave on the one hand in honouring a Traitor, and a fool on the other hand in counselling Princes; but now 〈◊〉 think of it 'tis a thousand pities thou wert a Pri●y Counsellor, that sweet pate of thine is so full of ●in-cracks, by thy profound skill in Chemistry, ●hou wouldst have found out some new way to make Plum-pottage against Christmas, made a new Chemical Oven to bake Cheesecakes and Gingerbread in, or have showed by the help of the Philosopher's stone, how batter on Shrove-tuesday may be turned into Pancakes; however I do not much question thy coming to preferment, especially if the hangman stands thy friend and helps thee at a dead lift, as who knows but he may; as for stitching up Diseases, methinks the word is somewhat far fetched, and argues thee better skilled a great deal in the patches of the beggar's coat thou talkest on, than in those Diseases, which the honoured Dr. enumerateth; you find a Letter you say, concluding that tractate like the close of Syrup after a fart; Foe! methinks your lines scent as if your Ink were made of the Syrup you talk; for shame George pull out the tail of thy shirt and wipe thy mouth, doth it become a Chemist to cack upwards, and squirt at the wrong end? you seem to question the quality of the Author of this letter, why, I hope you are no Knight errand, Sir, that you will fight with none but such as are dubbed? but however you do well to think so honourably of the common hangman, who perhaps may have a courtesy in store for you, for one good turn you know deserves another; but Sir you do ill methinks to accuse others as cheats, when you must needs know how much Birdlime hath sticked upon your own fingers. As for th● brats you talk of, if the Doctor hath Fathered an● of yours, methinks you do but ill requite the nurse and if he hath Fathered any of his on others, I a● confident they are such wellfavoured ones, tha● you yourself would be very glad to own them 〈◊〉 but at the last after much thrust and shuffling you are pleased to admit the Author in the Predicament of quality; in my opinion he is too blame if he do not spit in thy mouth, and say, God a mercy George▪ but in spite of the Muses you will profess your sell a Scholar; in good faith Sir I think your profession is Heterodox, and that your enemies are so far from giving you that honour, that the best of your friends cannot but pity your ignorance; as for the false Latin you reproach the Author withal, some concluding yourself to be the corrector of the Press, have shrewdly suspected it to be a slip of your own pen, and that so like an Ape viewing yourself in this Looking-glass, they think you sat moping and making mouths at yourself; but in charity I must make the fairest construction of it, perhaps you only played at blind-mans-buff in the dark, ●irking the Author instead of the Printer, who as the corrected copy will inform you, was the sole cause of all those Erratas, and yet the poor Author is ready to be untrussed for it, and to have his Toby let blood by an unmerciful Pedagogue. Well George on Horseback thou mayst sit holding up thy Sword, but if thou strikest the Dragon he will gripe thee in his claws. In your next Paragraph you grow angry at the Author's tautology, his torturing the word adage setteth your gizzard a grumbling; good heart what an easy ●hing it is to espy other men's faults? I will warrant you never took notice how often you yourself do wrack and torture the dissylable Butcher, whereon you lay such an Emphasis. Could you find no synonimon nor Paraphrasis for botcher that you are fain to botch it in to your Epistle so frequently? once more let me put thee in mind of an adage, turpe est Doctori, and take this counsel of a friend, if thou hast ever a silva synonimorum, and make much of it, and christian thy own Child first; but what you mean by re-seething of Coleworts in an Epistle, I confess I know not, unless all things you meet withal by your hungry stomach be mistaken for a Pottage-pot, and if so, I marvel why you are so angry with our Author for seething Coleworts in his Epistle, alas good man he doth it out of charity to save you the charges of buying Butter and Cheese; but you quarrel at him Sir for the shortness of his Epistle; and think he would have made a longer prayer if he had been upon the Gallows; it may be so, and yet I can assure you he is no Pharesee, that under pretence of making long prayers, can devour 975 l. at a morsel; but here is the plague of it, after all this beating of the bush you are not able to spring the Woodcock. I have heard Sir that those who would come at a Woodcock must reel to and fro from one side to t'other, as if like Noun Adjectives they could not stand by themselves, at which exercise I am told Sir you are very expert, there seldom being a day but you are practising your skill (as I am credibly informed) at it from morning to night; and that yo● with all your staggering should not stumble on th● Woodcock, I confess it is strange. In the beginning of your next Paragraph you run grinning like a mad dog, scarce resolved within yourself whethe● to bark or bite; your scolding Epithets do s●… crowd and thrust, contending for priority whic● should go first through the portal of your mouth that I thought they would have wedged on● another so fast in the door, that you would have been forced to salute your Antagonist with an open mouth and drivelling silence; but O Heavenly wide mouth, no sooner did it gap● but I saw them marching out three of a breast, pitiful, creeping, dirty, and all to encounter you● splinter boned adversary; but fair and soft Sir, methinks three to one is odds at football; but now 〈◊〉 think of it he is served well enough, teach him to give the Dr. the Epitheton of honourable, is thi● the crime indeed? Fie George, why should you be so angry? had he given stolen goods to his friends and stole it from you, had he snatched the Feather out of your Cap, and set it in the Doctors, I should not have blamed you, but when 'tis well known it hath none of your ear-mark, and never was given you by any but such as jeer you or flatter you, I confess I wonder you should take it in such induggion, unless your envious soul conceives all addition to others to be substraction from yourself.  
As for your suspicion of the▪ Authors having the ●ox, I perceive you still believe him a Man of Quality; and some have had suspicions of yourself, as one that was in earnest acquainted with. One of your Wives told me, I might better have similized you to an Ape than an Ass, he being certainly informed you are defective in the tail-piece, but a profound Chemist stood up both for you and me, and told us that he could prove by Chemistry the Analogy good for all that, saying, a Venereal fire being kindled, though it fixed his Testicles, 
Of French faggots.  yet it volatized the sinuous parts, and then by Sublimation carried them to his Head, from whence sprung his Ears, which have served this learned Ass as Fescues for his Hornbook ever since. Yet for my part, for all this I dare absolve and acquit you from the least spice of a Gentleman's disease: but when the Doctor selleth his Pills at half price, perhaps I myself (Sir) may give you a box of them to cure your swimming Noddle of the Megrums.  
And now you have followed our Author as far as the Oyster-wenches (or rather like an Oysterwench) of Billingsgate: For in truth, George, thy scolding skill argueth thee no Freshman in that University: but though he be an uncivil, lying, railing Fellow, yet forsooth he shall be accounted none of your Fellow. Stand off Gentlemen, who cometh here? Surely 'tis some Rosicrusian Moustrapmaker, or chemical Sub-groom of Queen Nature's close-stool: and since 'tis your own worshipful self, Sir, I am glad you have publicly discarded this uncivil, lying, railing Fellow, for verily the world would have thought him on●● your Disciples else, and arch Wags you kn● would have been apt to say, Like master, like man●●  
Next, Sir, I observe with what authority y● sub-poena in the poor aliquid tale to answer and 〈◊〉 to the predicament of quale, and how like some J●●stices of the peace you reconcile in sound those th● are only at variance in sense; but 'twas well for● seen; had it not been for tale and quale your pan●●phlet would have had neither reason nor rhyme in 〈◊〉 You think our Author (you say) may serve t● make an Epilogue to the Doctor's act, an● in truth Sir, if there be ever a Sir John Lack- 〈◊〉 in the Play, I should judge you a very fit person t● act him, but that I doubt you are too clownishly simple to act a Gentleman-fool. Next cometh a vote of non-addresses; our Author must observe his distance, come cap in hand, and have a care how he addresseth himself in jest to your most reverend and worshipful beard: Good heart, how simply pride becomes a fool! Pray what are you that a man must not speak to you till he hath set his mouth in the Looking-glass? I have known some of your fellow-prisoners at Newgate, that for a single Twopences would have quietly taken a dozen kicks in the breech; and, I believe, when you hung out your white bag at the grates, you would have been thankful for a single Penny, though some unhappy Wag should have given it you in jest: and now forsooth you are so skittish and tender, that if a man crack a Lent upon you, you are presently wincing.  
In your fury you challenge our Author to divulge his name, but he will not sure unless he be ●ad; so you may serve him as you did your old ●end Tichborn, petition to have him hanged out 〈◊〉 the way for proclaiming you at once both a ●nave and a Fool. But, Sir, 'tis a common custom ●●ou know with the flagellifer to put on a vizard ●hen he is to chastise an insolent Villain: but oh 〈◊〉 Fates! my bonus genius now forewarns me of 〈◊〉 calamity of these papers when once they pre●●me to kiss your hand; it telleth me that the sight ●f them will produce such a fear throughout your ●hole corpusculum, insomuch that losing your re●●ntive faculties, your Excrements will instantly descend into your Breeches, and then O wretched I 〈◊〉 these papers must be miserably torn to cleanse 〈◊〉 orifice of your drivelling Rump, and spent in ●indling fumes to recover your senses.  
Next you tell the Author of Demonstrations, which you say is an accusation which you would ●ave answered. Alas! hadst thou as much wit as 〈◊〉 Goose, thou mightst have found sufficient satisfaction; but I perceive somebody a little wiser ●han thyself, has hammered this into thy Noddle. Well George, I have discovered the plot: this famous Universal Pill having gotten such wonderful credit by its conquest over the maladies of thou●ands of persons, insomuch that for its worth it is ●econd to none, but rather, like Alexander, it wanteth diseases to conquer, than virtue to overcome; Now hunger and want having sharpened the wits of thy Associates, they advised thee to encounter the Doctor, that if it were possible by affirming 〈◊〉 falsehood they might know the truth, and not b● forced for the gaining of their bread to sergeant his Pills; thou perceiving that the Rosy brother● hood by force were like to keep Lent befor● Christmas, and finding thyself involved in thei● fate, choosest rather to die by the Doctor's nobl● hand, than like a Lubber-lander to perish for wan● of belly-timber. But, alas thou pitiful Worm● he only steps over thee, scorning to tread o● thee, lest he should foul his shoes in a quagmire▪ Yet I care not if for their sakes, because I have some acquaintance with them, if I discover to you wha● a learned Chemist imagined concerning the Pills▪ not that I conceive it will enter your pericranium, but for the sake of those that are a little wiser than thyself, which is this, ℞ dra. lb 1. sang. mund. lb 1. ℥ 1. Brochi. ℥ 4. afreca ℥ 2. mi. fiat S. A. which when I said it would not penetrate my brains, and desired him to be plainer, he told me he should use no other words but what Helmont used after he had spoke in the commendations of the Medicine of Aroph, described by Paracelsus pag. 704. Susurrantes hic audio, qui non nisi praemasticata deglutive solent, inauspicatam verborum tenebritatem incusantes, Carbonarii isti, aiunt, sua nobis pharmaca exponant cominus, & demonstrationes nobis praebeant oculares. Verùm ista addiscendae Pythagoricae philosophiae nova norma est. Carbones emant, & vitra, discántque prius quae nobis dedere, vigilatae ex ordine noctes atque nummorum dispendia. Dii vendunt sudoribus, non lectionibus solis, arts. Idcirco nec ausum quidem, Dianam veste spoliatam propalare, exemplum Acteonis absterret▪ Qui potest capere capiat.  
Next, as to the slanders you talk of, I need not ●ell the world they are in matters of truth, the Skinkers emptied bags, Sir, have mouths wide enough ●o proclaim your frauds without the aid of any Stygian Curs; and though you are so confident of the good opinion of your Neighbours, take my counsel, and do not let them know you, for upon my word if they should, you would find more mouths than ever Cerberus had, barking at (and it may be biting) you too. How a man should have been in danger of hanging for being the Doctor's Voucher to sell a horse, I know not, but these hard words, Sir, are a Juggler's dialect; perhaps you are afraid to explain yourself, lest you should be made to sing another palinodium in Newgate; yet I have heard it is fatal to be some men's Vouchers, witness your Surety who was hanged for a Co●er, or rather your Disciple it may be, to whom you had taught the use of the new-fashioned Philosopher's stone. But oh the plague of an empty belly! how you sit jouring and grumbling at the Doctor's good victuals, and cursing at the Crowns that have blessed his purse, and so exactly imitating th●●ungry dog, that while his master is at dinner, sitteth barking and snarling underneath the table. As for the Hangers-on which you say the Doctor hath shaken off since he changed his Linen, you know Sir, they have been always retainers to the 
* We mind Impostors only that assume that name.  Rosicrusian family, and it was not long since you were so stocked with them at Newgat● that you might have got more money by curing the Yellow Jaundice with them, than ever you di● by your Stills and Pipkins, till necessity force● you to pawn your Shirt, and so mortgage the fiel● and the flock together.  
Next you seem angry at the Doctor's refusal t● answer all Letters: Fie! George, do not wrin● your brows so; you put yourself to the hazard o● disblocking your Periwig: what though a ma● hath not a scribbling vein like you, must he be pre●sently buffeted for it? would you have him writ● against the College of Physicians? shoot papery bullets as you do at all that are your Superiors 〈◊〉 In truth Sir, I am put in mind of you as often as ● see an Ape sit mumping on a Stall, and making ill-favoured mouths at the passengers, he doth so prettily resemble you, that I cannot choose but think on your sweet Physiognomy. But I know your policy; you would be wounding others with the blow of Detraction, that you may from the bleeding veins of their Reputation, suck blood to put colour into the pale cheeks of your own. But though you would needs be playing the Achitophel, I dare say there needeth neither prayer nor miracle to turn your wisdom into folly.  
In your next lines I find a good strain of nonsense; you wonder a Dog should not be able to cast up a Butchers bill: I believe you might find as bad Arithmeticians among your own long-eared brethren. 'Tis a sad world indeed that Dogs cannot cast account; but I will let it pass, it is only a ●●seething of old Coleworts in an Epistle. Next to ●is followeth a good interval of wit, yet clasped 〈◊〉 like a Parenthesis with nonsense and impertinence: You come marching out like Orlando Fu●oso in the head of a whole army of Maladies to ●ncounter the Doctor's invincible Pill, and now ●ave amongst you blind Harpers, stand off at your peril, the bum-cannon is charging, he is giving ●ire to the touchhole, hab-nab here is among you 〈◊〉 whole Ferkin of foul stuff, here is Death's Muster-master general, let us make proclamation; O Yes: If there be any man or woman that have a mind to hang themselves, let them repair to George St. in Bartholo●ew-lane, and they shall have a Pill will poison them under the price of a Hal●e ●make haste away therefore all ye that are weary of your lives. Give this Charon but a Groat, and with one dram of his Powder he will waft you over Styx. If there be any great heir would be rid of his aged Sire, bring him hither to George, and he will quickly give him a Passport to Heaven. If any man be troubled with a scolding wife, bring her to Bartholomew-lane, he will soon make her as dumb as a dore-nail. And which is more than all this, if there be any Skinner in Walbrook, that hath gotten a surfeit in his purse, here they may have a purge will give 975 stools at a bout.  
Next for the whetstone you praise the Doctor, I believe you may be as likely to help him to it as another: but as for the golden handle and chain, Sir, I doubt he must be ●ain to inquire at another shop. And now you have conquered the Giant, and broke his sword over his head. Before you can make the world believe thee a discoverer of 〈◊〉 you must off with thy Doublet, Breeches and 〈◊〉 (if thou hast any) and stand three days together 〈◊〉 the Pillory in Cornhill, with this Motto writer 〈◊〉 Text letters on thy breast, DUM ALIOS 〈◊〉 CUSO, IPSE REUS: and then thou mayest 〈◊〉 leave to subscribe thyself, Tom Thum in the chimney-corner, 
Alluding 〈◊〉 this Phil●●●●pher by 〈◊〉  in spite of the black puddings or Tinker's budget.  
And now to fill up the sheet, followeth a supplemental Corollary as you are pleased to call it; 〈◊〉 sum teneatis amici? did you ever see such a ho●●podg of ridiculous stuff blanched with the title a Corrolary before? have a care George, you 〈◊〉 who was hanged lately for stamping the King's 〈◊〉 press upon leaden six pences. Thus you 〈◊〉 Courteous Reader, thou mayest wonder; stay, 〈◊〉 here is some Puppit-play to be seen, or Dancing 〈◊〉 the Ropes, and now Orator George is about 〈◊〉 make some speech to the Spectators, what is 〈◊〉 going to cut off Olofernes his Head, or Hero 〈◊〉 bringing in John Baptist's in a Platter? no co●●●teous Spectators 'tis little Jack Horner in the chimney corner, 
〈…〉  fight with the Dr. at long Sword and Custard; next the Monomachy maketh me blush; Sir I 〈◊〉 heard that the Vermilion of a blush seldom 〈◊〉 peareth but on your parboiled Nose; yet p●●modesty, you need not be ashamed if the 〈◊〉 were such an Illiterate as you represent him▪ I 〈◊〉 to Fool would be no odds at football▪ 〈◊〉 ●●ich kindles your indignation and fury, is his ob●●ding upon the world, a letter under the name 〈◊〉 person of quality. Good heart how this ●●●son of quality sticketh in your stomach, 〈◊〉 you are resolved to be even with him in false 〈◊〉 or Barbarism at least, witness your vox est, ●●●terea nihill, nihil dixi? Imo calumniae effrontes, etc. The English whereof in short is this, He is a 〈◊〉 and nothing else, did I say nothing? yea he 〈◊〉 Impudent and most bold calumnies and great 〈◊〉; for he that readeth your foregoing words 〈◊〉 barketh securely because invisibly) will find 〈◊〉 make (est) a Verb Personal, and so must be construed as aforesaid; and now George by your 〈◊〉 rule you are bound in conscience to untruss, 〈◊〉 elevate your Toby and take it patiently; but 〈◊〉, will you never do so no more? ha? speak; 〈◊〉 because 'tis the first time, and I see you begin 〈◊〉 make a pitiful lenten face upon it, good boy, 〈◊〉 I will forgive thee this once. Your next is but 〈◊〉 petition of your former folly, only you threat●● 〈◊〉 poor Author to bring him to a recantation, 〈◊〉 before that be effected, I doubt you yourself 〈◊〉 be forced to do penance in this white sheet. 〈◊〉 Dr. you confess is gotten into the acquaintance 〈◊〉 persons of real honour and worth, but yet deser●●ly fallen ('tis not the first lie thou hast told) 〈◊〉 the just contempt of many of them (or at least 〈◊〉 wouldst have it so) alas good man how thou 〈◊〉 grumbling and mumbling to see him shine 〈◊〉 Orb so far above thy reach, whilst thou sittest 〈◊〉 (as the Author told thee) like a dog upon 〈◊〉, barking at the Moon? and now having wiped off the dirt from your person, you refer us to your book of Examinations; why dost thou think there is any will be so simple as to read it, unless it be (as he did his Granmar) sitting on a close-stool, still tearing out the leaves as they read them to make Napkins for their bums? no George, not all those demonstrations thou promisest the world will make your book saleable at two pence a volume, so long as men can buy at a cheaper rate the tale of Tom Thumb, or Robin Hood and little John, for there was never man that did read any thing of thy writing (if he was any thing read) but could perceive all thou didst besides lying and railing was either begged, borrowed, or stolen; you talk of being alarmed with an answer of ten sheets of paper, in truth I believe it was in your dream then; what need a man take such a large scope to confute thee, when the whole substance of thy wit may be trussed up in a nutshell, and the only naming thy arguments would be sufficient to confute them; and yet so confident thou art on the strength of thy demonstrations that thou dar'st take up the Doctor upon it from 5 s. to 500 l. Well, you that are his Creditors pray hard he may not be loser, lest he should be forced to compound with you for three farthings in the pound. But suppose the Reduction were as thou sayest (which thing I need not grant) it doth in no way weaken its energy, Didst never read in Helmont, p. 117. Corpora cuncta primitiuè atque materialiter ex aqua sola fiant, acquisito per fermentum semine quodque exa●…latis seminibus corpora tandem in pristmum aquae hospitium retrocedant. And thus you see by the Author you pretend to all bodies are reducible into one and the same matter, and I know many hundred of Medicines may be made of stibiun by the hand of an ingenious artist, and afterwards a regulus may be produced; yet no man can be so simple as to think by pyrotechny and a ferment there should be no difference in their dotal qualities; as for that you say concerning the distemper of the Mother, I had a letter that came from a reverend and learned Divine, who after the enumerating of many Cures he had performed by Dr. Lockiers' Pill, he declared in particular the admirable effects of that Pill as to that distemper, which if I could have had leave from the Dr. I would have published it, but he said he would reserve it to be published in his book of experimental cures, which book will silence malice itself.  
But I repute it (say you) beneath me to enlarge upon Exc. Now here sitteth purring Puss in her Majesty, disdaining to look down on this silly Pill, whose bones he hath all this while been a picking: alas he had quite forgot he was an Eagle, and this made him Oul-like to quarry upon a Mouse, but now he remembreth he was generously born, he resolveth he will not take it as he hath done; good people you must know he was born a great way off, some do conceive him Heir apparent to reverend John Cobbler, a splay-mouth holder forth in New-England; as for his education, if you will be so simple as to believe him, he was baptised in the Font of the Muses, which Phainomenon is only solvable by the Proverb, ex quovis ligno non fit Mercurius; but a● for his Chemical studies he is the non-such of the age; after one and twenty years' pains and industry he hath found out the mystery of stilling Poppy and Rose-water, nay some say a new way too, 〈◊〉 melt Butter by the Sunbeams, nay some say more▪ a new engine too to tossed Cheese and Black-puddings, with many other rare Inventions that lie within the circumference of his teeming Pericranium; for his great encouragement he hath taken his degrees too in the University of Utopia, where Nicholas Nemo in a full convocation dubbed M. D. (i. e.) Medicinae Doctor. But Courteous Reader do not think he writeth this with any delight to hear or relate it; no, as God is his Judge he is a pretty modest elf, do not ye see how he blushes, as if he had changed faces with Friar Bacon's Brazenhead? Next you grumble at the Doctor's Picture, if thou wilt be advised by me, set thine in the Front of thy Examinations and Censures, 'twill be sure a pretty resemblance of the Tartarian Monster (only his is an Horses, thine an Ass' head) that perhaps may enhance the price of thy Pamphlets two pence a piece more than ever they were yet sold for; as for the new Medicine you say the Doctor is preparing, it maketh me think you talk in your sleep, you tell stories of answers in ten sheets of paper, of new Medicines, that will out-cure the old, two bars length and a half, which I dare say are the mere Chimeras of your own brain, and thus like the Cuckoo you lay Eggs of your own, and bring them to be hatched in other Birds nests; and now thou talkest of Heads, and sayest thou couldst make thy Reader metry; alas thou hast so much of the Fool's head, that when thou sportest thou playest the fool in earnest, and so deservest pity, rather than laughter; at last you are confident of vexing the Drs. patience, 'tis very pretty, (I see a Fool's bolt is soon shot) I never saw yet a wise man impatient at the braying of an Ass, and now Sir having lashed a Fool upon your worship's back, I take my leave of you for the present, till you spew out some new Pamphlet.  
Philo-Chemicus.   

SInce the writing of this discourse, I met with an ancient acquaintance of the Doctors, and now his very near neighbour, of whom I desired an impartial account of the Doctor's life, past, and present; who answered, that his acquaintance with him, had not been above 28. or 29. years, and that then he was a Merchant in Hose, and other commodities, maintaining the best part of a 1000 people in employment, and beyond Sea four Factors, and that he married the widow of Mr. Springal, by whom he had the best part of two thousand pound. I then inquired whether he was taught Chemistry by Moulton in Hog-lane, he said no, but the Dr. was acquainted with him in Germany, and gave him three Secrets for the receipt of one; for the Dr. had spent in Chemistry many pounds before he was acquainted with him; yet the Dr. he said had taught some of the greatest persons in the world both for nobility and Learning, who counted it no dishonour to learn of so Industrious and Ingenious a Spagyric▪ I then inquired whether he had not lately been reduced to poverty, he said no, for he had lived in that Parish the best part of twenty years, and that ever since he had given thirty two shillings a month where he saw need; having within this three or four years sold thirty pounds a year, not regarding worldly treasure; but the more he hath slighted it, the more God hath blest him, and given him a sufficiency to purchase an earthly inheritance, but he said he was strangely opposite to all earthly purchases, minding much more to do the errand for which he was sent, having an eye at the recompense of reward, which is to have a dwelling in that City whose builder and maker is God. The reason of this discourse being added here, is to let the world know that George is not only given over to believe lies, but also to write them.