ΑΠΟΚOΛΟKΥΝΤOΣΙΣ. OR A MOCKERY UPON The DEATH and DEIFICATION OF Claudius Caesar.  
Written in Latin by LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA the Philosopher.  
Imprimatur, junij 17. 1664.  
ROGER L'ESTRANGE.  
LONDON, Printed by William Godbid. 1664.   

To the READER.  
THis Book is Entitled ΑΠΟΚΟΛΟΚΥΝΤΟΣΙΣ, wherein Seneca exceedingly derides the pretended Deification of Claudius Caesar, and, by the way, scoffs at the whole Apotheofis of the Romans and Grecians, upon occasion of that of Claudius, who fell into a lingering Consumption by eating Mushrooms, his usual dish, poisoned with Coloquintida, by the instigation of his Wife Agrippina, but by the subtlety of a Noble woman, Mistress of that Art. Claudius' Son of Drusus Germanicus, succeeding Caius in the Empire of Rome, is recorded to have been a Prince no less Cruel than Foolish; insomuch that his Mother Antonia was wont to call him a Monster of Men, whom Nature had begun not perfected: and when she taxed any man of much foolishness, would say, He was more sottish than her Son Claudius. His Grandmother Augusta always thought him most despicable, would never admonish him but by messages, or by short & sharp Letters. His Sister Livilla, when she heard he was to be Emperor, would openly lament the deplorable condition of the People of Rome. This man Lucius Annaeus Seneca hath here painted forth in his proper colours; and perhaps was the more bitter, in revenge of the banishment he sustained under him: though afterward Agrippina, being then marri●● ●o Claudius, that she might not be famous only for wick●d acts, interceded for Seneca, and obtained not only ●is release, but his preferment to the Praetorship; conceiving it would be no less grateful to the Public, in ●egard of his fame for Learning, then advantageous to ●er, intending to use his help in the Education of her Son Domitian, and his advice in advancing him to the Empire; for she believed (as Tacitus says) he would be a friend to her in respect of that benefit, and an enemy to Claudius in regard of that injury. This may serve ●o declare the Author's scope in writing this facetious Tract; which is so opposite to the usual gravity of Se●eca, that it hath been doubted by some to be his: but ●he unquestionable assertions of so many ancient testimonies must needs remove that scruple. And because the Book hath never yet worn an English Livery, but hath ●een totally omitted by the Translator of the rest of his Works, as a Tract more busy and difficult, interwoven ●ith various and acute verses, it was the rather undertaken for satisfaction of some private Friends, without thought of troubling the World with it. The Copies ●hich are transmitted to us do without all doubt so differ ●rom the Original, that they will scarce admit of sense ●n many places; and they who attempt the reconciliation do but quarrel among themselves: yet in the most difficult passages the present Translator makes use of some ●f their Castigations, not with much approbation, but for ●ant of better, being unwilling to be too laborious in trifles.   

ΑΠΟΚΟΛΟΚΥΝΤΟΣΙΣ. OR A Mockery upon the Death and Deification of CLAUDIUS CAESAR, etc.  
WHat passed in Heaven before the third day of the Ides of October, Asinius Marcellus and Acilius Aviola being Consuls, in that New year which gave beginning to a most happy Age, I will now declare: nor shall any thing proceed either from Injury or Favour. But if I be asked, how I know it to be true: First, unless I please, I will not answer. Who shall constrain me? I know I recovered my liberty when he died, who verified the Proverb, He must be born a Tyrant or a Fool. If I list to answer, I'll speak what comes in my head: Who ever required an Oath of an Historian? But if I must needs produce my Author, ask him who saw Drusilla ascend to Heaven: the same saw Claudius take his journey thither, though not with equal pace. Whether he will or not, he must see what's done in Heaven. He is the Supervisor of the Appian way, which thou knowest Augustus and Tiberius took when they went to the Gods. If thou enquir'st of him, he'll whisper to thee alone, but if others be present, will not speak a word; for since he swore in the Senate he saw Drusilla ascend to Heaven, and no man gave any credit to so good news, he affirmed in plain terms, that if he saw a man killed in the very Marketplace, he for his part would not tell it. What I heard from this man, I relate for truth, so happy and sincere do I esteem him.  
Now Phoebus had abridged his rising light,  
And the time sooner did to sleep invite.  
And now prevailing Cynthia her reign  
Improved, and fruitful Autumn did complain  
Of Winter's sad approach, which so bereft  
The Vines, few Grapes the Vintager found left.  
I think it would be better understood, if I said the Month of October, or the third day of the Ides thereof. I cannot tell justly the hour; Philosophers agree more easily than Clocks: but it was between Six and Seven. Poets are too tedious in their descriptions; they cannot be content to describe the rising and setting of the Sun, but they will also disturb Midday. Wilt thou also thus pass over so good an hour?  
Sol now had passed the middle part of Heaven,  
And to his bending Steeds the reins had given,  
And towards Night his flaming Chariot driven.  
The Soul of Claudius began to forsake his Body, but could not find the way out: when Mercury, who ever delighted in his Wit, calling forth one of the Three Fatal Sisters, said, Why, cruel Woman, dost thou suffer this wretched man to be so tormented, who, alas, never deserved it? It is now the sixty and fourth year since he struggled with his Soul. Why does thy envy deny him death? Permit Astrologers to tell at last the truth, who from the time he was made Prince, every year, every month, have been carrying him to his grave. And it is no wonder they erred; no man knew the hour of his Nativity: For, indeed, no man ever thought him born. Do what ought to be done.  
Give him to Death, and in a better sort  
To reign permit him in an empty Court.  
But Clotho replied, I was willing, I confess, to respite his death, till he had made those few that remain, Citizens of Rome: For he resolved to see all the Grecians, French, Spaniards, and Britan's, become Cown-men. But since thou art pleased that some strangers be left to propagate their race, and that thou so commandest, it shall be done. Then opened she a Box, and took out three Spindle's; the fi●st belonged to Augurinus, the second to Baba, the third to Claudius. These three (said she) in one year, and in a little distance of time, I will command to die: For I will not send him away unaccompanyed. It is not fit that he who lately saw so many thousand people before, behind and round about him, should be suddenly left alone. In the mean time he must be content with the society of these.  
This said, she from her Spindle pulled a Thread,  
Which showed the foolish King would soon be dead.  
But Lachesis with hair entwined round,  
And with a fresh Pierian Laurel crowned,  
Took up a handful of pure Wool, and wrought  
With such a happy hand, that it was brought  
To turn from common wool to burnished Gold.  
The change her Sisters wondered to behold.  
Nor could they stay, to work they all agreed,  
And found the Golden Age did thence proceed.  
The task was easy, with small labour done:  
For presently such happy Yarn was spun,  
The Woof whereof they truly might presage  
Would outlive Tithon's, or old Nestor's age:  
Phoebus assisted with his songs, and joyed  
At future good; his hands were oft employed,  
Sometime to help them work, and other while  
With his sweet Harp their labour to beguile.  
And while they heard him sweetly sing and play,  
They found their Work went easilier away:  
Taking such pleasure in his Music then,  
That it surpassed the Destinies of Men.  
Phoebus' then said, O Sisters, let my prayer  
Move you to take this Prince into your care,  
And beyond mortal age his days t' advance,  
For he resembles me in Countenance,  
And feature too; nor does he come behind  
For Voice, and Instruments of any kind.  
He happy times for wretched men shall cause, 
Here Seneca was but an ill Augur.   
And shall break off the silence of the Laws.  
As Lucifer, when Stars from sight refrain,  
Or Hesperus, when Stars return again;  
Or as the Morning when Day first appears,  
And Sol with graceful looks the sad Earth cheers:  
So Caesar comes, and so shall Rome behold  
Her Nero with a Face of Heavenly mould,  
And with bright Hair that does his Neck enfold.  
Thus far Apollo. But Lachesis, who of herself favoured this gallant person, was so bountiful to Nero, as to add to his, many of her own years. In the mean time they all bid Claudius adieu, and wishing him good luck, prayed him to hasten out of his Palace. So he stirted out his Soul in a fit of Wind, and seemed to live no longer. He died whilst he was hearing Comedians, that thou mayst know I have some reason to fear them. The last words he was heard to utter, when he sent out a great sound from that part where he could more readily speak, were, Out alas! I think I have bewrayed myself. I know not what he then did; but I am sure he bewrayed all things else. What was afterward done upon Earth is needless to declare, you know it sufficiently; public joy hath deeply imprinted it in our memories: no man can forget his own felicity. Hear now what was done in Heaven: Let the Author's credit gain belief. It was told jupiter, that a certain person was come, of a good stature, somewhat grey, and threatened I know not what, for he continually shook his head, and drew his right leg after him: and being asked of what Nation he was, answered in such a confused tone, and with so disturbed a voice, his language could not be understood; and that he was neither Grecian nor Roman, nor of any known Country. jupiter commanded Hercules (who had travailed all the World over, and seemed to know all Nations) to go and inquire what kind of man he was. Hercules went; and indeed was somewhat troubled at first sight of him, though he feared no Monster; beholding an unusual countenance, and a gate seldom seen, and hearing a voice not like any earthly creature, but like some Sea-monster, hoarse and inward, he looked for a Thirteenth Labour to be imposed upon him: but eyeing more strictly, he seemed to be as it were a man. He therefore accosted him, and, what was easy to one that understood a little Greek, said, What art thou? whence come'st thou? what is thy name? When Claudius heard this, he rejoiced to find there men that loved Learning, and began to hope the Histories he writ would be in some esteem: and intimating himself to be Caesar, uttered this Verse of Homer, 
Into Ciconia by a furious blast  
I driven was, when I from Troy had past.  But what follows is as much Homer, & is more true; 
Where I the City and the State  
Did both together ruinate.  And indeed he had put Hercules to his nonplus, being a person little skilful in retorts, had not Febris been there, who leaving her Temple came alone with him: all the rest of the Gods and Goddesses he left at Rome. This man, said she, tells meet Fables. I who lived with him many years assure you he was born at Lions, and owes his privilege to Munatius. What I tell ye is true, he was born at Lions, fifteen miles from Vienna: He is a right Frenchman, and therefore as became a Frenchman he took Rome. I present him for the same born at Lions where Licinius ruled long. And thou Hercules, who hast trod over more Countries than an ordinary Mule, must needs know men of Lions, and that Xanthus and Rhodanus are many miles distant. Claudius here grew angry, and with as much murmuring as he could make begun to chafe. What he said no man understood; but he commanded F●bris to be carried away, and with his hands opened, being strong enough to do what was usual with him when he caused men's heads to be struck off, he commanded them to cut off her head. Thou wouldst have thought them all his enfranchised creatures, so little did they regard what he said. Then Hercules, Hear me, said he, thou Fellow; leave playing the fool: thou come'st hither where Mice eat iron. Tell me the truth quickly, or I'll dash out thy shallow brains. And that he might seem more terrible, he became a Tragedian, and said, 
What place, speak quickly, gave thee birth?  
This club shall pound thee else to earth,  
Which many a cruel King hath slain.  
Look that thy Answers now be plain:  
And let me know what clime hath bred,  
What land produced that shaking head.  
When I went far the Realms to view  
Of that three-bodyed King I slew,  
And brought from Spain with great renown  
The noble herd to Argos Town,  
I saw a Mountain which the Sun  
From East beholds, from whose foot run  
Two rivers, Rhone so famed for force,  
And Soane uncertain of the course  
It is to take; whose slower pace  
Does moisten, not the banks deface.  
Say then, Is that thy native place?   
This he uttered stoutly and boldly enough, but had some doubt he might be flapt by a fool. But Claudius, when he saw this courageous man, left trifling, for he knew well there was never his like in Rome; and also found that he himself had not such power and favour there: A Cock may do much upon his own dunghill. Therefore, as far as he could be understood, he seemed to say thus, I did hope (O Hercules, who art the most valiant God) to have had thy assistance: And if I were put to find Surety of the knowledge of me, I did expect thy Testimony, who knowst me very well: for thou may'st remember, I was he who in thy honour did daily administer Justice before thy Temple in the Months of july and October: and thou knowst how much misery I endured, in sitting to hear the Lawyers plead night and day; into whose hands hadst thou fallen, though thou be'st very stout, thou wouldst rather have cleansed again the Augean Stables, so much more dung did I rake up. Well, said Hercules, I am content to be thy Patron, because I will: and then broke into the Assembly of Demigods who were consulting about Claudius: who murmuring at it, said, It is no wonder thou rushest into the Court, no place is shut from thee. But tell us now what God thou wouldst have him. An Epicurean he cannot be, for he has no employment himself, nor gives any to others. A Stoic God? how can he be, as Varro says, round and perfect, having neither head nor prepuce? 'Tis true, he hath something of a Stoic, for we see he hath neither brains nor head: yet he might justly have desired this favour of Saturn, whose feast he celebrated all the year long. But Caius Caesar would never endure it, in regard he sought what he could to kill Lucius Syllanus his Son in Law, whom he condemned of Incest. And why, I pray? Because he desired that his Sister (being one of the sprightfull'st women in the City, and was therefore called Venus) should be styled juno. He would not seem to tolerate Incest at Rome, though it were permitted in the half degree at Athens, and in the whole at Alexandria; because, as he said, at Rome Mice lick Millstones. This man would teach us to make crooked things strait. What he does in his Chamber we know not; but he searches all the corners of heaven, and would be made a God: He thinks it a small matter to have a Temple in Britain, where the Barbarians give him Divine honour, erecting, as it were, an Altar to his eternal Dominion. At length jupiter finding the matter agitated with confused interlocutions among inferior Gods, advised them to dispute no longer, and wished every one that had interest in that Assembly to declare his opinion. ay, Father's Conscript, saith he, have permitted you to deliver your judgements in this sublime Court, which you have made no better than a Thatched house. I will have the ancient discipline observed. This man, whatsoever he is, what will he think of us? Claudius' being withdrawn, first Father janus was asked his opinion; who being very subtle, was made Afternoon-Consul in the Calends of july, and always looks both before and behind at once. He having been conversant in Courts of Justice, was very Eloquent, and spoke so much that the Scribe of the Court could not set down all, and therefore I do not repeat it, lest I should put what he said into other words. He spoke much of the Greatness of the Gods, and that so high honour ought not to be given promiscuously. It was wont to be counted a great matter to be made a God; you have lessened the reputation of it. And therefore, said he, that I may not in my sentence look so much upon the person as the matter, I advise that none henceforth be made a God that eats the fruits of the earth, or whom the fertile earth in any sort nourishes. Whosoever, contrary to this Act, shall be made, feigned, or be painted a God, let him be thrown to Hobgoblins, and at the next Prize to be played by the new Fencers, let him be sound whipped. The next that delivered his judgement was the Son of Vica Pota, who was also designed a small Bankier Consul; formerly he subsisted by Traffic, and in petty Cities sold Jars of Oil. Hercules stepped handsomely to him, and rounded him in the ear. He then said, Since divine Claudius was near in blood to divine Augustus, who no less than he did solicit the Deification of his Grandmother Augustae and did indeed far excel all mortal men in wisdom; and that it is expedient for the common good, to have one who can with Romulus devour boiling turnips; My judgement is, that Claudius be made a God in as ample manner and with as good right as others were made before him; and that this miracle be added to the Metamorphoses of Ovid. The opinions were various, and Claudius seemed to have most votes. For Hercules, who saw his own iron in the fire, ran up and down from one to another, saying, Envy not me the honour of this work; I am concerned in it: when you have occasion I shall requite the courtesy: one hand washes another. Then stood up sacred Augustus to deliver his opinion; which he did with very much Eloquence. Father's Conscript, said he, I call you to witness that since I was made a God, I have not spoken a word here: I always mind my own business. But I can no longer dissemble nor contain my sorrow which my modesty makes greater. For this cause I made peace at Land and Sea, furnished the City with Laws, and adorned it with stately Buildings. What to say, grave Fathers, I cannot tell: no words are sufficient to declare my indignation. I must make use of the expression of Messala Corvinus an eloquent man: He hath cut in sunder the Majesty and Jurisdiction of the Empire. This man, Father's Conscript, that seems to us scarce able to fright away a fly, has chopped off men's heads with as much facility as a dog eats tripes. But how can I relate his many cruelties? I have not leisure to lament public calamities when I look upon my own domestic miseries. Those therefore I will omit, and these rehearse. Though Phormea understands little Greek, yet I do, and remember the Proverb, Indignation hardly grows old. He whom you see lurking so many years under my name, in requital hath killed two Julia's my Nephew's Daughters, the one with the sword, the other with famine: and also my Nephew's Nephew Lucius Syllanus. Consider, Jupiter, the cause being so wicked, and which concerns you near, whether this man shall remain with us. Tell me, divine Claudius, why thou didst condemn any of these of either sex without hearing, or taking cognizance of the cause. Has this been usually done in heaven? Certainly it was never done. We know that Jupiter, who hath reigned here so many years, only broke the thigh of one Vulcan, and taking him by the foot threw him out of heaven, and being angry with his Wife, hung her between heaven and earth to punish her. But did he kill her? Thou slew'st Messalina, to whom I was great Uncle as well as to thee. Thou wilt say thou 
* After he had put her to death, he sent for her to Supper,  knowst not. The curse of the God's light on thee: so much more shameful it is that thou knowst not then that thou didst it. This man ceased not to prosecute Caius Caesar after his death: he slew his Father in law, this his Son in law. Caius Caesar would not permit the Son of Crassus to be styled the Great: This man restored his name and took off his head. He slew in one house Crassus the Great, Scribonia, Tristonia, and Assario, all Nobles: But Crassus such a fool, as he might have reigned as well as he. Consider, Father's Conscript, what a Monster sues to be made a God: will you now make him? Behold his body formed to despite the Gods. In brief, let him pronounce but three words together, in any reasonable sort, and I will be content to become his slave. Who will adore this God? who will believe him to be so? In conclusion, while you make such Gods, you yourselves are not thought to be Gods. The sum of all is, grave Fathers, if I have behaved myself honestly among you, if I have not been uncivil to any, revenge my wrongs; I for my part pronounce this as my opinion, [and then read out of a Table-book] Since divine Claudius hath slain Appius Syllanus his Father in law, his two Nephews, Pompey the Great, and Lucius Syllanus, Crassus' Father in law to his Daughter, an honest man, and as like him as one egg is to another, Scribonia Mother in law to his Daughter, and Messalina his Wife, and so many beside that it is endless to recount them; he ought to be severely punished, and to be allowed no appeal, but to be carried hence, and within thirty days to leave Heaven, and within three Olympus. All the Gods rose to confirm this judgement: and without expecting further order, Cyllenius took him by the wry neck, and dragged him towards Hell, 
From whence they do maintain  
None can return again.   
While they descended by the broad way, Mercury asked what that concourse of people meant, whether it were Claudius his Funeral. And truly it was as glorious a show as could be seen, set out with so much pomp, that it appeared the Funeral of a God: Such variety there was of Trumpets, Cornets, and Hoeboys. Claudius' heard the noise: All men rejoiced and were merry, the People of Rome found they were at liberty. Agatha and a few Pettifoggers heartily lamented; the Lawyers came out of their holes, pale and meager, scarce able to breath, like men newly recovered from a trance. One of the company seeing the Lawyers lay their heads together bewailing their fortune, drew near and said, I told you Saturn 's Feast would not always last. Claudius when he saw his Funeral perceived himself to be dead; for they chanted with a loud voice this Funeral Elegy.  

Let your sighs and tears abound,  
Let cries fly the Palace round,  
At least feign a mournful sound;   

Since so brave a man, whose head  
Was with wisdom fraught, is dead,  
The Earth none like him eve● bred.   

In swift Races he excelled,  
His light dart the Persians quelled,  
And the Parthians who rebelled.   

He his foes did overthrow,  
Taught the Medes his strength to know,  
And their Painted backs to show.   

Britan's and the Irish, plaeed  
Beyond known Seas, he soon chased:  
They to bear his yoke made haste.   

The Ocean, which no bounds saw,  
To Obedience he, did draw,  
And to yield to Roman Law.   

Plenteous tears for him provide,  
Who, though hearing but one side,  
Sometimes neither, Causes tried.   

What judge will there now be found  
That will sit the whole year round,  
And give Sentence without ground?   

Minos' judge of Souls below,  
TO whom a hundred Cities owe  
Homage, will his Seat forgo.   

But, O you of Venal race,  
Lawyers, now in this sad case,  
Beat your breasts and weep apace.   

Poet's too, who ●aeke great pains,  
Though, alas, with little gains,  
Vent your Sorrows in fresh strains.   

You, 'bove all, grown rich by Play,  
Shaking th'elbow night and day,  
Never put your grief away.   
Claudius was much delighted with his praise, and would fain have heard more: But Talthybius, Messenger of the Gods, laid hands on him, and covering his head that he might not be known, led him by Campus Martius, and between Tiber and the close way descended towards Hell. Narcissus, his enfranchised Servant, went before the direct way to entertain his Patron; and when he came near, he ran to him all neat and trim as out of a Bath, and said, What? do Gods mix with Men? Hasten (said Mercury) and give advertisement of our coming. Narcissus would have complemented longer with his Lord, but Mercury admonished him with his Rod, and again bid him make haste. No sooner had he spoken, but Narcissus hastened as if he ha● flown. The passage is steep and easy of descent, and therefore though he were gouty, he came in a moment to the Gates of Plut●●; where lay (as Horace says) that hundred-headed Beast, which presently rose and shook his bristled crest. Narcissus, who used to play with a little white Beagle, was in a kind of fear when he saw a Dog so black and shaggy, that one would be loath to meet him in the dark, and cried, Claudius Caesar is come. And behold, a multitude came singing with acclamations, We have him, let us rejoice. In this Company were C. Silius, designed Consul, junius Praetorius, Sextus Trullus, Marcus Helvius, Trogus, Cotta, Teclus, Valens Tabius, whom Narcissus had caused to be Executed. In the midst of this troop of Singers was Maestor the Pantomime, whom Claudius for comeliness sake had made leaner. The news was presently carried to Messalina, that Claudius was arrived. First of all came flocking his freedmen, Polybius, Miron, Harpocras, Ampheus, and Pheronactes, whom he had sent before, that he might not want Servants in any place. After them came two Praefects, justus Catonius, and Ruffus, Pompey's Son. Then came his friends, Saturnius Luscius, Pedo Pompeius, Lupus, and Celer Asinius, who had been Consuls. And last of all, his Brother's Daughter, his Sister's Daughter, his Father in law, his Mother 〈◊〉 law; all his near allies came to meet him: whom whe● Claudius saw, he cried out, Behold, all places are full of my friends. How came you hither? Pedo Pompeius reply●d, What sayest thou, bloody man? dost thou ask how? who but thyself hath sent us hither, thou murderer of all thy friends? Come let us go, I'll show thee the judgement-seat: and then brought him to the Tribunal of Aeacus. He it was who, by virtue of the Cornelian Law enacted against murderers, informed against them, and made their process; and now desired to have his name Registered as the accuser of Claudius; that he had murdered thirty Senators, three hundred and fifteen Roman Knights, and of other People, 
The number infinite, like Sand or Dust.   
Claudius' being much dismayed, cast his eyes about to find an Advocate to speak for him, but found at present none. At length Publius Petronius, who was wont to eat at his Table, a man well versed in the Claudian language, appeared, and desired to be admitted his defender, but was refused. Pedo Pompeius accused him with great vehemency; Petronius seemed willing to answer for him. Aeacus, a most just man, having heard but one side, condemned him, and said, If he suffer what he hath done to others, the judgement is just. A great silence was made. All were astonished and wondered at the newness of the thing, saying, the like was never done. Claudius thought it more just than new. It was long debated what kind of Punishment should be inflicted. Some moved, that if the Gods would be pleased to release the punishment of one, either Tantalus might be freed of his Thirst, whereof he would else die, or Sisyphus of the burden of his Stone, or Ixion have his Wheel stopped. But it was resolved that none of the Condemned persons should be discharged, lest Claudius himself might afterwards expect like favour. They agreed that a new punishment should be devised, That some fruitless labour should be imposed upon him, and a kind of Desire, without End or Effect. Then Aeacus pronounced that he should play at Dice with a bottomless Box: And now he began to cast Dice to no purpose, for they still dropped out at the wrong end.  
As oft as he prepared was to cast,  
Shaking the Box, the Dice fell out as fast.  
And putting them into the Box again,  
Like one that played, he found he played in vain:  
For still the Dice slipped thorough and were gone.  
So Sisyphus with many a heavy groan  
To the Hill-top bears his returning Stone.  
Caius Caesar now appeared, and claimed him in ●ight of Bondage, producing witnesses who saw him boxed and beaten with Rods and Cudgels by him. He was adjudged to Caius Caesar, to whom Aeacus gave him: He gave him to Menander his manumitted Servant, to help him to frame Indictments.  
FINIS.