Squire of Alsatia. A COMEDY, As it is Acted by Their Majesty's Servants.  
Written by Tho. Shadwell.  
Creditur, ex medio quia res arcessit, habere  
Sudoris minimum, sed habet Comoedia tanto  
Plus oneris, quanto veniae minus.  Hor. Ep. ad Aug. 1. lib. 2 
LONDON, Printed for james Knapton, at the Queens-Head in St. Paul's Churchyard, 1688.   

An Explanation of the Cant.  

ALsatia. Whitefriars.  
Prig, Prigster. Pert Coxcombs.  
Bubble, Caravan. The Cheated.  
Sealer. One that gives Bonds and Judgements for Goods and Money.  
A Pult. One who is easily wheadled and cheated.  
Coale, Ready, Rhino, Derby. Ready money.  
Rhinocerical. Full of money.  
Megs. Guineas.  
Smelts. Half-Guineas.  
Decus. A Crown piece.  
George. A Half-Crown.  
Hog. A Shilling.  
Sice. sixpence.  
Scout. A Watch.  
Tattler. An Alarm, or Striking Watch.  
Famble. A Ring.  
Porker, Tilter. A Sword.  
A Rumm Nab. A good Beaver.  
Rigging. clothes.  
Blowing, Natural, Convenient, Tackle, Buttock, Pure, Purest pure. Several Names for a Mistress, or rather a Whore.  
To Equip. To furnish one.  
A Bolter of Whitefriars. One that does but peep out of Whitefriars, and retire again like a Rabbit out of his hole.  
To lug out. To draw a Sword.  
To Scamper, to rub, to scour. To run away.  
Bouzy. Drunk.  
Clear. Very Drunk.  
Smoky. Jealous.  
Sharp. Subtle.  
A Sharper. A Cheat.  
A Tattmonger. A Cheat at Dice.  
Tatts. False Dice.  
The Doctor. A particular false Die, which will run but two or three Chances.  
Prog. Meat.    

To the Earl of Dorset and Middlesex, etc.  
My Lord,  
I Having had the Honour to have lived so many years in Your Lordship's favour, and to have been always exceedingly obliged by Your Lordship, aught to be glad of any opporttunity of Publishing my Gratitude. And the offering this Comedy to Your Lordship may not perhaps be thought an improper occasion of doing it; for the first Act of it was written at Copt-Hall; and Your Lordship's Approbation of it (whose Wit and judgement have ever been unquestioned) encouraged and inspired me to go on: When I had finished it, which was in a Month's time, Your Lordship, upon the perusal of the whole, was pleased to say that you thought it a true, and diverting Comedy.  
This, I must confess, made me hope for success upon the Stage, which it met with, but so great, as was above my expectation (in this Age which has run mad after Farces) no Comedy, for these many years, having filled the Theatre so long together: And I had the great Honour to find so many Friends, that the House was never so full since it was built, as upon the third day of this Play; and vast numbers went away, that could not be admitted.  
This extraordinary success the more emboldens me to lay the Play at Your Lordship's Feet; in whose service, I should be glad to employ my whole Life.  
I shall not, according to the Custom of Dedications, make a long Panegyric to Your Lordship, 'tis superfluous and impertinent, to praise him whom all men speak well of, and of whom I never heard any man speak ill: Your Lordship is the Favourite of Mankind; and You deserve to be so, for You are ever obliging, and seeking out occasions of doing good, and exerting Your Charity and Generosity, in which You never lose a day.  
I must acknowledge myself infinitely obliged to Your Lordship every way; but particularly, that I have the freedom of being received as one of Your Family at Copthall; where not only the excellence of the Air, and regulariy of Living contribute to my Health, but I have the Honour of enjoying the conversation which in all the World I would choose.  
It is to me, and it must needs be to all who wish Your Lordship well, an extraordinary satisfaction to observe that You have laid so certain a foundation of solid happiness, for all the remaining part of Your Life; in retiring from all the unsatisfying pleasures, and noisy troubles of the Town, to so sweet a place, with so admirable a Lady, who in Beauty is exceeded by none, and has all those qualities of mind besides, which serve to make an excellent Lady, an extraordinary Governess of a Family, and an incomparable Wife; whose Fruitfulness is like to bless Your Lordship with a Beauteous, Noble and Numerous Issue. And may Your Lordship and She long enjoy one another, and all the Blessings You Yourselves can imagine or desire. I am,  
My Lord, Your Lordship's Most Humble Servant, THO. SHADWELL.   

PROLOGUE, To the Squire of Alsatia. Spoken by Mr. Mountfort.  
HOw have we in the space of one poor Age,  
Beheld the Rise and Downfall of the Stage!  
When, with our King restored, it first arose,  
They did each day some good old Play expose;  
And than it flourished: Till, with Manna tired,  
For wholesome Food ye nauseous Trash desired.  
Then rose the whiffling Scribblers of those days,  
Who since have lived to bury all their Plays;  
And had their issue full as numerous been  
As Priam's, they the Fate of all had seen.  
With what prodigious scarcity of Wit  
Did the new Authors starve the hungry Pit?  
Infected by the French, you must have Rhyme,  
Which long, to please the Lady's ears, did chime.  
Soon after this came Ranting Fustian in,  
And none but Plays upon the fret were seen:  
Such Roaring Bombast stuff, which Fops would praise,  
Tore our best Actors Lungs, cut short their days.  
Some in small time did this distemper kill,  
And had the savage Authors gone on still,  
Fustian had been a new Disease i'th' Bill.  
When Time, which all things tries, had laid Rhyme dead,  
The vile Usurper Farce reigned in its stead.  
Then came Machine's, brought from a Neighbour Nation,  
Oh how we suffered under Decoration.  
If all this stuff has not quite spoiled your taste,  
Pray let a Comedy once more be graced:  
Which does not Monsters represent, but Men,  
Conforming to the Rules of Master Ben.  
Our Author, ever having him in view,  
At humble distance would this steps pursue.  
He to correct, and to inform did write:  
If Poets aim at nought but to delight,  
Fiddlers have to the Bays an equal right.  
Our Poet found your gentle Father's kind,  
And now some of his works your favour find.  
He'll treat you still with somewhat that is new,  
But whether good or bad, he leaves to you.  
Bawdy the nicest Ladies need not fear,  
The quickest fancy shall extract none here.  
We will not make 'em blush, by which is shown  
How much their bought Red differs from their own.  
No Fop no Beau shall just exceptions make,  
None but abandoned Knaves offence shall take:  
Such Knaves as he industriously offends,  
And should be very loath to have his Friends.  
For you who bring good humour to the Play,  
We'll do our best to make you laugh to day.   

Dramatis Personae.  
Sir William Belfond. Mr. Leigh. 
A Gentleman of above 3000 l. per annum, who in his Youth had been a Spark of the Town; but married and retired into the Country, where he turned to the other extreme, rigid, morose, most sordidly covetous, clownish, obstinate, positive and froward.  Sir Edward Belfond. Mr. Griffin. 
His Brother, a Merchant, who by lucky hits had gotten a great Estate, lives single with ease and pleasure, reasonably and virtuously. A man of great humanity and gentleness and compassion towards mankind; well read in good Books, possessed with all Gentlemanlike qualities.  Belfond Senior. Mr. jevon. 
Eldest Son to Sir William, bred after his Father's Rustic, swinish manner, with great rigour and severity; upon whom his Father's Estate is entailed; the confidence of which makes him break out into open Rebellion to his Father, and become lewd, abominably vicious, stubborn and obstinate.  Belfond Junior. Mr. Mountfort. 
Second Son to Sir William, adopted by Sir Edw. and bred from his Childhood by him, with all the tenderness, and familiarity, and bounty, and liberty that can be; instructed in all the Liberal Sciences, and in all Gentlemanlike Education: Somewhat given to Women, and now and then to good fellowship; but an ingenious, well-accomplished Gentleman; a man of Honour and of excellent disposition and temper.  Truman. Mr. Bowman. 
His Friend, a man of Honour and Fortune.  Cheatly. Mr. Samford. 
A Rascal, who by reason of Debts dares not stir out of Whitefriars, but there inveigles young heirs in tail; and helps 'em to Goods and Money upon great disadvantages; is bound for them, and shares with them, till he undoes them. A lewd, impudent, debauched fellow, very expert in the Cant about the Town.  Shamwell. Mr. Powel Jun. 
Cousin to the Belfonds, an heir, who being ruined by Cheatly, is made a Decoy-Duck for others; not daring to stir out of Alsatia, where he lives; is bound with Cheatly for heirs, and lives upon them, a dissolute debauched life.  Captain Hackum. Mr. Bright. 
A Blockheaded Bully of Alsatia; a cowardly, impudent, blustering fellow; formerly a Sergeant in Flanders, run from his Colours, retreating into Whitefriars for a very small debt; where, by the Alsatians he is dubbed a Captain; marries one that lets Lodgings, sells Cherry-brandy, and is a Bawd.  Scrapeall. Mr. Freeman. 
A hypocritical, repeating, praying, Psalm, singing, precise fellow, pretending to great piety, a godly Knave, who joins with Cheatly, and supplies young heirs with goods and money.  Attorney, Mr. powel Sen. 
To Sir William Belfond, who solicits his business, and receives all his Packets.  Lolpoop. Mr. Underhill. 
A North Country fellow, servant to Belfond Senior, much displeased at his Masters proceedings.  Termagant. Mr. Alexander. 
A Sharper, Brother to Mrs. Termagant.  La Mar. Parson. 
French Valet de Chambre. An Indebted Alsatian Divine.  Teresia. Mrs. Knight. 
Daughter to Scrapeall, in Love with, and beloved by Truman.  Isabel. Mrs. Mountford. 
His Niece, in Love with, and beloved by Belfond Junior.  Lucia. Mrs. Bracegirdle. 
The Attorneys Daughter, a young, beautiful Girl, of a mild and tender disposition; debauched by Belfond Junior.  Mrs. Termagant. Mrs. Bowtell. 
A Neglected Mistress of Belfond Junior, by whom he has had a Child: A furious, malicious, and revengeful Woman; perpetually plaguing him, and crossing him, in all his designs; pursuing him continually with her malice, even to the attempting of his Life.  Mrs. Hackum. Mrs. Betty. 
Wife to Captain Hackum. Lolpoops Whore.  Mrs. Margaret. 
His Masters Whore.  Fiddlers, Constables, Tip-staffe, Watch, Sergeant, etc. Musketeers, Rabble, etc. 
   

THE Squire of Alsatia.  
ACT I. SCENE I.  Enter Belfond Senior, meeting Shamwell. Belf. Sen. 
COusin Shamwell well met; Good morrow to you.  Sham. 
Cousin Belfond your humble Servant: What makes you abroad so early? 'Tis not much past seven.  Belf. Sen. 
You know we were Bouzy last night: I am a little hot-headed this morning: And come to take the fresh Air here in the Temple-walks.  Sham. 
Well: And what do you think of our way of living here? Is not rich generous Wine better than your poor Hedg-Wine stumed, or dull March-Beer? Are not delicate well-bred, well-dressed Women better than Dairy-Maids, Tenants Daughters, or Barefoot Strumpets? Streets full of fine Coaches, better than a yard full of Dung-Carts? A Magnificent Tavern, than a Thatched Alehouse? Or the society of brave honest, witty, merry Fellows, than the Conversation of unthinking Hunting, Hawking Blockheads, or High-shooed Peasants and their wiser Cattle?  Belf. Sen. 
O yes, a world adad. ne'er stir, I could never have thought there had been such a gallant place as London: Here I can be drunk over night, and well next morning: Can ride in a Coach for a shilling as good as a Deputy Lieutenants; and such merry Wags, and ingenious Companions.— Well, I vow and swear, I am mightily beholding to you, Dear Cousin Shamwell: Then for the Women! Mercy upon us, so civil and well bred. And I'll swear upon a Bible, finer all of them than Knight Baronet's Wives with us.  Sham. 
And so kind and pleasant!  Belf. Sen. 
Ay, I vow pretty Rogues! No pride in them in the World; but so courteous and familiar, as I am an honest man, they'll do whatever one would have 'em presently; Ah sweet Rogues: While in the Country, a pies take 'em, there's such a stir with pish, fie, nay Mr. Timothy, what do you do? I vow I'll squeak, never stir I'll call out, ah hah—  Sham. 
And if one of 'em happen to be with Child: There's straight an uproar in the Country, as if the Hundred were sued for a Robbery!  Belf. Sen. 
Ay so there is: And I am in that fear of my Father besides adad, he'd knock me i'th' Head, if he should hear of such a thing: To say truth, he's so terrible to me I can never enjoy myself for him: Lord! What will he say when he comes to know I am at London? Which he in all his life-time would never suffer me to see, for fear I should be debauched forsooth; And allows me little or no money at home neither.  Sham. 
What matter what He says? Is not every Foot of the Estate entailed upon you?  Belf. Sen. 
Well, I'll endure't no longer! If I can but raise Money; I'll teach him to use his Son like a Dog, I'll warrant him.  Sham. 
You can ne'er want that: Take up on the Reversion: 'Tis a lusty one; And Cheatly will help you to the Ready: And Thou shalt shine and be as gay as any Spruce Prigg that ever walked the Street.  Belf. Sen. 
Well: adad, you are pleasant men: And have the neatest sayings with you: Ready, and Spruce Prigg, and abundance of the prettiest witty words.— But sure that Mr. Cheatly is as fine a Gentleman as any wears Head: And as ingenious; ne'er stir I believe he would run down the best Scholar in Oxford, and put 'em in a Mousehole with his Wit.  Sham. 
In Oxford! Ay, and in London too.  Belf. Sen. 
Goodsookers' Cousin! I always thought they had been wittiest in the Universities.  Sham. 
O fie Cousin: A Company of Putts! mere Putts!  Belf. Sen. 
Putts, mere Putts: very good I'll swear, ha ha ha.  Sham. 
They are all Scholar Boys, and nothing else, as long as they live there: And yet they are as confident as if they knew every thing; when they understand no more beyond Magdalen-Bridge than mere Indians. But Cheatly is a rare fellow: I'll speak a bold word, He shall Cut a Shame or Banter with the best Wit or Poet of 'em all.  Belf. Sen. 
Good again! Cut a Shame, or Banter! I shall remember all these quaint words in time: But Mr. Cheatly's a prodigy that's certain.  Sham. 
He is so; and a worthy brave fellow, and the best friend where he takes, and the most sincere of any man breathing.  Belf. Sen. 
Nay, I must needs say, I have found him very frank, and very much a Gentleman, and am most extremely obliged to him and you for your great kindness.  Sham. 
This morning your clothes and Liveries will come home, and thou shalt appear rich and splendid like thyself, and the Mobile shall worship thee.  Belf. Sen. 
The Mobile! That's pretty. Enter Cheatly. Sweet Mr. Cheatly, my best friend, let me embrace thee.  Cheat. 
My sprightly Son of Timber and of Acres: My noble Heir I salute thee: The Coal is coming, and shall be brought in this morning.  Belf. Sen. 
Cole? Why 'tis Summer, I need no firing now. Besides I intent to burn Billets.  Cheat. 
My lusty Rustic, learn and be instructed. Cole is in the language of the Witty, Money. The Ready, the Rhino; thou shalt be Rhinocerical, my Lad, thou shalt.  Belf. Sen. 
Admirable I swear! Cole! Ready! Rhino! Rhinocerical! Lord, how long may a man live in ignorance in the Country?  Sham. 
Ay: But what Asses you'll make of the Country Gentlemen when you go amongst them. 'Tis a Providence your are fallen into so good hands.  Belf. Sen. 
'Tis a mercy indeed. How much Coal, Ready, and Rhino shall I have?  Cheat. 
Enough to set thee up to Spark it in thy Brother's face: And e'er thou shalt want the Ready, the Derby, Thou shalt make thy fruitful Acres in Reversion to fly, And all thy sturdy Oaks to bend like Switches! But thou must squeeze my Lad: Squeeze hard, and Seal my Bully. Shamwell and I are to be bound with thee.  Belf. Sen. 
I am mightily beholding to you both I vow and swear; my Uncle Sir Edward took my Brother when he was a Child, and Adopted him: Would it had been my Lot.  Sham. 
He is a noble Gentleman, and maintains him in Coach and Equipage fit for him.  Cheat. 
Thou shalt not see the Prigg thy Brother till thou shalt out-jingle him in Ready, outshine him in thy Ornaments of Body, out-spark him thy Coach and Liveries; and shalt be so Equipt, that thou shalt dazzle the whole Town with thy Outrageous Splendour.  Belf. Sen. 
I vow his Tongue is rarely hung!  Cheat. 
Thy Brother's heart shall break with Envy at thy Gallantry: The Fops and Beaux shall be astonished at thy brightness. What Ogling there will be between thee and the Blowing: Old staring at thy Equipage. And every Buttock shall fall down before thee.  Belf. Sen. 
Ha ha ha! I vow you are the pleasantest man I ever met with, and I'll swear the best friend I ever had in my life; that I must needs say. I was resolved not to let my Brother see me till I was in Circumstances dee see: And for my Father he's in Holland. My Mother's Brother died and left him sole Executor. He'll not be here these six Weeks.  Sham. 
Well, when you see your Brother he'll envy you, and rail at those who made you flourish so. We shall be cast off.  Belf. Sen. 
Gudzookers' Cousin! I take it very unkindly that you should say so. I'll cast off all the Relations in the World before I'll part with such true, such loving Friends, adad. Enter Captain Hackum. O noble Captain Hackum, your Servant; Servant Captain.  Hack. 
Your humble Trout, good noble Squire, you were brave and bowzy last night; i'saith you were.  Belf. Sen. 
Yes really, I was Clear: For I do not remember what I did, or where I was: Clear, Clear; is not that right?  Sham. 
Ay ay! Why, you broke Windows: scoured, broke open a House in Dorset Court, and took a pretty Wench, a Gentleman's Natural, away by force.  Cheat. 
Very true: And this Magnanimous Spark, This Thunderbolt of War, Captain Hackum, laid about him like a Hero, as did some other of your friends, or else the Watch had mauled us: But we made them scour.  Belf. Sen. 
Nay o' my Conscience, the Captain's mighty Valiant; there's Terror in that Countenance and Whiskers: He's a very Scanderberg incarnate. And now you put me in mind, I recollect somewhat of this matter: My Shoulders are plaguy sore, and my Arms black and blue; but where's the Wench, the Natural, ha Captain?  Hack. 
Ah Squire, I led her off. I have her safe for you.  Belf. Sen. 
But does not the Gallant thunder and roar for her?  Hack. 
The Scoundrel dares not: He knows me, who never knew fear in my life; For my part, I love Magnanimity and Honour, and those things; And fighting is one of my Recreations.  

He that wears a brave Soul, and dares honestly do,  
Is a Herald to himself, and a Godfather too.   Belf. Sen. 
O brave Captain.  Cheat. 
The Prigster lugged out in defence of his Natural; the Captain whipped his Porker out, and away rubbed Prigster and called the Watch.  Belf. Sen. 
Prigster, lugged out, Natural, Porker, rubbed, admirable! This is very ingenious Conversation: You're the purest Company; Who would not keep Company with the Wits; Pox o' the Country I say.  Hack. 
But Squire, I had damned ill luck afterwards: I went up the Gaming Ordinary, and lost all my Ready; they lest me not a Rag or Sock: Pox o' the Tatts for me: I believe they put the Doctor upon me.  Belf. Sen. 
Tatts, and Doctor! what's that?  Sham. 
The Tools of Sharpers, false Dice.  Hack. 
Hark you, prithee Noble Squire, Equipp me with a Couple of Meggs, or two Couple of Smelts.  Belf. Sen. 
Smelts! What shall we bespeak another Dish of Fish for our Dinner?  Sham. 
No no, Meggs are Guineas, Smelts are Half Guineas: He would borrow a Couple of Guineas.  Belf. Sen. 
Meggs, Smelts! Ha ha ha. Very pretty by my troth. And so thou shalt, Dear Captain: There are two Meggs; and I vow and swear I am glad I have 'em to pleasure you, adad I am.  Hack. 
You are so honest a Gentleman, Quarrel every day and I'll be your Second; once a day at least: And I'll say this for you, There's not a finer Gentleman this day walks the Friars; no dispraise to any man, let him be what he will.  Belf. Sen. 
Adad you make me proud Sir. Enter Lolpoop. O Lolpoop, where have you been all this morning Sirrah?  Lolpoop. 
Why 'tis but rear marry, 'tis meet a bit past Eight: By'r Lady yeow were so fow drunken last neeght I had thoughten yeow wouden ha leen a bed awe th' morn: Well, mine eyen ache a gazing up and down on awe the fine sights; but for awe that send me North to my own Caunty again.  Belf. Sen. 
O silly Rogue: You are only fit for Cattle. Gentlemen, you must excuse him, he knows no better.  Lolp. 
Marry, better quoth a! By th' Mess, this is a life for the Deel: To be drunken each night, break Windows, Roar, Sing and Swear i'th' Streets; go to Loggerheads with the Constable and the Watch, han Harlots in Gold and Silver Lace: Hea'n bless us, and send me a whom again.  Belf. Sen. 
Peace, you saucy Scoundrel, or I'll Cudgel you to Pap: Sirrah do not provoke me, I say do not.  Lolp. 
God's flesh, where's Money for awe this? Yeowst be run agraunt soon and you takken this course, I'll tell a that.  Belf. Sen. 
Take that Sirrah: I'll teach you to mutter: What my Man become my Master?  Lolp. 
Waunds! give me ten times more and send me whom again at after. What will awed Maaster say to this? I must ne'er see the Face of him I wot.  Sham. 
Hang him Rogue. Toss him in a Blanket.  Cheat. 
Let me talk with him a little. Come on Fellow.  Lolp. 
Talk! Well, what sen ye?  Cheatly bantering. 
Your Master being in this matter, to deport his Countenance somewhat obliquely, to some principles, which others but out of a Mature Gravity may have weighed, and think too heavy to be undertaken; what does it avail if you shall precipitate or plunge yourself into affairs, as unsuitable to your Physiognomy as they are to your Complexion.  Lolp. 
Ha, what sen you? yeow mistaken me: I am not Book-learned: I understand a not.  Cheat. 
No, 'tis the strangest thing! Why, put the Case you are indebted to me 20 l. upon a Scire facias: I extend this up to an Outlawry, upon Affidavit upon the Nisi prius: I plead to all this matter Non est inventus upon the Panel; what is there to be done more in this Case, as it lies before the Bench, but to award out Execution upon the Posse Comitatus, who are presently to issue out a Certiorari.  Lolp. 
I understand a little of Sizes, Nisi prizes, Affidavi, Sussurari! But by the Mess I cannot tell what to mack of awe this together not I  Belf. Sen. 
Ha ha. Puppy! Owl! Loggerhead! O silly Country Put! Here's a Prigg indeed: He'll ne'er find out what 'tis to Cut a Shame or Banter: Well, I swear Sir you do it the best of any man in the World.  Cheat. 
No no, I swear not I.  Belf. Sen. 
I protest Sir you do it Incomparably.  Cheat. 
Nay, now you Compliment: Faith you make me blush.  Lolp. 
Shame and Banter are Heathen Greek to me: But yeow have cut out fine wark for your sell last Neeght: I went to see the Hause yeow had Brocken, awe the Windows are pood dawn. I asked what was the matter, and by th' Mass they haw learned your Nam too; they saiden Squire Belfond had done it, and Ravished a Wench: and that they hadden gotten the Lord Chief Justice Warren for you, and wooden bring a pawr of Actions against yeow.  Belf. Sen. 
Is this true?  Lolp. 
Ay by th' Mass.  Cheat. 
No matter; we'll bring you off with a wet finger▪ trust me for that.  Belf. Sen. 
Dear Friend, I rely upon you for every thing.  Sham. 
We value not twenty such things of a rush.  Hack. 
If any of their Officers dare invade our Privileges, we'll send 'em to Hell without Bail or Mainprize.  Lolp. 
But I can tella a wor news than awe this; I ne'er saw flesh alive, and I saw not your Father's man Roger come out o'th' Temple-yate e'en now. Your Father's in Town that's certain.  Belf. Sen. 
How! my Father say you? 'Tis impossible.  Cheat. 
Courage my Heir in Tail: Thy Father's a poor sneaking Tenant for Life; thou shalt live better than he can: And if we do contract a Debt upon thy dirty Acres in the North, I have designed for you a fine young Lady with a swinging Fortune to redeem all; And 'tis impossible my Lad to miss her.  Belf. Sen. 
Sir, let me embrace you, and love you▪ Never man embraced a better Friend! Amicus Certus in re incerta Cernitur, as the saying is.  Lolp. 
Sir, Sir, let me speak one word with you; Odsflesh, I'll die the Death of a Dog, and awe these yeow seen here, be not Rogues, Cheats, and Pickpockets.  Belf. Sen. 
Peace, you Rascal; Adad I would not have any of 'em hear for five hundred pounds; you were a dead man.  Lolp. 
What is the reason they dare not stir out of this privileged place, but on Sabbath-days.  Belf. Sen. 
You Blockhead, Mr. Cheatly had an Alderman's young Wife run away with him, is sued for't, and is in fear of a substantial Jury of City Cuckolds. Shamwells' unnatural Father lays wait for him, to apprehend him and run him into the Country. The Brave and Valiant Gentleman, Captain Hackum, who is as stout as a Lion, beat a Judge's Son t'other day. And now your questions are fully answered, you Put you.  Cheat. 
Honest Shamwell, thou art a rare fellow: Thy Cousin here is the wealthiest Caravan we have met with a long time; the hopefullest Sealer that ever yet touched Wax among us: But we must take off that evil Counsellor of His.  Sham. 
I warrant you. Enter Tailor with a Bundle, a Perriwig-maker, Hatter, Shoemaker. Oh Cousin, here's your Tailor, with your Clothes and Liveries, Hatter, Shoemaker, Perriwig-maker.  Cheat. 
All your moveables together; go into your Lodging and sit them: your new Footmen, and your French Valet de Chambre are there, I'll wait on you there presently.  Lolp. 
Odsflesh, here's whaint wark: By'r Lady this is fine! whaw whaw!  Belf. Sen. 
Get you in, you Rogue: An you mutter one word more, adad I'll mince you, Sirrah: Well, go in all of you. Gentlemen, I shall see you presently. Exit.  Cheat. 
Immediately: Let us hug ourselves, my dear Rascal, in this adventure you have done very well to engage him last night in an Outrage; and we must take care to put him upon all the expense we can: We must reduce him to have as much need of us as possible.  Sham. 
Thou art i'th' right: But Captain, where's the Convenient, the Natural?  Hack. 
Why at my House: my Wife has wrought her into a good humour: She is very pretty; and is now pleased to think the Squire will be a better Keeper than her former; for he was but a Sharper, a Tatmonger, and when he wanted Money would kick and beat her most immoderately.  Sham. 
Well: I'll say that for the Captain's Wife, she's as good an able Discreet Woman to carry on an Intrigue, as e'er a Woman in the Friars! Nay better.  Hack. 
Your Servant good Mr. Shamwell; she's a very good Woman thanks be to Heaven, I have great comfort in her; she has a Cup of the best Cherry-Brandy in the Friars.  Sham. 
aside. And commonly a good Whore to boot: But prithee Captain, go home and let her and the young Girl prepare to Dine with us; we must have a great Dinner and Fiddlers at the George, to season the Squire in his new Equipage.  Hack. 
Well, well, it shall be done. Exit.  Sham. 
You'll find this Fellow a necessary Tool in Consort with his Wife, who is, indeed, a Bawd of parts: He is a good Ruffian enough: For though he be not stout, he's impudent, and will roar and keep a filthy pother, which is enough to make Fools believe he's stout.  Cheat. 
Let him, and the small Fry pick up the Squires loose Crumbs, While we share in the lusty Sums. Enter Scrapeall. Oh here comes Mr. Scrapeall with all his Zeal; our godly Accomplice in all designs; leave him to me. Ex. Sham. Oh Mr. Scrapeall! Have you brought the money for the Squire?  Scrap. 
I come to tell you that my man approacheth with the Money and the Goods for your Squire.  Cheat. 
I hope you have not burdened him with too many Goods at first?  Scrap. 
No: But a fourth part: 'Tis true the Goods are somewhat stale, but I will take them off at small under rates: You know I am not seen in furnishing of the Goods and Money, but only in the buying of the Goods. My Lawyer accompanieth my Man to testify the Writings.  Cheat. 
'Tis as it should be: He is a fat Squire; the Estate in Tail is full 3000 l. a year. He will yield well.  Scap. 
aside. This Squire is to take to Wife a Niece I have in Charge: His Father is to give me 5000 l. out of her Fortune; and the Squire's Lewdness and Prodigality will soon let me deep into his Reversion. Besides his lighting into these hands, will make his Father, when he finds it, hasten to agree with me for his Redemption; I like the business well. I am going to the man you call Crump, who helpeth Solicitors to Affidavit-men, and Swearers, and Bail.  Cheat. 
His Office is next door; his Wardrobe for Bail and Witnesses. Here he comes; let's meet him. Exeunt.  Enter Sir William Belfond, and an Attorney. Sir Will. 
Sure I should know the Face of that Fellow, that's going there into White-friar's.  Att. 
'Tis a most Notorious one; you have seen him often, this that most audacious Rogue, Cheatly; who has drawn in so many young Heirs, and undone so many Sealer's: He is a Bolter of White-friar's.  Sir Will. 
It is that Villain!  Att. 
I am very glad Sir, you have dispatched your business so soon in Holland.  Sir Will. 
I had great success, and finished all six Weeks at least ere I expected; and had time to come by the way of Flanders, and see that Country which I desired: And from Newport I came to Dover; and riding Post from thence, I took a Boat at Southwark, and landed just now here at the Temple: But I am troubled you had sent my Packet to Holland e'er I came.  Att. 
I received none from you of late: No Packet has arrived this Fortnight from Holland.  Sir Will. 
Have you heard no News from my Son, nor my Steward in the Country?  Att. 
None these ten or twelve days.  Sir Will. 
That Son is all the joy of my life; for him I hurry up and down, take pains, spare and live hard to raise his Fortune.  Att. 
Indeed, I hear he's a fine Gentleman, and understands his Country affairs as well as e'er a Farmer of them all.  Sir Will. 
I must confess he proves after my own Heart: He's a solid Young man, a Dutiful Child as ever man had, and I think I have done well for him in providing him a Wife with such a Fortune, which he yet knows nothing of. But will not this Godly Man, this Mr. Scrapeall, take a Farthing less say you for his Niece?  Attor. 
Not a souse: I have higgled with him as if I were to buy of a Horse-courser, and he will not take a farthing less than 5000 l. for his Niece.  Sir Will. 
He's a strange Mixture, a perpetual Sermon-hunter, repeats and sings Psalms continually, and prays so loud and vehemently, that he is a Disturbance to his Neighbours; he is so Heavenward Pious, and seems a very Saint of a Scrivener.  Att. 
He finds the sweet of that, it gets him many a good Trust and Executorship.  Sir Will. 
Pox on him for a Damned godly knave, forsooth, cannot he be contented to sell her, whom his own Brother committed to his Charge; but he must extort so much for her? well I must agree with him: I know she has full 20000 l. left her: And has been brought up as strictly as my Son: Get writings ready: I'll send Post for my Son Timothy this Day.  Attor. 
They are ready; you may Seal in the afternoon if you please.  Sir Will. 
And I will then. I'll detain you no longer: get my Writings ready: I am resolved to settle my other Boy well: But my Town Son afflicts me when e'er I hear him named.  Attor. 
Your humble Servant Sir Will. Belfond. Ex. Attorn.  Enter Servant to Sir William. Seru. 
Sir, I have been at your Brother's house, and they say he is come to some Lawyer's Chamber in the Kings-Bench-buildings.  Sir Will. 
That's lucky enough: I'll walk here then, and do you watch. Enter Hackum, and another Bully. Who are these? Some Inhabitants of whitefriars; some Bullies of Alsatia.  Hack. 
I was plaguy Bouzy last night with Squire Belfond: We had Fiddles, Whores, Scoured, broke Windows, beat Watches, and roared like Thunder.  Bully. 
Ay, I heard you?  Sir Will. 
What says he? aside.  Hack. 
He Drinks, Whores, Swears, Sings, Roars, Rants and Scours with the best of us.  Sir Will. 
Sir, with your favour, are you acquainted with young Belfond?  Hack. 
Yes, that I am. What Country putt this? aside.  Sir Will. 
What Countryman is he Sir?  Hack. 
Prithee, old Prigster, why dost ask? He is a Northern man: He has a damned Rustic, miserable Rascal to his Father, who lives a nasty brutal life in the Country like a Swine: But the Squire will be even with him I warrant him.  Sir Will. 
I have something to say to him if I could see him.  Hack. 
You, you old Prigg, you damned Country Put: You have somewhat to say to him! I am ready to give you satisfaction: Lugg out; come you Put: I'll make you Scamper.  Sir Will. 
D'ee hear Bully Rascal, put up and walk your way, or by Heaven I'll beat you as long as you are able to be beaten.  Bully. 
I'll stand by you: You may easily beat this old fellow.  Hack. 
No man e'er gave me such words, but forfeited his life; I could whip thee through the Lungs immediately: But I'll desist at present. Who the Devil would have thought this Put durst have drawn a Sword? Well Sir we shall take a time Sir, another time Sir.  Sir Will. 
You lie, you Rascal; you will take no time. Here's a fine Companion of my Sons! Exit Bully.  Enter Sir Edward Belfond. Sir Edw. 
Who's this I see? my Brother! Sir William Belfond! Your humble Servant. You are welcome into England. I looked not for you these six weeks.  Sir Will. 
I landed at the Temple-stairs even now: My man has been at your House, and he heard there you were here.  Sir Edw. 
I hope you have done your business.  Sir Will. 
Beyond my Expectation.  Sir Edw. 
Has your Wife's Brother done by you in his Will, as you would have had him.  Sir Will. 
Truly yes: He has made me sole Executor, and left my two Sons 5000 l. apiece, to be paid at each of their days of Marriage, or at my Death.  Sir Edw. 
Well Brother, you are a happy man; for Wealth flows in upon you on every side, and Riches you account the greatest happiness.  Sir Will. 
I find that Wealth alone will not make happy. Ah Brother, I must confess it was a kindness in you, when Heaven had blessed you with a great Estate by Merchandise, to adopt my Younger Son, and take him and breed him from his Childhood: But you have been so gentle to him, he is run into all manner of Vice and Riot; no bounds can hold him; no shame can stop him; no Laws nor Customs can restrain him.  Sir Edw. 
I am confident you are mistaken: He has as fair a Reputation as any Gentleman about London: 'Tis true, he's a good fellow, but no Sot; he loves mirth and society, without Drunkenness: He is, as all young Fellows I believe are, given to Women; but 'tis in private; and he is particular: no Common Whoremaster: and in short, keeps as good Company as any man in England.  Sir Will. 
Your overweening makes you look through a false Glass upon him. Company! why he keeps Company for the Devil: Had you come a minute sooner, you might have seen two of his Companions; they were praising him for Roaring, Swearing, Ranting, Scouring, Whoring, beating Watches, breaking Windows: I but asked one of 'em if he knew him, and said I had somewhat to say to him; the Rogue, the most seeming terrible of the two, told me, If I had any thing to say to Squire Belfond, he would give me satisfaction.  Sir Edw. 
What kind of fellow?  Sir Will. 
He came out of whitefriars: He's some Alsatian Bully.  Sir Edw. 
'Tis impossible; he never keeps such Company.  Sir Will. 
The Rogue drew upon me: bid me Lug out, called me Old Prigg, Country Put; and spoke a particular Language which such Rogues have made to themselves, called Canting, as Beggars, Gipsies, Thiefs and Jayl-Birds do: But I made his Bullies go away very tamely at the sight of my drawn Sword.  Sir Edw. 
I am sure he keeps no such Company: it must be some other of his Name.  Sir Will. 
You make me mad to excuse him thus: The Town rings of him; You have ruined him by your Indulgence: Besides, he throws away Money like Dirt; his Infamy is notorious.  Sir Edw. 
Infamy: Nay there you wrong him; he does no ungentleman-like things: Prithee consider Youth a little: What if he does Wench a little; and now and then is somewhat extravagant in Wine? Where's the great Crime? All young fellows that have mettle in 'em will do the first; and if they have wit and good humour in 'em, in this drinking Country, they will sometimes be forced upon the latter: And he must be a very dull phlegmatic Lump, whom Wine will not elevate to some Extravagance now and then.  Sir Will. 
Will you distract me? What are Drinking and Whoring no faults? His courses will break my heart; they bring Tears into my Eyes so often.  Sir Edw. 
One would think you had been Drinking and were maudling: Think what we ourselves did when we were young fellows: You were a Spark, would Drink, Scour and Wench with the best o'th' Town.  Sir Will. 
Ay, but I soon repented, married and settled.  Sir Edw. 
And turned as much to the other extreme: And now perhaps I mislike these faults, caused by his heat of Youth. But how do you know he may not be reclaimed suddenly?  Sir Will. 
Reclaimed? How can he be reclaimed without severity? You should Cudgel him, and allow him no Money: make him not dare to offend you thus. Well, I have a Son whom by my strictness I have formed according to my heart: He never puts on his Hat in my presence; Rises at second Course, takes away his Plate; says Grace, and saves me the Charge of a Chaplain. When ever he committed a fault, I mauled him with Correction: I'd fain see him once dare to be extravagant: No, he's a good Youth, the Comfort of my Age; I weep for joy to think of him. Good Sir, learn to be a Father of him that is one: I have a Natural Care of him.  Sir Edw. 
You are his Father by Nature, I by Choice: I took him when he was a Child, and bred him up with gentleness, and that kind of Conversation that has made him my friend: He conceals nothing from me, or denies nothing to me. Rigour makes nothing but Hypocrites.  Sir Will. 
Perhaps when you begin late; but you should have been severe to him in his Childhood: abridged him of Liberty and Money: and have had him soundly whipped often: he would have blessed you for it afterwards.  Sir Edw. 
Too much straightness in the minds of Youths, like too much lacing the Body, will make 'em grow Crooked.  Sir Will. 
But no lacing at all, will make them swell and grow Monsters.  Sir Edw. 
I must govern by Love. I had as leive govern a Dog as a Man if it must be by fear: This I take to be the difference between a good Father to Children, and a harsh Master over Slaves.  Sir Will. 
Yes, and see what your government is come to; his Vice and Prodigality will distract me.  Sir Edw. 
Why should you be so concerned? He is mine, is he not?  Sir Will. 
Yes, by Adoption, but he is mine by Nature.  Sir Edw. 
'Tis all but Custom.  Sir Will. 
Mine is a tender Care.  Sir Edw. 
Your passion blinds you: I have as tender care as you can have: I have been ever delighted with him from his Childhood: He is endeared to me by long custom and familiarity. I have had all the pleasure of a Father, without the drudgery of getting a Son upon a damned Wife, whom perhaps I should wish hanged.  Sir Will. 
And will you let him run on in his Lewdness and Prodigality?  Sir Edw. 
He is mine: If he offends, 'tis me: If he squanders away Money, 'tis mine; and what need you care? Pray take care of your own: If you will take care of this too, what do you but take him from me?  Sir Will. 
This you come to always! I take him from you: No, I'd not be troubled with him. Well, let him run on, and be ruined, hanged and and damned— I'll never speak word more about him. Let him go on.  Sir Edw. 
This heat of youth will be allayed e'er long I warrant you.  Sir Will. 
No, no, let him go on, let him go on; I'll take care of my own at home: and happy were this Rakehell if he would take Example by his Brother: But I say no more; I ha' done; let him go on.  Sir Edw. 
Now you are angry, your passion runs away with you.  Sir Will. 
No no, I have done; what would you have more?  Sir Edw. 
Let us go and see him: I'll lay my life you'll find him perusing some good Author; he ever spends his whole morning in study.  Sir Will. 
I must into the City, the first thing I do, and get my Bills accepted; and than if you will we'll see him: and no doubt but we shall find him perusing of some Whore or other, instead of a Book.  Sir Edw. 
I am not of your Opinion: I at I'll carry you in my Coach into the City, and then bring you back to him: He is of so good a disposition: So much a Gentleman: And has such worth and honour, that if you knew him as well as I, you'd love him as well as I do.  Sir Will. 
Well, well, I hear you Sir: I must send for my Son Post: I'll show you a Son. Well, Heaven bless him, I should be weary of this wicked World: but for the Comforts I find in him: Come along, I'll show you a Son. Ex. ambo.   

ACT II. SCENE I.  Enter Belsond junior, and Lucia. Belf. jun. 
WHY dost thou sigh? and show such sadness in thy looks? My pretty Miss.  Lucia. 
Have I not reason?  Belf jun. 
Dost thou mislike thy entertainment?  Lucia. 
Ah Cruel Belfond, thou hast undone me.  Belf. jun. 
My pretty little Rogue, I sooner would undo myself a thousand times.  Luc. 
How I tremble to think what I ha' done! I have made myself for ever miserable.  Belf. jun. 
Oh say not so, dear Child: I'll kiss those tears from off thy Beauteous Eyes. But I shall wrong thy Cheeks, on which they fall like precious drops of dew on flowers.  Luc. 
Heaven! what have I done?  Belf. jun. 
No more than what thy Mother did before thee: No more than thy whole Sex is born to do.  Luc. 
Oh had I thought you would have been so Cruel, I never would have seen your face; I swear I would not.  Belf. jun. 
I swear thou wouldst, I know thou woul'dst: Cruel! no Billing Turtle e'er was kinder to his tender Mate; in Billing, Cooing, and in gentle Murmurs, we expressed our kindness; and Could and Murmured and Loved on.  Luc. 
The more unhappy Fool was I: go go, I hate you now.  Belf. jun. 
Oh my sweet little one; thou canst not sure be so unkind: Those pretty Tell-tales of thy heart, thy Eyes, say better things.  Luc. 
Do they so? I'll be revenged on 'em for't: For they shall never see you more.  Belf. jun. 
Ah say not so; I had rather much the Sun should never shine on me; than thou be hidden from my sight: thou art not sure in earnest?  Luc. 
Yes sure, I think I am.  Belf. jun. 
No, my sweet Love, I think thou art not.  Luc. 
Oh Lord, how shall I look! How shall I bear myself! if any of my Friends shall fix their Eyes upon me, I shall look down and blush, and think they know all.  Belf. jun. 
How many fair ones daily do the same, and look demurely as any Saints?  Luc. 
They are Confident things I warrant 'em.  Belf. jun. 
Let Love be made familiar to thee, and thou wilt bear it better: Thou must see me every day. Canst thou be so hard-hearted to forbear the sight of me?  Luc. 
Perhaps I may desire now and then a look, a sight of thee at some distance: But I will never venture to come near thee more I vow.  Belf. jun. 
Let me kiss that Vow from off thy lips, while 'tis warm there. I have it here: 'Tis gone. Thou wilt not kill me sure? Didst thou not say thou lov'dst me?  Luc. 
Yes, I loved too much; or this had never happened: I could not else have been undone.  Belf. jun. 
Undone; thou art made: Woman is but half a Creature, till she be joined to man; now thou art whole and perfect.  Luc. 
Wicked man! Can I be so confident once to come near thee more?  Belf. jun. 
Shouldst thou but fail one day, I never should survive it; and then my Ghost will haunt thee. Canst thou look on me, pretty Creature, and talk thus?  Luc. 
Well, go thy ways; that flattering Tongue, and those Bewitching Eyes were made to ruin Womankind.  Belf. jun. 
Could I but think thou wert in earnest, these Arms should clasp thee ever here: I'd never part with thee.  Luc. 
No no, now I must be gone: I shall be missed: How shall I get home and not be known? Sure every body will discover me?  Belf. jun. 
Thy Mask will cover all: There is a Chair below in the Entry to carry thee, and set thee down where thou wilt.  Luc. 
Farewell, Dear Cruel man! And must I come to morrow morning say you? No no.  Belf. jun. 
Yes yes; to morrow and to morrow, and every morning of our lives; I die else. Enter Footboy.  Foot. 
Sir your Singing-Master is coming.  Belf. jun. 
My Singing Master, Mr. Solfa is coming.  Luc. 
O Lord hide me! He is my Master, he'll know me! I shall not be able to go by him for trembling.  Belf. jun. 
Pretty Miss, into the Closet: I'll dispatch him soon. Goes in. Enter Singing Master and his Daughter. Come Master, let your Daughter sing the Song you promised me.  Solfa. 
Come Betty. Please to put in a Flute Sir.  Belf. jun. 
Come on.  Song with two Flutes and a through Base. 

The Expostulation.  

Still wilt thou sigh, and still in vain  
A cold neglectful Nymph adore;  
No longer fruitlessly complain,  
But to thyself thy self restore.  
In Youth thou caught'st this fond disease,  
And shouldst abandon it in age;  
Some other Nymph as well may please,  
Absence or business disengage.   

On tender hearts the wounds of Love,  
Like those imprinted on young Trees,  
Or kill at first, or else they prove  
Larger b' insensible degrees.  
Business I tried, she filled my mind;  
On others' Lips my Dear I kissed;  
But never solid joy could find,  
Where I my charming Sylvia mist.   

Long Absence, like a Greenland night,  
Made me but wish for Sun the more;  
And that inimitable light,  
She, none but she, could e'er restore.  
She never once regards thy Fire,  
Nor ever vents one sigh for thee.  
I must the Glorious Sun admire,  
Though he can never look on me.   

Look well, you'll sinned she's not so rare,  
Much of her former Beauty's gone;  
My Love her Shadow larger far  
Is made by her declining Sun.  
What if her Glories faded be,  
My former wounds I must endure;  
For should the Bow unbended be,  
Yet that can never help the Cure.    Belf. jun. 
'Tis very easy and natural: Your Daughter sings delicately. Enter Truman.  Tru. 
Belfond, good morrow to thee: I see thou still tak'st care to melt away thy hours in soft delights.  Belf. jun. 
Honest Truman! All the pleasures and diversions we can invent, are little enough to make the Farce of Life go down.  Tru. 
And yet what a Coil they keep: How busy and industrious are those who are reckoned grave and wise, about this Life, as if there were something in it.  Belf. jun. 
Those Fools are in earnest, and very solid; they think there's something in't, while Wise men know there's nothing to be done here but to make the best of a bad Market.  Tru. 
You are mighty Philosophical this morning. But shall I not hear one Song as well as you?  Belf. jun. 
Have you set that Ode in Horace?  Solfa. 
I have.  Belf. jun. 
Then I hope you will be encouraged to set more of 'em; we then shall be sure of Wit and Music together: While you great Musicians do often take most pains about the silliest words. Prithee Truman sing it.  Tru. 
sings. Integer vitae Scelerisque purus, etc. Hor. Ode 22. l. 1.  Belf. jun. 
Very well; you have obliged me: Please to accept of this. And Madam, you shall give me leave to show my gratitude by a small Present.  Solfa and Daught. 
Your Servant Sir. Exeunt.  Tru. 
You are so immoderately given to Music; methinks it should justle Love out of your thoughts.  Belf. jun. 
Oh no! Remember Shakespeare; If Music be the Food of Love, Play on— There's nothing nourishes that soft passion like it, it imps his Wings, and makes him fly a higher pitch. But prithee tell me what news of our dear Mistresses? I never yet was so sincerely in Love as with my pretty Hypocrite; There is Fire in those Eyes that strikes like Lightning: What a constant Churchman she has made of me?  Tru. 
And mine has made an entire Conquest of me: 'Tis the most charming pretty Creature, that e'er my Eyes beheld.  Belf. jun. 
Let us not fall out, like the Heroes in the Rehearsal, for not being in Love with the same Woman.  Tru. 
Nothing could be so fortunate as our difference in this case: The only one we disagree in.  Belf. jun. 
Thou art in the right: Mine has so charmed me, I am content to abandon all other pleasures, and live alone for her; she has subdued me even to Marriage.  Tru. 
Mine has no less vanquished me; I'll render upon discretion. Ah Rogue Belfond, I see by your Bed, for all your Constant Love, you have had a Wench this night.  Belf. jun. 
Peace peace, man: 'Tis dangerous to fast too long, for fearing of losing an appetite quite.  Tru. 
You are a sincere honest Lover indeed.  Belf. jun. 
Faith Truman, we may talk of mighty matters; of our Honesty and Moraility; but a young Fellow carries that about him that will make him a Knave now and then in spite of his Teeth. Besides, I am afraid 'tis impossible for us profane fellows to succeed in that sanctified Family.  Tru. 
You will not say so, when you know what progress I have made in our affairs already.  Belf. jun. 
Thou revivest my drooping hopes: Tell me, are we like to succeed! Oh if I can but prevail upon my little pretty Churchwoman, I am resolved to conform to her for ever.  Tru. 
Look under my Coat: Am I not well habited? with a plain Band, Bob Peruke, and no Cuffs.  Belf. jun. 
Verily, like one of the pure ones.  Tru. 
Yea; and our frequenting of Sermons and Lectures, (which Heaven knows we did out of no good, but for the sake of these little ones) has used me to their stile: Thus qualified, I got access into the House, having found that their Governante is Sister to a Weaver in the West, whom I know; I pretended to be her Cousin, and to bring a Token sent to her by her Brother, and was very welcome to her.  Belf. jun. 
Most fortunate: Why does he keep 'em so strictly? Never to see the face of Man?  Tru. 
Be not troubled at that, 'twill forward our design; they'll be the more earnest to be delivered. But no Italian Women are so closely confined; the pure Knave intends to sell 'em: Even his Daughter, who has a good Fortune left her by a Widow, that was her Aunt: And for his Niece, he has as good as agreed already with your Father for 5000 l. to marry her to your Brother in the Country: Her Uncle gave her 20000 l. and this is the reason of Confining 'em; for fear of losing the Money.  Belf. jun. 
With my Father say ye?  Tru. 
Most certain: This I learned out of Madam Governante, at the first interview.  Belf. jun. 
This is a very odd Accident: 'Twill make my difficulty greater.  Tru. 
Not at all: As Liars are always readiest to believe Lies, I never knew an Hypocrite but might easily be cozened by another Hypocrite. I have made my way, and I warrant thee a good event. I intent to grow great with the Father.  Belf. jun. 
Thy Sanguine temper makes thee always hope in every Enterprise.  Tru. 
You might observe, whenever we stared upon 'em, they would steal a look at us; by stealth have often twisted Eye-beams with us.  Belf. jun. 
The sour and devout look indeed seems but put on: There is pretty warmth and tenderness in their Eyes, that now and then gilds o'er the godly look; like the Sun's light, when breaking through a Cloud, it swiftly glides upon a Field of Corn.  Tru. 
The Air of their Faces plainly show they have Wit, that must despise those trifling forms; their precise looks most surely are constrained.  Enter Mrs. Termagant. Belf. jun. 
How, Madam Termagant here! then we shall have fine work. What wind blows you hither.  Term. 
How dare you think that I of all womankind should be used thus?  Belf. jun. 
You mean not used; that's your Grievance.  Term. 
Good Mr. Disdain; I shall spoil your scoffing: Has my Love deserved to be thus slighted? I that have refused Princes for your sake? Did not all the Town court me? And must I choose such an ungrateful Wretch?  Belf. jun. 
When you were first in season, you were a little courted by some of Quality: Mistresses, like Green Pease, at first coming are only had by the Rich, but afterwards they come to every Body.  Term. 
Curse on your saucy similes: Was not I yours, and only yours.  Belf. jun. 
I had not faith enough for that; but if you were, I never had any that was mine and only mine, but I made 'em all mankind's before I had done.  Term. 
Ah Traitor! And you must pick me out to make this base Example of: Must I be left?  Belf. jun. 
Left! Yes sure, Left! Why you were not married to me: I took no Lease of your frail Tenement: I was but Tenant at my own will.  Term. 
Insolent! How dare you thus provoke my Fury? Was ever Woman's Love like mine to thee? Perfidious man! weeps.  Belf. jun. 
So: after the Thunder, thus the heat drops fall.  Term. 
No; I scorn that thou shouldst bring Tears into my Eyes.  Belf. jun. 
Why do you come to trouble me?  Term. 
Since I can please no longer, I'll come to plague thee; and if I die before thee, my Ghost shall haunt thee.  Belf. jun. 
Indeed your Love was most particular with spitting and scratching, like Caterwauling: And in the best of humours you were ever murmuring and complaining: Oh my Head aches: I am so sick: And Jealous to madness too.  Term. 
Oh Devil incarnate!  Tru. 
Belfond, thou art the most ungentle Knight alive.  Term. 
Methinks the pretty Child I have had by you should make you less inhuman.  Belf. jun. 
Let me have it; I'll breed it up.  Term. 
No, thou shalt never have it while thou livest. I'll pull it Limb from Limb ere thou shalt have it.  Belf. jun. 
This is so unnatural, that you will make me so far from thinking it mine, that I shall not believe it yours: But that you have put a false Child upon me.  Term. 
Unworthy Wretch.  Belf. jun. 
When thou art old enough, thy malice and ill humour will qualify thee for a Witch; but thou hadst never Douceurs enough in thy Youth to fit thee for a Mistress.  Term. 
How dare you provoke me thus? For what little Dirty Wench am I thus used? If she be above ground I'll find her, and tear her Eyes out. Ha— By the Bed I see the Devil has been here to night— Oh oh, I cannot bear it. Falls into a Fit.  Tru. 
Belfond, help the Lady for shame; lay hold on her.  Belf. jun. 
No no, let her alone; she will not hurt herself I warrant thee: She is a rare Actor: She acts a fit of the Mother the best of any one in England. Ha ha ha.  Tru. 
How canst thou be so cruel?  Belf. jun. 
What a Devil should I do? if a man lies once with a Woman, is he bound to do it for ever?  Term. 
Oh oh.  Belf. jun. 
Very well saith: Admirably well acted.  Term. 
Is it so? Devil, Devil: I'll spoil your Point de Venice for you. Flies at him.  Belf. jun. 
Will you force me to make my Footman turn you out? Enter Footman.  Foot. 
Sir, Your Father and your Uncle are coming hither.  Bell. jun. 
'Sdeath my Father! 'Tis impossible.  Foot. 
By Heaven 'tis true; they are coming up by this time.  Belf. jun. 
Look you Madam, you may if you will ruin me; and put me out of all means of doing for you or your Child: Try me once more, and get into the Bed and cover yourself with the Quilt, or I am undone.  Term. 
Villain, you deserve to be ruined: But I love my Child too well.  Tru. 
For Heaven's sake hide yourself in the Bed quickly.  Term. 
No no, I'll run into the Closet.  Belf. jun. 
Death and Hell! I am ruined: There's a young Girl there; she'll make yet a worse uproar.  Tru. 
Peace, let me alone. Madam, whatever happens, ruin not yourself and Child inevitably.  Enter Sir William Belfond, Sir Edward, and Servants. Sir Edw. 
Ned, good morrow to thee.  Belf. jun. 
Your Blessing Sir.  Sir Edw. 
Heaven bless thee. Here's one unexpected.  Belf. jun. 
My Father! I beg your Blessing Sir.  Sir Will. 
Heaven mend you: it can never bless you in the lewd course you are in.  Belf. jun. 
You are misinformed Sir; my courses are not so lewd as you imagine.  Sir Will. 
Do you see; I am misinformed: He'll give me the lie.  Belf. jun. 
I would first bite my Tongue in pieces, and spit it at you: Whatever little heats of Youth I have been guilty of, I doubt not but in a short time to please you fully.  Sir Edw. 
Well said Ned: I dare swear thou wilt.  Sir Will. 
Good Brother Credulous: I thank Heaven I am not so. You were not drunk last night with Bullies, and roared and ranted, scoured, broke Windows, beat the Watch, broke open a House, and forced away a Wench in Salisbury-Court. This is a fine life. These he calls heats of Youth.  Belf. jun. 
I was at home by Eight a Clock last night, and supped at home; and never keep such Company.  Sir Will. 
No no; you are not called Squire Belfond by the Scoundrels your Companions? 'Twas not you: No no.  Belf. jun. 
Not I upon my faith; I never keep such Company or do such actions: If any one should call me Squire I'd break his Head: Some Rascal has usurped my Name.  Sir Edw. 
Look you Brother, what would you have? This must be some mistake.  Sir Will. 
What a Devil! You believe this too? 'Ounds! you make me mad! Is there any of our Name in England but ourselves? Does he think to flame me with a Lie?  Belf. jun. 
I scorn a Lie, 'tis the basest thing a Gentleman can be guilty of: All my Servants can testify I stirred not out last night.  Tru. 
I assure you Sir, he was not abroad last night.  Sir Will. 
You assure me! Who are you? one of his hopeful Companions! No, your Clothes are not good enough, you may be his Pimp.  Tru. 
You are the Father of my Friend, an old Gentleman, and a little mad.  Sir Will. 
Old! Walk down; I'll try your youth: I'll fight with the bravest Ruffian he keeps company with.  Sir Edw. 
Brother! Are you mad? Has the Country robbed you of all good manners, and common sense?  Sir Will. 
I had a Bout with two of your Bullies in the Temple-walks.  Belf. jun. 
Whom does he mean? This is a Gentleman of Estate and Quality; He has above 2000 l. a year.  Sir Edw. 
You are a mad man: I am ashamed of you. Sir, I beseech you pardon my Brother's Passion, which transports him beyond Civility.  Belf. jun. 
I know you will for my sake.  Tru. 
He is the Father of my dearest Friend; I shall be glad to serve him.  Sir Edw. 
Will you never be of age of Discretion? For shame use me, your Son, and every Body better.  Sir Will. 
Well, I must be run down like a tame Puppy.  Luc. 
within. Murder, murder; Help, help; ah, ah!  Belf. jun. 
Oh this damned She Devil. Termagant pulls Lucia out by the hair; they part 'em.  Term. 
I'll make you an Example: Will you see him whether I will or no, you young Whore!  Sir Will. 
Here's a Son! Here's a fine Son! Here's your breeding! Here's a pretty Son! Here's a delicate Son! Here's a dainty Son!  Sir Edw. 
If he be mad, will you be madder?  Belf. jun. 
Turn out this She Bear; turn her out to the Rabble!  Term. 
Revenge, you Villain, Revenge. Exit Term. and Foot.  Belf. jun. 
Dear Friend, prithee see this innocent Girl safe in the Chair, from that outrageous Strumpet's fury. Exit Tru. and Lucy.  Sir Will. 
Here's a Son, here's a Son! Very well; make much of him: Here's the effect of Whoring.  Belf. jun. 
No Sir, 'tis the effect of not Whoring: This Rage is because I have cast her off.  Sir Will. 
Yes yes, for a younger; a sweet Reformation! Let me not see your Face, nor hear you speak; you will break my heart.  Belf. jun. 
Sir, the young Girl was never here before; she brought me Linen from the Exchange.  Sir Will. 
A fine Bawd her Mistress in the mean time.  Belf. jun. 
This furious Wench coming in to rail at me for my leaving her, I was forced to put the other into that Closet, and at your coming up, against my will, this run into the same Closet.  Sir Will. 
Sirrah, most audacious Rogue, do you shame me? Do you think you have your Uncle to deal with? Avoid my presence Sirrah: Get you out Sirrah.  Belf. jun. 
I am sorry I offended: I obey. Exit Belf. Jun.  Sir Will. 
I could have found in my heart to have cudgelled him.  Sir Edw. 
Shame of our Family; you behave yourself so like a Madman and a Fool, you will be begged: These fits are more extravagant than any thing he can be guilty of. Do you give your Son the words of Command you use to Dogs?  Sir Will. 
Justify him, do! He's an excellent Son! a very pretty Son! a delicate Son! a virtuous Son! a discreet Son! he is.  Sir Edw. 
Pray use me better, or I'll assure you, we must never see one another. Besides, I shall entail my Estate for want of Issue by this Son here, upon another Family, if you will treat me thus.  Sir Will. 
What says he? aside. Well Brother I ha' done: His lewdness distracted me! Oh my poor Boy in the Country; I long to see him, the great support of my declining Age.  Sir Edw. 
Let us calmly reason: What has your breeding made of him (with your Patience) but a Blockhead?  Sir Will. 
A Blockhead! When he comes the World shall judge which of us has been the wiser in the Education of a Son: A Blockhead? Why he knows a sample of any Grain as well as e'er a fellow in the North: Can handle a Sheep or Bullock as well as any one: Knows his seasons of Ploughing, Sowing, Harrowing, laying fallow: Understands all sorts of Manure: And ne'er a one that wears a Head can wrong him in a Bargain.  Sir Edw. 
A very pretty fellow, for a Gentleman's Bailie.  Sir Will. 
For his own Bailie, and to be a rich—  Sir Edw. 
Swine, and live as nastily; and keep worse Company than Beasts in a Forest.  Sir Will. 
He knows no Vice, poor Boy.  Sir Edw. 
He will have his turn to know it then; as sure as he will have the Small Pox; and then he'll be fond on't, when his Brother has lest it.  Sir Will 
I defy the Omen: he never Whores, nor Drinks hard▪ but upon design, as driving a Bargain, or so; and that I allow him.  Sir Edw. 
So: Knavish and designing Drunkenness you allow; but not good fellowship for mirth and conversation.  Sir Will. 
Now Brother, pray what have you made your Son good for, with your breeding you so much boast of? Let's hear that now: Come on, let's hear.  Sir Edw. 
First, I bred him at Westminster-School, till he was Master of the Greek and Latin Tongues; then I kept him at the University, where I instructed him to read the Noble Greek and Roman Authors.  Sir Will. 
Well, and what use can he make of the Noble Greek and Latin, but to prate like a Pedant, and show his parts over a Bottle?  Sir Edw. 
To make a man fit for the Conversation of Learned Gentlemen is one noble end of Study: But those Authors make him wiser and honester, Sir, to boot.  Sir Will. 
Wiser! Will he ever get sixpence, or improve or keep his Estate by 'em?  Sir Edw. 
Mean Notions: I made him well versed in History.  Sir Will. 
That's a pretty study indeed: How can there be a true History, when we see no man living is able to write truly the History of the last week?  Sir Edw. 
He by the way read Natural Philosophy, and had insight enough in the Mathematics.  Sir Will. 
Natural Philosophy! knows nothing: Nor would I give a sart for any Mathematician, but a Carpenter, Bricklayer, Measurer of Land, or Sailor.  Sir Edw. 
Some moderate skill in it will use a man to reason closely.  Sir Will. 
Very pretty: Reason! Can he Reason himself into six Shillings by all this?  Sir Edw. 
He needs it not: But to go on; after three years I removed him from the University (lest he should have too strong a tincture of it) to the Temple; there I got a modest learned Lawyer, of little practice, for want of Impudence; and there are several such that want, while empty impudent fellows thrive and swagger at the Bar: This man I got to instruct my Son in some old Common Law Books, the Statutes, and the best Pleas of the Crown, and the Constitution of the old true English Government.  Sir Will. 
Does he get a Shilling by all this? But what a Devil made you send him into France, to make an arrant vain Coxcomb of him?  Sir Edw. 
There he did all his manly Exercises; saw two Campaigns; studied History; Civil Laws, and Laws of Commerce; the Language he spoke well e'er he went. He made the Tour of Italy, and saw Germany, and the Low Countries, and returned well skilled in Foreign Affairs, and a Complete accomplished English Gentleman.  Sir Will. 
And to know nothing of his own Estate, but how to spend it: my poor Boy has traveled to better purpose: for he has traveled all about my Lands, and knows every Acre and Nook, and the value of it: There's travel for you! Poor Boy.  Sir Edw. 
And he enjoys so little of that Estate he sees, as to be impatient for your Death: I dare swear mine wishes my Life, next to his own. I have made him a Complete Gentleman, fit to serve his Country in any Capacity.  Sir Will. 
Serve his Country! Pox on his Country: 'Tis a Country of such Knaves, 'tis not worth the serving: All those who pretend to serve it, mean nothing but themselves. But amongst all things, how came you to make him a Fiddler, always Fluting or Scraping? I had as leive hear a Jews-Harp.  Sir Edw. 
I love Music: Besides I would have young Gentlemen have as many helps to spend their time alone as can be; most of our Youth are ruined by having Time lie heavy on their hands, which makes them run into any base Company to shun themselves.  Sir Will. 
And all this Gentleman's Education is come to Drinking, Whoring and Debauchery. Enter Servant to Sir William.  Seru. 
Sir, Mr. Scrapeall is at your Attorneys Chamber in the Temple, and desires to discourse you.  Sir Will. 
Brother, I must go: I shall tell you when I see you next, what is my Business with him.  Sir Edw. 
Be sure to Dine with me.  Sir Will. 
I will— Exeunt.  Enter Belfond Senior, Shamwell, Cheatly, Hackum, Lolpoop, French Valet, two Footmen, at the George, in White-friar's. Cheat. 
Now thou look'st like an Heir indeed, my Lad: when thou cam'st up thou hadst the Scurvy Phiz of a mere Country Put— He did thee a kindness that took thee for a Chief Constable.  Sham. 
Now thou shinest, Cousin, like a true Belfond! What 3000 l. a year entailed, and live like a Butcher, or Grazier, in the Country?  Hack. 
Give you joy, noble Sir, now you look like a true Gallant Squire.  Lolp. 
Like a Squire, like a Puppy by th' Mass: Odsflesh, what will the awd man say; he'll be stark wood.  Belf. Senior. 
Well, I was the fortunat'st man to light upon such true, such real Friends: I had never known any Breeding or Gentility without you.  Sham. 
You buried all your good parts in a sordid Swinish life in the North.  Belf. Senior. 
My Father kept me in ignorance, and would have made a very silly Blockheadly Put of me: Why, I never heard a Gentleman Banter, or cut a Shame in my life before I saw you, nor ever heard such ingenious Discourse.  Hack. 
Nay, the World knows Mr. Cheatly, and Mr. Shamwell, are as Complete Gentlemen as ever came within the Friars: And yet we have as fine Gentlemen as any in England; we have those here who have broke for a 100000 l.  Belf. Senior. 
Well, I protest and vow, I am so very fine, I do not know where to look upon myself first: I don't think my Lord Mayor's Son is finer.  Cheat. 
He is a Scoundrel compared to thee: There's ne'er a Prigg at Court outshines thee. Thou shalt strut in the Park, where Countesses shall be enamoured on thee.  Belf. Senior. 
I am overjoyed: I can stand no ground: My dear friend Cheatly! My sweet Cousin Shamwell! Let me embrace such dear, such loving friends: I could grow to you, methinks, and stick here for ever. They embrace.  Lolp. 
Ah! Dear loving Dogs! They love him by'r Lady, as a Cat loves a Mause.  Belf. Senior. 
What's that you mutter, Sirrah? Come hither, Sirrah! you are finer than any Squire in the Country.  Lolp. 
Pox of finery, I say; yeow maken a mere Ass, an Owl o' me: Here are Sleeves sit for nought but a Miller to steule with when he takes Tole: and damned Cuffs here, one cannot dip one's Meat i'th' Sauce for them: Odsflesh, give me my awd clothes again; would I were a whom in my Frock, dressing of my Geldings; poor Titts, they wanten me dearly, I warrant a.  Belf. Sen. 
Well, there's no making a Whistle of a Pig's Tail; This Puppy will never learn any breeding. Sirrah, behold me: here's Rigging for you; Here's a Nabb: you never saw such a one in your life.  Cheat. 
A rum Nab: it is a Beaver of 5 l.  Belf. Sen. 
Look you there Blockhead.  Lolp. 
Look yeow there Blockhead I say. aside.  Hack. 
Let me see your Porker: Here's a Porker; here's a Tilter: Ha ha. Oh how I could whip a Prigster through the Lungs! Ha ha. Thrusts at Lolpoop.  Cheat. 
It cost sixteen Lovydors in Paris.  Hack. 
Ha, ha. He bushes towards Lolpoop.  Lolp. 
Hawd you, hawd you: And I taken kibbo, ist raddle the Bones o' thee; I'll tell a that: for awe thouart a Captain mun.  Belf. Sen. 
Look Sirrah, here's a show you Rogue: Here's a sight of Cole, Derby, the Ready, and the Rhino, you Rascal, you understand me not; you Loggerhead, you silly Put, you understand me not: Here are Meggs and Smelts: I ne'er had such a sight of my own in my life. Here are more Meggs and Smelts, you Rogue; you understand me not.  Lolp. 
By'r Lady not I: I understand not this South-Country speech not I.  Belf. Sen. 
Ah methinks I could tumble in 'em. But d'ee hear Put, Put, Put, Sirrah. Here's a Scout: What's a Clock? what's a Clock Sirrah. Here's a Tatler; Gold, all Gold, you Rogue. Look on my finger Sirrah, look here: Here's a Famble, Put, Put: You don't know what a Famble, a Scout or a Tatler is, you Put.  Lolp. 
Fine sights for my awd Master! Marry would I were sent from Constable to Constable, and whipped whom again by'r Lady,  Belf. Sen. 
Let's whet: bring some Wine. Come on: I love a Whett: Pray let's huzza: I love huzzaing mightily: But where's your Lady, Captain, and the Blowing, that is to be my Natural▪ my Convenient, my Pure. Enter Servant with Bottles.  Hack. 
They're just coming in. Come Betty.  Enter Mrs. Hackum and Mrs. Margaret. Mrs. Hack. 
Come in Mrs. Margaret, come.  Marg. 
I am so ashamed.  Belf. Senior. 
Madam, your Servant; I am very much obliged to your favours.  Mrs. Hack. 
I shall be proud to do a Gentleman, like you, any service that lies in my power, as a Gentlewoman.  Belf. Senior. 
Oh Lord, Madam, your most humble Servant to Command: My pretty Blowing let me kiss thee: Thou shalt be my Natural: I must manage thee. She is a Pure Blowing. My pretty Rogue— how happy shall I be? Pox o' the Country I say. Madam Hackum, to testify my gratitude, I make bold to Equip you with some Meggs, Smelts, Decus' and George's.  Mrs. Hack. 
I am your faithful Servant, and I shall be glad of any occasion, whereby to express how ready I am to serve any Gentleman, or person of Quality, as becomes a Gentlewoman; and upon honour Sir, you shall never find me tardy.  Cheat. 
Come on Sirrah, fill up all the Glasses; a Health to this pretty Lady.  Belf. Sen. 
Ay, and i'faith I'll drink it, pretty Rogue.  Sham. 
Let them be Facers.  Belf. Sen. 
Facers! What are those? Nay, give the Lady and the Captain's Lady too.  Marg. 
No, I cannot drink, I am not dry.  Mrs. Hack. 
Give it me.  Sham. 
There's a Facer for you. Drinks the Glass clear off, and puts it to his Face.  Belf. Sen. 
Excellent adad! Come to our Facers. All do the like. It is the prettiest way of Drinking: Fill again, we'll have more Facers. Fiddles flourish without. Ha Boys! the Musicians are come. Ha Boys, we'll sing, dance, roar, fling the house out of the Windows; and I will manage my pretty Natural, my pure Blowing here. Huzza: My dear Friends, Shamwell and Cheatly, I am transported! My pretty Natural: Kiss me, kiss me. Huzza.  Marg. 
Nay puh, you do so ruffle one things.  Belf. Sen. 
I'll ruffle thee more, my little Rogue, before I have done with thee. Well, I shall never make you amends, my dear Friends. Sirrah, Lolpoop, is not this better than the Country, Sirrah? Give the Rogue a Facer to my Mistress. Come, fill about the Fucers. Come on, my Lads, stand to't. Huzza. I vow 'tis the prettiest way of Drinking, never stir!  Enter four Servants with four Dishes of Meat, who 'cross the Stage. Cheat. 
So here's the Prog, here's the Dinner coming up; the Cloths laid in the next room: Here's a noble Dinner.  Belf. Sen. 
Ha Boys, we'll sing and roar, and Huzza, like Devils.  Enter Sir William Belfond at the Door. 
'Ounds! Who's here? my Father! Lolpoop, Lolpoop, hide me: give me my joseph. Let's sneak into the next Room.  Sham. 
Death! What shall we do? This is the Bully's Father.  Cheat. 
Let me alone: I warrant you.  Hack. 
This is the old Fellow I had like to have had a Rubbers with in the morning.  Sir Will. 
Is he fallen into these hands? Nay, then he's utterly lost: His Estate is spent before he has it.  Cheat. 
How now Prigg, what makes you come into our Room?  Sir Will. 
I would speak with Squire Belfond.  Cheat. 
Here's no such man.  Sir Will. 
Oh Bully, are you there? and my ungracious kinsman too? would you bring my Son to the Gallows! you most notorious seducer of young heirs, I know you too. I warrant you I'll keep my dear Boy in the Country far enough from your Clutches. In short, I would speak with my Rebellious Town-Son, who is here, and bespoke this great Dinner.  Cheat. 
bantering. Why look you Sir, according to your Assertion of things doubtful in themselves; you must be forced to grant that whatsoever may be, may also as well not be, in their own essential differences and degrees.  Sir Will. 
What stuff's this? Where's my Son?  Cheat. 
Your question consists of two terms: the one ubi, where: But of that I shall say nothing, because here is no Son, nor any thing belonging to you, to be the subject matter of debate, at this time; forasmuch as—  Sir Will. 
Do you hear me Sir, let me see my Son; and offer to Banter me, or Shame me once more, and I will cut your Throat, and Cudgel your brace of Cowards.  Cheat. 
Nay, then 'tis time to take a course with you. Help, help; an Arrest, an arrest; a Bailie, a Bailie.  Hack. & Sham. 
An Arrest, an Arrest. All cry out an Arrest: Drawers, and some of the Rabble come in, and join with the Cry, which gets into the street; there they cry out too: He joins the Cry, and runs away: Cheat. Sham. Hack. Drawers follow him, and cry out, stop, stop, a Bailie. Cheat. Sham. Hack. in the street. Stop, stop, a Bailie, a Bailie. Sir William runs, the Rabble pursue him cross the Stage.  Sir Will. 
You Dogs? Am I a Bailie?  Cheat. 
You shall be used like one, you old Prigg. An Arrest.  Sir Will. 
Impudent Dogs! I must run, or I shall be pulled in pieces. Help, help, an Arrest, an Arrest.   

ACT III. SCENE I.  Enter Mrs. Termagant and her Brother. Term. 
AS I told you, I have had a Child by him; he is my Husband by Contract; and casts me off: Has dishonoured me, and made me infamous. Shall you think to Game and Bully about the Town, and not vindicate the honour of your Family?  Brother. 
No man shall dare to dishonour our Family.  Enter Belfond junior. Term. 
If you do not cut his Throat, you'll be kicked up and down for a Damned Coward: And besides you shall never see a penny of mine more.  Brother. 
I'll fight him an be above ground.  Term. 
There, there's the Traitor, walking before his Uncle's door: Be sure dispatch him: on, I'll withdraw. Exit.  Brother. 
Do you hear Sir, do you know Mrs. Termagant?  Belf. jun. 
What makes you ask such a familiar question Sir?  Brother. 
I am her Brother.  Belf. jun. 
Perhaps so: Well, I do? What then Sir?  Brother. 
Ours is as ancient a Family as any in England, though perhaps unfortunate at present: The Termagants came in with the Conqueror.  Belf. jun. 
It may be so: I am no Herald.  Brother. 
And do you think you shall dishonour this Family, and debauch my Sister unchastized? you are contracted to her, and have lain with her.  Belf. jun. 
Look you Sir, I see what you would be at: She's mad, and puts you upon this: Let me advise you, 'tis a foolish quarrel.  Brother. 
You debauched her, and have ruined her.  Belf. jun. 
'Tis false; the silliest Coxcombly Beau in Town had the first of her.  Brother. 
You have had a Child by her.  Belf. jun. 
Then I have added one to your Ancient Family that came in with the Normans: Prithee do not provoke me to take away one from it.  Brother. 
You are contracted to her; and if you will marry her I will save your life.  Belf. jun. 
'Tis a Lie; I am not contracted to her: Be gone, urge me no more.  Brother. 
Draw.  Belf. jun. 
Have at you. Enter Sir Edward Belfond. Belf. strikes up his heels, and disarms him.  Sir Edw. 
Hold, hold: Oh my Son, my Son! What's the matter? my dear Son, art thou not hurt? let me see.  Belf. jun. 
No Sir, not at all, dear Sir. Here take your Sword, and be gone: Next time you come to trouble me, I'll cut your throat. Exit Brother.  Sir Edw. 
What's the matter, dear Ned? This is about some Wench I warrant.  Belf. jun. 
'Tis a Brother of that furious Wench you saw Sir; her violent Love is converted into hatred.  Sir Edw. 
You young fellows will never get Knowledge but at your own cost; the Precepts of the old weigh nothing with you.  Belf. jun. 
Your precepts have been ever sacred to me; and so shall your example be henceforward: You are the best of men; the best of Fathers: I have as much honour for you as I can have for humane Nature: And I love you ten thousand times above my life.  Sir Edw. 
Dear Ned, thou art the greatest joy I have: And believe thy Father, and thy Friend, there's nothing but Anxiety in Vice: I am not straight Laced; but when I was young, I ne'er knew any thing gotten by Wenching, but Duels, Claps, and Bastards: And every drunken fit is a short madness, that cuts off a good part of Life.  Belf. jun. 
You have Reason Sir, and shall ever be my Oracle hereafter.  Sir Edw. 
'Tis time now to take up, and think of being something in the World: See then, my Son, though thou shouldst not be over busy, to side with Parties and with Factions, yet that thou takest a care to make some figure in the World, and to sustain that part thy Fortune, Nature, and thy Education fit thee for.  Belf. jun. 
Your wise advice I'll strive to follow: But I must confess, I am most passionately in Love, and am with your consent, resolved to Marry: Tho' I will perish e'er I do't without it.  Sir Edw. 
Be sure to know the humour of the Woman; you run a mighty hazard: But if you be valiant enough to venture, (which, I must confess, I never was.) I'll leave it to your own choice: I know you have so much honour, you will do nothing below yourself.  Belf. jun. 
I doubt not of your Approbation; but till I can be sure of obtaining her: Pardon me if I conceal her Name.  Enter Sir William Belfond. Sir Edw. 
Your Father comes, retire a little within hearing, till I soften him somewhat: He is much moved, as he always is, I think. He retires.  Sir Will. 
Now Brother, as I was saying, I can convince you, your Son, your Darling, whom you long have fostered in his Wickedness, is become the most profligate of all Rascals.  Sir Edw. 
Still upon this Subject.  Sir Will. 
'tis very well; my Mouth must be stopped, and your Ears: 'Tis wondrous well. But I have had much ado to escape with life, from him, and his Notorious fellow Rogues: As I told you when I had found that the Rogue was with his Wicked Associates, at the George in whitefriars; when they saw I was resolved to see my Son, and was rough with 'em, Cheatly and his Rogues set up a Cry against me: An Arrest! A Baily: An Arrest: The Mobile, and all the Rakehells in the House, and thereabout the Streets assembled: I run, and they had a fair Course after me into Fleetstreet, thanks to the Vigour I have left, my Heels have saved my Life: Your Infamous Rogue would have suffered me to have been Sacrificed to the Rabble.  Sir Edw. 
Ha ha ha, very pretty i'faith; it runs very well: Can you tell it over again think you?  Sir Will. 
'Ounds! Am I become your Scorn? Your Laughter?  Sir Edw. 
Ned, You hear all this? Belf. jun. appears.  Belf. jun. 
Yes; and am distracted to know the meaning of it.  Sir Will. 
Vile Parricide! Are you gotten here before me? You are monstrous nimble Sir.  Belf. jun. 
By all the Powers of Heaven! I never was at the George in my Life.  Sir Will. 
Oh than they stay for you, you have not yet been there; you'll lose your Dinner, 'tis served up— Vile Wretch.  Belf. jun. 
All this is Cross purposes to me: I came to my Uncle's House from my own Lodgings immediately; when you were pleased to banish me your presence, and here have been ever since.  Sir Will. 
Nay, he that will be a through Villain, must be a complete Liar: Were not you even now with your Associate Rascals at the George?  Belf. jun. 
No, by Heaven! Nor was I ever in the Company of any of that Gang: I know their Infamy too well, to be acquainted with their Persons.  Sir Will. 
I am not Drunk, nor Mad; but you will make me one of 'em.  Belf. jun. 
These Rascals have gotten some body to Personate me; and are undoubtedly, carrying on some Cheat in my Name.  Sir Edw. 
Brother it must be.  Sir Will. 
Yes, yes, no doubt it must be so: And I must be in a Dream all this while, I must!  Sir Edw. 
You say yourself, you did not see my Son there?  Sir Will. 
No, he was too nimble for me, and got out some back way, to be here before me; so to face down the truth.  Belf. jun. 
I'll instantly go thither, and discover this Imposture, that I may suffer no longer for the faults of others.  Sir Edw. 
Dine first: My Dinners ready.  Belf. jun. 
Your pardon Sir, I will go instantly: I cannot rest till I have done myself right.  Sir Edw. 
Let's in, and discourse of this matter: Brother, I must say this, I never took him in a Lie since he could speak.  Sir Will. 
Took him: No, nor ever will take him in any thing.  Sir Edw. 
Let's in— and send your own Man with him.  Sir Will. 
It shall be so, tho' I am convinced already. Is there any of the Name but you, and I, and my two Sons in England?  Belf. jun. 
Be pleased to send my Footmen out to me, Sir.  Sir Edw. 
Have a care of a Quarrel, and bringing the Alsatians about your Ears. Come Brother. Ex. Sir Edw. and Sir Will.  Enter Lucia running, Termagant pursuing her. Luc. 
Help, help, help.  Term. 
Now I have found you, you little Whore— I'll make you an Example.  Luc. 
Oh Lord! Are you here! Save me, Save me, this Barbarous Woman threatens to murder me for your sake.  Belf. jun. 
Save thee, Dear Miss: That I would at the peril of my Life: No danger should make me quit thee, Cannons, nor Bombs.  Term. 
Damned false Fellow: I'll take a time to slit her Nose.  Luc. 
Oh Heaven! She'll kill me.  Belf. jun. 
Thou Devil! In thy properest shape of Furious, and Malicious Woman: Resolve to leave off this Course this moment, or by Heaven I'll lay thee fast in Bedlam: Hadst thou fifty Brothers, I'd fight 'em all, in defence of this dear pretty Miss.  Luc. 
Dear kind Creature! This sweet Love of thine, methinks does make me valiant, and I fear her not so much.  Enter Roger, and his two Footmen. Belf. jun. 
Dear pretty Miss: I'll be thy safeguard.  Term. 
Thou Falsest, Basest of thy Sex: Look to see thy Child sent thee in pieces, Baked in a Pie, for so I will.  Belf. jun. 
Tho' thou hat'st every thing living besides thyself; yet thou hast too much tenderness for thy own person to bring it to the Gallows: Offer to follow us one step, and I'll set the Rabble upon thee: Come my dear Child. Exeunt.  Term. 
Thou shalt be dogged; and I'll know who she is: Oh Revenge! Revenge! if thou dost not exceed, thou equall'st all the Ecstasies of Love. Exit. Term.  Enter Cheatly, and Shamwell. Cheat. 
Thus far our Matters go swimmingly: Our Squire is as Debauched, and Prodigal, as we can wish.  Sham. 
I told you, all England could not afford an Heir like this for our purpose, but we must keep him always hot.  Cheat. 
That will be easy; we made him so Devilish Drunk the first two or three days, the least Bumper will warm his addle Head afresh at any time: He paid a great Fine; and may sit at a little Rent: I must be gone for a moment; our Suffolk Heir is Nabbed, for a small Business; and I must find him some Sham-Bail: See the Captain performs his Charge. Exit.  Enter Hackum. Sham. 
Here he comes. See, Captain, you make that Blockhead Drunk, and do as we directed.  Hack. 
He's almost Drunk, and we are in readiness for him; the Squire is retired with his Natural, so fond.  Sham. 
'Tis well; about your business: I'll be with you soon.  Enter Lolpoop. Exit Shamwell. Hack. 
Come on, Mr. Lolpoop: You and I'll be merry by ourselves.  Lolp. 
I must needs say Captain, yeow are a Civil Gentleman, but yeow han given me so many Bumpers: I am meet Drunken already.  Hack. 
Come on, I warrant you: Here's a Bumper to the Squire's Lady.  Lolp. 
With all my Heart. Enter Betty.  Hack. 
Oh Mrs. Betty, art thou come? I sent for this pretty Rogue to keep you Company: She's as pretty a Company-keeper as any's in the Friars.  Lolp. 
Odsflesh, what should I do in Company with Gentlewomen: 'Tis not for such Fellees as I.  Hack. 
Have Courage Man: You shall have her; and never want such a one while I am your Friend.  Lolp. 
O Lord ay! Don yeow know what yeow saen.  Bett. 
A Proper, Handsome Gentleman, I swear.  Lolp. 
Who I, no, no: What done yeow mean forsooth?  Bett. 
I vow, I have not seen a handsomer: So proper, so well shaped!  Lolp. 
Oh Lord, I! ay! Yeow jeern me naw.  Hack. 
Why doubt you salute her, Man?  Lolp. 
Who I? By the Mass, I dare not be so bold: What I kiss such a fine Gentlewoman?  Hack. 
Kiss, Kiss her Man: This Town affords us such every where? You'll hate the Country when you see a little more: Kiss her I say.  Lolp. 
I am so ha lafoy: I am ashamed.  Bett. 
What must I do it to you then?  Lolp. 
Oh rare! Byth' Mass! Who Kisses daintily: And who has a Breath like a Caw.  Hack. 
Come, t'other Bumper: To her Health let this be Here's to you.  Lolp. 
Thanka forsooth and yeow pleasen. Drinks to her.  Bett. 
Yes, any thing that you do, will please me.  Lolp. 
Capt. Capt. What done yeow leave me? Hack. steals out and leaves them together.  Bett. 
What are you afraid of me?  Lolp. 
Nay, By'r Lady: I am ashamed, who's farinely a pretty Lass! Marry.  Bett. 
A Handsome Man, and ashamed! She edges nearer to him.  Lolp. 
Who I, a Handsome Mon! Nay, Nay.  Bett. 
A Lovely Man, I vow: I cannot forbear Kissing you.  Lolp. 
O dear: 'tis your goodness: Odsflesh, who Loves me! who'll make me stark wood e'en naw: An yeow kissen me, By'r Lady, I's kiss yeow.  Bett. 
What care I?  Lolp. 
Looka there naw! Waunds, who's a Dainty Lass, pure white and red: And most of the London Lasses are pure white and red: Welly awe alike; and I had her in some Nook. Odsflesh, I say no more.  Bett. 
I'll stay no longer, farewell. She retires.  Lolp. 
Nay, I's not leave a so: Marry who's a Gallant Lass.  Ex. following her. Enter Hackum. Hack. 
So, he's caught: this will take him off from teazing his Master with his damned good Counsel.  Enter Cheatly, and Shamwell. Cheat. 
I have sent our Alsatian Attorney, and as Substantial Bail as can be wish'd for the Redemption of our Suffolk Caravan; he's ripe for another Judgement, he begins to want the Ready much.  Sham. 
Scrapeall is provided for him: How now Captain, what's become of your Blockhead?  Hack. 
He's nibbling at the Bait: He'll swallow presently.  Cheat. 
But hark you, Shamwell! I have chosen the subtlest and handsomest Wench about this Town for the great Fortune I intent to bestow this hopeful Kinsman of yours upon: 'Tis Mrs. Termagant, his Brothers Cast Mistress, who resents her being lest to that degree, that tho' she meditates all the revenge, besides, that Woman's Nature is capable of against him: Yet her Heart leapt for joy at this design of Marrying his Elder Brother: If it were for nothing but to plague the younger, and take place of his Wife.  Sham. 
I have seen her: She will personate a Town Lady of Quality admirably, and be as Haughty and Impertinent as the best of 'em: Is the Lodging, and Plate, and things ready for her?  Cheat. 
It is, she comes there this Afternoon; she's set her Hand to a good swinging Judgement; and thou and I will divide my Lad: And now, all we have to do, is to preserve him to ourselves from any other Correspondence, and at downright Enmity with his Father, and Brother: And we must keep him continually hot, as they do a Glass-House, or our work will go backward.  Enter Belfond Senior, Mrs. Margaret, Mrs. Hackum, and his Servants. Belf. Sen. 
Oh my dear Friend and Cousin; tread upon my Neck: Make me your Footstool, you have made me a happy Man to know Plenty and Pleasure, good Company, good Wine, Music, Fine Women: Mrs. Hackum and I have been at Bumpers hand to fist: Here's my pretty Natural, my dear pretty Rogue: Adad, she's a Rare Creature, a Delicious Creature! And between you and I, dear Friend, she has all her Goings as well as e'er a Blowing in Christendom: Dear Madam Hackum, I am infinitely obliged to you.  Mrs. Hack. 
I am glad, Sir, she gives your Worship content, Sir.  Belf. Sen. 
Content: Ah my pretty Rogue! Pox o'the Country, I say, Capt. Capt. here: Let me Equip you with a Quid.  Hack. 
Noble Squire: I am your Spaniel-Dog.  Belf. Sen. 
‛ Pox o' the Country, I say: The best Team of Horses my Father has, shall not draw me thither again.  Sham. 
Be firm to your Resolution, and thou'lt be happy.  Cheat. 
If you meet either your Father, or Brother, or any from those Prigsters, stick up thy Countenance, or thou art ruined, my Son of Promise, my brisk Lad in remainder, when one of 'em approaches thee, we'll all pull down our Hats, and cry bow wow.  Belf. Sen. 
I warrant you; I am hardened, I knew my Brother in the Country, but they shan't shame me, they shall find me a smoky Thief: I vow 'twill be a very pretty way: Bow wow. I warrant thee I'll do't.  Enter Belfond Junior, two Footmen, and Roger. Sham. 
Who the Devil's here! Your Brother, Courage.  Cheat. 
Courage, be rough and haughty my Bumpkin.  Belf. Sen. 
hay, where are all my Servants. Call 'em in. Capt. calls'em.  Belf. jun. 
Who is that in this House here, who usurps my Name, and is called Squire Belfond?  Belf. Sen. 
One who is called so without usurping. Bow wow.  Belf. jun. 
Brother, Death do I dream! Can I trust my Senses! Is this my Brother?  Belf. Sen. 
Ay, ay, I know I am Transmographyed: But I am your very Brother▪ Ned.  Belf. jun. 
Could you be so unkind, to come to Town, and not see your nearest Kindred, your Uncle, and myself?  Belf. Sen. 
I would not come to disgrace you, till my Equipage was all ready. hay, Lafoy Marr, is my Coach at the Gate next to the Green-Dragon?  Valet. 
Ouy Monsieur.  Belf. Sen. 
But I was resolved to give you a Visit to Morrow Morning.  Belf. jun. 
I should have been glad to have seen you any where but here.  Belf. Sen. 
But here! Why 'tis as good a Tavern, as any's in Town. Sirrah, fill some Bumpers: Here Brother, here's a Facer to you: We'll Huzza, Call in the Fiddlers.  Belf. jun. 
I am struck with Astonishment: Not all Ovid's Metamorphosis can show such a one as this.  Belf. Sen. 
I see you wonder at my Change: What would you never have a Man learn breeding Adad? Should I always be kept a Country Bubble, a Caravan, a Mere Put. I am brave and bouzy.  Belf. jun. 
'Slife! He has got the Cant too.  Belf. Sen. 
I shall be clear by and by: Tother Bumper, Brother.  Belf. jun. 
No: I'll drink no more: I hate drinking between meals.  Belf. Sen. 
Oh Lord! Oh Lord! hate drinking between meals! What Company do you keep? But 'tis all one. Here Brother, pray salute this pretty Rogue: I manage her, she is my Natural, my pure Blowing: I am resolved to be like a Gentleman and keep, Brother.  Belf. jun. 
A thorough-paced White-friar's man! aside.  
I never refuse to kiss a pretty Woman. Salutes her.  Belf. Sen. 
This is Mrs. Hackum: I am much obliged to her: Pray salute her.  Belf. jun. 
What a Pox! Will he make me kiss the Bawd too. Salutes her.  Belf. Sen. 
Brother, now pray know these Gentlemen here; they are the prettiest Wits that are in Town: And between you and I Brother, brave gallant fellows, and the best friends I ever had in my life: This is Mr. Cheatly, and this my Cousin Shamwell.  Belf. jun. 
I know 'em, and am acquainted with their worth.  Cheat. 
Your humble Servant, sweet Sir.  Sham. 
Your Servant Cousin.  Belf. Sen. 
And this is my dear Friend Captain Hackum: There is not a braver fellow under the Sun.  Belf. jun. 
By Heaven, a downright Alsatian!  Belf. Sen. 
Come Musicians, strike up; and sing the Catch the Captain gave you, and we'll all join I'faith. We can be merry Brother, and we can roar.  Hack. 
'Tis a very pretty magnanimous military business upon the Victory in Hungary.  

Hark, how the Duke of Lorraine comes,  
The brave Victorious Soul of War;  
With Trumpets and with Kettle Drums,  
Like Thunder rolling from afar.   

On the Left Wing the conquering Horse  
The brave Bavarian Duke does lead;  
These Heroes with united force,  
Fill all the Turkish Host with dread.   

Their bright Caparisons behold;  
Rich Habits, Streamers, Shining Arms,  
The glittering Steel and burnished Gold;  
The pomp of War with all its Charms.   

With solemn March, and fatal pace,  
They bravely on the Foe press on;  
The Cannons roar, the Shot takes place,  
Whilst Smoke and Dust obscure the Sun.   

The Horse's Neigh, the Soldier's shout,  
And now the furious Bodies join,  
The slaughter rages all about,  
And men in groans their Blood resign.   

The Weapons Clash, the Roaring Drum,  
With Clanger of the Trumpets sound,  
The bowls and yells of men o'ercome,  
And from the Neighbouring Hills rebound.   

Now, now the Infidels give place,  
Then all in Routs they headlong fly,  
Heroes in Dust pursue the Chase,  
While deafening Clamours rend the Sky.   Belf. Sen. 
You see Brother, what Company I keep: What's the matter you are melancholy.  Belf. jun. 
I am not a little troubled Brother, to find you in such cursed company.  Belf. Sen. 
Hold Brother, if you love your life: They are all stout; but that same Captain has killed his five men.  Belf. jun. 
Stout say you? This fellow Cheatly is the most notorious Rascal and Cheat that ever was out of a Dungeon: This Kinsman a most silly Bubble first, and afterwards a betrayer of young Heirs, of which they have not ruined less than two hundred, and made 'em run out their Estates before they came to 'em.  Belf. Sen. 
Brother, do you love your Life? the Captain's a Lion!  Belf. jun. 
An Ass is he not? He is a Ruffian, and Cock-bawd to that Hen.  Cheat. 
If you were not the Brother to my dearest Friend, I know what my Honour would prompt me to. Walks in a buff.  Sham. 
My dear Cousin, thou shalt now find how entirely I am thine: My Honour will not let me strike thy Brother.  Hack. 
But that the puntilioes of Honour are sacred to me; which tell me nothing can provoke me against the Brother of my noble friend, I had whipped him through the Lungs ere this.  Belf. Sen. 
Well, never man met with such true, such loving Friends.  Belf. jun. 
Look you Brother, will this convince you, that you are fallen into the hands of Fools, Knaves, Scoundrels and Cowards.  Belf. Sen. 
Fools! nay there I am sure you are out: They are all deep, they are very deep and sharp; sharp as Needles, adad; the wittiest men in England. Here's Mr. Cheatly in the first place shall Shame and Bantor with you, or any one you will bring for 500 l. of my Money.  Belf. jun. 
Rascally stuff; fit for no places but Ram-alley, or Pie corner.  Belf. Sen. 
Persuade me to that: They are the merriest Companions, and the truest Friends to me: 'Tis well for you adad, that they are so; for they are all of 'em as stout as Hector.  Belf. jun. 
This is most amazing.  Sham. 
Did I not tell you he would envy your condition; and be very angry with us that put you into't.  Cheat. 
He must needs be a kind Brother: We prove ourselves your true Friends; and have that respect for your blood, that we will let none of it out, where'er we meet it upon any cause.  Belf. Sen. 
You see Brother, how their Love prevails over their Valour.  Belf. jun. 
Their Valour! look you Brother, Kicks Cheatly and Shamw. here's Valour.  Cheat. 
I understand Honour and Breeding, besides I have been let blood to day.  Sham. 
Nothing shall make me transgress the rules of Honour I say.  Belf. jun. 
Here! Where are you? Sirrah; Kill-Cow. Takes Hackum by the Nose, and leads him.  Hack. 
'Tis no matter; I know Honour: I know puntilioes to a hair. You owe your life to your Brother: besides, I am to be second to a dear Friend, and preserve my vigour for his service: but for all that, were he not your brother  Belf. jun. 
Will not this convince you, brother, of their Cowardice?  Belf. Sen. 
No, I think not; for I am sure they are Valiant; this convinces me of their respect and friendship to me: My best Friends, let me embrace you: a thousand thanks to you.  Belf. jun. 
I will redeem him yet from these Rascals if I can: You are upon the brink of ruin, if you go not off with me, and reconcile yourself to my Father; I'll undertake it upon good terms.  Belf. Sen. 
No, I thank you; I'll see no Father; he shall use me no more like a Dog: he shall put upon me no longer. Look you Sir, I have Ready, Rhino, Cole, Derby; look here Sir!  Belf. jun. 
Dear brother, let me persuade you to go along with me.  Belf. Sen. 
You love me! and use my best Friends thus? ne'er stir, I desire none of your Company: I'll stick to my friends: I look upon what you have done as an affront to me.  Hack. 
No doubt it is so.  Sham. 
That's most certain; you are in the right, Cousin.  Cheat. 
We love you but too well, that angers him.  Belf. jun. 
Well, I shall take my leave: You are in your Cups: You will wish you had heard me. Rogues, I shall take a course with you.  Belf. Sen. 
Rogues! They scorn your words.  Belf. jun. 
Fare you well.  Belf. Sen. 
Fare you well Sir, and you be at that sport.  Belf. jun. 
Roger, do not discover him to my Father yet; I'll talk with him cool in a morning first; perhaps I may redeem him.  Roger. 
I'll do as you'll have me. Ex. Belf. jun. Roger & 2 Foot.  Belf. Sen. 
So now we are free. Dear Friends, I never can be grateful enough: But 'tis late, I must show my new Coach: Come Ladies. Exeunt.  Enter Attorney and Lucia. Attor. 
How now, Daughter Lucia, where hast thou been?  Luc. 
I have been at Evening Prayers at St. Brides, and am going home through the Temple.  Attor. 
Thou art my good Girl. Enter Mrs. Termagant.  Luc. 
Oh Heaven! Who's here!  Attor. 
What's the matter?  Luc. 
I am taken ill on the sudden: I'll run home.  Term. 
Stay, stay; thou wicked Author of my misfortune.  Attor. 
How's this? Stay Lucia! What mean you Madam The Girl's strangely disordered.  Luc. 
Oh Heaven! I am utterly ruined, beyond redemption.  Term. 
Is she your Daughter Sir.  Attor. 
She is.  Term. 
Then hear my story: I am contracted with all the solemnity that can be to Mr. Belfond, the Merchant's Son; and for this wicked Girl he has lately cast me off: And this morning I went to his Lodging, to inquire a reason of his late Carriage to me, I found there in his Closet this young shameless Creature, who had been in Bed with him.  Attor. 
Oh Heaven and Earth! Is this true, Huswife?  Luc. 
Oh Lord I: I never saw the Gentleman nor her in my life: Oh she's a Confident thing!  Term. 
May all the Judgements due to Perjury fall on me, if this be not true: I tore her by the hair, and pomelled her to some tune; till that inhuman Wretch Belfond turned me out of doors, and sent her away in Chair.  Luc. 
O wicked Creature! Are you not afraid the Earth should open, and swallow you up? As I hope to be saved I never saw her?  Term. 
Tho young in years, yet old in Impudence; did I not pursue thee since in the street, till you run into Belfonds Arms just before his Father's House? Or I had marked thee for a young Whore.  Luc. 
As I hope to live Sir, 'tis all false: Every Word and Tittle of it: I know not what she means.  Attor. 
Have I bestowed so much, and taken so much care in thy Education, to have no other Fruit but this?  Luc. 
Oh Lord Sir! Why will you believe this wicked Woman?  Attor. 
No young Impudence! I believe you: What made you ready to Swoon at the sight of this Lady, but your Guilt.  Luc. 
She mistakes me for some other, as she did to day when she pursued me to have killed me; which made me tremble at the sight of her now.  Attor. 
And yet you never saw her before▪ I am convinced: Go, wicked Wretch, go home: This News will kill thy Mother: I'll to my Chamber, and follow thee.  Luc. 
But if I ever see her, or you either, to be locked from my Dear Belfond: I shall deserve whatever you can do to me. Exit.  Attor. 
Madam, I beseech you make as few words as you can of this.  Term. 
I had much rather for my own honour have concealed it. But I shall say no more, provided you will keep her from him.  Attor. 
I warrant you Madam, I'll take a Course with her. Your Servant. Exit.  Enter Cheatly. Cheat. 
Madam, your most humble Servant: You see I am punctual to my Word.  Term. 
You are Sir.  Cheat. 
Come Madam, your Lodging, Furniture, and every thing are ready, let's lose no time: I'll wait on you thither, where we will Consult about our Affairs.  Term. 
Come on: It is a rare design; and if it succeeds, I shall sufficiently be revenged on my Ungrateful Devil.  Cheat. 
I'll warrant the Success. Exeunt.  Enter Isabel, and Teresia. Isab. 
We must be very careful of this Book: My Uncle, or our Dame Governante will burn it if they find it.  Teres. 
We cannot have a pleasant, or a Witty Book, but they serve it so: My Father loads us with Books, such as the Trial of Man, in the Isle of Man, or Manshire: A Treatise on Sabbath-Breakers: And Health out-drinking, or Life out-healthing Wretches: A Caustick, or Corrosive, for a Seared Conscience.  Isab. 
A Sovereign Ointment for a Wounded Soul: A Cordial for a sick Sinner: The Nothingness of good Works: Waxed Boot Grace, for the Sussex ways of Affliction; and a deal of such stuff: But all Novels, Romances, or Poetry, except Quarles and Withers, are an Abomination. Well, this is a Jewel, if we can keep it. Enter Ruth behind them.  

Anger in hasty Words or Blows,  
Itself discharges on our Foes;  
And Sorrow too, finds some relief  
In Tears, which wait upon our grief:  
Thus every Passion, but fond Love,  
Unto its own Redress does move.   Teres. 
'Tis sweet Poerry: There is a pleasing Charm in all he writes. She snatches the Book.  Ruth. 
Yea, there is a Charm of Satan's in it: 'Tis Vanity and Darkness, this Book hateth, and is contrary to the Light: and ye hate the light.  Isab. 
That's much: And this Evening a little before Night, thou blamedst us for looking out of the Window, and threatened to shut the Painted Sashes.  Teres. 
Now if thou shut'st those: Thou hatest the Light, and not we.  Ruth. 
Look thee Teresia: Thou art wanton, and so is thy x Isabel: Ye seek Temptation: You look out of the Casement to pick and cull young Men; whereby to feed the Lust of the Eye: Ye may not do it. And look thee Isabel and Teresia, if you open the Casements once more, I will place ye in the back Rooms, and lock the Fore Rooms up.  Teres. 
We will obey thee, Ruth.  Isab. 
We will not resist thy power: But prithee leave us that Book.  Ruth. 
No, it is wanton and treateth of Love: I will instantly commit it to the Flames. Exit.  Isab. 
Shame on this old Wall-eyed Hypocrite: She is the strictest sort of Jailor.  Teres. 
We are as narrowly looked to, as if we had been clapped up for Treason, we are kept from Books, Pen, Ink, and Paper.  Isab. 
Well, it is a most painful life to dissemble constantly.  Teres. 
'Tis well we are often alone, to unbend to one another, one had as good be a Player, and Act continually else.  Isab. 
I can never persuade myself, that Religion can consist in Scurvy out of fashion clothes, stiff constrained Behaviour, and Sour Countenances.  Teres. 
A tristful Aspect, looking always upon ones Nose, with a Face full of Spiritual Pride.  Isab. 
And when one walks abroad, not to turn one's Head to the right or left, but hold it straight forward, like an Old blind Mare.  Teres. 
True Religion must make one cheerful, and affect one with the most ravishing Joy which must appear in the Face too.  Isab. 
My good Mother had the Government, and brought me up to better things, as thy good Aunt did thee.  Teres. 
But we can make no use of our Education under this Tyranny.  Isab. 
If we should Sing or Dance, 'twere worse than Murder.  Teres. 
But of all things: Why do they make such a stir to keep us from the Conversation of Mankind: Sure there must be more in it, than we can imagine; and that makes one have more mind to try.  Isab. 
Thou hast been so unquiet in thy sleep of late, and so given to sigh, and get alone when thou art awake: I fancy thou dost imagine somewhat of it.  Teres. 
Ah Rogue, and I have observed the same in thee: Canst thou not guests at Love: Come, confess, and I'll tell all.  Isab. 
Sometimes in my Dreams, methinks I am in Love, than a certain Youth comes to me; and I grow i'll, and pant, and feel a little pain: But 'tis the prettiest thing methinks: And then I wake and blush, and am afraid.  Teres. 
Very pretty: And when I am awake, when I see one Gentleman, methinks I could look through him: And my Heart beats, beats like the Drums in the Camp.  Isab. 
I dare not ask who 'tis, for fear it should be my Man; for there are two come often to our Church, that stare at us continually, and one of them is he.  Teres. 
I have observed 'em: One, who sat by us at Church, knew 'em by their Names: I am for one of 'em too.  Isab. 
I will remember it.  Teres 
If it be any Man thou lik'st, I'll kill thee.  Isab. 
And if thou lov'st my Man, we must not live together.  Teres. 
Name him.  Isab. 
Do thou name first.  Teres. 
Let's write their Names. They write their Papers and give 'em to one another, at which they both speak together and start.  Isab. 
Agree: We each have a Black-Lead Pen.  Teres. 
Truman, Mercy on me!  Isab. 
Belfond, Oh Heaven's!  Teres. 
What's this I see! Would I were blind.  Isab. 
Oh my Teresia!  Teres. 
Get thee from me.  Isab. 
'Tis as it should be; I wrote the wrong Name, on purpose to discover who was your Man more clearly; the other's my Beloved. Belfond's my Heart's delight.  Teres. 
sayst thou so my Girl! good Wits-jump. I had the same thought with thee. Now 'tis out, Truman for me; and methinks they keep such a staring at us, if we contrive to meet 'em, we need not despair.  Isab. 
Nay, they come not for Devotion, that's certain; I see that in their Eyes. Oh that they were ordained to free us from this odious Jail.  Enter Ruth, and Truman disguised. Ruth. 
Go into your Chamber; here is a Man cometh about business: Ye may not see him.  Teres. 
We go: Come x.  Ruth. 
Come Friend: Let us retire also. Exeunt.   

ACT. IV. SCENE I.  Belfond junior, and Lucia. Luc. 
I Never more must see the Face of a Relation.  Belf. jun. 
I warrant thee, my pretty Rogue, I'll put thee into that condition the best of all thy kindred shall visit thee, and make their court to thee; thou shalt spark it in the Boxes, shine at the Park, and make all the young fellows in the Town run mad for thee: Thou shalt never want, while I have any thing.  Luc. 
I could abandon all the World for thee; if I could think that thou wouldst love me always.  Belf. jun. 
Thou hast so kindly obliged me, I shall never cease to love thee.  Luc. 
Pray Heaven I do not repent of it: You were kind to Mrs. Termagant; and sure it must be some barbarous usage, which thus provokes her now to all this malice.  Belf. jun. 
She was debauched by the most nauseous Coxcomb, the most silly Beau and Shape about the Town; and had Cuckolded him with several before I had her: She was indeed handsome, but the most froward, ill-natured Creature; always murmuring or scolding, perpetually jealous and exceptious, ever thinking to work her ends by Hectoring and Daring.  Luc. 
Indeed! Was she such a one? I am sure, you were the first that ever had my Heart, and you shall be the last.  Belf. jun. 
My Dear, I know I had thy Virgin Heart, and I'll preserve it. But for her, her most diverting minutes were unpleasant: Yet for all her Malice which you see, I still maintain her.  Luc. 
Ungrateful Creature! She is indeed a Fury. Shouldst thou once take thy Love from me, I never should use such ways: I silently should mourn and pine away; but never think of once offending thee.  Belf. jun. 
Thou art the prettiest, sweetest, softest Creature! And all the tenderest Joys that wait on Love, are ever with thee.  Luc. 
Oh, this is Charming kindness! May all the joys on Earth be still with thee.  Belf. jun. 
aside. Now here's a mischief on the other side; For how can a good natured man think of ever quitting so tender, and so kind a Mistress, whom no respect, but Love has thrown into my Arms: And yet I must: But I will better her condition. Oh, how does my Friend. Enter Truman.  Luc. 
Oh Lord! Who's here?  Belf. jun. 
My Dear, go to the Lodging I have prepared for thee; thou wilt be safe, and I'll wait on thee soon. Who's there? Enter Servants. Do you wait on this Lady's Chair, you know whither.  Tru. 
Thou art a pretty fellow, Belfond, to take thy pleasure thus, and put thy Friend upon the damnedest drudgery.  Belf. jun. 
What drudgery? a little dissembling.  Tru. 
Why that were bad enough, to dissemble myself an Ass; but to dissemble Love, nay Lust, is the most irksome task a man can undergo.  Belf. jun. 
But prithee come to the point: in short, have we any hopes?  Tru. 
'Tis done; the business is done: Whip on your habit; make no words.  Belf. jun. 
I'll put it on in my Dressing-room. This News transports me.  Tru. 
If you had undergone what I have done, 'twould have humbled you: I have enjoyed a Lady; but I had as lief have had a Lancashire Witch, just after she had alighted from a Broom-staff: I have been uncivil, and enjoyed the Governante in most lewd dalliance.  Belf. jun. 
Thou art a brave fellow, and makest nothing of it.  Tru. 
Nothing? 'Sdeath, I had rather have stormed a Half-Moon: I had more pleasure at the Battle of Mons.  Belf. jun. 
But hast thou done our work as well as hers?  Tru. 
I have: For after the enjoyment of her person had led me into some familiarity with her. I proposed, she accepted, for she is Covetous as well as Amorous: and she has so far wrought for us, that we shall have an Interview with our Mistresses; whom, she says, we shall find very inclinable; and she has promised this night to deliver 'em into our hands.  Belf. jun. 
Thou art a rare Friend to me, and to thyself. Now, Farewell all the vanity of this lewd Town, at once I quit you all. Dear Rogue, let's in.  Tru. 
Come in, in, and dress in your Habit. Exeunt.  Enter Sir William, Sir Edward and Scrapeall. Scrapeall. 
Look ye Sir William, I am glad you like my Niece: and I hope also, that she may look lovely in your Sons Eyes.  Sir Edw. 
No doubt but he will be extremely taken with her: Indeed both she and your Daughter are very Beautiful.  Sir Will. 
He like her! What's matter whether he like her, or not Is it not enough for him, that I do? Is a Son, a Boy, a Jackanapes, to have a will of his own? That were to have him be the Father, and I the Son. But indeed they are both very handsome.  Scrapeall. 
Let me tell you both, Sir William, and Sir Edward, Beauty is but Vanity, a mere nothing; but they have that which will not fade; they have Grace.  Sir Edw. 
They look like pretty spirited witty Girls. aside.  Scrapeall. 
I am sorry I must leave thee so soon: I thought to have bidden face to dinner, but I am to pay down a sum of Money upon a Mortgage this afternoon: Farewell.  Sir Will. 
Farewell Mr. Scrapeall.  Sir Edw. 
Pray meet my Brother at my House at Dinner.  Scrapeall. 
Thank you Sir Edward, I know not but I may.  Sir Edw. 
The person of this Girl is well chosen for your Son, if she were not so precise and pure.  Sir Will. 
Prithee, what matter what she is, has not she Fifteen Thousand Pounds clear?  Sir Edw. 
For a Husband to differ in Religion from a Wise.  Sir Will. 
What, with Fifteen Thousand Pound?  Sir Edw. 
A precise Wise will think herself so pure, she will be apt to contemn her Husband.  Sir Will. 
Ay, but Fifteen Thousand Pound, brother.  Sir Edw. 
You know how intractable misguided Zeal and Spiritual Pride are.  Sir Will. 
What with Fifteen Thousand Pound!  Sir Edw. 
I would not willingly my Son should have her.  Sir Will. 
Not with Fifteen Thousand Pound?  Sir Edw. 
I see there's no Answer to be given to Fifteen Thousand Pound.  Sir Will. 
A Pox o' this Godly-knave, it should have been Twenty.  Sir Edw. 
Nor would I buy a Wife for my Son.  Sir Will. 
Not if you could have her a good pennyworth: Your Son, quoth ye? He is like to make a fine Husband. For all your precious Son—  Sir Edw. 
Again, Brother?  Sir Will. 
Look you, Brother, you fly out so: Pray, Brother, be not passionate; passion drowns one's parts; let us calmly reason: I have fresh matter; have but patience, and hear me speak.  Sir Edw. 
Well, Brother, go on; for I see I might as soon stop a Tide.  Sir Will. 
To be calm and patient; your Jewel, though he denied that outrage in Dorset-Court, yet he committed it, and was last night hurried before the Lord Chief Justice for it.  Sir Edw. 
It cannot be, on my certain knowledge. I could convice him, but it is not time. Aside  Sir Will. 
What a Devil, are all the World mistaken, but you?  Sir Edw. 
He was with me all the Evening.  Sir Will. 
Why, he got Bail immediately, and came to you. 'Ounds, I never saw such a man in my life!  Sir Edw. 
I am assured of the contrary.  Sir Will. 
Death and Hell, you make me stark mad! You will send me to Bedlam: You will not believe your own senses: I'll hold you a Thousand pound.  Sir Edw. 
Brother, remember passion drowns one's parts.  Sir Will. 
Well, I am tame, I am cool.  Sir Edw. 
I'll hold you a hundred; which is enough for one Brother to win of another. Enter Attorney. And here's your own Attorney comes opportunely enough to hold stakes. I'll bind it with ten.  Sir Will. 
Done.  Sir Edw. 
Why, I saw your man Roger, and he says, your Son found there a Rascal, that went by his Name.  Attor. 
Oh, Sir William, I am undone, ruined, made a miserable man!  Sir Will. 
What's the matter, man?  Attor. 
Tho you have been an exceeding good Client to me, I have reason to Curse one of your Family that has ruined mine.  Sir Will. 
Pray explain yourself.  Attor. 
Oh, Sir, your Wicked Son, your most Libidinous Son.  Sir Will. 
Look you, Brother, D'ye hear? D'ye hear? Do you Answer?  Attor. 
He's Corrupted, Debauched my only Daughter, whom I had brought up with all the care and charge I could, who was the Hopes, the Joy of all our Family.  Sir Will. 
Here's a Son! Here's a rare Son! Here's a hopeful Son! And he were mine, I'd lash him with a Dog-Whip: I'd cool his Courage.  Sir Edw. 
How do you know it is he?  Attor. 
I have a Witness of it, that saw her rise from his Bed the other Day Morning; and last Night she ran away to him, and they have lain at a private Lodging.  Sir Edw. 
Be well assured, e'er you conclude; for there is a Rascal that has taken my Son's Name, and has swaggered in and about whitefriars, with Cheatly, and that Gang of Rogues, whom my Son will take a Course with.  Attor. 
Oh, Sir, I am too well assured: My Wife tears her Hair; and I, for my part shall run distracted.  Sir Will. 
Oh, Wicked Rascal! Oh, my poor Tim! My dear Boy Tim! I think each Day a Year, till I see thee.  Sir Edw. 
Sir, I am extremely sorry for this, if it be so; but let me beg of you, play the part of a Wise Man; blaze not this Dishonour abroad, and you shall have all the Reparation the case is capable of.  Sir Will. 
Reparation, for making his Daughter a Whore! What, a Pox, can he give her her Maidenhead again?  Sir Edw. 
Money, which shall not be wanting, will stop that Witnesses Mouth: and I will give your Daughter such a Fortune, that were what you believe true and publicly known, she should live above Contempt, as the World goes now.  Attor. 
You speak like the worthy Gentleman the World thinks you; but there can be no Salve for this Sore.  Sir Will. 
Why, you are enough to damn Forty Sons, if you had 'em; you encourage 'em to Whore: You are fit to breed up youth!  Sir Edw. 
You are mad: But pray Sir, let me entreat you to go home, and I will come and wait upon you; and we will consult how to make the best of this misfortune, in which I assure you, I have a great share.  Attor. 
I will submit to your Wise Advice, Sir: My grief had had made me forget; here is a Letter comes out of the Country for you. Ex. Attorney.  Sir Will. 
For me! 'Tis welcome: Now for News from my dear Boy! Now you shall hear, Brother: He is a Son indeed.  Sir Edw. 
Yes, a very hopeful one: I will not undeceive him, till Ned has tried once more to recover him. aside.  Sir Will. 
reads. On the tenth of this month, your Son, my young Master, about two of the Clock in the Morning, rode out with his Man Lolpoop; and notwithstanding all the search and enquiry we can make (Oh Heaven) he cannot be found or heard of. He drops the Letter not able to hold it.  Sir Edw. 
How's this?  Sir Will. 
Oh, my poor Boy! He is Robbed and Murdered, and buried in some Ditch, or flung into some Pond. Oh, I shall never see thee more, dear Tim! The Joy, and the Support of all my life! The only Comfort which I had on Earth:  Sir Edw. 
Have patience Brother; 'tis nothing but a little Ramble in your Absence.  Sir Will. 
Oh, no; he durst not Ramble: He was the dutifullest Child! I shall never see his face again: Look you, he goes on. We have searched and made enquiry in three Adjacent Countries, and no Tidings can be heard of him. What have I done, that Heaven should thus afflict me?  Sir Edw. 
What, if after all, this Son should be he that has made all this noise in White-friar's, for which mine has been so blamed▪  Sir Will. 
My Son, my Son play such Pranks? that's likely! One so strictly, so soberly Educated! One that's Educated your way cannot do otherwise. Enter Roger.  Roger. 
Sir, Sir, Sir, mercy upon me, here's my young Master's Man Lolpoop, coming along in the Streets with a Wench.  Enter Lolpoop leading Betty under the Arm. Sir Will. 
Oh Heaven! What say you?  Sir Edw. 
Now it works: Ha ha ha. To himself.  Betty. 
How now! What have Sir William lays hold on Lolpoop ere he or she sees him. you to say to my Friend, my Dear?  Sir William and Lolpoop start, and stand amazed at one another; and after a great pause, Sir William falls upon Lolpoop, beats the Whore, beats Roger, strikes at his Brother, and lays about him like a mad man; the Rabble get all about him. Sir Will. 
Sirrah, Rogue, Dog, Villain! Whore! and you Rogue, Rogue! Confound the World! Oh that the World were all on fire!  Sir Edw. 
Brother, for shame be more temperate: Are you a mad man?  Sir Will. 
Plague o' your dull Philosophy.  Sir Edw. 
The Rabble are gathered together about you.  Sir Will. 
Villain, Rogue, Dog, Toad, Serpent! Where's my Son? Sirrah, you have Robbed him, and murdered him.  He beats Lolpoop, who roars out Murder. Lolp. 
Hold, hold; your Son is alive, and alive like: He's in London.  Sir Will. 
What say you, Sirrah? In London? and is he well? Thanks be to Heaven for that: Where is he Sirrah?  Lolp. 
He is in whitefriars, with Mr. Cheatly, his Cousin Shamwell, and Captain Hackum.  Sir William pauses, as amazed: Then beats him again. Sir Will. 
And you Rogue, you damned Dog, would you suffer him to keep such Company, and commit such villainous Actions?  Lolp. 
Hold, hold▪ hold, I pray you, Sir: I am but a Servant, how could I help it, marry?  Sir Will. 
You could not help being with a Whore yourself; Sirrah, Sirrah, Sirrah. Here honest Mob, course this Whore to some purpose. A Whore, a Whore, a Whore. She runs out, the Rabble run after, and tear her, crying, a Whore, a Whore.  Sir Edw. 
This is wisely done! If they murder her, you'll be hanged: I am in Commission for Middlesex; I must see to appease them.  Sir Will. 
Sirrah, Rogue, bring me to my Son instantly, or I'll cut your Throat. Exeunt.  Enter Isabel, Teresia, Ruth. Isab. 
Dear Ruth, thou dost for ever oblige us.  Teres. 
And so much, that none but our own Mothers could ever do it more.  Ruth. 
Oblige yourselves, and be not silly, coy, and 〈◊〉▪ Strike me when the Iron's hot, I say. They have great Estates, and are both Friends, I know both their Families and Conditions. Enter Belfond jun. and Truman. Here they are: Welcome Friends.  Tru. 
How dost thou?  Ruth. 
These are the Damsels, I will retire, and watch, lest the Old Man surprise us. Ex. Ruth.  Belf. jun. 
Look thee, Isabella, I come to confer with thee, in a matter which concerneth us both, if thou be'st free.  Isab. 
Friend, 'tis like I am.  Tru. 
And mine with thee is of the same nature.  Teres. 
Proceed.  Belf. jun. 
Something within me whispereth, that we were made as helps for one another.  Teres. 
They Act very well, Cousin.  Isab. 
For young beginners. Come, leave off your Canaanitish Dialect, and talk like the Inhabiters of this World.  Teres. 
We are as errand Hypocrites as the best of you.  Isab. 
We were bred otherwise than you see, and are able to hear you talk like Gentlemen.  Teres. 
You come to our Meeting like Sparks and Beaux, and I never could perceive much Devotion in you.  Isab. 
'Tis such a pain to dissemble, that I am resolved I'll never do it, but when I must.  Belf. jun. 
Dear Madam, I could wish all forms were laid aside betwixt us: But in short, I am most infinitely in love with you, and must be for ever miserable if I go without you.  Isab. 
A frank and hearty Declaration, which you make with so much confidence, I warrant you have been used to it.  Tru. 
There is not a difficulty in the World which I would stop at to obtain your Love, the only thing on Earth could make me happy.  Teres. 
And you are as much in earnest now, as you were when you came first to us even now.  Isab. 
That's well urged: Cannot you Gentlemen counterfeit Love, as well as Religion?  Belf. jun. 
Love is so natural, it cannot be affected.  Tru. 
To show you mine is so, take me at my word: I am ready to render on discretion.  Teres. 
And was this the reason you frequented our Parish-Church?  Belf. jun. 
Could you think our business was to hear your Teacher spin out an hour, over a Velvet Cushion?  Isab. 
Profane men! I warrant they came to Ogle.  Tru. 
Even so: Our Eyes might tell you what we came for.  Belf. jun. 
In short, dear Madam, our opportunities are like to be so few, your confinement being so close, that 'tis fit to make use of this; 'tis not your Fortune which I aim at, my Uncle will make a settlement equal to it, were it more; but 'tis your Charming person.  Isab. 
And you would have me a fine forward Lady, to love Extempore.  Belf. jun. 
Madam, you have but few minutes to make use of, and therefore should improve those few: Your Uncle has sold you for 5000 l. and for aught I know, you have not this night good for your deliverance.  Tru. 
Consider, Ladies, if you had not better trust a couple of honest Gentlemen, than an Old Man, that makes his market of you: For I can tell you, you though his own Daughter, are to be sold too.  Teres. 
But for all that, our consents are to be had.  Belf. jun. 
You can look for nothing, but a more strict confinement, which must follow your Refusal: Now, if you have the Courage to venture an Escape, we are the Knights that will relieve you.  Tru. 
I have an Estate Madam, equal to your Fortune: But I have nothing can deserve your Love: But I'll procure your freedom, then use it as you please.  Belf. jun. 
If you are unwilling to trust us, you can trust your Governess, whom you shall have with you.  Isab. 
And what would you and the World say of us for this?  Belf. jun. 
We should Adore you: And I am apt to think the World would not condemn your choice.  Tru. 
But I am sure, all the World will condemn your delay, in the condition you are in. Enter Ruth.  Ruth. 
I see Mr. Scrapeall coming at the end of the Street: begone, I'll bring them to your Chamber in the Temple, this Evening. Hast, hast out at the Backdoor.  Belf. jun. 
This is most unfortunate.  Tru. 
Dear Madam, let me Seal my Vows.  Ruth. 
Go, go: begone, begun, Friends. Exeunt.  Enter Scrapeall, crosses the Stage; enter Mrs. Termagant and her Brother. Term. 
You see, Brother, we have dogged Belfond, till we saw him enter the House of this Scrivener with his Friend Truman, both in disguises; which, with what we have heard even now, at the neighbouring Alehouse, convinces me, that 'tis he is to marry the rich Niece.  Bro. 
They say she is to be Married to the Son of Sir William Belfond, and that Sir William gives a great sum of Money to her Uncle for her; by this it should seem to be the Elder Son, and not our Enemy, who is disguised for her.  Term. 
If so, the Villain would not at full day go thither.  Bro. 
But 'tis in a disguise.  Term. 
With that, I suppose the Son pretends to be a Puritan too, or she would not have him; it must be he. And if you will do as I directed you, I warrant I'll break off his Match; and by that work an Exquisite piece of Revenge.  Bro. 
I am wholly at your dispose.  Term. 
Now is the time, the Door opens; pursue me with a drawn Dagger, with all the seeming Fury imaginable, now as the Old Man comes out. Scrapeall passes over the Stage.  Brother pursues her with a drawn Dagger, she runs and gets into the House, and claps the Door after her. Enter within, Ruth, Teresia, Isabel, Termagant. Bro. 
Where is the Jade? Deliver her to me, I'll cut her in piece meal: Deliver her, I say. Well, you will not deliver her: I shall watch her.  Term. 
Oh, Oh! Where is the Murderer? Where is he? I die with fear, I die.  Ruth. 
Prithee, Woman, Comfort thyself, no Man shall hurt thee here. Take a Sup of this Bottle. She pulls out a Silver Strong-Water Bottle.  Ter. 
Thou art safe.  Isab. 
We will defend thee here, as in a Castle. But what is the occasion of this Man's fury?  Term. 
You are so generous, in giving me this Succour, and promising my defence, that I am resolved not to conceal it from you: Tho' I must confess, I have no reason to boast of it; but I hope your Charity will Interpret it as well as you can on my side.  Ruth. 
Go on: Thou needest not fear.  Term. 
Know then, I am a Gentlewoman, whose Parents dying when I was sixteen, left me a moderate Fortune, yet able to maintain me like their Daughter. I chose an Aunt my Guardian, one of those Jolly Widows who love Gaming, and have great resort in the Evenings at their Houses.  Ruth. 
Good: Proceed.  Term. 
There it was my misfortune to be acquainted with a young Gentleman, whose Face, Air, Mein, Shape, Wit, and Breeding not I alone, but the whole Town Admires.  Ruth. 
Very good.  Term. 
By all his Looks, his Gestures, and Addresses, he seemed in Love with me: The Joy that I conceived at this, I wanted Cunning to conceal, but he must needs perceive it flash in my Eyes, and kindle in my Face; he soon began to court me in such sweet, such Charming Words, as would betray a more experienced Heart than mine.  Ruth. 
Humh: Very well; she speaks notably.  Term. 
There was but little left for him to do, for I had done it all before for him: He had a Friend within too ready to give up the Fort; yet I held out as long as I could make defence.  Ruth. 
Good lack a day! Some Men have strange Charms, it is confessed.  Term. 
Yet I was safe by Solemn mutual Oaths, in private we were contracted: He would have it private, because he feared to offend an Uncle, from whom he had great expectance; but now came all my Misery.  Ruth. 
Alack, alack, I warrant he was false.  Term. 
False as a Crocodile: He watched the fatal Minute, and he found it, and greedily seized upon me, when I trusted to his Honour and his Oaths; he still swore on, that he would Marry me, and I Sinned on: In short, I had a Daughter by him, now three years old, as true a Copy as e'er Nature drew, Beauteous, and Witty to a Miracle.  Ruth. 
Nay, Men are faithless, I can speak it.  Teres. 
Poor Lady; I am strangely concerned for her.  Isab. 
She was a Fool, to be catched in so common a Snare.  Term. 
From time to time he swore he would Marry me; though I must think I am his Wife as much as any Priest can make me; but still he found Excuses about his Uncle. I would have patiently waited till his Uncle's death, had he been true; but he has thrown me off, abandoned me, without so much as a pretended Crime.  Ruth. 
Alack, and welladay! It makes me weep.  Term. 
But 'tis for an Attorney's Daughter, whom he keeps, and now is fond of; while he treats me with all contempt and hatred.  Isab. 
Tho' she was a Fool, yet he's a base inhuman Fellow.  Teres. 
To scorn and hate her, for her Love to him.  Term. 
By this means, my Dishonour, which had been yet concealed, became so public, my Brother coming from the Wars of Hungary, has heard all, has this day fought with the Author of my Misery, but was disarmed; and now by Accident he spied me by your House, I having fled the place where I had lodged, for fear of him; and here the Bloody Man would have killed me, for the dishonour done to his Family, which never yet was blemished  Ruth. 
Get the Chief Justice's Warrant, and bind him to the Peace.  Teres. 
She tells her story well.  Isab. 
'Tis a very odd one; but she expresses it so sensibly, I cannot but believe her.  Term. 
If they do not ask me who this is, I have told my Tale in vain. Now, Ladies, I hope you have charity enough, to pardon the weakness of a poor Young Woman, who suffers shame enough within.  Teres. 
We shall be glad to do you what kindness we can.  Term. 
Oh, had you seen this most bewitching person, so Beautiful, Witty, and well bred, and full of most Gentlemanlike Qualities, you would be the readier to have Compassion on me.  Isab. 
Pray, who is it?  Term. 
Alas, 'tis no secret, it is Belfond, who calls Sir Edward Belfond Father, but is his Nephew.  Isab. 
What do I hear? Was ever Woman so unfortunate as I, in her first Love.  Teres. 
'Tis most unlucky.  Term. 
That is the Niece: I see 'twas he who was to Marry her.  Isab. 
But I am glad I have thus early heard it: I'll never see his face more.  Ruth. 
All this is false: He is a Pious man, and true Professor. This vile Woman will break the Match off, and undo my hopes. aside.  Term. 
'Tis as I thought. He is a Ranting Blade, a Roister of the Town. aside.  Ruth. 
Come you are an idle Woman, and belie him; begone out of the doors; there's the backway, you need not pretend fear of your Brother.  Term. 
I am obliged enough in the present defence you gave me: I intended not to trouble you long; but Heaven can witness what I say is true.  Isab. 
Do you hear Cousin? 'tis most certain, I'll never see him.  Ruth. 
Go, wicked Woman, go, what evil Spirit sent thee hither? I say begone.  Term. 
I go. I care not what she says, it works where I would have it. Your Servant Ladies. Exit.  Ruth. 
Go, go, thou wicked Slanderer.  Teres. 
See him but once, to hear what he can say in his Defence.  Isab. 
Yes, to hear him lie, as all the Sex will: Persuade me not; I am fixed.  Ruth. 
Look thee, Isabella.  Isab. 
I am resolved. Exit Isabel hastily.  Teres. 
Dear Ruth, thou dearest Friend, whom once we took for our most cruel Jailor, let's follow, and help me to convince her of her Error; but I am resolved, if she be stubborn, to undo herself, she shall not ruin me: I will escape.  Ruth, 
Let us persuade her. Exeunt.  Enter Belfond sen. and Hackum. Belf. sen. 
Captain, call all my Servants, why don't they wait? Enter Margaret, and Mrs. Hackum with a Caudle. O, my pure Blowing, my convenient my Tackle!  Marg. 
How dost thou, my Dear?  Mrs. Hack. 
I have brought you a Caudle here; there's Ambergreese in it, 'tis a rare refreshing, strengthening thing.  Belf. sen. 
What, adad, you take me for a Bridegroom; I scorn a Caudle, give me some Cherry brandy, I'll drink her Health in a Bumper: Do thee eat this, Child.  Mrs. Hack. 
I have that at hand— here, Sir. She fetches the Brandy.  Enter Captain Hack. and Servants. Belf. Sen. 
Come, my dear Natural, here's a Bumper of Cherry-brandy to thy Health; but first let me kiss thee, my dear Rogue.  Enter Sir William. Sir Will. 
Some Thunderbolt light on my Head; what's this I see?  Belf. Sen. 
My Father!  Enter Cheatly and Shamwell. Sir Will. 
hay, here's the whole Kennel of Hellhounds.  Cheat. 
Bear up to him, bow, wow.  Shamw. 
Do not flinch, bow, wow.  Belf. sen. 
Bow, wow, Bow, wow.  Sir Will. 
Most impudent abandoned Rascal; let me go, Let me come at him; audacious Varlet, how durst thou look on me?  He endeavours to sly at his Son, Footmen hold him. Bel. sen. 
Go strike your Dogs, and call them names, you have nothing to do with me, I am of full Age; and I thank Heaven, am gotten loose from your Yoke, don't think to put upon me, I'll be kept no longer like a Prigster, a silly Country Put, fit for nothing but to be a Bubble, a Caravan, or so.  Sir Will. 
A most perfect downright Canting Rogue; am I not your Father, Sirrah? Sirrah, am I not?  〈◊〉 sen. 
Yes, and Tenant for Life to my Estate in Tail, and 'll'le look to you, that you commit no waste; what-a-Pox, did you think to Nose me for ever, as the Saying is? I am not so dark 〈◊〉, I am sharp, sharp as a Needle, I can smoke now, as soon as another.  Sir Will. 
Let me come at him.  Cheat. 
So long as you forbear all Violence you are safe; but if you strike here, we command the Friars, and we will raise the Posse.  Sir Will. 
O Villain! thou notorious undoer of young Heirs: And thou pernicious Wretch, thou art no part of me; have I from thy first swaddling nourished thee and bred thee up with Care.  Belf. sen. 
Yes, with care to keep your Money from me, and breed me in the greatest Ignorance, sit for your Slave, and not your Son; I had been finely dark if I had stayed at home.  Sir Will. 
Were you not Educated like a Gentleman?  Belf. sen. 
No like a Grazier or a Butcher; if I had stayed in the Country, I had never seen such a Nab, a rum Nab, such a Modish Porker, such spruce and neat Accoutrements; here is a Tatle? here's a Famble, and here's the Coal, the Ready, the Rhino, the Derby; I have a lusty Cod Old Prigg, I'd have thee know, and am very Rhinocerical, here are Meggs and Smelts good store, Decus●s and George's, the Land is Entailed, and I will have my Snack of it while I am young, adad, I will. Ha!  Sir Will. 
Some Mountain cover me, and hide my Shame for ever from the World; did I not beget thee, Rogue?  Belf. sen. 
What know I whether you did or not? but 'twas not to use me like a Slave, but I am sharp and smoky, I had been purely Bred, had I been Ruled by you, I should never have known these Worthy Ingenious Gentlemen, my dear Friends, all this fine Language had been Heathen Greek to me, and I had ne'er been able to have cut a Shame or Banter while I had lived, a Dad; Odsookers, I know myself, and will have nothing to do with you.  Sir William. 
I am astonished!  Belf. sen. 
Shall my younger Brother keep his Coach and Equipage, and shine like a Spruce Prigg, and I be your Bailie in the Country? High, Lafoy Mar; bid my Coach be ready at the Door; I'll make him know I am elder Brother, and I will have the better Liveries, and I am resolved to manage my Natural, my pure Blowing, my Convenient, my Peculiar, my Tackle, my Purest Pure, as the rest of the young Gentlemen of the Town do.  Sir William, 
A most confirmed Alsatian Rogue! Aside. Thou most ungracious Wretch to break from me, at such a time, when I had provided a Wife for you, a Pretty Young Lady, with fifteen thousand Pound down, have settled a great Jointure upon her, and a large Estate in Present on you, the Writings all sealed, and nothing wanting but you, whom I had send for Post out of the Country to marry her!  Belf. sen. 
Very likely, that you, who have cudgeled me from my Cradle, and made me your Slave, and grudged me a Crown in my Pocket, should do all this.  Cheat. 
Believe him not; there's not one Word of Truth in't.  Sham. 
This is a Trick to get you in his Power.  Sir Will. 
The Writings are all at my Attorney's in the Temple; you may go with me, and see'em all; and, if you will comply, I'll pardon what is past and marry you.  Belf. sen. 
No, no, I am sharp, as I told you, and smoky; you shall not put upon me, I understand your sham's; but to talk fairly, in all occurrences of this nature, which either may, or may not be, according to the different accidents which often intervene upon several opportunities, from whence we may collect either Good or Bad, according to the nature of the things themselves; and forasmuch as whether they be Good or Bad 〈…〉 only the Understanding, so far forth as it employs 〈…〉 Now since all this is premised, Let us come to the 〈…〉  Sir Will. 
Prodigious Impudence! O Devil! I'll to my 〈◊〉 Chief Justice, and with his Tipstaff I'll do your Business, Rogues Dogs and Villains, I will. Exit in 〈◊〉.  Cheat. 
This was bravely carried on.  Sham. 
Most admirably.  Belf. sen. 
Ai, was't not? Don't I begin to Banter pretty well? ha!  Cheat. 
Rarely: But a Word in Private, my resplendent 〈◊〉▪ You see your Father resolves to put some Trick upon you; be beforehand with him, and marry this Fortune I have prepared; lose not Time but see her, and treat with her, if you like her, as soon as you can.  Belf. sen. 
You are in the right; let not my Blowing hear a Word; I'll to her instantly.  Cheat. 
Shamwel and I'll go and prepare her for a Visit; you know the place.  Belf. sen. 
I do, come along.— Exeunt.  Enter Cheatly, Shamwell, and Mrs. Termagant, in her fine 〈◊〉. Cheat. 
Madam, you must carry yourself somewhat Stately, but Courteously, to the Bubble.  Sham. 
Somewhat reserv'dly, and yet so as to give him hopes.  Term. 
I warrant you, let me alone; and if I effect this business, you are the best Friends; such Friends as I could never yet expect: 'Twill be an exquisite Revenge.  Cheat. 
He comes! come Noble Esquire. Enter Belfond Senior. Madam, this is the Gentleman whom I would recommend to your Ladyship's favour, who is ambitious of Kissing your Hand.  Belf. Sen. 
Yes, Madam, as Mr. Cheatly says, I am ambitious of Kissing your Hand, and your Lip too, Madam; for I vow to gad, Madam, there is not a Person in the World, Madam, has a greater honour for your Person: And, Madam, I assure you I am a Person—  Term. 
My good Friend, Mr. Cheatly, with whom I intrust the Management of my small Fortune—  Cheat. 
Small Fortune! nay it is a large one—  Term. 
He's told me of your Family and Character: To your Name I am no Stranger, nor to your Estate, though this is the first time I have had the honour to see your Person.  Belf. Sen. 
Hold, good Madam, the Honour lies on my side; she's a rare Lady, ten times handsomer than my Blowing: (And here's a Lodging and Furniture for a Queen!) Madam, if your Ladyship please to accept of my Affection in an Honourable way, you shall find I am no Put, no Country Prigster, nor shall ever want the Meggs, the Smelts, Decuses and Georges, the Ready, and the Rhino: I am Rhinocerical.  Term. 
I want nothing Sir, Heaven be thanked.  Sham. 
Her worst Servants eat in Plate; and her Maids have all Silver chamberpots.  Belf. Sen. 
Madam, I beg your pardon, I am somewhat Bowsie; I have been drinking Bumpers and Facers till I am almost Clear: I have 3000 l. a year, and 2000 pounds-worth of Wood, which I can turn into Cole and Ready, and my Estate ne'er the worse; there's only the Encumbrance of an Old Fellow upon it, and I shall break his heart suddenly.  Term. 
This is a weighty matter, and requires advice: nor is it a sudden work to persuade my heart to Love. I have my Choice of Fortunes.  Belf. Sen. 
Very like Madam: But Mr. Cheatly and my Cousin Shamwell can tell you that my Occasions require haste, d'ee see! and therefore I desire you to resolve as soon as conveniently you can. A noise of a Tumult without, and Blowing of a Horn.  Cheat. 
What's this I hear?  Sham. 
They are up in the Friars: Pray Heaven the Sheriff's Officers be not come.  Cheat. 
'Slife, 'tis so; shift for yourselves; Squire let me conduct you— This is your wicked Father with Officers. Exit.  Cry without, The Tip staff, an Arrest, an Arrest; and the Horn blows. Enter Sir William, Belfond, and a Tip-staff, with the Constable and his Watch men; and against them the Posse of the Friars drawn up, Bankrupts hurrying to escape. Sir Will. 
Are you mad to resist the Tip-staff, the King's Authority? They cry out, An Arrest. Several flock to 'em with all sorts of Weapons. Women with Fireforks, Spits, Paring-Shovels, etc.  Enter Cheatly, Shamwell, Belfond Sen. and Hackum. Cheat. 
We are too strong for 'em: Stand our ground.  Sir Will. 
We demand that same Squire, Cheatly, Shamwell, and Bully Hackum: Deliver them up, and all the rest of you are safe.  Hack. 
Not a Man.  Sir Will. 
Nay then, have at you.  Tipst. 
I charge you, in the Rabble beat the Constable and the rest into the Temple. Tip-staff runs away. They take Sir William Prisoner. King's Name, all to assist me.  Rabble. 
Fall on.  Cheat. 
Come on thou wicked Author of this Broil. You are our Prisoner.  Sir Will. 
Let me go, Rogue.  Sham. 
Now we have you in the Temple, we'll show you the ●ump first.  Sir Will. 
Dogs, Rogues, Villains.  Sham. 
To the Pump, to the Pump.  Hack. 
Pump him, Pump him.  Belf. Sen. 
Ay, Pump him, Pump him, Old Prigg.  Rabb. 
Pump, Pump, to the Pump; Huzza!  Enter Belfond junior, Truman, and several Gentlemen, Porter of the Temple, and Belfond 's Footmen. Belf. Jun. 
What's the matter here?  Trum. 
The Rabble have catched a Bailiff.  Belf. Jun. 
Death and Hell, 'tis my Father; 'tis a Gentleman, my Father. Gentlemen, I beseech you lend me your hands to his Rescue.  Trum. 
Come on, Rascals: Have All Drawer, and fall upon the Rabble. Belfond Sen. runs first away. The Templars beat 'em, and take Cheatly, Shamwell and Hackum Prisoners. we caught you? We'll make you an Example.  Belf. Jun. 
Here! where are the Officers of the Temple? Porter, do you shut the Gates into White Friars.  Port. 
I will, Sir.  Belf. Jun. 
Here's a Guinea among ye. See these three Rogues well Pumped, and let 'em gothrough the whole Course.  Cheat. 
Hold, hold, I am a Gentleman.  Sham. 
I am your Cousin.  Hack. 
Hold, hold, Scoundrels, I am a Captain.  Belf. Jun. 
Away with 'em.  Sir Will. 
Away with 'em. Dear Son, I am infinitely obliged to you; I ask your Pardon for all that I have said against you: I have wronged you.  Belf. Jun. 
Good Sir, reflect not on that; I am resolved, e'er I have done, to deserve your good Word.  Sir Will. 
'Twas ill Fortune, we have missed my most ungracious Rebel, that Monster of Villainy.  Belf. Jun. 
Let me alone with him Sir, upon my Honour I will deliver him safe this Night. But now let us see the Execution.  Sir Will. 
Dear Ned, you bring Tears into my Eyes. Let me Embrace thee, my only Comfort now.  Belf. Jun. 
Good Sir, let's on and see the Justice of this place.  Exeunt.  

ACT V. SCENE I.  Enter Cheatly, Shamwell, Hackum. Cheat. 
O Unmerciful Dogs! Were ever Gentlemen used thus before? I am drenched into a Quartan Ague.  Sham. 
My Limbs are stiff and numbed all over: But where I am beaten and bruised, there I have some Sense left.  Hack. 
Dry Blows I could have borne magnanimously; but to be made such a Sop of— Besides, I have had the worst of it, by wearing my own Hair; to be Shaved all on one side, and with a Lather made of Channel-dirt, instead of a Washball: I have lost half the best Head of Hair in the Friars; and a Whisker, worth Fifty Pound in its Intrinsic Value to a Commander.  Cheat. 
Indeed your Magnanimous Phyz is somewhat disfigured by it, Captain.  Sham. 
Your Military Countenance has lost much of its Ornament.  Hack. 
I am as diconsolate as a Bee that has lost his Sting; the other Moiety of Whisker must follow: Then all the terror of my Face is gone; that Face that used to fright young Priggs into Submission. I shall now look but like an Ordinary Man.  Cheat. 
We'll swinge those Rogues with Indictments for a Riot, and with Actions Sans Nombre.  Sham. 
What Reparation will that be? I am a Gentleman, and can never show my face amongst my Kindred more.  Cheat. 
We that can show our Faces after what we have done, may well show 'em after what we have suffered. Great Souls are above Ordinances, and never can be Slaves to Fame.  Hack. 
My Honour is tender, and this one Affront will cost me at least five Murders.  Cheat. 
Let's not prate and shiver in cold Fits here, but call your Wife with the Cherry-Brandy, and let's ask after the Squire▪ If they have taken him, 'tis the worst part of the Story.  Hack. 
No, I saw the Squire run into the Friars at first. But I'll go fetch some Cherry-Brandy, Steps in for Brandy. and that will comfort us.  
Here's the Bottle, le's drink by Word of Mouth. Drinks.  Cheat. 
Your Cherry-Brandy is most sovereingn Cheatly drinks. and edifying.  Sham. 
Most exceeding comfortable after Drinks. our Temple Pickling.  Cheat. 
A Fish has a damned life on't: I shall have that Aversion to Water, after this— that I shall scarce ever be cleanly enough to wash my Face again.  Hack. 
Well! I'll to the Barbers and get myself Shaved; then go to the Squire and be new Accoutered. Exit Hack.  Cheat. 
Dear Shamwell, we must not for a little Affliction, forget our main Business; our Caravan must be well manag, d: He is now drunk, and when he wakes, will be very fit to be Married. Mrs. Termagant has given us a Judgement of 2000 l. upon that condition.  Sham. 
The sooner we dispose of him, the better; for All his Kindred are bent to retrieve him; and the Temple joining in the War against us, will go near to be too hard for us; so that we must make what we can of him immediately.  Cheat. 
If he should be once Cool, or Irresolute, we have lost him, and all our hopes; but when we have sufficiently dipped him, as we shall by this Marriage and her Judgement, he is our own for ever.  Sham. 
But what shall we do for our White-friar's Chaplain, our Alsatian Divine? I was in search of him before our late Misfortune, and the Rogue is holed somewhere, I could not find him, and we are undone without him.  Cheat. 
'Tis true; pray go instantly and find him out; he dares not stir out of this Covert; beat it well all over for him, you'll 〈◊〉 him tappesed in some Alehouse, Bawdy-house, or 〈◊〉 shop.  Sham. 
He's a brave swinging Orthodox, and will Marry any 〈◊〉 at any time; he defies Licence, and Canonical Hours, and all those foolish Ceremonies.  Cheat. 
Pr●ithe look after him, while I go to prepare the Lady.  Sham. 
You Rogue, Cheatly, you have a loving Design upon her; you will go to twelve with the Squire: If you do, will have my snack.  Cheat. 
Go, go, you are a wag. Exeunt severally.  Enter Ruth, Belfond junior and Truman at Scrapeall 's house. Ruth. 
She told her Tale so passionately, that Isabel believes every word of it; and is resolved, as she says, never to see thee more.  Belf. jun. 
Oh, this most malicious, and most infamous of her Sex; there is not the least truth in her Accusation.  Tru. 
That to my knowledge, he is not a Man of those Principles.  Ruth. 
I will send them to you, if I can; and in the mean time, be upon the Watch.  Tru. 
Take this Writing with thee; which is a Bond from us, to make good our Agreement with thee.  Ruth. 
'Tis well, and still I doubt not to perform my part. Ex.  Belf. jun. 
Was ever man plagued with a Wench like me? Well, say what they will, the life of a Whoremaster is a foolish, restless, anxious life; and there's an end of it. What can be done with this malicious Devil? A Man cannot offer violence to a Woman.  Tru. 
Steal away her Child, and then you may awe her.  Belf. jun. 
I have Emissaries abroad, to find out the Child; but she'll Sacrifice that, and all the World, to her Revenge.  Tru. 
You must Arrest her upon a Swinging Action, which she cannot get Bail for, and keep her till she's humbled. Enter Teresia. Madam, I kiss your hands.  Teres. 
You have done well, Mr. Belfond: Here has been a Lady, whom you have had a Child by, were Contracted to, and have deserted, for an Attorny's Daughter which you keep; my Cousin says she will never see you more.  Belf. jun. 
If this be true, Madam, I deserve never to see her more; which would be worse than Death to me.  Teres. 
I have prevailed with her once more to see you, and hear what you can say to this: Come, come, Cousin. She Leads in Isab. Look you, Cousin, Mr. Belfond denies all this matter.  Isab. 
I never doubted that: but certainly it is impossible to counterfeit so lively as she did.  Belf. jun. 
Heaven is my Witness that her Accusation is false: I never was yet contracted to any Woman, nor made the least promise, or gave any one the least hope of it; and if I do not demonstrate my innocence to you, I will be content for ever to be debarred the sight of you, more prized by me than Liberty, or Life.  Isab. 
And yet perhaps these very words were said to her.  Tru. 
Madam, you have not time, if you value your own Liberty; to Argue any longer: We will carry you to Sir Edward Belfonds, his Sister is his Housekeeper, and there you may be entertained with safety of your Honour.  Teres. 
He is esteemed a Worthy Gentleman; nor could we choose a better Guardian.  Isab. 
At least, how could you use a Woman ill, you had a Child by.  Belf. jun. 
Not all the malice of Mankind can equal hers. I have been frail, I must confess, as others; and though I have provided for her and her Child, yet every day she does me all the most outrageous mischief she can possibly conceive; but this has touched me in the tenderest point.  Isab. 
'Twould be much for my honour, to put myself into the hands of a known Wencher.  Belf. jun. 
Into the hands of one, who has abandoned all the thoughts of Vice and Folly for you.  Tru. 
Besides, Madam, you neither of you trust us; your Governess is with you, and yet we are ready to make good our words by the Assistance of a Parson.  Teres. 
That's another point: But I am sure, Cousin, there is no dallying about our Liberty: If you be in Love with your Jail, stay; I, for my part, am resolved to go.  Belf. Iu. 
My Uncle's a virtuous honourable Man; my Aunt, his Sister, a Lady of great Piety: think if you will not be safer there, than with your Uncle, by whom you are sold for 5000 l. to my knowledge, to one who is the most debauched dissolute Fellow this day in London.  Teres. 
Liberty, liberty, I say; I'll trust myself, and my Governess. Enter Ruth.  Ruth. 
Haste, and agree: Your Father has sent to have Supper ready in less than half an hour.  Teres. 
Away, away; I am ready; Cousin, farewell.  Belf. jun. 
For Heaven's sake, Madam, on my knees I beg you to make use of this occasion, or you have lost yourself; and I too shall for ever lose you for Marriage; which alone can keep me from being the most miserable: you may advise, and all things shall be cleared up to your wish.  Teres. 
Farewel, Dear Cousin: let's kiss at parting.  Isab. 
Sure thou hast not the Conscience; thou wilt not leave me▪  Teres. 
By my troth but I will.  Isab. 
By my troth but you shall not; for I'll go with thee.  Belf. jun. 
May all the joys of Life for ever wait on you.  Ruth. 
Haste! haste! begone— Exeunt.  Enter Sir William Belfond. Sir Will. 
That I should live to this unhappy Age! to see the fruit of all my hopes thus blasted: How long, like Chemists have I watched and toiled; and in the minute when I expected to have seen Projection, all is slown up in Fumo.  Enter Sir Edward. 
Brother! I am ashamed to look on you, my disappointment is so great. Oh this most wicked Recreant! this perverse and infamous Son.  Sir Edw. 
Brother, a Wise man is never disappointed. Man's life is like a Game at Tables; if at any time the Cast you most shall need does not come up: let that which comes instead of it be mended by your play.  Sir Will. 
How different have been our Fates? I left the pleasures of the Town, to Marry, which was no small Bondage, had Children, which brought more care upon me: For their sakes I lived a rustic, painful, hard, severe, and melancholy Life: Morose, Inhospitable, sparing even Necessaries; Tenaceous, even to griping, for their good: My Neighbours shunned me, my Friends neglected me, my Children hate me, and wish my Death: Nay, this wicked Son in whom I had set up my rest, and principally for whose good I thus had lived, has now defeated all my hopes.  Sir Edw. 
'Twas your own choice: you would not learn from others.  Sir Will. 
You have lived ever at ease, indulged all Pleasures, and melted down your time in daily Feasts, and in continual Revels: Gentle, Complaisant, Assable, and Liberal, at great expense: The World speaks well of you; Mankind embrace you; your Son Loves you, and wishes your Life as much as he can do his own. But I'll perplex myself no more: I Look upon this Rascal as an Excrement, a Wen, or Grangrened Limb, lopped off.  Sir Edw. 
Rather look on him as a Dislocated one, and get him Set again: By this time you see, Severity will do nothing, entice him back to you by Love. In short, give him his Liberty, and a good allowance: There now remains no other way to reclaim him; for like a Stone-horse broke in among the Mares, no Fence hereafter will contain him.  Sir Will. 
Brother, I look upon you as a true Friend, that would not insult upon my Folly and Presumption, and confess you are nearer to the right than I: Your Son I hope will be a Comfort to me.  Sir Edw. 
I doubt it not; but consider, if you do not reconcile yourself, and reclaim yours, as I tell you, you Lop off the Paternal Estate, which is all Entailed forever from your Family: For, in the Course he is, the Reversion will be gone in your Life time.  Enter Belfond Jun. Truman, Isabel, Teresia, and Ruth. Belf. jun. 
Here are my Father and my Uncle: Mask yourselves, Ladies; you must not yet discover who you are.  Sir Edw. 
Yonder's Ned, and his Friend, with Ladies Masked: Who should they be.  Sir Will. 
Whores, Whores, what should they be else? Here's a Comfortable sight again! He is incorrigible.  Sir Edw. 
'Tis you that are incorrigible: How ready are you with your Censures!  Belf. jun. 
Sir, pardon the freedom I use with you; I humbly desire protection for these Ladies in your House: They are Women of Honour, I do assure you, and desire to be Concealed for some small time; an Hour hence I will discover all to you, and you will then approve of what I do.  Sir Edw. 
Dear Ned, I will trust thy Honour; and without any Examination, do as you would have me.  Sir Will. 
Why, Brother, what a Pox, will you Pimp for your Son? What a Devil, will you make your House a Bawdy House?  Sir Edw. 
What, will the Must never be gotten out of your old Vessel? Ladies, be pleased to Honour my House; and be assured, that while you are there, 'tis yours. He waits on the Ladies, & Ruth.  Belf. jun. 
Sir, my Friend and I are just now going to do you Service: I'll pawn my Life to you, Sir, I will retrieve your Rebel Son, and immediately restore him to you, and bring him, as he ought to come, on's Knees, with a full Submission.  Sir Will. 
You will oblige me: Thou gainest upon me hourly, and I begin to love thee more and more.  Belf. jun. 
There's nothing in the World I aim at now but your Love; and I will be bold to say, I shortly will deserve it: But this Business requires haste, for I have laid every thing ready; 'tis almost Bed time; come Friend. Ex. with Truman.  Sir Wil 
Well, I'll say that for him, he is a good Natured Boy; it makes me weep, to think how harsh I have been to him. I'll in to my Brother, and expect the Event. Exit.  Enter Belfond Senior, Shamwell, and Hackum. Cheat. 
I value not misfortune, so as I have my dear Friend still within my Arms.  Sham. 
My dear, dear x! I will hug thee close to me; I feared to have lost thee.  Belf. Sen. 
How happy am I in the truest, the dearest Friends that ever Man enjoyed! Well, I was so afflicted for you, I was forced to make myself Devilish Bowsie to comfort me.  Cheat. 
Your Brother has heard of this great Match you are towards: She has to my knowledge, (for I do all her Lawbusiness for her) 1500 l. a year Jointure, and Ten Thousand pound in Plate, Money, and Jewels; and this damned Envious Brother of yours will break it off, if you make not haste and prevent him.  Belf. Sen. 
My dear Friends, you are in the right: Never Man met with such before. I'll disappoint the Rogue my Brother, and the old Prig my Father; adad, Ill do't instantly.  Cheat. 
Come, Squire, haste: Captain, do you follow us. Exeunt.  Scene Changes to Mrs. Termagants sine Lodgings. Enter Belfond Senior, Cheatly, Shamwell, Hackum, Parson; Mrs. Termagant and her Servants. Cheat. 
Madam, the time admits of no longer deliberation▪ If you take not this opportunity, my Friend here will be ravished from us.  Belf. Sen. 
Ay, Madam, if you take me not now, you will lose me Madam, you will consider what you do.  Term. 
Well, Mr. Cheatly, you dispose of me as you please: I have ever been guided by your wise advice.  Sham. 
Come, Parson, do your Office; have you your Book about ye?  Pars. 
What, do you think I am without the Tools of my Trade?  Cheat. 
Can't you come presently to the joining of hands, and leave out the rest of the Formalities.  Pars. 
Ay, ay: Come, stand forth. Belf. Sen. and Mrs. Termagant stand forth.  Enter Belf. jun. Truman, Constable, Serjeant, Musketeers. Belf. jun. 
Here they are: Seize them all.  Cheat. 
Hell and Damnation! We are all undone.  Belf. Sen. 
Hands off; let me alone: I am going to be Married. You envious Rascal to come just in the nick.  Belf. jun. 
Brother, be satisfied, there's nothing but Honour meant to you: 'tis for your Service.  Term. 
Oh this accursed Wretch, to come in this unlucky minute, and ruin all my Fortune.  Belf. Sen. 
She has fifteen hundred a year Jointure, and ten thousand pound in Money, etc. and I had been Married to her in 3 minutes.  Belf. jun. 
You have scaped the worst of Ruins: Resist not, for if you do, you shall be carried by Head and Heels. Your Father will receive you, and be kind, and give you as good an Allowance as ever I had.  Sham. 
Where's your Warrant?  Const. 
'Tis here, from my Lord Chief Justice.  Belf. jun. 
Let me see your Bride that was to be. Oh Mrs. Termagant! Oh Horror! Horror! What a ruin have you scaped? This was my Mistress, and still maintained by me: I have a Child by her 3 years' old.  Term. 
Impudent Villain! How dare you lie so basely?  Belf. jun. 
By Heaven 'tis true.  Term. 
I never saw him in my life before.  Belf. jun. 
Yes, often, to my Plague. Brother, if I do not prove this, to you, believe me not in aught I e'er shall say.  Termagant goes to stab at Belfond jun. Truman lays hold on her. Tru. 
Belfond, look to yourself.  Belf. jun. 
Ha! Disarm her. This is another show of her good Nature. Brother, give me your hand, I'll wait on you; and you will thank me for your deliverance.  Tru. 
I am assured you will: You are delivered from the most infamous, and destructive Villains, that ever yet took Sanctuary here.  Belf. jun. 
And from two mischiefs you must have for ever sunk under, Incest and Beggary. Those three are only in the Warrant with my Brother; him I'll wait upon, bring you the Rest. hay! the cry is up; but we are provided. A great noise in the Streets, and the Horn Blowing; an Arrest, an Arrest▪  Cheat. 
Undone, undone, all's lost!  Sham. 
Ruined; for ever lost!  Hack. 
I am surprised, and cannot sighed my way through.  Belf. Sen. 
What, are all these Rogues? and that a Whore● and am I cheated!  Belf. jun. 
Even so; come along; make ready Musketeers.  Belf. jun. 
Do you take care of my Brother, and conduct him with the rest to my Uncle's House: I must go before, and carry my little Mistress, to make up the business with her Father.  Tru. 
I'll do it, I warrant you.  Sergeant. 
We are ready. Exeunt all but Mrs. Termagant.  Term. 
Oh Vile Misfortune! had he but stayed six minutes, I had Crowned all my Revenge with one brave Act, in Marrying of his Brother. Well, I have one piece of Vengeance, which I will Execute, or perish: Besides I'll have his Blood, and then I'll die contented.  Scene the Street. Enter Belfond junior, Cheatly, Shamwell, Hackum, Truman, Constable, Serjeant, Guards. Tru. 
What do all these Rabble here?  Const. 
Fire amongst 'em.  Serj. 
Present. The Debtors run up and down, some without their Breeches, others without their Coats; some out of 〈◊〉 coneys; some crying out, Oars, Oars, Sculler, five pound for a Boat, ten pound for a Boat, twenty pound for a 〈◊〉. The Inhabitants all come out armed as before; but as soon as they see the Musqueteers they run, and every one shifts for himself.  Tru. 
hay how they run! Exeunt.  Enter in Sir Edward's House, Sir Edward Belfond, and Attorney. Sir Edw. 
This is the time I appointed my Son to bring your Daughter hither: The Witness is a most malicious lying Wench, and can never have credit. Besides, you know an Action will sufficiently stop her Mouth; for, were it true, she can never prove what she says.  Attor. 
You say right, Sir: next to her being innocent, is the concealing of her shame.  Enter Belfond Jun. and Lucia. Luc. 
And can I live to hear my fatal Sentence of parting with you? Hold Heart a little.  Belf. jun. 
It is with some Convulsions I am torn from you; but I must Marry, I cannot help it.  Luc. 
And must I never see you more?  Belf. jun. 
As a Lover, never; but your Friend I'll be while I have Breath.  Luc. 
to herself. Heart, do not swell so. This has awakened me, and made me see my Crime: Oh, that it had been sooner!  Belf. jun. 
Sir, I beg a thousand pardons, that I should attempt to injure your Family, for it has gone no farther yet: For any Fact, she's innocent; but 'twas no thanks to me, I am not so. (If a Lie be ever lawful, 'tis in this case.) aside.  Sir Edw. 
Come, pretty Lady, let me present you to your Father: Tho' as my Son says, she's innocent; yet, because his Love had gone so far, I present her with 1500 l. my Son and you shall be trusties for her: To Morrow you shall have the Money.  Belf. jun. 
You are the best of all Mankind.  Attor. 
All the World speaks your Praises justly.  Luc. 
A thousand Thanks, Sir, for your Bounty: And if my Father please to pardon me this slip, in which I was so far from fact, that I had scarce intention: I will hereafter outlive the strictest Nun.  Attor. 
Rise: I do pardon you.  Sir Edw. 
That's well: And if they be not kind to you, appeal to me. It will be fit for you to go from hence with the least notice that can be: To Morrow I'll bring the Money. Who are the Ladies you have entrusted me with, Ned? Ex. Attor. and Luc.  Belf. jun. 
Scrapealls' Niece and Daughter! The Niece my Father, was to give 5000 l. for, for his Son: If you will give me leave, I shall Marry her for nothing; and the other will take my Friend—  Sir Edw. 
How Ned! She's a Puritan?  Belf. jun. 
No more than you, Sir: She was bred otherwise, but was fain to comply for peace; she is Beautiful, and Witty to a Miracle; and I beg your consent, for I will die before I Marry without it.  Sir Edw. 
Dear Ned, thou hast it; but what hast thou done with the Alsatians?  Belf. jun. 
I have the Rogues in Custody, and my Brother too; whom I Rescued in the very Minute he was going to be Married to a Whore, to my Whore who plagues me continually. I see my Father coming, pray prepare him, while I prepare my Brother for a meeting with him; he shall not see me. Exit.  Enter Sir William Belfond. Sir Will. 
Your Servant Brother: No News of Ned yet?  Sir Edw. 
Oh, yes; he has your Son, and the three Rogues in Custody, and will bring 'em hither: Brother, pray resolve not to lose a Son▪ but use him kindly, and forgive him.  Sir Will. 
I will, Brother: And let him spend what he will, I'll come up to London Feast and Revel, and never take a Minute's care while breath again.  Enter a Servant to Sir Edward. Servant. 
Sir, a young Gentleman would speak with you.  Sir Edw. 
Bid him come in.  Enter Mrs. Termagant in Man's clothes. Term. 
If you be Sir Edward Belfond, I come to tell you, what concerns your Honour, and my Love.  Sir Edw. 
I am he.  Term. 
Know then, Sir, I am informed your Brother, Sir William Belfond's Son, is to Marry Isabel the Niece of Mr. Scrapeall.  Sir Edw. 
What then Sir?  Term. 
Then he invades my right, I have been many Months Contracted to her, and as you are a Man of Honour, I must tell you, we have sealed that Contract with Mutual Enjoyments.  Sir Will. 
How! What was my Son to Marry a Whore? I'll to this Damned Fellow instantly, and make him give up my Articles.  Sir Edw. 
Have patience; be not too rash.  Sir Will. 
Patience! What, to have my Son Marry a Whore.  Sir Edw. 
Look you Brother, you must stay a moment.  Enter Belfond Jun. Sir Will. 
Oh, Ned, your Brother has scaped a fine Match: This same Isabel is Contracted to, and has been Enjoyed, by this Gentleman, as he calls it: He had like to have Married a Whore.  Belf. jun. 
Yes, that he had; but I will cut the Throat of him that affirms that of Isabel.  Term. 
Sir, I demand the protection of your House.  Sir Edw. 
Hold, Son.  Term. 
What Devil sent him hither at this time? aside.  Belf. jun. 
I'll bring 'em to Confront this Rogue, what a Devil's this? Have we another Brother of that Devil Termagant's here? Exit.  Sir Edw. 
This is a very odd Story.  Sir Will. 
Let me go, Brother; 'tis true enough. But what makes Ned concerned?  Sir Edw. 
Let us examine yet farther.  Enter Belfond Jun. with Isabel, Teresia, and Ruth, and Truman. Sir Will. 
Look, here they are all: How the Devil comes this about?  Term. 
O Madam, are you here! I claim your Contract, which I suppose, will not offend you.  Isab. 
What means this Impudent Fellow? I ne'er saw his Face before.  Term. 
Yes Madam, you have seen, and more than seen me often since we were Contracted.  Isab. 
What Instrument of Villainy is this?  Term. 
Nay, if you deny: Friends come in. Enter two Alsatian Affidavit Men. Friends, do you know this Gentlewoman.  1. Witness. 
Yes, she is Mr. Scrapeall's Niece.  2. Witness. 
We were both Witnesses to a Contract of Marriage between you too.  Isab. 
Oh Impious Wretches! What Conspiracy is this!  Sir Will. 
Can any thing be more plain? They seem Civil, Grave, Substantial Men.  Belf. jun. 
Hold, hold, have I found ye? 'Tis she, it could be no other Devil but herself. He pulls off her Peruke.  Sir William. 
A Woman!  Sir Edw. 
Secure those Witnesses.  Belf. jun. 
A Woman! No: She has out-sinned her Sex, and is a Devil. Oh Devil, most complete Devil! This is the Lady I have been so much of late obliged to.  Isab. 
This is she that told us the fine Story to day.  Teres. 
I know her Face again: Most Infamous Lying Creature!  Term. 
I am become desperate: Have at thee.  She snaps a Pistol at Belfond, which only flashes in the Pan, the Lady's shriek. Belf. jun. 
Thank you Madam: Are not you a Devil? 'Twas loaden, 'twas well meant truly. Takes the Pistol from her.  Sir Edw. 
Lay hold on her: I'll send her to a place where she shall be tamed, I never yet heard of such malice:  Sir Will. 
Dear Ned, thou hast so obliged me; thou melt'st my Heart: That thou shouldst steal away those Ladies, and save me 5000 l. Now, I hope, Madam, my Son Tim shall be your Husband without Bargain and Sale.  Isab. 
No: I can assure you, Sir, I would never have performed that Bargain of my Uncles: We had determined to dispose of ourselves before that; and now are more resolved.  Teres. 
We have broken Prison, by the help of these Gentlemen, and I think we must e'en take the Authors of our Liberty.  Isab. 
Will not that be a little hard, Cousin, to take their Liberty from them, who have given it to us?  Sir Will. 
Well, I am disappointed; but cannot blame thee, Ned. Truman goes to Teresia.  Enter Belfond Sen. Sir Edw. 
Your Son: Pray use him kindly.  Belf. Sen. 
I have been Betrayed, Cheated, and Abused: Upon my Knees I beg your Pardon, and never will offend you more; adad, I will not: I thought they had been the honestest, the Finest Gentlemen in England; and it seems they are Rogues, Cheats, and Blockheads.  Sir Will. 
Rise Tim, I prosess thou makest me weep, thou has subdued me; I forgive thee, I see all Human Care is vain, I will allow thee 500 l. a year, and come, and live with Ease and Pleasure here: I'll Feast, and Revel, and wear myself with pain and care no more.  Belf. Sen. 
A thousand Thanks: I'll ne'er displease you while I live again; adad I wont. Here's an Alteration: I ne'er had good word from him before.  Sir Will. 
I would have Married you to that pretty Lady: But your Brother has been too hard for you.  Belf. Sen. 
She's very pretty: But 'tis no matter. I am in no such haste, but I can stay and see the World first.  Sir Edw. 
Welcome dear Nephew, to my House and me: And now my dear Son be free, and before all this Company let me know all the Encumbrances you have upon you.  Belf. jun. 
That good natured Lady is the only one that's heavy upon me, I have her Child in my possession, which she says, is mine.  Term. 
Has he my Child; then I am undone for ever— Oh cursed misfortune!  Sir Edw. 
Look you Madam, I will settle an Annuity of 100 l. a year, upon you so long as you shall not disturb my Son: And for your Child I'll breed her up and provide for her like a Gentlewoman: But if you are not quiet you shall never see her more.  Term. 
You speak like a Noble Gentleman: I'll strive to compose myself. I am at last subdued, but will not stay to see the Triumphs— Ex. hastily.  Sir Edw. 
Well, dear Ned, dost owe any Money?  Belf. jun. 
No, my dear Father, no: You have been too bountiful for that: I have five hundred Guineas in my Cabinet.  Sir Edw. 
Now Madam, if you please to accept him for a Husband, I will settle Fifteen Hundred Pound a Year on him in present, which shall be your Jointure. Besides that, your own money shall be laid out in Land and settled on you too. And at my Death the rest of my Estate.  Isab. 
You do me too much Honour, you much outbid my Value.  Belf. jun. 
You best of Fathers, and of all Mankind, I throw myself thus at your Feet; let me embrace your knees, and kiss those hands.  Sir Edw. 
Come rise, and kiss these hands.  Belf. jun. 
A long farewell to all the Vanity and Lewdness of Youth: I offer myself at your feet as a Sacrifice without a blemish now!  Isab. 
Rise, I beseech you, rise.  Teres. 
Your offers, Sir, are better much than I could expect or can deserve.  Tru. 
That's impossible: the Wealth of both the Indies could not buy you from me I am sure  Ruth. 
Come, come, I have been Governess, I know their minds. Come give your hands where you have given your hearts. Here Friend Truman: first take this.  Teres. 
My Governess will have it so.  Sir Edw. 
Joy Sir, be ever with you: Please to make my House your own.  Isab. 
How can I be secure you will not fall to your old courses again?  Belf. jun. 
I have been so sincere in my Confessions, you may trust me; but I call Heaven to witness, I will hereafter be entirely yours. I look on Marriage as the most solemn Vow a man can make; and 'tis by consequence, the basest Perjury to break it.  Ruth. 
Come, come, I know your mind too: take him, take him.  Isab. 
If Fate will have it so.  Belf. jun. 
Let me receive this blessing on my knees.  Isab. 
You are very devout of late.  Sir. Edw. 
A thousand blessings on you both.  Sir Will. 
Perpetual happiness attend you both.  Belf. Sen. 
Brother and Madam! I wish you Joy from my heart, adad I do: Tho' between you and I Brother, I intent to have my swing at Whoring, and Drinking, as you had, before I come to it tho.  Sir Edw. 
Here! bring in these Rogues! The Constable brings in Cheatly, Shamwell and Hackum. Come Rascals, I shall take a care to see examples made of you.  Cheat. 
We have substantial Bail.  Sir Edw. 
I'll see it shall be substantial Bail: it is my Lord Chief Justices Warrant, returnable to none but him: but I will prosecute you, I assure you.  Cheat. 
Squire, dear Squire.  Hack. 
Good noble Squire speak for us.  Shame: 
Dear Cousin!  Belf. Sen. 
Oh Rogues! Cousin, you have Cozened me: you made a Put, a Caravan, a Bubble of me: I gave a Judgement for 1600 l. and had but 250. but there's some Goods they talk of; but if e'er I be catched again I'll be hanged.  Sir Will. 
Unconscionable Villains! the Chancery shall relieve us.  Sir Edw. 
I'll Rout this knot of most pernicious Knaves, for all the Privilege of your Place. Was ever such impudence suffered in a Government? Ireland's Conquered: Wales Subdued: Scotland United: But there are some few spots of Ground in London, just in the face of the Government, unconquered yet, that hold in Rebellion still. Methinks 'tis strange, that places so near the King's Palace should be no parts of his Dominions: 'Tis a shame to the Societies of Law to Countenance such Practices: Should any place be shut against the King's Writ or Posse Comitatus? Take them away and those two Witnesses. The Constab. and Watch hales 'em away.  Belf. Sen. 
Away with 'em, Rogues! Rascals, damned Priggs.  Sir Edw. 
Come Ladies, I have sent for some Neighbours to rejoice with us. We have Fiddles: Let's dance a brisk round or two, and then we'll make a Collation.  In the Flourish before the Dance enter Scrapeall. Scrap. 
Oh Sir William, I am undone ruined: The Birds are flown. Read the Note they left behind 'em.  Sir Will. 
Peace, they are Dancing, they have disposed of themselves.  Scrap. 
Oh Seed of Serpents! Am I cheated then? I'll try a Trick of Law, you Frogs of the bottomless Pit, I will and instantly— What Dancing too? then they are fallen indeed.  They Dance. Exit Scrapeall hastily. Sir Edw. 
Come Brother, now who has been in the right, you or I?  Sir Will. 
You have: Prithee do not triumph.  Belf. jun. 
Farewell for ever all the Vices of the Age:  
There is no peace but in a Virtuous Life,  
Nor lasting Joy but in a tender, Wife.  Sir Edw. 
You, that would breed your Children well, by Kindness and Liberality endear 'em to you: And teach 'em by Example.  

Severity spoils ten, for one it mends:  
If you'd not have your Sons desire your ends,  
By Gentleness and Bounty make those Sons your Friends.   Exeunt Omnes.  

EPILOGUE.  Spoken by Mrs. Mountfort. 
YE mighty scowrers of these narrow Seas,  
Who suffer not a Bark to sail in peace,  
But with your Tire of Culverins ye roar,  
Bring 'em by th' Lee, and Rummidge all their store;  
Our Poet ducked, and looked as if half dead,  
At every Shot that whistled o'er his Head.  
Frequent Engagements ne'er could make him bold,  
He sneaked into a corner of the Hold.  
Since he submits, pray ease him of his fear,  
And with a joint Applause bid him appear,  
Good Critics don't insult and domineer.  
He fears not Sparks, who with brisk dress and mien,  
Come not to hear or see, but to be seen.  
Each prunes himself, and with a languishing Eye,  
Designs to kill a Lady by the by.  
Let each fantastic ugly Beau and Shape,  
Little of Man, and very much of Ape,  
Admire himself, and let the Poet scape.  
Ladies, Your Anger most he apprehends,  
And is grown past the Age of making Friends  
Of any of the Sex whom he offends.  
No Princess frowns, no Hero rants and whines,  
Nor is weak Sense embroidered with strong lines:  
No Battles, Trumpets, drum's, not any die;  
No Mortal Wounds, to please your Cruelty;  
Who like not any thing but Tragedy.  
With fond, unnatural extravagancies,  
Stolen from the silly Authors of Romances.  
Let such the Chambermaid's diversion be,  
Pray be you reconciled to Comedy.  
For when we make you merry, you must own  
You are much prettier than when you frown.  
With charming smiles you use to conquer still,  
The melancholy looks not apt to kill.  
Our Poet begs you who adorn this Sphere,  
This Shining Circle, will not be severe.  
Here no Chit chat, here no Tea Tables are.  
The Cant he hopes will not be long unknown,  
'Tis almost grown the language of the Town.  
For Fops, who feel a wretched want of Wit,  
Still set up something that may pass for it.  
He begs that you will often grace his Play,  
And lets you know Munday's his visiting day.  
FINIS.   

Books newly Printed for james Knapton, at the Queens-Head, in St. Pauls' Churchyard.  

HIstory of the Inquisition, as it is Exercised at Goa. Written by the Ingenious Monsieur Dellon, who laboured 5 years under those Severities. Translated into English. With an Account of his Deliverance. Price 1 s.  
The Forced Marriage, or the Jealous Bridegroom, a Tragicomedy, as it is Acted by His Majesty's Servants at the Queen's Theatre. Written by A. Behn. Va Mon ensant! prend ta fortune.