The Sick POPE'S Last Will and Testament, WITH His several Legacies left to his dear Children the Jesuits and others.  
BEing very crazy in Body, but extreme sick in Mind, and sorely shaken with the Fever of Envy for the late Miscarriages of our holy Designs in England, for the subverting the Government and Religion there; and finding by the several evil Symptoms, as blasphemous Belchings, desperate Rave, idle Rail, frequent Curse, filthy Spuing, Blasts of Excommunications, and many other the like Signs, that I am not far from my End: I do therefore thus ordain, constitute, and make this my last Will and Testament in order and form following.  
Imprimis, I do bequeath my Soul to him that has most right to it, whether God or the Devil; but since the later has been much my Friend upon several occasions, and that I knew him best, on condition he will give me the Supremacy in his Kingdom, I shall bequeath it to him.  
Item, As for my Body, I order it to be buried with the usual Pomp and Ceremonies, and that there be given a Plenary Indulgence to him who shall write my Epitaph.  
Item, I will and bequeath to my next Successor all my Spiritual Pride, and to maintain it all S. ●eters Patrimony, witlpall the Incomes, Tithes, Benefits, Profits, and Emoluments, made and received by Sacrilege, Perjury, Simony, Lying, Whoring, Murder, and the like, in as full and ample manner as was possessed by any of my Predecessors. As also the Benefits and Profits accrueing by Indulgences, Pardons, and false Miracles, ●p●ous Frauds, and holy Cheats, throughout my Jurisdiction.  
Item, I will and bequeath to my most Catholic Son a large Pair of Ass' Ears, a large Pack Saddle fitted for his Back, with a great Bridle and Cavalon fitted for his Head and Mouth, on condition that my Successor may ride him, as I and my Predecessors have done.  
Item, I will and bequeath to the Lords of the Inquisition a Chest of Cruelty, ten Boxes of Persecution, a Book called the Art of Tormenting, the Powder of the Hearts of Tigers to be taken before they examine their Prisoners, and for a Cordial a ●ottle of the Blood of Martyr's.  
Item, I will and bequeath unto all my Cardinals seven precious ●hials of the seven deadly Sins, with a large Box of Luxury another of Sodomy, and a third of Buggery.  
Item, I will and bequeath to the Franciscans six Fardels of Hypocrisy, and seven Chests of Franciscan Lies.  
Item, I will and bequeath to the Dominican Friars the History of Jetzer, seven Trunks of Verbosity, and two of Backbiting.  
Item, I will and bequeath to the Capuchins one Boxful of Deceits, and three of formal Austerities.  
Item, I bequeath among the Nunneries 7000 Chests of Concupiscence.  
Item, I will and bequeath among the Friars and Secular Priests as many Fats of Lust, and 15000 Dollars to pay off Surgeons and Apothecaries Bills for curing of the Venereal Disease.  
Item, I will and bequeath to all the Hospitals and Prisons within my Jurisdiction, for the Relief of the sick and poor Prisoners Three Halfpences.  
Item, I will and bequeath to my most Christian Son a Sword to cut off the Hugonots, and a Halter to hang himself, after he has miscarried in his Designs of becoming the General Monarch, and placing S. Peter's Chair in Paris.  
Item, I will and bequeath England, Ireland, and Scotland to him that can take them from the right Owner.  
Item, I will and bequeath all the Kingdoms of all Heretical Princes to the Catholics that can take them from them, and a tenth part of every such Kingdom so conquered to the Jesuits.  
Item, I will and bequeath the King of Portugal an Iron Yoke, to wear at my Successors will and pleasure.  
Item, I will and bequeath to the Emperor, so long as he shall continue to persecute the Protestants, two Chests of Agnus Dei's, seven consecrated Roses, two Crystal Crucifixes, and another of Gold, with holy Relics, Trinkets, Gewgaws, Vests, Copes, Caps, Tippets, Rotchets, and other things, for him to dispose of as he shall think good among the Electors.  
Item, I will and bequeath all the Hollanders to the Devil, and their Lands for the keeping of my Successors Hogs.  
Item, I will and bequeath a Chest of Money to the King of Poland to fight against the Turk, that he may not think of molesting my Successors.  
Item, I will and bequeath the City of Geneva for a place to make a common Stews, and leave the Begging Friars Overseers of the Work, and to be Stipendiary Pimps throughout the World.  
Item, To all the Poor Whores in Rome I give 6000 Crowns, and to all the Rich as many Indulgences.  
Item, I give and bequeath to my dear Sons the Jesuits, whom I make Overseers of this my last Will and Testament, Machiavils Book fairly Gilt, one large Box of Cunning, another of Policy, three of Deceit, seven complete Fardels of Perjury, Lying, Cozenage, and other precious stuff; seven Fats full of Worldly Greatness and outward Pomp; ten Chests of Impudence, and as many of Insinuation; one of seeming Purity and Sanctity, one of Murders; also a Book called the Art of Conjuration, a Chest full of Sanctified Daggers, and a Cabinet of Mother of Pearl today up their Morals in; two Chests of exquisite Poisons, and five of Poisonous Doctrine.  
Item, I will and bequeath seven hundred thousand Crowns to be given to Private Secretaries, that shall advance or promote our holy Cause, now almost at the last Gasp, by writing Verses, Poems, Ballads, Dialogues, Lampoons, Satyrs, Remonstrances, Discourses, Letters, Books, or Pamphlets, and such like; and to be disposed of by my dear and faithful Sons the Jesuits.  
Item, I further bequeath to those my dear Children a precious Box of Spanish Cruelty, another of Moorish Treachery, a third of Hellish Conspiracy, a fourth of Turkish Tyranny, as a Surplusage for a Testification of my Gratitude and Good will for all the Service they have done the Holy See, and to encourage them for the future to assist my Successors.  
Item, I will and bequeath to my Natural Nephews all the rest of my Worldly Goods, to be equally divided amongst them.  
Item, I will and bequeath an Annual Stipend of Two thousand Crowns, to be employed for the Expunging several places of Scriptures, that point me to be Antichrist, and the Whore of Babylon, and several others that declare the Fall and Overthrow of our Power and Jurisdiction.  
Item, I will and bequeath the like Stipend to him or them who shall invent new anathemas, Curses, Plots, and Conspiracies against all Heretics, especially those of Great Britain and Ireland.  
Item, I will and bequeath for the writing the Lives and Acts of all the good Popes since Gregory Bishop only of Rome, and not Universal Bishop, seven Farthings, because the Work will be small.  
Item, I will and bequeath for the writing the Lives and Acts of all the bad Popes since that time seven thousand Crowns, because the Work will be great.  
Item, I will and bequeath an Annual Stipend, to be given at the discretion of my dear Sons the Jesuits, the Overseers of this my last Will and Testament, for the writing the Holy Life of Pope Alexander, and his good Nephew Caesar Borgia, for a Pattern of Romish Goodness and Policy.  
Item, Because my good and faithful Friend the Devil, whose Kindness I cannot but acknowledge in many things, though he miscarried in the late Conspiracy in England, should not be forgot, I will and bequeath him Soul and Body of all those that shall call me Antichrist, or Whore of Babylon, or that shall write against me, and my holy Sons the Jesuits, and of those who shall make Plays of any of our Predecessors, or shall write or speak Prophecies of our Downfall and Overthrow, as I have full Power and Authority to do.  
Lastly, Lorder, constitute, and appoint my said old Friend, Privy Counsellor and Secretary to my Successors, and to manage the business of State Policy with the General Procurator of the Jesuits in a private Cabal. And I further confirm, ratify, and allow, all Privileges, Grants, and Emoluments, granted and given to my dear Sons the Jesuits, and desire them to see this my Last Will and Testament fully and wholly performed, as witness my Hand and Seal.  
Signed with the Seal of THE FISHER.   

The Pope's Epitaph.  

HEre lies an Old Man who would be a God,  
Whose Pride on the Neck of an Emperor trod;  
Whose Will was a Law, whose Lust was a Rule:  
[Infallible] though an Idiot or Fool:  
Can Kings Excommunicate soon in a breath,  
Yet could not keep off the great Tyrant Death;  
Who (proud as he was) assaulted his Throne,  
And thrust the [Infallible] under this Stone;  
Who can by this time Infallibly tell,  
How many proud Popes are humbled in Hell.   
FINIS.