SOME BODIES ANSWER To a Letter sent from No Body in the City, TO No Body in the Country.  
Written at the Request of SOME BODY.  
Printed by Some Body, for Any Body, 1679.   

Some Bodies ANSWER TO a LETTER, etc.  
Dear Brother,  
IF I was ever able to feel the Pulse, or examine the Constitution of the Country; I must needs tell you it is at present much Different from that of the City; our Plow-jobbing Rustics are very incredulous, and we cannot thrust it into their thick Sculls, that such a thin Airy Ficticious gentleman as yourself could ever be guilty of those doughty Achievements they Attribute to your Arms. No indeed my dear Brother, I cannot but with much grief acquaint you, that I more than share with you in the Calumny; we have very few Poer or such exquisite ingeniosis as can dandle a Chimaera, play with a Thought, or muffle up a Fancy till it frights them, and then run away from it, and call others as clearsighted as themselves to admire the Prodigy; Their Course Faith wags not a step beyond their Senses, and they Love to Trace Actions, and their Actors, as they do Conies from their first Track, Gradually along till at last they Arrive at their Holes, or Burrows; of which, hear a Remarkable Example.  
A Prosperous Towns-man of ours Happening to live Next door to an envious, and unfortunate Neighbour, who knowing he had for divers years been blest with a Plentiful Flock of sheep, (from whose wealthy Backs he had often Shorn such ponderous Fleeces as had enriched his Coffers) Resolved with some others of his Fraternity, to destroy them, and bad by his Malicious industry Collected such a Ravenous regimemt of Wolves, and Foxes, as had they been ●air●ly let lose, in one night might have devoured them all; but being over-big with Universal Malice, and too impatient to time his design, and yet willing to whet his Appetite with an earnest of his designed Vengeance, he espied one Lamb among them more promising than any of the rest and resolved, that should immediately fall, as an earnest of the Destruction of the whole Flock. The impious Resolution was easily effected, and when they had taken the Innocent Creature, and Strangled him, and towered and plumed themselves over the Pitiful Conquest, they Stuck a Knife into his Body, and threw him in that sad Manner over a great ditch of water into another man's Field; where the owner in two or three days time found him; and after he had Communicated the Treachery to his Neighbours, they presently concluded, that the Lamb was too innocent, had it lain in his power to kill himself; that there being no blood seen near him, be must necessarily have been Butchered before either the Knife entered his Body, or he was brought to that Place; also finding his Fleece and Feet, dry, as if he had newly come out of the Sheepsold, I say, by all these Circumstances they unanimously concluded, that Some Body had despitefully killed him.  
Alike Positive were they, when they heard of the Barbarous Death of that Loyal Knight, Sir E. G. They all cried out SOME BODY had Murdered him; that SOME BODY shared Four Thousand Pounds for the Fact— That SOME BODY offered Violence to his Dead Corpse, that SOME BODY had much ado to bend the Stubborn Protestant (who seemed incorrigeable ever after his d●●●●●e) to a Compliance with a Papistical Sedan; that SOME BODY Carried him as Butchers do Calves, before them on Horseback to Primrose Hill, where SOME BODY Thrust a Sword through his Lifeless Body, Robbed him of his Pocket-Book only, and left his Silver, Gold, Watch, Rings, etc. in his Pockets, on purpose to persuade EVERY BODY that NO BODY had Murdered him  
And with this belief, for a while, I hear they vitiated your Credulous Town, but I'll assure you it never touched the Pia mater of a Rural Brain. Nothing would persuade the Country but SOME BODY did it, and that SOME BODY knew of it, besides those EVERY BODY suspects.  
But to Clear you, and the Deceased, they Positively affirmed, that it was alike impossible that it should be done by NO BODY; as it was, that he could do it Himself; and therefore SOME BODY must be guilty. And to show you their unparrelled inveteracy, Particularly against me, although they were assured that SOME BODY was Apprehended, Arraigned, and (as they say) deservedly Condemned, and Executed, for that most Horrid and Inhuman Act; yet, as if I were Immortal, or had more Lives than a Cat, I am still Summoned like a Conjurer's Devil, to answer every impertinent Interogatory; and remain answerable for every Extravagancy, or Villainy, that is daily Committed.  
Nay, these late Transactions have (to my great disadvantage) obliged the World to take a more severe inspection into my Pristine Misdemeanours. The Spanish Invasion, the Gun-Power Plot, the French and Irish Massacre (say they) were Certainly Hatched and Designed by SOME BODY: if by the supper Annuated Hawk with a Triple Hood, (who as one lately observed, Successively Degenerates into Kites and Buzzards) me thinks the Two last mentioned seasons of Prey, might have Gorged him almost to a surfeit, when so many Thousands of Pious and Moderate Christians, were squeezed under the gripes of his unmerciful Talons.  
Did the Articles of my Impeachment rest here, yet I were within some glimmering hopes of a Vindication, as having the Prerogative to be born of Remarkable Parents; there is SOME BODY of my Relations and Acquaintance, whose gilded Treachery passes for Loyalty; who with an admirable dexterity Can set a Geneva look on a Roman Face, and seem any thing but what he is; from him I might then expect all the exemption immaginable: But alas, those Insolent, and Inquisitive Heretics still continue the Fatal Quest; and having had a Smatch of our Reeking Gild, pursued us even in the Pursuit of our Royal Game, they follow us to Windsor, and though we went thence with a full Cry to Newmarket, they Crossed our Way and Spoiled our Sport, 
Who otherwise in fierce and lowed Career  
Had Caesar fallen, ere he had fallen his Deer.  when this came to be discoursed on in Coffee Houses and Taverns, every one could Whisper that SOME BODY Would have done it; and indeed my Friend, SOME BODY has been fairly examined, and as fairly Trust Up about it, though by the subtle insinuators of SOME BODY, the Implicit Zealots, as you very well remarked, equivocated their Necks into Halters, and by a Fatal Precipitation of the Tyburnian Jennet foolishly adventured their Everlasting Bliss.  
But since this, we have been busied with nimble Revolutions, the Dissolution of the last Parliament much heightened our Expectations; Although we could hardly squeeze in sufficient Interest to Disappoint their Scismatical Elections; yet we have not failed, as far as in us lay, in our continual Itinerations through every City, Town or Village, to asperse the most remarkable of the Members of Both Houses as great Courtiers, and Friends to France, etc. Next, we make it our Daily business to obstruct the Raising of Money, for Nationall uses, by Whispering such Unreasonable demands as cannot be granted without a palpable breach of Royal Prerogatives: Thirdly, we rub up forgetful Episcopals with the Fair pretences used about Forty One, and by Confidently affirming, there is no such thing as a Plot, give them reasons to fear the Serpentine Rump is again joined to its Fulsome Body; and having almost these Twenty years Silently recruited under the indulgent Beams of a Merciful Monarch, intent now, to Relapse into their former Rebellion.  
By such Subtleties as these, we thought to have set Caesar and his Senate at Variance, and have introduced Some body, who under pretence of taking up the Quarrel, (like the Kite in the Fable) should have Snatched up both the Warriors. But these our Expectations are now utterly Frustrated; though the Difficulty in pitching on a Speaker, somewhat revived our Dying Hopes; we lately heard our Old Friend— is likely after all his Eloquence, to be Crowded into Limbo, as our Immortal C. was to Tyburn, Though both of them might have been mach more welcome to Some body.—  
To Conclude, if we may Credit the discourse of the Country, the King and Parliament go on hand in hand, and are in all probability likely so to do; But if they should differ about Trifles, wast their little time for preparation against Foreign Enemies in a needle Debate of Prerogatives and Privileges, or prefer private Aggrievances, before public Complaints; I will not say who will have greatest reason to Repent it, though I could name.  
Some Body.  
FINIS.