THE WIVES EXCUSE: OR, Cuckolds make Themselves. A COMEDY. As it is ACTED at the Theatre-Royal, BY Their MAJESTY'S Servants.  
Written by Tho. Southern.  Nihil est his, qui placere volunt, tam adversarium, quam expectatio. Cicero. 
LONDON, Printed for W. Freeman, at the Bible in Fleetstreet, near Temple-Barr, 1692.   

TO Mr. Southern; ON HIS COMEDY, Called the WIVES EXCUSE.  

SUre there's a Fate in Plays; and 'tis in vain  
To write, while these malignant Planets Reign:  
Some very foolish Influence rules the Pit,  
Not always kind to Sense, or just to Wit.  
And whilst it lasts, let Buffonery succeed,  
To make us laugh; for never was more need.  
Farce, in itself, is of a nasty scent;  
But the gain smells not of the Excrement.  
The Spanish Nymph, a Wit and Beauty too,  
With all her Charms bore but a single show:  
But, let a Monster Muscovite appear,  
He draws a crowded Audience round the Year.  
May be thou hast not pleased the Box and Pit,  
Yet those who blame thy Tale, commend thy Wit;  
So Terence Plotted; but so Terence Writ.  
Like his thy Thoughts are true, thy Language clean,  
Even Lewdness is made Moral, in thy Scene.  
The Hearers may for want of noke's repine,  
But rest secure, the Readers will be thine.  
Nor was thy Laboured Drama, damned or hissed,  
But with a kind Civility, dismissed:  
With such good manners as the 
The Wife in the Play, Mrs. Friendall.  Wife did use,  
Who, not accepting, did but just refuse.  
There was a glance at parting; such a look  
As bids thee not give o'er, for one rebuke.  
But if thou wouldst be seen, as well as read;  
Copy one living Author, and one dead;  
The Standard of thy Style, let Etherege be:  
For Wit, th' Immortal Spring of Wycherly.  
Learn after both, to draw some just Design,  
And the next Age will learn to Copy thine.   
JOHN DRYDEN.   

PROLOGUE  Spoken by Mr. Betterton. 

GAllants, you're welcome to our homely cheer:  
If you have brought your English Stomachs here;  
We'll treat you, as the French say, Cherentine.  
And what we want of Humour, or of Wit,  
Make up with your She-Neighbours in the Pit;  
For on the Stage whate'er we do, or say,  
The Vizard Masks can find you better play:  
With all our pains, we can but bring 'em in;  
'Tis you must take the Damsels out again:  
And when we've brought you kindly thus together,  
'Tis your fault if you're parted by foul weather.  
We hope these natural Reasons may produce,  
In every Whoremaster, a kind excuse  
For all our Faults, the Poet's, and the Players,  
You'll pardon us, if you can find out theirs. [To the Maskers.  
But to the gentler Men, who love at sight,  
And never care to come to closer fight,  
We have provided work for them to night.  
With safety they may draw their Cannon down,  
And into a Surrender bomb the Town.  
From both side-boxes play their Batteries;  
And not a Bullet shot, but burning Eyes:  
Those they discharge with such successful Arts,  
They fire, three deep, into the Lady's hearts.  
Since each Man here finds his Diversion,  
Let not the damning of our Play be one.  
But to the Ladies, who must sit it out,  
To hear us prate, and see the Oglers shoot,  
Begging their favour, we have this to say,  
In hopes of their Protection for the Play,  
Here is a Music meeting every day.    

EPILOGUE,  Spoken by Mrs. Barry. 

MY Character, not being much in Vogue,  
Has drawn me in to speak the Epilogue:  
But, pray conceive me right, not to disparage  
That ancient, English Perquisite of Marriage;  
Which, when the Priests first made all Pleasure Sin,  
Faster than they could cheat us, drew us in  
With Rites and Liberties of Cuckolding.  
That used to be the Custom, and so common,  
No Girl but wished herself a Married Woman.  
Whether I've done my Husband right, or no;  
Most Women may be in the right, that do:  
Our Author does not set up for reforming,  
Or giving hints to Fools who won't take warning:  
He's pleased, that other People are pleased too,  
To help to reap that Harvest which they sow:  
For among all the Cuckolds of this Town,  
Who show themselves, and are as daily shown,  
Our Poets may make some of 'em their own.  
You find in me what may excuse a Wife:  
Compare at home the Picture with the Life,  
And most of you may find a Friendal there;  
And most of you more justly used than here:  
Our Author has his ends, if he can show,  
The Women ne'er want cause for what they do:  
For, Ladies, all his aim is pleasing you.  
Some mettled Sparks, whom nothing can withstand,  
Your Velvet-Fortune-Hunters, may demand,  
Why, when the means were in the Lady's hand,  
The Husband civil, and the Lover near,  
No more was made of the Wife's Character?  
Damn me, cries one, had I been Betterton,  
And struts, and cocks, I know what I had done;  
She should not ha' got clear of me so soon.  
You only fear such Plays may spoil your Game:  
But Flesh and Frailty always are the same:  
And we shall still proceed in our old way,  
For all that you can do, or Poets say.    


PERSONS Represented.  Lovemore. 
By Mr. Betterton.  Wellvile. 
Mr. Kynnaston.  Wilding. 
Mr. Williams.  Courtall. 
Mr. Bowman.  Springame. 
Mr. Mich. Lee.  Friendall. 
Mr. Mountford.  Ruffle. 
Mr. Bright.  Musick-Master. 
Mr. Harris.   


WOMEN.  Mrs. Friendall. 
By Mrs. Barry.  Mrs. Sightly. 
Mrs. Bracegirdle.  Mrs. Wittwoud. 
Mrs. Mountford.  Mrs. Teazall. 
Mrs. Cory.  Fanny, her Niece. 
 Betty, Witwoud's Maid, 
Mrs. Richardson.  Two Pages, Footmen, and Linkboys. 
   
Scene London.   

THE Wives EXCUSE, OR, Cuckolds Make themselves.  

ACT I. SCENE I.  The outward Room to the Musick-Meeting. Several Footmen at Hazard, Some rising from Play. 1 Foot. 
APox on these Music Meetings; there's no Fifth Act  
Here, a free cost, as we have at the Playhouses,  
To make Gentlemen of us, and keep us out of  
Harms way: Nothing but Lice, and Link-Boys,  
In this Antichamber; or a merry Main to divert us;  
And that merry Main, as you call it, makes most of us  
Sad all the Week after.  2 Foot. 
Why, what hast thou done, Gill?  1 Foot. 
Undone myself, and a very good Friend of mine, my Belly,  
For a Week forward: I am hungry already in the apprehension  
Of wanting a Supper; for my Board-Wages  
Is gone to the Devil with his Bones.  3 Foot. 
Six is the Main, Gentlemen.  4 Foot. 
That was my last Tester.  5 Foot. 
I'll play no more—  Both rising from Play. 3 Foot. 
Set out my hand, don't leave me so, Gentlemen.  6 Foot. 
Come, Sir, Seven to Six, I set you—  3 Foot. 
Briskly my Boy.  6 Foot. 
I Set you this.  3 Foot. 
How much?  6 Foot. 
Three halfperth of Farthings.  3 Foot. 
Three halfperth of Farthings?  [Rises from Play] 
I see thou retain'st the Spirit of thy Ancestors, and as thou wert born, and bred, w●lt live rnd die a Footman.  
Three halfpenny worth of Farthings!  〈◊〉 
He ●●●s like a Small beer Butler, in a Widdow-Lady's Family.  〈◊〉 
May'st thou starve under the tyranny of a Housekeeper,  
And never know the comfort of Board-wages again.  〈◊〉. 
Well, well, I have my Money for all that.  1 Foot. 
Why, what a Pretty Fellow have we here debauched from us,  
And our Society, by living in a Civil Family! But this comes  
Of keeping good hours, and living orderly: Idleness  
After Supper, in your private houses, is the Mother  
Of many mischiefs among the Maids.  3 Foot. 
Ay, ay, want of Employment has thrown him upon some  
Gentle Chambermaid, and now he sets up for good husbandry,  
To Father her Failings, and get a Wet-Nurse for his Lady.  6 Foot. 
Better so, than to Father your Master's Bastards, as you do  
Sometimes; or now and then cheat him of his Wench,  
In the Convey, and steal his Clap from him.  4 Foot. 
Gad I mercy i'faith, Lad.  3 Foot. 
That indeed is a Sin I often commit, and sometimes repent of:  
But, the good with the bad, I have no reason  
To complain of my Service.  6. Foot. 
Pray don't trouble your head about mine then.  2 Foot. 
Come, come, we have all good Places if we can keep 'em:  
And for my part, I am too deep in my Master's affairs, to fear  
The losing of mine: What think you of the Family of the Friendals',  
My Lads? a public private Family, newly set up,  
And of very fair Reception.  3 Foot. 
Ay, Dick. Thou hast the time on't indeed.  2 Foot. 
The Master of it frank and free, to make an Invitation to the whole Town; and the Mistress hospitable, and handsome,  
To give 'em welcome, and content: For my Master knows  
Every body, and contrives that every body shall know her.  3 Foot. 
Ay, marry Sir, there's a Family to breed up a Pimp in!  
You may make a Fortune out of such a Mistress,  
Before your Master can get her with Child.  2 Foot. 
My Master has been married not a quarter of a year,  
And half the young men in Town, know his Wife already;  
Nay, know that he has known enough of her,  
Not to care for her already.  3 Foot. 
And that may be a very good argument for some of 'em,  
To persuade her to know a little of some body else,  
And care as little for him.  4 Foot. 
A very good argument, if she takes it by the right handle  2 Foot. 
Some of your Masters, I warrant you  
Will put it into her hand.  3 Foot. 
I know my Master has a design upon her.  2 Foot. 
And upon all the Women in Town.  4 Foot. 
Mine is in love with her.  5 Foot. 
And mine has hopes of her.  3. Foot. 
Every man has hopes of a new married Woman  
For she marries to like her Man; and if upon Trial  
She finds she can't like her Husband; she'll find some body else  
That she can like, in a very little time, I warrant her,  
Or change her Men till she does.  2 Foot. 
Let her like as many as she pleases, and welcome:  
As they thrive with her, I shall thrive by them:  
I grind by her Mill, and some of 'em I hope will set it a going.  
Besides, she has discovered some of my Master's Intrigues of late.  
That may help to fill the Sails; but I say nothing,  
I will take Fees a both sides, and betray neither.  3 Foot. 
If your Lady loves play, as they say she does, she will be  
So far in your interest, that he that makes his Court to her,  
Must have money to recommend him—  2 Foot. 
To me he must indeed, if he expects my assistance  5 Foot. 
Come, come, what do you think of my Master,  
Mr. Lovemore, for the Lady?  3 Foot. 
I don't think of him.  2 Foot. 
Not so much as she does, I believe you; he's a generous Gentleman,  
And deserves very well of her, and me.  1 Foot. 
My Master, Mr. Wellvile is often at your House.  3 Foot. 
He follows Mrs. Sightly, I can tell you.  
But if your Lady, Mrs. Friendall, has a mind to be very well used;  
Not to settle to't; but only by the way of a fashionable revenge,  
Or so, to do herself justice upon her Husband; I look upon Mr. Wilding,  
My Master, one or other, to be the cleverest Cuckold-Maker  
In Covent-Garden.  2 Foot. 
Not to settle to't indeed, for your Master is not over constant.  3 Foot. 
He does not stay in a Family, to be challenged into Westminster Hall,  
By the Husband's Action of battery, for an assault upon his Wife;  
He is not so constant.  4 Foot. 
Or if your Lady be disposed to the more refined part of an Amour,  
Without the brutality, or design of enjoyment,  
Only for the pleasure of being talked of, or so forth—  3 Foot. 
Your Master Courtall will fit her to a hair:  
For he will be as fond of the appearances of an Entrigue,  
As she can be; to see him in the chase, you would think  
He had pleasure in the Sport; for he will be as sure  
Always to follow her, as never to press her:  
He will take as much pains, to put her undeservedly  
Into a Lampoon, upon his account, as he would, to avoid  
A handsome occasion, in private, to qualify her for the scandal.  2 Foot. 
In short, Mr. Courtall will do every thing,  
But what he ought to do, with a Woman.  4 Foot. 
He has broke off with three Gentlewomen, upon my word,  
Within these two Months, for coming on too fast upon that business.  2 Foot. 
Well, there are pretenders enough; so I have the profit,  
Let my Lady take the pleasure of the choice:  
I'm for the Fairest Bidder.  3 Foot. 
What, Harry, hast thou nothing to say of thy Mistress, Mrs. Witwoud?  7 Foot. 
Nothing extraordinary, but that I ' mtired of her.  3 Foot. 
She lives, as she used to do, least at home; has no Business  
Of her own, but a great deal of other People's.  
All the Men in Town follow her, but 'tis for other Women;  
For she has frightened every one from a Design upon her:  
Then she's a general Confidant; and sometimes reports  
No more than she knows; but that's a favour indeed,  
From a Wit, as they say she is.  7 Foot. 
If she be a Wit, I'll be sworn, she does not take me for one;  
For she sends me very often upon very ridiculous Errands.  3 Foot. 
I think you have a correspondent Porter, in every quarter  
Of the Town, to disperse her scandalous Letters, which she is  
Always bantering one Fool or other withal?  7 Foot. 
Four or Five always in pay with her.  3 Foot. 
But when Horn-Fair comes, that's sure to be a Holy Day,  
And every married Man, that has a Wife handsomer than she is,  
At her proper cost and charges, may expect a Fairing,  
To put him in mind of his fortune.  7 Foot. 
I find you know her too well, to desire to live with her.  3 Foot. 
I had rather be Master of the Ceremonies to a Visiting Lady,  
To Squire about her how-d's-you, and Usher in the formal Salutations  
Of all the Fops in Town, upon her day;  
Nay, tho' she kept two days a week, than live in a Family with her.  1 Foot. 
Will this damned Musick-Meeting never be done?  
Would the Catguts were in the Fiddler's Bellies.  Two Pages meeting. 1 Page. 
My Lady Smirkit's Page.  2 Page. 
Who's there? my Lady Woudmore!  1. Page. 
At your dear Service, Madam.  2. Page. 
O Lord! Madam, I am surprised to see your Ladyship here.—  2. Foot. 
What have we here?  3. Foot. 
The Monkeys Apeing their Ladies, let 'em go on.  2. Page. 
How can your Ladyship descend into these little Diversions  
Of the Town, the Plays and the music-meetings?  1. Page. 
Little Diversions indeed, Madam, to us, who have seen  
So much better abroad, and still retain too much of the  
Delicacy of the French, to be pleased with the Barbarous  
Performances of these English.  3. Foot. 
That's a touch for some of 'em.  1. Page. 
Yet there's no staying always at home, your Ladyship knows.—  2. Page. 
Nor being always seen in the Drawing-room, I vow, and swear:—  1. Page. 
So that, Madam, we are almost under a necessity  
Of appearing in these public places.—  2. Page. 
An absolute necessity of showing ourselves sometimes.  1. Page. 
Ay, but, Madam, than the men, they do so Ogle one.—  3. Foot. 
Ah! very well, Mr. Charles.  1. Page. 
Into all the little Confusions,  
That a Woman is liable to upon those occasions.  2. Page. 
I swear my Lord Simperwel has an irrisistible way with him.  1. Page. 
He ogled me all the Music long, I believe every body  
Took notice of it, so suriously, I could not bear it myself:  
I vow and swear, he almost made me blush;  
And I would rather do any thing to deserve blushing, in another place, than by a Country modesty betray such an unpardonable want of breeding, to the censure of so much good Company.  3 Foot. 
I dare swear for her Ladyship,  
She had rather do it than blush for't.  1 Page. 
Why how now, Jack Sauce?  [to the Footman.] 
But did I blush, Madam?  [To the Page.] 2 Page. 
Only for your Friends, Madam, to see us so neglected.  1 Page. 
Fie, fie, Madam, you made your Conquest too.  
I minded no body but my Lord; and I vow and swear,  
I must own it, Madam, he ogles one more like a Man of Quality, than any body about Town, that I know of, and I think I am pretty well acquainted with all the soft looks in Town.  2 Page. 
One after another we have 'em all— but Jesus, Madam—  1 Page. 
Ay, Madam.  2 Page. 
They say the French Fleet will be here next Summer,  
With their Tourviles, and their things,  
And, Jesus, Madam, Ravish us all.  1 Page. 
O Lord, Madam, Ravishing us is nothing,  
But our dear Religion, Madam, what will they do to that?  2 Page. 
Ay, what indeed, Madam?  1 Page. 
I would not lose the gaping Galleries of our Churches, for the best Religion in Christendom.  3. Foot. 
You are precious Pages indeed,  
Betray your Lady's secrets, before you come in to 'em.  Within. 
Make way for my Lord there, bear back Gentlemen.  1 Foot. 
So, so, 'tis done at last,  
Let's get the Coaches to the door.  [Exeunt Omnes.] The Curtain drawn up, shows the Company at the Musick-Meeting; after an Italian Song, Lovemore, Wellvile, Wilding, Courtall, Springame, Friendall, Raffle, Mrs. Friendall, Sightly, Wittwoud, Fanny advance to the Front of the Stage. Mr. Fr. 
Ladies and Gentlemen, how did you like the Music?  Sight. 
O very fine sure, Sir.  Witt. 
What say you to't, young Gentlemen?  Spring. 
I have something to say to you, I like a great deal better,  
Provided you won't laugh at me.  [Going aside with her.] 
But the music's extremely sine—  [To the Company.] Well. 
Especially the Vocal part.  
For I did not understand a word on't.  Mr. Fr. 
Nor I, faith, Wellvile, out the words were Italian.  
They sung well, and that's enough for the pleasure of the Ear.  Court. 
By which I find your sense is sound.  Mr. Fr. 
And sound sense is a very good thing, Courtall—  [Goes to Wild.] Well. 
That thou wot never be the better for.  Mr. Fr. 
Wilding, thou hast been so busy about that  
Young Girl there, thou know'st nothing of the matter.  Wild. 
O, Sir, you're mistaken, I am a great Admirer—  Mr. Fr. 
Of every thing in Petticoats.  Wild. 
Of these Musical Entertainments; I am very Musical, and love any call, that brings the Women together.  Court. 
Tho' it were a Cat-call.  Mr. Fr. 
Vocal, or Instrumental! which do you most approve of?  
If you are for the Instrumental, there were the Sonata's to night, and the Chacons, which you know—  Wild. 
The Sonata's and the Chacons which I know!  
Not I, Sir, I don't know 'em: they may be two Italian Fidlrs of your acquaintance, for any thing I know of 'em.  Mr. Fr. 
Fie, fie, Fiddlers! Masters, if you please, Wilding, Masters, excellent in their Art, and Famous for many admirable Compositions.  [mingles with the Company.] Court. 
So, he's fast in his own snare, with his Sonata's,  
And Chacons: But how goes the World, Wilding?  Wild. 
The same Women every day, and in every public appearance.  Court. 
Here are some faces, I see, of your acquaintance.  Wild. 
Ay, Pox take 'em, I see 'em too often to forget 'em:  
Would their Owners thought as ill of 'em as I do,  
They would keep 'em at home: but they are for showing their Show still, tho' no body cares for the sight.  [They mix with the Company.] Witt. 
Methinks 'tis but good manners in Mr. Lovemore,  
To be particular to your Sister, when her Husband  
Is so Universal to the Company.  Spring. 
Prithee leave her to her Husband:  
She has satisfied her Relations enough in marrying this Coxcomb; now let her satisfy herself, if she pleases, with any body she likes better.  Witt. 
Fie, fie, there's no talking to you,  
You carry my meaning further than I designed.  Spring. 
Faith I took it up but where you left it,  
Very near the matter.  Spring. 
No, no, you grow scandalous; and I would not  
Be thought to say a scandalous thing of a Friend.  Spring. 
Since my Brother in Law is to be a Cuckold,  
As it must be mightily my Sister's fault, if he be not,  
I think Lovemore as proper a Fellow to carry on  
So charitable a work, as she could ha' lit upon:  
And if he has her consent to the business,  
She has mine, I assure you.  Witt. 
A very reasonable Brother!  Spring. 
Would you would be as reasonable a Friend,  
And allow me as many Liberties as I do her.  Witt. 
Why, so I will: she has the Men, and you shall have the Women,  
The whole Sex to pick and choose—  Spring. 
One Mistress out of—  Witt. 
As many as you please, and as often as you have occasion.  Spring. 
Why, faith, that pleases me very well; you hit  
My constitution, as if you were familiar with it,  
Or had a mind to be so.  Witt. 
Not I indeed, Sir.  Spring. 
And I have, as you were saying—  Witt. 
As I was saying!  Spring. 
Very often an occasion for a Mistress.  Witt. 
You say so yourself, I know nothing of your occasions.  Spring. 
Shall I bring you acquainted with some of 'em?  
I have great variety, and have, every day, a new occasion  
For a new Mistress: If you have a mind to be satisfied in this point, let me go along with you—  Witt. 
Home with me?  Spring. 
Or home with me, will do my business as well.  Wit. 
But it won't do mine, Sir.  Spring. 
Then let it be home with you,  
Tho' my Lodging is very convenient.  Witt. 
Why, this is sudden indeed, upon so small an acquaintance:  
But 'tis something too soon for you,  
And a little too late for me.  Spring. 
Not to repent, I hope, Madam? better late than never,  
You know: Come, come, I have known  
A worse offer better received.  Witt. 
And this offer you will make to every Woman,  
Till it be received, I dare answer for you.  Spring. 
That's more than you can do for yourself for refusing it.  
But the folly fall upon your own head: I have done my part, and 'tis your fault if you're idle—  [Goes away.] Sight. 
You have been entertained, Cousin—  [Sightly to her.] Witt. 
By a very pretty prating Fellow, Cousin;  
And I could be contented to let him show his parts this way, as often as he pleased.  Sight. 
What! like a man of Honour, he's for making good  
What he says—  Witt. 
And comes so quick upon that business, he won't afford  
A Woman a reasonable liking-time, to make a decent  
Excuse to herself, if she should allowed 〈◊〉 a favour.  Sight. 
The young Officer has heard enough of your Character,  
I suppose, not to put it too much into your power  
Of laughing at him.  Witt. 
I'm sorry for't: I would have a man know just enough  
Of me, to make him a Lover; and then, in a little time,  
I should know enough of him, to make him an Ass.  Sight. 
This will come home to you one day.  Witt. 
In any shape but a Husband, Cozen.  observing Lovemore with Mrs. Friendall. 
But methinks Lovemore, and Mrs. Friendall  
Are very seriously engaged—  Sight. 
I have had an Eye upon 'em.  Wit. 
For such a trisle as Cuckolding a Husband is in this Town.  Sight. 
The men will always design upon our Sex;  
But I dare answer for her.—  Wit. 
And so will I. That if she should fall from the frailty of the Flesh, into that folly, she will appear no Monster,  
What ever her Husband may be.  
What say you to a ramble after the Music?  Sight. 
I say nothing to't.  Wit. 
A Hackney jaunt, from one end of the Town to tother?  Sight. 
'Tis too late.  Wit. 
I know two several Companies gone into the City,  
One to Pontacks, and t'other to the Rummer, to Supper:  
I want to disturb, strangely; what say you, Coz?  
Let's put on our Masques, draw up the Glasses,  
And send up for the Men, to make their Women uneasse:  
There's one of 'em to be married, it may do good upon her,  
By showing what she must trust to, if she will have a Husband.  Sight. 
And can you be so mischievous?  Wit. 
Can you resist the Temptation?  Sight. 
I came with Mrs. Friendal, and must go home with her.  
Look to your charge there.  Wit. 
I have an Eye that way.  Sight. 
We shall see you to morrow, Cousin?  Wit. 
At your Toylet, Cousin; you are always  
My first Visit.  [Goes to Wilding and Fanny. Mrs. Fr. 
Is this your Friendship to Mr. Friendal?  
I must not hear it.  Love. 
You see he gives you leave.  Mrs. Fr. 
Therefore I can't take it; the Confidence is so generous,  
That even that would secure me to him.  Love. 
The Confidence is as generous on your side;  
And do you think that will secure him to you?  Mrs. Fr. 
I'll ask him, if you please.  Love. 
You'll but disturb him.  Mrs. Fr. 
Mr. Friendal.  [Calling him. Mr. Fr. 
Ha! what's the matter, Madam?  Mrs. Fr. 
There has happened her 〈◊〉 scurvy Dispute between me  
And one of your Friends, Sir, as you think fit to call 'em.  Mr. Fr. 
A Dispute! about what, prithee? but before I hear  
A word on't, Lovemore, thou art certainly in the wrong,  
In holding an Argument with a Woman.  Love. 
I begin to think so too, Sir, for contending with a Lady,  
That will be tried by no body, but her Husband.  Mr. Fr. 
But what's the business?  
Nothing extraordinary between you, I hope?  Mrs. Fr. 
Believe me, Sir, I think it very extraordinary.—  Lov. 
Very extraordinary indeed, Madam, to be so publicly  
Exposed for a private Opinion.  Mrs. Fr. 
And you shall be the judge of the difference.  Mr. Fr. 
No, no, no difference among Friends, it must not come to that,  
I'll make up all differences between you.  Love. 
You may do much indeed to set all straight.  Mr. Fr. 
And so I will, i'faith Lovemore, I'll reconcile all  
I warrant you; but come, what is this mighty matter between you?  Mrs. Fr. 
I think it a mighty matter, Mr. Friendall, to be so far  
Suspected in my Conduct, that any one, under the Title  
Of your Friend, should dare, in your absense,  
To be so very Familiar with me—  Mr. Fr. 
How, Madam!  Love. 
All will out, I see.  [Aside. Mr. Fr. 
In my absence, so very familiar with you.  Mrs. Fr. 
As to censure these innocent Liberties that the Women  
Allow themselves in the Company of their Husbands.  Love. 
So, she has saved her Credit with me,  Mrs. Friendall joins Mrs. Sightly, and Witwoud. 
And mine with her Husband.  Mr. Fr. 
Why, Lovemore, thou art in the wrong of all this;  
I desired you to sport off a little Gallantry with my Wife, to Entertain and Divert her, from making her observations upon me, and thou dost nothing but play the Critic upon her.  Love. 
I find I was mistaken.  
But how would you have me behave myself?  Mr. Fr. 
Why, I would have you very frequent in your Visits,  
And very obliging to my Wife: Now and then, to carry on  
Our other Pleasures the better: For an amusement, or so,  
You may say a Civil thing to her, for every Woman, you know,  
Loves to have a Civil thing said to her sometimes;  
But than you must be very cautious in the expression;  
If she should in the least apprehend that you had a design  
Upon her, 'twould raise the Devil in one part of the Family,  
And lay him in another, perhaps, where I had a mind to employ him:  
Therefore I would have you keep in Favour with her—  Love. 
I'll do my best, I promise you.  Mr. Fr. 
She's inclining, you must know, to speak very well of you;  
And that she does of very few of the Men, I assure you:  
She approves of the intimacy and Friendship between us,  
And of your coming to the House; and that may  
Stand you instead with the Lady, you wot off—  Love. 
I apprehend you— so begging the Ladies Pardon  [Too Mrs. Friendal. 
With a design of doing something to deserve it.—  Wit. 
That will never fail with the Women, Mr. Lovemore.  Love. 
I will make an Interest with the Masters,  
To give you a Song at parting.  [Goes to the Masters. Sight. 
An English Song, good Mr. Lovemore.  Mr. Fr. 
O by all means, an English Song.  [Goes the Masters too. Welvile. 
Any Song, which won't oblige a Man.  
To tell you, he has seen an Opera at Venice to understand.  Mr. Fr. 
Pray, let him sing the Ladies the Song I gave him.  Musick-Master. 
Which Song, Sir?  Mr. Fr. 
The last.  Musick-Master. 
'Tis not set, Sir.  Mr. Fr. 
Not set, Sir!  [Turning from him, to the Ladies. Love. 
That's a Fault he'll never forgive you.  Musick-Master. 
Why, really, Sir, I would serve any Gentleman to my power;  
But the Words are so abominably out of the way of Music,  
I don't know how to humour 'em: There's no setting 'em,  
Or singing 'em, to please any body, but himself.  Sight. 
O! but we lose by this.  Mr. Fr. 
Hang 'em, idle Rascals; they care not what Entertainment  
We lose, so they have but our Money.  Sight. 
Is it your own Song, Mr. Friendall?  Mr. Fr. 
I must not rob your Ladyship of your Part in it.  Sight. 
My Part in your Song, Sir!  Mr. Fr. 
You were the Muse that inspired me;  
I writ it upon your Ladyship.  Sight. 
Fie, fie; That Pride would ruin me:  
But I know you say so to every Woman.  [She turns from him. Mr. Fr. 
I gad, she's i'th' right on't;  
I have told a Dozen so already at the Musick-meeting,  
And most of 'em believe me.  Sight. 
Does Mr. Friendall often write Songs, Madam?  Mrs. Fr. 
He does many things, he should not do, Madam;  
But I think he loves me, and that excuses him to me:  
Tho', you may be sure, 'tis with the tenderest Concern for my own  
Reputation, that I see my Husband daily trifle away his  
So notoriously, in one Folly or other of the Town.  [Goes to Mr. Friendall. Witt. 
For his own Reputation, it must be;  
For the World will believe, she turns such a Husband  
To the right Use, whatever she says to the contrary.  Mrs. Fr. 
Mr. Friendall, pray be satisfied with a good Estate;  
And not imagine, because you have that, you have every thing else.  
The business of writing Songs should be over with a married Man.  
And since I can't be suspected to be the Phillis, or Cloris.  
'Tis an Affront to me, to have any other Woman thought so.  Mr. Fr. 
Indeed, Madam, so far you are right:  
I never heard of any Man, that writ a Song upon his Wife.  

SONG, By Major-General Sackvile.  

INgrateful Love! Thus every Hour,  
To punish me by her Disdain!  
You tyrannize to show your Power;  
And She, to triumph in my Pain.   

You, who can laugh at Humane Woes,  
And Victims to her Pride decree,  
On me, your yielding Slave, impose  
Your Chains; but leave the Rebel free.   

How fatal are your poisoned Darts!  
Her conquering Eyes the Trophies boast,  
Whilst you ensnare poor wandering Hearts,  
That in her Charms and Scorn are lost.   

Impious, and Cruel: You deny  
A Death, to ease me of my Care;  
Which she delays, to make me try  
The force of Beauty, and Despair.    Mr. Fr. 
Lovemore, We may thank you for this:  
But when you keep your Promise to me, at Dinner, to Morrow,  
And you, and you, and all of you, Gentlemen,  [Speaks to all the Men. 
I'll do you Reason to the good Company.  
Some of my Servants there.—  [Goes to the Door. Court. 
Madam, I am very luckily here to offer you my Service.  Mrs. Fr. 
No particular Woman must expect it from so general  
A Follower of the Sex, as Mr. Courtall is.  Court. 
A general Follower of the Sex indeed, Madam,  
In my Care of 'em.  Mrs. Fr. 
Besides, 'tis dangerous to be seen with a Man of your Character;  
For if you don't make it an Intrigue, the Town makes it for you:  
And that does most of your Business as well.  Court. 
There's no knowing a Man by his Character in this Town;  
The Partiality of Friends, and the Prejudice of Enemies, who divide it,  
Always make him better or worse than he deserves.  Mrs. Fr. 
If you have no regard to my Reputation, pray be tender of your own.  
'Tis nowadays as scandalous in a Man, who would be thought to know  
The Town (as I know you would) to wait upon a bare Face to her Coach,  
As it used to be to lead out a Vizard-Mask:  
But the Pit has got the better of the Boxes,  
With most of you, in that point of Civility;  
And I don't doubt, but it turns to better Account.  Spring. 
Indeed, Sister, it does turn to better Account;  
And therefore we must provide for ourselves.—  Takes Courtall with him. To Mrs. Witwoud. 
Why, here's a Woman, Courtall—  
If she had a Vizard-Mask to encourage me—  [Lovemore goes to Mrs. Friendall. 
I could go to the World's end with her:  
But, as she is, barefaced, and an honest Woman—  Wit. 
You'll do a foolish thing, for once; see her to her Coach,  
I dare say for you, to make her otherwise.  Spring. 
Why, if it must be so—  [Addressing to her. Wild. 
You own your Aunt is a-bed; and you see Mrs. Witwoud's  
Too busy to mind your going away with me.  Fanny. 
I can't to night, but I'll call upon you to morrow morning,  
As I go to Six a Clock Prayers.  Love. 
I hope, Madam, I may without exception wait upon you.  [To Mrs. Friendall. Welvile. 
And, Madam, I have the Title of an old Servant to your Ladyship,  
To expect that favour from you—  [To Mrs. Sightly. Sight. 
Mr. Friendall, having a handsome Wife in the Company,  
May be jealous; and you will pardon me,  
If I am unwilling to give him a suspicion of a Man,  
Whom I would have every body think as well of, as I do myself.  Mrs. Fr. 
Mr. Friendall gives you more opportunities than I can approve of,  
And I could wish you would not take the advantage of 'em,  
They'll turn to no account.  [Leads Mrs. Sightly. Mr. Fr. 
Come, Ladies, I am your Man I find—  [Mrs. Friendall following. Ruffle. 
What think you of this occasion?  Love. 
You can't have a better; follow him—  [Springam leads Witwoud, 
And be famous—  [Wilding leads Fanny out. Well. 
What have you now in hand?  [Raffle after the Company. Love. 
Why all my hopes of the Wife depending upon the  
Senseless behaviour of the Husband:  
I have contrived, by this Fellow, before her face too, to expose  
Him, a way, that must ruin him with her for ever;  
Let's follow, and expect the event—  [Exeunt.  

SCENE Changes to the Street.  Several Link-Boys, and Footmen. Linkboy. 
Have a light Gentlemen, have a light, Sir,  [Springam with Witwoud. Spring. 
Light yourselves to the Devil.  [Wilding with Fanny, and several others. 2 Link B. 
Bless you Master, we can find the way in the dark.  
Shall I light your Worship there?  Spring. 
Then call a Coach, and thy Wit shall be thy reward.  5 Foot. 
Mr. Friendall's Coach there—  Mr. Friend. enters, leading Mrs. Sightly with his Wife, Ruffle enters after 'em. Lovemore and Wellvile in the rear. 
'Tis at the door, Sir.  Mr. Fr. 
I must improve ' every opportunity  
With your Ladyship, to convince you of the truths  
I have been telling you to night, and in this  
Billet, I give it under my Hand how very much  
I am your Servant—  [Sightly throws it behind her. Sight. 
Fie, fie, before your Wife—  [Ruffle takes it up. Mrs. Fr. 
Sir, that Paper don't belong to you.  Friendall leads Mrs. Sightly off, and returns for his Wife. Ruffle. 
Don't be jealous, Lady, I know no design  
The Gentlewoman has as yet upon my Person  
And I'll belong to you, if this Gentleman pleases.  Mr. Fr. 
You're pleased to be merry, Sir, but no touching her, I beseech you.  Mrs. Fr. 
What would the Fellow have?  Ruffl. 
Why, I would have this Fellow gone about his business.  Mr. Friend. 
My Business lies here at present, Sir.  Raffle. 
You lie there, Sir.  Hits Mr. Friendall a box on the ear, and draws, the Women shriek, Mrs. Friendall pretends to hold her Husband, the Company come about 'em. Mrs. Fr. 
Good Mr. Friendall, another time,  
Consider where you are.  
You are more a Man of honour, I know, than to draw your Sword  
Among the Women; I am sorry this has happened in a place  
Where you can't right yourself, without wronging the Company.  
But you'll find a time to do a justice to yourself, and the Ladies,  
Who have suffered in the apprehension of such a brutality.  Spring. 
I'll go along with you—  [All go off but Witwoud. Wit. 
Would the Devil had 'em, for drawing their Swords here;  
I have lost my little Captain in the fray:  
My Charge is departed too, and for this night I suppose has left me  
To make an excuse to the Family, for her lying abroad  
With a Country Cousin, or so; that Rogue Wilding has carried  
Her home with him, and 'tis as well now, as a week hence,  
For when these young Wenches once set their hearts upon't,  
Every thing gives them an opportunity to ruin themselves:  
Her Aunt Teazall has made her rise to Six a Clock Prayers, to sine  
Purpose, if this be the fruits of her Devotion: but since she must  
Fall to some body, I'm glad Wilding has her, for he'll use her ill enough  
In a little time, to make her wiser for the future,  
By the dear experience, and vexation of this Intrigue,  
(Being disappointed of many things she expects)  
She may make a virtue of necessity, repent because she can't keep him to herself,  
And make an honest man a very good Wife yet.  [Exit. Ruffle. 
I have done my part, and am satisfied  [Lovemore, Woolvile, Ruffle return. 
With the honour of the Achievement.  Love. 
'Tis a reputation clear-gained.  
Since there's no danger of accounting for't.  Ruffle. 
So thanking you, for this occasion of showing myself,  
I am your humble Servant—  [Exit. Wellvile. 
Who is this Hero, pray?  Love. 
Why this is a Spark, that has had the misfortune of being kicked very lately, and I have helped him to this occasion of repairing his honour, upon our very good friend, a greater Coward than himself:  
He has served my ends, now let him serve the Towns.  Wellv. 
But did you observe how the Lady behaved herself  
In the Quarrel, to conceal her Husband's Cowardice?  Love. 
What a handsome excuse she made in his favour, to the Company?  
When she can never make any for him to herself.  Wellvile. 
This matter well managed, may turn to account; tho' you must not be seen to expose him, you may take the advantage of his exposing himself.  Love. 
And let her say what she can, upon this subject, I believe no Woman can be contented to have her Honour, much longer than her Fortune in the possession of a Man, who has no fund of his own, to answer in security for either.  
Thus, who a Married Woman's Love would win,  
Should with the Husband's failings first begin;  
Make him but in the fault, and you shall find  
A Good Excuse will make most Women kind.  [Exeunt.   


ACT the Second, SCENE I.  Witwoued at a Table, with Betty, and a Footman waiting. Wit. 
NO News of my Cousin Fanny this morning?  Betty. 
For God's sake, Madam, not a word of her lying out  
To night, we shall have the Devil to do  
With the Old Gentlewoman, if she knows it.  Wit. 
That's a secret I can keep from her, for my own sake, Betty:  
But how comes this about? I'm quite out of Gilt Paper;  
Harry, you fetch me two or three Choir from Mr. Bentleys,  
And call at Mrs. dam Robe's, my Mantoa-womans',  
As you come back, for Letters— and d'you hear?  
Give this Note to Joe the Porter, he needs no instructions;  
Let him leave it for Mr. Wilding—  [Footman and Maid go out. 
I find I must meddle in this business;  
For her Visits at this rate, will not only be troublesome  
To him (as I would have 'em) but in a little time,  
Be public to the whole Town:  
Now, tho' I am very well pleased with any matter  
Of Scandal; I am so nearly related to the interest  
Of this Girl, I would not have her the occasion of it.  
They say the Understanding ought to be suited  
To the Condition, to make any one happy:  
Would she were in a Condition suitable  
To her Understanding; she has wit enough  
For a Wife, and nothing else that I know of.  Teazall Enters to her. Teaz. 
O, Madam! you're welcome home.  Wit. 
Rather good morrow, Cozen.  Teaz. 
Rather good morrow indeed,  
That's the properer Salutation:  
For you're never to be seen in your Lodging  
At any other time of the day; and then too,  
As soon as you're out a Bed in a morning,  
You Summon a Congregation of your Fellows  
Together, to hear you prate by the hour,  
Flatter every body in the Company,  
Speak ill of every one that's absent,  
And scatter about the scandal of that day.  Wit. 
Why, Madam, you won't quarrel at that, I hope,  
'Tis one of the most fashionable, innocent  
Diversions of the Town,  
It makes a great deal of mirth, speaking ill of People,  
And never does any body any harm.  Teaz. 
Not with any that know you, I believe.  
How came you home last night?  
The night before, you arrived like a Carted Bawd,  
Justly punished for the Sins of the People.  
You confessed you were forced to bilk your Coach,  
To get rid of the Coxcombs, that dogged you  
From the Playhouse, and being pursued  
By the Coachman, and Footmen (for I don't doubt  
But you gave the Gentlemen encouragement enough,  
To come home with you) you looked as if  
You belonged to a Cellar, in some of the Allies  
You were hunted through, and had been  
caterwauling in all the kennels in Town.  Wit. 
That was an unfortunate night indeed.  Teaz. 
Well, deliver every good woman's Child, I say,  
From such daggle-tailed Courses as these are;  
What will be the end of 'em, I beseech you?  
You will make yourself as odious in a little time,  
As you endeavour to make every body else:  
This is not the way to get a Husband;  
The Men know too much of you already,  
To desire any more of you.  Wit. 
I don't set up for a Husband.  Teaz. 
Marry come up here! You may have  
An occasion for an Husband, when you can't get one,  
Husbands are not always to be had at a months  
Warn'ng, to finish another's work:  
What, 'tis beneath the Character of a she Wit,  
● suppose, to be constant: or is a Husband  
Out of fashion of you forsooth?  
Another Woman's husband can go down with you,  
To my knowledge, and as ugly a Rogue too,  
With as hanging a Countenance, as I could wish  
Any Villain I had a mind  
To be rid of— your diversion, as you call him.  Wit. 
O spare my shame, I own he is my curse,  
Doomed for my plague, and pleasure.  Teaz. 
Spare your shame! I'll say that for you,  
You have not been sparing of any endeavour,  
That could bring a shame any way into the Family  
Wherever you lived yet; if there was ever a Fool  
Soft enough to throw it upon.  
All your Relations know you, and are afraid  
To have you in a House with 'em:  
And I suppose you are very well pleased to be  
From under their roof; to have your Fellows come  
After you, to my House, as they do;  
And as I am Fool enough to allow of.  Wit. 
For no harm, Cousin, I hope.  Teaz. 
Perhaps you think it no harm;  
And, indeed, it can't easily do you any harm:  
But, I'm sure, I have one of my Nieces  
Already undone, by your bringing her  
Acquainted with some of 'em.  
I was forced to marry her, you know,  
Below her Rank (for the usual Reason  
Of this End of the Town) into the City,  
Where 'twas less scandalous, the Wives there  
Having a Charter for what they do.  
And now Fanny, a very Girl, when I have provided  
A Husband, and all, for her, (for she must have a Husband,)  
She takes after her Sister; (as a little thing  
Will make a Precedent for what we are  
Inclined to;) she takes after her Sister, I say,  
And is unfortunately engaged in a Passion  
For Mr. Wilding: And how to prevent it—  Wit. 
Indeed, I must acknowledge I was, in a great  
Measure, the unfortunate Cause of my Cousin  
Biddy's Miscarriage; but for my Cousin Fanny,  
Rely upon me; nothing shall come on't:  
I am now going to Mr. Wilding  
On that Account; and have sent a Note  
To secure him at his Lodgings till I come.  Teaz. 
Well, Where's this Girl?  [Betty Enters. 
Why does not she come, when I send for her?  Betty. 
Madam, she went to Six-a-Clock Prayers,  
And is not come back yet.  Teaz. 
God's Bodykins! Has she got the trick on't?  
Of abusing the Church into the place  
Of Assignation already?  
Wilding has carried her home with him.  
That's certain: Get you gone after her;  
May be you may prevent his wicked  
Design on her. Go, go, and redeem her,  
Tho' you leave yourself in her room.  Wit. 
I'm obliged to you, truly, Madam.  Teaz. 
I dare venture you,  
You'll not be in Love with him;  
You'll give him as good as he brings;  
And, let the worst come to the worst,  
You have lived too long in the Town,  
To be uneasy for any Man;  
Or be concerned beyond the Pleasure  
And Convenience of the Intrigue.  
Therefore I may venture you, a little time  
Goes a great way in this business; deliver her,  
And I won't find fault with you, these three days  
You shall do what you please—  [Exeunt.  

SCENE II.  Mr. Friendall's House. Mrs. Friendall following Mr. Friendall. Mrs. Fr. 
Nay, Mr. Friendall, I know what you will object to me;  
But you must hear me out.  
The concern, and care of your reputation,  
Is as dear to me, as it can be tender to you;  
Since I must appear to the world, only in that rank of honour,  
Which you are pleased to maintain.  Mr Fr. 
Why, Madam, you have as handsome an Equipage  
As any Man's Wife in Town, that has a Father alive.  Mrs Fr. 
This must not put me off,  
I see you make little of the matter, to hide it from my fears;  
And there indeed you're kind: but 'tis in vain  
To think of concealing from me, what you intent,  
From what you ought to do, I know what you will do,  
After so base a wrong.  Mr. Fr. 
A Drunken extravagance, the Fellow  
Will be sorry for't, when he's sober—  Mrs. Fr. 
If you would stay till then.  Mr. Fr. 
And beg my pardon.  Mrs Fr. 
That he shall do, if that would satisfy you.  Mr. Fr. 
Satisfy me!  Mrs. Fr. 
And let it satisfy you,  
It ought to satisfy you from such a one.  
For, I believe he would not have quarrelled any where else,  
Nor there neither, but upon the prospect  
Of being prevented, or parted, or secured over night,  
In order to beg pardon in the morning.  Mr. Fr. 
Ay, Madam, but consider—  Mrs. Fr. 
Pray consider me, Mr. Friendall;  
I must suffer every way, if you Proceed to a revenge;  
In your danger, which must be mine;  
In my honour, which ought to be more yours;  
Than to expose it upon every little occasion—  
Come, come, in other things you have a good  
Opinion of my conduct, pray let me govern here:  
You may be assured, I'll do nothing to lessen you,  
The satisfaction shall be as public as the affront.  
Leave it to me for once, I won not be denied—  
He is not worth your danger.  Mr. Fr. 
Well, you shall govern me.  Mrs. Fr. 
What you are a married man;  
And have a good Estate settled upon you;  
And should not be accountable to every idle Rakehell.  
That has a mind to establish a Renown,  
From being troublesome to public places.  Mr. Fr. 
What then would you propose?  Mrs. Fr. 
A small request; not to stir abroad,  
Nor be at home to any body, till you hear from me.  Mr. Fr. 
I promise you I won't—  [Exit. Mrs. Fr. 
I dare take your word:  
His lameness last Night,  
And backwardness this Morning,  
In resenting that blow, satisfy me  
That he is not in a Fever for Fighting:  
I don't know that he is a Coward;  
But having these reasons to suspect him,  
I thought this was my best way to hinder him  
From discovering himself.  
For if he had betrayed that baseness to me,  
I should despise him; and can I love the Man I most despise?  
Brother, I sent for you—  [Springam to her. Spr. 
To make up this quarrel I know, and I come to lend  
A helping hand to the work,  
I design to be a Second in the business.  Mrs. Fr. 
You must be my Second then,  
For I have taken the Quarrel upon me.  Spr. 
With all my heart, I gad;  
We, who live all the Summer for the Public,  
Should live in the Winter for ourselves—  Mrs. Fr. 
And the Women, good Captain—  Spr. 
That's living for ourselves,  
For 'tis not living without 'em:  
And a Duel now might but interrupt a Month  
Of other Business perhaps, that would be more agreeable  
To my constitution, I assure you:  
Then we are to have no fighting it seems?  Mrs. Fr. 
For Reasons I'll tell you hereafter.  Spr. 
Nay there was no great danger of it;  
I have found out the Gentleman's Lodgings, and Character.  
We shall strike up a Peace before a Bottle's to an end.  Mrs. Fr. 
This Challenge must be delivered as from him;  
I trust the management to you:  
Only take this in advice, that Mr. Friendal  
Wants your assistance within; you must stand by him,  
And oblige the Gentleman to make him satisfaction,  
Without bringing his Person in danger.  
And he shall satisfy him, or me.  Spr. 
I understand you, and he shall satisfy him, or me.  Mrs. Fr. 
See him satisfied, and I'll satisfy you, with something  
Shall be better to a younger Brother,  
Than the false Musters of a Winter's quarter.  Spring. 
I warrant you.  [Exit. Mrs. Fr. 
Whatever I think of him, I must not let him fall  
Into the Contempt of the Town: Every little Fellow,  
I know, will be censoriously inquisitive,  
And maliciously witty, upon another Man's Cowardice,  
Out of the pleasure of finding as great a Rascal as himself.  
How despicable a Condition must that Matrimony be,  
When the Husband (whom we look upon as a Sanctuary for a  
Woman's Honour) must be obliged to the Discretion  
And Management of a Wife,  
For the Security of his own!  
Have a care of thinking that way;  
For in a married State, as in the public,  
We tie ourselves up, indeed; but to be protected  
In our Persons, Fortunes and Honours,  
By those very Laces, that restrain us in other things;  
For few will obey, but for the Benefit  
They receive from the Government—  [Servant enters. Seru. 
Madam, Mr. Lovemore—  [Goes out. Mr. Fr. 
Lovemore here!  
I know he comes to tempt me to rebel;  
But I'm prepared for him.—  [Lovemore Enters. 
Good Morrow Mr. Lovemore.  Love. 
I could not expect to see your Ladyship so early:  
I come to Mr. Friendall.  Mr. Fr. 
May I thank you for the Visit?  Love. 
I came as a Friend, you may be sure, Madam:  
Where your Honour's concerned, I can't be an Enemy.  Mrs. Fr. 
Not reasonably, indeed, to any Man that would injure it,  
Since you are a professed Enemy.  Love. 
An Enemy!  Mrs. Fr. 
Unless you will allow no body to ruin it,  
But yourself.  Love. 
Indeed, I would allow no body to defend it, but myself,  
If I had the keeping of it: But a happier Man  
Has that Title, and I can only hope  
To be a Second in your Service.  Mrs. Fr. 
I thank you for the Service you design me;  
But that happier Man, as you call him,  
Who has the Title, will maintain it, it seems;  
For he, and my Brother Springam, I'm afraid,  
Are gone about it already.  Love. 
Gone, Madam!  Mrs. Fr. 
An Hour ago, before I had notice to prevent 'em:  
For Mr. Friendall, you may be sure,  
Was impatient for an Occasion of righting himself.  Love. 
I might have thought so, indeed, Madam:  
Would I had come sooner.  Mrs. Fr. 
You may yet be serviceable to me, Sir, tho' you are too late for Mr. Fr.  Love. 
How, Madam, I beseech you?  Mrs. Fr. 
By endeavouring to prevent 'em: You are acquainted.  
With the Ways of reconciling Matters of this  
Honourable Nature. I am going to make an Interest with a Kinsman,  
A Colonel of the Guards, myself, to secure 'em.  
Let your good Nature in this, be a Proof of your Friendship;  
And command me to my Power.—  [Exit. Love. 
Prevent 'em! Yes, yes: That I must do for my own sake:  
For if he should behave himself better than I imagined he would,  
It may secure him in his Wife's Esteem, and only  
Ruin me with her, who laid the Design.  [Exit.  

SCENE III.  Wilding's Lodgings. Wilding, and his Man. Wild. 
Have you disposed of her?  Seru. 
Safe into a Chair, Sir; she's jogging homeward,  
Lighter by a Maidenhead, I presume, than she came, Sir.  Wild. 
The Loss is not so light, but she may feel it.  Seru. 
Heavy enough, perhaps, nine Months hence, Sir.  
But have you sent ever a Lie along with her?  Wild. 
How, Sirrah?  Seru. 
pardon me, Sir: Not that I believe your Honour  
Was sparing of your Conscience, in saying any thing,  
And swearing to't, that she had a mind to believe.  Wild. 
That you may swear, indeed.  Seru. 
But she's gone away so very well satisfied  
With what you have said and done to her,  
She's above inventing a Lie for herself:  
The first angry Word they give her at home,  
I suppose, you may hear of her; a Hackney-Coach  
Removes her, and her Commodes, upon very little warning;  
And I expect when she will send in half a dozen  
Band-boxes, to take possession of your Lodgings.  
But, pray Sir, if I may be so bold—  Wild. 
Yes, yes; at this time you may be so bold:  
The Service of your Wit secures you the Privilege of your Jest.  Seru. 
Then, pray Sir, why did you take so much pains  
To persuade this young Creature to come away  
From her Aunt, when I know you never design  
To take care of her yourself?  Wild. 
Why, 'Faith, I can't make you a very good Answer:  
But the best Reason I know of, is,  
(Besides the Reputation of undoing her)  
It looks kind, at the time, to talk of providing  
For the Woman that does one the favour.  
'Twas a very plausible Argument, to cozen her into a Consent;  
Level to my Design of Lying with her,  
And carried to the very Mark of Love.  
Indeed, it costs nothing to promise,  Seru. 
When nothing can oblige you to pay:  
And if she depends upon it, at her peril;  
'Tis she will be disappointed, not you;  
Tho' Ten to One, poor little Rogue, from the Fondness  
Of her own Inclinations, she guesses at yours:  
And fancies, from the Courtesy she has done you,  
You will be so civil a Gentleman, to marry her.  Wild. 
Not unlikely: There's none of these young Girls,  
(Let a Man's Character be never so loose among 'em,)  
But, from one Vanity, or other, will be encouraged to design and venture upon him: And tho' Fifty  
Of their Acquaintance have fallen in the Experiment,  
Each of them will still imagine, she has something,  
Particular, in her Person, forsooth, to reclaim,  
And engage him to herself. So most of 'em  
Miscarry, upon the Project of getting Husbands,  Seru. 
Gad forgive me for Swearing; but, as I hope to be saved,  
And that's a bold Word for a Footman 〈◊〉 beg your Pardon;  
There's a Lady below, in a Vizard, to speak with you.  [Exit. Wild. 
Get you gone, you Rascal; beg her Pardon, and Leave  
To wait upon her: She would have been admitted, in less time,  
To a Privy Counsellors leave, though he had laid aside  
The Business of the Nation, to manage hers.  
This must be the Letter-Lady:  
She comes a little unseasonable, if she knew all:  
If she has Experience enough to allow for some Natural  
Miscarriages, which may happen in the beginning  
Of an Amour, I may pacify her that way:  
'Tis but swearing heartily, damning the Modesty  
Of my Constitution, laying its Faults upon an Over-respect  
To her, and promising better things for the future:  
That used to be a current Excuse; but 'tis the Women's Fault,  
If it pass too often upon 'em.—  
If she prove an old Acquaintance, the Coldness of the  
Entertainment will secure me from the Persecution of her Visits  
Hereafter: But if it be a Face I never saw,  
I may use her well enough yet, to encourage her  
To another Appointment. So every way does my Business,  
Whatever becomes of the Ladies.—  [Wittwood Enters Masked. 
O, Madam, I beg your Pardon.—  Witt. 
No Excuses, good Sir; Men of Employment are above  
Good Breeding; and I see you have a great deal upon your hands,  Wild. 
I am a Man of Business, indeed, Madam;  
And, as you were pleased to signify in your Letter,  
My Practice lies among the Women:  
What can I do for you?  Witt. 
Can't you tell what, Sir? You are not the Man I took you for:  
But you are like our Fortune-tellers,  
Who come into our Secrets, more by our own Folly,  
In betraying ourselves, than by any Skill  
Or Knowledge of their own.  Wild. 
Indeed I should ha' proceeded, as most of those Fellows do,  
Set out impudently at first, taken several things  
For granted (as that you were no Maid, and so forth)  
Ventured briskly at every thing, and something  
Might have happened to please you.  Wit. 
Did the Lady, just gone away from you, find it so?  Wild. 
She had what she came for: You would take it ill,  
To lose your labour yourself, Madam.  Wit. 
She ventured at every thing, as briskly  
As you could, I suppose, Sir?  Wild. 
'Tis a towardly Girl indeed, and comes on sinely;  
I have no reason to complain of losing my labour  
Upon her: She's ready for running away  
From her Relations already.  
Are not you a little that way inclined? Come, come,  
If you have any troubles upon your 〈◊〉, Child—  Wit. 
You can remove 'em into the Flesh, I warrant you.  Wild. 
If you have ever a Husband, that lies heavy  
Upon your Conscience, I have a Cordial  
Will drive the Distemper from your heart.  Wit. 
Why that's kind indeed, to make some room for the Lover:  
But that is not my Distemper: I could resolve it myself,  
If I had a Husband, whether I would make him a Cuckold, or no:  
But I lie under a Difficulty of disposing of a Maiden head,  Wild. 
There I must resolve you, that case I often handle.  Wit. 
But hear if, I beseech you, before you decide it.  Wild. 
That would do well in Westminster-hall, I grant you,  
But in Proceedings of this nature, we are always  
On the Plaintiffs side: Let the sober Party say what they can  
To the reason of the thing.  
You are certainly in the right, in pleasing yourself.  Wit. 
'Twill come to that, I believe: For you must know, Sir,  
That being under the Discretion, and Tyranny of an old Aunt—  Wild. 
You will naturally run away from her.  Wit. 
And being considerable enough, to be followed for my Fortune—  Wild. 
You will certainly be betrayed, and Sold by her—  Wit. 
To some Booby of her own Breed, who paying too dear  
For the Purchase, will undo himself, to undo me.  Wild. 
Come, come, you are now under my Care,  
'Tis my Fault, if you miscarry—  Wit. 
And mine too if I do.  Wild. 
Let me be your Trustee—  Wit. 
Indeed the Woman should cheat the Man, as much as she can,  
Before Marriage, because, after it,  
He has a Title of cheating her, as long as he lives.  Wild. 
If you can't make over your Money,  
Make over your—  Wit. 
Common conveyances both in our Sex, Sir.  Wild. 
A Maiden-head's a Jewel of no value in Marriage—  Wit. 
'Tis never set down indeed,  
In the particular of a Woman's Estate.  Wild. 
And therefore least missed by a Husband,  
Of any thing she brings along with her.  Wit. 
If indeed, by the articles of Marriage, a Man should convenant  
For a Maidenhead, the Woman,  
In a legal honesty, aught to satisfy the Bargain,  
But the Men never mention that,  
For fear of inflaming the Jointure.  Wild. 
And the Women never put 'em upon't,  Wit. 
Out of a Conscience in their dealings to be sure, for fear  
They should not always be able to be as good as their words.  Wild. 
I see, Madam, we differ only in our Sexes;  
And now, if you please, we will begin  
A right understanding between them two.  Wit. 
How, Sir!  Wild. 
I'll show you how: have a care what you do, Madam,  
'Tis a very difficult matter, let me tell you,  
To refuse a man handsomely,  
Look you, Madam, I would have you make a decent resistance,  
A little of it enhances the favour,  
And keeps up the value of your Person,  
But too much on't is an undervaluing of mine.  
Nay, nay, when it once comes to fighting,  
You often ruin what you would raise.  
Struggling too long, is as much to your disadvantage,  
As not struggling at all; and you know 'tis the same thing  
To a Woman, a Man's being indifferent,  
As his being incapable to oblige her—  
Come, come, enough of this—  Wit. 
So I say too, Sir, the jest will go no further, I see.  Wild. 
Mrs. Witwoud! I did not expect  [Unmasks, he declines into a respect to her. 
To see you here, indeed, Madam.  Wit.. 
I came upon business, Mr. Wilding, but the temptation  
Of a Vizard Mask, and the pleasure of prating  
Upon such an occasion, has carried me a little beyond it,  Wild. 
I am obliged to you, for a great deal of wit,  
Whatever else you design me by this visit.  Wit.. 
Which now you hardly thank me for;  
Since 'tis impossible for an old Acquaintance,  
To answer your expectations of a new face.  Wild. 
To show how I value your visit, and the regard  
I have for you, I will give some necessary Orders in the Family,  
To prevent your being seen in my Lodgings,  
And wait upon you again.  [Exit. Wit. 
By this extraordinary care of my reputation,  
I find he has no design upon it himself:  
Not that I have any design upon Mr. Wilding;  
But I am sorry to find, that every Man  
Has not a design upon me; for since want is the rate of things,  
I know no real value of Reputation,  
But in regard of Common Women, who have none;  
No extraordinary worth of a Maidenhead.  
But as 'tis a temptation to the Man to take it away;  
And the best commendation of Virtue is,  
That every Man has a design to put it to the trial.  
It vexes me tho' to think he should grow so tame,  
Upon the sight of me; not that I believe,  
I had any thing in my face, that altered him;  
Something did, that's certain; by which I find  
'Tis not enough for a Woman to be handsome,  
There must be a probability of making that handsome Woman kind,  
To make a Man in love with her,  
For no Man is in love without some encouragement  
To hope upon: Now from one of my Character,  
Who have impertinently prated away so much of my time,  
(In setting up for a Wit, to the ruin of other People's pleasure,  
And loss of my own) what encouragement,  
Or probability can there be, but that, as I have lived a fool,  
I ought to die repenting, unpityed, and a Maid:  
If I had died a Maid, 'tis but what I deserved,  
For laughing so many honest Gentlemen  
Off their charitable design of making me otherwise.  Wilding enters to her. Wild. 
Now, Madam, you command me.  Wit. 
It shall be to do yourself a favour then, Mr. Wilding,  
To rid you of an encumbrance, which lies as heavy  
Upon your pleasures, as a Wife upon her Husband.  Wild. 
O defend me from a Wife.  Wit. 
And from a silly Mistress, Sir, the greater burden of the two:  
A Wife you may lay aside, but a foolish fond Mistress,  
Will hang about you, like your Conscience, to put you in mind  
Of your Sins, before you are willing to repent of 'em:  
You know whom I mean, Mr. Wilding, you may trust me  
With the secret, because I know it already.  Wild. 
That's one very good Reason truly, Madam.  Wit. 
My Cousin Fanny indeed is very well in her person—  Wild. 
I'm glad on't.  Wit. 
Very well to be liked I mean.  Wild. 
I mean so too, Madam:  
Tho' I have known a Clap mistaken for a Maidenhead, before now.  [Aside. Wit. 
But she's a Girl, and I can guests how very unfit  
A Girl must be, to give you any desire beyond undoing her:  
For I know your temper so well,  
(Now you have satisfied the curiosity or vanity of your love)  
You would not bear the punishment of her Company another day,  
To have the pleasure of it another night,  
Whatever you have said to persuade her to the contrary.  Wild. 
Fie, Madam, think better of me.  Witt. 
Better, nor worse, than I do of all the young men in Town: For I believe you would now resign her to any body else, with as much satisfaction, as you got her for yourself: I know most of those matters end in the benefit of the Public: and a little of your ill usage (which you will take care to supply her withal) may make her one of the common goods of the Town: But that's a ruin I would prevent if I could: Therefore, to save you the labour of getting rid of her (for that's the only design you have now upon her, I'm sure) I came to spare your good Nature the trouble, by making you a very fair Offer.  Wild. 
Let's see how reasonable you can be, in another body's Bargain.  Witt. 
Very reasonable you shall find me, if you will but give over your farther attempts upon her, (which now you may easily be persuaded to I suppose) and contribute, by your assistance, to my design of marrying her: I will engage myself and interest (which you know is very considerable in my own Sex) to serve you in any other Woman of my acquaintance.  Wild. 
Faith, Madam, you bid like a Chapman  Witt. 
Any Woman, of any Family or Condition, the best Friend I have I'll befriend you in, and thank you into the bargain.  Wild. 
Stay, Let me consider, Which—  Witt. 
But take this advice along with you; Raise the Scene of your affairs above the conquest of a Girl. Some of you Sparks think, if you can but compass a Maidenhead, though but your tailor's Daughter's, you have settled a reputation for ever. Why, Sir, there are Maidenheads among the Women of Quality, though not so many perhaps; but there are favours of all kinds to be had among 'em; As easily brought about, and at the same price of pains that you can purchase a Chambermaids.  Wild. 
I'm glad you tell me so.  Witt. 
Why there's Mrs. New-love and her Cousin Tru-game, Mrs. Artist, Mrs. Dancer, Lady Smirket, Lady Woudmore; and twenty more of your Acquaintance and mine, all very fine Women to the Eye—  Wild. 
And of Reputation to the World.  Witt. 
Why those very Women of Reputation to the World have every one of 'em, to my certain knowledge, an entrigue upon their hands, at this very time; for I'm intimate with all of 'em.  Wild. 
I see you are.  Witt. 
But, as fine as they seem to the Eye, Mr. Wilding, what with the false complexions of their Skins, their Hair and Eyebrows; with other defects about 'em, which I must not discover of my friends, you know; with their stinking breath in the morning, and other unsavoury smells all the day after, they are most of them intolerable to any Man that has the use of his Nose.  Wild. 
That I could not believe indeed, but that you tell me so.  Witt. 
Then there's Mrs. Faceall, a very fair Woman indeed, and a great Fortune: as much in shape as you see her, I have been a God mother to two of her Children, and she passes for a very good Maid still.  Wild. 
She passed upon me I assure you; for I was very near marrying her myself once.  Witt. 
Choose where you please, but I would not advise you to any I have named yet.  Wild. 
Is there any hopes of Mrs. Friendall?  Witt. 
Little, or none, yet a while, I believe: Mr. Love-more has at present engaged her: But there's my Cousin Slightly! Lord, that I should forget her so long! That I should be so backward in serving a friend! She is the fittest Woman in the World for you; the most convenient for your purpose, in all the Town; easy in her humour and fortune, and able to make her Lover so every way: She shall be the Woman.  Wild. 
Would you would make her so.  Witt. 
I can and will make her so. We shall walk in the Mall this Morning, if you think fit to be there, it may introduce the acquaintance.  Wild. 
I'll but but dress, and be with you.  Witt. 
I don't doubt, but in a little time, to give you an opportunity, and the Lady an inclination of having it improved, but that must be your business; I'm a going about mine, to make her a Visit. Remember our bargain, Sir.  [Exit. Wild. 
I warrant you:  
Let Whoremasters rejoice; the times must mend,  
If every Woman has but such a friend.  [Exit.   


ACT III. SCENE I.  Ruffle's Lodgings. Ruffle and Servant. Ruff. 
A Gentleman to speak with me!  
I am gone to Banstead-downs, to the Horse-match.  Seru. 
There's no Match there, Sir, this fortnight.  Ruff. 
Not this fortnight! I had forgot my self: But you may say, I went out by five in the morning; and you don't know when I come back. Go, tell him so.  Seru. 
I have told him already, you were within, Sir.  Ruff. 
Pox on him, what manner of man is he? Does he look like a man of business?  Seru. 
Not much like a man of business.  Ruff. 
No, I warrant you; some Coxcombly Companion or other, that visits in a morning; and makes other People idle, not to be idle himself. But can't you tell what he would have with me?  Seru. 
I'll ask him, if you please.  Ruff. 
He may be a Messenger for aught I know.  Seru. 
I'll bring an account of him.  [Exit. Ruff. 
Would he were a Messenger: I could be contented to pay the fees, to be secured in the hands of the Government for a fortnight. Well, This guilt is certainly very terrible. The Blow I gave Friendall was a very ill thing done of me; It lies heavier upon my Conscience this morning, than it did upon his Face last night.  [Servant reenters. Seru. 
His name is Captain Springam: You know his business, he says.  Ruff. 
Yes, yes, I guess at it: I thought what it would come to.  
Show him up to me.  [Exit Servant. 
I must do as well as I can.  [Strips into his Gown and Cap. 
There comes no good of being too forward upon these occasions— 'twill require some Time to dress again: 'tis Gaming-time at least.  Springam Enters. Spring. 
Good Morrow, Sir, I have a small Bill upon you here.  Ruff. 
A Challenge I suppose.  Spring. 
Payable at sight, as you will find it.  Ruff. 
You take me unprovided, you see, Sir, to answer you at sight.  Spring. 
I'll stay till you dress, Sir, if that be all, to have you along with me.  Ruff. 
Ay, ay, Sir, I'll go along with you; never doubt it Sir; you shan't stay long for me; I may dress time enuff for some Body, if that be your business: I'll do the Gentleman reason, I warrant him.  Spr. 
We ask no more, Sir.  Ruff. 
You are his Friend I suppose?  Spring. 
At your Friend's Service: I serve upon these occasions sometimes, by way of second, or so, when I want employment of my own.  Ruff. 
Is fighting your Employment?  Spring. 
'Tis a Soldier's Employment.  Ruff. 
Why really, Sir, I beg your pardon, I'm sorry I must disappoint you; I never make use of a second; especially in such a Quarrel, as this is; where I am so much in the wrong already, that I am almost unwilling to engage in it any farther myself: Where is your Friend, pray?  Spring. 
Below, in a Coach, Sir.  Ruff. 
O dear, Sir, don't let him wait upon me, bring him up, I beseech you— and d'ye hear Sir? I'm loath to justify an ill thing, if he is resolved to be satisfied, why with all my heart, Sir, I'll give him the Satisfaction of a Gentleman, I'll beg his pardon; pray tell him so.  [Exit Springam. Ruff. 
If fighting be his Employment, would he were at it, any where else, and I fairly rid of him: I could discover now that Lovemore set me on to affront him; that would throw the Quarrel upon Lovemore: But then Lovemore knows me, and I must expect to be scurvily used by him if I do: Hang baseness; 'tis but begging pardon at last.  Spring. 
A very Civil Gentleman, Brother,  Springam Enters with Mr. Friendall. 
He is not the Man you took him for.  Ruff. 
No, indeed, Sir, the Captain's in the right; I never justify an ill thing.  Mr. Fr. 
'Tis very well you don't, Sir.  Ruff. 
I am more a Man of Honour, I assure you Sir.  Mr. Fr. 
I shall be glad to find you so.  Ruff. 
Sir you shall find me so; I scorn to do an ill thing, as much as any Man: I was last Night in the wrong, as every Man is sometimes; and I'm sorry for't: what would you have more Sir?  Mr. Fr. 
That is is not enough, Sir, I must have more.  Ruff. 
Why, I beg your Pardon, Sir.  Mr. Fr. 
What's begging my Pardon, Sir, for such a Public Asfront?  Spr. 
So, now he grows upon him.  [Aside. Mr. Fr. 
That won't do my business, begging my pardon: My Reputation's at Stake, and that must be satisfied, before you and I part Sir.  Ruff. 
Lord, Sir, you are the strangest Man in the World; You won't oblige me to justify an ill thing, would you?  Mr. Fr. 
Dam, Sir, what do you mean? Not to give me satisfaction?  Ruff. 
I mean, Sir, to give you any satisfaction, in reason; But I can't fight against my Conscience, if I were to be hanged, Sir, not I  Spring. 
No, Brother, that's a little too hard upon the Gentleman: You see his Conscience won't suffer him to fight with you.  Mr. Fr. 
Damn him and his Conscience; he made no Conscience of affronting me.  Spring. 
But his Conscience has flown in his Face since, it seems.  Mr. Fr. 
And now he finds it only in his fears.  Spring. 
Come, come, you may be satisfied without fighting.  Mr. Fr. 
If you think so Brother—  Lovemore enters. Joins with Friendall. Love. 
Pox on't, they're here before me.  Ruff. 
Captain, I'll beg your Friends pardon, in any public Place, at the Music Meeting, if he pleases—  Spr. 
That's staying too long for't.  Ruff. 
Or in full Mall, before the Beau's, or the Officers of the Guard; or at Will's Coffeehouse before the Wits, or in the Playhouse, in the Pitt, before the Vizard Masks, and Orange-Wenches; or behind the Scenes, he fore the Women-Actors; or any where else, but upon the Stage; and you know, one would not willingly be a Jest to the upper Galleries.  Mr. Fr. 
You hear what he says, Mr. Lovemore.  Love. 
I'll do you Justice. Sir.  Ruff. 
If none of these offers will serve his Turn, Sir, if your Friend will be satisfied with nothing but Extremities; let him look to himself, let what will be the Consequence; I must do as well as I can with him.  Seeing Lovemore he takes heart again. Love. 
So, he has seen me, I find.  [Aside. Spring. 
What the Devil he won't fight at last sure.  [Aside. Ruff 
Sir, your most humble Servant You guess these gentlemen's business I suppose: I have offered 'em any satisfaction, in reason: But taking me, as you see, Sir, at a Disadvantage, two to one, nothing would content 'em, without exposing myself, as a Rascal, to all the Town, Sir; now Sir, you are more a Gentleman I know, and they shall be damned, before I give 'em any other satisfaction, now I have a Man of Honour to stand by me.  Love. 
Gentlemen I came to reconcile you, if I can: what say you?  Spring. 
He offered just now to beg my Brother's Pardon in the Playhouse.  Ruff. 
Make your best on't; I did so.  Mr. Fr. 
Then let it be to Night in the Side-box, before the Ladies.—  Ruff. 
With all my heart, Sir.  Mr. Fr. 
For they are the Part of the Town, that a Man of Pleasure should secure a Reputation withal. Your Servant Sir. Lovemore, your humble Servant.  Friendall and Springam go out. Love. 
And hast thou begged his Pardon?  Ruff. 
And glad to come off so: I was never so put to't, to bring myself off a Quarrel before, it had been impossible, if the Captain had not done a good Office between us, but I bore up as soon as I saw you.  Love. 
But than 'twas too late. You had sneakingly begged his Pardon be-before: if you had sent to me at first, I would have brought you off cleverly: Suppose he had carried you behind Southampton house, which he never intended, 'twas but falling down, or dopping your Sword, when you came there, to have saved all: but now you have ruined your own Reputation, and my Design upon him for ever.  Ruff. 
What could I do? he not only sent me a Challenge, but came himself to carry me along with him.  Love. 
How? send you a Challenge, and come with it himself! That's something odd; pray, let's see the Challenge.  Ruff. 
There 'tis; make your best on't; the Paper will make admirable Crackers for a Lord. Major's Show, every word in't is as hot as Gunpowder, I'm glad I'm rid on't.  [Exit. Love. 
If this be Friendall's Style, 'tis mightily mended of late: I have a Note of his about me, upon Child, for money, won at play: I'll compare 'em.— 'Tis not his hand neither— Nay then there's more in't— This may be a Stratagem of his Wives— I've seen her hand, and think this very near it: It must be so: But then Friendall's coming for Satisfaction, is an Argument he might send this Challenge: But coming at the same time, with it himself, is an Argument against him, that he knew nothing of the matter. For tho' he delivers his Love-Letters, he would hardly deliver his Challenges himself: And for his coming here, Springam might put him upon't, from a reasonable Probability, that this Fellow was a Rascal. I don't know what to fix upon: This Challenge will be of use to me, with the Lady: I'll take it for granted, that she writ it, and proceed upon it accordingly.  [Exit. [Scene changes to St. James' Park.] [Mr. Friendall, Springam, with Mrs. Friendall, and Mrs. Teazall. Spring. 
Brother, if you have no farther Service for me, I must think of employing myself, my Walk lies another way.  [Exit. Mrs. Fr. 
I'm glad you're rid of this Business so handsomely, Mr. Friendall, and that Mr. Lovemore was by, at his begging your pardon.  Mr. Fr. 
When I undertake things of this kind, I always go through with 'em.  Mrs. Fr. 
This is very well over, and I hope, you will take care to keep out of 'em for the future.  Mr. Fr. 
Every man has the misfortune of 'em sometimes, Madam.  Mrs. Fr. 
But 'tis a prudent Man's part, to keep out of the occasion of 'em: And, in order to't, Mr. Friendall, I could wish, you would not make your House, as you daily do, one of the public Places of the Town.  Teaz. 
She's in the right on't indeed, Mr. Friendall, you are very happy in the Discretion of a good Lady, if you know when you're well; there are very few Women would quarrel with your good Nature, in this Point, Sir; But she has too great a regard to her own, and your Reputation, you see, not to apprehend the Malice of ill Tongues, upon the Liberties you allow in your Family, the graver part of your Friends take notice of it already, and let me tell you, Sir, are extremely concerned.  Mr. Fr. 
That they are passed the pleasures of good Company themselves: Why really, Madam, I believe it: But they may say what they will, I shall do what I please: I live to myself, and not to the whimsical Humour of the graver part of my friends, and so you may tell 'em, good Madam, from your humble Servant.  [going. Mrs. Fr. 
You won't leave us, Mr. Friendall?  Mr. Fr. 
I'll go home with you, like a good Husband, Madam; but no man of fashion, you know, walks with his Wife; besides, there's a Noble Lord I must walk with.  [Exit. Mrs. Fr. 
Any thing to be rid of my Company.  Teaz. 
Why, how have the men, at this rate, the impudence to think the Women should not Cuckold 'em! if I had such a Husband, as old as I am, a'my Conscience, I believe, I should use him as he deserved: But that's some comfort, use him as you please, no Body will think you wrong him; and let me tell you, 'tis a great thing to have the Town on ones side.  Mrs. Fr. 
I'll keep 'em so, if I can.  Teaz. 
Nay, Faith and Troth, you have given him fair warning; if he won't take it, he must answer himself for all the miscarriages you can be guilty of, in your Conduct hereafter.  Mrs. Fr. 
There's something more in that Mrs. Teazall.  [Exeunt. Lovemore, Wellvile following 'em. Well. 
There's your Mrs. Friendall before us: I honour her Character as much as I despise her Husbands.  Love. 
Tho' he has scaped the public discovery, if he knows him to be a Coward, it does my business still as well.  Well. 
If I did not think him one, I would put him to a trial, he should not so easily get clear off; for putting a Note into Mrs. Slightly's hand at the Musick-meeting.  Love. 
How!  Well. 
But I owe him a good turn for it.  Love. 
It comes into my head, and you shall pay him the good turn: What if you put Mrs. Sightly upon telling his Wife of it?  Well. 
Ha!  Love. 
You ought to do it.  Well. 
I think so too myself; and you may be satisfied I'll do't; more out of a regard to the Women I value so much, than any design of promoting your Cuckolding the Fool.  Love. 
Good grave Sir, the Plot is never the worse, I hope, for carrying your Friend's interest along with the Ladies.  Well. 
Make your best use on't, Lovemore; I'm contented you should thrive together.  [Exeunt. Mrs. Sightly and Witwoud after 'em. Witt. 
You are mightily injured indeed, Madam, to be persuaded to come abroad, so much to your disadvantage, such a delicate Morning, as this is, so much against your inclinations: But you'll know your interest better, in a little time, and me for your friend, I suppose, when you find the benefit of it.  Sight. 
Nay, Cousin, the Injury may be forgiven, for the pleasure of the walk, at this time of the Year.  Witt. 
Why, the very walk is to be liked, tho' there were no Body in it to like us: But there's a great deal of good Company in the Mall, and, I warrant you, we'll have our share of the Commendation of the place, in spite of fresher Faces: You are sure of your part of it already.  Sight. 
How so, good Mrs. Wittwoud?  Witt. 
Why, good Mrs. Sightly, there's Mr. Wellvile before you.  Sight. 
My Platonic Lover as you call him.  Witt. 
And as you find him.  Sight. 
I think him very much my Friend.  Witt. 
Very much your Friend! I grant you indeed, every Woman, that is not wholly insensible, (and one would not be thought insensible you know,) every Woman ought to have a Platonic Passion for one Man or other: But a Platonic Lover in a Man! is—  Sight. 
What pray?  Witt. 
Why, he is a very unmannerly Fellow; he is not what he should be; that's certain: As for the matter of Respect, which we keep such a clutter about, and seem to value so much in the Men, all that I know of it, is, that if any Man pretended to follow and like me, I should never believe what he said; if he did not do something to convince me, I should think he affronted me extremely; if upon the first handsome occasion, he did not offer me every thing in his power.  Sight. 
How Cousin!  Witt. 
I hate a Blockhead, that will never give a Woman a reputable occasion of refusing him: 'Tis one of the best Compliments a Lover can make his mistress's pride and I never knew any man, that did his business without it.  Sight. 
Why Wittwoud, thou art Mad sure.  Witt. 
And for your Mr. Wellvile, if I were in your place, I should have something the better opinion of him, if he would have a little worse opinion of me: But between you and me, I should not like him for a Lover.  Sight. 
He does not pretend to be one.  Witt. 
Who's here? Wilding and Courtall behind us? That Wilding, Cozen, is a very pretty Gentleman.  Sight. 
And Courtall too, very well.  Witt. 
I must bring you acquainted with Wilding.  Sight. 
No more acquaintance, good Wittwoud.  Witt. 
For his Discretion, and Conduct, his good Behaviour, and all that, Wellvile is his acquaintance, and will answer for: But his agreeable, easy Wit, and good Humour, you may take upon my word: You'll thank me, when you know him.  [Exeunt. Wilding and Courtall Enter. Wild. 
She's a Woman of her word: You see she has brought Mrs. Sightly along with her.  Court. 
I never doubted it: She'll carry her to Supper in a Night or two: She's never the worse Bawd, I hope, for being a Gentlewoman.  Wild. 
A good Family indeed gives a countenance to the profession; and a Reputation is necessary to carry on the Credit of a Trade.  Court. 
Here's Wellvile just behind us.  Wild. 
Prithee stay with him: I'll tell you how I thrive.  [Exit. Wellvile Enters. Well. 
Good Morrow Mr. Courtall.  Court. 
O Sir, yours.  Well. 
Was not that Wilding left you?  Court. 
He's in his Employment, Sir, very busy.  Well. 
In pursuit of the Women I know: It hardly answers the Expense I doubt.  Court. 
You have no reason to say so: There's a Lady before us, of your acquaintance, Mrs. Sightly by Name, of another opinion: I suppose, she thinks such an assurance, as his, in coming to the point, is more to the nature of the thing, than all your Ceremony and Respect.  Well. 
Mrs. Sightly!  Court. 
She, Sir, the very same: I could tell you a Secret, Wellvile; but you are one of those Fellows, that hate another Man should lie with a Woman, tho' you never attempt her yourself: I confess I am something of your mind: I think the enjoyment the dull part of an Intrigue, and therefore I give it over, when I see the Lady in earnest.  Well. 
But the Secret Courtall.  Court. 
Why Faith, Wellvile, if you have temper to manage it, the Secret may be of use to you: Wilding, you know, never Debauches a Woman, only for himself; where he visits, in a little time, every Man may be received in his turn. You must know, 'twas Wittwoud put him upon Mrs. Sightly, she knew what she did I suppose, and has promised him a good Office, in her way: make your advantage of what I tell you; but not a Syllable to any one.  Springam Enters. Spring. 
O Courtall! here are a Couple of Vizard-masks have set upon me in the next Walk, and I wanted thee to take one of 'em off my hands.  Court. 
I'll stand by you, my Noble Captain.  [Exeunt. Well. 
(solus) I'll think no more on't, 'tis impossible: what's impossible? nothing's impossible to a Woman: we judge but on the outside of that Sex; and know not what they can, nor what they do, more than they please to show us. I have known Mrs. Sightly these seven years— known her! I mean, I have seen her, observed her, followed her: may be there's no knowing a Woman: but in all that time, I never found a freedom, that allowed me any encouragement beyond a friend— May be I have been wanting to myself—. But then she would not throw herself away upon a common Lover; that's not probable: If she had been affectedly reserved, I would suspect, the Devil in her heart had stamped the sign of Virtue in her looks, that she might cheat the world, and sin more close. But she is open in her carriage, easy, clear of those arts that have made Lust a Trade— Perhaps that openness may be design— 'Tis easy to raise doubts— And still she may be— I won't think she can— till I know more: But Wittwoud is, I know her, every thing that's mischievous; abandoned and undone; undone herself, she would undo the Sex: she is to bawd for Wilding: I know her bad enough for any trade. But Bawds have some good Nature, and procure pleasure for pay: Wittwoud has baser ends, A general ruin upon all her friends.  Several pass over the Stage, Mr. Friendall slighted by 'em, one after another. 1. Lord, 
I have a little business at present; But I shall see you at the Play.  [Ex. Mr. Fr. 
In the King's Box, my lord—  
My Dear Lord, I'm your humble Servant  [to another. 2. Lord, 
Another time, Good Mr. Friendall; You see I'm engaged.  [Exit. Mr. Fr. 
A Pox o'their Engagements: A Man can't make one among 'em O my most noble Lord.  3. Lord, 
I know you will upbraid me, Mr. Friendall; But I'll recover your opinion, and come and dine with you. Let's have Jack Dreyden and William. Wicherly, as you call'em: Some of these days, we'll be very witty together: But now I am your Servant.  [Exit. Mr. Fr. 
This is a very unfortunate Morning with me: I have not walked one turn with a Lord, since I came in: I see I must take up with the men of wit to day— O Mr. Wellvile!  Well. 
Don't let me keep you from better Company.  Mr. Fr. 
Faith, Sir, I prefer a Man of Wit, to a Man of Quality at any time.  Well. 
If she thinks Wittwoud her friend, after this, 'tis a sign she's pleased with with it, and there's an end on't.  Mr. Fr. 
Why, Wellvile, thou art cogitabund, as a man may say; thy head is running upon thy Poetry.  Well. 
I beg your pardon. Sir, I did not mind you indeed.  
Your Servant, Mr. Wilding———  [Wilding enters to 'em. Mr. Fr. 
Wilding, Yours. But Wellvile, Prithee, what is't to be? A Song? a Tribue to the whole Sex? or, a particular Sacrifice? or, is't a Libel upon the Court, ha? (we'll keep your council;) or, a Lampoon upon the Town? What, I am a great Honourer, and humble Servant of the Muses myself—  Well. 
A very Favourite of 'em, I hear Sir.  Mr. Fr. 
I sometimes scribble indeed, for my diversion—  Wild. 
And the diversion of the Ladies, Mr. Friendall—  Well. 
And the diversion of all the Town, Mr. Friendall.  Mr. Fr. 
Why, Faith Gentlemen, Poetry is a very pretty Amusement, and, in the way of Intrigue, or so, among the better rank of people, I have known a Paper of Verses go farther with a Lady in the purchase of a Favour, than a Present of fifty pounds would have done.  Wild. 
O, Sir, 'tis the only way of purchasing a Woman that is not to be bought.  Mr. Fr. 
But, Wellvile, prithee communicate, Man.  Well. 
Why, if you will have it, I have a design upon a Play.  Mr. Fr. 
Gad so, let me write a Scene in it: I have a thousand times had it in my head, but never could bring it about to write a Play yet.  Wild. 
No; no; You had it not in your head, Sir.  Mr. Fr. 
I vow to Gad, but I have then, twenty times, I'm confident; but one thing or other always kicked it out again: But I promise you, I'll write a Scene for you.  Wild. 
Before you know the Subject?  Mr. Fr. 
Prithee, what is't? But be what it will; Here's my hand upon't; I'll write it for you.  Well. 
You must know then, Sir, I am scandalised extremely to see the Women upon the Stage make Cuckolds at that insatiable rate they do in all our modern Comedies: without any other reason from the Poets, but, because a man is married he must be a Cuckold: Now, Sir, I think, the Women are most unconscionably injured by this general Scandal upon their Sex; therefore to do 'em what service I can in their vindication, I design to write a Play, and call it—  Mr. Fr. 
Ay, what, I beseech you, I love to know the Name of a new Play.  Well. 
The Wives Excuse, or, Cuckolds make themselves.  Mr. Fr. 
A very pretty Name faith and troth; and very like to be popular among the Women.  Wild. 
And true among the Men.  Mr. Fr. 
But what Characters have you?  Well. 
What Characters? Why I design to show a fine young Woman married to an impertinent, nonsensical, silly, entrigueing, cowardly, good fornothing Coxcomb.  Wild. 
This Blockhead does not know his own Picture.  (Aside.) Mr Fr. 
Well, and how? She must make him a Cuckold I suppose.  Well. 
'Twas that I was thinking on when you came to me.  Mr. Fr. 
O, Yes, You must make him a Cuckold.  Wild. 
By all means a Cuckold.  Mr. Fr. 
For such a Character, Gentlemen, will vindicate a Wise in any thing she can do to him. He must be a Cuckold.  Well. 
I am satisfied he ought to be a Cuckold; and indeed, if the Lady would take my advice, she should make him a Cuckold.  Mr. Fr. 
She'll hear reason I warrant her.  Well. 
I have not yet determined how to dispose of her. But in regard to the Ladies, I believe I shall make her honest at last.  Mr. Fr. 
I think the Ladies ought to take it very ill of you, if you do: But if she proves honest to the last, that's certain, 'tis more than the fellow deserves. A very pretty Character this, faith and troth.  [To Wilding. Wild. 
And very well known in this Town.  Mr. Fr. 
Gad, I believe, I can help you to a great many hints, that may be very serviceable to you.  Well. 
I design to make use of you: We, who write Plays, must sometimes be beholden to our friends. But more of this at leisure.  Mr. Fr. 
Will you walk, Gentlemen, the Ladies are before us.  Well. 
I have a little business with Wilding. we'll follow you.  [Exit Friendall Wild. 
Business with me, Wellvile?  Well. 
About a fair Lady, I'll tell you as we walk.  [Exeunt. Enter Lovemore with Mrs. Friendall, Mrs. Sightly, Mrs. Wittwoud, and Mrs. Teazall. Teaz. 
Nay, indeed, Mr. Lovemore, as matters are managed between the men and women of the Town, 'tis no less a blessing for a Lady to have a Husband that will but so much as offer to fight for her and her honour, than 'tis for a Husband to have a Lady, that has any honour to defend: There's such a depravity in Matrimony, o' both sides, nowadays.  Sight. 
Why, good Madam, is it such a business, for a Man to offer to fight for his Wife?  Witt. 
All that I know is, the Man that would not fight for me, should do nothing else for me.  Teaz. 
You'll have your wit, let who's will blush for't.  Love. 
As you say, Madam, (to Mrs. Teazall) A Man of honour is a great blessing in a Husband; such as Mr. Friendall has shown himself to be. And here's a Lady will value the blessing as it deserves.  Mrs. Fr. 
I must indeed, despise him in my thoughts.  (Aside.) Witt. 
Fulsome and foolish! let's hear no more on't: They don't think this can blind us:  [walking off with Sightly.] Love. 
If you were not inclined to it before, Madam, this last behaviour of his would engage you to value such a blessing as you ought.  Mrs. Fr. 
My duty would engage me— What does he mean by this?  Witt. 
Cousin Teazall, your opinion pray.  Love. 
I have something to tell you, Madam, if you would but allow me; this is no place.  Mrs. Fr. 
You'll find a time I warrant you. Ladies the Mall begins to thin.  [Goes to 'em. [Welvile and Wilding coming forward. Wild. 
Well, Sir, since you declare yourself in love with the Lady, and I am not, I promise you, and you may trust me, I'll never follow her more.  Well. 
I do trust, and thank you for the promise. Ladies your Servant.  [He addresses to Sightly. Witt. 
O! he's come at last.  [Wilding to Wittwoud. 
There's nothing to be done here; You've outstayed your time; But we'll call at the Chocalate-house in St. Alban-street, as we go home; You may meet us there by accident, you know.  Wild. 
If I were to be hanged now, I must meet 'em there; though I have given my word to the contrary.  Teaz. 
Is that the filthy fellow?  Witt. 
That's Wilding, Madam.  Teaz. 
I see there's no knowing a Whore master by his Face; He looks like a modest, civil Gentleman.  Well. 
Your friend, Mrs. Wittwoud, Madam, may be of (to Sightly) that good natured opinion that Lovemore is familiar with the Husband, only to be more familiar with the Wife. But you must be cautious of what you say; for fear we turn the Scandal upon you.  Sight. 
Upon me, Mrs. Wellvile?  Well. 
Pardon me, Madam, I have the freedom of a friend: But Mr. Friendall declares he is in love with you; And after that, the good natured Town (whatever they believe) will go near to say, that your familiarity with his Wife may be in order to the Husband.  Sight. 
Contemptible! Sure nobody would think so.  Well. 
'Tis an ill natured Age to handsome women, Madam.  Sight. 
Must I suffer, because he's a Fool?  Well. 
You may suffer, because he's a Fool.  Sight. 
This is not only to be accountable for our own conduct, but to answer for all the indiscretion of the men's.  Well. 
You must, Madam, for those Mens you allow to be so near you.  Sight. 
It would be but an ungrateful piece of News to Mrs. Friendall, if I should be serious enough to tell her of it.  Well. 
'Twou'd be more ungrateful to her, if any body else did; and would go near to make you serious, if another should tell her for you.  Sight. 
But who can tell? It may be the cause of a breach between 'em.  Well. 
Nay, Madam, if it be considerable enough to make a breach in Marriage; You may be sure 'twill make a breach in Friendship: And how much that will be to the advantage of your reputation upon such an occasion—  Sight. 
I am convinced you are my friend, Mr. Wellvile, And thank you for this care of me.  They mingle with Lovemore, Mrs. Friendall, & the rest. Witt. 
This is the Aunt would ha' been upon your bones, I assure you, if I had not delivered you.  Wild. 
How shall I do to appease her?  Witt. 
There's but one way now to please her. You must know she has been in her time; like other women, in at most of the pleasures of this Town; But being too passionate a Lover of the Sport, she has been,——, a Bubble at all Games: And having now nothing to lose but her money, she declares for Lanterelow, and is contented to be only cheated at Cards.  Mr. Friendall with Springam and Courtall. Mr. Fr. 
Why, what do you think, Ladies? these Gentlemen here, in spite of the temptation of so, much good Company, refuse to dine with me.  Spring. 
O Madam! Are you there?  [To Wittwoud. Court. 
Your Brother has seduced me, Madam.  [To Mrs. Friendall. Spring. 
We'll visit you at Night, Ladies, in Masquerade; when the privilege of a Vizard will allow us a Conversation, out of your forms, and more to our humour a great deal, Ladies.  [Exeunt Springam and Courtall. Mr. Fr. 
Lovemore, Wellvile, Wilding,— You'll follow us?  Love. 
We won't fail you, Sir.  [Mr. Friendall goes out with the Ladies. Witt. 
St. Alban street——  Wild. 
We'll tell you more of this.  Well. 
Wilding, you'll take another turn with us?  Wild. 
Faith no, I'm tired: we shall meet at Friendall's all.  [Exit. Well. 
At Friendall's be it then;  
Where the kind Husband welcomes every Guest.  Love. 
He but invites, his Wife must make the Feast.  [Exeunt.   


ACT IV. SCENE I.  Mr. Friendall's House. All the Company enters after Dinner. Love. 
MR. Friendall, You have the best Wines, and the greatest choice of any man in Town.  Mr. Fr. 
There's an elegance in Eating and Drinking, Gentlemen, as well as in Writing.  Well. 
Or your style would never go down.  (Aside.) Mr. Fr. 
How did you like the Lucina I gave you, the Galicia, the Mountain-Alicant? You taste the Sun in them perfectly, Gentlemen.  Wild. 
O, plainly, Sir!  Mr. Fr. 
Then the Aracina, the Ranchio, and the Peralta, the Carcavelis, the Lacrymae, the Schiveas, the Zephalonia, the Montalchyno, with all the Muschatelloes, and to conclude, my single Bottle of Tockay.  Love. 
Admirable all, Sir.  Mr. Fr. 
A Friend of mine, that brought the Tockay from Buda, assures me, the stones of all those Grapes are Gold.  Well. 
That makes the Wine so scarce.  Mr. Fr. 
Nay, not unlikely: But of all the Wines of all the Climates under the Sun—  Wild. 
Give me the Greek.  Mr. Fr. 
O, I abominate—  Well. 
The Language, but not the Wines; you may relish them without it.  Mr. Fr. 
Ay, that may be: But of all the Wines, Pagan, or Christian, in the World, I think the Borachio the Noblest.  Well. 
'Tis of the roughest kind indeed of Beasts, would he were in the Skin of one of 'em.  Wild. 
But your Vine de Congress, Mr. Friendall—  Mr. Fr. 
True; but 'tis a Dutch Wine, and grows in the Province of Zealand, I have drank it upon the place.  Wild. 
But, Mr. Friendall, pray in all your variety and interest among your Friends in the City, have you not sometimes met with such a Wine, as the Vine de Short-Neck?  Mr. Fr. 
Vine de Short-Neck? Yes, I have drank of it at Thompson's, and was the first that took notice of it; but 'tis a Prohibited French Wine, and I have too great an Acquaintance with the Members of Parliament, not to Drink according to Law.  Wild. 
Yours is very good Snuff, Mr. Friendall.  Mr. Fr. 
Yes, truly, I think 'tis pretty good Powder.  Wild. 
Pray your Opinion of mine, you are a Critic.  Mr. Fr. 
This is Havanna indeed; but then 'tis washed: Give me your dry Powders, they never lose their Scent: Besides, yours is made of the Leaves of the Tobacco—  Well. 
Why, what the Devil's yours?  Mr. Fr. 
Mine, Sir, is right Palillio, made of the Fibres, the Spirituous part of the Plant; there's not a pinch of it out of my Box in England; 'twas made I assure you to the palate of His Most Catholic Majesty, and sent me by a great Don of Spain, that's in his Prince's particular Pleasures.  [Goes to the Women. Well. 
And his, it seems, lie in his Nose.  Mr. Fr. 
Ladies what say you to the Fresko of the Garden? we'll Drink our Tea upon the Mount, and be the Envy of the Neighbourhood.  Wittw. 
O delicately thought upon!  Mr. Fr. 
Madam, which Tea shall we have?  Mrs. Fr. 
Which the Company pleases, Mr. Friendall.  Mr. Fr. 
The plain Canton, the Nanquin, the Bohe, the Latheroon, the Sunloe, or which? Ha!  Well. 
Have you any of the Non Amo Te?  Mr. Fr. 
Faith, No, Sir, there came but little of it over this Year; but I am promised a whole Canister by a Friend of a considerable interest in the Committee.  Love. 
Then the Bohe, Sir, the Bohe will do our business.  Mr. Fr. 
My Bohe, at the best hand too, Cost me Ten Pound a Pound, but I have a Tea, with a damned Heathenish hard Name, that I think I was very much befriended in, at an Indian House in the City, if you please, we'll have some of that.  Mrs. Fr. 
'Tis in my Cabinet, Mr. Friendall, I must order it myself for you.  [Goes out. Mr. Fr. 
That Madam must make the Compliment the greater to the Company: Allons, you know the way, I wait upon you.  [all go out but Lovemore Love. 
This way she must come, she can't avoid me, thanks to the honest Husband.  [Mrs. Friendall returns. Mrs. Fr. 
Are you one of the Gentlemen that love the Tea with a hard Name?  Love. 
Faith, Madam, I must love any thing that gives me an Opportunity—  Mrs. Fr. 
With any Woman that has a mind to improve it.  Love. 
Of Adoring you.  Mrs. Fr. 
Me, Mr. Lovemore! I was going before, but now you drive me.  Love. 
Stay, this Violence, if you can call it Violence on my Knees, excuses you to all your Female Forms; nay, to yourself, severer than your Forms, if you should stay and hear me.  Mrs. Fr. 
Well, what's the matter?  Love. 
Every thing is matter of your Praise, the subject of fresh wonder: your Beauty made to tire the Painter's Art, your Wit to strike the Poet's Envy dumb.  Mrs. Fr. 
Are you turned Poet too?  Love. 
Indeed you can inspire me—  Mrs. Fr. 
With the Spirit of Scandal I may, a small matter Conjures up a Lampoon against the Women— But to the purpose, Sir, you pretend business with me, and have insinuated a great deal of pains all this Day to get an occasion of speaking to me in private; which now, by Mr. Friendall's assistance, you think you have ingeniously secured: Why, Sir, after all, I know no business between us that is to be carried on, by my being alone with you.  Love. 
I'm sorry for that indeed, Madam.  Mrs. Fr. 
Suppose, Mr. Lovemore, a Man should hit you a Box on the Ear.  Love. 
Only suppose it, good Madam.  Mrs. Fr. 
Why, Sir, any man that's Brute enough may do it, tho' that Brute should beg your Pardon never so publicly for the wrong, you would never heartily forgive him, for pitching upon you.  Love. 
Not heartily I believe indeed.  Mrs. Fr. 
Why, very well: You keep me here against my Will, against all Rules of Decency, to me, my Sex, and Character; the worst of Wrongs; yet you will think it hard to be Condemned, or Hated for your Light Opinion of me, that first encouraged you to this design.  Love. 
Hated for Loving you!  Mrs. Fr. 
Ay, there's the business: Who would not stay to see her Worshipper upon his Knees, thus Praised, and thus Adored? Her Beauty made to tire the Painter's Art, her Wit to strike the Poet's Envy dumb; and all delivered in such a dying tone, no Lady can outlive it. Mr. Lovemore, you might have known me better, than to imagine your fly Flattery, and softly Sing me into a Consent to any thing my Virtue had abhorred. But how have I behaved myself? What have I done to deserve this? What encouragement have I given you?  Love. 
A Lover makes his Hopes.  Mrs. Fr. 
Perhaps 'tis from the general encouragement of being a Married Woman, supported on your side by that Honourable Opinion of our Sex, that, because some Women Abuse their Husbands, every Woman may. I grant you indeed, the Custom of England has been very prevailing in that point; and I must own to you, an ill Husband is a great provocation to a Wife, when she has a mind to believe as ill of him as she can  Love. 
How if the Wife believe too well of him?  Mrs. Fr. 
Why then the Folly's hers: For my part, I have known Mr. Friendall too long, not to know justly what he deserves; I won't justify his Faults, but because he does not take that care of me he should, must not I have that regard to myself I ought? What I do is for my own sake: Nay what is past, which, by your hints, I know you do suspect, I own I did it; not for the Commendation of your Wit, nor as a Debt to him, but to myself, foreseeing a long Life of Infamy, which in his Follies I was Married to; and therefore saved myself by saving him.  Love. 
Your Conduct every where is excellent, but there it was a Masterpiece indeed, and worthy Admiration.  Mrs. Fr. 
And would you have me lose that Character, so worthy Admiration, which, even you, an Enemy, must praise, when you would ruin? No, what I've done to raise this Character, may be an Argument I will do more to heighten it, to the last Act of Life.  Love. 
And all for the reward of being thought too good a Wife to such a Husband.  Mrs. Fr. 
How! you know him then?  Love. 
You and I know him.  Mrs. Fr. 
Fit to bear a wrong? Is that the reason of your wronging him? I want but that; O let me but believe you injure him, because you know you may; and attempt me, because you think it safe; and I will scorn you low, as you do him: You say you know him: Now, Sir, I know you, you, and your Practices, against us both: You have encouraged all that has been done, exposing him, only to ruin me. 'Tis necessary to believe as ill of you as I can: And for the future, till you clear yourself—  Love. 
I can clear myself.  Mrs. Fr. 
I le think you capable of every thing; of any baseness to advance your ends; so leave you to your Triumph.  [going. Love. 
Madam stay, I must be Justified: This Challenge here has taught me all I know; made me suspect who writ it, and presume all I have said to you.  Mr. Fr. 
Where had you it?  Love. 
Russle gave it me. I hope you may forgive my knowing it, since by resigning it into your hands, I give you up the only evidence, that can rise up against him: Such a piece of News, Madam, would have been welcome enough to the ill nature of the Town; and I might have had my ends in such a report, had I encouraged the exposing him: But when I saw how near you were concerned, I had no other pleasure, but the thought of serving you; if I have served you, I am over-paid, if not, I must serve on. For I but live to serve you.  Mrs. Fr. 
My employment calls upon me; Are not you for Tea?  Two Footmen with a Service of Ten enter, and go out with Mrs. Friendall. Love. 
I find I am restored, but I was reduced to the necessity of a lie to come into favour again; but that's a Necessity that every man of honour must submit to, sometimes, that has any thing to manage with the women: For a Lover, that never speaks more than the truth, is never believed to be a Lover: and he that won't lie to his Mistress, will hardly lie with her: So let his Honesty reward him; the Lady won't, I dare say for her. There must be a cheat upon the sense sometimes, to make a perfect pleasure to the soul: For if the women did but always know what really we are; we should not so often know so much of them as we do: But 'tis their own faults; they know we can't live without 'em, and therefore ask more of us than we have honestly to give for the purchase. So, very often, they put us upon dissimulation, slattery and false love, to come up to their price. Mrs. Friendall went away a little abruptly: I'm glad she did: for that methinks confesses an obligation which she has not yet in her power to return.  [Wellvile enters to him. Well. 
Lovemore, your Plot begins to thrive: I left Mrs. Sightly telling Mrs. Friendall every thing between her and Mr. Friendall: I thought fit to acquaint you with it, that you might be prepared: You know best what use to turn it to: my business is with Mrs. Sightly.  Lov. 
I thank you for the News: they're coming this way, I would not have 'em see us: I must hover here.  [Exeunt Lov. and Wellv. Enter Mrs. Friendall and Mrs. Sightly. Mrs. Fr. 
I could not have believed it.  Sight. 
I am sorry you have reason to believe it upon my account: indeed, I was unwilling to believe it; I suffered it as long as I could; but finding no end of this persecution—  Mrs. Fr. 
You have used me like a friend, and I thank you— his Note since Dinner, desires you would meet him at 7, at Rosamond's pond: You can't be so hard hearted to disappoint him?  Sight. 
If you have a mind to have a plainner proof of his treachery—  Mrs. Fr. 
The proof is plain enough: You say it: Besides, he has given it under his hand here; And I believe the Gentleman, though you won't.  Sight. 
Or if you would, let him know you have discovered him, and upbraid him with his baseness before me—  Mrs. Fr. 
That would but harden him, or make him vain, By showing a concern for him.  Sight. 
If you have any curiosity to be satisfied, I'll go with you to the place appointed.  Mrs. Fr. 
I would not have him know either of us.  Sight. 
Then we must have a man to secure us.  Mrs. Fr. 
We may trust your friend Mr. Wellvile.  Sight. 
Mr. Friendall, you must know, thinks him in love with me; So being a Rival, may make him avoid us: But Mr. Lovemore will do as well.  Mrs. Fr. 
I would not have him know it.  Sight. 
He knows it already; I made no secret of it, and Mr. Wellvile told it him.  Mrs. Fr. 
Then he, or any one—  [Lovemore enters to 'em. Sight. 
O! here he comes: Mr. Lovemore, we must employ you this afternoon.  Love. 
To serve myself, in waiting upon you.  The rest of the Company enter to 'em. Teaz. 
Well, here's such a Clutter to get you to Cards: You have drank your Tea: what will you do next, I trow?  Witt. 
Why take a Nap, or smoke a Pipe, any body that has a mind to be private.  Teaz. 
Would I had one civilly in a Corner.  Mr. Fr. 
Get the Cards in the Drawing-room.  [To a Servant. Witt. 
Not till we have the Song, Mr. Friendall, you promised us.  Mr. Fr. 
Why, faith, I was forced to set it myself: I don't know how you'll like it with my voice; but faith and troth, I believe the Masters of the Musick-meeting, may set their own words, for any trouble I shall give 'em for the future about mine.  Wild. 
Nay, than you ruin 'em.  Witt. 
The Song, the Song, Sir.  [Song written by a Man of Quality.] 

I.  
Say, cruel Amoretta, how long  
In billet-dous, and humble Song,  
Shall poor Alexis woo?  
If neither writing, sighing, dying,  
Reduce you to a soft complying:  
O! when will you come to?   

II.  
Full thirteen Moons are now passed o'er,  
Since first those Stars I did adore,  
That set my heart on fire:  
The conscious Playhouse, Parks and Court,  
Have seen my sufferings made your sport:  
Yet am I ne'er the nigher.   

III.  
A faithful Lover should deserve  
A better fate, than thus to starve  
In sight of such a Feast:  
But Oh! if you'll not think it fit,  
Your hungry Slave should taste one bit;  
Give some kind looks at least.   Wild. 
Admirable well—  Witt. 
Set and sung, Sir.  Love. 
A Gentleman does these things always best.  Well. 
When he has a Genius.  Mr. Fr. 
Ay, Sir, he must have a Genius: There's no being a Master of any thing without a Genius.  Mrs. Fr. 
Mrs. Teazall Pam wants you in the next room.  Scene draws, shows Tables and Cards. Teaz. 
I'll make the more of him, when I get him into my hands.  Well. 
I have something to tell you, worth more than the Cards can win for you.  [To Mrs. Sightly Mrs. Fr. 
Who's for Comet?  Lov. 
I am your Man Madam  Mrs. Fr. 
You play too deep for me.  Witt. 
Cousin, you'll make one of us?  They go in to play. The Scene shut's upon 'em, Wellvile and Sightly stay. Sight. 
I go your halves, if you please, I don't care for playing myself.  Sight. 
Now, Mr. Wellvile, you have something extraordinary to say to me.  Well. 
I have, indeed, Madam, but I should prepare you for the Story, there are some Friends in it, that you will be concerned to have an ill opinion of.  Sight. 
I have reason to think you my Friend.  Well. 
Then pray give me leave to ask, How long you have known Mr. Wilding.  Sight. 
I never spoke to him till this Morning, at the Chocolate-house, as we came from the Park.  Well. 
I think he's Mrs. Wittwoud's particular acquaintance.  Sight. 
That, I suppose, gave him his Title of speaking to us.  Well. 
And she has a mind to bring him acquainted with you. I'm sorry I must warn you of him: I was in hopes it would have died of itself: But his talking to you, at the Chocolate house, after he had promised never to follow you more, makes me apprehend, that he is still carrying on his design upon you.  Sight. 
A design upon me!  Well. 
He has a design upon you: And you have heard enough of his Character, to suspect the honour of any design he has upon any woman: But such as it is, your Cousin Wittwood, and very good friend, for ends of her own, which I can inform you in, has undertaken to bring it about. I see you are surprised.  Sight. 
I pray, Sir, go on.  Well. 
I never pretended to be a friend of Mrs. Wittwoud's, but now I hate her: and what I tell you, is not to ruin her with you; but of nearer consequence, to save you from being undone by her: This is not a Secret; I'll tell her of it myself; and my thoughts of her into the bargain: But, Madam, you know best, how far she has solicited his cause to you; how far my Story is probable; and whether you don't think, she persuaded you to walk this morning in the Mall, in order to Mr. Wilding: That was the business of her visit to you, as he tells me, whatever she pretended to the contrary.  Sight. 
You astonish me.  Well. 
I am astonished myself, indeed Madam, not to find her as I always thought her, fit for any mischief: But to think she can pretend to be a Bawd, and provide no better for a friend: to sacrifice you to a Man, who would tell all the Town of it, as well as Courtall, and has consessed to me, that he never was in love with you, nor had a thought that way, till she put it into his head, and promised to assist him in't.  Sight. 
Unheard of Villainy!  Well. 
Faith, Madam, if I might advise you, it should be to a Man of honour at least; that can be so tender of a reputation, not to lessen a Lady's favour so far, to make it the common mirth of the Town: if you have any favours to dispose of dispose of 'em yourself: let not another run away with the benefit of your good turns: I have been an old Admirer, Madam; and I hope stand as fair, and have as good a Title to put in my Claim, as any Man of her providing.  Sight. 
So, Sir, than it seems you think I must be provided for, and therefore these Advances must please me: I have some reason to believe what you say of my Cousin Wittwoud, but I have no reason to think you very much my Friend; she has betrayed me, and you are pleased to think I deserve it: I thank you for your Caution; but it shall secure me for the future, against her and you: For as much as I thought you my Friend; nay, though I languished for you, the encouragement you are pleased to make, from other People's Base Opinion of me, shall teach me to despise you.  [The Scene opens, the Company rises from play, and comes forward. Teaz. 
Nay, nay, I have done with you: If this be your fair play, there's no danger of your soul; why you make no Conscience of Cheating any Body out of your own Gang.  Witt. 
Conscience at Cards Cousin! you are a better bred Lady than to expect it.  Mr. Fr. 
Conscience, Madam, is for serious Affairs, no Body minds it at play.  Teaz. 
Nay I'm even right enough served, I deserved it, that's the truth on't: I must be playing with Company so much younger than myself, but I shall be wiser for the future, and play the Fool in my own form, where I may Cheat in my turn.  Mrs. Fr. 
If you speak of your Lose, Madam, I believe my Fortune has been harder than yours; in Ten Sets running with Mr. Wilding, I never turned one, nor had Comet in my hand.  Witt. 
Nay, if you win her Money, you may win every thing of her, if you know how to manage your Game.  [Goes to Mrs. Sightly. Wild. 
And Faith I'll play it as well as I can.  Witt. 
Cousin, I have won an Estate for you.  Sight. 
You have undone me.  [Exit Wittwoud. Wild. 
I'll watch my time, and follow 'em.  [following. Mr. Fr. 
Lovemore, prithee keep the Company together; I have an appointment upon my hands, and must leave you: We must serve one another sometimes, you know.  [Goes off. Servant Enters. Seru. 
Madam, the Jew, newly turned Protestant, that my Master was Godfather to, has brought the Essences and Sweet-waters he ordered him to rastle for.  Mrs. Fr. 
Shall we try, whether we like any of 'em.  [Going. Well. 
We shall find him a Jew still in his dealings, I suppose.  Love. 
You would not have him lose by his Conversion, I hope.  Wild. 
Like other wise Men, he's for saving Soul and Body together, I warrant him.  [They go in.  

SCENE Changes to the Garden.  Wittwoud following Sightly. Sight. 
Never think of denying, or excusing it to me, I am satisfied there's more in't than you ought to defend, there are so many Circumstances to convince me, of your Treachery to me, I must believe it  Witt. 
I see Cousin, you will believe any thing against me: But as I hope to be saved, upon the Faith of a Christian, and may I never rise off my Knees into your good Opinion again, if I don't abhor the Villainy you lay to my Charge; something I must confess to you, but I beg you to forgive me, 'twas unadvised indeed, but innocent, and without a design upon you: Courtells a Coxcomb, and nothing but Wilding's Vanity, or Wellvile's Revenge, could be accessary to the Ruin of me with you, the only Relation I love and value in the World.  Sight. 
O! I had forgot the pains you took to secure me, to Morrow Night at Cards, at your Lodgings with Mr: Wilding: Cousin, let me tell you, a Bawd is the worst part of an Intrigue, and the least to be said for't in excuse of the Infamy. But you had something more than a Lover to provide for me, or you would not have exposed me to a Man that would expose me to all the Town; is it because I have been your best and last Friend, (for you will hardly find such another in your Family) that thus you reward me for the Folly? Or is it because I am a witness of your Shame, that you would be a Contriver of mine? I know, (and I look upon it as a Judgement upon the former Follies of your Life,) that you are notoriously abandoned to the Beastly Love of a Fellow, that no Body else can look upon; and, may be, you are mischievously pleased to make me as despicable as yourself, there must be the Devil in the bottom on't, and I'll fly from him in you.  Witt. 
O! don't leave me in this Passion, I am utterly ruined if you go; upon my Knees I beg it of you.  Sight. 
Cousin, I forgive you; what's past shall be a Secret for both our sakes; but I'm resolved never more to come into your power; so farewell, and find a better Friend than I have been.  [Goes out. Witt. 
She's lost, and my design upon her, which is yet a greater misfortune to me.  [Wilding to her. 
O! Sir, I am obliged to you— and you are obliged to yourself for your success with Mrs. Sightly; so like a Boy, to discover the Secret, before 'twas in your power to expose! Away, I'll have no more to say to you.  [Goes out. Wild. 
So, Sir, you have made fine work on't with the Woman. I thought I had satisfied you in the Mall this Morning.  Well. 
Sir I must be better satisfied than I was in the Morning, I find there's no relying upon your word, since, after your promise, never to follow her more, you could excuse yourself to me in the Mall, to meet her at the Chocolate House.  Wild. 
Nay then we have both our Grievances, and this must Answer 'em.  [Going to Fight, Courtall enters to part 'em. Court. 
Fie, Fie, Friends, and Fighting! that must not be Gentlemen, Mrs. Wittwoud has toll me the matter; and unless you had a Fourth Man to entertain me, you had even as good put up again: We are all in fault, and all deserve to be swinged for't, that's certain: Wilding was a Fool for telling me of his design, and I was a Fool for talking on't to Wellvile; and Wellvile no wiser than either, for making such a Bustle about it: Therefore pray Gentlemen let's agree in this Opinion, that by our own Prating, and prying into other People's Affairs, we often discover and ruin one another's designs;  
For Women are by Nature well inclined:  
Our Follies frighten 'em from being kind.  [Exeunt.   


ACT V. SCENE I.  Wittwoud's Lodgings. Wilding following Wittwoud. Witt. 
NAy I don't wonder you thrive no better with the Women, when you can part with such an Advantage over Mrs. Friendall: You say you have won a Sum of her, which she would not be known to lose: Why, another Man would take the privilege of a winning Gamester, upon such an occasion to press her to a Promise, at least, of coming out of her Debt.  Wild. 
I shall improve, I find, upon the advantage of your hints: But Mrs. Sightly, Madam—  Witt. 
Ay, Mrs Sightly indeed: Was that a Woman to throw away upon the vanity of being talked of for her? In the time you were bragging to other People, of being in her Favour, you might have been every where you desired.  Wild. 
Nay, not unlikely.  Witt. 
I have made all the Excuse I could for you; some too, that in my Conscience I thought very unreasonable myself; and could pass upon no Body but a Woman, that was easily disposed to forgive you.  Wild. 
If she would but hear what I have to say for myself.  Witt. 
Nay, she's pretty well prepared, but you must not think of speaking to her barefaced, that she can't consent to for her own sake: You have made the matter so public, she has Eyes upon her to be sure now: But it happens very luckily, Friendall has a Masq'rade to Night at his House: There, if you please, I can give you an opportunity of clearing yourself to her.  Wild. 
I Ask no more of you.  Witt. 
Never think of defending yourself, for what's past you were certainly i'th' wrong; and she thinks you so: You know well enough what to say to a Woman, that has a mind to believe you.  Wild. 
How shall I know her at the Masq'rade?  Witt. 
Go, you, and prepare for't: and depend upon me for your Intelligence.  [Wilding goes out. 
I find I am declining in my Reputation; and will bring every Woman, of my Acquaintance, into my own condition, of being suspected, at least: I have promised more than I can do with my Cousin Sightly; I have lost my Credit with her too lately, to betray her in the way of friendship— let me see— Betty—  [Betty Enters. 
You know where the Man lives, that made my Cousin Sightly's Scarf, go to him from me, desire him to borrow it, that a Lady may see it, who likes it, and desires to have one made of the same Pattern.—  [Exit. Betty. 
I despair of bringing her to the Masquerade: I must personate her myself, and meet Wilding in her room: but what may be the Issue of that? Let what will be the Issue: the farther he presses his Design upon me, the further I carry my Design upon her: and for once, in Order to my revenge, rather than not expose her, I'll venture to grant him the favour, that he may tell on't; and she have the benefit of the Scandal—  [goes out.  

SCENE II.  In St. James' Park. Lovemore, with Mrs. Friendall, and Mrs. Sightly. Love. 
Yonder comes Mr. Friendall, Madam.  Mrs. Fr. 
Would I were at home again: I came upon a foolish discovery of his Actions, to be surprised in a very unaccountable one of my own.  Sight. 
That is, walking Incognito on this side the Park with a Man of your Character, Mr. Lovemore.  Mrs. Fr. 
I hope he won't know us.  [they put on their masks. Sight. 
He's too busy in his own affairs.  Love. 
He comes upon us. I must speak to him.  [Friendall enters. Mr. Fr. 
You are provided for, I see: The Ladies, I suppose, wish I could say as much for them too: very gentile women both, faith and troth: I warrant 'em Women of Condition, if not Women of Quality, by their assignation at Rosomond's Pond.  Love. 
You fancy that from the quality of your own Entrigue.  Mr. Fr. 
Why there's something in that too: and the truth on't is, my assignation is with a Woman of Quality.  Love. 
Mrs. Sightly I fancy Friendall.  Mr. Fr. 
Fie, fie, why should you think so? But let her be who she will, if she disappoint me, I'll own it to morrow to every body—  Love. 
That she disappointed you?  Mr. Fr. 
No; that 'twas Mrs. Sightly I had an intreigue with.  Sight. 
A small matter makes an intreigue of his side, I find.  Mr. Fr. 
Sure I have seen somebody very like this Lady?  [Viewing his Wife. Mrs. Fr. 
I would not be known for the World.  Love. 
I'll bring you oft, I warrant you.  Mr. Fr. 
She has the Air and Mein very much, of a Lady of my acquaintance.  Love. 
Not unlikely, faith: it may be she herself, for aught I know to the contrary: but if you have a mind to be satisfied—  Mrs. Fr. 
Lord! what do you do?  Love. 
I have no occasion for her at present: This is my Woman:  To Mrs. Sightly. 
She's but an ill-natured encumbrance, at this time; and you'll do me a favour to dispose of her.  Mr. Fr. 
Nay, if you are so free to dispose of her, I'm satisfied she is not the Woman I took her for: For, to tell you the truth, Lovemore, I thought 'twas my Wife: And, I gad, I began to be very uneasy; not so much, for finding her in your Company; as that she should come so peevishly to disturb me, in an affair, so very much above her.  Sight. 
Why, Sir, they say your Wife is a very fine Woman.  Mr. Fr. 
A Wife a fine Woman, Madam? I never knew a Husband that thought so in my life.  Mrs. Fr. 
But some body else may, Sir, if you allow her to make these Entertainments for the Town, that I hear you do.  Mr. Fr. 
Gad so, Lovemore, prithee bring the Ladies to my Masquerade to Night; there's no body but People of Quality to be there, for pleasure is my Business, you know; and I am very well pleased, to allow my Wife the Liberties she takes, in favour of my own; for to tell you the Truth, the chief End of my marrying her, (next to having the Estate settled upon me) was to carry on my Entrigues more swimmingly with the Ladies.  Love. 
That's a Convenience in Matrimony, I did not think of:  Mr. Fr. 
One of the greatest, upon my word, Sir. For being seen so often abroad, and visiting with my Wife, I pass upon the formal part of the Town, for a very good Husband; and upon the Privilege of that Character, I grow intimate with all her Acquaintance, (and, by the way, there's hardly a Family in Town, but I can contrive to come acquainted with, upon her account) there I pick and, and choose in the very Face of their reverend Relations, and deliver my Billets myself.  Mrs. Fr. 
You have 'em ready then?  Mr. Fr. 
Two, or three, always in my Pocket:—  [Shows 'em. 
I write half a Dozen in a Morning, for the Service of that Day.  Love. 
Hard service, I assure you.  Mr. Fr. 
Not at all: the Letters are but Copies one of another; and a Love-letter should be a Love letter, you know, passionate, and tender, whoever 'tis designed for. Ha! yonder are two Women in Masks! I must not be seen with you: Ladies, you know when you're well, I suppose, by the Choice of your Man; make much of him, he's my Bosom-friend, and Confidant of my pleasures.  Mrs. Fr. 
And you of his, I suppose? There's no pleasure without a Confidant.  Mr. Fr. 
Faith, Madam, I am of your mind: But Lovemore's a little too reserved, 'tis, at present, his fault, from a want of knowing the Town; but he'll mend of it, I hope, when he comes to have a Woman, worth talking of. Lovemore, not a word at home of seeing me here; as you value the Fortune of your Friend: Adieu.  [Goes out. Mrs. Fr. 
Are you the Confidant of the Gentleman's pleasures?  Love. 
I have not betrayed 'em, Madam.  Mrs. Fr. 
Methinks a Friend should have warned me of 'em.  Love. 
I would not be thought to do ill Offices, especially in Marriage, Madam.  Mrs. Fr. 
I don't think you would; would Mr. Friendall were as tender of wronging me,—  [Aside. Sight. 
You have had a handsome Account of their Expedition: And we are both obliged to Mr. Friendall.  Mr. Fr. 
I am very well paid for my Curiosity of coming here: I suppose we shall have a Rendezvous of his Wenches, at the Masquerade; pray let's be ready to receive 'em.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE, Mr. Friendall's House.  Men and Women in Masquerading Habit. Wellvile, Wilding, Courtall, Springam, Wittwood, and Betty. Wellw. 
Wilding has his Eye upon us I see: I have something to say to him, in my own Person, and then I must change Scarfs with you: Be sure you are i'th' way.  Well. 
I thought I had known you;  [To Betty. 
I beg your pardon, Madam, for the mistake.  Betty. 
You're very welcome to't, Sir, I would have you mistaken; and that you will always be, when you judge upon the Outsides of the Women.  Well. 
You are for a stricter Examination, I find: There are Conveniencies for a full Discovery, in the next room, some Body will show you the way.  [Leaves her. Wild. 
That's Sightly in the Scarf, and Wittwood with her, I suppose; I must not be mistaken.  Court. 
I like the Freedom of a Masquerade, very well; but it confounds a Man's Choice.  Spring. 
Why, faith, I have a mind to be particular, if I could but hit upon the Woman.  Witt. 
And that you shall presently, little Captain, I'll put myself in your way.  Spring. 
Behind a Cloud my pretty Moon!  [To Betty. 
Shall I be the Man in you?  Betty. 
With the Bush at your Backside: You deserve to be whipped for your Wit, Sir.  [Goes from him. Spring. 
I stand corrected, Madam.  Witt. 
Does she beat thee, little Master? Come a' me, and I'll make much of thee——  Spring. 
As much as you can of me, I dare say for you.  Witt. 
Come, come, I'll use you better——  Spring. 
To use me worse; is not that, your Design? She has given me my Answer at once; you perhaps would linger me through a Winter's Expectation, and not do my Business at last—  Witt. 
What's your Business pray?  Spring. 
Why your Business, any Woman's Business, that has a mind to employ me in't.  Witt. 
No touching me: I have an unfashionable Husband in the Company, that won't thank you, for making him a Cuckold—  Spring. 
But you will, I'm sure, if it be but to teach him better manners.  Witt. 
I like your Company extremely; but I have a great deal of Business, and would willingly be rid of you, at this Time; but this Ring shall answer for me, till I see you again.  [Going. Spring. 
Pray redeem it, as soon as you can.  Witt. 
Sir, Sir, if you have any Interest in the Family, pray let's have a Song, or a Dance, to divert us.  Spring. 
I'll see what I can do for you—  [Goes away. Witt. 
You should be Wilding.  Wild. 
And you should be as good as your word.  Witt. 
The Lady is better than you can expect: That's fly in the Embroidered Scarf. You must not speak to her, before the Company, take her aside, by and by, in a Corner; She'll thank you for your care of her.  
Here's more Company:  Lovemore Enters with Mrs. Friendall, and Mrs. Sightly. 
I won't be seen with you—  
Now Betty for the Change—  [Wittwood and Betty go out. Well. 
Lovemore, I am in disgrace with Mrs. Sightly: And can't find her, to come into favour again.  Love. 
That's she, that came in just now with Mrs Friendall: I'll direct you to one, by going to the other.  [They go to 'em. 

A SONG, Written by Tho. Cheek Esq  
Corinna I excuse thy Face;  
The erring Lines which Nature drew:  
When I reflect, that every Grace  
Thy Mind adorns is just, and true:  
But oh! thy Witt what God has sent?  
Surprising, airy, unconfined:  
Some wonder sure Apollo meant,  
And shot himself into thy Mind.   

A SONG, In the First Scene of the Fourth Act.  
Hang this whining way of wooing,  
Loving was designed a Sport:  
Sighing, talking, without doing,  
Makes a silly, idle Court.  
Don't believe that words can move her,  
If she be not well inclined:  
She herself must be the Lover,  
To persuade her to be kind.  
If, at last, she grants the favour,  
And consents to be undone:  
Never think her passion gave her,  
To your Wishes, but her own.   After the Song, Wittwood and Betty, having changed Scarfs, Enter, to be ready for the Dance, after which—— Love. 
Some can't get Husbands, and others can't get rid of 'em.  Mrs. Fr. 
Every Woman carries her Cross in this World: A Husband happens to be mine, and I must bear it, as well as I can.  Love. 
I would ease you of it.  Mrs. Fr. 
No more upon this subject, you have carried the Argument so far, 'Tis allowing what you say, to listen any longer. But Mr. Lovemore, I will give you what satisfaction I have in my power, and Praise is the reward of Virtue you know; I think you have proceeded like a Man of experience in this business, and taken the natural road to undermine most Women. I must do you this stice, that nothing has been wanting on your side  Love. 
I would have nothing wanting on my side, Madam.  Mrs. Fr. 
And however you came by the knowledge of Mr. Friendall's weaknesses, you have improved 'em as much as they could bear upon the Conduct of his Wife: if they have not carried me as far as you designed; 'tis the fault of my heaviness, perhaps, that can't be transported into the Woman you'd have me.  Love. 
There's a fault somewhere.  Mrs. Fr. 
Mr. Lovemore, some Women won't speak so plain; but I will own to you, I can't think the worse of you for thinking well of me: Nay, I don't blame you for designing upon me, custom has fashioned it into the way of living among the men; and you may be i'th' right to all the Town: But let me be i'th' right too to my Sex and to myself: thus far may be excused: You've proved your Passion and my Virtue tried; but all beyond that trial is my crime, and not to be forgiven: therefore I entreat you, don't make it impossible to me for the future, to receive you as a friend; for I must own, I would secure you always for my Friend: Nay more, I will confess my heart to you: If I could make you mine——  Love. 
For ever Yours.  Mrs. Fr. 
But I am married, only pity me—  [Goes from him. Love. 
Pity her! She does not deserve it, that won't better her condition, when she may: But she's married she says; why, that was the best of my reasons of following her at first; and I like her so well, as she's another Man's wife, I should hardly mend the matter by making her my own. I won't think yet my two months thrown away upon her: One time or other, some way or other, I may be the better for her; at least with some other Women: but I begin to believe that every Man loses his labour this way sometimes.  Sight. 
Who can that Woman be?  [Observing, Wilding and Wittwoud. Well. 
Wilding's the Man I know.  Sight. 
Then it may be my good Cousin Wittwoud.  Well. 
Presuming upon the Scarf, which is very like yours, I ventured, and spoke to her. I should have known Mrs. Wittwoud I believe.  Sight. 
Pray try if you can learn who she is.  [They parl in a low voice. Witt. 
This Place is too public for a Vindication of this Nature, if you retire into the next room, I may accept of your excuses, upon your Promise of good behaviour, and better Conduct for the future.  Wild. 
I'll follow you—  [Wittwood retires, Wellvile to Wilding. Well. 
You will be the Man I see, Wilding: The Lady's withdrawn; done't let her stay for you.  Wild. 
Faith, Wellvile, 'tis a fortune thrown upon me; and since it came without my seeking, methinks, you should hardly think it worth your courting: She'll bring it about one way of other, you find.  Well. 
You speak as if I knew the Lady.  Wild. 
I would have you know so much, that she is not worth the honourable care you have of her.  Well. 
Of whom.  Wild. 
As if you did not know her.  Well. 
Why, 'tis not Mrs. Sightly.  Wild. 
I have declined it as much as I could in regard to a Friend; but when she follows me.  Well. 
M Sightly follow you!  [Mr. Friendall enters and joins with Mr. Lovemi Wild. 
No naming Names, good Wellvile.  Well. 
Nay, than I must convince you; I just lest Mrs. Sightly to come to you; She's now in the Company, and I'll carry you to hear me speak to her.———  [Carries Wilding to Sightly. Love. 
Why, this was a terrible disappointment.  Mr. Fr. 
There are Lampoons, Sir, I say no more; But I may do myself reason in one of 'em, and disappoint her yet of her disappointment.  [Among the Women fastens upon Sightly Wild. 
Why then Wittwood has put another Woman upon me; and abused Mrs. Sightly and me: I am satisfied of the Cheat, and would be assisting to the revenge of it if I could.  Well. 
You would not be the instrument, to make it public yourself?  Wild. 
No, that I can't consent to.  Well. 
Then leave it to me: Friendall's a property fit for our several interests: But Lovemore must employ him.  [Wellvile to Lovemore Mr. Fr. 
Faith, Madam, I am very fit for your purpose, at present, I have met with a little ill usage from a Lady; by not meeting with her: but you may be the better for it, if you please: You shall have the pleasure, and she shall have the reputation of the entrigue.  Sight. 
I am for all or none.  [Lovemore comes to him. Love. 
The rarest accident, Friendall; the reason that you were disappointed in the Park, I can tell you, was, the Lady had appointed to meet Wilding here: She is now withdrawn into the next room in expectation of him; which Wellvile, her old Lover, suspecting, has taxed him of, and ruined the design. Now if you would have me, I'll keep up the jealousy between 'em, and give you an opportunity to go in to her.  Mr. Fr. 
By all means, Lovemore, this was unexpected, and done like a Friend; I owe you a good turn for't, be sure you keep 'em here.  [Sneaks out after Wittwoud. Sight. 
What are you designing upon Mr. Friendall?  [To Wellvile. Well. 
There's mischief in't; and you may all be the better for't.  Mrs. Teazall pressing in with a Footman upon the Company. Mrs. Fr. 
What's the noise there?  Footman, 
Madam, here's a rude, unmannerly Gentlewoman presses in upon me, and refuses to pull off her Masque, as your Honour ordered.  Teaz. 
You saucy Rascal you, I show a better Face than thy Mother had, when she laid thee to the Parish, you Rogue: Prate to me, you Varlet! and an honester one, tho' I say it, than any of the Company: Here's fine work indeed in a civil Family! What, Are you ashamed of your doings, that you won't discover yourselves?  Spring. 
Mistress, you have the natural privilege of a Masque. And being disguised in your own Face, you may say what you please.  Teaz. 
Marry, come up here; Will nothing but a good Face down with you? a Woman has a fine time on't, with your finical fancy: but I want leisure to laugh at you.  [Looking every where for her Niece. Court. 
Do you know me?  Teaz. 
Ay, ay, I guess at you: learn to speak without a question, You Fool, before you set up for a Witt.  Court. 
I know You.  Teaz. 
Why then you may be satisfied, I shall think you an Ass.  Spring. 
Nay, good Mother, you had e'en as good pull off your Masque. You see you are discovered.  Teaz. 
Discovered you snotty-nosed Jacanapes! Would I could discover your Master; I would send him a Note of your Name: You are not yet clean from School, and are setting up for the Women forsooth: You have been so used to be turned up for a Blockhead, as you are, for peeping into every bodies backdoor, to find as great a fool as yourself: Sirrah, Sirrah, a good Burch Rod for your Mistress; that would tickle your tail, as you deserve.  Spring, 
Nay, good your Reverence.  Mrs. Fr. 
What's the Matter pray?  Teaz. 
Why the wicked ways of Living in this Town, are matter enough for the vexation of any Woman, that has a Girl to look after: God's my life! Can't you keep up your Masquerades, in the primitive institution of making Cuckolds, as it used to be, without bringing the young Wenches into the Mystery of Matrimony before their time? where's my Niece among you? 'tis a burning shame to draw away a poor young Girl into these deboist galloping doings, as you do.  Mrs. Fr. 
Good Mrs. Teazall, not so censorious: Pray where's the harm of a little innocent diversion?  Teaz. 
Innocent diversion, with a Pox to't! for that will be the end on't, at last: very innocent diversion indeed; why, your music-meetings, Dancing-meetings, Masquing-meetings, are all but pretences to bring you together: and when you meet, we know what you meet for well enough; 'tis to the same purpose, in good troth: all ends in the innocent diversion.  Well. 
Nay, saith, the Gentlewoman has reason for what she says.  Teaz. 
Well, make me thankful for it; there's one civil Gentleman among you: and really there's a great deal of comfort in opening a poor Woman's case, to a discreet good-natured Gentleman: Pray, Sir, hear me; and if you don't allow that I have some cause for what I do, I will be contented never to see Coat-card, nor have Pam in my Pocket again.  Mrs. Fr. 
But who are you looking for all this while?  Teaz. 
An untowardly Girl, to be sure, my Cousin Fanny, Madam: she has undone herself, and my hopes of a Husband for her: Gad forgive me, I have no Patience, when I think upon't: last night, Wittwoud forsooth, she carries her to the Musick-meeting; then one Wilding, an impudent Whore-mastering fellow, he carries her home with him, which I could forgive well enough too, if it ended there: but now, when all things were agreed upon, and Mr. Buttybun was to give us a Supper, and sign the Writings, in order to Marry her to morrow; when the Baggage was called upon, to perform her part, whip, she had given us the slip, tucked up her tail, and run a rogueing after that fellow again: but I shall light upon her.  Love. 
Wilding, what say you to this?  Teaz. 
O, Sir, are you there? if there be any Justice in England for the Women, I'll have you bound to the Good behaviour; I'll swear the Peace against you myself; for there's nobody safe, young or old, at this rate, if such Whoremasters as you are allowed to do as you do.  Wild. 
I am bound already to behave myself like a Gentleman: I do what good I can, in my Generation; but injure nobody.  Teaz. 
Sirrah, sirrah, you shall find you have injured my Niece, and me, before I have done with you.  Wild. 
You won't bring it to Westminster, I hope, to be decided, who has most injured her; I, by being civil to her, or you, by telling it to all the Town  Teaz. 
Why that's true again.  Wild. 
And let the Company judge, who appears to be most her Enemy; I, in teaching her a very good Trade; or you, in endeavouring to break her, before she's well set up in't.  Court. 
Nay, now it goes against you.  [to Teazall. Wild. 
I have put her in a very good way; if she manage it well, she'll make more on't, than her Mother made of her Matrimony.  Teaz. 
Nay, 'twas the ruin of her, that I grant you.  Wild. 
And let the worst come to the worst, if she fails in this calling: she may begin in another, (as they do in the City sometimes) 'tis but setting up for a Husband at last.  Teaz. 
But that you won't consent to, it seems.  Wild. 
Faith, Madam, I han't seen your Niece since morning; and then Mrs. Wittwoud obliged me to give over my pretensions to her, upon the promise of procuring Mrs. Sightly for me.  Sight. 
Without my knowledge, Sir?  Wild. 
Indeed, Madam, you were not to know of the bargain.  Teaz. 
Then you don't know where Fanny is?  Wild. 
Not I faith, Madam.  Well. 
We were just complaining of Mrs. Wittwoud's unkindness to you, as you came in.  Teaz. 
Ay, Sir, I am beholding to you.  Well. 
She has been very busy all this night in carrying on an intreigue, between your Niece and somebody: They are retired into the next Room; they went out at that door, if you have a mind to be satisfied.  Teaz. 
I'm sorry, Sir, I 〈◊〉 time to thank you for this favour: I must make haste, for I'm resolved to be satisfied.  [Scene draws, shows Friendall and Wittwoud upon a Couch. 
Very fine! here is a sight indeed!  Wittw. 
Confusion!  Mr. Fr. 
What a pox! disturb a Gentleman's pleasures! and in his own House too! ha! Wittwoud here! Nay then, would you had come sooner: Madam, I beg your pardon for some Liberties I have taken with your Ladyship: But, saith, I took you for Mrs. Sightly.  Witt. 
I never was mistaken in you.  Wild. 
You see I had too great a respect for you, and therefore provided you a more deserving—  Witt. 
Fool.  Well. 
And one that had as good-natured a design upon Mrs. Sightly, as you had yourself.  Teaz. 
Nay, now, Gentlewoman, I think 'tis come home to you, and I am glad on't, with all my heart.  Sight. 
You have paid dear enough for that Scarf; you may keep it for a pattern for your friends, as 'twas borrowed for: I won't insult over you, and am only pleased, that I have scaped your snares.  Witt. 
That disappointment is my greatest Curse; and disappointments light upon you all.  [Goes out. Court. 
This is your Mistress, Captain.  Spring. 
And I gad she shall be mine now in spite of her teeth: For since I find she can be civil upon occasion, I shall beat her into good manners, if she refuses me.  [Goes after her. Well. 
Every thing has fallen so much to your advantage, that sure the salt I made may be forgiven: What amends I have in my power, I am ready to make you: my liberty, of what I have to give, is what I value most; and that is yours, when you consent to let me make you mine.  Sight. 
This is too sudden to be serious: when you're in earnest, you won't need an answer.  Wild. 
They are striking up a Peace on all hands, Gentlemen; we shall be left out of the Treaty.  Love. 
There's yet a Lady to declare herself.  Mrs. Fr. 
Mr. Friendall, I'm sorry you thought it necessary to your pleasures, to make me a witness of my ill usage: you know I can, and have past many things, some Women would think wrongs, as such resent 'em, and return 'em too: but you can tell how I've behaved myself.  Mr. Fr. 
Like a Gentlewoman always, Madam, and my Wife.  Mrs. Fr. 
The unjust World, let what will be cause of our complaint (as there is cause sufficient still at home:) condemn us to slavery for life: And if by separation we get free, than all our Husband's faults are laid on us: This hard Condition of a Woman's fate, I've often weighed, therefore resolved to bear: And I have born; O! what have I not born? But patience tires with such oppressing wrongs, when they come home, to triumph over me; and tell the Town, how much I am despised.  Mr. Fr. 
I see we are both disappointed in this affair of Matrimony; it is not the condition you expected; nor has it the advantages I proposed. Now, Madam, since 'tis impossible to make it happy between us, let us even resolve to make it as easy as we can.  Mrs. Fr. 
That must be my business now.  Mr. Fr. 
And mine too, I assure you: look you, Madam, your own Relations shall provide for you at pleasure, out of my Estate; I only article that I may have a freedom of visiting you, in the round of my acquaintance.  Mrs. Fr. 
I must be still your Wife, and still unhappy.  Love. 
What alteration this may make in my Fortune with her, I don't know; but I'm glad I have parted 'em.  Mr. Fr. 
Well, Gentlemen, I can't be very much displeased at the recovery of my liberty, I am only sorry Wittwoud was the occasion of it: For an old blown-upon she-wit, is hardly an intreigue to justify the separation on my side, or make a man very vain of his Fortune.  Love. 
This you must all expect, who marry Fools;  
Unless you form 'em early in your Schools,  
And make 'em, what they were designed for, Tools.   
FINIS.   

ADVERTISEMENT.  
A Treatise of Jealousy; Or Means to preserve Peace in Marriage. Written Originally in French by the Author of Rules of Civility. In Twelves, Price bound One Shilling. Sold by W. Freeman at the Bible in Fleetstreet.