A JOCO-SERIOUS DISCOURSE. IN TWO DIALOGUES, BETWEEN A Northumberland-Gentleman, AND HIS Tenant a Scotchman, Both old CAVALIERS.  
With an ANAGRAM prefixed to them: BEING Some Miscellaneous Essays, Written upon several Occasions.  
By GEORGE STVART.  Omne tulit punctum, qui miscuit utile dulci. 
LICENCED,  
June 12th. 1686. Rob. Midgley.  
London, Printed for Benjamin took, at the Ship in St. Paul's Churchyard, and John Story, in Newcastle, 1686.   

  

TO Sir HENRY BRABANT Knight, MAYOR OF NEWCASTLE UPON TINE.  
SIR,  
IF these following Sheets had been designed to have gratified a particular Humour, or private Interest, it had behoved me to have made this Dedication to one, of whose Personal Acquaintance I were more happy in, than I am of yours; but since the rashness of my Fancy has suggested a more public concern, I know none more fit to protect my good Wishes to that Royal Cause, which you have so vigorously asserted than yourself: Or if it had been possible for me (as I thank God it is not) to have offered an Effort, which by any Consequence might appear prejudicial to our Sovereign Lord the King, and consequently, to the Universal  of all his Subjects; it had been but Prudence in me, to have concealed such an ungodly Attempt from you; for what Encouragement could any disorderly Act (if there were no worse in't) expect from a Loyalist of your Size, whom Malice itself cannot feign e'er to have trodden one wry step in the Duty of a Loyal Subject, and Office of a discreet Magistrate?  
But why, Sir, should I pretend to be a Stranger to you? Has not the whole Course of your Life, (even when Iniquity skrew'd itself up into the Seat of Lord Paramount) rendered you sufficiently conspicuous? first, to all true Lovers of your three successive Royal Masters, and next to the Adverse Party? Did not those set you before their wary Eyes, as a perfect Pattern both of Courage and Obedience, and these, as the very Butt of their implacable Malice? Could I live so long near you, as I have done, and be unacquainted with your great Merits? No Sir, it's impossible, though this be the first time I've given you the trouble of an Address.  
It was in that Critical Juncture, you did manifest the true Sense of your Soul; when your early Endeavours to crush the Cockatrice in the shell, did but predict the After-acts of your Life to be no more to you, but drawing your own Breath.  
Satan, among the rest of his subtle and hectoring Artifices, had the Impudence to tell his ineffable Creator, that JOB served not God for nothing; yet for all this, when he had got him in his power, and devested him of all that was dear to Flesh and Blood, this admirable piece of Piety was still the same. And pray you, Sir, what have all those dreadful Engines prevailed, which have incessantly battered against you from your Cradle? (And I wish the plentiful Effusion of Youthful Blood, or the unavoidable Decays of old Age, could but obtain a Writ of Ease) what have they prevailed I say? Nothing, but to your Advantage: The more they stripped, you did but the fairlyer discover a spotless and active Soul, darting itself thorough, and springing in the exact and liv'ly Lineaments of a well Organised Body; or made you appear like the Winter Sun, which shines brightest, when the Frost is most nipping,  
Again, Sir, the Magnanimous St. Paul did freely undergo Imprisonments, was over and over again, whipped by the Jews, beaten with Rods, Shipwrecked, was in Perils of Water, in Perils of Robbers, in Perils of his own Countrymen, in Perils among the Heathens, in Perils in the City, in Perils in the Wilderness, in Perils in the Sea, but the worst of all was Perils among false Brethren; and yet this resolute Hero stood unshaken to the very last. If I were but to trace the Comparison upon your account (as far as the Cases run Parallel) it were but superfluous to those that know you, and incredible to such as do not. As long as Vice is Vice, it will stand in Opposition to Virtue; and while there is good Men to suffer, there will be ill Men to persecute. I dare not say behold the End of these, for who knows but Almighty God, out of the inexhaustible Treasure of his Bounty, may in good time give a better Understanding; but if some of their Beginnings have not been Ominous, it's a Paradox to more than myself; and let such as distrust this, look back on those who have formerly embarked themselves in such rotten, and leaking Vessels and if they cannot discern a palpable Fatality attending the runners of such Risks, I hope they'll give quicker-sighted Persons leave to wonder at their Blindness.  
I will be very thankful to any of your Enemies (of which by the Instigation of the Devil, and his Dearest Daughter the Good old Cause 've had a gay convenient Number) if any of 'em, I say, can show me when ever a force-putt- Conformist became not (as soon as e'er he met with a promising Game for't) the most Voracious Devourer of that sacred Authority, which he most solemnly swore to defend: But it's Hypocrisy, not Conversion which I disclaim; and what Precaution is herein to be used, falls under the Cognizance of our Superiors.  
Sir, It's not the hollow sound of an empty Panegyric can Echo to your Character. Original Worth is the firmest Basis of true Virtue: And in order to that, your own Acts can best speak you: It only remains that I beg Pardon for this Freedom, and the Honour to be allowed to subscribe myself,  
Loyal Sir, Your most humble, and Obedient Servant, George Stuart.   

THE PREFACE, IN A DIALOGUE, BETWEEN THE AUTHOR, AND THE CENSORIOUS READER.  Author. 
HERE now,— at last ye may take't.  Reader. 
Why so surly pray? Other Authors will call me Courteous Reader,— Gentle-Reader.  Author. 
Tho' perhaps thou hast played a hundred skittish Tricks in thy time.  Reader. 
And then they'll say, I entreat you to take my weak Endeavours in good part, and I shall hereafter be encouraged to, etc.  Author, 
Ay marry, weak enough in all Conscience; but take't 〈◊〉 thou wilt, if e'er thou gettest any more of me, it shall speak to thee.  Reader. 
But what is't all this while—? Let me see,— Ho, is't time aday now to publish any Poem upon such Subjects?  
Author▪ Why not? They were 〈◊〉 first (if a●… had been well to that) as early started (and some Hundreds can bear me Witness of it) as any that appealed upon those scores: However, they being only then occasionally introduced, I doubt not but the Design, in the mai●, will prove relishing enough to a Loyal Palate at any time; and for such as are not, ●…m not s●…rry 〈◊〉 cannot please them.  Reader. 
Unriddle that?  Author. 
I was at Newcastle upon Tine (Feb. 11▪ 1684/5.) when the doleful News of the Death (if such can be said to die) of the best, and one of the greatest Monarches upon Earth first filled that Place with Lamentation. All appeared in a Sorrow suitable to the great Cause the● fo●●. Immediately, they Proclaimed our present dread Sovereign, (upon whom Heaven shower down the choicest of his Blessings) solemnising his welcome Access to the Imperial Crowns of hi● Royal Ancestors, with magnificent Splendour: Their New 〈◊〉 was to come in the next day, but one, after; and to Illuistrate the Royal Goddness in so ample a Grant, another stately Preparation of the same sti●●p was set a Foot. Having for that while sequestered myself from all Business, resolving to see the far end of it, the Ma●… to all of a sudden struck. I had but little time, and so I tasked myself accordingly, and got what I intended long enough ready, before their Charter came in (which was upon the 13th. as above.)  Reader. 
Now I remember something of it; and if I have not been misinformed, the Entertainment that both it, and you for its sake, met withal, from the Person you presented it to, that day, might have sufficiently cooled your Fancy, and put a Period to any more Dialogues of that Nature.  Author. 
Quito contrary: For I never had thought of a Second Dialogue, till the First was so treated; for, I being a mere Stranger to all of Remark then present, followed the Common vogue; nor am I so skittish as to boggle at an Affront neither, for thanks to many of my good Neighbours, I'm well enough enured to that and all upon Equivalent Grounds: But one Swallow makes no Summer; and since no Body knows who we mean on, all's well enough. After I had smelled the Rat, I changed not the Humour, but the Scene, and fitted some Conceits as well as I could for Durham, against the Coronation; having more time for't, I Launched further our; the Landlord Assigns (as you'd find) most part of the Discourse to the Tenant, and he in a Burlesquing way (after the Scotch manner) glances upon the History of the last Seven or Eight years, in Allegories fit for his Character; for, notwithstanding the dismal Tragedies (the tremendous Effects of Fanatical Fury) partly perpetrated, but more chief designed for the British Stage in that particle of time, there was yet room enough for a Drol. I communicated both Dialogues to not a few of my Acquaintances, all Persons of indisputable Integrity, and truly they had the good Fortune, at least, not to be Contemned. They were somewhat noised abroad, and I was sore put to it for perusals, readings over, or, which was harder, giving Copies, that my time was spent to my prejudice: And further, such Copies as I gave were Recopyed till (besides crippling the Verses, and other Faults) they made the Tenant speak like a Gewgaw. I was unwilling to answer for any Fault but my owns; so, I sent both to London to be Printed about the beginning of June 1685. If the Act for Licensing was then Revived, it was more than I knew: Therefore, to make sure work, I trusted them in the Hands of a very Judicious and Ingenious Gentleman there, to know whether they contained any thing offensive to the Public, or disgustful to any Loyal Person. The unnatural Rebellion of the West being then in the Zenith, he was taken up in higher matters, and they lay by him forgot till September next after. I met with a good report of this Gentleman, who got them Printed; I impowered him to receive them, and get them Licenced and Printed, if it would turn to his Advantage: After he had perused them, he returned them (with thanks though I say it) assuring me the Tenant's Language would prove inexplicable in the Southern parts, besides, the Characters of several Persons were so darkish, that they would scarce be apprehended. I now reckoned myself at ease, but it was returned upon me, by such as pressed me for Printed Copies, as a Contrivance of mine to avoid appearing in Print; (a vanity I never was fond of.) In Conclusion, I had such proffers to take the charge off my Hand, that he must have been worse conditioned than I desired to be reputed, that would have refused a Compliance. And a little after Christmas I fell on and drew another draught, somethings I omitted, others I altered, and a little I added, as also, the common English of every uncouth Scotch word, with some explicatory Notes on the Margin, thereby to facilitate the Characters, and render the Tenant's Language intelligible. I know it's not usual in Poems of this Nature, but if the Reader should have both the Speech, and the Meaning of it to study, it might prove so Slavish, as to rebate the little piece of satisfaction, he might otherways have.  Reader. 
Here has been a great deal a do about nought, it seems. But why should you  those Persons, who have already smarted under the severe Pens of the Greatest Wits of the Nation?  Author. 
All of them have not, nor any in this manner; that e'er I met with. Do but observe I pray now, If any Angler should use always the same Bait, or dubbing with his Hook, without respect to the Season of the year, quality of the Water, disposition of the Air, or Nature of Fishes be Angles for, he might oft return with an empty Pannier. One Man's Meat is another Man's Poison; and it's hard damning of Proverbs; Besides all this, Losers may beg leave to speak.  Reader. 
But let me look a little further into it. Why so great a distance betwixt the Natures of their discourses in many places? Is that suitable?  Author. 
If you will but (as I do) understand by the Landlord, and Tenant, the several degrees of all his Majesty's Subjects, you'll find no greater Discrepancy in that, then may be in their other Circumstances, and Accoutrements. As for example, the Landlord may ride on a Fourty-Pound Horse, and the Tenant on a Fourty-Sinlling Galloway, and notwithstanding, both Travel in the same Road.  Reader. 
Have not you, in many places belied the Tenant's Speech, as lig, sick, Pse, & c.? These, and many others being no Scotch words!  Author. 
You must consider the Tenant has lived long in Northumberland, and has somewhat mixed his Dialect with the Native Inhabitants: The difference is small, yet Dialogues ought to be natural, as also he will now and then drop a word or two right English for fineness; And in truth there's nothing more frequent among such, when they speak to any P●●●●● of Quality.  Reader. 
Why have you ordered those few Songs, for the most part to old and Common Tunes?  Author. 
Because I would have them readily Sung. I have known many Witty and Loyal Songs lost, before Country People have found their Times. If any man think 'em worth newer, let him use his Art, and Welcome.  Reader. 
Is this the Scotch spelling in many of your common words (as geud for good, blood for blood, Naig for Nag, etc.)  Author. 
No. There is no difference between the Scotch and English spelling; it ●●es in the pronouncing of 'em: And I have so letterd them, and all such, only to put the Scotch way of it, into the English man's mouth; a Contrivance the English Poets are extraordingry faulty in, nor can their way either touch our Idioms or Accent.  Reader. 
But tell me this I prithee now?  Author. 
I'll tell thee no more, Man. The Preface is too long all-ready: Farewell.   

James Stuart, Second & Seaventh. ANAGRAM. Just Man on Earth, used Sea, etc.  

THE Labour's lost, mangle not this Sacred name,  
For every Letter here's an Anagram.  
The justest Man on Earth, him heavens allow,  
Justice requires that we to's Sceptre bow.  
Such happiness (be thankful) prov's we are  
Appointed by God, for his peculiar care.  
He used Sea, there vigorously maintained  
Our Interest, and his own Glory gained.  
How could he fail, when such Auspicious Gales  
(Even Angel-breath) breezed on his prosperous Sails?  
The Bulwark of his Country, King and Laws:  
Nothing could match his Courage, but his Cause.  
By Prudent Conduct, Valour, Wise Command,  
Vanquished our Foes at Sea, our Hearts at Land,  
They Trembling sink; while we Triumphing stand.  
They yield their Weapons, and we give our Hearts;  
All stoop to him, subdued by  Arts.  
Why not submit? Sure no Objection, where  
There's Lawful Conqueror, and Rightful Heir.  
Sir, prostrate at your Princely Feet we lay  
Our Lives, our Fortunes, our et caetera.    

A Dialogue, etc. Upon the HIGHWAY.  
OCCASIONED By two Great Solemnities at Newcastle upon Tine; The former February the 11th. 1684/5. At the Proclaiming of our Dread Sovereign King James the Second and Seventh: And the latter February the 13th. next after, at the bringing in of the New CHARTER.  Tenant. 
SIR,  
I Was at Newcastle, where I trow ye ha' been,  
I saw 
* such.  sick a Sight there, as ne'er yet was seen;  
I thought they'd been Crowning a King or a Queen:  
Knights, Gallants, and Ladies, a hugeous great Number,  
Bells rang, Minstrels played, and Cannons did Thunder,  
But what was the meaning I canno' but wonder.  
Pikes, Muskets, and Drums, and 
* many.  money gay Fellows,  
The King's Health was Drunk at 
‖ every.  ilk ' Tavern and Alehouse;  
Instead of fair Water their Fountains sprang Claret,  

* Good.  Geud Fellows came in, and among them did share it.  
They ranted the Day out, and when the Night came,  
I thought the 
† whole.  hail Town had been 
* Bonfires.  all in a Flame.  
Landlord, Hold, hold my Good-Neighbour, let me know what you say?  
I'll tell ye the meaning as well as I may;  
What—? Thundering of Cannons, there was no such thing,  
'Twas the 
‖ Newcastle is the chief Town in those parts.  Cock of the North was Clapping his Wing.  Ten. 
But 
* one.  ya thing I minded, resolve me this case,  

† Two  Twa Passions appeared in 
‖ every  ilka Man's Face?  
The 
* conside.  ta side seemed Merry, the t'otherside Mourned,  
And Sorrow to 
† Gladness.  Blythness was instantly turned.  Land. 
Alas now ye pinch me! there is no denying,  
Great Caesar our Monarch was lying a dying,  
But when he expired and his Soul fled to Heaven;  
Instead of himself his Second was given.  
Now Sorrow! now Joy! nothing better could do it.  Ten. 
But then 
‖ Charter.  twa days after, again they fell to it;  
Their 
† Wofulness.  ●waedeum seemed vanished; less sign left of Grief;  
How came that about?  Land. 
I'll tell thee in brief.  
The day breaks again, our Horizon is cleared,  
The Sun in the South soon after appeared:  
Observe when bright Phoebus at first takes his Rise,  
He seems not so Glorious to faint mortal Eyes,  
Some Clouds may surround him, the Morning is i'll,  
But upward advancing, Carreering it still;  
The higher he mounts it, the warmer the day.  Ten. 
I's 
* I'm somewhat Book-learned.  sunckat beuk-learned, and I guests what you say.  Land. 
Then a full noon of Joy, possessed every Heart,  
Old and Young, High and Low there Acted a part.  
Every Bigg-bellyed Wife eased her Apron-String,  
May this prove a Soldier to sight for our King:  
Every Girl of Fourteen wished herself a Bride,  
For that,  Ten. 
And another 
‖ good.  geud reason beside.  Land. 

* It was full Sea and a high Spring Tide, just when the King was Proclaimed here.  Seas roar, Rivers swell, expressing their Joy,  
Th' harmonious Spheres sound Vive le Roy.  Ten. 
What was't they fetched in with sike Pomp and Pride?  Land. 
Their Charter, their Rule, their Light, and their Guide.  Ten. 
They're mighty proundoned.  Land. 
So well may they, since,  
It's great Honour to merit that Grace from their Prince.  Ten. 
Had I but kenned 
† all.  awe, when I was in the Town,  
I'd spent t'other Groat on the brisk-berry-brown;  
And when I've telled this to my 
‖ poor.  poor Wife 
* old.  awld Megg,  
She'll noddle her Head tho' she 
‖ cannot.  canno' lift Leg.  
But well away Landlord! the days we ha'seen,  
Had it 
* always gone so.  aylways gane sae, we happy had been!  Land. 
When Rebel-Phanaticks like Lions did roar,  
They mauled brave Newcastle, and many Towns more,  Ten. 
And 
‖ all.  awe that was Loyal they to the Ground bore.  Land. 
Like stupid dull Geese, they sat rotten Eggs,  Ten. 
And settling Religion, they jumbled it to Dregs.  Land. 
They cried up Religion, like Tigers they fought for't,  Ten. 
But ne'er 
* found.  faund it out till our Coffers were sought for't.  Land. 
Tubs were made Pulpits.  Ten. 
And Kirks turned to Stables.  Land. 
Cant passed for Gospel.  Ten. 
Religion for Fables.  Land. 
They vaunted both Babel, and Dagon should fall.  Ten. 
But the Rubbish smoored King, Laws, Bishops and all.  Land. 
Sacrilege, Treason, Blood, Plunder, and Rape.  Ten. 
In truth it was well if our Wives did escape.  Land. 
Pretending our Freedom, they noosed us in slavery.  Ten. 
Made 
‖ holy.  holy pretences a Cloak for their Knav'ry.  Land. 
Our naked Breasts exposed to Bullets and Steel.  Ten. 
By the Faith o' my Body I kenn that 
* full-well.  fow-weel.  Land. 
Estates were sequest'red, and not a Groat left us.  Ten. 
Of our 
† Goods,  and our Gear, and geud-names they bereft us.  
When I 
‖ call to mind  unbethink me of 
* those  thea frights and fears  
This 
‖ poor old grey Beard hangs.  poor old Graybeard hangs dripping wi' Tears.  
I've gane to the Market, I've bought Beef and Mutton,  
I've said to my Wife— Dame hang us the Pot on,  
Here's Wheat-meal and Suet, we'll have a Poak-Puddin,  
Put a 
‖ handful  neef fow of Prunes in't, and make it a geud ane;  

* These  Thea Traitors have come, (I speak nathing but truth)  
And not left me 
‖ one  ya by't on't to put in my Mouth.  
I've tewed this poor Carcase, 
* both  baith weary and lame,  
And 
‖ Then gone to Bed with an empty Belly.  sign gane to Bed with a tewm hungry wame.  
I cannot but 
* weep  greet Sir, this sad tale to tell,  
But 
‖ more  mair for my Wife, and my Bairns, nor my 
* self;  sel';  

‖ Who have looked earnestly.  Wha've glowred in my Face, and cried what 
* must  must we eat?  
When my Tears was their drink, and my Groans was their meat.  Land. 
But when God of his Mercy restored us our Prince,  
What plenty of good things have we had e'er since!  
What Subject of his had cause to complain?  Ten. 
And what the Lord sent us was always our 
‖ own  aine.  
May-chance now and then a Sax-penny Sess,  
My Pot neither boiled, nor my Spit jogged the less;  
I paid you my Rent, I keeped up my Credit;  
I've lent my Friend five Mark, and 
* more  mair when I had it;  
I pitied the Trav'ller that came to my 
‖ Door,  Deur,  
I had 
* always  ayllways a Morsel, to give to the 
‖ Poor.  Poor.  Land. 
We all lived in Peace with Blessings ten Thousand,  
But our Blessing was 
* Plotting against so good a Prince.  cursed, when we made the wrong use on't;  Ten. 
We were served in our kind, for our 
‖ self  sells was the cause.  Land. 
Great Charles! most renowned may thy Memory be, on't.  
Thou found'st us all Slaves, but thou'st left us all Free,  
We know thou'rt immortal, thou canst not be dead;  
Thou'st but finished thy days-work, and so gone to Bed.  Ten. 
Wished Landlord.  Land. 
Speak Tears.  Ten. 
There's nae mair to be said.  
But Sir, I've oft heard our 
* The Clergy of the Church of England were ever Loyal.  geud Minister say,  
Jack-Presbyter fain would be at his 
‖ old  old play.  
Is the fo'ke 
* all run mad,  awe gane fond, to play 
† such  sick a trick on't?  

‖ if they knew but what we know.  Gin they witted but what we wot, I trow they'd grow sick on't.  
How 
* go  gang they about us! the like was never seen!  
What—? cheat us twice fairly before our awn 
‖ Eyes?  E'en?  
Can the 
† foolish Clowns  silly daft Carls think we'll still be Fools?  Land. 
When they fall a working they want not their Tools;  
By Clubs, and Cabals, and by open attempting,  
By spreading false News, and by Conventicle-Canting.  Ten. 
To cover their Knav'ry, they'll play at Bopeep,  
About the Bush (Tony,) or at Hide and go seek;  
Sometimes they'll play fairly, and whiles they'll play Booty,  
But give me him that's faithful because it's his Duty,  
He'll work his 
‖ work  wark fairly, without Knavish drift;  
That Blade for my 
* Money,  siler, he's fast in the heft.  
When Death becomes Plaintiff, and Traitor Defendant,  
Than ' spy well about ye, and mark but the end on't,  
He may chance to drop off, as other Men do;  
But rather knit up like a Bird in a bought;  

‖ Let it go as it will,  Gang that as it likes, his Memory's cursed,  
And 
* somewhat  sunckat comes after, I trow that's the worst.  Land. 
Let's visit the Shrines of thrice Noble Montrose,  
Pious Laud, Brave Lord Capel, and many of those,  
Smell their Loyal-dust, and its fragrant Scent,  
Makes the Spice of Arabia insipid and faint:  
Perhaps Men may say, Here— such an one lies,  
But if he was Loyal, they'll ne'er say he dies?  
True, Rebels and Traitors will never be forgotten,  
Tho their Memory stinks worse than their Flesh whilst a-rotting.  Ten. 
Should I put my kind to discredit and shame,  
They'll cast up to my Bairns, when I'm dead and 
‖ gone,  gane,  
Your Grandsire was hangit for being a Traitor;  
God 
* Blefs us and heep us from any such  safe us, and said us fra  sike matter.  Land. 
The greatest of Beauty's by God ever given,  
Was Order on Earth, and Order in Heaven:  
By Pride and Disorder great Lucifer fell,  
Yet he cannot rule without Order in Hell.  Ten. 

* Devils allow Beelzebub to be their Prince, but Whigs disown all Superiors.  Then wha denies Order is warse nor his sel'.  Land. 
If then without order no Kingdom can stand,  
That must be the best which the powerful hand  
Of God, in his Wisdom, has for us appointed.  Ten. 
They're 
‖ infortunate or bewitched  unsoncy that 
* meddles  mells with th' Almighty's Anointed.  Land. 
I've read several Hist'ries, sacred and profane,  
I've ranged foreign Countries with labour and pain,  
And I always observed the People more blest,  
And richer, and stronger, and far less oppressed  
By the worst of their Kings, than the best of Usurpers.  Ten. 
My 
‖ Malediction  Malison light upon Government truckers.  Land. 
This truth (I believe) is by all men confessed.  Ten. 
What geud-luck ha' we then gets always the best.  Land. 
But now our way parts, and there's no Host-house,  
To drink the King's Health in a Loyal Carouse.  Ten. 
Had we but a Gallon of humming-Corn-Drink,  
I need no to tell ye, ye 
‖ know  knaw what I think;  
Intruth my dear Landlord, I'll vexed to the 
* Blood  Bleud.  Land. 
We'll sing his good Health then.  Ten. 
And that's even as geud.  Land. 

To the Tune of Hey Boys up go we.  

I.  
Now who dare say brave Charles is gone,  
Brave Charles is still the same;  
Brave Charles sits safe on Charles' Throne,  
And only changed his Name.  
We Englishmen, how happy then,  
Look here for Monarchy;  
Our King never dies, nor from us flies,  
And hey-boys up stand we.   

II.  
Hold off— touch not our Angel-Queen,  
Flat Muse fly not so high,  
The Quintessence of all the Fruits,  
Of fertile Italy.  
Comparison's not worth a Doit,  
Here's matchless Majesty,  
Both he and she in Honi Soit, etc.  
Still higher up go we.   

III.  
Repent and turn misguided Whigs,  
Your Projects will not do;  
Both Heaven and Earth maintains the fight,  
Against your Cause, and you:  
We'll not refuse your Friendship still,  
If you your faults will see;  
Join hand in hand, let James command,  
And none so high as we.    Ten. 
we'll sung honest Landlord, but yet let me tell,  
It's pity nane should have 
‖ such  sike sport but your sel'.  
Will ye let me sing mine as well as I can?  Land. 
Ye're welcome, begin, ye're a good Loyal Man.  Ten. 

I.  
And is great Charles our sovereign dead!  
Now fates do what ye can!  
The Crystal drops bedew the Cheeks  
Of 
‖ every  ilka Loyal Man.  
Stop 
† Floods  Fleuds of Tears, and flow 
‖ no more,  na maire,  
Submit to heavens decree;  
We have a Plaster for our 
* sore,  sare,  
And still Boys sound are we.   

II.  
When Royal James to Scotland came,  
Geud Lard, how 
‖ glad  blithe were we!  
We danced, we drank his Health, and Sang,  
With mirth and merry glee:  
We flung our sells down at his Feet,  
Our 
‖ Necks  craig's laid to his Knee,  
And ay the 
† lower  Laigher that we 
‖ bowed  jowked,  
The higher up went we.   

III.  
You mighty Potentates abroad,  
For 
‖ all  awe your brave Adventures,  
Ye are but Prentices at Trade,  
And newly Signed Indentures;  

‖ Almost  Amaist by sax-score Royal Kings,  
We'll prove his Pedigree;  
I've cracked the 
* World  World 
‖ from  fra end to end,  
And 
* none so  nane sae high as we.   

Should some hang lugged Whig sneak under 
† those  thea Dykes,  
He'll say to his 
‖ self  sel'— you's twa Tory Tykes;  
But I care not a Button how many can hear;  
A Fig for awe Physic when a Man can piss clear.   Land. 
've sung the King's Health, we'll prayed if ye will.  Ten. 
That's every way better, and better on still.  Land. 
Then long live Great James, the Mirror of Princes,  
May his Reign ne'er be troubled with Whiggish Pretences,  
May Plots and Conspiracies blast in the Bud,  
And may we be happy in knowing our Good:  
May no foreign Land make these Nations a Byword.  Ten. 
Amen I pray God. Now Geud-night to ye Landlord.  
Ha-a-aw Landlord hanck your 
† Horse  Naig a while,  
For I ha' ridden full long twa mile,  
Out of my 
† way  Gate, to overtake ye,  
(For while I'm quick I'll ne'er forsake ye)  
I've spurred my Beast till he's gore 
(a) blood,  bleud,  
But I ha' 
(b) one  yane at hame as geud.  
Now this is it, 
(c) soon  seun as we parted  
Another whimsy strait upstarted,  
Geud faith my very Heart did burn,  
And 
(d) longed  langed to have the t'other turn,  
And crack a bit, o' this same Fashion.  Land. 
In Durham on the Coronation.  Ten. 
Sir keep your 
(e) appointment  tryst, and ye'll even win me.  Land. 
I will not fail, if life be in me.  
The end of the first Dialogue.   

A SECOND Dialogue, etc. At an Inn in Durham, April the 23. 1685.  
BEING The Coronation-day of their most Sacred Majesties, King James the Second and Seventh, and his most Illustrious Queen Mary.  
OCCASIONED By a most splendid Solemnity, that Day there.  Enters the Landlord to the Tenant At Eight a Clock at Night. Tenant. 
YE're welcome Sir, now sit ye down,  
For I have sought throughout this Town,  

‖ Indeed  Forseuth I've had a 
† wearisome  tyresome chase,  
And fain would I ha' seen your Face;  
God's 
* B'essing  Bennison light on your Heart,  
We'll crack a bit 
† before  afore we part.  Land. 
I had some business to do,  
Which made me take the start of you:  
Draw in your Chair, sit down I say;  
And tell me how 've spent this day?  Ten. 
Nay 
(a) pardoume  hauled a cast, I trow ye jeered,  
Think ye that I'll be sae 
(b) illbred?  misleared?  
It is the order of our Land,  
When Laird sits down, let Plew-men stand.  
If 
(c) any   chance to see, he'll tell,  
Give Bumpkin inch he'll take an ell.  Land. 
And if it were the same of us,  
There would not be so great abuse.  
Some Landlords are such needless Wasters,  
They make their Tenants oft their Masters;  
When we're to do our Sov'raigns' Pleasure,  
We may expect their help at leisure:  
Howe'er you show your Breeding there,  
Yet notwithstanding here's a Chair;  
When you obey you're free from stripe,  
Here— take my Box and fill your Pipe.  
If any Gentlemen here come in,  
And we Discourses should begin,  
Stand up till some bid you sit down,  
And none will call you saucy Clown.  
There was brave Sights, I make no doubt  
But ye were stirring still about,  
What did ye hear? What was't ye saw?  Ten. 
I'll ne'er be 
(d) able  yable to tell it 
(e) all,  awe,  
I liked what ever I did see,  
Except a 
(f) wilful  willfow deformity.  Land. 
Wilful! Surely that's not fitting.  Ten. 
As sure as we're at Table sitting.  
Scotch Custom is (I pray observe)  
A Rule fra 
(g) which  whilk we never swerve;  
If we ha' scant a Mark o'Gear,  
We give our Bairns still 
(h) somewhat  sunckat 
(i) learning  lear;  
And I my 
‖ self,  sel' 
† poor  poor as you, see,  
Had some of that bestowed on me.  
Ovid in his Metamorphos,  
Has laid this thing 
‖ so  sae plain before us:  
Os homini sublime dedit.  
(Ye wot he was 
* no Fool  nae Feul that said it)  
And next to that, Coelum tueri;  
Now what needs awe this 
‖ Coll kept.  feery fairy?  
Should I take pains to 
* crook myself.  creuk my sel',  
As 
‖ if I longed to look  gin I langed to leuk like hell?  
The 
* well favoured  well faured Ladies strangely stoops,  
And out behind they stick their Croops,  
(From whence they came I canno' say,  
But Durham-Ladies were not they:  
Every of them beside her Marrow,  
Walks even as strait as e'er was Arrow.)  
I 
‖ catched sudden hold  Cleeked 
† one  yane of them by the Arm,  
" And 
* enquired  speered 
‖ if  gin back side were wi' bairn,  
" Here's 
‖ Dunghill  Middin-midwife just at hand,  
" Deliver and you'll straighter stand:  
She did nathing but laugh and flyre,  
And cocked her tail twa Inches higher.  Land. 
Defects of Nature may be mended;  
But use right shape when God does send it.  
Well, how proved you upon the Road?  
What past before ye went abroad?  Ten. 
Up I got this Morning early,  
I joggit on 
* slowly  hewly and fairly;  
And 
‖ always  ail I whistled as I came,  
The King enjoys his awn again.  
Came to this 
† door  deur, lap off, and then  
Enquired for 
* such  sick a Gentleman;  
My very Heart was at my Mouth,  
When they said, he's not here in truth.  
I gave my Beast to the young Man,  
Wha fetched us in this 
‖ Silver  siler Cann:  
I end-ways to the Stable ran,  
I saw your 
† Nag,  Naig, else I'm a Whelp,  
I took his 
* Flank, or Buttock  Leungyie sike a skelp,  
Cobby, quoed I, if thou be 
† there  their,  
I's sure thy Master is no far;  
And then I said to the young Man,  
Set up my 
‖ Mare  Mire 
† soon  seun as ye can;  
Rub her well down and give her hay,  
I will no leave this Town to day:  
And if I find thee free fra 
* Sloth,  Sleuth,  
I'll lay thee sax-pences in thy 
‖ hand.  lose.  
The Geud-Wife used me Courteously,  
I 
† bowed  jowked to her, she 
* kneeled  baiked to me;  
She set a 
‖ stool.  steul, and laid a Cushion,  
I drew my Box, and 
† took a s●●ff,  teuk a Sneeshon;  
She fetched 
* cold  called Rost-beef, Bread and Cheese;  
Put to your hand, eat what yeplease,  
If ye ha' Travelled far to day,  
Ye may 
‖ fall  faugh Hungry by the way.  
She 
† spoke  spack like fo'ke o'th' English Nation,  
But I 
* must  must tell't o'mine awn Fashion.  
I 
‖ asked  speered what news in this geud Town?  
Quo ' she, this day King James takes Crown.  

† Suchlike  Sik'lyke will even our Gracious Queen:  
A blester Couple never was seen,  
God grant them 
* long  long in peace to Reign,  
The 
‖ longer  langer 
† more is  mair's their Subjects gain:  
A Prince indeed was his dear Brother,  
The Lord has granted 
* such  sike another;  
Were I a man, my very bleud,  
I'd freely spend, to do them goud;  
And we ha' chosen at our Elections,  
Four Loyal Men without exceptions.  
And all the 
‖ Country  Keuntry round about,  
Are come to make a Loyal shout;  
Stay but a while ye'll hear them do't.  
Geud deed, thought I, if I be here,  
This 
† jolly wife  Carlin is a Cavalier.  
What will the Whigs, said I, think now?  
For they 
* must  must either break or bow.  
The Whigs, quo' she, be sae run down,  
Not 
‖ one  yane about, nor in this Town.  
Said I, unless ye over-aw them,  
Trust some as far as ye can throw them.  
Nae hough-bands now for Godly helping?  
And has Sweet-lips gi'en o'er his yelping?  
Blind Homer 's Senses quite decayed,  
The 
† holy  holy Sisters all ov'r-layed?  
Quo she again, my Friend I feel,  
Ye 
* inquire the way ye know  speer the Gate ye kenn right we'll.  
Ye seem a Scotchman by your Tongue,  
Ha' ye lived in this Keuntry long?  
I 
‖ love  leuve your Scotchmen in my Heart,  
'Cause with our King ye 
† took  teuk a part.  
Dame, I to her, I can assure 'em,  
Ye did the same your 
* self  sells at Deurham.  
Send in a 
† quart  Chappin of your Wine,  
I'll drink their Healths before I Dine.  
It was in 
‖ jest  mows that I did 
† inquire  speer,  
But 
* since  sen ye are a Cavalier,  
I'll 
‖ whisper  rowne ye 
† somewhat  sunk at in your ear.  
I 
* know  ken this County well enough,  

‖ take no notice  Miskenn I telled ye. Then she leugh.  
I knew this ere I hither came,  
Or else I had no steered fra hame.  
I 
† Commanded  garred a Barber come to me,  
He 
* Trimmed  Cowed my Beard as you may see.  
I set my 
‖ self  sel' in seemly posture,  
For Decency is best ye know Sir;  
Especially at this geud time,  
When 
† every  ilka body will be fine.  
And 
* than  sign I drew this 
‖ Crevat  Craigclaith out,  
She tied it fast my Neck about;  
She sighed a little bit, and said,  
My Husband has been twelve Months dead.  
And 
† inquired  speered, ha'ye a wife at hame.  
I 
* smiled,  smirked, and then she blushed for shame.  
If ye be 
‖ going  ganging out o' 
† door,  deur,  
Take my Advice, she add 's, be sure,  
That your Purs-pocket be well buttoned,  
There will be Lowns, ye need no doubt on't.  
When ye are 
(d) looking, or wondering.  glowring at a Sign,  
Or see them scamp'ring for the Wine:  
Or in the Crowd a little to linger,  
Into your 
(e) Pocket  Pouch he'll popp his Finger:  
And when ye have met with the loss,  
Ye may 
(f) go home  gang hame by weeping Cross.  
They'll 'tice you in at Cards to play,  
And let you win a Deal or 
(g) two;  twa;  
But if they find that ye will bend,  
Then hearken to the hinder end:  
We ha' nae 
(h) Whore's  ' Hewrs, that's our geud luck,  
Therefore your Flesh ye canno' truck,  
But if ye 
(i) travel  gang to other places,  
And ye stand staring in their Faces,  

(k) one  Yane will draw up to you and say,  
Mine honest Countryman, 
(l) good morrow, or good even,  geud day,  
I fancy ye're some Friend o' mine,  
Will ye take a 
(m) Pint  Mutch-kin o' Wine?  
Yet have a care of her, she's nought,  
Tho your Gray-hairs may have Green thought.  
Dame, I replied, how can ye tell?  
I trow ye Judge me by your sell?  
Tho I said sae, she did no stown,  
But 
(n) laugh'r,  leugh, and called me 
(o) Waggish Body.  Limmen-lown.  
Put on your 
(p) Gloves,  Gleuves, here take your Staff,  
'twill keep a ruffling Fellow off,  
Gi' me your Cloak and 
(q) Cloak-bag  Knapsack too,  
I'll lay them safely up for you.  
If it were full o' burning Gold,  
It shan't be hurt were it untold.  
If ye have aught to buy or sell,  
Advise with me, God speed you well.  
Maistriss, quoed I, ye are kindhearted,  
I thank ye for't; and sae we parted.  Land. 
As I was walking in the Street,  
Some old acquaintances I meet,  
All brave and Loyal Gentlemen,  
Who stoutly backed King Charles, even when  
His Rebel-Subjects War declared,  
Myself with them a Fortune shared,  
At the Black-Horse a while did tarry,  
And drunk some Healths to James and Mary.  
At afternoon to th' Cross we came,  
Where twice or thrice we did the same;  
But after that appeared no more,  
For I'm grown old, my Bones are sore,  
With riding hither, though my heart,  
As sound as e'er in every part.  Ten. 
An please your Worship, I'll declare  
What I saw public e'ry where.  
Never 
(r) look  leuk for half there was 
(s) so  sae much,  
But here and there I'll give a touch.  
The Sheriff sent the Gentry warning,  
To meet him here by time this Morning:  
Accordingly the same they did.  
And mustered on the Bella's-head,  
Down Elvat to the Market place,  
With cheerfulness in 
(t) every  ilka Face.  
At several Taverns drunk a health,  
There was nae grudging of their Wealth;  
Nor did they stick to be at Charge,  
Of Tory-Ribbons rich and large,  
Whose various Colours glittering shone,  
Like Roses in the Morning Sun.  
The Loyal Tradesmen present were,  
To wait on Aldermen, and Mayor,  
With Banners flying in the Air.  
Trumpets and Drums, ay Bagpipes too,  
With what e'er else could help their Show.  
Reports did Echo from their Tongues  
Supplying want of muckle Guns,  
Fra Morn till Night the Bells ding-dongs.  
The Mayor invites them to th' 
† Tol-Booth  Tow-beuth,  
Drunk-Healths huzzaing still, forseuth,  
It could not 
* hold  hauled the ha'fe in truth:  
The 
(a) rest  laive stood waiting for the name  
Of every Health— Huzza— the same.  
And next was made a welcome Motion,  
Up to the Abbey in Devotion:  
(For let Men frolic what they will,  
The Fear of God's the best thing still.)  
The like in Deurham ne'er was seen,  
As they went o'er the Palace-green;  
The Officers of the Train-Bands,  
In Coats of richest Scarlet stands,  
Till every one in his degree,  

(b) Took  Teuk place and sae walked orderly.  
Now having begged th' Almighty's Grace,  
Back they return to th' Marketplace,  
In Splendour, and with stately Pace.  
At twelve a Clock they went to dine,  
With plenty of brave Cheer and Wine.  
Tho Wine may keep the Puddins warm,  
A little Meat Sir, does nae harm:  
It's dangerous for to carouse  
With empty Tripes the hail day thus,  
(Mortar and Stanes make 
‖ strongest  stranggest house.)  
The Trumpeters rich Liveryed towers,  
And there spent they some twa'r three hours.  
Having ta'en featly of their fare,  
To Kirk and heard the Evening prayer.  
That ended here began the game,  
The Mayor's muckle Bane-fire set on Flame.  
Alas! alas! th' Association!  
The Godly's Darling of the Nation,  
The Masterpiece of Tony's Politics contrived for purpose holy;  
And eke the 
* pretty  deft Exclusion-Bill,  
The Royal Lines Purgation-Pill;  
The grounds of House of Common's still,  
Condensed, prepared by Art and Skill:  
In Fireship Sails, tells Tony news.  
Of Deurham's churlish vile abuse!  
The Black box fly's with flaming wings.  
Crammed with a race of Cully-Kings!  
Then to the 
(a) Mouth of the Fountain, which serves the Town  Pant, opened the spout,  
Hey-dash, the Claret-wine sprang out,  
It hissed, and fizzed, and flowed amain,  
As if Bacchus had breathed a vein.  

(b) None  Nane offered Rudeness there, until  
The Gentry first had got their will,  
Which was the same repeated still.  
That 
(c) done  deun on Shoulders they did climb,  
With he o'er her, and she o'er him;  
The Squibs and Crackers every where:  
A Wag was there gave me my share;  
For he 
(d) threw one  flung yane upon my 
(e) breeches,  breeches,  
(Even shame enough be in his Cheeks)  
And truly Sir it burned my Leg,  
And garred me seek like Hen with Egg.  
The Mayor invites this generous train,  
All into the Tow-beuth again;  
I need no tell their deed, it's plain:  
They out at Windows Sweetmeats throw,  
Covering the Streets like flags of Snow;  
Till by the Ears the Gatherers go.  
They bid Drums beat, and Trumpets sound,  
For we will take the t'other round:  
Some led, others followed the scent,  
Up to the Castle Gates they went.  
Hamper of Wine, with rich strong Beer,  
Was drunk about the 
(f) Bonfire.  Bane-fire there;  
Nor fuel, nor strangg drink was spared,  
For come wha will i'th' College yard.  
To Crown this great Solemnity,  
Again they to the Tavern hie;  
The t'other Health and sae geud-night,  
And that set some of them just right:  
But pray you Sir, mistake not me,  
For there was nae indecency,  
But men in sick a case as this,  
Will strain a buckle.  Land. 
No great miss.  Ten. 
The Townsman's Bane-fires towards the Even,  
Burnt fra five hours, till long past seven;  
And Healths they drunk 
(g) very hearty.  just helter-skelter,  
But never a 
(h) Soul  Saul in mire did welter.  Land. 
Here every thing was ordered sit,  
They like brave Hero's carried it.  Ten. 
Ha' ye a mind to take your rest?  Land. 
Nay not this hour; I think ye'd best  
Begin some Song, or pleasant Story.  Ten. 
And I have baith Sir, ready for ye.  
THis Jennet is a Bonny Lass, This Jennet is my Deary, What then need I lig by my sel', And Jennets bed sae near me? ╌  Land. 
How—? hold your peace, what's this you say?  
Sing me a Song fit for the Day.  
Had you seen what I saw of late,  
Ye would not sing at that wild rate.  
What—? can there be no Merriment,  
But what proceeds from base Intent?  
Is't not a shame that Christian Breath,  
Should to a scandal turn their Faith?  Ten. 
This Wine's 
(i) almost  amaist got in my Head,  
I make mair haste nor meet geud-speed;  
My Tongue is grown sae slip and slidder,  
It glents and glyds I knaw not whither;  
It's no the 
(k) Song  Sang that I intended,  
But pardon this, and I will mend it.  

(l) give  Gi'me but leave to wet my Whistle,  
And i'll sing you the Royal Thistle.  

THe Thistle is the Healing Plant,  
What then need I to fear me,  
For my geud Health I never can want,  
The Thistle grows so near me:  
It cures Convulsions (in the State)  
It helps awe these are aguish,  
And Raging Fevers it will 'bate,  
Al— be— it they were Plaguish.   

II.  
Wha canno' leave the Thistle we'll,  
Are oddly gi'en to Folly,  
Take thou of it and thou'll ne'er feel,  
Disease of Melancholy:  
Against the Rickets it is geud,  
The Ligaments it loses,  
And purify's corrupted Bleud;  
Sae never spare thy doses.   

III.  
It helps the Hearing and the Sight,  
Green Wounds, and the Vertigo,  
'Twill keep thy 
* blooming  bleuming Beauty bright,  
If thou'lt but do as we do,  
Against the Bitings of mad Dogs,  
Strong Poison, Worms and Vermin:  
What then are they but silly Rogues,  
That leuves no what's nae harm in!   

iv  
The Thistle branches out its Leaves,  
And never keeps them together,  
To all its Friends it shelter gives,  
In time of Stormy Wether:  
But Rebel if thou darest be seen,  
(I hope we need no fear thee)  
The prickl's will 
‖ prick out thine eyes.  jagg out thine e'en,  
The Thistle will sit near thee.   Land. 
That's somewhat like, but yet my Friend,  
I hope ye have not made an end,  
What is your Story?  Ten. 
'Pon my 
* oath,  yaith,  
It's Piper 
‖ Tapski's  Tony's Life and Death.  Land. 
Then let me hear't from end to end?  Ten. 
With brev'ty Sir, I do intent.  
First place I will describe his Person,  
(It was an ugly ill shaped Whoreson!)  
His Looks, his Gate, and all was odious,  
As 
* many  money shapes as e'er had Proteus;  
A restiff, Cross-grained teethy Ape,  
A Devil sure in Monkey's shape.  
Yet knew right well this wily Elf,  
That nane could play like to his self.  
When 
(a) Weddings  Brydals, or Horseraces fell,  
Still piper Tony bears the Bell:  
Of awe the pipers I did see,  
This piper Tony won the 
(b) degree.  gree.  
And yet by missing of his 
(c) Tune,  Spring,  
He had 
(d) almost  amaist 
(e) undone  undeun the King;  
For right or 
(f) wrong  wrong he made 
(g) he made no matter,  nae matter,  
So he could fish in 
(h) troubled water.  Drumly-water.  Land. 
I prithee man how can that be?  
It's wonderful and strange to me,  
That he by missing of a Spring,  
Could e'er have hurt so great a King!  Ten. 
Sir it is true, for I suppose,  
He plays nae Tune where e'er he goes,  
But Oliver lend me thy Nose.  
Or sometimes having ta'en a fresh-cup,  
He'll rumble you out, down drops the Bishop.  
Had he hit right it would ha' been,  
The King enjoys his awn again,  Land. 
I must confess that was a bad-one,  
But tell me what his Pipes were made on?  Ten. 
Imprimis (for I'll gang by order)  
The Chanter was an awld Recorder.  
It's first Master came fra the 
(i) West-Chester  West,  
Some thinks he played on it the best  
Of 
(k) any   he on English Ground;  
They say his Marrow can't be found;  

(l) who knows  Wha kenns a Pipe will sur'ly grant Sir,  

(m) Most  Mayst of the skill lies in the Chanter:  
His was of Willy Lenthals fashion,  
Bored by the Wisdom of the Nation,  
They tried and tried it o'er again,  
And still they 
(n) found  found that it 
(o) spoke  spack plain;  
But yet it was an 
(p) unknown  uncouth thing,  
It played for 
(q) any   but the King;  
Thou trot to Tyburn even wha will,  
It skreems a Huntsup with great skill.  
Yet when the Doctor's case came on,  
It did but wheezle in its tone.  

(r) He was a Rebel-pretended Reformer in Bohemia, who, having inflamed his Country, and destroyed his Prince, his last Sickness (the Plague) took him; and to terrify his Country, and encourage his Followers, he inloined them to flay off his Skin, and make a Drum of it. He was called the Monachomaxtix, from the great pleasure he took in kill Monks for his sport.  Zisca the famous Monachomaxtix,  
Wha in Bohemia played his Dog tricks,  
When he marched off he garied his pelt,  
Be made a Drum, dead heard, quick felt,  
Our Pipes b'ing near to that same fashion,  
For playing thorough-reformation,  
The Bags were of that very Leather,  
Whilk keeped Nol's 
(s) scalp  pow fra Wind and Wether.  
And laced about, wi' skimmering-tinsel,  
Woven by a Whiggish Common Council.  
The Bellows were Bucchanan's Lungs,  
The flappes were Baxter's, Welsh's Tongues.  
The Reeds, Dissenters Throats and Weasands;  
The Drones, the shanks of 
(t) Country Peasants:  Keuntry Peasants:  
The Blast was Rombals best Swan quill,  
Flaped with an 
(u) old  ald Exclusion-Bill.  
The Wind-fald, and the Bellow's-Stockead,  
Were pieces of a broke '- Black-Box-lid.  
The Joints were turned to their degrees,  
In Calvin's Reformation Trees.  
A bunch was hung where 
(x) The Piper at a Wedding has always a piece of the Bride's Garter tied about his pipes.  Ribbon glances,  
Of printed Votes, and Ordinances,  
Tied on with— Thanks to these who sends us.  
Now Saundy cries to Kirshin— Hony!  
What 
(y) very pretty  winsome Pipes has little Tony!  
My Dow, quo-she, they're wondrous bonny!  
What Heavenly Music will be made!  
Tony hears that and nods his Head:  
Now we may dance o'er dyke and hedge,  
But wellaneer, at Bothwell Bridge,  
They jobbed a sharp whittle in behind,  
And after that his Bags skaild Wind.  
An unexpected by blow, which,  
Garred Tony scratch where't did not itch.  
He stitched them closely up again,  
And on to Westminster they came,  
There skreemed, and raird beyond all aim.  Land. 
Why did they to that place resort?  Ten. 
The Landlord was to hold a Court,  
And there his Tenants were attending,  
Sundry debates, preuving and fending:  
And when their business is 
(z) done,  deun,  
They always gang to get a 
(a) Spoonful  Speunful of stout humming nappy Ale,  
And then the Piper will no fail  
To Jenk a Huntsup o'er the plain;  
Till awe their giblets jet again.  
But yet, Sir, ye 
(b) must  must understand  
Another Card in Tony's hand.  
A noble Lady there did live,  

(c) Named  Yclept Madam Prerogotive:  
Sprung from a Royal stock was she,  
A Miracle of Courtesy;  
And for her Equipage and Honour,  
Some dainty Damsels waited on her.  

(d) Among  Among the 
(e) rest  laive was Propertie,  
A strapping Wench as 
(f) one  yane shall see;  
She came of honest Parentage,  
And got to an indifferent age:  
She was Housekeeper to my 
(g) My Lady Prerogative.  Lady,  
And to speak truth was always ready,  
To get fo'ke what they would be at;  
And bairns their Meat, and 
(h) such  sick as that.  
She was high in my Lady's Favour,  
And large Allowances she gave her.  
What ever was my Lady's fare,  
Still Property 
(i) must  man have her share;  
And if her head had ta'en an aiking,  
My Lady's heart would fall a quaking.  
Had ye but seen't ye would ha' sworn,  
She had her of her Body born:  
There's nothing there could run a-reel,  
If Maistriss Property were we'll.  
Till in Conclusion it befell,  
That Property 
(k) forgot  miskened her 
(l) self  sel';  
And needs would be the better Woman.  Land. 
Indeed my friend that's very common;  
When Servants long time with us live,  
They think they merit all we give.  
It's true, some use old Servants worse  
Than useless Dog, or outworn Horse.  
Again, when Servants learn to know  
Their Business, than they sawey grow;  
In either party ought to be  
Discretion and Civility.  Ten. 
At this my Lady was surprised,  
And Property she thus advised.  
My dough (quo she) It's very strange,  
That I should find in you this change!  
My Business is quite neglected,  
And 
(a) nothing done  nathing deun as I directed;  
There is some Maggot in your pate,  
That altars you sae 
(b) much  meikle of late,  
If ye intent to pick a Quarrel  
With me, be wise, or at your Peril;  
Fall to your Duty as before,  
You'll see I'll give the matter o'er;  
And ye shall never crave twice of me  
The smallest Penny of your 
(c) Wages.  Fee.  
But Property was in the huff,  
And oft she would go in a snuff:  
She grew at last that nane could guide her,  
My Lady then was forced to chidd her.  
Into a private Room they draw,  
And thus to her she laid the Law.  
Have I brought thee up 
(d) peremptory  paughty Quean,  
Like Bird to pick out mine awn 
(e) Eyes?  E'en?  
Hadst thou in thee the least 
(f) Commonsense.  Rumgumption,  
Thoved scorn awe sik'lyke Presumption.  
By the 
(g) whole World  hail Waurld it will be thought,  
Thou has been better fed nor taught.  
Thinkest thou I'm in necessity,  
To turn thy 
(h) bold impudent Jade.  tauntrils-tail on me?  
If sae it be, then look about ye,  
And try gin I can't live without ye.  
I trow ye'll be the first will rue,  
(I's Coxed if my Words preuve no true:)  
Experience will this unriddle;  
Sae take a Spring of thine awn Fiddle.  
How fain would she had her reclaimed,  
But all Expedients were disdained:  
For awe she could do for her Life,  
Was but against the stream to strive.  
Tho Property had got this scooling,  
She scorned a jot to leave her fooling,  
But turned her foot, disdained to bow;  
And in Derision wried her 
(i) Mouth.  Mow:  
When wanton 
(k) Horse or Mare.  Yaud has cast her Rider,  
And ta'en sike freeks that 
(l) none  nane can guide her,  
Under her Feet she gets her 
(m) Bridle or Halter.  Branks,  
And stark-horn-mad she ply's her Shanks:  
Now down before, now up behind,  
Now Nose, now Tail fly's in the Wind:  
She Sneers and Whinny's— Whilly-Lilly,  
(Fo'ke think's the De'il's possessed o'th' Filly.)  
At this same rate fared Property,  
As 
(n) soon  seun as she had ta'en the 
(o) any manner of ill Condition.  gee.  Land. 
By what degrees ran she astray,  
And banished Virtue thus away?  
For Nemo (as they say with us)  
Repentè sit Turpissimus.  Ten. 
She cuts her Prayers shorter and shorter,  
(Perhaps she 
(p) thought  weent 
(q) long ones  long yanes would hurt her,)  
And next (what ever should betid)  
She fairly laid them all aside.  
Again, she would ha' spent hail days,  
In reading damned Lascivious Plays:  
She 
(r) sung light songs,  sang light sangs, read lewd Romances,  
At Night to Balls and wanton Dances.  
She was allowed an Honest Mirth,  
Fit for her Fortune and her Birth;  
But 
(s) seldom  seindle now ye can her see,  
Out of suspected Company.  Land. 
Permitting lesser Crimes, though with Remorse,  
Will slain the Conscience, and make way for worse.  Ten. 
Sir, after this there did 
(t) befall,  befaw,  
Another Chop, 
(u) was worst of all.  was warst of awe.  
Alas! alas! and well-aday!  
It happ'nd on a Halyday!  
As Tony in the Fields was stalking,  
And Property 
(m) went  gade out a-walking,  
As fine as ever hands could make her,  
He briskly by the Arm did take her,  
And complementally affords  
A pretty parcel of fair Words.  
Sae, finding her a gamesome flirt,  
The winking Thief gave her a jirt.  
He led her back into the 
(x) Hall;  Haw,  
And there he played her Up Tails (y) awe.  
Now having popped her Belly 
(z) full,  fow,  
And fill'd her wame up till her 
(a) Mouth,  mow,  
To chop her off by 
(b) hook or crook,  heuk or creuk,  
Was the next Care that Tony 
(c) took.  teuk.  
A 
(d) A bold insinuating Sharpen.  Swinger 
(e) dwelled  won'd about the Court;  
A Lown of very ill report,  
A 
(f) Fulsom Sloven  Keustran infamously famous,  
Knaw'n by the Name of Ignoramus.  
About the Court he had an Office,  
And Salary for't that might him suffice.  
All that could not his Stomach stay,  
But he with baith the hands 
(g) must  must play.  
Give him a Greezing in the First,  
He'll hang and save just as he list.  

(h) one  Yane Night he stole the Keys o'th' Prison  
And set thee Thiev's out by the Dozen:  
He could ha' Counterfitted Seal,  
Or forged a Deed extremely we'll;  
Sir, long time he had cast an Eye,  
At 
(i) very pretty  winsom Maistriss Property,  
But she would neither Hyte nor Rhee.  
Now Tony found it not a hard ane,  

(k) Between  Amell them twa to drive a Bargan.  
Sly Tony now will try his Art,  
(He 
(l) loved  leuved Mischief just in his Heart:)  
He had a 
(m) false Bone  faus-bane in his Cheek,  
And 
(n) known  witted when, and when not to speak.  
To Ignoramus slimmy draws,  
And wheadlingly thus oped his jaws.  
Dear 
(o) Cousin  Keusin (for they were o' kin)  
Faintheart did never fair Lady win,  
To Property ye were pretender,  
I marvel muckle ye ha' no gained her.  
A Man 
(p) so  sae smart in all your ways,  
That the 
(q) whole  hail Nation rings your Praise:  
Perhaps her Modesty might hinder,  

(r) More  Mair tractable ye now may find her.  
Take Courage Man, again 
(s) fall  faw to,  
I ha' done sike a  for you,  

(t) So  Sae feelingly I did her handle,  
That on your Knee ye may her dandle.  
Quod Ignoramus— Keusin Tony,  
If thou'lt but help me to my Honey,  
If e'er thine errand lig i'th' Court,  
Rely on Ignoramus for't.  
For thee I'll venture Life, and all  
My Wealth, what e'er come of my 
(u) Soul.  Saul.  
Quo Tony then make haste— away,  
And 
(x) put on  done thy Haly-day-Array,  
There may be danger in delay.  
The Cull at this, sae nimble grew,  

(y) One  Yane witted not whether he ran or slew.  
He hied him up into her Chamber,  
B'ing full assured to find her tamer;  
There she was raking up and down,  
In Night 
(z) ,  Claiths, and her Morning-Gown.  
(For when young Lasses get sike Cues,  
Whilk garrs them pewk, and change their hues,  
For better Coll'ring o' the matter,  
And 
(a) from  fra the Doctor hid their Water;  
They'll say their trouble is this, or that,  
Worms, Tooth-aik, or I knaw not what.)  
Quoth Ignoramus— now my sweet,  
Here's my four Quarters at your Feet,  
It's no your 
(b) Portion  Togher I account,  
Tho ye're 
(c) no worse  nae warse for having on't.  
But it's your proper-Person-Body,  
Turns Ignoramus to a Noddy.  
Alack! when I was in my Fits,  
I raved like 
(d) one  yane out of his Wits:  
The Rageous Pangs that I ha' ta'en,  
Would even have burst'n a Heart o' 
(e) Stone!  Stane!  
Sae take some pity on your 
(f) love  leuve,;  
And do not still sae Arseward 
(g) prove  preuve.  
Now Property began to ponder,  
How slyly Tony brought her under,  
She 
(h) understood  understeud her Market marred,  
And of a higher Match debarred.  
She did not as she 
(i) used  want before,  
Hector and 
(k) scold  scald him out o' Door;  
But soberly forbore her flyting,  
And even became the kindest Kyting,  
The packest thing and the best willed,  
The gentlest Bird that ever Billed.  
When he perceived that he should carry'er,  
He made what haste he could to Marry'er.  
O! how his Heart did 
(l) leap  lowp within,  
As seun as he the Field did win?  
They pitch upon the 
(m) Marriage  Bridal-day,  
(It was no time for her to stay.)  Land. 
What holderforth was't did the ?  Ten. 

(n) one  Yane that had often 
(o) kissed her Mouth.  smacked her gobb.  
The precious Salamanca-Doctor,  
(Some will no stick to say he k— t her)  
And Tony managed the Sport,  
Just in the face o'th' open Court.  
By gazing on Bridegroom and Bride,  
Court business was laid aside.  
The Laird could not abide th' affront,  
Nor Tony wha was Causer on't;  
For 
(p) still the more  ay the mair he was forbidden,  
He blasted stifflyer at this Wedding.  
Heyda! How fo'ke did jumble their Tripes,  
When they danced after Tony's Pipes!  
Some gave him 
(q) small pieces of money.  placs, and some Babbees,  
Some greater, and some lesser Fees.  
The Sisters skewed their 
(r) Petticoats;  Wyly-coats;  
And 
(s) seldom  seindle gave him less nor Groats:  
Ay, when their heels grew 
(t) somewhat  sunckat nimble,  
A Bodkin, or a Siller-Thimble.  
Auld Wives tripped, aumbling o'er the Stanes,  
Tho they were nought but Skins and 
(u) Bones.  Banes.  
Some were sae keen upon the point,  
They danced their 
(x) Necks  craig's quite out o' Joint.  
There was a sort of Stomached younkers,  
Wha sat them close upon their 
(y) fixed seats,  bonkers,  
Wi' Tory-Ribbons in their Bonnets,  
And 
(z) always  ail they skowld at Tony's Sonnets:  
They shaked their Snouts, and stamped like Mad;  
At last speaks out a Metalled Lad:  
I thought we'ad other tow to tease,  
Nor see this Lown-like Lordan squeene  
His 
(a) Greezy  Creeshy-baggs, and Laugh, and Fleer,  
And o'er the Comp'ny domineer,  
As if he were a Noble Peer.  
Our Master will be out o' patience,  
If we 
(b) neglect  mislippne his occasions.  
He 
(c) knows  ken (for he is nae unwise one),  

(d) Which  Whilk side of's Bread his Butter ly's on,  
He pays us 
(e) Wages  Fee, and finds us 
(f) Clothing,  Cleathing,  
As honestly as 
(g) any   Breathing.  
For Belly-Timber I will swear it,  
(If awe the World were here to hear it)  
There's Beef, and Mutton, Veal and Bacon,  
Goose, Rabbit, Turkey, Hen and Capon,  
Sae Fat, sae Fair (thanks be to God)  

(h) makes  Garrs all our Grinders gang Wetshod.  
Ye may sit down, and eat, and fill ye,  
Till ye can 
(i) make your Belly's stiff as a board.  crack a Louse on Belly;  
And cramm your 
(k) Bellys  Kites wi' Meat and Drink,  
Then safely tumble, and take a wink,  
And 
(l) since  sen we are thus kindly used,  
Let not 
(m) good  geud Nature be abused.  
Or if we should (as others do)  
To Horse-Race, Fair, or 
(n) Annual Feasts in Country Towns where no Market is kept.  Hoppin go,  
There play our casts among the Whipsters,  
Throw for the Hammer, 
(o) leap  lowp for Slippers,  
And see the Maids Dance for the Ring,  
Or any other pleasant thing;  

(p) Lying for the Whetstone, I'm told, has been practised, but Farting for the Pig is beyond the Memory of any Imet with; tho it's a Common-phrase in the North, to any that's well gifted that way; and probable there has been such a mad practice formerly.  Fart for the Pig, lie for the Whetstone,  
Or choose what side to lay our bets on:  
If we but carry't decently,  
He never says yance— Black's your Eye.  
We ha' the World fast in a band,  
And the bands end just in our hand.  
Or gi'en we chance, through Humane Frailty,  
To meet a Lass and give her 
(q) Persuade one to't tho unwilling.  Kelty,  
And popp her fow, as in sike Cases,  
Is used about your great men's places;  
Or if we to the Alehouse go,  
And get a Pot i'th' Pate, or so  
Or Bairns fall out at handy-dandy,  
He even forgives as fast as can be.  
Speak Truth, and never belie your Lips,  
Has not some here oft miss their Whips?  
I'm sure were he not tenderhearted,  
Some of your Tails had sound smarted.  
And since that he treats us sae Nobly,  
Let us be mindful of the Obligation,  

(s) which  whilk tie us unto him,  
And for mair of his leuve to woo him.  
For Clemency 
(t) none  nane can out-vy'm,  
Yet rouse not up a sleeping Lyon.  
The Devil (God I beteach me to)  
I think has gott'n a gripp o' you!  
That can, and will no live in Peace,  
But follow out sick freaks as these.  
Leuk but a bit beyond the 
(u) Strand, or Brook,  Beck,  
And then I here will pawn my Neck,  

(x) No people in the World so happy in privileges as our King's Subjects.  If  of the Neigh'b'ring Lairds,  
E'er gave their Servants sike Rewards.  
They dare no call their saul's their 
(y) own.  ain,  
What mischief then garrs us Complain?  
Here's sike a deal of Ribble-rabble,  
Wi' Tony and his squeaking Babble,  
As if the 
(z) scalp  pow of stinking Urchin  
Were a sit nest to hatch a Church in.  
Our time should no this way be spent;  
Let's get our Master in his Rent.  
Tho' he has meikle use for Money,  
We take no thought to get him .  
Let us make up the Castle 
(a) walls,  waws,  
And keep them right what e'er 
(b) befalls  befaws;;  
If awe the rest were right repaired,  
I trow our Labour were well 
(c) bestowed.  waired.  
(For if his 
(d) dwellinghouse.  place be weak and thin,  
Some wily Thiefs may 
(e) soon  seun creep in:  
They'll 
(f) rob him  reave his geuds if they can find 'em,  
And trow ye they'll leave ours behind 'em?  
Never 
(g) look for't.  leuk for't, Devil a doubt they're in,  
But they'll 
(h) go  gang on when they begin.  
They'll make their awn what e'er they get,  
There's nought but Fish comes in their Net.  
Plaster, secure, and make 
(i) all  awe strange,  
They'll serve him and his Followers long;  

(k) If  Gin we slight him, our sells we wrong.  
And what perteens no to our share,  
Let other Servants take in care.  
There is a sort of useful Wherrys,  
That do geud Service in our Ferrys:  
Let them be rigged and rightly manned,  
Then they'll he ready at Command,  
To send to th' Market and fetch hame,  
Provision 
(l) b●th  baith for Back and 
(m) Belly.  Wame.  
And gaudy Trinkats for our Wives,  
(Else we will lead but Hellish lives  
If of their Pride they want a Pin,  
Devil be i'their Tongues if e'er they blind.)  
Do but observe yon greedy Youths,  
Wha eat the Meat out of our Mouths;  

(n) Those  Thea Glutt'nous Hoghen-Moghen Hounds,  
Steal awe the Fish out of our Ponds.  
They're sneaking still about our Towns,  
And oft attempt to Crack our Crowns.  

(o) Reprove  Repreuve them for't, and 
(p) every.  ilka Widgeon,  
Will vaunt— A through-reformed Religion.  
But if 
(q) such  sick privilege can do,  
They'll labber in our Swine-troughs too.  
Prepare, and if they 
(r) once  yance begin,  
We'll 
(s) soon  seun souse up Van-Souterkin.  
We'll learn them other ways to feed,  
Nor lick the Butter off our Bread.  
Yond 
(t) One just rip for the Gallows  hang-a bauk, 
(u) yesterday  yeast day at Morn  
Swore 
(x) Sham-plot  awe the 
(y) Cattle  Nout was in the Corn,  
've pinded some, they have nae Straw,  
If they bide 
(z) long,  long, their Chafts will 
(a) fall.  faw.  
I've sought the Field fra end to end,  
There's nothing hurt that God did send:  
An truth were kenned, I think i' faith,  
It is their awn will do the 
(b) harm  skaith;;  
They're leuking where to find a 
(c) 35th. of Q. Eliz. to be repealed.  gap.  
And if they find it in they'll slapp.  
With their 
(d) crooked  creuked Horns they mar the Dyke,  
Forseuth I did but 
(e) put the Law in Execution;  hound the Tike.;  
Out came a drift of cursed thraw'n Fellows,  
(They're fit for nathing but the Gallows)  
Had not some helped, there is nae doubt,  

(f) Loyal-Magistrates threatened  But there they'd 
(g) beat out my Brains.  dung my poor harns out.  
We serve not God by Brags and Ranting,  
As if we met a Covenanting;  
Or if there were nae King among us,  
Except his Majesty ' Ignoramus.  
What—? ha we nathing to do here,  
But 
(h) Exclusion  pipe fo'ke fra their lawfow gear?  
Ye should considered wha ye 
(i) meddled.  melled with,  
Before sick Doctrine first was heldforth.  
Be't knaw'n, he is no back-deur-Chick,  
Nor will he be served sike a Trick:  
He craves nae mair but what's his due,  
By right of Dad, and Bully too.  
They'll wonder what a devil we ail,  
To seaed our Lips in other's kale:  
Let us do what 
(k) belongs  perteens to us;  
Our Master we'll can rule his House.  

(l) tear all to pieces,  Ryve awe to Rags, and then ye kenn,  
When doors stand open, Dogs come 
(m) into the house:  been:  
This shall be scanned before our 
(n) Lords,  Betters,  
Or else my Carcase liggs in Fetters.  
Remember 
(m) many  money years by-gane,  
When he that ruled us Right was slain;  
Respect to Quality was lost,  
Tinkers, and Cobblers ruled the roast:  
The Nobles were the Common's Cadgers,  
The Gentry but the Soldiers Badgers;  
And sae fared we, fra ill to worse,  
When Cart was set before the Horse.  Land. 
How many brave and gallant Families,  
Have been destroyed by 'spousing Treacheries?  
Their Children, and their Child's Children groan  
Under that Load, their Rebel-Sires laid on.  
Their Coats of Arms defaced in public view,  
Their Progeny ranked with the servile Crew.  
Should I take Measures from that dire Success,  
Mine Off Spring and their Heirs would bear no less.  
The blessed Jesus gave his own Example,  
(Which none of us aught under foot to trample)  
He paid a Tribute to Usurping Prince,  
Not as his due;) for how could that be, since  
Himself was Lord of all,) but that we might  
Be taught to give both God, and Caesar Right?  
His Poverty allowed him not the Coin,  
Therefore he did with blessed Peter join:  
Go fish the Sum, that all the World may see  
The Pattern of its God's Humility.  
Here's no Contingency, for what I do,  
I'll reinforce by Miracle to you.  
" Shall Jesus, Powerful Jesus work in vain,  
" To guide our Steps, and wretched we disdain  
" To follow him? O wonder! wonder! since  
" Our Sovereign's Claim is no unjust Pretence.  Ten. 
Sir I's but weak when rightly reckoned,  
Your geud Discourse I canno' second;  
But there is many ' a worthy Man,  
In Scotland bred, wha right well can:  
Therefore I add best keep mine awn road,  Land. 
Do so, go on i'th' name of God.  Ten. 
A dancer says, fra' among the rest,  
This Land of ours is sare oppressed,  
Our Grievances shall be redressed.  
What are 
(n) these  thea Grievances? let's see?  
Alas! alas! and 
(o) woe's me!  wae's is me!  
Poor Nob's condemned to Gallow-Tree.  
What was the reason? speak wha can?  
He was a witty wary Man.  
Could whigs got sike a 
(p) spoke  spaik in wheel,  
Their Cause had not sae 
(q) soon  seun ta'en reel.  
Whig Writers are (give them their due)  
As scant of Wit, as Grace, I trow.  
Let no Man call me lying Fellow,  
Till he reads Sh— Tegue-Devillo;  
He calls it Witch, for Witch we had it,  
Even 
(r) such  sike a Witch as he that made it.  Land. 
Had I of Plays ten Thousand to rehearse,  
If all were his, they never could make a Farce.  Ten. 
But mair nor that, his Lordship itches  
To banish Papish Dogs and Bitch's:  
He has geud reason to take heed,  
For spoiling true protesting-Breed.  
And further still I can assure ye,  
Chitt-Pus canno' escape his fury.  
Should popery worm into his Mice,  
He'll find that but a blind Device.  Land. 
Some  Men, who know not how to live,  
Or base-born-Slaves cannot so much deceive;  
But for the upper-rank to stake to nought,  
That mighty All their Ancestors have bought,  
With Blood and Wounds, and puissant Service done,  
Must be miraculous to every one!  
Let's now forbear, we are not throng,  
We may be dry, 've talked so long.  
Here Boy— a Bottle more of Claret.  
The t'other Health, our Brains will bear it,  
God bless the King, and Queen.  Ten. 
Amen.  Land. 
Drink off your Glass, and to't again.  Ten. 
Now this has chop't me by my Text,  
Ho— now I think on't— this is next.  
There was a Sett of Dancers came,  
But few of them I right can Name.  
First Perkin, O! he dances trimly,  
And turns on heel, and 
(s) tiptoes  tiptaes nimbly!  
He is, (as money fo'ke believes)  
An able Fellow of his 
(t) Hands,  Neev's,  
In sundry places had he been,  
And cruel Bicker had he seen,  
Still he his sel' sae we'll hehaved,  
You'd sworn God-Mars was newly shaved.  

(u) Both  Baith Man, and Lad at the same instant;  
But Fortune, well-away's unconstant,  
He kept his sel' sae marv'llous busy,  
Until his Head grew reeling dizzy;  
At last he catched a heavy 
(x) fall,  faugh,  
And there lay he for geud and 
(y) all.  awe.  
Yet notwithstanding this Confusion,  
Turned Hoghen-Moghen in Conclusion:  
If nought will serve but Belgick-bouts,  
Beleuved, take up your King of Clouts.  
Sir 
(z) 2d Dancer  ne'er-do-well, Squire Brazen-Face,  
Mufty, Maist-John scant of God's Grace,  
A squeaking Triple, yet nought but Base.  
A Teckley for the Christians loss,  
And bears the Crestent for the Cross:  

(a) Buggery, etc.  Hic-haec-Conjunx, Jack of Leyden,  
Brother Loose-down, Sister Sliding,  
In plenty 
(b) poor,  peur, but rich in want;  
A voucher of the Covenant.  
Girdled, and Sworded, flailed new Fashion,  
Saviour, Damner of the Nation,  
Jesuit, and Priest Canonical,  
A Heathen, Christian, Devil and all.  
These are his Names, and I'll be sworn,  
Nae Spaniard has 
(c) so many  sae money worn.  
He caper's high as Royal Gallery,  
And next steps back into the Pillory.  
He had mae 
(d) Ears  lugs when time befell  
Of other fo'k's, nor tongue can tell;  
But now he scarce has 
(e) one  yane his sel'.  
Latin he speaks at 
(f) every  ilka Sentence,  
Don John's familiar Acquaintance,  
He knew his dark Complexion well,  
Yet made him fair by Art and Skill:  
Tho' he and others of that Breed,  
Made Stafford shorter by the Head,  
His Wit's now of that pregnant strength,  
It spins Don-John sax-feets of length.  
The Cause's Trumpeters and Fiddlers,  
Officious Coxcombs and State-Jugglers,  
The Aaron's, and Spiritual Higglers,  
Parliament and Petition sticklers,  
The Maid of Hatfield and the Wheadlers,  
Care, Curtis, and the Elephant,  
Danced till their very: Hearts did pant.  
The 
(g) Eavesdroppers,  Lythning-Listners, with their leering,  
Nor Fish, nor Flesh, nor geud Red-Herring,  
They capered not, but 
(h) smoothly  smeuthly jimmed,  
Like some I knaw on, when they trimmed.  
The chiefest Art that Trimmers know,  
Is twisting twa Strings for a Bow.  
The Pamphleteering-Libelling-Train,  
They stirred them till they stunk again.  
Ye would ha' burstne your Heart wi' laughing,  
To've seen the gang sae full o'daffing.  Land. 
Vex, vex me not with that vile spurious Tribe,  
Which Satyrism itself can never describe.  
Or why should I this harmless Page bespatter,  
With any Judas patriae Liberator?  
Or what can Pietyed self expect but Evil,  
From Simon Magus Chaplain to the Devil?  
There is no tracing thee, but to that Flame,  
From whence thou and thy Damned Taped Patron came?  
Was there such Relish in thy Sov'raigns' Blood,  
To long for it, when Heaven itself withstood?  
To stately Charles the top of Royal Stem,  
(Whose frontly Brow adorned the Diadem,  
Whose Exequys in silent Breast will throb,  
Tho his Successor periods the Sob)  

(a) Newmarket.  A Fire on Earth did once great favour show,  
But Fire in Hell will thee (false Priest) pursue,  
Unless thou Modelize thy Life anew.  
Thou puttest not off thy Treasons by Retail,  
No, thou'rt a Tradesman only for Wholesale:  
Thy Bart'ring Mart can readily dispatch  
The Royal Cargo,— off with stock and swatch.  
Had but thy Native soil thine Equal bred,  
Cleav'land's sharp Satyrs had been blunt indeed.  
Rash muse! what hast thou done? his Equal's come,  
Avaunt Cursed Pedagogue, Cursed in the Womb,  
Cursed all thy Life, and Cursed in thy Tomb.  
But Curster still, and Curster than before,  
Because there is no Curse for thee in store;  
God, Angels, Men, and Devils can Curse no more  
Than thou hast Cursed thyself on Julian's score.  
Did not the hideous forms of thy foul Brat,  
(Foul as that Fiend, which prompting by thee sat,  
Black as thy Sin, superlativ'ly ill,  
Black as the Poison of thy Ven'mous Quill:  
Foul as that Soul was fair, which thou endeavoured  
(Oh! vain attempt!) to've made appear ill-favoured.)  
Did not, I say, that Lucifugeous face,  
A base Soul from thy base Body chase?  
Did not thy Lines, when crawling forth they came,  
Gnaw out the Entrails of their viprous Dam?  
No— Heaven for Secret Cause lent thee some time,  
Or to atone, or to enlarge thy Crime.  
Sift Earth, Rake H●ll, search the Creation round,  
With Angel's eyes, tell me where can be found  
Legions of Plagues, but in that Plaguy Race  
Which can both Heaven, and Earth and Hell outface;  
Were God, not God, he could not grant them Grace.  Ten. 
Here awe the Comp'ny went away,  
And left it till another day.  
Geud reason why, they durst not stay.  
Sae having ta'en a little Breath,  
Fell to it, Dagger out of Sheath.  
Again speaks out a 
(b) Active,  Lyver-lad,  
A trusty Trojan, thus he said.  

(c) Oath of Allegiance.  Did we not pawn Body and Saul,  
Our Master to defend and all  
Comes after him, sae 
(d) long as  lang's we live?  
And do ye think God will forgive?  
If we run wilfully in Sin,  
Judge ye what pickle we shall be in.  
Ha' ye nae fear of God nor Man,  
But work mischief even what ye can?  
Turn out o' 
(e) door  deur this stinking Jack-an-  
apes; where he but set a packing,  
You would no bob sae 
(f) The Exclusion Bill was their Sunday's work, for the most part: The better day, the better deed.  on the Sunday,  
It's nae employment for God's awn day.  
Would ever any Man or Woman,  

(g) Break the line of Succession.  Turn  into Enter-Common?  
Or slay the herds wha his Lambs keep?  
The 
(h) Fox  Todd will worry awe the Sheep:  
Or wry about the Neck o'th' Cock?  
The Glead will get the Chicken-Flock.  
Or break a gap in his 
(i) own  awn fence?  
When certain to his sad expense,  
The Beasts will slip into his Corn,  
His Neighbours will laugh him to scorn.  
Many have had fair Pleas and lost 'em,  
By fond breaking of their Custom.  
'Twou'd vex a man to th' very Guts,  
To sit seven year, cracking deaf Nuts.  

(k) Act of Succession.  Mind what the Loyal Scotchmen say,  
If we dance on sae will not they.  
Then will begin sike Broils and Tuggs,  
And 
(l) cuffing  lund'ring yane another's Lugs,  
Fie, out for shame it should be spoken,  
They'll 
(m) curse  ban us when we're Dead and Rotten.  
The 
(n) World  World will think us devilish Wanton,  
Still hobbling after Piper Anthon.  
Sir, here's a 
(o) A Fellow almost at his growth.  Spaught that came fra Taunton.  
After a Godly Grimace made,  
He paused, and spit, and thus he said.  
" I swear if Tony pipe not on,  
" The Subject's Property is gone.  
" Let's now lift up our Godly Paws,  
" And manage well the Geud Auld Cause:  
" If Conscience be our hindrance,  
" Our Anarchy will never advance.  
" Should we be tied to fond Punctilios,  
" 'Twere 
(p) worse  warse nor Papish Tormentilios.  
" Come Tony— Play— thou knaw'st my Jig,  
" I'll take my turn, and then a Fig  
" For  Cavalierish Pig.  
" There's Law, Religion, in thy Chanter,  
" 
(q) More  Mair nor they knaw on, so I'll venture.  
" Shall we make 
(r) Fool's  Feuls of Hands and Feet,  
" And they sit Laughing in that Seat?  
" Mumping and 
(s) looking as if they would by't.  Mowing, making Faces,  
" Doing their outmost to disgrace us.  
" Let them take warning, I'll take course,  
" If they'll not dance they shall do worse.  
" We'll flail them into better Manners,  
" And sell their skins to Godly Tanners;  
" Or if we stop them well wi' Straw,  
" They'll 
(t) fright  flay the Tory's all 
(u) away.  awaw.  
" I guess 've heard what 
(x) No Po. Successor.  this days Vote is,  
" We'll 
(y) bang their Coats,  paik their Hides, let them take notice.  
" They may expect, but find nae Quarters,  
" We'll make their very Guts their Garters:  
" They canno' say but I ha' warned 'em;  
Yet still they parted and nae harm done.  
Where 
(z) one  yane said— Tony— Gang thy way,  
There still was three cried— Let him stay:  
And he for 
(a) all those  awe thea Brags and Cracks,  
Still rumbled on behind their Backs.  

(b) Unfortunate  Unsonsy 
(c) once,  yance, 
(d) unfortunate  unsonsy 
(e) always  aye,  
We'll hear of this someother day;  
The Halter long they canno' 'scape;  
They'll hang themsel's give them but 
(f) Rope.  Raip.  Land. 
Come— drink to me—, do't— I'll engage ye,  
Begin— speak,— Christened, I will pledge ye:  
I'm not inclined to rant and tear,  
But yet this day, we being here,  
May take a Bumper jollily.  Ten. 
God bless the Royal Family.  
Lang-last the Court remeuved to Oxford,  
Where there had like to ha'been knocks for't:  
Another 
(g) lose Fellow.  Taistril with them came,  
And he played sweetly on the shaum,  
Here's 
(h) every one  ilka yane better nor other,  
But 
(i) wonder  whaw—! how they hit on together;  
The Rabble-rowt sae whewed and whirled,  
When Pipe and Shaum together skirled.  
That Gentleman of high esteem,  
(Indeed their Master should ha' been,  

(k) who  Wha did no 
(l) love  leuve to hear them skreem,)  
Wha was a geud-ane and a great-ane,  
And by his stile the Laird of Britain.  
Sir, he had warned them oft before,  
But Devil a bite would they give over.  
Nor shame a Spring would 
(m) those two  thea twa play,  
Except the clean contrary way.  
He 
(n) took  teuk a 
(o) Sceptre  Sweeple up in's 
(p) hand,  neef,  
Quoth he to Tony—" Squinting Thief,  
" Have I saved thee thrice fra the 
(q) Gallows,  Widdy.  
" To 
(r) make  garr my folk run 
(s) stark mad?  Hiddy-giddy?  
" I'll make (unless thou leave this Game,)  
" Thy Back as 
(t) break all thy Bones.  supple as thy Wame.  
" What 
(u) disorderly noise  hirdy girdies this ye keep?  
" I canno' get a wink o' sleep.  
" IT has been the hail course of thy Life,  
" To pipe thy Neighbours into strife;  
" By haunting Coffee-house and Alehouse,  
" Thou trains their Bairns up to the Gallows.  
" Syke 
(x) needless stir  dirdom between thy Pipes and thee,  
" And ayllway's when they take the 
(y) grow restiff,  gee,  
" Thou thinks to make a Feul o' me!  
" Dost thou not know I qoued undone thee,  
" And still puttest thou thy Pranks upon me?  
" Gang on— in spite o' thy base mind,  
" I'll preuve thy Master, thou shalt find.  
" Ingratfow Monster kenn thy sel';  
" For thou'rt just like the Fiend of Hell;  
" God made him great and he rebelled,  
" Siklike my Geudness has thee swelled:  
" 
(z) Since  Sen I set thee to 
(a) Chancellor  Seal my Letters,  
" Thou 
(b) always  aylways has 
(c) disown●…  miskenned thy Betters.  
" Leave off, or else I tell thee plain,  
" 
(d) beat out all thy Brains  I'll garr thy harns jaip again:  
" Nor is't for awe that I command it,  
" Its but thy Duty— understand it.  
He might as well talked to a 
(e) Stone,  stane,  
For Tony even blew up again,  
And blew as if it had been his last,  
And 
(f) strained himself,  peghed, 
(g) groaned.  and grained at ilka blast.  
He frisks, he struts, and bobs about,  
His E'en was like to've poppled out.  
Sir, than the Gentleman whilk I spoke on,  
Resolved his Pipes should awe be broken.  
He came upon him ere he witted,  
(And as I guess he did no miss)  
As Tony Bagpipe stiffly squeezes;  
He smashed them in five hundred pieces.  
Had ye seen what a 
(a) look he looked,  leuk he leuked,  
And in what Dudgeon Tony teuked,  
Ye would 
(b) almost  amaist ha' pitied him;  
His Master sae out-witted him.  
He gruntled like a Sow wi' Pigs,  
Says to his sel'— Now awe my Jigs,  
And Jigging-bobs are laid aside,  
Their Lace, their Ribbons, and their Pride,  
And awe the Wit in Tony's Noddle,  
Will never make them worth a boddle.  
And was not this a 
(c) sere  sare mischance!  
Even just as they began to Dance,  
To play me sike a surly Trick,  
I never saw like sen I was quiok.  
I think indeed that I was 
(d) Foolish,  Daft,  
When I fell to this Piper Craft.  
But yet I had a gay Report,  
In City, Country, and at Court.  
Wi' muckle ado I got a pair  
Of Pipes, alas my Heart is sare,  
To see them Ligg in Splinters there!  
A truer Pipe never went wi' Wind,  
And it was tuned just to my mind;  
Alas! I never did intent,  
They should ha' made this doleful end.  
I'll never be 
(e) able.  yable, with awe my Care,  
To purchase sike another pair.  
Had they but danced a little while,  
I think I could ha' dropped a wile,  
To have played some of them a sleep;  
But awe my Cues I now may keep;  
I canno' see them but I weep.  
He tried his Art by might and main,  
But never could Tune them up again:  
The Reeds a little while did sneeule,  

(f) Then  Sign Dron's, and awe ran to the Devil.  
The fright, the fury, and the shame,  
Dispatched him off by Amsterdam.  
Sir, will ye hear his Epitaph?  
I fancy it may 
(g) make  garre ye laugh.  
Beneath this stane ly's Mankind's Wonder,  
(Pray God its weight may keep him under.)  
He was a Fowl of 
(h) such  sike a Feather,  
He never could fly but in foul Wether.  

(i) All, and all,  Top, Tail, and Main of ilka Faction,  
The 
(k) a Child's Play-tool, turning always round in contrary Motions.  Whirlygeeg of Humane Action.  
A very dangerous twa-edged 
(l) Tool,  Teul,  
His Wit made him 
(m) both  baith Knave and 
(n) Fool.  Feul:  
A Cellar and a Warehouse baith,  
To all wha Trade in public Faith:  
He brewed, and tapped, and squeezed and ran,  
At last, as fast as he began;  
But dabbled still in sike stummed Liquor,  
The Devil himsel' never pissed a thicker.  
The Noddy Knave of Common-weal,  
He shuffled oft, but never could deal.  
He staiked his Craig, or  thing,  
And played at piquet with the King.  
All Arts and Mysteries he tried,  
But never wrought truly till he died.  
He's dead and gane, we need no fear,  
As sure as he is lying here.  
The Shaum a while escaped the fury,  
By sleight of Ignoramus-Jury:  
But after (as appeared plain)  
They called him o'er the Coals again,  
And to the best part of my kno'ledge,  
Some rued the rade of Oxford-Colledge.  
Wha 
(m) digs a pit  howks a hole for  other,  
His sel' 
(n) fall in  faw in, were he my Brother.  
Now Ignoramus 
(o) must  must advance,  

(p) Among the rest  Among the laive to take his chance.  
What's said before, to's Charge was laid,  
And other Clarty tricks he played.  
It's true he had the common Vogue,  
Yet upon Trial found a Rogue;  
For all his Lownry was discovered,  
And awe the Plead that he offered,  
Were overruled by the Court;  
And he adjudged to answer for't.  
The Jury found it Billa-vera,  
And Catch had Orders t● prepare a  
Place convenient for the feat;  
And 
(q) knit.  kilt him up i'th' open Street.  Land. 
If Treason's painted Face appeared not black,  
Engage not now for thou hast seen its Back.  
Oft had they by Indulgences been cleansed,  
But yet their Godless Lives were never changed:  
Their stubborn Necks unmanageable still,  
Tho' flexible to all but Charles his Will.  
Had they not Grace to check their course in time?  
No— All their Penance was repuated Crime.  
By violent Force, and unretarded Pace,  
Dart their black Malice 'gainst the Rays of Grace.  Ten. 
When Property had 
(r) called to mind,  un-bethought her,  
To what a Market they had brought her,  
She put on her considering Cap,  
Sadly bewailing her Mishap.  
Her Courage now began to fail,  
(She'd got the feek out of her Tail)  
And all her soaring hopes were gane;  
Thus to her sel' she made her 
(s) moan.  main.  
Alas! what was in my 
(t) Foolish  Daft Mind,  
Thus to my sel' to preuve unkind?  
When I was well, I could not guide me,  
But let the striddling Piper ride me,  
And then for covering of my shame,  
Was fain to yoke wi' sick a 
(u) Ignoramus  yane.  
My 
(x) Portion  Tougher geud is spent and gane.  
There's nae hail tatter on my Back,  
Nor am I Dame of ya peur plack.  
Besides I'm famished quite with hunger,  

(y) In truth  Forseuth I can endure nae langer.  
Oh—! Wae betid this galloping!  
I've got my fill of wallopping!  
I ha' na House to put my Head in!  
But forced to lig upon the 
(z) Dunghill.  Middin!  

(a) My Lady Prerogative's Women,  Prudence and Patience will deride me,  
And Justice she will never abide me;  
Charity'll punsh me out o' Door,  
(For Grace and I fell out before.)  
Ay me! how orderly they trip,  
Attending on her 
(b) Madam Prerogative!  Lady, ship!  
And was not I a very wise one,  
To gang and make my sel' a 
(c) by-Song? or thing to be wondered at?  by-zon?  
Had I the Office that I had,  
I'd never again preuve ha'fe sae mad.  
The Hen-wife, Groundless-Jealousie,  
(Shame take her) she bewitched me.  
Her 
(d) Crutches  Stilts she was not able to handle,  
But even as woak as she could wandle:  
Upon her Feet she could not keep,  
But there tumbled down and fell a sleep.  
My 
(e) Prerogative  Lady then had just walked out,  
Some ha'fe a mile or thereabout,  
Her Business was for to have seen  
A Neighbour's Wife, was lying in.  
And with her she took Charity,  
To Chat and bear her Company.  
As 
(f) soon  seun as e'er she did her spy,  
My Life, quo she, it's Property.  
O dear! how nimbly they did stickle!  
When they perceived her in that pickle,  
For she could neither 
(g) go  gang nor stand;  
My Lady then lent her a Hand.  
My Joe (quo she) I need no 
(h) inquire  speer  
What wind it was that blew you here;  
It never was better like to preuve,  
Since you teuk on wi' your hanged leuve.  
Why came ye not to your old Dame?  
" Madam, quo she, I even thought shame.  
" Was me that ever I was born,  
" For I'se get baith the Skaith and Scorn.  
No Property, I's nane of these;  
Tho I can kenn my Friends fra faes.  
Come Charity let's get her in,  
To let her starve were deadly Sin.  
Hang on the Pan, let Milk be boiled;  
Meat's no for her, her Stomach's spoiled.  
Fetch me yond Cordial fra my Closet,  
Put it to'er Head, and let her dose it.  
So— give na mair, she's got her part,  
She's weak, 'twill take her by the Heart.  
The Posset's right, here— take this 
(i) Spoon,  Speun,  
Drink, sup it off,— when that is 
(k) done  deun,;  
Ye may lie down and take a Nod,  
And rest your sell ' i'th' name o' God.  
My Lady to the Wardrobe hy's,  
Opens a Trunk, and there she spy's  
A Milk-white Smock, of dainty Linen,  
(Indeed it was of her awn Spinning)  
Quoifs, Gorgets, Heuds, Bands, Point Venee,  
As curious wark as yane shall see.  
Forseuth ye would ha' thought it Sin,  
To've put a foul Finger therein.  
Upon a Pin hung a Silk Manty,  
And 
(l) Petticoat  Wily-Coat (to make her Canty;)  
Sae right and fixed, nathing did lack,  
They never were thrice upon her Back.  
Baith Hose and 
(m) Shoes,  Sheun, and Gleuv's she sought,  
Whilk for her proper wear were bought.  
When awe thea things aside were laid,  
My Lady rapped— up came her Maid.  
Prudence, quo she, take my advice,  
First clear 
(n) Property  you Lass of Scabs and Lice:  
Then take that trimming whilk ligs there,  
And graith her featly ev'ry where:  
And let me never see her Face,  
Till she be in a 
(o) handsomer  dester case.  
It's now five hours o'th' 
(p) Afternoon,  Afternoun,  
And time I had my Vespers 
(q) done.  deun.  
When it strikes sax, than Grace may come,  
And lead her to the Chappel-Room.  
My Lady's orders were obeyed,  
And awe things deun just as she said.  
As seun as e'er she leuked upon her,  
She 
(r) lowly kneeling,  laighly baiking, made her Honour.  
My Lady then a smiling fell,  
Now ye leuk sunckat like your sel'.  
Your 
(s) very feeble  Wankle Legs canno' support ye,  
Sae sit ye down, till I exhort ye.  
" Madam, indeed it's your geud Nature,  
" That blenks sae blythly on your Creature.  
Tell what's become of thy sweet Baby?  
" I thought it would not please your Lady  
" ship, it looked sae like its Dady;  
" I have disowned it quite for mine,  
" And sent it over to Caroline;  
" To shuffle in its Syre's Plantation,  
" And mend the thorough-Reformation.  
What course of Life will ye lead now?  
" The very same best pleases you.  
Troth, Property, for mine awn pairt,  
I'll never keep Mischief in my Heart.  
Here,— take the Keys, and stay nae 
(t) longer,  langer,  
Stir easily till ye grow 
(u) stronger.  stranger.  
And tattling Babblers do not hear,  
They'll buzz fond stories in your Ear.  
The meanest Servant of my Train,  
Shall never ha' reason to Complain.  
Sir, merrily she 
(x) went  gade away,  
And all was made up in dry Hay.  Land. 
When Friendly Heaven 's disposed to smile on Kings,  
And Providential Blessings prune their Wings  
To vist us—  
Peace, Plenty's Mother thrusts into the Crowd,  
And peaceful Bays to Monarch's Brows allowed;  
Janus chained up, the fierce Bellona bow's,  
And smooths the Furrows of her wrinkled Brows:  
The Court, a Nursery of Piety;  
The Bordering Nations stand amazed to see  
That Bliss, and envy the Felicity.  
But oh! the Frenzy of a popular Rage,  
It turns a Golden, to an Iron Age!  
Stung with Rebellion, swelled with Serpent's Pride,  
The Healthful-feeding-Tree it lays aside;  
And then no Fruit can please, but what's denied.  
It toils for Sorrow, till its strength be spent,  
And makes the very Sin a Punishment.  
Overwhelmed at last, of all Assistance void,  
Must Plunging sink, and sinking be destroyed.  
Too rash my Muse! what? no Deliverance?  
Look up, despair not, see who does Advance.  
Isaac is bound, and on the Altar laid,  
The healing Angel speaks, the stroke is stayed.  Ten. 
Their Gracious Master after that,  
Was far less troubled with their Prate:  
Nae thanks to some for their geud Will,  
But God's 
(y) above  abeun the Devil still.  
Sae long as Earth was his abode,  
He lived and died i'th' fear o' God.  
No doubt his Sins are all forgiven,  
And his dear Saul's with God in Heaven.  Land. 
In Heaven with God, 'tis sure, Muse sing the rest;  
What canst thou say—? fall short,— so have the best.  

Epitaphium.  
Nor ly's, nor dies, but fly's the soaring Charles,  
Whose Name's esteemed above the richest Pearls.  
Fly—? So he must, to the Divinity,  
There's room to stretch his Soul,— Infinity  
Is spacious, that will do't, and no less can,  
To him who died a Saint; lived more than Man.  
Wouldst thou know where this sacred Relict lies?  
Kneel,— kiss this Urn,— now dry thy dropping Eyes.   Ten. 
Oh! Landlord ye ha' made me sorry!  Land, 
No doubt, yet I've a healing story,  
I'll tell it as we homeward ride.  Ten. 
Geud Sir, I can no langer bide.  
I pray you tell it me just now?  Land. 
I'll do't then to make strait with you.  
Lay by your 
(z) Tobacco  Pipe, in silence sit you still,  
And Interrupt me not.  Ten. 

(a) No more  Nae mair I will.  Land. 

(b) Coronation day.  This Morning early as I slumbering lay,  
Aurora handing in the welcome Day,  
A Glorious Youth appeared (me-thought) and said,  
Come follow me, refuse that flattering bed.  
His ami'able Countenance my Lodgings graced,  
I roused myself, and his safe Footsteps traced.  
When feeble I fell faint in Travelling,  
He mounted me upon his Silver Wing.  
He streamed me to the New Jerusalem;  
There gently, gently set me down by him.  
The Splendour of that place surmounts my Tongue,  
Melodiously was Elohim's Praises sung.  
The Beaming Rays of that Celestial Sun,  
Compelled my yielding Eyes the Light to shun.  
I am thine Angel-Guardian, he did say,  
I'll show thee what is done in Heaven this day:  
Come, list'n with reverence, but no more presume;  
Then o'er my Face he laid his downy Plume.  
I heard the voice of dreadful Majesty,  
But wonderful! it did not terrify!  
Majestic— Mildness— do not yet aspire,  
Our God Jehovah's a consuming Fire.  
Then Palpitation seized my trembling heart,  
My palsied hands did quake, and every part;  
My shivering Joints could not their burdens Bear.  
At which, my tender Tutor, do not fear,  
But be you humble, and be cheerful here.  
And thus th' Eternal Father to his Son,  
And to his Holy Spirit," We are One;  
" Before time was, we were, when time began,  
" 'Mongst other Being's we created Man,  
" And all things else, which can in place be seen;  
" But now this day let us make King and Queen.  
" I'll give them Wisdom, Wisdom to Create  
" Affection, and call home alienate;  
" My secret Counsels I'll to them unfold;  
" Justice and Mercy shall their Throne uphold,  
The Everlasting Truth gave his Consent,  
Saying—" Eternal Father, my Content  
" Has always been your blessed Will to do,  
" And to Complete them I'll contribute too.  
" I'll give them true Obedience to our Law,  
" Their Inclinations to our Precepts draw;  
" My precious Blood shall not in vain be spilt,  
" Its balming Virtues shall by them be felt:  
" Their Burden's heavy, I will make them strong;  
" Alleviate the Cross 've carried long.  
The enlivening Dove expansed his hovering Wing,  
So he—" I will descend upon my King,  
" And Queen.—  
" I'll breeze a gentle Gale into their Mouths,  
" They shall both practice, and defend my Truths.  
" Two Cloven Tongues within their Lips I'll place;  
" And them replenish with my seven-fold-Grace.  
This is no task, O God, but ease to you,  
For what cannot Omnipotency do?  
Amen to all— Isaias did advance;  
A Prophet famed for matchless Elegance:  
He warbled out with towering Trumpet sound,  
Take right his Theme— Here's only to be found,  
The Object of all supernat'ral Bliss,  
Who was from the beginning, who still is,  
And shall be after mouldering time is past,  
Even Alpha and Omega, first and last.  
It was not for himself he did Create,  
There can be no Addition to Complete.  
He gave us being that we might be Blest,  
And banqueted at this never ending feast;  
And as his Power Divine has not dimension,  
Our Virtues are not such but by Extension.  
As happy Souls come fleeting to this place,  
Our accidental Glory will increase.  
Therefore let us Communicate our store,  
The more we give, we still enjoy the more.  
We'll send some tokens to Great Britain's King,  
And Queen, let's make a freewill Offering.  
They all Consent and Allelujah Sing.  
Receptacles those propines to receive,  
Are brought, of whom I knew, thus each one gave.  
The Virgin-Mother blest 'mong Women kind,  
Made the first Offer suited to their mind.  
" To them I'll give my rare Humility,  
" Tempered with Power and lofty Majesty:  
" They shall contest heavens Pleasure to fulfil,  
" Saying— Be't to your servants as ye will.  
Three Hierarchys of Angels, Orders nine,  
The Seraphims inflamed with Love divine,  
The Cherubims with Sciences ,  
Refulgent Thrones are the Almighty's Seat.  
The shining Virtues, Ruling Dominations,  
The Powers exult, with joyful Acclamations,  
The Principalitys their Triumphs sing:  
Arch-Angels always ready ministering,  
The Angels still for Ambassy's prepared,  
And all of them, their Gifts with freedom shared.  
Saint Michael—" I will buckle to his side  
" This brandished Blade, which tamed the Prince of Pride;  
" And there shall none be able to Contend,  
" With James and Mary, whom I will defend.  
Saint Raphael—" I did take him by the Hand,  
" Conducting him to that thrice happy Land,  
" From whence the choicest Comforts of his Life,  
" Rich-Virtue, Honour, Beauty in a Wife.  
" Neither did I forsake them in Exile,  
" (For so it was) but car'fully that while,  
" I pointed out safe Footings in their way,  
" I foiled the wicked Spirit which sought to slay;  
" And shade the Light of Britain's beaming Day.  
" Nor is mine Office out, I'll still take pains,  
" Adjutor to their Angel's Guardians.  
Enoch—" They shall in Contemplation stay,  
" And with their God walk hand in hand all day;  
" Yea, when translated to this happy state,  
" My self shall welcome them at heavens gate.  
Jacob—" Come rest your Heads upon my stone:  
" Your Toil is past, your anxious Hours are gone.  
" By the Seditious never shall be forgot,  
" That God was in this Place, we knew it not.  
Moses—" Here take my Meekness with my Rod,  
" Dark Egypt (where his People sought abode)  
" Shall be contemned, here's Canaan's Property,  
Not Slaves to Rebels, free Men James to thee.  
Joshua—" Let me add Conduct to their Arms,  
" Whos's Warlike Captains, with their Marshal Charms,  
" Shall guide their Troops throughout their promised Land,  
" Nor Foreign, nor Home-Foes shall them withstand.  
David—" Go on, chant out th' incessant praise  
" Of your Redemption in Angelic Lays:  
" My well-tuned Harp, shall with your Hearts agree,  
" Not two, but one continued Harmony.  
Daniel—" Sharp Quickness to his Councils Eyes,  
" They shall unriddle hidden Mysteries  
" Of State; the Judges shall expound the Law,  
" And all Dissenters to Allegiance draw.  
Constant-Couragious-Proto-Martyr- Stephen,  
—" My Blood for Jesus' sake was freely given,  
" The Frantic Rout against me did conspire,  
" The more they threw me down, I bounced the higher:  
" Did they not seek to stop this Royal Breath?  
" And by the Rabble were stoned to worse than Death.  
" But strong-built Virtue cannot easily fall,  
" Their Patience, Conquering Patience Conquered all;  
" They Patient drooped, now they to Glory rise;  
" Their Prayer— O Lord forgive our Enemy's.  
Saint Paul—" The Sword shall not be given in vain,  
" But for their own, and all their Subjects gain;  
" The haggard-Vassal shall obey his Prince,  
" Not out of Slavish Fear, but Conscience.  
Saints Ambrose, Jerome, painful Augustine,  
With more, who did the Church's Light refine;  
"— Their Cautious Prelates shall in Unity,  
" Maintain the Catholic Faith; that Faith which we  
" Undauntedly asserted even to Wonder,  
" Not tear the seamless Coat of Christ asunder.  
" That Faith whereon the Factious take no hold,  
" As but one Shepherd, so but one Sheepfold:  
" Flat Sense, and flagging Reason sink beneath  
" Stupendious Mist'ries of a Christian's Faith.  
Saint George," They've honoured me, I'll honour them.  
" Upon Saint George's-day Saint George will climb:  
" Saint George for England— Now they well may say,  
" Let's go to prayers, this is Saint George ' s-day.  
Saint Andrew—" For their guard I'll rear my Cross,  
" The Thistles goodness they shall all engross:  
" Red-Lion-Rampant from his den shall roar  
" In their defence, as he as done oft before.  
Saint Patrick—" With my Lyre I'll tame their Foes,  
" The stoutest Rebel Thraso shan't oppose,  
" Their spotless White shall never sustain a Wrong  
" From chattering Magpie, nor envenomed Tongue.  
Last, weeping Rachel, with her Fountain Eyes,  
Laid in an Handkerchief wherewith she dries  
Her blubb'ry Cheeks—" Give this to Widow-Queen,  
" She shall have Joys for Sorrows she has seen.  
Archangel Gabriel b'ing Elect Envoy,  
To ambass down Congrat'latory Joy,  
Hoists up his Feather-Sails, and veers about;  
Then in the Airy-Ocean lanches out.  
Flight time's out done, ha'fe second is not o'er,  
 this same Agile Spirit spoke before  
Our Royal Pair— Some presents here I bring,  
They're Heavenly Presents, from a Heavenly King,  
And Heavenly Subjects, to adorn your Throne,  
They'll gild your names when rusty age is gone.  
This subtle Essence wheels about, and flies,  
His Pinnion-Oars divide the azure Skies,  
And drowsy Somnus here unsealed mine eyes.  
I roused, I risen, I dressed, to Prayers withdrew;  
Imploring Heaven my Vision might prove true.  Ten. 
I doubt it not 
(a) since  sen their ways please the Lord,  
Grace, Peace and Plenty he'll to them afford.  
I dreamed a Dream a while ago,  
But with it I'll not trouble you.  Land. 
I prithee tell't, if't be no Hurt?  Ten. 
The worst, Sir, is but harmless Sport.  

(z) One Night  Ya Night I went to Bed right late,  
A hundred Maggots in my Pate,  
I dreamed at my Bed's side did stand,  
A Jesuit; and in his Hand,  
A Consecrated Gun (God bless me!)  
He could no fixed, and sae he miss me.  
Then out drew he a Gully-knife.  
With that he 
(a) parted  twinned me and my Life.  

(b) instantly  Off hand I ran into the Town,  
Stark dead I rallied up and down;  
I 
(c) like a Calf  blaired and 
(d) how I'd like a Dog when he is hurt.  whindged like  man,  
And down my Cheeks the salt Tears ran;  
I shouted out— Oh—! Waes' is me  
I've lost my Head, dear Friends ye see.  
I durst ha' wagered a grey Groat,  
The very Blade stack cross my Throat.  
Albeit I found my fel' beguiled,  

(e) Most  Mayst o' the Townsmen just ran wild.  
Tho this was but Fantastic Wound,  
There's not a few fell in a Swoon.  Land. 
You thought but so, it was their Quackery.  Ten. 
Devil fetched, was it but 
(f) Underhand-dealing.  Jewkry-pawkry?  Land. 
Gossip, I think you'll not deny,  
Tony had finger in that Pie?  Ten. 
Ay Sir, as sure as I'se alive,  
For even as e'er I hope to thrive,  
There's very few that e'er 
(g) meddled  meddled with him;  
But first or last he did undo them.  
I'll tell ye what a Trick he played me,  
And fain would 
(h) a nimble-tongued Clawer.  Gobby here deceived me;  
But, Sir, I got him at the Catch,  
Tony has yance met with his Match.  
I felt his Pulse, and Pocket too,  
And then, Quod I, Tony adieu.  
This Swindger at Saint Barthol's Fair,  
Where awe the Nimmers do repair:  
(And this was he, without suppose,  
Or else 'twas Satan in his .  

(i) Betwixt  Amell them twa was sike a League,  
For driving on a damned Intrigue;  
The t'one the tother had sae haunted,  
To knaw which, which, must be acquainted.)  
He jogged me gently on the Elbow,  
Come here geud Fellow, see what I'll do:  
" You 
(k) look  leuk not like a Tory-Scot,  
" On you I will bestow a Pot;  
He had a thing under his Coat,  
Just like a Fiddle as I thought.  
Quo— he, I've Travelled far and near,  
And this has won me muckle gear;  
He 
(l) whispers  rownds me softly in the Ear,  
Take my gend Counsel, do not fear.  
My Bird, here is for to be seen,  
What thou ne'er saw wi' thy 
(m) two eyes.  two e'en.  
Dear 
(n) honey-love,  hinny-Leuve, ye little knaw,  
But go, I understand the Law:  
I'll draw a Compass and nae mair,  
'Twixt it and Treason but a hair.  
Tony, said I, ye chance may trip,  
" Where were ye if your Thumb should slip?  
I fear not (crafty Tony adds)  
Our doughty Ignoramus Lads  
Can play at Irish, their Back-game  
Will save baith Tony, and his fame:  
Damnation they will make their Lot,  
 Idol-Tony gang to th' Pot.  
When that's deun I's nought in their debt,  
My hazard makes an equal set.  
But Leuvie, here's a Courteste,  
Which out o' kindness I'll do thee:  
The Torys now thou see'st are undone,  

(o) Next  Neist year thou shall be Mayor of London;  

(p) Liberatores patriae.  Thy name Ingrav'n upon a Pillar,  
Here— see my Lad, and keep thy siler.  
He laid his Trinckums on the Table,  
Whilk I'll describe as I am able:  
But lest there should be some mistack,  
Here— Boy, bring me a bit o' 
(q) Chalk.  Cauck.  

(r) This kind of show I have seen in Holland, and in England at Fairs, etc.  I think it was near 
(s) two  tw a Foot long;  
Or there about, (I'll do nae wrang.)  
This end was just twa inches o'er,  
And that was sax, and 
(t) little bit  bittock more.  
A piece of Crystal here put on,  
The 
(u) biggness  muckledeum of ha'fe a Crown.  
He had a Frame of narrow Glass,  
I judge three Foot of length it was.  
With Pictures Painted here and there,  
You'll see the use on't, what should mair.  
That far end wide, this near end straight  
Did magnify at a huge rate.  
A twinkling light set at the back,  
In little 
(x) Lantern  Bowet— Wyly quack.  
And there's the 
(y) right way of any thing.  geeg of his Jimcrack.  
He bids me set this Eye apart,  
(Ha'fe sight is best for Juggler's Art)  
And thus asked I, sae he replied,  
Tho I dare Swear he often lied.  
What Worthy Men are hither sent?  
" A true protesting Parliament,  
(I'll shift it to another pin)  
What's this?" It's popery coming in.  
And wha is you Trav'lling fra home?  
" Our Clergy Galloping to Rome.  
O! Wonderful! And what is there?  
" French Navies Sailing in the Air.  
And what's that in you darksome spot.  
" Baith Queen and Duke in Papist Plot.  
What then is this whilk end ways follow's?  
" Black-bills and Pilgrims, holy Gully's.  
Wha's you of Sundry 
(z) Shapes  Macks and Fashions?  
" A Doctor saving thea three Nations.  
What Siller's you to pay the Cost?  
" Seven hundred pound he Swears he lost.  
This Raree-shew I prithee tell?  
" 
(a) Sir E.B.G.  A dead Man riding by his sel'.  
What now— I vow I canno' guess?  
" The Observator hearing Mass.  
Again— I speered what I espied?  
" Aw the hail Court be popifyed.  
What garr's thea 
(b) dol'ful  deulfow folk complain?  
" My Bairn, their Property is gane,  
" They hourly leuk they should be slain.  
What's this?" Its an Exclusion-Bill,  
" Lest Monarchy should happen ill.  
What can this be 
(c) which looks o oddly?  whilk leuks' sae oddly?  
" hay— gear enough for awe the Godly.  
What's ligging in that little hole?  
" The King's advantage by the Pole.  
Wha's here telling him idle Stories?  
" Nane— make him poor, and he'll be Glorious.  
O wally Tony! what is that?  
" A Black-Box crammed wi' God knows what.  
What are thea Writings closely Sealed up?  
" The same were found in Celiers Meal-Tub.  
What wonder's this, speak if ye please?  
" It is the Meun made of Green-Cheese.  
This is the last, What see I now?  
" A Hundred men to Swear all's true.  
He drank to me the t'other Cup,  
And thus again he wheadled me up.  
" And now, dear 
(d) Brother  Billy, this is right,  
" Sae do no sit in your awn light.  
" I knaw ye are a man of Reason,  
" And this ye'll find the fittest Season;  
" Strike in as if some Friend o' mine,  
" Make up your Hay while Sun does shine;  
" And here's my Hand (what e'er shall chance,)  
" Ye shall no miss my furtherance.  
" This thing I would not undertake,  
" But only for my 
(e) Country's sake.  Keuntry's sake.  
" For I had rather live at ease,  
" With ha'se a 
(f) a thick Cake baked before the Fire.  Bannock made of Pease,  
" Stinking Butter and Rotten Cheese,  
" Even Slightall— by Be— ls dayly-mess.  
" Cause up and down I 
(f) am not able  dow no ride,  
" As I ha' done— Alas my side.  
" You hear of this Damned Papish-Plot?  
" Nae honest man can save his Throat!  
" See what a pitch the Doctor's run to,  
" What high Preferment he has come to!  
" If things (we doubt 'em not) should hit,  
" Ere long ye'll see him higher yet.  
" My Dow, rub up thy Memory,  
" For thou knaws even as well as he.  
" Be careful Birdy, cast about,  
" Speak first, and I will help thee out.  
" Ay— Right— think on't, and then begin,  
" Thou'lt be a Credit to thy kin.  
" Or if this time ye canno' stay,  
" Come to my House some other day,  
" I'll pay the 
(g) Reckoning  Lawing— gang your way.  
" But hark ye me, I should ha' spoken  
" Another thing I had forgotten;  
" Thomas I've but seldom seen that Face,  
" Yet in thy very look there's Grace:  
" This kindness I'll do you— In case  
" Ye be aught Straitened in your Purse,  
" And canno' get you Arms and Horse;  
" Tell me your mind if ye be scant?  
" Great pity sike as ye should want.  
" Or afterward I'll send my Man,  
" To meet you at the Amsterdam;  
" But whatsoever should 
(h) befall  befaw,  
" Take this— for to be doing with 
(i) all.  awe.  
" Here— set thine hand to this 
(k) A Narrative or a few Depositions only.  bit Writing,  
" And swear it is thine awn Inditing.  
" And Sweety, if thou'lt but obey,  
" Thou'lt reap the Fruit another day,  
" When thy Friend Tony's 
(l) clothed  clad in Clay.  
" 've English Evidence 
(m) enough,  enough,  
" And of the Irish not a few;  
" Last Sunday we drew in a Jew,  
" And fain would had a Scotchman too;  
" But ne'er had that geud Luck till now.  
Thought I, what ' vengeance can he mean,  
The like of this was never seen!  
Some Mischief surely he intends,  
Of me he never shall brook his ends;  
(But yet the 
(n) Silver  siler made some mends.)  
" As slyly as thy 
* false  faus' Chafts wags,  
" The Devil be in thy rotten Bags,  
" If ever Andro here engage.  
(When Foxes preach 
(o) take heed to  tent we'll your Geese;  
The Lord send me to live in Peace.)  
" My Banes oft broken for my King,  
" And thou garr me in Hemp-string swing!  
" Gang seek your 
(p) lose fellows  Callands with a shame,  
" For Andro he is nane of them.  
God helped me out my sel' to save,  
And freed me fra that 
(q) flattering  fleetching Knave.  
Sir, gi'en ye thought it but bestowed,  
A Sang o' yours were even worth 
(r) Gold.  Gowd.  Land. 

To the Tune of, Now, now the Fight's done, etc.  

I  
Now, now the Feat's done,  
And the Great Machiavels,  
Lie skulking in the dark;  
And they chafe in their Cells:  
When Loyalty laughed,  
They stretched for the Cause,  
Contriving, Sham-Plotting,  
To Counter the Laws,  
They road on Rebellion;  
And Royalty banged,  
And their Pupils for Treason  
On Gallow-Tree hanged.   

II.  
Jack Presbyter smiled,  
Having fixed his Dart,  
And winged it to ' hit  
The Great Prince in the Heart:  
Who calmly withdrew  
At his sovereign's Command,  
Whose Pleasure, full Measure,  
He ne'er did gainstand;  
Now his Foes are dispersed,  
And fallen in disgrace,  
Our Passion recoil,  
And give Reason its place.   

III.  
Truth, Truth is the cry,  
Truth and Justice go round,  
Whilst Plotters, and Traitors,  
Lie sprawling o'th' Ground.  
Their Cabals are Confounded,  
Their Evidence flinches,  
And packing of Parliaments,  
Thrown off the Hinges:  
They'll Rally no more,  
For an Oliver Nose,  
Nor Muster fresh Forces,  
But flat in the Close.    Ten. 
Well said Sir, I would give a Cow,  
Why I could sing as well as you.  Land. 
But hark ye Friend, one told to me  
A while ago ye were at Sea.  
I like not Plow-stilt Math'mat●e●ans,  
Nor London Apprentice Politicians;  
Neither care I for Women-Preachers,  
Nor Leather-Apron'd-Gospel-Teachers,  
Nor any he that wears a Gown,  
Who cants in Country, or in Town,  
Sedition up, and popery down.  
Let every Prudent man ●●●●arge,  
What Office falls within his verge.  Ten. 
I never can tell ye that for shame,  
For I am sure ye will me blame.  
But what care I? 
(s) reproof  Repren●●●●… you  
I well may bear, 
(t) since  sen it's my due.  
Now let me see,— It is about  
Seven, or 
(u) eight  aught year sen that fell out.  
Upon our Voyage we were 〈◊〉,  
The Wind blew fair, to Sea we went.  
Our Skipper wise, our Vessel sound,  
And to West India's we were bound.  
I learned some Terms in that Transaction,  
But fumbled basely when in Action:  
Yet thought myself as skilful as  
The wisest he on Shipboard was.  
Said to the Steersman— Friend, in case  
Ye be aught tired give me your place.  
Quoth he, I think ye are 〈◊〉,  
Here,— take my room with awe my Heart.  

* Here's no particular person meant under this Character but the common People in general, who love to meddle where they have neither Judgement nor Business.  Nay then, thought I, there's muckle doubt  
Can I no twirrle that stick about?  
I had no deun the Office lang,  
But presently I set awe wrang.  
When they cried Helm a lee, I swear  
I witted nae mair nor my blind 
(x) Mare  Mire.  
All hands aloft, and every where,  
The Master's Mate Mad as March-hare,  
For only shift that could be found,  
●ad like to've run the Ship aground.  
When Horses in the Fields lie dying,  
The Carrion 
(a) Crow's  Craws about them flying  
Will keep a 
(b) croaking,  craiking, and I've seen,  
Ere 've been dead, their very e'en  
Piked out, and Dogs ha' snasht their Haunches,  
Ay, sometimes riv'n out awe their Paunches.  
Syklike there was a Ravenous Tribe,  
(The Devil has not their 
(c) equals  maiks beside)  

(d) Stood  Steud on the Shoar to see us sink,  
And Fish-way in the Ocean drink.  
Among the 
(e) rest  laive I did espy,  
A Doctor of Divinity,  
Or else he slants confoundedly.  
But yet suppose he leuved to fib,  
And some for that, his Lugs should 
(f) geld:  libb:  
Or teach him aumbling by the hand,  
Till he his paces understand;  
Or twine a widdy 'bout his 
(g) Neck,  Craig,  
To ken him for a straying Naig;  
It's nae sike wide Comparison,  
For Horse and Doctor, all is one.  
Conjoin for better or for worse,  
It's Doctor Oats makes Doctor Horse.  
These Questions ne'er shall trouble me,  
For now he'as ta'en his right Degree.  
Or if he draw behind the Cart,  
Let it be sae with awe my Heart;  
If he draw right on any score,  
It's mair nor e'er he did before.  
This Ship, quoth he, we understand,  
Is fraught wi' Dean and Chapter Land,  
Rich fat Live, Bishops Manors,  
Pilgrims, Court and Kirk-Trepanners.  
Black-Bills, and Irish, Tory Scots,  
They're not a Hairs breadth fra our Throats.  
My sel' has been 
(h) Salamanca, if you'll trust him.  in other Nations,  
Where I ha' studied Conjurations,  
I'll drive a Storm, the Seas I'll trouble,  
And they shall find their Danger double;  
I'll force the Winds (for I ha' Skill,  
To raise Auld Nick, lay him wha will.)  
From whence, I hope, when she is lost,  
She will be wrecked upon our Coast.  
If  claim be made, I'll swear  
That we saw nought but Papish Gear.  
Why should we keep it to our loss?  
We burned it all at Charing-Cross.  
And for the 
(i) Sir W. W.  Guineas and what else,  
Them we'll divide among our sells.  
The Doctor having given the Word,  
A Daughty Captain drew his Sword,  
And Vows— By all my Valiant Deeds,  
I will not leave thee in the Weeds.  
I'll stick to thee as close as Curtis  
(Wha will take Care that nane shall hurt us)  
Till he that buckled us shall part us.  
Then end-ways rushed another Crew,  
(I canno' tell how many now)  
They shouted— Leaders never sledge,  
For we'll stick to you back and edge:  
We'll swear awe that and meikle mair,  
Provided always we have share.  
We'll swear, and never tyre of swearing,  
And swear till some have lost their hearing.  
Swear in, swear out, swear off, swear on,  
And swear when Swearing time is gone.  
We'll swear, and lie, and things sae handle;  
That swearing truth shall give a scandal.  
Ah! instantly a Gale did blow,  
The Seas ran tumbling to and fro:  
Our Skipper step't upon the Hatch,  
My Lads, said he, let us dispatch,  
And reef the Topsail, for I guess,  
This Gale is likely to increase.  
What—? mair and mair, our Topsail must  
Be handed, let no time be lost.  
And our three Low-sails will not do,  
Therefore let's hand our Fores-sail too.  
I think with Mainsail we'll make shift,  
Sa lang's we have enough of drift.  
This way again, brave Lads make high,  
And lay'r in Misne ballast by:  
Still worse and worse—! Lads here again,  
And reef the mainsail; I see plain  
That we shall have a dreadfow storm,  
Pray God our Vessel take nae harm.  
Oh! wonderful! the Seas still swell,  
Sure this 
(k) must  must be the fiend of Hell!  
Our Ship is now sae tossed and hurled,  
Our Mainsail must lik'ways be furled.  
All will not do,— Plumb— Here's a Road;  
Cast Anchor, wait the Will of God.  
Some Service presently provide,  
To save our Cable while we ride.  
Heave out the 
(l) Po. Lord  heavyest of the ware,  
Let ilka Merchant bear a share.  
Set up the Glass, Watch turn about,  
For of our safety I make doubt;  
And clear the Boat my Lads with speed,  
I fear 'twill be our last remeed.  
Our Master to his Cabin went,  
And teuk a dram, for he was faint:  
O than a Mountain-Sea came on us!  
And nought sae sare could have undone us.  
It broke our Cable, our Boat it staved,  
Nae lik'ly-heud we could be saved;  
It took some Men quite off the Deck,  
And Sprung an ugly fearfow Leck.  
Our ready Carpenters made hie,  
And stopped it sunckat presently.  
Yet baith our Pumps were right sare pinched  
To keep her up, though we never flinched.  
A couple of Knights 
(m) County of Durham,  in this same County,  
Wha neither spared for Pains nor Bounty,  
Clamm up the Shrouds, and wrought 
(n) very hearty,  han-span,  
And preuved themsel's twa clifty Men;  
Some Neighbours showed them small regard,  
But Virtue is its awn Reward.  
Some sighed, and some did curse and damn,  
Some cried— Let's take the t'other dram:  
Some search't their Consciences, and vowed  
And yelped for Mercy what they could;  
And sike a 
(o) disorderly noise  Hubby-shew was keeped;  
Would wakened Neptune, had he sleeped.  
When we with labour were just spent,  
At last we to our Prayers went.  
For Sailors 
(p) seldom  seindle pray, but when  
There is nae help fra Mortal Men;  
Perceiving nae other remeed,  
They pray to God.  Land. 
So had they need.  Ten. 
The Godless gang I named before,  
Pelted us off the Wether Shoar:  
They had some 
(q) scurrilous Libels  Cannon on their Ground,  
But thanks to God, they were no sound.  
They rattled on, and keeped a bustle,  
About our Lugs they did sae whistle,  
For awe their 
(r) needless stir,  Dirdom, and their Din,  
It was but little they did win.  
We had a-board an Observator,  
Experienced at Land and Water:  
He minds the Compass and the Tide,  
How the Wind blew, and awe beside.  
Their Plots and Intrigues closely hunted,  
And as they planted he dismounted.  
They blirted, squirted, flirted fond,  
He Clapperclawed their Jerkins sound.  
They presently spent awe their Powder,  
But he repeats louder and louder.  
Says Lown of theirs, my Joes I fear  
Yon is a parlish Engineer:  
Had we him yance out of the way,  
They could no find us sike tough play.  
Perceiving that, he thought it Folly,  
To set his breast against their Volley.  
His downcast was their hail intent,  
They awe discharge with free Consent,  
He jowked, and o'er his head it went.  
Then Heraclitus girned and laughed,  
Whilk set the raging Rabble daft;  
They, when their high attempting fails,  
Sneaked off like Dogs had burnt their Tails.  
Our Master instantly starts up  
And wishfully looked o'er the Poop.  
Brave Lads, let not your Courage fail,  
For thanks to God our 
* The Law still in its right course.  Ruther's hail.  
Mair Comfort for us yet beside,  
For now puts in a high Spring Tide.  
The wind which had sae boisterous blown,  
Now by degrees began to Low'n.  
We found our Anchor by the Buoy,  
And weighed it up with small annoy.  
We hoist our Mainsail gently up,  
〈◊〉 out the Water ilka sup.  
At last we got her to a Port,  
Where Weatherbeaten Ships resort.  
My skilful Pilots, and wise Seamen,  
Geud Carpenters, and sike as thea men,  
She cost God knaws a deal in Rigging,  
(And sundry Merchants ran a Begging)  
We rigged her up fra Stem to Stern,  
Securing where she had ta'en harm;  
Made her, what ever she did all,  
As tight a Ship as e'er set sail:  
There's not a Vessel on the Main,  
But lo'ers to her; God's holy Name  
Be glorified for the same.  
Our Master then ashore did set me,  
You Lown, said he, I'll ne'er forget ye,  
And with his Foot he kicked my tail  
Gang hame,— be Hanged— and handle your flail.  
If e'er hereafter any see me,  

(a) Meddling  Melling wi' what 
(b) belongs  perteens no to me,  
I'll give him leave (mark what I say)  
To hue this Craig of mine: in twa,  
Some of our Lads b'ing very kind,  

(c) At a distance  Alantom followed me behind,  
We took a House, where we refreshed  
Our sells wi' what our Hostess fetched.  
Without, within, we soon grew warm,  
A Sang, say yane, will do nae harm:  
He lilted up, and straiked his beard,  
An please your Worship ye shall hear't.  
An, ta, ra, sounds the towering Trumpets, hah, hah, hah, boo, boo, boo, roars the thundering Cannons, for the James now. Hast lads, haste, up, hang out the Flags, and then Carouse; yonder Neptune wades, he's lea╌ding the Mirmaids, they hear this joyful News. Whip, skip, trip, goes the dancing Dolphins, never tyre yet, sire, sire now for the Royal Mary, boo, boo, boo: Fight Lads, fight, to maintain the Right of brave James now. Great Sir! what we can do, will ne'er make strait with you; fire, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Ho Ship, ho! what Port bond ye to, and whence came you: Lo'er, lo'er here, it's the Royal Cath'rine come from Algiers: She's deep fraught, with re╌dee╌med Christians hither brought; none are left behind, fire, God send you fair Wind; fire, beat Drums, sound a╌loft.  
I'll down and see the 
(a) Horse and Mares  Yauds well fed,  
It's mair nor time ye were in bed.  Land. 
No, call my Groom, inquire of him.  Ten. 
For Ostlers for mayst pairt are slim.  Enters the Landlady of the Inn. L. lady. 
Sir, when you please your Chamber's ready.  Land. 
Ay, by and by; sit down Landlady.  
This Loyal Health once more I'll drink,  
You'll pledge me hearty I think.  L. lady. 
Ay Sir, I will— pray hold— a Sup  
Is full as good as the whole Cup;  
For Women must not be o'erseen.  

(b) To the Tepant.  Here Friend, God bless both King and Queen.  Ten. 
Come Land lady— But what d'ye say?  
Will ye not sing a Verse or twa?  L. lady. 
As hearty as e'er I may,  
Because it's Coronation-day.  

I.  
Right Titan, when from watery Bed,  
has fresh Career, begun;  
begs leave to dry his moisty Head,  
at Britain's Beaming Sun:  
He can╌not in╌flu╌ence the Flocks,  
nor make the Meads look green;  
till he combs out his Lankey-Locks, before our Radiant Queen.   

II.  
What makes the new blown Rose creep in  
And dares not show its Face?  
But makes the sweetest Flowers begin  
To fly with flightest pace?  
What makes the Tulip cast its Leaves?  
Not let them here be seen?  
They must not touch, the sight's too much  
Of Britain's Beauteous Queen.   

III.  
What make the lofty Cedar droop,  
As if not well at ease?  
What makes the neighbouring Forests stoop,  
As all were Shrubs, no Trees?  
Like Noon-day-Owls, they hid their Bowls,  
Their timber is but mean,  
The Royal-Oak, without a stroke,  
Will Conquer for our Queen.   

iv  
What makes Diana court the shades?  
What makes her Nymphs recoil?  
A Chaster Beauty them invades,  
They're proud 've got the Foil:  
Her Priests need keep no holiday,  
No Offerings as have been;  
Nor Sacrifice but to the eyes  
Of Britain's Goddess Queen.   

V  
From whence hear I those cheerful Chirps?  
Even from her Sacred Feet;  
The Moans, the Groans of needy ones,  
Are turned to Music sweet:  
Why no Complaints from Indigents?  
What makes the Goals so thinn?  
The Bounty, and the Charity,  
Of Britain's pious Queen.   Ten. 
Well sung dear Hostess, come my Dow,  
And let me kiss that 
(a) well-favoured Mouth.  weel-fourd mow,  
When awld Megg dies then have at you.  Land. 
Th' enamelled Flower spreads its embellished Leaves,  
Gives thanks for what it has got, and more receives;  
But haughty Rebels dare all Rights deny,  
And God, and his Anointed both defy!  
Oh! wretched Ingratitude! not to regard,  
Their Sov'raigns' good Example, 
A good Subject cannot make an ill Prince.  nor Reward!  
As if the Almighty only did Create  
Kings for the Objects of their Subjects Hate,  
Not to be Honoured, but be spurned at.  
We'll talk no more, I think we'ad best  
Go say our Prayers, and so to rest.  
FINIS.   

A Catalogue of some Books, Printed for Benjamin took, at the Ship in St. Paul's Churchyard.  

FOLIO.  
HErodoti Halicarnassaei Historiaram Libri 9 Greek and Latin.  
Francisci Suarez Tractatus de Legibus ac Deo Legislatore.  
The Works of the most Reverend Father in God John Bramhall, D. D. late Lord Archbishop of Ardmagh, Primate and Metropolitan of all Ireland, with his Life:  
A Collection of all the Statutes now in force in the Kingdom of Ireland.  
Sir Richard Baker's Chronicle of the Kings of England.  
Dr. Littleton's Sermons.  
Bishop Sanderson's Sermons.  
Sir Hum. Winch's Book of Entries.  
M. T. Ciceronis Opera omnia decem Indicibus, 2. Vol.  
Skinneri Etymologicon Linguae Anglicanae.  
Heylyn's Cosmography in 4. Books.  
Math. Paris, Historia Anglia.  
Dr nalson's Collections from the beginning of the late Rebellion to the Murder of of King Charles the First, 2 Vol.  
Heraclitus Ridens, or a Dialogue between Jest and Earnest concerning the Times.  
Sir Walter Raleighs History of the World.  
Dr. Brown's Travels through divers parts of Europe, as Germany, Hungary, etc. Wherein are Descriptions of the most important places, in the present War; between the Emperor, and the Grand Scignior; Illustrated with Sculptures.  
N. Lloydii Dictionarium Geographico-Poeticum, Edit. 2.   

QUARTO.  
Phocena, or the Anatomy of a Porpess, dissected at Gresham College; by Edw. Tyson, M.D.  
Separation of the Churches from Episcopal Government, as Practised by the present Nonconformists, proved Schismatical, by Henry Dodwell, A.M.  
The Beauty of Unity, in a Sermon Preached at Preston, by Rich. Wroe; D.D.  
The Vanity of the Dissenters Plea, for their Separation; a Sermon preached before the King at Windsor, by Rob. Creighton, D. D.  
Of Perjury, a Sermon Preached at the Assizes at Chester, by John Allen, M. A. Fellow of Trinity College in Cambridge.  
A Sermon Preached before the Honourable House of Commons, November the 5th. by Henry Dove, D. D.  
A Sermon Preached, before the Lord Mayor of the City of London, on the Feast of St. Michael, by Henry Dove. D. D.  
A Sermon Preached before the King at White Hall, on the Feast of St. Paul's Conversion, by Henry Dove, D. D. Published by his late Majesty's special Command.  
The present Miseries and Mischiefs of Sin, discoursed in a Sermon, before the Lord Mayor of London, by Robert Wensely Vicar of Chesthunt.  
Ferguson's Text explained, and applied, in a Sermon before the Lord Mayor of London, by Robert Wensely, Vicar of Chesthunt.  
Oratio Anniversaria habita in Theatro Coll. Med. Lond. a Georgio Rogers, ejusdem Collegii Socio.  
A Collection of Cases and other Discourses, lately written to recover Dissenters to the Communion of the Church of England; by some Divines of the City of London, 2 Volumes.  
Causae Veteris Epitaphium, accedit causa vetus conclamata.  
Concavum Cappo-cloacorum, or a View in little, contained under a brace of Caps.  
A Sermon preached at the Funeral of Sir Roger Bradshaigh, Knight and Baronet, by Richard Wroe, D. D.  
A Sermon Preached before the King at Winchester, September 9 1681. By Francis Turner, D. D. Dean of Windsor.  
A Sermon Preached before the Lord Mayor of London, on Easter Monday, 1684. by Francis Lord Bishop of Rochester.  
A Sermon Preached before the King at White-Hall, November 5. 1684. By Francis Lord Bishop of Ely, and Almoner to the King.  
The Books of the Old Testament, translated into Irish, by the care and diligence of Dr. W. Bedle, late Bishop of Kilmore.  
The New Testament of our Lord Jesus Christ, translated into Irish, both Printed in the Irish Character.  
The True Widow, a Comedy, by Tho. Shadwell.  
The Works of the Reverend, and Learned Mr. John Gregory, M. A. of Christ-Church in Oxon, in two parts.  
A Brief Account of Ancient Church Government, with a Reflection on several Modern Writers of the Presbyterians.  
Ogygia, seu rerum Hibernicarum Chronologia; ex pervetus tis Monumentis fideliter inter se collat is eruta, atque ex sacris ac prophanis literis primarum orbis gentium, tum Genealogicis quam Chronologicis sufflaminata praesidijs, etc. Cum Catalogo Regum in Brittannia Scotorum. Authore Roderigo O Flaherto, Armig.   

OCTAVO and TWELVES.  
TWO Letters of Advice. 1. for the Susception of Holy Orders. 2. for Studies Theological, with a Catalogue of the Christian Writers, and genuinne Writers, that are extant of the first 3 Centuries, 80.  
Some Considerations of present concernment, how far Romanists may be trusted by Princes of another Persuasion, etc. 80.  
A Reply to Mr. Baxter's pretended Confutation of a Book, Entitled, Separation of Churches, from Episcopal Government, etc. 80.  
A Discourse concerning the One Altar, and the One Priesthood, insisted on by the Ancients, in their disputes against Schism, 80.  
Dissertationes Cyprianicae, 80.  
Two short Discourses against the Romanists, 120.  
H. Grotii de Caenae Administratione, ubi Pastores non sunt, dissertatio, cum diversorum responsionibus, 80. These seven written by Henry Dodwel▪ M. A.  
Navigation and Commerce, their Original and Progress, by J. Evelyn Esq 80.  
Of Gifts and Offices in the Public Worship of God, in 3 parts, by Edw. Wetenhall, D. D. Lord Bishop of Cork, 80.  
Clavis Astrologiae Elimata: Or a Key to the whole Art of Astrology, new Filled and Polished, in 3 parts; the Second Edition enlarged, by Henry Coley, Student in the Mathematics and Astrology.  
The Holy Life of Monsieur de Rently, a late Noble man of France, 80.  
A Prospect of the State of Ireland, by P. W. 80.  
The Experienced Angler, or Angling Improved, by Coll. Venables. 80.  
The Sceptical Chemist, by Rob. boil, Esq  
The Degrees of Consanguinity and Assinity, by R. Dixon, D. D.  
Elenchus Antiquitatum Alibonensium, per Dan. Langhern, S. T. B. 80.  
Chronicon Regum Anglorum ab Hengisto usque ad Heptarchiaefinem, per Dan. Langhorn, 80.  
Poems and Songs, by Tho. Flatman, 80. The fourth Edition.  
Poems Written on several Occasions, by N. Tote, the second Edition.  
The French Gardener, out of French by I Evelyn, Esq 80.  
Alaxiae Obstaoulum, 80.  
Gardinerus de Trinitate cortra Sandium, 80.  
The Catechism of the Church of England, with Marginal Notes, by Edw. Wetenhall, D. D. Lord Bishop of Cork.  
Phaedri Fabulae ex recensione Chr. Wase, 80.  
The Country Parson's Advice to his Parishioners, 80.  
Des Cartes's Metaphysical Meditations, with his Life, by W. Molyneaux, Esq 80.  
The Life of the Bishop of Munster, 80.  
The Aerial Noctiluca, by R. boil, Esq 80.  
New Experiments and Observations made upon the Icy Noctiluca, by R. boil, Esq 80. Idem. in Latin, 120.  
Thealma & Clearchus, a Pastoral History, 80.  
Gocperi Grammatica Linguae Anglieanae, 80.  
Vulgar Errors in Divinity removed, 80.  
A Manual of Examples for School Exercise, 80.  
Of the subject of Church Power in whom it resides, by Simon Lowth, Vicar of Cosmus Blent, 80.  
Dictionarium Trilingue secundum locos Communes nommibus usitatioribus Anglis, Latinis, Graecis, Opera. I. Raii M. A. S. R. L. 80.  
Sir Henry Wotton's Remains, 80.  
Herbert's Country Parson, 120.  
The Form of Soundwords by R. Wensley, Vicar of Chesthut, 120.  
An Enquiry into the Ministry of the Presbyterians, 120.  
Aero Chaimos; or a Register for the Air, by N. Henshaw, M. D.  
Lingard's Letter of Advice to a young Gentleman leaving the University, 120.  
The Soldier's Guide, being an Essay offered to all of that Profession, 120.   
THE END.