Numb. 1. Mercurius Academicus: Communicating the Intelligence and Affairs of OXFORD to the rest of the Passive party throughout the Kingdom.  
From Monday in Easter-week, to Saturday the 15 of April, Anno 1648.  
Et Spes, & Ratio Studiorum in Caesare tantùm.  
IF loser's have leave to speak, Academicus needs no Apology or Preamble to stuff his sheet, and make full measure (as the fashion is) with vantage and thumb breadths to inch it out. And therefore to hold the Loyal and honest hearted in suspense no longer (who would hear from their Mother, I presume) we shall endeavour the like speed in relating, as our Visitors in acting Mischiefs; not letting our fantasy lose, or dancing about the Matter as we might do, which on evident symptoms of her Recovery, we shall in a more compacted style and elevated vein attempt hereafter. In the mean while, 'tis worthy out observation what a seasonable time they pitch on to set forward their Reformation-journey: For having begun on March 27, (his Majesty's Coronation-day) they have proceeded ever since most vigorously. And lest that Antichristian and Heathenish custom of being in charity with all the world at Easter should continue as heretofore, they make choice of this time on set purpose to interrupt and take men 〈…〉 beautiful and glorious object before their eyes, even a full body of Regulating members met together.  
Where first, that they might establish and promote Christ's Kingdom (which a long time has been their promise to the world) to do it the nearest way, they fall upon his Church with might and main: For, meeting on Easter. eve in Christ-Church-Hall to summon the members of that Foundation to appear on monday in Easter week in the Deans Lodgings, accordingly the game began very early upon that morning (such an Holiday makes mischief relish) when by a posted Paper they ordained that Doctor FELL should immediately remove his family and household goods, and yield up possession to Master EDWARD RAINOLDS (a Visitor) as his lawful successor by Vote in Parliament: But finding the Religious Matron his wife unwilling to part with all for ask it, who therefore with her young ones kept under Lock and Key to avoid the expected Tyranny of their Oppressors, they resolve now, vi & Armis, to subdue her spirit, and make her yield, having the Soldiery at their back to help them forwards, (Independents to settle the Directory, i● very pretty!) who with directions given from Engineer-Vulcan- Rogers, and their own acquired Dexterity in the trade, broke open the dissenting Doors; where entering into the choicest rooms, they expected obedience unto their Summons: But that Royal Foundation could acknowledge no Visitor but King CHARLES, which by a general absenting themselves the mock- Visitors might perceive; although the Founder and they may seem of kin, and the very same Motto serve to know them both, (Ego & Rex Meus) which the Cardinal (as well as they) even unto this day is famous for.  
Having cooled themselves by sitting still uninterrupted by any company but their own all-knowing Consciences, and a domestic Cat or two, they express their discontents in writing, and post it in public view, as followeth.  
WHereas many members of this University have by studied delays endeavoured to retard the great work of Reformation intended by the Parliament; we the Visitors of the said University, having information given us that some Members pretend to have taken no Arms up against the Parliament, but upon constraint; and others to have been Soldiers only in this Garrison for the preservation thereof, and therefore desire the benefit of the sixteenth Article concluded on at the surrender of Oxon; do hereby allow such persons until Friday the 7 of April, to bring in their several Pleas and Pretensions (whereby they conceive themselves capable of receiving favour) under their own hand-writing, to any one Visitor that shall be present; to be adjudged of by any five at their Convention. But if any one shall refuse this so fair an offer, we know not what Apology to make for them when we shall be called upon (we cannot tell how soon) to give a just account of our Proceed; where we desire all to take notice, that no frivolous or vain pretences will avail in this so weighty a work of Reformation.  
This was no sooner pulled down, but a second supplied his place, which ran in these words, as followeth.  
WE the Visitors, appointed by several Ordinances of Parliament, and special Order under the Great Seal, for the visiting, regulating and reforming the University of Oxon; do hereby cite to appear before us, all Governors, Masters, Fellows, and Graduates that claim any right of Vote in Convocation-house; more particularly, Doctor Potter, late Precedent of Trinity. College; Doctor Newlin, Precedent of Corpus Christi- College; Master Waring of Christ-Church, Master Hunt of Magdalene- College, late Proctors of the University, with all the D●ligates elected in the pretended Convocation on the first of June last passed, to make their appearance on Friday the 7 of April, to give in their Pleas and Scruples in behalf of the University, and deliver up all the Insignia of the late Vicechancellor and Proctors, with the Beadle's staves, unto us: Of which fail not, as you will answer at your perils.  
But these Paper-Kytes were so hooted at, that they appeared thereby more ridiculous: whereupon they got up on horseback to conduct the renowned Chancellor to do the feat; who on Tuesday the 11 of April came amongst us accompanied with such Tag rags for his followers, that one would swear he came Ambassador from New-England by their Rabbinical Monkey faces, or that old England made a general Muster of all her Spawns at once.  
The Master of the Revels was no sooner come, but Orlando Furioso CHEYNEL gins the Play, who stood ready at Merton-Colledge provided with a Speech to entertain him, (which his Lordship and his horse did understand alike:) After that, a most costly Bible was presented him, and a Gratuity from the Mayor and Aldermen: the later he accepted, and gave them thanks; but the former he thought a jeer put on him, and bequeathed it to his Chaplain to make his best of.  
In the evening, Orders were given out that a Convocation should be the day following, and the new made Beadles to acquaint the Gown men with it; who having got a copy of the form to divulge it in, proclamied it in false Latin most significantly.  
Which the Rabble took notice of more than others, and repaired accordingly to see the sight, which in earnest was worth their labour: for his Lordship with his immediate substitute, and their adjutants Cross and Button, with the Visitors and their appurtenances, being come omnium gatherum into the Convocation-house, proposed a new Creation to the world, but was not heard by reason of the noise and hissing, such as never was before in that place, since Adam was first created.  
This caused his mouth to open, after admiration of his learned silence; who now told them the common way was broken down, and as the case now stood was useless, they having got by conquest all the Power, and adventured their dearest blood to purchase it; Proctor Cross confirming the same in the Speech he read aloud, with tautological and more scholastic Anglicisms, than the mixed multitude could understand with patience, who sufficiently exploded his unbeseeming ignorance, and went their way.  
But the work of Creation must go forwards; and therefore Proclamation was made to all persons whatsoever, that had laid aside their Allegiance and Learning for the seven late years of trouble, and been occupied in employments of any other nature, to nominate what degree they stood for, and 'twas their own; provided they continued in the same opinion still, to be faithful to their Creator and his Nursery, which may be famous in aftertimes, and flourish. Nay, the two factions did so claw each other in this Assembly, that the Officers (to make them Gentlemen) (though Independents) were created Masters of Arts, the Governor himself not excepted; so that now they may preach by their authority, who have railed against them in their Sabbath-workings ever since Frank Cheynel and Master Erbury fought their Scripture-Duel.  
This Comedy was no sooner ended, but a Tragedy succeeds upon it. For coming with all the train to Christ-Church, they enter the Vicechancellors house with expedition, where Earl Philip (without an oath) professing 'twas for his Country's good, the Virtuous and Heroic Gentlewomen were desired to quit their quarters; but refusing the kind proposal, were conveyed out in a chair by Soldiers; one of them using this expression without the least sign of discontent, that though now she was carried away in a chair, she doubted not to come thither hereafter upon her own legs again.  
And because the head cannot suffer singly, unless the members partake and share with it, while their hand is in, they obliterate these following Doctors from being Canons; viz. Doctor Hammond Orator to the University (whom Corbet a Visitor succeeds in Office, and would speak if he had a spoon, or words to utter) Doctor Gardiner, Doctor Isles, Doctor Paine, Doctor Morly, and Doctor Wall; whose places are filled up with these unanimated clods of earth, Aaron Rogers, Superviser of New-Inne-Hall, and Visitor, viz. Henry Langley controller of Pembroke-Colledge, Henry Wilkinson of Magdalen-Hall, a Visitor, John Mills Judge-advocate to the Army, and Visitor, Toby Cornish the squeaking Lecturer of Alhallows. These are the hopeful quicksets newly grafted, for which the goodly Cedars must be removed and hewn down; the delicate Mushrooms of this age, that in one day grow up to their maturity, and like Medlars are reserved in State-pickle, most esteemed of for being rotten.  
From Christ-Church they go to Mary Magdalene-Colledge, which having had the preeminence of that sanctified Hall adjoining to it, to the ineffable heart breaking of the godly members appertaining thereunto, must part with their learned Precedent Doctor Oliver, and admit of that creeping Mole-catcher old Wilkinson, with Cate his Doxy, to govern and bear rule over them. Who no sooner had got possession, and took leave of their ancient Pigeon-house, but they snugged it together lovingly all that night, and dreamed not of Naboths vineyard taken from him; for he never was guilty of too much Scripture-knowledge, who so often paid forty shillings to have his course supplied at S. Mary's, while himself stayed at home (good soul) in meditation and serious study how long the mellifluous Sugar-sops would be in preparing for him.  
S. john's is the next they visit, whereof that gallant learned man Doctor Bayly is Precedent; who knowing his doom before, was so far from fleeing that he took occasion to meet half way with his antagonists: where after a Passado compliment with his Chancellorship, they require a submission to their Power, and admission into his lodgings presently; but received this answer from the Doctor, that for active obedience unto them, without palpable breach of Oaths he might not nor would do it, y●t willingly would be passive, that his conscience might not suffer shipwreck by it: which made his Honour scratch his periwig and noddle too, to pump out a moving argument; but his brainpan put out of order, at last he cried out in plain English, Master Doctor, Resign your keys, that we may enter: which he refusing to do, the fledges and Iron Crows were called for. At entrance his pretty children stood, which a Jew would have taken compassion of, many of them being aguish, who therefore had double mercy showed to them; first, a month's time to remove for Master Cheinels coming in, and then unintendently their agues frighted from them.  
But learned Doctor Shelden (Warden of All souls) speaking his mind home unto them, and beating them with their own retorted weapons, for which many opprobrious terms were put upon him. We cannot omit one passage worthy laughter, to see how their shadows frighted them. The discourse being hot about the Cause, and the Doctor maintaining no Parliament without his Majesty the Creator of it, Sir Nathaniel putteth in, and tells him that his Lordship would Sol that Quaere: which enraged him so on sudden, that he began to open, and make way for his distracted answer: What meat you by this (says Earl Phil.) you intent not to entrap me, do you? To my knowledge the chair stands ready, and his Majesty may sit there if he please: I come not as Chancellor now, or Visitor, (ye are mistaken) but by immediate order from the States, and those I will live and die with. Being mum on the sudden all, and put to silence, the Doctor must pay for's learning that had thus worsted them, and therefore was forth with sent with a guard of Musketeers to prison, yet accompanied with the people's prayers to guard him better, who followed him in whole troops, and bestowed their blessings on him.  
'Twere endless to relate all quarrels with Governors and Heads of Houses; as, for not opening the gates to admit his Highness, who is too lofty (by the head) to get in at a door or wicket, for which Doctor Potter of Trinity College was ejected by him, that Patriarch Harris a doting Visitor might enjoy both his house and Profits.  
I desire you'll not expect I should give you the Speech his Lordship made in the Convocation to the Visitors; for I hear you have it from a more dexterous hand.  
And now let the world take notice what a blessed Reformation is like to be, when the executioners and their adherents are the only gainers by it; when the most eloquent Heads in Europe are cut off, that the informers against them, and the same men their ejectors, may succeed them, when (as Bishops and Calve-skins received their doom in one day, so) by the same command our University and the State's close-Stool-house must be in the same week voided.  
And therefore the tribe at New-inn, with the brethren of ●●e same cut, to evidence their obliged gratitude to the Privie-Counsellor and Academical Gold-finder by his Office, are printing a Book of Poetry upon his coming; one copy whereof coming lately into my hands (through a mistake) I shall (for the Author's reputation) here insert, that the Reader may judge beforehand of the rest, and save the expense of three pence to buy the whole.  

Phi, malus, & Lippus, scripsisti in Versibus, Owen,  
Pembrochiâ negat hoc, (fallaris ergo) Comes:  
Nolo Philippenses atque Hebraeos recitare  
Tam malè, Spurcanti Carmine, nescio quid.  
Nil piget, intuitus nostrum si quando Libellum  
Exclumes,— Paucos hic ut Orb bonos:  
Quod si Pembrochius maculetur Carmine, Cancel-  
larius, & Mendax Presbyter, & Nebuloes.   

Englished thus:  
Owen, thou sayest that Phi and Lippus are  
Two words of Ignominy; have a care.  
How couldst thou quite forget (that dwellest so nigh)  
Philip of Pembroke and Montgomery?  
We Hebrews and Philippians, to our power,  
Will vindicate our Lord and Chancellor.  
Nor had we been so moved if one had said  
There's not a good verse in the Book we made.  
If then your verse our Chancellor did mean,  
We say you are a knave, and lie, again.   
Why this is a vein indeed befits the matter: if those other in the holy language should be so quarrelsome not one Volume will contain them all, for fear they should fight for sheet and seniority in taking Places, until severed they be blown to th'mercer's shop to wrap up Pepper and ●allow-Candles in.  
That in a loathsome manner they may die,  
As will their Rebel-subjects's Memory.  
FINIS.