THE SCOUT OF COCKENY.  
NEptune being puffed up with the flatterers of the Greek and Latin Scribblers that skirts the Hadriatick and Mediterian Sea, had the vanity to swagger in the Ocean, and range about strange Coasts to increase the number of his Poetical Parasites, so with his Fish Knight Errantry, he rushed through the Straits, and turned his snout towards the North, where in half a days swimming he reached the Coast of Portugal, without any mischance, except a slender crack in his Lerbord Finn that he got as he passed by the Birling Islands; This did not at all startle him from his Course to the Arctic Pole, but most jocundly held on till he came to the Bay of Biscay, where indeed his Godship was discovered to be Mortal; for the billowing of these Waves set his watery Stomach a tottering, and if there had not been a quack in the Navy that comforted him with one of Buchursts pectoral Loranges, he was fair to have gasped his last, with great difficulty he rolled through that raging gulf, and no sooner came into smother Water, but he pricked up his Ears, stretched his Crist, brandished his Triton with as dreadful and huffing an Aspect as the Alehouse Hector's will toss notched Belboes in presence of their Country Kindred; in this posture and rate he sneered away, seeking for the mouth of the Channel, when strait he was discovered by a Welsh Man of War, who no sooner came within distance, but our bold British Gallyfoyst conceived by his snotty Beard, that he was a Hollander come from Malago, drunk with Peettersemin, and to chastise his intemperance, because it was not done with Metheglin, he immediately from his Fore castle snuffed a cast of Culverins, which did so smite the aquatic Monster upon the weather Jaw, that he was forced to turn his Tail to that thundering Storm, and by a great Fa●t which was their appointed sign of Retreat, he and the rest of his Briny Myrmidons run towards the Coast of France, where it was the Fortune of his Vice Admiral, that was a Fiddler of Flushing mounted on a Mar-maid to spend his Bowspreet upon the Cardinal Islands, and if haply Monsiur de Fonquets Galleys of Bell-Isle had not come to his rescue, the Phlegmatic Rodomontado had lost that Music which makes the Burgamasters Annakies of Amsterdam yawn after Rope Dancers.  

From Sunny-side.  
ONe of our Philosopher's Wives according to the custom of the Coast-side Gossips, last night skimmered away to Bourdeux to swill of the new Wine, upon her return she touched at Goree where Opdam lies; she reports that at her being there, one Doctor Abraham Kesse wrought a speedy Cure on Opdam, both as to his Gout and Flux, the one he stopped with a new discovered Cheese made of Geese Milk, the other he disolved with a Cataplasm composed of Fish Guts: But the Physician had but a slender reward for not prolonging the Cure, there being now no shift left to shelter his shamefastness at Sea: In the mean time, this cloven Mercury hath brought a shrewd jealousy upon herself, for making all that Voyage in 24. hours, and it's without all peradventure to be expected the first Oyster Boat that's cast away, but her Winding-sheet will be converted into a Tar barrel, else the world is much mistaken of the discretion of their Justice of Peace.   

From Lochquaber.  
THere is a Norway Adventurer come here to Innerlochy loadened with Figs and Frontiniack, and which is strange, of the Country's natural growth, and all this is produced from the industry of their accademics; the place that yields these Fruits is the valleys of Stravangle, and they say they cultivat the ground with no other dung but that of Solin Geese, and Italian Becca Ficki, which by a wonderful Artifice, a little mixed with a Charm they bring upon the place, and very orderly each first Monday of the Month they squat according to their Tribes in the parts appointed by the Surveyer of the Plantation.   

From Tinto-tope.  
THe Deputies appointed by the Mineral Committee of Virtuosos in this place are returned from Braids craig's, and Bennichi, they have found as much Gold in the one as will make a Picktooth to the King of Fairy, and as much Silver in the other as will make a Thimble to his Queen; they were very painful in their sinking search, and they conclude by many pregnant symptoms that there is both Gold and Silver, but before they can arrive at the right Vain, they must dig within 13. Inches of the Antipods, which will scarcely be enterpized, unless persons of public Spirits will advance money to defray the expense of Materials.   

Buck-haven.  
ONe of our second rate Adventurers is safely arrived from the Straits, most part of her Loadening is of the new sort of Hooks made of Venice Glass, except some Furs for lynning our Alderman's Bulfangers. All the News that was Currant on the Rialto at Venice, was a great report of a Water Combat 'twixt the Bottle Beer Barge above London Bridge and the Bucentaure; If it be upon a Shrove Tuesday about four in the evening, and the Thames bottom manned by Prentices, and Governed by Dray-men, the Magnificoes and Pantolonies will be at a damned loss, and they will sooner make Bowling-greens of the Dardanelloes than gain any thing by that Bargain.   

From Prestoun-pans'.  
YOu have here an Extract of a Letter from our Oyster Consul at Zurex Sea, viz. that after the HogginMoggin had steeped sufficiently after a plentiful Carouse, their prudentials led them to this Cautious result (that their Navy till the Summer shall be disposed into several Harbours, but such places as are in a capacity to Steel their white Livered souls with Aqua-Fortis and Gunpowder, in order to which Rear Admiral Bublikins is come to this place, his Squadron are as followeth;  
The Pontius Pilate of Amsterdam, the Simon Magus of Dort, the Soutterkin of Skeulin, the Mareswin of Middelburgh, the Flunder of Flushing, the Cabaleu of Camphire, the Haddock of Harlem, the Lobster of Leydan, the Goliath of Gorkum, the Whale of Workum, the Buttered Eggs of Egmont, the Salt Eale of Enchusen, the Punk of Putta, the Skaite of Skeedam, the Oyster of Oyster-Capell, the Whyttin of Wester-Capell, the Mackerel of Mastensleuse, the Geck of Gorre, the Grains of Brewer's Haven, the Stockfish of Halvert Sluice, the Bread and Cheese of Beverweek, the Butter of Bonkes-slote, the Haire-groat of Horn, the Beens and Bacon of Broad-wood.  
A fire Ship called the Brandy of the Brill, two Pinks, the Elder and Younger Cuts built of Rotterdam and Skarlaw; this is the true number of Bublikins Fleet, his Historingrapher who is a redoubted Classic Poet in Holland, under the name of jacob-vander-hogge, gave the names to all this Spongy Gallantry, for which he was rewarded with two Barrels of pickled Herring to entertain his Wife who was a Castaway Bloom-berry Hackney; yet the Jade has turned so fruitful there, that she frequently brings forth Litters of Souterkins. It's much to be feared that the heat of an English Broadside will make this wretched Generation of pickled Pilchers dissolve like Anchovies upon a Choffin-dish.   

Killimure.  
THe Provests Daughter of this place hath been labouring this two years of a most consuming Greensickness, but now She is most miraculously cured by the Pyper of Clovo; for with half a dozen of Bends of a drink stoured upon Straw, he hath restored Her both to Stomach and Complexion: This same Instrumental Virtuoso is largely as well known in the Mathematics, as in Medicine; for with the Drone of his Pipe, he makes greater discoveries in the Moon, than Sir Sydrafall doth with his Telescope: for those who tried it, saith, they not only discover Hills, Woods, and Rivers, but Towns and Castles, and those fortified in the Modish manner, with Bastions Ravellings, half Moons, Counterscarps, and Hornworks, and Steeples with Sun-dials': Al Italiano in point of Physic, he operateth much by Glisters without any other conveyance but his Towl.    

Advertisements.  
THere is strayed out of Inchkeeth a Turkey Cock thirty Inches high with Vervails of Purc-leen, bearing the Arms of Prester john; who ever brings notice to john Purdie Oyster Dregger in Rotton-raw, shall have three skelps with a Skait Rump till he skyt Dumplings like green Geese in May.  
The History of Cyprus, by Don Pantalion Priapontado, with a Commentary of Peter Aretins upon the Oecominy of the Queen's Family.  
The Leep Frog, a merry Play, composed by Visiguncus revel Warden of the Grand Signiors Mal Retiro.  
If any person be so foolish as to think there is nothing contained in this Gazet, or so serious, that there's something he may be mistaken in both; however, if any can find out the right Key, our Worshipful Senate of Cockeney does promise to recommend him as a qualified Wit, to be Enigmatical Professor in any of the new established Seminaries for strange Discoveries.   

Printed at Cockenay for the Company of Stationers at Earls-Ferry.