TYPHON: OR, The Giant's War WITH The Gods.  
A MOCK-POEM. In Five CANTOS  
LONDON: Printed for SAMUEL SPEED, at the Rainbow in Fleetstreet, between the two Temple-Gates. 1665.   

THE Argument OF THE WHOLE.  
THe Giant Typhon's mighty strength;  
His courage, inches, and his length:  
The threats, the menaces and odds  
'Twixt him, the Giants and the Gods.  
Those wonders which as yet but few know,  
Besides those Gods and Madam Juno;  
And they are wiser than to tell  
Disasters to themselves befell.  
The nimble God from heaven sent  
Returns with Giant's Compliment:  
At which the Gods begin to tremble,  
And strait a Parliament assemble;  
Who for preventing future harms,  
Consult on manner of their Arms:  
Debating long, it is decreed  
That Vulcan fall to work with speed.  
With ill success: again they arm,  
Renew a second time the fight  
With like success, are put to slight.  
Back they return, and gain the odds;  
They rout, and they pursue the Gods,  
Who cunningly do vary shape  
In Wood, the better to escape.  
The Gods bethink it base to range  
In Woods like beasts, and therefore change  
Their borrowed shapes: at Nylus-banks  
God Mercury performs his pranks  
They cloth themselves, to Memphis go;  
The Priest and People kindness show:  
Great Hercules they send for, who  
Attends them with no more ado.  
Jove and his son Alcides go  
By joint consent in quest of foe.  
Giant's scale heaven to a wonder;  
From thence are headlong thrown by Thunder.  
A fight determines; where's the odds,  
On Giant's side, or on the Gods.  
Giants are slain, and Typhon flies:  
Great Jove pursues, and Typhon dies.   

TYPHON: OR, The Giants War.  

CANTO I.  
The ARGUMENT.  
The Giant Typhon's mighty strength;  
His courage, inches, and his length:  
The threats, the menaces and odds  
'Twixt him, the Giants and the Gods.  
Those wonders which as yet but few know,  
Besides those Gods and Madam Juno;  
And they are wiser than to tell  
Disasters to themselves befell:  
I Sing (though not in strain as they  
In every line do merit Bay)  
Not Hector, or the brave AEneas,  
Amphiarus, nor Dapaneus;  
Nor yet of Thetis valiant son,  
Nor Apprentice stout of famous Lon-  
Don-Town; they're all such little brats,  
That unto these they seem but Sprats  
Of whole bold deeds I mean to write:  
I chant o' th' man so full of might,  
Before whom Thunder-thumping jove  
Ran swifter than from Hawk doth Dove.  
I treat of horrid Typhon's acts,  
Whose eyes do equalise his facts,  
And out of whose each shoulder springs  
As many arms as there are Strings  
On all the Fiddles of this Town,  
Or Sheep that graze on Barsted-down.  
Among which arms there doth appear  
A head would cause Old Nick to fear,  
And tremble too, did he but gaze on't,  
I'll lay a Piece with him that lays on't.  
So cross a Rogue was never seen  
By Beggar blind of Bednal-green  
With boy his eyes. So much for that:  
Now of his Brothers I must chat  
A while; and let you understand,  
Such children never were of Land,  
(Nor of the Earth; but for Rhimes sake,  
The Land for Earth this time I take.)  
But to the point: pox on the Rhyme,  
'Thas forced me to commit a Crime  
Against exactness.) These Braves then,  
Who looked like devils more than men,  
Yielded not in the least for strength,  
For thickness, talness, breadth or length,  
For rooting strong oaks, tearing rocks,  
Breaking doors, or picking locks,  
Passing the Seas without a bridge,  
Or skipping o'er a great house-ridge;  
Making a Switches of greatest Oak,  
With which the bones of Gods they broke  
That ne'er did brag on't (when returned  
Up to the heavens, where had sojourned  
Their Godships) unto their said brother  
Both by the father and the mother.  
I have digressed somewhat long:  
No matter, now I'll to't dingdong.  
You Muses nine that saw the fight  
From horrid mount, and in what plight  
The Gods were, when great jove with fear  
Ran here and there, and everywhere;  
Upon his Horse-bird got astride;  
The devil take the hindmost, cried;  
And ran as swift from Pole to Pole,  
As if head had at his bum-hole  
The God of Fire; in danger great  
To break his neck ere the retreat  
Had been accomplished; till his Bird  
On Nilus-sands did drop a T—  
Feign would I know the thing (or shape)  
The fearful Gods did deign to Ape▪  
For this most certain is, and true,  
They all did fear and tremble too:  
But whether Conquest Giants great  
Did favour, or the Gods did beat,  
Is not confirmed; for since that time  
Has not been seen in any clime  
Giants nor Gods; which makes some say  
There's no such thing (a-lack-a-day!)  
As Muses nine, or God Apollo.  
But mark you what doth after follow:  
For Mercury (the King of Posts)  
Brings this same news from both the hosts.  
All in the Land of Lombary  
There dwelled, a Kite? no, let me see,  
There dwelled a Giant: now I'll speed,  
(The better day, the better deed)  
'Twas on a Sunday just past noon,  
That Typhon having with a Spoon  
Big as is an English Wherry,  
Crammed as much as Gut could carry  
Of Whale's white-broth, and of the meat,  
Which in his Maw did cause a heat,  
Invited Brothers, gentile Lubbers,  
To play with him at Ninepins, Rubbers.  
I think 'tis fit to let you know,  
Before I any further go,  
Those Pins they were long-pointed rocks  
That with his hands, and some few knocks  
he'd framed, that they looked even so:  
The Bowl beat out (by strength of blow)  
Of the same stuff; though not so round,  
But that there might be rounder sound.  
It was about the midst of May,  
When jolly was the world, and gay:  
Thessalia was the proper place  
In which this jovial Gyant-race  
Did make their Match, in Recreation  
To play a Set for a Collation  
At Ninepins. Eight did fiercely play;  
The other betted (as some say.)  
The three first Games this gallant troop  
Did play, they took the pains to stoop,  
And mind their sport: but growing hot  
With tossing too much of the Pot,  
(For they had Ale and strong Beer plenty,  
More than enough for them and twenty)  
They grew to words, from words to blows:  
But Typhon with the crooked nose  
Stepped in between, and cried out, Peace;  
Whereat the hubbub strait did cease,  
So that they spent the whole long day  
Without a blow, or farther fray  
Than has been mentioned. But much better  
It had been, to prevent a greater  
Mischief, had each given to his mate  
A rousing blow upon the pate,  
And cross the shins a thousand knocks,  
Then Typhon with the snaky locks  
Had with a Pin got such a blow,  
As made him rub from knee to toe.  
It was the great Encelades  
(Pox on his picture) broke the peace;  
Though some say 'twas against his will,  
And merely by the want of skill:  
But Typhon ne'ertheless was near,  
For knock exchanging cuff o' th' ear.  
But having made on deed reflection,  
And of his thoughts a recollection,  
Still grinning in disdainful wise,  
And Lightning flashing from his eyes,  
He gathered Ninepins up and Boul,  
(No Giant daring him control)  
And hurled them up with such a might,  
As that they vanished out of sight,  
And could no more be seen by eyes,  
But in a moment pierced the skies,  
And to augment the Giant's wonder,  
Did rattle there as claps of Thunder,  
Rushing into the very place  
Where Gods the Goddesses embrace:  
Though they poor souls did not surmise  
That Ninepins would idolatrize:  
But cramming Paunches full with Nectar,  
Such as the Goddesses expect for  
Appetite, but by reversion;  
For there they hold it an aspersion,  
As they in France allow a woman  
To gurmundize and drink with no man;  
But now and then in private they  
Will tipple Nectar fast as Whey.  
And thus the Gods resolved to drink,  
Till night appeared as black as Ink.  
Stout Mars took nothing but Tobacco,  
Caring not a Fart for Sack though,  
Shunning all celestial rooms  
Not scented with Tobacco's fumes.  
For since in Holland he had been,  
And purchased Honour to the keen-  
Ness of his weapon, he would dare  
With any's valour to compare;  
That being noted for a Bragger,  
Some Wags cleped him Sword-dragger:  
Yet loved he nothing more than smoke  
And Beer, for which he'd pawn his Cloak,  
And did; but nought could yet prevail,  
To work a league with him and Ale:  
A fiery God, and so uncivil,  
He only lived to drink and drivel;  
True sign his birth and bringing up  
Proceeded from the Pipe and Cup.  
But jupiter, who drank his fill,  
Lay fast asleep close by his Gill:  
juno lay by Silenus' Ass:  
(He Bacchus' foster-father was.)  
Who saw them in this plight, might think  
They had but little need of drink.  
I will not say, Here lay a Punk,  
Or there lay one was worse: but drunk  
They were like Gods; and every Goddess  
Lay reeking as the joint that sod is.  
Drink by Philosophy we find,  
Quells perturbations of the mind;  
Dissolves those cares that do control  
The life and vigour of the soul.  
In such a sleep the Gods were cast:  
But when a nap or two was past,  
They being frighted with the noise  
Caused by those Ninepins, Gyant-boys  
Had flung; jove starting up, quoth he,  
Is this a time to disagree?  
Dissensions are for mortal elves;  
Gods should agree among themselves.  
By this we seem as Fools and Cod's heads,  
With Ninepins to assault the God's heads.  
The Deities by this time heard  
Ioves voice, which made them sore afeard:  
When scales were from the eyelids broke,  
Had they known how, they would have spoke;  
But standing all as in a maze,  
With eyes did nothing else but gaze,  
Quoth jupiter once more, Who's there?  
Where are you all? Bring me a Chair.  
But Venus half awake (good heart)  
In stead of answer, let a fart:  
But straightway conscious of a guilt,  
And fearing scent from what was spilt;  
Quoth she, 'Tis nothing, dreadful Sir.  
You lie, you Whore; I heard a stir,  
And I will know what is the matter.  
Thus jove continued raving at her.  
Venus said nought, but thought the more,  
And pouted at the stile of Whore.  
jove raging still more fierce and mad,  
Well may we think not one was glad.  
Twice, by the Alcoran he swore,  
And bit his thumbs as oft, or more.  
Pallas observing well this fit,  
Forsakes the place where she doth sit,  
Or lie, 'tis no great matter which;  
It seems her finger's ends did itch  
To be with jove: so having bowed,  
Spoke words like these, (but not aloud)  
Great Sir, whose anger is as fire,  
Consuming such as feel your ire,  
Be as a God, more prone to love  
Then to destroy: Oh let me move  
Your pity; harken unto me:  
Those Cups which on the ground you see  
Broke into fitters, and those Glasses,  
Are all your own: but now what passes  
On earth, which caused your Glasses fate,  
I cannot to your Grace relate:  
Thus much, your Glasses all are broke,  
Too brittle to endure the stroke  
Come from the Earth's side; likewise they  
That did the fact are fled away.  
Quoth jove, (& frowning, bit his tongue)  
The villain shall repent this wrong,  
Could I but know him. Momus cried,  
Surely you are all heavy eyed;  
(And with that mirth he 's always in)  
'Tis nothing but a blow with Pin.  
Quoth angry jupiter, Buffoon,  
Leave fooling, or repent it soon:  
Is this a time to carp and jest,  
When Mortals dare the Gods molest?  
If you'd have heels be kept from fetters,  
Be mute in presence of your betters▪  
No more of that; but now I'll know  
What mortal there can be below,  
Durst in this manner break my rest,  
Or hatch such treason in his breast?  
Are not the heaven's Ninepin-proof?  
I swear by Pegasus his hoof,  
I'll be revenged of Pins and Bowl.  
Quoth Pallas, Sir, upon my soul  
There's not a Glass left whole: Mon Dieu,  
The Gods themselves must drink in shoe.  
Thus each day does create new pranks;  
Mortals (for mirth) deserve our thanks.  
The thanks returned shall as Rue (bitter)  
Be unto all, quoth jupiter:  
If strait I put not Rods in piss  
For them, they will do worse than this:  
By Pluto, my revenge shall fly  
(As th' injury, and I am) high.  
As jove was venting thus his spleen,  
Sol enters with his wearied Teem,  
And hearing jove make such a clatter,  
Said to the next, Pray what's the matter?  
Strait did Silenus tell him what  
Befell them all, and what had not.  
Says Sol to jove, I'll tell you, Sir,  
For I saw all that caused this stir.  
Be brief, quoth jove, (and omit nothing)  
Because prolixity is loathing.  
Sol having briefly laid the state  
Of dreadful Typhon's acts of late;  
Quoth jove, A word to th'wise: now stay,  
I will that strait, without delay,  
God Mercury descend to th' earth;  
His message 'tis must spoil their mirth:  
Let him show Typhon his mistake,  
Who thinks of jove an Ass to make;  
Tell him, his Giantlike retinue,  
Nor all the stock of their Revenue,  
Shall hinder justice: they shall know,  
Whether 'tis I, am jove or no.  
Be sure you do your Message well,  
In State and Order; to them tell  
Their own. Mercury having heard  
The Embassy, he stroked his beard,  
(Or Chin in lieu) saluted hand,  
And scraped a leg: I understand  
(Quoth he) my duty, and the strife.  
With that he begins to handle Knife,  
Or Sword, which girding on his side,  
Doth next his Snaky Staff provide:  
Slips on his winged shoes, on's head  
He clapped his feathered Cap, and fled  
As fast as wings could bear him down,  
O'er River, City, Wood and Town.  
At last he came unto the place  
Where Typhon and his Gyant-race  
(Some standing, others sat on Crup  
Were just providing for their Supper:  
Of what that Supper did consist,  
See here a true and perfect List.  
An hundred lusty Oxen slain,  
Which they had stole by might and main  
From Herdsmen; Sheep some four times more,  
Got by the means as said before,  
Which Cacus a notorious knave,  
Had stole by night, and hid in Cave:  
'Twas he that thought he once could beat  
(And fought with) Hercules the Great;  
But lost his Kingdom, and at length  
His life, by Hercules his strength.  
This Cacus did in Carthage reign;  
At length in Italy was slain.  
There leave we him, and fall to Mutton,  
As good as ever knife was put on.  
Their Sheep they roasted whole on Trees,  
In stead of Spits, and that with ease:  
Trees that for length, & strength, & barks,  
Bore Sheep as little Spits do Larks.  
The rank beneath was less; the last,  
About the smallness of a Mast.  
Their fire a Forest was, which they  
Designed before for that same day.  
They thus prepared, in came the God,  
Who crying, Humh! and giving nod,  
Began his brief and formal story,  
And they to round him tory-rory.  
Quoth one of them, Whoop holiday!  
'Tis very true, what do you say?  
Then quoth another, with disdain,  
The God is out, begin again.  
I tell you once more, that great jove  
(Quoth Mercury) who rules above,  
Has sent me here, to let you know  
He rules (as well as there) below;  
And were you bigger than you are  
Ten times, yet he is higher far:  
Your men are Rogues, & women Whores,  
And he's resolved to pay your scores:  
His threats are chiefly to you, Typhon,  
For having lewdly spun your life on,  
He sendeth word you are a Knave,  
A Thief, a Cheat, a Rascal, Slave;  
And does command that strait you go  
And buy him Glasses: doing so,  
If they be Venice, number cent,  
His choler may no farther vent.  
Then, with acknowledgement of blame,  
Present to jupiter the same;  
And let him (with submission) know,  
'Tis your request to kiss his toe:  
Be ready too, without a halt,  
To cry Peccavi for your fault:  
Then if you add, 'Tis past and gone,  
And never shall the like be done;  
This contest may not only end,  
But jupiter will be your friend.  
The Giants hearing this discourse,  
With stomaches big as that of horse  
Began with scorn to laugh and scoff.  
The God in study to get off,  
As being fearful. Typhon then:  
Though you are Gods, and we but Men,  
(Quoth he) yet know, for I'll be plain,  
If you a quarrel will maintain,  
And that with neither fear nor wit;  
Tell jove, I hold no answer fit,  
But this: We will not purchase Glasses  
For him, nor his celestial Asses:  
Let him send Ganymede, that elf,  
Or take the pains to go himself.  
The nimble God before in plight,  
Was now enraged at this slight;  
In mild expressions gave a threat,  
But durst not any more repeat:  
For Giants valued Gods no more  
Than Swine do Pearl, or costly Ore.  
But Mercury, more knave than fool,  
Put up (as Proverb saith) his Tool;  
And instantly he took his flight,  
Till gotten clearly out of sight.  
We'll now suppose h'as reached his home,  
And unto jupiter is come:  
For he had flown with greater speed  
Than I can write, or you can read.  
The Gods themselves that hourly move  
In highest orbs, can drink and love;  
And so did jove, who scorned to shrink,  
Whilst heart to love, or mouth to drink:  
He drank so much that very day,  
That all his Sense was fled away;  
And Mercury concealed Tale,  
Till jove had slept away his Ale.   

CANTO II.  
The ARGUMENT.  
The nimble God from heaven sent  
Returns with Giant's Compliment:  
At which the Gods begin to tremble,  
And strait a Parliament assemble;  
Who for preventing future harms,  
Consult on manner of their Arms:  
Debating long, it is decreed  
That Vulcan fall to work with speed.  
JVpiter's Mistress, red as Rose,  
Was dropping dew from eyes or nose;  
'Tis all a case: for drops are drops,  
Come they from eyes, or nose, or chaps.  
Her grief occasioned by a fly-blow,  
Yclept by knowing one's, a byblow:  
Calisto 'twas, Diana's Maid,  
Whom jupiter to lust betrayed.  
Gods are (like mortals) dull & stupid,  
When once they're subject unto Cupid:  
If there's brutality in Men,  
Or Gods, it must be chiefly then.  
Yet strange to think, the Gods should do  
What Men abhor, and blush at too:  
But Gods and Men in folly move,  
When captived by the power of love.  
When Mercury arose from sleep,  
'Twas then he saw Calisto weep.  
Have you not in a Chimney seen  
A sullen Faggot moist and green;  
How slowly it admits of heat,  
And does not only weep, but sweat?  
So fares an unexperienced Virgin,  
When jupiter himself is urging:  
But dry-wood-like, the practic Dame  
Cracks, and rejoices at the flame.  
Quoth Mercury, If thus you grieve,  
I must do so, or must not live:  
O let me know your cause of sorrow.  
But rising up, quoth she, Good-morrow.  
So parted Mercury and her.  
At length he came to jupiter,  
Right early, for avoiding blame;  
And him he found in bed with Dame,  
Who being sensible of wrong  
She had received, was using tongue:  
For jupiter had often stunk  
With drink, when home returning drunk:  
Her help still nothing but condoling,  
Whilst he abroad was Caterwoling:  
For this same little fault he had,  
Sometimes he would a Whoring gad;  
In other matters none more civil,  
(For there are deuce belong to devil)  
And to speak truth, no equal there is  
To him in Lombardy or Paris;  
Nor can the like of him be found  
All over the Utopian ground.  
God Mercury was loath to venture  
At first, but by and by did enter,  
Just as he heard the Goddess say,  
What shall that Maiden do, I pray?  
What madman do you think will take her  
Now you have ploughed upon her Acre?  
jove seeing Mercury appear,  
As one most glad to see him there,  
Without his Slippers or his Hose,  
To rise he does himself dispose;  
And straightway gives the God command  
To let him clearly understand  
The cause o'th'late and sudden action,  
What Typhon says for satisfaction;  
Or if the mortals dared to own  
Th'abuses they of late had done.  
(Great jove) quoth Mercury, I'll tell  
What during my abode befell  
Since I descended from the sky,  
(And hang me if I tell a lie)  
Though 'twas my study to dehort all,  
They cried, The Gods like us are mortal:  
And if in strength did lie the odds,  
Then they themselves would all be Gods.  
Quoth they, This carry to your jove;  
Nor threats, nor he himself shall move  
Us to excuse whatever Fate  
By our directions did of late.  
Then howled they as if they were mad:  
I fearing their intentions bad,  
And that in this their dreadful ire  
They'd sing my wings with flames of fire,  
Did sneak away. They seeing that,  
Cried out, Halloo, a Rat, a Rat;  
Hold him there. ay, in this sad plight,  
Had almost lost my ears and sight:  
For, what with smoke of fire, and noise,  
I hardly saw, or heard I voice  
But what was most confused: I'm sure,  
I understand thus much, endure  
Such an affront? 'tis lewd and base;  
We'll geld the rogue upon the place.  
At this their rudeness, wonder not  
If by agility I got  
Away. Here jove commanded son  
Forbear: Enough, quoth he, ha' done:  
Go, get your breakfast, then in haste  
Summon the Gods; let no time waste:  
Be diligent to let them know  
I'd have their counsels against the foe.  
jove wisely thought few words were best,  
Kept his intentions in his breast;  
Only he frowned, and then he swore;  
Said little, though he thought the more.  
Typhon the while, we may agree,  
Did swear and rant as fast as he:  
This news report did strait afford,  
Typhon would come with fire and sword,  
With him the stout Encelades,  
With divers others great as these.  
That Giant Mimas fierce and proud,  
Stood up, and spoke his thoughts aloud;  
He cursed the Gods, and in his tale  
Said much, that did as much prevail  
With Typhon's humour: quoth he, Now  
We all must make a solemn Vow  
To be revenged of this same jove,  
That threatens Thunder from above:  
Be you as me, and I as you,  
We'll find him work enough to do.  
What if he doth sometimes with Thunder  
Rend Steeples, towers, & Rocks asunder?  
Cannot we do the same, or can  
He that which can't be done by man?  
If we unite, by strength of arm,  
Our valour shall outdo a Charm.  
Courageous friends, what need we fear?  
I'll pluck him from his stately Chair  
By th'beard, and thereby hurl him round,  
Until his length upon the ground  
Be measured: then I'll set in flames  
His Starry house, and make his Dames  
Or Goddesses from that time prove  
The strength of me, and fate of jove:  
Nay, Venus, Pallas, juno proud,  
I'll get with bearn in softest cloud.  
What if the Titans they did rout?  
'Twas not because the Gods were stout;  
It was a panic fear possessed  
The Titans; they in thought possessed,  
At first gave way, anon they run:  
So by their folly were undone:  
From thence we must derive the date  
Of Star-cross Tytan's rigid fate:  
A mere Goatskin affrighted so,  
They ran without or stroke or blow,  
As if they met (as people say)  
Not to engage, but run away.  
Those of them that appeared stout,  
Were forced to do as did the rout;  
And good shift too, for by Orlando,  
A man can do but what he can do.  
But we'll be like ourselves: now see  
Which of you all will follow me:  
For he that dares in field to die,  
Does in the bed of Honour lie:  
Nor can those Heroes once be dead,  
But sleep, when laid in Honour's bed.  
Typhon with gladness hearing this,  
Said to the rest, It were amiss  
Long to defer their punishment.  
Quoth Mimas then, By your consent  
Let us all laugh, rant, tear the ground,  
So loud, that they may hear the sound  
On high, the place where they reside;  
The noise will somewhat quell their pride:  
A Match, than cried Porphyrion,  
Who soon was answered by Thoon.  
This Thoon was of Trojan birth,  
And by Ulysses killed to earth.  
Then jointly they began to Hollow;  
The chief among them were as follow:  
Great Ephialtes, Neptune's son,  
He who the attribute had won  
Of Giant huge, for strength and hue;  
For he nine inches monthly grew:  
japet, Pelor, Celadon,  
Athos, Damasor, Gration,  
Cycaon, Clytius, Echion,  
Pollibotes, Laomedon,  
Pallenus, and Alcyoneus,  
Almops, Cynus, and Besbeus,  
Briareus, Ceractus, and Clius,  
Anteus, Ascus, Titius,  
Numantia, Gyas, Bergion,  
Pallas, Lapetus, and Albion,  
Lyncus, Buricus, Coeus,  
Argyropes, and Aloeus,  
Euritus, Agrius; with these,  
The King of Thrace, Diomedes:  
They all at once did howl and roar,  
Made thousand antic tricks and more;  
And on a sudden they did bawl,  
A Typhon, Typhon, one and all.  
Whilst thus they did conspire below,  
jove in the clouds ran to and fro,  
Banning and cursing Carman-like,  
Commands that neither Gun, nor Pike,  
Sword, Halberd, Headpiece, Back or Breast,  
Be wanting in each quarter; rest  
Abandons: thus he threatens wonders,  
Which shortly he'd perform by Thunders;  
Commandeth Mercury prepare  
Some Exhalations fine and rare;  
Use skill and art, but no remorse;  
Get them by fair means or by force.  
The speedy God in haste did run,  
And told his Message to the Sun;  
Who answered, he had no such trash  
But what required ready Cash.  
The little God assured him then,  
If trust, he should be paid again.  
At length quoth Sol, Come, let me see,  
I seldom deal with friends like thee:  
Tell jove, I'll furnish him with store;  
And if he wants, he shall have more.  
Mercury breaking air in haste,  
Soon reached his place forsaken last;  
There found he all the Gods assembled,  
Some stunk for fear, and others trembled  
(At these fell Giant's impudence)  
A third sort had nor wit nor sense.  
As soon as Mercury they spied,  
Before, behind, on every side  
They flocked about him, to inquire  
What arms, what men, and what attire  
The Giants used against their foes.  
Quoth Mercucy, There's none but knows  
As much as I: for can you think  
That I, that forced was to wink  
That little time I tarried there,  
Could learn so much as one affair  
Of what you have so lately spoke?  
But I presume they fight with smoke:  
For I so thoroughly was filled  
With fumes, that fearing to be killed,  
I gladly scaped away. The Gods,  
By sighs, by symptoms, and by nods,  
Expressed their careful zeal: for when  
Giants are more than merely men,  
And threaten to do more than elves,  
The Gods should seem above themselves.  
Now by unanimous consent,  
They straightway called a Parliament.  
Down do they all in order sit,  
(Not by their Honesty or Wit,  
But) as in Honour they excel,  
Their method was exactly well.  
As for Example, God of Seas  
Took place of him was God of Pease  
Or Gardens; and the God of Wine  
Preceded this, being of the Line  
And Royal Blood of mighty jove,  
(Reasons strong enough to move)  
To them came jupiter, with Crown  
On's head, on back Sky-coloured Gown,  
With Cupid bearing up his Train,  
For fear of rents, or spots, or slain;  
Neatly combed and curled his hair;  
In's hand a Thunderbolt he bore,  
But not so big as them he throws  
From high, t'exteminate his foes:  
It was a Pocket-Thunderbolt,  
Scarce big enough to kill a Colt  
Not three days old; only to show  
What jupiter had power to do:  
And some there are which do presume  
'Twas filled & stuffed with sweet Perfume.  
Next unto him, with visage mild,  
Old Time came creeping as a child;  
Wearied, upon his Sith he leaned,  
With coming thither almost spent:  
He placed himself within a Chair  
Next his own son, that he might hear  
The better. Age had struck him blind,  
Or deaf, the truth I cannot find.  
Nor is 't material. Pallas then,  
(Who something knew belonged to men)  
At first sat down; but lifting breech  
From seat, she thus delivered speech:  
Ye Gods, we're here together met;  
What then remains, but that we set  
In Council how to manage Wars  
With Giants that occasion Jars?  
Thus said, the Hector Mars stood up,  
(And he it seems had got a Cup  
Too much) he rattled Oaths so loud,  
They cracked like Thunder in a cloud:  
Quoth he, Away with all this noise;  
I'll bring you Typhon and his boys  
Myself: the Gods would honour those  
Too much, should they appear as foes:  
Their weapons and themselves I scorn;  
Who dares not die, should not be born.  
Quoth jove, By all the Gods of Greece,  
I'll make that Rascal hold his peace:  
Thou Flash, 'twas Neptune's turn to speak.  
Mars hearing this, began to sneak;  
Sat down as quiet as a Lamb,  
But in his heart did curse and damn.  
Jove's brother having hauked and humed  
I mean old Neptune cold and numbed,  
And having spit a pool of Fleam,  
That stuck in's throat, & spoiled his theme  
When put off hat, and made a bow,  
He would have spoke, but knew not how  
The Gods, that like himself were sage,  
However, did respect his age,  
Advised him cover head with hat,  
For fear of cold: so down he sat,  
Adjudging it more meet to sit,  
Then standing up to cough and spit  
Among the Gods, who not a few,  
Were thereby almost like to spew.  
Then Bacchus who was sitting by,  
And laughing till he seemed to cry,  
Took Handkerchief, and wiping eyes,  
Imposed a silence in the skies:  
But having drank his morning's dose,  
Quoth he, In spite of Typhon's nose,  
I'll an Embargo lay on Wine;  
Nor shall it be consumed by Swine:  
For such these Giants are; if then  
They want good Wine, like other men  
They will appear; they're now the high'r  
By help of Grape that does inspire.  
The Gods themselves are but as Spectre,  
(So Men) if not refreshed by Nectar.  
If they continue drinking Wine,  
Or feed upon Westphalia-swine,  
Mushrooms, Shallots, Anchovies, and  
The chiefest dainties of the Land:  
So long as they shall have no lack  
Of Sherry, Malago, and Sack;  
They'll drink until they are as drunk  
As they that fight for Madam Punk:  
They'll call us rogues, & whores & Panders,  
And those are excellent Maeanders  
Wherein (if Giants are not watched,  
The Gods may suddenly be catcht.  
Thus Bacchus having gravely spoke,  
Momus, that even then awoke,  
(For he before had slept) stood up,  
Quoth he, Give Bacchus t'other cup:  
He that speaks sense deserves to drink;  
Fill him some Nectar to the brink:  
He spoke sense now, but drank before;  
Give him some drink, he'll utter more:  
It should be (Ganymede) your part  
To be provided with a Quart  
For whoso wants. Thus went he on,  
Till jove cried out, No more, ha' done,  
You carping Knave; or if you'll not,  
I'll mince you small as herbs in pot:  
Or if you drop a word i' th' way,  
When any here hath aught to say:  
This is no more a place for laughing,  
Then for untimely talk, or quaffing.  
For all these checks, you may believe  
The Knave laughed at him in his sleeve.  
Then quoth Salasia, Neptune's wife,  
This Momus does delight in strife.  
More she'd have said, when Vulcan came  
Limping to jove, (for he was lame)  
And Blacksmith-like, without a Band,  
By'r leave, quoth he, with Cap in hand:  
Great Sir, I judge we ought to show  
What duty you may claim as due:  
Yet if you have your eye or ear  
From Momus, he doth laugh and jeer.  
Then jupiter I know it well,  
He's such another fiend of hell:  
Nor he, nor any of his Race,  
Were ever worth a Fiddle-case.  
But 'tis no matter: pray retire,  
And tell us, thou great God of Fire,  
The means to quell these Gyant-dogs.  
Let me alone to forge out Clogs,  
Quoth Vulcan: but I'll tell you, Sirs,  
The best defence against the Curs  
Is to bar up your windows all  
With iron Grates, and raise your wall:  
I'll forge them out so strong, you'll say,  
The workman merits double pay:  
They shall defend with so much ease,  
Heaven needs no other bars then these.  
The thing requires some haste, I trow;  
Strait to my Cyclops will I go,  
And cause them beat with strength of arm  
Bars to protect the Gods from harm.  
So fare you well. 'Twas Momus now,  
That next with tongue began to plow:  
For 'tis to him as Cash and Diet  
To talk, and poison to be quiet.  
Quoth he, 'Tis foolish; Giants are  
So tall, they'll reach to iron bar,  
There fix a hold, by that means get  
Perhaps to place where now we sit:  
For if they once get hold of Grate,  
They'll quickly burst a room for pate;  
And if the head does enter hollow,  
The body certainly will follow:  
Now let them use their utmost skill,  
They can't get in, so hugely ill  
Their holding is; for Giant proud  
Has nothing to embrace but cloud.  
Quoth jupiter, I pray give over,  
We have considered this before:  
What you say we'll prevent with Guard  
Shall watch from time the Gods are barred;  
And they conclude it must be Iron  
That shall the Deities environ.  
Thus having said, they all agree  
To stand or fall by Jove's decree.  
By this time night came on, and they  
Adjourned to th' next approaching day:  
For sitting all this while on Crupper,  
From morning till the time of Supper,  
They wearied were; but now they come  
As fast as legs could carry bum:  
One party takes his way to Tavern,  
Others dispose themselves for Cavern;  
But he that made himself a guest,  
However hasted to his rest.   

CANTO III.  
The ARGUMENT.  
The Giants give the first Alarm  
With ill success▪ again they arm,  
Renew a second time the fight  
With like success, are put to flight.  
Back they return, and gain the odds;  
They rout, and they pursue the Gods,  
Who cunningly do vary shape  
In Wood, the better to escape.  
THe news of Giant's war is hot:  
Some say they'll fight, & some say not:  
But Gods and Giants do intend  
By War to seek each others end.  
The Giants think it better far,  
Then be as merely Giants are:  
For if of jove they gain the odds  
By conquest, they shall all be Gods.  
jove likewise summons Exhalations,  
With other warlike preparations:  
With these (as in a trice) he tries  
To plant defences for the skies.  
The Giants being told by Scout,  
(For such went hourly in and out)  
They silently without bravado,  
Consult to stop the Barricado.  
For things of such a nature sprung,  
Want action rather than a tongue.  
So having laboured all that night,  
Without or noise, or use of light,  
Encelades the Giant bold  
At first attempt almost got hold  
Of window small, & thought with chains  
To make a bridge should answer pains,  
By which according to his will,  
With ease he'd tumble hill on hill.  
Now by great chance, as jove would have't,  
He having got a worm in pate,  
While other of the Gods were sleeping,  
Had near-hand dearly paid for peeping:  
For standing high upon a Cricket,  
With hand he opened heaven-Wicket;  
Encelades began to run:  
Odds waouns, quoth jove, we're all undone.  
Both were amazed; but Giant pissed  
A mighty river ere he list  
Look back: then seeing jove to nod;  
Let jove be ne'er so much a God,  
Quoth he, I'll to him, and relate,  
As Prophet, his prodigious fate.  
But jove was not so much a fool,  
To stay when Giant put up tool:  
For you may think, 'twould stir his blood  
To see the Giant piss a flood,  
And then return with courage new.  
jove knowing better what to do,  
Wisely clapped to the Wicket, and  
Cried to the Giant, Prithee stand,  
And cool thy heels. With this his voice  
juno awoke, and hearing noise,  
Came running: she for haste had spread  
An old blue Apron on her head;  
And on her breech, in stead of coat,  
A threadbare Cloak not worth a groat:  
'Twas Gammed's; but I shall spare  
To show its cause of being there.  
juno through cranny did espy  
Encelades was standing by;  
And judging fit, (as she had reason)  
Extended mouth to utter Treason;  
And she was not of chaps so small,  
But that she could full loudly bawl.  
Two of the Gods with sword in hand  
Rushed headlong in: the one cried, Stand.  
jove mean while keeps a heavy pother:  
Some Powder here, the rogues to smother;  
My Thunderbolt, my Match, my Flask:  
Now come, you dogs, I'll set a task,  
Quoth he; and instantly doth catch  
Up Powder, Thunderbolt, and Match:  
No noise, quoth he, of Pipe and Drum;  
Finger on nose, and crying Mum:  
He fits his tackling; then quoth he,  
What jove can do, you strait shall see:  
With that, unto the window goes,  
Opens it, and stands upon his toes,  
Thunder in hand, and strutting now,  
As in the gutter does the Crow.  
But Fate had almost done its worst:  
For whenas jupiter did burst  
The Wicket open second time,  
Encelades did upward climb;  
For he had piled stones below,  
Whereon he stood: and it was now,  
As soon as jove had gotten thither,  
Encelades with quill or feather  
So brushed the God upon the eye,  
That he cried out, I die, I die:  
For you may note, the quill was big,  
Or jove would not have cared a fig:  
Besides, with stroke, upon the ground  
Was cast, and thereby feared a wound:  
But as it happed, the greatest hurt  
Was only that he fell in dirt.  
jove was no sooner on his back,  
But all the rest amazed pack:  
'Twas wisdom to secure their lives,  
(And they must go, the devil drives.)  
jove seeing all were fled away,  
Got up, and ran as fast as they:  
And well he scaped; for what says Pluck?  
The greater Knave, the better luck.  
The Wicket was (it seems) so small,  
That Giant had no room to crawl:  
Which jove perceived (being gone)  
As far as we may cast a stone:  
And if from thence he had not seen  
Encelades to stick between,  
As Ram that is trappaned in thicket,  
jove never had returned to Wicket:  
For at that time, one silly elf  
Might beat a God or two himself,  
Their fear amazed them so. But when  
Great jove returned back again,  
Encelades the Giant saw  
'Twas time and wisdom to withdraw;  
And so he did, with much ado:  
But Lord, the rubbish that they threw  
On's head, when he was gotten down!  
And after they had Piss-pots thrown,  
Went heaps of stones to further slaughter,  
And Kettles too of scalding water.  
This made the Giant quit his place  
To Mimas, one of Loobie-race,  
Who loving mischief with his heart,  
Most ready was to take his part:  
And th'other Gods on noise of summon,  
Forsaking beds, in clusters come on;  
Some so possessed with Leaden sleep  
And terror, that they seemed to peep  
Through the thin curtains of their eyes.  
Immediately the Gods advise:  
The number now grown great, 'twas hard  
You'll say, if jove should want a guard;  
Nor did he: for when Giant rascal  
Came, quoth jove, My friends, I ask all,  
Will ye agree to fight? for why?  
You have your choice, or fight, or die:  
My resolution is to force on,  
Beyond the angry strength of Orson:  
But they as Gods made this resolve,  
Whatever dangers do involve,  
We'll follow thee; nor will we spare  
In thy behalf to do and dare.  
With that, jove taking heart-a-grace,  
Plucked Thunderbolt from out of case,  
And having primed and cooked the same,  
Now then, quoth he, begins the game.  
By this time Mimas (almost entered)  
Surprised jove, who forthwith ventured,  
Discharging of his Thundergun,  
(The biggest ever seen by Sun.)  
No sooner had the Powder took,  
But instantly a mighty nook  
From Giant Mimas monstrous snout  
Flew off; which grieved him, no doubt.  
But hold, methinks I hear it said,  
Could Giant Mimas get in head  
And body too, when as the other  
Could not, with all his art and pother?  
For information, you may construe  
Encelades the greater Monster:  
I have consulted those that know,  
And have maintained it with a Vow,  
Mimas was much the lesser man,  
By furlongs three, and half a span.  
When Mimas did perceive his treat,  
He feared his dangers might be great:  
As Proverb saith, his judgement saw,  
Necessity has little Law.  
Out did he get mroe fast then in:  
'Tis true, he left behind his chin;  
What then? 'tis better when in strife,  
To lose a chin, then forfeit life.  
'Twas now, when Gods perceived this,  
That they unanimously hiss;  
Called Giant coward, frowned, and strut,  
As Cocks o'th' game within a Hut:  
Their uproar was so hugely loud,  
That other Deities do crowd;  
From divers parts they're seen to run,  
This with a Pitchfork, that with Gun,  
Another with a Spit, a fourth  
Perhaps with weapon lesser worth:  
For when they heard the noise command,  
Each seized on what came next to hand.  
The jolly troop in this disguise  
Marched on, commanded by the wise  
And skilful Pallas: never troop  
More like to make the Giants stoop.  
jove having spied this recruit,  
Quoth he, Let's follow in pursuit;  
And crying, All's our own, my boys;  
Lay down (continued he) these toys▪  
Take each of you a well-made sword,  
'Twill serve the turn, I'll pass my word.  
With that, jove on his Eagle strides;  
Swift as the Bird could move, he rides  
After the Rebels, at which time  
Each God does to the window climb,  
Ambitious in their heat of love,  
Which should be nearest unto jove.  
Thus they press on, the Giants run;  
The Gods would fight, the Giants eat;  
The Gods pursue, the Giants fly;  
The Gods prevail, and Giants die.  
But as some wiser are then some,  
jove order gave, that sound of Drum  
Should rally forces; thinking fit,  
That being wearied, they should sit  
And breathe a while. At which God Mars  
Incensed, cried, If used to Wars,  
Or knew of Victory the gain,  
You'd surely blush when you complain:  
Not to pursue them and their fate,  
May make ourselves unfortunate:  
Let's on; for having won the field,  
Not to persist, is half to yield:  
And how can we our prize maintain,  
Unless we do augment our gain?  
Odds nigs, see how the rascals sneak.  
Silence, quoth jove, that I may speak:  
You see them there; I'll lay my life,  
Ere it be night I'll end the strife  
Myself: however, follow me;  
Keep close, and you'll the better see:  
Although the Sun is scorching hot,  
And I both Powder want and Shot,  
I will so cool the rebels courage,  
You shall have room enough to forage:  
They boast they'll rob us of our lives,  
Plunder our wealth, enjoy our wives;  
Now may they come, if they think good:  
I feel a fire within my blood,  
Which must be quenched. The Giants now  
Rally afresh in Battel-row:  
Encelades appeared i'th' front:  
Quoth angry Mars, Now fie upon't,  
Delays are dangerous; I'll go,  
And fight, before they rally so.  
Great Mars he had no sooner done,  
But spied Encelades to run,  
As if he did intend to say,  
I am in haste to win the day.  
Mars does prepare to entertain  
This Giant and his Bumkin-train:  
They meet; but that is not so strange,  
As were the blows that they exchange:  
They hack and hew behind, before,  
Till both were little else but gore.  
Encelades the Monster bold  
Was almost spent, when Mars cried, Hold:  
So both contended for the field,  
And either willing was to yield:  
At last quoth Mars, If you or I  
Should now in this encounter die,  
'Twere ill: whose valour does persever,  
Deservedly should live for ever.  
With that, both being weary grown,  
They stop, and cast their weapons down;  
Salute each other, and retire,  
Not to engage, but to admire:  
For there were others that could fight,  
Gods and Giants too of might;  
Blows freely fell on either side;  
Here lay a broken scull, a hide  
Lies there, in third place leg or arm:  
Deities were no more a Charm  
Against Giants, than the others odds  
In stature was against the Gods.  
But Oh the dreadful noise was made  
With Thunder, Powder, Flask and Blade!  
Pan from the Sea had borrowed shell,  
Whose sound was loud as that of bell  
When struck upon. Nor was jove heard  
To thunder when he synged the beard  
Of Giant Mimas, who was struck  
Not long before, and cursing luck,  
As he upon the ground did lie,  
It fortuned that he cast his eye  
(As it took liberty to wander)  
On Pallas, son to great Evander.  
This Pallas did so far engage  
Among the Gods, that they in rage  
Surrounded him; but Mimas rose,  
And with such courage dealt his blows,  
That he at once brought Pallas off,  
And on the Gods revenged scoff  
Which jove did to him, when by thunder  
He parted chin and chaps asunder:  
At which disaster, boiling hot  
His blood was waxed, and he had got  
In's hand an implement of War,  
By some cleped Iron Bar;  
With this, God Mercury he struck,  
That down he fell; and then he took  
The rising blow with such a force,  
Grim death itself was little worse.  
Just now the Goddess Pallas came;  
(For there were two that bore the name)  
She with the weapon that is common  
With Goddess as it is with Woman,  
Exclaimed on Giant: he to reach  
The full proportion of her breech,  
Erected lofty foot so high,  
That down he fell: there let him lie.  
For Bacchus some had called bastard,  
Inflamed beyond the rage of dastard,  
In did he rush, and made such pother,  
That Giants fell on one another.  
Some that were present did divine  
His valour did proceed from Wine:  
However it was, he did excel  
All but those few that did as well.  
Silenus' drunk as David's Sow,  
Spurring his ass on, cried, Now, now;  
Ride over Mimas there in blood:  
But that did him more harm then good;  
For Mimas who was laid to rest,  
Rose up, and seized upon the beast:  
Then to Silenus said, I gather  
You should be that same Bacchus' father:  
With that, he smote him on the head,  
That down he fell ('twas thought) for dead.  
But wonders now I mean to tell;  
For thus to Giants it befell:  
Whilst all the Warriors were in fight,  
Each studious to declare his might,  
The silly Ass began to bray,  
And Giants fairly ran away:  
For they not used unto the sound,  
First swore, then swiftly quit the ground:  
The Gods pursue with might and main,  
But all their haste and speed was vain;  
For what with fight, and the toil  
Of thus pursuing after spoil,  
Wearied, they do conclude it fit  
On grass or somewhat else to sit.  
No sooner were they seated than  
A Footman came, and thus began:  
By'r leave; I from old Saturn come,  
To tell you he has learned in Rome  
Some while since of a Cunning man  
Giants shall still survive; nor can  
The Gods prevent it, (this you'll find,  
Or else say he's a Prophet blind)  
Until by search somewhere on earth,  
You find a Knight of humane birth,  
Got on a mortal, by the seed  
Of one that's of immortal breed.  
Besides, he bade me tell you more,  
One Proteus' said as much before;  
And this same fellow knew his art  
So well, he'd instantly impart  
A secret, whether wise or silly,  
Soon, or as learnedly as Lilly.  
As for Example, thus it was;  
Base thief one morning stole from Lass  
A Bodkin and a Silver-Spoon:  
The man was took, and hanged by noon;  
But all was by his art: for he  
Discovered where the thief could be.  
Dixi, quoth Footman: jove with that  
Commanded he should don his hat,  
And rest himself, whilst he doth muse,  
Reflections making on the news:  
They Bacchus and Minerva call,  
Old Neptune, Mercury, and all  
The Gods that then were nigh at hand:  
Quoth jove, You are to understand—  
Then he began the tale again;  
And leaning o'er the Ass' Main,  
Quoth he, Let's think what must be done.  
Pallas replied, You have a son  
named Hercules; 'tis fit you dub  
Him Knight of the Majestic Club;  
And in requital, he alone  
Will slay the Rascals. Every one,  
By voice, or holding up of paws,  
Gave Pallas her deserved applause:  
Some cry, Defer no longer, send;  
Others, Our time too fast does spend;  
And we may find, perhaps too late,  
The danger to procrastinate:  
Send Mercury. But jove forbade;  
He'd rather send the Irish Lad  
That brought the news but now. With that  
The nimble Tory dofft his hat,  
Which showed his readiness, to jove,  
Who promised to requite his love.  
The Lad rejoicing be was sent,  
Drank only Usquebah, and went.  
No sooner was the Footman gone,  
(The Gods carousing) but anon  
In haste returns a careful Spy,  
Cries, Arms, the Giants drawing nigh:  
The routed ones that ran so fast  
Before, met Typhon: he at last  
Persuaded them to face about,  
With promise of a total rout  
To all your Godships. Then quoth jove,  
You talk of routing, pray for Love-  
Sake, tell me what 'twas made them run.  
Silenus' ass (Sir) sure as Gun,  
(Quoth Bacchus) with his noise did fright  
Philistines fierce from heat of fight.  
jove then replied, He merits much;  
Would we had many asses such:  
I'd give a pound for mine own part.  
If all of you did know the art;  
Or if but one that might excel,  
Could play the Ass but half so well.  
jove called Silenus then, cried, Hark,  
Came he from Smithfield, or Hyde-park?  
Silenus' answer did extend,  
'Twas sent as Token from a friend:  
But if (great jove) it be your will,  
My Ass shall be your servant still.  
jove forced a smile at that: for yet  
When laughing, he could not forget  
Dangers that were so near him; though  
He thus discoursed, he thought of foe.  
Then mad thats Gun did not suffice  
The Giant's pride to civilize,  
In dumps he sat, as if he'd got  
A smack too much of Cup or Pot.  
O' th' sudden now a fearful noise  
Approached: 'twas Typhon and his boys:  
Which when the Gods perceive, they call,  
Heavens have mercy on us all:  
And well they might; for had you seen  
The rabble with their swords so keen;  
Big Giant with his hundred heads,  
And those how monstrously he spreads;  
You surely would with me conclude,  
Such foes were dreadful, fierce and rude.  
By this time both the Armies meet,  
And Typhon thus began to greet  
The Gods: Where's he that does command  
This Host? we'd have him understand,  
We hold ourselves aggrieved, and now  
Bound to ourselves by solemn Vow,  
Resolve, before we part, to have  
Or satisfaction, or a grave.  
In's hand he held a stately Oak.  
jove, that he might prevent a stroke,  
Well thinking 'twas no time to think,  
Fills his great Thunder to the brink,  
Then throws it at the Giant's head;  
However, Typhon is not dead,  
But eyeing jove with scorn and smile,  
Coughing and sneezing for a while,  
(Because some Powder, I suppose,  
Had flown upon his face and nose.)  
Thunder when from an angry cloud  
In its extremes, was not so loud  
As Giant's Oaths: he stamped and swore,  
As if the Gods were to be tore  
With words: then lifting mighty tree,  
'Tis thus, base jove, I'll answer thee,  
Quoth Typhon; and with that he flew  
As Furies may be thought to do.  
God Mars, who boldly rushed on foes,  
Received a fillip on the nose;  
'Twas given by an angry Giant,  
(For why should I tell you a lie on't?)  
And tumbled backwards on the ground  
The God of Hector's in a swound.  
This daunted all the other Gods:  
The Victors do pursue their odds.  
Mars does revive and run: great jove  
On Eagles back began to move:  
Minerva from the skirmish steals,  
So light was she about the heels.  
In one word, all the Gods did run,  
As if the Devil upon Dun  
Was at their posterns. But O curse,  
Then evil luck what can be worse?  
Whilst jove with expedition flies,  
The Bird slips from between his thighs:  
Down drops great jove upon the ground;  
But as it happed, scap't hurt or wound.  
Typhon, whose sole delight was plunder,  
(Commanding Giants to a wonder)  
Fell on the Booty and the Wine:  
These Prizes now (quoth he) are mine.  
Then resting after Chase and Slaughter,  
Drank Wine in full bowls sine water:  
Then with a stately step and stride,  
Continues quest of jove and Bride,  
With all the rest o'th' wand'ring Gods,  
Frighted as children are at rods;  
They shelter seek in pathless Wood:  
(That shift at need was hugely good)  
For being there in place obscure,  
A Metamorphosis in ure  
They put; and (if it be no flame)  
jove changed himself into a Ram;  
Dame juno looked like any Cow,  
And deigned to the grass to bow;  
Neptune assumed the shape of Hound;  
Momus a Jackanapes was found;  
Apollo wisely acts the Rook;  
Bacchus a he-Goat; Vulcan crook-  
Ed back and hips, a silly Calf;  
Pan was a Rat more big by half  
Then little Dog; and Venus' Dame,  
A lovely milk-white Goat became:  
The warlike Mars chose for his share,  
To be transformed into a Hare:  
His Valour sped so ill, 'twas meet  
To learn the swiftness of the Feet:  
Luna would not the Cat disdain,  
Nor Mercury the form of Crane.  
Thus Nature, that the Gods might scape,  
Contented was to play the Ape.  
Mean while the Giant's chafe and scout,  
As Victors do when after Rout  
They seek for prey: but Giants find,  
Their sorrow is not far behind;  
For meeting with the Gods, they prove,  
No foe more dreadful is then jove.  
So true is that which Stories tell;  
Those that live ill, shall not die well.   

CANTO IU.  
The ARGUMENT.  
The Gods bethink it base to range  
In Woods, and now resolve to change  
Their borrowed shapes: at Nylus-banks  
God Mercury performs his pranks:  
They cloth themselves, to Memphis go;  
The Priests and People kindness show:  
Great Hercules they send for, who  
Attends them with no more ado.  
IT was just now between Dog and Bitch,  
Or Hawk & Buzzard, (choose you which)  
The Gods adventured out of Wood:  
For they behalves had understood  
Of Giant's course; and each had thought  
There was no danger to be caught:  
For from the biggest to the least,  
Each God was turned into a beast  
Or bird; their hazard nothing so,  
That they should stand in fear of foe.  
Giants, although they oft pass by,  
Yet when a Ram or Goat they spy;  
In this same place an Hound, an Ape,  
A Cow, or beast of different shape;  
In other place a Rat, of nature  
(No matter which) for land or water;  
They little dreamed that there should lie  
In any beast a Deity.  
For who is he, that as he pass,  
Would once imagine Cow at grass  
Should be a God? The Giants run  
With eagerness as they begun;  
Beset and search the wood, then find  
There's nothing like a God; so blind  
Was Giant's apprehension. Then  
The Gods that were secure from men  
Or Giants, do consult a while  
In Council by the river Nile;  
When in conclusion they agree  
To be as Gods were wont to be,  
Each to shake off his present shape:  
For since they clearly made escape,  
Why should great jove in danger go  
Of injuring his feet or toe?  
For what with gravel, slime, and mud,  
(Which bordered on the neighbour flood)  
Like sheep they forced are to slide,  
Or else with barefoot to abide  
On stones: for Rams do never use  
To clad their feet with Boots or Shoes;  
Besides, so thick was jove of Wool,  
He fumed and sweated like any Bull  
Whom angry dogs do put in fear.  
And Madam juno, as I hear,  
A thorn had got within her toe,  
That did produce her much woe:  
But 'twas not Jove's nor Juno's grief  
Alone; but being they were chief  
O'th' company, I need not strain  
To show how all the Gods complain.  
jove thinking now 'twas time to speak,  
Made an Oration in the Greek  
To th' other Gods; and I thought good  
(Because it should be understood)  
To English it; and thus it follows:  
My friends, we've now escaped the gallows  
(Thank Heaven for't) but what will say  
Succeeding ages, that we stray  
In these uncomely shapes? By this,  
The Gods will all become a hiss  
Or byword: Giants, if they know  
My juno takes the form of Cow,  
They'll make her subject of their laughter  
To ages that shall be hereafter:  
Or when a God is seen, they'll say,  
Beware of horns, or Mutton, Ba.  
'Tis better never to be born,  
Then so to live the mock and scorn  
Of every mortal. jove (whose eyes  
Were wet before) now plainly cries;  
And I myself could almost borrow  
From other subjects of my sorrow  
A tear or two. But Nature's course  
By this time spent, jove did with force  
Proceed; and what he said were words  
To this effect: Though sticks and swords  
Are wanting, yet it would be worse,  
Should we be subject to the force  
Of Giants: heaven thus contrives,  
They shan't be masters of our lives:  
We are not far from Memphis-town,  
Let's enter ere the Sun goes down;  
But first let Mercury make haste  
To change his shape, now danger's past:  
'Twere well if he a Cloak could steal,  
(For being bare from head to heel)  
'Twill be uncomely if he go  
Stark naked from the top to toe.  
When Mercury is clothed thus,  
I'd have him get some clothes for us.  
The God most forward to reveal  
The stock he had of love and zeal  
For jove, said nothing but Amen;  
Great jove, it shall be done. And then  
No sooner said, but strait he flies  
In shape of Crane, till he espies  
Some Youngsters washing in a pool:  
The Crane (so like a harmless fool)  
Lights near the clothes, as almost tired:  
The youths beheld, and all admired:  
A Crane! says one; let's make a match  
Immediately the Crane to catch:  
Done, says another. Thus they talk:  
The Crane mean time does bend his walk  
To th' clothes, and by and by amain  
Cast off his borrowed shape of Crane.  
So having done, he puts on dress.  
All were amazed, you may guests,  
Who saw this sudden transformation,  
More strange than ever was in nation.  
Mercury like a pretty lad,  
With all their clothes begins to gad.  
The youths belike had learned some Oaths;  
So swore the devil had their clothes:  
But they all naked, knew not how  
To follow him: nor did they know  
What to imagine: but the God  
Made so much haste, that strait he trod  
To Usurer, and pawned a Pearl  
Of Juno's, or some other girl:  
The owner of it was some Lass;  
However, we may let that pass:  
The Pearl it was of value such,  
That he of Coin procured as much  
As bought up habits of the best,  
For jove, for juno, and the rest;  
Then bought a lusty Mule to bear  
Unto the Gods his purchased ware:  
It was not long until he came,  
Redeeming all the Gods from shame,  
Each of them with an earnest motion,  
Measures habit with proportion.  
Mercury thus performing part;  
When done, quoth he, I know a tart-  
Wench lives hard by at sign of trumpet,  
Perhaps you'll take her for a strumpet;  
But be she what she will, 'tis meet  
We visit her to drink and eat.  
This course they all applaud as best;  
And Mercury, that was her guest  
Before, was ordered to repair  
Unto her, to bespeak the fare.  
Mercury flew, until he lit  
Just at the door, and than 'twas fit  
He close his wings, and walk: beside,  
He walked not half a dozen stride  
Until he enters. Welcome, Sir,  
The Tapster cries. Then answers Mere-  
Cury, I would converse with Dame.  
Quoth fellow, May I crave your name?  
Then strait the Goodwife does appear:  
Quoth she, I pray, good Sir, draw near;  
You're welcome. She was frying Tripe.  
The God then called for Pot and Pipe:  
Down do they sit: but Oh the bliss  
Was then in every glance and kiss,  
Whenas they talked! for you may think,  
Their hearts were filled to the brink  
With joy: for Mercury was mannish;  
Soon he dispatched his Pipe of Spanish;  
Then having in a Note set down  
What diet could be had in Town,  
The Maid was called, and Hostess sent her  
To buy o' th' best: and now does enter  
The rest o' th' Gods, a worthy troop;  
By turns, they every one do stoop  
To kiss the Hostess: jove began;  
Then Neptune, Bacchus, Mars and Pan,  
And so the rest. When juno saw her,  
In haste and anger calls the Drawer  
To bring some Wine: for she did grudge  
The goodwife should be bussed so much,  
And she herself had none. Quoth Pan,  
Just now I to the Garden ran,  
Where there are most delightful bowers,  
And like for all the world to ours.  
Oh me! quoth juno, let's go there;  
I love to have the smell of air.  
No sooner were they out, but all  
The town came flocking, great and small,  
To see the Troop: for they had heard  
An Army came, and were afeard.  
One cries, Alas, we shall be undone:  
Another says, They're blades of London;  
For that's a wilderness, we know,  
Where many such tall Cedars grow.  
Thus while they chat, a world appear:  
In time, the Cat does lick her ear.  
One bauls, What Gallants trow are these?  
Another answers, Hold your peace;  
They're Kings that usually are wont  
In numbers brave (as these) to hunt.  
Another whispers, How the Inn  
Smells sweet as 'twere of Benjamin▪  
The next more wisely gives a guess,  
They're Players. All of them express  
Their thoughts: but some were apt to think  
Players were not so full of Chink:  
But others thwart them, saying then,  
They're now the chiefest Gentlemen:  
Are they not clad in Plush and Satin?  
And don't they sometimes visit Mattin?  
Do they not strut with Muff and Sword;  
Keep company with Knight and Lord?  
Let me not now forget to tell  
How jove had sent where once did dwell  
The great Alcides: he that went,  
Was absent till eight days were spent.  
About that time, jove casting eye  
From window, 'twas his chance to spy  
Alcides: strait down stayrs he runs,  
And clapping fist into his son's,  
How dost, quoth he, my bonny Lad?  
What, hast thou quite forgot thy Dad?  
'Tis true, as ancient story goes,  
That child is wise, noun father knows.  
Quoth Hercules, Oh, now I see  
You are the same; I, you are he.  
With that, the compliments renew,  
And each does render devil due.  
Whilst they embrace, the other Gods  
Were almost amongst themselves at odds  
Who first salutes Alcmena's son.  
By this, Jove's compliments were done:  
With that, the Gods came all a-row  
To honour great Amphytrio▪  
With tears in eyes they wept for joy,  
Merely for sight of Jove's great boy.  
The strangers though the most were mutes  
When they observed these salutes,  
Flocked shrewdly: but when jove they spied,  
(Who now had reassumed his pride)  
They great observance showed; for he  
(All saw) was chiefest in degree.  
But one amongst the rest, more bold  
Than his companions, cried out, Hold;  
Observed you him did just now nod?  
(The devil take me) he's a God:  
I know it by his garb and state,  
By his deportment, and his gate;  
His looks declare it: nay, (what's more)  
I have been told as much before.  
This News, as well as other things  
As strange, immediately took wings;  
So that in little space it came  
To their Highpriest, a man of fame;  
Who hearing this, the truth to know,  
Resolves with company to go  
In person; and when there, to do  
His duty, if report held true  
That they were Gods: with him he brings  
For presents, fine Cornelian Rings  
Some thirty thousands; nineteen score  
Of Crocodiles new come to shore:  
Ichneumones, what beast is that?  
Some do suppose it Pharaoh's Rat;  
Of them threescore: Hippopotames,  
Or a Sea-horse, the more known name is,  
As tame as Pigeons; these a score:  
Of Eel-skin-gloves some ten times more.  
The highpriest come, the presents given,  
The crowd o' th' people further driven,  
Compliments passed on either part;  
jove seemed content, and glad at heart:  
The Priest makes offer of protection  
Within his Land, with great affection:  
jove likewise does return him thanks,  
With promise to protect his banks  
From what doth usually harm;  
He'd give them a preventing Charm  
Against the strength of Creatures stature,  
Or venom of depraved nature:  
All this on free-cost. Mercury,  
That present was, could even cry,  
That jove should not consider how  
Through earth and air he used to plow  
To serve the Gods both to and fro:  
Yet jove as much and more did know;  
And for requital, bids him dance  
Afresh perhaps as far as France.  
Now jove and Priest by this time sat  
On breech, their stories to relate:  
For being in an unknown clime,  
Not knowing how to spend their time,  
They will that each a passage tell  
Of what had formerly befell.  
When now it came to jocund Priest,  
(Most ready to oblige the rest;  
For he of all was much the lesser)  
He story told of predecessor:  
Silence he craved, and did prevail:  
Then thus began  

THE PARSON'S TALE.  
A crafty man in Country-town,  
Had wife was of a comely brown,  
And loved by neighbour-Parson, who  
At vacant hours came there to woe.  
The husband knowing Parson Fulpit  
(Cleped so) in fleshly Pulpit  
Was wont to preach, casts how to catch  
Them both; and thus contrives his watch.  
Sweetheart, quoth he, my business says  
I must go travel seven days.  
Nay, quoth the wife, if so you do,  
Why may not I go travel too?  
Then, as was wont, came in the Parson;  
Spies Chair and Cushion, sets his arse-on.  
Quoth wife to Priest, My husband, Sir,  
Is taking journey. I infer,  
Then cried the Parson, he hath cause.  
The husband after making pause,  
(Which showed he was in mind perplexed,  
That Priest should choose his wife for text)  
He doth befit himself with speed;  
Gives kiss to wife, and mounts his steed.  
The Parson then, and wife, by joint  
Consent, begin to handle point;  
Thought of a Chamber, went into't,  
As best befitting close dispute:  
What were the arguments befell,  
I make no doubt but you can tell.  
But one thing should not be forgotten,  
The Parson's principles were rotten;  
A Sceptic, or as Martial saith,  
A wanderer with waving faith;  
Fickle, when he swore he loved  
Beyond or Aretine or Ovid.  
But th'honest man, whose mind did burn,  
As he intended, made return;  
Sees wife and Parson both withdrawn;  
Peeps, and spies Priest in sleeves of Lawn,  
As he supposed, but 'twas his Shirt;  
Nor had he Girdle to begird:  
But as in Country-town no watch  
Is used, so door had only latch,  
Which having lifted up, he enters,  
And first upon his wife adventers:  
So having chid, and scorned, & mocked her,  
Leaves her, and thus accosteth Doctor:  
Come now, Sir Lecher, you that stand  
With Shirt on back, and clothes in hand,  
Deliver habit, or at once  
This Penknife sharp shall off with stones.  
The Parson, who was sore affright,  
As doubting whether man or spirit,  
Admired to see the husband come,  
Who just before was gone from home.  
But whether 'twas through fear or cold,  
It matters not, his hands unfold,  
And down apparel falls. The man  
That stood with knife in hand, began  
To lay them by: which having done,  
Cries, Parson, sure as mother's son,  
Thus naked without clothes or Crutch,  
You shall immediately to Church,  
And there do Penance thus in white.  
Quoth Parson (vowing, By this light)  
I'd rather die: good neighbour choose  
Some other Penance; I'll refuse  
Nothing that you'll impose, provided  
You will not see your friend derided.  
On that the husband makes behest  
To wife, to reach him key of Chest:  
With it doth straightway Chest unlock,  
And makes the Parson put in Cock;  
And having used an art to fasten  
Priest Cocksure, he away doth hasten  
To Penknife which he hard by laid,  
That made the Parson sore afraid:  
He puts the knife in Parson's hand,  
And caused his wife by his command  
To fire the Chest: for you must know,  
On purpose it was filled with tow.  
The Chest on fire, both man and wife  
Leave Parson there with Cock and Knife;  
Run out of doors, and make a noise  
By crying Fire. That dreadful voice  
Raised all the Parish, and as Torch,  
Might guide them unto what did scorch  
The Parson: in they ran, but cried,  
Neighbours beware, we shall be fried;  
Or else if fire make house to fall,  
'Twill surely be the death of all.  
The Parson, who had heard them coming,  
'Twixt shame & singing left his humming;  
Takes knife, and with a valiant slash  
Brings body off, but leaves poor Swash  
Amidst the angry flames to fry:  
Judge, did not Swash a Martyr die?  
He hanged was, and quartered too;  
And he was burnt: but I should do  
Much wrong to Parson and to Cocks,  
Should I maintain a Paradox.   
Just now a messenger brings word,  
Typhon did mean with fire and sword,  
With clubs, with staves, & other weapon,  
Visit the Gods, and warfare keep-on;  
Sends thus to jove, In spite of's nose,  
In heaven he'd suddenly ●epose:  
To that same end, it was his will,  
Mountain should bear the weight of hill,  
Great Oss on Pelion should stand,  
That heaven might be touched with hand.  
These News it seems were very true;  
For Typhon and his Gyant-crew  
Had ransacked wood throughout and round  
(But th'devil a God was to be found)  
And were come back to mighty hill,  
To Crane it up (by strength and skill)  
On th'other; and about threescore  
Of hills, but less than those before,  
Were got already on a heap.  
Then jove, who fetched a sigh most deep,  
Replied, We then will take our lot,  
But beat the Iron while it's hot:  
Though they are Giants great and tall,  
Their clambering may produce a fall;  
And the event may make it plain,  
They're hasty only to be slain:  
My son, we'll stop their course before  
Upon those hills they set up more:  
For if we all (ere they surmise)  
Fall on, we cannot miss the Prize.  
Hercules' fingers itch to be  
In action. Th' other Gods, who see  
His courage, begin to banish fear;  
Take heart a-grace, and prick up ear.  
Quoth Hercules, My Club's a tongue,  
That can both speak, and right a wrong:  
Moreover, quoth the lofty Younker,  
I scorn to go to fight, but conquer.  
Then up they get on legs again, '  
Boldly to follow their Chieftain,  
Who leads them on through thick & thin  
Sometimes up almost to the chin.  
I will not be so tedious as  
To give relation how it was  
With all the Gods, or any one;  
Or whether they had horse, or none,  
Or road on Elephants or Camels;  
Whether they crossed brooks, ponds or channels:  
We will suppose them now to be  
Arrived beneath a spreading tree,  
Resting themselves for half an hour,  
Not far from Giant Typhon's Tower:  
That time expired, jove rouzes up,  
Calls for some Wine, and drinks a Cup;  
Chooses a lusty Bolt of Thunder  
(Did you but see it, you would wonder)  
Out of a Cartload they had brought  
From Memphis, Bolts but newly wrought  
By Vulcan's own hand, therefore good.  
Hercules, who by is Daddy stood,  
Takes up his weapon, and by night  
They march, till they approached right  
Against the place where Typhon lay  
Asleep. Without the least delay,  
jupiter primes his Bolt so great;  
From him the standers by retreat  
For fear of harm, and jove himself  
Was wary to avoid that shelf  
By which so many had been split▪  
For (in his anger) he had wit.  
No God, though young, or old in years,  
Should Thunder fly about his ears,  
But 〈…〉 e feared, and days of yore,  
〈…〉 nder never saw before.  
〈…〉 jove holds it on the right;  
Then suddenly, as full of fright,  
He changes it unto the left:  
Then spying that the ground was cleft  
On which he stood, he fastens it  
Within the same: all being fit,  
He puts his Match upon a Spire,  
〈…〉 rcht out, presenting fire;  
Looks t'other way, & cries, Does't touch?  
Then puffs and sweats, his fears were such.  
But Hercules, who stood at distance  
With Club and Sword in hand, assistance  
Gives to his Daddy, in these words:  
Let's leave these guns, & use our swords.  
Go to, you fool, quoth jove, and tell  
Me, when I am aside, or well.  
With that, he stretches out once more  
His arm and Lintstock as before:  
How am I now, quoth jove? Too low,  
Quoth Hercules; too high: so, so.  
Pish, quoth the touchhole; bounce, the gun:  
On th' earth both father and the son  
Lie sprawling: jove holds up his head  
At last: How dost, my boy? art dead?  
Quoth he; may we rise safely yet?  
Amphytrio answers, I have fit  
Of shivering on me, as an Ague.  
Then fight, quoth jove, & 'twill not plague you.  
The noise soon reached Typhon's lugs,  
Who lay on bed with thousand Rugs,  
All large, and warm as so much Buff,  
Yet all was scarce (or but) enough;  
So big was he: from bed he starts;  
Odds bobs, quoth he, who is't that farts  
So loud, and thus disturbs my rest?  
I'll pull his heart from out his breast,  
Whoever it be. Then quoth his brothers,  
'Twas none of us, Sir, but some others:  
It sounded like the Thundercrack  
Of jove; he may be at our back.  
Keep a strict guard to night, quoth Typhon,  
And when 'tis day, don each his knife-on;  
Be sure you want nor swords nor trees,  
When once you begin to kill the fleas:  
Right early in the morn we'll rise▪  
To execute our enterprise:  
We searched (but all in vain) on ground,  
No God nor Goddess could be found:  
From heaven now they issue out,  
Only that we may rise and rout:  
The glory of their mighty feat,  
Is to come on, and to retreat:  
Encelades shall scale their fort,  
Whilst others of you find them sport  
With Oaks, and quarters great of Rocks;  
Be sure you follow close your knocks.  
Some slept till morn, as void of fear;  
Others carouse in wine and cheer,  
Drink healths unto the God's confusion,  
None apprehending their delusion.  
Mean while, the Gods do understand  
Exactly, how from Giant's hand  
Their distance stood, expecting hour  
When to engage. Mars makes a sour  
Face, and is mad to fight the foe;  
So is the great Amphytrio.  
Great jove at this doth fret and fume,  
When Mars so boldly durst presume:  
Then calling Hercules from chatter,  
With him he does debate the matter;  
Concludes they should a Council call:  
And jove thereunto summons all.   

CANTO V.  
The ARGUMENT.  
Jove and his son Alcides go  
By joint consent in quest of foe.  
Giant's scale heaven to a wonder;  
From thence are headlong thrown by thunder.  
A fight determines, where's the odds  
On Giant's side, or on the Gods.  
Giants are slain, and Typhon flies:  
Great Jove pursues, and Typhon dies.  
NOw come I to rehearse (in stile  
As blithe as is within a mile  
Of Oak) the fierce and fearful blows  
Which passed between the Gods and foes.  
Iove ●ed the Gods, as 'twas his manner:  
The Giants under Typhon's Banner  
Engage: and now was Giant's war  
Worse than the Counter-scuffle far.  
When now Encelades designed  
Heaven should be scaled, 'twas in the mind  
Of jove, and Hercules disguised,  
(Who by the Gods were so advised)  
That only they should lurk and spy  
How Giants Camp and they do lie:  
Or having left their strong Ale tapping,  
They thought perhaps to catch them napping.  
But Oh the fire and noise so great!  
Which when the Gods see, they retreat,  
With this resolve, the following day  
To fall upon them sans delay.  
By this time, day began to peep,  
And Madam Moon was gone to sleep,  
When jove and great Amphytrio  
Saw Giants marching to and fro,  
Scaling the skies without a Ladder,  
It made great jove be much the gladder:  
For seeing Giants so mistake,  
His Thunderbolt he begins to make  
Ready; and setting fire unto 't,  
Ploughs hills and mountains up by root;  
Down do they tumble flat as Pancakes:  
To clear his face, he Juno's Fan-takes,  
To brush the dust: he brought it out  
On purpose: divers of the rout  
Within the rubbish found their doom.  
By this time, other Gods make room,  
As from their lurking holes they run;  
Then shout as if they'd ne'er have done.  
Sometimes they hollow, than they bawl,  
A jove, a jove; the Giant's fall.  
Those that the dust did spare to smother,  
Would give one eye to save the other.  
Did you ne'er see on Lord Mayor's day  
The Green-men, how they clear the way  
With fiery Clubs; or in a Ring,  
At Cudgel-sport, or Wrastelling,  
A sturdy Butcher, Stick in hand,  
On back Red Waistcoat, ne'er a Band,  
Hat before eyes, and Bandying Shins,  
Smiting by th' way Spectators Chins,  
Till he has made a Circle, great  
Enough for Blades to do the feat:  
Or at Bear-garden, how Black Will  
(The Bull, I mean) doth show his skill  
In tossing Butchers, when got loose,  
With as much ease as Fox doth Goose?  
Just so doth Thunder-thumping jove  
Sometimes beneath, sometimes above,  
On right, on left, behind, before,  
Till compassed by Wounds and Gore,  
And at his feet lay Giants dead  
Some score or two, which he had sped.  
Alcides then with Club or Bill  
Does follow him to slash and kill:  
Alcyoneus by his arms  
Soon was dispatched out of harms  
Way, by a great blow with his Club:  
So fell that great and mighty Lub-  
by'r; he the first Alcides slew  
In this hot Combat. Now with Yew  
And Ivy crowned, comes Bacchus on,  
Pretty well flustered, half way gone;  
Who gained great honour in the fray,  
O'er-running all that stood in way  
As torrents do; his train as free-  
Lie drunk, or somewhat more than he.  
One of them runs a Giant through,  
Another beats one black and blue.  
Apollo then does shoot so right  
With shaft that's sharp as well as bright,  
Hits Ephialtes in the eye;  
And Hercules that then stood by,  
Pokes out his other: farewel he.  
Mercury does no sooner see  
But kills: Porphyrion made it good,  
Surrendering up his life and blood.  
Mimas gives Mars a maul o'th' pate;  
But Mars, as with a mortal hate,  
Runs to him, grasps him; so they tug:  
But Mars, who knew the Cornish Hug  
Full well, threw Giant on his back,  
So that his bones did seem to crack.  
Dame Atropos in rage pursues  
Pallenus, who in vain did use  
Skill to avoid her; for in sum,  
She followed till she wounded bum.  
Encelades now turning Chance,  
●●pes to the Gods another Dance:  
Quoth he, When Honour is in doubt,  
Bravely to fight, is to get out.  
This Devil, mad that he had missed  
His enterprise, gave with his fist  
A blow upon Silenus' Hide,  
That broke the thing hung by his side;  
It was a fair and ample Flask  
(Which held as much as does a Cask)  
Filled with the best Canary-wine  
Extracted ever was from Vine:  
At which he more amazed stood,  
Then if it had been so much blood;  
The which had given Giant time  
To have dispatched him; but sublime  
Alcides to his rescue came.  
The Giant, when he saw the same,  
Was mad: for blows went up and down,  
From side to feet, from thence to crown.  
The Goddesses stand by and curse,  
To see how things went worse and worse:  
For bloody Typhon hews and hacks  
O'er legs and shoulders, arms and backs,  
Among the Gods: he held in hand  
A tall Pine, which he did command  
With ease: it was the same with which  
He formerly the Gods did switch.  
But Aesculapius' steps in,  
And claps a Salve upon the shin  
O'th'wounded Gods, that they were sound  
As soon as Typhon gave the wound:  
And none was able to reveal  
Their swiftness or to hurt or heal.  
jupiter mad to be withstood  
By Giant, in his heat of blood  
Sets a great Thunderbolt on fire,  
And throws the same in wrath and ire  
At Giant head, who with a flap  
From tree in hand did make it snap  
Like glass in shivers. jove at that  
Stepped back to gather up his hat;  
Which gave the Giant time to seize  
Him by the collar: then with ease  
He began to cuss him at his will;  
I think h'had given him his fill,  
Had not God Mercury ran by  
I'th' shape of Hebe. Typhon's eye  
No sooner saw the Girl, but she  
Was heard to laugh aloud, Tee-hee.  
At length, when Typhon spied the Cheat,  
He throws great jove beneath his feet;  
But he himself had not the strength  
To stand when jove was laid at length.  
jupiter first got up again:  
With Thunder, and with might and main,  
He makes attempt at Giant's head,  
And therein fortunately sped;  
For ere the Giant was aware,  
He found he had a soft place there.  
I' th' nick of this came great Alcides,  
With the brave Club he bears on highdays,  
And lays upon the Giant's head:  
(The blow had surely struck me dead)  
The Giant backward reels, and falls;  
No Lion could out-roar his bawls:  
The three Gods fall upon his bones;  
Cries Mercury, Cut off his stones.  
But Madam Iris came to tell  
Great jove what newly had befell  
His party; that they were almost  
Just ready to abandon Post.  
With that, the three Gods leave their foe,  
But bruised and maimed from head to toe:  
Fast did they run as legs could carry;  
For than it was no time to tarry.  
But coming to the Gods recruit,  
The Giants do forsake pursuit:  
The Gods their courage reassume:  
jupiter swore he like a Broom  
Would sweep the Rogues to ashes: Mars  
Held one whilst Venus pricked his a—  
With Silver Bodkin: you must know,  
Mars took a pride in doing so:  
And something too must be obscene,  
Or this had no mock-Poem been.  
At last, with pat upon the crown,  
He fairly fillipped Giant down.  
Hercules killeth Euritus;  
Pan, Athos; and Hippolytus  
By Mercury on earth did lie:  
It grieved him dev'lishly to die,  
Not being used to't heretofore:  
Quoth he, I now shall say no more  
But this, 'Tis sorrow makes men wise;  
The Sun must set as well as rise.  
Then Mimas killed Silenus' Ass,  
For which Mars made him such a pass,  
That you might see his body through;  
Mars crying, Friend, now there's for you.  
Then Cupid with his little sword  
Slew Cynus next; and on my word,  
Diana smote poor Thoon, that  
She laid him on his back so flat,  
As she supposed he had been dead;  
But some report he rose and fled.  
The Goddess Pallas then fell on,  
And she Pallenus slew anon.  
Enceladus was slain the next;  
(For so we find it in the text)  
And Neptune with his Trident fierce  
The stout Pollibotes did pierce.  
At last the Gods to Typhon come,  
And he they found was biting thumb:  
When he beheld the Gods, with rage  
In combat fresh he doth engage;  
With legs he spurns against the Gods,  
Kicks on the Belly and the Cod,  
On Shins, and sometimes on their Bum  
He beats as fast as Stick on Drum.  
Briareus with his hundred hands,  
In each of them a Rock commands:  
These Rocks at jove he casts at once,  
With hope thereby to crush his bones.  
But soon this fear was at an end;  
Nor he nor Typhon could defend  
Themselves a minute longer. jove  
And Hercules with fury move:  
jove seizeth Typhon in his arms,  
(For now his valour lost its Charms)  
And having drawn a Pocket-gun  
With Powder charged, he asked son  
If he should shoot. The son replied,  
They'd bury him before he died:  
But whether they did so or no,  
It matters not, nor do I know.  
But Typhon answered, Death or Fate  
Can't strike too soon, or force too late:  
For he was fitted ere they came;  
Death brought no terror but its name:  
Since life attempts with wings to fly,  
The Gods should see, he durst to die.  
Thus cunningly he holds dispute,  
Whilst jove attendeth him as mute:  
Anon (grown desperate) by strength  
From jove he struggles; and at length,  
When gotten loose, with might and main  
He nimbly trips o'er hill and plain  
Till got to Italy; 'tis said,  
From thence to Sicily he fled;  
And there his final overthrow  
Surprised him: jove from head to toe  
With AEtna hid him. Stories tell,  
This AEtna is the mouth of hell.  
Briareus tasted of the fate  
His brother did. And thus the State  
Of Giants was dethroned: for why?  
Who spurns against a Deity,  
Can less expect? Let Gods be still  
Unjust, no force can quell their will.  
But Typhon, some are bold to say,  
Has ever since that fatal day  
Spit through the Rocks both fire & smoke  
Enough ten thousand men to choke.  
However, Vice you see will find  
Its pleasures have a sting behind:  
And men must know, there's always Rods  
In piss, for those blaspheme the Gods.   
FINIS.