Timothy Touchstone's REPLY TO Sir ANONYMUS, At Mr. Christian's Lodging, at the Sign of the Naked Devil, between HAMDEN and DANBY-Houses.  
I Know you bestow the Title of Knighthood on me, in expectation it may rebound to yourself, and 'tis granted; but assured be, that many a better Christian— is forced to go without it.  
Sir Bartholomew, al. Anonymus, welcome from thy Roost.  
Did I not think you had been employed in Bartholomew-Fair, for the setting up of Booths, Sheds, etc. I should have justly taxed you with laziness, neglect, or some other worse faculty; but considering that, and the putting on your Fool's Clothing for the first week, to encourage the Rabble to behold your Antic postures, is sufficient to excuse: wherefore I shall only tell you, how much I admire T. E. of D. should infringe so much on his wit, to commit a matter of such apparent ponderous consequence, to thy silly Vindication; for as your stile represents you, you must certainly be a more fit person to be the Fool of some Droll, etc. then to write Pamphlets, unless you could make your Compound more agreeable, and keep closer to the Matter you so impertinently pretend to Answer, which there's no Baby in the whole Fair but must needs have writ more to the purpose, than you have done in any part of yours: And as you say you are in love with my Style, really I should have been much more so with yours, could you but have wrote in either of those damned serious Styles as Mr. Papist or John Presbyter in this Age do.  
But look you (said I, Sir Anon.) can reason come from that which has no sense? or can any Puppy be so impertinent to take upon him to answer a truth in vindication of the E. of D. who does not desire nor deserve it, and that with a Scandalous Paper, wherein is not to be found one Syllable, which holds up to the subject you so fain would treat on; wherefore how can you imagine any Reader to take you for more than this Paragraph explains you to be, or some private Centinel, in one of the Regiments of Players, Pimps, Whores, etc. which yours makes mention of: But really the saddest part of the Story is the sudden transformation you make of harmless Naked Truth; what is Truth become so terrible a scarecrow that you can term it no better than a Naked Devil? Nay, than I find 'twas poor Innocent Truth frighted you from the due consideration of my Paper, and has exposed you to such remarkable notches of Study, that it will be more credible to lay down the Pen, then to persist in such practices. Poor Anon. indeed I find thou wast put to a hard plunge, after a Months converse with my Paper, to patch up a penny worth of News. For  
1. We are to believe thee a man of an Estate.  
2. Something of a Christian— by your treating on St. Paul's Rules.  
3. A wellwisher to the success of the Press, which rather than fail, you are willing to lug yourself in too.  
But in Truth Anon. I am much of your mind, that you hate both Court and Courtiers too, for it plainly appears by your Northern Brethren setting on foot the Covenant in Scotland, and your daily rebellious Stories in Coffeehouses (the very Cabinets of Rebellions and Factions) what you would be at, and how discontented are the whole gang of your Rump Friends, they cannot publicly pray for the good of a Common weal, and sow Perdition to your contentment at your Factious Assemblies, where a poor Illiterate Coxcomb, who lurks the whole Week besides in holes gathering of Venom, stands on the 7th. day up to the knees laden with the ambition of Preaching Monarchy headlong down, in Diogenes' Doctrine; and this is the course you would take to lug in by head and shoulders John Presbyter, but the better to assist it would have the helping hand of T. E. D.  
But (say I, and touch you to the quick) that will not do, nor make any thing so plain for his Lordship, as might have done the five pair of double Barrelled Pistols, if not discovered, for in Naked Truth my former Author John the Brewer is ready to Swear, and plainly to make out against the Stamford Evidence, and that hireling Kirkby, all the tricks played at the Lodgings between Hamden and Danby houses, Sir Edmundberry Godfrey having that very day on which he was missing, at Eleven a Clock, passed through my Lady Anne Cook's Chamber, as Mr. Christian himself allows of; and in fine, that Christian at Two of the Clock in the Afternoon that day took Water from Whitehall Stairs with him; but as he says, and I believe, carried him to the Naked Devil indeed to be Murdered: Therefore do you think to make people believe Christian could be at that time at Stamford? what a Cunning Arch Rogue is this John the Brewer, nay and very positive too, for he knows much of the E. of D. concerns, and will perhaps prove by sound Circumstances that Sir E.B.G. was Murdered by the hand of Christian— or at least by his consent.  
Now Sir Anonymus, take my advice, lay down your Pen, Fish not in troubled Waters, meddle not with Sceptres or Crowns, or the weighty Government of Nations, go not about either to introduce, or expel; pester not thy pate with State-affairs, but take off your Protestant Mask, and in Naked Truth appear with John Presbyters wormeaten Face, otherwise you may be looked upon by thy Fraternity as a Deserter, and so be thrust out to look some better way to Heaven: deal like an honest, moral, good and loyal Subject; pray for thy King and Country, with such a zeal as would more become thee, than the saying (Honour the King) which is to convert the Train you now belong to: put your helping hand to the Plough, and come about to me, then may you with honest John the Brewer, rejoice and turn your formal tone Honour the King, to Let the King live; for to Honour a King amongst you is accounted a terrible yoke, and to my certain knowledge, you and all other Presbyters would use your utmost endeavours to overthrow the same. This is the opinion of honest  
T. T.