Lingua: OR THE COMBAT OF The Tongue, AND THE Five SENSES FOR SUPERIORITY. A pleasant Comedy.  
London, Printed for Simon Miller, at the Star in St Paul's Churchyard. 1657.   

LINGUA. DRAMMATIS Personae.  

LINGUA. 

COMOEDUS.  
TRACAEDUS.    
AUDITUS.  
MENDACIO, LINGUA his Page.  
TACTUS.  
OLFACTUS. 

ODOUR  
TOBACCO.    
VISUS. 

LUMEN.  
COELUM.  
TERRA.  
HERALDRY.  
COLOUR.    
GUSTUS. 

BACCHUS.  
CERUS.  
beer.    
APPETITUS a Parasite.  
PHANTASTES.  
HEURESIS, PHANTASTES his Page.  
CRAPULA, GUSTUS his Follower.  
COMMUNIS SENSUS.  
MEMORIA.  
ANAMNESTES, memory his Page.  
SOMNUS.  
Personae quarum mentio tantum fit. 

PSENCE.  
ARCASIA.  
VERITAS.  
OELIVIO.     
The Scene is MICROCOSMUS in a Grove.  
The Time, from Morning till night.   


Prologue.  
OUr Muse describes no Lovers passion,  
No wretched Father, no unthrifty Son:  
No craving subtle Whore, or shameless Bawd,  
Nor stubborn Clown, or daring Parasite,  
No lying Servant, or bold Sycophant.  
We are not wanton, or Satirical.  
These have their time and places fit, but we  
Sad hours, and serious studies, to reprieve,  
Have taught severe Philosophy to smile.  
The Senses rash contentions we compose,  
And give displeased ambitious TONGUE her due:  
Here's all Judicious friends; accept what is not ill,  
Who are not such, let them do what they will.   


Actus 1. Scena 1.  
LINGUA, apparelled in a Crimson Satin gown, a Dressing of white Roses, a little Skean tied in a purple Scarf, a pair of red Buskins drawn with white Ribbon, silk garters, gloves, etc.  
AUDITUS, in a Garland of bays intermingled with red and white Roses upon a false hair, a cloth of Silver Mantle upon a pair of Satin Bases, wrought sleeves, Buskins, Gloves, etc.  LINGUA. AUDITUS. LING. 
NAy good Auditus do but hear me speak.  AUD. 
Lingua thou strik'st too much upon one string,  
Thy tedious plainsong grates my tender ears.  LING. 
'Tis plain indeed, for Truth no descant needs,  
Una's her name, she cannot be divided.  AUD. 
O but the ground itself is nought, from whence  
Thou canst not relish out a good division:  
Therefore at length surcease, prove not stark mad,  
Hopeless to prosecute a hapless suit:  
For though (perchance) thy first strains pleasing are,  
I dare engage mine ears, the close will jar.  LING. 
If then your confidence esteem my cause,  
To be so frivolous and weakly wrought:  
Why do you daily subtle plots devise,  
To stop me from the ears of common Sense,  
Whom since our great Queen Psyche hath ordained,  
For his sound wisdom, our Vice-governor,  
To him, and to his two so wise assistants,  
Nimble Phantastes, and firm Memory:  
myself and cause, I humbly do commit,  
Let them but hear and judge, I wish no more,  AUD. 
Should they but know thy rash presumption,  
They would correct it in the sharpest sort:  
Good Jove what Sense hast thou to be a Sense;  
Since from the first foundation of the world,  
We never were accounted more than five;  
Yet you forsooth, an idle prating Dame,  
Would fain increase the number, and upstart  
To our high seats, decking your babbling self  
With usurped Titles of our dignity.  LING. 
An idle prating dame: know fond Auditus,  
Records affirm my title full as good,  
As his amongst the five is counted best.  AUD 
Lingua confess the truth, thouart wont to lie,  LING. 
I say so too, therefore I do not lie,  
But now spite of you all I speak the truth.  
You five among us subjects tyrannize,  
Making the sacred name of common Sense,  
A cloak to cover your enormities:  
He bears the rule, he's judge, but judgeth still,  
As he's informed by your false evidence:  
So that a plaintiff cannot have access,  
But through your gates he hears but what, nought else  
But that thy crafty ears to him conveys,  
And all he sees is by proud Visus showed him:  
And what he touches is by tactus' hand,  
And smells I know but through Olfactus' nose,  
Gustus begins to him whate'er he tastes:  
By these quaint tricks free passage hath been barred  
That I could never equally be heard.  
But well, 'tis well.  AUD. 
Lingua thy feeble sex,  
Hath hitherto withheld my ready hands  
That longed to pluck that nimble instrument.  LING. 
O horrible ingratitude? that thou  
That thou of all the rest shouldst threaten me:  
Who by my means conceivest as many tongues,  
As Neptune closeth Lands betwixt his arms:  
The ancient Hebrew clad with mysteries,  
The learned Greek rich in fit Epithets,  
Blessed in the lovely marriage of pure words,  
The Chaldee Wise, the Arabian Physical,  
The Roman Eloquent, the Tuscan Grave,  
The Braving Spanish, and the smooth tongued French,  
These precious jewels that adorn thine ears,  
All from my mouths rich Cabinet are stolen,  
How oft hast thou been chained unto my tongue,  
Hanged at my lips and ravished with my words,  
So that a speech fair feathered could not fly:  
But thy ears pitfall caught it instantly,  
But now O Heavens!  AUD. 
O Heavens, thou wrong'st me much,  
Thou wrong'st me much thus falsely to upbraid me:  
Had not I granted thee the use of hearing,  
That sharp edged tongue whetted against her master,  
Those puffing lungs, those teeth, those dropsy lips,  
That scalding throat, those nostrils full of ire:  
Thy palate proper instruments of speech,  
Like to the winged chanters of the wood,  
Uttering nought else but idle stiflements,  
Tunes without sense, words inarticulate:  
Had ne'er been able t'have abused me thus.  
Words are thy Children, but of my begetting.  LING. 
Perfidious Liar, how can I endure thee?  
Callest my unspotted chastity in Question:  
O could I use the Breath mine anger spends,  
I'd make thee know.  AUD. 
Heaven look on my distress,  
Defend me from this railing viperess:  
For if I stay her words, sharp vinegar  
Will fret me through, Lingua I must be gone:  
I hear one call me more than earnestly. Exit Auditus.  LING. 
Nay the loud cannoning of thunderbolts,  
Screeking of Wolves, howling of tortured Ghosts,  
Pursue thee still, and fill thy amazed ears  
With cold astonishment and horrid fears:  
O how these senses muffle common sense:  
And more, and more with pleasing objects strive,  
To dull his judgement, and pervert his will  
To their behests, who were he not so wrapped  
I' the dusky clouds of their dark policies,  
Would never suffer right to suffer wrong:  
Fie Lingua wilt thou now degenerate?  
Art not a woman, dost not love revenge?  
Delightful speeches, sweet persuasions  
I have this long time used to get my right,  
My right that is to make the Senses six;  
And have both name and power with the rest.  
Oft have I seasoned savoury periods,  
With sugared words, to delude Gustus taste,  
And oft embellished my entreative phrase  
With smelling flowers of vernant Rhetoric,  
Limming and flashing it with various Dyes,  
To draw proud Visus to me by the eyes:  
And oft perfumed my petitory style,  
With Civet-speech, t' entrap Olfactus Nose,  
And clad myself in Silken Eloquence,  
To allure the nicer touch of tactus' hand,  
But all's become lost labour, and my cause  
Is still procrastinated; therefore now,  
Hence ye base offspring of a broken mind,  
Supple entreaties and smooth flatteries:  
Go kiss the love-sick lips of puling Gulls,  
That still their Brain to quench their love's disdain;  
Go guild the tongues of Bawds and Parasites,  
Come not within my thoughts; But thou Deceit,  
Break up the pleasure of my Brimful breast,  
every my mind with subtle policies.  
Well then I'll go, whither? nay, what know I?  
And do, in faith I will, the devil knows what,  
What if I set them all at variance,  
And so obtain to speak, it must be so.  
It must be so, but how? there lies the point:  
How? thust tut this device will never prove,  
Augment it so, 'twill be too soon descried,  
Or so, nor so 'tis too too dangerous.  
Pish, none of these, what if I take this course? ha?  
Why there it goes, good, good, most excellent.  
He that will catch Eels must disturb the flood,  
The Chicken's hatched i'faith; for they are proud,  
And soon will take a cause of disagreement.   

ACTUS 1. SCENA. 2.  MENDACIO, attired in a Taffeta suit of a light colour changeable, like an ordinary Page, Gloves, Hamper. LINGUA. MENDACIO. LING. 
I see the heaven's nurse my newborn device,  
For lo my Page Mendacio comes already,  
To file and burnish that I hammered out,  
Never in better time Mendacio,  
What? hast thou done?  MEN. 
Done, yes long ago.  LING. 
Is't possible? thou shouldst dispatch so soon?  MEN. 
madam, I had no sooner told  
Tactus, that Gustus would fain speak with him:  
But I spied Visus, Gustus and the rest,  
And served them all with sauce of several lies,  
Now the last Sense I spoke with was Olfactus,  
Who having smelled the meaning of my message,  
Straight blew his nose, and quickly puffed me hither;  
But in the whirlwind of his furious blast,  
Had not by chance a Cobweb held me fast,  
Mendacio had been with you long ere this.  LING. 
Witness this lie, Mendacio's with me now,  
But sirrah out of jesting will they come?  MEND. 
Yes and it like your Ladyship presently;  
Here may you have me pressed to flatter them.  LING. 
I'll flatter no such proud Companions.  
'Twill do no good, therefore I am determined  
To leave such baseness.  MEN. 
Then shall I turn and bid them stay at home.  LING. 
No, for their coming hither to this grove,  
Shall be a means to further my device;  
Therefore I pray thee Mendacio go presently,  
Run you vile Ape.  MEN. 
Whither?  LING. 
What? dost thou stand?  MEN. 
Till I know what to do.  LING. 
S. precious 'tis true,  
So might thou finely outrun thine errand.  
Hast to my Chest.  MEN. 
ay, I.  LING. 
There shalt thou find,  
A gorgeous Robe, and golden Coronet,  
Convey them hither nimbly, let none see them.  MEN. 
Madam, I fly, I fly.  Exit Mendacio. LING. 
But hear you sirrah?  
Lock up your fellow Servant, Veritas.  MEND. 
I warrant you,  
You need not fear, so long as I am with you.  He goes out, and comes in presently. 
What colour is the Robe?  LING. 
There is but one.  Mendacio going, turns in haste. MEN. 
The Key Madam, the Key.  LING. 
By Juno how forgetful is sudden speed.  
Here take it, Run.  MEN. 
I'll be here instantly.  Exit Mendacio.  

ACT. 1. SCEN. 3.  LINGUA Sola. LING. 
Whilom this Crown and gorgeous ornament,  
Were the great prize, for which five Orators,  
With the sharp weapons of their tongues contended:  
But all their speeches were so equal wrought,  
And alike gracious, that if his were witty  
His was as wise; the thirds fair eloquence  
Did parallel the fourth's firm gravity,  
The lasts good gesture kept the Balance even  
With all the rest, so that the sharpest eye,  
And most judicious censor could not judge  
To whom the hanging victory should fall,  
Therefore with one consent they all agreed,  
To offer up both Crown and Robe to me,  
As the chief patroness of their profession,  
Which heretofore I holily have kept,  
Like to a miser's gold, to look on only.  
But now I'll put them to a better use,  
And venture both in hope to—   

ACT. 1. SCEN. 4.  MENDACIO. LINGUA. MEND. 
Have not I hied me Madam? look you here,  
What shall be done with these temptations?  LING. 
They say a golden Ball,  
Bred enmity betwixt three Goddesses,  
So shall this Crown be author of debate,  
Betwixt five Senses.  MEND. 
Where shall it be laid?  LING. 
There, there, there, 'tis well, so, so, so.  MEND. 
A Crown's a pleasing bait to look upon,  
The craftiest Fox will hardly scape this trap.  LING. 
Come let us away, & leave it to the chance.  MEND 
Nay rather let me stand close hereabouts,  
And see the event.  LING. 
Do so, and if they doubt  
How it came there, fain them some pretty fable,  
How that some God—  MEND. 
Tut, tut, tut, let me alone,  
I that have feigned so many hundred Gods,  
Can easily forge some fable for the turn:  
Whist madam, away, away, you fright the Fowl,  
Tactus comes hard by, look you,  LING. 
Is't he for certain?  MEND. 
Yes, yes, yes, 'tis he.  LING. 
'Tis he indeed  Exit Lingua.  

ACT. 1. SCEN. 5.  TACTUS, in a dark coloured Satin mantle over a pair of silk Basis, a Garland of bays mixed with white and red Roses, upon a black Grogram, a Falchion, wrought sleeves, Buskins, etc. MENDACIO. TACTUS. MEN. 
Now chaste Diana grant my Nets to hold!  TACT. 
The blasting Childhood of the cheerful morn  
Is almost grown a youth and overclimbs  
Yonder gilt Eastern hills, about which time,  
Gustus most earnestly importuned me,  
To meet him hereabouts, what cause I know not.  MEN. 
You shall do shortly to your cost I hope.  TACT. 
Sure by the Sun it should be Nine o'clock.  MEN. 
What a stargazer, will you ne'er look down?  TACT. 
Clear is the Sun and blue the Firmament,  
methinks the Heavens do smile.  Tactus Sneezeth. — MEN. 
At thy mishap.  
To look so high and stumble in a trap.  Tactus stumbleth at the Robe and Crown. TAC. 
High thoughts have slippery feet, I had well nigh fallen.  MEN. 
Well doth he fall that riseth with a fall.  TACT. 
What's this!  MEN. 
O are you taken, 'tis in vain to strive.  TACT. 
How now!  MEN. 
You'll be so entangled straight.  TACT. 
A Crown!  MEN. 
That it will be heard.  TACT. 
And a Robe!  MEN. 
To lose yourself.  TACT. 
A Crown and a Robe.  MEN. 
It had been fitter for you, to have found a fool's Coat and a Babble, heigh, heigh.  TAC. 
Jupiter, Jupiter how came this here?  MEN. 
O Sir Jupiter is making Thunder, he hears you not, here's one knows better.  TAC. 
'Tis wondrous rich, ha, but sure it is not so, ho,  
Do I not sleep and dream of this good luck, ha?  
No I am awake and feel it now  
Whose should it be?  He takes it up. MEN. 
Set up a Si quis for it.  TAC. 
Mercury, All's mine own, here's none to cry half's mine.  MEN. 
When I am gone.  Exit Mendacio.  

ACT. 1. SCEN. 6.  TACTUS solus. TACT. 
Tactus thy sneezing somewhat did portend,  
Was ever man so fortunate as I?  
To break his shins at such a stumbling Block.  
Roses and Baies pack hence: this Crown and Robe,  
My Brows and Body circles and invests.  
How gallantly it fits me, sure the slave,  
Measured my head that wrought this Coronet.  
They lie that say Complexions cannot change:  
My Blood's ennobled, and I am transformed,  
Unto the sacred temper of a King:  
Methink I hear my noble Parasites  
Styling me Caesar, or great Alexander,  
Licking my feet, and wondering where I got  
This precious ointment: how my pace is mended,  
How Princely do I speak, how sharp I threaten:  
Peasants I'll curb your headstrong impudence:  
And make you tremble when the Lion roars,  
Yea earth-bred worms, O for a looking glass:  
Poets will write whole Volumes of this Change:  
Where's my attendants? Come hither Sirrah quickly,  
Or by the wings of Hermes.—   

ACT. 1. SCEN. 7.  OLFACTUS, in a Garland of bays intermingled with white and red Roses upon a false hair, his sleeves wrought with flowers under a Damasked mantle over a pair of silk Bases, a pair of Buskins drawn with ribbon, a flower in his hand. TACTUS. OLFACTUS. TACT. 
Ay me Olfactus comes, I called too soon,  
he'll have half part I fear; what shall I do?  
Where shall I run? how shall I shift him off?  Tactus wraps up the Robe and Crown, and sits upon them. OLF. 
This is the time and this the place appointed,  
Where Visus promised to confer with me.  
I think he's there— No, no, 'tis Tactus sure.  
How now? What makes you sit so nicely?  TACT. 
It's past imagination, it's so indeed.  OLF 
How fast his deeds are fixed, and how melancholy he looks. Tactus, Tactus.  TACT. 
For this is true Man's life is wondrous brittle.  OLF. 
He's mad I think, he talks so idly, so ho, Tactus.  TACT. 
And many have been metamorphosed,  
To stranger matters and more uncouth forms.  OLF. 
I must go nearer him, he doth not hear.  TACT. 
And yet methinks, I speak as I was wont  
And—  OLF. 
Tactus, Tactus.  TACT. 
Olfactus as thou lovest come not near me,  OLF. 
Why? art thou hatching eggs thouart feared to break them?  TACT. 
Touch me not lest thou chance to break my life.  OLF. 
What's this under thee?  TACT. 
If thou meddle with me I am utterly undone.  OLF. 
Why man, what ails thee?  TACT. 
Let me alone and I'll tell thee,  
Lately I came from fine Fantastes' house.  OLF. 
So I believe for thouart very foolish.  TACT. 
No sooner had I parted out of doors,  
But up I held my hands before my face:  
To shield mine eyes from th'lights piercing beams,  
When I protest I saw the Sun as clear,  
Through these my palms, as through a prospective:  
No marvel, for when I beheld my fingers,  
I saw my fingers near transformed to glass,  
Opening my Breast, my Breast was like a window,  
Through which I plainly did perceive my heart:  
In whose two Concaves I discerned my thoughts,  
Confus'ly lodged in great multitudes.  OLF. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, why this is excellent,  
Momus himself can find no fault with thee,  
Thou'st make a passing live Anatomy.  
And decide the Question much disputed,  
Betwixt the Galenists and Aristotle.  TACT. 
But when I had arrived and set me down,  
Viewing myself, myself ay me was changed.  
As thou now seest to a perfect Urinal.  OLF. 
T'a perfect Urinal, O monstrous, monstrous, art not mad to think so?  TACT. 
I do not think so, but I say I am so;  
Therefore Olfactus come not near I advise you.  OLF. 
See the strange working of dull melancholy;  
Whose drossy drying the feeble Brain,  
Corrupts the sense, deludes the Intellect.  
And in the souls fair table falsely graves,  
Whole squadrons of fantastical Chimaeras,  
And thousand vain imaginations:  
Making some think their heads as big as horses,  
Some that theyare dead, some that theyare turned to Wolves:  
As now it makes him think himself all glass,  
Tactus dissuade thyself, thou dost but think so.  TACT. 
Olfactus if thou lovest me get thee gone,  
I am an Urinal I dare not stir,  
For fear of cracking in the Bottom.  OLF. 
Wilt thou sit thus all day?  TACT. 
Unless thou help me.  OLF. 
Bedlam must help thee, what wouldst have me do?  TACT. 
Go to the City make a Case fit for me:  
Stuff it with wool, then come again and fetch.  OLF. 
Ha, ha, ha, thou'lt be laughed out of case and countenance.  TACT. 
I care not, so it must be, or I cannot stir.  OLF. 
I had best leave troubling him, he's obstinate, (Urinal I leave you) but above all things take heed Jupiter sees you not, for if he do, he'll ne'er make water in sive again; thou'lt serve his turn so fit to carry his water unto Aesculapius, Farewell Urinal, Farewell.  TACT. 
Speak not so loud, the sound's enough to crack me, What is he gone? I an Urinal, ha, ha, ha, I protest I might have had my face washed finely, if he had meant to abuse me: I an Urinal, ha, ha, ha, go to, Urinal you have scaped a fair scouring, well I'll away, and get me to mine own house, there I'll lock up myself fast, playing the Chemic, augmenting this one Crown to troops of Angels, with which gold-winged messengers, I mean,  
To work great wonders, as to build and purchase,  
Fare daintily, tie up men's tongues, and lose them,  
Command their lives, their goods, their liberties,  
And captive all the world with chains of gold:  
heigh, heigh, tery linkum tinkum.  He offers to go out, but comes in suddenly amazed. 
O Hercules!  
Fortune the Queen delights to play with me,  
Stopping my passage with the sight of Visus;  
But as he makes hither, I'll make hence,  
There's more ways to the wood than one.  He offers to go out at the other door, but returns again in haste. 
What more Devils to affright me?  
O Diabolo, Gustus comes here to vex me:  
So that I poor wretch, am like a Shuttlecock betwixt two Battledoors, If I run there, Visus beats me to Scylla, If here, than Gustus blows me to Carybdis.  
Neptune hath sworn my hope shall suffer shipwreck..  
What shall I say?  
Mine Urinal's too thin to bide the fury of such storms as these.   

ACT. 1. SCEN. 8.  
VISUS, in a Garland of Bays, mixed with white and red Roses, a light coloured Taffeta mantle striped with silver, and fringed upon green silk Bases, Buskins, etc.  
GUSTUS, in the same fashion, differing only in colour.  
TACTUS, in a corner of the Stage.  VISUS. GUSTUS. TACTUS. VIS. 
Gustus good day.  GUST. 
I cannot have a bad,  
Meeting so fair an omen as yourself.  TACT. 
Shall I? wilt prove? ha? well 'tis best to venture.  Tactus puts on the Robes. GUST. 
Saw you not Tactus, I should speak with him.  TACT 
Perchance so, a sudden lie hath best luck.  VIS. 
That face is his, or else mine eye's deceived,  
Why how now Tactus, what so gorgeous?  GUST. 
Where didst thou get these fair habiliments?  TACT. 
Stand back I charge you as you love your lives,  
By Styx, the first that toucheth me shall die.  VIS. 
I can discern no weapons, will he kill us?  TACT. 
Kill you? not I, but come not near me you had best.  VIS. 
Why, art thou mad?  TACT. 
Friends as you love your lives,  
Venture not once to come within my reach.  GUST. 
Why dost threaten so?  TACT. 
I do not threaten, but in pure love advise you for the best,  
Dare not to touch me, but hence fly apace,  
Add wings unto your feet and save your lives.  VIS. 
Why what's the matter Tactus prithee tell me?  TACT. 
If you will needs jeopard your lives so long,  
As hear the ground of my amazedness,  
Then for your better safety stand aside.  GUST. 
How full of ceremonies, sure he'll conjure,  
For such like Robes Magicians use to wear.  VIS. 
I'll see the end, though he should unlock Hell:  
And set th'infernal hags at liberty.  TACT. 
How rash is man on hidden arms to rush!  
It was my chance, O chance most miserable!  
To walk that way that to Crumena leads.  GUST. 
You mean Cremona a little Town hard by.  TACT. 
I say Crumena, called Vacua,  
A Town which doth, and always hath belonged,  
Chiefly to Scholars: from Crumena walls,  
I saw a man came stealing craftily,  
Apparelled in this vesture which I wear,  
But seeing me eftsoons, he took his heels,  
And threw his garment from him all in haste,  
Which I perceiving to be richly wrought,  
Took it me up: But good now get you gone,  
Warned by my harms, and scape my misery.  VIS. 
I know no danger, leave these circumstances.  TAC. 
No sooner had I put it on my back,  
But suddenly mine eyes began to dim,  
My joints wax sore, and all my body burn  
With most intestine torture, and at length,  
It was too evident, I had caught the plague.  VIS. 
The plague, away good Gustus let's be gone,  
I doubt 'tis true, now I remember me,  
Crumena Vacua never wants the plague.  GUST. 
Tactus I'll put myself in jeopardy to pleasure thee.  TACT. 
No gentle Gustus, your absence is the only thing I wish,  
Lest I infect you with my company.  GUST. 
Farewell. Exit Gustus.  VIS. 
I willingly would stay to do thee good.  TACT. 
A thousand thanks, but since I needs must die,  
Let it suffice, death only murders me,  
Oh 'twould augment the dolour of my death,  
To know myself the most unhappy Bow,  
Through which pale death should aim his shafts at you.  VIS. 
tactus' farewell, yet die with this good hope,  
Thy corpse shall be interred as they ought. Exit Visus.  TAC. 
Go make my Tomb, provide my funerals, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,  
Excellent Asses thus to be deluded,  
Bewail his death and cruel destinies,  
That lives, and laughs your fooleries to scorn,  
But where's my Crown, oh here: I well deserve,  
Thus to be crowned for two great victories, ha, ha, ha,  
Visus take care my corpse be well interred:  
Go make my Tomb, and write upon the Stone;  
Here lies the Sense, that lying guled them all,  
With a false plague, and feigned Urinal.   

ACT. 1. SCEN. 9.  AUDITUS. TACTUS. AUD. 
Tactus, Tactus  TACT. 
O Jupiter, 'tis Auditus, all's marred, I doubt the sly knave hears so far, but yet I'll grope him: how now Ears, what make you here, ha?  AUD. 
Nay, what make you here, I pray what were you talking even now, of an Ass, and a Crown, and an Urinal, and a plague?  TA. 
A plague on you, what I?  AUD. 
Oh, what you.  TA 
O I had well nigh forgot nothing, but I say—  AUD. 
What?  TAC. 
That if a man (do you mark sir) being sick of the plague (do you see sir) had a, a, a, hem, hem, (this cold troubles me, It makes me cough sometimes extremely,) had a French Crown, (sir you understand me) lying by him, and (come hither, come hither) and would not bestow two pence (do you hear) to buy an Urinal (do you mark me) to carry his water to the Physician, (hem)  AUD. 
What of all this?  TACT. 
I say such a one was a very Ass, this was all I use to speak to myself, when I am alone; but Auditus, when shall we hear a new set of singing books, or th'viols, or the consort of Instruments.  AUD. 
This was not all, for I heard mention of a Tomb, and an Epitaph.  TACT. 
True, true, I made myself merry with this Epitaph, upon such a fool's Tomb thus a, thus, thus, plague brought this man, (foh I have forgotten) O thus, plague brought this man (so, so, so) unto his burial, because, because, because, (hem, hem) because he would not buy an Urinal, come, come Auditus, shall we hear thee play, the Lyroway, or the Lute-way shall we, or the Cornet, or any Music, I am greatly revived when I hear.  AUD. 
Tactus, Tactus, this will not serve, I heard all, you have not found a Crown: you, no, you have not.   

ACT. 1. SCEN. Ultima.  TACTUS. AUDITUS. VISUS. GUSTUS. MENDACIO. TACT. 
Peace, peace, faith peace, come hither, hark thee good now.  AUD. 
I cannot hold I must needs tell.  TACT. 
O do not, do not, do not, come hither, will you be a fool?  VIS. 
Had he not wings upon his feet and shoulders?  MEN 
Yes, yes, and a fine wand in his hand,  
curiously wrapped with a pair of snakes.  TACT. 
Will half content you, pish 'twill ne'er be known.  GUST. 
My life, 'twas Mercury.  MEND. 
I do not know his name, but this I am sure his hat had wings upon't.  VIS. 
Doubtless 'twas he, but say my Boy what did he?  MEND. 
First I beheld him hovering in the air,  
And then down stooping with a hundred gyres:  
His feet he fixed on Mount Cephalon,  
From whence he flew and lighted on that plain,  
And with disdainful steps soon glided thither:  
Whither arrived, he suddenly unfolds  
A gorgeous Robe, and glittering ornament,  
And lays them all, upon that hillock:  
This done he wafts his wand, took wing again,  
And in a moment vanished out of sight,  
With that mine eyes 'gan stare, and heart grew cold,  
And all my quivering joints with sweat bedewed:  
My heels my thought had wings as well as his,  
And so away I run; but by the way,  
I met a man as I thought coming thither,  GUST. 
What marks had he?  MEND. 
He had a great— what this is he, this is he:  VIS. 
What Tactus?  GUST. 
This was the plague vexed him so, Tactus your Grave gapes for you, are you ready?  VIS. 
Since you must needs die, do as others do,  
Leave all your goods behind you; bequeath the  
Crown and Robe to your Executors.  TACT. 
No such matter, I like the Egyptian Knights,  
For the more state, will be buried in them.  VIS. 
Come, come, deliver:  Visus snatcheth the Crown and sees letters graven in it. TACT. 
What will you take my purse from me?  VIS. 
No but a Crown, that's just more than your own.  
Ha, what's this? 'tis a very small hand,  
What Inscription is this?  
He of the five that proves himself the best,  
Shall have his Temples with this Coronet blessed.  
This Crown is mine, and mine this garment is,  
For I have always been accounted best.  TACT. 
Next after me, I as yourself at any time: besides I found it first, therefore 'tis mine.  GUST. 
Neither of yours but mine as much as both.  AUD. 
And mine the most of any of you all.  VIS. 
Give me it or else—  TACT. 
I'll make you late repent it———  GUST. 
Presumptuous as you are———  AUD. 
Spite of your teeth——  MEND. 
Never till now, a ha, it works apace,  
Visus I know 'tis yours, and yet methinks,  
Auditus you should have some challenge to it,  
But that your title Tactus is so good:  
Gustus I would swear the Coronet were yours,  
What will you all go brawl about a trifle:  
View but the pleasant coast of Microcosm,  
Is't not great pity to be rent with wars,  
Is't not a shame, to stain with brinish tears,  
The smiling cheeks of ever-cheerful peace,  
Is't not far better to live quietly,  
Than broil in fury of dissension;  
Give me the Crown, ye shall not disagree,  
If I can please you; I'll play Paris part,  
And most unpartial judge the controversy:  VIS. 
Saucebox go meddle with your lady's fan, and prate not here.  MEN. 
I speak not for myself, but for my country's safe commodity.  VIS. 
Sirrah be still.  MEND. 
Nay and you be so hot, the devil part you,  
I'll to Olfactus and send him amongst you.  
O that I were Allecto for your sakes:  
How liberally would I bestow my snakes.  Exit Mend. VIS. 
Tactus upon thine honour,  
I challenge thee to meet me here,  
Strong as thou canst provide in th'afternoon.  TAC. 
I undertake the Challenge, and here's my hand,  
In sign thou shalt be answered.  GUST. 
Tactus I'll join with thee, on this condition,  
That if we win, he that fought best of us,  
Shall have the Crown, the other wear the Robe.  TACT. 
Give me your hand, I like the motion.  VIS. 
Auditus shall we make our forces double,  
Upon the same terms.  AUD. 
Very willingly:  VIS 
Come let's away, fear not the victory.  
Right's more advantage, than an host of soldiers.  Exeunt omnes. 
Finis. Act. primi.    


Actus 2. Scena 1.  APPETITUS, A long lean Raw-boned fellow in a soldier's coat, a sword, etc. MENDACIO. APPETITUS. MEND. 
I long to see those hotspur senses at it, they say they have gallant preparations, and not unlikely, for most of the soldiers are ready in Arms since the last field fought against their yearly enemy Meleager, and his wife Acrasia; that Conquest hath so fleshed them, that no peace can hold them. But had not Meleager been sick, and Acrasia drunk, the senses might have whistled for the victory.  APP. 
Foh, what a stink of gunpowder is yonder?  MEND. 
Who's this! oh, oh, 'tis Appetitus, Gustus his hungry Parasite.  APP. 
I cannot endure the smoking of Guns, the thundring of drums, I had rather hear the merry hacking of potherbs, and see the reaking of a hot Capon. If they would use no other Bucklers in war, but shields of Brawn, brandish no swords but swords of Bacon, trail no spears, but spareribs of Pork, and instead of Harquebus pieces discharge Hartichockpies, toss no pikes but boiled Pickerels, then Appetitus would rouse up his crest, and bear up himself with the proudest.  MEND. 
Ah here's a youth stark nought at a trench but old dog at a trencher, a tall squire at a square table  APP. 
But now my good masters must pardon me I am not for their service, for their service is without service, and indeed their service is too hot for my diet. But what, If I be not myself, but only this be my spirit that wanders up and down, and Appetitus be killed in the Camp, the Devil he is as soon, how's that possible? tut, tut, I know I am, ay, I am Appetitus, and alive too, by this Infallible token, that I feel myself hungry.  MEND. 
Thou might'st have taken a better token of thyself, by knowing thou art a fool.  APP. 
Well then, though I made my fellow soldiers admire the beauty of my back, and wonder at the nimbleness of my heels, yet now will I at safety at home, tell in what dangers they are abroad, I'll speak nothing but guns, and glaves, and staves, and phalanges, and squadrons, and barracadoes, ambuscadoes, palmedoes blank point dept, counterpoint, counterscarf, sallies, and lies, saladoes, tarantantaras, ranta, tara, tara, heigh.  MEND. 
I must take the fife out of his mouth, or he'll ne'er adone.  APP. 
But above all I'll be sure on my knees to thank the great—  Mendacio blinds him. MEND. 
Who am I, who am I, who I?  APP. 
By the bloodstained falchion of Mavors— I am on your side  MEND. 
Why, who am I?  APP. 
Are you a soldier?  MEND. 
No.  APP. 
Then you are master Helluo the Bearward,  MEND. 
No, no, he's dead.  APP. 
Or Gulono the gutty Sergeant, or Delphino the Vintner, or else I know you not, for these are all my acquaintance.  MEN. 
Would I were hanged, if I be any of these,  APP 
What Mendacio, by the faith of a Knight thou art welcome, I must borrow thy Whetstone to sharpen the edges of my martial compliments.  MEN. 
By the faith of a Knight, what a pox, where are thy Spurs?  APP. 
I need no spurs, I ride like Pegasus on a winged horse, on a swift jennet, my Boy, called fear.  MEN. 
What shouldst thou fear in the wars? he's not a good soldier that hath not a good stomach.  APP. 
O, but the stink of powder spoils appetitus' stomach, and than thou know'st when 'tis gone, Appetitus is dead, therefore I very manfully drew my sword, and flourished it bravely about mine ears, kissed, and finding myself hurt, most manfully run away.  MEND. 
All heart indeed, for thou ranst like a Hart out of the field:  
It seems then the Senses mean to fight it out.  APP. 
ay, and outfight themselves I think, and all about a trifle, a paltry babble, found I know not where.  MEN. 
Thou art deceived, they fight for more than that, a thing called Superiority, of which the Crown is but an Emblem.  APP. 
Mendacio hang this Superiority, Crown me no Crown but Bacchus' Crown of Roses, give me no Sceptre, but afar (apons leg, to show that I am the great King of Hungary, therefore I prithee talk no more of State-matters, but in brief, tell me my little rascal, how thou hast spent thy time this many a day?  MEN 
Faith in some credit since thou sawst me last.  APP. 
How so, where?  MEN. 
Everywhere; in the Court your Gentlewomen hang me at their Apron strings, and that makes them answer so readily. In the City I am honoured like a God, none so well acquainted with your Tradesmen: your Lawyers all the Term time hire me of my Lady, your Gallants if they hear my name abused, they stab for my sake: your Travellers so dote upon me as passes, O they have good reason, for I have carried them to many a good meal, under the Countenance of my familiarity: Nay your Statesmen have oftentimes closely conveyed me under their tongues, to make their policies more currant: As for old men they challenge my Company by authority.  APP. 
I am exceeding glad of your great promotion.  MEND. 
Now when I am disposed, I can Philosophy it in the University, with the subtlest of them all.  APP. 
I cannot be persuaded that thouart acquainted with Scholars ever since thou wert pressed to death in a Print-house.  MEND. 
No, why I was the first founder of the three sects of Philosophy, except one of the Peripatetics who acknowledge Aristotle (I confess) their great Grandfather.  APP. 
Thou Boy, how is this possible? thou art but a Child and there were sects of Philosophy before thou wert born.  MEND. 
Appetitus, thou mistakest me, I tell thee, 3000 years ago was Mendacio born in Greece, nursed in Crete, and ever since honoured everywhere: I'll be sworn I held old Homer's pen when he writ his Iliads and his Odysses.  APP. 
Thou hadst need, for I hear say he was blind.  MEND. 
I helped Herodotus to pen some part of his Muses, lent Pliny ink to write his History, rounded Rabelais in the ear when he historified pangagruel; as for Lucian, I was his Genius, O those two Books De Vera Historia, howsoever they go under his Name, I'll be sworn I write them every tittle.  APP. 
Sure as I am Hungry, thou'dst have it for lying. But hast thou rusted this later time for want of exercise?  MEND. 
Nothing less, I must confess I would fain have jogged Stow and great Hollinshead on their elbows, when they were about their Chronicles, and as I remember Sir John mandevil's Travels, and a great part of the Decades were of my doing. But for the mirror of Knighthood, Bevis of Southampton, Palmerin of England, Amadis of Gaul, Huon de Bordeaux, Sir Guy of Warwick, Martin mar-prelate, Robin-hood, Garragantua, Gevilion, and a thousand such exquisite monuments as these, no doubt but they breathe on my breath up and down.  APP. 
Downwards I'll swear, for there's stinking lies in them.  MEND. 
But what should I light a Candle to the bright Sun shine of my glorious renown, the whole world is full of Mendacio's fame.  APP. 
And so it will be so long as the world is full of fame.  MEND. 
But Sirrah, how hast thou done this long time?  APP. 
In as much request as thyself. To begin with the Court, as thou didst, I lie with the Ladies all night, and that's the reason they call for Cullies, and Gruellies so early before their prayers, your Gallants never sup, breakfast or beaver without me.  MEND. 
That's false, for I have seen them eat with a full stomach.  APP. 
True, but because they know a little thing drives me from them, therefore in midst of meat they present me with some sharp sauce or a dish of delicate Anchoves, or a Caviar, to entice me back again; nay more, your old Sirs that hardly go without a prop, will walk a mile or two every day to renew their acquaintance with me, as for the Academy, it is beholding to me for adding the eighth province unto noble Heptarchy of the liberal sciences.  MEND. 
What's that I prithee.  APP. 
The most desired and honourable art of Cookery.  
Now Sirrah in the City I am— st, st.  
O the body of a Louse.  MEND. 
What art a louse in the City?  APP. 
Not a word more, for yonder comes Phantastes, and somebody else.  MEND. 
What a pox can Phantastes do?  APP. 
Work a miracle if he would prove wise.  MEND. 
'Tis he indeed, the vilest nup: yet the fool loves me exceedingly, but I care not for his company, for if he once catch me, I shall never be rid of him.  Exeunt. Appet. & Mend.  

ACTUS 2. SCENA. 2.  
PHANTASTES, A swart complexioned fellow, but quick eyed, in a white Satin doublet of one fashion, green velvet hose of another: A fantastical has with a plume of feathers of several colours, a little short taffety cloak, a pair of Buskins cut, drawn out with sundry coloured Ribbons, with scarfs hung about him, after all fashions, and of all colours, rings, Jewels, a Fan, and in every place other odd compliments.  
HEURESIS, A nimble sprighted page in the newest fashion, with a garland of bays, etc.  PHANTASTES. HEURESIS. PHAN. 
Sirrah Boy Heuresis? boy how now biting your nails?  HEU. 
Three things have troubled my brain this many a day, and just now, when I was laying hold on the Invention of them, your sudden call, made them like Tantalus apples, fly from my fingers.  PH. 
Some great matters questionless, what were they?  HEU. 
The quadrature of a circle, the philosopher's stone, and the next way to the Indies.  PH. 
Thou dost well to meditate on these three things at once, for they'll be found out altogether, ad gracas calendas, but let them pass, and carry the conceit I told you this morning, to the party you wot of. In my imagination 'tis Capricious, 'twill take I warrant thee.  HEU. 
I will Sir: But what say you to the Gentleman that was with you yesterday?  PH. 
O I think thou meanest him that made nineteen sonnets of his Mistress Busk-point:  HEU. 
The same, the same, Sir: You promised to help him out with th' twentieth.  PHA. 
By Jupiter's cloven pate 'tis true; but we witty fellows are so forgetful, but stay, hu, hu, carry him this:  

The gordian knot which Alexander great,  
Did whilom cut with his all conquering sword:  
Was nothing like thy Busk-point pretty Peate,  
Nor could so fair an augury afford.   
Then to conclude let him pervert Catullus his zonam solvit diù ligatam, thus, thus,  

Which if I chance to cut or else untie,  
Thy little world I'll conquer presently.   
'Tis pretty, pretty, tell him 'twas extemporal.  HEU. 
Well Sir, but now for Master Inamorato's Love-letter.  PH. 
Some nettling stuffy faith; let him write thus: Most heart commanding fac't Gentlewoman, even as the stone in India called Basiliscus, hurts all that looks on it: and as the Serpent in Arabia called Smaragdus, delighteth the sight, so does thy celestial orb assimilating eyes, both please, and in pleasing wound my Love-darted heart.  HEU. 
But what trick shall I invent for the conclusion?  PHA. 
Pish, any thing: Love will minister Ink for the rest:  
He that once begun well, hath half done, let him begin again, and there's all.  HEU. 
Master Gullio spoke for a new fashion, What for him?  PHA. 
A fashion for his suit— let him button it down the sleeve with four elbows, and so make it the pure hieroglyphic of a fool.  HEU. 
Nay then let me request one thing of you.  PHA. 
What's that Boy? by this fair hand thou shalt have it.  HEU. 
Mistress Superbia a Gentlewoman of my acquaintance wished me to devise her a new set for her Ruff, and an odd tire, I pray Sir, help me out with it.  PHA. 
Ah Boy in my conceit it's a hard matter to perform, these women have well nigh tired me, with devising tires for them, and set me at a non plus for new sets, their heads are so light, and their eyes so coy, that I know not how to please them.  HEU. 
I pray Sir, she hath a bad face, and fain would have Suitors, Fantastical and odd apparel, would perchance draw somebody to look on her.  PHA. 
If her face be nought, in my opinion, the more view it, the worse, bid her wear the multitude of her deformities under a Mask, till my leisure will serve to devise some durable, and unstained blush of painting.  HEU. 
Very good Sir.  PHA. 
Away then, hie thee again, meet me at the Court within this hour at the farthest.  Exit Heuresis. 
Oh heavens, how have I been troubled these later times with Women, Fools, Babes, Tailors, Poets, Swaggerers, Gulls, Ballad-makers, they have almost disrobed me of all the toys and trifles I can devise; were it not that I pity the poor multitude of Printers, these Sonnet-mongers should starve for conceits, for all Phantastes. But these puling Lovers, I cannot but laugh at them and their Encomions of their Mistresses. They make forsooth her hair of Gold, her eyes of Diamond, her cheeks of Roses, her lips of Rubies, her teeth of Pearl, and her whole body of Ivory: and when they have thus Idoled her like Pygmalion, they fall down and worship her. Psyche, thou hast laid a hard task upon my shoulders, to invent at every ones ask, were it not that I refresh my dulness once a day with my most Angelical presence, 'twere unpossible for me to undergo it.   

ACTUS 2 SCENA 3.  COMMUNIS SENSUS, A grave man in a Black velvet Cassock like a Councillor, speaks coming out of the door. COMMUNIS SENSUS. PHANTASTES. COM. S. 
I cannot stay, I tell you 'tis more than time I were at Court, I know my Sovereign Psyche hath expected me this hour.  PHA. 
In good time, yonder comes Commonsense, I imagine it should be he by his voice.  COM. S. 
Crave my counsel, tell me what manner of man he is? Can he entertain a man into his house, can he hold his Velvet Cap in one hand, and vale his bonnet with the other? Knows he how to become a Scarlet gown, hath he a pair of fresh posts at his door?  PHA. 
He's about some hasty State-matters, he talks of posts methinks.  COM S. 
Can he part a couple of Dogs brawling in the street? why then choose him Mayor, upon my credit he'll prove a wise Officer.  PHA. 
Save you my Lord, I have attended your leisure this hour.  COM. S. 
Fie upon't, what a toil have I had to choose them a Mayor yonder? there's a fusty Currier will have this man: there's a Chandler wipes his nose on his sleeve, and swears it shall not be so. There's a Mustard-maker looks as keen as vinegar, will have another: O this many headed multitude, it's a hard matter to please them!  PHA. 
Especially where the multitude is so well headed. But I pray you where's Master Memory? hath he forgotten himself that he is not here?  COM. SEN. 
'Tis high time he were at Court, I would he would come.   

ACT. 2. SCEN. 4.  
MEMORY, An old decrepit man, in a black Velvet Cassock, a taffety Gown furred, with white Grogram, a white beard, Velvet slippers, a Watch, Staff, etc.  
ANAMNESTES his Page, in a grave Satin suit Purple, Buskins, a Garland of bays and Rosemary, a gimmal ring, with one link hanging, Ribbons and Threads tied to some of his fingers, in his hand a pair of Table books, etc.  MEMORY. ANAMNESTES. PHANTASTES. SENS. COM. MEM. 
How soon a wise man shall have his wish?  COM. SE. 
Memory the season of your coming is very ripe.  PH. 
Had you stayed a little longer 'twould have been stark rotten.  MEM. 
I am glad I saved it from the Swine— Spretious I have forgot something: O my purse, my purse, why Anamnestes? Remembrance where art thou, Anamnestes Remembrance, that vild Boy is always gadding, I remember he was at my heels, even now, and now the vild Rascal is vanished.  PHA. 
Is he not here? why then in my imagination he's left behind, O la Anamnestes remembrance.  AN. 
(running in haste )Anon, anon, sir anon, anon sir, anon, anon sir, anon, anon sir.  MEM. 
Ha sirrah, what a brawl's hear?  AN. 
I do but give you an answer with anon Sir.  MEM. 
You answer sweetly, I have called you three or four times one after another.  AN. 
Sir, I hope I answered you three or four times one in the neck of another. But if your good worship have lent me any more calls, tell me, and I'll repay them as I am a Gentleman.  MEM. 
Leave your tattle, had you come at first I had not spent so much breath in vain.  AN. 
The truth is Sir, the first time you called, I heard you not, the second I understood you not, the third I knew not whether it were you or no: the fourth I could not tell where you were, and that's the reason I answered so suddenly.  MEM. 
Go sirrah, run, seek everywhere, I have lost my purse somewhere.  AN. 
I go Sir: Go sirrah, seek, run, I have lost, bring, here's a dog's life, with a pox, shall I be always used like a water-Spaniel.  Exit Anam. COM. 
Come good Master Register, I wonder you be so late now adays.  MEM. 
My good Lord, I remember that I knew your Grandfather in this your place, and I remember your Grandfathers great Grandfathers, Grandfathers Fathers, Father, yet in those days I never remember that any of them could say, that Register Memory ever broke one minute of his appointment.  COM. S. 
Why good Father, why are you so late now adays?  MEM. 
Thus 'tis, the most customers I remember myself to have, are (as your Lordship knows) Scholars, and now adays the most of them are become Critics, bringing me home such paltry things to lay up for them, that I can hardly find them again.  PH. 
Jupiter, Jupiter, I had thought these Flies had bit none but myself, Do Critics tickle you i'faith?  MEM. 
Very familiarly: for they must know of me forsooth, how every idle word is written in all the musty moth-eaten Manuscripts, kept in all the old Libraries in every City betwixt England and Peru.  COM. SEN. 
Indeed I have noted these times to affect Antiquities more than is requisite.  MEM. 
I remember in the age of Assaracus and Ninus, and about the wars of Thebes, and the siege of Troy, there was few things committed to my charge, but those that were well worthy the preserving, but now every trifle must be wrapped up in the volume of Eternity. A rich pudding-wife, or a Cobbler cannot die but I must immortalize his Name with an Epitaph: A dog cannot piss in a Nobleman's shoe, but it must be sprinkled into the Chronicles, so that I never could remember my Treasure more full, and never emptier of Honourable, and true Heroical actions.  PH. 
By your leave Memory, you are not alone troubled, Chronologers many of them are so Fantastic, as when they bring a Captain to the Combat, lifting up his revengeful arm to dis-part the head of his enemy, they'll hold up his arms so long till they have bestowed three or four pages in describing the gold hilts of his threatning Falchion: So that in my Fancy the Reader may well wonder his adversary stabs him not before he strikes; moreover they are become most palpable flatterers, always begging at my gates for Invention.  COM. 
This is a great fault in a Chronologer to turn Parasite: An absolute History should be in fear of none, neither should he write any thing more than truth for friendship, or less for hate, but keep himself equal and constant in all his discourses, but for us, we must be contented, for as our honour's increase, so must the burden of the cares of our Offices urge us to wax heavy.  PH. 
But not till our backs break, 'sblood there was never any so haunted as I am, this day there comes a Sophister to my house, knocks at my door, his errand being asked forsooth his answer was, to borrow a fair suit of conceits out of my wardrobe, to apparel, a show he had in hand, and what think you is the plot?  COM. 
Nay I know not, for I am little acquainted with such toys.  PH. 
Meanwhile he's somewhat acquainted with you, for he's bold to bring your person upon the Stage.  COM. 
What me? I cannot remember, that I was ever brought upon the Stage before.  PH. 
Yes you and you, and myself, with all my Fantastical tricks and humours, but I trow I have fitted him with Fooleries, I trust he'll never trouble me again.  COM. 
O times! O manners! when Boys dare to traduce men in authority, was ever such an attempt heard!  MEM. 
I remember there was For (to say the truth) at my last being at Athens (It is now, let me see, about 1800 years ago) I was at a Comedy of Aristophanes making, (I shall never forget it) The Arch-governor of Athens took me by the hand and placed me, and there I say, I saw Socrates abused most grossly, himself being then a present spectator: I remember he sat full against me, and did not so much as show the least countenance of discontent.  COM. 
In those days it was lawful, but now the abuse of such liberty is unsufferable.  PH. 
Think what you will of it, I think 'tis done, and I think it is acting by this time; hark, hark, what drum's yonder, I'll lay my life they are come to present the show I spoke of.  COM. 
It may be so; stay we'll see what 'tis.   

ACT. 2. SCEN. 5.  LINGUA. MENDACIO. COM. SEN. and the rest. LING. 
Feign thyself in great haste.  MEN. 
I warrant you Madam: I doubt 'tis in vain to run, by this they are all passed overtaking.  COM. SEN. 
Is not this Lingua that is in such haste?  PH. 
Yes, yes, stand still.  MEN. 
I must speak with him.  COM. SEN. 
With whom?  MEN. 
Assure yourself they are all at Court ere this.  LING. 
Run after them, for unless he know it—  COM. SEN. 
Lingua.  LING. 
O is't your Lordship: I beseech you pardon me; haste and fear, I protest put out mine eyes: I looked so long for you, that I knew not when I had found you.  PHA. 
In my conceit, that's like the man that inquired, who saw his Ass, when himself rid on him.  LING. 
O my heart beats so, fie, fie, fie, fie.  MEN. 
I am so weary, foe, foe, foe, fo.  COM. SEN. 
I prithee Lingua make an end.  LING. 
Let me begin first I beseech you, but if you will needs have the end first, thus 'tis. The Commonwealth of Microsme at this instant suffers the pangs of death, 'tis gasping for breath. Will you have all? 'tis poisoned.  PH. 
What Pothecary durst be so bold as make such a confection? ha what poison is't?  LING. 
A golden Crown.  MEN. 
I mistake, or else Galen in his Book De sanitate tuenda, commends gold as restorative.  COM. SEN. 
Lingua express yourself.  MEN. 
Madam if you want breath, let me help you out.  LING. 
I prithee do, do.  MEN. 
My Lord, the report is, that Mercury coming late into this Country, in this very place, left a Coronet with this inscription, that the best of the five should have it, which the Senses thinking to belong unto them—  LING. 
Challenge each other, and are now in arms, and 't like your Lordship.  COM. SEN. 
I protest it likes not me.  LING. 
Their battles are not far hence ready ranged.  COM. SEN. 
O monstrous presumption! what shall we do?  MEM. 
My Lord, in your great Grandfathers time, there was I remember such a breach amongst them, therefore my Counsel is, that after his example, by the strength of your authority you convent them before you.  COM. 
Lingua go presently, command the Senses upon their allegiance to our dread Sovereign Queen Psyche, to dismiss their companies, and personally to appear before me without any pretence of excuse.  LING. 
I go my Lord.  PH. 
But hear you Madam, I pray you let your Page tongue walk with us a little, till you return again.  LING. 
With all my heart.  Exit Lingua.  

ACT. 2. SCEN. 6.  PH. 
Hot youths I protest, saw you those warlike preparations?  MEN. 
Lately my Lords, I spied into the Army,  
But oh, 'tis far beyond my reach of wit.  
Or strength of utterance to describe their forces.  COM. SENS. 
Go to, speak what thou canst.  MEND 
Upon the right hand of a spacious Hill,  
Proud Visus marshalleth a puissant Army,  
Three thousand Eagles strong, whose valiant Captain  
Is Jove's swift Thunder-bearer, that same Bird,  
That hoist up Ganymede from the Trojan plains:  
The vanguard strengthened with a wondrous flight  
Of Falcons, Haggards, Hobbies, tercelets,  
Lanards and Goshawks, sparhawks, and Ravenous Birds.  
The rearward granted to Anditus' charge.  
Is stoutly followed with an impetuous herd  
Of stiff-necked Bulls, and many horn-mad stags,  
Of the best head the Forest can afford.  PH. 
I promise you a fearful troop of soldiers  MEN. 
Right opposite stands Tactus strongly manned,  
With three thousand bristled Urchins for his Pikemen;  
Four hundred tortoises for Elephants.  
Besides a monstrous troop of ugly spiders,  
Within an ambushment he hath commanded,  
Of their own guts to spin a cordage fine,  
Whereof t'have framed a net (O wondrous work)  
That fastened by the Concave of the Moon,  
Spreads down itself to th' earth's circumference.  MEM. 
'Tis very strange, I cannot remember the like Engine at any time.  MEN. 
Nay more my Lord, the masks are made so strong,  
That I myself upon them scale the heavens,  
And boldly walt about the middle region,  
Where in the province of the Meteors,  
I saw the cloudy shops of Hail and Rain,  
Garners of Snow, and Crystals full of dew,  
Rivers of burning Arrows, Dens of Dragons,  
Huge beams of flames, and Spears like fire brands,  
Where I beheld hot Mars and Mercury,  
With Rackets made of Spheres, and Balls of Stars,  
Playing at Tennis for a Tun of Nectar.  
And that vast gaping of the Firmament,  
Under the Southern pole is nothing else  
But the great hazard of their Tennis Court,  
The Zodiac is the line. The shooting Stars,  
Which in an eye bright evening seemed to fall,  
Are nothing but the Balls they lose at Bandy.  
Thus having took my pleasure with those sights,  
By the same net I went up, I descended.  COM. SEN. 
Well Sirrah to what purpose tends this Stratagem?  MEND. 
None know directly, but I think it is  
T'entrap the Eagles, when the Battles join.  PH. 
Who takes Tactus his part?  MEND. 
Under the standard of thrice hardy Tactus,  
Thrice valiant Gustus leads his warlike Forces,  
An endless multitude of desperate Apes,  
Five hundred Marmosets & long-tailed Monkeys:  
All trained to the field, and nimble Gunners.  PH. 
Imagine there's old moving amongst them; methinks a handful of Nuts would turn them out of their Soldiers coats,  MEN. 
Ramparts of Pasty-crust and forts of Pies,  
Entrenched with dishes full of Custard stuff,  
Hath Gustus made; and planted ordinance,  
Strange ordinance: Canons of hollow canes,  
Whose powder's Rape seed, charged with Turnip shot.  MEM. 
I remember in the Country of Utopia,  
They use no other kind of Artillery.  COM. SEN. 
But what's become of Olfactus?  MEND. 
He politicly leans to neither part,  
But stands betwixt the camps as at receipt:  
Having great wine his Pioneers to entrench them.  PH. 
In my foolish imagination Olfactus is very like the Goddess of victory that never takes any part but the Conquerors.  MEND. 
And in the Woods he placed secretly  
Two hundred couple of Hounds and hungry Mastiffs:  
And o'er his head hover at his command  
A cloud of Vultures, which o'er spread the light,  
Making a night before the day be done:  
But to what end not known but feared of all.  PH. 
I conjecture he intends to see them fight, and after the battle to feed his Dogs, Hogs and Vultures upon the murdered carcases.  MEN. 
My L. I think the fury of their anger will not be obedient to the Message of Lingua; for otherwise in my conceit they should have been here ere this: with your L. good liking we'll attend upon you to see the field for more certainty. It shall be so; Come Master Register let's walk.  Exeunt omnes. 
Finis. Act. secundt.    


Act. 3. Scena. 1.  ANAMESTES, With a purse in his hand. ANA. 
Forsooth Oblivio shut the door upon me, I could come no sooner; ha? is he not there? O excellent! Would I were hanged but I looked for a found rap on the pate, and that made me before hand to lift up this excuse for a Buckler. I know he's not at Court, for here's his purse, without which warrant there's no coming thither; wherefore now Anamnestes sport thyself a little, while thou art out of the prison of his company. What shall I do? by my troth anatomize his purse in his absence. Plutus send there be Jewels in it, that I may finely geld it of the stones— The best sure lies in the bottom— pox out, here's nothing but a company of worm-eaten papers; what's this? Memorandum that Master Prodigo owes me four thousand pounds, and that his lands are in pawn for it: Memorandum that I owe; that he owes? 'tis well the old slave hath some care of his credit; to whom owes he I trow this? that I owe Anamnestes? What me? I never lent him any thing; ha, this is good, there's something coming to me more than I looked for. Come on, what is't? Memorandum that I owe Anamnestes— a breeching; i'faith Sir I will ease you of that payment, (He rends the bill) Memorandum that when I was a child, Robusto tripped up my heels at football: what a revengeful dizard's this?   

ACT. 3. SCEN. 2.  Mendatio with Cushions under his arms, trips up Anamnestes heels. Mendacio. Anamnestes. ANA. 
How now?  MEND 
Nothing but lay you upon the Cushion Sir, how so?  ANA. 
Nothing but lay the Cushion upon you Sir?  MEND. 
What my little Nam? by this foot I am sorry I mistook thee.  ANA. 
What my little Men? by this hand it grieves me I took thee so right. But Sirrah whither with these Cushions?  MEN. 
To lay them here that the Judges may sit softly, lest my Lady Lingua's cause go hard with her.  ANA. 
They should have been wrought with gold, these will do nothing: But what makes thy Lady with the Judges?  MEND. 
Pish, know'st not? she sueth for the title of a Sense, as well as the rest that bear the name of the Pentarchy.  ANA. 
Will Common sense and my Master leave their affairs to determine that Controversy?  MEND. 
Then thou hearst nothing.  ANA. 
What should I hear!  MEND. 
All the Senses fell out about a Crown fallen from Heaven, and pitched a field for it; but Vicegerent Commonsense hearing of it, took upon him to umpire the contention, in which regard he hath appointed them (their arms dismissed) to appear before him, charging every one to bring as it were in a show their proper objects, that by them he may determine of their several excellencies.  ANA. 
When is all this?  MEND. 
As soon as they can possibly provide,  ANA. 
But can he tell which deserves best by their objects?  MEND. 
No not only; for every sense must describe his Instrument, that is his house where he performs his daily duty, so that by the Object and the Instrument, my Lord can with great ease discern their place and dignities.  ANA. 
His lordship's very wise.  MEND 
Thou shalt hear all anon, fine Master Phantastes, and thy Master will be here shortly. But how is't my little Rogue? methinks thou look'st lean upon't?  ANA. 
Alas, how should I do otherwise that lie all night with such a Rawboned Skeleton as Memory, and run all day on his Errands! The churl's grown so old and forgetful, that every hour he's calling Anamnestes remembrance, where art Anamnestes? Then presently something's loft, poor I must run for it; and these words, run Boy, Come Sirrah quick, quick, quick, are as familiar with him as the Cough, never out on's mouth.  MEND. 
Alack, alack poor Rogue, I see my fortunes are better. My Lady loves me exceedingly; she's always kissing me, so that (I tell the Nam) Mendacio's never from betwixt her lips.  ANA. 
Nor out of Memories mouth; but in a worse sort, always exercising my stumps, and which is more, when he favours best, than I am in the worst taking.  MEND. 
How so?  ANA. 
Thus, when we are friends, then must I come and be dandled upon his Palsy-quaking knees, and he'll tell me a long story of his acquaintance with King Priamus and his familiarity with Nestor, and how he played at blowpoint with Jupiter when he was in his side-coats, and how he went to look Birds-nests with Athon, and where he was at Deucalion's flood, and twenty such old wives tales.  MEND. 
I wonder he being so old can talk so much.  ANA. 
Nature thou know'st (knowing what an unruly Engine the tongue is) hath set teeth round about for watchmen; Now Sir my Master's old age hath caught out all his teeth, and that's the cause it runs so much it liberty.  MEND. 
Philosophical!  ANA. 
O but there's one thing stings me to the very heart, to see an ugly, foul, idle, fat, dusty clog-head, called Oblivio preferred before me; dost know him?  MEND. 
Who I? I; But care not for his acquaintance, hang him blockhead, I could never abide him. Thou Remembrance art the only friend that the arms of my friendship shall embrace. Thou hast heard Oportet mendacem esse memorem. But what of Oblivio?  ANA. 
The very naming of him hath made me forget myself. O, O, O, O, that Rascal is so made of everywhere.  MEND. 
Who Oblivio?  ANA. 
ay, for our Courtiers hug him continually in their ungrateful bosoms, and your smooth-belly, fat-backed, barrel-paunched, tun-gutted drones are never without him; as for Memory he's a false-hearted fellow, he always deceives them; they respect not him except it be to play a game at Chess, Primero, Saunt, Maw, or such like.  Mend. 
I cannot think such fellows have to do with Oblivio since they never got any thing to forget.  ANA. 
Again, these prodigal swaggerers that are so much bound to their Creditors, if they have but one Cross about them they'll spend it in wine upon Oblivio.  MEN. 
To what purpose I prithee?  ANA. 
Only in hope he'll wash them in the Lethe of their cares.  MEN. 
Why then no man cares for thee!  ANA. 
Yes, a company of studious paper-worms and lean Scholars, and niggardly scraping Usurers, and a troop of heart-eating envious persons, and those canker-stomached spiteful creatures, that furnish up common place-books with other men's faults. The time hath been in those golden days, when Saturn reigned, that if a man received a benefit of another, I was presently sent for to put him in mind of it; but now in these Iron afternoons, save your friend's life, and Oblivio will be more familiar with him than you.   

ACTUS. 3. SCENA. 3.  Heuresis. Mend. Anamnestes. HEU. 
Phantastes not at Court? is't possible? 'tis the strangest accident that ever was heard off; I had thought the Ladies and Gallants would never lie without him.  ANA. 
Hist, hist, Mendacio, I prithee observe Heuresis; it seems he cannot find his Master that's able to find out all things: and art thou now at a fault, canst not find out thine own Master? no? I'll try one more way. O yes.  MEND. 
What a Proclamation for him?  AN. 
ay, ay, his nimble head is always full of proclamations.  HEU. 
O yes.  MEND. 
But doth he cry him in the wood?  AN. 
O good Sir, and good reason, for every beast hath Fantasy at his pleasure.  HEU. 
O yes: If any man can tell any tidings of a spruce, neat, apish, nimble, fine, foolish, absurd, humorous, conceited, Fantastic Gallant, with hollow eyes, sharp look, swart complexion, meager face, wearing as many toys in his apparel, as fooleries in his looks and gesture, let him come forth and certify me thereof, and he shall have for his reward—  AN. 
I can tell you where he is, what shall he have?  HEU. 
A box o'the ear sirrah, (snap)  AN. 
How now invention, are you so quick fingered? in faith there's your principle sirrah, (snap )and here's the interest ready in my hand (snap) [They fall together by the ears. ]Yea? have you found out scratching? now I remember me.  HEU. 
Do you bite you Rascal?  MEND. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, here's the lively picture of this axiom, A quick Invention and a good Memory can never agree. Fie, fie, fie Heuresis, beat him when he's down?  ANA. 
Prithee let's alone, proud Jack-an-Apes, I'll-  HEU. 
What will you do?  AN. 
Untruss thy points and whip thee, thou paltry— Let me go Mendacio if thou lovest me, shall I put up the—  MEND. 
Come, come, come, you shall fight no more in good faith: Heuresis; your Master will catch you anon  HEU. 
My Master, where is he?  MEN. 
I'll bring you to him, come away.  HEU. 
Anamnestes, I scorn that thou shouldst think I go away for fear of any thing thou canst do unto me; here's my hand as soon as thou canst pick the least occasion, put up thy finger, I am for thee.  Exit Mendacio and Heuresis. AN. 
When thou dar'st Heuresis, when thou dar'st, I'll be as ready as thyself at any time.  
This Heuresis, this invention, is the proudest Jack-an-Apes, the pertest self-conceited Boy that ever breathed; because forsooth some odd Poet, or some such Fantastic fellows make much on him, there's no no with him; the vile Dandyprat will o'erlook the proudest of his acquaintance: but well I remember me, I learned a trick tother day, to bring a Boy o'er the thigh finely; if he come, in faith I'll tickle him with it.  Mendacio comes running back in great haste. MEN. 
As I am a Rascal Nam, they are all coming, I see Master Register trudging hither, as fast as his three feet will carry up his four Ages.  Exit Mendacio.  

ACTUS. 3. SCENA. 4.  MEMORIA. ANAMESTES. MEM. 
Ah you leaden-heeled Rascal.  ANA. 
Here 'tis Sir, I have it, I have it.  MEM. 
Is this all the haste you make?  ANA. 
An't like your worship, your Clog-head Oblivio went before me, and foiled the trail of your footsteps, that I could hardly undertake the quest of your purse forsooth.  MEM. 
You might have been here long ere this: Come hither sirrah, come hither, what must you go round about? goodly, goodly, you are full of circumstances.  ANA. 
In truth Sir, I was here before, and missing you, went back into the City, sought you in every Alehouse, Inn, Tavern, Dicing-house, Tennis-court, Stews, and such like places, likely to find your worship in.  MEM. 
Ha? villain, am I a man likely to be found in such places, ha?  ANA. 
No, no Sir; Sir, but I was told by my Lady Lingua's Page that your Worship was seeking me, therefore I inquired for you in those places where I knew you would ask for me, and it please your worship.  MEM. 
I remember another quarrel sirrah, but well, well, I have no leisure.   

ACT. 3. SCENA. 5.  Com. Sens. Lingua. Phantastes. Memory. Anamnestes. COM. S. 
Lingua, the Senses by our appointment anon are to present their objects before us; seeing therefore they be not in readiness, we license you in the meanwhile, either in your own person, or by your Advocate, to speak what you can for yourself.  LIN. 
My Lord, if I should bring before your honour all my friends ready to importune you in my behalf, I should have so many Rhetoricians, Logicians, Lawyers, and which is more, so many women to attend me, that this Grove would hardly contain the company; wherefore to avoid the tediousness, I will lay the whole cause upon the tip of mine own tongue.  COM. SEN. 
Be as brief as the necessity of our short time requires.  LIN. 
My Lord, though the Imbecillitas of my feeble sex, might draw me back from this Tribunal, with the habenis to wit Timoris, and the Catenis Pudoris; notwithstanding being so fairly led on with the gracious {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} of your justissimae {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman}, Especially so aspremente spurred 'con'gli sproni di necessita mia pungente, I Will without the help of Orators, commit the totam salutem of my action to the Volutabilitati {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} which (avecuostre bonne playseur) I will finish with more than Laconicâ brevitate.  CO. SE. 
What's this? here's a gallimaufry of speech indeed.  MEM. 
I remember about the year 1602. many used this skew kind of language. Which in my opinion is not much unlike the man Platony the the Son of Lagus, King of Egypt, brought for a spectacle half white half black.  CO. SE. 
I am persuaded these same language-makers have the very quality of cold in their wit, that freezeth all Heterogeneal languages together, congealing English Tin, Grecian Gold, Roman Latin all In a lump.  PHA. 
Or rather in my imagination like you Fantastical Gulls Apparel, wearing a Spanish Felt, a French Doublet, a Granado Stocking, a Dutch Slop, an Italian Cloak, with a Welsh frise Jerkin.  COM. SEN. 
Well, leave your toying, we cannot pluck the least feather from the soft wing of time. Therefore Lingua go on, but in a more formal manner; you know an ingenious Oration must neither swell above the Banks with insolent words, nor creep too shallow in the ford, with vulgar terms, but run equally, smooth, and cheerful, through the clean current of a pure style.  Ling. 
My Lord, this one thing is sufficient to confirm my worth to be equal or better than the senses, whose best operations are nothing till I polish them with perfection; for their knowledge is only of things present, quickly sublimed with the deaf file of time, whereas the tongue is able to recount things past, and often pronounce things to come, by this means re-edifying such Excellencies as Time and Age do easily depopulate.  COM. SEN. 
But what profitable service do you undertake for our dread Queen Psyche?  LING. 
O how I am ravished to think how infinitely she hath graced me with her most acceptable service. But above all (which you Master Register may well remember) when her Highness taking my mouth for her instrument, with the Bow of my tongue struck so heavenly a touch upon my teeth, that she charmed the very Tigers asleep, the listening Bears and Lions to couch at her feet, while the Hills leaped, and the Woods danced to the sweet harmony of her most Angelical accents.  MEM. 
I remember it very well. Orpheus played upon the Harp, while she sang, about some four years after the contention betwixt Apollo and Pan, and a little before the excoriation of Marsyas.  ANA. 
By the same token the River Alpheus, at that time pursuing his beloved Arethusa, dischanneled himself of his former course to be partaker of their admirable comfort, and the music being ended, thrust himself head long into earth, the next way to follow his amorous Chase; if you go to Arcadia, you shall see his coming up again.  COM. SEN. 
Forward Lingua with your reason.  LING. 
How oft hath her Excellency employed me as Ambassador in her most urgent affairs to foreign King and Emperors! I may say to the Gods themselves! How many bloodless Battles have my persuasions attained, when the senses forces have been vanquished. How many Rebels have I reclaimed when her sacred authority was little regarded? her Laws (without exprobration be it spoken) had been altogether unpublished, her will unperformed, her illustrious deeds unrenowned, had not the silver sound of my trumpet filled the whole circuit of the universe with her deserved fame. Her Cities would dissolve, traffic would decay, friendships be broken, were not my speech the knot. Mercury and Mastic, to bind, defend, and glue them together. What should I say more? I can never speak enough of the unspeakable praise of speech, wherein I can find no other imperfection at all, but that the most exquisite power and excellency of speech cannot sufficiently express the exquisite power and excellency of speaking.  COM. SEN. 
Lingua, your service and dignity we confess to be great; nevertheless these reasons prove you not to have the nature of a sense.  LING. 
By your Lordship's favour, I can soon prove that a sense is a faculty, by which our Queen sitting in her privy Chamber hath intelligence of exterior occurrents. That I am of this nature, I prove thus. The object which I challenge is—  Enter Appetitus in haste. APP. 
Stay, stay my Lord, defer I beseech, defer the Judgement.  COM. SEN. 
Who's this that boldly interrupts us thus! hum.  APP. 
My name is Appetitus, Common servant to the Pentarchy of the senses, who understanding that your honour was handling this action of Lingua's, sent me hither thus hastily, most humbly requesting the Bench to consider these Articles they allege against her, before you proceed to judgement.  COM. SEN. 
Hum, here's good stuff, Master Register read them: Appetitus, you may depart, and bid your Mistress make convenient speed.  AP. 
At your Lordship's pleasure.  Exit Appetitus. 3 MEM. 
I Remember that I forgot my spectacles, I left them in the 349. page of Hall's Chronicles, where he tells a great wonder of a multitude of Mice which had almost destroyed the Country, but that there resorted a great mighty flight of Owls, that destroyed them: Anamnestes read these Articles distinctly.  ANA. 
1. Ar. Imprimis we accuse Lingua of high treason and sacrilege against the most honourable Commonwealth of letters: for under pretence of profiting the people with translations, she hath most vilely prostituted the hard mysteries of unknown Languages to the profane ears of the vulgar.  PHAN. 
This is as much as to make a new Hell in the upper world; for in Hell, they say, Alexander is no better than a Cobbler; and now by these translations every Cobbler is as familiar with Alexander as he that wrote his life.  ANA. 
2. art. Item that she hath wrongfully imprisoned a Lady called Veritas.  
3. art. Item that she's a witch, and exerciseth her tongue in exorcisms.  
4. art. Item that she's a common whore, and lets everyone lie with her.  
5. art. Item that she rails on men in Authority, depraving their Honours with bitter Jests and taunts, and that she's a Backbiter setting strife betwixt bosom friends.  
6. art. Item that she lends Wives weapons to fight against their Husbands.  
7. art. Item that she maintains a train of prating pettifoggers, prowling summoners, smooth tongued Bawds, artless Empirics, hungry Parasites, News-carriers, Janglers, and such like idle Companions, that delude the Commonalty.  
8. art. Item that she made Rhetoric wanton, Logic to babble, Astronomy to lie.  
9. art. Item that she is an incontinent tell-tale.  
10. art. Item (which is the last and worst) that she's a Woman in every respect, and for these causes not to be admitted to the dignity of a Sense. That these Articles be true we pawn our honours, and subscribe our names.  
1. Visus. 2. Auditus. 3. Gustus. 4. Olfactus. 5. Tactus.  CO. SE. 
Lingua, these be shrewd allegations, and as I think unanswerable. I will defer the judgement of your cause till I have finished the contention of the Senses.  LIN. 
Your Lordships must be obeyed; but as for them most ungrateful, and perfidious wretches.  CO. S. 
Good words become you better; you may depart if you will, till we send for you. Anamnestes, run, remember Visus, 'tis time he were ready.  ANA. 
I go, (Exit Anam. & redit )he stays here expecting your Lordship's pleasure.   

ACTUS. 3. SCENE. 6.  A Page carrying a Scutcheon argent charged with an Eagle displayed proper, then Visus with a Fan of peacock's feathers, next Lumen with a Crown of Bays, and a Shield with a bright Sun in it, apparelled in Tissue, then a Page bearing a Shield before Coelum, clad in Azure Taffeta, dimpled with Stars, a Crown of Stars on his head, and a Scarf resembling the Zodiack, overthwart the Shoulders; next a Page clad in green, with a terrestrial Globe before Terra, in a green Velvet gown stuck with branches and flowers, a Crown of Terrets upon her head, in her hand a Key, then a Herald leading in his hand, Colour clad in changeable silk, with a Rainbow out of a Cloud on her head, last a Boy, Visus Marshalleth his show about the Stage, and presents it before the Bench. VISUS. LUMEN. COELUM. COM. SENS. memory. VI. 
lo here the object that delights the sight,  
The goodliest objects that man's heart can wish.  
For all things that the Orb first movable  
Wraps in the circuit of his large-stretched arms,  
Are subject to the power of Visus eyes.  
That you may know what profit light doth bring,  
Note Lumen's words that speaks next following,  LUME. 
Light the fair Grandchild to the glorious Sun,  
Opening the casements of the Rosy morn,  
Makes the abashed Heavens soon to shun  
The ugly darkness it embraced before,  
And at his first appearance puts to flight,  
The utmost relics of the Hellborn night.  
This heavenly shield soon as it is displayed,  
Dismays the vices that abhor the light;  
To wanderers by Sea and Land gives aid;  
Conquers display, recomforteth affright,  
Rouseth dull Idleness, and starts soft sleep.  
And all the world to daily labour keeps;  
This a true looking-glass impartial,  
Where Beauty's self, herself doth beautify  
With native hue, not artificial,  
Discovering falsehood, opening verity;  
The days bright eye, colours distinction,  
Just judge of measure and proportion.  
The only means by which each mortal eye  
Sends messengers to the wide firmament,  
That to the longing soul brings presently  
High contemplation and deep wonderment.  
By which aspirement she her wings displays,  
And herself thither whence she came upraised.  PH. 
What blue thing's that that's dappled so with Stars?  VIS. 
He represents the Heaven.  PH. 
In my conceit it were pretty if he thundered when he speaks.  VIS. 
Then none could understand him.  COEL. 
Tropic colours, the Equinoctial,  
The Zodiac poles, and line Elliptical,  
The Nadaz, Zenith, and Anomalies,  
The Azime and Ephemerides,  
Stars, Orbs and Planets, with their motions,  
The Oriental Regradations,  
Excentrics, Epicycles, and— and— and—  PH. 
How now Visus, is your heaven at a stay?  
Or is it his Motus trepidations that makes him stammer?  
I pray you Memory set him agate again.  MEM. 
I remember when Jupiter made Amphitrio Cuckold, and lay with his wife Alemena, Coelum was in this taking for three days' space, and stood still just like him at a non plus.  COM. SEN. 
Leave jesting, you'll put the fresh Actor out of countenance.  COEL. 
Excentrics, Epicycles, and Aspects,  
In Sextile, Trine, and Quadrate which effects  
Wonders on earth: also the Oblique part  
Of signs that make the day both long and short,  
The Constellations rising, Cosmical,  
Setting of Stars, Chronic, and Heliacal,  
In the Orison or Meridional,  
And all the skill in deep Astronomy,  
Is to the soul derived by the eye.  PH. 
Visus, you have made Coelum a heavenly speech, past earthly capacity, it had been as good for him he had thundered. But I pray you, who taught him to speak and use no action; methinks it had been excellent to have turned round about in his speech.  VIS. 
He hath so many motions he knows not which to begin withal.  PH. 
Nay rather it seems he's of Copernicus' opinion, and that makes him stand still.  Terra comes to the midsts of the Stage, stands still a wile, saith nothing, and steps back. COM. S. 
Let's hear what Terra can say— just nothing.  VIS. 
an't like your Lordship, 'twere an indecorum Terra should speak.  MEM. 
You are deceived, for I remember when Phaeton ruled the Sun, I shall never forget him, he was a very pretty youth, the earth opened her mouth wide, and spoke a very good speech to Jupiter.  ANAM. 
By the same token Nilus hid his head then, he could never find it since.  PHA. 
You know Memory, that was an extreme hot day, & 'tis likely Terra sweat much, and so took cold presently after, that ever since she hath lost her voice.  HER. 
A Cauton Ermines added to the field, is a sure sign the man that bore these Arms, was to his Prince as a defensive shield, saving him from the force of present Arms.  PHA. 
I know this fellow of old, 'tis a Herald; many a Centaur, chimaera, Barnacle, Crocodile, Hippotame, & such like toys, hath he stolen out of the shop of my Invention, to shape new coats for his upstart Gentlemen. Either Africa must breed more monsters, or you make fewer Gentlemen M. Herald; for you have spent all my devices already; but since you are here, let me ask you a question, in your own profession; how comes it to pass that the victorious Arms of England, quartered with the conquered Coat of France, are not placed on the dexter side, but give the flowered luce the better hand?  HER. 
Because that the three lions are one coat made of two French Dukedoms, Normandy and Aquitaine: but I pray you Visus, what lay is that that follows him?  VIS. 
'Tis Colour an object of mine, subject to his commandment.  PHA. 
Why speaks he not?  VIS. 
He is so bashful, he dares not speak for blushing: What thing is that? tell me without delay.  BOY. 
That's nothing of itself, yet every way  
As like a Man, as a thing like may be,  
And yet so unlike, as clean contrary;  
For in one point it every way doth miss;  
The right side of it a man's left side is.  
'tis lighter than a Feather, and withal  
It fills no place, nor room it is so small.  COM. SEN. 
How now Visus, have you brought a boy with a riddle to pose us all?  PHAN. 
Pose us all? and I here? that were a jest indeed: My Lord, if he have a Sphinx, I have an Oedipus, assure yourself, let's hear it once again.  BOY. 
What thing is that Sir?  PHAN. 
This such a knotty Aenigma? why my Lord? I think it is a Woman; for first a Woman is nothing of herself, and again she is likest a man of any thing.  COM. SEN. 
But wherein is she unlike?  PHA. 
In every thing, in peevishness, in folly. —'st Boy.  HEU. 
In Pride, Deceit, Prating, Lying, Cogging, Coins, Spite, Hate, Sir.  PHA. 
And in many more such vices: Now he may well say, the left side a man's right side is; for a cross wife, is always contrary to her husband, ever contradicting what he wisheth for, like to the verse in Martial, Velle tuum.  MEM. 
Velle tuum nolo, Dindime, nolle volo.  PHA. 
Lighter than a feather; doth any man make question of that?  MEM. 
They need not; for I remember I saw a Cardinal weigh them once, and the Woman was found 3. grains lighter.  COM. SEN. 
'tis strange; for I have seen Gentlewomen wear Feathers oftentimes; can they carry heavier things then themselves?  MEM. 
O sir, I remember 'tis their only delight to do so.  COM. SEN 
But how apply you the last verse, it fills no place Sir?  PHA. 
By my faith, that spoils all the former; for these farthingales take up all the room nowadays; 'tis not a woman questionless; shall I be put down with a Riddle sirrah? Heuresis search the corners of your conceit, and find it me quickly.  HEU. 
Hay {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman}, I have it, 'tis a man's face in a Looking Glass.  PHAN. 
My Lord, 'tis so indeed. Sirrah let's see it, for do you see my right eye here?  COM. SEN. 
What of your eye?  PHA. 
O Lord, sir, this kind of frown is excellent, especially when 'tis sweetened with such a pleasing smile.  COM. SE. 
Phantastes.  PHA. 
O Sir, my left eye is my right in the glass do you see? by these lips my garters hang so neatly, my Gloves and shoes become my hands and feet so well: Heuresis, tie my shoes strings with a new knot;— this point was scarce well trust.— so, 'tis excellent.— Looking-glasses were a passing invention, I protest the fittest books for Ladies to study on—  MEM. 
Take heed that you fall not in love with yourself Phantastes, as I remember: Anamnestes, who was't that died of the looking disease?  AN. 
Forsooth Narcissus, by the same token he was turned to a Daffodil, and as he died for love of himself, so if you remember there was an old ill-favoured, precious-nosed, babber-lipped, beetle-browed, blear-eyed, slouch-eared slave that looking himself by chance in a Glass, died for pure hate.  PHA. 
By the lip of my— I could live and die with this face.  COM. SEN, 
Fie fie Phantastes, so effeminate, for shame leave off. Visus, your objects I must needs say are admirable if the house and instrument be answerable, let's hear therefore in brief your description—  VIS. 
Under the forehead of mount Cephalon,  
That overpeers the coast of Microcosm,  
All in the shadow of two pleasant groves,  
Stand my two mansion houses, both as round,  
As the clear heavens, both twins as like each other;  
As star to star, which by the vulgar sort,  
For their resplendent composition,  
Are named the bright eyes of mount Cephalon:  
With four fair rooms those lodgings are contrived.  
Four goodly rooms in form most spherical,  
Closing each other like the heavenly orbs:  
The first whereof, of Nature's substance wrought,  
As a strange moat the other to defend,  
Is trained movable by Art divine,  
Stirring the whole compacture of the rest;  
The second chamber is most curiously  
Composed of burnished, and transparent horn.  PHAN. 
That's a matter of nothing, I have known many have such bedchambers.  MEM. 
It may be so, for I remember being once in the town's Library, I read such a thing, in their great book of monuments called Cornucopia, or rather their copia-Cornu.  VIS. 
The three's a lesser room of purest glass;  
The fourth's smallest, but passeth all the former  
In worth of matter, built most sumptuously,  
With walls transparent of pure crystalline.  
This the souls mirror and the Body's guide,  
Loves Cabinet, bright beacons of the Realm,  
Casements of light, quiver of Cupid's shafts:  
Wherein I sit and immediately receive  
The species of things corporeal,  
Keeping continual watch and sentinel:  
lest foreign hurt invade our Microcosm,  
And warning give, (if pleasant things approach)  
To entertain them from this costly room;  
Leadeth my Lord an entry to your house;  
Through which I hourly to yourself convey  
Matters of wisdom by experience bred:  
Arts first invention, pleasant vision,  
Deep contemplation, that attires the soul,  
In gorgeous robes of flowering literature:  
Then if that Visus have deserved best,  
Let his victorious brow, with Crown be blessed.  COM. SEN. 
Anamnestes, see who's to come next.  ANA. 
Presently my Lord.  PHAN. 
Visus, I wonder that amongst all your objects, you presented us not with Plato's Idea, or the sight of Niniveh, Babylon, London, or some Sturbridge fair-monsters; they would have done passing well, those motions in my imagination are very delightful.  VIS. 
I was loath to trouble your honours with such toys, neither could I provide them in so short a time.  COM. SEN. 
We will consider your worth; meanwhile we dismiss you.  Visus leads his show about the stage, and so goeth out with it.  

ACT. 3. SCEN. ultima.  AUDITUS, etc. AUD. 
Hark, hark, hark, hark, peace, peace, O peace; O sweet, admirable, swan-like heavenly! hark, O most mellifluous strain; O what a pleasant close was there; O full, most delicate!  COM. SEN. 
How now Phantastes, is Auditus mad?  PHAN. 
Let him alone, his musical head is always full of odd crotchets.  AUD. 
Did you mark the dainty driving of the last point? an excellent maintaining of the song by the choice timpan of mine ear! I never heard a better; hist, st, st; hark, why there's a cadence able to ravish the dullest Stoic.  COM. SEN. 
I know not what to think on him.  AUD. 
There how sweetly the plainsong was dissolved into descant, and how easily they came off with the last rest! hark, hark, the bitter sweetest aromatic.  COM. SEN. 
Auditus.  AUD. 
Thanks good Apollo for this timely grace; never couldst thou in fitter: O more than most musical harmony; O most admirable consort! have you no ears? do you not hear this music?  PHAN. 
It may be good, but in my opinion they rest too long in the beginning.  AUD. 
Are you then deaf? do you not yet perceive the wondrous sound the heavenly orbs do make with their continual motion! hark, hark, O honey sweet!  COM. SEN. 
What tune do they play?  AUD. 
Why such a tune as never was, nor never shall be heard; mark now, now mark, now, now.  PHAN. 
List, list, list.  AUD. 
Hark, O sweet, sweet, sweet!  PHAN. 
List, how my heart envies my happy ears! hisht, by the gold strung Harp of Apollo, I hear the celestial music of the spheres, as plainly as ever Pythagoras did; O most excellent diapason, good, good, good! It plays Fortune my so eas distinctly as may be.  COM. S. 
As the fool thinketh, so the Bell clinketh; I protest I hear no more than a post.  PHAN. 
What, the Lavalta hay? nay, if the heaven's fiddle, Fancy must needs dance.  COM. S. 
Prithee sit still, thou must dance nothing but the passing measures. Memory, do you hear this harmony of the spheres?  MEM. 
Not now my Lord, but I remember about some 4000. years ago, when the sky was first made, we heard very perfectly.  ANA. 
By the same token the first tune the Planets played, I remember Venus the Treble ran sweet division upon Saturn the Base: The first tune they played was Sellenger's round, in memory whereof ever since it hath been called the beginning of the world.  COM. S. 
How comes it we cannot hear it now?  MEM. 
Our ears are so well acquainted with the sound, that we never mark it. As I remember, the Egyptian Catadupes never heard the roaring of the fall of Nilus, because the noise was so familiar unto them.  COM. S. 
Have you no other objects to judge by then these, Auditus?  AUD. 
This is the rarest and most exquisite,  
Most spherical, divine, angelical;  
But since your duller ears cannot perceive it,  
May it please your Lordship to withdraw yourself  
Unto this neighbouring Grove, there shall you see  
How the sweet Treble of the chirping birds,  
And the soft stirring of the moved leaves,  
Running delightful descant to the sound  
Of the base murmuring of the bubbling brook,  
Becomes a consort of good instruments;  
While twenty babbling echoes round about,  
Out of the stony concave of their mouth,  
Restore the vanished music of each close,  
And fill your ears full of redoubled pleasure.  COM. S. 
I will walk with you very willingly, for I grow weary of sitting. Come Master Register and Master Phantastes.  Exeunt omnes. 
Finis Act. 3.    


Act. 4. Scena. 1.  MEMDACIO, ANAMNESTES, HEURESIS. MEN. 
Prithee Nam be persuaded; is't not better go to a feast then stay here for a fray?  ANA. 
A feast? dost think Auditus will make the Judges a feast?  MEN. 
Faith I, why should he carry them to his house else?  ANA. 
Why sirrah, to hear a set or two of songs; slid his banquets are nothing but fish, all sol, sol, sol? I'll teach thee wit boy, never go me to a musician's house for Junkets, unless thy stomach lies in thine ears; for there is nothing but commending this songs delicate air, that motet's dainty air; this sonnets sweet air, that madrigals melting air; this dirge's mournful air, this Church-air, that Chamber-air; French air, English air, Italian air; why Lad, they be pure chameleons, they feed only upon the air.  MEN. 
chameleons? I'll be sworn, some of your Fiddlers be rather Camels, for by their good wills they will never leave eating.  ANA. 
True, and good reason, for they do nothing all the day but stretch and grate their small guts: But oh, yonder's the Ape Heuresis: let me go I prithee.  MEN. 
Nay, good now stay a little, let's see his humour.  HEU. 
I see no reason to the contrary; for we see the quintessence of Wine will convert Water into Wine; why therefore should not the elixir of gold turn lead into pure gold?  MEN. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, he is turned Chemic sirrah, it seems so by his talk.  HEU. 
But how shall I devise to blow the fire of Beech-coals with a continual and equal blast? ha? I will have my bellows driven with a wheel, which wheel shall be a self mover.  ANA. 
Here's old turning, these Chemics seeking to turn lead into gold, turn away all their own Silver.  HEU. 
And my wheel shall be Geometrically proportioned into seven or nine concave encircled arms, wherein I will put equal poises; hai, hai, hai, {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman}, I have it, I have it, I have it,  MEN. 
Heuresis?  HEU. 
But what's best to contain the Quicksilver? ha?  ANA. 
Do you remember your promise Heuresis?  HEU. 
It must not be Iron, for Quicksilver is the tyrant of metals, and will soon fret it.  ANA. 
Heuresis? Heuresis?  HEU. 
Nor Brass, nor Copper, nor Mastlin, nor Mineral, {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman}, I have it, I have it, it must be  ANA. 
You have indeed sirrah, and thus much more than you looked for (snap.)  (Heuresis and Anamnestes about to fight, but Mendacio parts them.) MEN. 
You shall not fight, but if you will always disagree, let us have words and no blows; Houresis, what reason have you to fall out with him?  HEU. 
Because he is always abusing me, and takes the upper hand of me everywhere.  ANA. 
And why not sirrah? I am thy better in any place.  HEU. 
Have I been the Author of the seven liberal Sciences, and consequently of all learning? have I been the patron of all Mechanical devices, to be thy inferior? I tell thee Anamnestes, thou hast not so much as a point but thou art beholding to me for it.  ANA. 
Good, good, but what had your invention been, but for my remembrance? I can prove that thou belly-sprung invention art the most improfitable member in the world; for ever since thou wert born thou hast been a bloody murderer, and thus I prove it; In the quiet years of Saturn (I remember Jupiter was then but in his swath-bands) thou rentest the bowels of the earth, and brought'st Gold to light, whose beauty (like Helen) set all the world by the ears; then upon that thou foundest out Iron, and puttest weapons in their hands; and now in the last populous age, thou taughtest a scab-shin friar the hellish invention of powder and Guns.  HEU. 
Callest it hellish? thou liest, it is the most admirablest invention of all others; for whereas others imitate nature, this excels nature herself.  MEM. 
True, for a Cannon will kill as many at one shot, as Thunder doth commonly at twenty.  ANA. 
Therefore more murdering art thou then the light bolt.  HEU. 
But to show the strength of my conceit, I have found out a means to withstand the stroke of the most violent culvering: Mendacio, thou sawest it when I demonstrated invention.  ANA. 
What some woolpacks, or mudwalls? or such like?  HEU. 
Mendacio, I prithee tell it him, for I love not to be a trumpeter of mine own praises.  MEN. 
I must needs confess this device to pass all that ever I heard or saw; and thus it was. First, he takes a Falcon and charges it without all deceits, with dry powder well camphored; then did he put in a single bullet, and a great quantity of drop-shot, both round and lachrimal; this done he sets me a boy sixty paces off, just point blank over against the mouth of the piece; now in the very midst of the direct line he fastens a post, upon which he hangs me in a cord, a Siderite of Herculean stone.  ANA. 
Well, well, I know it well; it was found out in Ida, in the year of the world— by one Magnes, whose name it retains, though vulgarly they call it the Adamant.  MEN. 
When he had hanged this Adamant in a cord, he comes back and gives fire to the touchhole, now the powder consumed to avoid vacuum.  HEU. 
Which is intolerable in nature; for first shall the whole Machine of the World, Heaven, Earth, Sea and Air, return to the misshapen house of Chaos, than the least vacuum be found in the universe.  MEN. 
The bullet and drop-shot most impetuously from the fiery throat of the culverin (but oh strange) no sooner came they near the Adamant in the cord, but they were all arrested by the sergeant of Nature, and hovered in the Air round about it, till they had lost the force of their motion, clasping themselves close to the stone in most lovely manner, and not any one flew to in danger the mark; so much did they remember their duty to Nature, that they forgot the errand they were sent of.  ANA. 
This is a very artificial lie.  MEN. 
Nam, believe it, for I saw it; and which is more, I have practised this device often: Once when I had a quarrel with one of my Lady Veritas naked knaves, and had pointed him the field, I conveyed into the heart of my Buckler an Adamant, and when we met I drew all the foins of his Rapier whether soever he intended them, or howsoever I guided mine arm, pointed still to the midst of my Buckler, so that by this means I hurt the Knave mortally, and myself came away untouched, to the wonder of all the beholders.  ANA. 
Sirrah you speak Metaphorically, because thy wit Mendacio always draws men's objections to thy forethought excuses.  HEU. 
Anamnestes, 'tis true, and I have an addition to this, which is to make the bullet shot from the enemy, to return immediately upon the Gunner; but let all this pass, and say the worst thou canst against me.  ANA. 
I say Guns were found out for the quick dispatch of mortality; and when thou sawest men grow wise, and beget so fair a child as Peace, of so foul and deformed a mother as War, lest there should be no murder, thou devisedst poison.  MEN. 
Nay, fie Nam, urge him not too far.  ANA. 
And last and worst, thou soundest out cookery, that kills more than weapons, guns, wars or poisons, and would destroy all, but that thou inventedst Physick, that helps to make away some.  HEU. 
But sirrah, besides all this, I devised Pillories for such forging villains as thyself.  ANA. 
Callest me villain?  (They fight, and are parted by Mendacio.) MEN. 
You shall not fight as long as I am here; give over I say.  HEU. 
Mendacio, you offer me great wrong to hold me, in good faith I shall fall out with you.  MEN. 
Away, away, away, you are Invention, are you not?  HEU. 
Yes Sir, what then?  MEN. 
And you Remembrance?  AN. 
Well sir, well.  MEN. 
Then I will be Judicium, the moderator betwixt you, and make you both friends; come, come, shake hands, shake hands.  HEU. 
Well, well, if you will needs have it so;  ANA. 
I am in some sort content.  Mendacio walks with them, holding them by the hands. MEN. 
Why this is as it should be, when Mendacio hath Invention on the one hand, and Remembrance on the other, as he'll be sure never to be found with Truth in his mouth, so he scorns to be taken in a lie; hai, hai, hai, my fine wags whist?  AN. 
Whist.  HEU. 
Whist.   

ACT. 4. SCEN. 2.  Communis Sensus, Memory, Phantastes, Heuresis, Anamnestes take their places on the bench, as before; Auditus on the stage, a Page before him bearing his target, the field sable, an heart or, next him Tragedus apparelled in black velvet, fair buskins, a falchion, etc. then Comaedus in a light coloured green taffeta robe, silk stockings, pumps, gloves, etc. COMMUNIS SENSUS, MEMORY, PHANTASTES, HEURESIS, ANAMNESTES, etc. COM. 
They had some reason that held the soul a harmony, for it is greatly delighted with music; how fast we were tied by the ears to the consort of voices powder; but all is but a little pleasure, what profitable objects hath he?  PH. 
Your ears will teach you presently, for now he is coming, that fellow in the bays methinks I should have known him; o 'tis Comaedus, 'tis so, but he is become now a day's something humorous, and too too, satirical, up and down 'like his great grandfather Aristophanes.  AN. 
These two my Lord, Comaedus & Tragedus,  
My fellows both, both, twins, but so unlike,  
As birth to death, wedding to funeral:  
For this that rears himself in buskins quaint,  
Is pleasant at the first, proud in the midst,  
Stately in all, and bitter death at end.  
That in the pumps doth frown at first acquaintance,  
Trouble the midst, but in the end concludes,  
Closing up all with a sweet catastrophe?  
This grave and sad disdain with brinish tears,  
That light and quick with wrinkled laughter painted;  
This deals with Nobles, Kings, and Emperors:  
Full of great fears, great hopes, great enterprises;  
This other trades with men of mean condition;  
His projects small, small hopes and dangers little.  
This gorgeous broidered with rich sentences:  
That fair and purfled round with merriments:  
Both vice detect, and virtue beautify,  
By being death's mirror, and life's looking-glass.  COM. 
Salutem jam primum a principio propiliam, Mihi atque vobis spectatores nuntio.  PH. 
Pish, pish, this is a speech with no action, let's hear TERENCE, Quid igitur faciam, etc.  COM. 
Quid igitur faciam? non eam ne nunc quidem cum accusor ultro?  PH. 
Phy, fie, fie, no more action, lend me your bays, do it thus, Quid igitur, etc. (he acts it after the old kind of pantomimic action.)  COM. S. 
I should judge this action Phantastes, most absurd, unless we should come to a Commody, as Gentlewomen to the Commencement, only to see men speak.  PH. 
In my imagination it's excellent, for in this kind the hand (you know) is harbinger to the tongue, and provides the words a lodging in the ears of the Auditors.  COM. S. 
Auditus, it is now time you make us acquainted with the quality of the house you keep in, for our better help in judgement.  AUD. 
Upon the sides of fair mount Cephalon,  
Have I two houses passing humane skill;  
Of finest matter by dame nature wrought,  
Whose learned singers have adorned the same  
With gorgeous porches of so strange a form,  
That they command the passengers to stay;  
The doors whereof in hospitality,  
Nor day, nor night are shut, but open wide,  
Gently invite all comers; whereupon  
They are named the open ears of Cephalon.  
But least some bolder sound should boldly rush,  
And break the nice composture of the work,  
The skilful builder wisely hath inranged  
An entry from each port with curious twins,  
And crooked Meanders, like the labyrinth  
That Dedalus framed to enclose the Minotaur;  
At end whereof is placed a costly portal,  
Resembling much the figure of a drum,  
Granting slow entrance to a private closet;  
Where daily with a Mallet in my hand,  
I set and frame all words and sounds that come,  
Upon an Anvil, and so make them fit  
For the periwinkling poor; that winding leads  
From my close chamber to your Lordship's Cell.  
Thither do I chief Justice of all accents,  
Psyche's next porter, microcosms front,  
learning's rich treasure, bring discipline,  
reason's discourse, knowledge of foreign states,  
Loud fame of great Heroes virtuous deeds,  
The marrow of grave speeches, and the flowers  
Of quickest Wits, neat Jests, and pure Conceits,  
And often times to ease the heavy burden  
Of government your Lordship's shoulders bear,  
I thither do conduce the pleasing Nuptials  
Of sweetest instruments with heavenly noise;  
If then Auditus have deserved the best,  
Let him be dignified before the rest.  COM. S. 
Auditus, I am almost a Sceptic in this matter, scarce knowing which way the balance of the cause will decline; when I have heard the rest, I will dispatch judgement; meanwhile you may depart.  Auditus leads the show about the stage, and then goes out.  

ACTUS 4. SCENA 3.  COMMUNIS SENSUS, Memoria, Phantastes, Anamnestes, Heuresis as before, Olfactus in a garland of several flowers, a Page before him, bearing his target, his field vert, a bound argent, two Boys with casting bottles, and two with censers with incense, another with a velvet cushion stuck with flowers, another with a basket of herbs, another with a box of Ointment; Olfactus leads them about, and making obeisance presents them before the bench. 1. BOY. 
Your only way to make a good pomander, is this, take an ounce of the purest garden mould, cleansed and steeped seven days in change of motherless rose Water, then take the best laudanum, Benjoine, both Storaxes, Ambergris, and Civet, and musk, incorporate them together, and work them into what form you please; this if your breath be not too valiant, will make you smell as sweet as my Lady's dog.  PH. 
This Boy it should seem represent Odour, he is so perfect a perfumer.  ODOR. 
I do my Lord, and have at my command,  
The smell of flowers and Odoriferous drugs,  
Of ointments sweet, and excellent perfumes,  
And Courtlike waters, which if once you smell,  
You in your heart will wish as I suppose,  
That all your Body were transformed to Nose.  PH. 
Olfactus of all the Senses, your objects have the worst luck, they are always jarring with their contraries; for none can wear Civet, but they are suspected of a proper bad sent: where the Proverb springs, He smelleth best, that doth of nothing smell.   

ACT. 4. SCENA 4.  The bench and Olfactus as before, Tobacco apparelled in a taffeta mantle, his arms brown and naked, buskins made of the pilling of Ofiers, his neck bare, hung with Indian leaves, his face brown, painted with blue stripes, in his nose Swine's teeth, on his head a painted wicker crown, with Tobacco pipes set in it, plumes of Tobacco leaves, led by two Indian boys naked, with tapers in their hands, Tobacco boxes and pipes lighted. PH. 
Foh, foh, what a smell is here? is this one of your delightful objects?  OLF. 
It is your only sent in request Sir.  COM. SEN. 
What fiery fellow is that, which smokes so much in the mouth?  OLF. 
It is the great and puissant god of Tobacco  TOB. 
Ladoch guevarroh pusuer shelvaro baggon, Olfia di quanon, Indi cortilo uraggon.  PH. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, this in my opinion is the tongue of the Antipodes.  MEM. 
No I remember it very well, it was the language the Arcadians spoke, that lived long before the Moon.  CO. SEN. 
What signifies it Olfactus?  OKF. 
This is the mighty Emperor Tobacco, King of Trinidado, that in being conquered, conquered all Europe, in making them pay tribute for their smoke.  TOB. 
Erfronge inglues conde hifinge,  
Develin floscoth ma pu cocthinge.  OLF. 
Expeller of catarrhs, banisher of all agues, your guts only salve for the green wounds of a nonplus.  TOB. 
All vuleam vercu, I parda pora si de gratam ka famala  
Mara, che Bauho respartera, quirara?  OLF. 
Son to the god Vulcan, and Tellus, kin to the father of Mirth, called Bacebus?  TOB. 
Viscardonok, pillostuphe, parcano tinar omagar,  
Pagi dagon stollisinfe, carocibato scribus.  OLF. 
Genius of all Swaggerers, grossest enemy to Physicians, sweet ointment for sour teeth, firm knot of good fellowship, Adamant of Company, swift wind to spread the wings of Time, hated of none but those that know him not, and of so great deserts, that who so is acquainted with him, can hardly forsake him.  PH. 
It seems these last words were very significant, I promise you a god of great denomination, he may be my Lord Traps for his large Titles.  CO. S. 
But forward Olfactus, as they have done before you, with your description.  OLF. 
Just in the midst of Cephalon's round face  
As 'twere a frontispiece unto the hill,  
Olfactus lodging built in figure long,  
Doubly disparted with two precious vaults,  
The roots whereof most richly are enclosed  
With Orient Pearls, and sparkling Diamonds:  
Beset at the end with Emeralds and Turchois,  
And Rubies red and flaming Chrysolites,  
At upper end whereof in costly manner,  
I lay my head between two spungeous pillows,  
Like fair Adonis twixt the paps of Venus,  
Where I conducting in and out the wind,  
Daily examine all the air inspired.  
By my pure searching, if it be pure,  
And fit to serve the Lungs with lively breath:  
Hence do I likewise minister perfume  
Unto the neighbour brain, perfumes of force  
To cleanse your head, and make your fantasy  
To refine wit, and sharp invention,  
And strengthen memory, from whence it came,  
That old devotion Incense did ordain  
To make man's spirit more apt for things divine;  
Besides a thousand more commodities,  
In lieu whereof your Lordships I request,  
Give me the Crown if I deserve it best.  Olfactus leads his company about the Stage, and goes out.  

ACT. 4. SCEN. 5.  The Bench as before: a Page with a shield argent, an Ape proper with an apple, then Gustus with a cornucopia in his hand, Bacchus in a Garland of leaves and Grapes, a white suit, and over it a thin sarsenet to his foot, in his hand a spear wreathed with vine leaves, on his arm a Target with a Tiger, Ceres with a Crown of ears of corn, in a yellow silk robe, a bunch of poppy in her hand, a schutcheon charged with a Dragon. COM. SEN. 
In good time Gustus, have you brought your objects?  GUST. 
My servant Appetitus followeth with them.  AP. 
Come, come Bacchus, you are so fat; enter, enter.  PH. 
Fie, fie Gustus, this is a great indecorum to bring Bacchus alone, you should have made Thirst, led him by the hand.  GUS. 
Right Sir, but men nowadays drink often when they be not dry; besides I could not get red herrrings, and neat tongues enough to apparel him in.  COM. S. 
What, never a speech of him.  GUS. 
I put an Octave of Iambics in his mouth, and he hath drunk it down.  AP. 
Well done, Muscadine and Eggs stand hot; what buttered Claret? go thy way thou hadst best, for blind men that cannot see how wickedly thou look'st— how now, what small thin fellow are you here? ha.  BOY. 
Beer forsooth, beer forsooth.  AP. 
Beer forsooth? get you gone to the buttery till I call for you; you are none of Bacchus' attendants I am sure, he cannot endure the smell of Malt. Where is Ceres? oh well, well, is the Marchpane broken? ill luck, ill luck; come hang't never stand to set it together again; serve out fruit there; (Enter Boys with a Banquet, Marmolet, sweet, etc. deliver it round among the Gentlewomen, and go out )What do you come with roast-meat after Apples? away with it: Digestion, serve out Cheese; what, but a pennyworth? it is just the measure of his nose that sold it; lambs wool? the meekest meat in the world, 'twill let any man fleece it. Snapdragon there.  MEM. 
O I remember this dish well, it was first invented by Pluto, to entertain Proserpina withal.  PH. 
I think not so Memory; for when Hercules had killed the flaming Dragon of Hesperia, with the Apples of that Orchard he made this fiery meat, in memory whereof he named it Snapdragon.  COM. S. 
Gustus, let's hear your description.  GUS. 
Near to the lowly base of Cephalon  
My house is placed, not much unlike a Cave;  
Yet arched above by wondrous workmanship,  
With hewn stones wrought smoother and more fine  
Than Jet or Marble fair from Island brought.  
Over the door directly doth incline  
A fair portcullis of compacture strong,  
To shut out all that may annoy the state  
Or health of Microcosm; and within  
Is spread a long board like a pliant tongue,  
At which I hourly sit, and trial take  
Of meats and drinks needful and delectable;  
Twice every day do I provision make  
For the sumptuous kitchen of the Commonwealth  
Which once well boiled is soon distributed  
To all the members, well refreshing them  
With good supply of strength-renewing food;  
Should I neglect this musing diligence,  
The body of the Realm would ruinate;  
yourself my Lord with all your policies  
And wondrous wit, could not preserve yourself;  
Nor you Phantastes, nor you Memory;  
Psyche herself, were't not that I repair  
Her crazy house with props of nourishment,  
Would soon forsake us; for whose dear sake  
Many a grievous pain have I sustained  
By bitter pills, and sour purgations,  
Which if I had not valiantly abidden,  
She had been long ere this departed.  
Since the whole Microcosm I maintain,  
Let me as Prince above the Senses reign.  COM. S. 
The reasons you urge Gustus, breed a new doubt whether it be better to be commodious or necessary; the resolution whereof I refer to your judgement, licensing you meanwhile to depart.  Gustus leads his show about the Stage, and goes out.  

ACTUS. 4. SCENA. 6.  The bench as before: Tactus, a Page bearing his scutcheon, a Tortesse sables. TAC. 
Ready anon forsooth? the Devil she will.  
Who would be toiled with wenches in a show?  COM. S. 
What in such anger Tactus? what's the matter?  TAC. 
My Lord, I had thought as other Senses did,  
By sight of objects to have proved my worth;  
Wherefore considering that all the things  
That please me most, women are counted chief;  
I had thought to have represented in my show,  
The Queen of pleasure, Venus and her Son,  
Leading a Gentleman enamoured,  
With his sweet touching of his Mistress lips,  
And gentle griping of her tender hands,  
And divers pleasant relishes of touch,  
Yet all contained in the bounds of chastity.  PH. 
Tactus, of all I long to see your objects;  
How comes it we have lost those pretty sports?  TAC. 
Thus 'tis, five hours ago I set a dozen maids to attire a boy like a nice Gentlewoman, but there is such doing with their looking-glasses, pinning, unpinning, setting, unsetting, formings and conformings, painting blue veins, and cheeks; such stir with Sticks and Combs, Cascanets, Dressings, purls, Falls, Squares, Busks, Bodies, scarves, Necklaces, Carcanets, Rebates, Borders, Tires, Fans, palisadoes, Puffs, Ruffs, Cuffs, Muffs, Pussles, Fussles, Partlets, Frislets, Bandlets, Fillets, crosslets, Pendulets, Amulets, Amulets, Bracelets, and so many lets, that yet she is scarce dressed to the girdle; and now there's such calling for Farthingales, Kirtlets, Busk-points, shoe-ties, etc. that seven Pedlars shops, nay all Sturbridge Fair will scarce furnish her: a ship is sooner rigged by far, than a Gentlewoman made ready.  PHA. 
'Tis strange, that women being so mutable, will never change in changing their apparel?  COM. S. 
Well let them pass; Tactus we are content, To know your dignity by relation.  TAC. 
The instrument of instruments the hand,  
Courtesies index, chamberlain to Nature,  
The Body's Soldier, and mouths Caterer,  
psyche's great Secretary, the dumb's eloquence;  
The blindman's Candle, and his foreheads Buckler,  
The minister of wrath, and friendship's sign,  
This is my instrument: nevertheless my power  
Extends itself, far as our Queen commands,  
Through all the parts and climes of Microcosm.  
I am the root of life spreading my virtue  
By sinews that extend from head to foot,  
To every living part.  
For as a subtle Spider closely sitting,  
In centre of her web that spreadeth round,  
If the least Fly but touch the smallest thread,  
She feels it instantly; so doth myself,  
Casting my slender nerve and sundry nets,  
Over every particle of all the body,  
By proper skill perceive the difference,  
Of several qualities, hot, cold, moist and dry;  
Hard, soft, rough, smooth, clammy and slippery.  
Sweet pleasure, and sharp pain profitable,  
That makes us wounded seek for remedy;  
By these means do I teach the Body fly,  
From such bad things as may endanger it;  
A wall of brass can be no more defence,  
Unto a town than I to Microcosm;  
Tell me what sense is not beholding to me;  
The nose is hot or cold, the eyes do weep;  
The ears do feel, the taste's a kind of touching,  
That when I please, I can command them all,  
And make them tremble when I threaten them:  
I am the eldest, and biggest of all the rest,  
The chiefest note, and first distinction  
Betwixt a living tree and living beast;  
For though one hear, and see, and smell, and taste,  
If he wants touch, he is counted but a block?  
Therefore my Lord grant me the royalty;  
Of whom there is such great necessity.  COM. S. 
Tactus stand aside; you sirrah Anamnestes  
Tell the Senses we expect their appearance.  AN. 
At you Lordship's pleasure▪  Exit Anamnestes.  

ACTUS. 4. SCENA. 7.  COM. SEN. PHA. MEM. HEU. ANA. Upon the bench consulting among themselves: VIS. TAO. GUST. and OLF. every one with his shield upon his arm; LINGUA and MENDACIO with them. COM. S. 
Though you deserve no small punishment for these uproars, yet at the request of these my assistants I remit it, and by the power of Judgement our gracious sovereign Psuche hath given me, Thus I determine of your controversies: hum? By your former objects, instruments and reasons, I conceive the state of Sense to be divided into two parts, one of commodity, the other of necessity, both which are either for our Queen or for our country; but as the Soul is more excellent than the Body, so are the Senses that profit the Soul to be estimated before those that are needful for the Body; Visus and Auditus serve yourselves; Master Register, give me the crown; because it is better to be well, then simply to be; therefore I judge the crown by right to belong to you of the Commodity's part, and the robe to you of the necessity's side: and since you Visus are the author of invention, and you Auditus of increase and addition to the same; seeing it is more excellent to invent, than to augment; I establish you Visus the better of the two, and chief of all the rest; in token whereof, I bestow upon you this crown to wear at your liberty.  VIS. 
I most humbly thank your Lordships.  COM. S. 
But lest I should seem to neglect you Auditus, I here choose you to be the Lords Intelligencer to Psuche her Majesty, and you Olfactus, we bestow upon you the chief Priesthood of Microcosm, perpetually to offer incense in her Majesty's temple: As for you Tactus, upon your reasons alleged, I bestow upon you the robes.  TACT. 
I accept it most gratefully at your just hands, and will wear it in the dear remembrance of your good Lordship.  COM. S. 
And lastly, Gustus, we elect you Psuche her only Taster, and great Purveyor for all her dominions, both by sea and land, in her realm, of Microcosm.  GUS. 
We thank your Lordship, and rest well content with equal arbitrement.  CO. S. 
Now for you Lingua.  LIN. 
I beseech your Honour let me speak, I will neither trouble the company, nor offend your patience.  CO. S. 
I cannot stay so long; we have consulted about you, and find your case to stand upon these terms and conditions. The number of the Senses in this little world is answerable to the first bodies in the great world: now since there be but five in the Universe, the four elements and the pure substance of the heavens, therefore there can be but five Senses in our Microcosm, correspondent to those, as the sight to the heavens, hearing to the air, touching to the earth, smelling to the fire, tasting to the water; by which five means only the understanding is able to apprehend the knowledge of all corporal substances: wherefore we judge you to be no Sense simply; only thus much we from henceforth pronounce, that all women for your sake, shall have six Senses, seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching, and the last and feminine sense, the sense of speaking.  GUS. 
I beseech your Lordships and your Assistants, (the only cause of our friendship) to grace my table with your most welcome presence this night at supper.  COM. S. 
I am sorry I cannot stay with you, you know we may by no means omit our daily attendance at the Court, therefore I pray you pardon us.  GUS. 
I hope I shall not have the denial at your hands my Masters, and you my Lady Lingua; come let us drown all our anger in a bowl of Hippocras.  Exeunt Sensus omnes exteriores. COM. S. 
Come Master Register, shall we walk?  MEM. 
I pray you stay a little, let me see; ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.  PHA. 
How now Memory, so merry? what do you trouble yourself with two palsies at once, shaking and laughing?  MEM. 
'Tis a strange thing that men will so confidently oppose themselves against Plato's great year.  PHA. 
Why not?  MEM. 
'Tis a true an opinion as need be; for I remember it very readily now, that this time 49000. years ago all we were in this very place, and your Lordship judged the very same controversy, after the very same manner, in all respects, and circumstances alike.  COM. S. 
'Tis wondrous strange!  ANA. 
By the same token you held your staff in you right hand, just as you do now, and Mr. Phantastes stood wondering at you, gaping as wide as you see him.  PHA. 
ay, but I did not give you a box on the ear sirrah 49000. years ago, did I? (snap)  ANA. 
I do not remember that Sir.  PHA. 
This time Plato's twelvemonth to come, look you save your cheeks better.  CO. S. 
But what entertainment had we at Court for our long staying?  MEM. 
Let's go, I'll tell you as we walk.  PHA. 
If I do not seem pranker now, than I did in those days, I'll be hanged.  Exeunt omnes interiores Sensus; manet Lingua.  

ACTUS. 4. SCENA. 8.  LINGUA. MENDACIO. LI. 
Why this is good by common Senses means;  
Lingua, thou hast framed a perfect comedy,  
They are all good friends whom thou mad'st enemies,  
And I am half a Sense; a sweet piece of service,  
I promise you a fair step to preferment.  
Was this the care and labour thou hast taken,  
To bring thy foes together to a banquet  
To lose thy Crown, and be deluded thus?  
Well now I see my cause is desperate,  
The judgements past, sentence irrevocable;  
Therefore I'll be content and clap my hands,  
And give a Plaudite to their proceedings:  
What shall I leave my hate begun imperfect,  
So foully vanquished by the spiteful Senses?  
Shall I the Ambassadoress of gods and men,  
That pulled proud Phoebe from her bright some sphere,  
And darked Apollo's countenance with a word,  
Raising at pleasure storms, and winds, and earthquakes,  
Be overcrowed, and breath without revenge?  
Yet they forsooth base slaves must be preferred,  
And deck themselves with my right ornaments;  
Doth the all knowing Phoebus see this shame  
Without redress? will not Heavens help me?  
Then shall Hell do it, my enchanting tongue  
Can mount the skies, and in a moment fall  
From the Pole Arctic, to dark Acheron.  
I'll make them know mine anger is not spent,  
Lingua hath power to hurt, and will to do it.  
Mendacio, come hither quickly sirrah.  MEN. 
Madam.  LING. 
Hark hither in thine ear.  MEN. 
Why do you whish thus? here's none to hear you.  LING. 
I dare not trust these secrets to the Earth, ere since she brought forth Reeds, whose babbling noise told all the world of Midas' Asses ears, (She whispers him in the ear )Dost understand me?  MEN. 
ay, ay, ay,— never fear that— there's a jest indeed— pish, pish,— Madam— do you think me so foolish?— tut, tut, doubt not:  LING. 
Tell her if she do not.  MEN. 
Why do you make any question of it— what a stir is here— I warrant you— presently?  Exit Mendacio? LIN. 
Well, I'll to supper, and so closely cover  
The rusty canker of mine Iron spite,  
With golden foil of goodly semblances;  
But if I do not trounce them—  Exit Lingua. 
Finis Act. 4.    

Act. 5.  

Scena. 1.  MENDACIO with a Bottle in his hand. MEN. 
My Lady Lingua is just like one of these lean-witted Comedians, who disturbing all to the fift Act, bring down some Mercuries or Jupiter in an Engine, to make all friends: So she, but in a contrary manner, seeing her former plots dispurposed, sends me to an old Witch called Acrasia, to help to wreak her spite upon the Senses; the old hag after many an encircled circumstance, and often naming of the direful Hecate, and Demogorgon, gives me this bottle of Wine mingled with such hellish drugs and forcible words, that whosoever drinks of it shall be presently possessed with an enraged and mad kind of anger.   

ACT. 5.  
SCENA. 2.  MENDACIO, CRAPULA, APPETITUS crying. MEND. 
What's this Crapula beating Appetitus out of doors? ha!  CRAP. 
You filthy long Crane, you meager slave, will you kill our guests with blowing continual hunger in them? (tiff, toffe, tiff, toffe) the Senses have overcharged their stomachs already, and you Sirrah serve them up a fresh appetite with every new dish; they had burst their guts if thou hadst stayed but a thought longer? (tiff, toffe, tiff, toffe,) be gone or I'll set thee away; begone ye gnaw-bone, rawbone rascal.  MEND. 
Then my device is clean spoiled. Appetitus should have been as the bowl to present this medicine to the Senses, and now Crapula hath beaten him out of doors? what shall I do?  CRAP. 
Away Sirrah, (tiff toff, tiff, etc.  AP. 
Well Crapula, well, I have deserved better as your hands then so, I was the man you know first brought you into gustus' service, I lined your guts there, and you use me thus? but grease a fat sow, etc.  CRAP. 
Dost thou talk (tiff, toff) hence, hence tiff, tiff, hence avaunt cur, avaunt you dog!  Exit Crapula. APP. 
The belching gorbelly hath well-nigh killed me: I am shut out of doors finely; well this is my comfort, I may walk now in liberty at my own pleasure.  MEND. 
Appetitus, Appetitus!  AP. 
Ah Mendacio, Mendacio.  MEND. 
Why how now man, how now? how is't? canst not speak?  AP. 
Faith I am like a bagpipe, that never sounds but when the belly is full.  MEND. 
Thou empty, and comest from a feast?  AP. 
From a fray, I tell thee Mendacio. I am now just like the Ewe that gave suck to a Wolf's whelp. I have nursed up my fellow Crapula so long that he's grown strong enough to beat me.  MEND. 
And whether wilt thou go, now thou art banished out of service?  AP. 
Faith I'll travel to some College or other in an University.  MEND. 
Why so?  AP. 
Because Appetitus is well beloved amongst Scholars, for there I can dine and sup with them, and rise again as good friends as we sat down, I'll thither questionless.  MEND. 
Hear'st thou? give me thy hand, by this hand I love thee; go to then, thou shalt not forsake thy masters thus, I say thou shalt not.  AP. 
Alas I am very loath; but how shall I help it?  MEND. 
Why take this bottle of wine, come on, go thy ways to them again.  AP. 
Ha, ha, ha, what good will this do?  MEND. 
This is the Nepenthe that reconciles the Gods: do but let the Senses taste of it, and fear not, they'll love thee as well as ever they did.  AP. 
I pray thee where hadst it?  MEND. 
My Lady gave it me to bring her: Mercury stole it from Hell for her: thou knowest there were some jars betwixt her and thy masters, and with this drink she would gladly wash out all the relics of their agreement: Now because I love thee, thou shalt have the grace of presenting it to them, and so come in favour again.  AP. 
It smells well, I would fain begin to them.  MEND. 
Nay stay no longer lest they have supped before thou come.  AP. 
Mendacio, how shall I requite thy infinite courtesy?  MEND. 
Nay, pray thee leave, go catch occasion by the foretop; but hearst thou? as soon as it is presented, round my Lady Lingua in the ear, and tell her of it.  AP. 
I will, I will, I will; adieu, adieu, adieu,  Exit Appetitus.  

ACT. 5. SEN. 3.  MENDACIO solus. MEN. 
Why this is better than I could have wished it,  
Fortune I think is fall'n in love with me,  
Answering so right mine expectation:  
By this time Appetite is at the Table.  
And with a lowly Cringe presents the Wine  
To his old Master Gustus; now he takes it,  
And drinks perchance to Lingua, she craftily  
Kisses the Cup, but let's not down a drop,  
And gives it to the rest, 'tis sweet, they'll swallow it,  
But when 'tis once descended to the stomach,  
And sends up noisome vapours to the Brain,  
'Twill make them swagger gallantly, they'll rage  
Most strangely, or acrasia's Art deceives her:  
When if my Lady stir her nimble tongue,  
And closely sow contentious words amongst them,  
O what a stabbing there will be? what bleeding?   

ACTUS 5. SCENA 4.  LINGUA, MENDACIO. LING. 
What art thou there Mendacio? pretty rascal, Come let me kiss thee for thy good deserts.  MEN. 
Madam dost take? have they all tasted it?  LIN. 
All, all and all are well nigh mad already:  
Oh how they stare, and swear, and fume, & brawl!  
Wrath gives them weapons; Pots & Candlesticks,  
Joined stools and Trenchers fly about the room,  
Like to the bloody banquet of the centaurs:  
But all the sport is to see what several thoughts  
The potions work in their imaginations.  
For Visus thinks himself; a ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.   

ACTUS. 3. SCENA. 5.  APPETITUS, MENDACIO, LINGUA. AP. 
Soho Mendacio! soho, soho!  MEN. 
Madam, I doubt they come, yonder is Appetitus, you had best be gone, lest in their outrage they should injure you. (Exit Lingua )How now Hunger? how dost thou my fine Maypole, ha?  AP. 
I may well be called a Maypole; for the Senses do nothing but dance a morris about me.  MEN. 
Why? what ails them? are they not (as I promised thee) friends with thee?  AP. 
Friends with me? nay rather frenzy; I never knew them in such a case in all my life.  MEN. 
Sure they drank too much, and are mad for love of thee.  AP. 
They want common Sense amongst them; there's such a hurly-burly, Auditus is stark deaf, and wonders why men speak so softly that he cannot hear them: Visus hath drunk himself stark blind, and therefore imagineth himself to be Polyphemus: Tactus is raging mad, and cannot be otherwise persuaded but he is Hercules furens; there's such conceits amongst them.   

ACT. 5. SCENA. 6.  VISUS. APPETITUS. MENDACIO. VIS. 
O that I could but find the villain Outis, Outis the villain that thus blinded me.  MEN. 
Who is this, Visus?  AP. 
ay, ay, ay, otherwise called Polyphemus.  VIS. 
By heavens bright Sun, the days most glorious eye,  
That lighteneth all the world but Polypheme,  
And by mine eye that once was answerable  
Unto that Sun, but now's extinguished.  MEN. 
He can see to swear methinks.  VIS. 
If I but once lay hands upon the slave,  
That thus hath robbed me of my dearest Jewel,  
I'll rend the Miscreant into a thousand pieces,  
And gnash his trembling members twixt my teeth,  
Drinking his life-warm blood to satisfy  
The boiling thirst of pain and furiousness,  
That thus exasperates great Polypheme.  MEN. 
Pray thee Appetitus see how he grasps for that he would be loath to find.  AP. 
What's that, a stumbling-block?  VIS. 
These hands that whilom tore up sturdy Oaks,  
And rent the rock that dashed out Acis brains,  
Both in the stole bliss of my Galatea,  
Serve now (oh misery) to no better use,  
But for bad guides to my unskilful feet,  
Never accustomed thus to be directed.  MEN. 
As I am a Rogue he wants nothing but a wheel, to make him the true picture of Fortune; how sayst? what, shall we play at blindman-buff with him?  AP. 
I if thou wilt, but first I'll try whether he can see!  VIS. 
Find me out Outis, search the rocks and woods,  
The hills and dales, and all the Coasts adjoining,  
That I may have him, and revenge my wrong.  AP. 
Visus, methinks your eyes are well enough.  VIS. 
What's he that calls me Visus? dost not know?  They run about him, playing with him, and abusing him. AP. 
To him Mendacio, to him, to him.  MEN. 
There, there Appetitus, he comes, he comes; ware, ware, he comes, ha, ha, ha, ha.  Visus stumbles, falls down, and sits still.  

ACT. 5. SCENA 7.  MENDACIO, APPETITUS, TACTUS, with a great black Jack in his hand. MEN 
Is this he that thinks himself Hercules?  AP. 
ay, wilt see me out-swagger him?  MEN. 
I do, do, I love not to sport with such mad playfellows; tickle him Appetitus, tickle him, tickle him.  Exit Mendacio. TAC. 
Have I not here the great and puissant Club,  
Wherewith I conquered three-chopped Cerberus?  AP. 
Have I not here the sharp and warlike teeth,  
That at one breakfast quailed thrice three hogs faces?  TAC. 
And are not these Alcides brawny arms,  
That rent the Lions jaws, and killed the boar?  AP. 
And is not this the Stomach that defeated  
Nine yards of pudding, and a rank of pies?  TAC. 
Did not I crop the sevenfold Hydra's crest  
And with a river cleansed Augeas' stable?  AP. 
Did not I crush a sevenfold Custards crust,  
And with my tongue swept a well furnished table?  TAC. 
Did not these feet and hands o'ertake and slay  
The nimble Stag, and fierce impetuous bull?  AP. 
Did not this throat at one good meal devour,  
That Stags sweet venison, and strong bulls beef?  TAC. 
Shall Hercules be thus disparaged?  
Juno! you pouting quean, you lowering trull,  
Take heed I take you not, for by Jove's thunder  
I'll be revenged.  Appetitus draws Visus backward from Tactus. AP. 
Why Visus, Visus, will you be killed? away, away. Exit Visus.  TAC. 
Who have you here? see, see the Giant Cacus,  
Draws an Ox backward to his thievish den,  
Hath this device so long deluded me?  
Monster of men, Cacus, restore my cattle,  
Or instantly I'll crush thy idle Coxcomb,  
And dash thy doltish brains against thy Cave.  AP. 
Cacus, I Cacus? ha, ha, ha. Tactus, you mistake me. I am yours to command, Appetitus.  TAC. 
Art Appetitus? thouart so; run quickly villain, Fetch a whole Ox to satisfy my stomach.  AP. 
Fetch an ass to keep you company.  TAC. 
Then down to hell, tell Pluto Prince of Devils  
That great Alcides wants a kitchen wench  
To turn his spit; command him from myself  
To fend up Proserpine, she'll serve the turn.  AP. 
I must find you meat, and the Devil find you Cooks. Which is the next way?  TAC. 
Follow the beaten path thou canst not miss it;  
'Tis a wide Causey that conducteth thither,  
An easy tract, and down hill all the way;  
But if the black Prince will not send her quickly,  
But still detain her for his bedfellow,  
Tell him I'll drag him from his iron-chair,  
By the steel tresses, and then sow him fast  
With the three furies in a leathern bag,  
Thus will drown them in the Ocean.  He pours the Jack of beer upon Appetitus. AP. 
You had better keep him alive to light Tobacco-pipes, or to sweep chimneys.  TAC. 
Art thou not gone? nay then I'll send thy soul before thee, 'twill do thy message sooner (tiff, tiff.)  AP. 
Hercules, Hercules, Hercules; do not you hear Omphale? Hark how she calls you, hark.  TAC. 
'Tis she indeed, I know her signed voice;  
Omphale, dear Commandress of my life  
My thoughts repose, sweet Centre of my cares  
Where all my hopes and best desires take rest.  
Lo where the mighty Son of Jupiter  
Throws himself captive at your conquering feet,  
Do not disdain my voluntary humbleness,  
Accept my service, bless me with commanding,  
I will perform the hardest imposition,  
And run through twelve new labours for thy sake  
Omphale, dear commandress of my life.  AP. 
Do you not see how she beckons to you to follow her? Look how she holds her distaff, look you?  TAC. 
Where is she gone, that I may follow her? Omphale, stay, stay, take thy Hercules?  AP. 
There, there man, you are right.  Exit Tactus.  

ACT. 5. SCENE. 8.  APPETITUS, Solus. AP. 
What a strange temper are the Senses in?  
How come their wits thus topsy-turvy turned?  
Hercules, Tactus, Visus, Polypheme,  
Two goodly surnames have they purchased:  
By the race Ambrosian of an Oyster pie;  
They have got such proud imaginations,  
That I could wish I were mad for company;  
But since my fortunes cannot stretch so high,  
I'll rest contented with this wise estate.   

ACT. 5. SCEN. 9.  APPETITUS, AUDITUS, with a Candlestick. AP. 
What, more anger? Auditus got abroad too?  AUD. 
Take this abuse at base Olfactus hands!  
What did he challenge me to meet me here  
And is not come? well I'll proclaim the slave  
The vilest dastard that ere broke his word;  
But stay, yonder's Appetitus.  AP. 
I pray you Auditus what ails you?  AUD. 
Ha, ha!  AP. 
What ails you?  AUD. 
Ha! what sayst thou?  AP. 
Who hath abused you thus?  AUD. 
Why dost thou whisper thus? Canst not speak out?  AP. 
Save me, I had clean forgotten; why are you so angry Auditus?  AUD. 
Bite us, who dares bite us?  AP. 
I talk of no biting, I say, what's the matter between Olfactus and you?  AUD. 
Will Olfactus bite me? do if he dares, would he would meet me here according to his promise: Mine ears are somewhat thick of late, I pray thee speak out louder.  AP. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, this is fine in faith; ha, ha, ha.  
Hear you, have you lost your ears at Supper.  AUD. 
Excellent cheer at supper, I confess it:  
But when 'tis sauced with sour contentions,  
And breeds such quarrels 'tis intolerable.  AP. 
Pish, pish, this is my question. Hath your supper spoiled your hearing?  AUD. 
Hearing at supper, tell not me of hearing:  
But if thou sawest Olfactus, bring me to him.  AP. 
I ask you whether you have lost your hearing?  AUD. 
O, dost hear them ring? what a grief is this  
Thus to be deaf, and lose such harmony?  
Wretched Auditus now shalt thou never hear  
The pleasing changes that a well tuned Cord  
Of trowling bells will make, when they are rung.  AP. 
Here's ado indeed, I think he is mad, as well as drunk or deaf.  AUD. 
Ha, what's that?  AP. 
I say, you have made me hoarse with speaking so loud.  AUD. 
Ha, what sayst thou of a creaking Crowd?  AP. 
I am hoarse I tell you, and my head aches.  AUD. 
Oh, I understand thee, the first crowd was made of a horse head.  
'Tis true, the finding of a dead horsehead,  
Was the first invention of string instruments,  
Whence rose the Gittern, Vial, and the Lute:  
Though other think the Lute was first devised  
In imitation of a tortoise back,  
Whose sinews parched by Apollo's beams,  
Echoed about the concave of the shell;  
And seeing the shortest and smallest gave shrillest sound;  
They found out frets whose sweet diversity  
(Well couched by the skilful learned fingers)  
Raiseth so strange a multitude of Cords:  
Which their opinion many do confirm,  
Because Testudo signifies a Lute.  
But if I by no means.—  AP. 
Nay if you begin to critic once, we shall never have done. Exit Appetitus and carries away Auditus perforce.   

ACT. 5. SCEN. 10.  CRAPULA a fat bellied slave, clothed in a light veil of Sarsnet, a Garland of vine-leaves on his head, etc. SOMNUS in a mantle of black Cobweb-lane, down to the foot over a dusby coloured taffeta Coat, and a Crown of poppy tops on his head, a company of dark coloured silk scarfs in one hand, a Mace of Poppey in the other, leaning his head upon a pillow on Crapula's shoulders. CRA. 
Somnus, good Somnus, sweet Somnus, come apace!  SOM. 
Hei-oh, oh, are you sure they be so? oho, ho, oho, hei, waw?  
What good can I do? ou, hoh, hawe.  CR. 
Why I tell you unless you help  (Somnus falls down and sleeps.) 
Soft son of night, right heir to Quietness,  
Labours repose, life's best restorative,  
Digestions careful Nurse, blood's Comforter,  
Wits help, thoughts charm, the stay of Microcosm,  
Sweet Somnus chiefest enemy to Care:  
My dearest friend, lift up thy lumpish heap,  
open thy dull eyes, shake of this drowsiness;  
Rowse up thy self.  SOMNUS. 
O Crapula, how now, how now, oh oh how, whose's there?  
Crapula speak quickly, what's the matter?  CR. 
As I told you, the noble Senses peers of Microcosm,  
Will eftsoon fall to ruin perpetual,  
Unless your ready helping hand recure them:  
Lately they banqueted at Gustus' table,  
And there fell mad, or drunk, I know not whether,  
So that it's doubtful in these outrageous fits,  
That they'll murder one another.  SOM. 
Fear it not if they have scaped already,  
Bring me to them, or them to me,  
I'll quickly make them know the power  
Of my large stretched authority.  
These cords of sleep wherewith I wont to bind,  
The strongest arms that ere resisted me,  
Shall be the means, whereby I will correct,  
The Senses outrage, and distemperature.  CR. 
Thanks gentle Somnus, I'll go seek them out,  
And bring them to you soon as possible.  SOM. 
Dispatch it quickly, lest I fall asleep for want of work.  CR. 
Stand still, stand still? Visus I think comes yonder.  
If you think good, begin and bind him first:  
For he made fast, the rest will soon be quiet.  Exit Crapula.  

ACT. 5. SCEN. 11.  VISUS, SOMNUS. VIS. 
Sage Telemus, I now too late admire,  
Thy deep foresight and skill in Prophecy;  
Who whilom toldst me, that in time to come  
Ulysses should deprive me of my fight.  
And now the slave that marched in Outis name,  
Is proved Ulysses; and by this device,  
Hath scaped my hands, and fled away by Sea,  
Leaving me desolate in eternal night.  
Ah wretched Polypheme, where's all thy hope,  
And longing for thy beauteous Galatea?  
She scorned thee once, but now she will detest,  
And loath to look upon thy darkened face:  
ay me most miserable Polyphemus.  
But as for Ulysses, heaven and earth  
Send vengeance ever on thy damned head  
In just revenge of my great injury.  Somnus binds him. 
Who is he that dares to touch me? Cyclops come?  
Come all ye Cyclop's help to rescue me.  Somnus charms him, he sleeps. SOM. 
There rest thyself, and and let thy quiet sleep, Restore thy imaginations.   

ACT. 5.  
SCEN. 12.  LINGUA, SOMNUS, VISUS. LIN. 
Ha, ha, ha: oh how my spleen is tickled with this sport.  
The madding Senses make about the woods,  
It cheers my soul and makes my body fat,  
To laugh at their mischances, ha, ha, ha, ha,  
Heigh ho, the stitch hath caught me, oh my heart!  
Would I had one to hold my sides a while,  
That I might laugh afresh: oh how they run,  
And chafe, and swear, and threaten one another!  Somnus binds her. 
Ay me, out alas, ay me help, help, who's this that binds me?  
Help Mendacio, Mendacio help, here's one will ravish me.  SOM. 
Lingua content yourself you must be bound.  LING. 
What a spight's this? are my nails pared so near? Can I not scratch his eyes out? What have I done? what? do you mean to kill me? murder, murder murder,  she falls asleep.  

ACTUS. 5. SCEN. 13.  GUSTUS with a voiding knife in his hand, SOMNUS, LINGUA, VISUS. GUST. 
Who cries out murder! What a woman slain?  
My Lady Lingua dead? oh Heavens in just  
Can you behold this fact, this bloody fact!  
And shower not fire upon the murderer?  
Ah peerless Lingua mistress of heavenly words,  
Sweet tongue of eloquence, the life of fame,  
Heart's dear enchantress: what disaster fates  
Have reft this Jewel from our Commonwealth!  
Gustus the ruby that adorns thy ring,  
Lo here defect, how shalt thou lead thy days,  
Wanting the sweet Companion of thy life?  
But in dark sorrow and dull melancholy.  
But stay, whose's this? inhuman wretch.  
Bloodthirsty miscreant, is this thy handy work?  
To kill a woman, a harmless Lady?  
Villain prepare thyself, draw, or I'll sheathe my falchion in thy sides.  
There take the guerdon fit for murderers.  Gustus offers to run at Somnus, but being suddenly charmed falls asleep. SOM. 
here's such a stir I never knew the Senses in such disorder.  LING. 
Ha, ha, ha; Mendacio, Mendacio? See how Visus hath broke his forehead against the oak yonder, ha, ha. ha, ha.  SOM. 
How now? Is not Lingua bound sufficiently? I have more trouble to make one woman sleep, than all the world besides, they be so full of tattle.   

ACTUS 5.  
SCENA 14.  Somnus, Crapula, (Lingua, Visus, Gustus,) Auditus, pulling Olfactus by the nose, and Olfactus wringing Auditus by the ears. AUD. 
Oh mine ears, mine ears, mine ears.  OLF. 
Oh my nose, my nose, my nose.  CRAP. 
Leave, leave at length these base contentions, Olfactus let him go?  OLF. 
Let him first lose my nose.  CRAP. 
Good Auditus give over.  AVD. 
I'll have his life that sought to kill me.  SOM. 
Come, come, I'll end this quarrel, bind him Crapula.  They bind them both.  

ACT. 5. SEN. 15.  Tactus with a robe in his hand, Somnus, Crapula, Lingua, Gustus, Olfactus, Visus, Auditus. TAC. 
Thanks Deianeira for thy kind remembrance,  
'tis a fair shirt, I'll wear it for thy sake.  CRAP. 
Somnus here's Tactus worse then all his fellows,  
Stay but a while, and you shall see him rage.  SOM. 
What will he do? see that he scape us not.  TACT. 
'tis a good shirt, it fits me passing well,  
'tis very warm indeed, but what's the matter?  
methinks I am somewhat hotter than I was,  
My heart beats faster than 'twas wont to do.  
My brains inflames, my temples ache extremely, oh, oh,  
Oh what a wildfire creeps among my bowels:  
Aetna's within my breast, my marrow fries,  
And runs about my bones; oh my sides:  
My sides, my reins, my head, my reins, my head;  
My heart, my heart, my liver, my liver, oh,  
I burn, I burn, I burn, oh how I burn,  
With scorching heat of implacable fire,  
I burn extreme with flames insufferable.  SOM. 
Sure he doth but try how to act Hercules.  TACT. 
Is it this shirt that boils me thus? oh heavens  
It fires me worse, and heats more furiously  
Then Jove's dire thunderbolts; oh miserable,  
They bide less pain that bathe in Phlegeton.  
Could not the triple kingdom of the world,  
Heaven, earth, and hell destroy great Hercules?  
Could not the damned sprights of hateful Juno,  
Nor the great dangers of my labours kill me?  
Am I the mighty son of Jupiter?  
And shall this poisoned linen thus consume me?  
Shall I be burnt? villains fly up to Heaven,  
Bid Iris muster up a troop of cloud,  
And shower down cataracts of rain to cool me,  
Or else I'll break her speckled bow in pieces:  
Will she not? no, she hates me like her Mistress:  
Why then descend you rogues to the vile deep,  
Fetch Neptune hither, charge him bring the Sea  
To quench these flames, or else the world's fair frame  
Will be in greater danger to be burnt,  
Then when proud Phaeton ruled the sun's rich Chariot.  SOM. 
I'll take that care, the world shall not be burnt:  
If Somnus cords can hold you.  Somnus binds him. TACT. 
What Vulcan's this that offers to enchain  
A greater soldier than the god of Mars?  SOM. 
He that each night with bloodless battle conquers  
The proudest conqueror that triumphs by wars.  CRA. 
Now Somnus, there's but only one remaining that was the Author of these outrages.  SOM. 
Who's that? is he under my command?  CRA. 
Yes, yes, yes, 'tis Appetitus; if you go that way, and look about those thickets, I'll go hither and search this grove, I doubt not but to find him.  SOM. 
Content.  Exit Somnus & Crapula.  

ACT. 5. SCEN. 16.  
Appetitus, Irrascibilis, with a willow in his hand pulled up by the roots. Somnus, Crapula.  
The Senses all asleep.  AP. 
So now's the time that I would gladly meet  
These madding Senses that abused me thus;  
What? haunt me like an owl? make an Ass of me?  
No they shall know I scorn to serve such masters  
As cannot master their affections,  
Their injuries have changed my nature,  
Now I'll be no more called hungry parasite;  
But henceforth answer to the wrathful name  
Of angry Appetite, my choler's up;  
Zephirus cool me quickly with thy fan,  
Or else I'll cut thy cheeks; why this is brave,  
Far better than to faun at Gustus' table  
For a few scraps; no, no such words as these,  
By Pluto stab the villain, kill the slave;  
By the infernal hags I'll hough the vogue,  
And paunch the rascal that abused me thus,  
Such words as these fit angry Appetite.  Enter CRAPULA. CRA. 
Somnus, Somnus, come hither, come hither quickly, he's here, he's here.  AP. 
I marry is he sirrah, what of that? base miscreant Crapula,  CRA. 
O gentle Appetitus.  AP. 
You muddy gulche, dar'st look me in the face while mine eyes sparkle with revengeful fire? (tiff, toff, tiff, toff.)  CRA. 
Good Appetitus.  AP. 
Peace you sat bawson, peace, (tiff, toff, tiff, toff.)  
Seest not this fatal engine of my wrath?  
Villain, I'll maul thee for thine old offences,  
And grind thy bones to powder with this pestle:  
You when I had no weapons to defend me,  
Could beat me out of doors; but now prepare,  
Make thyself ready, for thou shalt not escape.  
Thus doth the great revengeful Appetite,  
Upon his fat foe, wreak his wrathful spite.  Appetitus heaveth up his club to brain Crapula, but Somnus in the mean time, catcheth him behind and binds him. SOM. 
Why how now Crapula?  CRA. 
Am I not dead? is not my soul departed?  SOM. 
No, no, see where he lies, that would have hurt thee? fear nothing?  Somnus lays the Senses all in a circle, feet to feet, and wafts his wand over them. 
So rest you all in silent quietness,  
Let nothing wake you till the power of sleep,  
With his sweet dew, cooling your brains inflamed  
Hath rectified the vain and idle thoughts,  
Bred by your surfeit, and distemperature:  
Lo here the Senses late outrageous,  
All in a round together sleep like friends,  
For there's no difference twixt the King and Clown,  
The poor and rich, the beauteous and deformed,  
Wrapped in the veil of night, and bonds of sleep,  
Without whose power and sweet dominion,  
Our life were Hell, and pleasure painfulness,  
The sting of envy, and the dart of love,  
Avarice talons, and the fire of hate:  
Would poison, wound, distract, and soon consume,  
The heart, the liver, life, and mind of man;  
The sturdy Mower, that with brawny arms  
Wieldeth the crooked sith, in many a swath,  
Cutting the flowery pride on the velvet plain,  
Lies down at night, and in the weary folds  
Of his wives arms, forgets his labour passed.  
The painful Mariner, and careful Smith,  
The toiling Ploughman, all Artificers,  
Most humbly yield to my dominion,  
Without due rest nothing is durable.  
lo thus doth Somnus conquer all the world  
With his most awful wand, and half the year  
reigns over the best and proudest Emperors.  
Only the nurslings of the Sisters nine,  
Rebels against me, scorn my great command:  
And when dark night from her bedewy wings  
Drops sleepy silence to the eyes of all,  
They only wake, and with unwearied toil,  
Labour to find the Via lactea  
That leads to the Heaven of immortality;  
And by the lofty towering of their mind,  
fledged with the feathers of a learned muse,  
They raise themselves unto the highest pitch,  
Marrying base earth and heaven in a thought;  
But thus I punish their rebellion,  
Their industry was never yet rewarded,  
Better to sleep then wake and toil for nothing.  Exeunt Somnus & Crapula.  

ACT. 5. SCEN. 17.  The five Senses, Lingua, Appetitus, all asleep, and dreaming, Phantastes, Heuresis. AUD. 
So ho Rocwood, so ho Rocwood, Rocwood, your Organ, hay Chanter, Chanter, by Actaeon's head-tire it's a very deep mouthed dog, a most admirable cry of hounds; look here again, again, there, there, there, ah ware counter.  VIS. 
Do you see the full Moon yonder, and not the man in it? why methinks 'tis too, too evident, I see his dog very plain, and look you, just under his tail is a Thorn-bush of Furs.  GUS. 
'Twill make a fine toothpick: that lark's heel there, O do not burn it.  PH. 
Boy, Heuresis, what think'st thou I think when I think nothing?  HEU. 
And it please you Sir, I think you are devising how to answer a man that asks you nothing.  PH. 
Well guessed boy, but yet thou mistook'st it, for I was thinking of the constancy of women. Appetitus snores aloud .Beware sirrah, take heed, I doubt me there's some wild Boar lodgeth hereabout; how now? methinks these be the Senses, ha? in my conceit the elder brother of death has kissed them.  TAC. 
Oh, oh, oh, I am stabbed, I am stabbed, hold your hand, oh, oh, oh.  PH. 
How now? do they talk in the sleep? are they not awake Heuresis?  HEU. 
No questionless, they be all fast asleep.  GUS. 
Eat not too many of those Apples, they be very flative?  OLF. 
Foh, foh, beat out this Dog here, foh, was it you Appetitus?  AUD. 
In faith it was most sweetly winded, whosoever it was, the warble is very good, and the horn is excellent.  TAC. 
Put on man, put on, keep your head warm, 'tis cold.  PH. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, st, Heuresis, stir not sirrah.  AP. 
Shut the door, the pot runs over; sirrah Cook, that will be a sweet pastry if you nibble the venison so?  GUS. 
Say you so, is a Marrow pie the Helena of meats? give me't, if I play not Paris hang me; Boy, a clean Trencher?  AP. 
Serve up, serve up; this is a fat rabbit, would I might have the maidenhead of it; come give me the fish there; who hath meddled with these maids? ha?  OLF. 
Fie, shut your Snuffers closer for shame, 'tis the worst smell that can be.  TAC 
O the cramp, the cramp, the cramp, my leg, my leg.  LING. 
I must abroad presently, reach me my best Necklace presently.  PH. 
Ah Lingua, are you there?  AUD. 
Here, take this Rope, and I'll help the leader close with the second Bell: Fie, fie, there is a goodly peal clean spoilt.  VIS. 
I'll lay my life that Gentlewoman is painted: well, well, I know it, mark but her nose, do you not see the complexion crack out, I must confess 'tis a good picture.  TAC. 
Ha, ha, ha, fie, I pray you leave, you tickle me so, oh, ah, ha, ha, take away your hands, I cannot endure, ah, you tickle me, ah, ha, ha, ha, ah.  VIS. 
Hai, rett, rett, rett, now bird now— look about that bush, she trust her thereabout,— here she is, ware wing Cater, ware wing, avaunt.  LING. 
Mum, mum, mum, mum.  PH. 
st, sirrah take heed you wake her not.  HEU. 
I know Sir she's fast asleep, for her mouth is shut.  LING. 
This 'tis to venture upon such uncertainties, to lose so rich a Crown to no end, well, well.  PH. 
Ha, ha, ha, we shall hear anon where she lost her maidenhead, st, boy, my Lord Vicegerent, and Master Register are hard by, run quickly, tell them of this accident, wish them come softly.  Exit Heuresis. LING. 
Mendacio, never talk farther, I doubt 'tis past recovery, and my Robe likewise, I shall never have them again, well, well.  PH. 
How? her Crown, and her Robe, never recover them? hum, was't not said to be left by Memory? ha? I conjecture here's some knavery— fast locked with sleep, in good faith. Was that Crown and Garment yours Lingua?  LING. 
I marry were they, and that somebody hath felt, and shall feel more, if I live.  PHA. 
O strange; she answers in her sleep to my question; but how come the Senses to strive for it?  LING. 
Why, I laid upon purpose in their way, that they might fall together by the ears.  PHA. 
What a strange thing is this?   

ACT. 5. SCEN. 18.  The Senses, Appetitus & Lingua asleep. Phantastes, Communis Sensus, Memoria, Anamnestes. PHA. 
st, my Lord, softly, softly, here's the notablest piece of treason discovered, how say you Lingua set all the Senses at odds, she hath confessed it to me in her sleep.  CHM S. 
Is't possible Master Register! did you ever know any talk in their sleep?  MEM. 
I remember my Lord many have done so very oft, but women are troubled, especially with this talking disease, many of them have I heard answer in their dreams, and tell what they did all day awake.  ANAM. 
By the same token, there was a wanton maid, that being asked by her Mother, what such a one did with her so late one night in such a room, she presently said, that—  MEM. 
Peace you vild rake hell, is such a jest fit for this company, no more I say sirrah.  PH. 
My Lord will you believe your own ears, you shall hear her answer me, as directly and truly as may be. Lingua, what did you with the Crown and Garments.  LING. 
I'll tell thee Mendacio.  PH. 
She thinks Mendacio speaks to her, mark now, mark how truly she will answer: what say you Madam?  LING. 
I say Phantastes is a foolish transparent gull: a mere fanatic nupson in my imagination not worthy to sit as a Judge's assistant.  COM. S. 
Ha, ha, ha, how truly and directly she answers.  PHA. 
Faw, favu, she dreams now, she knows not what she says, I'll try her once again: madam? what remedy can you have for your great losses?  LING. 
O are you come Acrasia? welcome, welcome, boy reach a Cushion sit down good Acrasia: I am so beholding to you, your potion wrought exceedingly, the senses were so mad, did not you see how they raged about the woods?  COM. S. 
Hum, Acrasia? is Acrasia her confederate? my life that Witch hath wrought some villainy,—  Lingua viseth in her sleep, and walketh. 
How's this? is she asleep? have you seen one walk thus before?  MEM. 
It is a very common thing, I have seen many sick of a Peripatetic disease.  ANA. 
By the same token my Lord, I knew one that went abroad in his sleep, bent his bow, shot at a Magpie, killed her, fetched his arrow, came home, locked the doors, and went to bed again.  COM. S. 
What should be the reason of it?  MEM 
I remember Scalliger told me the reason once; as I think thus: The nerves that carry the moving faculty, from the brains, to the thighs, legs, feet, and arms, are wider far than the other nerves; wherefore they are not so easily stopped with the vapours of sleep, but are night and day ready to perform what fancy shall command them.  COM. S. 
It may be so, but Phantastes inquire more of Acrasia.  PHA. 
What did you with with the potion Acrasia made you.  LIN. 
Gave it to the Senses, and made them as mad as— well, If I cannot recover it— let it go, I'll not leave them thus.  She lies down again. CON. S. 
Boy awake the Senses there.  AN. 
Hoe, hoe, Auditus, up, up, so hoe, Olfactus have at your nose, up Visus, Gustus, Tactus, up: What can you not feel a pinch? have at you with a pin.  TAC. 
Oh, you stab me, oh.  COM. S. 
Tactus, know you how you came hither?  TAC. 
No my Lord, not I; this I remember,  
We supped with Gustus, and had wine good store,  
Whereof I think I tasted liberally.  
Among the rest, we drunk a composition,  
Of a most delicate, and pleasant relish,  
That made our brains, somewhat irregular.   

ACTUS. 4. SCENA. 7.  The Senses awake, Lingua, asleep, Communis Sensus, Memory, Anamnestes, Heuresis drawing Crapula. HEU. 
My Lord, here's a fat rascal was lurking in a bush very suspiciously, his name he says is Crapula.  COM. S. 
Sirrah, speak quickly what you know of these troubles.  CRA. 
Nothing my Lord, but that the Senses were mad, and that Somnus at my request laid them asleep, in hope to recover them.  COM. S. 
Why then 'tis too evident, Acrasia at Lingua's request, bewitched the Senses, wake her quickly Heuresis.  LIN. 
Heigh ho, out alas, ay me, where am I? how came I here? where am I? ah.  COM. S. 
Lingua look not so strangely upon the matter, you have confessed in your sleep, that with a Crown, and a Robe, you have disturbed the Senses, using a crafty help to enrage them, can you deny it?  LIN. 
ay me, most miserable wretch, I beseech your Lordship forgive me.  COM. S. 
No, no, 'tis a fault unpardonable.  (He consults with Memory.) PHAN. 
In my conceit Lingua, you should seal up your lips, when you go to bed, these Feminine tongues be so glib.  COM. S. 
Visus, Tactus, and the rest, our former sentence concerning you, we confirm as irrevocable, and establish the Crown to you Visus, and the Robe to you Tactus, but as for you Lingua—  LIN. 
Let me have mine own, howsoever you determine, I beseech you.  COM: S. 
That may not be, your goods are fallen into our hands, my sentence cannot be recalled, you may see, those that seek what is not theirs, oftentimes lose what's their own: Therefore Lingua granting you your life, I commit you to close Prison, in Gustus his house, and charge you Gustus, to keep her under the custody of two strong doors, and every day till she come to 80. years of age, see she be well guarded with 30. tall watchmen, without whose licence she shall by no means wag abroad; nevertheless use her Ladylike, according to her estate.  PHAN. 
I pray you my Lord add this to the judgement, that whensoever she obtaineth licence to walk abroad, in token the Tongue was the cause of her offence, let her wear a velvet hood, made just in the fashion of a great Tongue, in my conceit 'tis a very pretty Emblem of a Woman.  TAC. 
My Lord, she hath a vild boy to her Page, a chief agent in this Treason, his name's Mendacio.  CON. S. 
Ha? well, I will inflict this punishment on him for this time, let him be soundly whipped, and ever after though he shall strengthen his speeches with the sinews of Truth, yet none shall believe him.  PHA. 
In my imagination my Lord, the Day is dead to the great toe, and in my conceit it grows dark, by which I conjecture it will be cold; and therefore in my fancy, and opinion, 'tis best to repair to our Lodgings.  Exeunt omnes, praeter Anamnestes & Appetitus.  

ACT. 5. SCEN. 20.  Anamnestes., Appetitus asleep in a corner. ANA. 
What's this? a fellow whispering so closely with the Earth? so ho, so ho: Appetitus? faith now I think Morpheus himself hath been here, up with a pox to you, up you lusk, I have such news to tell thee sirrah: all the Senses are well, and Lingua is proved guilty, up, up, up, I never knew him so fast asleep in my life.  Appetitus snorts. 
Nay then have at you afresh, (tiff, toff, tiff, toff.)  APP. 
Jog me once again, and I'll throw this whole mess of pottage in your face, cannot one stand quiet at the dresser for you?  ANA. 
Ha, ha, I think it's impossible for him to sleep longer than he dreams of his victuals. What Appetitus, up quickly, quickly up, Appetitus, quickly sirrah, (toff, toff, toff, toff.)  APP. 
I'll come presently, but I hope you'll stay till they be roasted, will you eat them raw?  ANA. 
Roasted? ha, ha, ha, ha, up, up, away.  APP, 
Reach the sauce quickly, here's no Sugar, whaw, wam, oh, oh, oh, oh.  ANA. 
What never wake? (Tiff, toff, tiff, toff,) wilt never be? Then I must try another way I see.    

Epilogus.  
Judicious Friends, it is so late at night,  
I cannot waken hungry Appetite:  
Then since the close upon his rising stands,  
Let me obtain this at your courteous hands,  
Try if the friendly opportunity,  
Of your good will and gracious plaudite,  
With the thrice welcome murmur it shall keep  
Can beg this prisoner from the hands of sleep.  Upon the Plaudite Appetitus awakes, and runs in after Anamnestes  
FINIS.   

Courteous Reader, these Books following are Printed and sold by Simon Miller, at the Star in St. Paul's Churchyard.  

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LUther's Colloquium Mensalia.   

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THe Civil Wars of Spain in the Reign of Charles the fifth, Emperor of Germany, and King of that Nation, where in our late unhappy differences are paralleled in many particulars.  
A general History of Scotland, from the year 767. to the death of King James, containing the principal Revolutions, and transactions of Church and State, with political observations, and reflections upon the same: By David Hume of Gods-croft.  
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Doctor Lightfoot his Harmony on the New Testament.   

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BArklay his Argenis Translated by Sir Robert le Grise Knight.   

Quarto small.  
ABraham's faith; or the good old Religion, proving the Doctrine of the Church of England to be the only true faith of God's Elect; By J. Nicholson Minister of the Gospel.  
The Anatomy of Mortality: by George Stroad  
Aynsworth, on the Canticles.  
Paul Bayne, his Diocesans Trial.  
The supreme power of Christian States and Magistracy, vindicated from the insolent pretences of Guillilmus Apolonius: By E. Grall.  
A Treatise of Civil Policy; being a clear decision of 43. queries, concerning prerogative right and privilege in reference to the supreme Prince and the people: By Samuel Rutherford professor of Divinity of St. Andrews in Scotland.  
Politic and Military observations of Civil and Military Government, containing the birth, increase, decay of Monarchies, the carriage of Princes and Magistrates.  
Mr. Pinchin his meritorious price of man's redemption cleared.  
Astrology Theologised, showing what nature and influence the Stars and Planets have over men, and how the same may be diverted and avoided.   

Octavo.  
THe Reconciler of the Bible, wherein above 2000. seeming contradictions are fully and plainly reconciled.  
A view of the Jewish Religion, with their Rites, Customs, and Ceremonies.  
Ed. Waterhouse, Esq his discourse of piety and charity.  
A view and defence of the Reformation of the Church of England, very useful in these times.  
Mr. Peter du Moulin, his Antidote against Popery; published on purpose to prevent the delusions of the Priests and Jesuits who are now very busy amongst us.  
Herbert's Devotions, or a Companion for a Christian, containing Meditations and prayers, useful upon all occasions.  
Mr. Knowles, his Rudiment, of the Hebrew Tongue.  
A Book of schemes or figures of heaven ready set for every four minutes of times, and very useful for all Astrologers.  
Florus Anglicus, or an exact History of England, from the reign of William the Conqueror, to the death of the late King.  
Lingua, or the combat of the Tongue and the five Senses for superiority: a serious Comedy.  
The spirit's Touchstone; being a clear discovery how a man may certainly know whether he be truly taught by the spirit of God or not.  
The Poor man's Physician and Chirurgeon.   

Duodecem.  
DOctor Smith's practice of Physic.  
The Grammar War.  
poselius' Apothegms.  
Faciculus Florum.  
Crashaw's Visions.  
Helvicus Colloquies.  
The Christian Soldier his combat with the three arch enemies of mankind, the world, the flesh, and the devil.   

In 24.  
THe New Testament.  
The third part of the Bible.   

Plays.  
THe Ball.  
Chawbut.  
Martyred Soldier.   
FINIS.