THE TOWN ADVENTURER. A DISCOURSE OF MASQUERADES, PLAYS, etc.  
By Don Francisco de Quevedo, Junior.  
LONDON, Printed for G. Bail, and are to be Sold by H. Eversden, at the Crown in Cornhill, near the Royal Exchange, and at the 〈…〉 the Strand. 167●   

Errata.  
PAge 5. line 21. read ill, p. 7. l. 17. add and. p. 9 l. 4. add what, p. 26. l. 23. r. air, p. 27. l. 9 r. enjoying. p. 34. l. 11. r. so, l. 17. r. Town, p. 33. l. 26. r. a few, p. 38. l. ult, add what, p. 47. l. 11. add he, p. 49. l. 15. r. avowing, p. 51. l. 22. 1. hid, p. 58. l. 10. add him, p. 66. l. 20. r. strangely, p. 69. l. 17. r. when, l. 19 r. where, p. 70. l. 26. r. incomparably, p. 72. l. ult. r. from, p. 74. l. 20. r. in, p. 80. l. 7. r. sort. p. 87. l. 2. r. Maid, p. 112. l. 14. r. then is, p. 117. l. 7. r. Rack.   

The Contents.  

1. THe Loves of Altophel at Home.  
2. The Occasion of his coming to Town.  
3. The Humour of Rhoderick.  
4. Rencounters in his Travel.  
5. Altophels' Fashion and Addresses.  
6. The Misadventures of Rhoderick.  
7. A Trick put upon Altophel by two Ladies.  
8. Another of his Misadventures, in which he Loses his .  
9 Altophel is set upon by a Lady at a Ball, who Accuses him of unlrand some Actions.  
10. A Trick put upon his two Friends by a Love-Letter.  
11. Altophel falls Passionately in Love with an unknown Lady.  
12. He is carried to a Bawdy House by Rhoderick, and others, where he receives an Affront.  
13. The same Company are Encountered by the Watch, by whom they are Disarmed, and after Rescued by some unknown Gentlemen.  
14. Altophel, whilst he pursues his Love to the fair unknown, is taken Notice of by Rhoderick, who studies to make a Divertisement of it.  
15. Rhoderick by a counterfeit Letter, makes him an Assignation in the Name of the unknown Lady, where he meets with great Perplexities.  
16. An Account of Altophels' Extravagant Jealousy, and the Description of a Town Lady. His Quarrel against a Gentleman at a Ball, concerning words Al-a-Mode.  
17. Altophel is Engaged in a Duel upon the account of his Mistress, by whom they are parted.  
18. Rhoderick is Arrested for the Debt of one of his Women, and Altophel becomes his Bail.  
19 The Conclusion of Altophels' Amours with his unknown Mistress: With an account of the Prudence and Generosity of that Lady.  
20. Altophel applies himself to the Society of the Wits.  
21. Altophels' Dispute with Rhoderick concerning Wit, Poetry, and the Pellum Poeticum.  
22. Altophels' becoming Acquainted with two very great Wits, his Misadventures with their, and two Ladies at a Tavern.  
23. His Dispute with one of those Gentlemen concerning Poetry.  
24. A great Extravagance acted by Altophel, Rhoderick, the two Wits, and two Ladies.  
25. The Misadventure of a great Lawyer.  
26. Altophels' Resolution to return Home with the Reasons that obliged him to it.  
27. His Reception from his Parents, and from Astraea.  
28. The great Generosity and Honour of Astraea.  
29. Altophels' renewed Addresses to her.  
30. The Mutual Resolutions of Altophel, and Astraea, always to Live unmarried.    

SECTION. I. Series of Love.  
ALtophel, who was Born to a considerable Fortune in Cleveland, having Run through all the Parts of a Remote and Plain Educacation, he at last (as the Fashion of such young Gentlemen is) happened to fall in Love; the Time of his Age, with the Leisure and Recess of his Affairs, did not more forcibly Engage him in that Passion, than the innocent Charms of Astraea: She had all that Nature could do to make her a Sweet and Amiable Creature, without being Obliged to Art and useless Embellishments. In Astraea was a perfect Symmetry and Beauty; in her Face was an amiable mixture of Roses and Lilies, to which belonged an admirable Shape, and a graceful Behaviour; her Mind was the most Innocent and free from Artifice on the one hand, & Affectation on the other; She understood herself well enough in all things that belonged to the Reputation and Honour of her Sex, and took such a true Account of her own good Qualities, as was Necessary to keep her from being Rude to Innocent Addresses, or ensnared in a Flattering Courtship; all these were enough at the same time to Enamour Altophel, and yet to keep him in that Decorum which was Due to her Birth and Quality; they were both under the Government of Parents, Tender enough, and yet Severe at the same time, but Love, that is the most ready at Contriving its own Affairs, soon Taught our Lovers to Frame all their Interviews without their Knowledge; the Youth found in Astraea no greater aversion for his Flame, than the necessary Punctilios of her Sex obliged her to in the first Receiving of a Passion: In short (for I have but little to say in this part of Altophels' Life) They Contracted a most intimate Friendship; agreeable Qualities, and different Sexes, made them Love entirely. They every moment wished to be with each other; and when their Affairs kept them asunder, they were perpetually contriving of sudden Interviews Altophel was neither Unlovely nor Unbred, Astraea was Charming and Accomplished; and it was impossible, when they had once begun to Love, but that they should do it with the greatest ardour. A perpetual Conversation and interest, even with things of little Value, yet by a constant Tract they make on the Mind, leave the impressions of a particular Dearness, and especially where there are excellent Qualities in that with whom we Converse and Mingle interests, there must needs be a very great Concernment. I am willing to believe that in those Moment's, Altophel could freely have Died for Astraea, nor would she have been Indebted to him for that Generous proof of his Passion; had any offered him the most Beautiful Princess in exchange for Astraea, he would have despised the Magnificence nor could any have removed Altophel out of her Breast, though the Competitor had been a Monarch. They avowed the same things to each other under The Myrtles and the Shades, whether they fled to enjoy their innocent Passions: Nay, when they parted, they went away Dissatisfied from those Interviews, if they had made to each other Protestations less full and ardent, than the most Inflamed affections could Inspire them with: They enjoyed about a Year this Agreeable life, and without doubt it was the most pleasing that Altophel or Astraea will ever know. Those accidents which Interrupted it, was the Design of Astraeas' Friends to bestow her in Marriage upon another Person. Altophel had a Fortune great enough to have pretended publicly to her, but we are ever unwilling to Expose that Passion, whose Interests we have been wont to Manage in private. Astraeas' Friends proposed to her that Person whom they intended for her Husband, on whom she looked with a Mortal Aversion, as having Chosen before, and as having no Room left in her Soul, that was not possessed by Altophel; but though she entertained all things that belonged to this new Servant, with the greatest Displeasure, and as being by his Addresses deprived of those Occasions which she used to have of meeting Altophel, yet it was impossible for her to Remove those Inconveniencies, and though she Represented them to Altophel, yet he coming often to their Meeting places, and she being forced frequently to fail him, he began without any reason to be Jealous of her; the occasion of these Suspicions, arising from Causes so Nice and Critical, are little subject to the Censure of indifferent Persons; for Jealousy that appears so Capricious to all the World that are in humour, does yet seem to have very good grounds to an Interessed Person: This is certain, that a Thousand Cares are perpetually watching the beloved Treasure of the Mind, there is no Passion, though it be the most assured of its Object, and the best satisfied with its own Pretences, but will Create an infinite Number of Perplexities to itself, which yet can be ascribed to no other cause but the overflowings of Love; yet Jealousy has this which is all in it, that it may wrongfully accuse the greatest Innocence and Justice, and become extremely troublesome to those in whose Power it is not to Cure by the most circumspect Behaviour. That Kindness must be extremely Valued, for whose sake we can set ourselves to humour all the Capriciousness of an unreasonable fear; and it proves almost a Discouragement to the Affection which we have for any one, to find it Disinherited; without doubt there is a necessity of a great deal of Virtue, and a great deal of Prudence in the Government of an excellent Passion; and Love, to which is ascribed the Titles of Blind, Rash and Childish, aught to have both the best Eyesight, and the best Judgement. How Altophel conceived, and how he conducted his Jealousy we never were so curious as to Learn, and all the Knowledge that we have received of it, is only by the Effects.  
Though the Parents of Astraea, not knowing her Affection, took no Care to Discover it by her Actions; yet her Lover supplied that Defect, and took an Account of all the Moment's that were properly hers; He failed not to render her the most constant Visits, and in that which he designed to appear Gallant, he was extremely Insupportable and Tiresome to her; but she could not Rid herself of that Trouble, as Disagreeable as it was to her, and she was forced not only to Endure that, but to neglect a satisfaction which the present ill Humour of Altophel seemed to require from her; sometimes (it is true) they met, but the Entertainment which Jealousy in him, and the deepest Discontent in her made them afford to each other, is much better Omitted than Remembered; as we are willing to forget (our selves) all those things we have done, when we were ill Natured and out of Humour, so it is a part of very great Civility to forbear the Recording of them. So far this Jealousy had its Effects, that Altophel believed himself forsaken by Astraea, and the Distracted Youth could not but believe, but that he which had all her time had equal measures of her kindness, was both Abandoned to her Love as well as her Conversation; it could not be expected but that such Suspicions, settled in the Mind of an amorous Youth, must produce Effects very Extravagant. He was too young to have any great Judgement to assist him against this Jealousy, and though every man's Understanding will be willing to Dictate these two things to the Lover; first, That we should trust every one to the Conduct of their own Virtue, which will more effectually keep them from an ill Action, than all our Suspicions and Fears can possibly do; and secondly, That the most valued Person in the World by doing an unjust and contrary Action, puts an end in that Moment to all that Affection we have for them, yet without doubt there are many that can more readily approve of the Truth of these Prescriptions, than put them in Execution in those Circumstances that require their aid. Altophel resolved to ease himself of his Pressures by Removing from Home, and there was then at his Father's House a young Gentleman that had spent most of his time at London, and that affected in all Companies where he came, to be Esteemed a Man of the Town; he was upon quiting the Country, and Altophel addressed himself to his Parents, with a desire that he might Accompany him, to see some of those things to which he was wholly a Stranger: He obtained their Consent at the first Ask, and accordingly prepared himself for the Journey. It is not necessary to Determine with what Injustice the Love-struck youth lest his Astraea, and a Passion in which he had took so many Engagements, only to seek the most Extravagant ease in the World; such was his Resolution, and such the Execution of it, it generally happens in Actions of this Nature, that we call Civility and Good-breeding are never permitted to have a share in those Actions we dedicate to our Resentment, it is hard to assign the Reason why we should Excuse them: Certainly, the being in Love is no Plea for Rudeness or ill Nature, yet it is manifest that Altophel acted contrary, both to his Civility and Justice; for he never Communicated any thing of his Resolution to Astraea, not took his Leave of her. If such things are a Revenge in Love, they can only satisfy the Person who designs them as such, whilst they are matters of Reproach to all others; Why we should not have always the greatest Respect for those whom ye have served with the most ardent Passion, is found a Difficulty only in the Breast of a Lover; And such an one was Altophel, he believed it would look Ridiculously to give Astraea any Knowledge of his Going, as if it had been designed to procure her Entreaties for his stay, or whether he believed she was not at Leisure to think upon it; he would not try her Temper in that particular; but the first News she had of his Journey, was after he had made a considerable Progress in it: The faithful Astraea was struck to the heart with this extravagant Unkindness, and it was Difficult for her to Interpret it, whilst she knew the great Uprightness of her own Mind; she had ever believed him satisfied with that Fidelity in which she herself could find no Blemish, and she had been free from the Suspicion of such a thing in him, whilst she had ever measured his Passion by her own: She grieved, and she Forgave Altophel in the same moment, and resolved that whatever was the Rule of His Actions, the greatest Justice should be that of Hers. She was far from thinking that a neglected or a wronged Fidelity became any thing of a Reproach, since there is ever something brave in the protecting of an Injured kindness against our Resentments; if there is any thing that ought to be Reproached, it is the Inconstancy and the Rudeness of those that forsake, whilst a just Perseverance ever appears worthy of the greatest Eulogies. Here we must for some time leave Astraea to her Grief, and Injured kindness, enduring the Importunities of a Rival to that Love she was resolved to preserve against all Assaults, and the Displeasure of her Friends for not Complying with those things that were contrary to it; she will do all things worthy of herself, and the greatest Glories of her Sex, and she will Merit a fairer Commendation than the Extravagant Altophel will deserve, for those things we are about to describe.   

SECT. II. Character of the Town Gallant.  
Altophels' Friend, whom we will know by the Name of Rhoderick, could not but take Notice of his ill Humour, which yet he did not Interpret as any thing of Love, but the dulness of a Barren and private Education●; Persons of a pleasant and Airy Conversation, are apt to Discredit everyry thing that is not of the same Lightness, and reproach it as an Ignorance of the Town-Breeding: We cannot say much in Commendation of Altophels' present Humour, without doubt; a Person under those Circumstances as he was in, is the worst Company in the World. But Rhoderick resolved to show his Abilities in doing Wonders on a piece of Northern Dulness, as he Termed our Squire, he read him so many fine Lectures on the Janty things of the Town, that Altophel resolved to give himself so much Leisure as to be Instructed in them, and which Rhoderick was so willing to give him the Knowledge of. Their manner of Travelling was in the Stage Coach, where they had the Company of two Ladies, with another Person: Rhoderick told the Squire, that if he would do any thing Gallant, he must make Love to one of those Beauties, and to Encourage him, he gave him the choice of his Mistress, assuring him that he would keep him Company in Courting the other. I have all this while forgot to give you the Character of Rhoderick (and indeed it is something difficult to do it) there are so many things which Persons of that Humour pretend to, and so many Flow about, that it is hard to bring their Accomplishments together into a Character; he was a man very Hardy in all his actions, very Opinionative of himself, very Vindictive of his own Principles, and very Censorious; he was perpetually Hunting after new Adventures, and yet all these things seemed to acknowledge the Ascendant of some higher Rules and Measures of acting. But those were so Confused and Extravagant, that it is impossible to Range them into any Method.  
He had a Smatch of a Thousand Humours, and as many different Conversations, at one time he would Discourse as a man of this Inclination, and at another as a Votary of that, so that it was Impossible to assign him to any one particular Humour; and indeed in that (if any thing) was his Perfection, for being made up of a great many unprofitable things, they were the more Grateful that they never stood a just Consideration; in short, he was what it is Impossible to Express without so many words, as would rather Confound than Complete a Character; and it would be to draw him in so many Unlike and Disproportionable parts, that the sight must be Monstrous. How Altophel followed his first Directions is easily Imagined, and he that had been so angry with Astraea, was not prepared to Speak agreeable things to a Stranger, but Rhoderick talked for himself and Altophel too, and that with a great deal or Confidence and Liberty; the Company they had fallen into (though it was very Modest) yet it was Capable of Understanding all things of good Sense that were Proposed to them: The first Subject that Rhoderick fell upon, was Love, as indeed the sight of any thing that is Handsome, in a moment Inspires them with that Theme; but his ill way of Speaking on it, was very Disagreeable to the Company; those who possessed any measures of Beauty, and that well understand what they own, cannot but esteem it an Affront to see it Deflowered by the most Lascivious and Rude discourses; our Beautiful strangers knew themselves so well, as to believe they were Importuned by so Wild an Entertainment which had nothing in it but an account of the ill Lives of those who had been unfortunately happy in the best Gifts of Nature; he discoursed to them on the Intrigues of great Ladies, he acquainted them with the new Songs, and the freshest Adventures of the Town, he communicated to them all the Interests, Dependencies, and Obligations, of the most considerable Beauties: But he did it in Terms so Wild, and so full of Lightness, that they proved an ill Divertisement to them, and they could not but tell him that he lost all that discourse which he used to those who neither Admired nor understood it; and that he would do them a Favour to change the Subject to some thing more Innocent and more agreeable. Rhoderick though not at all out of Countenance, yet found himself at a Loss, because he had never been used to say any thing else to a Woman but on the Obscene occasions of Love.  
Altophel, though he was of a Capacity good enough, yet the great confidence with which his Friend Discoursed, wholly Discouraged him from mingling in the Conversation; when Rhoderick had got him alone, he very freely Communicated to him his Opinion of their Female company, and told him that without doubt they were Ladies of a great deal of Kindness, only that they used those seeming Severities to Disguise their Inclinations, and to bring on the Courtship: And you shall see Altophel, said he, that I will enjoy one or both of them before we have ended our Journey. Altophel, who did not understand the Nature of such Persons, and by what Figure they Discoursed, was Surprised at the great Sufficiency of Rhoderick, and could believe no Virtue Impregnable if that which appeared so powerful, should at last yield to the Assault of a Stranger: all along their Travel, and at their Inns Altophel could see no alteration in the Behaviour of the Ladies, nor find that they Listened with any greater pleasure to the wild Discourses of Rhoderick, but whatever Impressions they took (though they were unknown to Altophel) yet those which his Friend Communicated to him were very strange, for he told him that he had received Favours from both of them in private, and he once or twice in the Night went out of his Bed on an appointment, I think we may without any Injustice be of the Opinion, that there was nothing in all this but the Vanity and the Affectation of Rhoderick, and though some may think it strange that Gentlemen choose so wild a Pleasure, as to Traduce that Virtue which they cannot overcome, and to make those Whores by their Discourses, whom their Practices could never Vanquish; yet these things are easily believed by a moment's Consideration: The Loves of that Nature are now the most Modish, and the greatest pieces of Gallantry, and it is not at all strange, that Vainglorious and Frolic youth should Create those Triumphs to itself, which it finds to be so much Esteemed and Valued. We see in other things how much men, for their own Fancies, practise a prodigious Lying, and it is not to be questioned but that they will take the same Liberty in those Subjects which afford the most Fame and Reputation. It is an Unhappiness, that a general Practice has Endeared the Temptations to a Fault so Pernicious and Inglorious, not only Robbing the Innocent of a just Reputation, which they so carefully have sought to maintain, but also doing them considerable Injuries, either among their Friends, or with those Persons where their most near Concernments lie; there are none who well understand themselves, but above all things Value an unblemished Fame; and nothing is so considerable a Loss to a Woman, as the Possession and the Opinion of her Virtue; and those who attempt really to Deprive them of that Endowment, cannot avoid the Censure of being Inhuman, but those who Create the Grime for them and divulge it, are much more Barbarous: But of this we may be assured, that Rhoderick was not the first Person who had Contracted a Gild of this Nature, and that he had took it from a Thousand Precedents of those who were his first Instructors. After these things had been told to Altophel, he looked on his Company with other apprehensions, all their Coldness he Interpreted as an Art to disguise their Inclinations, but the least show of Civility became Scandalous to him; so apt is a received Opinion to make us Interpret all things by it, and the actions of the most Innocent virtue require to their advantage a Candid persuasion; this is certain, there is that ill in every Person as to make them too apt to believe all things that are told to the disadvantage of others, and those have a great deal of Charity and good Nature about them that never admit into their Breasts any belief to the prejudice of another; it were to be wished, that the World would let fall such Unkind and Scandalous practices, but if they will maintain them, it would be some Reparation if those who are careful of their own Virtue, would stop their Ears against the ill Reports which are Divulged to the Infamy of others. Certainly, in an Age so generally Corrupt, there is a necessity that those who abhor to mingle in the common Vices, should preserve a sufficient stock of ill Nature to help them from those Violences they are subject to by Civility. There was nothing more remarkable in this Journey but that our Travellers lying upon the Road on a Sunday, Altophel risen early to go himself to the Church, and to wait upon the Ladies thither, but Rhoderick Laughed at his Northern Devotion, and told him that neither Piety nor good Breeding were considerations great enough to contradict the Practice of the most eminent Wits, who have by their Opposition turned the Stream from the Temple to the Theatre; thither you must go Altophel, to Learn Virtue and Morality, and you will be a Heretic amongst us if you practise these things Altophel told him, that for that Morning he would be Religious, and he would be Civil; and that to Oblige him to a new Faith, required more arguments that he was at Leisure to receive at that time when they came Home, Rhoderick was ready and prepared to Rally with the Ladies and the Squire on account of their Devotion; but though he expressed an Extravagant Haughtiness whilst, he looked upon himself as an Example considerable enough to contradict all they could Urge for their Practice, yet it did not produce any other Effects than to make them abhor his Self conceited Impiety. When they came to the Town they all dispersed themselves to their several Occasiors, Altophels' Friend was now to be the whole disposer of him; for he was so unexperienced in that place, that it was necessary he should submit to the Conduct of a man that understood all things in it; Altophels' Equipage was a little Scandalous for the Town, for though he was Valued in the Country by those that knew where his Paternal Manors lay, and how much he would have per annum, yet in the City where they judge all things by appearance, he was like to find no more Respect than what his outside procured him, except his Friend had always like a Herald proclaimed him the Heir to such an Estate; Altophel was at first something at a Loss to Manage his Habiliments, and to do those things that might be agreeable to so much Bravery as those Men of Art had put on him; a young Gentleman so Modest, and Unpractised in the Modes of the Town, could not but be out of Countenance in his first Traverses, and it was a Divertisement to Rhoderick and the Company he carried him into, to see the untoward Behaviour of Altophel; the Pleasure was not disagreeable to them, because of that Affectation with which they behold any man in those Predicaments; they carried him to Court, to the Plays, to the Park and the Mulberry-Garden; and now Altophel, instead of one, had a whole Legion of Tutors; one would complain, as they carried him along, that his Hat was turned up on the wrong side, another that his Peruke had not the grand Buckle, a third would put his Sword from his Pocket, so that Altophel was perpetually alarmed to adjust something or other about him: He had Learned to Dance in the Country, but for want of assurance he could not Walk very Gracefully, especially not in the grand Slur, which they told him he must by all means Learn; but these sleight things were not like to make the Squire any great Proficient, nor Fashion him to that Character they desired to enter him in. How far in the Surprises of all these Novelties and Bravery, he forgot his faithful Astraea; is not proper now to determine: His anger had set that Passion into so Remote a Retirement in his Soul, from whence all these fine things kept it from coming back to its first Possession; and we will believe it pardonable in a Youth to give himself up to the admiration of those Occurrences to which he was so much a Stranger.  
Rhoderick, who was now his Instructor, had so much Business of his own which consisted of Love and Play, that he was not always at leisure to give Lessons to Altophel, and indeed he was a Person very much given to Gaming, and having by it spent a considerable fortune, he became a Pensioner to that Crime he had been Ruined by; they Lay together, and a little after they had been in Town, Rhoderick having been abroad, came Home one Morning very early, having (as appeared afterward) lost all his Revenue the Night before; Altophel risen from him (according to his Northern Industry) and thought it Civil to let him lie till Noon, having been deprived of his Night's repose; but when Twelve a Clock came, he thought it not ill Manners to call him up, that they might look after a Dinner; but Rhoderick civility Replied, that he was much Indisposed, and could not eat any thing that day, and therefore desired of the Squire that he would take care of himself till the Evening: When that came, and Altophel returned Home, he found his Friend in the same condition he had left him; he made a great many of his Innocent inquiries concerning his Indisposition, and asked him whether he would have a Doctor, or any of his Friends sent for; Rhoderick Swore at that proposal, and told him that he was not a Man subject to those Fancies, but that since he appeared really to esteem him, he would Communicate to him what was the Reason of his keeping his Bed: He told him that the Night before he had been deeply engaged in Play, and that he had Lost Three Hundred Pounds, which was all the Stock he had by him, that the Quarter-day was a little too Remote, and that till than he should be in some necessity for Money, he did not acquaint Altophel with these things to be pitied by him, but to have his assistance; which he had thus contrived, that this young Gentleman should be a Security with him for Two Hundred Pounds, which he would take up at extravagant Interest for Three Months. Altophel was too Innocent and Modest to deny him, and accordingly became Bound with him for so much Money, which set him up again in his old Trade, he had at first that good Judgement that he never took Altophel with him, but to places of some Reputation; and when he did any ill thing, he avoided the censure of the Squire, though he afterwards fell into it by an innumerable company of accidents. Altophel usually left him about Ten of the Clock at night, and how he spent his time after that, he never failed to Communicate to him, when he came Home; though without doubt, what ever his Adventures were, he was careful that they should appear great and Important: Sometimes he would tell him that he had won Two Hundred pounds, and at another that he had lost as much, because a perpetual good Fortune would have created a suspicion of being Fabulous; sometimes he would say that he had been all night with a Female Person of Honour, and at another, that he had been entertained by some Noble man's Mistress: Play and Love composed all his Exploits. What good Fortune, or what bade he had in the first, Altophel understood not in some time, but he was much Incommoded with his ill Success in the latter; for he happened to get a very great Clap, which made him but ill Company to Altophel; he said he got it of a very great Lady, but that could not render him less Insupportable to the Country Squire, who had never before Encountered any of those Tragic pieces of Gallantry; he was for some time Obliged to stay at Home, where besides his Indisposition, he was a Person the most Dull and Tiresome in the World, having nothing of that Vivacity and Care which attended him abroad: He sat drooping over a Playbook, Cassandra, or Hobbs' Leviathan, and in a dismal Nightgown Swore extravagantly at his Misfortune: Altophel told him one day, that of all the Pleasures of the Town he thought the Women the most Pernicious, because they are paid so dear for in such cruel Distempers; but Rhoderick in all his Extremity would not let that pass for a sound Persuasion, but told him that the Pleasures of Love were so perpetual, that a few days Torment were too Inconsiderable to be an Impediment to the Engaging of them, that it was the Fate of all to suffer such things, and that the commonness of the Disaster had made it less Formidable, that no man of any Generosity should scruple to suffer what the most Delicate and the most Extraordinary Women frequently endure, and that a Disease which wracks Creatures so sweet and tender, aught to be Mocked at by the Resolution of a more enduring Sex; but all these raised Discourses could not appear good Philosophy to Altophel, who thought it better to be spared from a Partnership with the most Beautiful in such sort of Sufferings. But that which was the most Irksome to Rhoderick in his present Durance, was the being Confined from those Encounters that were his perpetual Business and Pleasure: He was often visited by his Friends, and sometimes by those of the Female Sex; Altophel was an uncapable Person to judge of their Quality by their Deportment and Discourses, for he found that the best Ladies in his Country Talked not by so Refined a Figure as they did; but Rhoderick when they were gone, ever supplied the Defect of his Knowledge by telling him that they were such and such great Ladies, and Wives to Persons of considerble Reputation; the Youth could not but admire at their Humility and the Excess of their Kindness, to make Visits to a young Gentleman in those Distresses, but what ever he might force Altophel to believe, we are at Liberty to imagine them such on whom Rhoderick bestowed wrong Characters, and that Persons of such Qualities better understand themselves than to go beyond their Decorum by mean and contrary Actions.   

SECT. III. Trappan with two Whores.  
DUring this time of Rhodercks' Confinement, Altophel often straggled abroad by himself; he was a Person not Unhandsome, nor at that time ill Dressed: and he was one day walking in a Place where Persons of different Humours use to Resort, and we may Imagine that he walked with his natural Innocence and Bashfulness, which could not but make him taken Notice of by those who perfectly understand the way of the Town, and that through all Dresses know a man of Fashion: Two very fine Ladies, perceiving Altophel to be a Novice by his Gate and the Casting about of his Head, came Rushing by him, and one of them by the hardiness of the shock turned him about; had they not set him in a right posture to look after them, their appearance itself was too Considerable not to attract the Eyes of our admiring Youth; when he was considering them, one of them pulled off her Masque halfway, and shown him those things which satisfied him that she cruelly concealed the Remainders of a very beautiful Face: Altophel turning again to pursue his walk, began to consider his own Merit, and to take a better account of it by a careful Survey of his Proportion. Our Self-love, and Flattery are such damnable Qualities, that we will ever be Interpreting all things to our own Advantage, and it is impossible for our judgement to serve us against them; Altophel could not but think that his appearance had Charmed those Ladies, and he was Resolved to make the utmost of his good Fortune; the end of the Walk and his own Vanity obliged him to come back, and so did the Ladies, resolving to do all things that they could with this Bashful young Gentleman; and as they came up again to him, a Gentleman walking on the other hand, just as they pulled off their Masques, said to another, his Companion, there goes my Lady P. Altophel by that word heightened the good Opinion which he had conceived of himself, and thought, if they should Oblige him any further to wait upon them, that he might very well trust himself in such good Company; it was likely the Surprised Youth forgot his Distressed Friend at Home, who lay Roaring like a Cannon with his insupportable Clap: When a Temptation is ready to seize us, we seldom have those Considerations about us which are necessary to make us strong enough to Repulse it; the appearance of two Ladies, whom Art and Nature had made extraordinary, with their Fashion towards the Youth, might well cause him to forget what he would at another time have better remembered; the next turn they took they presented themselves just before Altophel, who must have Charged through them if he had vanquished that Opposition; but he had not Courage enough for such an Enterprise, and therefore only Drew up in the best manner before them. You will imagine that he accosted them with no very good Grace, and though he was a Person of Sense enough, and of a good Behaviour where he had time to recover his assurance, but his small Experience in those Matters, together with the Surprise he he was in, might make him more Undextrous than he used to be; what Compliments he made them I never understood, and though I am apt to believe they were not very good ones, yet the Ladies without doubt accepted of them, having other Business with him: In short, the Squire was planted betwixt them, and each of them had seized him by the hand, they had so Charmingly bound him to his good Behaviour, that he was willing to be lead any whither by them; and he could not in those moments believe that the most Luscious Liberty was comparable to so sweet a Confinement. When they came to the place where the Coaches stood, she whom we may imagine to be my Lady P. appeared a little angry that her Coach was not there, but the other made an Excuse for the negligence of the Coachman, and Altophel put them both into a Hackney. Whether they would carry him he could not suddenly think, but what pleasant Ideas he shaped to himself we may easily Imagine, if we consider his Youth and his Innocence in these Matters; at last they came to a place very well known, and he had (by what means he knew not) a very Magnificent Supper brought up; they did (doubtless) entertain the Squire in a more extraordinary manner than he had ever been before, and taught him those things to which he had been wholly a stranger: at the end of the Supper, another Lady came up, and in a great deal of Confusion told them, that Sir P. and Sir N. were below; which made the Ladies appear much distracted: Altophel addressed himself to them, and desired to know what Consideration they had for those Gentlemen which the Lady had told them of; they are, said the Ladies, such Persons whom, because we love not, we have reason to fear; and by this account you will readily Imagine who they must be: They first proposed the putting Altophel behind the Hang, and the Squire was preparing to abscond, but one of the Ladies expressed her Opinion contrary to that Resolution, and told them, that it was better to go down and Encounter them below, than to permit them to ravage in a place where they had a design to preserve a Person whom they esteemed; this was approved of by them all, they returned no more after they disappeared, and a Bill, something larger than a Tailors, was brought up to Altophel; he asked for his beautiful Company, and it was answered him that they were gone, and that they had ordered That to be brought him; the sum was too Extravagant that the young Squire was not furnished for the discharging of it, he had not the way of Hectoring the House, nor any 'Slight to bring himself off from so Prodigious a Reckoning; he was so little known in the Inn that he could not send for any to Bail him, and so he stayed very willingly till the Morning, he knew it was in vain to send for Rhoderick, for if it had been to save his Life he could not have come to his Rescue; but when daylight appeared, the House (being better practised in those things than Altophel was told him that one should wait upon him to his Lodgings and receive the Money there, which he was unwilling to do because then all must be Discovered to Rhoderick, which he was a little troubled at, but necessity obliged him to do a thing much to his Regret, and having a Waiter at his Heels instead of a Footman, he went Home and Discharged the Reckoning.  
Altophel could not dissemble this ill adventure from his Friend, to whom it appeared extremely pleasant, and he took an occasion from the Dulness of the Squire to read him a Lecture to the prejudice of his Gravity: What think you now Sir, said he to Altophel, of the  Charms of the Women in this Town? Without doubt you have as little Resolution as any man, when the Temptation comes upon you; besides, there is a difference betwixt us two, for you have your Country Modesty left, to defend you against those assaults that are too bold and hardy upon you, but our perpetual Liberty and Confidence renders all things Modest and easy to us. Altophel could only Gape and Look scurvily at this Discourse, and he resolved to be no more the Subject of it, but after-moments shown him the frailty of those Resolutions, for no sooner had they done talking, but a letter came to Altophel from one of the Ladies he had been with the night before, and who had got him Dogged home, in which he found a long Excuse for leaving him in that manner, which was occasioned by the unhappy coming of their Husbands; but that they had now contrived a perfect Security from all such Inconveniencies, by being at the Lodgings of a Lady who was their Confident, whether they desired him to come in the Evening, that they may give him reason to entertain better thoughts of them than he could receive from the adventure of the last Night.  
This Note gave Altophel some consolation, and he readily cashiered all those hard Opinions he had conceived of the Ladies for the late affront. He went in the Evening to the place where they had appointed to meet him, and where he found them so Illustrious, as to be capable of Melting down a Thousand Hearts more Obdurate than that of the poor Squire; at the first coming he played at Cards with them, where all the Money that they won of him he reckoned he had lost in Gallantry, because Ovid, who was a very great Author with him, had Instructed him ever to lose to that Sek: There was, Three Ladies to one Altophel; whereas, if there had been Thee Altophels' to one Lady, yet the Squires would have found themselves overmatched; they drank Wine whilst they played, to make their Game more cheerful, but always when it came about to Altophel there was something in the Glass, so pernicious, that he not only lost his Sense and Understanding, but grew very Sick at his Stomach; which he could not but discover to his Company, the Ladies appeared extremely compassionate of him, and though he expressed a Rambling desire to be carried Home to his Lodgings, yet it was Impossible for him to overcome the Officiousness with which the Ladies undressed him for Bed, where, after they had committed him to his Repose, and done a great many wanton things with him (which out of respect to that Sex we are willing to Omit) they left him nothing but his. Shirt, and an incomparable Understanding to bear him through so perplexing a Labyrinth. In the Morning he found himself very well again, but no one came to give him the Good-morrow, nor present him with a kind Draught to settle his disordered Stomach, at last he resolved to pardon them that Neglect, and to Rise by himself; but when he came to look for 〈◊〉 Clothes, he could find nothing but 〈◊〉 Shoes, of what he had worn the da● before, this made him Rage extravagantly, and to go about in his Shirt 〈◊〉 inquire after his Habiliments, of whom soever he met: at last a Virgin appeared to our Knight Errand, but the account she gave him of those Ravished he sought, was very unpleasing; so she told him that they had that Night gone away, and took their things with them, telling her Master that their Cousin who lay in their Lodgings that night would Satisfy him for that time they had been in his House: The Maid held this Conference with some niceness, because of the naked condition of Altophel, and she told him that she would send he● Master to him; with which he retired again to his Bed, where Summing up all the Understanding he had, he thought there was no other way left but to have it pass for a Frolic acted by Ladies that were a Kin to him: When the owner of the House came up, he told him he had Premeditated; at which the Gentleman could not but Laugh; he asked him how much they were in arrear for their Lodgings, but he was told of so round a Sum, that he was like to have spoileed his own Design of letting it pass for a Frolic, by the Rage he fell into at the hearing of it; but there was no other way but to send for his Footman, to bring his old Clothes and his Money, which he did, and took his leave of the Landlord, who desired him to present his Service to those merry Ladies.  
When Altophel came home to Rhoderick, he asked him where he had been that night in Masquerade, and with whom he had trusted his Clothes? Altophel only replied that his new Suit had come by a Mischance, and that he must have another made. Rhoderick suspecting something of the truth, would not inquire any further about it, but spoke to him of other things.   

SECT. iv Masquerade.  
THat night there was to be a great Ball at a Persons of Quality, whither some Gentlemen that came to see Rhoderick, invited Altophel to go along with them in Masquerade. Altophel took upon him the Habit, and the Disguise, resolving to keep himself as Ignorant of all Adventures, as he was unknown to all the World in that Dress; but our Resolutions are vain, whilst we take no care to mortify that Inclination we carry about us. To have done a Thousand foolish things. will not Enable us to resist the next occasion, without taking some Course with our Appetites, and applying effectual Remedies to them: That Philosophy which admonished us to know ourselves, directed us aright to the Principles of Good and Evil, which have ever their Fountains in our own Breasts. Altophel by two smart Encounters, was Taught the Danger of having any thing to do with the Town Women, but he received no Benefit from that Experience, whilst he only condemned the Adventures, and acquitted the Amours themselves.  
The Ball they went to this night was the first which our Youth had seen, and it was one of the most Magnificent which had ever been in the Town, where appeared an Infinite number of Ladies, so Admirably and yet so anticly Dressed, who cunningly kept those Faces in Ambuscade, to whose Cruelties the Dress and the mien were the Allurers. Altophel having a handsome Face, and being altogether a Stranger, was ever putting off his Masque, by which he was known to the Ladies that had so ill Treated him the night before; they Communicated all things concerning him to another very fine Lady, who resolved to make use of the Occasion, and taking a fit time to do it, she came up to Altophel, and Beckoning him to a Window, her appearance obliged him to follow her; she was admirably Dressed, and had about her a great quantity of Jewels, which were more Illustrious in the Eclipse of her Beauty that was then under a Masque. You will (said she) have a great deal of reason to think me very good Natured, that I should entertain this Conversation with you after the affront of the last night; but I have not that Value for any of your Quality as to be angry with you, since we never take the pains to be Revenged on any but those we have esteemed. Philadelph continued she, I know I am not the first with whose Civility you have taken the Liberty to Divert yourself, an attempt which my Birth and Quality might have Deterred you from, though my Virtue makes me uncapable of using that Revenge which others practise on the same Occasion (a consideration which made you think yourself Secure in affronting me) but I will take that which shall be agreeable to my own humour, which is, not to trouble my thoughts with the remembrance of your folly.  
Altophel was amazed at this discourse, and to find himself charged with that Crime by a Person whom he thought so very considerable; he often opened his Mouth to have Interrupted her, but the vehemency with which she expressed herself, ever prevented him when he would have spoken, and he was the more willingly Silenced because of the desire he had to know all the Intrigue; but at last when she said nothing, and was turning from him, he told her that she had mistaken the Person whom she had designed to Chastise, but that she had directed her anger to a man whose Ignorance in the Town might secure her from all Suspicions, that he would do her a prejudice by what she had declared to him; the angry Lady seemed Surprised at the Errors she committed, and told Altophel that she was very sorry she had accused an Innocent Person with any things she had Expressed in her anger, but that though he extremely resembled a very ill man, yet she hoped his Qualities were very unlike to his, and particularly in this, not to do her an Injury by Divulging any thing she had Expressed to him of those Resentments she had against another.  
Altophel could not but make her a Thousand Compliments, and protestations of that great Care he would have of a secret which a Person of her appearance had committed to him, and that he should be proud of carrying about him any thing that was considerable with so divine a Person. The wily Masquerader found these Discourses very agreeable, and being a Lady, besides of a good Wit, also the Owner of a Face that the most Stoical could never look upon with Indifference, she shown it to Altophel with this address: Because some of my Affairs are by accident fallen into your hands, you shall see how considerable a proof I will give you of my Confidence in your Generosity, by the sight of a Face that will tell you who I am, and from whom you have received a Secret. Altophel, at the sight of her Face and the greatness of her Looks, found a Reverence in his Soul for her Beauty and Appearance, and he expressed it to her in as good Terms as he could; I shall expect this from you, continued she, that you give me the same Knowledge of a man to whom I have used this Freedom, by the sight of your Face; which obliged him presently to put off his Masque, with this Discourse: I shall show you a Face, Madam, of which you have no Knowledge, for I am altogether a Stranger in this Town. I am pleased, replied she, to see a Face which as I esteem for its Appearance, so I wholly Ignore it. The little Knowledge which you have in the Town is the greater Argument of your Justice, not having had time to learn those ill Qualities by which young Gentlemen usually Debauch it; after all this which has passed betwixt us, I am resolved to have you this night for my Masquerader; after which they consorted together, going from one Room to another, where the Lady soiled not to speak the most charming and pleasing things to Altophel; and she did with a great deal of Freedom let him know so much concerning her, as might oblige his Friendship; the Lady was one of the best Habited in the Room, which caused several of the Company to come up to her, which she handsomely shunned, and only designed to draw Altophel after her by her Discourses and her Obliging fashion, which could not but be Extraordinary pleasing to the Youth, to see himself preferred before all others by so fine a Lady. She behaved herself with so Charming an Insensibility at all things that were attracting in the Ball; that the Squire was Confounded with the Pleasure he felt, by Imagining that her thoughts were only implied in what Concerned himself. He endeavoured to do that that might appear Gallant, and she received all his Actions with so pretty a Contentment; as made him Proud and Charmed in the doing of them; at the end of the Ball she went away with her Company, and civilly took her Leave of Altophel. He begged the knowledge of her Name, but she told him that was not necessary; but yet she would so far Comply with his Curiosity as to give him the Sign by which he should know her in the Park the next Evening: When she was gone the Squire went to find out his Friends, and he met them making Love to several Ladies, when the Morning came that they were to be gone, they obliged Altophel to go Home with them, to be Undressed in their Lodgings, which he consented to, and took part of their Repose. When they were Ready and going out one of those Gentlemen, pulling his Handkerchiff out of his Pocket, drop a Letter; which had on it a Superscription for the other Gentleman that was with them, who happened to snatch it up, and seeing his Name upon it, grew very angry with his Companion, for meddling with those Letters that were directed to him: But the other Swore that he knew not how it came there, but that he believed it was put into his Pocket, by some Lady in Masquerade, who had mistaken his Name, but the other would not be deprived of a Paper which had so great a right to as a Direction, nor would the other Resign a Letter that he had in his Possession: In this fury Altophel was Obliged to Moderate betwixt them, and to propose that the Letter might be Read by consent in the Hearing of both, which they at last agreed to, and one of them snatched it open to read it, the beginning of the Letter Proclaimed a great deal of Kindness, and the most generous Declarations of a Passion for some Gentleman who had Courted the Writer in Masquerade. At the end of every amorous Sentence, the Rivals inflamed themselves to a new Quarrel, each of them avowing that they had the night before made Love to a Person of Quality, and it must come from the same Lady they had Courted, because it was exactly a Repartee to those things they had spoken; for they could not believe but that the Writer was a Lady of very great Account: Every Line that was read appeared to have more and more Dearness in it, which increased the Passion, the Animosity, and Jealousy of the Gallants; at last there was the mention of an Appointment at a place not far off, at which the Lovers grew so inflamed, that one of them took up his Sword to be gone; Vowing that if the other followed him he would Oblige him to dispute that Felicity; the other Swore as fast, and Threatened the same things if he endeavoured to prevent him of a Joy which was Designed him, by the Lady: Here they left off Reading, and were preparing like two Racers in Olympia, to win the Lady by the best Footmanship, but Altophel desired them to Read out the Letter before they went, and not to go Charged with half the Sentiments of so divine a Person; which with much difficulty, and with a prepared Animosity they agreed to do; when, having read some more of the kind Expressions, they at last came to the end, which was in these Terms: That though the Person who writ it did belong to the Exchange, yet that could not discourage her at the Liberty she took to express a real Kindness for so accomplished a Gentleman: This conclusion in a moment cooled the Animosity of the Rivals, and looking upon each other very calmly, Altophel at last broke the silence by a loud Laughter, which much increased the simplicity of his Friends, who then began to disown the Letter with as much earnestness as they had formerly made a claim to it, each averring that it did not belong to him. After the Mirth was over, they went all to Rhoderick, where having told him the Adventure, he at last owned himself to be the Contriver of it. They Dined together, and Rhoderick who was now in a condition to go abroad, proposed to the Company to go to the Play, but Altophel excused himself, upon the account of some Business which he had: Rhoderick told him in Jest, that he believed he had a design to go and meet the Person who wrote the Letter, but he hoped he would not amuse himself with such mean Loves, since (if he would be amorous) he could better provide him of a Court. Altophel disowned all such Designs, though he knew himself a going to a greater Assignation than he believed Rhoderick could provide for him; he went to the Park as Country Gentlemen use to go to the Play, two hours before the beginning, where the want of Company was no Regret to him, for he had so much in his thoughts that he would have overlookt the best Divertisements had he found them at that time. Altophel walked a great while, and with as much Impatience as Love and Curiosity could Inspire him with; but time, that never fails our longest Expectation, at last borough the Hour in which Altophel was to receive a Felicity he so much Longed for, but it passed over without being propitious to the Squire: He could not, amongst all the fair Ladies that were walking there that Evening, see any thing that could give him the knowledge of her he sought; he stayed the last of all the Company, and went away with a Soul as Gloomy as that Night which sent him Home; but the Lady whom he was to have seen, though she appeared not to him, yet she did not forget him; for as he was going Home to his Lodgings, one came behind and gave him a Note in which he found an Excuse for hot being there, and an assurance that he might receive that Satisfaction (if it would be any to him) in another place. The next Evening thither he went, and there he found that Lady, whose Beauty was too Considerable not to do all things that belonged to the Subduing of Altophel: Here he saw her, and fed his Soul with a dangerous Fuel, but it was Impossible for him to approach Her, which Inflamed the Ardour of the Youth, whilst he was kept at a Bay; she went away with her Company, and took with her the Soul and Passion of Altophel; the dis-spirited Youth straggled after her, being rather Conducted by his Love than any Sense he had left to pursue a Person who had done him so much Mischief: The Coach had her at last from his sight, but her Idea was left in his Breast, with all the appearances of a Tyrannic Beauty. He many times measured the Traverse, at the end of which he had left her, and spent his best Judgement on the Adventure; he concluded that either it was sent him by Chance, which does Inaccountable things or else was the effect of a Merit his own Modesty would not permit him to take a just account of. He remembered that he had once been ill Treated by Ladies of a great Appearance, but this had in it too much Premeditation, and length of Circumstance to be of that Nature; however, he resolved to satisfy his Curiosity so far as to pursue it, till it grew of ill Consequence to him; so apt are we to Drill ourselves into Pernicious actions; and to Fool with our own understandings. When any Encounter pleases us, and our Sense suggests an Inconvenience to be in it, 'tis strange to see how hard we Labour to take off from our Appetites all the Arrests of our Understandings, to which we blindly become the Security for all their Extravagance. Altophel, when he had done all things to satisfy himself that this was a happy Adventure, went home-wards to his Lodgings, and by the way met with an Extraordinary appearance, the sight of which Entertained him at once with an extraordinary Flame, and caught him by the Ears with admirable Music, made him at first imagine it to be Pluto going with Proserpina in Masquerade; but when he came near, he saw in a Coach the Figures of Mortal men, and one of them so like Rhoderick, that he believed some one with the spite of Angelo had depainted him in haste; but Rhoderick (whom it was indeed) though surrounded with Fiddlers and Link-Boys, whilst he was Mounted like Phaeton, and with a Head more giddy than his at the sight of the prostrate World, yet called out aloud to Altophel by his Name, which satisfied (a little) the amazed Squire that it was no Apparition, but some great piece of Extravagancy; they took him into the Coach and abundantly Lulled him, and Caressed him in their Drink, it was in vain for him to ask them whether they were going, for that had been a piece of Gravity insupportable in so glorious an Elevation. Altophel being surrounded with so much Light and Music, and having Company in the Coach that had no Judgement of any thing about them, believed he might run into very strange Consequences before that Frolic was ended; at last the Coach stopped at a House whether some of the Company had directed it: After great Knocking at the Door it was at last opened, but the sight was very pleasant to Altophel, who was more sober than the rest of the Troop; they charged out of one Room into another, and here you might have seen one Woman in her Smock, flying like the Wind before her Pursuers whilst another Tripped it down Stairs with her Petticoat cast over her Shoulders after the Mode of the Greek Tunick; a third appeared at a Chamber-door, Dancing naked to the Music that came with Rhoderick, and which was left below; a fourth got a Pick-a-pack about one of their Necks; which another perceiving, and being displeased with the Odness of the Spectacle, after he had given her the Correction of a Pedagogue, he took her by the Heels and threw her over the shoulder of her Atlas; with which she made so hideous a Noise, that the whole Squadron drew together with their old Chieftain at the head of them, who to animate them to a brave Resistance, threw off her Habiliments, and with many generous actions Defied their Foes; this was Insupportable to the honour of those Gentlemen, and Rhoderick who was at the head of them, Charged with so much Fury against one that was his Opposite, that the place being on the Brink of a Precipice, the wily Lass slipping from the Shock, caused Rhoderick to fall headlong to the bottom of it, he made so much Noise, that several of the Enemy who were below, placed in Ambuscade, rushed out to make him their Prisoner, and Seizing instantly on his Scemitar they conveyed him to a place, where (without doubt) they gave him a Treatment suitable to the quality of a true Cavalier. The rest of the Company seeing Rhodericks disaster, resolved to accompany him in Death or Chains; they Rallied again, and he that was first to animate his Fellows by a great Example, run headlong into a Party of Women that stood drawn up before him; they opened at the Charge, and one of them catching him in her arms, he vented so much Cholorick Fury in her Bosom, that being overcome with the excess of his Gallantry, she gave him both Life and Liberty; but the others fell on Pell-mell, and an unconcerned Spectator might there have seen all the Honours, and all the Extravagancies of War and Fury. In one place lay an Hero, and an Heroine straggling for Victory, making use of all the Arts of Chivalry; and on another Spot lay another Gallant stounded with his fall, to whom his gentle Adversary used all the diligence to bring him again to his Senses, that he might become an Enemy fit for her Honour. Altophel alone, by his refusing to Engage, and by his Capriciousness, became that wretched Coward whom they made the Subject of their Indignation and Reproaches; a Select party undertook him, and to show how much they despised his Forces, they Charged him stark naked, whilst one of them beat a Battle on her Kettledrums. Altophel made no other Defence but to push at them with his Legs, which dishonourable way of Fight so Enraged them, that one of them catching him by his Foot threw him backward, whilst another to bring him to himself again (for those cruel Amazons ever affect to keep an Enemy long a Dying) squirted Stuponia in his face; this so startled the Squire, that Leaping up again he overbore those who had fallen on him; they were thus breathing animosity against each other, when the coming up of Rhoderick put an end to their Fury, he had appeared so admirable a Person to his Keepers, that they gave him his Liberty, and only took from him an Engagement instantly to March out of their Dominions, without any more acts of Hostility; he accordingly drew off his Party which was brought up by Altophel, whose Pride to go off unwounded was Insupportable to some of his Enemies, and one of them, to give him a proof of her Indignation, lifting up her Petronel, gave him so great a Blow as Dismounted him from the Rampire, as he was going to descend, he fell upon some of his Companions with so much weight that they all accompanied him in the fall, which made Rhoderick so angry, that forgetting what he owed to his Word and Honour, he faced about to Attack them, but Altophel knowing their Odds, was more willing to go off with some Loss, than to hazard more by a second Engagement; so they all Rushed out of the Door, and whilst some of them Mounted into the Chariot, Rhoderick bestrid one of the Horses; they Road a considerable time before they met with any Adventure, at last they found the Constable at the head of the Watch, who bid them stand, Rhoderick was in great wrath at this Opposition, and made a Signal to the Fiddlers and Link-Boys to Charge, whilst he himself drew to dispute their Passage, but the Horse he Road was so Unmanaged and Insensible, that he in vain directed through the Thickest of his Enemies: The Constable also made a Sign to his men to fall on, which they did very Valiantly, and great things were done for the Unhorsing Rhoderick, but he sat so skilfully, and Breathed so much Animosity, that the attempt was difficult; there was Light enough to make their Valour's discernible, and Music sufficient to animate the most timorous Persons. At last Rhoderick, weary with Resistance, and with doing Prodigious things, fell from his Horse, which Obliged those in the Coach to alight and draw. Altophel knowing the Nature of the Encounter; addressed himself to the Constable, desiring him not to Oppose the Watch against men that were so much in Drink, as his Friends were at that time. Sir, said the Constable, 〈◊〉 must not suffer this Affront in my Jurisdiction, and I must take a Correction ad Terrorem, and for the good of the Community; if these things should be suffered, we should not have a peaceable Citizen going Home from his Neighbour's House in an Evening, but he would be Assassinated by such Ruffians; the Trust which is Committed to me ex Officio, is very great, and I must make good my Charge though it be with the loss of my Life; and you, Sir, being found in ill Company at this unseasonable Hour, must take a part with them in the Demerit of their Fault. Altophel smiled at the Ridiculous Menaces of the Officer, and so turned from him, placing himself before Rhoderick to keep him from provoking the Fury of the Rabble, but there he was betwixt those which proved equal Adversaries to him: Rhoderick often Butted against him with his Head, whilst he stood an Impediment to his Career, and the Watch often gave him smart Attacks, whilst they endeavoured to rap Rhoderick behind him; so that being perpetually Justled, he grew angry with his Friend and his Enemies, and drew himself out of the Crowd, which soon made all the rest to be taken Prisoners, and he yielded himself for company, as not knowing what else to do than to see the end of this mad Adventure. When the Constable had completed his Victory, he ordered the Lights to be put out, whilst the Music ceased, and all things appeared with the blackness and horror of a Bloody Defeat. But as the Constable was carrying his Prisoners along, there Encountered him by the way a Select number of generous Cavaliers, who being in the same Elevation with the Vanquished, fell upon the Constable and the Watch with great Resolution; the Change of the Scene was wholly Surprising, for in a moment all the Music struck up for Joy and Victory. The Boys lighted both their Links and their Courages at the welcome Flame of their Rescuers, and neither on the one hand nor the other, would any that had the least Sparks of Gallantry in his Breast, lose that occasion of acquiring Glory, whilst in the heat of the Fight, an unhappy accident had like to have caused the Overthrow of the Heroes; for Rhoderick and his Friends not well understanding this Assistance, and being set at Liberty by the Watch, they Charged their Rescuers with a great deal of fury, but the Constable being in the thickest of the Battle, and Rhoderick on the one hand and one of the new Troop on the other, happened to Shock him so violently, as wholly Intimidated the Officer, and he hastily laid down his Arms and fled, which struck a Panic fear into all his Party, who followed his Example. When they were gone, the two Squadrons Charged angrily at each other, till Altophel putting himself betwixt them, made them so far understand themselves as to know that they were Friends, and accordingly they embraced, giving the Deserved and mutual Commendations to each others Valour; they went in a Body till they came to their respective Quarters, and there they dispersed: Altophel thought himself well delivered of so odd an Adventure, and after he had taken some Repose, he began to think of that amiable Person for whom he was so Passionate the night before; her divine Image presented itself in so many Charms to his Soul, that he vowed to Sacrifice all his Moment's to the glorious Original; he went Afternoon with Rhoderick to the Play 〈◊〉 after that to the Park, and from th●●●● up to Court, but none of all these P●●●● could show him the Beautiful stra●●●● with whom he had left the most cons●●●● able part of his Soul; this disappointment made him take himself out of Rhodericks Company when he went upo● that Design, which gave a Suspicion to his Friend, that he was framing an Intrigue, and whether he did it to Rescue the Squire from Committing any gross Errors, or to make a Divertisement o● his small Experience; he set himself to Dog Altophel in his Rambles, he found that he much frequented the Park and the Court, and he observed him to look very earnestly in the Faces of all the Ladies, as if he wanted the Lineaments of a Person for whom he had a Passion: Rhoderick who knew all the Town▪ desired nothing more than to see that Woman whom Altophel sought after in all places; and one Afternoon as they were together at the Play, he perceived the Squire to be disturbed at the sight of a Person whom he beheld in one of the Boxes, and he also perceived a Concernment in her, in looking again upon Altophel; he knew the Lady very well, and he knew her Beauty and her Quality to have been better than her good Fortune, he could not but wonder how Altophel came to direct his Amorous looks to her, or upon what account she was Induced to have any Considerations for him; he resolved to see what was the utmost of the Business, and he intended to carry Altophel so far in the Intrigue, as to Instruct him in what might be for his Advantage: The Squire often looked back, and at the Music bravely set himself as a fair Mark for the brigntest and the most piercing Eyes in the world, Rhoderick looking on him with a smile, said to him: Altophel, we will not have you fall in Love with that Lady, because she is one of the most extraordinary Persons in the Town, and we shall spoil you for a Lover to have your Heart broke in pieces at the first time, she is as Considerable for her Fortune as she is for her Beauty; I believe you will find it agreeable enough to become her Slave, but you have yet too tender a Breast to endure all the Cruelties of Despair: These words, though they put Altophel out of Countenance, yet they Animated him in his amorous Design, and he believed the private Intrigues he had with that Lady, were sufficient to defend him from that despair which Rhoderick admonished him of: The Lady was not well pleased to see her Lover with Rhoderick, whose Knowledge in the Town might Inform him of very ill things, and she therefore resolved to proceed with more Coldness and Circumspection on in the Business with Altophel; she had Informed herself of his good Fortune, and was willing to do herself a Kindness by him if it could be handsomely brought about; though Rhoderick had taken Notice of these things to his Friend, yet he could not forbear from going in Search for that Lady; so little is Love capable of being Governed by those Rules of Prudence which our Judgement tells us are Necessary to be Observed. Since Altophel proceeded so seriously in the Amour, and made the Lady at once a Present of his whole Heart, he might by the by have taken an account of her from Rhoderick, whom he saw perfectly knew her; He could not tell what Tricks she might play with the Depositum, nor whether she might Run with the Heart of a poor Squire, but he shut his Eyes when he gave it her, and blindly believed the Greatness of her Generosity and good Nature; and indeed his Design was Pleasant and Comical, for he thought it better to surprise his Friends with his good Fortune, than to forestall them with an account of it before it came. The next Night the two Gentlemen went to a great Ball in Masquerade, Altophel had the same Dress he had before, and was in his Mien and Fashion the unalterable Squire: He was espied by his Mistress, who came up to him and told him, That now she believed she had sufficiently Expressed to him the Sense she had of his good Qualities, by entertaining so much Acquaintance with him, which was a thing much contrary to her Temper, and her particular Interests in the Town, and that now she expected that Generosity from him, as at the same time to keep her Secrets, and also to forget that he had ever any knowledge of such a Person. She went away without saying more, and Altophel followed her with a Heart Inflamed by this Indifference, and told her a Thousand things that might mo●● her to some Compassion, but she understood herself too well to show any Remorse at all he could say, and whilst sh● mingled herself with other Company the distracted Lover followed her, wi●● a despair that was ready to make hi● Breathe his soul at the Foot of his Mistress: Every one that spoke to her, became a Rival, which Altophel considered with all the Resentments of Rage an● Madness; he Condemned every thi●● that was said to her as Folly and No●● sense, whilst he allowed no man to spea● well or gently that made Court 〈◊〉 her, and in particular one Gentlem●● very confident and very fine came up 〈◊〉 her, and poured into her Ears and Address made up of the Hoch poch, of Fren●● and English, but so strongly put together and so much bad Sense, that Attoph●● became justly Scandalised at it, an● a little to ease himself by Railing against a Rival, he went to find out Rhoderick to tell him what the Gentleman had spoken; he found him at last, and he communicated to him the Gentleman's who● Discourse, Rhoderick told him that 〈◊〉 had an ill Judgement, to think that th● Gallant who spoke those things had not delivered himself very Handsomely and Gently, for those words said he are New, and French; and though in their Conjunction with ours they may not appear Beautiful to you, yet here, where all things are Governed by Estimation and a Mode, we esteem that a happy Genius which on all occasions clings fast to the Modish word, what ever becomes of Damned Sense and Good Manners; and till you Learn to speak such words Hardily and Gracefully, you will never move our Ladies to any great Compassion.  
Altophel was much troubled at this Discourse, first because it excused a Rival, against whom the Squire believed he had such just Accusations, and then because it disparaged those Rules of Sense he had all his Life-time endeavoured to speak by; but thus much we will say on the behalf of the poor Run-down Squire; that as it is certain amongst those Persons who are the most Refined Wits of the Town, these words are so well mixed with our own, that the Symmetry makes up a very beautiful Eloquence, yet those Gentlemen who are Barren in their Inventions, and that are not Capable of Suiting what is good of th●● own with what is Modish of our Neighbour's, many times come off with an 〈◊〉 Grace and an ill Compliment, and a C●● valier of good Esteem, understanding that Violent was a word used on all Occasions in France, told a fine Lady th●● she looked very Violently. This Gentleman, had he been happy in a go●● Fancy, might better have used th●● word in the Affairs of his own Passion than to have blasted so sweet a Beau●● with it, if he had so great a desire to appear Intelligent in the graces of 〈◊〉 French Tongue; but it is the unhappy Thirst of such Persons after Forest Trifles, that has wearied our Press w●● so many things of little Profit, and O●●lig'd the Vainglorious part of that N●tion, to send us their Journals of th●● Concernments which are so no Mom●●nor Importance, such as their Mercu●● Gallant, the Extravagance of Characters, the Triflingness of Amours, t●● Half-witted Commendations of Hero●● with an Arrogance which proclaims 〈◊〉 Obliged to Reverence all they do, th●● are Happy and Generous in themselves they are a National Considerable to all Europe for many admirable things, but they are ill Copied in the Extravagant admiration which we show of all their Actions. There are many things Written in their Language, the Translation of which has done us a great deal of Kindness, though it were to be wished that ●hose worthy Gentlemen who undertook ●hem, had poured the Subject more Clean and Unmixed out of one Language ●nto another. There is no Notion nor Sense so considerable, but what may well be trusted with our own Words, and appear very Beautiful in them; nei●her can they take it ill that any of their Themes and Conceptions where they Travel, should appear in the Modes of ●he Respective Countries when they come, which is the way to procure them 〈◊〉 General and kind Reception. I cannot Imagine why we should not desire ●o be known by our own Genius, and our own Characters; I am sure they are ●he most Natural to us, and that Advantage will supply the Defect of some ●iry and Volatile Graces that are pecu●ar to other People: We do ill to endeavour a Resemblance with them in the more Airy part of our Souls, whilst th●● gravity which is Inseparable from us, 〈◊〉 that appears very Handsome in us 〈◊〉 not comply with that forced Lightness this is not spoken to Extol any thing th●● is our own, above the Excellencies of 〈◊〉 Neighbours, but only to affirm that 〈◊〉 natural Fashion and Endowment, 〈◊〉 much better made use of upon all Occasions, than the Introducing of any up●● our Practice, in which our Affecti●● to it appear greater than our Dexte●● to the ill Humour of Altophel, by E●●tolling the Courtships of his Rival, 〈◊〉 went away, to Participate again of t●● unpleasing Entertainment, and w●● more Violence to Condemn that for 〈◊〉 sake of his own Aversion, which he co●● have no Assistance in from the Cens●● of others. The Lady had so good 〈◊〉 Eye upon him, as to know when he w●● near her, and she did all things with th●● admirable Grace, that made the po●● Squire ready to Die with Despair; s●● Danced so Incomparable, and receive addresses in so Charming a Fashion, th● every Beauty came through the rest 〈◊〉 her Admirers to the very bottom of ●●tophels Soul. Rhoderick carefully observed whether he went, and though he knew not that Person whom he followed, yet he imagined it to be her which he had seen at the Play; he went up to her, and told her that he had something to Represent to her, worthy of her Compassion; which was the Condition of a young Gentleman, who appeared so much in Love with her that he pursued her into all places, as if the utmost which he Coveted was only to Breathe out his Soul at her Feet. She told him that she came thither with a Dress above her Quality, and that she was too mean to pretend to any thing of that Nature with a Gentleman: By this Reply, Rhoderick was satisfied that he had found the right Person, and therefore said to her, That he knew very well to whom he was Talking, and that it was with my Lady L. that he held his Conversation; he named her so, that she might believe he had mistaken her, that so his Knowledge might be no Impediment to the Observation he desired to make of her Actions, and he shunned Altophel all ●hat Night, that she might not see them together. The Squire for his part could not refrain from wandering after her it to all the places whether she went; sh● turned back once upon him, and said t● him, what is it that you would say 〈◊〉 me? Discharge all your Sentiments 〈◊〉 one time, I am unwilling to lose th●● Respect, which I have for a man tha● has a Secret of mine in his keeping, an● whose good Qualities I approve of, 〈◊〉 much as is allowed amongst those wh●● are Indifferent to all things; Have you an● thing wherewith to accuse a Person 〈◊〉 this Humour? Altophel told her that 〈◊〉 should be the most miserable Man 〈◊〉 the World, if she put an end to so glorious a Friendship as she had favour him with, and that he had found thos● the sweetest Moment's of all his Life in which he had Transported his So● with the thoughts of her Esteem; neither was it possible for him to Live an● longer than he possessed that Felicity▪ The Lady, who understood all things which belonged to a Charming Person told him that she had much Exceede● the Discretion of her Sex? when she first Entertained a Conversation with o●● she did not know, and that such a Reflection would sufficiently Excuse her for being Insensible to all things she heard from the most Virtuous and best Qualified Man in the World: Altophel was preparing for a Reply, which she not desiring at that time to hear, prevented him, by saying, Why should we Talk any more? We have proceeded far enough in an Acquaintance that had so strange a Beginning, and I hope you will have no Reason to accuse me of any thing, when I assure you that it shall end in this Moment; and so she went from him, and presently after out of the Room with her Company.  
When she was gone, Rhoderick came to the Planetstruck Squire, and asked him where he had been all that while? He replied, that he was observing of those things which he had never seen before; Altophel went Home possessed with different apprehensions; he was Satisfied, in the first place, that the Lady intended him no Artifice, by her coldness to him, and yet that which satisfied him that she was Sincere, assured him also at the same time that he was never to receive any more Kindness from her. The poor Squire was unexperienced in those admirable ways which are made use of to inflame a Heart they intent for a Sacrifice, and Altophel was justly Punished with so profound an Artifice who had neglected the Innocence and Integrity of Astraea; yet some minds are of that unhappy Temper, that they must be Treated with an abundance of Dissimulation, to raise at once their Value and to secure it, whilst a plain sincerity neither enhances their Esteem, nor preserves them from Capriciousness, which Defect of a good Understanding, has possibly given being to those admirable Arts which are now so generally Practised, by a Sex whose Tranquil and amiable Tempers, seem to have Fashioned them to a just abhorrances of Dissimulation, which they now find a necessary Preservative against Change and Insensibility of their Lovers. And we will have that Charity for them, as to believe they would willingly forget the Practice of it, if we would but once Learn to be Satisfied with a plain Sincerity: It is certain, we can have no more than the Heart of those we Love, which is not given with less Freedom and Complacence, because it is presented us with little Embellishment and Ceremony. To be entirely Beloved, is so incomparable a Blessing, that those Capricious Fools who rate it by the hollow Caresses and the studied Charm, have yet nothing in their own Minds capable to conceive the Greatness of it, the most Courtly protestations and the Softest Compliments, make not so sweet a Music as the Unartful Pant of a faithful Heart; and which, being Tuned in a Reciprocal kindness, make up the perfect Harmony of Love.   

SECT. V Intrigue of a great Lady about the Town.  
THat Lady whom Altophel admired, possessed all the parts of the most Refined Dissimulation, which she used towards her Lovers without any Remorse, or any Sense of that Honour that ought to be Inseparable from her Sex. It is difficult to Imagine what is the Pleasure of procuring that Kindness from another, by a Thousand Sleights, for which yet at the last we can only Return a counterse●t Value. That Lover in whom we cannot meet with those agreeble Endowments, as to be worthy of our most faithful Inclinations, why should we not let them alone, to find out a Heart that may delight in the Society of theirs? We commit a Robery in Nature, and take that to Enslave it to our Arts, which by a contrary Impresion is proclaimed to belong to another. That is the Heart on which we should seize, in whose Inclinations we find all things that are suitable to our own: Nature has created a Parity of Minds, and though they come into the World at different times, yet they are made the Twins of one Inclination; as Nymphs have been assigned to Bowers, and as inseparable Shadows pursue a Humane shape. A considerable part of the World's Felicity, is perverted by those unjust Arts which are the Piracies of Beauty, and against which there ought to be granted by Love, Letters of Reprisal.  
Rhoderick, (who knew how much Altophel might fool himself in this Amour, because he went so Seriously about it, whilst she whom he Courted was a Lady of such admirable Arts) was resolved to mix it with some Comical Adventures; he in the first place Wrote a Letter which he caused to be conveyed to Altophel, which was in these Terms.  
A LETTER.  
I Should never have done any thing of this Nature to a Stranger, were it not for that Value which I have for a Real Kindness. I am willing to believe I receive that from you, in these Regards you follow me with, and I am as willing not to be Ungrateful for any thing that I could Requite without a Prejudice to that Justice which I own to myself and the Discertion of our Sex; however, the end for which I do it, shall for once Excuse to my own Mind the freedom I Design, in telling you that to Morrow I shall be in the Park, at Seven a Clock in the Morning, and without any Company.  
This Letter was given to Altophel in the presence of Rhoderick, who after he had Read it, demanded of him whence it came; but as Altophel could not tell, because of the Contents, so his Surprise had made him Uncapable of giving a Handsome account of it: Well said Rhoderick, I see you have an Intrigue with some Lady, who is so Considerable, that you will not Beatify your Friend with the Knowledge of your good Fortune, and I shall satisfy myself with wishing you all the Felicity and Contentment in it; the next Morning they both Rose very Early, and Rhoderick when he was ready, demanded of Altophel how he would spend the Morning: he told him that he had some Business to go abroad. Well, replied Rhoderick, I believe we are both a going upon one Design: Mine, I'll assure you, is an appointment, and I believe yours to be the same, and I wish that you may be as well Satisfied in yours, as I expect to be in mine: When he had said these words, he gave him the Good-morrow, and went out. When Altophel found himself alone, he beat his Brains with thinking from whom that Letter should come, which was given him the night before, and whose Directions he was just a going to follow. He could not readily Imagine who should Write such things to him as he had found in the Paper, he knew it was not at all agreeable to that Discourse which had but two Nights before passed betwixt him and his cruel Mistress, neither was it of the same force with their former acquaintance; and he must either Imagine that some seasonable Kindness had Opportunely come in, to Obliterate the cruel Characters of a Passion which was growing Insupportable to him, or that his Mistress by beginning a new, shown a dislike of her former Treatment of him: There was a third account which the Youth might have given of this Adventure, and that was, That it was Designed by some Person to Mock him, and to Divert themselves with his small Experience. But Altophel had too much Self-love and Flattery about him, to Interpret any thing to the Prejudice of his good Qualities. And it is usual with every one of us to believe all things by our Inclinations, and not our Judgements, whilst a strong Fancy carries Masked through all the Searches of the Mind, those Objects which prove the Darlings of our Appetite, whence comes the ill Success of those Admonitions which are given us by our Friends in contrary Actions, and on which we pass such untoward Interpretations of the unfeigned Charity of their Souls, insomuch that were it not for the Discharge of that Virtue and Affection, whose Business it is constantly to be Suggesting of the Kindest things to those we Love, no one would Interess themselves in the Affairs of another Person, to which their Appetite and Inclinations prove an invincible Ascendant. Of those two Accounts which Altophel gave to himself of this Adventure, we may Imagine he was more ready to consider the latter; and that Soul which had been so sweetly Charmed by his Mistress, was willing to tread the most extravagant Mazes for the Love of her; where there is an extraordinary Passion, a little thing Cajoles and Allures it, and a Soul melted down by amiable Qualities, like flowing Mettles is turned any way, by the most easy Action.  
Altophel when he had put these thoughts into his Head, permitted them to carry with a great deal of haste to the place of that Appointment; when he came there, he found but little Company, and going up the Mall: he saw a Lady and a Gallant walking together, to whom the Gentleman used a great deal of Ceremony; he considered her by all the Marks which he knew of his Mistress, and found that her Height, her Dress, and her Gate, agreed exactly with hers he came to find, (for all those things had been thought of by Rhoderick in the Person he chose) he followed them up both with Jealousy and Rage; one time accusing her of Folly and Dissimulation, and at another, breathing Revenge upon that Extravagant Person that had prevented his Felicity; he often looked about to see if there was any other, and very willingly he would have found his mistake in thinking it was she whom he sought, but he could find no Object so kind to Relieve him, and he was forced to follow this cruel Couple to the end of the Mall; when, to his greatest amazement, Rhoderick turned short upon him; the Lady was Masked, but she feigned a little Disorder at the sight of Altophel, as Rhoderick also did himself, and made the Squire a sign to pursue his Walk: That action made Altophel stark mad, to find a Rival, to find him in Rhoderick, and to find him more beloved by the Lady he came to meet, she looked after him, as Altophel also did after her, but Rhoderick appeared to have no such Leisure from a most amorous Courtship. Here the Squire was wholly at a Loss; for, to follow his Friend had been first Unkind, and secondly Ridiculous to Dog the Intrigue of another; and on the other hand, he thought that if Rhoderick only happened upon the Lady by accident, when she had put him off she had more agreeable Business with himself; so that Friendship, Love, and Honour, placed him like a Statue, whilst they run a Tilt at each other in his Breast; at last Love (which is always the most powerful in Youth) prevailed with him so far, that he went to shelter himself behind a Tree, resolving to wait the end of the Business; they walked up again, and after them came a very fine Lady, extremely like her whom the Squire was in Love with, and her it was indeed, though she was Masked, yet a thousand Circumstances made Altophel willing to believe it was her, when she came to the end of the Mall, and Rhoderick was gone back, she pulled off her Masque and looked about her: Altophel had a short sight of that charming Face, though her hood so much shaded it that he could not see it very perfectly; when she saw not what she looked after, she turned back in the Mall, but her poor Altophel was ready to breathe his last at the foot of an Oak, through Rage and Vexation; first in thinking that if that was his Incomparable Mistress, she would believe that he had slighted so Charming a Kindness by not meeting her there; and then, if it should not be she, he would give a just cause of Displeasure to that Lady who was walking with Rhoderick. These Perplexities made him Groan most Tragically, whilst Rhodericks Divertisement was augmented by the thoughts of it, he phancied the Lady that came last was her indeed whom Altophel admired, and he knew the Squire was not far off, so that he knew in this Labyrinth his Friend must be admirably Perplexed; he was sure to keep near the last Comer, that Alltophel should have no opportunity to come to her for any Information, without being taken Notice of by him, which he knew the bashful Squire would carefully avoid; he was indeed Entangled in so many thoughts, as if he had been Fettered to the Tree, which protected him from the fight of all, and he became so Stupefied with his Distraction, that it was impossible for him to raise his Invention to the finding out of one poor Contrivance, whereby to Explicate himself. They came up again, and when they turned, she that was alone went out of the Park, and Rhoderick after her, with the other Lady. Altophel expected their Return with a great deal of Impatience, but no Rhoderick nor Lady appeared, which obliged the Squire to venture from behind the Tree to look for them in the Mall, he miss them there, which made him pursue them with a Speed as if he had been Hunting of Ravishers; he knew not which way to go, and he would willingly have sent one half of himself to this Gate, and the other to that, at last he fled to the Guards, but he could see nothing, and so went full of Vexation to his Lodgings, where he was told by his Footman that there had been one to speak with him, and to give him a Letter, which he had carried back again because he was not at Home. This more and more perplexed his Understanding, and he seemed to have so much amorous Business upon his Hands, that he knew not which way to turn himself. He began to be satisfied that both the Letters could not come from one Person, and he phancied at length, that as fast as he pursued his beautiful Mistress with an ardent Passion, he was followed as Impetuously by another; this was a very pretty Imagination, and gave a strange Contentment to the Squire, and though his Design was not very Brave nor very Manly, yet because it is something pleasant we will put it down amongst his Adventures: For Altophel Inhumanely contrived to give the same Treatment to the Lady who was in Love with him, as he received from her he Courted, and he thought that could not be an ill Usage which was Copied from her own Sex; he resolved that every Frown he received he would charge it on his own Brow, and shoot it at his other Mistress, whilst every Smile should, after it was cast in the Mould of his own Muscles, be lodged in the Soul of the amorous Mind; every Expression of Love and Anger that was Darted at him from his unknown admirer, he resolved to new Feather with his Breath, and so let fly again the singing Accent. But so bloody a purpose could never be successful, and accordingly it happened with the Squire, for that Letter which was brought him in the Morning, came from no other but his old Mistress, who was of a Humour very contrary from finding any Business for the Compassion of a Country Squire, and whatever gentle Business she undertook, it was Executed with a Heart harder than those Rocks that break a Tempest. She had sent to him, it is true, to let him know that she would be in the Park, but it was other Designs than Love that put her upon making such Appointments; yet as Obstinate as she was, I am apt to believe she was a little out of Humour at the miscarriage of her Plot; and she could not but think it something Odd, first to have her Summons disobeyed by Altophel, and at that time to be Affronted with the sight of Rhoderick, whom she knew to be his Friend; and she might possibly have a little Remorse, for contriving those Designs upon a Youth whom Fortune appeared to Rescue from her Arts. But when she came Home and found that her Letter was not Delivered, she took new Courage in her former Designs; she resolved to be that Afternoon at the Play, and after she had let Altophel know that she saw him there, she turned her Head away, and looked no more upon him that Afternoon; which both Inflamed and Enraged him at once, and he was extremely angry with himself, because he knew that one way or other he had Disobliged her by the Miscarriages of the Morning; as she was going out, Altophel got up to her and begged her to think of a time when she would put an end to that Cruel usage of him; to which she coldly Replied, That it seemed he had other Business than to expect it from her, and so went into the Coach. This was a Theme large enough for the Squire to Declaim upon till he saw her next, but his Thoughts were so Confused and Perplexed, that it was Impossible for him to come to any Resolutions; he knew not whether it were best for him to own the Receipt of a Letter, because he knew not whether it was hers; and if he should say he had none, in that he phancied he might accuse himself of a very great rudeness. When he came Home, Rhoderick filled his Head with new Perplexities, for he told him that he was Surprised to meet him in the Morning, and asked him whether he was going, he said that he only walked to take the Air: No; said Rhoderick, you went to meet a young Lady that sent you the Letter; but Altophel continued he, looking Indifferently, had you not been both in Love and in haste, I might have showed you a Lady whom I am sure you think very Handsome; I was walking with her where you met me, but you being designed for warmer Amours, I thought could not then Digest so cold an Entertainment, as you must have had from her. Altophel grew Inflamed at this Discourse, and knew not what Reply to make Rhoderick, only his Jealousy obliged him to say, I was a going to meet no Woman, but though I was alone I did not want so unkind a Divertisement as to have Interrupted my Friend when he was making Love; however though the Lady appeared to be very Extraordinary, yet I cannot believe it was any whom I admire; for you Rhoderick, being a Person something Scandalous, I fancy a civil Woman would not, for many good Considerations, put herself into your Company. It is very well, my dear Squire, replied Rhoderick, that you think me not worthy the Favours of a fine Lady; however, what I had then were so very Indifferent, that you might have enjoyed them if you had pleased: I would not do a Lady of her Quality whom I had with me that wrong, as to procure her an ill Fame by my Company, and that I tell to Altophel, is Communicated to a Person whom I know Loves that Lady too well, to publish any thing to her Disadvantage. My respect (said Altophel) for the whole Sex is so great, that I would not do the least Injustice to any one of them, and as I deprive them of nothing which they ought not to lose, so I have always the Charity to believe that the rest of Mankind preserve the same Reverence for them. This is a Discourse so Grave, replied▪ Rhoderick with a Smile, That if I should longer continue it, I might chance to Dream of those things that are contrary to my Humour, and to the prejudice of more pleasant Encounters which I have had to day, though I do not say they were with the Lady who has Obliged us to all this Seriousness, The fashion with which Rhoderick spoke these things, and the words themselves touched Altophel to the quick, since he knew not what to gather from them, nor were they designed for any other end, than equally to Balance his Good and Ill Opinion. Altophel fell again to thinking on his Adventures, he knew that it must be his Incomparable Mistress, of whom Rhoderick discoursed, and so by Infallible consequence it must be she which was walking with him in the Morning, and also by the same irrefragable Argument, he concluded that there were things of that Nature betwixt her and Rhoderick, as were enough to Distract him with Jealousies Altophel was now in a fair way to tu●● Rebel, and to deny the Perfections 〈◊〉 Sovereignty of his Mistress; this is t●e first Occasion he has given us to take Notice of his unseasonable Niceness, than which nothing is more Impertinent in the Town; for he that makes Love there to a Lady very Accomplished, must be sure to do it in the Crowd of a thousand Pretenders, nor will he ever be able to find that Person at so much Leisure, as to humour his Capriciousness; and it is a Custom with them, no longer to entertain a Servant, than he is good Natured, and Satisfied with any Treatment they think to give him, for if it should be otherwise Beauty would be forced to shrink from that Sovereignty it holds over our hearts, to a miserable Lenitude to the Humours of its Admirers; and this is a very good Reason why there is no more serious Love amongst them, because the Exchanging and Barterring of Hearts would be the Degrading of the Female Power, and give Beauty no Prerogative above Deformity; but to make us Love in spite of our Teeth, and contrary to all those Resentments wh●ch an ill Treatment Inspire us wi●●, is a Privilege which raises and su●●●rts their Pride and Ambition. But ●●●ophel was not sensible of these things, and therefore purposed to be Dogged with his Mistress, for the Favours she shown to Rhoderick. Poor Squire! Thou art ill Acquainted in that Place, where the first point of Wisdom is not to Love at all, and the next never to admit of a Reconcilement after a just Quarrel; where thou wast Born, it is found an agreeable Business to study pretty ways of Pacification, after an Innocent Anger, and after that to permit our Friendships to fall to pieces again only for the Pleasures of a Reparation: There the Blood is sweet, and the Days are long enough for such Divertisments, but in these Bosoms, where resides a perpetual Distrust and ill Nature, the first Anger fires that Resentment which neither thy Tears nor thy Blood could ever quench; they will admit of Reconcilements, but it is but the more to Gratify their Revenge, by using a Dissimulation with those who have Disobliged them: But it was in this Altophels' good Fortune, that he could not Execute what he had Determined, for his Mistress appeared so admirable at the next sight he had of her, that he Sneaked sufficiently in those Amorous looks he gave her, and she not knowing those unworthy Resolutions he had taken, treated him with some sort of Sweetness. She was a Lady that had perfectly the Command of every Appearance, and used them not according to her fancy, but those Designs she had upon any one.   

SECT. VI Duelling upon Love Account.  
THe place where Altophel saw her at this time, was the Park, where there was a great deal of Company walking, there was with the Lady only one Woman more and a Gentleman, the Illustrious Heroine drew Altophel after her along the Mall, and often Gratified him with a kind Look for that Observance. The Gallant that was walking with her, could not but take Notice of it, and as he thought the Squire a little Impertinent to follow them up and down, so he grew out of Humour with the Lady for Looking so often back upon him, and expressed so much to Altophel by his big looks, but the Squire who was not naturally very fearful, and particularly now, heated with good Fortune in his Love, was not to be Frighted from a place where he received so many Pleasures, and Altophel not only continued to do the same things whilst he was in the Park, but also followed the Lady to the Coach. The Gallant, after he had put her in, came briskly up to Altophel, and asked him, What had Obliged him to follow that Lady? And demanded of him, what Business he had with her? Altophel replied, That he followed those Inclinations in it, which he was not bound to give him an account of: The Gallant told Him that he had Affronted him in it, and that he expected Satisfaction from him, or he would get him Kicked. Altophel answered him, that he would not force him to take such a contrary Course, and with that acquainted him with his Name and Lodgings: Upon which the Gentleman Retired, and the next Morning sent Altophel a Challenge, to meet him with his Second. The Squire accepted of it, but he was a little troubled to draw another Person into any Inconveniencies upon his account: Whilst in such Thoughts, he followed the Dictates of that Justice and good Nature, which Custom has Discredited in the Town: And indeed it is Custom which does many strange things, making the Oddest actions to be well Interpreted, otherwise it would neither appear very Kind, nor very Generous to Involve an indifferent Person in those Actions which our own Folly or ill Nature pull upon us; certainly, every man ought by himself to support those Inconveniencies which he causes to himself, but a Fantastic Honour obliges me to run all the Risks of the most  and Quarrelsome Persons, and my good Nature and Civility, are Endowments which I can reap no benefit from, whilst I must espouse another's Animosity; that Blood which I endeavour to keep Calm. and Undisturbed in my own Veins, cannot carry my Soul to the Periods of a long Life, whilst I am not secure from having it thus Wracked on the Tempests of a Stranger's Rage: Neither am I less Precipitated by those Extravagant Rules of Honour, upon the Ruin of my most dear Concernments; it is twenty to one but I may meet against me in the Field, that Person whom I esteem above all the rest of Mankind, and I may either Kill him; Whom to Wound proves my own Murder, or Die by that hand which had Signed an Eternal Friendship with me. Certainly, never any Tyrannic Custom was set up in the World, so Barbarous and Extravagant as this of Duels, and it must have been in Hell, that the black Shapes of that Honour were first drawn, which would appear to us things of the greatest Horror were they Resorted to by any other Votaries, than the blinded Rage and Fury of our Souls; but Love, Youth, and Custom, Precipitated Altophel upon an action that was so contrary to him, and he accordingly spoke to Rhoderick to be his Second, which he readily consented to: They went in the Morning, and they had just began to Fight, when there came into the Field a very fine Lady, and putting herself betwixt them, she Obliged them to give over; when she had pulled off her Masque, she was known to be Altophels' Mistress, and after she had spoken some angry words to Altophels' Enemy, she Obliged him to wait upon her away, whilst his Second accompanied him in the same Ceremony, the other Two went Home-another way; as they were going along, Altophel could not but commend the great Justice and Generosity of the Lady, to prevent the shedding of any Blood upon her account. In that, said Rhoderick, she has appeared more Compassionate than many Ladies of the Town, who make a Divertisement of those Quarrels they procure; and with an Indifference, like theirs who beheld the Roman Gladiators, they make but a Sport of the losing Lives even in them for whom they avow a Kindness. Certainly, said Altophel, those Rules of Love ought not to be approved of by the Lover, and nothing should pass for Esteem from a Mistress, which does not agree with that we have for ourselves In ourselves, replied Rhoderick, we value our Honour above our Lives, and those that love us, should have the same care of our good Qualities which we have ourselves: I should readily excuse them from that care of my good Qualities, replied the Squire, and I should not Fancy to be fashioned by any one's Humour but my own. In that your Opinion, said Rhoderick, is contrary to mine, since I should never value any thing about me, if it had not an equal esteem of the Ladies. Well, said Altophel, but as to the present Adventure; I think the Lady was much more Generous to put an end to our Quarrel, than to have suffered us to Kill each other, only to esteem the Gallantry of the longest Liver. You having, said Rhoderick, a particular esteem for this Lady, will set yourself to Justify and admire all she does, and so you are not a fit Person to be Discoursed with at this time: This was all the Notice Rhoderick took of the Quarrel, which he would not further inquire into, because he found Altophel not very forward to declare the Reasons of it.   

SECT. VII. About Arrests.  
AS they were going Home, there came a Select Number of Bailiffs, and caught hold of Rhoderick, taking his Sword presently from him; Altophel thought at the first, that it had been some Persons came to seize them upon account of the Duel, but his Friend quickly acquainted him that it was an Arrest, which Obliged the Squire to draw his Sword, though he knew not what to do with it In that Company; this was to Rhoderick the worst Encounter of the Two, and he was so much a Man of the Town Humour, that he was more willing to run all the hazards of a Duel, than to fall into those Troublesome inconvenicies of owing Money: but their Executioners were so Nimble, that they presently run him to a Tavern, whither Altophel followed him to be his Second, in an Engagement of a different Nature to the other. The Warrant was for Two Hundred Pounds, which was a Debt contracted by one of Rhoderick's Mistresses, with a Tradesman, and which the Gallant had passed his word for; it stood in the Citizen's Book very peaceably, whilst Rhoderick and his Mistress held a Friendship; but when he left her, the spiteful Lady amongst the other ways of her Revenge, had in particular Obliged the Tradesman to deal thus unkindly with Rhoderick; he Swore as deeply against her for the unworthiness of the action, as he had formerly done to her for the putting himself into her Favour; but these last Imprecations were to the same purpose as the former, serving only to Agitate that Wind which carried them far enough from the Soul to which they were Directed: And indeed, had they been Managed with the greatest Force and Judgement, it would have been impossible for them to have made any Impressions in a heart so hard, as is carried in the Bosoms of the Town. After Rhodericks Rage was a little abated, he thought of the Common Remedy to such Disasters, which was to give Bail to the Action, and Altophel was the Person, neither could he refuse it to his Friend, and to a man who had that morning done him a Kindness of a more dangerous Nature; it was as readily accepted of by the others, who were glad of such good Security as Altophel, whose Fortune was fresh and Unblasted. When this was done, the two Friends went Home, where a little after, Altophel had this following Letter brought him.  
A LETTER.  
I Hope you will now be Satisfied with that Compliance I have desired from you, and Expect no more Familiarity with me; I have Received new Motives to Settle that Resolution in my Mind from the Adventure of this Morning, and ever to Speak to a Man who has in that manner been Engaged upon my Account, is an Inconvenience I must Resolve to shun, though I shall so far Consider my former  to you, as to wish you Well, and particularly that you may be more Happy than you could ever have been in that Kindness, which you desired from me.  
Altophel read this Letter with an infinite Distraction of mind, but there are ever two ways by which we administer a Consolation to ourselves upon such Occasions. The first is, To put a low Value upon that Esteem we lose, and to believe it is no Infelicity to us: And the other is, by a strange Flattery which we afford to ourselves, by which we Disbelieve any thing we desire should be untrue, and by a strange Argumentation particular to a Love-struck mind: We give very pleasant Reasons of those contrary Opinions which we are willing to Embrace. This latter was the Relief of Altophel, those unkind things which were told him, were by his own Imagination interpreted as pieces of Decorum or Prudence, and not the Expressions of a Resolution which was presently a going to be Executed, for the Lady was just to what she had told him; but what were the Motives she made use of, to persuade herself to an action so much Contrary to her first Design, we cannot determine; whether she believed that his perpetually Consorting with Rhoderick, might some time or other, procure him the Knowledge of those things that went about the Town to her Prejudice; or whether she being a Lady of a great Birth, of a high Spirit, and possessing many excellent Qualities, she might at last represent to herself the Illness of that Design she had engaged herself in, and feel a Remorse to receive so unfeigned and Innocent a passion as she believed Altophel had for her, only with Art and Dissimulation; we ought to believe it was the latter Consideration that prevailed with her, since a Person of a generous Education, will one time or other Rescue themselves from those ill Actions into which their Appetites or Inadvertency often Precipitate them; that Honour, which is the measure of all things in a Noble mind, though some mischievous Accidents and Passions may often Obscure it, yet it seldom fails to break out from the thickest Clouds with so much brightness, as to be capable to Direct the Owner in the Paths of some Generosity. Altophels' Mistress got these Conquests on herself, and she Completed them by withdrawing for the present from the Town: The Squire hunted after her in every Company, and he loved not himself in all those Places where he had seen her, because that beautiful Person appeared in none of them, whose only presence kept them from seeming Desolate to him; a Love that was so dear to the Squire, could not be ended without something of a Tragical Conclusion, and he grew so Melancholy, as to keep his Bed for many days. Rhoderick that imagined how it was with him, seeing the Extremity he was going to, at last resolved to Administer what he believed would prove an effectual Remedy; and he accordingly one day came to him, and told him, That though he was unwilling to Concern himself in any of his particular Affairs, yet he thought it belonged to his Justice, and was moreover an act of his Charity to set him right in one thing, by which he strangely wronged himself. I know, continued Rhoderick, that you are in Love, and that you are in Love with the Lady who put an end to our Duel; but you love her, Altophel, without any knowledge of her and though I am not so Inhuman as to delight in Publishing any thing to the Disadvantage of so fine a Lady; yet my Kindness to you, will Oblige me to make you a Relation, that will alone Cure your Passion, and restore you to your good Humour, which he accordingly did. Those things which Altophel heard, much troubled and amazed him, but he would not appear so unkind to the Memory of a Person whom he had so passionately loved, as to permit them to Lodge a moment in his Soul; and he at once endeavoured to forget them, and the Lady who was unhappy in them, which was a good Endowment in the Squire since those Objects that have received the Kindness and Caresses of our Souls, when we find ourselves Obliged to give them no longer that Treatment, it is but a common Justice to remove them thence with Civility and Respect, and not to keep them any longer there, only to Expose them to the Affronts of our Resentment: Every thing that we have loved, does from that Passion receive a title to our Humanity and Difference, which consists in forgetting those Persons whom we cannot remember with pleasure. Altophel being in this Condition, very prudently applied himself to those things that might Divert him from an ill Humour, which is a bad Quality so extremely Insupportable in the Town; one thing he thought of in very good time, and that was the ill Events of his Loves, and he very seasonbly concluded, that whatever good Success others might find in 〈◊〉 serious Passion, it was not his Fortune ●o meet with the same, and therefore what Encounters he found of that Nature, he resolved to make no very grave Business of them. And Rhoderick accordingly told him one 〈◊〉, that he perceived▪ Beauty was the first thing that had Captivated him in the Town, but that he served it in a wrong manner, since it was not a place that admitted of great and serious Passions, because the Humour of it, was for the present only accommodated to easy and gentle Loves. But Altophel, said he, since you find yourself not Inclined to those Soft and Goodnatured Passions, which neither wound nor Kill; it were better for you, since your Temper is Heroic, to Associate with some of the most famous Wits, and take your Instructions from them: With these you must know, Altophel, every one is ambitious to Consort himself, and amongst them also are great and powerful Factions, and already is commenced the Bellum Poeticum, with all the appearances of a Mortal Animosity; those things which are disputed for, are the lofty Drama, and the amorous Stanza, the Business of these Contrary Factions is to Cut in pieces the Reputation of each other, and to Damn all their Productions for unpardonable Stuff. I had rather, said Altophel, observe a Neutrality in so hot a Quarrel, than to endanger either my Judgement or my Reputation, where I have no Interests that Oblige me to it. But that is not (replied Rhoderick) agreeable to the Activity and Generosity of the present Age, whose happy Genius enterprises upon all things, and to esteem nothing so dear as to Decline the Exposing of it. If you will be a Wit, you must associate with one Party or the other, and I hope you will not be so unkind as to Desert your Friend: For I am of o●e side, and for your Encouragement I must tell you, That it is the most prosperous, and has the Greatest Party. If you have taken that side only for those Considerations, replied Altophel, methinks you have done an Action contrary to your Honour, which should espouse a Quarrel for the Justice of it, and not to follow Fame or Success in a Dispute so Important as that of Wit; the Justest side may fall into Contempt, whilst Virtue is not always measured by Success. But since all men, said Rhoderick, have no more to do with Wit than to enjoy the Fame and the Reputation of it, it is better to associate with a Celebrated party, than to be unseasonably Generous, by endeavouring to support a Damned Pretention; he that puts in his Talon to the greatest Mass of Wit, like him that ventures in a rich Company, has those Returns which are Considerable and Easy too; I can now pass for a Wit, by keeping such Company, by Rehearsing some Verses, and by Damning the contrary side. But I can never, said Altophel, allow of what you say to be the Gallantry of a true Cavalier, since it is more becoming a Hero, and a great Wit such as Rhoderick, to Compassionate a Sinking side, and to Raise for himself a Fame, by carrying Conquest and Victory to a Party that should owe it to his Sufficiency alone. My dear Squire, replied Rhoderick, waving the Flattery of that Discourse, I must tell you, that such great Exploits were for Ages more Hardy and less Voluptuous; besides, the Genius is composed of Nicenesses, and Wit like our Modes is Esteemed for its agreeableness, and sitting easy about us. Therefore, said Altophel, you should the more endeavour to Rescue so Illustrious an Endowment from the power of such Men, who whilst they pretend to pay it Veneration, hold it in Servility; Wit had ever greater Oblations and Sacrifices allowed it, and a more profound Homage there's done it now. Ah, replied Rhoderick, that was the Cause of its Tyranny and insupportable Capriciousness, but we have now made it more Gentle and Propitious to Mankind, by forcing it to a Satisfaction, in more Easy and Careless addresses; he that formerly came a Votary to it, must bring a Train of Volumes with the Oblation of some Signal and Useful undertaking; but now it is Satisfied with a Poem, or a Lovesong, so increasing the Number of Votaries whilst it dispenses with the burden of infinite Qualifications. By that way, replied Altophel, will come in a general Neglect of it, for when the Esteem of Wit is easily Purchased, the Fame of it will be less Considerable; and the Pretences growing Common, none will undertake an extraordinary Service for what is enjoyed by easy Attempts. But why, said Rhoderick, should any Sullen precepts thrust the greatest part of Mankind out of so happy and advantageous a Reputation as that of Wit, which is now so amicably Shared indifferently amongst all the World? methinks nothing would be so happy as the Levelling of Understandings, and every thing that is above this peaceful Community, should be Damned for a Tyrannic Nonsense, which would quickly Discourage all the Pedantic Ambition after a Priority in Wit. This sort of Levelling, replied Altophel, I am a great Enemy to, and I would have the Government of Wit to be Aristocrical. Ah Altophel, replied Rhoderick, if you knew the Sweetness of being thought a Wit, and yet the difficulty of procuring and preserving that Title according to the Old Modes, you would more easily be of my Opinion, since it has been found in Times no more Remote than our own: How uncertain the Success of the best Wits have been? And those who have a long while received the most extravagant Eulogies and Encomiums, have suddenly, and strangely too, fallen into the Scandal of being Dull and Insipid, and rather to Dote than to be Witty in all their Write. Every thing, replied Altophel, has a time to Flourish, and to Fade, and those Endowments which have the most Pleased and Obliged the World, may meet with Inconstancy and Ingratitude; but that does not Lessen the real Esteem of a truly glorious Quality. Well, said Rhoderick, I see we cannot Convince one another, and so should give over the Discourse.   

SECT. VIII. A Discourse against Plays.  
AS they made an end; there came into their Lodgings two Gentlemen that were esteemed two admirable Wits: Rhoderick after the first Compliments, told them that they came very happily at that time, because he had so great a desire to present a young Gentleman to them, that wished nothing so much as to be admitted one of their Society, that he might fashion his Understanding by those Habiliments and Modes, which they allowed of Sense and Reputation; with that he presented Altophel to them, who made them the best Compliments he could upon this Occasion, after which they all went out to Supper. Altophel set himself to catch at every thing which was spoken in this Company, and brought together all his Sense, that he might receive as he ought, those Conceptions which he expected from men so Extraordinary: The first Subject they fell upon, was a Lady whom the Squire had before heard of, but they handled her in such barbarous Language, and with so many Obscene freedoms, that the Modest youth grew really Compassionate of the Injured Lady, and could not but fancy she felt a certain Pain and Indignation at the Violences were done her in that Discourse; he would have forgiven them, had they with any Modesty taken from her a good Name, or with the least show of Regret mentioned her Infirmities, but he was justly Scandalised at the blunt Rudeness, with which they Exposed her Honour and her most Important Concernments; he could not but Reflect upon the extreme Civility to that Sex, which was found in the amorous Wit of former Ages, whilst it allowed them Knights Errand to defend their Honours, never scrupling to send them half the World over in search of a Ravisher; but now he found that Men of the greatest pretences to Wit and admirable Endowments, not only Frollickly stab their Honour, but drag them out of the most secret Recesses of Modesty, whilst they Inhumanely Anatomize and Butcher them in their Bloody discourses; but the Tenderness and Civility of Altophel was happily taken off of the Rock, by one of those gentlemen's having an occasion to go out of the Coach about a little Business, in which he was accompanied by Rhoderick, whilst Altophel was left alone to so great a Wit, and without the Medium of a Friend betwixt himself and a Person whom he could not consider as he did the rest of Mankind; the Gentleman asked him how long he had been in the Town, whether he had yet made Choice of a Mistress, and Courted her with Songs: Altophel replied, that he was yet without a Mistress, but that when he should, Choose her, he could not be so happy as to Court her in that Poetic Fashion: you must then expect, answered the other, not to be very Fortunate in your Love, since that is the way of Courtship which the Ladies have now made Choice of; they have long enough looked in their Glasses to take an account of all their Beauties, and to behold them in the Contortion and Grimaces of their Lovers, is a Mirror for which they have now justly an Abhorrance. To consider them in that Love we pretend to have for them, is a Representation subject to so many Exceptions, that it is as justly Neglected by this incredulous Age: It is only then in the Beautiful and lively Draughts of Poetry, that they will consider and admire themselves. I shall surely, replied Altophel, make a very ill Lover, if all the sincerity of my Heart will not supply the defect of my Poetry. This is a Town, said the Gentleman, that pretends to Examine nothing but the Outside and Appearance, whilst a bountiful Expression is received with as good an Esteem, as all the Largesses of an amorous Heart.  
But, Sir, continued he, since I perceive you have no Inclination for our Amours, How do you like our other Gallantries, and particularly our Plays? As for the Plays, replied Altophel, my Inclination for them is like that of others who comes Strangers to the Town, which is, to esteem what we see before any thing we hear; besides the great Difficulty that it is now made of Judging that sort of Wit, whilst the Poets have amongst themselves rendered all Sense so Fantastical, that a man can hardly tell which is it amongst those Condemned things he hears. Wit seems to be received amongst you, not for any of its Native beauties, but for the particular Cognizance which it wears, whilst some men will admire the most trifling conceptions, under the Protection of one whom they applaud; and at the same time they make no scruple to Damn very gallant thoughts, if they are the Issue of a hated Brain. Certainly, replied the Gentlemen, Esteem must be the measure of the best Sense, and in so vast a Confusion of contrary things, and in so much. Business as the World finds at present, it is necessary that the richest Notions should be taken by Content; and without the trouble of counting over their Value. I am of the Opinion, answered the Squire, that the Town at present drives too great a Trade of Wit, and has particularly too much Poetic Business upon its hands: It happens, replied the other, in the Commonwealth of Poetry, as it does in other States; where the Allurement and Thirst of Profit, multiplies the Aventurers, which is at last a Ruin of the Commerce itself, and that Wit which has procured so many Advantages to the Owners of it, by falling into many hands will quickly grow very little Valued. It is Fame and Reputation which makes all Wit currant, and if it loses that stamp it will manage no Interests in the World. It would be happy (replied Altophel) if that Fame could consider more the good of Mankind, and choose those Metals to Impress upon, which have in themselves a Value equal to that of her Image. But that Coin, replied the Gentleman, would move more heavily in the World, and Men would not so soon grow rich in Reputation; the Treasures of the present Wit (said Altophel) are so quickly got together, that the Justice of procuring it is ever questioned; and many have Declined the Trade, because of a just abhorrence which they have for the Scandal of it. I see (replied the other with a Smile) that you have brought out of your Country those Scruples of mind which must be removed by a constant use of our Divertisments, which I hope will give you also contrary Impressions.   

SECT. IX. The Cuckolding of Two Lawyers.  
AS he ended that Reply, they came to the place where they were to Sup, they had been there but a little while when Rhoderick and the other Gentleman came to them, and brought two very fine Ladies; they were strangely Extravagant with them before Supper, and the Ladies came thither in so good a Humour, that they consented to everything was desired of them. Altophel though he coveted not the Knowledge, yet he was forceably Instructed in some things that he had till then been Ignorant of; as in particular, whether the Lady's Stockings were tied above, or below the Knee; and how many Buckles in the Garter went to the making of a Love-knot; what number of Petticoats it is necessary to wear about the Equinoctial; and above all, with how much Freedom a well-shaped Woman will Expose her delicate Limbs to the sight of all the World; as if Modesty in that Sex had at first been nothing else but the Precaution of Deformity. A great many other things without doubt came that day to Altophels' knowledge, but they were of that Value that he could never be persuaded to Divulge them. They had an excellent Supper, and so much Mirth as would have Digested the hardest Fare in the World; as soon as that was ended, they went to Play, and at the same time Drank abundantly. Altophel in a little while Lost all his Money, which consisted in a great many pieces of good Gold, and he Lost with them the best part of his Sense and Understanding; he exactly followed the Discipline of the Stoics, who (that we might support Misfortunes) advise us to harden and deaden the Senses; Wine had helped Altophel more nimbly to that Quality, than Philosophy could possibly have done. When the Company had Tired themselves with all Exploits, Altophel being the least used to those Endure, fell asleep, whilst the rest of the Company left him, and one of the Ladies very Inhumanly took his Breeches with her; he at last awaked, and straggled out of the Room into the Street, when he came there it was just , and the want of his Breeches made him a very Ridiculous spectacle to those that were going along; at last he happened upon a Coach, into which he got and was driven Home to his Lodgings, where after he had Recovered his Senses by a sound sleep; he awaked, and fell to Examine himself about his last night's Extravagance; the want of his Gold, the disorder of his Stomach, and the loss of his Breeches put him quite out of Humour, and he awaked Rhoderick to be guided out of these Perplexities; but he was plunged deeper in them, when his Friend told him that he had played away all his Gold, and that he had made Love like a true Cavalier; but, said the Squire, did I play away my Breeches too? No, said Rhoderick, I did not see you without them, and I am sorry that I was so unkind in my Drink, as to prefer the going Home with my Mistress before the care which I ought to have had of my Friend. However I will (said he) make an Inquiry after your Clothes; but that trouble was saved, for as they were talking, there came one in with the Breeches and a Letter directed to Rhoderick, in which the Lady desired him to ask Altophels' pardon for taking away those things which she had now restored; she confessed that she had done it with little Judgement, and less Compassion, since they were his Defence in those places where he was the weakest, and where he ought to be the best Fortified; but as for the Letters that were in the Pocket, she had seized on them, and wished she might but know the writer, to admonish her to receive no more Kindness from a Lover of so cold a Complexion. Rhoderick shown the Squire the Letter, who was more troubled at the loss of his Gold and his Letters, than at the blunt Character which the Lady bestowed upon him; but he dissembled all to Rhoderick, only asked him what Ladies those were that had been so free with them the night before? They are, said Rhoderick, the Wives of two excellent Lawyers: That may be, said Altophel, for their Practices are as Unconscionable as their Husbands; and they are as happy too, said Rhoderick, smiling in a Vindictive Eloquence. I will (said Altophel) allow them to be as good at Railing, but I beseech you, How do these two great Cuckolds support the Misfortune of having such bad Wives? Oh, said Rhoderick, with the greatest Tranquillity in the World, they are the most tender Husbands that Live, and Esteem themselves the most happy of all men in such Fond and Careful Wives. It is very strange, said Altophel, that none of these Extravagancies should ever come to their Knowledge, one of which is great enough to make them Hang themselves, without the Concurrence of that Remorse which they ought to have for their bad Practices. And I wonder moreover, continued the Squire, why they affect the Company of such great Wits as were with us the last Night. There is a very good Reason for that, said Rhoderick, because the Conversation of the Law being Rough and Blunt, Obliges the Ladies to have a Recourse to the Soft and Gentle Society of the Poets. Indeed, replied the Squire, the Society was Soft and Gentle enough, but I could easily Excuse them from pretending to that greatness of Wit which they are so much admired for. You are so very Idle, said Rhoderick, as to esteem all good Sense by those damned Rules which you Learned at School, from your Country Pedants; but here we value Wit by the Humour and the Softness of it. Nay, said Altophel, if that be the chief Ingredient in Wit, I Congratulate those Gentlemen which were with us; for those things I heard then, and particularly the Verses which one of them Rehearsed, were very Flat and Dull. You must know said Rhoderick, that the Thoughts which now procure a good Liking, are such which never attempt to break the Brain in being understood; the present Genius is more Civil, and better bred than to do any Violences to the Understanding. I wish (replied Altophel) the present Practices had so much Kindness in them; and for my part I had rather have lost the Opinion of my good Sense, than the possession of so much Gold. That is, said Rhoderick, according to your narrow Opinion of Reputation; for what is Money to the most dear Concernments of Love and Wit; Oh! it is absolutely necessary (said Altophel) for the Attainment of both, since I never knew a man without it, that passed either for a great Wit, or an accomplished Person. You Judge very Sordidly (said Rhoderick) to measure all things by Money, and not by Virtue and excellent Qualities. Yes, said Altophel Laughing, those are things very finely esteemed amongst you, I should have a very great value for Virtue and the good Endowments of the Mind, but Rhoderick, I have not met with them since I came to this place; and I therefore esteem Money, because it makes up all things of that Reputation which passes amongst yourselves. He that cannot make Love, that cannot Drink, and Play, and bear up to all the Modes of the Town, I am sure is the most despicable Wretch that Lives; and all these things are fed by the happy Current of Money, and must be so, except you could according to the Project of Hortensius, procure Wine, Garniture, and Women for the Stanzas of a Lovesong. By your Rules of Judging (replied Rhoderick) a young Squire such as yourself, coming to this Town, would Rival all the most Famed and Experienced Gallants of it. Without doubt, said Altophel, their Humours are not so Obstinate, but that he which had Money enough, might easily make a Purchase of all your Female Commodities; they Love you not so well to be Fettered in your Gallantry and Addresses, to the Prejudice of richer Flights. Prithee, said Rhoderick, do not Scandalise the Generosity and Fidelity of our Women: do you believe that any thing except an infinite Kindness could Oblige them to Expose their Honours if they are single, and their Reputation and Quiet if they are Married, for our sakes? By the by I must tell you, said Altophel, that your Gratitude is wholly Extraordinary for such Favours, since I believe you never Obtained those things of any Woman, but you took as much Pleasure to Talk of it, and to Divulge it, as you did in the Enjoyment itself; and there is no Lady that has at any time done those Injuries to herself, but is the Table-talk of the Town. Oh! said Rhoderick, we speak of those things only amongst ourselves, into which Company there never comes an Uxorious Fop, nor a wellwisher to Matrimony, such as your Squire ship; But is not the Kindness of the Ladies extraordinary, that can overlook such great Infirmities out of the Love they bear us? All such things, said Altophel, have a Motive from within the Person that does them, and you ascribe that in vain to your Courtships and Gallantries, that is alone produced by a lustful Extravagance; that fire is perpetually Burning in their Breasts which you pretend to enkindle, and those with whom you take so much pains to procure their Favour, would Ramp upon you if you should neglect them. You very much Scandalise all Womankind, replied Rhoderick, and that which we excuse as their good Nature, and the effect of long and Cunning Importunities, you make to be a Prompt and Flaming Inclination. I only speak of those, answered Altophel, that have hardened themselves by the heat of their own Appetites, and not such which ever carry about them the most tender Considerations of Virtue and Justice; She that is thus fortified is Invincible to all assaults, whilst that Person that is not, will be sure one time or other to Miscarry, though the most watchful Jealousy pretends to Guard her, and the greatest Considerations of Prudence offer themselves to be her Security. Then it seems, replied Rhoderick, that you would trust a Wife and a Mistress in any Company, you now abound as much with good Nature, and are a young Gentleman that Merit extraordinarily of the Women. Yes, said Altophel, that is my Opinion, I would trust her with a Thousand Lovers, for if she is Virtuous, she will be Obstinate to the utmost Attempts; and if she is not, all Jealousy and Precaution is in vain. You make me Mad with this Discourse, replied Rhoderick, since I tell thee I never came near a. Woman that could withstand me when I Courted her. That may be, said Altophel, since none but those that were willing to be Courted would ever have come near Rhoderick; you set upon the Willing and the Amorous, and then Judge the whole Sex, for the sake of those that Hunt occasions of Love with an Industry great as your own, which yet is not out of the extraordinary esteem which they have for your good Qualities, but from the heat of their own Inclinations; therefore Rhoderick, be not so Uncharitable as to think there are not many glorious Women which separate themselves, with a just abhorrence, from those Extravagancies for which you Condemn the whole Sex. Though you have never met with any but those who have been ill inclined, yet you ought to believe there are Persons infinitely better Qualified, in a Sex, which has other Beauties and Excellencies belonging to it, than you have yet comprehended. Rhoderick only Laughed, and made no Reply to the Squire, when there came into their Lodgings those two Gentlemen that had Supped with them the night before. Come, said Rhoderick to them, your Company is very seasonable, for this young Discoursing Squire will not yet receive those good Principles which he ought to Fashion himself by: We gave him a Taste, said one of them Smiling, the last night, of what belongs to true Gallantry and Generosity, whilst we united all our Pleasures in one Entertainment. That was the Reason, said Altophel, (who yet was troubled for the loss of his Gold) that they overcame me, and so weak a Digestion as I have, aught to receive but little at a time. This Gentleman, said the second Person, comes out of the Country, where a Speculative Wit is the only Allurement of Youth, whilst it is common there; that in their Companies they toil more at their Jests and Clinches, than we do in our greatest Debauchments. No, said Rhoderick, I think my Friend is of a more Refined Conversation than to be delighted in such Trash, and he has brought with him a Judgement whose greatest Error is its perverseness. I was always, replied Altophel, willing to Learn any thing that might be for my Advantage, but there is so little of Moment in what I find here to know, that I cannot so far overcome the Coyness of my Intellect as to Oblige it to admire it: This Gentleman, said one of the other, ought first to be throughly Instructed in our grand Thesis; which is this, That Pleasure is he only business of Life, since if he admits that, he will approve of all things that are Aids to our Diversion; we have laid this Principle so low, that Justice and Fitness, same and Scandal, Virtue and Honour, are Chymaeraes that only hover beyond it, and are wholly unintelligible to it. Altophel, said Rhoderick, you are now in the Company of very admirable Persons, and therefore, I hope, you will diligently apply yourself to their Instructions. I believe (said the Squire) all things that you can say to their Advantage; and I have nothing to accuse but my own Unhappiness, that I am not worthy of the knowledge of those excellent Endowments which these Gentlemen are so well furnished withal. There is so much flattery said one of them in this Discourse, that I wish it at an end, and I will contrive it by leading you the way out; with which they all went to the Play, of which one of those Gentlemen was the Author; all along he opened the Excellencies of it to Altophel who sat next him, and on the Bench behind them sat a Company of Gentlemen, that Damned at the same rate which he Elogized. That Discord made up a perfect Harmony of Town Impertinence, for as the Poet on the one hand praised Extravagantly; so the Critics on the other, Damned as unreasonably. The Play was good, but the Commendation made it so Luscious, and the Reproach so Sour, that it could not possibly go down with Altophel, he could not but think within himself that he should at that Rate never be able to Learn any thing, whilst it had so many Praises and Curses hung about it; when all was done, the Poet told Altophel, that he might see with what Discouragements, and with how many Disadvantages men Written in this Age; and that if he had a mind to write a Play, he would find enough to dissuade him from that attempt, in the Adventure of that Afternoon. Altophel, to return the Compliment, told him that he could never have the heart to aspire to so great an Undertaking; but he should never have the less Esteem for an excellent Endowment, because of the Ingratitude it meets with in the world. Were not our Kindness for the Ungrateful world extraordinary, replied the Poet, we should never trouble ourselves with doing any thing for so Capricious an Age; but the Comfort is, that we ever keep the good Opinion of the Ladies, what ever we Lose from the Men. They, said Altophel, never fall into Factions, and their Innocence and Sweetness makes them constant in what they esteem for wit; and methinks it would be an Enterprise worthy of some great Sufficiency, to Damn the Censures of Men as False and Erroneous, whilst all wit should only seek the Patronage of the Ladies, and receive its same and Reputation from the gentle Plaudits of the Female hand. If we should set them up alone, (replied the Poet) as the absolute Judges of wit, so excessive a Power would cause in them the same Cruelty and Pride as is now found amongst ourselves, and to keep their Judgements in an equal Estimation, is the only way to receive from both Gentle, and Benign Sentences; there is no Man that writes but stands in need of Pardon, and a Charity to Cover his faults, which all Times allowed, till these have assumed a particular Barbarousness, in Stigmatising the Blemishes of the best Wits, without ever arranging them to their greater Perfections. It cannot but be expected (replied Altophel) but that the longer the World lasts the more it will abound with ill Nature, and there is no other Remedy can be found for so Unavoidable an Evil, but a happy and patiented neglect of it; as the Poet was a going to Reply, Rhoderick pulled him by the sleeve, to turn him towards two Ladies, whom he found to be those generous Persons that had Supped with them the Night before. Altophed did the same, and at the sight of him the Ladies broke into a Laughter, which put the Squire quite out of Countenance: I restored you your Breeches, Sir, said one of them to him, I'll assure you I did not attempt to wear them, since I could not be satisfied that they would have helped me to any amorous Thoughts, though (if I should steal them again) perhaps I might not so easily defend myself from that Curiosity, because I may be of the Opinion that the Owner of them is sometimes more extraordinary. Altophel knew not what reply to make to this free Discourse; for he had too much Civility for a Tart, and too much Modesty to make a wanton Repartee. Rhoderick who knew him best, answered for him; and told the Lady, That his Friend ought to think himself happy that he had any ways Contributed to the Divertisement of so fine a Lady, and he was (without doubt) desirous of having those glorious Occasions of doing it this evening, which he had the last. With which words Rhoderick took her by the hand to lead her out, and the others followed them.  
They went in the first place to walk in the Park, where all the Divertisments of the place could not prevent the mischieveous Lady, that had before been Altophels' Tormentor, from making sport with him again; she had a great deal of Wit, and a Mind so excessively wanton, that she spoke so many Smart and Arch things, as made the poor Squire Blush at a very extraordinary Rate; but those were the most Gentle persecutions which she intended that Night for Altophel; for after they had walked there some time, they went again into their Coaches, and were at last set down at the House where one of those Ladies lived; she had resolved to Treat the Company that Night, all the Servants being absent but those which were trusty to her Affairs; the great Scholar her Husband had resolved to lie that Night at his Chamber, because he was to rise early the next morning upon a grand Trial, in which he was of Council, he having this Occasion, was so tender of his Wife, that he would not lie at Home because she should not be disturbed in her Repose, which was a very Indulgent Resolution; but Love which makes us Violate all Laws and Precepts of Ingenuity and Gratitude; obliged the amorous Lady to make this ill use of her Husband's kindness, as first to bring such lewd Company into the peaceful Habitation of so well disposed a Gentleman, and then to Design it for the Theatre of very wicked Actions. They went immediately to Supper, where they were very Merry, after that, they Danced and Played, and added a thousand Frolics to make their Extravagance complete; and at last, after they had sufficiently Tired and heated their Imaginations, they resolved to Undress themselves by consent, and so to be ready for all other Extravagances they might think upon; the Ladies were the first Undressed, as having the greater Beauties to show, and Rhoderick with his two Friends soon fling off their Clothes, that they might appear in so Graceful a fashion, only the modest Altophel, like another Sir Nicholas Cully, was careful of every Button, and of the tender Seams in his Coat, which one of the Ladies perceiving, very briskly came up to him, and told him she would for once be his Valet, which grand Honour the Squire could not in Civility decline: He was under her Hands when there was heard a great Knocking at the Gate, which was seconded by a more dreadful Noise at the Chamber-door, which cried my Master, my Master; this made a great Distraction in the Room, every one looked Amazed upon those who stood next them, and they forgot to Glance wantonly upon those Parts which they had shamefully exposed, whilst they hastily took what Instructions they could get from each others affrighted Countenance; but they had so little time for Consultation, that they were forced to Execute the most Rash and Unpremeditated thoughts; the Lady of the House flew quickly to her Smock, which she did not light upon, but very carelessly took up Rhodericks Shirt instead of it, whilst that Gallant Cavalier made his way through a Back door with a Laced Smock upon his Arm. Altophel fell to gathering up his scattered Clothes, and as he was stooping for his Stockings, one of the Ladies to get out of the Room fell upon him, and so they both lay stounded on the Floor; the rest of the Company hide themselves, some behind the Hang, and others fled into Chambers, only Rhoderick, consulting perfectly his own safety, fling himself under the Bed where the Lady of the House used to lie, thither she herself came by another way, knowing it to be the best Retreat against a Capricious and Reproachful Husband. The good Gentleman at last came up agashed with those Apparitions he had met of a great Distraction, and the flying of Lights out of one Room into another. The Maid met him, and told him that her Mistress was not Well, and that she was in Bed; thither he went hastily, and Condoled with her, in that Tragic manner, that Rhoderick broke out into a loud Laughter under the Bed; the good Gentleman being besotted with his excessive Affection, thought his Wife had some strange Fits of the Colic, and therefore Ran hastily from her to write for his Doctor. He went into the Dining-room where he found variety of Garments strewed upon the Ground, which with a fresh amazement tore part of his miserable Soul from the profound Grief that had seized it before; after he had wrote a few Lines for the Physician, he applied himself again to his Lady, for a Cure of those Distractions he himself had fallen into, but he did it in so Doleful a Tone, that Rhoderick again fell a Laughing, which he took for the return of his Wife's distemper, and so held his Tongue; but he was so uneasy in himself, and his Wife (through the Amazement she was in) returned his Caresses so ill-favouredly, that he left the Bed and walked from one Room to another; still as he came into a fresh Room he fling the Door to, which though it was an Action he did with no Premeditation, but out of a secret Instinct of his Grief, that would hid him in his ill Humour from all the World, yet it had very pernicious Effects; for doing so in one Room, he started from behind the Door a Woman, who exposed nothing to his sight but an admirable shape and a fair Skin. This could not but augment his Distraction, since it was so difficult for him to Imagine of what substance he should define the delicate Fugitive, a Composition of the sweetest Flesh and Blood appeared to his sight, but the disorder of his Thoughts made him at first feign it to be an Elusion, and a Shape assumed on purpose to heighten his Distractions; however he had the hardiness to follow her, and she continued her flight, and her shrieks till she came into an Entry, where a Door and the darkness of the place made her think herself something secure; but the Lawyer submitting to an Impetuous Conduct, pursued her thither, and brought with him a Light great enough to discover her true Proportion; the Lady had happened upon Altophels' Retreat where he stood half Dead, and half Attired; the Lady clung to him, as close as the amorous Ivy does to the Wall, and hiding her Face in his bosom, she indifferently set all her other perfections next the sight of her Pursuer, well knowing it was only her Treacherous Visage that could betray a Person she desired to keep from his knowledge. Altophel perceiving the Light a coming, sought a Protection from her he sheltered, and shrinking his Head into her Bosom, he held her body as a Shield against all the blows he expected from a coming Adversary. I can assure the Reader there was nothing amorous in these Embraces, which the extremity of fear had linked them in, nay, I mu t on the contrary confess, that Altophel behaved himself extremely ill in this Action; for seeing the Danger of so fine a Lady, he ought to have stepped out, and to have offered himself against all that Inhumanity which came to Oppose her; but a great many ill Accidents had wholly dispirited the Squire, and those who are apt to reproach him for this Action, ought rather to desire that they never happen into the like, lest they should come off with as ill a Grace. The Lawyer coming in, could not but be Scandalised at those wanton Figures he beheld in the Entry, but he proceeded farther, and endeavoured to pull them asunder, the Lady let go her hold unwillingly, and when she was forced to do it she clapped both her hands upon her face, and endeavoured to rush away. The Gentleman was so Nice that he would not catch her in his Arms to detain her, but let her go to be pursued by her own Shame and Fears. But he did not Treat the Squire so kindly, for he was resolved to be perfectly Instructed in his Quality and Condition. Altophel at first very Maidenly put his Hand before his Face, but that would Protect him but a little while, and so he was at last forced to look as Big as he could upon his new Landlord; the Gentleman having been more used to cross-Questions than Altophel was to cross-Purposes, soon Gravelled the Squire, and got out of him the Knowledge of his Birth and Quality, but they stuck hard upon the Occasion of his coming thither; Altophel said at first, that he made Love to one of his Maids, but the Gentleman was so Impertinent, as to Demand her Name, which the Squire could by no means Disclose. In short, the Owner of the House asked Questions with so much Cunning, and Altophel replied in so much Confusion, that he wrung the whole business from him, and there remained to him (as an Effect of his Ungentile curiosity) nothing but his own Shame and Reproaches. He Threatened Altophel at a very strange Rate, and repeated all those Advantages which the Law had given him over him, to which the Squire only replied (being now come something to himself) that if he would take the Advice of a Stranger, and one whom he believed to be an Enemy, it was in short this: That he would find his Reputation more advantageous to him, than his Revenge; and that the best Remedy against Disasters of that Nature, was Patience and a silent Quiet. But the Gentleman who had been used to make Choleric and Keen replies, belaboured Altophel with an abundance of foul Language, to which he answered in short; That if he expected from him the Satisfaction of a Gentleman, he was ready to give it him, otherwise he must not take it ill if he forcibly made his way to his Clothers; and with that he took the Candle from the Lawyer, and went to make himself Ready. He knew that to call out, or to stop Altophel, would be but to have more Witnesses of his shame, and he therefore carelessly set himself down in the dark, full of Distraction and Confusion. The Squire hastily put on his Clothes, and went out of the House, without so much as ask for the rest of the Company, or sending them the Goodnight. Altophel being the only Persons, (whom the Writer is Obliged to take care of) he might hope for an Excuse, should he leave the others to shift for themselves; as for Rhoderick, he had a good Retreat, and might lie there secure till the Morning; and if the Master of the House should go to his Chamber, there is a much warmer and a much easier place at his Service, where he may if he please, Laugh louder at the fondness of an Indulgent Husband: The Lady who was naked had first those Beauties to Protect her, which in any but Savage minds would rather procure her a Passion than Injuries. Besides, in some place of the House are hid those two Generous Cavaliers, that would with the hazard of all things, bring her off with safety; and as for the Gentleman who had all the wrong, done him, I am sensible there are few Readers will be so much Concerned for him, as to desire he should with any advantages come off from these Misadventures, and after all this, there is pone but his Lady who requires our Assistance; but for that we may consider that she is left in a warm place, and a Gallant within her call: Moreover, she hath used and studied her Pleasures too long, not to be furnished with the most Dexterous and best Excuses for this Adventure; and she is Besides, a Lady of those powerful Caresses, which are ever Invincible arguments, against the Complaints of those that are at any time out of Humour, or Capricious, and there is none who understand the admirable sleights of such Persons, but can believe she would scape the best of all, and that the most Officious Writer could not show her so much assistance, as she will receive from her own Arts. But notwithstanding all these things, of which I might frame a just Apology for leaving them in this condition; yet I am willing to spare to my Reader, the trouble of framing any thing in his own mind, which should have been Dictated to him. The owner of the House after some time recovered himself, and converted his other Distractions into Rage and Fury, which carried him with a great Noise about the House; all shrunk at his approaches, though he would willingly have met with some Body on whom he might have discharged his fullness, either by Complaints or Railing, which when he could not find, he had recourse to the Consolation of an old Roman sentence, crying out with Nero, at his Death, Ego nec Amicum, nec Inimicum habeo. The Naked Lady, who was within the sound of that Distracted sentences, was seized with a fresh trembling, fancying him to grow more Savage in his Latin, than he appeared by that Fury he expressed in his Mother Tongue. Night and Fear strangely assist our disordered Fancies, to the framing of frightful Images, and this poor Lady was so unkindly Treated by hers, that she feared her late Pursuer would suddenly appear to her in a shape more Horrid and Monstrous, than his own. How gladly would she have welcomed to her Arms, any one that might have Rescued her from these. Distractions, though they had brought with them nothing of that Love which was due to her Beauty. It may be judged Inhuman to take any advantages on her present Disorder, otherwise the Reader might make some Reflections for his own profit; for if such an Encounter can raise up all these frightful Terrors in the Mind of a fair Lady, How much greater would be her Distractions, to see the black shapes of her Infamy and Dishonour? and a wounded Virtue must to a noble mind, be a more dreadful sight, than the ruins of a Repose or Fame? But since the Reader may not take it well to meet with this Digression, we will only wish before we return to the relation, that the quiet of that amiable Sex may never be disturbed, but on such just Occasions. The Lawyer went on complaining of his own and Nero's Misfortune, till he came at last into his Wife's Chamber, and drawing near the Bed, he charged her with the same Mouthful of Latin, which a constant use had made her understand to have only the force of a Paper Granado. But Rhoderick, though he was a great Wit, yet being but a small Linguist thought they had been going about some Conjuration, in which black Net he feared to be Caught at last, and therefore not to be taken Tardy, he reared up on the other side of the Bed; which the Lady (who had been more used to hear old Sentences than Rhoderick) not knowing the meaning of his appearance, entertained it with a great shriek, which together with the odd fight of that Gallant, obliged the Gentleman to fly back in some disorder, though such as ought not wholly to debar him from the Excuses of making an honourable Retreat. For in such cases it is difficult to determine by what Rules of Honour the Action should be measured, for if he took the Cavalier for a Daemon, as I never yet heard his Confessions in that particular, than his Flight was more Prudent than Inglorious, since we cannot but think that Beauty is at any time better Exposed to that Power, than an admirable Pleader; but if Rhoderick was Rhoderick, we must strain a little higher, to acquit him of the Reproaches that are due to an Ignoble fear, though it is known that such Bullies are very Barbarous to Men of his Intelligence, and excellent Collections. Rhoderick seeing his flight, and the Room void of an Exorcist, took the advantage and Leapt over the Bed after him, making a strange Noise to augment his fear; whilst he was pursued he made a great Outcry, all the Servants who knew the Business, went not to his Rescue, but would rather have suffered him to have been Torn in pieces, than to have acted against their Mistress; such a Treacherous and ingrateful Family, did this honest Gentleman feed with his Substance: But at last his Coachman (who was privy to none of these things) hearing the Outcry of his Master, ran up stairs, where seeing him in a Scuffle with Rhoderick, he Rescued him, and with his Whip sound Lashed his Adversary, who then was forced to turn Tail and Fly, whom he followed whilst his Master lay half Dead on the floor. But Rhoderick being destitute of a Retreat, feeling the smart of the whip, and seeing but one to follow him (though naked and unarmed) yet turned again and grew too hard for the Fellow, who then called out for his Master (as he had done before for him) who at last came to his assistance; with which new force Rhoderick was again overcome and sound beaten by the Victors, which the other two Gentlemen hearing (though in a Naked condition yet) could not put up the Affront and Injury done to their Friend, but rushed out to his Rescue, making a great Noise with the fall of those things which had hid them; their appearance struck a new fright into those who were belabouring of Rhoderick, and not knowing from whence they came, nor how many might follow them, they made their way hastily out of the Room; as they were running, the Lady who was in the same Naked condition, thinking to take the advantage of the Disorder which she heard, ran just before them cross an Entry, which affrighted them the more to see themselves thus Environed with naked Figures, they were a going to turn, but there they beheld the same shapes flying after them; the Lady took the same way they had designed, and so was pursued by the Owner of the House and his Servant, of whom Rhoderick and his friends were in Chase; they had all fling themselves down one pair of Stairs, when at the bottom appeared the faithful Jinny lighting up the Doctor (who was now come) to her Mistress' Chamber, she having a perfect knowledge of all things very prudently and kindly stepped out of the way to give them room in their flight; but the Physician could by no means Imitate the Hardiness and Generosity of the Damosel, but standing amazed, and going at length to turn back, the nimble Lady fling herself upon him, and fling him, down those stairs, upon whose brink he was just Mounted; the Lawyer and his Man were soon upon them, whilst Rhoderick and his Friends made a halt at the top of the stairs, whom Jinny who beheld all these things very calmly, advised to take another way; but Honour was more powerful with them than the thoughts of their Safety, which Prompted them to work the Deliverance of the Lady from that condition she was in, though in that affrighted Company there appeared no danger of her being Ravished; but Honour is Nice and Scrupulous, and so would not be satisfied but in their seeing the Lady out of Danger. They were plucking her from under them, when the Doctor's man hearing the Outcry of his Master, came in to his Rescue, and having a burning Link in his hand, he struck at the naked Bodies that stood before his Master, who not enduring the smart of fire were forced to run from it, after whom the others followed apace. No Rencounter betwixt the most Gallant Persons, ever made Victory more Wavering and Irresolute; for at one time she perched upon the Lawyer's sleeve, and at another stood clapping her Wings upon the baldpate of Rhoderik, but since the first was the Justest side, whose Territories the others had Invaded, she was at last best satisfied with Gracing him with her Favour, whose Enemies fled into a Chamber and there Locked the Door, resolving to defend it to the last man, or otherwise to provide for their own Safety. Here the Besiegers called a Council, whether it were best to send for the Constable and his Troop, or to Invite the Besieged to a Parley, which would be the most prudent way of Proceeding; And the Gentleman having some knowledge of the matter from Altophel, thought the first way would be but to put his Reputation into the hands of pitiful Fellows (which he might very well trust with a Person of Worship, such as his Doctor was) he therefore left the two Servants whilst they went into another Room, and there after a Communication of the whole Matter, they took that Council which shown them to be Prudent and good Natured Gentlemen; after that they went to Visit the Lady, for whom the Doctor was sent for, who heard all the Noise, but knew the storm would fall upon herself, at last the Physician felt her Pulse, which quickly declared the disorders of her Mind, he asked her some gentile Questions, and made her some Compliments, telling her in the end, That at present he should prescribe her nothing, but according as she rested that night he might know what was necessary to be given her, and so he commended her to her Repose; but poor Lady! It was impossible for her to enjoy any of those sweet and balmy Slumbers, so many Distractions seizing at once on her Mind, as were able to devour the greatest Inclinations to rest; she had paid so dear for the first Pleasures of the Evening, by all the Mischiefs which succeeded them, that no one would have desired to have took the Purchase from her: That Husband who loved her Infinitely, and whose excessive Affection had blinded him from a narrow observance of her Actions, was now either disobliged for ever, or else had that Jealousy put into his Head, to which all her Life could be but one vexatious Servitude, to which was added the loss of that Reputation which procured her the Esteem, and the Honour of her Friends. And it is certain, that what ever Difficulties any may find in a strict practice of Virtue, yet all who have not particular Obligations to their Infamy, will find a great many Advantages and Pleasures in an honest Reputation, of which this Lady found herself deprived by the this unhappy Adventure; and she hopes (for the Writer pretends to her Confidence) that all Persons of her Sex and Consideration, will by her Example be careful how they expose their most near Concernments for any of the unjust Delights of Love. But to return to the rest of our Friends, those who were shut up in the Room (for I must confess my holding Intelligence with both parties) consulted amongst themselves, either to make a Salley at the Door, or out of the Window, though they were uncapable by reason of their naked condition to make a safe Retreat that way, they therefore resolved to rush out at the Chamber-door, and to recover their Clothes, by which they might put themselves into a condition for all Encounters; but the Lady who was shut up with them, by reason of her tenderness and her fears, enfeebled the Vigour of these Counsels; to her the success appeared doubtful, but the blows certain from that Link whose smart she had yet about her, which obliged them to fall to new Consultations, which they had not ended before a welcome Deliverance was brought them, which they purchased without Bloodshed, and the peril of their Limbs; for the Gentleman having dismissed the Doctor, he went to Jinny whom he knew to be the most in her Mistress' favour, and what with Threats and his admirable Arts of Pumping, he drew out of her an account of all things, with the names of the Gentlemen and the distressed Lady; after which (full of Rage and Distraction) he went to his Chamber, and Jinny gave the sign to the Besieged to draw out, who made haste to their Clothes, and having attired themselves they all went to Condole with the poor Lady of the House, who yet was uncapable of receiving any Consolation they could offer her, which with a few Compliments that had also catched cold in the Naked condition of their Authors, they bid the Lady Good-njght, only she prevailed with her Female Friend to be her Bedfellow till the Morning, which she was very willing to do, because she was almost in the same Predicament with herself, and so one Pillow might aid them in a mutual Counsel; they had both such a share in this Adventure, that what was good Advice for one, must needs become extremely proper for the other, whilst an inevitable Misfortune had at once two to deplore it. We will leave them to their Plots, not forgetting the great Sufficiency of the Female Wit in Contrivances of that Nature, though the Writer is too Impatient to attend the Success of them, out of the real Aversion which he hath for any thing that is Dishonourable in a Sex which he only esteems for Virtue and just Endowments. Of the Gentleman that went to his Chamber, we have no more to remember, but that he continued there in a great deal of Grief and Confusion, not giving the next day that assistance in a Cause which he owed to a large Fee; though it is likely that was not the first Client he had so unkindly Treated. The Gentlemen who had run through all the Perils of that Night, arrived safe at Rhodericks Lodgings, where they all Refreshed themselves after their Toils, being no whit Discouraged by those Ill accidents, from Undertake of the same Nature; only Altophel began now to be quite weary of that manner of Life, and the more he thought of it, the greater number of Inconveniencies came into his Memory to increase his Aversion to it; he was not sure that the Person in whose House he was found, would not proceed in an Ungentile Manner against him, from which all his Courage and Generosity could not bring him off with safety; but had his Fears of this been the slightest, yet he was too sure of a very great Inconvenience, and that was the danger he was in of paying Money for Rhoderick, he knew that excellent Friend of his took no care about such things, but would very unkindly Expose him to those Perils, the knowledge of which must be a great Affliction to his Parents, of whose Repose he was tender in all the Extravagancies he committed, for which he was much to be Commended; neither could the Acquirement of any thing he sought to know, have Recompensed the Loss of those excellent Sentiments: He Summoned up all the Ingenuity he had about him which earnestly remonstrated against every thing in which he misspent his time and money; both which his Parents had committed to his own management and of which he could give but ill accounts. He had put Rhoderick in mind of what was coming on him; but he endeavoured to remove his fears by a thousand protestations of that care with which he would protect him from all inconveniency in those matters, but he knew that Money like Love often puts such Persons upon false Oaths who in all the refining of their Principles, constantly overlook that particular sordidness: and therefore he thought it vain to confide in those promises from Rhoderick which his opinion of honour did not oblige him to observe; and as for those two opinions which young Gentlemen desire to procure by the knowledge of such things when they return home which are of Wit and fashion, he was sensible that it could not be the collection of many things, but the judgement with which he exposed them, that would procure him a just reputation of them, which the desire of too many things rather spoilt by affectation than aided with a greater perfection; and therefore as long as he should be governed by the lighter part of those desires, he resolved to make as good an improvement as he could of his own judgement, though such things like fading colours grow sullied with a little use, where they are not inlivened by the additions of a fresh paint, & in these few speculations he comprised all his Town Adventures which could not but, appear less than the concernments of his Relation and affairs to which he now turned himself, with an ardent desire of being governed by them, which he resolved to do in the enjoyment of his Friends and in the happy quiet of his Country.  
He communicated his Resolution to Rhoderick, who parted from him with a great many Compliments, and excused his not showing him more of the Town divertisements, which he promised he would do if he might be prevailed upon to make a longer stay in it; but those considerations were not of such power with Altophel, as to oblige him to alter his design of going home, he was sensible that he had committed too many extravagancies in the Town, to desire any more should be added to them; he found that he had brought to that place too much youth, too much good nature, and too much money, all which had betrayed him to very great inconveniencies, since he had learned nothing there but what he might better have been without, and though the most Excellent and the best Endowments are there to be acquired, yet the Temptations to their Contraries being so numerous and so powerful, the odds are infinite of following an ill, before a good Example. There is no admirable Quality, nothing that tends to the Gracefulness and the Embellishment of Youth, but is sufficiently there exposed both in an Illustrious Precept and a generous Example; but yet he that brings thither a Youth whose Passions are superior to its Judgement, will be first caught with those infinite Allurements that stand ready to Ravish the Senses, whilst he takes no Impressions from the appearance of a plainer, though a richer Virtue. Rhoderick for his part could not but reproach the sqeamish Stomach of the Squire, which so soon Nauseated those things that he devoured with a perpetual Greediness; those who always live amongst such Adventures, become by Custom hardened to all the thoughts of a contrary Virtue, and very quietly believe there is no distinction betwixt good and Evil. To be always Pleased, and never to be out of Humour, is a Pleasure they procure to themselves by the most extravagant Actions; but they purchase that Joy with too great a Treasure, which is a Time that we can never enough value; we may easily believe that it is of that Inestimable price, if we will please to consider what great things we are capable of doing with it, it is a light not set up for the World to Play and Revel by, not to Intoxicate our Souls with a Beastly and a Hateful pleasure, not to commit Murders upon Honour, nor Rapes on Innoconce; certainly, the World was less Deformed in its first Chaos than with all those horrid Shapes upon it: But time was given to the Earth for the affairs of Gratitude, and a public Utility and Kindness; and particularly to Mankind, for the Management of an amiable Virtue, which is acquired by a thousand Generous and Noble actions, and he that complys with none of those Interests becomes more Ignoble than those Beasts he ought to Govern.  
Altophel when he came Home, received the Caresses of his Friends whilst the sight of Astraea renewed in him the Vigour of his first Flame; that Virtuous Maid had, for the Love of Altophel, gone through the greatest Difficulties that it was possible for a Person of so much tenderness to suffer; She withstood the Courtships of a Man that had pursued her with long and an unwearied Address; She bore all the Displeasures of her Parents, which she Incurred by not Complying with their Will; and she did all this for a man that Treated her neither with Civility, Justice, nor good Nature, but though she found the greatest Ingratitude in Altophel, yet she believed the satisfaction of her own mind a sufficient Recompense for all she did; he had left her in the most Unkind and Unhandsome manner that could be, he had never Writ to her all the time of their Separation; but against all these Discouragements she believed that Fidelity was due to her own Resolutions, which was not all a debt to A●tophel. But those who admit into their Breasts a real Kindness for any one, preserve it there on the account of an agreeable inclination and a just perseverance; what ever fault's Altophel committed were no Rule to her, when that youth came home, and had understood with how much real kindness Astrea had managed herself, he admired her generosity and Nobleness of mind, he confessed to himself, with a thousand blushes, how barbarously he had wronged that amiable Virgin, and his ingratitude appeared the more odious to him, in those dissimulations and artifices he had met with in the Town, he readily confessed that the virtue and the kindness of Astrea was worth all the world that a Love bound with such happy ligaments is the greatest treasure upon Earth, and that the bounties of a virtuous mind can be never enough esteemed, he addressed himself again to Astraea, and begged her to forget the Errors he had committed, and to attribute them to the Vanity of his Youth, but it was too late for him to procure any thing from Astraea; she wished him well, and she was pleased to hear any thing of him that was to his advantage, and she had rather see Altophel happy than any Man in the world; but as for a Passion, which was necessary between those that Commence a near Relation, she found it not about her for that Youth; and she would never bestow herself on a man whom she believed she should injure, in esteeming him less than she had done before; in short, she loved him too well to begin another Passion, on which she was sure she could not look with so much Complacence as she had done on the former; the first Designs of Love are ever the most perfect, since the second attempt can never draw them with an equal Beauty and Life: Astraea knew that the affection which had declined in her Soul, could never more reach that height it had first known; and to love Altophel less, would be a fault worthy of her own reproaches: Though she had the greatest Kindness for him of all men Living, and that declined Esteem was more than she would ever have for any thing in all the World, yet she judged it too little to be offered him: Love has but one way into our Souls, but Unkindness finds a Thousand passages thither; and not only settles, but augments by those secret ways that are unknown to ourselves. Altophels' Neglect and his great Injustice had blasted the fairest Blossoms of Astraeas' Love, though she had fed it with her Tears, and Cherished it with a careful remembrance; she was sensibly afflicted to see it fade, whilst she found it impossible to recover its former Freshness; she arrived at last through so many accidents to a charming Stupidity of Mind, she intended her own Honour and her own Decorum, and was Deaf to all considerations that suggested any thing to her contrary to that Design; she resolved to Live Unmarried, and though she loved Altophel too well to have any man living besides, yet she believed that Kindness she had for him, was not great enough to Oblige her to become his Wife. That Breast which is full of a true Glory, and a perfect Generosity, is much harder to please in the Affection it has for another, than those can be that would receive it with Transports from them; so great is the difference between a true Honour and an inglorious Dissimulation; the first meets with the greatest Difficulties in pleasing itself, whilst to the other there remains no higher practices than the most plausible Arts of Deceit; they who are assured that the Persons whom they Love, are the possessors of a real Virtue, may rest satisfied with all their Sentiments, since they will be as diligent to find out those Errors in themselves, as the most Capricious are ever ready to reproach them for. Altophel when he considered all these things in the Incomparable Astraea, and found her Resolutions so settled as nothing could remove them, became so Charmed with the Generosity of her Conduct, that he believed he owed her the proof of an equal greatness of Mind, in Living always Unmarried for her sake. These two may yet be said to Love entirely, whilst they esteem each other above all the World, and wish the greatest Happinesses may be shared betwixt them, and yet they do all this with a Passion too cold to Unite in the Flames of Hymen. Altophel was unhappy to make those Changes in a Heart which designed him so real a Kindness, but he was happy to make that Reparation, which would always be more agreeable to a Noble mind, than all the Felicities of other Loves. So much more lasting are the Concernments of our Virtue than those of our frail Appetites. No one was ever out Humour with those good Qualities which they acquired by the most difficult denials of their less noble Inclinations, all the Hazzard is in declining at the first, an Enterprise which is so violently Opposed by the Passions, but when it is begun, there are too many Charms in the pursuit ever to admit a Repentance for the doing of it. No one will accuse Astraea (for whom the Writer is passionately Concerned) for this manner of acting. Altophel did enough to abate the Vigour of her Love, and she was Noble not to give at last any thing less-to Altophel, than she had at first assured him: Neither we ourselves, when we calmly Examine our own Breasts, would be willing to put those we Love, to the difficulty of dealing Forcibly with their own Inclinations. That Kindness which comes freely, and which is pleased with its own Greatness, aught to be received with Transports; but tha● which is Constrained, and only Blowed to a Flame by violent Importunities, loses the Pleasures of its Heat. If I have obtained a Candid Sentiment for Astraea, and done any thing that may procure an Esteem of her Character, I have reached all the Pleasure I Designed in Writing the foregoing Pages. It is for that Generous Maid I am wholly Concerned, and if I have committed no Faults in the Draught of the Amiable Astraea, I shall be less Disturbed for all the other Errors of an Author.  
FINIS.