KNAVERY IN ALL TRADES: OR, THE Coffeehouse. A COMEDY. As it was ACTED in the CHRISTMAS Holidays by several Apprentices With great Applause.  
With LICENCE.  
LONDON, Printed by I. B. for W. Gilbertson, and H. Marsh; and are to be Sold at the Royal Exchange, Fleetstreet, and Westminster-Hall, 1664.   


PERSONS NAMES.  
COmpound, a Vintner.  
Rasey, his Drawer.  
Pickle, an Oyleman.  
Sampire his Man.  
Pepper, a Grocer.  
Smoak his Man.  
Subtler a Victualler.  
Froth; his Tapster.  
Mahoone, the Coffee-Man.  
hunt-cliff, a Cast-Cou●tier.  
Sweet-Lips, Wife to Compound.  
Olive, Wife to Pickle.  
Frail, Wife to Pepper.  
Compliance, Wife to Subtler.  
Rampant, Wife to Mahoone.  
A Man servant, & A Maid servant, belonging to the Coffeehouse.  
Several Gentlemen, and other Persons.    

Knavery in all Trades.  
Or, the Coffeehouse.  


ACT I. SCENE I.  Enter Froth, Rasy, and Smoke. Froth. 
I Have made an escape as hard as one of jupiters' to see thee, Rasy; The heat of our morning business is over; and now my stomach's more raw and cold then the weather; therefore prithee one half Pint of the best, if thou lov'st me.  Rasy. 
I know thy meaning, thou shalt have it Lad in a pint Pot.  Exit. Smoke. 
An honest Rogue I warrant him.  Froth. 
Here can I drink at any time a Pint of Sack would make a Cat speak Greek or Hebrew for a Groat.  Smoke. 
'T must be thy Grandams groat, then.  Froth. 
A good plain Harry, or a Besses dost, or any Coin will tantamount to fourpences.  Smoke. 
How, man?  Froth. 
True man; there's an Art in't will pucelle all the Poets and Legerdemain— men living. A friend in a corner is as good as a penny in a man's Purse, I need say no more.  Smoke. 
'Tis good, to be acquainted with such a friend.  Froth. 
Creep ere you go; deserve him first, every man is not Froth, I neck you there; one courtesy requires another, so much for that, ka me, ka thee.  Enter Rasy. Rasy. 
Score a pint of White-Wine in the Rose there.  Smoke. 
White-Wine! we called for Sack.  Froth. 
Pass by his Ignorance; friend hast thou a palate? here's to thee.  Smoke. 
By all the Wares in my Master's shop, and my mistress's Compter too, excellent Sack.  Rasy. 
Hold your peace, cannot you fare well, but you must cry Roast-meat?  Froth. 
This Smoke is such a vapour.  Smoke. 
Are you for a Pipe? I have right special in my Box.  Froth. 
Would choke a Dog I warrant it.  Smoke. 
The best Spain affords I promise you.  Froth. 
I care not if I take a whiff,— what sayst thou Rasy?  Rasy. 
I dare not, 'tis too soon, come, mind your drinking, one Quart more, that's pint a piece, and we have done.  Froth. 
Gramercy, honest Rasy; and so have at thee.  Smoke. 
Bring a Light, and Pipes too.  Rasy. 
Well, I shall.  Exit Rasy. Froth. 
Now sirrah, say I've brought you acquainted with a trusty Trojan, one that does prize his friend, that's such as I am, that scorns to be behind hand in requital. If thou wilt be of our Society, then study that.  Smoke. 
By this hand thou know'st I am as prodigal of my Master's Goods as another can be of his; If I can serve Rasy in any thing relates to our Trade he shall command me.  Froth. 
why, that's well said; I'll tell him so.  Smoak. 
Pray do, I warrant him a witty fellow: I like his way of scoring White-Wine for Sack, 'tis ingenious, & undiscoverable.  Froth. 
Unless the Master come into the Room, and smell into the Pot.  Smoak. 
That's but a hazard, and care must manage it.  Froth. 
Thou dost inspect well.  Smoak. 
I am not ignorant of good fellowship Froth; and have been at the like sport in the City, when the visible Pint of Sack has passed the Bar, and the merry quart Bottle by cleanly conveyance brought in the Breeches, & dedicated to good fellows; & now & then (as the house fills, and Company resolved to stay,) a Quart scored in the Crown and brought to us in the Mitre, for which the elevated Gentlemen pay, and we pass upon parol, that is, to return again, and be merry upon the like account; and these are kindnesses I meet withal.  Froth. 
And how dost thou requite 'em.  Smoak. 
Know Froth, I hate to be ingrate, I will not boast my doings; but while my master has Rasons, Currants, Figs, Sugar, Nutmeg, Cloves, all sorts of Spices and Tobacco, they shall march in Pounds and Ounces to my friends, Lads.  Enter Rasey. Froth. 
Thou wilt deserve us then; come sprightly Rasey, we thirst for thee.  Rasey. 
As I'm a Christian the best Gentlemen comes to the house tastes not better; and so my love to you.  Froth. 
Thou dost well, here's one that would be one of us, and though I say it an intelligible puppy, one will come to hand upon a good occasion; Mr. Pepper's man the Grocer.  Rasey. 
How do you call him Gynney?  Froth. 
No Smoke, or what you will, but certainly his proper name is smoker, for that the Pipe is ne'er out of his mouth; however he's good natured, and true hearted.  Rasey. 
The fitter for our Company.  Froth. 
He swears he is so ta'en with thine, thou shalt not want any thing his Master's Shop affords.  Rasey. 
I thank ye, Froth knows me well enough.  Froth. 
And thou know'st me well enough Rasey:  Rasey. 
I Rogue, we are brothers.  Smoak. 
I hope you will entitle me too, and if you want a fourth man, I'll bring one that is true blue, an Oyle-man's Apprentice, who shall furnish you better, and with more variety than he that cries your Olives, your Capers, your Sampire, your Barbaries, your Cucumbers, your Anchoves, and your new Pickled Oysters, and cost you nothing.  Froth. 
By all means let's know him.  Smoak. 
A kind soul, and will spend his Money freely too.  Rasey. 
Or else he does nothing,— will he Game.  Smoak. 
I never tried him.  Froth. 
Now thou talk'st of Gaming, what's become of the little Dapper Clerk, how does he hold out?  Rasey. 
Pox take him, he won four pound of me but t'other day, I hope to retreive it.  Smoak. 
Thou hast only drawn him in.  Rasey. 
No, hang him, were he as good at Clerkship as he is at Gaming, he'd get more Money than his Hide could carry.  Smoak. 
Is he so good at it.  Rasey. 
It is his prayers and his daily bread; and yet I know sometimes he wants a dinner, but that is when his Mint is broke and he wants recruting; for the best of Gamesters does not always win, and then the Rogue will spend high when he has it, Whores a little, and keeps himself neat and trim, fit for good Company.  Smoak. 
By this hand Rasey, now we are Brothers (for I will be so whether thou wilt or no) if thou be'st excellent at that sport, I will bring thee acquainted with such a young fry of Apprentices thou shalt want for no Commodities.  Froth. 
By this hand I'll go snip, and so shalt thou.  Rasey. 
Agreed, agreed.  Smoak. 
Why should not we four that is our brother Oyleman, (as yet unknown to you,) our brother Vintner here, our brother Tapster, and Ego my own self, brother to all, love one another? the Drapery, and the Mercery Pedees' comply to cheat their Masters in gross, to please their Concubines, ('twere Porter like to say Whors,) & we never cheat our Masters but in parcels to please ourselves and keep up merry Society, and for aught I know our Masters are greater Cheats than we are, what say you Brothers.  Rasey. 
A learned speech, you have hit right,— within, why Rasey. I come, I come; the truth on't is I could say something as to our own calling, as to Balm and Shamlee, the merry mixtures, stuming, and sophistications, but it is an ill Bird defiles its own Nest they say; and truly I think it not necessary for a man to discover the adulterations and deceits in his own Calling.  Froth. 
Though we can say something as to our Callings too, 'tis wisdom to hold our peace, the truth on't is, Cheating like the wandering jew is every where; but of all cheats I hate your Coffeehouse cheat.  Rasey. 
Why a Turks as bad as a jew, if not worse.  Smoak. 
For my part I think they are principled alike.  Rasey. 
But the vanity of our Nation is such, that rather than we shall cheat'em they'll bring in the devil to do't.  Smoak. 
A Song in three parts, the jew, the Turk, and the Devil.  Froth. 
Troth Rasey some of your quality are served in their kind, and suffer for their own sins, what had they to do to take another's calling upon them, to sell Ale in silver Tankards, ordered with Sugar, and a nick name, and sell it for 6d. a Pint, half pint? and then Beer put into a Rhenish Wine Cask and sold for March Beer, strewed with a little Sugar at a groat a Tankard, and all to cozen the poor Victualler.  Rasey. 
That my Master was never guilty of.  call within Rasey. Froth. 
I do not say he was.  Rasey. 
I am coming,— howe'er I have a plaguy spleen at the Coffeehouse that cheats us all.  Smoak. 
No, he cheats not us, we furnish him with Tobacco, and he pays honestly, but still he is but a Turk as the Song goes.  Rasey. 
Would I could meet with some Poet that would handle the Humours of the Coffeehouse a little, as I'm a Christian I'd be civil to him.  Froth. 
I know one, Rasey, that does love thee dearly; I must confess he cares not much for me, yet he will take his morning's draught in Ale, to please his company, but Sack is his best mistress, Coffee he abhominates.  Rasey. 
Prithee bring him hither.  Call within, why Rasey. Froth. 
He has been here, and thou canst not but know him.  Rasey. 
I come, I come,— I am more called upon, than any servant in the house; look you there's my Groat,— pay at the Bar, I'll take the Quart-pot down into the Cellar.  Froth. 
Here's our two Groats, prithee do thee pay the Reckoning.  Rasey. 
I will.  Smoak. 
Dear Rasey I am thy humble servant, by this hand when next we meet I will requite this kindness.  Froth. 
You Rogue I must have a pound of Verina's, for a friend in the mean time.  Smoak. 
Thou shalt have it.  Froth. 
Come go to our house and't shan't cost thee a farthing stay all day.  Smoak. 
I dare not do that.  Exeunt.  

ACT I. SCENE II.  Enter Mahoone and his Maid. Mahoone 
YOu dam shade ver be the hore your Metres, and de shack nape dogbolt Rog a me man, begar does devil Vife mind nothing in the World but the foke she spoil all a de men me keep, she he a de Bed to breed leshery, and call a me men to rub her Gums, begar, and let me do all a de varke myself; ver be de hore you shade.  Maid. 
My Mistress forsooth.  Mahoone. 
Yes a dat Bish.  Maid. 
She is rising forsooth.  Mahoone. 
De gran pock take her pour me, vat 'ave you done vid de milk for de Chocolet?  Maid. 
It is within Sir.  Mahoone. 
Vid in, diable be vid in der be no ting in de Pan begar.  Maid. 
It is in the Bowl forsooth.  Mahoone. 
Vat bowl you shade? de bowl ver dat hore your Metres do pish.  Maid. 
Yes forsooth.  Mahoone. 
Fesh me de Boul hedder; it vill be day presant de Company come to de owse, noting for dem begar; call de dog Rog a my man.  Maid. 
Yes forsooth.  Exit Maid. Mahoone. 
O de devil? dis hore Bish my vife no come yet? a begar; he dat marry de Anglish woman marry the Serpent, the Snake in bosom, the devil and all, they do noting but keep a deire Bed and think on dyable, vat be does? vere be de milk you shade.  Enter Maid with the Boul. Maid. 
The Cat it seems has leapt it up Sir.  Mahoone. 
A de Dog, bish Cat, the shade my maid, the hore mine vife, and the Dog hores son my man, begar they will undo me, fesh me the Eggs you dam shade.  Maid. 
Yes forsooth.  Mahoone. 
Hore, you shall no yes a forsoot, me go myself you be de lucky door shade you shall no go.  Exit Mahoone. Maid. 
A body had better be out of their life then live with such a mandring hell hound, he'll find the Eggs broke too, and then I shall lead such a life all this day.—  Enter Mahoone with Egg shells in a Basket. Mahoone. 
O diable! vere be de Eggs you shade, bish, dam bish hore, shade vere be the Eggs? ere be de Sells? you shade hore vere be the Eggs?  Maid. 
You see, they are broke sir.  Mahoone. 
Broke a, you dam shade old Nick break a your neck, pour dat broke! begar you dam shade, the hore my vife, and de dog Rog a my man break me to sivers, to noting by and by; me vill no dure does begar, take you dat varming one, two, tree, four times.  Maid. 
I could not help it sir.  Mahoone. 
Elpe it! begar you elp noting,— O shack Rog my dog man, very good time ven all my things be spoilt den you come a de luck on't.  Enter his man rubbing his eyes. Man. 
Why sir 'tis not so late, 'tis not day yet.  Mahoone. 
Begar dat be brave no day yet! dat be very fine; shacknape vill you lie a-bed pour the day? begar you be no servan pour moy, Mine Trade be in de Mite▪ Ater de Thief break the owse ver ave day to come but to the Coffee-Owse? vere come a de young Clerks, de Prentices ven they be drinc but to the Coffee-Owse? ver come de Plotters, the men of design, but to the Coffee-Owse? and in the Mite; the best time; begar they be the best Customers too; begar they drink much of de Coffee, and much of de Chocolet begar: now be you no Rog shack dog?  Man. 
I am no Rogue nor no Dog.  Mahoone. 
Begar you be de Rog and the dog, you be de one, two, tree, four, this Rogs and de dogs, me tell you dat now.  Wife. 
Bless me what ado is here, what's the matter?  Enter his Wife. Mahoone. 
De matter! go hang yourself shade hore, begar you be de hore of all the World.  Wife. 
ay, I, we know your words no slander.  Mahoone. 
Begar you vid dis shack dog, dis shack nape, does ogoly cur my man and no mind my business, the Eggs be broke, and de milk a be spilt for de Chocolet.  Wife. 
Is that it, have you made all this din for a little flatten milk, and a few rotten Eggs, they all stood you not in three pence.  Mahoone. 
No matter for dat; dough the milk be stale, the better to make a de Chocolet, dough de Eggs be rotten they be better for de Chocolet, and den the Sugar make all fine begar: but you be careless, mind noting for your profit, let all de Rog in the Town come upon you, every Barber, Fidilere, Tayleer and Tapster be all Turks, now begar, and sell de Coffee Bougra the Anglish day be all sheats begar, me can live better in any place of the world den in dis Country, me travail every vere and no man take mine Trade from me, and does be all long a you, may foy, you tell my gredience to every body, pock take you for your pain.  Wife. 
You are always so jealous of me sweetheart.  Mahoone. 
Diable sweet art; begar you be de cunning hore, me jealous of you ha, ha, he, 'ave me no reasons you shade, begar me 'ave no Chocolet pour the Company to day, and de Coffee two tree Gallons begar de pock shack dog, the Cat sirreverence into de Cauldron, faugh, faugh, fe, fe, fe.  Man. 
Oh sir let it boil well, a Dog or Cat's Turd is as good as the Berry itself, 'twill give a rare hogo sir, and make the drink the better.  Mahoone. 
De better! dat be very fine, you make me leeve a that, but me no care, it shall do,— you dam shade go your ways and knock the devil up for some Eggs and some Milk, begar me loose vun shilling by does business, devil fesh you for a hore.  Wife. 
You are a foul mouth base fellow.  Mahoone. 
Begar me took you from Dog and Bish-yard and made you the woman, and you prove de hore, the dam hore a de world.  Wife. 
If I were never so bade I were good enough for a damned Turk.  Mahoone. 
Diable! me kick you begar unto the Devil, and make you de hore of the House.  Maid. 
Good Master.—  Man. 
I pray, sir.—  Wife. 
Let the Rogue come, the Renegado Rogue, I'll give him his Passport.  man and maid stand between Them. Mahoone. 
Vat, have you got your Shampians here you hore, Bish, shade, dis be very fine. knock. So much for dat,— get you up the Chamber, the Company come in; me make no noise, open de door you shack dog, and you shade my maid; get you de Milk and the Eggs Presto: begar me vill do strange ting 'fore Mite.  Wife. 
Hang you Rascal.  Exeunt severally.   


ACT II. SCENE I.  Enter hunt-cliff, and Mrs. Sweet-Lips. HVnt-Cliffe. 
How now, where's thy Husband?  Sweet-Lips. 
Gone into the City.  hunt-cliff. 
How has he looked on thee since he Trapaned us at Epsome, prithee?  Sweet-Lips. 
With the same eyes he did before, and as lovingly faith la, only sometimes he'll tell me jestingly 'twas a wild frolic in me; and so it was indeed, we might have been far more securely merry nearer hand.  hunt-cliff. 
Dost think he is not Jealous?  Sweet-Lips. 
If he be, he shows it not.  hunt-cliff. 
How does he speak of me?  Sweet-Lips. 
Very well faith La; he thinks you a right honest man, and shall not lose a penny by ye, he had rather trust you then a hundred Courtiers.  hunt-cliff. 
I believe him, 'tis safer to trust one Man then a Hundred. What wilt thou drink this morning?  Sweet-Lips. 
Any thing.  hunt-cliff. 
A Cup of Hippocras, 'twill warm thee within Wench; come kiss me, poor Rogue dost not want a Course this morning?  claps her Cheeks. Sweet-Lips. 
You talk wildly, you have not slept to night well certainly. Who's at Bar there? within anon, anon. Rasey bring a Cup of Hippocras for Mr. hunt-cliff enter Rasey. here, and make a Toast.  Rasey. 
I shall forsooth.  Exit Rasey. Sweet-Lips. 
I hope dear hunt-cliff you are no friend unto the Coffeehouse.  hunt-cliff. 
I hate the liquour perfectly, give me the Sack, it breeds good Blood.  Sweet-Lips. 
The other is a dryer, a monstrous dryer, and the greatest enemy unto th'affairs relate unto our Sex that can be; if you love me you must hate that, my Husband is too much addicted to't.  hunt-cliff. 
Let fools, and Sots affect it, Wisemen slight it.  Enter Compound. Compound. 
Oh Squire hunt-cliff, how fares your body?  hunt-cliff. 
It will fare better by and by, we wait for Wine.  Enter Rasey with the Wine and Toast. Sweet-Lips. 
But new come in I protest my  
Dear— look thee, the Wine is not touched yet.  hunt-cliff. 
Come, here's to thee, 'tis Hippocras man.  Compound. 
I care not, I've newly drank Coffee.  hunt-cliff. 
What? an enemy to thy own Calling!  Compound. 
Some two or three hours hence I'm for you:  hunt-cliff. 
I shall Sup here to Night.  Sweet-Lips. 
And welcome too, Sir.  hunt-cliff. 
Some friends of mine are newly come to Town, I am obliged to Treat.  Sweet-Lips. 
What will you have provided sir?  hunt-cliff. 
A dozen of Cocks, and half a dozen of Teal, as many Partridges, and a couple of Pullet's, will do the business.  Sweet-Lips. 
They shall be ready sir.  hunt-cliff. 
Twixt six and seven.  Compound. 
I like not things that run at six and seven.  hunt-cliff. 
I prithee fail me not.  Compound. 
You have my Wife's word for't sir.  hunt-cliff. 
I must to Court about some special business; add this Wine to my Account.  Exit hunt-cliff. Compound. 
So— to your Account! I think you'll make no Account on't, still scoring: I never saw a penny of his Money.  Sweet-Lips. 
He brings good Company to the House, my Dear:  Compound. 
And always scores his part o'th' Reckoning; a precious purchase, what will begot at last by such a Customer? prithee wilt hold out?  Sweet-Lips. 
He'll pay thee all my Dear, I'll warrant it.  Compound. 
Nay, then I'm in a likelihood indeed to be well paid, if you be his Security.  Sweet-Lips. 
Not so neither my Dear; his Money he says will come up very shortly.  Compound. 
It has been long a coming, and the truth is, would I could see't once, I have small mind to trust him longer.  Sweet-Lips. 
As you please for that my Dear; but take my word the Gentleman's a very civil Gentleman.  Compound. 
I wish he prove so.  Exeunt. Enter Mrs. Frail, and Smoak. Mrs. Frail. 
What, does you Master think to Coop me up in his Counter? faith sir no, he takes his pleasure, and I'll take mine; let him look to his Comoditieses himself, I have other Comoditieses in Town to look after beside his, and as I take it a great deal better: if he calls for me when he comes in, tell him I'm gone to see my sister Touchstone.  Smoak. 
I shall forsooth.  Mrs. Frail. 
And I pray keep you the house, though your shoes be made of running Leather.  Smoak. 
Yes, yes.  Exit. Enter Mrs. Olive. Frail. 
Sister Olive, how dost thou do?  Olive. 
I came purposely to see you.  Frail. 
Wilt go along with me to th' Play?  Olive. 
No, no, I dare not.  Frail. 
How dare not! art thou a fool, I'd fain see whether my Husband could bring me to that pass or not, I believe I should break his heart first.  Olive. 
Oh fie, do not say so.  Frail. 
I protest I should, why, woman we were not born to be their slaves, 'tis ourselves make ourselves so.  Olive. 
You talk merrily.  Frail. 
And so might'st thou, hadst thou not been a fool; thy own good nature first subjected thee; and now thy Husband keeps thee at a Beck; thou wert an humble Worm and he'll tread on thee, spurn thee to nothing, triumph in his Tyranny, and thou remain a Mome, a suffering Idiot.  Olive. 
You wrong my Husband there, he scorns to beat me.  Frail. 
But he does worse, he pinches back or belly; or else thy Purse I'm sure'oned; ●he'l not spare thee a penny to buy Pippins or scarce Pinns.  Olive. 
He's somewhat wary I confess, but not so bad, as you would make him.  Frail. 
There's our sister Touchstone the Goldsmith's Wife, she leads a life as merry as the day is long.  Olive. 
The happier she; and yet you do not hear me complain, I am contented.  Frail. 
So are patient fools; but women that have wit, are not so tame: if thou wilt see a Play it shall cost thee nothing, I'll warrant thee a Ticket, sh'as a friend, a Player, a pretty fellow that at any time will pleasure her, and her friends too.  Olive. 
I do not love to buy my pastime at so dear a rate.  Frail. 
How like an Ass thou talk'st, 'tis wondrous pretty to have a Player hand us into the House; and when the Play is done out to the Tavern, where we are merry, Laugh until we tickle.  Olive. 
Without your Husbands!  Frail. 
Or we were worse than mad; yet now and then Touchstone, himself comes to us, an easy natured man, full of belief, dare trust the Player and his wife together, even in the Bed he is so fond of both.  Olive. 
Oh fie upon't, there will no good come on't.  Frail. 
And if her friend take her to Finsbury, (as now and then we must go see our x supposed living somewhere,) she leaves word, and he perhaps soberly follows after, and if she's gone from thence, or never was there, she is prepared with an excuse for either, 'gainst she comes home; your Players are huge witty and fit a Woman for that purpose rarely; which the good man does hug with eager credit, and gives his friend thanks for the care he had of his dear wife. This is the fruit of Tickets; now if you'll see a Play, be one of us, we'll find you Tickets and your Husband too.  Olive. 
I am not grown so desperate I thank you, nor you I hope, although you talk so wildly.  Frail. 
Is mirth termed wildness then? prithee turn Recluse, shut thyself up in shop, and stink a Month, then come abroad to air thyself, and see who will endure thy Company; what, deny to see a Play? refuse a noble Ticket? thou'rt Earth already, doubtless.  Olive. 
'T makes no matter, you'll ticket it so long that at the last I fear you'll come behind hand in your Reckoning; I'll trouble you no more sweet Mistress Frail.  Exit. Frail. 
'Tis not desired, good Robin Wisdoms Daughter. The Baggage though has touched me to the quick; pox take the Reckoning, would it might miscarry, but if it be, here's one I'm sure concerned in't.  Enter hunt-cliff. hunt-cliff. 
What talking to thyself?  Frail. 
A thing came in my head that did direct my eyes down to my Belly, but let that pass— methinks you're mighty smug as though you came but lately from your dear beloved Sweet-Lips.  hunt-cliff. 
Now thou vexest me; I must confess she courts me with as eager an appetite as ever, but I slight her, the thought of thee draws all my faculties unto their proper centre thy dear Bosom; but why so trim art thou for walking, love?  Frail. 
I am invited by a friend of mine, a sprightly jovial Girl, one I call sister, to see a Play.  hunt-cliff. 
I prithee what's her Name?  Frail. 
One that is not in your List I promise you; fie hunt-cliff fie, will you ne'er leave enquiring after new Faces, where's the love to me you seem so much to glorify yourself in?  hunt-cliff. 
Dost thou distrust my love, dear heart, my soul and all that do belong to't are thy Vassals: the Light's not constanter unto the day, than I to thee, and dost thou doubt me dearest?  Frail. 
Nay, nay, with her I dare adventure thee, she is my friend, I know she will not wrong me, besides she has a friend some say dare fight, and he a strict eye carries over her.  hunt-cliff. 
So let him; thou art my Hysperides. But hear thee is my Band and half shirts done?  Frail. 
They'll be brought home within a day or two. Will you go with us to the Play?  hunt-cliff. 
If you command me, but you know my stock is low, my Moneys will not come to Town this month yet, and I hate when I'm frolic to be scanted.  Frail. 
I have a Piece; doubtless she'll bring another to serve her friend; and that will do't I warrant thee.  hunt-cliff. 
Well I'm thy servant still.  Exeunt: Enter Smoak and Sampire. Smoak. 
What wind drove thee this way?  Sampire. 
The breath of my mistress's commands, I am sent to a Customer with these two barrels of Anchoves.  Smoak. 
When wilt thou remember me:  Sampire. 
Oh— for thy friends Rasey and Froth.  Smoak. 
I you Rogue did you not promise it.  Sampire. 
And will perform't I vow with the first opportunity— where's thy Mistress? I need not ask for thy Master, I know where he is, he and mine are at the old sport, the merry game.  Smoak. 
And my Mistress is at hers by this time or I'm mistaken, she'll not be one of the last couple in Hell I warrant her.  Sampire. 
A shrewd woman able to break a man's back if he had no other ways to do't, but I've a Mistress so far from those ways, she is as modest, as loving, and as careful a wife as any in the City; when he has been out all night and perhaps lost twenty or thirty pound at Dice, she takes no notice on't, but bids him welcome home i'th' morning with all the sweet words she can devise, gives him a Caudle, has him to bed, and there he sleeps till three or four a Clock i'th' afternoon, & then he's ready for the sport again.  Smoak. 
A brave woman, mirror of Patience.  Sampire. 
Nay, I've o'er heard him swear unto himself, he feared he should be damned for wronging so good a wife, and by this hand the very thought of her sets me into a trembling; when I'm about to steal Oil, Oysters, Anchoves, or any other Commodity to pleasure a friend, but when I consider that it cannot last, and he must break if he holds on his course, I then take hardy grace and make me friends of the unrighteous Mammon.  Smoak. 
Let me not live if't ben't the wisest course, I promise you I practise it, I find my Master draw one part of the house his way, and my Mistress draws another part her way; and if I (lying in the Shop) done't draw another part my way, let the Rafters of the house fall upon my head.  Sampire. 
I like that well, there is but one way to that Wood, a false Key, my friend.  Smoak. 
I hope thou dost not think me unprovided of such an Engine.  Sampire. 
We shall be brothers by and by, how could I else (my Mistress being so over— vigilant,) accommodate my friends and myself too, and send Time merrily about his business.  Smoak. 
Froth has the same trick too, and so has Rasey (but not a word but mum I charge thee Sampire,) we can keep at our Randevouze from one till five i'th' morning, and enter the Tenements with such security as though we had been Tenants there all night.  Sampire. 
When shall we meet?  Smoak. 
I'll give thee notice.  Sampire. 
shall we not drink together?  Smoak. 
A Cup or two at the next door, I'll get a friend to take care of my Shop the while, and call me if need be— Remember Rogue your promise to my friends.  Sampire. 
Pugh, we'll talk of that by and by.  Exeunt. Enter Subtler, Compliance delivered (as in the Bar,) and Froth attending. Subtler. 
I protest I never knew such bad Trading in my life.  Froth. 
Every one complains sir, except the Coffeehouses, and they are never empty.  Subtler. 
They are some hindrance indeed, especially in a morning, but we have Interlopers nearer us, God bless us from a Gun; each paltry Coachman, Butler, or Cast-serving-man now set up the Victualling Trade; the time has been, we have not had a Room empty before this time o'th' day, that Company (as one may say) have sat on one another's Lap.  Compliance. 
And many turned away too, sweet heart, which we would willingly now entertain:  Subtler. 
Pox take their Receptacles, how do they fill, below?  Froth. 
but thinly truly sir, take one time with another I believe our Custom is as great as theirs.  Subtler. 
I think not, Froth; I do not find it so in my Accounts, and yet I understand not any reason why Gentlemen should forsake my house, I never was wanting in my due respects and regard towards them, and have endeavoured to please all Companies, and distaste none.  Compliance. 
That has been my care too sweet heart.  Froth. 
Some men think themselves bound to come always to one house, and love to see the fashion of others, you know sir new Brooms sweep clean; and new Comers promise much to Customers.  Subtler. 
And perform as little after a while; but I have been civil to many, not only trusted 'em with my Comoditieses, but lent 'em money out of my Purse, which is not yet discharged; methinks Gentlemen (as they are Gentlemen) (I name no man,) should think of such civilities, I see 'em daily frequent those places, (though they think they dance in Tenibris) and could take a course that would not please 'em, but I had rather (and 'twould be part of satisfaction to me) enjoy 'em at my house as formerly, for I owe much civility to a Gentleman, and 'twould go 'gainst the hair for me to trouble 'em.  Compliance. 
Yet Gentlemen should do like Gentlemen.  Subtler. 
That's true sweet heart, but every like is not the same. D'ye see how they flock in yonder? I protest if we have no better Trading, I shall never leave thee money enough when I am dead, to be married in thy white Satin Gown to another, as thy Predecessor was; no, no, Hercules then supported but one victualling house, and now he has three. Watches. More Company— they are passed the Gun— and the Crown— they come hither now I warrant ye— welcome Gentlemen.  Enter two or three Gentlemen. 1. Gent. 
Give us that when we are going  Compliance. 
What are you pleased to have?  2. Gent. 
A Brick— and what—  1. Gent. 
Half a Breast of Mutton.  Compliance. 
You shall— show a Room there.  Exeunt. Froth. 
Will you please to walk in?  Enter 2. or 3. more: Subtler. 
Here are more sweet heart— welcome Gentlemen— why where are you there? show these Enter Servant. Gentlemen a Room.  Compliance. 
What will you please to have Gentlemen?  1. Gent. 
How— what say you! a couple of Chickens.  2. Gent. 
ay, I.  Compliance. 
What Bread Gentlemen?  1. Gent. 
No Brick; Manchet, and fresh Beer.  Compliance. 
You shall Gentlemen, will you please to walk in?  Enter two or three Clerks. Exeunt. 1. Clerk. 
Mr. Subtler how d'ye?  Subtler. 
The better to see you all well Gentlemen— where are you there— does no man hear me? show these Gentlemen a Room.  Enter Froth. Froth. 
You're welcome Gentlemen.  Compliance. 
What are you pleased to have?  2. Clerk. 
A Manchet or two, and your best Butter.  1. Clerk. 
and a Cup of nappy Ale.  Froth. 
That I'll promise you Gentlemen— will you walk in?  Enter two or three more. Exeunt. Subtler. 
Here are more Company sweet heart.  Compliance. 
I hope thou hast complained without a cause, it may prove a good Morning.  Subtler. 
Happy be lucky— where are you there? show these Gentlemen a Room.  Enter Servant. Compliance. 
What will you please to have?  First. 
A Role, and a Cup of your best Ale.  Second. 
Bring me a single pot of Pearl.  Compliance. 
You shall, you shall.  Exeunt. The Scene is drawn.   

ACT the Third.  Enter Pepper and Pickle. Pepper. 
HE has pickled you.  Pickle. 
And peppered you (my friend) or I'm mistaken.  Pepper. 
A pox take all ill luck, who brought him to us?  Pickle. 
The Devil upon Donne's back I think, I'm sure I've lost seven pound.  Pepper. 
And I'm not much behind thee, dost think he did not put the slirr, upon us were his Dice right?  Pickle. 
Right for his purpose doubtless.  Pepper. 
I know not, but as I could guests he played the square.  Pickle. 
And we the Coxcombs, now could I hang myself to think upon the Carke and care my Olive takes at home.  Pepper. 
I shall not fret my neck for that matter, for I have one as careless as thine is careful, and faith we are well met; if I chance to eat a Spider I hope thou'lt visit my Carcase in the Grave, yclept Ludgate; there are as merry Worms as heart can wish boy.  Pickle. 
Be no Lillyan Rogue, Predict not; I fear my Stars e'er long will direct me that way, if I become thy fellow Collegiate once. A short life and a merry life we'll cry; in the mean time let's tope a Pint at the Rose and so march home.  Exeunt. Enter two or three Gentlemen. Gent. 
Tom, wilt drink a Glass of Wine, or Breakfast with us?  2 Gent. 
Neit her.  
I am but just come from the Coffeehouse, and must not drink, nor eat till Dinner time.  3 Gent. 
An imposition ridiculous! and he's but shallow brained inclines to keep it.  2 Gent. 
That's your opinion, but I find it otherwise:  
If I abstain not some few hours, it will not Operate effectually.  3 Gent. 
Dares the Turks Bill avouch that Language! he has stolen it from Salvator Winter the grand Operator; tell him I'll justify't.  1 Gent. 
Didst not mind his words? a said he must abstain, or 'twould not do: his Body's then beholding more to Abstinence then to the liquour; and I will maintain't a Cup of Ale-berry, or Warm-broth exhibited to his small Guts, observing lesser time than now he foolishly prescribes himself, shall actuate in all parts of his Body, and do his business better.  3 Gent. 
Abandon it. A currish cynical Drink; I am persuaded the first Inventor was Diogenes Canes, an utter Enemy to sweet Society.  1. Gent. 
It is supposed (and credited by most) the Berry grew upon a Bramble, near the River Styx, and the Devil to congratulate his Cousin the Turk, after a mighty slaughter, made on the Christians, sent a graft of it to Turkey, where it since hath spread itself, and like to Locus overrun the Country; That it being grown both troublesome, and loathsome, the Turk (to rid his Country of't) Transports it, and sends it by the basest of his People, with a large sale of most Non-sensicall virtue, to vend it 'mongst the Christians, and so poison 'em.  3 Gent. 
Much probability in't, believe me, Tom; for look but on the colour of the liquour, and if it don't resemble Styx in self, ne'er trust Complexions, nor believe old Poets; and then the Scent on't does conclude it came from old Gehenna, Lucifer's deep Furnace, a stench to stifle virtue and good manners.  2. Gent. 
A learned Lecture!  1 Gent. 
Nay, 'tis most pernicious unto the brain, it fires the Pericranium, disorders all the faculties, presents Ideas most delusive; Treason, Murder, (the hand helps to ambition) twins of villainy: Brutus ('tis thought) drank heartily of it when he designed the death of Royal Caesar; and Catiline Caroused it with more greediness, than th' blood of slaves; The Friar that murdered Harry the Fourth of France drank of it; Vaux and Noll (the last grand Conspirator) tossed it up and made no bones on't: (Treason went down merrily.) It is a drink fit for dark Lantern men, but such as love their reason, and the light, will walk our way (boy) drink good Sack, and laugh.  2 Gent. 
Prithee let me go, do not bait me thus.  1 Gent. 
As I'm a friend to goodness, 'tis my fear (if thou continu'st longer in thy error) thou'st be detected in some Pamphlet, for an Idiot, but a man of far design. I would not have Treason lurk under this thin hide of thine, for there the danger lies, or Caesar speaks untruth, (with Reverence.)  2 Gent. 
All this won't do.  3 Gent. 
But mark the folly, Tom, of you Coffeehouse hunters you pretend it does preserve your health, keeps you alive better than the Juice of Lignum vite, or Aqua-Mirabilis; when (for probatum) there was hanged last Sessions a precious Pickpocket that drank it frequently, and with the like observance, as thou dost; and yet you see, mortus est, nay, I am confident, that hadst thou brought a Gallon on't to th' Gallows, and made him drink it, 'twould not have saved his life: where rests the virtue of your Horse-pond-Liquor then?  2 Gent. 
Well, well, this noise converts me not nor will I drink with ye.  1 Gent. 
Go hang thyself jew; better Company will.  
There will be ten Pound offered ere't be long, to bring some Traitor in, and I hope to find thee.  2 Gent. 
Pugh, if that be all do your worst.  3 Gent. 
Farewell burnt bread and puddle water.  Exeunt severally. The Coffeehouse discovered; three or four Tables set forth, on which are placed small Wax-Lights, Pipes, and diurnals. Enter Mahoone triming up the Tables, his Man ordering the Fire-pots and China Cups, his Wife in the Bar, his Maid employed about the Chocolet. Mahoone. 
Vat be you doing dear, hore, shade?  Maid. 
I am making the Chocolet, sir.  Mahoone. 
make a de devil! be de Chocolet to make now? bougra! de dam hore, bish, shade, vill break a me, begar; she put in to a much Milk: you shade, hore, une quart a de Milk, and deux quarts oh de vater, vid one two Eggs, and a little Sugar make a de boon Chocolet may foy. Vife, pray you look to her, begar she be de hore a de house,— velcome, velcome, you been velcome.  Enter 2. or 3. first. 
Monsieur Mahoone? Bon jour.  Mahoone. 
Diable de Monsieur; me be no French man, me be de Country of de Turk.  second. 
You imitate their broken dialect.  Mahoone. 
Me travel all the World, me speak all de Lingua; dam a de French, me love a de Anglish, dix temps better, by our great Prophet Mahomet. Vat vill you drinc?  third. 
Coffee, bring me a Cup of Coffee.  1. & 2. 
And us the like.  Mahoone. 
You shack dog mind, a your business. ver vill you be? vid dese Gentlemen? Enter more Company. very good, vat vill you have?  2 Company. 
Coffee, Coffee.  Mahoone. 
Roga, mind your business; de Coffee, de boyne Coffee; de Coffee Cordial for dese Gentlemen. Mind a your business shack nape, me tell you dat. Begar, Gentlemen me tell you une ting, mine Coffee, be de Coffee of all the World, make a de man— ha, ha, ha— merry, may foy; it cure a de Ish in de Code, it make a de man strong, very good strong, dat be vorne a vay vid venery, and de drooping a the shine in une two tree score years and no more begar, better den de devil Doctor, be sure of dat. Enter more Company. You be velcome, vat vill you 'ave?  3 Company. 
Coffee, Coffee.  Mahoone. 
Coffee! you be vice men begar; Coffee! de better drinc in the World; it make a de man strong, very good strong; me telled you dat before, to the second Company. It make a de Turk so strong, dat une Turk kill une douzane'Cristians for a breakfast; dat make dem so mighty begar.  3 Company. 
Thou'lt never leave thy bragging, thouart a right French man.  Mahoone. 
Begar me be no French man, me no lie, me tell you de true— mind your business dear shack nape. You be velcome: vat vill you 'ave?  Enter more Company. 4 Company. 
Chocolet.  Mahoone. 
Chocolet! you be very 'vise men for dat; the better drinc in the World, it make a de man strong, very good strong, for the woman, une Turk get une douze de enfans e're matin begar, dat make dem so numerous— you dam shade mind a you business, and bring de Chocolet for does Company— you dam shade, mind a me.  Maid. 
Yes, sir.  Enter more Company. Mahoone. 
So very good, mine Owse fill by and by; vat vill you 'ave?  5 Company. 
Some Chocolet, and some Coffee.  Mahoone. 
Four 'bove, may foy! de Chocolet and de Coffee make a de man live for ever! you shack dog, nape, mind a de Coffee, and you dam shade, hore, bish, mind de Chocolet— me till you une ting, vud the Anglish drinc no oder drinc den de Chocolet and de Coffee, they vud kill all the Turks in Cristendom; and conquer all de World begar.  5. Company. 
Thou art the lying'st fellow—  Mahoone. 
Me tell de true, begar,— O so much for dat— vill you sit a little farther, give room to Enter more Company. dese Gentlemen.  6. Company. 
With your leave Gentlemen.  Mahoone. 
Vat vill you 'ave?  6 Company. 
Some Coffee, and some Chocolet.  Mahoone. 
Very well; begar you know de ting dat be good for the body, me knew dat before.  
Ver be you dam shade, bring de Chocolet presant.  
You shack dog, pack Rog, vat do you do? mind a your business, and be Anged.  The several Tables take notice of the Diurnals. first. 
What speaks the Diurnal?  third. 
It says the Turk will be here within this Month.  fourth. 
We were told that a Month ago, and he's not come yet: but what other News d'ye hear.  fifth. 
The Roguish Boys at Westminster ('tis said) cry Doxies twelve a penny.  Sixth. 
They are cheaper than shotten Herrings then.  first. 
Or Rotten Apples.  second. 
Pox on't, few on 'em e'er were sound at Core.  seventh. 
What Tom, art thou there? hang me if I saw thee.  second. 
Nor I thee, Harry how dost do?  seventh. 
Much at one, how does Trading walk.  second. 
Cursed lamely, she has the Gout in her great Toe.  third. 
I' faith I think (Gentlemen) 'tis the running Gout that vexes her; and 'tis thought she will (if the disease continues) kick her heels up.  seventh. 
No great matter, Trade was always a Strumpet fit for any man.  fourth. 
But Lily they say has put out a strange Prediction that Cucombers, Reddish and Lettuce, shall be very plentiful this year.  fifth. 
We shall have Sauce then, get Meat where we can.  sixth. 
You know the Proverb more Sauce then Pig.  first. 
Bring some more Coffee.  fourth. 
And Chocolet.  Mahoone. 
Me do your business presant.  Company at second Table. first. 
Why Gentlemen, look you, the thing is this, if he come on that side, why then you know he comes not on the other side, but put case he should divide his Army and march both ways, than you know who can keep him back.  second. 
What does the fellow mean?  first. 
I know what I know, and there's an end, if he Land at Dover once he'll be in England presently.  Company. 
Ha, ha, ha.  first. 
Why Gentleman 'tis no laughing matter, I know what I know, few words are best; for certain the greatest part of his Army was seen on Calais Sands four Nights ago, though the Diurnal mention it not, yet it is as prodigious for ought you know as the late great Whale.  third. 
Gentlemen, has any of you seen the Play of Harry the eight?  fourth. 
Many years ago I did.  fifth. 
And so did I.  third. 
'Tis rarely set forth, they say.  first. 
Gentlemen as I'm a Christian I ought to speak, I know and you cannot but all know, that if the Turk come into England once 'twill be the worse for the whole state of Christendom.  third. 
Let him come, we have▪ jews enough to entertain him. By'r sir, they say 'tis done rarely well.  fourth. 
I cannot believe it, 'tis impossible they should do any thing so well as I have seen things done.  fifth. 
When Tailor Lowen, and Pollard were alive.  fourth. 
Did you not know Benfield, and Swautted?  fifth. 
Did I not know 'em? yes, and humed them off a hundred times.  fourth. 
But did you know Mat Smith, Elis Worth, and Fowler at the Fortune?  fifth. 
Yes, and I will tell you by a good token; Fowler you know was appointed for the Conquering parts, and it being given out he was to play the Part of a great Captain and mighty Warrior, drew much Company; the Play began, and ended with his Valour; but at the end of the Fourth Act he laid so heavily about him, that some Mutes who stood for Soldiers, fell down as they were dead ere he had touched their trembling Targets; so he brandished his Sword & made his Exit; ne'er minding to bring off his dead men; which they perceiving, crawled into the Tiring house, at which, Fowler grew angry, and told 'em, Dogs you should have lain there till you had been fetched off; and so they crawled out again, which gave the People such an occasion of Laughter, they cried that again that again, that again.  fourth. 
ay but what d'ye call him was the man; he played the devil in Doctor Faustus, and a fellow in the Gallery throwing a Tobacco-Pipe at him; I hope to see thee (quoth He) e'er long as bad as I am, what's that quoth the fellow? the Son of a Whore quoth Herald  Omnes. 
Ha, ha, ha.  first. 
You talk of your Players, I am for the Fencers, there are none living now like old Bradshaw, old Batty, Chatterton, and Ned Gibs.  fifth. 
ay, and the Miller, I remember them too.  fourth. 
What Swan the Wrestler? know him? I think I did.  first. 
And so did I, then there was Will the Labourer and Will the Pewterer, that were hanged— O they were nimble men.  fourth. 
And jack the Butcher, a stout Rogue, and the Gentleman Wrestler; they were brave men indeed, there's none left live like 'em. The sport that I have seen in Lincolnes-Inn-fields, and moorfield's— did you not know little Dick that kept the Ring?  first. 
What the old fellow? he and I has cracked many a Cup together; I was a Gamester too in those days, I loved to raise a Cudgel, and try a fall, as I did my Dinner.  fourth. 
And so did I, I did so pay a Butcher at Bradshawes' School once,— I came up to him thus— He rises, & extending his Arm hits the Person sets next him in the mouth  second. 
What do you mean by this, sir?  fourth. 
I was but showing how I came on.  second. 
I promise you were't in another place you should not come off so, sir.  first. 
He meant no harm, only to show his skill.  second. 
Let him do't some where else.  first. 
The place is as free for us, as 'tis for you, sir, for our money.  fourth. 
Nay if the Gentleman be angry, let him turn the Buckles of his Girdle behind him.  third. 
Come, you do not well, first to give an Offence, and then to justify yourself in't!  Mahoone. 
Vat be dat? vat be dear? hoe make a de noise, make a de devil, no stay in my Owse begar, take you the varning a dat.  fourth. 
Well, well, we have done. Bring us some more Coffee.  first. 
And Chocolet.  Mahoone. 
Vid all mine art, four bone.  2. and 3d. 
Sit you merry— take money here.  Enter hunt-cliff. hunt-cliff. 
My dearest Rampant how dost?  Wife. 
Prithee love get thee into the next Room, I'll come to thee presently.  hunt-cliff. 
Do not stay.  Exit. hunt-cliff. Wife. 
I cannot from thee my dearest.  second. 
Who takes money?  third. 
They mind it not, let's begone.  Mahoone. 
Vere be you dear? you dam shade at the Bar, you door my Wife, take a de Reckoning you hore.  Wife. 
Have I been gone so long with a Pox to you?  first. 
Nay Gentlemen we are going too.  Man servant. 
There is a China Cup broke, and to pay for.  fourth. 
Very right, what's the price?  Man servant. 
Eighteen pence.  fifth. 
How? fie upon't.  Mahoone. 
No less begar, den une shilling and une six pence.  fourth. 
'Tis unreasonable, but how e'er we'll paid.  first. 
This comes of fooling.  Exeunt. Mahoone. 
You be de velcome Gentilemen.  Wife. 
Would they were all gone, I sit on Thorns till I am with my hunt-cliff.  Company at the Third Table. first. 
'Tis talked there has been a great Overthrow given lately to the Turk, 3000 Slain, besides the Prisoners ta'en, which doubtless must come near that number, and most wealthy Prizes.  second. 
I'm glad on't, but alas, sir, 'tis to them. but a mere Flea bite in comparison, to such a loss on our side; they can spare thirty or forty Thousand and ne'er shrink for't.  third. 
With favour, I should think it were good Policy, and I presume much Honour to our Nation, if twenty Thousand men well Disciplined, were sent to his Dominions and there plagued him, 'twould gore him to the Guts, and make him draw his Army homewards with a pouring vengeance.  second. 
O sir, 'twould cost a world of Money, that, and we are poor; I must confess 'twould be a brave exploit, and fill the mouth of Fame. But it cannot be.  first. 
Pray why, sir?  second. 
Why for many Reason's Sir, as the case stands now we have a Gang of Fellows would change Sides with them, and among friends we should generally make better Turks than Christians.  third. 
He cannot be a perfect English man, that to promote his Country's Honour would not sell half his Patrimony.  first. 
It were a shame the Frenchmen should take such an Honour from Us.  second. 
For my part (Gentlemen) I do protest I would contribute willingly my part to further the Design; would it were Working.  third. 
You speak nobly.  fourth. 
What do you hear of Ludlow?  third. 
Nothing but mum.  second. 
Here's none but friends, good sir what is't?  third. 
He is turned Turk— pray pardon me,  
I speak but as I've heard.  fourth. 
Why is that such a crime? but without fooling, is he changed?  third. 
I wish he were if he be not.  
Why dost not thou think he were changed for the better;  
Come you know the Old Saying,  
A bad God makes a good Devil; and that sort of Christian makes an excellent Turk.  fifth. 
Sir, as to your business fear it not.  sixth. 
I hope so, sir.  fifth. 
We have 'em upon the hip, fear it not man, I'll warrant thee.  sixth. 
The Suit has cost me a deal of Money.  fifth. 
And more 'twill cost thee, but they shall pay all at last with a Circumferentibus.  sixth. 
Nay then I care not, though I sell two of my Oxen more.  Company at the first Table call to pay. Mahoone. 
Vere be the dam shade, the hore my Vise? begar she be gone again— hore, hore, vere be you hore.  Wife. 
My head does so ache Sweetheart.  Mahoone. 
Begar my head ash, you lie— look hunt-cliff. steals out. out a, look out a, a gran pock take you pour moy.  1. Company. 
Here take your money.  3. Company. 
And ours too.  Wife. 
What have you had Gentlemen— Oh I cry you mercy you are welcome Gentlemen. Exeunt Companies. Lord how glad am I the heat of this business is over.  Mahoone. 
Vat vas dat shack Rog dog vas vid you hore, in de room?  Wife. 
A x of mine you never saw before.  Mahoone. 
Your x! all de devells in hell be your x me tink. Give me a de money.  Wife. 
Take it, and be choked with it.  Mahoone. 
Very good Vife, very good Vife.  The Scene is drawn  

ACT the Fourth.  Enter Froth, Smoak, Rasey, and Sampire. SMoak. 
Look you, look Rogues, but my dear Brothers, I have brought my friend Sampire according to promise.  Froth. 
He's welcome, get you into that Room, I'll shut the door upon you, be not seen, I'll provide for you.  Exit. Rasey. 
Make haste, I shall be missed at home.  Sampire. 
I am very glad of your Acquaintance.  Rasey. 
I am the like of yours.  Smoak. 
When comes the things you wot on?  Sampire. 
To night without fail, when my Master and Mistress are a Bed.  Enter Froth with a huge Flagon of Ale. Froth. 
Here's that holds at least three Quarts; when this is out it shall be filled again, and there's a Jack to drink out of.  Rasey. 
A good Rogue.  Froth. 
Hear me, have an eye to the Door, if any offer to turn the Latch, clap your Flagon under the Table an call manfully for three Jacks of Ale, I'll paid.  
I come, I come, I come.  Call within Froth, Froth. Smoak. 
Oh brave Rogue— remember Rogue a Morsel?  Froth. 
Well, I'll do what I can. I come, I come,  Exit. Call again. Sampire. 
He seems to be as true a Trout as e'er struck water.  Rasey. 
A real Rogue.  Enter Froth. call within. Froth. 
I come, I come, I come: here Rogues fall to, I have nibed a cold Chicken, and half a Breast of Mutton for you, and here's a slice or two of Household Bread, good Provender you Rascals, I come, I come.  call again. 
Is your Flagon empty?  Smoak. 
We have drained him.  Froth. 
Give't me, I'll fill't again, and then happy man be his dole— I come, I come,.  Exit Froth. Smoak. 
Now Rogue, you see what Company I keep.  Sampire. 
I am proud of 'em, and will not die in their Debts.  Rasey. 
I dare not stay, I'll only take a snap, and so be gone.  Sampire. 
And so must I.  Enter Froth with more Ale. Froth. 
I come, I come, I come— Has any been with you yet?  Omnes. 
No, not any.  Froth. 
The better; come, two Jacks a piece will send it packing.  Smoak. 
Have at thee Boy.  Froth. 
So; now get you about your businesses, he thrusts them out. the house begins to fill, get you that way.  Exeunt. Enter Subtle and his Wife, and some Gentlemen. Subtle. 
Why Froth, why Froth— please you to walk in.  Froth. 
I come, I come, you're welcome Gentlemen.  Wife. 
What will you please to have; a couple of cold Chickens, or half a Breast of Mutton?  1. Gent. 
The half Breast of Mutton, what say you?  2. Gent. 
ay, 'twill do very well.  Wife. 
You shall have it presently.  Subtler. 
Froth, show 'em a Room.  Froth. 
Will you please to walk in, Gentlemen.  Exeunt. Wife. 
Where are you there, my folks are mad sure; prithee Sweetheart reach me the half Breast of Mutton hither.  Subtle. 
Here's no such thing, unless you will divide a Breast in two.  Wife. 
Lord, how thou talk'st! there's half a Breast ready cut.  Subtle. 
My eyes are my own sure.  Wife. 
Prithee let me see, I should have eyes too— odds so there's a Chicken gone too; we are like to thrive at this rate! four and sixpence in a morning!  Subtle. 
But then consider—  Enter Froth. Froth. 
Mistress, Mistress, the half Breast of Mutton, Mistress the Gentlemen are in haste.  Subtle. 
Here has been more haste than good speed it seems.  Wife. 
What is become of the Mutton, and one of the Chickens?  Froth. 
What Mutton forsooth?  Wife. 
The half Breast, and the fellow to this Chicken.  Froth. 
Alas how should I know forsooth, I have not eyes here, and in the Cellar too; the Bell-man's Dog was here but even now, a shirking Cur, and yet I cannot say he had it.  Subtle. 
Who ever had, the Devil choke him with't.  Froth. 
I sir, but 'tis passed that by this time.  Exeunt Enter Mr. Pepper and his Wife. Pepper. 
And so, my Lady.  Wife. 
It is even so my Lord; and what think you on't?  Pepper. 
Why scurvily! and very scurvily! But tell me, Frail, (let thy Soul dictate to thee) do I deserve this scorn, these slights, these base untoward Answers! have I not been a Husband— indeed too, too, too Kind—  Wife. 
Too much of one thing is good for nothing, you know't, it has been your own Doctrine.  Pepper. 
ay, but my dear Frail I now am sinking.  Wife. 
What remedy, would you have me sink with you sir?  Pepper. 
No my Dear; give me but an account of some goods that I miss, they'll be a help to us in our necessity.  Wife. 
I'faith sir no, what goods I have I'll keep; and they'll keep me, if not something else will.  Pepper. 
This is audatiousness beyond example; the common Brothels would not entertain a Wife so hideous, so monstrous evil; Ingratitude is worse than whoredom, Frail, consider that & weep.  Wife. 
Ha, ha, ha, weep, for what? for seeking to preserve myself against the storm is coming? let Ludgate be thy Grave and perish there, I'll be Frail still, and take my pleasure.  Pepper. 
Woman provoke me not— tell me where my Goods are?  Wife. 
Thrown into the Thames.  Pepper. 
Vile woman, would I could throw thee after 'em.  Smoak. 
Oh master, master, there are two of Enter Smoke. in haste. your Creditors without, are very earnest to speak with you, but I told 'em you were not within; and there stands behind 'em an ill looked Rogue a Sergeant on my conscience.  Pepper. 
Prithee Wife go to 'em.  Wife. 
I go to 'em! what to do?  Pepper. 
See who they are, give 'em good words, and tell 'em I will be with 'em suddenly.  Wife. 
To much purpose indeed.  Exit Frail. Pepper. 
In the mean time, besure you do convey the choicest of my Goods are now remaining, with my Debt Books, and all my Box of writings to my friend's house, where I intent to be for some time till I can Compound my Debts.  Enter Frail. Frail. 
They are gone; you may take your walk when you please sir.  Pepper. 
Come, I hope thou'lt be in a better humour ere't be long.  Frail. 
I'm not of your opinion in good truth sir.  Exeunt. Enter hunt-cliff, and Sweet-Lips. hunt-cliff. 
What does thy Husband think I can Coin money? were't not for thy sake he should lick his spigot and knaw his Nails for want of Company, ere I would cross his Threshold.  Sweet-Lips. 
O but dear hunt-cliff for my sake.  hunt-cliff. 
Death! what wouldst have me do? I have it not, thus to be vexed for paltry thirty pound! I'll be a stranger here, or never let me—  Sweet-Lips. 
Oh not so my dear; thou'lt break my heart then, I prithee hear me.  hunt-cliff. 
What wouldst thou say?  Sweet-Lips. 
My Husband is a very loving Husband.  hunt-cliff. 
What's that to me.  Sweet-Lips. 
And now and then when he does get old Gold, he gives it me to hoard; that at this time I praise my Stars I have I think far more than will discharge your Debt.  hunt-cliff. 
What of all this?  Sweet-Lips. 
And here they are, which I (to save your Credit) have robbed my Cabinet of; not thinking any thing too dear for thee, with whom I have entrusted my very self.  hunt-cliff. 
Well, what then?  Sweet-Lips. 
If you will take the care to Pawn 'em hunt-cliff, but not to lose 'em, for they are as precious as is my Husband's love, and my well being; and how near that is guests yourself.  hunt-cliff. 
Oh my poor Rogue.  Sweet-Lips. 
None will deny thee Silver on 'em, but be sure they be laid safe, or I'm undone for ever.  hunt-cliff. 
Dost thou fear me? have I a Soul?  Sweet-L. 
Then take 'em as the pledges of my love, but so as they may be returned again, I trust thee with my life in parting with 'em.  hunt-cliff. 
Pox on the dirt, I prize thy sweet conditions beyond a world of such like trash as this.  Sweet-Lips. 
Dear hunt-cliff if thou dost regard my quiet, be careful to redeem them in some time, and I'll contribute towards it what I can.  Exeunt. hunt-cliff. 
My dear thy Obligations are Charms to me.  Enter Pickle, Olive, and Sampire. Pickle. 
Sampire about your business, let my Writing and Debt Books— Lord I am o'er come with passion.  Olive. 
I prithee be not so, I'll run a share with thee in all thy sufferings.  Pickle. 
That's my torture; Oh must thy goodness, thy indulgence meet the cruelty that does pursue my vanity, my profuse living, my extravagancies, my Creditors wound me not half so much as the sharp thoughts of thee.  Olive. 
Yet hear me dearest, do not despair nor throw a mercy from thee, I doubt not but my care has so provided, thou may'st be able to appease thy Creditors, and stop their violence.  Pickle. 
Alas poor thing what canst thou do?  Olive. 
Why you shall see provided, my dear Husband: (and yet I must beg pardon for that Covenant, it being too peremptory for me to proffer—)  Weeps. Pickle. 
Prithee my Dearest.  Olive. 
I say if you'll please to look about you for the future, I dare warrant your Recovery, than ne'er flinch for't.  Pickle. 
sayst thou so my better Genius. Sampire stir nothing till my wife & I do consult further.  Exeunt. Sampire. 
Now my hopes are spoilt, no matter; I shall become the honester, farewell Smoak, thou art but a vapour, and Froth, thou art but wind, & for Rasey, he is too dear a Companion.  Exit.  

ACT the Fifth.  Enter Compound and Sweet-Lips. COmpound. 
Was ever man stocked with such impudence, he sends with that authority to provide a Supper, and of no small consequence; as though he owed me nothing, or I bound to feed his Riot for a copy of his ugly Countenance.  Sweet-Lips. 
Why truly Husband, and speak but the bare truth, the man is handsome, handsome enough indeed la.  Compound. 
I have seen (for all your wise opinion) a far handsomer forsake the world at Tyburn.  Sweet-Lips. 
Oh this money.  Compound. 
Were't not to bring a scandal on my house, he should not have digested scarce his Supper, ere I had Sergeants to salute his person; and yet, for aught I know it shall be done.  Sweet-Lips. 
Oh good, my heart, how do you know but he has brought you money; disgrace him not before his friends, he is a Gentleman, think on that; I am persuaded he would ne'er have ventured (being well acquainted with your frequent Threats) to invite his friends but on a handsome score: take my word for this night, and in the morning do what you please.  Compound. 
By this hand I will.  Exeunt. Enter Mahoone in his Shirt. Mahoone. 
Neighbour, mine good Neighbour vere be you dear? vere been mine Vife, begar she be de hore oh de World, she robe a me o all mine money my l'argent begar, for the foke, vy Neighbour, vere be mine Vife? me break house to day, me be undone, de grand pock take you all, vere be de hore de dam bish hore mine Vife? me be mad as the dog, bish, all mine money begone; me be mad begar.  Enter his Wife. Wife. 
Did ever man make such a monster of himself! why don't you come to bed?  Mahoone. 
Oh shade! vere have you been! foke, foke, foke, a pock take you for me. Vere be mine money you door shade? vere be de money you took to day, shade?  Wife. 
Are you not ashamed to disturb your Neighbours?  
Come to bed, and you shall know all.  Mahoone. 
Know all! vat be dat? me come to bed! very good, de devel come to bed, me no come to your dog-bish hole you shade.  Wife. 
Why then go hang yourself.  Exit. Mahoone. 
Out a door shade vere be mine money you dam shade vere be mine money? me murder you, and send your Sole to the devil begar: mine money, mine money, mine money.  Exit running. Enter hunt-cliff, and two or three Gentlemen. hunt-cliff. 
More Wine, who waits there? why Rasey you rasca; more Wine.  Rasey. 
I have it here Sir.  Enter Rasey. hunt-cliff. 
Bid your Master come to me.  Rasey. 
My Mistress Sir!  hunt-cliff. 
No, your Master, sirrah.  Rasey. 
I understand you Sir, but I believe you've ridden him so much he'll not endure the Bit.  Aside. hunt-cliff. 
Why dost not stir?  Rasey. 
I'm gone Sir.  Exit. 1 Gent. 
hunt-cliff, thou art a Prince.  2 Gent. 
Disguis'd or near upon't.  hunt-cliff 
While these Spanckers last, Boys—  1 Gent. 
Where lives thy Mammon, thy kind hearted devil?  hunt-cliff. 
I have a legend, pretty smooth faced devils, such as would draw you from your prayers, to sin; fine soaking devils.  
Oh Sir, are you come?  Enter Compound. Compound. 
I suppose you sent for me.  hunt-cliff. 
In very good time Sir; how stands Accounts between us?  Compound. 
What mean you Sir?  hunt-cliff. 
I pray let's know it Sir, even from the beginning of the world unto this present time Sir: I abhor a Sergeant, and your poor stratagems; what do I owe you Sir? I've money for you, I hope you'll not refuse it.  Comp. 
Forbid I should; Sir 'll'le fetch you up a Bill.  Shakes his Pockets. hunt-cliff. 
Pray do Sir, and put our Reckoning into't.  Gentlemen. 
By no means, we'll pay our shares.  Compound. 
As you please for that Gentlemen.  hunt-cliff. 
Do as I bade you Sir.  Compound. 
It shall be done Sir.  Exit. hunt-cliff. 
I hate to have such dirty fellows think I am beholding to 'em, my soul's above it; men that have narrow thoughts crouch to such wretches, but mine are boundless—  Enter Compound. Compound. 
Here it is Sir, and the precise day set down for every Reckoning, I scorn to wrong you Sir.  hunt-cliff. 
A righteous Steward— so— right— well— very well— just— 'tis granted; and know I scorn to wrong you punctual Compound, the Total is 20. Pound, make your acquittance, & that a general one, & your money's ready.  Compound. 
I sir, that's soon done, my Wife's a Watch sure,  Aside. 
She told me she believ'd this night he'd pay me, the Acquittance Sir is ready.  Writes. hunt-cliff. 
Let me see't— from the beginning— very well— now Gentlemen I hope you will subscribe as Witnesses?  Gentlemen. 
ay, I.  hunt-cliff. 
Now tell your money, sir, Nineteen old Pieces, with their Allowance, friend may pass for twenty pound, your Debt.  Throws him. the Gold. Compound. 
Bless my eye sight, my own Gold upon my life, the Gold I gave my Wife in keeping— Oh vile Woman, Oh wretched man— give me back my Acquittance, the Golds not right, 'tis base Counterfeit Gold, Oh my vexation!  1 Gent. 
Art mad, the Gold's good Gold.  2 Gent. 
Currant I warrant thee.  Compound. 
If it be, he came not lawfully by't, 'tis not well gotten, and I shall never thrive with it.  3 Gent. 
Have a care what you say, friend.  hunt-cliff. 
What does the fellow murter?  Compound. 
None of your fellow yet Sir, I am no Cheat, give me my Acquittance, take your ill got Goods, and I'll take my course for my Debt— what paid with a Pig from my own Sow!— Rasey bid your Mistress come hither presently— I shall run mad indeed.  Exit. hunt-cliff. 
I know where his shoe wrings him; his Wife gave me this Gold to pawn for Silver— pox on the oversight, I shall lose her love for ever.  1 Gent. 
Oh 'twas a gross mistake.  2 Gent. 
Not like a Gentleman.  3 Gent. 
Pay him in his own Coin?  Enter Compound & his wife. Compound. 
Come, come, the Key of your Cabinet?  Wife. 
Lord, why thus hasty Husband; I cannot find it presently.  Compound. 
How crept these things into that Gentleman's, that worthless Gentleman's Pocket? you know 'em d'ye not?  Wife. 
Oh my misery— a Gentleman! a Villain, a perjured Villain—  aside. Compound. 
Answer me to my question?  She Weeps. 1 Gent. 
Poor Creature he has struck her dumb— fie Hunt-Cliff, fie.  2 Gent 
Pox o' this business, 'tis a nasty business.  hunt-cliff. 
Come, let's leave him freting in his own grease, I'll not endure the storm.  Exeunt hunt-cliff and Gentlemen. Compound. 
Charge a Constable with the Rogue, he has robbed me— oh Woman what hast thou done? what hast thou made me do? open thy shame, and mine to all the world, I shall not stir forth of my doors, but be pointed at by each Prentice boy, become the talk at every Coffeehouse.  Wife. 
Dear Husband upon my Knees I beg your Pardon never will I commit an error like Knecls. to this.  Compound. 
It was thy Justice moved thee to do it now, and that is such a Canker it will eat whole Families up.  Wife. 
He never did attempt (if you'll believe me Husband) any uncivil Act towards me since first he came to th' House, I looked upon him for a Gentleman; and knew you would arrest him, (you had sworn it) if that he paid you not this night.  Compound. 
What then? must you rob me therefore to pleasure him?  Wife. 
I lent 'em him to pawn for Silver, on condition he'd redeem 'em in a month, to which he swore most vehemently.  Compound. 
Rise, I forgive thee, be wiser Wench, hereafter, and though he thinks he does securely swim, if there be Law in the Land I'll hamper him.  Exeunt. 
FINIS.