THE SCOTS FIGGARIES: OR, A Knot of Knaves. A Comedy.  
LONDON, Printed by W. H. for john Tey, at the White-Lion in the Strand, near the New Exchange, 1652.   

To the Choice hand of Approved Gallantry, ROBERT DORMER Esq  
Sir,  
THis Vessel, with her small Freight (not despairing of other Harbour) moves to put in to the Haven of your favour; The Greatest Tempest she rides under, is the Owners fears, which one benign Beam from you Calms and Disperses: Acceptance Dignifies the Adventure, and Crowns his Endeavours; who, yet a stranger, is Ambitious to be Endennized (with Pardon, and Permission.)  
Your Servant Jo. TATHAM.   


The Persons.  
Smallfaith, A declining Magistrate.  


Do-much,  
Surehold.   Magistrates continued.  
Folly. The Court Foole.  


jockey,  
Billy.   two Scots-Beggers.  
Scarefoole, a Scot Soldier.  
Resolution, an English Soldier.  
Worn-out, a Courtier.  
Downfall, a Lawyer.  
Sooneguled, a Citizen.  
Laymedown, his Wife.  
M Smallfaith.  
Anything, a Parson.  
A Seminary.  


Trapheire.  
Pinckcarcase.  
Townshift.  
Drawforth.   Blades of the Times.  


Witwud,  
Wantwit,   two Bubbles.  
A Crew of Country People.  
Vintner, Drawer, Soldiers, Servitors.  
A Public Notary.    

The SCOTCH FIGGARIES.  
ACT. I.  Enter Jockey with his Wallet. jockey. 
A Sirs thes eyr has a much geod savour. I ha crept thus fir intol th' Kingdom, like an Erivigg intoll a mons lug, and shall as herdly be got oout. I'll sa seff here as a Sperrow under a Penthoowse. Let the Sheriffo Cumberlond gee hang himself in's own gartropts, I'll ferr enough off him, ans fellow Officer th' hangman noow. I a Scot Theff may pass for a trow Mon here; Aw the empty Weomb and thin hide I full oft bore in Scotland, an the geod fare I get here! Be me saw Ice twa yards gron about sin I come fro Scotlond, the Devil split me give I come at thee mere scotland. I'll e'en noow nigh the bonny Court, wur many a Scot lad is gron from a Maggot ta a bran Goose; marry Ice in geod pleight. we'll, Scotlond, we'll, tow gaffst me a mouth, but Anglond mon find me met; 'tis a geod soil geod faith, an give awe my Contremon would plant here, th'od thrive better thou in their non. [Enter Billy. In the foul Deels name wha's yond? a sud be me Contremon by's scratin an scrubbin; A leokes like scotland it sell, bar an naked; A carries noought bet tha walth o Can aboot him, filth an Virmin.  Billy. 
Aw Scotlond, Scotlond, uva worth than tim I come oout o thee; I'll like tha wandering Jew ha' worn my hooves sa thin as pauper, and can get ne shod for 'em; Anglond has geod sooft ground, bet tha people ha' much hard hearts; Aw Billy, Billy, thou'dst better ha ta'en tha stripe for stelling in Scotlond (bet thot 'tis sin ta rob the spittle) an ha' thrived by't, than ta come ta be hanged here, or starved; 'tis keen Justace a mon sud dee sick a death for macking use o his hands, I ha' ne oder mamber worth aught.  jock; 
On's mon what gar thee in these pickle? how cam'st hither?  Billy. 
E'en on me ten toes sir, and they err worn oout now, thay'l ser me ne longer.  joc. 
Wha tha Devil shall mend'um? shame faw thee, a Scot an cannot shift.  Bil. 
A lack sir, a mon more not stell here for's neck, and I'll much shame ta beg.  joc. 
How money not bag! On's thouart nen a me Contremon than.  Bil. 
Ay marry that am I, geod faith I'll a Scot, an borne at Andra keddin.  joc. 
I thoought fa be thy iddle lief, what gar thee come hither?  Bil. 
A lack mon I sud a bein whopt aboot tha Toown o Barwick for theiffing in Scotlond, bet brock gale and scaped it.  joc. 
Hadst tow tha conscience ta stell from thy own Country, an haste noot than sense ta bag in an oder? fie mon, fie. On's how thinkst leive? Leoke her mon, leok her, sa tha vertu o bagging [opens his Wallet and shows him meat. A sir d'ye drop, d'ye drop at moth sir?  Bil. 
Ay sir, sike a seight may mack a mon sown.  joc. 
Sow up your chaps in tha Deeles nam, give you cannot bag ye shall not eat sir.  Bil. 
Geod faith an I ha noot eat un morsel thes twa days, come away mod, come away.  joc. 
Ne, nee, sir stay your fercnes, keep your fangs off sir, ye ma ha' tha mang.  Bil. 
Ne geod faith, I'll a clear skinned lad.  joc. 
Bet monstrous lozy.  Bil. 
Dooubt not that sir, thay'l pin ta death sir, for I ha' noought ta fed 'em bet Sken, an that's twa toough for their teth— cam away mon, sum cherete good Contremon.  joc. 
we'll set doowne— leoke thee here money, [they sit down to eat. thes gis tha leg o a Anglish Prest.  Bil. 
Say ye sa money  joc. 
Reight we'll they bein mad up o Cappon and whit broth▪ they mack their carcase fat, bet their folls len; d'ye thank S. Andra wad a felted la much give a cud a got sike met as thes▪ Ne, ne, by me saw I'll hang than; he was starved, they fare deliciously; he wos ●oowzy, and had no sheft, they bien buried aleife in fin lenin an lown sleeffes▪ ●he stunk abo ground, they bien swettened leiving an deed, abo an under gron; A me saw S. Andra had her done sa many marvailes give a h●d stuffed his carcase lafoy full as they.  Bil. 
Geod faith I main pass for a sent ten, for me carcase is bar an thin enough.  joc. 
Ay for sent Theff, for he ner did mirackle— thes Torky leg come fro a Merchant's Table, thes Widgins wing from a Citzens, an thes Goose's leg from a Lawyers.  Bil. 
Bred, they mack mere preambl' boot their boody then awe than people in Cristendum de aboot their saws, how hadst tow tha fece ta speak at sa many doors mon?  joc. 
A sir, I shall tach ye ta bag bravely, mind ye me noow sir, I stoll twa Coows from me Contremon and got tham agate ta Comberlond ta seal, bet tha plaggy sheriff gar tham tack from me, an sent me toll tha gale, bet I got loose, a sa kam froward, an in tha Noorth I met a iddle Turnies lod, wha mad me thes Certifice, an sat awe those Jestece nams' toled, that tha shreife o Comberlond had den me much wrong, an sa Ice come up toll th' King for Jestece.  Bil. 
Geod faith wad I had sike an oder.  joc. 
Cam away mon, hest thee, fill thy weomb, and get thee on you sid mon, an Ice keep o thes, and sa nen fall scap us— hark ye me money, you mon tell ' am you come o geod parentage, an ha' lost awe your siller as ye come for Anglond— you mon speak a by mon, an noot lick a Mole under gron pest herring.  Bil. 
we'll, we'll, I'll be advised be you, give you far we'll I fall noot far amiss.  [Enter a Courtier. joc. 
Gang away mon, gang away mon, seest tow, seest tow yond braw mon tofore thy eyen.  [Billy runs towards him. Bil. 
— Bless your honour, I'll speak a word or twa ta your honour.  Cour. 
My honour▪— Pox on your fawning hide, what would you have with me and be hanged?  Bil. 
— Ne, ne, sir I pray your honour wax noot wrathful, I'll a mon o geod rank in my own Country, a ha kept geod beasts.  Cour. 
ay, for some bodies else, thou dost not look as though thou ere wert worth one.  Bil. 
Ne, ne, sir, me non proper geods geod faith; I come widow much siller in me purse ta Englond, we'll clad.  Cour. 
With some old Curtains that bore S. Andrews story, or children's blankets stoll, and turned to Trowsies.  Bil. 
Ne geod faith, I ha een bien robd o awe.  Cour. 
Rob thee! of what? had he a mind to be lousy? but this is an Engine laid to draw a piece of silver to you, is't not so?  Bil. 
Your Honour speekes much we'll.  Cour. 
— There— there's some of your Country men at Court lives better by this trade than you.  [he gives him. joc. 
Un word ta your honour.  [As he goes jockey meets him. Cour. 
High day, another! I'm way laid, hast thou been robbed too?  joc. 
Ne, ne sir, ne, than sheriff o Comberlond has dun me much wrong sir.  Cour. 
Whipped you about the Pigmarket?  joc. 
A has tacken away me Cow's sir, a awe me geods, see here sir, I ha' awe those worthy Jestece nams' ta testify.  Cour. 
There is no beggar like the Scotch-beger for tricks and impudence— Come what must discharge me from you sir, and your bellowing?  joc. 
Geod faith sir I wont siller ta got Jestece.  Cour. 
— Hadst thou had Justice done thee, thou hadst been hanged long before this.  Bil. 
Bred, he's a fortune teller.  Cour. 
There— that will serve to buy you Oatmeal; sir there is no more of your Caterwauling Companions here abouts, is there?  joc. 
Ne, ne sir, an't lick your honour.  Cour. 
Ne, ne, pox on your Nees and your Nose too; I'm glad I'm rid on you.  Exit. joc. 
Noow sir, ye had noot tha fece ta bag, how lick ye it noow sir, what ga' he toll ye.  Bil. 
Thes small piece o siller.  joc. 
A geod beginning mon, told a ye noot sum o our Country men lieved at Court by baggin.  Bil. 
I sea noow a Scot may lie by atorete, an beg widow permission— we'll to Courtesan ta, an lie sa fest as tha be'st o'um.  joc. 
Be me saw an that's herd ta dee; [Enter Mr Folly ' seest tow, seest tow money yond brawe fellow, wi'this gold Rop aboots neck, an's long Cot lick a sark, geod faith he's ta herd for twantyo'um.  Bil. 
He's tha feul, gis a noot?  joc. 
Ay, ey mon; A has feuld himself intoll much fevor give a feul himself noot oout again— say a cams aneust us mon, wees speak toll him— Bless your honour sir, bless your honour, I'll gled ta sea your honour in heelth.  Folly, 
Be me saw thouart a bold fellow.  joc. 
I'm your own Contremon sir, I ken your honour much we'll, bless your worship.  Fol. 
Kenst tow me mon?  joc. 
Mickle we'll an't lick your honour, I ken your honour we'll enough, your honour is the Kings feul.  Fol. 
A mon, he keeps mere feules than I; bred, he's keep tow ta give tow canst feul him; how far Scot art tow?  joc. 
Marry Ice a much weigh oofe noow.  Fol. 
Bet I wad knee what tow wert borne.  joc. 
Gi'en me Moders Weomb sir forty years aghast.  Fol. 
On's money speak toll me i what plece o Scotlond wert tow borne.  joc. 
Geod faith gi'en many sir, I ha' bien borne fro plece to plece a me Moders back sir, and ha' seffered much sorrow.  Fol. 
The fow Devil tack thy large lug, wha was thy fader?  joc 
A mon sir surely.  Fol. 
The black Devil a was sur, whar lieved a▪  joc. 
A sir at a plece your honour ken much we'll.  Fol. 
Whar mon, whar?  Fol. 
A sir, A sir what pleice caw ye that sir whar your honour nursed tha tyny babe widow will on's back sir?  Fol. 
Oout than faugh Devil, oout Rog— bet wha art tow mon?  Bil. 
I'm e'en you're Contremon twa sir, cam ta bien a Curtier ta sir.  Fol. 
On's a Curtier! a Carter, than Hangmon, that Devil.  Bil. 
Ye ha' geod friends thar sir, ye may dee much for us.  Fol. 
Dye money! bred, he that shall dee for thee shall ha' enough ta dee; art geod for oought? wha canst dye for thy sell?  Bil. 
E'en what ye sea sir.  Fol. 
Oout this is base, it shams your Country, mind ye me; wha o ye swain ha' most wot?  joc. 
He that can sheft be'st.  Fol. 
Reight we'll.  joc. 
And that's e'en I, this feule had noot a fece ta bag toll I boldend hum.  Folly 
Oout, oout mon, shame feect?  Bil. 
Ne, ne. I shall grew bold enough give I fall get oought by't.  Fol. 
Give ye had Clad sirs, what curs wouldhave ye tack to lieu?  Bil. 
I'll cud mack than King, bliss his Worship, an't lick your honour, much geod Puttins an Potsloose.  joc. 
I'd bien oath Mint, sir, I loove ta finger siller.  Fol. 
we'll sirs come away wy me, for Contres' sack Ice got ye sum Purveyance, an sum lodging, and tan we fall find oout lum work for ye among 'em here.  joc. 
Bless your honour for your benefaites.  Exeunt. Enter Townshift and Trapheire. Town. 
Pray recollect yourself, I cannot do't  
Without a loss to my repute and fame,  
If you have but a foot of ground unsold.  
Therefore consult your thoughts, my willingness  
Shall not be wanting to procure your freedom;  
But I'd not have a dirty piece of Land  
Bring an obstruction to't.  Tra. 
Why? as I live  
I have not an Inch left; what ere I mortgaged  
Is either sold outright, or forfeited,  
I lie not on my Credit.  Town. 
How's that Man?  
Have you credit then? Why, that's as bad.  
It is not held convenient by the Huff,  
Lords of the sword, that any Youngster should  
Be one of us till he ' as not only lost  
his ' state, but's credit too.  Tra. 
Upon my life,  
Dear Townshift, I've not credit for a thrips;  
Thou know'st it well enough, my roaging Landres  
Will not do't for the washing of a shirt.  Town. 
Why, have you shirts then?  Tra. 
One as I live, no more, and that so thin  
You may drawed through a Needle.  Town. 
What Boots have you?  Tra. 
I cannot call these any, yet theyare all;  
And as for stockings, I have long ago  
Held them unnecessary.  Town. 
Why this Cloak,  
And th' weather warm and friendly.  Tra. 
'Tis too much,  
The weight on't, I confess, 's not to be borne,  
I'll ease me of the burden, It shall sink  
In sack when I'm made free, prithee about it.  Town. 
I would not for a world you should have any  
Remnant of your Estate left, 't would undo you  [Enter drawforth and Pinck-carkase 
See, here's my Brothers, Drawforth and Pinck-carkase  
May I presume to recommend you to 'em?  Tra. 
You may, you may, dear Townshift.  Drawf. 
How now Trapheire,  
What is all gone yet?  Town. 
All he swears by's Twibell,  
His Cloak excepted, and its time expires  
Within this half hour; shall we make him free?  Pink. 
Trapheire, you now are to begin the World,  
Which you cannot do handsomely, unless  
Your Land and you be separated, and if  
Ought lie concealed, 'twill rise in judgement against you;  
Therefore pray have a care, 'tis Christian Counsel.  Drawf. 
It is not fit the least piece of your old  
Adulterate fortunes should corrupt the new  
Your wit must purchase.  Town. 
Right, beside, he'll ne'er  
Have a refined Wit till he has nothing left.  Tra. 
The greatest Enemy I have Gentlemen is my Cloak,  
And I promise I'll fee 't no more.  Pink. 
Say you so, then to the next Tavern;  
Boy— boy— a Room.  [Enter Drawer. Draw. 
Please you to walk into a Room Gentlemen?  Town. 
What call we thee for else?  [They pass in and enter again Draw. 
How like you this Room Gentlemen?  Town. 
Indifferent; bring us Wine and Tobacco of the best sirrah.  Draw. 
You shall indeed sir.  Tra. 
Dear Townshift thou must show this Gentleman  
The way to th' Brokers.  [Pointing at his Cloak. Town. 
Is he for sale, or Mortgage?  Tra. 
For sale by all means, I'd not charge my memory  
I've ought left worth redeeming.  [Enter boy with wine. Drawf. 
Bravely resolved— Is't Racie?  Draw. 
Right Racie sir believe me.  Pink. 
Trapheire to thee.  Tra. 
Drink apace, dear Townshift  [To his cloak. 
The sight of that same Gentleman's my torture,  
I prithee rid me of him.  Drawf. 
Townshift swear him.  Tra. 
I can't with a safe conscience swear as long  
As that appears before me.  Town. 
How shall I get it out o'th' house?  Tra. 
Leave thine here, and wear mine thither.  
O how I hate to call it mine— away wited.  Exit Townshift. Pink. 
Trapheire, you now must exercise your Wit  
To live on others, as we've lived on you;  
Wit's never good till purchased, what though't be  
With th' loss of fortune's Trumpery and Trash;  
Content ne'er dwells 'mong dirty Land, who sells it  
Parts with a deal of care, and scurvy toil;  
Men never are ingenious that are clogged with't.  
The Generous spirit will not be cooped up  
In that same Country Cage, a mansion house,  
And confines of the Buttery; be free,  
Thou art not worth a Groat  [Enter Townshift. 
When this is spent.  Tra. 
How much, how much dear Townshift?  Town. 
But thirty by my Valour.  Tra. 
Down with't, down with't;  [The money laid on the Table. 
I'll not put up a Dodkin on't; dear Townshift,  
Drink, drink away, I thirst until it's melted,  
Your molten silver swallows best.  Drawf. 
His Oath, his Oath.  Town. 
Your sword.  [Lays his hand on the Hilts of his Sword, 
By this Hilt, and this Blade  
Which at Hounslow was made,  
You swear to be true  
To what shall ensue.  
First, You swear not to make it any scruple of Conscience to cheat your Father; That you will hunt after young Heirs, and when you have coursed them out of wind, you'll refresh 'em with some Scrivener, Broker, or Draper; That you'll keep always three strings to your bow, to make it bend till it break; That having gotten a Bubble or Bishop, a lad of the last adoption, that you make him sensible of a Wench, though to the charge of a Surgeon, it being reason all trades should live, and if occasion be, wink at small faults. Next be sure to keep them continually at Game, or Drinking; Uurge 'em to quarrel, and then take up the business, but not without profit to the Brotherhood; That what quarrels soever arise among ourselves, must not cause us to fight with one another, but the Coins of the Bubble or Bishop must make us friends; That you must not pay your Coachman but with kicks, unless your Bubble or Bishop do, and then he owes you a fare; That your Bubble, or Bishop, and you, keep but one Purse, though two Drabs; That when you have dreined him dry, you make him free, if he sue for it, if not let him keep Company with the Titteretues, and live upon the sin of Sodom; That you I take your chance of the day, where there is need of dipping, without grumbling.  
That while you can stand  
With sword in your hand,  
You'll not be in awe  
Of the Halberteere Law;  
Kiss this— Now you're free  [Kisses the Hilts 
Of the Huffs company.  Tra. 
hay for the Brotherhood; No Wine stirring, Boy? You Rascal, where's your duty? absent? hah! More Wine.  [Enter Drawer. Draw. 
You shall sir by and by.  Tra. 
Bring a Glass will hold  
A Pint at least, I hate a thimble full,  
We shall ne'er have consumed this mighty mass  [Pointing to the [Money. 
If we sip thus like sparrows;  Enter Drawer. 
I marry, this looks like some Brother to you all.  Drawf. 
Gramercy.  Tra. 
Sirrah, cover the Board with Bottles,  
This is our Coronation day, the Room  
Shall swim in Wine; be frolic Huffs, and drain  
Me dry, yet I shall live when you're all hanged.  [He begins to be drunk. Town. 
How now, how now Traphiere!  Tra. 
Drink and be damned;  
Must I wait on your Drivelling?  Town. 
Drawforth to you— Charge him home.  Draw. 
Traphiere a whole bottle to thee— I'm up toth' Chin.  Tra. 
— So, so sir,— you're a fine fellow; Is all paid?  Town. 
No, all's not come in yet.  Tra. 
I'll stay no longer.  [He takes Townshifts cloak up. Town. 
Pray leave my cloak behind you.  Tra. 
Your cloak sir? how came it to be yours sir? I have one some where.  Town. 
Yours is at the Brokers sir.  Tra. 
Is it so sir? I thank you for your information.  Drawf. 
There lies the virtue on't.  Tra. 
So sir, I thank you twice; for once I care not if I put my Cloak into my pocket.  [He snatcheth up the money. Town. 
But Trapheire, Trapheire.  Pink. 
Who pays the house?  Tra. 
Let the house pay itself; dip, dip and be hanged you that have Cloaks, am I bound to fill your insatiate Gorge eternally.  Pink. 
What Asses were we to let the money lie so long, knowing his Rascally humour, he'll not pay a Penny when he's in drink— See what thou canst work him to.  Town. 
Boy.  [Enter Drawer. Drawf. 
Sir— I shall sir.  [They whisper. Town. 
Trapheire, a prize Trapheire.  Tra. 
Of what? Sprats?  Town. 
A Gudgin man, a Gudgin's come to Net;  
The Master of the house desires admittance  
To play a Game at Tick-tack for a Piece;  
And thou know'st Trapheire— hah—  [He shakes his Arms. Tra. 
I know it Rogue;  
And thou shalt play with him for all he's worth;  
I'll venture on thy hand my whole Estate,  
This my trusty Blade. Provided always sir—  [Enter Master of the house. Town. 
That you have half— 'tis granted— he's here;  
Thou know'st I have no money.  Tra. 
Thou shalt not want dear Bully, I'll not leave  
Myself a George.  [He gives him his money. Town. 
Spoke like thyself, come be so.  
There sir, pay yourself.  Mr, 
You're kindly welcome Gentlemen, fetch my Quart.  Tra. 
Death, what's this?  Omnes 
Ha ha, ha— Only the Reckoning paid sir.  Tra. 
You're Rogues, Shirks, and Cheats; I'll indict you  Pink. 
Buoy good sir, employ your Tongue at Billings gate;  
Adieu, adieu.  [Exeunt Town, Pinck. Drawforth. Tra. 
Farewell and be hanged.  
For your part sirrah, I'll have you up for keeping of a Bawdy house.  Exit. Mr. 
Do your worst sir, do your worst.  Exit.  

ACT. II.  Enter Folly, jockey, and Billy, very Gallant. Fol. 
You're much braw sirs, you're much braw; bred, ye leoke mere lick Burgemasters noow thou hedge creepers; ken ye your sells sirs? ken ye your sells sirs?  Io. 
Geod faith sir, give awe that sud ken themsells, wouldhave ken themsells, nen wad ken us; A me saw sir, I'd rader ha'um trast me thou ken me, fur give they sudken me reight, thayed sea me deed tofore they ' trast me.  Fol. 
You're much wise sir, ye ha' robbed a feul sur.  joc. 
We wish you we'll sir, we wish you we'll.  Fol. 
Say ye sa sir? you're vary cheretable; ken ye me sirs? On's, ye are gron see loofty you'll knee ne body; wha set you up in tha Deeles name? wha, wha put thes gay feathers on your back? e'en ay, an noow yol flee away ta tha Devil, Hark ye me sirs, give ye bien sa high, I'll tack ye down wy a Plague ta ye; wha had you're entailed Virmine ta'en off ye wy a murrain? wha, wha got ye a—  Bil. 
Oour saders and moders sir.  Fol. 
Did they sa sir? bred, give they got ye, they ner cud got feod enough for you're side Weombs; Are you provander pricked noow sirs? ha, wha am I? ha sirs, ha, wha am I?  Bil. 
O our geod friend sir, bliss you.  Fol. 
The Devil wound ye, slight ye me? On's, I'll sa geod a mon gas awe in Scotlond, an ha' mere siller in me purse.  joc. 
Anglish stamp sir, I believe't.  Fol. 
Ye beleeft! wha tha Devil cares for your beleeff?  joc. 
Geod sir, geod sir be sober.  Fol. 
Bred, I'll not drunken; ha ye bien at cost wy me sirs? hah! I'll sall uncass ye sirs, an ge your Arse tha Air again, are ye sa hot sirs? want ye a Cooler? Bred, I'll ge ye sick a Rattle wy a Rome o'er tha Riggins shall mack your Ribs reore sirs.  joc. 
Geod your honour put up your wrath, an wees buckle oour Wots; wees you're on Contremons ye knee we'll enough.  Bil. 
An sud leove won oder; you've a geod Mester sir, a oour Contremon, wha macks much o you.  Fol. 
Bred, an Ice mack sa much o hum as I can.  joc. 
He's a geod mon sir, and you ha wot enough.  Fol. 
Ken you that mon, ken you that? On's, an ye bien not would ye ma ha' wot ta chep enough; bet Ice ne body, my benefaits are noought worth.  joc. 
You're awe body sir, wees at your Commandment.  Fol. 
Say ye sa sir? why, noow ye speak, be vised by me, any sall oout wot 'em awe; mind ye me sirs, will ye be advised?  joc. 
Sed ye sir, why awe our hearts.  Fol. 
I'll ha' ye turn Dooctors.  joc. 
I'll a Dooctor, a Dooctor; geod faith, wees mack braw Dooctors.  Fol. 
Mind me mon, mind me; Thes Kingdom's much sick, than Courtesan o tha Cety, tha Cety o than Courtesan, an tha Country o beoth, an awe o 'em o than Kirke, an tha Law; tha Kingdom's Livergron wy iddlnes an Raches, and noow noought can cur it bet a Scots Dooctor, ne matter for your skill.  joc. 
Geod faith sir, wees ha skill enough ta bleed its siller veins I'll warrant ye.  Fol. 
Ha bet confidence, lie and dissemble handsomely.  Bil. 
Wees you're on Contremons' sir, doubt it noot.  Fol. 
Tha nam o a Scot gis enough ta cur awe their maladies; goe 'em peson an thay'l tack it for a Cordall: persuade 'em they are sick thay'l beleeff ye, and give ye mack 'em sick thay'l beleeff there in be'st health, bet ye mon carry sem show o hollines wy ye, an profess awe for thayr geods.  joc. 
Sa we shall sir, an tack'um when we ha deon.  Fol. 
Billy shall gaing toll th' Country, and tow salt keep behind, an bien Dooctor here, and give tow hest wot enough tow canst noot wont work.  joc. 
Ne geod faith, I shall mack me sell work enoough, for give I can hell ne distampers Ice mack enoough among 'um.  Fol. 
Cam away than, come away.  Exeunt. Enter Trapheire and Boy Boy 
— 'Twas Morning ere he went to bed sir.  Tra. 
— All's one; tell who 'tis, and 'twill be warrant  
Enough for your awaking him; 'tis business  
I come about, and of concernment too,  
That cannot admit delay.  Boy. 
I'll venture then to call him sir.  Exit. Tra. 
Do so— if this design  
Of mine prove prosperous, Townshift, it will be  
Some comfort to me that I am even with thee.  Enter Boy. Boy 
He'll wait upon you presently,  
He's rising.  Exit. Tra. 
A good Lad— Townshift arm thyself, for I am prepared  
To give thee an assault, and dare thy Action  
At Law, if Wit and Sword should fail,  
Dear Townshift.  [Enter Townshift. Town. 
By this light I have not slept  
A minute; what's the news? you served us bravely the other night at Tavern.  Tra. 
On this drinking!  
This perilous Drinking will destroy us all;  
Thy pardon my dear heart, the business now  
I come about will try thy friendship.  Town. 
How?  
I hope no quarrel.  Tra. 
Yes, with my base stars.  Town. 
But what's the matter, tell me?  Tra. 
That's my meaning,  
A sort of Rascally Bailiffs dogged me hither,  
And thou know'st if I be once ta'en I am  
A slave perpetually.  Town. 
What wouldst thou have me to do?  
we'll send to Drawforth and the rest.  Tra. 
'T won't do,  
They'll make but a disturbance in the street,  
Yet I may be surprised for all their Valour,  
And then I am undone; the hopes I have  
In one I am to dine with lost, which might  
Be worth to thee and me some hundreds Bully.  Town. 
Send for him, now let him take up the business.  Tra. 
What, ere I'm throughly known to him; besides,  
Should he take this up twenty more would follow't,  
Who knowing me so low now, do forbear  
To execute their rigour.  Town. 
What wouldst have me do?  Tra. 
Hark thee, I've thought upon a fine Deceit;  
Hast any Patches in thy Chamber?  Town. 
Rare ones,  
Of all sorts.  Tra. 
One to Disguise my face, with a Cloak, would  
Do't to the life.  Town. 
Sure they are gone, I'll send to see.  Tra. 
Oh hang 'em Rogues, th' are skulking at th' Lanes end,  
Or some blind Alenouse— Dearest Townshift do't.  Town. 
Do what?  Tra. 
Lend me thy Cloak, and I'll contrive a Patch  
Shall cover my left eye, they may not know me.  Town. 
I know not what to do— I should go forth  
Myself.  Tra. 
Nay prithee Townshift—  Town. 
Will you leave  
Your Sword then▪ you'll have no—  Tra. 
Prithee wouldst have me  
Pass by 'em unprovided, put the worst,  
They should descry me.  Town. 
There's no trick in't Trapheire?  Tra. 
No more trick than you see; I prithee meet me in Fish-street at the Feathers, where we'll dine; there thou shalt see my friend, and I'll restore thy Cloak dear Townshift.  [Enter Boy. Town. 
Well, thou shalt have't— Boy fetch  [Enter Boy with Cloak. 
My Cloak and patches— 'tis thine, there take it.  [Gives it him. Tra. 
Gramercy; Is't handsome?  Town. 
Very well; I must lie down and take a Nap at twelve;  
I will not fail to meet thee.  Exit. Tra. 
Sirrah boy, be sure you wake him.  Boy. 
I warrant you sir.  Exit. Tra. 
Ha, ha, ha,  
I'm sworn to cheat my father, and 'tis fit  
He that first made the Gin should handsel it.  Exit. Enter Smalfaith, Folly, and jockey. Smal. 
— Sir, you are kindly welcome, and the oftener  
You visit me, the welcomer you shall be;  
I honour men of knowledge. Master Folly,  
I am obliged to you for his acquaintance.  Fol. 
— Geod faith sir, a he's worth yours; I shall play him wy any Anglish Dooctor in the World.  joc. 
Ne sir, Ice can dye mere than I'll speak sir.  Smal. 
— I believe you sir,  
By what I find of truth within myself;  
I must confess, I am not altogether  
So right as I would, my body tells me  
I may admit of Physic.  joc. 
Mickle we'll sir.  Smal. 
I'm troubled with the Spleen, a strong disease  
Amongst ns Magistrates, which makes me fear  
'Tis not for cure.  joc. 
I'll cur it in twa minutes give ye ha  
Bien troubled wy it twanty years, an awe  
Your tribe give tha'● kam toll me.  Fol. 
Ne, ne, he's reight.  Sal. 
You'll do a wondrous cure then.  joc. 
I shall d'ye to me honour; bet that's noot awe  
Your Malade, ye are noot soound at heart sirs.  Smal. 
I know not that sir.  joc. 
Planty an iddleness ha' bred gross humours in you, whilk mon be purged away, or elk ye dye fort; bet Ice sall ge ye that sir, sall mack ye bore an leight enough.  Smal. 
I thank you sir; accept this, pray, and I  [He gives him gold. 
Shall further gratify, but be speedy,  
Good sir, with your Preparatives.  joc. 
I'll gang aboot it street, I'll gang aboot it sir.  Smal. 
Your servant Gentlemen, I shall hear from you sir.  joc. 
Soon, much soon sir;  Exit. 
Leoke mon, leoke awe they bien sick o gis sike fin things as thes, fiev golden lads mon, fiev mere are worth a Leards land sir; geod faith give their veins wool ran sike droops as thes wees drain 'em dry— A simple feuls, that ken noot when theyare we'll, bet will bien wasting their means toll set their boodies oout o frame— a feuls, feuls.  Fol. 
Ne matter mon give oought can be gut wy putting 'em oout o fram, tha Devil try his skill to put 'em in again for jockey.  Exeunt. Enter Billy, and a Crew of Country People. Bil. 
Keep off sirs— keep off, ga' me wund toll speak toll ye; I'll come for awe your geods, mind ye me?  Omnes. 
Very well, very well.  Bil. 
I'll cur awe diseases, awe manner o Malades, an shall tack noought o ye for me pain bet your siller; Give there bien er a Kirke Pressed among ye choked up why Pluraltes o Benefaits, tha Poowder in thes pauper macks the Impostom breck, an tacks awe away clear— Give any Prest bien vexed wy tha Babylonish mang, thes Purgation med in me non Country, curs hum were he ner sa fer spent.  1 Coun. 
For our Doctor sir, for our Doctor.  2 Coun. 
For our Vicar.  [He disperseth his papers. 3 Coun. 
For our Parson.  4 Coun. 
For our Curate.  5 Coun. 
For our Bishop, prebend's, and Curates.  Bil. 
Give any among ye bien troubled why than niece o Organs in your lugs, thes poowder curs you for ever.  1 Co. 
For our Town sir.  2 Co. 
For ours too sir.  [He disperseth etc. 3 Co. 
And ours, and ours sir.  4 Co. 
And our whole County sir.  Bil. 
Give eny among ye bien blind wy than seight o Lawn sleeves, thes cures and restores ye.  1 Co. 
For my Landlord sir.  2 Co. 
For mine too sir.  [He disperseth. 3 Co. 
And mine.  4 Co. 
And mine.  5 Co. 
And mine.  Bil. 
Give eny among ye ha' tha beon o a tithed Soows babey stick in your wund pip, thes saw cur you street, and tack awe away.  1 Co. 
For me sir.  2 Co. 
For me too sir.  [He disperseth. 3 Co. 
And me sir.  4 Co. 
And me sir.  5 Co. 
And me sir pray.  Bil. 
Give eny among ye bien troubled wy heart burnings, tha Poowder in thes pauper curs ye street.  1 Co. 
For my Neighbour sir.  2 Co. 
And mine sir.  3 Co. 
And mine too sir, I pray.  4 Co. 
And some for our whole Town good sir.  Bil. 
Give eny o ye bien sore wy o'er much burdens, an weary o your Riders, thes Poowder macks ye strong ta orethraw 'em, or ta bar greater.  Omnes. 
For us all sir.  Bil. 
Give eny o your stomaches bien oppressed wy Law, thes pell shall remove tha cause, an tack it away. Give eny bien hard boound, thes sall mack much free.  1 Co. 
For my Landlord sir.  2 Co. 
For mine too sir  3 Co. 
And mine sir.  4 Co. 
And mine sir.  5 Co. 
And mine sir.  Bil. 
Give eny among ye bien troubled wy a scurvy moth, thes tacks awe felth away.  1 Co. 
For my wife sir.  2 Co. 
For mine sir.  3 Co. 
And mine sir.  4 Co. 
And mine sir.  5 Co. 
And my Mistress sir.  Bil. 
Give eny bien troubled wy a looseness, thes ties 'em fest as a Rope or hawter.  1 Co. 
For my wife sir.  2 Co. 
And mine sir.  3 Co. 
And mine sir.  Bil. 
Geod people, noow I ha' gau ye awe remedies ta your Malades, twa dees hence Ice sall bien her or noot ta say hot operation they ha' had upon ye; Ice sur ye sall ha' remedy or non; an sa far ye wall.  Exit Billy. Omnes. 
Farewell sir, farewell.  Exeunt. Enter Trapheir, and Witwud. Wit. 
A pretty place this.  Tra. 
But the Company!  
The Company dear Coz hither resorts  
Gives life and sweetness to't; the rarest wits!  
So rare la man may lose himself ere he  
Discover 'em— for they are not to be—  [aside, 
Discovered— Besides, the Women, Ladies,  
Of such excelling beauty, you would swear  
They painted— and not be forsworn, as merry  
As Cupid when he wantoness.  Wit. 
And you spent  
Your means amongst amongst?  Tra. 
And spent rarely well!  
I've no remorse for't. Can you sing?  Wit. 
Not I Coz.  Tra. 
How Coz? not sing! why than you are no Company;  
We have a merry life so long as't lasts.  
I'll lay my life you fence not neither.  Wit. 
Yes,  
My grounds I do.  Tra. 
Have you the grounds of fencing? that is, to  
Make the Passado, to retreive, comply,  
Defend, make up, close, and Disarm;  
You know not this I warrant?  Wit. 
Not I truly.  Tra. 
I cannot think what will become of you,  
When you meet Men of valour.  Witw. 
I pray keep me  
Out of their company, I love no quarrels;  
I came to study th' Law.  Tra. 
At a fine time.  
Y'ave bought no Books I hope.  Wit.. 
ay, but I have.  Tra. 
Return them to the Bookseller for shame;  
A Sword will prove more useful: hark ye Coz,  
I am resolved to have you learn to fence.  Wit.. 
I'd rather learn to sing.  Tra. 
That ye shall too:  Enter Townshift. 
Your money will do all things— yonder's Townshift,  
How like a Rogue he looks? I will not shun him.  [aside. 
And Cousin, as I was telling you  [Townshift pulls him by the sleeve. Town. 
With your leave sir.  Tra. 
'Twas well asked sir,  
What's your will with me?  Town. 
My Cloak sir— where's my Cloak sir?  Tra. 
Even at the Broker's sir—  Town. 
How— you are a Rogue.  Tra. 
That's nothing sir— your railing will not fetch it out again.  
Townshift I love thee, thou know'st I do.  Town. 
A pox upon you.  Tra. 
Thou know'st the oath, I'm not to spare my Father.  
And though we quarrel, yet we must not fight.  
I'm punctual to my Oath; but if thou hast  
The conscience, I am ready.  [offers to draw. Town. 
Is he sunk for ever.  Tra. 
No, it may rise again, if you be civil.  Town. 
Is that your friend?  Tra. 
And Kinsman.  Town. 
Wilt thou cheat him too?  Tra. 
My Oath is past, I will not be forsworn  
For a King's ransom.  Town. 
Nay then, I'm satisfied.  Tra. 
Come, be known to him— Coz, this is my friend.  Town. 
Sir, I kiss your hand.  Wit.. 
I thank you heartily sir.  Tra. 
Fie Coz, fie, there's a compliment.  Wit.. 
He does not look as though he needed aught,  
Save what thou want'st, a Cloak.  Tra. 
Good wit Coz, good wit.  Town. 
Oh Rogue, how he claws him.  Tra. 
Where shall's dine?  Wit.. 
I'll to the Ordinary.  Tra. 
Where?  Wit.. 
In Fetter-lane.  Tra. 
To feed on Bruis, and be served with Linen  
As sable as the chimney. No, we'll take  
A Coach, and hence to Fish-street.  Wit.. 
What shall we do there?  Tra. 
Eat fish, the World does not afford the like.  Wit.. 
But th' Coach is costly,  Tra. 
Pough, I'll be at that;  
'Tis said the Milk of Asses, makes men fat.  Exeunt.  

ACT. III.  Enter jockey, and Mistress Smalfaith. jock. 
FIE Masters fie, geod faith you're much oout; I ga' hum noought bet convenable stooff.  Mrs' Small. 
You're a Rascal, a Scotch Horseleech, a Doctor, a Dolthead: Oh the madness of the men of these times; if any of them be but a little out of temper, none can set them right but a Scotch Doctor forsooth, as though all the English ones were fools. But Sirrah, Sirrah, it is well known my husband [she runs at him. was never distempered, till he came acquainted with such a De-coy as you— Curse on the time—  [Weeps. joc. 
Geod Mistras hark ye toll me.  Mrs' Small. 
Hang you Rascal, my Husband was never troubled with whimsies in his head, nor never railed against his Superiors; he was ever a quiet man, and an honest man, and had the love of the whole Court, and so had I too. Many a good turn have the good Gentlemen done me, which I must never expect now again, so violently my Husband rails against the Government. But if he suffer for't, thou shalt not wear a Nose to thy face; a Nose on thy face said I: Nay if there be a signpost in all this Town I'll hang thee on't— Ah poor heart.  Enter Mr Smallfaith. 
Here he comes— See what a pickle you have put him in; My finger's itch to come at thy face, that ugly [she runs at him. face of thine.  joc. 
A me saw she's a Devil, and will spell awe my Market give I ser her noot lick him; thes gis o tha sem powder, whilk give sha' smell ta, will mack her sa lick him as may be.  Mrs' Small. 
Sweet heart.  Mr Small. 
Oh, art thou there? 'tis well; there has been near  
A Pursuivant here yet to fetch me, has there?  Mrs' Small. 
A Pursuivant for you! for what cause Husband?  Mr Small. 
I am too honest, that is cause enough.  
There is a Council Table, Yes forsooth,  
And at it is contrived men's ruins— hah.  [starts. 
Who's that? who's that? is't not for me they ask?  
I shall be lost quite, if I look not well  
About me.  Mrs Sma. 
True, you're in the way to undo  
Yourself, and me, and all your Family.  
But this is thy Gin Rascal; Oh I could tear thee.  [runs at him. joc. 
Mistras game whil toll speak toll ye; thes wudnes o his, come fro tha corruption o his hart: Aw that I ga hum was sike as thes, be me saw smeel Laddy, smeel Laddy.  Mrs' Small. 
I have not Patience.  joc. 
Ne, ne, be noot would, smeel toll it.  [she smells, Mrs Small. 
My thinks 'tis very comfortable.  [she starts. joc. 
How doll ye geod sir?  Mr Small. 
Oh Mr Doctor is't thee! art safe?  
'Tis wonderful there's nothing charged against thee!  
There is an Office called the Green-cloth too,  
Has no man had thee there yet?  [she starts again. joc. 
They ken me sa we'll sir— It warks brawly.  Mrs' Small. 
Hark you Husband, what is that you said but now? I believe't, what was't? the King is pestilent, wilful; hah; I was't so? why then, for aught I know, he must be beaten into better manners.  joc. 
Reight we'll sed geod faith.  Mrs' Small. 
Honest Mr Doctor, pray come in sir;  
You are the welcomest man come to my house  
This fortnight— Husband love him, has he not  
A taking countenance?  Mr Small. 
No body at the Gate?  [starts. 
I am possessed with fears and jealousies.  Mrs' Small. 
And well you may be Husband, I am sure  
You have had cause enough, good Man, I grieve,  
I grieve to think on't.  Mr Small. 
Mr Doctor, be advised;  
Pray go not unprepared; to Night you shall  
Take my house for your shelter, things work strangely.  Mrs' Small. 
Sweet Mr Doctor you shall be so welcome,  
It passes; truly, you're a man upright  
In every thing I warrant, pray come in sir.  joc. 
Geod faith, tha cass is awtered.  Exeunt. Enter a Crew of Country People. 1 Coun. 
Bring forth your Prongs Neighbours; All men stand up for the truth: And he that will lie on the Sunday, is not to be trusted the week after, what say you Neighbours?  2 
I say a Sundays lie may go as far as a work-days, my reason is, it has more leisure to travel.  3 
For my part neighbours let them lie that will I have no more to do with a lie, than a lie has to do with me; if any lies with my wife, it shall go hard but I'll do as much with his.  1 
ay, if he have none Neighbour.  3 
Why, if he have none Neighbour, I must go without; no man will be a slave I think.  2 
A slave! who has such a mind let him have it still: For my part Neighbours, I'll work hard, earn my bread with the sweat of my brows, none shall eat away the fruit of my labour, but I will sit down when it is done, and laugh, in despite of all the Kasars' in the World.  4 
Hold a pluck there Neighbour, 'tis ill playing with edge-tools; that word despite comes not in handsomely, and may bring us all to the Pot.  3 
What! have we a scabbed sheep amongst us? le's clear our flock of him.  4 
Hold Neighbour, hold, I am for you with all my heart, but give me leave to speak to you; I am but a fool 'tis confessed, but children and fools tell truth sometimes, you know.  Omnes. 
And what of that, and what of that.  4 
I say again, 'tis dangerous meddling with edge-tools; there's store of trees here abouts, and there may be Gibbets made of them, and you know well enough what fruit Gibbets bring forth; I say no more, but be careful what you do.  Omnes. 
Away with him, away with him.  4 
One word more Neighbours, one word more; it is not well to mock our Superiors, much worse to threaten them: for as I have heard, there was a suit at Law commenced about a Fart.  Omnes. 
Ha, ha, ha, how man, how!  4 
Why, I will tell you Neighbours, be but patient; there was a fellow, I'll not tell his name, was pissing against the wall, the Mayor came by, now you know the Proverb, tell a tale to a Mare, and 'twill let a fart; but here the case altars, for the fellow let the fart, and the Mayor took it in the nose, and caused the fellow to be carried to the Town Hall, as Prisoner.  3 
The Mayor was a Horse, or a Whoreson knave, what's this to us?  4 
Now toth' suit.  2 
'Tis worn out, we'll have none on't.  4 
Neighbours lay down your Prongs, take my devise;  
'Tis an old Proverb, be merry and wise.  Omnes. 
Away with him, away with him, we will break the Cords of our slavery.  Exeunt. Enter jockey, and Folly, and Anything. Fol. 
Thes gis tha Doctor, I tolled ye o sir, much wise an holy,  
My non Contrymon ta sir.  Any. 
Sir the Character  
The Town receives of you, makes me ambitious  
Of your Acquaintance.  jock. 
I complamen noot sir, I'll doown reight Scot;  
Aw verety an honesty.  Any. 
The better sir.  
That language is the freest from deceit,  
That carries most simplicity.  joc. 
Ne, ne, I'll noot sa sample neder.  Any. 
Pardon me;  
I speak not in that sense, but have regard  
Unto the Metaphor; I don't conclude,  
'Cause th' Organ of the soul may be infected,  
The soul must be imperfect; for I've known  
Men rarely endued, that Nature has denied  
The benefit of expression to.  joc. 
You're a Scollard sir.  Any. 
And I presume you one. I have read something  
Of th' Metaphysics, though I took not on me  
The function, or the practice: But, no more  
Of that sir, 'tis not wisdom in a man  
Unskiled, to hold a weapon against a Fencer.  joc. 
Mickle we'll said geod faith.  Any. 
All my Discourse  
Draws to this Period; that is, you'd be pleased  
T'afford me your opinion; some thing I ail,  
But know not what, save this, a deprivation  
Of breath, and find it prejudicial to  
My Calling.  joc. 
You ha' bad lungs sir, whilk macks ye short wound.  Any. 
I could have told you that sir; My defect  
Proceeds from thence; but for the Remedy—  
I know my failings.  joc. 
You'll faugh sir intoll a Consumption very soon sir, give ye tack noought ta keep ye from it; Aw the dregs o Rome mon be ta'en from ye.  Folly. 
Gead faith, give he tack ye in hand sir, you're awe hold.  joc. 
You're ta fat at hart sir, Pluraletes bred bet iddlenes, an iddlenes, bad humours; ye money keep a spar diet sir, an be brought lo widow Purgations sir, a when tim sers ha' sim Comfortives sir.  Any. 
Sir, I shall trust my body to your Care.  joc. 
Bet I'll net trust me saw to yours.  [aside Enter a servant. Ser. 
Sir, Mr Soonguled desires you would come with the Doctor to him presently.  Fol. 
I sal swett hart, my Jo; Doctor, you mon ta Mr Soonguled widow me.  Any. 
You are sent for sir, I see.  joc. 
Bet I shall ha' ye in mind sir.  Any. 
As soon as may be— farewell sir.  Exit. joc. 
Fer noot sir, fer noot.  Exeunt. Enter Trapheire, Witwud, and Townshift, Drawer with wine. Draw. 
This is the best Room Gentlemen.  Witw. 
It stinks of Tobacco, don't it Coz?  Town. 
How Tobacco!  
Tobacco is Companion for a Prince.  Wit. 
I take none though.  Tra. 
Then you want education; fill Boy, fill.  Exit. 
Townshift to thee.  Town. 
Let it come.  [Enter with Pipes and Tobacco. Draw. 
Sir, there's some Gentlemen in the next Room desires your Company.  Town. 
What are they?  Draw. 
I think their names be Drawforth and Pinckcarcase.  Tra. 
Plain Drawforth and Pinckcarcase; well admit 'em.  
Shall it be so Coz?  Wit. 
I hope there'l be no quarrelling.  Tra. 
What if there be?  
Have you not here your men of Iron by you.  [Enter Drawforth, Pinckcarcase, and wantwit. 
Can you be better backed and breasted sir;  
Townshift, the Rogues have got a Bubble.  Town. 
The more the merrier— your servant,  
Gentlemen.  Drawf. 
This is our friend, and desires your Acquaintance.  Pink. 
Gentlemen, a man of worth, I'll assure you.  Wit 
What Country man I pray sir?  Want. 
An Essex man sir, your servant.  Drawf, 
The better flesh I'll warrant.  Want. 
I know not that sir, I have near been tried.  Wit.. 
Not near shall be for me.  Pink. 
Drink, drink about.  Town. 
To thee Drawforth.  Drawf. 
A health to thy friend's Mistress.  Tra. 
Well done, about with't.  Wit.. 
I thank you Gentlemen.  Trap. 
What! not begin another?  Wit.. 
I've drank too hard already; this same glass and no more:  
Gentlemen, your Lady's health sir.  Pink. 
Why Traphiere, whence this gallantry?  Tra. 
What an idle question  
Is that of thee; why, who should do't, but this?  
He sent his Tailor to take measure of  
The buildings of our bodies.  Town. 
And th' appurtenances  
Came to us by like Providence.  Drawf. 
Drink, drink about.  Tra. 
Coz, let me give thee o'er our Wine some Counsel;  
You are a landed Man, be careful what  
Strange Company you keep; for there are Cheats,  
And desperate Cheats abroad, will make no Conscience  
To bring you into Bonds, and make you sell  
Or mortgage all you have; take heed good Coz,  
What Company you keep.  Wit.. 
He that cheats me, shall have good luck Coz.  Pinc. 
When does your Tailor fit your body with  
A fashionable suit; this bears an Antique  
And worn-out date. A gentleman of your Fortunes  
And walk so like a Cow-driver.  Want. 
I will have one against Sunday.  Pinc. 
Some six yards makes me one too, let it be so; hah!  Drawf. 
The like proportion fits me, twelve, us both.  Want. 
Well it shall be done Gentlte-men—  [begins to be drunk. Town. 
Drink, drink about, your friend is gone.  Drawf. 
I'll send yours after him.  Wit.. 
I-must-be-gone, 'tis-late.  Tra. 
No sure. What, by thy Watch?  Wit.. 
The hand is upp-on-on-twel-ve.  [he's drunk. Trap. 
A pretty Watch, I prithee lend it me,  
To have another made by.  Wit.. 
Tis-a-Watch-of Price-Coz.  Tra. 
I would not borrow it else.  Pinc. 
What store of Chink have you?  Want. 
Money-enough, mony-enough.  Pink. 
Lend me a piece or two.  Want. 
There-there Boy.  Drawf. 
The like to me sir, come, I shall, I shall.  Want. 
There-sir. Ile-be gone—  Pinck. 
The house, the house, to pay.  Enter Drawer. Draw. 
Twenty two shillings and you're welcome Gentlemen.  Drawf. 
make it up five and twenty, and you two shall cast Dice which pays it— are all parties agreed— I know [Exit. our noble friend will not be backward.  Town. 
Nor ours; Heroic spirit wilt thou?  Enter Drawer with WVine. Draw. 
Her's more wine Gentlemen.  Town. 
About with it, about with it.  [Exit Drawer. Drawf▪ 
The Dice, the Dice.  [They throw. Tra. 
Come 'tis a good throw Coz.  Drawf. 
But that's better sir; your friend pays.  Wit.. 
Hang him he cheated, he's a cheat.  Want 
Near go not I, Gentlemen.  Wit.. 
You lie, you lie.  Pinc. 
How the lie? will you take that?  Want. 
How shall-I-help it pray?  Tra. 
Well done Coz.  Wit.. 
— Hang him he's-but a Country puppy Calf.  Pink. 
Throw a Pot at's head.  Want. 
I shall-not-hit-him. If-I-doe; I am-no-more  
Puppy-then yourself—  [throws a pot. Drawf. 
Why, that was well done.  Wit.. 
Ile-kick you sirrah— I learn'd-that of-you Coz—  Pinck. 
Gallants expect to hear from us, and suddenly.  Drawf. 
A Coach there.  Wit.. 
I hope, they— wait— not for us— hah!  Tra. 
What if they do? we fear 'em not, pay, pay;  
Boy there's your reckoning. Call a Coach Boy.  Exeunt. Enter Scarefoole. Scaref. 
Ha ye wark for a Scot Sawger, wha ha' bien awe than Wirld o'er on's ten toes; Served awe Religions, an can tha better be o eny. I ha' killed tha Whar a Babylon, Body an Saw, brent awe her Rawlecks widow tha fear o zeal. I can carry twa feces under won hood: I can be a Sent, an I can be a Deel, give ye ha' wirk for me; I ha seem a power a riches in me dees, but ha' broought noought heom widow me bet St Andras Cross, want an Poverty.  Enter Billy, jockey. Bill. 
A sir! the bonny siller came a piece, give I told 'em a tale, thayed ga much heeds; geod faith won pell seted awe malades.  joc. 
An hot pell wos thot mon?  Bil. 
The Pell o sedition.  joc. 
A, ken you thot mon? than same set tha Magistrate an's wife intoll fears an jealousies, turned than insid o than Kirkmon ooutwards, an noow's awe gall, than Ceteson gis as bitter; than Leyer cannot stoned he's brought sa week wy me Purgations, and tha Curtier noot worth tha ground a goes on; I ha let awe his geod as we'll as he's bad bleod oout.  Scar. 
Saw ye Gentlemen give ye ha' a mind ta bien sawed, ken ye me sirs?  joc. 
How sud we ken thee mon?  Scar. 
Wha, noot Scarefool your Contremon?  Bil. 
Whar hast bien mon?  Scar. 
Aw than Wirld o'er sirs, an noow awe pleces are wary o me; I'll come ta Anglond toll seek wirke.  joc. 
Here's wirke enoough give ye bien wise ta devil wy tha Anglish money  Scar. 
Geod faith I'll chet'um they wern ner sa cheted, show me toll'um, whar lieu they?  joc. 
In th' Cety, and Country ta; marry, bet come away wy us mon, wees tack a drink first, an tawke mere on't.  Bil. 
Cam away Io, come away.  Exeunt.  

ACT. IU.  Enter Sooneguled, and his Wife Layme down. Soon. 
DOwn with this Babell-builder, this Court pride,  
Dagon and his Idolaters shall down.  Lay. 
ay, down with'em husband, down with 'em, they have stood long enough; I am sure their long standing have made you come short many a time and often, but I hope now husband you'll take 'em down a Button hole lower.  Soon. 
Am not I a man?  Lay. 
You think so husband, I warrant.  Soon. 
Why, a King's no more.  Lay. 
Nay, is he that husband? troth I dare say our man William is as good a man as the best of you; for as they say, a man is a man and he has but a hose on's head.  Sore. 
Well, I am resolved William shall forth.  Lay. 
Forth, how do you mean forth? I hope you will not leave me unprovided at home; you know your own business abroad, and I am certain he can do your business at home better than yourself— oh husbund, husband here's the Scotch Doctor.  [Enter jockey, Folly, [Billy, Scarefoole. Soon. 
Mr Doctor, what news Mr Doctor?  joc. 
Nen geod sir, nen geod sir, bet me frond ha' had his cass pulled o'er his lugs.  Soon. 
By whom, by whom?  Fol. 
Wha, wha, bet tha prod Prelate's sir; Ice told 'em o their knavery, an they gar tack away me brawery; bet thoough they ha' tacken away me Cot, they shall ner ta●k away me conscience, that's holl an sound, an ned nen o their paching o their preachments.  Lay. 
O wicked, wicked children of darkness!  joc. 
Her's a frond oh min sir, a mon a meight an mettle, wha ha' endured many a brunt and storm, he shall stoned betwixt ye in awe harm.  Soon. 
I shall be glad of your acquaintance sir.  Lay. 
True, truly sir, you have a face like a man, you'll do the business I warrant, let you alone, but gently to the women sir, for we are twigs, and may be bowed which way you list; mere tender twigs sir.  Scar. 
Bred, bet same o ye bien toough enoough.  Lay. 
We are a long time indeed a bringing up, but then we are soon cast down; women have tender hearts, and tender flesh, and tender consciences, though naughty men report that we have none; husband shall they walk into th'parlour; I do love to enter into Dialogue with these Gentlemen, they talk so prettily.  Soon. 
ay, with all my heart.  Lay. 
You will meet with sir fine Plunder 'mong the Ladies; you shall dine with us too— you may make me amends with a Court smock; I look to wear one in truth, they are so fine and so perfumed, it passes.  Soon. 
Come sir, we'll discourse of our affairs  
After we've dined— you'll dine with us too Gentlemen?  joc. 
Wees tack ye ot you're word.  Exeunt. Enter Anything, and Boys following him. Any. 
Nay, you may do't sirs, you may do't, you have warrant for't; 'tis well enough known, the Pomp of the Prelates, the Whore of Babylon herself in her feathers, the Kings of the earth commit fornication with her Pluralities of Benefices makes men but idle, says Mr Doctor, and idleness makes you fat, and fat makes you pursy, and so by consequence short wound; It is a trick of Rome to starve our Religion; Let jezabel be brought before the Elders, and the whore of Babyilon to the Whipping post, let her have lash upon lash; let her smock be given to the Rag-men, it may come to be Paper, and her Condemnation writ in't; let the Whelps and the Cubs be brought to the Stake, baite'um, baite'um, baite'um, I am your warrant saith Mr Doctor.  Boys. 
Master Doctor's an Ass.  Any. 
Children you talk not like men, you are but middling Christians, 'tis well known to the Parish.  Boys. 
That Bedlams fit for you.  Any. 
Those that will follow me, let 'em follow me,  
I am now for the Truth,  
And the Covenant in sooth.  Exeunt. Boys. 
High, high, high, Stow the Friar, stow the Friar.  [They sing. Exeunt after him. Enter Downfall and Worn-out. Down. 
You see what he has brought me to, my Crutches;  
I was ere held an able man you know;  
Had my tongue at Command, and my head too,  
But now they both are so enfeebled I  
Have scarce the use of either; if I had  
It were all one, the Country People are  
Bewitched into belief, they have as much  
Reason and Law as I, and will become  
Their own Solicitors, and Council too.  
I cannot last long, but expect still when  
My Crutches will deceive me, and I fall  
To th' ground for ever.  Worn. 
— I am brought to nothing  
Aswell as you, I little thought a Scotchman  
Could ere have dreind my Veins, and purse so dry,  
I am not worth the ground I go on; so  
Dejected are my thoughts; my spirit lost,  
And all the hopes of my recovery  
Extinct and buried.  Down. 
I should not have known you,  
Had you not told me who you were; you are  
So changed from yourself. Oh those were times,  
Worthy to call to mind, (though to our grief)  
When you and I, like Twins, derived a being  
From one another's sustenance, the Monopolies  
That you projected, and I perfected!  
Like two expert Limners, the one employed  
To fashion th' face, the other to finish it.  Wor. 
— ay, those were times indeed, but all I got  
Then, has been since consumed; and I guess  
You are not much the better; I am weary  
I protest of my life, and would thank him  
Would do me so much good as take it from me.  Dow. 
— Patience is the best remedy where no  
Better can be obtained; 'tis vain to crave  
The thing we want when 'tis not to be had;  
Your dancing days are done, and all the breath  
The Scot has left me scarce will heat my fingers.  Worn. 
— And my affliction does the more increase  
To see my friends disabled, as I am,  
From helping one another, 'tis a grief  
That's inexpressible, and not for cure.  Down. 
— What Fortune sours, content must sweeten, he  
Is the best man overcomes his misery.  Exeunt. Enter Small faith and his wife. Smal. 
— For my part, I am but a man, and I owe but a death, let them take it, as they say they will, give 'em good on't, let them come, let them come— where are they? stand, stand, stand.  Wife. 
Husband now you talk of standing, pray let me lie down, and then let 'em do their worst, I defy 'em.  Smal. 
— And so do I, we'll to the Terret, Woman, and there we are secured against Devil, and Pursuivant.  Wife. 
— I'm wearied off my legs with doing nothing but running up and down in ev'ry Nook and Corner like a Rat for fear of catching.  Smal. 
— They are coming, they are coming; let me come in woman, let me come in.  Wife. 
I would you would come in husband once, you have been out long enough to small purpose I'm sure.  Exeunt. Enter Surehold, Resolution. Res. 
Believe it, their Design aims at our ruin;  
And though the Cord they make be somewhat finer  
Than Ordinary, 'Twill choke us at the last;  
I hold a naked freedom better far  
Than an adorned Prison; golden fetters  
And Iron ones produce a like effect,  
What differs them's but curiosity.  Sure. 
Into what a Lethargy has these rabble Scots  
Betrayed the people's senses? tell them on't  
And they'll abuse you for't. Nay, though they see  
Distraction brought unto their very doors,  
They'll look on't, and not know it till they feel it,  
And then will tamely kiss the Rod that whipped 'em.  
A Nation proud and Arrogant as the Beggar,  
That when h'as got a Bonnet 'bove his wearing,  
Will scarce bow to the Giver. All the service  
They ever did this Nation was to help  
The people eat their victuals, and share their fortunes.  Res. 
theyare good for nought, but to eat, louse, and sleep,  
And stink a street up. Tell you stories of  
Don john of Austria, the Magull, great Cham,  
Their valour at Madril, Levant, or where  
You will, and this in some blind Chimney Corner  
In fume and smoke, roused up with lanted Ale,  
Till that their faces do resemble th' Towns  
They set on fire; And yet dare not encounter  
A Rat or Weasel.  Sure. 
— Yet the world reports  
Them, men for siege the best, and can endure  
The greatest hardship.  Reso. 
Very true, if they  
May but lie still they'll feed on one another,  
Rather than venture on their Enemy  
To get the least Provision, and indeed  
The worst will serve their turn, for they are men  
Loves any thing but beating, yet they'll take  
That too if need be; take'em down a little,  
And you may fillip dead a score of them.  
It is a shame the English should become  
Such mules to such base burdens; I'm resolved  
To turn the Chance o'th'Dy that favours them,  
Though to the hazard of my being.  Sure. 
— 'Twill  
Be ta'en a piece of service fit for Chronicle,  
And you shall want no furtherance.  Reso. 
If I bring not  
The Soldier, Doctors, and their Crew of Cheaters  
As tamely to be hanged as puppy Dogs,  
Let me recelve no credit from you after.  Exeunt. Enter Sooneguled and a Seminary Priest going to weigh the Covenant with the Popes Bull. Soon. 
Sir, though I hate your Bulls, and your Decoys,  
And know you have two ends to all your ways;  
I fear you not, for Truth will show herself  
Inspite of all the clouds you cast upon her.  Sem. 
You are in th'right. Truth will appear, and that  
To th'shame of your trimmed Covenant; for though  
She be but plain, she is more glorious  
Than all the gloss and Colours that sets forth  
That new devise, Created to deceive  
Poor simple people, and at last yourselves.  Soon. 
These are but bandying, I'll pursue my wager.  Sem. 
I'll venture ten pound more you're lost in weight.  Soon. 
You'll lose yourself sir with your confidence.  Sem. 
Bar treachery and I care not.  Exeunt. Enter Trapheire, Witwud, and Townshift. Wit. 
I cannot endure this fight Coz, a Dad.  Tra. 
Pox take your Dad; is that an Oath for a Gentleman?  
A Lad at ten swears more profoundly; you'll  
Be quarrelling, and then you dare not fight;  
As though I were a wall of Steel or Brass,  
To stand betwixt you, and receive the Darts  
Cast at you; Sir, why did your Cowship send  
An Answer to your Challenge, if you found  
Your blood so Cool and Phlegmatic?  Wit. 
'Twas your doing,— I had not had the heart else.  [aside. Town. 
For preservation of your honour sir  
Could you do less than Answer him?  Wit. 
What was he  
That brought the Challenge?  Town. 
Pinckcarcase by name.  Wit. 
A devilish name, and full of devilish ends;  
This fight is not lawful; prithee Coz  
Take up the matter, I have little maw to't.  Town. 
What, now the Hostage Reputation  
Is past, will you Recant, Reneage, Revoke,  
Recoil, Revert? stand to your Principles.  Wit. 
I shall not stand an inch of ground believe me.  Tra. 
'Tis pity thouart worth any; let me see,  
How shall we do't with Honour?  Wit. 
'Tis no matter  
For that thing Honour; let her walk alone,  
I don't desire her Company on such terms,  
Sweet Coz, sweet Coz.  Tra. 
Let me see— I'm resolved  
That you shall fight him.  Wit. 
Coz, I had forgot  
I swear, a strange infirmity, that is  
I zound when as I hear a Gun shot off▪  
And tremble at a Pistols, all my senses  
Become as useless.  Town. 
Why, 'twas your own motion.  Wit. 
No matter, 'tis but so much charges lost,  
I will not fight with Bullets, I've more conscience.  Tra. 
Why, then you must prepare a Case of Rapiers,  
For Townshift and myself, ours are grown dull  
With often usage.  Wit. 
Oh, the better Coz!  
They'll do less mischief.  Tra. 
Then your fencing Master  
Must make you at your Chamber fit for th' field.  Wit. 
That's past his skill I'm sure; more charges Coz.  Tra. 
It cannot be avoided, if you mean  
To fight on foot, and put off your Horse combat.  Wit. 
In my mind 'tis horseplay to fight on foot;  
But hark you Coz, don't you make winking at  
That Weapon ye call sharp, I'm not so set.  Tra. 
Fie, winking, No, how will you see to hit him;  Wit. 
No matter so he hit not me; but mayn't I  
Bar Points being the Challenged?  Tra. 
That's base, and Player-like.  Wit. 
I'd rather play so, than work otherwise.  Town. 
Come, come, resolve, you know the time draws near.  Wit. 
I would it did not, I love not to think on't;  
Can we throw nothing in Times-way to make  
Him stumble, and stop a little.  Tra. 
Resolve upon your weapon ere he be  
Furnished with horse and Pistols.  Town. 
I'll lay my life he's that already, than  
'Twill be unworthy in you to—  Wit. 
Good sir, talk not to me of Worthies, my Father was none of the Nine; he ne'er kept Company with your Huffs, nor Puffs; be could drink in a Tavern and ne'er quarrel about the Reckoning; he lived without knocks, and died in the love of his Parish.  Tra. 
But he has left a quarrelsome son behind  
Must pay for all.  Wit. 
I shan't stand much upon  
That point, so I may be discharged from beat;  
Methinks a skin set out with Eylet holes  
Appears not handsome, nor a face to be  
Painted with black and blue, I hate those colours.  Town. 
What will you give him shall take up the business without loss to your honour?  Wit. 
A man cannot lose  
That which he never had; My Father was  
A man of Bags, and might have been a Knight  
When Knighthoods went a begging.  Town. 
But to the matter,  
What say you to my proposition?  Wit. 
Troth,  
It sounds well, let me see now what in Conscience  
You will demand?  Town. 
But twenty pieces.  Wit. 
So;  
To save a man from beating, very good I  
How many such d'ye meet with in the year?  Town. 
Hundreds, hundreds sir.  Tra. 
Men must live Coz, men must live.  Wit. 
Any where but on me (good Coz;) but sir,  
Before my Coz here, I'll give you ten.  Tra. 
Ten is too little in all conscience Coz.  Town. 
Consider sir the danger.  Wit. 
And the Charge  
Already I've been for horse and Pistols;  
But those I hope you will return me, when  
The peace is made.  Tra. 
Not one, expect not one,  
theyare forfeit Goods to us Lords of the Soil.  Town. 
'Tis true, you've been at charges, and for that  
Reason I'll undertake it at your rate;  
Forbib, but I should bear a Conscience too.  
Meet us at th' Mairmaid.  Tra. 
At the hour of twelve.  Town. 
The precise time.  Tra. 
Cousin, he will deserve it.  Wit. 
Would I had his Art  
To live by when I and my fortune's part.  Exeunt. Enter Wantwit, Drawforth, Pinckcarcase. Pinc. 
He is the Challenged, and justly may  
Design the way of fight, and the Place;  
But though you have provided us with Horses,  
Swords, Pistols, and so forth, yet there's a thing  
Called money, we do want, put case he should  
Fall by your hand, in what a case were we?  Drawf. 
Suppose that you should fail;  
— ay, there's the Danger.  Drawf. 
We must fly for't, and that we cannot do  
Conveniently, without a sum, the Oratory  
Of Silver makes our passage free and safe,  
The want of it detains us; open, open  
Your close-mouthed bags, and let them speak to us.  Want. 
Troth Gentlemen, I'll tell you, and I lie not,  
Th'ave got a hoarseness since they came to Town,  
And speak so low, a man can hardly hear 'em.  Pinc. 
One Mortgage sir will raise their voice again.  Want. 
Well, well, he might have ta'en another way  
To work; had I been he, and he been me,  
I would have asked him Mercy.  Drawf. 
But you see  
He is a man of spirit, spirit, sir!  Want. 
I would he had no more than I, a gnat  
Is better furnished; I have heard my Mother  
Protest, and solemnly, I had a heart  
No bigger than a hazel Nut.  Pinc. 
— Why, saw she'd't?  Want. 
No, but she felt it; 'tis an imperfection  
In Nature I can't help, and 'tis as cold  
I warrant as a Cucumber.  Drawf. 
And riseth  
So little in your stomach!  Want. 
Troth, as little  
As may be sir; how shall I heat it Gentlemen?  Drawf. 
Drink wine and Drab.  Want. 
Why, so I do you know;  
Yet when the flame of drink's o'er, I fall  
Into the Noose of Taverns, like a Pigeon.  Pinc. 
Only then you'd best fight when you're drunk.  Want. 
And so.  
Be hanged when I am sober; no, I bear  
Too great a Conscience.  Drawf. 
If it be a burden  
Too hard to bear, we'll teach you how to throw  
It off, and live as we do without any.  Want. 
Take up this quarrel Gentlemen, and have  
My heart for ever.  Pinc. 
What to do, to throw  
The hounds ye starve? yet that so little, 'twill  
Not be a mouthful; 'tis your money we  
Value the most, let your heart go as't came.  Want. 
Why, I shall mortgage next week.  Pinc. 
Are you serious?  
May we give credit to you?  Want. 
I've occasion.  Drawf. 
Thou shalt have more rather than want; my Buliy,  
We are thy Guardians, who assaults our ward  
Suffers, unless he be on a sure Guard.  Exeunt.  

ACT. V.  Enter jockey, and Billy. Billy. 
Bread, those Anglish are Deeles, we're awe lost men; Aw oour knavery is oout, nen will tack oour parts; Tha Ceteson● hung there heads doown lick bull rushes, an won noot bien sen for us.  jock. 
How come they in tha Deeles namsa awe o won mind? I'll sur Ice ded hot Ice cud toll mack 'em ●et on oder ta death; tha Devil fear 'em, thar lick Serpans that give ye smit 'em asunder will join again.  Enter Scarefoole with his sword drawn. Scar. 
W''re awe lost, sheft, sheft, than Deeles a coming toll tore tha Counant sha' year heels, sha' year heels, spang away sirs, spang away.  Exit running. joc. 
On's give than men o War flee, what shall we hid our sells— Aw sir; sir.  Enter Resolution with 2 or 3. Reso. 
Take them into your Custody, they are Your lawful prize.  Exit. Bil. 
A sirs, a sirs, geod faith wees ment ne bad.  1 Soul. 
What Mr Doctors! have we found ye? who can cure the Citizen of his head ache but the Scotch Doctors? who their wives of the Toothache but the Scotch Doctors? the Scotch Doctor is all in all, the Kirke will take no Physic but of the Scotch Doctor; the Country will be cheated by none but by the Scotch Doctor; the Court and Gentry will be beggared by none but the beggarly Scotch Doctors; come away and be hanged.  Exeunt. joc. Bil. 
Mercy sirs, Mercy, Mercy, Mercy.  Enter Scarefoole running with his Sword drawn. Scar. 
Hawd, hawd, hawd sir.  [he trembles. Resolu. 
Nay, I don't intend  
To take th' advantage of you as I may,  
I owe a greater honour to true valour;  
I have heard Nobly of your Countrymen,  
And therefore to assure myself Report  
Lies not, I have exposed my Person to  
This single hazard.  [he trembles. Scar. 
A sir▪ I dee leov you.  Resol. 
And I shall love you too, if that I find  
You prove as Gallant as you've spoke yourself:  
Consider what dependences are on you,  
Whom you've involved by your large promises  
To this Engagement; let them see you dare  
Do something for their money.  Scar. 
Be me saw sir  
You're a much Gallant mon, I'll thra me sword an heart at your non feet sir.  Resol. 
That's base, not Soldierlike; submissiveness  
In this Case speaks you Coward, and if so,  
My breath has been ill spent; what, will you fight?  Scar. 
Noot a neustye sir, geod faith I leove a Anglish mon wy awe my heart. A sir, A sir, sand awe reight, send awe reight— her tack me weppon, I'll your non Prisoner sir geod faith.  [He offers his sword. Resol. 
Since thou art so base,  
And not fit for a Noble Treaty, take  
This, this, and this.  [kicks him. Scar. 
A geod sir, use me like a Gentlemen.  Resol. 
A Gentleman, a Swineherd, hangye, go,  [kicks him. 
The Bubbles broke, the wind gave Being to.  Exeunt. Within. 
You're welcome Gentlemen, show a Room there Boy.  Enter Trapheire, Witwud, Townshift, and Drawer. Tra. 
Sirrah, there will some Gentlemen ask for us,  
Direct 'em hither.  Draw. 
I shall sir; what's your wine?  Town. 
Sack, Boy, the quickening sack; and such Tobacco  
As may inspire a spirit into clay,  
Quick, and as sharp as lightning.  Wit. 
Oh good sir,  
I can't endure to think upon a storm;  
Talk not of lightning, it does bode some quarrelling;  
The calmest language is the best, when there's  
A peace intended.  [Enter Drawforth, Pinckcarcase, Wantwit, and Drawer with wine. Tra. 
Here they come; now Coz  
For your honour seem somewhat averse  
To an agreement; carry yourself stoutly,  
With an unaltered Countenance.  Wit. 
'Tis not in  
The power of humane frailty.  Tra. 
— Gallants, welcome;  
You're men I see for Credit.  Want. 
What must I say?  Drawf 
Carry yourself manly.  Want. 
What would I give now for an Inch of manhood;  
How he does eye me; would I had a look  [Drawf Tra. Town, and Pinck whisper. 
But half so piercing, I'd encounter then  
With Basilisks; It carries daggers in't  
Will penetrate a Coat of Male; there is  [Witwud and Wantwit stare at one another. 
No safety but in distance.  Wit. 
How he looks at me!  
With such a hungry countenance, as though  
He meant to satisfy himself upon me;  
But if he knew but what a piece of flesh  
He had to deal with, he'd not be so greedy;  
I was not cut out for a Roister; sure  
Nature ne'er meant me for the field, unless  
To call my Cattle home, or try my hounds.  
I am so great an enemy to a sword  
I wear none when I ride; Oh, how yond fellow  
Would spurn me, like a Mushroom, could he get  
Me but alone; but he shall be hanged first.  Tra. 
What, all this while and speak not to each other?  
Why, you have hearts of Oak: Not bow, dear Coz!  Wit. 
I cannot help it.  Town. 
Come, we must have you friends.  Want. 
With all my heart sir.  Wit. 
How's this? the man's bewitched;  
See what the Gold can do!  Wit. 
If you please sir, I am your humble servant.  Tra. 
And what say you Coz?  Wit. 
Hum, I smelled, 'tis so,  
The fellow is a Coward on my life.  
Are they not all so? 'tis a blessing then.  Drawf. 
Come sir, our friend is willing to pass by  
All the affronts you gave him, if you'll wave  
His Challenge.  Wit. 
I'll wave nothing but my Sword  
Against my Enemy.  Town. 
Shall we be friends?  Wit. 
A friendly blound runs not yet currant in me;  
Be challenged by a dunghill Cock? I scorn it.  Tra. 
Why, this is rare! Coz, I'll spit in thy mouth.  Pinc. 
Sir, 'tis your friends desire aswell as ours  
To prevent bloodshed.  Wit. 
— Let such things as you,  
That dare not waste their blood be sparing on't;  
For my part, I'll not value if he Tap  
From me a Pailful.  Tra. 
Who the Devil Conjured  
Up such a spirit in him?  Pinc. 
Your friend's grown—  
Take him down, or by this light  
I'll kick him.  Tra. 
Pough, let me alone for that.  Want. 
The Gentleman grows angry, I'll be gone.  [to Drawforth. Drawf. 
Hang him, a Coward, a mere Coward, friend▪  Want. 
How, a coward! he speaks not like one;  
I would his hands were tied behind him, I  
Would make a trial on't; but he has teeth  
Strong as the tusks of Boars, and legs more stiff  
And big then any Bedspost, I should do  
no good upon him.  Tra. 
Come Coz, throw  
Your Ranting habit off, the Scene of War  
Is past, and now put on your Robe of Amity,  
The Bride-garment of Peace.  Wit. 
— Peace! who shall peace?  
'Tis sauciness to tell me so.  Tra. 
How's this!  
You worm! 'slight, if I lay my hands  
Upon you once, I'll tear you into nothing▪  
You Cowardly simple Puppy. Sirrah, I'll—  [he takes him by the shoulder. Wit. 
Not so loud good Coz;  
You know I have but followed your directions.  Tra. 
Be hanged, and overdone it, han't you sirrah?  
The Gentlemen shall know you have not spirit  
To look a Cat in th'face, if that you bened  
More sociable.  Wit. 
— Good Cousin, I'll do any thing.  Tra. 
Well, I have brought him to't with much ado;  [takes Want. 
Here, shake hands, sir; you must be friends.  by the hand and brings him to Witwud. Wit. 
Well, if I must, I must, patience is a virtue,  
And I'll embrace it— I am your friend sir.  Want. 
I shall never be your foe sir.  Wit. 
So said, and so done sir, will do well.  Tra. 
The Rascal acts it handsomely.  Pinc. 
To your credit:  
Ours is the silliest Rogue.  Drawf. 
Boy, more wine;  [Enter Drawer. 
Would we had Music here to celebrate  
This Nuptial.  Draw. 
I will send for some.  Tra. 
Do so; come, here's to the Married Couple.  Wit. 
I do believe we both can't got a Boy  [Enter Fiddler. 
Will prove a Soldier.  Pinc. 
Ah sirrah, are you there?  Fid. 
I am your own man sin.  Pinc. 
Let's have a good Air, but drink first.  Town. 
Drink about Gallants, what the Music dulls you;  
Hast e'er a new song fellow?  Fid. 
Yes, of the Scots coming into England.  Tra. 
That, that by all means.  Fid. 
Please you to hear me— 'tis but a Ballad put to  
One of their own tunes.  Pinc. 
The better, the better, let's hear't.  

Song.  

Come lend, lend you're lugs joes', an I'll speak a song,  
Sing he heom again jockey, sing heom again jockey.  
O hes bonny deeds, an hes prowess among;  
Sing heom again, heom again, O valent jockey.   

Sirs Iocky's a Mon held o much Note,  
Sing heom again▪ jockey, etc.  
The breech oh than Counant stuck in hes throat;  
Sing heom again, heom again, etc.   

For jockey was riteous, whilk ye wouldhave admire;  
Sing heom again, etc.  
He fooght for the Kirke, bet a plundered tha Choir;  
Sing heom again, heom again, etc.   

An jockey waxed roth an toll Anglond a kam,  
Sing heom again, etc.  
Ero whance he'd return, bet a lack a is Lam;  
Sing heom again, etc.   

An jockey was armed from top toll toe,  
Sing heom again, etc.  
Wia powre o Men, anth ' are geod Deuke I trow;  
Sing heom again, etc.   

Sa valent I wis they were, an sa prat,  
Sing heom again jockey; etc.  
Ne cock nor hen durst stoned in their got;  
Sing heom again, heom, etc.   

In every street they ded sa flutter,  
Sing heom again, etc.  
Ne Child dorst shaw hes bred an butter;  
Sing heom again, etc.   

Noow when oour ferces they herd on o'er night,  
Sing heom again, etc.  
Next morn they harnessed themsels for a fight;  
Sing heom again, etc.   

There Deuke was than mon that wouldhave be sen stoote,  
Sing heom again etc.  
He feec● us a while, street twurned Arss aboot;  
Sing heom again, etc.   

Our men that after these valent Scot went,  
Sing heom again, etc.  
Had ner fond him oout bet by a strong sent.  
Sing heom again heom again, o valent jockey.    Tra. 
Ha, ha, ha! it's good enough for the subject,  [Enter Drawer. Pinc. 
Drink about, drink about; Moore wine Boy;  
Here Witwud to thee.  Town. 
Let's discharge the Music.  Wit. 
With all my heart.  Town. 
There ye Rascals.  Fid. 
Thank you Gentlemen.  Exeunt Fidlars. Drawf. 
Trapheire to thee.  Tra. 
Let it come, a Pint and thou dar'st.  Pinc. 
Art mad, Trapheire is drunk enough, he'll be  
Not'company for a Dog immediately.  Tra. 
To your Mightiness sir.  Pinc. 
I shall pledge your Highness' sir— to you sir.  Wit. 
Excuse me pray sir, I am almost spent.  Pinc. 
Not pledge me!  Tra. 
No, he shall not pledge you sir;  
What then? he is my friend.  Pinc. 
But why should he  
Be more excused than ours? will you drink for him?  Tra. 
Not, neither sir.  Pinc. 
Then he shall pledge me sir.  Tra. 
He shall not sir.  Town. 
Nay Trapheire, what dost mean?  [Pinc. throws the Pot at him. Tra. 
Hang him turd— Are you good at that sir?  
I shall return you Answer by this Messenger.  [Draws. Wit. 
Good Coz no fight; I will drink a Gallon  
Rather than lose one drop of blood— It is  
Too precious for the floor to drink.  [Enter Drawer. Draw. 
Gentlemen your noise has drawn Soldiers into the house, th'a●e coming up; as many as can get into that little Closet,  Pinc. 
I would not be in custody for a Million;  
The Road, the Road—  [Tra. Pinc. Town, and Drawf. yet in. Drawf. 
That's all our faults, in, in.  Wit. 
Where shall we be?  Enter Soldiers. Soul. 
Where's all these Huffs— what you two make this noise? hurl Pots, break Glasses, you are youths indeed; Is this a time of night for you to rant in? come you must with us.  Exeunt. Want. 
Nay good Gentlemen.  Enter Drawer. Draw. 
Gentlemen, you may come forth, the coast is clear.  Tra. 
Where's the two Gentlemen?  Draw. 
They have ta'en 'em with 'em.  Pinc 
Did they pay the Reckoning.  Draw. 
No sir.  Tra. 
A pox upon you, why did you not aske'em for't?  Draw. 
I durst not sir, for fear they should say, the rest of their Company was above.  Pinc. 
'Tis right, the Devil's on't, this was your doing Trapheire, Will you pay the Reckoning now?  Tra. 
Not a penny, I'll keep unto my Oath, throw who shall dip or pay if you will.  [Townshift throws. Pink. 
Here's Dice, throw— twelve, hang ye Rascal [Pinc. thro'. Now my Chance— 'tis passable— throw.  [Drawf. throws. Draw. 
Mine is the worst.  Tra. 
But mine's the worst of all— Sirrah Boy will you take this Cloak for your Reckoning?  Draw. 
I know not sir whether I shall or not.  Tra. 
You shall not sir, now, you know, as long as such Spankers last; what's to pay?  [shows his money, Draw. 
But thirty shillings sir.  Tra. 
Death! but thirty sayest thou? well, there 'tis;  
I shall be even with some body.  Town. 
Why, this was handsome Trapheire.  Exeunt. Enter 2 or 3 Servitors. Ser. 
Make room for the Magistrates;  
The Prisoners  Enter Do-much, Surebold, Resolution, Scarefoole, jockey, Billy, Smallfaith, and his Wife, Sooneguled and his Wife, Anything, Downfall, Worn-out, Seminary, Public Notary. 
There—  Do. 
Which are  
The Prisoners?  Resol. 
These sir.  joc. Bil. 
Mercy, mercy, Master Judge.  Sure. 
What are those?  Resol. 
The subjects on the which these Villains practised their subtleties and deceits; first, I shall tender my Charge against 'em, then produce my evidence.  Do. 
Very well, very well, proceed.  Resol. 
In brief (Sir) than they have infected most  
Part of this Nation; here's a thing,  
A man of Reputation once, and bore  [Pointing to Smal. 
A place amongst you.  Sure. 
I do pity him.  Resol. 
And now is fit for no place except Bedlam:  
Here is another, a man you would think  [to Anything 
The Devil could not work upon, and yet  
These Scotch ones have. The Lawyer, father of  
Contrivances, is noosed in one himself;  
He cannot stand without his Crutches, and  
His head's so light his nose is every minute  
Ready to touch the ground.  Sure. 
What is that Gentleman?  [To Worn-out. Resol. 
Do you conceive him one? have they left aught  
Upon him like a Creature? may we swear  
He is a perfect man, no Ghost? 'tis hard.  
The hurryings he has had with sleepless eyes,  
Continual Purgations, Bleeding, what not,  
That they could but invent to bring him low;  
He's all's left of a Courtier, and deserves  
Your pity; there's no double doors betwixt  
His heart now, and your eyes; he's so transparent  
You may see through him. 'tis not these alone  
Th'ave brought to this, but all the Country people,  
Both Common sort, and Gentry.  Do. 
What say you for yourselves?  joc. Bil. 
Mercy, mercy, mercy, wees leove tha Anglish much we'll.  Sure. 
Yes, it appears so; we'll requite your Loves,  
But cannot say, with your own Coin, because  
You never were worth any, but we'll find  
A way to pay you home.  Resol. 
When they had thus  
Spread their infection, they begin to think  
Their safety would not last without the Soldier;  
And to that end and purpose does persuade  
The giddy People, which they had before  
Distempered, with their Poisons, to receive  
This man of Feather, as their grand Protector:  
They take him, and to Covenant they go;  
Two hundred thousand pounds! (a sum would buy  
Their Kingdom) must be raised and paid to them.  Do. 
Very fine.  Resol. 
But mark sir the event,  
I am resolved to open what they did  
For all this Money.  Do. 
'Twill do well indeed.  Resol. 
They gave a piece of Paper, in the which  
Were strange things promised then, As if that all  
The Courage of the world contracted were  
In their, and but their Nation.  Sure. 
And what found you?  Reso. 
I now proceed to that; I found'um sir,  
Like Bulrushes, that tremble if the wind  
But blow on them, they run and tumbled o'er  
The necks of one another, like to tiles  
A storm forces from houses tops; this any thing  
But man, who owned the name of their Protector,  
In the most abject'st manner, and beneath,  
The Spirit of a man, threw at my feet.  
His Sword, and himself too, on single terms,  
Without a stroke; Scarefoole they call him, and  
They must be Citizens or none that fear him;  
A Rat shall make him run to his own Country.  Scare. 
I'll a Gentleman sir, mind ye me? I'll gange toll me non  
Country wy awe me heart give ye wool.  Sure. 
Not in such haste sir, we'll reserve you for  
Another purpose— take him hence to prison.  Scare. 
The faugh Devil fire thot tongue.  [he is carried off. Reso. 
What think you sir that Paper, cost so much,  
Is worth in weight? here's one will tell you sir.  Pub. No. 
I am a public Notary by profession,  
And dare speak nothing but the truth; the wager  
Past on this Gentleman's side, the Pope's Bull weighed,  
It down by much, the other was not worth  
In weight a Penny loaf.  Omnes. 
Ha, ha, ha!  Sure. 
But what make you here sir?  Sem. 
Not to do harm sir.  Do. 
Stay not here upon  
Your peril sir, your Bulls have too long tails.  Sem. 
I stay but for a wind sir.  Exit Seminary. Soon. 
I must confess we have been much deluded,  
Cheated, and Cozened by these perjured Scots,  
Under the show of zeal and honesty.  Lay. 
Hang 'em Rogues, they complain they are pillaged, you made 'em not bare enough sirs, you should have taken their skins off too, they would have made monsters of us, but truly my husband is a Natural man, and I am his own wife; I hope you do not think we are otherwise than we should be.  Mrs Smal. 
I have a husband here too, help his head, he was a Man once, and I was a Woman, as this Gentleman the Courtier knew well enough, but now I am nobody, thank you pick-purses; Pray spare 'em not, I'm sure they would not spare me when time was, do what I could.  Sure. 
Take them hence, there will be order shortly  
To pack 'em to some foreign parts, they are  
But Caterpillars, and what place soe'er  
They come at will be th' worse for't; take 'em hence.  joc. Bil. 
A mercy, mercy, mercy.  Exeunt Scots. Omnes. 
You have done Justice.  Sure. 
Y'ave seen these Scots desected, Gentlemen,  
And what d' you find 'em now to be, but Rascals?  
Mere Mountebanks, that has instead of Cure  
Bred strange Diseases, and distempers amongst you;  
Jugglers, that looked you in the face, and told  
You a fine tale, to keep your senses busy,  
While they did pick your Pockets.  Lay. 
Our Pockets say you sir? ay, and something else too, could  
They have come at it; but soft, soft, two words to a bargain.  Sure. 
Master Smallfaith, we shall do what lies in us,  
Upon your Recantation, to bring  
You into favour with the Common Wealth,  
And seat you as before, as Capable  
Of her Preferment.  Smal. 
I thank you.  His Wife. 
Blessing on your hearts.  Sure. 
We make the same profession sir to you,  
On the like terms. You may do much  
Upon the giddy People, by th' example  
Of your own Reformation.  Any. 
Sir, I shall  
Do what befits an honest man (abused)  
And servant to the Common Wealth.  Do. 
And you sir,  
Are not exempted here the benefit  
Of favour if you will take hold of it.  Soon. 
I thank you.  Lay. 
ay, and hold it fast husband; had I a good thing to handle, I'd make much on't a long time I warrant you.  Sure. 
As for these Gentlemen here, Master Downfall,  
And Master Worn-out, we shall do our best  
To set the one upon his legs again;  
And restore th' other, though not to his full  
Ability, yet to a health contentable.  Down. Worn. 
We are your servants.  Sure. 
When all our minds and hearts are firmly knit,  
Let the Scot do his worst, by Sword or Wit.  Exeunt. 
FINIS.