The true London Prophet.  
OR, Comical Remarkes, and Predictions for the future part of this Year, 1699. infallibly foretelling What will Certainly happen (whither the Stars will or no) both in Court, City and Country, betwixt this and Whit-Sunday next, To which is added A Discovery of many pretty Intrigues that will be used among the noble Society of Distilers, and other Traders. Also some brief touches upon the Humours, and Conversations of the Town Beau's, and City Misse's, with variety of other merry and pleasant Circumstances respecting these Times. Being very diverting to all, and hurtful to None.  
London, Printed for the Author, next Door to the Sign of the want of Money in Dull-Trade-Yard.  

To the Courtuous, (not Carping) Reader.  

HEre's no Speaking Dragon, or Weather-Cock-Steeple,  
Nor talkative Monkeys to frighten the People,  
No Tigers, nor Wolves that do speak without reason,  
Such words as some Folks do count damnable Treason  
Nor no barking Bull-Doggs to put us in fear  
But the plain Naked Truth that will happen this Year,  
You may Read the Book over for no Factions are here  
Here's nothing of Chamberlins' going toth' ,  
What Money he Carried 'em little or much.  
Nor Nothing of state affairs here will I write,  
For fear of the Plague of a Dam'd Jacobite.  
But hold? I'll no longer keep you at Door,  
Peep into the House, and so view it all o'er,  
If you do but buy it I care for no more.   
Yours R. B.   

Predictions for the Year, 1699.  
AS sure as Knaury has got the start Honesty, Poverty and Pride this Summer will Hand in Hand; and many will terribly pinch their Bellies to adorn their Backs, and other tumble with great willingness on their Backs to pleas their Bellies.  
Whoreing will be much railed against in our Churches, but never more practised in Chambers; and many London Prentices will be forced this Year to eat Suffolk Cheese, to advance their Master Daughters to the Boarding-School. Honesty will be reduced to a very low Condition, and be forced tug many a Knave by the sleeve to put him in mind of his promise, (but in vain) and Virtue in plain dress will be forced to pin up Vices fine Gown for a Liulihood. Justice will be in many Men's Mouths, but in few Men's Hearts, we shall hear often of her name, but know not where to find her, and where she ought to Dwell, we shall not dare to look for her.  
This Year will a rise sharp disputes among Apprentice Boys, Chambermaid's and Cook Maids about Gipsies and Astrologers, which of them tells Fortune's truest, and after a great many nice Arguments, pros and cons, etc. it will be decided in favour of the Saffron coloured Deviners, because they dispatch their Business soon and for less Money.  
The Malice of Law Adversaries will be pretty well assuaged when the Term's over; the long Bills of Attorneys and Pettifoggers will make them agree to call themselves Fools, and their Lawyer's Knaves, and will make a promise to renounce the Law for the future as good Christians do the Devil and all his Works.  
Those Sparks who cuold not purchas new Choathes at Easter, will be glad to have them at Whitston tide, and if they miss of 'em then (as I am sure a great many will) Especially Women, they'll go near to bear them in their minds, nine Months after; a great deal of Money will this Summer be vainly flung-away on Wine and Women, and such like alluring Commodites, by many boisterous Youngsters, who have a abundance more Wealth than Wit, but they ●ll in a little time so order the matter, that they'll bring them both to an equal Balance.  
Many a hopeful and pretty Young Maid will go a mile, or two out of 〈◊〉 own in the Hollydays, and forgetting herself will lose that in few minutes which she'll never find again as long as she Livers.  
Lotteries and lose Lives will multiply exceedingly this Year; till they both become the only Pickpockets of this Age though with this difference, the former will do it with your Consent and the latter without it.  
Every Gardener will shortly be as busso as Father Adam in Paradise, to turn Horse-Dung into Raddshies, and Ram's Horns, into Sparrowgrass, Ay and will be very angry too if any of the Family shall presume to lay a sirs R—ce ●ut of his own Ground insomuch that abundance of Dunghills a'rather sided the ●ater will be mightily improved, to raise a Summer's feast, but the first of ●heir course must be sauce for my Lady.  
Many Citizens with Jealous hearts and horned-heads will this Summer be tormented with Curtain Lectures for New Gowns, Petticoats and other fine Nick-knacks, and if there Wives request be not granted, they shall be lead as bad a Life, as a sturdy Beggar in the House of Correction.  
Those who have buxom Young Daughters, must this Year take care to provide them Husbands, or else Guide them with a very strit rain, otherwise the active motion of the Spirits, this Spring season will beget such an itch in their Tails that will make them Door on your Apprentices, or (which is much worse) suffer their heels to be tripet up by their serving Men the first opportunity.  
Punks that are poor, will begin to dread the Approaching dismal Summer, for Consequently an Empty Town soon produces Emty Purses, and want of Money the worst of in fam; for she that had the Honour to be Debauched by a Duke may in a little time (except the kind influence of her Stars prevent it) be kicked by his Footman, or be glad to be kissed by a Porter. For many a topping Lass (now at Guinea purchase) will dwindle from her Veluet-Scarff into Rusty Lutestring and will willingly be at a Coachman's service for a cast of his Ofice and a Quarten of Brandy, and think it a good Eveing work.  
We shall certainly hear of great strife between the Pawn-Broker and Tally-Man, about their Honesly tho both in th●is Deal (according to Customs) will strive who should run first to the Devil Headlong  
Farmers, like their Corn, now begin to prick up their Ears, though they Labour between the passion of hope and fear; and pray as often for a dry hirvest as the just Man Sins in a day, and when he has it in his Born, he will choose raither to let the Mice, and Weavells, eat it than the poor should have it at a reasonable price.  
More Trades Men will be seen playing in the fields, (espcinlly Weavers) then working in their Shops, he that hath Money may spend it, with much pleasure, and he that hath none, may sleep under a Hedge without any danger of having his Pocket picked.  
Weavers, as well as Jouray men Tailors, will be glad to make many a meal of Cucumbers this Summer, or else go to Lambs-Cunduict, and Drink a health to Duke Humphrey, and entreat Providence upon their bended Knees to take a way their Stomaches, or send them a shower of Bread and Cheese, for though (perhaps) meat may be pretty Cheep, yet money will be scarce, that if an Ox re●d-roasted could be for a Penny, if he wants both coin and Credit, if he's too proud to Beg and to Honest to steal, is in the midst of Plenty in a very likely condition to go with out a Dinner.  
Journeymen Shoemakers, Notwithstanding the raging distemper of Poverty among tham, yet they'll be so proud as scorn to work on a Monday, that they may return to their work with clear Pockets, and safe Conscences, and I'll say that for 'em the best of Christian's can't be more thoughtful on their Last, their Lives ' its true are but dangerous Examples for the Righteous to follow, yet by the Doctrine of the Hammer they'll make more good Souls in one Twelvemonth, than the Clergy do in Seven. This year Distillers will turn Negromances (alias Conjurers) and raise a abundance of Evil Spirits. not only from allsorts of Corn, but out of Carrots, & Turnops too which will possess the People, as the Devil did the Herd of Swine, to the utter destruction of those who fall under their Enchantments, or are Bewitched by 'em, which, will be the only occasion of advancing Hogwash to the great Injury of Islington Swine: herds, as well as the Damage of Bartholomew-Fair Porky if they are not suddenly Conjured down, or at least carefully bound in Fetters of forbearance by the Wisdom of our great Assembly, to prevent poisoning the Subjects.  
Churchwardens will be accounted grand Knaves, by the rest of their Parish, let them look too't as well as they can, for those Sinners who fall into there Clutches for answer the end of the Creation, will wish he had been Gelt; for indeed it's something hard to pay for taking their own Wife's Linen up: Those players who not long since lived by playing to Fool, must now linch out of these Eliment, and set their wits to work, otherwise they'll find little else the do, but to lie a Bed and study their parts against next Micheal-Mass to play the Knave.  
There will be more Religions this Summer than ever, and yet never less Piety; Chlistians will prefer their ease before their devotion and think the Wether too hot to serve God in Crowds, for which reason the Church will have but thin Congregations.  
There will certainly also be a great Quarrel between Rooks and Jackdaws, about which of them are fairest, which will occasion abundance of Chattering on both sides to little purpose, till the Eagle under takes to decide the Differance.  
Strange things will be reported this Year without truth, and belived with reason, and all sides will Expect miracles to be wrought, but if nothing come on't, they must sit down (though not contented)  
Swine's Flesh and Whore's Flesh will be as Common as Beef and Mutton at Leaden-Hall-Market; Especially about the latt end of August, but he that wants Skill to Choose will Certainly be Cheated if he meddles with Either, for the one will be very incident to the Pox, and the other to the Measles, at which time a great many Strong. Beasts will be there to be seen, and a great many worse Creatures to be felt. And for Diseases the Pox and Poverty, above all will be the most em●idemicd, and will as often meet together, as the Ague and Fever.  
Virtue and Villainy are like to meet with equal Encouragement, For as many will be Starved for the●e Honest ashanged for their Rogeury, only with this differance Poverty shall take away the Life of the former without a manifest Crime, whilst the Law shall require Evidence to prove the latter.  
All sorts of Rogues will be now very Industerous in their several stations to get Money, even from the the Lottery Man to the the Common Pickpocket, and all sorts of fools as busy in spending on't, and Many a Jilt will play the part of a Queen in a foul Smock, and many a Knave represent a states Man.  
Lecherous Bullies, will this Year be so busy in Robbing Young handsome Women of their Honesty, that in order to be revenged on ' manned to prevent it, many will be so subtle as never to carry ●ne Dram of it about 'em for the future, and by that means the Bully's will be plaguly disappointed.  
About Christmas Hollidays next the Fanatcks will begin to Preach against superstitions, Minch-Pyes, and Abominable Plomb-Porridge, etc. While on the other Hand the Church of England w●●● as Stoutly Stand up for Christmas Hospitality, In short and for a Conclusion, the Church and Dissentrs, the Rich and the poor the Clergy, and the Laiety, Winner and the Loser, Williamite and Jacobite, the Planitive and Defendant will not agree; For Mankind below, like the Elements, above are at vareance one with another, And a Horse that has a biger Head than I, knows not when they'll be reconciled.  
FINIS.    

London, Printed in the Year, 1699.