CHOICE EXPERIENCES OF The kind deal of God before, in, and after CONVERSION; Laid down in six general Heads. Together with Some brief Observations upon the same.  
Whereunto is added a description of true E X P E R I E N C E.  
By J. TURNER wife to Cap. John Turner.  PSALM 66. 16. 
Come and hear all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul.  
LONDON, Printed by H. Hils, and are to be sold at the Black spread-Eagle, and the Three Bibles at the West end of Paul's 1653.   

To the Churches of Christ who worship God in spirit and truth according to the holy Commandments of Jesus Christ, especially those my dear Brethren at Newcastle, Barwick, and Scotland, with whom I have taken sweet counsel in the house of God for several years passed, grace, mercy, truth and peace be multiplied from the Lord Jesus Christ.  
PRECIOUS and dearly beloved Brethren, I know it would seem very strange to you, if this following Treatise should come to your hands without my public owning of it, as indeed well it might, considering my near relation to the Author; it is no small joy to my heart that the Lord is pleased in these our days any way by any means to put his People in mind of that which they are so prone to forget, namely the various workings of God in their poor hearts, which you will find in this small Treatise in these three general heads, viz. before, in, and since Conversion; we find the Lord in Scripture often calling upon his People to remember their unconverted state, Isaiah 51. 1. Look unto the Rock whence ye are hewn, and to the holy of the Pit whence ye are digged; And the Lord knowing our great inclination to forget it, he is pleased to mind us of it, as in Eph. 5. 8. 1 Cor. 6. 10, 11. Tit. 3. 3. Eph. 2. 1, 2, 3. etc. The right remembrance of our unconverted state will be a means to engage our hearts to be much in the thoughts of, and highly to prize, that unspeakable love and grace of our God through jesus in quickening us who were dead in trespasses and sins, in translating us from the Kingdom of darkness into the Kingdom of his dear Son; the serious pondering of these things in our hearts will sweetly force us to break forth into admiration with the Apostle, 1 joh. 3. 1, 2. Behold what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God, etc. but when we forget the two former, we lose our communion with God in a great measure, and cannot prize and improve the kind deal of our God with us, since Conversion, neither walk holily and obediently before the Lord in all his holy appointments as we ought, but leave an open door for Satan to deceive us with his manifold tentations, by which we suffer much harm.  
My heart's desire and prayer to the Lord is, that he would give all his people more care and diligence in watching their own hearts and ways, for the increase of their spiritual strength and growth in grace, lest they being led away for a time, with the error of the wicked, fall from their own steadfastness, 2 Pet. 3. 17, 18. as many have done to their greatest grief and loss. Beloved Brethren, you have here the labours of one of the weakest sex, which I trust will occasion you the more to give glory to God, in that his strength appears in weakness; were it not for the relation, I should have much room to speak of the Author, and this Her work, but I shall only say, Let Her works praise Her; only I have this that I cannot but say, it was not Her desire to publish it, Her reasons She hath expressed. Secondly, So far as one can speak for another, I can say for my Wife, in this work she hath had little help from men or things, but I believe much from the Lord; and as the Lord hath owned and much assisted her in these her great labours, I trust the same power will accompany each precious heart, into whose hand it may come, to make it very profitable to them. At my first sight of it, which was when it was near finished, though I believe I was the first that saw it, next Herself, I was so surprised, knowing nothing of it before, that I knew not what to say of it; but upon consideration, and reviewing of it, I was very much pressed in spirit to publish it, and the more, in that the oftener I read it, the more I was engaged to it: I can say through mercy it hath been useful and profitable to me; I hope it will be so to many more. It is no small mercy, nor low attainment, to be indeed an experienced Christian; it is easier to have fine words than a treasure in the heart: but seeing the king's daughter is all glorious within, and that our treasure there doth increase by the blessing of the Lord upon our diligent using that means ordained for that end; this I trust will be a faithful remembrancer and helper of us in this great work, in which I hope the Lord will have much glory, and his people comfort, which hath been, is, and I trust ever shall be, the earnest desire of  
Your poor unworthy Brother in the Gospel, JOHN TURNER.   

To the Reader.  
Reader,  
THou wilt find in this little Book something suitable to those various changes, and differing conditions that ordinarily poor souls are in, both before, in, and after conversion (only excepting a high degree of visible profaneness, and excess of riot, with heart, hand and tongue blaspheming the holy One of Israel, in an unconverted State) The Author was kept from that great degree of wickedness, as you will find in the beginning of Her book. If this shall come into the hands of any that yet live in those pollutions, and abominable corruptions, the Lord teach them to consider, that if Civility and Morality be too low and too little to stand the Soul in any stead in that day when God will judge the secrets of all men by Jesus Christ; Surely then sin and profaneness will be a miserable covering. This little Treatise is not intended principally for such Ishmaelites, but rather for those who have their faces Zion ward enquiring the way thither, as also to such as have a name and place where the honour of God dwells, to all such I may say as an encouragement to peruse this little Treatise, First, as to the nature of it, its that which hath been digested, and it may well be called Experience, it may be likened to the Wine that Christ made of water at the end of the Mariage-Feast, being last it was better than the first, though doubtless the first wine was good: So I hope thou wilt find these few lines, though good at the first, yet better at the latter end, it being the privilege of Saints to have their last works best, and as they grow in years to grow in grace; which the Lord grant unto all his, for his mercy's sake. Amen.  
JOHN TURNER.   

To the Christian Reader.  
I Cannot but take it as a mercy from the Lord, that I have such an opportunity to give my testimony unto so worthy a work as this is, which indeed is a work that is not common amongst men, being the work of a Daughter of Zion, nay I may say a Mother in Israel, as it is said, Many Daughters have done virtuously, but She excelleth them all, therefore let Her own works praise Her in the Gates of Zion, who hath opened to the view of all, not only the counsel of man's heart, which is as the deep waters, with the deceits thereof, in which it may miscarry through the wisdom of the flesh, and the wiles of Satan, but also the wonderful wisdom of God, in the powerful operation of his Spirit, in the clear footsteps of his Grace, by a large and well grounded experience in the Lords bringing of a poor soul out of darkness into light, but in more particular thus; How far a soul may be wrought upon before it comes to Christ, with the lets and hindrances that keep it off from the truth. Secondly, of the true work of Grace in the heart, and how this differs from the former. Thirdly, the souls closing with Christ, and the sweet enjoyments of the same. And lastly, the full establishment in the free Grace of God, and the manner how God effected this, with the several effects of all the aforesaid degrees of Grace, with so much variety of spiritual, soul-edifying matter, and all so full of life and delight to a gracious experienced heart, that as to my remembrance I have not heard of the like, together with a large discovery of the most devilish and strong delusions of our times and the depth and danger of them, with the great Soul-losses of such as are taken with them, and also the nature and tendency of them, and Gods rich mercy in his recovering of his own out of them, and how by his wisdom he makes the same work for their good. So that good Reader, if thou wouldst see the very inside of a gracious soul, with the largest experience of the riches of Gods great dispensations of grace, here it is clearly presented in this small ensuing Treatise, being so seasonable for the time we live in, and so useful for all sorts of persons, wherein error and heretics are discovered, the godly most sweetly edified, and the way of truth laid open for such as desire it, and many precious principles of truth sound asserted; All which, with much more considered, did not only affect my soul, but caused me, with others, to press on the author hereof to publish the same for the good of Saints, and a glorious example for all Christians to follow, in a serious observing the passages of God's providence and grace, that they may be rich in experience of his free mercies and goodness towards them, as that by which God holds our souls in life, and forms his image in us, with deep engagements of love and zeal for his glory, into whose bosom I commit the godly Reader, and this good work unto his blessing upon thy heart, and remain the unworthiest of all Saints,  
John Spilsbery.   

To the Reader.  
READER,  
THis small Volume is the fruit of private Meditations relating to the inward man, which many neglecting have been like painted Sepulchers. It is a known Maxim, That the serious minded Christian is the most thriving, especially when the judgement ordereth the affection. Many persons are so drowned in confused and immethodical thoughts, that all their intentions are like an untimely birth, or the grass on the house top. This Author hath obtained favour of the Lord not only to be esteemed a Daughter of Zion, but also one that excelleth in grace, and to be counted a Mother in the true Israel, of which we have not many. I speak not this by hearsay only (though her works praise her in the gates) but having had for some years more than ordinary experience of her clear conceptions, and sound judgement; being more naturally given to the exercise of godliness with sobriety than others, hath stirred me up to testify some of her spiritual worth, which hath been very advantageous to many, but especially to me. It was the great sorrow of the Jewish woman to be barren, being thereby deprived of bringing forth Christ in his humane nature; and it is greater sorrow to ingenious Christians to be barren in spirituals. This precious soul hath conceived and brought forth spiritual fruit, to the view of good and bad; the matter containeth a gradual narration of the Lords various deal with her many years, both in, and after Conversion, which speaketh forth much observance of God's daily footsteps in the soul, the like have not commonly been seen; few have given-themselves to be intent in discovering the beauty of Christ in the inward man. If this may be instrumental to bring forth the additional experiences of other Saints, it will be a good precedent, especially in this age, in which Saints time hath been occasionally taken up more in building the walls of the true Zion, than in discovering the treasures of Grace and inward Glory of Christ in the soul.  
These inward Experiences are not intended to limit others, but to provoke self-examination and spiritual quickening. They are orderly laid down, though with brevity; a word to the wise is enough. Here is the danger of sin discovered, the excellent safety of a soul in Christ declared, the duties of privileged Christians manifested, and some cautions laid down to take heed of a light and unsound Generation of men, whose deceits have been largely experienced. Be watchful, lest you fall where others have stumbled, and are through Grace recovered and much established. Read with diligence, consider with patience; thy encouragements are many; that which is tendered being the fruit of the Spirit of grace doth invite and animate thee; to conclude, thy labour shall not be in vain in the Lord, to whom I commend thee in this and all thy spiritual labours, and remain  
Dated at London the 7th day of the 7th Month 1653. Thy affectionate and well-wishing friend JOHN GARDNER.   

A word from the Author to the READER.  
THese notes in the following discourse are some of the fruits of my labours written at several times in my Husband's absence, which may be some satisfaction as to my spending that time. I did intent them only for my own private use, as a remembrancer of the old loving kindness of the Lord towards me, & 'twas not in the least in my thoughts that ever it should have been presented to a public view, but after I had written the greatest part of it, showing it to my Husband, he had some thoughts to publish it, judging it might be profitable to some precious souls which, though it be written but in a broken, scattering way, and I am conscious to myself of too much weakness and unworthiness to be an Instrument for the good of souls, or to propagate the least truth of the Lord Jesus, yet I shall be willing to submit to better Judgements, hoping through the Blessing of God it may be useful, knowing from my own experience I have received much from the Lord by reading: but besides the sense of my own unworthiness, as I had some discouraging thoughts as to my writing of it at the first, so I have met with the like as to my giving way to the publishing of it. As first, I thought I might seem to some to walk in an untrodden path, I having never seen any thing written before in this manner and method; but whatever entertainment it may find with such, knowing from whom I have received it, I am well satisfied, my footsteps will be found as for matter, so for method and manner, among the footsteps of the flock of Christ, where I desire to feed besides the Shepherd's Tents, Cant. 1. 8, Another thought which did discourage me was, knowing I must expect to encounter with Satan in relation to it several ways, but believing that which way soever he appears whether to abase or exalt me in my own thoughts, the Lord will not be wanting with strength to withstand and resist him, and that I shall with advantage be delivered from his snares and temptations: Thus resolving to commit myself and it to the blessing of the Almighty, desiring it may be accepted of the Saints as the widow's mite, and that what is weak may be covered with love, is the desire of me the unworthy Servant of Christ,  
JANE TURNER.   

The manner how I was put upon the writing these following lines, with the reasons and grounds for doing the same.  
THrough the good providence of God, I lived in Newcastle for some time, where I received many precious mercies from the Lord, which I desire may never be forgotten by me; and being under a bodily affliction, the Lord was pleased so to visit me with his loving kindness, that I can truly say, it was a time of joy to my soul: and indeed I never enjoyed so much sweet communion with God, for so long a time together, as I did at that time; for, for the space of seven or eight weeks together, I was in a continual converse and exchanging love with God, as it were lodging and living in the bosom of Christ; and truly I do not remember that in all that time I had one considerable interruption; which condition was so sweet and joious to me, that it did exceedingly grieve me to think that ever I should forget the particulars thereof, finding from sad experience, that (though I can never forget the substance of such things, yet) I am prone to forget the particulars, the remembrance of which I find to be much for the glory of God, and my own comfort and profit, especially in times of trial and temptations; upon the consideration of which I thought it might be a good way to write them down.  
And calling to mind some of the old loving kindnesses of God towards me, I resolved to write down some of them: For I do believe I cannot remember the hundreth part of the kind deal of God towards me, so as to write them all: but though I cannot remember all; yet I may remember some, and those I judge most considerable I resolved to write them down.  
But as I had many thoughts of encouragement to do it, so I had some thoughts that did discourage me; As  
First, I thought it would be very hard, if not impossible, for me to remember that which hath been so long since (so as to write it) But the Lord was pleased to satisfy me in this; that my ends being such as were agreeable to his will, he would according to his promise, in my endeavours, bring things to my remembrance: and truly I was confirmed in believing he would so do, from my own experience, for I do not remember that ever I set myself seriously to meditate on the former kindness of God towards me, but I was much refreshed by it, and remembered that which I seemed to have forgotten.  
A Second thought which did discourage me was, fearing left through forgetfulness as I knew I should leave out something which was, so I might possibly write something which was not, which I would not by any means willingly do; this I discerned to be a temptation for fear of hypocrisy, but God was pleased to satisfy me in it, with this resolution, that what I did I would do as in his presence, and that if there were any thing which was clear to my remembrance, that I could not bring in without something which was doubtful, I would rather leave out the one, than writ the other, much less write any thing which was a plain addition, and in this resolution I set upon it, believing that God would assist and help me, desiring not to give way to discouraging thoughts; for I have often experienced this, that if in writing, speaking, or doing of any thing whereby God may be glorified, we should give way to temptations and discouragements, we should do nothing at all: For Satan and our own hearts will not be wanting to us, that way. But with grief of heart I must confess, that the greatest discouragements that I have met with have been from the Saints themselves (I do not mean only as to this particular, but as to other spiritual duties also) by which I trust I have learned in some measure to take the more heed how I discourage others; and doubtless Saints ought to take great heed left by their giving just occasion of discouragement they quench the Spirit of God in them, 2 Thes. 5. 1●. quench not the Spirit; which that we may not do, we ought to endeavour for a Spirit of discerning, and for such a carriage by which we may best draw forth the hearts of others in spiritual things; not that we should draw or put persons upon that which they have not received, or that we should encourage any who put themselves on such things, but rather reprove them, especially those who so act in a public way, such as the Apostle speaks of, who would be preachers of the Law, when indeed they know not what they say, nor whereof they affirm, 1 Tim. 1. 7. the hearing of which hath been no small burden to my spirit. I wish from my soul, that not only particular Saints may be faithful in the discharge of their duty, to reprove such, but also that the Church would put forth their Authority for the calling of them in, and that such brethren only whose gifts are approved of by the Church, may exercise their gifts publicly, and no other, that the Saints may not be burdened, nor the world blaspheme. I shall say no more as to this, believing that the Lord will instruct those that are called to that work, namely to judge who are fit to be teachers, desiring only to caution Saints to take heed of casting stumbling blocks in each others way: For doubtless, though its one of the last, yet it's not the least trial, that after we have in a great measure overcome the world, the devil, and our own hearts, we should meet with lets and discouragements from one another.  
It's that indeed which is suitable to an imperfect state in which we are, and by which we may learn, as to live more singly on God, so also to press after, and long for, that perfect State in which we shall be at the appearance of our Lord Jesus Christ. I might enlarge much in this matter, but I intent only to hint at things, desiring the Lord to stir up the hearts of some more able, to enlarge upon it, knowing there is great need that Saints should be exhorted to this duty, namely not to discourage but to, encourage one another in all good things; & I desire that we may set before us that exhortation of the Apostle, Gal. 5. 26: Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another; From whence I observe, that to be desirous of vain glory, makes way for a spirit of envy, and so to provoke and grieve one another.  
The consideration of that Scripture with Jam. 4. 5. may through the blessing of God be very useful to Saints for this purpose: for questionless a slighting of the gifts and grace of God in others, doth many times arise off a desire of vain glory, and a spirit of envy.  

The first Note of Experience of the good Providence of God towards me in a state of Ignorance and Darkness before Conversion.  
IT pleased the Lord I was civilly brought up from a child, and kept from such gross evils as persons merely civil do not allow, but otherways very vain; and that which instrumentally kept me from such things, as I conceived, was (together with my civil education) a desire of happiness, and a fear of misery, having a general notion that sin was attended with misery; for I remember, when I had done any thing that I thought was sin, I was presently under great fear and terror; to take off which, and also to attain happiness in the end, I thought I was to be exercised in some kind of religion, but being very ignorant, I made no inquiry what religion was, but took it for granted that that was religion which was then in force from King and Bishops, and so going on I grew very superstitiously zealous in all things suitable to the service Book, or a Cathedral kind of Worship, and I thought the more I abounded in fasting, book prayer, and observation of days and times, mourning and afflicting myself for sin, the better it was; so that I think I did exceed most that I knew in that way for blind zeal, and superstitious devotion: yet at this very time I thought myself far from Popery, and did always oppose that with much zeal, and I am sure with much ignorance.  
Then being acquainted with some who were then called Puritans, I began to perceive that there was some difference betwixt that which I practised, and that which was done by them; and my observation of their carriages, and hearing them speak such language as I was altogether a stranger to, did so far work upon me, that I began to question my own condition, and oft times when I had done my long book prayers, though I had scarce ever heard of praying without a book, yet I would in a poor broken manner complain to God that I was in some fear that what I did was not according to his will, and if it were not, I did beg of him that he would bring me to the knowledge of the truth whatever I did undergo for attaining of it: But then sometimes I thought my condition good enough, and though I was never given to rail or speak evil of such persons, yet I thought they made more ado than they need to have done, and that God did not require so much strictness as they seemed to plead for.  
But hearing them speak much of knowledge, and of the danger of ignorance, and knowing myself to be very ignorant, I began to be more frequent in reading the Scriptures, and hearing sermons; but my understanding not being yet opened, it was to little effect; for I remember I was at this time like a stock or stone as to the true understanding of that which I read or heard, that I can truly say as the Prophet in Psal. 73. 22. So foolish was I and ignorant, even as a Beast before thee; and yet at this time I was something in affection, as when I heard any thing of the judgements of God against sin, I should tremble, and when any thing of the mercy and goodness of God, or the love and sweetness of Jesus Christ, my heart would melt (as I thought) yet I understood nothing, so as to have it seated in the understanding and judgement.  
This in general I do remember as to that state.   

Some brief Observations from this note of Experience.  
FIrst, concerning my being kept from sin by a desire of happiness, and fear of misery: From thence I observe,  
That in the days of ignorance, before we have received grace to restrain us from sin, it's a mercy to be restrained by something else: And truly to me its a mercy so considerable, that I desire to bless the Lord for it as long as I live.  
Secondly, concerning my seeking after and framing to myself some kind of Religion, from thence I observe,  
That its natural for persons to make after some kind of Religion, and rather than they will worship nothing, they will worship, Samaritan like, they know not what, John 4. 22.  
Thirdly, concerning my opposing Popery, when myself lived in the practice of the same thing for the nature of it, from thence I observe,  
That a person may oppose an error, and yet live at that time in the same error for the nature of it, though in a lower degree, and not know it; And that not only persons totally ignorant, but Saints also, if they take not good heed: for I have experienced this more times than once.  
Fourthly, concerning my complaint and prayer to God in relation to truth, from thence I observe,  
That a person before conversion may (for aught I know) truly pray, and that from a secret work of God upon the heart. And therefore though I cannot from Scripture-rule exhort such to pray, so neither from ence can I forbidden them, but rather rejoice to see the hearts of any run out in such a way.  
Fiftly, concerning my being so much affected with truth, though I understood it not, from thence I observe,  
That ignorant persons in hearing truth may have their reason so far touched, that they may assent to it, and be much affected with it, and yet understand nothing so as to have it seated in the heart and judgement; and because it is not seated in the heart and judgement, that I conceive is the reason why ignorant persons are so uncertain and so unconstant in their thoughts concerning truth, and why many that live a long time under much means, yet continue very ignorant, it may be ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth, 2 Ti. 3. 7. and as the seed upon the stony ground withered away because it had no root; So truth not being rooted in the heart and judgement, though it spring up in much affection, yet it comes to nothing. And indeed ignorant persons many times are sooner affected, and do seem to have more affection than others; he reason of that I conceive) is the same also with that of the seed upon the stony ground, it sprang up suddenly, because it had not depth of earth; so it's natural for ignorant persons to spring forth in affection, they having as it were nothing else to do but only to be affected; their strength running all in one vein, or in one Channel, they spend all in affection, while others that have more understanding have many other things to do, all the faculties of their souls being exercised, their strength is dispersed into many veins, weighing and pondering things in the heart and judgement, that it may have depth to root and settle there; as it's said of Mary, she pondered those things in her heart, Luke 2. 19 so they are treasuring it up in their hearts, having in their treasury things new and old. Mat. 12. 35. and 13. 52. and a little affection where there is judgement, is better than a great deal without judgement; yet much affection with a sound judgement is best of all.   

The second note of Experience, How I was brought to see myself in a miserable state by Nature, and convinced of sin by the Law, and so converted to duty, labouring for life by doing, though at that time in my own thoughts far from owning such a thing.  
By providence hearing a Minister of the Nation who was then called a Puritan, whom though I used often to hear, yet I could truly say as the Prophet in Dan. 10. 8. I heard, but I understood not; and as I was once hearing of him, very suddenly I thought I did discern and understand things more clearly and more distinctly than ever I did before that time, being much affected with it, and did then own God in it, having many such thoughts as these, that as it was said of Lydia, Act. 16. 14. that now the Lord had opened my understanding, and now I hoped I should have more knowledge, and delight more in hearing and reading, whereas before it was wearisome to me, because I did not understand any thing but in a confused manner.  
After this I had a great delight to hear this man, and though I thought it much on any other occasion to go one mile on foot, yet to hear him I could go three, and back again the same day frequently; and by his Ministry I was brought to see the superstitious variety of my former zeal, and laid it aside; and I remember that at this time I had such affectionate heart-workings towards God and godliness, and such a hatred of all sin, according to what I then knew, that I did many times in my serious thoughts choose rather to die than live, merely upon that account, because I would not sin against God, knowing myself subject thereunto.  
And though I cannot say that at this time I had faith in God, so as to believe his Love to me on Gospel grounds, for I was totally ignorant of any such thing many years after, yet I had good thoughts of God from that glimmering light which I then had, and which did produce in me much love to him, as I cannot but so judge.  
But no sooner was I brought to this, but Satan was ready to assault me, and set upon me with this horrid temptation, to question the Being of God, and I remember it usually came upon me when I was alone, but especially as I was going by myself to hear the aforesaid Minister, insomuch that it did exceedingly trouble me, and I then discerned it to be a temptation, and did resist and labour against it, drawing arguments as I went in the fields from the very works of Creation, to confirm myself in this truth, that there is a God, that it should not be in vain for me or any to serve him; and earnestly crying to God against it, through Grace I was not overcome by it, but had a supply of strength until it was removed; and I was no more troubled with it in many years after.  
So I continued a constant hearer of this man, and other such like, for some years, by which I came to see myself in a miserable State by nature, and was convinced of sin by the Law; but being very ignorant of the Lord Jesus, and their doctrine, being for the most part such as was suitable to the old covenant, instead of going to Christ for life, I was brought to a great degree of labour and travel for life and happiness, by doing (though at that time in my own thoughts fare from owning such a thing) being as exact and strict in all my ways (I think I may say) as it was possible for a poor creature to be, but the more strict I was, still looking through the glass of the law, the more my bondage was increased; For I could see nothing but an addition of sin in all that I did, the law still calling for a perfect righteousness:  
Then I began to be very much troubled, and in a great amazement & perplexity of spirit, fearing I should perish for ever; then I had thoughts to discover my condition to some to have advise from them, but meeting with many discouragements, did not, but kept it in my own breast, discovering no more but what I could not hid, which was only my outward appearance much differing from what formerly it was, which did occasion some to say that I was near a distraction, they not knowing what condition I was in.  
And truly my condition was so sad that I was afraid of a distraction myself; for I thought it impossible to continue long in that condition, and not be distracted, which fear did occasion me to apply myself to some means of comfort, whereas before I was not willing to hearken to any thing that way: the means I used was chief reading & prayer, by which it pleased the Lord I came to some dark apprehensions concerning Jesus Christ, being persuaded there was something of that nature, which if I could get a right understanding of, my condition would be much better; but fearing left I should sink under my burden, temptations coming on me like the waves of the Sea, I was forced as I went about my occasions often to cry to God, like the Disciples in another case, Lord save me, else I perish, Mat. 8. 25. I thought many times, I was even sinking under my burden, and I did believe there was no help but only in the Lord, and that he was able to do it, but whether he would do it, or whether he would save or damn me at last, I knew not, neither did I think it possible for me ever to have known that, except it were by some extraordinary way, which very few did attain unto.  
But by degrees I began to stay upon some promises through such considerations as these; first, I thought it could not stand with the goodness of God to damn a poor soul that had such heart-workings and desires after him as I had, having much in my thoughts those words of Sampsons' Mother, Judges 13. 23. I thought that if he did intent to destroy me he would never have given me such desires after him, & preserved me till now; and then that promise, Mat. 5. 6. did much support me, for I thought that if ever poor creature did hunger and thirst after righteousness, I did; these promises and considerations, with some confused apprehensions that I had concerning the Lord Jesus, did much raise me; the thoughts I had of him were such as these, I did believe that the Justice of God must be satisfied for sin, and that nothing could satisfy his justice but a perfect righteousness, now I thought I was to be very strict and circumspect in all my ways, if it were possible, to perform such a righteousness, but what I could not do, Christ had done for me, and when I had done any thing that I thought was sin, I could not apply Christ till I had repent, that was till I had mourned, fasted and prayed, afflicting myself in such a measure as I thought might stand with the not destroying or prejudicing nature, for there God would have mercy rather than sacrifice, and Jesus Christ would make up that which was wanting: so that Christ was my stay, though it was through a very carnal and wrong apprehension.  
But though I thought I must be so qualified and fitted for Christ before I could receive him, and be made happy by him, yet I knew there was no mercy to be found without him, nor no life but in him: In this condition I lived some years more, and grew very cheerful & confident (as I think it was possible to be, under such an apprehension) but yet my confidence was always more or less, as I was more or less strict in my ways, and sometimes though I had been never so strict yet I was subject to fear left I had not done as much as it was possible for me to do, for otherways I thought Christ would be nothing at all to me; yet my hopes were greater than my fears, and I was resolved, if I perished, I would perish here at the feet of Christ: and now I did not only see that possible which before I thought impossible, but I had great hopes and much confidence most times.  
This apprehension, though it be that which is far below the glory of the free grace of God in the Gospel, yet it did present Christ very lovely to me, and did produce in me a real love to him, as I dare not but so judge, considering how I stood affected to, and delighted in, whatever I knew to be his will: Though I must confess I think at the first the great wheel that carried all about, was my own good; yet I am very confident that at this time I had a real love to, & delight in, the Lord Jesus Christ, and his commandments were not grievous to me, but I did approve of them to be the most excellent things, because approved of by the Lord; and I well remember I was so far taken off from delighting in sin, that I think I may say I did hate it with a perfect hatred, as that which was in itself the only object of hatred, as it was against God, and all my delight was to be with those that I thought did excel in virtue, and I could not bear wicked persons, but their ways and practices were odious to me; yet still I say my condition at this time was a condition of extreme bondage and below the Gospel.  
I shall say no more of it, but only this, that what I have here written I think I may say is not the hundredth part of the labours and travels of my soul whiles I lived in that condition, and if I should go about to write it all, I know not how nor when to make an end. But God was pleased in mercy to free me from that bondage by the manifestation of his love and grace through his Son, to whom be all praise and glory for ever more, Amen.   

Some brief Observations from this second note of Experience.  
FIrst, Concerning the person by whom my experience in these things began, which was one (as I judge) not rightly called or sent to preach the Gospel, he not being related to a true Church, though otherwise (I hope) a godly man according to that measure of light he had received.  
From whence I observe, That it is possible for a godly man in times of ignorance and darkness to be a Minister of a false Church.  
Secondly, I observe, That though it be not the work of a false Ministry, neither is it the way of God to convert souls by, yet accidentally or providentially something may be done that way by them, especially in times of persecution, where there is not a true Ministry abroad; as indeed I am much inclined to own the work of conversion to be begun in me at this time, and that for these reasons.  
First, because now was the day of God's power no● only to make me willing, but there was some change wrought in the whole soul; and every faculty of it, which before was dead, had now some life and motion in things relating to God and godliness; as the understanding was opened, so the will was changed, and made willing to submit to truth, and to embrace the ways of life, though it were through the greatest difficulty, yet in much darkness; and then the affections were taken, and though there were but a little glimpse of truth appeared, yet there was a love to it, and delight in it, and a great hatred of the contrary; all which I apprehend could not be but from some seeds of the Gospel, though through false teaching, there was not that blessed fruit of joy and peace in believing; also the Memory was active and busy to retain truth, so that here was some change wrought in the whole soul as aforesaid.  
A second reason is, because when I lay under conviction of sin by the Law, and was ready to sink under my burden, that which did support and uphold my spirit was the Lord Jesus Christ, though my apprehensions of him were not according to the Gospel, as to the glory of the free grace therein contained.  
A third reason is, from the consideration of that fruit which did appear at that time, which was an entire love to Christ, and a conversation suitable thereunto, according to the light then received: For there was not only a doing good, but a love to it, and delight in it; and there was not only a forbearing evil, but a hatred and indignation against it. It being thus with me at this time, I cannot but much tender persons in the like condition, who do manifest by a good conversation, a real work of God upon their hearts, though living in a discovery below the privileges of the Gospel: yet not so to tender them, as not to tender the glory of truth above them, being true to my principles in keeping a strict separation from them in relation to their visible and public worship, it being contrary to the rule of the Gospel.  
Three Observations from the three foregoing reasons. First, concerning the Change wrought in the whole soul, from thence I observe,  
That there may be a Change wrought in the whole soul to life and godliness, long before that soul comes to enjoy life by believing.  
Secondly, concerning my being stayed upon Christ when I was like to sink upder my burden, from thence I observe,  
That a soul may cleave to, and really stay upon Christ, through some apprehension which presents him lovely, though it may be that which doth not present him so lovely as indeed he is.  
Thirdly, concerning that entire love I had to Christ and his ways, from thence I observe,  
That though the love of Christ manifested to a soul be that which ordinarily begets love in the soul to Christ, yet its possible there may be a real love to him, before there is such a manifestation.  
Now having minded many particulars as to my condition at that time when I did experience these things, I cannot altogether omit the kindness of God towards me in relation to persecutions, which though it were but small comparatively with some others, yet it was more than some met with, and it was that indeed which did require some strength from the Lord to undergo it with comfort, in which he not being wanting to me, I Judge it ought not to be forgotten by me; and as I had comfort in it at that time present, so I am still well satisfied that I suffered not as an evil doer, because what I did then, was upon a conscientious account, according to that light received. I could mention many particulars, but I forbear, hearty desiring that it may never be laid to their charge. But this book being intended by me as a remembrancer of the former deal of God towards me, I think it not altogether useless, as to remember the time I was in that condition, & the manner how I was brought from it, so also the time when I was brought from it, and that was after the Bishops were quite taken away in the beginning of the sitting of the late Synod. And here I desire to remember with thankfulness to God, that I was not ensnared by the change of times and laws; For at that very time when the Presbyterian party, so called, began to reign, and I might have reigned with them, and enjoyed smiles from them, being convicted of a further discovery of truth I left them, and was content to become a scorn and a byword amongst them; Though I must confess I had much respect from some of them all along, yet my sufferings from that party were far more than the former. I could here mention many particulars, but I forbear, desiring, as for the former, it may not be charged upon them; only these general hints I hope will be sufficient to bring particulars to my remembrance, for these things ought not to be forgotten by me, because in the remembrance of them I find my heart much engaged in praises to God, and that several ways; one way, and that not the least, is, that God hath broken their power. For indeed I must needs say, that according to my observation and experience, I have seen as persecuting a spirit in them as ever I did in the former, and they did appear as bitter, if not more, against such as were called Anabaptists, than ever the Bishops did against those that were called Puritans, considering their time and power: For as their time was short, so when their power was highest, there was always a party which did a little awe them. I shall say no more of these things, but that as I desire for ever to bless the Lord in the remembrance of them, so I do likewise desire that God would destroy, or at least keep under, every persecuting spirit, under what name or title soever called, till he is pleased to give them repentance.   

The third Note of Experience, How I was brought to apprehend and believe the free Grace of God in the Gospel, and in believing to receive the assurance of the love of God.  
IN order to this experience I cannot omit to write something concerning the reading of a book, by which as a means in the hand of God I received these never to be forgotten mercies. After I had lived about five or six years a strict professor, being very confident and settled upon the Lees of Legal Righteousness, it pleased the Lord there came a man to the Town where I lived, whom though he was generally reputed to be an honest man, yet he was much opposed as holding gross errors in his Judgement, and hearing many speak very bitterly against him, I did much ponder it in my heart, not da●ing (as Nicodemus spoke concerning Christ, John 7. 50.) to judge before I heard, and therefore I resolved to speak with him, which accordingly I did, and found him speaking such things as I never heard before, which I then ignorantly judged to be errors; the things he chief spoke of, was about Free Grace, the nature of the Gospel, and the New Covenant; and though I was not able to gain say the truth of what he spoke, yet for fear of those evil consequences that a carnal heart might draw from them, I could not receive it. But after some discourse, in much opposition, yet not bitter against him, in the close he desired to lend me a book, in which (he said) concerning the things he spoke I might find better satisfaction than he could give, being but weak in expression; so I took it home with me, but being much afraid of error, I was at a great dispute in my own spirit whether I should read it or not; but fearing lest I should seem to shut my eyes against the light, at last I came to this result, that I would read it, but first set a part a day by fasting and prayer to seek the Lord, that what was truth in it I might embrace, and that he would keep and preserve me from error (which accordingly I did) and finding the drift and scope of the book was to exalt God, and lay low the Creature, I was much affected with it, as also with some other particulars; but on the other hand these Ministers (whose words were then as Oracles to me) did so much cry out against it, charging all to take heed of it, it being full of errors of dangerous consequences, that when I came about the middle of it I was so surprised with fear of carnal liberty, merely by their words, that I durst read it no further, but sent it home again, resolving to stick to my old principles, and so resolved I was, that I judged it my duty, and accordingly did praise the Lord, that I had escaped that snare and stumbling block which it was like to be to me, till about half a year after, these forementioned Ministers not being satisfied to speak against those books in private only, but brought them into their Pulpits reading particular passages, which as they read and applied it, was contrary to the sense of it, and sometimes I thought they spoke more than was true, which did occasion me to desire the book again for my better satisfaction: but they not being allowed to be sold at that time, it was hard to get any of them, but through mercy I got one, and then I found they did not deal faithfully, but did wrest and draw false con sequences contrary to the drift and scope of it, all which occasioned serious thoughts in me, remembering when I first read it I laid it aside merely from a spirit of fear and prejudice occasioned by their words, and not that I was able to disprove it from Scripture grounds; then remembering those words of the Apostle, I Thes. 5. 21. Try all things, and hold fast that which is good, I thought it my duty to lay aside all slavish fear and prejudice, and to try it exactly by the Scriptures, believing that as it was God's way to try, so he would assist me in it, which he was pleased to do, and as I read I began to be much affected, and I thought it was glad tidings and good news if it were true, but I thought it was too good to be true; for I could not then believe that God was so free of his Christ, as to give him to any other sinners but to such as were qualified, fitted, and prepared for him, or that the way to glory was so easy as he seemed to make it, for if it were so, than all that labour and travel which I had been a long time in, was nothing, which I could by no means yield to at that time. For as Christ once said to the Jews that Publicans and Harlots enter into the Kingdom before them, Mat. 21. 31. so truly I found it so hard to lay down my own legal righteousness, and to submit to the righteousness of God by Faith, according to Rom. 10. 3. that I was like to stick here, when such as were more profane might receive the truth sooner. But seriously weighing these with some other such like Scriptures, as Rom. 4. 4. and 5. 8. Ephe. 2. through grace I was in a great measure convinced and brought to see that I had been exceedingly mistaken in my understanding and applying of Jesus Christ, and whereas I thought I had attained a good degree of knowledge, I now saw myself to be very ignorant, and must begin again to learn the first principles of the oracles of God, which to suffer so much loss was very hard to me (at the first) but God was pleased by degrees to strip me of all, and to show me such a beauty and excellency in the Lord Jesus above it, that I was made not only willing but joyous to lay down all at his feet, and I trust could truly say with the Apostle, That what was gain to me, I counted loss for Christ, yea doubtless and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, and be found in him, etc. Phil. 3: 7, 8, 9, etc. and as God had exalted Christ to be a Prince and a Saviour, Acts 5. 31. and had chosen him as the only excellent one in whom he had placed life and salvation for people, Mat. 12. 18. so my soul did approve of it to be the most excellent way, and I trust could truly say with the Spouse, he is the chiefest of ten thousand, ye he is one, and there is not another, Cant. 5. 10. Act. 4. 12. and the more I came to apprehend the glory of the Gospel in the free tenders and invitations of Christ to sinners, the more still I was affected with it, and did admire it, and seeing the tenders of grace so free, and the invitations so general that whosoever would come might come and take of the water of life freely, Esay 55. 1. Revel. 22. 17. and that whosoever came to Christ he would in no wise cast out, John 6. 37. by which word [come] I understood believing, vers. 40. and then considering the nature of the covenant, that it is a covenant of grace free and without all conditions on the creatures part, and that the conditions stand only between God and Christ, as I then understood by these Scriptures, Esay 53. 10. Psal. 89. Through these considerations I was not only encouraged, but the abounding love of Christ did compel and constrain me to cast myself upon him for life and salvation, in a way of believing, and not in a way of working; and to the praise of his grace as I desire never to forget it. I did at this time receive the assurance of the love of God in believing the free and full pardon of all my sins; That God had laid them all upon Christ, and beholding the travel of his soul, was satisfied, Esay 53. 11. and well pleased with me in him Mat. 3. 17. and that they were all carried into the wilderness of forgetfulness, and buried in, Oblivion, according to that type of Christ, Levit. 16. 21, 22. and that they were washed away in his blood, Revel. 1. 5. and that God would remember them no more, Heb. 8. 12. and 10. 17. These Scriptures, with some others of the like nature, were by the Spirit of God set home so powerfully upon my heart at that time, that truly I cannot express the joyfulness and sweetness of my condition, not being able to contain myself from calling to others to tell them what God had done for my soul, how he had brought me out of bondage into the glorious liberty of adoption, and filled me with joy and peace in believing, yea with joy unspeakable and full of glory, Rom. 15. 13. 1 Pet. 1. 8. and I remember for a long time after I did delight to be almost continually speaking or meditating of the glory of the free grace of God in the Gospel, and of his bounty and goodness to poor sinners, and to me the chief of sinners, for I know more evil by myself than I do by any other, yet doubtless I can say as it was once said of the Thessalonians, The Gosspel came not to me at that time in word only, but in power, and much assurance, and joy in the Holy Ghost, 1 Thes. 1. 5. and whereas formerly I thought that to receive such a principle was the ready way to be lose and carnal, I did believe that as justification and sanctification are inseparable, 2 Thes. 2. 13. and that as one end of Christ's death was as well to redeem his people from all iniquity and the power of sin, as from the punishment of sin, so the power of grace was more strong and able to keep me from sin, than all the legal bands and slavish fears in the world, Tit. 2. 11. and though possibly I might meet with some temptations of that nature, yet to the praise of his grace, I can truly say I never found my heart more engaged for God and godliness, and more disengaged from sin, than now, which the Lord keep me so and all his, Amen.   

Some brief Observations from this third note of Experience.  
FIrst, concerning my confidence in my former condition, before I knew these things, from thence I observe,  
That persons may be very confident on false grounds,  
And that it is not the confidence that makes the condition good, but the grounds of it.  
For though still I say I am inclined to own the work of conversion to be begun in me at that time before said, by some accidental or providential scatter of the seed of the Gospel, yet, through false teaching, those seeds were so buried under the ashes of legal righteousness, that there was a greater power required to blow off those ashes, and to carry on that work, than if it had never been begun, according to that forementioned place, Matth. 21. 31. how hard then must it needs be to begin that work where there is only such a righteousness? from thence I observe,  
That Legal righteousness (where the work of conversion is begun in a soul) is a great obstruction to the carrying on, and perfecting of that work.  
Secondly, Concerning the manner of the deal of God with me in the manifestation of his Love and Grace, which was at this time by reading, as indeed however God is pleased to deal with others, yet with me, I cannot say but what I have received I have always received by and through some means, from whence I observe,  
That it is good to wait on God in the use of all means; for though the holy One of Israel is not limited, yet ordinarily he works by means, and leaves no ground in holy Scripture to expect him out of means.  
Thirdly, Concerning my idolising those  Ministers, being kept by it from reading or hearing any other doctrine but theirs, from thence I observe,  
That it is a dangerous thing to esteem of persons above what is meet, and to be implicitly lead by them in spiritual things.  
Fourthly, Concerning my not receiving the doctrine of Free Grace for fear of carnal liberty, from thence I observe,  
That such as are ignorant of the Free Grace of God are subject to this mistake, to think it the way to sin, when indeed there is no true holiness without it.  
Fiftly, concerning its being so hard to me to lay down my own righteousness, etc. and yet that I should do it with so much Joy, when I saw clearly the righteousness of Christ to excel all, from thence I observe,  
That though it is a very hard thing for persons (eminent in legal righteousness) to lay it down, and submit to the righteousness of God by faith, yet the appearance of the transcendent excellency of Christ's righteousness, will make them do it with joy.  
Sixthly, Concerning my being so much affected with the Free Grace of God at my first receiving it, that I could not but declare it to others, from thence I observe,  
That the glad tidings of the Gospel being applied by the Spirit of Christ, so glads the heart, that when the soul first receives it its like fire that cannot be hid.  
Seventhly, Concerning the effect of the Free Grace of God upon my heart, engaging me more to himself, and disingaging me more from sin, from thence I observe,  
That there is no engagement so strong to keep the soul from sinning against God, as the Free Grace of God, nor nothing more endears the heart to God; Yet doubtless where there is nothing but only the notion of it, there is the greatest advantage to Satan that can be, and usually such persons are the worst of all others.  
For though Gospel bonds be the best to be tied from sin by, yet in many respects its better to be tied by Legal bonds than none at all; yet for Saints to be so tied is not only carnal and below their privilege, but a great dishonour to Christ, and an undervaluing of the Free Grace of God, which above all things ought to be exalted by us, as that alone by which we are truly exalted, and therefore aught to lie as the strongest engagements on Saints hearts to keep them from sin; and seeing all that we are, have, or ever shall have as to happiness here, or glory hereafter, is all of Grace, I desire for ever to admire it, and to live in the glory of it by faith; But this I find of all other the hardest Lesson, yea so hard, that unto this day I have cause to complain of an unbelieving heart in many things, and I have often experienced that to bring over the heart to believe, and to keep it up in believing, is no less than the mighty power and gift of God, John 6. 65. Phillip 1. 29. Ephesi. 1. 19 yet in this I have strong consolation, that I am kept by his power, 1 Peter 1. 5. and he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee, Hebrews 13. 5. and as the Lord once said to Peter, Though Satan should desire to winnow me like Wheat, yet he hath prayed for me, and my Faith shall not fail; and though the very reason why some persons do not believe, is for want of a clear understanding of the Free Grace of God in the general tenders of it to sinners, yet all that have that understanding do not believe, John 12. 17. there were some whose hearts were hardened that they could not believe, and Acts 13. 41. it was said of the Jews, they should in no ways believe the Work of God, though a man declare it to them, that is to say, though they did understand it; and as Faith is wrought in the soul by God, so it is that by which we most honour him, and without which it is impossible to please him. Faith works many ways, and it is an excellent thing to be strong in faith, as we may see in those Worthies, Hebrews 11. It is the very life of Saints, Galatians 2. 20. and without it there is no life in them, John 6. 53. and as there is no life without it, so there is no life above it till grace be swallowed up in glory; For the just shall live by faith, Hebrews the 10. verse 38. but though faith acts many ways, and about many things, yet it must always act in free grace, and there is no room for it elsewhere: for when we go to exercise faith out of Free Grace, it is weak, and feeble, and ready to be turned aside by the least repulse, but being there acted, all falls before it, as Dagon before the Ark, whether sin, law, or devil; Sin falls before it, as its an Instrument or means by which God purifies the heart, Acts 15. 9 the law falls before it, as it takes the righteousness of Christ by which it is perfectly fulfilled, Rom. 10. 4. Satan falls before it, as it is that by which we quench all his fiery darts, Ephes. 6. 16. And as in this way I did at first receive the pardon of sin, and so the knowledge of my interest in the Lord Jesus, for Justification, Redemption and Salvation; So I have no other way (as I believe there is no other) by which I still retain those glorious privileges, than in the same way in which I did first receive them, namely through grace by faith, not by any thing that is in me, or done by me, not by acts of obedience, works of righteousness, or submission to ordinances, all which are too low and too little to keep up my union with God; but I desire to appear in these as they are commanded by God, and as they are fruits and effects of faith, and through which I have communion with God and his people, which is a very great privilege, and I desire that all Saints may so esteem of them, and by no means slight them; but I do likewise desire that none may esteem of them above what's meet, as to glory in them, or to place that in them which is only peculiar to the Lord Jesus himself, who is our All in All, Colossi. 3. 11. Who of God is made unto us wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, that he that glorieth may glory in the Lord, 1 Cor. 1. 30, 31. And doubtless it is a great abuse to Christ, and Ordinances, to glory in them, which we are subject to do, when we live not in the beholding of him through the riches of his grace by Faith, which as I said before, is the highest life, and so far as I have experienced the excellency and glory of it, I can say with the Apostle, I desire to know nothing but Christ and him crucified, 1 Cor. 2. 2. and God forbidden that I should glory in any thing save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, Gal. 1. 14. I may further say of my experience in this matter, as David of the Sword of Goliath, There is none like it, 1 Sam. 21. 9 or as the Apostle said to the Corinthians, That though they had ten thousand Instructors, yet not many Fathers; so though I had ten thousand experiments, yet I have none like this; For all must centre here, and without this all is nothing; And herein me thinks the glory and excellency of the life of faith in Free Grace doth much appear, in that the weak and strong Christian do both meet and are satisfied in it, the highest capacity may be exercised in learning more of it, and yet the lowest may reach it, so as to live and have strong consolation in it, and Fools shall not err therein, Isaiah the 35. chapter, verse 8. This is that new and living way by the blood of Jesus, Hebrews ch. 10. verses 19, 20. the richest and highest favour that ever was bestowed on the children of men, to him therefore be glory and praise for evermore.   

The fourth Note of Experience, how I was convinced and brought to submit to Baptism and Church-fellowship commanded by Christ.  
BEing through mercy now well satisfied in point of Justification, Redemption, and Salvation, though I had nothing to do to be saved, yet I had much to do to glorify God in relation to Sanctification and Obedience; but notwithstanding all my former experience in point of Faith, I was very ignorant of Baptism, and all other duties and Ordinances relating to the visible practice of Believers, only I had some dark apprehensions of separation, and a Church way, by reason of which I had thoughts to join with some who were called Independents; but considering how I had formerly been mistaken about things of that nature, I was not hasty to practise it, until I was better satisfied, being somewhat at a loss about it; then after some time I heard of Baptism, though I had no acquaintance with any that practised it, yet knowing there were such, did occasion me to search the Scriptures about it, and by several places in the Acts, with that in Mat. 28. 19 I was in a great measure convinced that Baptism of Believers was an Ordinance of Christ, and that there could be no true Church without it, and that Baptising of Infants is that for which I could find no ground in Scripture; and by degrees I was so fully satisfied in it, and I thought the Scriptures were so plain and clear for it, that I did much wonder at my own ignorance, that I should be a professor so long, and so frequent in reading Scripture, and yet ignorant of that which was so plainly therein expressed; then coming to London to that end, namely to be instructed in the ways of God more perfectly, not knowing the like means else where, I went many times to hear in the Churches of Christ, by which, through the great blessing of God, I was more and more satisfied about it; yet notwithstanding all this, by harkening to the delusions of my own heart, and Satan's instruments, I met with many interruptions and temptations that kept me from my duty, at least one whole year after; some of those temptations were these:  
First, I thought though the Saints of old did practise these things, yet as they were now practised it was some kind of bondage, and below the privilege of the Gospel to be tied to a particular people, especially in relation to hearing; for I thought I should not forbear hearing some particular men, (who were not in the order of the Gospel) that formerly I used to hear.  
A second thing that hindered me was the failings and miscarriages of some particular persons then in the Churches.  
A third hindrance was, I thought it my liberty to do or not do it.  
A fourth hindrance was in relation to Persecution, I judged I should not be fit to suffer for it (though a truth of Christ) until all those Scruples were removed.  
These, with others of the like nature, were the groundless thoughts that kept me from my duty; but though kept back by these for a time, yet I had such strong convictions that I could not leave it so, but was much endeavouring after satisfaction, and in the use of means God was pleased to satisfy me; but by reason of persecution there was no Church I knew of, but only in London, and therefore I could not immediately do it; but being to be married soon after, I was to live in London, and then I resolved to submit to this Ordinance of Christ; but when I came to London, I heard all kind of preachers, one of which preached a strange kind of doctrine much notional, which bred such a confusion in my heart that I knew not what to do, by which I was again hindered from my duty, being willing to try that doctrine, I not having heard the like before, it being full of enticing words of man's wisdom, which I did with as much diligence try for some time, examining the Scriptures about it, as ever I did any doctrine, but could find nothing in it but confusion, a mere sound of words, some of those big swelling words of vanity spoken of Judas 16. 2 Pet. 2. 18. so, through mercy, I left it, and escaped that snare, which I desire to remember to the praise of God. Then I resolved to prosecute my former purpose in relation to those duties before mentioned, yet still lingering in Babylon till the Lord was pleased by a stretched-out arm, and clear voice, to bring to my remembrance those words in the 22. chapter of the Acts verse 6. Arise and be baptised, why tarryest thou? and (as I remember) for some days together, whatever I was doing, those words were much in my thoughts, than I began to take particular notice of it, applying it to my own condition, whether I was able to give a reason why I tarried, the Lord having removed all my scruples, and answered all my objections, and speaking of it to my Husband, who was then much in the same condition, I remember we had some discourse about it, and the result was, that the next first day we would go to the Church (where we had often heard) and declare what God had done for us in the great work of conversion, desiring also to obey him in all his commands, which accordingly we did, and gave them full satisfaction, and the week following were baptised and added to the Church, being sweetly satisfied and comforted therein; and as for my former scruples I was troubled no more with them, and in particular as to hearing out of the Church, I never desired it since, but God was pleased, and still is, to satisfy me with the fatness of his house, feeding me with green pastures there; and sitting under the shadow of Christ, his Fruit is sweet to my taste; which the LORD grant I may be found so doing, as he hath commanded, until his second coming.   

Some brief Observations upon this fourth Note of Experience.  
FIrst, Concerning those thoughts, that though I had nothing to do to be saved, yet I had much to do to glorify God, etc. from thence I observe.  
That as it is the duty of all that have received the Grace of God to be active for his Glory, so it is the nature of Grace to teach and engage Saints to do the same.  
Secondly, Concerning my ignorance of Baptism, and other Ordinances, notwithstanding all my former Experience in point of Faith, from thence I observe,  
That persons may have much Experience in point of privilege, and yet be ignorant of their duty.  
As indeed we are more apt to learn the one than the other.  
Thirdly, Concerning my ignorance of that which is so plainly expressed in Scripture, from thence I observe,  
That light discovers darkness, and though Truth be never so plainly expressed, yet ignorance cannot apprehend it.  
Fourthly, Concerning those interruptions and temptations that kept me from my duty, from thence I observe,  
That naturally we are so averse to duty, that we are a long time before we know our duties, and when we know them we are subject to be kept from doing them by very trifles; and that it is Satan's policy, if he cannot keep us from knowing our duties, to cast stumbling-blocks in our way if possible to keep us us from doing them.  
2. I observe, That though Christ's yoke be easy, yet we are hardly brought to put it on.  
Fifthly, Concerning the first hindrance, That I thought it some Bondage to be in a Church, from thence I observe,  
That through ignorance of the nature of Christian Liberty, we are too subject to think that Bondage which is not only Liberty but a great Privilege.  
Sixthly, Concerning the second hindrance, which was the unsuitable walkings of some particular persons then in the Church, from thence I observe.  
That the Consideration of our stumbling at the failings of others, should make us careful lest we occasion others to stumble at us.  
Seventhly, Concerning the third hindrance, That it was our liberty whether we would walk in Churches and submit to Ordinances or not, from thence I observe,  
That we are naturally so addicted to liberty, that we are many times ready to cast off all obedience, and to look on the Ordinances of Christ as indifferent things.  
Eighthly, Concerning the fourth hindrance, Fearing lest I had not faith enough to suffer for it, from thence I observe,  
That distrustful thoughts of future mercies many times keep us from improving present mercies.  
Ninethly, Concerning those Convictions, that though I was scrupled about truth, yet could not leave it so, but endeavoured after full satisfaction, from thence I observe,  
That strong Convictions are not easily put out, and where grace is predominant, there will be an endeavour not to smother but to answer them.  
Tenthly, Concerning that other hindrance by strange doctrine, from thence I observe,  
That as faith comes by hearing; so there may be a hearing that tends to the prejudice of faith.  
And such I conclude is all hearing out of the way of God, though some more, some less; I mean public hearing out of the Church of God; and though some do judge it their liberty and privilege so to do, I must needs confess I cannot so judge: For though possibly glorious things may be spoken, yet what privilege can it be for Saints to hear glorious things, where there is no promise of a blessing from God? and therefore I may say as the Apostle, of speaking in an unknown tongue, I had wrather hear five words from a true Ministry, or in a Church of Christ, where he hath promised his blessing and presence, than five thousand elsewhere, though I desire in a personal way to own and embrace all or any appearance of God where ever I find it, and can upon that account truly say, I do much respect, love, and delight in some who are not yet come up to the true worship of Christ in his Church, but I must be true to my principles, I cannot see how we that are, according to the Gosspel, joined to the Lord, and his Church, by which we hold out to the world a visible profession of his name, and a separation from all false ways of worship which in our principles we judge them who are not rightly constituted with us according to the appointment and practice of Christ and his Apostles to be no other, I say I cannot see how we can meet with them in their public worship, to hear their Ministers, or in any other spiritual duty, but it is a crossing our own principles: As thus, they own themselves true Churches, and Ministers of Christ, the ignorant world knoweth not but they are so, we by our presence being silent do say the same, though in our Judgement we cannot so own them, which is a plain contradiction in our principles; we say they are not Churches and Ministers of Christ, by our practice we say they are, as hath been minded.  
Secondly, As it is a contradiction of our own principles so it hath had such effects, which are too visible, and remains unto this day. I must confess, in my most serious thoughts I have wondered what should be the reason that any in the house of God should desire to be elsewhere: I am sure there is no reason to be given for it, neither from Scripture, nor experience; therefore I conclude, it's either from ignorance, & so persons in their practice cross their own principles and not know it; or else it's from corrupt principles; or else they are overcome by some violent temptations. As to the 1. of these, I trust there are not many in the house of God so ignorant. As to the 2. it is the desire of my soul, that God would reprove & show them the evil of such principles, and recover them out of such snares. As to the 3. Let them take heed lest having put their hand to the plough, and looking back, they become unfit for the Kingdom of God, Luke 9 62. and let them likewise take heed of pleasing men, or halting between two opinions, but if God be God follow him, if Baal follow him, 1 Kings 28 21. This may seem harsh language to some, but I am satisfied that what I have written hath not been from a censorious spirit, to Judge of the final State of any, or to question the grace of God in any, where it doth appear in the least measure, and therefore let none say that because I cannot own any to be true Churches or Ministers of Christ, but such as are in the same order with us, that therefore I say there is nothing of God or Truth in them, or that none shall be saved but ourselves, or that we love none but those of our own Judgement, which if any do so think, or speak of us, it is a very great mistake; for if I may speak for others, as I have already said, I do upon a godly account love, and delight in some who are not in our Churches, and do wait for the accomplishment of those glorious promises when they and we shall have a pure language, & shall call upon the Lord, & serve him with one consent, and when we shall have one heart and one way, and there shall be one Lord, and his name one, Zeph. 3. 9 Jer. 32. 39 Zach. 14. 9 In the mean time, Let none under a pretence of waiting for the accomplishment of such promises as these, grow cold, and indifferent in the great things of God: For none can truly wait for the accomplishment of Promises, but such as do wait in a close walking with God, according to that measure of light received, and so those that have but a little of the knowledge of God, let them follow on to know the Lord, Hosea 6. 3. and let those that are in the faith, earnestly contend for it, Judas 3. and such as are in Gospel Churches, let them stand fast in one Spirit, with one mind, striving together for the faith of the Gospel, Phil. 1. 27. and let every one that names the name of Christ, depart from iniquity, 2 Timothy 2. 19 and those that love the Lord, hate evil, Psalm 97. 10. And as I desire that none may slight, grow cold, or indifferent in the great things of God, under a pretence of waiting for high enjoyments or discoveries, which shall be in the later days; so I desire likewise that none may plead against the Truth, under a pretence of Love, as many do in these days, labouring to confound light with darkness, truth with error, and to make an agreement, where God hath made none. Let such know, that true spiritual love, as it is wrought in the heart by the Spirit of God, so it is bounded within the limits of Truth, Love and Truth go hand in hand; it is so fixed upon God, that it Loves all in and for him; spiritual Love must have a spiritual object, and as the object is more or less visible, so is that Love, it cannot love every thing alike, nay it works as well by hatred of evil as approving that which is good, Psa. 101. Psa. 97. 10. Rev. 2. 6. Psa. 119. 122, 128. It loves that which God loves, and hates that which he hates; it loves the Word of God, the Ordinances of God, and the people of God, and hates all that is in opposition to these, it rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth, 1 Cor. 13. 6. This is true spiritual love, in which we are to receive every truth, and by which faith worketh, 2 Thes. 2. 10. Gal. 5. 6. and I dare affirm, whatever persons may pretend of spiritual love that is not of this nature, it is a mere delusion, and that all that fear the Lord ought to take heed of it.   

The fift Note of Experience, concerning Notions, and Pretended Spiritualities, in which Satan transforms himself into an Angel of light; and how far I was deceived by it, and how the Lord was pleased to recover me out of it.  
BEing now through much mercy brought out of Babylon into Zion, to partake of those dainties which the Lord hath prepared for his people, there Satan, that grand Enemy of mankind, who goeth about like a roaring Lion seeking whom he may devour, 1 Pet. 5. 8. envies my happiness, and waits his opportunity to catch me as a fish in the water, covering his hook with a bait of mystery and spirituality, who though I had escaped him in all his former appearances as a devil, yet now transforms himself into an Angel of light, if it were possible for ever thereby to beguile and deceive me; knowing that those that are so deceived are the fittest Agents to promote his Kingdom, and that many times he prevails this way when he can prevail no other way, drawing persons to that by degrees through corrupt principles, which they would have trembled at the thoughts of before they had such principles; but God was pleased not only to keep me from such things, but also discover to me the way by which persons are brought to such things, that so to the praise of his Grace, I might avoid those ways, and also forewarn others to avoid them likewise. But before I was brought to discover Satan under these veils, by harkening to the voice of the Tempter (in the thoughts of which I desire ever to be humbled in the presence of God) I was deceived and beguiled by him in some particular things, and that after this manner; after we had lived some time in London, walking with the Church, in the practice of the Gospel, it pleased God to remove our habitation into the Country, where we had not that privilege, and after a while, (my Husband being in the Army) it occasioned our often moving into several places, where we found not only particular persons, but whole Churches very much corrupted, owning & practising strange things, though under plausible terms and spiritual pretences, by which a while after they were broken and scattered, leaving the profession of truth in the practice of the Ordinances of Christ, some under one notion, and some under another, so that it was hard to find in those parts one particular person that had sound principles, much less a whole Church where there was a powerful Ministry, and a wise government, by reason of which I began by degrees to be somewhat confused in Judgement; and truly, when I consider those things, and what temptations I was exposed to at that time, I do not wonder I was so confused, but I rather wonder at the mercy of God that I was not swallowed up with confusion, as many were in those days, for though I was weak in principles, and by those things somewhat confused, yet I do not know that in two or three years' time I had received any corrupt principles; but afterward being with a people where Satan had transformed himself into an Angel of light, I think I may say in the highest degree, under terms of Mystery, Spirit, waiting upon God, and such like, by them I was beguiled and deceived in some particular things, though never in the height of that which was practised by them; the particulars about which I was deceived were chief these three or four.  
First, Concerning godliness being a mystery, that it did consist of something within, and not of something without, and and that the Saints were to expect life and Salvation from a Christ within, and not from a Christ without.  
Secondly, that Saints were not to do duties by or from a command without, but from a command within, and that the word Command in Scripture was not a command to them till they had a word within them.  
Thirdly, that as to the time of doing duties they were to wait for the move of the Spirit to carry them forth to it, and this they called waiting for a power, and till they had such a power, they were to do nothing but sit still and wait, and this not only in private duties, but in the Church also, not owning any Ministry by way of gifts or office, but to come together, and there fit and wait till they had a power, and then to speak, whether men or women.  
In these particulars, which carriried such a face or show of spirituality, I was corrupted, but did never fully own them in Judgement, nor practice; and for such principles as (I thought) did lead to looseness, either in matter of conversion, or in slighting the Churches or ordinances of Christ, I did always oppose them, though I believe such principles do naturally follow the others, but I did not then discern it, they being covered over with such Angellike appearances; And as to that principle of waiting, though I did own it in Judgement more fully than any of these other, yet I could neve● come up to it in my practice in private duties, but by reason of some convictions still remaining in me I could not stay so long from duty till I had such a power, but did frequently go to duty when I had it not, though sometimes I thought I had it. But in the presence of others I did not appear in duty, but when I thought I had that power, though I never did so appear but in one place for a short season, in doing which I thought I had communion with God; but I do believe it was no such thing, but a mere Spirit of delusion: First because I know no Scripture-ground for such a practice; and secondly from the consideration of the sad fruit I had by it, for after a little time I began to lose my peace, and was very much troubled, having little or no communion with God, nor scarce any thing to speak to or for God, and so confounded I was in my own spirit, that I knew not what to do, and speaking of it to some, and those not a few, they laboured to persuade me it was a dispensation of God, and that the Saints after they were brought out of Egypt, must be in the wilderness before they come to Canaan, and that the end of God in bringing them there was, that he might speak comfortably to them, and therefore I was not to be troubled, but to be quiet, fit still, and wait, and not to stir the Lord till he pleased; this did not at all satisfy me, but I continued in a very sad condition; and one thing more by the way I cannot forget, and that is, that while I was in this condition, I never was so troubled with temptations as I was at that time; One temptation which I was troubled with many years before, I was kept from until at this time, which now was more violent than at first, as indeed those things naturally lead to such temptations, which temptation is the same expressed in the beginning of the book page 25.  
This was the sad fruit of my straying from the pure ways of truth, which as I desire ever to own with shame to myself, so likewise considering the temptations I was exposed to, and the little means I had to forewarn and keep me from such things, I desire for ever to bless the Lord that I strayed no further; that though in these things I had much forgotten him, yet he was pleased to remember me, and shown me the evil and danger of these notions, and restored me to those former joys that once I had in him, and made that which was intended by Satan to overthrow me, to be of great advantage to me, which he was pleased to do after this manner.  
Having some occasion to undertake a passage on the Sea from London to Newcastle, in which condition it pleased the Lord to reprove me by the raging waves of the Sea, and tempestuous storms, than began my trouble to increase, but not so much from that which was without, as from something within, the waves of the Sea not beating so fast on the Ship, as the waves of temptations did arise in my heart, being in a very much-troubled dissatisfyed condition, not finding my heart willing to submit to God, neither indeed knowing how to behave myself towards him in relation to the present trouble, all which was occasioned by those corrupt principles, being at a great loss whether I should now pray or wait for a power, not being sensible of any other power at that time but what was from the present trouble, to put me upon it; but in this trial I was glad to betake myself to my former principles, the Lord bringing to my remembrance that command and promise, Psa. 50. 15. by which I was encouraged to cry to God, as indeed I could not, nor durst not forbear; for still owning my interest in God, by which I was made capable of prayer, I could not answer that, with such other like Scriptures, as 1 Thes. 5. 17. etc. but yet notwithstanding I was dissatisfyed about it, that notion of waiting carrying such a show of spirituality, I could not easily let it go, but yet this trial had so shaken it, that I did begin much to question it, and also those other notions of the like nature; than it pleased the Lord to bring us safe to Land, through which mercy I had some little communion with God, being able to speak of his goodness in delivering us from that danger, but through that dissatisfaction, which still remained in me about these notions, it was interrupted again, and my beloved had withdrawn himself, and I was very much troubled, not knowing where to rest, nor what to do, but notwithstanding I did begin much to question those things from that trial I had of them on the Sea, yet I was more inclined to them than to truth, for some time, especially to that of prayer, and three or four times after I remember in discourse with some friends I did a little plead for them, which though it was my sin so to do, I did not then know it, but must needs say I did as simply and sincerely aim at doing the will of God in all those things, as ever I did in any thing, and therefore though Satan had so beguiled me, yet I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly; but my trouble and want of communion with God did still increase, insomuch that I was scarce able to bear my burden, and speaking of it to my Husband, who was at that time much in the same condition, I remember, amongst many words he spoke, some were to this purpose, That seeing we were in such a condition, and at such a loss, it was best to speak but little, that as we did but little good, we might do but little harm, which I did well approve of, and after that I spoke little for or against any thing till I was better satisfied; then being so truly in a day of adversity, according to that counsel of the Wise man in Eccles. 7. 14. I sat down seriously to consider what might be the cause of my being in so sad and strange a condition; Through which consideration by degrees I came to see and conclude▪ that certainly there was something amiss in my Judgement as to those notions, beginning clearly to discern they did so oppose and contradict my former received principles, that they could not stand together, but if one was true, the other was false, and that I must leave the one or the other; for though I had received the new, I could never fully quit the old, neither in Judgement nor practice. Then I was restless in my desire for three or four days, to know which of the two were truth, oft times earnestly begging of God that he would decide the controversy, and discover to me which was according to his mind, and which not, being fully satisfied that but one of them could be truth; than it pleased the Lord to put me upon a particular examination what grounds I had in Scripture, and what experience I had of both, & in reading and examining my Scripture-grounds, I began to discern a great inclination in my heart to the former principles, finding (I thought) the Scripture very full and plain for them, but nothing for the other, but what was from some dark mysterious interpretations, which were very doubtful; and for my own experience, I did remember, and was constrained to acknowledge, that in receiving and keeping close to the fotmer, I had joy and peace, and much satisfaction, and communion with God, but since I received the other, the Lord had as it were hid his face from me, and I was filled with confusion and distraction, and the remembrance of that trial I had of them upon the Sea did very much help me now to see the falsity of them, that in a time of trial I durst not stick to them; as indeed I plainly saw that I could never stick to them so as to answer them fully in my practice, unless I should have laid aside the appearance of godliness, & have been very profane: the consideration of which, with some other evil consequences, which I saw clearly did naturally attend those things, was another means by which the Lord was pleased to recover me from them, and to discover Satan under his veil to me, how by these things he did intent, if the Lord had not prevented him, to have stripped me of all my hopes; and in particular as to that of being saved by a Christ within, and not by a Christ without, the Lord was pleased to show me that it was quite another thing differing from the Gospel, and that it was attended with this evil consequence, even to overthrow the whole Gospel, and to deny the Lord that bought them; at the thoughts of which my soul did tremble, and that if he should have prevailed here, all my hopes were gone; for I could not, nor durst not rest on any thing in myself as a ground of hope for life and salvation; but on the other hand concerning my hope in the Lord Jesus Christ according to the Gospel, I could truly say of that as Peter did, John 6. 68 Lord whither shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life, so whither should I go from the Gospel? there are the words of eternal life, there is all my rest and hopes in the Lord Jesus through the Gospel, and therefore I resolved in the strength of Christ to stick to this, and leave the other. Then secondly as to that of waiting for a power to pray, and that there was no command but from within, concerning both these the Lord was pleased to show me that it was not according to his mind, but a mere invention of Satan, by degrees to draw me from my duties, and that it was attended with this evil consequence, even to slight the Scriptures and commands of God, and to expose the Soul to Satan's deceive, to walk by the imaginations of their own hearts, instead of the motions of the spirit, and also it brings the soul into great uncertainties, which the truth never doth; but on the other hand to do duties in obedience to the authority and commands of God in Scripture, and to pray at all times as we have opportunities, having received a principle of grace by which we are made capable of prayer, I saw this was a clear and sound truth, not being attended with any evil consequence, nor bringing the soul into straits and uncertainties, but rather gives enlargements in every condition, and therefore I desired likewise to keep close to these, and leave the other; but oh the joy and comfort that was in my Soul at this return! I cannot express it, but this I say, it was to me as life from the dead. And as I was blessing, praising, and magnifiing the Lord for his unchangeable goodness to me, my Husband, having been some time from me, came home, to whom I did declare my condition, and what the Lord had done for me, who, as I have formerly hinted, was much in the same condition with me, who also declared that he had in a measure received the like mercy, which did much increase my joy. Then I remember he desired we might seek the Lord by prayer, and praise his holy name for these and all his mercies; In which duty the Lord was pleased so abundantly to manifest himself to us, thereby testifying his acceptance of us, that for a while we sat in admiration, neither of us scarce being able to speak for tears; and truly it was such a mercy that I trust we shall for ever admire it, at least in these five particulars.  
First, that God should deal so faithfully with us in relation to his promise, that when we were ready to turn to the right hand or to the left, he caused us to hear his voice behind us, saying, this is the way, walk in it, Esay 30. 21.  
Secondly, that when we were straying from truth, that the Lord should keep us that we strayed no further, that we did not, run to the height of those notions, denying the Churches, and Ordinances of Christ, and blaspheming the truth, as very many did in those times, even denying the Lord that bought them.  
Thirdly, that the Lord should deal so fatherly and tenderly in his restoring of us, that it was not by any extraordinary affliction or chastisement, neither were we at any time a trouble to the Churches, or grief to any Saint I know of.  
Fourthly, that the Lord should be pleased to bring us off so clearly from those things; for many are brought off from them, and yet there is still so much confusion remaining upon their spirits, that it is hard to discern whether they are brought off or no.  
Fiftly, that the Lord should vouchsafe this mercy to both of us, & that at one & the same time; and that at our return he should manifest such a sweet acceptance of us, melting our hearts into tears of joy, to our mutual comfort in the Lord, and in each other; and so that stream of our hearts being now turned from running after lying vanities, the Lord was pleased to re-establish and confirm us every day more and more in the truth, turning this sad (yet blessed) Experience, to his praise, and our great advantage, the remembrance of which I trust shall be a mercy that shall stand us in stead at times of need, whiles we live; which the Lord grant it may be so, to the honour and praise of his great name and our own peace and happiness in himself. Amen.   

Some further Considerations relating to this part of my Experience, it being that which I judge so considerable I cannot omit the reviewing of it.  
AND the Lord grant I may review it daily, so as to have my heart raised to an holy admiration of the goodness and faithfulness of God towards me in it, and that it may always lie as a strong engagement upon my heart to love and obey him in all things, which in consideration of his unspeakable mercy is but my reasonable service, Rom. 12. 1. And as I desire for ever to bless the Lord that he was pleased to deliver me from these deceits, so it shall be my prayer that all the Lords people may be delivered from them, and that the rather, because I am persuaded that errors of that nature are the worst of all others, and doubtless they are the greatest mystery of iniquity that ever Satan had on foot in the world. But because I am not willing to pass my sentence without grounds, and because every thing that is reproved is made manifest by the light, and that which doth make manifest is light, Ephes. 5. 13. I desire, according to that light of truth which God hath given to me, farther to consider, not only in general that those kind of errors are the worst of all others, but more particularly how they are so.  
First, I conceive they are the worst of all others, in that they do naturally tend and lead to the highest degree of evil, and that both as they take with gracious hearts, and as they take with carnal hearts; First, as they take with gracious hearts they do naturally interrupt the souls communion with God, and exposeth it to great temptations, bringing it to straits and extremities, and into the greatest confusion that can be possible, so far as they prevail; and for the truth of this, besides my own experience, I appeal to any experienced Christian if it be not so.  
Secondly, as they take with carnal hearts they lead by degrees to the greatest evil both in a spiritual and 〈…〉 vil sense; for such hear●● not being seasoned wi●● grace, they run from on● notion to another, till they run so high as to stand directly in opposition to Christ and his Gospel: For when they come to be confounded and at a loss in their Judgements, and meet with such Temptations, which those errors naturally lead to, they are overcome by them, and under a pretence of living above Ordinances they deny the Ordinances of Christ, and by degrees the whole Word of God, calling it literal and carnal, ●●d under a pretence of spirituality, blaspheme the name ●f Christ, calling him A fleshly Christ, and so denying the Lord that bought them, 2 Pet. 2. 1. and going against such strong convictions and clear manifestations of light and knowledge, as some have done, doubtless they have fallen into that unpardonable sin expressed in Heb. 10. and so come at last to jeer and scoff at all appearance of godliness; and it makes way for the highest degree of wickedness also in a civil sense, having given themselves up to work all uncleanness with greediness, Esay 4. 19 and so breaking all bonds, though they had escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of our Lord, yet being again entangled therein, their latter end is worse than the beginning, 2 Pet. 2. 20. according to that Mat. 13. 43, 44, 45. When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none, than he returns, and taketh seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there, and the last state of that man is worse than the beginning; he is now far more wicked than ever: this is the nature, and these are the effects of those kind of notions as they take with carnal hearts; and that it is so, I appeal to the times in which we live, if we have not seen it so with many who had escaped the pollutions of the world, and that evil spirit seemed to be gone out of them, and they have made large professions of the power of truth in their hearts, but they are turned with the dog to his vomit, and with the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire, glorying in their shame, and doing that without any reluctancy, which they would have trembled at the thoughts of before they had those notions, and if any should have prophesied such things of them, they would have said as Hazael did to Elisha, Is thy servant a dog that he should do such things? 2 Kings 8. 13. These things considered, is a sufficient ground for me to conclude, that errors of that nature are the worst of all others.  
But secondly, as they are the worst in that they naturally lead to the highest degree of evil, so they are the worst in that they are the greatest mystery of iniquity, so more deceiving than others; that they are so, it will appear, if we consider, first, how covertly, and under how many veils Satan comes in them, beguiling and deceiving with the most plausible, spiritual, Angellike glorious appearances that can be expressed, and as it said of the false Prophets, Mat. 7. 15. They come in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves; so it may be truly said of those notions, they are clothed with glorious and Christ-like appearances, but when we see to the bottom of them, they differ as much from Christ, as a ravening wolf from a sheep: for they do not only beguile and deceive in that they are not what they seem or pretend to be, and in that they do not give what they promise, viz. high lights, glory, perfection, immediate communion with the father, & such like; But as a ravening wolf, so far as they prevail, they devour and destroy by degrees all appearance of good, and therefore the Apostle calls them perverse things, Acts 20. 30. and 2 Pet. 2. 1. they are called damnable heresies, and pernicious ways, and big swelling words of vanity, ver. 18. words that will eat as doth a Cancer, 2 Tim. 2. 17. And because they are so apparently a mystery of iniquity, that is (I conceive) the reason why the Apostle gives so many exhortations, and doth so often forewarn the Saints to take heed of them: for questionless they are the very same errors which are mentioned in those Scriptures, and we may know them to be so, in that they carry the very same badges and marks expressed in those Scriptures, as  
First, in relation to the rise of them, which was not from the false Prophets of the world, but from false Brethren in the Church, and others such like, who professed an opposition to those false Prophets; and the place and people among whom they were most prevailing, was not with ignorant persons in the world, but among knowing persons, and in the Churches of Christ; all which is the very same expressed in the forementioned Scriptures, as Acts 29. with the rest.  
A Second mark by which we may know them to be the same, is in relation to the nature and effects of them, as is already expressed, namely, that persons have been led by them to the highest degree of wickedness, waxen worse and worse till they have been as vile as hell itself, and particularly denying the resurrection of the body, and the Lord Jesus Christ, with the like.  
2. they will appear to be the greatest mystery of iniquity, in that Satan makes use of them to do his greatest works, which is to overcome the Saints, and to encounter with such as have the greatest strength to resist him, and such as have escaped him in all his other appearances, he now makes use of them as things that are most strong to deceive by, as we may remember how exceedingly he did prevail with them about five or six years since in this nation, when it was hard to find one person, much less a whole Church, that was not corrupted with them; at which time was the height of their reign in general, though in some places many particular persons are enslaved by them unto this day; some under one name, some under another; at which time  myself did experience those expressed in p. 113, 114. which I am persuaded I should not have done, had they not been so general, and of such a bewitching deceiving nature; for I can truly say, so far as I did experience them, I was merely deceived and beguiled from an apprehended worth and excellency in them; and as it was with me, so I believe it was with many others, whom the Lord hath recovered from them. But  
Thirdly, they will appear to be of a strange deceiving nature, and so the greatest mystery of iniquity, if we consider, that many of the most eminent Saints in those days were most incident to be deceived by them, I mean the most eminent as to personal grace and qualifications, and as to a strict conversation, though I cannot say as to a sound Judgement, in knowledge and understanding of the principles of truth; for questionless there was something of that nature wanting; for had they been as well principled in truth, as they were really united to truth, they would have discerned Satan at a distance, and not been so deceived by him; and that I conceive was the very reason why so many were deceived in those days: for having been a long time in darkness and ignorance, being but newly brought from under the Bishops and Presbyterian yokes, they were generally weak in Judgement, though (it may be) strong in affection, and so the more easily deceived; like children ready to catch up any thing that hath a glorious appearance, not weighing and considering whether it be really so.  
Another reason I conceive why such precious ones were so subject to be deceived in those days, was from an extreme in minding truth as it relates to the inward man in point of experience, and inward workings; which is in itself very good; but being in an extreme on that hand, Satan took advantage by it, and presented things in a plausible seeming spiritual appearance, beguiled and deceived them before they were ware. We are subject to extremes on all hands; some do mind truth so much in an outward way as it relates to Order and Ordinances, as Baptism, Church-fellowship and the like, that they mind little else as to the end of these; and some are in the extreme on the other hand, and so while they were eagerly pursuing after the mystery of truth as to their intentions, they were beguiled with the mystery of iniquity: much like that of the Jews concerning the Law Rom. 9 3. They sought after righteousness, but did not attain it, Wherefore? because they sought it not by faith: So these sought after truth really as to their intentions, but did not attain it, wherefore? because they sought it not in the way of God; They sought it not in his way as it relates to the Ordinances and commands of Christ, in way of obedience and privilege together, but only as it relates to the inward man by way of privilege; and as the Jews were strict in legal righteousness, so these did not run into ways of sin; neither (I believe) can many of them charge themselves with any sin as that which occasioned it at first, but only weakness in Judgement, not being well principled, and so not having an equal esteem of all truth.  
Another reason why many Saints were so deceived in those days, as I apprehend, was, That they being but newly come to the faith were exposed to great temptations, having but little means of strength against them, it may be far from a Church, or else in a Church where were false Teachers, as in those days there were very many, by reason of which many were deceived; whereas others, who were as weak, if not weaker, being in Churches where there were sound Teachers, were kept from them: which may be a caution, as to particular persons, to take heed what and whom they hear, so to Churches, who they permit to be Teachers, and not to suffer any unsound doctrine to be taught. It may also be a word of remembrance to all that do enjoy this great mercy to have sound and faithful Teachers, highly to esteem them for their works sake, and to account such worthy of double honour, giving them all due respect and encouragement, that they may do their work with joy, and not with grief, according to Hebrews 13. 17. 1 Thessal. 5. 12, 13. 1 Timothy 5. 17. Other reasons may be given for the Saints mistake in those things, but I shall mention no more, intending only my own experience. For I can truly say, that upon a diligent search and enquiry what might be the cause of my own mistakes, I find them to be no other but these very things expressed. As  
First I was weak in principles, as indeed I had never been under much means to be otherwise.  
Secondly, I am conscious to myself of some extreme in minding truth as it relates to the inward man, though truly I know not that I did slight any Ordinance or command of Christ, but that I did rather highly esteem of them; but not to lessen sin, it is possible there may be something of that nature, though I know it not.  
Thirdly, I am sure I was exposed to great temptations of this kind, having little means of strength against them, finding so many corrupted, though through mercy it is better now, that breach being made up with great advantage, for which I desire with all Saints to praise the Lord for ever; for doubtless the Saint's advantage in their enlarged experience and confirmation in the truth is so great by these things that I cannot express it. Again, it calls for praise, that as the Lord hath turned it to our great advantage, so he hath wonderfully disappointed the expectations of the devil, and wicked men, who were ready to say as in Psa. 35. 25. All so would we have it, verily concluding, that though they could not suppress us by their persecuting power, yet now we would destroy ourselves, as indeed we might have so done, had not the Lord prevented; and we may say it was the Lords doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.  
And whereas some by reason of those things have been ready to question our practice, whether it be of God; Let them know, that there is no ground from thence to question it, seeing it is no more than what hath been in those Churches in the Apostles days, and what they did foretell should be in these days, 1 Corinth. 15. 12. 1 Timothy 1. 19 2 Timothy 2. 18. 2 Peter 2. 12. Acts 20. 30. But if it were a safe ground to judge of truth by what hath appeared in relation to those things, than there is more ground of confirmation that what we practise is of God, seeing that notwithstanding those things we have been so wonderfully preserved as we are unto this day; but though these things may be something as to the ignorant, yet yet the rule by which we judge of our practice, is only as it hath its ground and rise in holy Scripture, being built upon the foundation of the Apostles and Prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief Corner Stone: Therefore it hath never been any scruple at all to me; for though some have denied the Churches, and turned their ears from hearing the truth, and have turned to fables, yet the Churches and truth is the same, as God is the same.  
Now as for the grounds or reasons why some of the Saints themselves have so done, I shall say nothing, because, as I said before, I intent no more but my own experience, and through the mercy of God I was never so far corrupted as to question either the Scriptures, Churches, or Ordinances of Christ, much less to withdraw from them, or to give any just occasion to be withdrawn from by them; yet notwithstanding I do not in the least question the reality of those poor souls who have been so far overcome, and are through mercy again returned: and as for such as never return, I shall leave them to be judged by the Lord, who only is the judge of those that are without, 1 Cor. 5. 13. Having thus far considered of these allegorical notions, how they are the worst of all errors, and the greatest mystery of iniquity, in that they are more deceiving than others, promising the greatest good, but leading directly to the greatest evil, and having given some reasons, as I judge, why the Saints in these days have been so generally deceived by them; I shall further proceed to consider what may be the end of God in permitting it so to be.  
First, I conceive it may be in general, that such as were approved may be made manifest, agreeable to 1 Cor. 11. 9 which accordingly hath been; many by those things were made manifest to be approved, though others that were not, have appeared to be what they are. But  
Secondly, and more particularly, I believe the Lord had many good ends in it, both in relation to himself, in relation to them, and in relation to others of his people, it may be some that are yet unborn.  
First, In relation to himself, for the exaltation of his praise, that when they should come to see how great their deliverance was, and what an addition to all their former mercies, they might admire his goodness, and break forth into the high praises of his name, and that all the days of their lives, when this mercy comes into their thoughts. For my own particular I can truly say, that the mercy of God to me in relation to those things, I look upon it as the greatest mercy that ever I received from the Lord, next the manifestation of his Love in Jesus Christ through the Gospel. But  
Secondly, In relation to them so deceived, that they should have enlarged experience of the fullness of God, and of their own nothingness, and of the sweetness and excellency of truth above error, how it doth excel it as far as light excels darkness, and live more upon God, and less upon themselves, in faith and humility, and in the increase of all grace, in more cleverness of understanding and knowledge of the Truth, for doubtless through the goodness of the Lord, who hath promised to do his people good by every thing, they do gain by it in all these in some measure; for my own particular, I must needs say, though I am still but weak, yet through mercy my gain by those things is so great, that I would not be without it, though I desire not to purchase any more at that rate.  
Thirdly, In relation to others, that through their experience, they might be the more able to forewarn others, who may meet with the like temptations; for certainly had the Saints in those days had that experience of Satan's workings in that nature, which now they have, and had the Mouth of truth been so open against it as it is at this day, it would doubtless have prevented much; and therefore by the way I must needs say, I am persuaded it will be a great aggravation of sin, for any to be taken or held by those things when there is so much means to avoid them, as through the mercy of God there is in these days almost in every place. Now the Lord having these and other such like ends in permitting those things, I desire that myself with others, who have experienced them in any measure, may be careful to answer those ends; for doubtless if our deliverance be of God, and that we are clearly brought off from those confusions, we shall answer all those ends of God in some measure.  
In the next place, as to the way and means by which the Lord hath been pleased to recover his people from these things, I shall say little, because I believe it hath been various, some by one means, some by another, as they were in various Conditions; for my own particular I have declared at large how it was with me, only these General heads I shall again remind.  
First, I was brought into great straits and much confusion in Judgement.  
Secondly, the Lord was pleased to withdraw his presence from me.  
Thirdly, Being sensible of that confusion, and want of communion with God, I was put upon enquiry into my own heart, what might be the reasons of it.  
Fourthly, It pleased the Lord to make me willing to be informed, and to examine things by the Scriptures.  
Fifthly, he was pleased to draw forth my heart with much earnestness to seek to him by prayer, which through great mercy was largely answered.  
And thus I doubt not, but by what I have written it will appear that I have not, without good grounds both from Scripture and experience, Judged those things to be the greated mystery of iniquity, and the most dangerous, and worst of all errors.  
And here I cannot but mind something further, as to the continuation of those things, which is, as they are the worst of all others, so their time is short; for according to my most serious observation, wherever they come, and where they continue longest, their rise, reign, and ruin, is all accomplished in a few years; for in a short time generally persons have been so confounded that they have either come to see themselves deluded, and so have turned from them, or else they have run to absolute Atheism, and so ended there.  
I shall now only answer one objection, as to my own experience, and so end this discourse.  
Some have said that I cannot judge of these things by experience, because, according to what I have declared I never had but little experience of them, but only in three or four things, and those I could never fully come up to neither, in Judgement, nor practise, neither could I leave these outward things, which all must leave before they can see the glory of the inward. And those that have not put themselves on such things, but were led to them by the Father, have and do see that glory.  
This Objection hath specious words, but weighed in the balance of the Sanctuary, will be found lighter than vanity, with the rest of the like nature, which, I hope, is already made manifest, only I shall add a few words by way of Answer.  
First, for my Experience as to myself in particular, I confess through the mercy of God it was far short of that which many precious ones in those days fell into, yet I can truly say it was so much as did clearly discover to me the nature and tendency of them all, to be so vile, that I I do not know any thing that ever I did since I knew God that I can own with more shame to myself than those things.  
Secondly, for my experience as to others, I have seen and known that sufficiently to satisfy me, that there is no such glory in them but a mere delusion; but I desire to judge by experience no otherwise than as it hath relation to the holy Scriptures; for though I do very highly esteem of Christian experience as to the operations and effects of truth in the soul, as indeed it is the very life of Christianity, yet as to rule I value one word of Scripture more than all experience, and I am sure the Scriptures will not own them, which are the rule and touchstone by which I desire to try and judge all things; For that which the Scripture sets up, they throw down, and that which the Scripture forbids, they set up; for instance, the Scripture exalts the Lord Jesus Christ in all his Actions, Offices and Ordinances, they set up something else in opposition to this, calling it fleshly, carnal, and outward things, and for the father's leading persons to them, which words carry indeed a seeming show of excellency, but it's a mere delusion, There is no such thing; for the Father and Christ are one, and what was appointed by Christ was appointed by the Father, John 10. 3. & 14. 24. and he doth not lead from his own appointments, but those that continue in them he will love, and he will send his Spirit to them, which shall abide with them for ever, Joh. 14. 16. and the Father and Christ will come to them, and make their abode with them, verse 23. I having already written that which may more fully answer this objection, shall say no more, but desire that all the Lords people may be delivered and kept from such deceive.   

The sixth Note of Experience in relation to Qualifications, the habits of Grace or fruits of the Spirit, how and by what means I have and do daily find an increase or decrease in those things.  
TO make way for me to lay down my thoughts as to gracious qualifications, I shall first consider the several kinds of qualifications, which I conceive may be three, 1. Moral, 2. Legal, 3. Gospel.  
By Moral I mean such as are from Moral dictates merely from nature, Civility, breeding or education.  
By Legal I mean such as are from legal dictates, merely from fear of wrath, without any clear apprehensions of the free grace of God in the Gospel. But here I desire to be very tender, judging that it is possible there may be some seeds of the Gospel sown in such hearts, by which those qualifications may be wrought, though as yet it may not appear, neither to themselves nor others, that they have received the Gospel; this only as to possibilities, for ordinarily it is not so.  
But thirdly, by Gospel qualifications, I mean such as are from Gospel dictates, from a clear apprehension of the free grace of God therein, being constrained from the Love of Christ, and in obedience to the commands and authority of Christ, the soul giving up itself in all things to be like him, such as are wrought by the Gospel and spirit received they and they only are the fruits of the spirit; but as for those other qualifications, persons that are ignorant of the Gosspel, and have not received the Spirit, may be eminent in them which indeed for that they have such a resemblance of the fruits of the Spirit, are great ornaments as to appearance, though as to inward glory they do many times prove miserable ornaments, being props and stays that keep such persons from coming to Christ, and as it was said of the Pharisees, Mat. 21. 31. Publicans and Harlots do enter into the Kingdom rather than they; and this I have experienced, that as to my receiving Christ upon Gosspel terms, there was nothing so hard to me as to lay aside all those qualifications as I have already expressed in my third and fourth notes of experiences.  
Now for the fruits of the spirit what they are, is expressed both in general and particular terms, in general Ephes. 5. 9 the fruits of the spirit is in all goodness, righteousness and truth, more particularly Gal. 5. 22, 23. the fruit of the spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Long suffering, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, Temperance, etc. also there are other things expressed in other terms in Scriptures which doubtless are likewise fruits of the spirit, though I think with submission to better Judgements all others are included in these, whether it be self denial, patience, humility, or the like, These things are excellent ornaments which do adorn Christians in the eyes of men, and do redound much to the glory of God, and therefore very considerable for Saints to press after them by all means.  
I must confess that in the viewing of my own heart I have many times been much grieved to see how short I come in all these things, but especially in some of them, yet through grace I can say I have received a measure of them all, and by experience do know, if my heart deceive me not, wherein I am weak, and wherein strong, and though I am sure in those in which I am strongest I am but weak, considering how I ought to be.  
Now I shall speak a little how and by what means according to my experience, and as I judge according to Scripture rule, these things do increase or decrease in Saints.  
First, I conceive they increase and are strengthened by a close walking with God in all spiritual duties, especially private duties, meditation, self-examination, self-watching, self-judging, self-humbling and prayer, which are indeed such duties, as no hypocrite can truly do, not that these private duties are above public but that they prepare for public, and by these we are acquainted with our own hearts, & come to know wherein we are weak, and wherein strong, what we have received, and what we want, and so how to apply ourselves to God in public and private, for the subduing of such a corruption, or for the supply of such or such a grace, and this according to my experience, as I have walked more or less close with God in these private duties, so is my profit in public duties, and my strength in qualifications, the habits of grace more or less, and I am confident, that such persons as are strangers to these private duties, are also strangers to their own hearts, and will not make any great progress in Christianity; for in the omission of these we are subject to be exercised in things contrary, which do very much interrupt our communion with God, and so weaken the power of every grace in us, or rather weaken the power of grace in all its effects: for these things are not properly graces, but the effects of grace, which are various, and so improperly called graces, as when we do not daily humble ourselves before the Lord, we are subject to exalt ourselves before men, and when we do not watch our own hearts and judge ourselves, we are subject to be judging others, and to watch over them in an evil way, & when we do not daily meditate on those excellent qualifications that were in Christ himself, we are subject to see little loveliness in them, and so having a light esteem of them, not to press after them, whereas we are to imitate him in all these things, according to Mat. 11. 28, 29. But secondly, The habits of grace, or fruits of the spirit do increase or decrease as we do more or less exercise that measure of them already received, and every particular grace is increased by the exercise of itself, and so by much exercise (I mean by daily acts) they do as it were become natural, as it is said of Timotheus Phi. 2. 20. and the exercise of faith doth directly lead us to the fountain of grace, in beholding of which glory of God we are changed into the same image, 1 Cor. 3. 18. there is such a transforming nature in it, that the very beholding of it transforms us into the same likeness, Rom. 12. 2. and I can truly say from blessed experience, that in the exercise of that measure of grace I have received, thus leading me to behold the Lord Jesus in what he hath done for me, I have found it more advantageous for the destroying of corruption and for the strengthening me in those things, than in any other means whatsoever; and the reason why many persons do sit a long time in the profession of truth, and yet continue weak, ignorant, barren, and fruitless branches, it is because as they are remiss in private duties, so they do not exercise that measure of grace received, and so by a heedless, careless, carnal walking, the heart grows carnal, and their is rather a decrease than increase in all spiritual strength.  
But some will say, can any do these things of themselves? and doth not God give grace freely both in and after conversion?  
To which I answer, yea, but in the work of conversion we are passive, I mean as to inward spiritual activity, we can do nothing being dead, according to Ephes. 2. 1. 2 Cor. 5. 14. Joh. 5. 25. not excluding those duties which God requires from all, as hearing the Gospel, reading, etc. through which God hath promised to convey spiritual life, Esay 55. 3. Rom. 10. 17. but after conversion we are active, and therefore commanded to keep ourselves in the love of God▪ Judas 12. To add to our faith, virtue, to virtue knowledge, etc. 2 Pet. 1. 5. with many other such like Scriptures, Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to do any thing as of ourselves, but our sufficiis of God, 2 Cor. 3. 5. who is pleased to give in daily supplies, and in the daily exercise of what we have to give us more, yet all of grace, freely, and so grace for grace, as appears in the 1. of John 6. yet notwithstanding all that I have written, I judge that its possible some Saints may be very diligent in the use of all means, for the subduing of some particular corruptions, and for the supply of some particular grace, and yet not attain it, but God is pleased to withhold it from them, and lest they should be to much exalted, to leave some corruption for them to strive, and struggle with, it may be as long as they live, which for aught I know was Paul's very case 2 Cor. 12. 8. and the Lord may exercise one grace in us by the want of another, yea all by the want of one, not that Saints are without all in their nature, but as to a greater measure in some particulars; and so far as I have experienced, this though I am still subject to suspect my own diligence in the use of means, I can truly say, That God is never wanting in such cases, with supports from himself, saying, my grace is sufficient for thee, my power is made manifest in weakness, 2 Cor. 12. 9 and though sin be in you, it shall shall not reign there, neither shall it have dominion over you, because yea are not under the law, but under Grace, Rom. 6. 11, 12, 1●. I shall say no more now of these things, but beg of God that myself with all Saints may press more after them.   

The Conclusion.  
HAving thus far writtenof my Experience in several general heads, which do include many particular Experiments, I had some thoughts to have written of many other things, but my Book being almost full, I shall conclude with a few lines as to Experience itself, what it is, how, and by what means it is attained.  
There be various things about which persons may be exercised in way of Experience, yet all may be divided under one of these two heads, it's either in relation to the world, or in relation to God; as to that of the World, it's all but vanity and vexation of spirit, Eccl. 1. 14. and he that uncreaseth knowledge in those things, increaseth sorrow, verse 18. and though there may be something of that nature convenient for Saints to know upon a natural or civil account, it's but perishing at best, and therefore too low for them to spend much of their precious time and thoughts about: It's their privilege to have enlarged experience in the great things of God, things that are lasting and durable to eternity; and as godly persons may have experience in some things of the world, so carnal persons may have experience of the deal of God in some things, as to many outward blessings and deliverances by a common hand of providence, in which they do many times so bless themselves, as if they were highly in favour with God, when the Lord knows it is no such thing, but it may be they have their portion in this life, and are delivered from a lesser, to be reserved to a greater destruction.  
But as to Experience from a truesanctified knowledge, or special work of the Spirit of God, they are altogether strangers to it, 1 Cor. 2. 14. its only the privilege of Saints to be eminent in that; and indeed it's a privilege so great, that I desire for ever to bless the Lord that he hath made me, who am so unworthy, in any measure to partake of it; for things merely historical or traditional will vanish and come to nothing, and so far as we partake of truth, not only in its principles as to the understanding of it from Scripture rule, but also in its experience as to the effects and operations of it in our hearts, so far it will stand us instead, and so far do we attain true wisdom, and no farther; and indeed as to the effects and operations of it in the heart, it is the very life of Christianity; yet as to rule for the receiving of any principle one word of Scripture is more worth than all our experience, and as to the avoiding of evil its better to learn that any way, than by the experience of it, for so it's the school of fools; yet wise men have so learned in some things; now according to my understanding, experience is more than a bare knowledge, it is either a begetter, or an effect of knowledge, and hath always relation to some rule, whether it be in natural or spiritual things; if in natural things, it must answer a rule of nature, if in spiritual, it must answer a spiritual rule, and the holy Scripture is that rule, by which all Christian experience must be tried, according to the Lords own appointment, Esa. 8. 20. and all must answer some rule therein expressed or employed; by rule in this sense I mean the Scriptures, declaring the same thing; and as it must answer a rule in itself, so answerable to that knowledge and understanding which persons have in the rule, so is the measure of their experience: For though some persons have much knowledge as to principles, and but little experience, yet none can have experience of that they do not understand, either in a principle before they had that experience, or else they have learned that principle by experience; for (as I said before) all experience is either an effect of knowledge, or by it we learn knowledge, otherwise it cannot be experience; this I mind the rather, because some persons do please themselves with a conceited experience, though ignorant in the principles of truth, when there cannot be such a thing. I must confess I have been grieved to hear such persons speak of their experience, when it doth appear to me, as it is said of some that would be Preachers of the Law, 1 Tim. 1. 7. they know not what they say, nor whereof they affirm, and these are two sorts of persons, first, such as through ignorance of the Scriptures do imagine that to be Christian experience, which doth not answer a rule of Scripture, but is contrary thereto. 2. Such as from corrupt principles will set up their experience above or equal to the authority of Scripture, as to give a being to institutions, or to make it a rule to judge and try all things, yea the very Scripture itself, when both it and they must be judged thereby Rom. 2. 16. There is much corrupt experience in the world, and persons have been as much mistaken in their experience, especially in these days, as in any thing I know, and no marvel, when they leave the Scriptures as to rule & walk by the uncertain rule of their own experience, which many times is nothing but the vision of their own brains; yet notwithstanding the great mistakes of many through corrupt experience, yet true Christian experience is as excellent as ever, and that as I said before is more than a bare knowledge, it is truth brought home to the heart with life and power, by the Spirit of God conforming the soul in all things to the will of God, being united to Christ by faith, and so by it we learn many things; First, by experience we find the word of God daily accomplished in us, and are confirmed in our faith and hope, for experience worketh hope, Rom. 5. 4. by it we come to be acquainted with our own hearts, and are not so easily deceived by them; by experience we learn how to use our spiritual armour, Eph. 6. 12, 13, 14. for offence and defence against the wiles of the devil, not being ignorant of his devises, 2 Cor. 2. 11. by it we learn wisdom as to the exercise of all spiritual gifts, and do know what we have received, and what we want in a measure, and what will help or hinder a gracious frame in us; also by it we learn wisdom as to the profiting by all conditions, and as to the answering of all relations, and in all these persons do many times do that for want of experience, which after they have more, they are ashamed of what they have done; and according to that measure of it which through grace I have attained, I have often thought that a large experienced Christian doth as far excel and differ from such as have but little experience, as a man differs from a child, and may say as job did, I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear, but now mine eyes see thee, Job 42. 5. and because experience is a thing so excellent, every one would be eminent in it, or at least they would be thought to be so, when the truth is there are but few that do take a right course to attain it. Now for the way and means by which it is attained, I shall give my thoughts, 1. I conceive its the fruit of much Christian labour after long continuance in the truth and being 〈…〉 various conditions. But 2. and chief I apprehend it is attained by serious observation and meditation: for though persons may have much knowledge as to the principles of truth, and may continue long in the profession of it, and may be exercised under many changes, yet if they are not serious in their observations, but things come and go with them, and they not regard it, they will never attain to much experience; whereas it may be some that are more serious and observing, that have not been so long in the truth, or so exercised, 〈◊〉 have more 〈◊〉 than they, as some children will learn more in a month than others in a year, but this is not ordinary; for though persons may be long in the truth, and have but little experience, yet such as are newly come to the faith cannot have much, though never so observing; for which cause young Christians are not to be chosen Church-officers, being subject to be soon overcome by temptations; also let young Christians especially, Be swift to hear, and slow to speak, jam. 1. 19 and be more swift to hear than to offer the sacrifice of fools, Eccle. 5. 1. Seeing it is so that Christian 〈…〉 in its place is a thing so excellent, and that the means by which it's attained is by serious observation, I desire with all Saints to give up myself to a serious observation of the deal of God with us in all conditions, that we may not receive mercies in vain, but that we may treasure them up in our Christian experience, having in our treasury things new and old, that we may be ready upon all occasions to bring it forth, Mat. 13. 52. to the glory and praise of God, & to the profit & comfort of our selves and others, as it's our duty so to do, till the coming of our Lord, to 〈…〉 and glory for e 〈…〉