MERCURIUS INFERNALIS; OR ORDERLESS ORDERS, Votes, Ordinances, and Commands from Hell, established by a close Committee of the Devil and his Angels. DONE Neither by Day, Night, nor Order, because neither Time, Place, Person or Order is to be observed in the Infernal KINGDOM.  
THE Copy of this was found in a Chink or Cranny of a Wall in Frier-bacons' Study, By JOHN TAYLOR.  
Printed in the Year 1644.   

MERCURIUS INFERNALIS, Or orderless Orders, etc.  
WE Sultan Satan, Great Emperor of Erebus, Barathrum, Averuus, Acheron, Styx, and Phlegeton; King of Gehenna, Cocytus, Dis, Tophet, and Tartarus; Lord of the Infernal Cimmerian Abyss. profundity of the Sulphurous Limbo, Lethe, and the Stygian Lakes, did long since with the advice of our States and Committees Aslembled, for the enlarging of our Kingdoms and Territories, and the amplifying of our greatness and renown, cause these our Commands to be put in speedy Execution.  
Whereas our Trusty Agents, Messengers, Scouts, and others our ingenious and vigilant servants, have (by our Instigations and Commands) done us great and acceptable Services in Germany for these 24. years, insomuch that that goodly Empire is wasted with Wars, Bloodshed, Famine and desolation; and for that the Kingdoms of Great Britain and Ireland have been these many years in such a happy condition of Peace, plenty, and all other blessings, to the Envy and admiration of all Nations, and to our great grief and Sorrow; for we could not but with shame and astonishment wonder that those Countries and Regions only enjoyed the fruition of Tranquillity, whilst most of the Nations of the world were filled with rapine, mischief, murder and confusion; so that it was a common speech amongst them (in derision of our profound ancient policy and wisdom) to say, The devil's an Ass: which abuses and calumnies coming to the ears of our Infernal Hell-hood, we (in vindication of our honour) thought it high time to bestir ourself to work some vengeance on those refractory people, by sowing and dispersing divisions amongst them in their Churches, and Rebellion to their King. For the Government which they kept, both Ecclesiastical and Civil, was so grievous unto us, that since our first fall from Heaven we had never any thing that tormented us more. In serious consideration of the Premises, we, with the advice of our Trusty Counsellors, & judges, Namely Cain, Corah, Dathan, Abiram, Pharaoh, Achitophel, Rabshekah, judas, Catiline, Sylla, Marius, Nero, Caligula, Domitian, Helliogabalus, Minos, Aeacus, Radamanthus, Machiavelli, Faux, Ravillac, and many of the Turkish, jewish, anabaptistical, Brownistical and jesuitical Clergy, we did (3. years passed) order and ordain, for the breach of the peace in the aforesaid Kingdoms of great Britain and Ireland, these plots, policies and projects following.  
First, we order that some of our cunningest Devils should be sent by our Authority into those parts, who should take upon them the shapes and habits of sincere religious persons, and insinuate themselves, first amongst foolish women, and silly Tradesmen, with huge multitudes of the off-scum rabble of the people. These were all to be persuaded to despise, scorn, & contemn the true settled religion amongst them; To deride and hate all order, decency, and Christian conformity either to the Church, Church-Government, or Governors; To demolish and deface all manner of ornaments, or any thing of Laudable memory, either of Patriarches, Prophets, Apostles, or of our greatest Conqueror and Enemy Jesus Christ. All these things were effectually done according to our command; and for the further increase of our Kingdom of Darkness, we have caused our deadly foes (the Orthodox preachers) to be degraded, dismissed, banished, impoverished, imprisoned, despised, disgraced, starved and murdered, that spoke so boldly and frequently against us and our adherents. And in their rooms we have placed Hypocrites of our own moulding and stamping, who do persuade the people vehemently to our service and liking, and most violently against their Sovereign in Rebellion.  
Secondly, we ordered that because the King was our greatest and Inveterate opposite upon Earth, our new pulpit-men should preach nothing but Sedition, contention, and disobedience against him, and that it should be the loss of their places and Liberty to speak truth, to mention the Belief, or Christian Faith, to read the Lords Prayer, or repeat the ten Commandments, to the end they shall forget to believe in God, or put any confidence in the King: by which two principles or Maxims, there are many thousands come to us, which we did not so suddenly expect: for though we seldom speak truth, yet we must acknowledge that those late good Members at Westminster have done us more service in so short a time then all the Rebels (their predecessors, and our dear sons) have done since the Creation of the world.  
We ourself are endued with much Learning, for we have so much scholarship that we know and understand all the Speeches, Tongues and Languages in the Universe and Universities; and we must with admiration stand amazed at the Loyalty, Integrity, Ingenuity, and policy of those (our trusty Agents) that with such expedition could so soon and so much ruinated their own Country, and so Eclipse the Protestant Religion (which we most hate) that we could not have devised to have given and granted them a Commission that could have so large an extent as they have stretched their political power.  
We confess, that though we were the first Rebel, and the most ancient father of Rebellion, we began it in Heaven; for the which we were thrown down to Hell: we practised it on poor Adam & his Consort in Paradise, we have not, nor will not be negligent to infuse it into all their posterity; yet we must acknowledge, that ourselves and all the rest of you assembled here (our trusty Counsellors) neither could, or ever did accomplish so great a service as the doing these pleasing mischiefs to the Church and Kingdoms of great Britain and Ireland: in which meritorious work they have so far out gone us, and all former precedents, that we must confess old age hath brought us to dotage; and all the Rebels and Traitors since Time began were but slight witted shallow pated fellows to these our sons of England, Scotland, and Jreland, which though we know they cannot continue, and that they must fail and fall in the end, yet (by our inspirations) they will go on; and where they cannot conquer and overcome, they shall attempt to do mischief.  
First, (beyond our capacity or knowledge) the most part of the Members had the subtlety to enforce and affright their Tenants and other people to spend their voices for them in their election to be Parliament-men. Secondly, many who feared them not, were bribed to come their selves and bring their friends to cry aloud, and make a wicked musical noise with bawling out the names of Pym, Haslerigge, with the rest of our sons, the Members. Thirdly, some were gulled, fooled, and flattered to extend their Stentorian voices, not knowing why, wherefore, or for whom. And the first business of these politicians was to work so, that an act must pass that they might sit, vote, rule, and do what they please as long as they list.  
That being enacted, they craftily searched and undermined the opinions and dispositions of all the Members (their brothers) and as many of them as they found or suspected to be Loyal to the King, or true Protestants, those were droven, expulsed, and thrust out of their society, as Malignant persons to the State, and unfit for their company. This being done, they very wittily got all the strength of the Militia into their hands, and withal (by the means of our trusty servants their preachers, and our dear villains the Pamphleteers) filled and possessed the people with lies, fears and jealousies against the King, that he would alter Religion, and turn Tyrant: and these services of theirs were exceeding pleasing to our Graceless Majesty.  
Then because they would have no King, (or keep him they had brought him so low down, that he should never rise) they seized on all his Revenues, his Subsidies, Goods, Lands, Monies, Jewels, Towns, Castles, Ammunition, Ordnance, Navy, Parkes, nay his very Children they took and do keep from him; they forced him from them by Tumults, to seek safety. And also they caused his Queen to cross the dangerous Ocean twice, rather exposing herself to the danger of Winds and Seas, then to remain in hazard amongst them. And this service was much delighting to us, and all our damned Subjects.  
In these employments (Money beginning to be short) and Ireland in Rebellion, they devised a most rare project, to sell their Lands that they esteemed as Rebels there, to as many fools and mad men in London (or any where) as would buy them: of which chapmen they found enough, for large pennyworths were afforded; and Coin came in a pace with avengeance, which was by the Members declared to be for the relief of the oppressed distressed protestants in Ireland; but wondrous wisely they never were relieved with it: for the said Money was employed to more necessary and important uses, as in Rebellion against their King, and spoiling of England, the whilst poor Ireland was left open to Intestine wars and self destroying.  
That Spongy Project being squeezd dry in the press of Rebellion, the Members having no more invisible Land to sell, and cheated fools would buy no more Castles in the Air, or Meadows in the Clouds; then they made a fine thing (like a Puppet) which they called Public Faith, which Faith had more tricks then the famous Hocus Pocus, for though it was never seen, felt, heard or understood, yet (by the imposturing Art of Equivocating Legerdemain) the said Faith did pass with hey pass and repass, as an universal pawn for Millions of money to be lent upon it (in the King's name and Parliaments) to be employed to destroy the King and Kingdom, and to deceive or beggar as many as did put any confidence in that unsaving Faith. And now the People do perceive themselves to be palpable cozened and cheated of their Plate, Mon●y, Jewels, and other goods, they not knowing where to find the pawn, (or the Faith that is publicly engaged for it) the Members having no other way to save their dismemberd Reputations, nor secure themselves from being torn in pieces by the seduced cheated multitude; then they began to levy. Assessments, and weekly and monthly Contributions, with most heavy insupportable Taxations; and though they had made the People believe things against the King, which he never meant, as that he would raise the Dutch Excise upon them, yet they raised the same Excise themselves more than a year before the King did; nor had the King ever done it, but that they began long before him, and showed him the way; nor will he hold it longer than they are Rebels, and necessity requires. But the Members have no other means left now to pay the said vast Sums again, but by Robbing, Plundering, and utterly undoing all the Kings true Subjects, (who are our most opposite, hated, and hateful enemies) that so by Ruinating the good and honest men of their goods, estates and lives, they may pay the Fools and Knaves such debts as are due unto them upon the empty pawn of the Public Faith.  
And (to our further great contentment) they have devised, and enforced upon the People such Covenants of Confusion, such Oaths of Rebellion, and such Protestations of Damnation, that we ourself, with the advice of you, and all our Infernal old and new Councillors, could never have contrived the like for the enlarging of our greatness.  
And for our further contentment, our ignorant Sons, Coachmen, Carters, Colliers, Cooper's, Cuckolds, Tinkers, and Tub-preachers, have sufficiently abused the Scriptures with thousands of various Interpretations and Expositions, whereby many herds and droves of our simple single-sould sons and daughters have sent their threadbare wits a wool gathering, being all most delicately mad in Rebellion against God and the King: yet we must confess ourself to be indebted to some of their learned Pastors and Poets, who have good wits and parts in 'em, but (to advance our service) they deliciously, viciously employed them; such as are Cornelius Burgess, the two Sedgwicks, the poor wicked Case, etc. with our dear sons Mercurius Britannicus, George Wither (the Gull's Darling) and Booker, the Etherial Planeteriall learned Preterpluperfect Asse-trologian, with the rest of our English and Scottish Doves, Scouts, Scoundrels and Lyurnall-makers; we, (by our incitement and spirit of damnable infusion) set them a work, nor will we fail to pay them their wages, for we are sure that never any Rebel or Traitor, or witch or villain, had cause to complain against us for nonpayment.  
Our fear is, that this rare and dear Rebellion will not last and continue as long as we would have it; we doubt the King will prevail, and then our market is quite spoilt: but when all comes to all, and that all comes to nothing, we have provided for our sons (the Rebels) that no worldly want or trouble shall molest them, for we intent to send all or many of them sailing by Land in a hanging Voyage.  
Thus have we, contrary to our nature and custom, spoken truth● but consider it is in private amongst ourselves, we would not have it known to the People; for than it may perhaps be Printed and published to the hindrance of our Cause, and discouragement of our sons the Rebels, to whom we wish increase of wickedness and malediction Eternal.  
FINIS.