nonsense upon sense: OR sense, UPON nonsense: choose you either, or neither.  
Written upon White Paper, in a brown Study, betwixt Lammas Day and Cambridge, in the year aforesaid.  
By JOHN TAYLOR.  
LONDON, Printed in the year, 1651.   

Nonsense upon sense, etc,  
MOunt meekly low, on blue presumptuous wings,  
Relate the force of fiery water Springs,  
Tell how the Arctic and Antarctic Pole  
Together met, at Hockley in the Hole:  
How Aetna and Vessuvius, in cold blood,  
Were both drowned in the Adriatic flood.  
Speak truth (like a diurnal) let thy pen  
Chameleon like, rouse lions from their Den,  
Turn frantic Woolpacks into melting Rocks,  
And put Olympus in a Tinder box.  
Report how Russian Cats do bark like Dogs,  
And Scythian Mountains are turned Irish Bogs.  
Feast Ariadne with Tartarian Tripes,  
Transform great Cannons to Tobacco-pipes:  
Make Venus like a Negro, white as Jet.  
And puffepaste of the tomb of Mahomet.  
Then mounted on a Windmill, presently  
To Dunstable in Darby shire I'll fly:  
From thence I'll take the Chariot of the sun  
And swim to Scotland, and bring news what's done.  
From thence I'll soar to silver Cinthia's lap,  
And with Endymion take a nine years' nap:  
There I'll drink healths with smug faced Mulciber  
At all the twelve signs in the Hemisphere.  
Tush tell not me these things are past dispute,  
I'll from th' Hesperides bring golden fruit:  
Such as the poet's Palfrey Pegasus,  
Fetched from the fertile molehill Caucasus.  
'Tis not the Persian gulf, or Epshams' Well,  
Nor Westminster's sweet Plum broth (made in Hell)  
Can change my resolution; I have vowed,  
To speak with silence, and to write aloud,  
That bulls of Basan, and the Circean Swine,  
Shall all dance Trenchmore at these works of mine.  
Rouse up thou Ghost of Guzman, and apply  
Thyself to me, and let's write Tempe dry:  
Be ruled by me, we'll empty all Helicon,  
In scribbling 'gainst the whore of Babylon;  
The Dunsmore Cowes milk shall make Sillibubs,  
And our Religion shall be brought in Tubs.  
Make haste unto the fair called Bartholomew,  
And thence, from the heroic mongrel Crew,  
Take the fine Gugaw hobby horses all,  
Which we will man, and then a counsel call,  
And conquer Callice, Kent and Christendom,  
Knock down the Turk, and bravely ransack Rome.  
What can be done more? what more can be said?  
Let's play at blindman-buff for ginger bread:  
We'll have a dish of Dabs' in Fish-street dressed,  
And with the Lobsters Lady we will feast.  
For as the Gout is but a pleasing itch.  
The best bear-garden Bull dog, was a Bitch.  
We have both eight, and eighteen parts of speech,  
Whereby I find Ash burns as well as Beech.  
Gargantuas' scull is made a frying pan,  
To fry or follow the Leviathan,  
That Gogmagog, Nick Wood or Mariot,  
Nor Creatan, Miloe, or Iscariot,  
Were not such valiant stomached men as those  
That eat the Devils gouty pettitoes.  
Hark, hark, how from the South fierce Boreas roars;  
Give me a Sculler, or a pair of oars,  
I'll make the Orient and the Occident,  
Both friends at Smithfield in the wild of Kent.  
For now Tom Holders Mare hath broke her Crupper,  
Dress me a dish of AE-dipthongs to supper.  
The Dean of Dunstable hath bought and sold  
Twelve lies new printed, for two groats in gold.  
'tis almost past the mamory of man  
Since famous Arthur first in Court began:  
Yet though King Lud did reign in Troynovaunt,  
Will Summer was no kin to John a Gaunt.  
What news from Trippolie? wat●ho●s there ho:  
The West wind blows South North at Jericho.  
Steere well and steady, boys look look to th' helm:  
Fetch Gooseberries that grow upon the elm:  
Like Cormorants let's live upon the air,  
And of a whirlpool make a marble chair.  
Blind men may see, and deaf men all shall hear,  
How dumb men talk because Cow hides are dear.  
Go to th' Utopian kingdom and relate,  
That to their King these lines I dedicate:  
Bid him take note of me, and understand,  
He hath not such a Poet in his Land.  
Down by the dale with Milk and cream that slowes.  
Upon a Hill (below the valley) grows  
Hungarian Peacocks, white as crimson Geese,  
There sat a Rat upon a Holland Cheese.  
No sooner did blind Bayard see the sight:  
Two beauteous ugly Witches took their flight  
To tell the King of China wondrous news  
How all Scotch Knaves were hanged, and English Jews.  
Th' Athenian Hydra, and the Bird Torpedo  
Were catched in France, in mousetraps near Toledo.  
A Scolopendra coming from Picked-hatch  
Made drunk a Constable, and stole the Watch.  
Do what you can Madge owlet is an owl:  
And Beans with Buttermilk is rare wild fowl.  
The cobbler's daughter, we three both together  
We'll match: he'll give a thousand pieces with her;  
Besides the smoke of Keinsam, and Bell-Swagger,  
Who oft at Mims did use his dudgeon Dagger.  
Then shall the Pericranians of the East.  
South, North, and West with every bird and Beast;  
All Knuckle deep in Paphlagonian Sands  
Inhabit Transylvanian Netherlands.  
'Tis th' only gallant way to gain promotion,  
To squeeze oil from the Cinders of devotion,  
Translate our Roundhead Turnigs into Carrers,  
And turn the lowest cellars to high Garrets.  
Let Neptune be a shepherd, and let Vulcan  
Make haste to Greenland, and there drink his full can.  
Titus Andronicus hath writ a Treatise  
Of molehills in the entrails of Dame Theatis,  
Wherein a man may learn before he looks  
To catch mince-pies, with neither nets or hooks.  
There Policy with practice cut and dried  
Were Carted both in triumph through Cheapside.  
If Monday hang himself, no further seek,  
Henceforward Tuesday shall begin the week.  
No more of that I pray, I am afeared  
There's not one hair upon Diana's beard.  
Great Agamemnon late combined with Hector,  
To preach at Amsterdam an Irish Lector,  
Which shall convert the Horse, the ass and Mule,  
And all the Beasts in Hipperborean Thule.  
If sunshine will with shadows but consent,  
We'll make the winter of our discontent  
To force fierce Crook-back into better tune,  
And turn December's heat to frost in June.  
When this external substance of my soul  
Did live at liberty, I caught wild fowl,  
I was a caitiff in the Court of Spain,  
And played at shuttlecock with Charlemaigne.  
Then I did magnify and mundify,  
Than I the Fairy Queen did putrify,  
And purify again, and dignify,  
All such as did her greatness deify,  
Females did edify and fructify,  
And amplify and coldly gratify.  
The Lake of Learna I did clarify,  
My Verse the Aethiop Queen did beautify,  
With rage my patience I would qualify,  
I can both certify and testify  
How Death did live, and Life did mortify:  
Fear always did my courage fortify,  
He's crafty that his wits can rectify:  
To vilify, make glad and terrify,  
And with course words old debts to satisfy,  
That man, I'll ratify and notify,  
To be one that himself will justify,  
And fie, foe, fum, concludes him with O fie.  
Thus from complexions I have Minerals drawn,  
Brave captain Fumble laid his sword to pawn  
To ransom Jeffery Chausers cypress gown,  
Thersites with a Rush knocked Ajax down;  
Imperious Momus wrote th' Atlantic story  
Of wars betwixt Achilles and John Dory:  
'Twas dedicated to the Isle of Lundy.  
An Emblem ●ight of transit gloria mundi.  
Let not the distances of place molest us,  
Abydos is not forty miles from Sestus:  
As Hero loved Leander I'll agree,  
Though he and she were mad, what's that to me?  
'Tis likely Cleopatra and Antonius  
Met, but saw not the Cardinail Barronius:  
The Capitol, and silken Rack Tarpeyus  
In a Seadan to Lichfield shall convey us;  
And like a wheelbarrow we'll cut and curry,  
And fetch good news from Shropshire and from Surry:  
There is no Eunuch of the Race of Brutus,  
That either can confute us, or cornute us.  
Old Solon was no Jester, nor no Jyber,  
And English Thames is better than Rome's Tiber:  
I took a camel, and to Naples went I,  
Of pickled sausages I found great plenty;  
The Gudgeon catcher there, o'er top'd the Nobles,  
And put the Viceroy in a peck of troubles:  
Brave tag rag multitude of Omnium Gatherum,  
Shuffle 'em together, and the devil father 'em:  
But now and then was squeezed a rich Delinquent,  
By which good means away the precious chink went:  
Renowned was the rascal Massennello,  
In fifteen days he was raw, ripe, and mellow:  
Laugh, laugh, thou whining fool Heraclitus,  
And weep thou grinning ass Democratus:  
The grey Horse is the better Mare by half,  
The Bull at Bear-Garden, and Waltham's calf  
Are reconciled, but not concluded fully  
Who pleaded best. Demosthenes or Tully:  
I am indifferent, fill the other can,  
Logic hath Art to make an Ape a man:  
I weeping sing, to think upon the Quibblins  
twixt Roman, and imperial Guelphs and Giblins,  
How Munster's John a laid, and Knipperdoling  
Were barbarous Barbers in the Art of poling.  
From sense and nonsense, I am wide, quoth Wallice,  
But not so far as Oxford is from Callice:  
Give me a Leash of merry Blades, right Bilboes,  
True tattered Rogues, in Breech, Shirts, Skirts, and elbows,  
And each of them will make a fit disciple,  
To ride up Holborn to the tree that's triple.  
A man may think his purse is turned a Round-head,  
When all the crosses in it are confounded:  
'Tis said that Poetry a thriving trade is,  
And gets a world of wealth from Lords and Ladies,  
The devil they do, false shameful loon thou liest,  
And when thou canst no longer live, thou diest.  
Lend me Rhamnussnes Flanders blade, I'll lash  
The sober centaurs, turn great Oaks to Ash:  
A long devil's broth, be sure you bring a spoon,  
Our mornings shall begin at afternoon;  
And Minos, Aeacus, nor Rhadamantus  
May roar and rant, but never shall out rant us.  
As we are temporal, let's be temporisers,  
We scorn to be surprised, we'll be surprizers:  
Let's make grim Pluto stink, the welkin rumble,  
And Hollophernes bluster, Now and grumble,  
Rending up mighty thistles by the roots,  
Because an ostler stole away his boots;  
Then with á multiplying galley pot,  
I'll know the projects of the crafty Scot;  
And then he shall be forced to hide his head  
In Tenebris, in Poland, or in Swead.  
Fough, this Tobacco stinks; thou dirty Hag  
Abato fair, I'll put thee in a bag.  
Search Asia, Africa, and America,  
To find the goddess Berecinthia,  
And know how Pirramus and Thisbe fell  
Together by the ears, late in Bridewell.  
Words are but wind in term time, but vacations  
Are fit to publish silent Proclamations.  
There was a business never understood,  
The woman's suit in Law was just and good:  
She lost the day, this did her cause disgrace,  
The Lawyer put some ill into her case.  
Before I'll live this life, I'll take a Knife,  
And drown myself, and than what needs a Wife?  
Strange things are done by art and human power:  
Quinborough Castle landed near the Tower.  
Much like a prodigy old time played Rex:  
A Kentish Castle came to Middlesex.  
May not a man called Newgate dwell at Highgate,  
And wed a widow at the pie at Algate?  
Therefore let us like or dislike Presbytery,  
It will work finely, if it once besquitter ye.  
Bring me a Salamander from Surat in France,  
The Alps and the Pirenian hills shall dance.  
In Greenwich Parke there smiling Nioby  
Shall laugh and lie down like an Oyster pie.  
Fame is a lying slut, she told me tales,  
That in October Christmas came from Wales:  
Believe it, take the wings of Icarus,  
And walk to Hounsditch, and to Erebus,  
There tell them plainly how the case stands here,  
And bring us word how matters do go there.  
Unto the Market I'll run presently,  
And there a peck of troubles I will buy,  
One told me they would multiply and grow;  
All England with them I will plant and sow:  
Which, as they ripen daily I'll take care  
That every living soul shall have a share.  
I'll serve myself first, and I'll have such store  
In time of need to serve a thousand more.  
But I forget my theme, O soul offence!  
This nonsense hath a taste of too much sense:  
The ass, Goose, woodcock, Buzzard, and the Gull,  
Beat out their brains, and put them in my scull;  
And tell the men of Gotham 'tis thought fit  
The Wise men there should lend me all their wit.  
For nonsense I will tax all Christendom,  
Great Emperors and Kings shall pay me some.  
And many a Major, or Justice of the Peace  
Will give me Tribute and the Tax increase  
To such a height, that Cardinals from Rome  
Cuckolds and Constables shall pay me some:  
Strong Hull, with fata I Hell, and Hallifax,  
Shall naturally bring me toll and tax.  
The mighty stock of nonsense I will win,  
Shall be the universal Magazine  
For Universities to work upon,  
The rich Philosophers admired Stone;  
Then I make Poetsrich, and Us'rers poor;  
And thus resolved, at this time write more.   

This Dedication is humbly directed to a living man, quartered into four Offices, (viz.) a Scavenger, a Beadle, a cobbler, and half a Constable.  
To the high and mighty Davidius Vulcanus, Duke and Dominator of the dunghills, and absolute, resolute, dissolute Scavenger of the town and Territories of Gravesend in Norfolk, great Master and Baron of the Wheelebarrow, the only Farmer, Transporter, Lord of the soil, and Privy searcher of all Mixens, and Muckhils, simple or compound, in the Liberties aforesaid. Cleanser, clearer, and avoider of the most Turpitudinous, Merdurinous, excremental offals, Muck and garbage. Refiner, Purger, Clarifier, Purifier, Mundifier, Excluder, and Expulser of Putrifactious and Pestiferous Contagions; the Potentissimo, Excellentissimo, Invader, Scatterer, Disperser, Consumer and Confounder of offensive unsavoury savours, smells, scents, and vapours: Great Soldan, Sultan, and Grand signior over all varieties of stinks and stinkards; most Triumphant Termagant, unresistible conqueror and Commander of the major and minor (the great and the less) Turditanians, chief corregidor and Beadle of all the Precinct, sole Transplanter, Terrifier, controller, and Corrector of beggars and Vagabonds. The terrible Hue and Cry Cryer, chief Court Cryer, jail-keeper, and only confiner of the Hogs; chief and most frequent vigilant Watchman, demi Constable, and Image of Authority, the most accomplished cobbler, exquisite Translater, and exact Reformer of oppressed, decayed, wicked and oppressed seals: And the only justiciary rectifier, underlayer and setter upright of such Brethren and Sisters, as do go aside, and tread their foot awry in these days of vanity, and paths of iniquity: In hope (Great Sir) I have not abated you of the least tittle of your Title, your honourable stile being so high, that no Christian, Pagan, Heathen, Turk, Jew, infidel, Cuckold or cannibal, can never climb to the top of it, there being a late report that your multiplicity and many affairs of State have distarbed your rest, and impaired your health, insomuch as it is thought your pericranion is crazed or cracked, and you thereby in danger to fall into a Callenturian disease, which is to be doubted may produce a Vertigo in your head, whereby your wit may be troubled with a superfluous flax, which may prove a molestation to yourself, and the whole town, that hath in itself, and in every place round about it, more troubles than they can well bear. But if their hard fortune should be, that when you are working to your own Ends, and that you should call for your awl, and Death should mistake and bring you your Last, whereby such a privy member as yourself might be publicly lost; it is feared, grief would overflow the whole town, and that some of the townsmen (with the help of their Wives) would run stark horn mad: To prevent this great detriment of such a loss as that town may undergo in this time of scarcity of wit, wisdom, and wise men; for fear you should fall into the dangerous diseases of the Mubble-fubbles, or the grumbling in the Gizzard: Therefore (10 drive away dumps) and to give you some Recreation, I have made bold to present your greatness with this Dedication, which if you will vouchsafe but to read and understand, and in so doing you shall do more for the Auhour, than he ever was, or shall do himself.  
J. T   

Allandro pasqueto Mallatrumpa entangrino liuroe.  
ILvento Chioli, Mauritambull Teda fulgare,  
Antro della campo il Danto Cordi sublima  
Pantathos, stremo standina eschine vandri  
Bene in shendo, tercia penthe dissadi.  
Mecrops, Sans sida vocifera Randa Bavinea,  
Allatendrea quanto, Eltrada Pizminov venta,  
Mega Pollimunton, Theorba quasie qaicunque  
Tripolina typhoon, Quabacondono sapho.  
Terra tragmus sophy, sunt diacalcitheo Geata.  
Avostre Obserdandi Zhean De Fistye Cankie De Sallamanca Andalowsia.   

Or thus you may English it, in the transcending praise of the author, and his book.  
TIll Phoebus' blustering blasts shall cease to blow,  
And AEOLUS shall hide his radiant rays,  
Till Vulcan's Forge be framed of Scythian Snow,  
And NEPTUNE like a shepherd spend his days;  
When Saturn shall sell mousetraps, and allow  
MARS to sing madrigals, and Round delays:  
Then shall thy book and thee be out of Date,  
And scorn the fury of consuming Fate.  
To your worthiness in all Observance Devoted. John Defistie Cankie Of Sallamanca in Andalusia.  
FINIS.