A preter-pluperfect, Spick and Span New nocturnal, or Mercury's Weekly night-news; wherein the public Faith is published, and the Banquet of Oxford Mice described.  

Saturday night.  
I Would have the Reader to understand that nightwork and day-work is not all one, and as our London Diurnals (although the Writers of them have daylight to see to write truly, yet for all that they do often stumble into most gross errors, which some are so bold as to call very lies: therefore myself that am fain to grope in the dark, (or at the best in the Moon shine) I hope, if I chance to ramble a little at one side now and then, it may be imputed to the darkness of the Times wherein it was written, and that want of eyesight caused oversight; and whereas we begin our Diurnals on Mondays, and Oxford news begins on Sundays, I must be contrary to them both, and begin on Saturday-night, as followeth;  
This Night (without any vain flourishing, lying, or Whartoning) there happened a very strange accident at Oxford, where near the upper end of the butcher's Row, within a quoytes cast of Carfax, there dwells one George Chambers a Stationer or Bookseller, who since these distracted Troubles hath bought and sold many Pamphlets of divers and contrary subjects; some of them being of His majesty's part, and printed at York, and at Oxford; many of them were of the Parliament party, and printed at London, so that there remained unsold in the said Shop of such sorts (as were stale and past sale) to the number of 160, or thereabouts; these small Trifles were laid one upon another confusedly (like a pack of cards shuffled together) so these Books were intermingled together, friends and foes, truths and lies, all in a heap, one amongst another, tied in a bundle with a packthread, the Owner intending to have every sort of them bound by themselves afterwards. All these Divisions being thus accorded with a cord, (or parcel of hemp, which will end all Divisions) were laid upon a shelf in the Shop; to which truss, fardel, Magazine, mass, or Chaos of Confusion, an army of Mice came (on the Saturday Night) a Book-haling, where they valiantly assaulted this bulwark of books, playing the pioneers part so valiantly, that with tooth and nail they entered the papyreall Suburbs, and never left undermining till they had made way, tyrannically tearing through the Territories of that Babel, gnawing and eating their passage with their sharp fangs, (as Hannibal did eat his way through the alps with vinegar) many of them being almost choked with eating of three Words, only Cavalier, Malignant, and Delinquent, the frogs of Egypt never had such a Banquet in Pharaoh's Court, it would trouble Vitellius his purveyors, Heliogabalus his clerk of the kitchen, or Sardanapalus his Master Cook to have made the Bill of fare, provided the acates, or dressed the Diet, the several Dishes were as followeth. (I pray you pardon me if I err in the manner of the service, for (it was night and no order was kept in the eating) but to the Diet, of which were all these several Dishes following.  
These valiant Vermin fell first upon some famous Volumes, namely Plain English, the Observator, Mercurius Civicus, the Continuation, Sir John rays eight Speeches, Master Prin's 19th and last Volume, Master Speakers Parallel between a Parliament and Wife, sergeant Wildes Argument for a new Great Seal, Sir Simon Dewes his Revelation, Master Callamie his purgation of perjury, M. Martial his Letter (written to himself and devised by himself) M. Pym's deliverance from the dangerous Plague plaster, (which indeed was by his own device taken from a galled Horse back) after that the Mice began to nibble at Sir Benjamin Rudiard's Speeches, but finding them lukewarm (too cold for the King, and too hot for the Parliament) they left them, and fell to anticavalierism, than they fell to feed upon Queres, Mistakes, fears, jealousies, Malignancies, Doubts, Orders, Ordinances, Votes; these they assaulted, and quickly made spoil of. Then there were many printed books, wherein His majesty had Declared His Gracious intention to all His loving Subjects, as Expressions, Declarations, Exhortations, Admonitions, Protestations, Imprecations, Proclamations, Demonstrations, and of all these the Mice would not eat one bit, but courageously they fell upon Remonstrances, Letters, Messages, Passages, Treaties, Animadversions, Exprobrations, Exclamations, Objections, Questions, Answers, Replies, Replications, Reduplications, Quadruplications, Detractions, Distractions, Rebellions, Intelligences, Observations, Decrees, Orders, lies, Libels, Diurnals, Execrations, Resolves, proofs, Disproofes, Extravagancies, Delinquencies, Cases, Causes, Clauses, Articles, (all this while they touched not any Book or Paper that concerned the King, or wherein any thing was expressed either for His majesty's Service or Honour) Then afresh they fall to't again, gnawing and knabbling, briefs, Breviates, Approbations, Amplifications, Transcriptions, Massacres, Petitions, Repetitions, Declamations, Supplications, Reservations, Degradations, justifications, Manifestations, Declarations, Molestations, Condemnations, Advertisements, Remembrances, Pamphlets, Sermons, Seditions, Fights, battles, Skirmishes, Suspicions, Submissions, Triumphs, Firings, Plunderings, Advices, Intelligences, news, Expositions, Propositions, Impositions, Transpositions, Acquisitions, Depositions, Suppositions, Compositions, Inquisitions, Commissions, and the devil and all; some books also of Irish Rebellion were devoured as they had been Shamroys. Amongst which these remarkable Passages, there was one invective railing Pamphlet (written by a nameless author) against Crosses, and any signs, Figures, or Remembrances of any manner of cross whatsoever; upon which crosselesse, untoward, overthwart Book the Mice fell in such curious manner that they gnawed it some four inches down the back, and as much on the foldings of the head, just into the perfect form of a cross, almost as even as if it had been cut with a knife, which is a prediction that the very Vermin will rise against these villainous scandalous Pamphlet-mongers, and knabble their damnable Inventions, some all to tatters, and some into the forms and fashions of such laudable Figures, which they have railed against. These were the varieties of Dainties that were spoiled, devoured, sacked and ruinated at this banqueting battle; amongst which Viands three of Master Pym's Speeches were mistaken by the Mice to be kissing Comfits, marmalade, and Suckets, (for in sent and taste they were as sweet as Sugar Carrion) but though they were delicious in the palate, it was found (by woeful experience, that no ratsbane could be more poisonous, nor any venom more baneful in operation, which is an emblem that though Mice are common pilfering Thieves, and do maintain their straggling commonwealth only by stealing, yet when they grow so audaciously impudent that they dare to feed upon Treason (though it have a pleasant smack) yet it choked them, and proved their bane, for many of them died, and it is certain most of them are destinated or bewitched like Traitors to be catched in a Trap, or fall into the claws of the Cat, as conspirators, and wicked treacherous Rebels will drop into the hangman's budget: but the Day begins to dawn, therefore I'll give over till soon at Night: yet one thing more which was almost forgotten, there were two of tailor's books in the bundle which the Mice touched not, the one was entitled New Preachers, New, and the other was a sweet well favoured Sermon upon Tobias and his Dog.   

Sunday Night.  
THis Night was very zealously consumed by the Brethren and holy Sisters, till between twelve and one of the clock: amongst the flock there was a devout Gentlewoman (one Mistress Fumpkins a porter's Wife in Pudding Lane) who made a short Repetition of almost four hours, upon Master Woodcock's Lecture the New-English Teacher at Laurence Church, at Laurence Lane end near Guildhall, quasi All guile, where true lie, very lie, she did exceeding lie, lay open lie, how zealous lie, fervent lie, ardent lie, and persuasive lie, he had encouraged his auditors, vehement lie, to continue constant lie, obstinate lie, rebellious lie, she said the Gentleman did sweat out most delicate Doctrine, and that he laboured like a Thrasher, and belaboured the Pulpit and Cushion extreme lie, telling them that if they had not given Money or Plate towards the Cause, or laboured with the shovel, Spade, or Barrow, for the raising of the Defensive (most Offensive) works and Fortifications to keep out the army of Protestants, Malignants, and Cavaliers, if they had done neither of these good Actions, they were not in the state of Grace▪ or if they had not or would not hazard their Estates and Lives, to oppose, cast down, destroy, extirp, and depose all kingly Government, all Church Order, and decency, all laws and authority, all obedience and loyalty, all Christianity, humanity, and civil society, that if they had not put any, or all of these virtues in practice there was small hope of any goodness in them, or any happiness to befall them.  
When this good woman had finished her godly Repetition, there was wine in bottles, & cheer in bowls brought in, which the whole assembly fell upon religiously, consuming all in the way of Edification.  
The rest of the Night was spent with great diligence and study, in devising who and where to break open and rifle the Houses of such as are doomed or condemned as Malignants, the purchase so gotten (whether it be Money or Goods to be sold) the High and mighty, Magnificent Quartermain, the great Plunder-master general. His Fee is three pence in the pound, for all the pillage so lawfully taken, and it was affirmed, that at that rate his veils amounted to fifteen pounds in one day. Thus hath he raised his Trades from one degree to another, from a brewer's clerk to a Preacher in a malt-floor, and from a preacher to a most valiant Brownisticano, Plunderissimo, Generalissimo.   

Monday Night.  
ON Monday Night, about six of the clock in the morning, the Sun being two hours high, there were Letters (with some words in 'em) directed from a trusty hand in Oxford to one Cut-beard a Barber in scalding Alley, one of which Letters contained briefly that the Cavaliers are in mighty distress, and the colleges in much want: but you must understand withal, that they want neither meat, manners, Ammunition, or courage; and yet their case is lamentable, for since the taking of the saucy Town of Teuxbury by the Parliament Forces, Mustard hath been at a greater price than beef at Oxford; also their misery is to be pitied (if they were not Malignants, Delinquents, and true Subjects to the King) for if there chance to come into the Market three hundred or more of Salmonds in a day, besides other fish and flesh in abundance, yet their poor & wretched estate is such, that it would grieve any tender heart to see what shifts they are fain to make to get vinegar so that it is manifest that our happiness doth exceed the Malignant party in all places, for we have a great deal more sauce than meat, and more meat by half than manners.  
This Night it was Ordered, that no Butter-women should come to the city with any Butter marked, printed, or moulded with any forms of Crosses, upon pain that all the said Crosses should be demolished and melted, for the use of cooks and Schul-boyes, & such like contemptible destructions; for it was wisely taken into consideration that such Crosses were as dangerous and papistical, as the cross in Cheapside, or the Crosses upon the ends of Saint Paul his Church, or any other Crosses whatsoever, they being by the judgements of the wise and opinions of the Godly held to be marks of the Beast, Roman badges, superstitious, Antichristian, idolatrous and abominable, only such Crosses are allowed and beloved as are upon any manner of money, whether it be Papist or Protestant Princes coin, the matter is indifferent.  
It is to be conjectured, that all the cross ways in England must be made round, & that no tailor shall dare to sit crosslegged upon pain of being plundered, for sitting superstitiously, and his Hell raked and ransacked of all his true and lawfully begotten relics and Remnants.   

Tuesday Night.  
THis Night three hundred Dragooners brought two old seditious and wicked Ministers out of Gloucestershire; It is said they durst not only presume to pray for the King openly, but also with all vehemency exhorted the people to obey, love and honour Him, according to the rules and commands of God's Word and the laws of the Land; they were likewise taxed and accused for most wicked seducers of their auditors to sue and seek for peace, and to be constant in the protestant Religion; and further, they denied to give any money to raise or maintain War against His majesty and the Orthodox Doctrine established: also it was proved against them, that they persuade many others to the like loyalty and obedience: one of them was so bold as to preach against Rebellion, and cited some authors for what he said, he quoted Casaubon, and Casaubon quoted Suetonius, that it was recorded that Brutus, Cassius, Cymba, Cas●a, and the rest of the conspirators against Caesar did all kill themselves with their own weapons which they wounded Caesar withal: upon this he made application to these Times, and persuaded the people to take heed, and never to dare to lift up their hands against their sovereign, for fear of the like or worse judgement to fall upon them. For which rebellious and distasteful kind of Teaching they were committed to several prisons, there to lodge amongst their fellows, whilst their Cattle must be seized, their Benefices suspended; it is much hoped that Master Green the Feltmaker near Bridewell, or gun the preaching Cooper hard by the Bear-garden, or Carbrain the Anabaptist Dier on the back side, shall have their places: their Families turned out of doors, their Houses rifled and ransacked, and their Goods carried to Plunderers Hall, there to be sold for the supportation and furthering of the good Cause, and themselves (for examples and terror of others to remain in gaol till such times as they have learned better manners.  
It was also Voted this Night, that no man or woman should be capable to receive, have, hold, or keep, either goods, lands, meat, drink, apparel, or any manner of necessaries whatsoever, except the said parties shall have the gaining & possessions of the said necessaries, either by the means of credit, ready money, love, or by the new made true and lawful way of stealing and plundering.  
Moreover the said Tuesday Night the Garrison at Wallingford (being all Carosists, Royalists, and Cavaliers, are in such distress that Radishes and Onions are exceeding scarce, and (to their further grief) Oranges and Limmons are dearer to them than to us, so that all manner of meats are like to be in good request amongst them, their best and only sauces are stomach, pepper and salt.  
Also this Night was brought from Brainsford to Queenhithe that the Malignant party did oppose his excellency, and that they would show themselves the Benignant party, for the service of God, their King, country, and the Protestant Religion, and that we the true anabaptistical, brownistical, and zealous Reformers shall be as opposite to the Truth as the Truth is to us, which was Voted. Also this Night, there were papers found with some scribblings written by nobody, wherein our London new bulwarks, Rampires, Trenches and works were abused with nicknames, as they called our Fortifications but Twentyfications, and our bulwarks, Cow-workes, because the women made them, but they said, the men were only for the rampires. It was also Voted that (by reason of fears and Jealousies that the Cavaliers would come and plunder the city) in policy the people should be all plundered by the Parliament Forces, so that if the Cavaliers do chance to come, they shall find nothing to take away, for we have a purpose to consume all by this kind of stratagem of robbing one another.   

Wednesday Night.  
THis Night there were Pamphlets scattered, one of them was concerning Squares and Rounds, the author of Square-dealing was one Homo Quadratus, the other was Non Angulus Rotundus, wherein some worthy Citizens of Oxford were both taxed and vindicated, namely, T. Gol. jack of all Trades, W. G. a diligent zealous brother in warning and meeting at holy Conventicles, with many others meritorious brethren and sisters, who have forsaken Oxford, and their King, Religion, and allegiance, who now suffer worthily for their holy Rebellion, as the Book of Homo Quadratus, doth most abusively and truly deliver and lay open.  
Also there came from the press A New Learned weak Description of Weekly news; it was so acute that it did cut and curry the Cavaliers, in such fearful fashion, that a deaf man would rejoice to hear it, this Volume of one sheet was called Mercurius Civicus, the author never wrote before that time, and died in his first Week of his Travels; it is said by the Malignants, that he was most unfortunately choked with seventeen neat and palpable lies, which he had carefully invented, and inserted in the said Book for the credit of our army, he is worse than dead, for his reputation is buried with this Epitaph, Here Mercurius Civicus lies in his throat; for we are resolved to believe any thing that makes for the advancing of our Cause, and likewise we suppress and politicly give no credit to such news or Losses as do make against us; in brief, we have lost a profitable Member by the death of this painful author, but hang him, it is reported, that he is alive again, or the devil in his likeness; however, it is to be conjectured, that he that was so nimble to abuse and tell the Malignant partieso roundly in one week, no doubt but if he had lived longer he would have banged them back and side, beyond all belief and credit.  
It it (almost) certain, that Bruno Combertus the High and mighty Emperor of Aethiopia, and Quoba Cond●na Pheodorwich the puissant King of the large Territories of the invincible and invisible Utopia, it is said, that they are both in our Narrow Seas with a thousand ships, galleys, sloops, and other Vessels for the War, they have brought two thousand tons of Gold, Silver, precious stones, and some Hangings, they are come to aid us against the Rebels that obey the King, they have brought five thousand Pieces of wooden Ordnance, powder more than can be counted, or to be spoken of, and shot beyond reckoning, with all other necessaries for War or Peace, they were feasted bravely aboard our admiral; and they will be ready to give battle at Brumingham, as soon as ever the waters are high enough to bring the ships thither.  
News came this Night, that the author of a seditious Pamphlet was taken at Lewis in Sussex, It was a Book wherein was declared the goodness and happiness of the King, that (beyond all example or record) in 15 years' reign had not any Nobleman, Gentleman, or any Subject that arose against him in any way of opposition or Rebellion, so that the Sword of Justice had no occasion to be drawn to cut of Treason (a blessing unparalleled in this Kingdom or any other for so long time) till now; & the Book said further, that when Augustus Caesar reigned, our Saviour was borne, and that the Emperor was Monarch of all the discovered kingdoms of the World, and that Peace was then over the face of the whole Earth, which whole Earth Augustus commanded to be taxed, Luke 2.1. Shortly after there was raised a Rebellion in Spain, (by an army of Thieves) under the command of one Crocotus (a mad, harebrained, desperate, ambitious fellow) This Crocotus with his crew troubled Caesar, and committed many outrages upon peaceable people; and to suppress the Rebellion the Emperor caused Proclamations to be set forth, that whosoever could vanquish the Rebels, or take their general Crocotus and bring him alive or dead, should have twenty five thousand crowns for his service, and pardon withal for any former faults committed: as soon as Crocotus heard of this Proclamation, he began to fear that some of his own soldiers would cut his throat, or surprise and deliver him to Caesar, for so great a reward as was proclaimed; upon which consideration, he wisely disguised himself, ran away from his army, and fell at Caesar's feet, claiming the benefit of the Proclamation, for he had brought Crocotus alive, and so revealed himself, and was received into grace and favour, mending his manners contrary to all expectation.  
The application of this story was, that it was desired that every offender would imitate Crocotus.   

Thursday Night.  
THis Night much Time was spent in drink, smoke, and talk, at the sign of the Man in the Moon without Dowgate; where after some half a score rouses, every one began to talk of that which they had nothing to do withal, amongst the rest one ignorant fellow was bold to ask what manner of thing the public Faith is, and what the reason is that it is laid to pawn for Money everywhere, but (that which made him most wonder was) wherefore any one man would be so mad as to adventure to lend any thing upon it, (except upon especial good and lawful grounded Reasons) therefore he desired to be satisfied ●●wne●, his kind of public Faith is, and how far 〈◊〉 powe● 〈◊〉 it may extend. To which most saucy and treacherous 〈…〉 lea●ed and worthy wellwisher to the Lowest Uppermost House replied, as followeth:  
My small Friend (quoth he) I will tell thee briefly what this new public Faith is, it is called public because it is common to all, and hath community in all, and to take away, waste, and consume all; it is general, Catholic, and universal, not peculiar to any man, particular not private to any person, there is no man hath any propriety in it, more than he hath in his goods and lands (as at this time the case is) so that it is neither Thine nor Mine, but every man's; it hath absolute power to borrow money, and to force unbelieving people to be exceeding desperate creditors; and whosoever is so wickedly minded as to presume to deny or delay what the public Faith demands, such refractory persons must be robbed (of all they have sometimes) some have been so bold as to call it plundering, but instead of the word stealing, there is a pretty nickname given to it, called seizing; for this strange Faith hath that invisibility in it, not only to tolerate Thiefts and Rapines, but to allow Burglaries, felonies, Murders, Rebellions, (and some parcels of Treasons) to be no breach of laws, and to lay all unruly persons in prison as will not be contented quietly (without grumbling) to be rifled and undone. It hath likewise power (with the fame extorted or stolen goods or moneys taken) to raise War▪ to transform Colliers into captains, Broken Merchants to colonels, trade fallen Tapsters into tyrannical rodomontades, and these brave Man-divells shall be the Leaders of such Troops of unresistible, unconquerable Mirmidones that shall enforce all men to the obedience of the public faith.  
This Faith, is neither Protestant, Lutheran, Calvinist, Papist, or any kind of Christian Faith, The Turk hath no faith to follow it, or the moors to follow it, it is a faith that is full of works, (whereby it is notoriously meritorius) and commonly it doth no harm to bad men (for it leaves them to the judgement of another world) it only by afflictions tries the virtuous strength of their patience, as do desire peace, and to be obedient to their sovereign, and would willingly live quietly in such manner as God and the laws of this kingdom (grounded and derived on and from God's Word) hath established for the government and tranquillity both of Church and State, such men as these, and none else but such as these are oppressed, rifled, ransacked, imprisoned, masacred, and beggared by the mighty means of the public Faith: for it all the goals in England were searched (I mean such goals as are under the high and mighty command of the public Faith) all those that lie in those gaols are laid there by that faith's command for no other faults, but for being true Protestants and loyal Subjects to their sovereign, on the contrary there is not any Anabaptist, Brownist, schismatic, Separatist, or rebel in any trouble or prison under the command of the public Faith.  
And whereas (of itself) it hath not power, except by direction of legal Statutes & Ordinances, joined (and protected) by regal power and authority, yet it assumes, (or presumes to take to itself, and make of itself what Power it list, either regal or legal, what shall most advance the self will of itself: it is so potent, as it can maintain itself in magnificent pomp, by forcible borrowing, and withal it is so just as to pay double (with empty promises) it can turn Orthodox prayer and preaching into pedlary prating, also Libels, Lyurnals, and scandalous railing Pamphlets are not only tolerated by the public Faith, but all and (worse than all this) hath been countenanced and encouraged by exalting the insulting swarm of mechanic or trencher Pulpiteers, that what betwixt the medley of their seditious gallimaufry hotchpotch doctrine, and the mere frothy inventions compiled and dispersed in great Volumes for pence a piece; it is most certain, that God hath not escaped blasphemy, or the King calumny, the people unspeakable misery, the estate obloquy, and the whole kingdom infamy, to the most contemptible scorn of all Nations. The public Faith can frame and devise Navies of ships, Armies of men and ammunition, and Letters and Messages from the Kings of Denmark, France, and Spain, (of which Letters those Kings never knew, and those ships, Armies, and arms are invisible, or like Castles in the air) this Faith can also invent supposed battles, Fights, and triumphant Victories, where never stroke was struck or blow given, and it can command bells to be rung, bonfires to be inflamed, and public thanksgiving in Churches, and proclaim itself victorious, when it is most miserably and bravely beaten, and that it killed seven hundred with the loss of two men and one boy, and half a Horse, whereby the credulous seduced people have their giddy brains tossed to and fro, from Jealousies to fears, from fears to Hopes, and from Hopes to lend and give Money as if they were mad, and in so laying out their Money, they deservedly purchase their misery.  
Moreover, this Faith cannot be persuaded by any means to endure or abide a King, especially if he be a good one, or will not be such an one as this Faith would make him, but if he do but claim his right, or stand upon lawful terms for his royal and just privilege and Prerogative; if he be so unruly, that he will not be ruled by this public Faith, he must then be robbed and plundered of all that ever he hath, or at least of as much as this Faith can lay hold on, for it hath power with the King's ammunition, arms, ships, Money, Revenue, towns, Houses, Castles, or any thing that is the Kings, in the King's name to shoot bullets against the King, and fight against the King, for the preservation and service of the King. Thus the public Faith hath surpassed Pharaoh's Magicians in Legerdemain, it hath trasformed our Land into the Isle of gulls temporally, and old England into New England spiritually. It hath made men's wealths and allegiance, crimes and causes, of their loss of estates and lives; it hath put down all spiritual Courts, so that there is no punishment for the sweet sin of lechery, whereby Fornication, adultery, bigamy, polygamy, and Incest with brazen uncontrolled fronts, make whores, knaves, cuckolds, bawds, bastards, thieves, and beggars by the hundreds, so that if this world lasts and this gear go forward, we shall have Plato's commonwealth here, and concerning our wives, we shall all turn to be Nicholaitans; by which brave unbridled liberty, hay down derry Downing, room for an Hackney Presbyterean, that whilst his wife lay sick, got the Nurse and the Maidservant both with child, but some satisfaction was made, for the Wife died, he married the Nurse, concerning the other plump girl, some course was taken, but all's one for that, the Parish is big enough to keep both the Cow and the calf. Thus can the public Faith tax a reverend clergy with corrupted simony, and yet itself can make money of all things, it can turn Obedience into Rebellion, and loyalty into Treason, it can molest a good King, disturb and ruinate kingdoms, and in conclusion to wear itself so threadbare, that all the clothworkers in England will never be able to set a new nap upon it.  
Thus have I declared the almighty and omnipotent sway of the public Faith, yet I have not related any things concerning particulars, but only touched at the general Heads of the potency, power, actions, force, and virtues of it, the Day breaks, and our author writes nothing but Nightworkes (or Deeds of darkness) so, Good morrow my Masters.   

Friday Night.  
THis Night lamentable news was brought that Prince Rupert's troops did most unmercifully plunder a poor old woman within four miles of southeast Wickham, the case was pitiful as it was related, that the woman kept a blind, smoky, dry Alehouse, near the highway, and that two Tinkers had been there and drank all her Ale the day before the army marched that way, but the next day the soldiers being on their march demanding drink for their money, the old woman told them, that she had none left, but the soldiers being offended, in a revenging manner, entered her house, and plundered it of all the water which she had provided to brew withal, but took nothing at all from her besides, but the poor distressed alewife cried out, and wrung her hands, saying, she was undone, she was undone, utterly undone, at which instant the Prince coming by, and hearing the deplorable noise of the woman, demanded what was the cause that made her cry out so extremely, she answered, that the soldiers had been the breaking of her, by depriving her of the benefit of two Trades at once, videlicet, a Brewer and an alewife, by drinking up all her water, whereupon his highness threw her an angel, and rode away laughing at her misery: some say that Boy the Dog of War wagged his tail merrily in a jeering manner at the woman's calamity; and this was the most extraordinary outrage that the Prince or his army committed at that or any other time, for the Malignants say it is no robbery to plunder Rebels.  
But now be amazed, astonished, and possessed with wonder and admiration, and if ever we had cause to be beside ourselves, out of our wits, or stark mad with joy, now is the time; there was this Night brought to light the most horrible, terrible, detestable, cruel Plot that ever was contrived since the days of Achitophel, the Sicilian evensong comes short of it, the Massacre of Paris comes not near it, the Spanish intended Invasion was a toy to it, and the Powder Plot was but a blast or puff in comparison of it; but I hold my Reader too long before I come to the unpurposed purpose, or marrow of the matter, which was as followeth:  
This Night our watchful sentinels, closely and carefully examined all that came near them, and if any were so saucy as to say they were for God and the King, there was a a strict Order for them, for being dangerous persons to the State, about nine of the clock, or two hours before or behind: a tall fellow disguised, with a water tankard on his shoulder, stopped with a clout, as the manner is, which he had filled at the Conduit, as he said, falsely, for it was proved afterwards to be wilde-fire-water, this audacious Herostratus knowing where a soldier stood with his Musket, which soldier had a pound of Powder in a paper loose in his pocket, which the Villain having notice of, he suddenly stepped to him, and plucked out the stopple of his Tankard, whereat the water gushed forth with such violence that it fired the Powder, and blew the soldier from the Standard in cheap over the houses into Milkestreet, as far as Saint What d'ye call hims Church, where the learned Master Case teaches, the wicked wretch was taken with his watery Engine, and upon examination he confessed, that he and seventy nine more of his fellows were hired by the Malignant party to fire the city in eleven score and twelve places with this new-found stratagem of Water-tankards, for the which Plot the traitor was committed to Waltham house near Bedlam, and it is thought that public thanksgiving must be given for this great Deliverance.  
This Night also there came news of two strange disasters which happened at Saint Albans, the the one was of one John Robotham Esquire, whom the Malignants do call Justice Ignorance, this worthy Squire to express his loyalty did oppress all such as any way did love or honour the King, for which purpose his clerk and himself did drive a great Trade in buying and selling of mittimuses, Warrans, Bindings over, Withdrawings of Recognisance, Commitments, Releasings, Fees, Plunderings, and gentle Rewards, by which means he got a wicked deal of money; this mighty bottomless Justice Robotham did for the service of His majesty take away all the arms and ammunition that any of His majesty's Friends had, and with the same Armour and arms so plundered, he armed the Rebels, and yet all that was done by him was done for the King's service; amongst the rest of the arms he had an head-piece of his own which he took great pride in, for it was light, bright, white, and (at the least Elder-gun proof) it was his great grandfather's Morion (a murrain on't) at the siege of Southampton in Cumberland, indeed there was a privy search made for it, (for the very house of office was examined) but no finding could be found, and because there were so many Wenches with child in the Town, [Mistress Justice] Master Justice Ignorant's Wife protested by her haliday and Womanhood that she had rather have lost his codpiece than his Head-piece.  
Also there was one Thomas Sadler who had formerly been a fractured linen-draper, retired to a country conversation, his Lawn transformed into Land, his Holand metamorphosed into Zeal-And himself quite devoured by invisible uncharitable Devotion; to express the ardency, fervency, vehemency, and furiosity of his love to the observation of Church Orders, upon a fastday he went into his barn where he congregated his own people and some others, there being a great Bucking-tub brought into the barn, the said Tub having two holes which a cowl-staff was to be put through upon occasion, through which holes a rope was fastened, and Master Sadler being in the Tub, the rope was cast over a beam, wherewith he commanded himself to be hoist up, that he might make his preachment, where after nine psalms, and a stretched out five quarters prayer, he began and proceeded with singular and single Doctrine to persuade his Audience to be loyal in Rebellion, and obedient in opposing all Law and Order, which godless instructions the assembly did not only give large ears unto, but also edified beyond measure thereby; at last he being suddenly inspired and transported with a fiery Enthumiasmicall rapture, he began to denounce destruction and confusion against the Cavaliers, and with his violent expressions, and agility of action, in stamping the word Damnation hard under his foot, he thumped out the bottom of his hanging Pulpit, (whereby his foundation was as bottomless as Hell, of his Doctrine) and withal fell down in the threshing floor, where he lay a good while in a tranuce; some say he was bruised, but the wisest of his Audience do believe that he was in private contemplation with the Spirit. And thus upon the fastday was this admirable piece of fast and loose.  
It was much disputed in the House what the true meaning of the word Malignant is (that is so often repeated in Print, and Pulpit) one said, it was derived from two Latin words, Malè lignum, an evil wood, a crooked, knotty, sappy, unserviceable timber, good only to make gallows.   
FINIS.   

Written at London by I. T. for those that will read, and are to be bought where they are to be sold.