St. hilaries tears.  
Shed upon.  
ALL PROFESSIONS, FROM THE JUDGE TO THE petty Fogger.  
From the spruce Dames of the Exchange, to the dirty walking Fishmongers.  
From the covent-garden Lady of iniquity, to the turnbull-streete-trull, And indeed from the Towerstaires to westminster Ferry,  
For want of a stirring midsummer term, This year of Disasters, 1642.  
Written by one of his Secretaries that had nothing else to do.  
LONDON, Printed Anno. Domini 1642.   

SAINT hilaries tears.  
WHat? Middsomer? How comes it then the sun, and moon, of Gold and Silver, which had wont to disperse their radiant luster with greater brightness, and consolation than those that shine i'th' zodiac, have now withdrawn their splendour, and left us in this Cimmerian night of small takings? A term so like a vacation? you would take them to be the Gemini, which constellation never appears but out of darkness, There is no plague to fright away the Termers, unless it be that plague of plagues, want of trading, which their money would easily cure.  
At Westminster Hall wherein pristine ages you might without offence shoulder a Lord to get through the press, now you may walk in the same posture a Justice of peace doth in his own great Hall at the examination of a Delinquent, play with your bandstrings, and twist your beard with the same gravity, and not an elbow-rub to disturb you, The Benchers better half-empty, and those few Judges left have time enough to get a nap, and no noise to awake them, The bars that had wont to swell with a fivefould row of listed gowns, where the favourites in the front imbursd more Fees than would supply an Army, and the rest (by Lady) had good doings, a motion or a short cause to open, are now so empty that boys may peep over them, The surly tipstaffs and messengers whom your best Oratory, and money to boot, would hardly persuade to admit you within the bench-room, stands looking over the door as it were through a Pillory, to ask you Sir shall I open? and for the taster you give him, kisses his hand and scrapes you all leg, as fawningly, as a hungry Spanill takes a bone from his master, The Lawyers in stead of perusing the breviates, and reducing the matter in question to Cases, now buying up all the pamphlets, and dispersing themselves into corners to read them, thereby to keep their tongues in use, lest the faculties of brawling should be dried up with unwilling silence.  
The prime Court the Chancery, (wherein the Clerks had wont to dash their clients out of countenance with long dashes, The examiners to take the depositions in Hyperboles, and round about Robin-hood circumstances, with said's and aforesaids to enlarge the number of ●●eets, The Registers to whom you used to come, in the same equipage as if you had a suit to the council board, and had this ready answer, well you must wait till the latter end o'th' term.) now as silent as a Puritan conventicle when the lights are out, no waiting, no Hyperboles, no Dashes, nor any employment, towards maintenance of taffeta, Sack, Wenches, and other the usual prodigalities, and luxuries, whereunto the Gentlemen that practise there are addicted. That Court that hath been known to decree pro, review, and decree Con, hath the Bar now empty of pros, and cons, no wrangling, no noise but the lamentation of my Lords escape.  
The Court of Requests to whom so many thousands of loyal, faithful, and obedient Subjects have come humbly complaining, and showing, can show you at this present no subject but his own humble complaint, you that knew it when the necessity of over great employment, caused it to double the number of its clerks, and they to treble theirs, when it was solicited by petitions as numberless as Hops, or Ants, which all her Welsh kindred had brought two hundred and twelve and and twenty miles, to get admitted in Forma pauperis, and thereby enabled to do more mischief than the best pursed clients in England, would wonder how it should tumble from such a throng, to such a vacation of employment. That that Court that hath made two hundred Orders in one cause, should be in danger not to have one cause to Order, It is methinks a lamentable change.  
The Ministers of the Court of Wards, do all wear mourning liveries in their faces, as if Fate had granted out writs in the nature of a Diem clausit extremum, after the death of Fe●●da multa, to find their Offices for Vacua plurima, And of all Courts else the Chequers must needs come within the limitation of this calamity, because they stand so much for the King, and in that predicament is the King's Bench, marry if any thrive it must needs be the Common Pleas, for as the times go nothing stands stiff, but what pertains to the Commons, and yet they meet with revolts too as well as the rest.  
On both sides of the Hall they complain, At Heaven they say that's not a lawyer nor clerk comes near them: And at hell where they had wont to flock like swallows to a reed bush, they come but dropping in now and then one, as apportunity of business makes them able, the Coaches which had wont to rumble up and down as they would challenge Heaven to thunder for a wager, and did use to lie in the palace yard, and before the inns of Court gates, like so many Busses, or fleets of fisherboats in harbour, pearing over the haven keys, now seem like Western Barges on the Thames at a high tide, here and there one.  
And you are no sooner out of the Hall-yard but entering into King's street, you find the cooks leaning against the Dore-postes, ruminating upon those Haltion terms, when whole herds of Clerks, Solicitors and their clients, had wont to come with their sharp-set noses, and stomach, from the Hall, and devour the Puddings, and minced pies by dozins, as swiftly as a kennel of Hounds would worry up a dead Horse, And now the Courts are risen before they are hungry, The taverns, where an Iron Mill would hardly have drowned the noise of the yawling boys, the barbell, the fiddling, and roaring above stairs, now so silent you may rock a child asleep: The spruce Mistress that had wont to sit in the Bar, domineering over the Drawers, and not to be spoken withal if you would kiss her arse to speak with her, now so familiar, bids you so heartily welcome, and will come and join her half pint with ye, and let you salute her, and thank you, And think it very well if all that courtesy will invite you to mount the reckoning to a pottle, The alehouses and Tobacko-shops are grown sweet for want of takings, you may walk by them without danger of being choacked.  
All along the strand, (lodgings being empty) you shall finds the housekeepers generally projecting where to borrow, and what to pawn, towards payment of their quarters rents, thereby to preserve their Leases from forfeiture, and themselves, from the tyranny of their stern Landlords, who are very infidels in trusting, and will not forbear a minute; Nay the mischief on 'tis, there are no Courtiers nor bad paymaisters to curse, and rail at for want of money, and that's the heaviest torment of all.  
If you step aside into covent-garden, long Acre, and Drury Lune, where those Doves of Venus, those Birds of youth, and beauty, (the wanton Ladies) do build their nests, you shall find them in such a dump of amazement, to see the hopes of their trading frustrate, their beauties decayed for want of means to procure Pomatum, and F●●ous, Their eyes which like glistering comets had wont to dazzle their Idolaters, now shadowed with clouds of grief, their golden tresses which had wont to flag about their shoulders, like so many ensigns in Cupid's Regiment, and every hair thereof had a servant or visitant, which did superstitiously dote on it, now for want of curling, and ordering grown to the fashion of an Irish rug, And what a misery it is to see the Velvets, satins, and taffetas, nay the curious smocks, sent to the brokers, and the whole wardrobe that was purchased with so large a proportion of free favours, and communities, now reduced to one poor tufted holland suit? It is not pity to see them (Poor souls) who had wont to shine like so many constellations in the Firmament of the suburbs, and be hurried in Coaches to the taverns, and asparagus Gardens, where ten or twenty pounds' suppers were but trifles with them, should now go to the Chandlers, and herbe-wives in slip-shooes, for Cheese and Onions to dinner? Well content yourselves, (you attractive loadstones, of delicious and smooth damnation) And doubtless the archangel my successor, will bring your angels to redeem all, And your Champions and Cavaliers, will return with their pockets doubly furnished, for you are as sure of them as they are of your diseases, They are now but only purchasing, and laying up for you against their coming home. This dearth of traffic, is but a preparation to a large mart to follow, and this devowring winter of penury, doth but presage a lively spring in the hot bloods of the young Gallantry, which when it comes, you shall again enjoy those blessings of Wine, music, good clothes, money, and dainty fare, be enabled to pay your railing Land-ladies, and defy the beadle with as much impudence, as ever you did.  
Well from you, I must follow the steps of many an old lecherous Citizen, and walk into London, where at the Exchange, the only question that is asked is what news? not from Aleppo, Constantinople the Straits, or Indies, but from York, Ireland, and the Parliament, the answer is, why the King is still obstinate, we shall have all our throats cut, those Expicurean throats of ours are doomed to be cut, for swallowing so many luxurious ca●es, we had need to prick up our ears, and elevate our broad overgrown horns for the safety of ourselves estates and children, marry as for our Wives, they know well enough already, the danger of Courtiers, and Cavaliers, and therefore dare meet the roughest Gamester of them all in any posture whatsoever.  
From hence I travel to Guild-Hall, where I find the Lawyers complaining of infinite numbers of Banckerouts, men so far decayed in estate, that they will compound to pay more than half, confess judgements, render their bodies to prison, prostitute their wives, or any thing rather than stand out the prosecution of a suit at Law.  
Then at the Halls of every several Company, where in former ages, all the Elements would scarce afford variety, to please the ingenuous gluttony of one single feast, now you shall hear the meaner sort of Tradesmen, cursing those devowring Foxes, the Masters, and Wardens for the infinite charge their insatiate stomachs do put them to; from hence go to their particular shops, where there is nothing amongst the Tradesmen, but condoling the want of the courtier's money, and their wives and daughters almost distracted for want of their company, There are no upstart Gallants, to draw into their books, no yong● heirs to exchange shopware for Lordships withal, nor any trading ●ut one with another, in which they are so familiarly acquainted with each others knaveries, that alas, their gains are as good as nothing: And amongst them all that quintessence of unquestionable simplicity, the very spirit of villainy, extracted out of all compounded villainies, That masterpiece or Idea of dissimulation, which nature made her example to portraiture a Rogue by, the Round-head, who had wont to eat and pray, for the propagation of the Brethren and sisters, of the seditious faction, now is invoking of curses, upon the malignant party, (the Achitophels as he calls them of the King's counsel) he sneaks into the corners of the City, and after a licking of his lips, a spitting, and a casting up his ugly eyes towards the place he is not worthy to look at, he whispers a tale through his rotten Nose, of a great danger that is falling upon the kingdom, And strange discoveries of imminent mischiefs, which had happened if by some providence towards the Brethren of the selected sedition, and for their sakes only it had not been prevented, And then at length he tells you, that if the Prince were but at Saint James', there would be something done that Saint Hillary dares not repeat after him: This thin-jawed, illooking, hungry rascal, this beetle-browed, hollow-eyed, longnosed, wide-mouthed cur: This carrion that stinks worse than the corrupted River of Egypt, This cockatrice that hath hatched more Serpentine distempers, than all the grave wisdom of a pregnant kingdom can pacify, hath been the sole cause of poor S. hilaries tears; Who would think that this idiot, this fathomless-bellied, Thingutted Snake should begin to hiss, and show his sting, before the glorious splendour of those excellent worthies of our hopefull Parliament, could have leisure to disperse itself upon this ●●ved kingdom, that this owl, this Buzzard, should be the instrument to bring clouds upon all their proceedings, and yet without doubt will be the first that will oppose, and curse them, when they shall please to declare that in the title of Puritan, they never intended, blewapron Preachers, Brownist, or Anabaptist: And yet this secure confident, impudent, malignant, twenty times damn heretic dares attribute all their favour to himself, well may Saint hilaries curse pursue him: Nay the unquenchable zeal of his next Prayer, prolong the nonsense and foolery thereof to so large a measure of time, that all the roast-meat be burnt off the spit, before he have done, the White-broth boiled dry, and the stewed and backed meat scorched to cinders (which in his opinion is one of the greatest earthly curses that can befall him) May his wife be catched in the spiritual act of her next carnal copulation, that all the World may discover what yet they carry so closely, may the fervency of his hot zeal to the younger sisters burn his reins, and kindneyes to ashes, and in stead of an hospital let him be cast into the saw-pit he so often defiled under pretence of edification, Let him be buried amongst the Dunghills, as not worthy to come near the Church he so abused, where none may find his grave but Dogs to piss against it, may the ashes of his loathed carcase be collected from the pestiferous urn, by Murderers and mountebanks, to mix with their killing potions, And may no poisons ever hereafter be operative, but what is compounded with that infernal dust that as he lived to the confusion of all goodness, and virtue, so he may after death be known or mentioned by no other notion, than some fateboading character, that brings with it the dreadful summons of a woeful horror to ensue, till which end be fallen upon him we shall never see day of good trading again, but when it is accomplished S. Hillary will make a Holiday, and in stead of his tears will send you hymns and madrigals for joy of the Roundheads confusion, and your more sull employment.  
FINIS.