Popery plain Foppery: OR, THE EXCELLENCY OF THE Protestant Religion, In Opposition to POPERY.  
A POEM, Written by Sir W. V Baronet.  
Licenced, and Entered according to Act of Parliament.  
LONDON, Printed by John Harefinch, in Mountague-Court in Little Britain. 1689.   

THE EXCELLENCY OF THE Protestant Religion.  

I Blunder forth no Quirks, nor captious Themes,  
No trivial Toys, nor fond lascivious Dreams;  
Nor buzz the honest Reader in the Ear  
With Miracles were done I know not where;  
But much do blame our Carnal-witted Brood,  
Who loathe to taste of Intellectual Food,  
Yet Surfeit on old Tales of Robin Hood;  
The Wonders of the Well of Winifrid,  
Which holy Friars have so often tried;  
Of Patrick's Broils, or of St. George's Lance;  
Of Errand Knights, or of the Fairy Dance;  
Or Arthur's Knights, or the twelve Peers of France;  
How Dunstan catched the Devil by the Nose,  
With thousands of absurd Lies than those:  
How Patrick killed, five hundred years before,  
Thousands of Irish Kerns by charmed lore;  
How David did a mighty Mountain move,  
And by his Word the massy Earth remove:  
With many more, to gull the multitude,  
Which the True Church accounts both false and rude:  
But whilst such idle Tales about are hurled,  
I'll sing the best Religion in the World:   

That which is pure, of God's bright Spirit born,  
And grieves to see Christ's Seamless Garment torn,  
Or parted from the Fashion Primitive,  
But, as the Gospel teaches, strives to live:  
And flies vain Dreams, which oft inchant the Sense  
From worshipping the Godhead's Excellence.  
She slights the Tales of Poets strange Vagaries,  
Vows made to Saints, and needless Ave Maries:  
And whilst some steal to paths unknown, or stray  
To stranger Coasts, She goes the surest way,  
For fear of Wolves, or what may else betid  
A man that loseth Christ, his surest Guide.  
While some in Tongue unknown like Parrots chat,  
And ask of God by rote they know not what;  
Our Church's Babes do pray in Christ his Name  
For what they want, and He doth grant the same  
For his dear sake, who pleads for Humane Race,  
While they with understanding crave his grace;  
And having gained their Suit, they sing his praise  
With cheerful hearts, new Tongues and thankful Lays;  
Not grounding Faith on Saints Pluralities,  
On Angels, Powers, or Principalities;  
Acknowledging no Advocate but one,  
But build their Faith upon the Cornerstone,  
Exploding School-mens dreams, hypocrisies,  
Souls Merchandise, and winding Fallacies;  
But preaching of Christ's Gospel, strive to free  
Poor Captive Souls from Sin and Slavery.   

But as of old the Poets did approve  
The lesser Gods as Advocate to Jove,  
And by the like distinctions in the Schools  
Would them create subordinated Fools,  
Or Courtiers of th' Olympian Majesty,  
To intercede or aid Mortality,  
To which they kneeled in various Idol shapes,  
Like Babel's Head of Gold, Calves, Cats, or Apes;  
So Babel's babbling Daws Saints help exact:  
St. Margaret Lucina's part must act;  
St. Anthony relieves them of the Pox,  
With Relics, charms fetched from old Balaam's box.  
For the Twin-brother gods they consecrate  
St. Nicholas at Sea their Advocate:  
St. Eustace must uphold the Forest game,  
For which old Pagans used Diana's Name;  
With a huge Club St. Christopher they please,  
As those old Heathens painted Hercules:  
Yea, every place possessed Tutelars,  
Small Gods to ease them of their heavy cares;  
Juno helped Carthage, Mars Rome, Pallas Greece,  
Ceres' blessed Corn, Pan Sheep, Pomona Trees:  
So Dennis France, George England, Jago Spain,  
And the like Saints to guard all Coasts they feign.  
The Scots were all of good St. Andrews ward,  
Ireland of Patrick's, Wales of David's guard;  
Unto St. Mark the bold Venetian bends,  
And he that Venice wrongs with Mark contends;  
But above all, St. Peter bears the Bell,  
He Rome protects, and Rome must all excel:  
Numa's Egeria Peter hath suppressed,  
With Romulus' Saint Peter did contest;  
Nay, Peter's Keys the Eagle bruised, therefore  
St. Peter's Chair at Rome all must adore.   

Concerning other Points of Faith's abuse,  
As Purgatory's pain, false Idols use;  
Courting the Saints, to Christ's apparent wrong;  
Gods sacred Word kept from the Vulgar Tongue;  
Additions to the Mass, the Papal Keys,  
And Priests debarred of Wives; Let him that weighs  
The Dreams of Balaams' Priests, this Passage know,  
Pride made the Pope a Simon Magus grow,  
Boldly to sell the Spirit's Gifts for gain,  
In sundry wise, as History makes Plain.  
Indulgences, and Masses many a score  
For Money bought and sold, what would you more?  
But who no Money hath cannot obtain  
One Mass to save from Purgatories pain.  
Yet a true Church Rome fain would still be thought,  
Though little else but Fraud is in her wrought:  
But let us leave her and her glozing words,  
And call to mind what Scripture well records,  
That she shall see how many Potentates  
Will flinch from her, and free themselves and States;  
And likewise hear One with a dreadful Tone  
Proclaim the fall of Whorish Babylon.   
FINIS.