A VINDICATION OF THE PROCEED OF THE GENTLEMEN OF THE Inner-Temple  Si sapimus Patruos tunc, tunc igonoscite — Juvenal. 
CAMBRIDGE, Printed in the Year 1662.   

To the Gentlemen of the Inner Temple, and especially to his Choicest Friend DEMOPHILUS.  
Dear Demophilus,  
I Must ingeniously confess unto thee, that these crude Conceptions (and which perhaps from some Censurers may have the Epithet of Fanatical) are altogether destitute of those common Apologies, for most Publications. It was not the  importunity of soliciting Friends that ravished this Paper from the private confinement of a Study, and prostituted it to a public view. Neither was it a necessary obedience to the commands of some Honourable Sir, or Noble Patron, that influenced my pen: Nor yet self-vindication, or the prevention of false and surreptitious Copies, No, I grant Demoph. it is that General Itch of Scribbling, that hath set my pen a scratching. And thou shouldest not more wonder that in this Age one should be a Writer, than that a man should have the Plague in a general Infection. Nor could the sense of my own disabilities and infirmities hold my hand, For since the wisest of men hath comprehended all under that diffusive Genus of Vanity, so as the Character of Madness and Folly, is as compatible to Aristotle's Politics, as Tom Thumbs. I knew no reason why I might not publish my Follies too, when I had so many precedents for my failings: And in this I thought myself beyond the reach of reprehension, for whosoever would convict me of Folly, must in the same Act condemn himself of Madness; since than my fancy prompted me, and my leisure from severer studies gave me an opportunity of employing my pen, I thought it could not better be employed, then in endeavouring a token of my Gratitude and Affection to that Society, and those Gentlemen I am so highly obliged to. I am not so presumptuous as to imagine I can merit any thing from them, the highest my hopes aim at, is, that perhaps this weak spark may have the Fortune to kindle a Nobler flame, which like the Pillar of Fire to the Israelites, may Light us through this Wilderness of Confusion and Disorder we now live under, to the happy Canaan of a civil and equitable Government. To use Arguments to persuade a man to engage in this Quarrel, would discommend the Cause, as if the Justice and Gallantry of the Attempt had not Rhetoric enough in it to awake the most Drowsy Spirit. Is it Noble and Honourable to engage for ones Country? Did Humanity and an innate Compassion prompt Moses for to rescue the distressed Israelite from the insulting Egyptian? Hath Shame and Disgrace any influence on a Generous Spirit? Then what greater Renown can be expected, then from a Victory over so potent and continually encroaching an Enemy? What greater a mercy can we show to ourselves and successors, then to restore us and them to those Rights and Privileges, Law, Nature, and Reason have indulged unto us? Nay then we need not blush, as formerly, and be forced, when asked what Government we live under, either to affect an ignorance, to our own disparagement, or forge an Utopian platform, or else proclaim that sad Truth, that in those places where the Laws are studied and professed, there is a Government void of Law and Reason; Vexatious and Oppressive Gentlemen▪ from these hard Inconveniences you may soon be freed, those benefits you may quickly be Blessed with, if you will have but as much Affection for yourselves, as you have had Favour and Patience towards your Enemies. Let your Charity fix its self on its proper Centre at home, Trust not the Songs of Sirens, Nor rush into the Arms of those fawning Sileni, that kill with their Embraces. What, hath His Majesty's Happy Restauration Blessed the whole Kingdom with the Enjoyment of a Hopeful prosperity, and must We alone be Banished from this Felicity? When the Nation is freed by this great Jubilee from a Rump Bondage, must a Rump Parliament be still our Masters? When popular Fury sacrificed it to Revenge, did this Phoenix arise from those Ashes? Methinks when I have been at Westminster, and seen those Traitor's Heads, and after return to our own Hall, I suspect my Dreaming fancy gulled me, Solicitor Cook, (or a Solicitor very like him) bradshaw's, Scots, and Iretons, sure they live, nay, they live and rule within our Walls, or else there is Transanimation. For all the Actions of those men, (except their Murders) are here reiterated, And the best Account can be given of our Inn● of Court Goutrnment, will be from this parallel; Their Practice is the best Glass to Represent our Politics. Perhaps the sour Cato's may frown on this truth, and me for speaking of it, we know Veritas odium parit; but as I was never fond of their Favour, so I shall not be fearful of their Displeasure: For My part I have passive Obedience enough to Magazine my Breast against the severest Censures their incensed thoughts can frame; 'tis the Duty I own to those Noble and Ingenious Persons I have had the Honour to converse with which hath urged me thus far, and to suffer for their sakes, I shall rather number it among my Joys, then rank it with my Afflictions, for I have always prized the Love of my Equals above the favours of my Superiors. And Dear Demohpil. I have not counted it the smallest Benefit, nor the least part of my Happiness, that my good genius hath conducted me into an Acquaintance and Intimacy with you, One whom Nature hath Blessed with Ingenuity, Candor, Fidelity, Prudence, and all those Ingredients requisite to the Composure of a true Friend, and I wish hearty I could give the World a more public Acknowledgement how much I own unto you, and though I am something diffident what may be the hard Fortune of this poor Scribble, yet I cannot but be so vain as to applaud myself for wise, in this particular Application of it to you, being one who hath so much Affection for me, as not to be Hypercritical, and hath so large a stock of Wit and Learning, as may patronise it from the Attempts of the strongest Opposers. And then I should be proud of my good Service to the Society, if I were instrumental in bringing so smart a pen as yours to Vindicate their Cause, and this weak Essay would have the Honour to be a foil to your polite and sinewy tract, and indeed I should rejoice, that since I have no parts capable of it, that my imperfections may be serviceable unto you, and give some Testimony of that Gratitude I am ever bound to show for the Happiness I am Blessed with, that I can subscribe myself  
Your Affectionate And Hearty Friend, Publicola Anticlassicus.   

A VINDICATION OF THE PROCEED OF THE GENTLEMEN OF THE Inner-Temple, etc.  
THat the Church hath had its Persecutors and Opposers we all know; And that the Temple should meet with Disturbances and Discomposures none of us should wonder. If the one had her Convulsions, we may allow the other an Ague fit. But that the Priests who live by the Altar should extinguish the Incense, and demolish the Altar, this may lawfully raise our Admiration: And this is our Case. Our High Priests and infallible Popes are not like those in the Old Law, who would strike their Trident into the Pot and go away contented with their share: But with Ely's Sons they cry out, nay Give us all, or we will take it by force; Rather than they will lose one jot of their Power, the House must lose all its peace. I cannot but blush at these things, and hearty wish I had no cause to relate them; every stroke my Pen makes gives a scratch in my own breast, and my desires are that I might withdraw my eyes from these things, and going backward cover the nakedness of these men, who are so drunk with their own prosperity, that they cannot forbear reeling into the greatest extravagances. But it is a ridiculous Modesty to hid that themselves make so palpable.  
For why should I be ashamed to speak that which they have not been ashamed to act. The way then to vindicate the Society is to separate the Innocent Sheep from the Gray-bearded Goats, and lay the Sin at the right door, and then perchance the sense or shame of it may cause Amendment. That the World therefore may more plainly see into the justice of our Cause, I shall unbowel the whole matter, and show you the naked state of our Business. Our Case is truly and impartially thus,  
The Gentlemen of the Bench in a Parliament at Allhallontide last make an Act for keeping of Christmas, and in order to that choose some of the Noblemen of the House (according to Custom) grand Officers. In the close of the Term the fickle Gentlemen wheel about, and begin to see a vanity in keeping that Festival, and therefore make a thing called an Act, whereby they dissolve (for so the words of the Act are) the Commins from the Saturday before Saint Thomas day, till the Saturday after Epiphany. And whosoever comes into Commins in that time is to be expelled the House, and forfeit his Chamber. In the same Parliament they make another Act (and 'tis pity these two should be parted) whereby it is enacted, That when any one is expelled the House, or put out of Commins, or doth advise any one to go out of Commins, or assist and abet him that is put, or those that do put themselves out of Commins, shall be uncapable of being called to the Bench or Bar, and have what other punishments shall be thought fit to be inflicted on him or them so offending. This being done in the last gasp of the Term when there were but few in Commins, and the rest of the Gentlemen dispersed, they could not have any opportunity of redress. In the Vaecation the Gentlemen being stirred up by this Alarm, meet, and were informed by many grave and prudent persons, that they had an undoubted right to keep Christmas, which could not be impeded by any Act of the Bench whatsoever, and that the Government of the House did then devolve itself on them, and that the neglect of this privilege might prove a great weakening, if not the utter ruin of it. Upon these grounds the Gentlemen fixed their resolutions of a Christmas. But that they might proceed with all possible modesty and prudence, they attend upon that Gentleman called the Solicitor, lay open their Grievance, inform him of their intentions, and (which pleased him very much) beseech his advice. He professed his ignorance of the making that Act, and the deep resentment He had of it, hearty wishing he were Master of so much power as to revoke it, or that he were so happy as to have had a House in in the Town fit for our reception, that we might keep Christmas with him. He told us he had known such Acts as these sometimes observed, and sometimes rejected, so that there were Precedents on both sides. These smooth words, and this lose way, and not prohibiting, we interpeted a  consent, ●nd close encouragement; so that then (thinking ourselves happy in so ingenious and able Patron) we put our Resolutions into practise, and go on in celebrating that Solemnity. But this last Term coming into Commins, we soon found what small correspondency ●s in some Persons between their thoughts ●nd words, and that cool expressions are of●en attended with actions of another temper; For the Master of the Bench did expel one Gentleman, and put two out of Commins. The rest of the Gentlemen owning the Interest of these Heroical persons that suffered for ●heir sake, and standing up in the vindication of their priv●ledges, there ensued this Contest ●nd clash. And this is the true Original and ●ight state of our present Condition. In this Case I shall first handle it abstractly, and show ●hat the Bench have no Authority that can ●nable them to make such an Act. Second●y, That conceding them such a Power, yet ●aking the whole matter as it is clothed with ●ll the circumstances, this particular Case will not be within the reach of that Act. So ●hat the penalty inflicted was unjust and illegal. To prove the first I shall inquire, (and think myself happy if I meet with a resolution, and turn proselyte to the Informer) How this superlative Authority came vested in them. All the ways I can imagine are these three, either by the Nature or constitution of the Society, or by stipulation or paction, or else by Custom. But I can find no firm foundation their Government can have on any of these.  
And first for the nature of the Society.  
For the nature of the Society it is undoubtedly voluntary; for it never was incorporated; nay until King James his time we never had a Grant of the Fabric, but were merely Tenants at will under the King; And that these were only places of reception for the conveniency of converse and other occasions to those that intended the study of the Law, is evident from the Names of Inn, or Hospitium, which is Domus quae 
Bud. in Solenc. ff. de offic. procons.  liberaliter & sine prohibitione venienti hospiti patet. Like to these were the ancient Hostells in Cambridge, Caj. Histor. Cant. pag. 47. And the Halls in Oxford. And the Gild's or those that associated themselves 
Sir Hen. Spelman, Glos. voce gild.  on a religious account. But none of these Societies were ever presumed to attempt the imposing of Laws on their Fellows without their consent; For indeed what can be more absurd than to imagine, where there is a parity, that the Smaller part can have a Despotical power over the Greater, and make what Laws they please, and the other lie under a necessity of obedience. Nay how frivolous would this Law (if it can be called a Law) be, when no real punishment can be inflicted on the Offender; for he may when he pleases withdraw himself, and lawfully bid defiance to that Statute. So that their Laws will have a different effect from the Laws of the whole World beside; For whereas other Laws do (or should) amend a Commonwealth, ours can produce nothing but the House's destruction; for if they are distasteful to us, we may all of us if we please retreat out of their reach, and so the society must fall.  
But the thing is so clear, that I shall have more charity than to think any man's judgement so weak as not to grant this Proposition, That it is impossible for absolute Authority & Equality to consist in the same Person with respect to the same Subject. And now I shall proceed. But first I will remove an Objection out of my way that I may pass more freely. 'Tis this, some may say those distinctions of Bench, Bar, and under the Bar, show a perfect inequality and absolutely destroy the former supposed parity. To this the Answer is plain, These are only distinctions in respect of priority of time, and standing, not of power and jurisdiction. And consequenrly being only gradual, have not the energy in them as to put such a vast difference between us as that of Lord and Vassal, and certainly that trafition is too nimble, and the consequence invalid to pass and conclude from a priority in time, a superiority of power and dominion, especially if that old Maxim holds true Gradus non variat speciem. But again, those small remains & vestigia that we have of what our former Condition was, give light enough to see this fallacy. For the style of all the ancient Orders of the House runs, the Fellows of the Society of the Inner. Temple, and even at this day their own Acts are so worded, Be it enacted that none of the Fellows of this House come into Commins at Christmas. Now I pray what means this Fellowship? wherein consists this 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, this community, & c? What is it only in reverend compliance, and humble submission to all their Mastership's commands? an implicit Faith in all their Acts? If so, it is ill done their Mastership's do not undeceive the world, and show them how the doting Philosophers, and Alciat, Cujace, Grotius and those ignorant Lawyer's misinformed them in saying Socii in sua societate sant aequales. And (as being their Servant I am bound) I do humbly advice them out of a tender respect to their good, to do it quickly; for till then many that are only honest plain men may think, that the Puny of the House being included in that name of Fellow as well as the gravest Bencher, aught in the Government of the House, wherein his interest is concerned as much as the other, to have a Fellowship or Community equally with him, and not to have his Purse disposed, or his Chamber seized for the breach of an Act, to the making of which he never gave consent, neither by himself nor Representative. And this I think is the true and only notion of the word Fellow, except their Mastership's take it in the catachrestical sense, as when we say a proud silly Fellow, and that is nothing to our purpose.  
As for Stipulation or Paction, that this gave birth to their Power; I think themselves do not affirm it. If they do fix it here, it is necessary they should show where; when, by whom, and upon what ground this Paction was made. For if they do not this, they must pardon us if we be so favourable to our Ancestors, as to think them wiser than to part with their Liberty on a trivial, or no account. But supposing they could prove such a Contract, yet we are out of the reach of it; for the Society being voluntary those Persons could only oblige themselves, and they dying their Paction perished with them. For to impose it on Posterity; what power had they? I am sure the Law of the Land could give them none, they had no Patent to enable them, and to take such a power to themselves I think they could not, certainly it is against the Civil law, L● ult. de Collegiis, ff: So that this Compact could have the countenance of no Law, except that of Solons, which give liberty to men to make a Society for robbing and plundering 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Bodin de Rep. l. 3. c. 7.  
The whole stress therefore of their Authority is upheld by Custom, but I am afraid we shall find it too weak a support for so large a Power as they have usurped. For let us look into the nature of Custom, and we shall find it be conversant only about Particulars, and never to dilate itself to an Universality. For example, such a Town or place hath by a  consent of the People time out of mind, used to do such or such a thing, this is lawful; but who ever heard of such a Place or Person where by Custom they may do what they please. A man by Custom may hunt in my Grounds, but who can imagine a Custom whereby he may do what he will upon my Lands? We shall not deny the Gentlemen of the Bench what they can rationally pretend to. We are so good Moralists as to have a Reverence for Grey hairs, and give Age its due respect, and God forbidden but that they should have priority and precedency, let the Pharisee have the first place in the Synagogue; Nay let them manage the Affairs of the House. But they must pardon us if we endeavour to stop their Custom when it comes to invade our Purses, and take away our Money without our consent; drive us out of the Society and disseise us of our Freehold, disgrace us in the face of the Nation, and injuriously throw us into Prison. That the smaller part of a Society can do these things, and Custom legitimate, it I cannot think: I am sure it is the Opinion of a very learned Man, and no mean Lawyer, That for One Person, or the Smaller part of a Society to have a Jurisdiction over the rest, is an absolute destruction of the Society, Si universos coe●cendi jus habet, non Collegium sed dominatus in summo principe, Bod. de Rep. l. 3. c. 7. Nay farther, he shows in this Chapter, That if the Major part or two parts of three should make a Law to oblige themselves to decide all Controversies among themselves, or concerning any thing that reflects on the private interest of the Fellows, it would be insignificant, except it had the consent of every individual Person. Nay these things being against the Law of the Land, that a private Society can by any Custom make them lawful is a thing impossible, and the attempt of it may make them Collegium illicitum an unlawful Assembly; And this the law of the xii. Tables agrees to, where speaking even of Incorporated Societies it says, Pactionem quam velint, sibi far, dum ne quid ex publica lege corrumpant. And again, to make up this Custom there is wanting an uninterrupted praescription and  consent. For there never passed ten, (nay I dare boldly say five, nor three years without a sharp questioning and a loud exclaiming against their Encroachments. Nay those small Index's, the remains and ruins of our shipwracked Liberties sufficiently show, that these things were not so ab initio; what means it that the Gentlemen of the Bar have a Liberty to come into the Parliament, but as it were into Pythagoras' School, or like Mutes attending a Cabal of Bashaws, they must not dare to whisper? What do these Persons (the generality of whom, are grave and sage men) only come to see how the Senators sit, or to learn to propose a Question? I should be apt to believe they had (before Craft and the Ambition of a sole Dominion thrust them out) as free a Vote as the best Bencher; and that which increases my Suspicion is, that the fear of this, lest any Noble Spirit should attempt to snatch at this lost liberty makes them never to debate things in the Parliament, but in a clancular way they agree upon it at the Bench-table, or a private Chamber, and when they come to the Parliament chamber, the proper place to discuss them, as soon as they are set, the Treasurer says, All that are of Opinion, that (suppose it the Question) the Author of this Pamphlet shall be hanged, drawn and quartered for his High Treason against the Bench, let them say, I. As soon as the Echo hath answered the Business is agreed, and they rise, and so there's an end of an Inner-Temple Parliament. What does the ancient Custom of having one of the Bench, one of the Bar, and one under the Bar to sit upon the Accounts, but loudly speak the prudence and care of our Ancestors that none of us should be prejudiced one penny? But what a vast difference is there between the subtlety of these days and the sincerity of those times? For that Noble Gentleman who hath suffered (how justly all the World speaks) so much, and been the Martyr of this Cause, had the first cloud of the Benches distaste raised against him for nought else but asserting this ancient, constantly practised, and just Custom. Wherein he did like a good Phineas stand in the Gap, and made the Plague cease for that time. But their displeasure did not so, but festering into a rank Malice, hath showed itself in the severest way Anger and an high fury could invent. Let any man but read Fortescue, where he discourseth of the Inns of Court, and show me the least sign of a Lording Bench in those days; He says, Ibi vix unquam sedicio, jurgium, aut murmur resonat, & tamen delinquentes non alia quam poenâ solum a communione Societatis suae amotione plectuntur, Fortesc. de laud. leg. Ang. c. 49. Here you see the calm peace of our Golden age, when pride and ambition had not prompted Men to engross Power. There was then no Fineing, no Seizing of Chambers, no hurrying to Prison, nor expulsion out of the House, it was only am●tio à communione Societatis, it was not extrusio è Societate. Thus than it is plain, that the power which the Bench take is only usurped, for it is contrary to the Nature and Constitution of the Society; It hath no ground on paction or contract, Nor is it in the power of Custom to confirm it, nay as far as we can guess, it is opposite to the more Ancient Customs of the House; And consequently, the Acts made by, and grounded on this power, being unjust, illegal, and tyrannical, the breach of them is no offence, and to impose and inflict a punishment for the nonobservance of them, is to add injustice to injustice, and aggravate their Crime.  
Thus I have done with the First Part, I shall now proceed to the Second, and show how that granting them power to make that Act; yet upon the whole matter, the Case will be so circumstantiated, as to take off the penalty, so that the rigorous prosecuting it, is either wholly unjust, or at the best but summum jus. That this may the better appear, we must look back on the previous Circumstances.  
The last Christmas was Twelvemonth we had the Thanks of the Bench for keeping Christmas, and that usually sum of Money allowed out of the Treasury given us. At the Parliament on Allhollantide last, which is the proper Parliament for that Solemnity, they vote a Christmas, and give a being to it, by choosing some of the best Persons of Honour of the Society for Grand Officers. Afterwards they stifle that Embryo themselves first form. Here I shall humbly inquire, Whether the keeping that Festival, or our manner of keeping it, be unfit or undecent, if so, their Mastership's were very much to blame to give us thanks last year, and more to blame to have any thoughts to revive it again, as the first Order plainly shows they had. But about the latter end of November it was when their eyes were enlightened, and they made this damning Act, where we may observe the time and manner of promulgation of it, which was in the very conclusion of the Term, when few Gentlemen were in Commins, and then it is fixed at the Screen for an hour or two, and so taken (whether for the rarity or the shame of it I know not) and locked up where we must ne'er see it more. Now that such an Act as this, which did contravene a constant Custom, should have such a clancular surreptitious promulgation as this, is something strange, for there is very few of us that know, except it be by report, that there is such an Act, and none can tell (having only a reading of it) what Salvoes may be in it, and what the extent of it is. The Gentlemen thinking they had as much right to govern then, as the Bench in Term time, and that an Act of theirs was no more obliging to them in this respect, than an Act of a Christmas Parliament was to the Bench, and supposing that rule to be true, consuetudinem praescriptam aliâ consuetudine praescriptâ contraria tolli, gloss. si que in l. nemo s● temporalis. They resolve on keeping of Christmas, and that they might avoid the Censure of rashness and heat, which is often incident to youth, they resolve to proceed soberly, and therefore attend the Solicitor, and inform him of their proceed; he gave them his Answer as I informed you before in the state of the Business; We desired the Keys, he refusing them, we were forced to break open the doors and take possession of our right, and how the affairs of that time were managed; how free from disturbance and those inconveniences which usually attend such a confluence, we leave to those Gentlemen, persons of no mean Quality, that daily honoured us with their Company, to speak impartially. In short then I shall propose this Quaere, That when the Gentlemen had thanks for their former Christmas, and that this last Christmas had its beginning from the Bench itself, though afterwards in a close and undermining way they suppressed it, so that the Gentlemen could not have a legal redress then, notwithstanding that they proceeded in vindicating their Privileges with all moderation, they go to the Solicitor, he giving them no absolute prohibition, they execute their intentions, but with such quietness and freedom from disorder, as might from moderate persons have merited Commendations; and having ended that, and put a period sooner than usual to the Solemnity, that they might not in the least transgress, they return with calm and composed Spirits into Commins; I say, I should ask any Rational man, whether for these Actions the Gentlemen deserved to have two of them put out of Commins, another not only expelled the House, dispossessed of his Chamber, which is his , defamed and disgraced with an industrious Malice, but sent where passion and fury hurries him to Prison, without letting him open his mouth in his own defence, or objecting the least suspicion of Crime, as if that Clause in Magna Charta, Nullus liber homo capiatur vel Imprisonetur, had some  Exception, which excludes a Gentleman of the Temple from the benefit of it. Now who can imagine this punishment to be Adequate to the Offence? Who is so blind as not to see a vast desparity between the one and the other: Nay one more conclusion we may lawfully draw from these premises, which is this, That the Gentlemen of the Bench have a far larger respect and care of their own Grandeur and Honour, than the Credit, Reputation and Peace of the House: For, what else speaks this violence and earnestness? Had they any bowels of compassion or pity, certainly these dissensions and discomposures would move them? Had they any love or affection for the Society, they could not choose but recede from these punctilios of Honour, nay even give up some of their power, that there might be a happy composure & an amicable correspondence between us? But I have always observed, that where there is any thing of Honour or Profit, th●t we must have no share in, that is our Lords and Master's Lot, not fit for Boys; but if there is any thing of Danger or Cost, oh then the Young Gentlemen must be consulted with, and of this I will give you own pregnant instance. In the worst times of our late unhappy troubles, Mr. Johnson the Minister going to a living in the Country, Mr. Tombs comes with a Letter of Commendation from the Committee of Safety to the Bench, to choose him into the vacant place; It happens they had no Affection for the man, but refuse him they dare not, for fear the Westminster Juncto should prove Benchers to them, and serve them as they serve us, to escape the Horns of this Dilemma, they find this expedient: They say, we have but single Votes, it is the Young Gentlemen being more numerous, as they please; well, the Gentlemen are called, and Vote, Mr. Tombs is exploded, the Benches work is done, and the Gentlemen may set their hearts at rest for any more choosing a Minister, for when he comes really to be chosen, than the Tune is new set; What, Boys have an Election, do they know how to choose a Minister, or what belongs to sound Doctrine? Thus you see the kindness of these Gentlemen, that in those sullen and captious times, when the least suspicion was enough to have ruined a Man, and there were many of as good, if not better Fortunes than themselves, whom they cared not to sacrifice to those ravenous Times, so they might but escape free themselves. This ungentile, nay I had almost said unhuman Demeanour, with their generally slight and supercilious Carriage towards us, indeed does something move my choler, but I have patience enough, when I think these Actions are sufficient punishment to themselves, and the Infamy which cleaves to them carries sting enough to excuse a satire.  
To conclude therefore I shall give you a short Character of the Government of the House, as stands now, that as you have seen what it ought to be, so now you may see what it is. It is a kind of Judaical, Presbyterian, Fanatical Regimen, which savours something of a Sanhedrim with the Nasi; it hath a huge smack of a rigid excommunicating Classis with a Superintendent; it smells very strong of a Rump-Parliament; it is a Company of Grave men to whom supersides a Judas or Treasurer. The foundation of their Government is Custom, by this they have power to make Laws which bind all but themselves. By Custom Drunkenness causes neither Sin, nor sickness in a Bencher. By Custom he may sleep at Church, and it is expulsion and forfeiture of Chamber for a young student to wake him, and disturb his delightful Dreams, and all that assist, abet, or counsel him in so horrid an Act are to be put out of Commins. By Custom he is to have at Dinner and Supper four or five Dishes of Meat, and as much good Wine as he can handsomely bear, with a Bottle or two to carry to his Chamber to accomplish the Work, and besides Commins for a Man or two, and all this for fourteen or sixteen shillings a week, and that to be paid when his Mastership thinks fit; when as the Custom is, That a young Student must pay nine shillings a week for Loins of Mutton, Pottage and Small beer. By Custom he is to have Chambers for him and his Wife, but if she multiply much (and 'tis a discredit to the Society if she don't) if a Naboth be the next Wall to this Ahab it is but expelling him the House, and begging the Vineyard, and so he may enlarge his Quarters. If any of these Customs chance to be questioned, who do you think is the Judge? why the Reverend Butler is called, and when the Colossus is advanced, the mouth of the Bench opens, and asks him, if this hath not been the constant Custom of the House. The inspired Oracle answers, I myself can safely swear, 'thas been the Custom for this Forty year, and my Predecessor swore it had been so e'er since the Conqueror's days. Then the charming Orator with a composed Countenance, having ordered his Gown and his Gloves gravely gins thus,  
Open your Eyes (O ye Lads) and see the way your Forefathers trod in, and cannot you be contented to troth after them▪ those Worthies hasted upon the Career of Honour and Admiration in observing those Customs I exhort you to, and will you creep a Footpace in that perfect path? Let it never be said that the Gentlemen of the Inner Temple, whose Loyalty to the great Majesty of Britain has been so eminently visible should now dishonourably quit their Allegiance to their Benchers, who (if that Topique à Majore ad Minus be valid) merit Reverence purely Analogical to that of their Sovereign? 'tis ill done, 'tis I protest, to you to be seen in any thing (though a Trifle) which may revive the Name of Rebellion, were it but in Case of a Servant to his Master; but in yours unspeakably facinorous, better the greatest extravagances better Plum-pottage on a Candlemas day, better any thing cast into your Dish, than Disobedience, that's the Colloquintidae that spoils all the Mess, that battering Ram that demolishes the fairest Fortifications your other Endowments have at any time erected. Methinks (Gentlemen) your own Ingenuity should prompt you to a timely Submission; methinks the black, the red, the grey hairs of their Reverend Mastership's of the Bench, should have enough of Trope in them to persuade you to it. 1. The Block heads they resemble Pitch, there is a Noli me tangere written in their Foreheads, touch them not lest you be defiled. 2ly. The Red, and that represents the great Orb of Light, the Sun, whom the Persians made the singular Object of their Adoration. That Head (if man be Arbour inversa) has its Root (be it Carrott if you please in Heaven, and that is high. 3ly. The white hoar heads, there's Snow upon them (Sirs) there's much of the Alps in them, and let me tell you though their Crowns be white, the emblem of good nature, yet if you submit not the sooner you'll find their Hearts of the same complexion with those Mountains, hard and immovable. You would do well to cast your Eyes on the greatness of one of your chief Officers, a Butler in being, but in bulk a Bencher, 'tis his peremptory Opinion you are in an error. The Custom of the House, Prescription before Adam pleads against you, your chief Butler says so, who is in the Eye of the World a Person of very vast parts, and better able to interpret Custom than the Mahometan Mufti to unriddle the Alcoran. He is the Atlas that bears up Heaven for you. Infidelity in that Boys teeth that doubt the verity of this Oracle. Proud as you are (Sirs) every of you came behind him when he led you into Commins, and why are you grown too good to follow him now? To conclude, the mouths of the Bench are still as wide open to feed upon your Cost as in the days of old; their arms expanded to receive you into favour again: they are content (notwithstanding all your undutifulness) to indemnify you all next year, keep Christmas with all their Hearts; only they expect you now acknowledge your Misdemeanours, & return to your Flesh pots & Garlic. But why am I thus prodigal of my Rhetoric to green rash Heads, who are more effectually reducible by a Rod than an Oration? In a word therefore (Sirs) it is a plain Case, submit yourselves, and that quickly too or we Benchers will make you.  Dixi HIGGIN. 
Now what man of Ingenuity had not rather be Author of such a Speech than Master of 1000 l. But Gentlemen I hope you have so much discretion as to see into the fallacy of such fair words, so much care of your Privileges and Liberty as not to sacrifice them to the will and pleasure of One whom the puffy and airy name of an Orator hath so swelled beyond the bounds of Reason or a moderate Ambition, that he vainly fancies it the Duty of ye all to submit to his Dictates, to yield Obedience to all those Laws, the extravagant Capriccio's of an humorous Brain can invent. But the humble advice of your Servant (who hath a desire, though not a correspondent ability to serve you) is, that where that Reason and Justice bids you submit, let no men be more forward or ready in Obedience than yourselves: and on the contrary, when Pride and Ambition do endeavour to oppress you, let none show more courage or spirit in asserting a good Cause.  Flectere si nequeo Superos, Acheronta movebo. Virgil. 
FINIS.