A LETTER From one of the TRAINED-BANDS Now in the ARMY Under the Red and White REGIMENT, To his Wife in LONDON.  
Sent from FARNHAM-Castle, Novemb. 2. 1643.  
Printed in the Year, 1643   

Loving Wife;  
WHen I look bacl upon my ways, and consider from what happiness I am fallen, and into what misery I plunged: I am so oppressed with sorrow and grief (that to take up the words of the Psalmist) My soul is even melted with heaviness. O how it pierces me to the very heart, to think how I have dishonoured God, disobeyed my King, scandalised my Religion, betrayed my Faith, disgraced my Friends, shamed my Country, undone my Family, and hazarded my own salvation. So that I have made myself a laughing stock unto mine Enemies, and unworthy of the least pity. The heavens frown upon me, hell triumphs, and the earth casts me off as unworthy of her nourishment, My Conscience flies in my face and will not suffer me to take any rest, So that even the Curse of Cain is fallen upon me, because I thirsted to spill my Brother's blood, that I am forced from mine abode, and am become as a fugitive and vagabond on the earth: and as I accounted it a note of malignancy, to desire Peace, and would have no Peace with others, so now my soul is filled with naught but War. So unhappy is that soul whom God forsakes, and misery is sure to attend the disobedient man. Where sin dwells, there is trouble, and though it may seem never so sweet in the committing, it will prove full of bitterness in the end. 2. Sam. 2. 26.  
How suddenly and strangely is my state and condition altered? upon what a precipice do they stand that trust on earthly things? how soon is the face of them changed? In a moment is our plenty turned into scarcity, mirth into sorrow, peace into war, riches into poverty, liberty into bondage, order into confusion, loyalty into rebellion, and wisdom into folly. Hath not God in his just judgement recompensed my ways on my own head? For I that heretofore wallowed, as it were in pleasure and delight (having God scarcely at all in my thoughts) am now acquainted with naught but trouble. I that sent my servant like a sheep to the slaughter (cheating his parents of their son and their money both at once) am now come to be sacrificed in the same manner myself; I that have had servants at my command, am now myself commanded rather like a slave then a servant. I that accounted Charity a Popish virtue, am now glad to be relieved by the Charity of others; and whereas I have been able to give to others, I am now oftentimes by necessity compelled to beg my bread. I that had a house to hid my head in, am now exposed to all extremities of weather, and am feign to embrace the cold earth for my Lodging. I that rejoiced at other m●ns miseries, am now become more miserable than they. I that cursed, the King in my thoughts, am now filled with naught but crosses. I that in the pride of my heart, said, I should never be moved, am now brought to a very low estate, having (as Esau) sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, passed away my estate for the Public Faith and I know not what; and brought my person in danger every minute to be lost. I that made a God as it were of the Parliament, have found them to be but men, and the words of the Psalmist to be true. That it is better to trust in the Lord, than to put any confidence in Princes. I that despised to receive correction, feel now the heavy hand of God upon me. I that contemned and mocked at God's Ministers, wilfully hardening myself against the truth, am now given over to a reprobate sense, that I should only believe a lie. My feet were swift to shed blood, therefore as it follows, Rom. 3. 16. destruction and misery are in my ways. For these & other sins is the wrath of God come upon me & my fellow-Citizens; that he hath even suffered the Devil to have his will of us, who hath forced us (as he would as served Job) to curse God to his face: Hath he not been in our City and Army-Prophets, as he was in Ahabs four hundred and fifty, a lying spirit, teaching us Rebellion and Sedition, inciting us to plunder and take away other men's goods, to profane God's house, to adulterate his worship, to imprison his messengers, to reproach the footsteps of his Anointed, Psal 89. 51. to abuse his Word, to Covenant against him and our King, that neither should rule over us: to contemn his ordinances, to persecute his servants, to wrong our neighbours, to break the Laws, to overthrow the power of the Magistrate: every man taking the sword into his own hand, to betray and kill one another, thinking thereby to do God good service, and all this for the advancement of Religion, & as the only way to make an happy Reformation. But our sad experience doth sufficiently prove the contrary, & they may as well persuade men, that the next way to come to Heaven is through Hell by breaking Gods Commandments. I should have been loath to have laid open my own guilt and discovered my nakedness, but that I hope others would be warned by my example, to have a care lest they be drawn away as I was) with fair pretenens, to the endangering both of their bodies and souls.  
To conclude, I may even bewail the unhappy estate of my Country at this present, in the words of the Prophet jeremiah, in Lament. O Lord, how is our gold become dim, how is the most fine gold changed? our moneys are parted from us, and we are like the hungry man. Isaiah 29. 8. He dreameth, and behold, he eateth, but he awaketh, and his soul is empty; So we for the moneys that we have exhausted, dreamt of mountains of gold, but being awaked, we find them no other than the price of blood, and sums laid out to purchase our own misery. Our beauty is turned to ashes, the glory & honour of our Nation is quite eclipsed, & we that were once the admiration & envy of other Nations, are now become their laughing stock and scorn. The young children ask bread and no man breaketh it unto them, the Soldier sweeping all away, leaving nothing behind him but penury and want. They that did feed delicately are desolate in the streets, they that were brought up in scarlet, embrace dunghills. Our Nobility, and Gentry, are despised and trampled upon by vile persons; and though they dwelled in houses of Cedar, are forced to lie in a loathsome prison. The anger of the Lord hath divided us, he will no more regard us, we have not respected the persons of the Priests, nor reverenced our Elders. For we have hated their persons, slighted their message, sequestered their means, and not suffered them to pass the streets in quiet. For which our Inheritance is turned to strangers, our houses to aliens, which are Schismatiks, and Separatists. Other men enter into our possessions, & take our dwellings from us without a cause. We are Orphans and fatherless, our mothers are as widows. We have drunk our water for our money, & out wood is sold unto us; our goods are taken from us at other men's pleasure, and for our money restored to us again. Our necks are under persecution, we labour and have no rest, what we take pains for, others enjoy, and reap the fruit of our labours; we are made slaves unto their wills, who command not only our servants and our estates, but even our lives also. Servants have ruled over us, and there is none that doth deliver us out of their hands. The joy of our heart is ceased, our dance is turned in to mourning, all our delights are passed away, and we are compassed about with sorrow on every side. The Crown is fallen from our head, the King who was our glory is driven from us, and is banished from his own habitation his Palace●; is left desolate, and scarce any man dwells therein; Our Temples are shut up that we have even forgot how to praise thy Name. We have nothing but complaining in our streets, and we go mourning all the day long. Woe unto us that we have sinned. For this, our heart is faint, our eyes are dim. Turn thou us unto thee O Lord, and we shall be turned, renew our days as of old. Remove thy judgements, forgive our sins, Unite our hearts, cure our wounds, open our eyes, that now at the last we may behold those things that concern our Peace. Amen.  
Your ever loving Husband A. W. From Farnham Castle, Novem. 2. 1643.  
FINIS.