NEWS FROM THE CHANNEL, OR The Discovery and perfect Description of the Isle of Serke.  
Appertaining to the English Crown And never before publicly discoursed of.  
Truly setting forth The notable stratagem whereby it was first taken, The Nature of the place and people. Their Government, Customs, Manufactures and other particulars, No less necessary than pleasant to be known.  
In a Letter from a Gentleman now inhabiting there, to his Friend and Kinsman in London.  
LONDON, Printed by John Lock for John Clerk at the Bible and Harp in West-Smith-Field. 1673.   

MR. Wearis keeping a Coffee-house next door to Symonds Inn in Chancery Lane London, having lived several years heretofore in this Isle of Serke here described, will be ready to gratify any Gentleman's curiosity that shall come to him concerning the truth of all considerable particulars ●n this Narrative.   

DEAR COUSIN,  
THe Anne of Bristol touching here homewards bound, brought safe those Commodities I gave you the trouble to send me, and enriched me with the Treasure of your more welcome Letter; To which though I cannot Answer in the same handsome expressions and Embroidery of Language (a failure easily excusable in a place where my Native Tongue is almost a stranger, and French generally spoken more barbarous than that of Littleton) yet be confident I shall never when opportunity offers itself come short in the real offices of  and Affection; I am glad some of our old Acquaintance are still so kind as to preserve me in their memories, And could not but call Ned and Jenny to help laugh at the pleasant Narration you make of the surprise many of them are in, when you tell them I have left South-hampton to go dwell in the Isle of SERKE; Some enquiring in which of the Indies that strange Island lies, others offering wagers there is no such place in the World, but that it is younger Sister to the Isle of Pines; Nor indeed can I condemn their wonder since although this place hath for about fourscore years paid obedience to the English Sceptre, yet scarce one Englishman of a thousand hath heard or can give any good Account of it; our Geographers have herein proved Land-Lopers, and the very Maps wherein oftimes Painters gratify their Wives with Jointures of Imaginary Islands, have been content to omit the real one; However to satisfy the curiosity of my Friends, but more especially to comply with your desires (which I must ever interpret commands) I shall venture on a brief Description of this little part of the World where Providence hath allotted me a pre●ent, and (I thank Heaven) no uncomfortable Habitation;  
SERKE the place whence this Letter comes to Kiss your hands Is an Island situate in the Channel betwixt England and France, Lying at once in view of the Banks of Norm●ndy, and of our Two other more eminent Islands of Jers●y and Guernsey, and about 4 Leagues to the South-west of the latter; Though its Circuit or Extent can yield no great Temptation to any Prince's ambition to make himself Master of it, Its Dimensions being not above 5 miles in length, and about 2 miles in fredth where it is largest over, in other places not so much; Yet Nature, as if she had here stored up some extraordinary Treasure seems to have been very solicitous to render it Impregnable, Being on every side surrounded with vast Rocks and mighty Cliffs, whose craggy Tops Braving the Clouds with their stupendious height, bid defiance to All that shall dream of forcing an entrance; Two only Ascents or passages there are into it; The first where all Goods and Commodities are received called La-Soguien where for a large space through a solid Rock there is a Cart-way cut by Art down to the Sea, with two strong Gates for its defence, wherein most of the Storage for Navigation, as Masts, Sails, Anchors, etc. belonging to the Island are kept, And two pieces of Ordinance above always ready planted to prevent any surprise; The other is La-Frickerce, where only Passangers can Land, climbing up a Rock by certain Steps or Stairs cut therein to a vast height, and somewhat dangerously; Nor is it possible there for above one person to come up at once.  
This Description of its Situation I persuade myself, Cousin puts you unto a little fit of longing to know by what means our Countrymen came at first to make themselves Master of a place so naturally fortified; And truly in discovering that, we shall acquaint you with a stratagem excelling most you shall meet with in the Greek and Roman Histories and equalled by few of those in the Low Country Wars, or any more modern expeditions.  
In the Reign of our matchless Maiden Queen, this Island being wholly possessed by French (as most of the Inhabitants not only thereof but of Jersey and Guerns●y too, are to this day of that Nation) A Sea-Captain (whose name I at present remember not, though 'tis pity it ever should be swallowed by oblivion) apprehending Its neighbourhood if it continued in the French hands might one time or other portend no good to the Isles of Jersey and Guernsey the only remaining Trophies of our French Conquests; solicited the Queen to Commission him to reduce it to her obedience, who having received former Information of it, told him the place was so small and the attempt so hazardous it would scarce be worth while, and that she feared the loss of Men about it would be more damage, than its taking of Importance or advantage; For you must note at that time the passage down at La-Soguien was not made, nor did it appear half so Accessible as now it appears; But our subtle Captain replied. If Her Majesty would but give him Command and necessaries he durst assure Her to settle the English colours there without the loss of a Man; The Queen seeing his confidence yielded to his Importunity, who accompanied with about 100 resolved Men puts to Sea, and after some time crusing up and down comes and lies before this Island SERKE in quality of a Merchantman homewards bound; And making out his Boat with several taking Commodities the people suffered 3 or 4 of their Crew to Land, and traded with them with much Amity for a day or two. At last having insinuated into the good opinion of the credulous Islanders They told them having been a long Trading Voyage in the straits their Master was some time since dead, but had engaged them not to expose his Corpse into the Ocean to be devoured of the Fish, but to Inter it with Christian Burial in the next place where they should touch ground, and therefore they desired that Christian favour of them that they might lay him in their Churchyard, coming only some few of them on Shore without any Arms to perform the Ceremony; The unwary people consent, and our Captain with about 20 of his stourest Men with a Coffin and much seeming solemnity get a Shore; The Natives assisting them to get their Trojan Horse up the Precipice; but no sooner were they arrived at the Church, but clapping to the Doors as if they had some private devotions to celebrate at which the inhabitants might not be present, They break open their Coffin filled instead of a dead body with Instruments of Death, and instantly arming themselves slay that small French Guard that there offered resistance, and retiring to the Landing place secure that, get in more of their company, and in 5 hours' time without the loss of one Man, made themselves Masters of the whole Island, which ever since that time has had the Honour to boast itself part of the Dominions of the English Crown.  
But since nothing is more necessary to the Life of Man, than those four Elements whereof He together with the rest of the Universe is originally composed. I shall in the next place observe how we are therewith accommodated.  
Our Air considering the narrowness of the place, and how 'tis encompassed with the Ocean Is much better than can be expected, our Heaven serene, and our Sky generally free from that nasty dishclout of Fogs and Clouds which in your Marshes and City too are wont to mufflle up the Sun's glorious face, In brief 'tis so agreeable to nature, That although I know not one Physician in the Island (and perhaps we live the longer for their absence) yet to meet here a hearty old man of fourscore is nothing rare or infrequent.  
Our water I confess is sometimes not very ready, and yet we have in the Island no less than six very fine springs generally running, Whose water purified in its underground passage, and by being drawn so high through Nature's Limbeck, Bubbles up so free from any smack of Brackishness, that it may compare with your Lambs-Conduit, and for aught I know is no less miraculous for curing sore Eyes than Crowders Well.  
Our Earth or Soil Is for the most part hot and sandy, yet fruitful enough to afford all necesseries to its Inhabitants, excellent for bearing all kind of Roots, As Parsneps, Carrots; Turnips, etc. And very well stored with fruit-trees (for the most part planted of late by the good Husbandry of the people) Furnishing us with Cider not at all inferior to your Herefordshire Redstreak, and to render it the more wholesome 'tis generally boiled with a little spice, which preserves it and gives it an incomparable Relish; Corn we have of most sorts, but not in any extraordinary quantity; our pasture is but short yet exceeding sweet and therefore we have rare Mutton, but no great plenty of Beef, and Cows only enough to supply us with Milk and Butter, for our Cheese we have generally from England.  
Our Firing (to speak of the most aspiring Element last) Is for the most part Furzes and sometimes Turf, For we have but little wood, and no Timber at all growing throughout the whole Island; so that we are forced either to make shift with old Appletree for our Houses, or furnish ourselves as well as we can with Deal.  
For Belly-timber our 3 staple Commodities are Fish, Fowl and Rabbits. Of the first a little Industry will purchase us a hundred sorts, particularly a large Fish we call a Vrack-fish which we split, and nailing it to our Walls dry it in the Sun for part of our Winter provision; As also a large shellfish taken plentifully at Low-tides called an Ormond that sticks to the Rocks, whence we beat them off with a Fosel or Iron hook; 'tis much bigger than an Oyster, and like that good either fresh or pickled; but infinitely more pleasant to the Gusto, so that an epicure would think his  in Paradise if he might but always gormondize on such delicious Ambrosia, To borrow Aretine's phrase upon his eating a Lamprey.  
For Fowl your City cannot be better furnished with Woodcocks or Widgeons, besides the abundance of Duck, Mallard, Teal and other wildfowl, with Clift-Pidgeons with which at some seasons almost the whole Island is covered.  
Of Coneys we have every where exceeding plenty, and yet lest we should want, nature has provided us a particular Warren, placing at a small distance in the Sea an Island of about half a mile every way over, which is inhabited by nothing else whether we commonly go a Ferreting and have thence such abundance that it has been confidently told me some Families here have made 15 or ●0 l. a year only of their Skins; If all this rich fare will not content you, we have a most excellent Boatage made of Milk Bacon, Coleworts, Mackerel and Gooseberries boiled together all to pieces, which our Mode Is to eat, not with the ceremony of a spoon, but the more Courtly way of a great piece of bread furiously plying between your mouth and the Kettle.  
But lest you should think we mind too much our Bellies take next a survey of our political Government first for our defence we have a Captain with about 40 Soldiers, who continually keep Guard, and are maintained by contribution of the Inhabitants; Then we have a Court of Judicature held every Tuesday where an honest Fisherman we call the Judge, Another (at present his Son) that is entitled Monsieur Le Provest, a Person that has the gift of writing, and learning enough ●o read the Obligation of a Bond, serving as Clerk or Recorder, with 5 other sage Burghers that are Justices or some of them meet, and without any tedious formalities, Intricate Demurrers, special Verdicts, wiredrawn Arguments, chargeable Injunctions, multiplied Motions, or endless Writs of Error, briskly determine all causes Secundum Aequum & bonum according to their Mother-wit and grave discretions except in Criminals where Life is concerned, in which case the offenders are immediately sent away for trial and punishment to Guernsey.  
Since the taking the place by the English Hugenote Ministers officiating, the people have subscribed to the Discipline which beyond the Seas They call Reform, But wanting much of that beauty and decent order wherewith the Church of England entertains her Children, The present Minister (whom I must acknowledge a person of more Industry and parts than could be hoped for among such people) hath lately begun Teach Grammar to the Children with Writing and Arithmetic, erecting a School for that purpose, so that who knows to that prodigious Learning we may here one day arrive? Sure I am, the genius of the people cannot but be docible, since they are naturally of a courteous affable temper, and the least tainted with Pride that ever I saw any any of their Nation; That apish variety of fantastic fashions wherewith Paris is justly accused to infect all Europe, has here no footing; where every one retains the same garb their Ancestors wore in the days of Hugh Capet and King Pippin, so that I can give small encouragement to any of the Knights of the Thimble to transport themselves hither, where Cucumbers are like to be more plenty than in the backside of St. Clement's; Each man religiously preserving his vast ●lew Trunk Breeches with a Codpiece larger than King Harry●s, and a Coat almost like a Dutch Froes Vest, or one of your Waterman's Liveries; Nor are the Women behind hand with them in their Hospital gowns of the same colour Wooden sandals, white Stockings, and Red Petticoats so mean they are scarce worth taking up; Both Sexes on Festivals were large Ruffs and the Women instead of Hats or Hoods Truss up there hair, The more Gentile sort in a kind of Cabbidge-net, those of meaner Fortunes in a piece of Linen perhaps an old dishclout turned out of service, or the fag end of a Tablecloth that has escaped the persecution of washing ever since the Reformation; This they tying on the Top make it show like a Turkish Turban, but that part of it hangs down their backs like a Veil, which might be of use to our wanton youngsters when the Spirit moves them to a kissing exercise, but that we are never in such case put to use violence. For though our Females for proportion and complexion are perfect French, and may for the most part without any usurpation assume Don Quixots Title of, Damsels of the ill favoured Face, yet to compensate that (and 'tis much this Sex should know their own defects) they are the most kind and obliging in the World, so sprightly, frolic, and gay-humourd that I am confident Mahomet can no where pick up more buxom Girls to stock his Paradise with.  
But 'tis more than time to release your patience, save that I persuade myself you have not had enough to read half thus far, let me conclude with a word or two of our Trade, which I confess is not very great to the Levant or either of the Indies, Bristol and some other of your Western Ports being the furthest places of our traffic: for the grand and almost only Manufacture of our Island being knitting, which our People perform with a wonderful dexterity both for Stockings, Gloves, Caps and Waistcoats, Men Women and Children being brought up to it: so that you may commonly see 30 or 40 of them assembled in a Barn, which you would take for a Conventicle of your sweet singers of Israel. for though all ply their knitting devoutly, yet at the same time they tune their pipes: and torture some old song with more distracted notes, than a Country Choir does one of Hopkins his Psalms; these commodities when finished we vend into England at the places aforesaid, having several small vessels for that purpose, and thence in return furnish ourselves with necessaries.  
I doubt not but by this time you repent your curiosity and confess that I have sufficiently tormented you with the Isle of SERKE, nor know I any way to receive your good opinion, which I am more than confident my tediousness has forfeited, but by begging your pardon and drinking your health in a black Jack of French Wine, which paying no custom we have here as plentifully cheap as in Faance itself; I hope you will pledge me at the Bear, where if the old Bacchus be still living commend me to him, assure all my friends that I shall return their loves with usery, speak my respects particularly to Esq D. Cap. S. and to yourself take me as I am,  
All this though you read it not till Michaelmas was t●ld you at Serke this 1rst of April old stile. 1673. Wholly and entirely your most affectionate Kinsman and humble servant. F. W.  
FINIS.