What will you have? A calf WITH A WHITE FACE.  
Or, a Relation of his travails from England into Ireland, Scotland, Poland, Holland, Amsterdam, and other places, and is now newly arrived in the city of London, where he means to abide.  
 depiction of a male figure in cavalier dress, a calf with a white face, and three male figures in puritan dress  
Printed at London, 1649.   

What will you have? a calf with a WHITE FACE.  
ALL those who are troubled with the Grumbling in the Gizzard, or the Fancies, whom no Government, or any Order, Rule or Power in Church or State can content; all such as are never well( full or fasting) Who will have better Bread then is made of Wheat, with the rest of that stubborn and stiffe-neck'd Generation; all these sorts of mischiefe-making Murmurers, that labour the ruin of all, for their own peculiar profits and private ends; such as only love themselves, and yet hate one another deadly; all such I do freely invite to the eating of my calf with the white face.  
Now what this calf is, and what it is not, or from whence it came, and had it's breeding, is necessary to be declared.  
First, this calf is not a golden calf, such a one as the two-legg'd Calves of Israel worshipped whilst Moses was in the Mount; nor such a one as the brace of Calves was, which Jeroeboam set up, the one at Beth-el, the other at Dan. For if my calf had been a golden Beast, 'tis ten to one he had been Sequestrated, and justly broken in pieces, and transformed into a melted calf, and consequently coined for some other uses; nor is it an Essex calf, or Walthams calf,( that went nine miles to suck a Bull, and came home again thirsty;) nor did I ever red, or hear, that any of these forenamed Calves had white faces.  
Thus have I  told you what my calf was not, is not, or ever like to be; now I tell you what he was, is, and will be. It is but a little calf( for the greatest Calves are not the sweetest veal) yet as little as it is, it is spread universally over the face of the Earth, and metamorphosed into a general proverb.  
And though it be daily in the mouths of thousands of people, yet it is never devoured or diminished, much like a Taylours Goose, never to be eaten; a mere invisible calf.  
My wise, and dearly-beloved Cousins of London have fed upon it a long time; they grumbled and repined against Peace and plenty, they had more of Gods blessings then they knew how to make right use of; their allegiance lay so heavy on their stomacks, that too many of them gave most part of their estates to have a public faithful Vomit, which made them cast, and cast away so extremely, that a number of them were like to have cast their hearts out, and so much over-strain'd themselves, that they are clean out of hope of recovery, for they have no other earthly comfort left, but a calf with a white face.  
And all those that grudge against the just Rights of the King, are justly deprived of their just Rights, which( by more then a good many) were unjustly gotten; There was much Irish Land bought, which Lands are fruitful Fields in the Firmament, fat Pastures and meadows in the Clouds, and stately Castles in the air.  
A great number of mad men were possessed with a conceit, that those wise-Akers of invisible Land was to be sold and bought at easy rates by the measure of their own feet; which caused them to go to the Devills own shoemaker, who furnished them with Boots & shoes just in the fashion of his own cloven foot, of a reaching size, longer then the foot by three or four inches; forked as if they made horns at every body they met,( a most excellent policy to gain large kings,) for which thrifty bargain, they shal be feasted with the head and brains of a calf with a white face.  
A wicked crew in the city and country, who were imagined to be stout and strong Pillars of State; whose wisdom, integrity, and Loyalties, might have supported the Church and kingdoms in Peace and happy Government; But those Pillars are proved to be no better then Cater-pillars, having devoured and spoyled all our fruitful Possessions, spiritual and temporal; insomuch, that all those that did put any trust or confidence in them, have scarce so much hope left them as to feed upon the calf with a white face.  
It is said, that the East wind doth bring in the most part and greatest number of those kind of destroying Vermin, but we find( by lamentable experience) that all the winds have unfortunately blown them into our country, but the most damnable swarms of them were puffed with the blustering breath of Boreas, from the could North.  
Yet there are some amongst us who are grieved at the odds ' and differences that we have, and if they had( or may get so much power into their hands) they would speedily make all our odds even, and end our divisions by dividing.  
These are the upright-minded Levellers, that would have no King, no Magistrate, no Law, no Religion, nor any Man to have more wealth of more wit and honesty then another; that every one might be equal, trim tram, rowly powly, Jack as good as Charles, and joan as good as my lady, all fellowes at 〈…〉; But these fellowes shall have the calf with the white face.  
These kind of Levellers are of an ancient standing in England, and in truth they are no upstarts: for near 300 yeares ago, in the ●eare of Grace 1380, the fifth year of the reign of K. Richard the second, by the seditious preaching of person John Ball, they arose in arms for the same leveling purpose, and did much mischief in the kingdom, as you may red the full story in stows Chronicle, page. 292, and 293, to which book I refer such as desire further satisfaction.  
Now if every man were to be in an equality, we must be all Rich men, or all poor; all Wise men, or all fools; all with sight and limbs, or all blind and lame; all civill, or all mad; all sober, or all drunkards; all honest men and women, or all Whores and jesters; all true men, or all thieves; all old, or all young; all players, or all workers; all Labourers, or all Loyteters; all Gentlemen, or all clowns and Peasants; &c.  
I could insist further in this uneven kind of leveling, but enough is sufficient. Licurgus K. of Sparta, or Lacededemonia, when a Fellow asked him, whether he did not hold it very necessity to lay all degrees of Persons and their Estates level throughout all his Dominions, the K. answered him, That he would have him, and all the rest which were of his mind to begin first to make all Persons equal, and lay all level in their own houses.  
But now I have done with my calf, and my calf hath done with me; for a Scottish Pedlar hath gotten him from me, and carried away by Sea from England to Amsterdam in Holland, as this short following relation doth declare.  
There was a ripe-witted young Lad, born and brought up North-ward beyond berwick, between Edenborow and the High-Lands, his name was malcolm Magrigger; This Fellow being of the age of eighteen yeares, left his Country, and sailed in a Ship called the Mary-carry-knave into Poland; he had not been long there, but he was entertained by a Scottish Pedlar( who call themselves Merchants in that country) and having scarce served his Master two yeares, he thrived so well, that( by running away with his Masters pack) he set up for himself, whereby he grew so wickedly rich, that he left Poland and came into Holland; where at Amsterdam'd he hired a faire house, with a shop & a large ware-house, which he stored with all manner of such commodities as he supposed to be most vendible to others, and commodious to himself: You must imagine now that you see him in's Shop with many Customers about him & he very willing to take money as fast as he can.  
First, one came unto him and asked him if he had any Religion to fell; he answered, that he was furnished with all Religions, and would sell any man what he had most mind unto, for there was varieties and choice enough. look you Sir, hear is popery, if you like it I will afford you a good penny-worth.  
The other replied, that it was old and stale, and that it had a poor thing in it called charity,( which the Papists do imagine to be good-workes) which I hold to be an erroneous kind of Doctrine, for I am persuaded, that good works are not meritotious, and therefore myself,( with many thousands more of my opinion) never did any, and as near as we can, never mean to trouble ourselves with the doing of any. Then said the Merchant; Sir, I would be glad to take your money, I pray you take your choice; see here, will you buy the Protestant Religion, I tell you it is a good old one, and the old way is the good way, and the best way. It was answered. That the Protestant Profession did flourish a long time in England, till the mad people did mingle-mangle and tatter it into ragged Shreds and Sects, and though you have it to sell, yet i think no man is so mad as to buy it, for it teacheth Obedience, loyalty, and allegiance to Kings & Princes; Then said the Merchant, Sir, I think you came not to buy or bargain; I cannot please your humour, will you have a calf with a white face?  
Then came an old lady of the last edition friend( quoth she) have you any new fashions to sell for Ladies, Gentlemen, and Esquire? Laidie( said he) I have the best and newest within the walls of afric or America; here are most exquisite black patches for the face, to illustrate & make the beauty the more conspicuous; here they are in the forms of flies, pleas, Monkeys, and Mag-Pyes, Sun, moon, stars, owls and Pole-Cats: I can assure you lady there is much art in the creation of them, and they are in such request in England, that a Gentlewoman gave 100 li. for a black patch in the form of a Coach and four Horses, which patch was no bigger then the compass of a Scotch three pence. Tush( quoth she) I came to buy no such babbles, I would have bought some honesty, modesty; and chastity, for myself, and for my Daughters and Maid-servants: Pish quoth he, your Ladyship doth not well know what you would have, will you have a calf with a white face?  
Come Gentlemen, what lack ye? here are fine ribbons of all colours to wear for favours round your Hats, or to garnish and adorn your Codpiece for the honour and exaltation of the tool of Transgression; Come along Customers; here are curious Salt-Sellers and Knives hefte made of black, white, and gray marble, out of the Ruins and relics of old Charing cross; here is a fine Shooing-Horne made out of part of the nail of Gargantu's little finger, here are Dice made of the Eye-Teeth of the famous Witch of Endor: What, are you all lookers on and gaping-gazers, will nothing fit you, will you have a calf with a white face?  
Here is a rare piece of workmanship, a brave Picture of a good King to be sold, his person hath been bought, sold and bartered, more times then he hath fingers and toes; come buy, buy.  
What lack ye Sir? Then said an English man, have you any English books? yes Sir, I have books of Roguerie, Vilianie, lies, Perfect Currant lies, Moderate lies, lies of all shapes & sizes: The other replied, a pox take 'em, we have too many of them in England, they are as plenty full as dirt, and cried every day about the streets of London and Westminster for pence a piece. The Pediat answered, Sir, I have none that will give you content, I think you would have a calf with a white face; farewell, good night, I will shut up my Shop with  
Finis.