JOCO-SERIO.  
STRANGE NEWS, OF A DISCOURSE BETWEEN Two dead Giants, expressed in an Epigram, to one Inquisitive for News, and was composed by occasion of a scurrilous Pamphlet, ENTITLED, A DIALOGUE BETWEEN COLBRANT and BRANDAMORE,  
The two Giants in Guildhall London.  
Which Pamphlet was not only intended to abuse this Author, and some particular persons by name, but the said City also, in the late Election of their Parliamentary MEMBERS.  
Thereto is added an Antidote against all Ill News whatsoever, which proving effectual to many lately reputed fanatics, may possibly be virtual to some other.  
Jeers will be self-condemned,  
And sting less if contemned.  
G. W.  
London, Printed 1661.   

JOCO-SERIO. Strange News, of a Discourse between two dead Giants, expressed in an Epigram to one inquisitive for News, and was composed by occasion of a scurrilous Pamphlet, entitled, A Dialogue between COLBRANT and BRANDAMORE, the two Giants in Guildhall, LONDON, etc.  
FRiend, there is now, no Good news to be had,  
And, I intent to publish none that's bad;  
For, as Affairs yet stand, it may be treason  
To speak the Truth, if spoken out of season;  
And, though in season spoken, he that speaks it,  
May suffer by his folly who mistakes it.  
Yet (now I think upon't) a little scrap  
I met withal this morning, by mere hap,  
Which may be safely told: for nor to State  
Or Church, but to myself it doth relate;  
And, it hath made me smile, with scorn, to see  
What heed, Great men, begin to take of me.  
The Lord Mayor, & some Aldermen have known me  
Long time; yea, men of all degrees do own me  
With good respect, for whose esteem I care;  
And some, who of the best Extraction are.  
But, that's no News; or, none, at least, compared  
To that which now shall be to thee declared:  
For, be it known, that, though obscurely born,  
I am now honoured with a Public scorn  
(Divulged in print) as if reputed one  
Who hath deserved to be thought upon  
Among those persons, who are in these times  
Renowned for those Virtues, or those Crimes  
Which in this Age must punishment receive,  
Or honour; and next Age their judgement have,  
When they, who are no parties in the cause,  
Shall judge men, both by Gods & Nature's Laws.  
Mean while, their censures must be undergone  
Who neither know me, nor what I have done:  
For, they, who never heard of me; who never  
Did see me, nor shall hear of me for ever,  
Take notice of me, to my wonderment,  
And, not a little to my good content;  
Since, peradventure, it may shortly bring  
My person to be known unto the King,  
Who, if he truly know me would conceive  
That, usefully to serve him I might live,  
Although traduced I am by some of them,  
Who, in another mode, have served him.  
If thou hast read in Legends heretofore  
Of big-boned COLBRANT and great BRANDAMORE  
The Giants in GVILD-HAL; be pleased to know  
That, in a Dialogue betwixt those two  
My name is mentioned, with as much applause  
As I could wish, from Champions of that Cause  
For which they stand; and to as good effect  
As I can possibly from those expect,  
Of whom I never yet much notice took,  
And, to whom, in my life, I never spoke.  
These two Goliahs (things, as big almost  
As he, who once defied Israel's Host,  
(And had his Coxcomb cracked by little David,  
Because himself so rudely he behaved)  
These Ascaparts forsooth, I know not how,  
Pretend to be of my acquaintance now;  
And, this is such a Novelty to me  
That I have sent the same, as News to thee.  
For, News it is to me, and strange News too,  
That BUGS with whom I never had to do,  
Should show themselves, in my Affairs as witty  
As in the great Concernments of their City,  
Where they have had a place to them assigned  
At Public meetings, now time out of mind.  
'tis News to me, that, creatures of their frame,  
To any purpose, should repeat my name,  
Since, probably, they do not know their own,  
But, are the greatest Blockheads in the Town,  
Except it be those foolish Pamphleteers  
That, use to write such Dialogues as theirs;  
(Or, base Invectives tending to th' increase  
Of Discord, by the breach of civil peace)  
And, who, men's honest fames to overthrow,  
Shoot poisoned Arrows from an unseen bow,  
For, these are much more blockish; and this Nation  
Will never thrive, whilst these have toleration.  
However, this perhaps forewarn me may,  
That some as mighty, and as wise as they  
Will mention me ere long, to worse effect,  
And with a more malicious disrespect,  
Than these Detractors hitherto have done,  
Though me, they seem not, yet to think upon.  
But, be it, as it must be; Scorns and Jeers,  
Have hung so long, as Jewels at mine ears,  
That, whether my Reproach be less or greater,  
I shall myself esteem, nor worse, nor better  
For what, by others, is done, spoke, or thought,  
Whilst I, think, speak, and do the things I ought.  
He, that takes heed, what to himself relates,  
Needs not care what the world, without him, prates  
This, is my best News, at this present time;  
That which it wants in Reason, take in Rhyme.  
Farewell.   

A Postscript.  
BUt, take this Post script too (which, whilsta taper  
One lights to seal it) shall fill up this paper.  
Know, this was not intended to Retort  
Or Vindicate; but, only, writ in sport.  
He that asperseth me, himself doth hide  
Like those Bandits by the highway side,  
Who, cowardly do shoot unseen, and flay  
Before they dare to seize upon their prey;  
Yet, though I knew him, I have lately got  
So tried a Charm against all Paper-shot,  
That, only, smiling on him with disdain  
(To let him know he shoots at me in vain)  
I scarcely should, by way of compliment  
Spare him so many words, as Marshal spent  
On his Traducer, when, this Verse he flung him,  
Nos, ab hac scabie, tenemus unguem.  
Whose sense is (in the Language of this Isle)  
To scratch this SCAB, my nail I'll not defile.  
Know also, that the Cause I do not dread  
Those fearful Rumours which are lately spread,  
Is not, for that, I think, or do foresee  
Such things, are things impossible to be,  
For, when I heed, that still the selfsame path  
Is trodden, which an evil tendance hath;  
And, that, most men rush forward in that Round  
Wherein their Predecessors ruin found;  
When I perceive the Vices heretofore,  
Not only to be still the same, but more;  
That, nor GOD'S Judgements, nor his Mercies, whether  
Past, present, single, or joined both together  
Regarded seem; nor wholesome counsels given  
By men, or timely warnings deigned from heaven,  
But, that, still, wicked wishes, hellish prayers,  
Revengeful Projects, Jealousies, Despairs,  
And cursed speakings, daily aggravate  
That Animosity and secret hate,  
Which at the first begun our sad Distractions;  
And are fomented still in several Factions,  
Through that neglect of Justice and Compassion  
Which might effect true Reconciliation;  
I fear, what may to other men befall,  
But, fear not in my own respect, at all,  
Because, that, whereto things now feared tend,  
Have brought my hopes already to an end,  
As they concern this world; except, refin'de  
GOD shall restore them, when they are calcined.  
The Rumours which I hear, to me seem toys,  
Like Squibs and Crackers which affrighten boys,  
For, his Protection I am sheltered under  
Who speaks in love, even when he speaks in thunder.  
His Judgements are upon us, but the flame  
Will burn them, who are kindling of the same;  
For, by the paths which I see by them trod,  
I find our Foes, are not the friends of GOD;  
And, that when all our dross, away is fumed,  
They shall be purged too, or else consumed.  
He that secures me, will secure all those  
Who shall their confidence in him repose.  
No cause have any men to fear ill tidings,  
Who underneath GOD'S Umbrage have abidings:  
For, whatsoever succeeds, yea, come what will,  
It comes to them for Good, and not for iii.  
That will new-make them, which their foes destroys,  
Disgrace shall honour them, grief bring them joys;  
Even Death itself, shall be true life's possessing,  
And every Curse be turned into a Blessing.  
Then, all we have to do, is, down to sit  
Beneath this shade; all things to GOD commit.  
Pray to him for our selves, our friends and foes,  
And praise him heartily for all he does.  
If this be done, we shall be free from fears,  
Although the world doth all it can, or dares.  
G. W.  
FINIS.