A STEP TO THE BATH: WITH A CHARACTER OF THE PLACE.  
LONDON, Printed and Sold by I. How, in the Ram-Head-Inn-Yard, in Fanchurch-street, 1700.   

Books Printed and Sold by J. How, in the Ram-Head-Inn- Yard in Fenchurch-street; and by M. Fabian, at Mercers-Chappel.  

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A STEP TO THE BATH.  
THE Town, and its Diversions, being grown as Stolen as a Castoff Mistress; and the chiefest of its Inhabitants withdrawn to their Rural Pleasures; and Duns as Impudent as D— the Poulterian Officer: So that being Bereaved of the one, and damnably Fatigued by the other; Necessity, the Mother of Invention, obliged me to take a Country Journey, for Self-preservation sake; having Money to Spend, tho' none to Pay. And the last Summer's Expedition at the Wells, not agreeing with my present Constitution, and my Inclinations being bend after Novelties, I resolved to Steer my Course Westward, to see what Pleasure those Pools of Iniquity, called the BATH, would afford me. In order for which, I presently took Hack, and bid him drive me to that terrible Sign the Sarazens-Head in Friday-street, where I gave Earnest for a Place in the following Mondays Coach; but being Saturday, and late in the Season, I thought I should have no reason to Curse my Company, for mine was the first that was taken: But my Tun-bellyed Hostess, to Encourage me, said, That notwithstanding 'twas so late in the Week, she doubted not but there would be more Places taken before Night.  
In hopes of which, I left her to prepare for my approaching Journey; and Money being the Life of the Cause, I mustered up a pretty tolerable Sum, and for conveniency of Carriage, converted it into the Noblest of Metals. Then I began to think of the Redemption of several Captivated Necessaries, which an Unlucky Accident had brought into Bondage; as an ultramarine joseph, a Pocket Monitor of Tompion's Composing, and a Silver Hilted Ripp of the Isebrook's Temper; three as necessary Implements for a Traveller, as Goose, Yard, and Sheers, for a Tailor. Well, to Egypt I went, and Redeemed them from Slavery.  
And by reason I would be ready on Monday Morning, I went to Lie at the Inn on Sunday Night; and Enquiring of the Tapster what Company I was like to have, he said more he believed than I desired; for there was four Places taken just after I went, and three of the Passengers were in the House, and to Lie there that Night; the other was for a Merchant of Bristol. Then ask what those in the House were, he told me two Gentlewomen and their Maid Servant, who were just going to Supper. Whereupon I bid him go and give my Service to 'em, and tell 'em I was to Travel with 'em to Morrow, and should take it as a great favour, if they would please to Honour me so far, as to admit me into their Company, for I was alone. The Fellow brought word they desired me to walk in, and they should be very glad of mine. This being what I wanted, in I went; and after a few Ceremonial Compliments, and begging pardon for my Rudeness, I told them I was afraid I should have gone alone, but now I found I should be Blessed beyond my Hopes, in having the Honour, or rather Happiness, of their good Company. I wish, Sir, replied one of 'em, it may answer your expectation, for our Sex is counted but very indifferent Company to Travel with, and you are like to be Fatigued with three of us. As for Children, and Testy Age, Madam, answered I, I agree in the Opinion; but otherwise, condemn it as Erroneous: And for your Number, The More the Merrier. That's according as it proves, Sir, said she; neither would I have you Flatter yourself too soon, lest your hopes should prove abortive, but rather refer you to old Saffold ' s Advice, Read, Try, Judge, and speak as you find. I must confess, Madam, answered I, Experience is the only Touchstone; but I shall be mightily deceived in my Politics, if it does not make good my Assertion. I Presume, Sir, said the other Lady, You have Studied Saunders, and are well Versed in Physiognomy, or you could never pretend to so much Foreknowledge. At which I Craved the Honour of seeing her Hand, telling her, I had some little Skill in Palmistry, by which Art I perceived she required not much Castration; which made them both Laugh: And the first Lady asked me, if I had any Skill in Chiromancy, for the same Author Professed both. I told her not; but was satisfied she had; for her Charms had raised such a Spirit in me, that I knew not how to lay it without her Assistance. I never understood Magic, I Protest, Sir, replied she, and am mightily afraid of a Spirit: Therefore let's Discourse no more of such Unruly things, that neither of us know how to Govern. Your Power is as absolute in Laying as in Raising of them, Lady, answered I; but since 'tis your Pleasure, your Command shall be Obeyed, and I'll Shape my Discourse to what Subject you Please.  
But Supper coming in, they desired me to sit down with them, and having more Manners than to refuse so good a Proffer, I complied with their Request, and fed very Hearty. The Glass went Briskly about, that we were as Merry, as a knot of joval Tinkers over a Cup of Nappy-Ale, and I began to like my Company extraordinary well; but the Charming Inchantress and I, interchanged so many learing Ogles, that I could hardly mind our Discourse; Yet I understood so much, that she was a Widow, the other a Wife, and both Sisters, and also Strangers to the Place they were going to, as well as I; and had no other Call but Recreation; But I was for fulfilling the Scriptures, in comforting the Widow. Supper being ended, they called for a Bill, which was presently brought; out I lugged, and was going to Discharge, but they begged my Pardon, and would by no means suffer me; telling me I must submit to the Rule that is generally observed in Travelling, for the Major of either Sex to Treat the Minor. I must Acknowledge, Ladies, said I, 'tis an Old Custom so to do, but we are not now on the Road; however that Availed not, they pleaded the Prerogative of the Majority, and carried it Nolens Volens. Seeing they were so Resolute, I dispensed with the Affront, considering I had often put up a greater, and would not press too hard lest it should prevail; but that was a needless Thought, for the Young Widow drew from between her Snowy Breasts, a Purse Crammed as full of Yellow-Boys, as a Clerk of a Markets Bag of Copper John's, and Discharged the whole. Seeing of which, I thought I could do no less in Honour than call for my Flask; Craving Leave to present them with it as my Foy; and being a little Elevated with the Noble Juice, we were as jocund and frolicsome, as a Countrey-Vicar at a Gossipping. In came the Wine, without Disputing who should pay for it; but at last, Night, the Lover's Bliss, and Bane of good Company, Obliged us to withdraw to our Chambers. Upon which, I told the Ladies, I should think the time very tedious till I should be so happy as to Enjoy their good Company again. We are apt to believe Sir, answered they, you will think the journey so, by reason of the Dullness of it. Say what I will, Ladies, said I, you Foy'l me with my own Weapons, and are pleased to retort my Words to their own Centre. So after a profound Cringe or two, with a Gripe of the Paw, and as many Amorous Glances at my Charming Widow, who returned me the like, we parted: But never any happy Bridegroom Longed for the Approaching Night, more than I for the succeeding Morning.  
No sooner had I entered my Chamber, but I found a Secret Passion had possessed my Soul, and I was all on Fire: Ye Powers, cried I, what strange Fever's this that Rages in my Breast, and Riots in my Blood? Not Liquid Fire by its first Cause Fomented, burns Fiercer in Earth's Centre, than I flame within. Tame this Unruly Flame, or touch her Heart that first Kindled it, with a Coal from the same Altar. Nay 'tis impossible to relate how violent my Passion raged; but in Love I was, that's certain; but whether her Purse or Person begat this Flame, is a very Nice Question, and I protest I know not; for, as Mr. Cowley says, 
Gold alone does Passion move,  
Gold Monopolizes Love.   
For Gold has Unresistable Charms as well as Beauty; is of a Corroding Quality; of an Attractive Nature, and bears a great influence o'er the Optics. And 'twas very probable that Purse was only Prologue to a far greater Sum; so by consequence must needs have some Operation; not but the Ladies were both very Amiable, in the Bloom of Vigorous Youth, bore a good Aspect, had no mean Air, Free, and without Reserve in their Conversation; and their Deportment declared them of no Vulgar Quality. But the Charming Golden Widow was the Idol of my Soul, Subject of my Thoughts, and Centre of my Wishes; Musing on whom, at last dull Morpheus Sealed my Eyes, to relieve my Captivated Senses. 
But, Oh ye Gods! no Rest could I obtain,  
The Charming Fair did o'er my Slumbers Reign;  
And in strange Dreams Augment my Rapid Flame.   
By that time Forked Cynthia had withdrawn her influence, and bright Aurora risen from Thetis Lapet, I shook off the Drowsy God, and blest the joyful Day. Looking out of my Window I perceived they were preparing for our Journey, which made me Rig with all imaginable speed; and as I was going down, who should I meet but my Cherubimical Widow, equipped like a Goddess, and Adorned with Ribbon like the Fore-Horse of a Country-Team? After we had given each other the Time of the Day, Lord Sir, said she, are you but just up? Why we are almost Ready to go; Certainly you Slept very Sound. No Madam, answered I, since I have had the Happiness of see-you, Rest has been a Stranger to my Breast. Have I disturbed you Sir, said she? If so, I ask your Pardon, and am sorry for it. Ye Gods, cried I, what shall I say? Or how shall I express myself? Inspire my Tongue with Eloquence, thou God of Love, to make her sensible of my pain. Oh Madam, cried I, you are Innocent of your Crime, and guilty of the Fact: You have Robbed me of my Rest, Fired my Blood, and Stolen my Heart; see how it Hovers o'er your Panting Breast, and fain would gain Admittance. I Vow Sir, answered she, your Discourse is so Mysterious, that it wants another Oedipus to unfold. And for what you are pleased to charge me withal, is a false Accusation; neither have I Vacancy to Entertain it. Ah Madam, replied I, I could soon convince you of your Error, if you would give me leave to search in a certain Corner you have about you that shall be Nameless. At which she Blushed, and told me I was mightily Mistaken: But allow it so, since 'twas Ignorantly committed, and without any premeditated design, she hoped I would be so generous as to Forgive her. Never Madam, said I, unless you vouchsafe to cast an Eye of Pity, and Commiserate the Condition of your Languishing Lover, on whom the God of Love, if there be any such a Deity, hath Emptied his whole Artillery, and pierced my Heart with your all-Conquering Eyes: O Fie, Sir, answered she, this is mere Raillery, and only for your Diversion, a thing Customary with you General Lovers, in whom every New Face Creates a new Flame; of the Libertines Opinion, that a Woman, after she is once enjoyed, grows Dull and Insipid; and what you have now so solemnly pretended to me, is no more than you have already done to half our Sex, if possible; and such I take it.  
By my Soul I thought she was a Witch by her guessing so right, and was a going to tell her so, for every Syllable she uttered was as true as an Oracle. But finding by her Parlying I had made a Breach, I resolved to Storm the Castle. If you Harbour any such thought of me, Madam, answered I, by Heaven you do me wrong; for so pure is my Flame, and so Assiduous my Passion, without you give me speedy hopes, I shall fall a Sacrifice to your disdain, and Phoenixlike, expire in my own Flames. 'Tis but Breathing a V●in Sir, answered she, and your Fever will soon abate. Oh Madam, cried I, how can you be so Cruel? You gave the Wound, but Administer a contrary Cure. Wrack me no longer thus with Doubts and Fears, either retalliate me in the same Nature, or pronounce my Doom; for on your Lips my Fate depends. Indeed Sir, answered she, that requires more Consideration than the time will admit of now: Yet take this for your Satisfaction, if your Character and Quality answers your Appearance, and your Passion be real, you need not dispond of the Entertainment of that Trifle you are pleased to Charge me withal, but it shall find a Reception Suitable to its merits. At which she Sighed, and said our Company waited for us, but in the Evening would take an Opportunity to discourse further of it. Now Madam, you have raised my drooping Spirits to an Extacy of joy, answered I, Pardon my Presumption, and Abrupt proceeding I beseech you, in taking this opportunity to reveal my Passion, and impute it to nothing but Love, Almighty Love, for what will not a sinking Wretch catch hold on to save his Miserable Life?  
At which we separated, and joined our Company, who were preparing for an Antidote against Fasting, which we had scarcely completed, but were called on to Board our Leathern-Conveniency, and were penned up like the Beasts in the Ark; but I took care to have my Mistress my Opposite; and being settled, Whip proceeded on his Journey, and having a plentiful Morning's Draught, Tickled his cattle, drove like jehu, and soon conveyed us to the Sign of England's Champion at Cole-brook, an Inn famous for an Hostess, and Extravagant Bills for short Commons.  
Having refreshed ourselves with a good Breakfast, we re-entered our Coop, and was but very indifferent Company, for our Masculine Traveller, the Married Lady, and Mrs. Betty the Chambermaid, had a Long Game at Noddy: However it presented me with several Opportunities of Saluting my Widow, and Exercise abundance of Palm Lechery; but being come to Reading, we Dined at the Canonical. Nabb, where our Landlord was as Remarkable for his Bulk, as our late Hostess for her Tail; formerly he was a professed Baptist, but being chosen one of the Head Loobies of the Corporation, he renounced his Religion, Embraced the Faith, and was Christened Lumpus; his Corpse is of the size of a Rhinoceros, Measures full three Yards in the Waste, and his Legs bigger about than the Peers of the Town Bridge, the Doctor of the Parish hath excommunicated him from the Church; because his Snoring not only drowns his Voice, but disturbs the whole Congregation. Being deprived of the Church, he then took to the Flesh, and is reported to have overlaid three of his Servants. Having now stocked ourselves with Substantial Belly-Timber, and Liquored our Whistles, we pursued our Journey, and were more Sociable; the Ladies obliged us with several Songs, which they performed with an Excellent Voice, and good Judgement: But my Thoughts was chief Ruminating on the Fair Object before me, and how to manage my Amour at Night, every fresh Glance discovered concealed Beauties, nor was she unsensible of my Anguish, for her repeated Sighs betrayed her yielding Heart. 
Oh what Celestial Motion had her Eyes!  
Her Panting Breasts, how they did fall and rise!  
Conspiring both to fall my Sacrifice.   
And our Merchant took Notice of her Sighs, and asked her the Reason, she told him 'twas only a Foolish Custom; but I believe had he asked me, I could have given him a better Account. But come, Fellow-Travellers, said he, will you please to take a Dram of Right Nants? A good Cordial on the Road, and will digest our Dinner, I protest I forgot it in the Morning: So we accepted of his kindness, and drained his Bottle: but promised to recruit it the first opportunity; and to pass the time away, we engaged Mrs. Pert to sing a Song, and our Merchant and I promised to tell a Story: She pleaded she could not Sing, but would oblige us in relating a very strange Accident lately discovered; which was as followeth.  
About fifteen Year since, There was a Noted Tradesman near Aldgate, had two Children, a Son and Daughter, the Son was Aged about fifteen Years, and the Daughter twelve, he had a desire to put his Son Apprentice to some good Trade in the City, and gave him his choice, but he was very much Averse to it, his Inclinations being altogether for the Sea, and nothing would serve him but a Tarpaulin Master. At last his Father with much Regret Consented to it, and put him to a Master of a Ship that was bound for a Trading Voyage up the straits: At which the Young Man was Extraordinary Glad, took Leave of his Friends, and went Aboard with great Joy, but before three Months was Expired, News arrived that they were taken by the Algerines, from whom at that time there was no Redemption: The News of which, and a Considerable Loss the Old Man had lately Sustained by Fire, not only Reduced his Condition to a mean Subsistance, but broke his Heart, nor did his Wife long Survive him; and with the remains of their decayed Fortune, the Poor Orphan was put to a Sempstriss, but before her time was Expired, one of Exeter fell in Love with her, Married her, and took her with him to Exon, unknown to her Friends or Acquaintance; in a few Years after he left her a Widow, no Children, and but little to Trust to; which to improve, she set up her Trade, and Maintained herself very Handsomely, Living in good Credit; but her Unhappy Brother, who had the Misfortune to be a Slave, was bought by one that Lived several Leagues up in the Country, never having any Opportunity of sending to England, his Friends despaired of ever seeing him again, and gave him over for Lost. But see how Providence Ordered it, his Master Dyed, and by reason he had been a good Servant, not only Bequeathed him his Liberty, but also a great Sum of Money to Maintain him; and his Mistress who had often given him several Evident Testimonies of her Affections, would have Married him, provided he would Renounce his Religion, and Embrace the Mahometan, which he denied to do; but her Love was so Violent, or rather Lust so Raging, that it o'ver flowed the Bounds of Modesty, and by the Allurements of her Gold, enticed him to satisfy her Exorbitant Desires, by which means he had gotten a very Considerable Estate. But the Natural Inclination for his own Native Country, and great Desire to see his Friends, out-ballanced the Embraces of his Mistress, whose Gold was more prevailing than her Charms, and came the first Opportunity for England, and in a short time Arrived at Plymouth, the next day reached Exon; and having present occasion for some Linen, he Accidentally goes into his Unknown Sister's Shop and furnished himself, then posts for London; where to his great Grief he found as I have already Related, and by no means could get any Information of his Sister, his long Absence not only bereaved him of his Friends, but also of all his former Acquaintance; that he was become an Alien in the Place of his Nativity. The Deprivation of which, was an extraordinary Trouble to him, and the only way to Redress it, he thought would be to Alter his Condition; he Coveted not Riches, but Content, to Compensate for his hard Fate. But, Oh, how often are we Deceived in our Expectations, and our hopes Frustrated by an Allseeing Power? His Fancy presented none so Charming to his Eyes as the Exeter Widow: Nay, so great was his Passion, that immediately he goes down, Courts her, and in a short time Married her, brings her up to London, takes a House, and Lived very Happily together, had two Children by her; and no Discourse as yet of their Parents happened between them. But see how Fate Ordained it! Not long since, as he was Walking by Fleet-Ditch, he Espies his Father's Picture Exposed to Sale among Old Goods; which presently he Bought, and made a very strict Enquiry where they had it, thinking thereby to trace his Sister, but 'twas so long since they bought it, that they could give him no Account; however he Imputed it to be a very Lucky Accident, had it brought home with him, and with abundance of Joy shows it his Wife. Telling her, 'twas the Picture of his Father, and how Accidentally he came by it: At which, she was mightily surprised, and told him, If that was the Picture of his Father, (which Heaven forbidden) she was his own Natural Sister: He Astonished at this dreadful News, asked her a few more questions, she Resolving of which, Confirmed the Discovery, and hath Involved them into a great deal of Trouble and Consternation of Mind; for the Easement of which they have had the Opinion of several Learned Divines; who Advise them to join no more in their incestuous Bed, but Live after the Natural Bonds of Affinity, and since 'twas Ignorantly Committed, it mitigated the Crime, and they were more to be Pitied, and none could be so Barbarous, as to reflect on their Unhappy Offspring. But 'tis to be Feared, it will prove Fatal to them both, for they Labour under an Agony of Mind, that nothing but Death or Distraction is Expected.  
Her Story being Ended, the Ladies Confirmed it, and declared they knew the Parties; and it had not been Discovered above two or three Years; but while we were Commiserating their hard Fate, we came to a village called Theal, and Stopped at Old Mother Cleanly's, at the Sign of the Divine Clamour; as Noted a House for Bottle-Ale and Plumb-Cakes, as the Folly on the River of Thames, for Bad Wine, and Lewd Whores: Nay, Slash declared he dares no more pass by without calling, than the Forked Animals miss Cuckold's-Point, in their Journey to Horn-Fair: But having participated, and given our Approbation on her Commodity, we Travelled on, and our Bristol Merchant told us, he presumed, we were a going to the BATH for Diversion; but his Journey to London was such a Novelty, that 'twas scarce to be Paralleled, and Notwithstanding it had occasioned him a great deal of Trouble, it might Divert us; with that we desired him to Relate it, which he presently did, after this manner:  
The Place of my Habitation you already know, of which I have been a Merchant almost this thirty year, am a Widower and have several Children, but my Eldest Son being very Desirous to Live at London, I put him to an Eminent Draper in C—, but before he had Served half his Time, he kept such high Company, and was Acquainted with so many Rakes of the Town, that his Master was as weary of him, as he of his Master; so I was obliged to take him Home, and Designed to bring him up a Merchant, but the Infection he received at London, made too great an Impression to be Discharged by my Documents, which often occasioned no small difference between us; about a Month since, having some very Urgent Business in Wales, which required my Absence for at least twelve or fourteen Days, I left my Daughter to manage my Domestic, and he my other Affairs, and took my Journey; but that Night I left him, he sends Word to all my Correspondents at London, that I was Dead, (as I understand since) and that he should be with them in a short time, for his Father having left him a Plentiful Estate, he designed to leave off Merchandizing. This News Startled my Acquaintance, and they sent him several Letters of Condollence; and my Death passed as Currant on the Exchange, as if it had been sworn by twenty Irish Witnesses. My Daughter who kept my Cash, sent him a Letter of Advice, of the Payment of some Bills, I had lately drawn on him, which he received and answered; he also intercepted the Letters I sent his Sister, and about six days before I came Home, takes fifty Pound of my House Cash and posts for London, and before he Appeared Public, clothes himself in deep Mourning, Visits my Correspondents, tells them he came to Administer to his Father's Will, and Balance Accounts, and takes up of my Goldsmith 1300 l. who paid it him all in Gold, as he requested; having Accomplished his Ends, Cast off his Mourning, New Rigged, and now I hear is gone for Rome, to assist at the jubilee; but when I came home, missing of him and my Money, I presently Conjectured he was gone for London, and was afraid he would take up more, therefore made all the speed I could after him, to prevent it, but he was too Nimble for me; my Acquaintance was all possessed with a Panic Fear, and so surprised, that they took me for a Spirit, and would hardly believe their own Eyes, but I soon Convinced them of their Mistake, and they me of my Sons Proceed.  
And this Generally the Product of sending our Children to London: Well, had I forty, I'd never send any of them to London again: Now he is gone Loaded with Gold to Rome; Perhaps, about a Year or two hence, I shall have him return, as Light as a Common Strumpet, as Shabby as a Broken Officer, and as Foppish as a City Beau; but I will never Look on him again. Make no Rash Vow, however, Sir, said I, lest you Repent it; (for Nature will prevail) he may Return a very Accomplished Gentleman, for Travelling conduces much to Education. Yes, answered he, As going to the Dancing-School, does young Wenches, who if they have but a little Money are presently Catched up by some hoping Coxcomb or another, that hath nothing to Trust to, but a Pair of Rotting Shanks, which are scarce able to support his Wavering Carcase. I find Sir, replied one of the Ladies, You have a great Aversion to London Education, and the very Thoughts of it gives you the Spleen? Pray, what is the BATH for a Nursery? For during the Season, that is a Place of great Resort. Why, answered he, That's out of the Frying-Pan into the Fire, and as Eminent for Wickedness as London, ' Bating its Magnitude. With that, I told him, I perceived he Harboured no better Opinion of the Tuition of his own Country, than of our Metropolian Seminary; and my Story would but Augment his Disgust.  
Now being got to the end of our Stage for that Day, we referred mine for the next, and Newbury was as welcome to us, as Michalemas Term to the Bawling Quill-drivers, after the Long Vacation: Our Quarters was at the King of Beasts, and after we had Saluted our Ladies, and bid them welcome to Newbury, we Viewed our Chambers, gave Order for our Supper, and Refreshed ourselves with a Glass of good Burgundy; and having some spare time, our Merchant went to Visit a Friend in Town, and I gave the Ladies an Invitation to take a Walk, which my Mistress was willing to, but her Sister, being something indisposed after her Journey, desired to be excused; and as Good-Luck would have it, the Maid was obliged to stay with her: So my Charming Widow, after she had dismantled herself of her Riding Accoutrements, and I Augmented the weight of my Bush, by almost half a Pound of Powder, was ready to March; our Landlord understanding we were disposed for a Walk, Conveyed us out at his Back-gate, where we found a most delicate Grotto of Nature's, not Art's Composing, half environed with a Murmuring Brook whose purling streams Created a most Melodious Harmony, and the whole Composure seemed a Second Paradise.  
Having walked a turn or two, I thought it convenient to put my Widow in mind of her Promise. Pardon my Presumption, Madam, said I, in taking the boldness, to put you in mind of this Morning's Conclusion, for no fit opportunity than now can present itself; here we are retired, and the place seems to be dedicated for the same purpose. Sir, answered she, how can I be assured your Passion is real, since your Acquaintance is so slender, in which if I should be deceived, how shall I be Ridiculed by the Censorious World? I presume not, Madam, replied I, to lay any Claim of meriting your Esteem, as to the Quality of my Person; nor yet am I so despiseable in my Descent or Fortune, to incur your disdain. But Love, Almighty Love, who knows no Bounds or Equals, is my Plea; and notwithstanding my Love is of so late a Date, it is as pure as Vestals Flames, and firm as Fate, and all my pretensions Honourable. If so, Sir, said she, I do Agnize your Passion, and return you mine; for Blushing I must own it, when first I saw your Face, an unusual Flame seized my Heart and kindled in my Breast Unknown Desires. At this Confession I fling my circling Arms about her Lovely Waste, and almost stifled her with Kisses. What then remains, cried I, my Life, my Soul, but to Quench our Desires, and delay our Bliss no longer? At which she started back, and told me she thought, or she was much Mistaken, before she revealed her Passion, I declared I designed nothing but what was Honourable; if so, what means this unruly Proceeding? Only the extreme Ardour of my Flame, my Dear, answered I; for who can behold the Tempting Tree, and forbear to pluck its luscious Fruit? Not till the Priest hath made it Lawful, Sir, said she, for Fear,— Oh, for Fear.— By Heaven, and all that's Sacred, Madam, cried I, those Fears are Needless; for sooner shall the Silver Morn forget to dawn, the Glorious Sun to steer its course, than I prove false to you. What then should hinder us now, from Satisfying our Craving Appetites, before the Sluggish Priest hath Craved a Blessing. At which, she sunk into my Arms, and by her Dying Eyes gave her Consent; then calling to mind the Alacrity to be used in Courting a Widow, and that now might be the Crittical Minute, I laid her down on Nature's Carpet, and made bold with Mother Earth for a Bolster; and notwithstanding all her faint Resistance, rifled her joys, roving through all the hidden Labyrinth of Love, and by our Mutual Embraces Quenched our fierce Desires, than Could and Billed like a pair of Amorous Doves, swearing Eternal Constancy afresh, and to tie the Gordian knot the first opportunity.  
But in our Discourse I took an occasion to make a scrutiny into her Affairs, that I might understand what Bargain I was like to have, if I performed my Promise. She told me she had been a Widow near two years, had no Child, was worth 3000l▪ and lived with her Sister, who was Married to a Gentleman near Hackney; and living so far off, was the reason they lay at the Inn last Night. This News methought Augmented her Charms, and having enjoyed the Shadow, I hoped in a short time to reap the Golden Substance. Having outstaid our time, a Messenger came to Desire us to make haste, for our Company and Supper waited for us: But when we came, and had given them an Account of our pleasant walk, and Description of the Delightful Grove, (but not a word of the Paradise of Love) they seemed to be sorry they did not go along with us (that neither of us was, I am certain.) Having Supped, they brought us a Bill, which was as reasonable as a Reckoning at a Hosier-lane Bawdy-House during Bartholomew-Fair; for a Brace of Middling Trout, they charged us but a Lease of Crowns, Six Shillings for a Shoulder of Mutton and a Plate of Gerkins, three and Sixpence for Six Rolls, and three Nipperkins of Belch; and two Shillings more for Whip in Drinking our Healths. Their Wine indeed was good, so was their price; and in a Bill of two pound four Shillings, they made a Mistake but of Nine; I asked what Countryman my Landlord was? answer was made, Full North; and Faith 'twas very Evident, for he had put the Yorkshire most Damnably upon us. But being to rise very Early, we went to Bed soon after we had Supped; and was called by Break of Day, my Widow presented us with a Pot of Chocolat of her own Preparing; and filling my Dishes fuller than ordinary, I Conjectured 'twas for my good Performances, dashed with a little self-interest; after which we recruited our Bottle, and renewed our Journey; but I marked his Gate with a Cross as red as the Sign. And before we had Travelled a Mile, the Ladies laid claim to my promise to relate my Story, which I was obliged to perform, and was thus.  
There was a very Eminent Shopkeeper in Westminster, had the misfortune to have a very Extravagant Son, who by his Continual Profuseness, Consumed him a great many Bags of a certain Commodity much better than Cherry-Stones; he was not only very Indulgent to him, but Maintained his Family; he being of a Roving Mind, could not Confine himself to Business, but went from his Father and Family, changed his Name, and Raked about the Town; but by Accident got Acquainted with two Young Women, who kept Shop on the Royal-Exchange; the youngest of them he Courted for a Wife, and in a short time Married her, made an Extraordinary Figure, and as Mighty Pretences; but he had not Enjoyed her long before 'twas Discovered, and he Obliged to Live with his First, who was no ways deserving of such an Unkind Action; but rather Worthier of a better Husband; and being asked the Reason, why he would offer to Commit Polygamy? He answered, Though Plurality of Caesars was not Safe for a State, Plurality of Wives could be no Crime.  
But the Poor Young Woman was very much Disappointed; all her hopes Blasted, and her Promising Imaginations proved Vain Chimeras. For he in a little time after abandoned both, and took a Trip to jamaica, where in three Months he Married a Rich Widow, worth at least 7000l. Sterling, and before three years was Completed, she made her Exit; which he esteemed to be the Happiest Day in all his Life, the result of all his hopes, and the only mark he aimed at. Now being Master of a Plentiful Estate, he soon Converted it into the Commodity of the Country, and Sailed for England, with a Joyful Heart, and Prosperous Gale; and upon his Arrival at London, found himself a double Widower, and his Exchange Wife Married to a Dutchman, who was so Enamoured with her Fiz, that notwithstanding he had heard of her Misfortune, he tied the Noose, and became One Flesh, though of two very different Constitutions. She was Young and Airy, and Married him more for the sake of his Money than Person; he Old and Impotent, and as Jealous as a Spaniard, by which her Condition was much worse than before; for on the least Distaste, he would be Reflecting on her former Husband, who had not seen her since the Discovery, nor she him, but heard of his Success, though not by what means he had attained it; and was extreme Sorry she had Contracted the last Marriage; but he having a desire to see her, tho' not to take her again as a Wife, and thinking Time, Absence, and the Alteration of his Attire, and Hair, (for when he Lived with her, he wore his own, but now a Full Wigg) was Disguise sufficient to Conceal him from her Knowledge, goes to the Shop, and she Congratulated him, with the usual Compliment, of What do you want, Sir? Two very necessary things, Madam, said he, Clean Gloves and a Pretty Wife; and I Presume you may supply me. Of the First, Sir, answered his Wife, We have Choice; but the last is a very scarce Commodity, and very difficult to be had. I was in hopes, Madam, replied he, you could have furnished me with both; but more especially the last. But she and her Partner both knew him, contrary to his Expectations: Sir, said her Partner, I am persuaded you have no occasion for a Clog; for so a Wife is generally Termed. But such a Pretty Lady as this is, would be counted rather a Blessing, Madam, answered he. You wrong your judgement very much, Sir, replied his Wife, For Nature hath not been so Liberal to me in her Endowments, as you are pleased to Flatter me with all. Besides I am a Wife already; and here the dull Animal: comes. As he approached the Shop, the other spoke to him after this manner: I have been Courting this Lady for a Wife, Sir, but I find you are so happy as to be before hand with me. That's more than he knows, Sir, said she Smiling. By which he perceived they knew him; but her last Husband being Ignorant who he was, took it as a great Affront, and in a mighty Passion abused her in a very high degree; and Upbraided her with her first Husband; which so grated his Spirits, that it revived the glowing Embers of his Love, and the Concealed Sparks broke out into a violent Flame. Thou Mercenary Villain, said he, to Upbraid thy Wife with what her Innocence was imposed on; and as I am the Man that was the Aggressor, I'll do her that Justice to make you ask her Pardon, here Publicly on your Knees: Or by Heaven, this Moment is your last. At which he drew his Sword, and the Glittering Steel so scared poor Hogan, that he presently fell on his Marrowbones, Craved her Pardon, and was Glad he came off so. Now, Madam, said he, to his Wife, had not you been so dis-honourable to me, on the Discovery of my Contract with you, I would have freed you from the Embraces of this Insiped Coxcomb; but since you was so Unkind, I can only Condole your second Misfortune, who was so Ungrateful to me in your first; then departed, and left poor Butterbox, to be ridiculed by the whole Society of Thimberkins. A Friend of mine was an Eye Witness of this, and knew both the Husband and Wife. Without doubt, said the Gentleman, This Spark was one of Solomon's Race, and London's Masterpiece. Oh, Sir, 'tis Reported he is very much Reformed to what he was; and Lives very Sober and Sedate. Then it ought to be Chronicled for a Miracle, said he.  
But being come to the Rocky Decent into Marlborough, we were so Damnably jolted, that our Merchant's Pocket Comfort Vanished, and the Brittle Metal was shattered into a thousand pieces; for the loss of which, I entailed such a Hearty Curse on the Place, that never since hath a Coach past, but it Overturned, a Wagon or Cart, but it breaks either Wheel or Axletree, a Horse, but he Stumbles; and all the Beasts that Graze near it, Die of the Murrain: At last with the help of a couple of Gigantic Loobies, to support our Tottering Caravan, we got into the Town, and tipped them a Hogg for our safe Conduct.  
Being come to Marlborough, we broke our fast at the Royal-Diadem, and had Mr. Mayor for our Landlord, a good jolly Bachanalian, who hath bestowed more in adorning his Fiz, than the Market-house cost Building; and being a Magistrate, I made a heavy Complaint against that Cursed Hill, demanded satisfaction for the Damage we had sustained, in breaking our Brandy Bottle, and told him, unless they took speedy Care to have it mended, I would Indite the whole Corporation. That we cannot do by no means, Sir, said he, For in so doing we should Ruin half the Town; for the Damage that Hill occasions, brings a Considerable Trade to our Wheel-wrights, Farriers, and Chirurgeons; also Creates no small Business to those of my own Function, and Maintains three or four Families to support the Coaches, and Assisting at other Accidents: But however, I'll present you with a fresh Cargo, and Advise you to take more Care for the future: Before we had Breakfasted, he was as good as his Word; but to retalliate his Kindness, we called for two or three Flasks Extraordinary.  
Having laid a good Foundation to Travel on, we quitted Marlborough, and soon came on a curious Down, much Noted for its Flocks of Grey Weathers, which often gave us Confounded Jolts, and put us in Mind of our Landlord's Caution, concerning our Bottle. But before we had Rod five Mile, we received Information of a Party of Light-Horse that lay Perdue to Ease us of our Rin●. This News made us look very queer, and my Company to sink the Coal with abundance of Agility. My Mistress was in a Peck of Troubles, for the security of her Ponderous Purse; and I thought by the motion of her Petticoats, she was a going to put it where my Lady— did her Watch: Our Merchant shuffled Lose Yellow-Boys by dozen, into the Linen of his Coat, and I Trusted to Providence: But at last to our great Satisfaction it proved to be a false Alarm, and by the help of our Nanterian Cordial, we Recovered our straggling Senses: The Discourse of which lasted us, till we got to Sandy-Lane, where the Road was so Damnable heavy, that two mile in three hours was an Extraordinary Journey, and the Corporation Trot to St. Paul's on Sunday, was a Fool to it: But at last we Arrived at the Sign of Chevalier Bruine, where we was to Dine.  
Here we had such an Amsterdam W— for our Landlady, that the like was never heard of. She hath Buried five Husbands, never had but one Son, and he was Hanged; thirteen Daughters, and a Dozen of them was of their Mother's Stamp, and the other Died an Infant; the Old one was a Widow, her Daughter's Maid, yet between them had more Children, than Rosemary-Lane affords on a Sunday; and most of their Sires was Soldiers or Cattle-Firkers. There was more Coaches and Wagons, drawn up before her Gate, than Hacks in Palace-Yard, during the Sessions of Parliament, or Termtime. All her Entertainment is Loins of Mutton, or Rabbits; and she makes more Broth in a day, than all the Chop-Houses in Castle-Alley in a Week. At last, with much ado, we got two of the aforesaid Dishes for Dinner, and a Nasty Jade to Attend us; who, as we understood afterwards, was one of her Daughters; but by her Looks, one would Conjecture the Devil was her Father; yet she was Recommended to us, for the flower of them all: But in my Judgement the Old one is more Inviting then any of her Offspring. The best Accommodation we had there was the Juice of Pippins, which we Drank very Plentifully, but by its Urinical motion, hindered Whip one Mile in four; and the Lady's Emissary, Mistress Pert, once was so hard put to it, that we thought by her Sour Looks, and the Ringing of her Knees, she had the Dry-gripes'; but at last a Natural Evacuation gave her Ease, and Created us a great deal of Laughter. Our Bill was composed in a few Words; and was very Moderate, considering what Extravagant Prices, we often give for Mutton and Coney in some Places.  
Having Dined, we proceeded on our Journey, but with a great deal of difficulty; for the Road was so Rocky, Unlevel, and Narrow in some places, that I am persuaded the Alps are to be passed with less danger, in the Performance of which our firking Essedarian was obliged to use abundance of Horse-Courting-Rhetorick to his Tired Ambulators; and when that prevailed not, to Exercise his Tickler; but we were jolted so Cursedly, that I thought it would have made a dislocation of my Bones; we all complained, but could find no Remedy; nor would I advise any who have been Sufferers in Venus' sports, to Adventure the Fatigue of a Coach to the Bath, lest it dis-joint a Member or two. At last when our Patience was almost worn out, we agreed to light rather than endure it any longer; but our Chariotier informed us, we were almost at our Journeys-end, which we presently found to be true, and Bath was as Welcome to us, as a good Dinner to a Covent-Garden Tooth-picker.  
Being come to the White-Hart, our long wished-for Port, we refreshed ourselves with much Joy, after our tedious Mortifying-Journey: And there our Merchant took his Leave of us, in a fresh Coach for Bristol: Then Enquiring for a Lodging, we were recommended to a Tonsers, whose Wife kept a Milliners-Shop in the same House, where was Accommodation for us all, tho' he had several other Lodgers in the House of good Quality. That Night my Widow and I had an opportunity to enjoy ourselves to our mutual Satisfaction, without any suspicion, and agreed to be made one Flesh, the first opportunity that offered. In the Morning we were saluted by the whole Fraternity of Cat-Gut-S●rapers, and could not get rid of them without the Assistance of an Angel. My Mistress and her Sister would not appear public, till their Baggage Arrived from London, which they did not expect in three or four days, so I had the Liberty to stroll alone.  
After I had Accountered myself to the best Advantage, (in which I made no small Figure) I went to the Coffeehouse, where I found several of my Acquaintance, who seemed to be Overjoyed at my Appearance, Embraced and Slabbered me, as an Old Woman does her Grand Child; ask a thousand Impertinent Questions concerning London, and what Company came with me? If Ladies, or Gentlemen? Whether any Quality was on the Road bound for 〈…〉 In which I satisfied them to the best of my knowledge; but after we had 〈…〉 or two, of that insippid Liquor, we Adjourned to Honest C— at 〈…〉 where we Enlivened our Souls with a Glass of good Bordeaux, 〈…〉 and from thence we went to see the Diversion of the Baths.  
Of which, 'tis not my Design to give you an 〈…〉 Original, and Eminent Cures; or a Description of their Structure 〈…〉; for that's already performed, in most of our Chronicles; 〈…〉 on the Ways and Intrigues that are managed there during the Season.  
The first we went to, is called the Kings; and to it 〈…〉, both running in one; and the most famous for Cures. In this Bath 〈…〉 least fifty of both Sexes, with a Score or two of Guides, who by their 〈◊〉 Carcases, and Lackered Hides, you would think they had lain Pickling a Century of 〈…〉 Lake: Some had those Infernal Emissaries to support their Impotent Limbs. Others to scrub their Putrified Carcases like a Race-Horse. In one Corner was an Old Fornicator hanging by the Rings, Loaded with Rotten Humidity; Hard by him was a Buxom Dame, Cleansing her Nunquam Satis from Mercurial Dregs, and the remains of Roman Vitriol. Another, half covered with Cerecloth, had more Sores than Lazarus doing Pennance for the Sins of her Youth: At her Elbow was a Young Hero, supported by a couple of Guides, racked with Aches and Intolerable Pains, Cursing of Middlesex Court, and Beveridges Dancing-School, as Hearty as job the Day of his Birth. At the Pump was several a Drenching their Gullets, and Gormandizing the Reaking Liquor by wholesale.  
From thence we went to the Cross-Bath, where most of the Quality resorts, more Famed for Pleasure then Cures, tho' they pretend it hath wrought Miracles on Barren-Soil, and wonderfully helps Conception. Not long since, a Gentleman of Quality was beholden to it for an Heir, as he reported; but his Lady is of a Contrary Opoinion; yet I know not what Operation such Tempting Objects may have by causing Titilation, and heighten Imagination, to procure an Immediate Conjunction. Here is performed all the Wanton Dalliancies imaginable; Celebrated Beauties, Panting Breasts, and Curious Shapes, almost Exposed to Public View; Languishing Eyes, Darting Killing Glances, Tempting Amorous Postures, attended by soft Music, enough to provoke a Vestal to forbidden Pleasure, Captivate a Saint, and Charm a jove: Here was also different Sexes, from Quality to the Honourable Knights, Country Put, and City Madam's: Nay, the Circumcised jew, could bath in Delight, Swim in Pleasure with the Gentile, and outvie a Courtier in Splendour, tho' they Crucifi'd his God; and Dispense with Christians-Flesh, tho' not with Swine's. The Ladies with their floating jappan-bowles, freighted with Confectionary Kick-knacks, Essences, and Perfumes, Wade about, like Neptun's Courtiers, suppling their Industrious Joints. The Vigorous Sparks, presenting them with several Antic Postures, as Sailing on their Backs, then Embracing the Element, sink in a Rapture, and by Accidental Design, thrust a stretched Arm; but where the Water Concealed, so ought my Peneus  
The Spectators in the Galleries, pleasing their Roving Fancies with this Lady's Face, Another's Eyes, a thirds heaving Breasts, and Profound Air. In one Corner stood an old Lecher, whose years spoke him no less than threescore and ten, making Love to a young Lady, not exceeding fourteen. The usual time being come to forsake that fickle Element, Half-Tub-Chairs, Lined with Blankets, Plied as thick, as Coaches at the Playhouse, or Carts at the Customhouse.  
Bathing being over for that Day, we went to walk in the Grove, a very pleasant Place for Diversion; there is the Royal-Oak and several Raffling Shops: In one of the Walks, is several Sets of Nine-Pins, and Attendance to wait on you: Tipping all Nine for a Guinea, is as common there, as two Farthings for a Porringer of Barley-Broth, at the Hospital-gate in Smithfield. On several of the Trees was hung a Lampoon on the Marriage of one Mr. S— a Drugmonger, and the famous Madam S— an old B— of London.  
Having almost tired ourselves with walking, we took to a Bench to ease our weary Pedestals. Now, said my Friend, I'll give you an impartial Account of the Perfections, Qualities and Functions, of a few particular Persons that are are among this Amphibious Crowed. For Notwithstanding I have been here not above a Fortnight, I am as well acquainted with the Town and its Intrigues, as old Justice P— with morefield's and Drury Lane Bawdy houses.  
Those two Ladies with the Gentleman in Blue, are Sisters, live near the Church that is Dedicated to a Saint who expired on a Gridiron, they are Amorous Dames; the Gentleman is a Broken Officer, and lives better on their Allowances, than he could on his Pay. This Gentlewoman in the White-Damask Gown, is a Sea-Captains Lady; who, while her corniferous Mate is Ploughing the Ocean, takes Care to manure his Pasture, that he may have a Fruitful Crop this Harvest. That Foppish Beau in Scarlet Stockings, whose Hilt of his Sword bears a bob with his Calves, and his Jubilee Hatband, lies stitched cross the Crown, was a Pettycoat-Pensioner to Madam C— near Bucklersbury; but being lately Discarded, is come down here for promotion. That young Lady with the Gold Orice Pettycoat, was a great Fortune, and not long since was married to a Flannel Waistcoat, and a double Nightcap of the same Stuff; But now by reason of her Husband's Imbecility, is forced to have recourse to the Bath. That tall Gentleman attended by three Liveries, is something of Quality, a right Courtier, for he abhors the Citizen's Wives as much as the Sword Bearer does Custard. That Broad-piece Doctor, in the diminutive Band, makes a purchase every year by the Wickedness of the Age; and Vindicates W—ing more than ever G. K— Writ against the Quakers. That Pert young Gentlewoman with the two Silver Fringes, was compelled by her Friends to Marry a Slovenly Stockjobber, and now is surfeited with his Embraces; and came to the Bath to mend his Breed. That Crafty Priest, that Son of Levi, is as fickle as a Weathercock, and would sooner discard a good Conscience, than a fat Benefice. This Tun of Iniquity, in the Crimson Gown with Monsieur at her Elbow, two Devils behind her, Aetna in her Face, all the Water in the Severn is not able to Quench her desires; she is a second Masselina, will tyre, but ne'er be satisfied; she hath already quartered a Troop of French Dragoons, a Regiment of Dutchmen, and now is come to Exercise a Battalion of Britain's. That Powdered Lobster in the Edged Hat, is the Spawn of a Broker; from thence Evapulated to a Bully, now shams an Officer, sets up for a Stallion of the first Rank, and pretends he receives several Favours from a Qualitificated Lady. That Spark with his Hat under his Arm, is a Limb of the Law, but hath Studied Chamberlins' Midwitry, more than Cook's Reports. That Dowdy Minx in the Scarlet Topping, and Pincked Scarff, is the Relic of a broken Grocer; an Industrious Woman, for her Head's no sooner laid, but her Breech is at Work. In short, for Fops, Beaus, and Bellfa's, this Place exceeds Greys-Inn-Walks on a Sunday Evening; and consists of greater variety of Persons, Remarkable for some Vice or Folly, than there are Ingredients in a Lombard-Pye for a City Feast; to give you a particular Description of each of 'em, will require a Weeks time at least. Come therefore let's go to some Tippling Mansion, and Carouse, till we have Exhilerated our Drouthy Souls: To which I readily agreed. About five in the Evening, we went to see a great Match at Bowling; there was Quality, and Reverend Doctors of both professions, Topping Merchants, Broken Bankers, Noted Mercers, Inns-of-Court Rakes, City Beaus, Strayed Prentices, and Dancing-Masters in abundance. Fly, fly, fly, fly; said one: Rub, rub, rub, rub, cried another. Ten Guinies to five, I Uncover the Jack, says a third. Damn these Nice Fingers of mine, cried my Lord, I Slipped my Bowl, and mistook the Bias. Another Swearing he knew the Ground to an Inch, and would hold five Pound his Bowl came in. But in short, the Citizens won the Courtier's Money, and the Courtiers Swore to be Revenged on their Wives, and Daughters.  
From hence we went to the Groomporters, where they were a Labouring like so many Anchor-Smiths, at the Oak, Back Gammon, Tick-Tack, Irish, Basset, and throwing of Mains. There was Palming, Lodging, Loaded Dice, Levant, and Gammonning, with all the Speed imaginable; but the Cornish Rook was too hard for them all. The Bristol Fair Sparks had but a very bad bargain of it; and little occasion for Returns. Bank-Bills, and Exchequer-Notes, were as Plenty, as Fops at the Chocolat-Houses, or Patternoster-Row. Having satisfied our Curiosity here; we left them as busy a shaking their Elbows, as the Apple-women in Stock-market, walnuts in October.  
And meeting with three or four more Acquaintance, we strouled to a Bristol-Milk Dary-House, and Enjoyed ourselves like 〈…〉 At Night I stole into my Mistress' Arms, as Vigorous 〈…〉 and Love, could inspire me; but she Urging mightily for 〈…〉 was not very backward to, we agreed to be Rivented 〈…〉 to engage the Maid to Assist her, and I, our 〈…〉 which accordingly was performed the next day, with a great deal 〈…〉 the Expense of half a score Guineas; and Spouse denied it might 〈…〉 continued in the Country, for some particular Reason 〈…〉 by the Priest, Madam Bride, and Mrs. Pert, managed it so, that we 〈…〉 any Mistrust. Let a Woman alone for a Contrivance, to 〈…〉  
About ten in the Morning, I was sent for by some 〈…〉 to the general Rendezvouz— Coffee-house, where Fools, Cullies, 〈…〉, resort as thick, as Stock-Iobbers about the Effigies on the Royal Exchange, 〈◊〉 Witicism was Abdicated, and Nonsense banded to and fro, like a 〈…〉. The last Night's Intrigue Whispered with abundance of Caution, and 〈…〉 was Prognosticated would be very Noble, for 'twas given by a Lady 〈…〉, and after an hour or two of their insippid Fustian and Blockheadly 〈…〉 went to Raffle for a Present for our Mistresses; and with the loss of 〈…〉 off a curious Snush-Box, worth four: But tho' I was Fortune's 〈…〉 a young Mercer of twenty jacobusses, and at the Oak the same Night double the Number, and a Bay Gelding.  
From thence we went to the Hot-Bath, and Leppers-Bath, but there was nothing worth our Observation, but a parcel of old Crutches, hung up in Memory of the Persons, that received those Miraculous Cures. The next place we adjourned to, was to Horrid-Toms; where we had good Wine, and better Company; and being my Wedding-Day, I went home to Dine with my Bride, and in the Evening prevailed with her to go to the Ball.  
Which is always kept at the Town-Hall, a very spacious Room, and fitted up for that Purpose. During which, the Door is kept by a couple of Brawny Beadles, to keep out the Mobility, looking as fierce as the Uncouth Figures at Guild-Hall; there was Extraordinary Fine Dancing, (and how could it otherwise choose) for Spouse and I had a Hand in it. A Consort of Delicate Music, Vocal and Instrumental, performed by good Masters: A Noble Collation of dry Sweatmeats, Rich Wine, and Large Attendance. The Lady who was the Donor, wore an Extraordinary Rich Favour, to distinguish her from the rest, which is always the Custom; and before they break up, to choose another for the next Day, which fell upon a Gentleman of Wales; but hur no ways Derogated from hur Honour, or Disparaged hur Country in the least, but her was as Noble, and as Generous, as e'er an English Gentleman of them all: To hur Honour be it Spoke.  
The next Day the Lady's Baggage Arrived from London; then they made as topping a Figure as any of them all; and the first Night after their Public appearance, we were so troubled with some serenading Coxcombs, that the whole Family got up, and had not Mrs. Betty, been very vigilant, my new Adopted Flesh and I, had been catched a-bed together; for which good Service, I rewarded her with a broad piece of her own Name. A Sunday we went to Church to the Abbey, a very Ancient Cathedral piece of Antiquity, and kept as badly in repair; 'tis Crowded during Divine Service, as much as St. Paul's, in which time there is more Billet Deaux conveyed to the Ladies, than Notes to desire the Prayers of the Congregation at B's— Meetinghouse: and as the Ingenious Doctor in his Discourse, told the Audience, He was afraid most of them came more out of Custom and Formality, than in Devotion to the Sacred Deity, or a suitable Reverence to the Place of Worship. Which was very True I am Confident, and the Ladies were the only Saints several came there to Adore; as this Billet Deaux will confirm; it was conveyed in a Candid Orange to a Lady in one of the Galleries, which she by Accident dropped, and I had the Fortune to find.  
Madam,  
Had Fortune that Fickle Goddess, but honoured me with your Acquaintance, as she has by seeing of your Person, I should not have been so Presumptuous as to have offered these imperfect Lines to your fair 〈…〉 Stars ordained me no such happiness, I was forced to make my 〈…〉. Commit that to Writing, which ought rather to have been 〈…〉 this Evening I shall be in the Meadows, pity your Slave, and 〈…〉  
R.  
In the Evening 〈…〉 much resorted to for pleasant Rivers, and delicate 〈…〉 Parkfor Coaches, and a St. James' for Beau's and 〈…〉 there was Chaucer's Sempstress, my Lord R— Mantua-makers' 〈…〉 Fops, Antic Beaus, and Blustering Bullies innumerable, London 〈…〉 like Countesses, and case-hardened Impudence; bantering Young 〈…〉 Shopkeepers Prentices: Nay my Millenian Landlady, and her Sister 〈…〉, and as well matched as a pair of Nice Coach-Horses; much much 〈…〉 for an obliging Temper, the other for a Beauty; but ask 〈…〉 Cook, he'll tell you they Rival each other in their own proper 〈…〉  
After an 〈…〉 Walking, I Treated my Ladies with the best the Place afforded, and then returned Home. But the next Morning I received a Letter of Advice from London, of the Death of an Aunt, who had made me her Heir; which put me in mind of the Old Proverb, It never Rains, but must Pour. However this was no ill News to my Bride, nor me neither; only requiring my speedy appearance at London; but I promised Spouse and the rest of my Acquaintance to be with them again in a Fortnight's time, and tho' an Heir, took Leave of them with as much Regreet, as the Dutch-Guards of Kensington; and the next Morning took Post for London. Having now given you an Account of my successful Step, I'll make bold, and give you my Sentiments of the BATH.  

A Character of the Bath.  
'TIS, neither Town nor City, yet goes by the Name of both; five Months in the Year 'tis as Populous as London, the other seven as desolate as a Wilderness. It's chiefest Inhabitants are Turn-spit-Dogs; and it looks like Lombardstreet on a Saints-day. During the Season, it hath as many Families in a House as Edinburgh; and Bills are as thick for Lodgings to be Let, as there was for Houses in the Friars on the Late Act of Parliament for the Dissolution of Privileges; but when the Baths are useless, so are their Houses, and as empty as the new Buildings by St. Giles in the Fields: The Baths I can compare to nothing but the Boilers in Fleet-lane or Old-Bedlam, for they have a reaking steem all the year. In a word, 'tis a Valley of Pleasure, yet a sink of Iniquity; Nor is there any Intrigues or Debauch Acted at London, but is Mimicked there.   
FINIS.