THE World Bewitched. A DIALOGUE Between Two ASTROLOGERS AND THE AUTHOR. WITH Infallible Predictions of what will happen in this Present Year, 1699. From the Vices and Villainies Practised in Court, City and Country.  
LONDON, Printed in the Year 1699.   

TO THE READER.  
AS the Stars would have it, I happened to be a hopeful branch of that ancient and renowned Family of the Wisemen of Gotam; my Father was a Moorfields-Astrolologer, and my Mother a Lancashire-Witch; and I being the firstborn of both, are thought by most People to be a Conjurer: I have a natural propensity to Sleep in the Day time, and Sat up at Night, to observe the Aspects and Motions of the Planets: By the frequent use of which, I have peeped a wonderful height into the dark Mystery of Stargazing.  
When, by long Study and Experience, I had Cunningly crept into the supernatural Knack of Fortune-telling; and by the help of Heaven's Lamps could resolve all Lawful Questions, to the full satisfaction of Prentice-Boys or Servant-Wenches, I hung up the Sign of the Golden-Ball; and professed myself as knowing a Wizard as ever foretold the downfall of the Whore of Babylon, and the prosperity of the Protestant Religion: But thought it requisite, like the rest of my Fraternity, to have two Strings to my Bow; and being luckily furnished with a few Wormeaten Receipts to make a Powder-le-pimp, to Charm away an Ague, stop a Gonorhea, prevent or further Conception, or cause Miscarriage; I also turned Medicine-Munger, having acquired the true Method of Sifting Nurses, pretending to discover the Distemper by the Patient's Urine.  
Thus Qualified as a Student in Physic and Astrology, I supplied half the Town with Bumfodder, till I had made myself so Eminent by my own Praises, and a false Catalogue of my Cures, that every minute of the Day I had some Twelve-penny Fool or other at my Knocker. Having now raised myself to a Considerable Reputation amongst Strumpets, Idiots and Rope-dancers, I thought it high time to manifest my wonderful Foresight of future Chances and Changes, by some infallible Predictions for the present Year; which if they happen not according to my Calculation, I'll be bound to acknowledge the Art of Prognostication is all Ridiculous, the Professors of it to be Knaves, and those who Believe in't to be arrant Fools.  
The World cannot be unacquainted with the great Emulation and Irreconcilable Enmity between G—. P— r and I—. P—dg, about a piece of Art which no body knows, and scarce any Body believes, viz. Making of Sygils and Fore-timing of Destinies: It being lately my Fortune to bring them together, I cannot but Oblige the Public with a Vera Copia of a Learned Dialogue that arose between them; with which I have begun the following Treatise, to the great Credit of our Wrangling Ephemerists▪ and I hope to the Diversion of the Reader.   

A DIALOGUE Between Two ASTROLOGERS, etc.  Author. 
I Am very glad, Gentlemen, of this opportunity to bring you Face to Face, in hopes it may be a means of reconciling that unhappy Difference kindled between you, by the Contagious Influence of some malignant Star; and am heartily sorry Men of your Reading in the Library of Heaven, should expose through prejudice, the little Slips and Failings of your Lives, to the World's Ridicule.  P— r. 
You are mistaken, Sir, it was not the Stars that set us together by the Ears, our Quarrel was occasioned by the Pride, Ignorance, and Sauciness of that Cobbling Predicter there, who understands the Sowling of a Shoe much better than the Motion of the Planets; and never could Foretell any thing by the Heavens, but what was Communicated to him upon Earth by wiser Noddles than his own, or else the Prophecies in his Mene-Tekel would have proved as false as his Calculation of the late King's Nativity, who was to die, according to his Judgement, many Years ago; but is still living in spite of his crowd of Directions.  P—ge. 
Did you ever hear, such an Impudent fellow as this, to disparage a Man of my knowledge to my Face? It's true, I am a Shoemaker by Trade, but it's well for you, I have not my Toolls about me, for if had, I should either lay my Strap cross your Shoulders, fling a Last at your Head, or stick my Awl in your Arse, and mark you for a poor paltry, Whistling, Cutling, Ignoramus Fortune-teller.  Author. 
For shame, Gentlemen, forbear these Billingsgate Aggravations; such Language, is a very scandal to the Art of Almanack-making. Bless us! should the Stars govern Mankind at no better a Rate, than you Astrologers govern yourselves, what a disordered World should we have? If you are at variance about being your Arts Masters, this is never the way to decide the Quarrel; you should have some nice Questions in your Art, stated by a third Person, and try who can bring them to the best and most regular Solutions.  P— r. 
I have given him a fair Challenge, in my last and other Almanacs, to perform a Trial of Skill with me at these following Weapons; Quadrant, Fore-staff, or Nocturnal Globe, Celestial or Terestial, Seat and Compasses, at the erecting of any Scheme, for the discovery of lost Goods, calculation of Nativities, prediction of National Revolutions, etc. For I would have him to know, I am a lover of the Mathematics, and can see as far beyond the Moon as another; but he's nothing, but a Cowardly Pretender, a false Prognosticator, a mere State's Juggler, and dares as well to take the great Bear by the Tooth, as engage me at anything.  P—ge. 
You Broken Cutler, you Astrological Quack, you Mongrel in Religion, you Sigill-maker, nay, You jacobite-conjurer, have you confidence to contend with a Man that can read the Decrees of Heaven in the Stars, foretell the fate of Kingdoms, and foresee human Destinies? Who amongst you all could predict England's happiness, in the wonderful Revolution, but myself? Who could give the Nation the comfortable assurance of the speedy downfall of Popery and Slavery, but myself? And shall I stand to be Catechised by a Counterfeit Wizard, a Mob Fortune-teller? No, I scorn it; I'd have You to know I'm above it.  Author. 
I protest, Gentlemen, if a stranger were to hear you compliment, he would scarce believe either of you had been bred at Court: If the Planets you converse with have so rough an influence upon you, that are their Interpreters, I declare rather than breed my Son amongst the Stars, I would bring him up at the Bear-Garden.  P— r. 
You must needs conceive he is an Illiterate fellow, by the coursness of his Language; a scurilous Pen, and a busy Tongue, are his only Weapons of defence; Railing and Lying being the two Talents he is Master of; they are his security against all Detections, and the main Supporters of his Impudence and Ignorance against all Assaults of the Learned and Skilful Lovers of Astrology, who make a mere Bauble of him, and whip him about from one to tother, as Schoolboys do a Top.  P—dge. 
You jacobitical Planet-peeper; you old Purblind Stargazer; with what confidence do you thus affront a Man that is well known by the good Subjects of the Nation, to be a True Blue-Protestant-Prophet? Who never foretold any thing against Popery through the whole course of my Life, but it certainly came to pass as exactly to the time, as the Sun comes upon the Meridian at Twelve a Clock? And here's an old fool with his headful of Circles, Ovals, Angels, Pentigons, Hexagons, and Octigons, thinks with a little Mathematical Nonsense to worry me out of my Reputation; but I'd have you to know, I'll make the Planets piss upon you before I've done with you yet.  Author. 
Indeed Mr. P—dg, you are too Choleric with your Adversary; your Talk is just like your Writings: Wherein you show more Passion than Discretion; and more Malice than Art. I am fearful your living so long in Holland has done you a diskindness, by changing your English Temper into the surly habits of a Dutchman: Tho' I must confess your Antagonist is something in the fault too; but not so much as you are.  P— r. 
If you'll believe me, Sir, I have no prejudice against him at all; he has in his Papers used me Scurvily; and has spitefully picked a Quarrel with me without any manner of provocation, charging me with things as false as his Prognostications; and I am bound to say something in my own Defence, or every Journyman Shoemaker would laugh at me.  P—dg. 
Did you ever hear such an insinuating old Star-groper? Did ever I accuse you falsely in my life? Did you not turn Quaker to get a Wife with three Hundred Pounds, and forsake the Religion as soon as you'd Married her? Did you not at that time keep a Cutler's Shop in Newgate-street no bigger than a Butter-Firkin? Were you not as poor as a Clapperdugeon, till the Fortune of your Wife redeemed you from the Stings of Necessity, and danger of the Counter? Did you not use her basely, to the shame of yourself, and distraction of the Poor Woman? Did you not lock her up in your Garret a week together, and carry the Key in your Pocket? Did you not use to beat her, and whip her Immodestly with a huge Rod, to tame her of a Fura Matricis? Did you not at last turn her out of Doors, and take in her Room a handmaid, with whom you now Cohabit? If you can, without a blush, say this is fabulous, I'll be guilty of that Irreverence as to avouch the Stars are Liars.  Author. 
What say you now, Mr. P— r? He has opened a long Catalogue of Crimes against you: I'll assure you if this be true, you will forfeit my good Opinion of you: And to be down right with you, I shall think you as wicked a Man as a Meal-tub Plotter.  P— r. 
This is Malice in perfection, Envy without parallel, a pack of Lies without Colour, the very suggestions of the Devil; and begging your attention Sir, I will justify my Innocence, against these Villainous Reproaches, to the face of him who was the original Projector of all these Calumnies against me. In the first place, I was no more a Quaker, than my Adversary a Good Christian, though the latter part of my Education was amongst 'em; I never conformed to their Faith, Discipline, or Preciseness: Tho I acknowledge I have been often at their Meetings, yet my Opinion was always as foreign from their Principles, as my Opposite's Practice is distant from the Rules of True Religion and Morality. In the next place, I never lived in Newgate-street till I was Married, but in Newgate-Market; and my Shop was as much bigger than a Butter-firkin, as the best Room in his House is larger than a Meal-tub (He knows my meaning.) In the Third place, I never had Threescore Pound with my Wife, instead of three Hundred; and all my Neighbours know, to the satisfaction of my own Conscience, I used her with that Lenity and Love, as the best Husband could possibly show, tho' to the worst of Wives; who with an unnatural aversion sought the Ruin of her Husband, and Beggary of her Children, in as many Impious Designs and Detestable Contrivances, as my Rebellious Enemy ever engaged in to destroy King Charles, and Subvert the Government. And lastly, Instead of my turning her out of doors, she shamefully deserted me and her Children, as he did the Kingdom, both equally laden with insupportable guilt of wrongs, which the one had done to his King and Country, and the other to her Spouse and Family.  Author. 
I am very glad to hear you have so handsomely discharged yourself of these scandalous Accusations your Opponent has brought against you: And the deep concern with which you seem to deliver your Vindication, begets in me a more than ordinary Credulity of your Innocence. For I believe your Adversary, like other partial Prognosticators, does not always confine his Tongue and Pen within the strict Bounds of Truth, and Rules of justice..  P—dg. 
How Sir! what do you mistrust me? Do you think I would tell a Lie for the matter? I'd have you to know I scorn it. What I have said is truth, Sir, I can bring three or four as honest people to Swear it, upon Occasion, as ever were Evidence in the Popish-Plot. I'll warrant you he'll with the same Impudence deny that ever he Poisoned his wife in a mess of Water-gruel, or that ever he hid Linen, and carried her before a Justice of Peace, and swore she Robbed him.  P— r. 
I believe old Nick has set up a Mint in your Brains for the Coining of Lies. I wonder with what confidence you can insinuate these things to the World in your Merlinus Liberatus, except you are desirous of robbing the Devil of his Glory; and be reckoned amongst mankind the greatest Liar in the Universe. To be plain, both with you and her, she has often (be it to her Conscience) defrauded me of both Goods and Money, and I have often detected her in it; but as for hiding of any thing and laying it to her charge, I look upon it to be equally ridiculous with the harshness of that Father, who having burnt his Bible on the Saturday, beat his Son on the Sunday, because the Boy could not find it to read a Chapter. For a Man to commit a fault with his Right-hand, and Swear it upon his Left, I cannot imagine the drift of such a senseless projection. I thank my Stars I have more gravity and discretion, than ever to be guilty of such Whimsies. And as for putting Poison in her Water-gruel, I always loved her too well to do her a Mischief, and myself too well to be hanged for her: Tho I confess I have oftentimes prepared her a Mess for Breakfast, but never put any thing worse in it than Bread, Butter, Sugar, and Salt; and for what harm this could do her, I am answerable: So that all your Envious Darts are thrown in Vain, and return, like Balls pelted at a Stone Wall, to him that cast 'em.  Author. 
Indeed Mr. P—dge, I begin to be jealous these Criminal Allegations you have published this Year in your Merlin, against my old friend, are down right Impositions, and Inventions of your own, without any Authority, for what you have there and here asserted. I doubt you don't deal fairly with the World, for I have observed you have treated Gadbury, Coley, and others, after the same manner, as if you were aiming to make yourself Lord Ascendant over all Artists in the Nation.  P—dge. 
Him, hah, I say, Sir, he's a fulsome jacobite, and I believe you are another; and I can narrowly guests your Destinies by your Physiognomies, without Calculating your Nativities. I do Justify what I have said against that thingutted Capricorn to be all Truth, for I was told it by three or four of Mr. B—ges Congregation, who I dare Swear have never told a Lie since the Revolution.  P— r. 
I wonder a Man of your Ignorance in Astrology, and Experience in all sorts of Villainy, should dare by false and Studied Calumnies to asperse another, when the very Truth spoke of yourself, you know to be the worst of Scandals. Were you not guilty of a Conspiracy against King Charles, to Murder him at the Ryehouse, in order to pull down the Church and Subvert the Government? Did you not Calculate the Nativity of his Brother, and both Ignorantly and Maliciously foretell his Death to be Speedy, who is living to this day? Did you not Treacherously flatter your great Friend the Duke of M—th with the assurance of the Crown, till you and the rest of his Seducers had brought him to a sad Catastrophe? Did you not fly into Holland to escape what you deserved? And is not the Copy of the Depositions made against you, inserted in the Frontispiece of my Ephemeris, as true as the Bible?  Author. 
Certainly, Gentlemen, when you have told one another your minds throughly, you'll cool by degrees into a more Friendly Temper, or you'll maintain the old Adage to some purpose, Two of a Trade can never agree.  P—dg. 
I am so far from disowning myself an Abetter in that Glorious Design, That 'tis the Pride of my Age, and Pleasure of my Life, to be put in mind on't. Is it not an Honour to my Grey-hairs, to have been a Champion in a Good Cause, for the Redemption of— Liberty, Property, and Religion, from the hands of Tyranny, Popery, and Slavery, which had got the Nation by the Crown, the Church by the Pulpit, and the People by their Estates? The Mistake of my Calculation of the King and his Brother's Nativity, were wilful Errors; I reported not as I found 'em by my Judgement of the Hileg, but as I would have found 'em, for the encouragement of the good Friends to the Nation, to have gone on in the work of the Lord with the greater Cheerfulness; and shall I be upbraided for the good Service I have done my Country, by a jacobite Turncoat, an Enemy to the Government, a Scandal to the Protestant Church, a Lover of the French King, and a Believer of Impossibilities?  P— r. 
I have observed, for many Years, every Artist that does not comply with your Nocturnal Imperfections in Astrology, and mistaken Principles in Religion, you brand with the Name of jacobite: But I would have you to know, as I am no Fanatic in my Opinion, I am no, Papist in my Conscience: I have no Devil in my Brains, or yet a Pope in my Belly. I am for no Tyranny, Popery, or Slavery, nor am I for a Commonwealth. I am no Knave in the exercise of my Function, or a Fool in the business I pretend to. I am no Bigot to any party, or a Rebel to Authority; but can serve my God with Sincerity, Obey my Prince with Loyalty, pray for the Church of England's Preservation, wish my Country's Welfare, and show myself in all things an honest Man and a good Subject.  Author. 
I must confess, Mr. P— r, I think it very highly concerns you to quit yourself of that unseasonable Title Jacobite, for that is likely to do you the most prejudice of any calumny he has endeavoured to fix upon you: The very Name is as Odious to a True English Protestant, as a Fart to an Irishman. Besides, they are a poor Party, and nothing to be got by 'em; and by this time can pretty well guests at the Fortune of their Cause, without the help of an ginger.  P—dg. 
He knows what I say to be true enough; he cannot deny but he has been building of Castles in the Air for them this seven years, to keep his faint-hearted Brethren from disponding: But now he finds the Stars look but with a Malignant Aspect upon 'em, he would be as glad to turn his Coat, could he do it with advantage, as a Seaman is to change his Shirt when he finds he's Lousy.  P— r. 
How Natural it is for an ill Man to suspect others to do that, of which himself is guilty? Should my Conscience guide me to be what you suspect me, interest should never alter my Opinion: But could I once submit to be, what you really are, Interest might then steer me as the Rudder does a Vessel, and make me Tack with every Wind that blows for my Advantage. I shall say but little more, either to detect you, or Justify myself; but refer you, and the World, to my Ephemeris for this Year, where may be seen a Just and Modest Defence of myself, against all your Aspersions; an open conviction of your Ignorance in Astrological Judgements, with a recital of your False Prophecies, Erroneous Calculations, and other Impositions upon the too Credulous Multitude.  P—dge. 
I think Sir, I have taken Care to be pretty even with you, and have drawn your Picture so to the Life in my Merlinus Liberatus, that every Body that knows you, says 'tis much liker the Original, than the Effigies at the beginning of your Almanac. And as for my Prognostications, the World (contrary to your Reproaches) has found 'em Truths; and I will boldly say, and think it no Presumption, That all my Predictions have proved as Infallible as Mother Shipton's Prophecies.  Author. 
Certainly, Gentlemen, your Lungs are like an Anchor-Smiths Bellows; and your Tongues capable of a perpetual Motion, or, me thinks, by this time, they must needs be tired. Give me leave to interpose something that may give you a little respite. If you will promise to be Silent, and defer the remainder of your jangling Controversy till another Meeting, I will read you over some Predictions of my own, of strange things that I am assured by my Art, will happen within the Circle of the present Year; and look you here they are, if you will give me your attention.  P— r. P—dg. 
Yes, Yes, Sir, with all our Hearts, and think ourselves much obliged to you.   

Infallible Predictions For the Year 1699.  
AStrologers this Year will Err very much in their guesses, to the great Scandal of a pack of Prophesying Knaves, and grievous disapointment of abundance of Fools: And he that puts his Faith in the Stars, as well as those who give Credit to a Stargazer, will through the whole course of his life be liable to be cheated.  
He or She that loses either Goods or Money by the Rapparees, and consults a Cunning-Man, or Woman, about the recovery of 'em, flings Good Money after Bad; for I have discovered by the Motion of Mercury, the God of Thiefs, 'tis a Thousand to one whether ever they find them.  
Who ever have their Nativities Calculated, will be as much the Wiser, as if they had kept their Money in their Pockets, but if they will be generous, and fling away a large Gratuity, they need not fear but their crafty Conjurer will assign them Long-Life, Health, and Good-Fortune.  
That Innocent Young Lady who thinks her Virginity unsafe without a Charm or Sigil to secure her from the fraud of insinuating Tongues, and other Amorous Temptations, and buys a Fools-bauble of a Fortune-teller for half a piece, or a Guinea, to protect her Virtue, if she be so Silly to be Cozened out of her Money, may the next hour, if Mars proves Ascendant over Venus, be cheated out of her Maidenhead, in spite of her Guardian Angel, if Opportunity and Importunity concur in the Misfortune.  
This year will arise great disputes among Prentice-boys, Chambermaids, and Cook-wenches, about which tell Fortune's truest, Gipsies or Astrologers. To the Saffron-coloured Diviners the Pre-eminence will be given, because they dispatch their business for less Money; and tell you as much Truth by the inside of your Hands, as the other can do by the outside of the Heavens. When Almanacs have done Selling, both their Conditions will be equal, for the Stars being angry they are false Read by their Interpreters, are resolved, before Sol has run half his Annual Progress, to make 'em all as poor as Gipsies.  
An abundance of Country Attorneys will flock up to London the latter End of this Term, to the great Consumption of Pricked Wines, and Temple-barr Puddings; who will fill the Town for a time, with such a Crowed of Scribletonians, they'll be scarce able to live honestly one by another. Westminster Hall will be as full of Rooks, as the Change at two a Clock is of Owls: And that unhappy Bird who falls into their clutches, will be sure to be well plucked before he gets out again. Many Fools go thither to look for an Honest Man, but may search, as Diogenes did in Athens, a long time before they find one fit for their Business, It is a common saying, a good Lawyer must be a great Liar; for which reason the Devil and a Pleadsr wear both one Colour.  
The Malice of Law-Adversarys will be pretty well assuaged when the Term's over: The long Bills of Attorneys and Petty Foggers will make them agree to call themselves Fools, and their Lawyer's Knaves: Promising to renounce Law for the future, as good Christians do the Devil and all his Works. A Married State and a Chancery Suit, the World may account equal; for most People, before the Snaky Year has clapped her Tail in her Mouth, will heartily repent that ever they engaged in either.  
Old Buffet-Stools will come again into Fashion, and be much in Request. The true Saxon Tennis, will now be put in Practice, and Balls will fly about in every Street without the help of a Racket: Many Servant Wenches will have Sorer Palms by Playing, than ever they had by Working. She that puts a Ball furthest, will be reckoned a good Playfellow, and he that can strike furthest at another sort of Stoolball, will be accounted by the Maids, a good Bed-fellow. Those who could not purchase New clothes at Easter, will be glad to have them at Whitsuntide, and if they fail of 'em then, especially Women, they'll go near to be had in their minds a Month after.  
Abundance of time will be now spent in Bot'ling of Ale, and Baking of Cakes, and a great deal of Money, by such who have more Wealth than Brains, will be be flung away upon these alluring Commodities. Many a Maid will go a Mile or two out of Town, and forgetting herself, will lose that which she had better have brought home than have left behind her.  
Loose Livers, and Loiterers, will now begin to grow Religious, and walk on a Sunday to Pancrass' Church, with a great deal of Devotion, though in Town, if they live next Door to the Lord's Temple, they will go a Mile out of the way to spend their time at an Alehouse; for they Love no Preaching, unless it be over their Liquor.  
Every Gardener will now be as busy as Father Adam in Paradise, to turn Horse-dung into Radishes, and Ram's-Horns into Sparrowgrass; and will be very Angry if any of his Family should lay a Sir— ce out of his own Ground. Abundance of Dunghills on another's side the Water will be painfully Improved to raise a Summer's Feast for Tailors, but the first, of their Product must be Sauce for my Lady. Abundance of Distempered Blood will be buried at the roots of Vines, therefore Drink not too much of the Juice of the Grape, lest it brings your Body into disorder.  
Poverty and Pride next Easter, will go hand in hand, many will pinch their Bellies to adorn their Backs, and tumble upon their Backs to please their Bellies. Whoring will be much Railed against in Churches, but never more Practised in Chambers. Many London-Prentices will be forced to Eat Suffolk Cheese, that their Master's Daughters may be kept at a Boarding-School. Honesty will be reduced to a low Condition, and be forced to tug many a Knave by the Sleeve, to put him in mind of his Promise; and Virtue, in plain Dress, must Pin up Vice's fine Gown for a Livelihood. Justice will be in every Man's Mouth, but in few men's Hearts; we shall hear often of her Name, but know not where to find her, and where she ought to dwell we shall not dare to look for her.  
Many Limberhamed Lechers, and their Ladies of Pleasure, will in the Spring enter into Aesculapius' Powdering Tub, where with Swelled Heads, and Loose Teeth, they will make slabbering Protestations against the Wicked Sin of Whoring, but soon as they're well pursue the same Vice, till at last with Rotten Bones, Infectious Bodies, Stinking Breathes, and Stinking Noses, they fall Martyrs in Venus' Cause, coveting Death to avoid Shame and Misery.  
When the Sun makes his first entrance into the Sign of the R●m, the Number of London Cuckolds will begin daily to increase; our City-Dames will now refresh themselves with Walks to our Neighbouring Villages, and more Marmulet Madams, will be met stroling in the Fields, than Honest Women in the Streets: Ladies will begin to think of Tunbridge, Epsom, Richmond, Dullidge, etc. to fill their Bodies with those Impurities, of which they pretend to cleanse them. Any handsome, lusty young Fellow, that has been in a Starving Condition all Winter, if he will show himself at the aforementioned places, need not Question in a little time of getting clothes to his Back, and Money in his Pocket, if he can but work hard and keep Council. Citizens with Jealous Hearts, and Horned Heads, begin now to be Tormented with Curtain-Lectures for New Gowns, Petticoats, and Nick-knacks, and he that refuseth to comply with his Wife's Request, shall lead as bad a Life as a sturdy Beggar in a House of Correction.  
Those who have buxom Daughters, must take care to provide 'em Husbands, or guide 'em with a straight Rein, lost the active motion of their Spirits, this Spring-season, begets such an Itch in their Tails, that will make 'em Dote on your Prentices, or suffer their Heels to be Tripped up by your Servingmen, the first Opportunity.  
Punks that are Poor, will begin to dread the approaching Summer, for a long Vacation is as terrible to them as to Lawyers of the lower Degree; an empty Town soon brings them to empty Purses, and want of Money to the worst of Infamy. So that she who had the Honour to be Debauched by a Duke, may in a little time after, (without the kind Influence of her Stars prevent it) be Kicked by his Footman, or Kissed by a Porter. For many a Topping Courtesan, now at a Guinea Purchase, will dwindle from her Velvet Scarf into Rusty Lutestring, and will be at a Hackney Coachman's Service, the next Vacation, for a Cast of his Office and a Quartern of Brandy.  
We shall find a great Emulation between Pawn-brokers and Tally-men, who should be thought the Honestest men, though both in their Dealings, according to Custom, will daily strive who should run first to the Devil headlong. Usurers in old time were Damned by all good Men for Ten in the Hundred, but we shall find e'er long, every honest Citizen will with a safe Conscience take Thirty, and think himself in as fair a way to Heaven as the Parson of the Parish.  
Women of all Ranks and Qualities will this Year be very forgetful of their Prayers, and very mindful of their Paint and Patches, some to Plaster up the Wrinkles of Age and Debauchery, others to hide Imperfections as great men do Faults, by making greater; some like true English Painters, not knowing when the Face is well, by endeavouring to mend it, will daub on till they spoil the Piece: She that begins at Seven a Clock in the Morning, and can get thoroughly Dressed by Dinner time, will be looked upon by her Sex to be a nimble Gentlewoman; and she who confines herself to one Gallant at a time, though she Discards every Month, will be reckoned, as times go, a Lady of great Honour and Constancy.  
Pretty Women this Year will be very plenty, and that generous Gentleman, who has a mind to have a Handsome Wife with nothing, because she should be the more Humble, and not upbraid him with her Portion, may easily meet with one that has not so much as a Smock to her back, and when he has her, I'd advise him to keep her so, for than he need not fear any body else should take up her Linen.  
The Price of Hackney Horseflesh will now begin to be advanced every Week from Saturday to Monday, by reason of the vast number of Citizens, who having put their Wives out to Grass, Ride down every jews Sabbath, to give them a Breathing, for fear they should suffer themselves other ways to be mounted by fresh jockeys, who have no Right to the Saddle.  
Pedlars, Jugglers, Cadators, Beggars, Fiddlers and Fortune-tellers, will now begin their Progress round England, to the great Slaughter of Pigs, and Poultry, in defiance of Prison, Pillory, and Whipping-Post. Mountebanks are preparing their infallible Packets, and mustering together their Fools, Orators, and Rope-Dancers, in order to Cheat Rural Ignoramus's out of their Health and Money: Scarce a County in England but will be invested with a High Germane Quack-Salver, and his Vagabond Retinue to the Plague of the Poor's Purses, and Punishment of their Carcases.  
As sure as the end of Mirth is the beginning of Sadness, so will the A●●e of the Spring terminate in the very Nose of the Summer: You may now be pretty well assured of Warm Wether, for Frost and Snow will be every whit as scarce as Thunder and Lightning at Christmas. Abundance of Velvet Scarves and Cloaks will find the way to the Pawn-brokers, to help to raise Money to purchase thinner Garments. Warming-pans will be Scoured bright, and hung up behind the Kitchen-Door as an Ornament. Muffs and Sable-Tippets will be Plenty in Long-Lane, where you may have as great Choice in every Broker's Shop, as you may of Cracks in the Eighteen-Penny Gallery.  
Farmers, like their Corn, will begin to prick up their Ears, and listen mightily to the Monthly Promises of their Weather-wise Almanacs, they'll labour with much uneasiness between the Passions of Hope and Fear, and pray as often for a dry Harvest, as the just Man Sins Ninety-nine times a Day: They will now begin to be Watchful of themselves at their Devotion, and dare not to Sleep at Church so near Harvest, for fear Heaven should be Angry with them: High Winds, and great Rains are as Welcome to 'em as Frost and Snow to an Indian, or Hot Wether to a Brawny Dutchman.  
Persons of Quality will now be going to their Country Houses, and Shopkeepers will put on as Melancholy Aspects as if their Books and their Bags had scarce ever a Cross in 'em. Quoits, Cricket, Nine-Pins, and Trap-Ball, will be very much in Fashion, and more Tradesmen may be seen Playing in the Fields, than Working in their Shops. It will be Fine Wether both for those who have Money, and such who want it: He that has it to spare, may spend it with much Pleasure, and he that hath none, may Sleep under a Hedge, without the Danger of having his Pocket Picked.  
There will be more French Protestants in the Fields every Morning, than good English Christians in our Churches any time of the Day, A fricassee of Frogs, and a Dandalion Salad, will be A-la-mode of Spittle-Fields, where the Huguenots, upon Nature's Exuberances, shall feed themselves much Fatter than the Pinchgut Allowance of Lean Meat, shall ever make the Hungry Pensioners of S— Hospital.  
Hedges will in part do now the business of Houses, they will hide many a Rogue and Whore from Justice, and cover many a shameful Action, and will be of these Uses in particular: They will be the Leacher's Bawdy-house, the Padder's Ambuscade; the Vagabond's Lodging; the Traveller's House of Office; the Cattle's Umbrage, and the Farmer's Security.  
The Royal-Oak-Lottery will Thrive much at Islington, but more at Tunbridge; many Gentlemen of Fortune will go out with Twenty Guinea's in their Pockets, and be forced to return home by the help of a Boretto; and all such Gamesters will keep their Nails so short, by Biting their Finger's ends, they will have no occasion for a Knife to Pair 'em. Abundance of Curses will be breathed out this Summer against: Fortune, at all Ordinaries and Bowling-Greens, but will find themselves so little the better for't, they might as well have kept their Breath to Cool their Pottage.  
Ladies of Pleasure this Year, who are Liberal to their Gallants, will prove very Subl●●ary, for which reason, many a 〈◊〉 Beau will be forced (for want of true Labour, Vigilence, and Submission) to make his Summer Suit to last all Winter; Love's Wi●●●● will be 〈◊〉 against him, the Favours he enjoyed, and the Benefits he received, will be transferred from one Cock's-comb to another, that every upstart Prodigal, who presents himself as a fresh Labourer in the Drudgery of Lust, may be made a Fool of in his turn, as well as his Predecessors.  
Weavers, as well as journeymen Tailors, will be glad to make many a Meal of Cucumbers this Summer, or else go to Lamb's-Conduit, and Drink a Health to Duke Humphrey, and entreat Providence upon their Knees, to take away their Stomaches; for though Meat will be Cheap, yet Money will be scarce, and he that can have an Ox ready Roasted for a Penny, if he wants both Coin and Credit, if he's too Proud to Beg, and too Honest to Steal, is, in the midst of Plenty, in a very likely Condition to go without a Dinner.  
Notwithstanding, Poverty will be a raging Distemper, among Journeymen Shoemakers, yet they will be so Proud, they'll scorn to Work on a Monday, but for the Honour of St. Crispin's Memory, will Dedicate that Day to Shufflle-Board and Nine-Pins, in order to consume the remaining Dregs of their Saturday's Wages, that they may return to their Work with clear Pockets, and safe Consciences, tho' no men are greater Pagans in the Worship of a full Flagon, yet the best of Christians can never be more thoughtful on their Last; their Lives 'tis true are but dangerous Examples for the Righteous to follow, yet by the Doctrine of the Hammer, they make more good Souls in one Twelvemonth, than the Clergy do in Seven.  
This Year Distillers will turn Negromancers, and deal in abundance of Evil Spirits, which will possess the Public (as the Devil did the Herd) to the Destruction of all those who are Bewitched by 'em, which will be a great means of advancing Hog-wam, to the Injury of Islington Swineherds, and the Damage of Bartholomew-Fair Pork, if they are not carefully bound in Fetters of Forbearance, by the Wisdom of our great Assembly to prevent Poisoning the Subjects.  
Churchwardens will be accounted Knaves by the rest of the Parish, let 'em behave themselves never so Honestly, and that poor Sinner who falls into their Clutches, for answering the End of his Creation, will Wish he had been Gelt, before his Headstrong Progenitors had trepanned him as a Prey to such Capon-eating Cannibals, who will Sponge as much upon the Sins of a Fatherly Fornicator, as Bailiffs, upon the Misfortune of a fearful Debtor in their Custody.  
Coal-merchants and Woodmongers, will look with an evil Eye upon the Sun, and complain the Wether is so excessive Hot, they are scarce able to endure it. Wax and Tallow-chaundlers will be as Angry with the length of Days, as if all the Fat was in the Fire; and though they are Dealers in Light, yet will heartily wish (before Summer is ended) the whole Kingdom in the Dark. Butchers, Cooks, Fishmongers, and Poulterers, if you wait your Opportunity, will sell more for a Shilling, than they buy for Two; and when it's served up hot to the Table, a Nice Feeder may satisfy his Appetite through his Nostrils, without the trouble of Mastication.  
Vintner's will be very busy in their Cellars, about mending of pricked Wines, and recovering of Vinegar worth sixpence a Quart to Port of Eighteen, they will commit more Sins in the justification of Bad Wines to be Good, within these Three Months, than ever they can find Leisure to Repent of in the other Nine: Marlborough Chalk will now be more useful in the Bar, than Pen and Ink; for Little Credit, Small Measure, and Unconscionable Reckonings, must make good the Defects of a Tradeless Vacation.  
Ale-drapers' will shift off their Winter's Pride, and put on their Summer's Humility; they'll stir up no Fires to burn you from your Seats, but pluck off their Hats and bid you Welcome for the spending of Twopences; they'll be contented to drink their own Liquor, stand at their Doors, and bid a Neighbour Good Morrow, and not run to the Tavern for a Morning and Ev'ning's Draught, in contempt of those Fools who by hugging the Pot, put them in a Condition to enjoy the Bottle.  
The Players in Town must now set their Wits to work, who before lived by Fooling, or else they'll find little to do but to lie a-Bed, and study their parts against next Michaelmas: An underlin Actor ought to play the part of a Chameleon Four Months in the Year, and when they shut up House he ought to shut up his Appetite, and learn to Live by the Air, for if he covets more substantial Nourishment, he must put his Brains upon the Rack to Coin Puns and Cunnundrums to please some Fool or other that will give it him.  
Drugster's will now be very busy in Selling the Sweep of their Shops to the Mountebank's Miller, who grinds them all together to a Powder, to make up an Universal Medicine, either in Pill, Potion, or Bolus; for certain there is something in the Compound good for every thing, but to know every Ingredient in this Collection of Gleaning, would puzzle both the Druggest and the Dr. who minds not what's in't, but what's on't, I therefore fear we shall have a sickly Season, and many Patients this Summer, will die of the Physician.  
An Apothecary, who has a Handsome Wife to keep Shop, is likely to have abundance of Customers, for many a Young Gentleman will be Sick to be doing with her; the more the Husband keeps out, the greater Trade he'll have, for all the Patient's Desires will be, that the Wife may serve him.  
All Persons who are desirous to preserve their Health, let 'em be Careful how they trust a Physician with their Purses, lest they endanger their Bodies; for if once he get into your Cash, he'll soon find an occasion to give you Physic, and when you are under his Clutches, you may solace yourself with a Memento Mori. In the next place take care you eat no Hemlock in your Salad, or Arsenic in your Pottage; neither catch Cold, or overheat yourself, and use a Dr. as you do a Lawyer, never but when needs must, and you need not Question a continuance of your Health; for it's an old Maxim, drawn from Experience, that Physicians Kill more than ever they can Cure.  
There will be more Religions this Summer than ever, but less Piety; Christians will prefer their Ease before their Devotion, and think the Wether too hot to serve God in Crowds, for which Reasons the Churches will have but thin Congregations. Paganism will be much practised among young Amorous Idolaters, who will very frequently fall down on their Knees and Worship Heathen Goddesses. There will be a great Quarrel between the Rooks and Jackdaws, about which is the Fairest, there will be great chattering on both sides to no purpose, till the Eagle undertakes to Decide the Difference.  
Quakers will begin to drink their Bottle, shift off their Sanctity, and converse without the Formal Dialect of Thee, and Thou, and in a little time will pluck off their Hats, Drink the King's Health, and be as Complaisant as the rest of their Neighbours.  
Many things by all Parties will be Reported without Truth, and be Believed without Reason; all sides will expect opposite Miracles to be done, but nothing will come on't; and that Williamite that proposes to himself, a Vintage in France, by a Conquest in a new War, or Jacobite that hopes for an Estate by a Retrograde Revolution this Summer, will be very much Disappointed.  
There will arise great Disputes between the Libertines and Puritans, which are the better Christians of the Two, bitter Words will be thrown on both sides, the latter will brand the former with the Diabolical Titles of Atheists, Rebels, Sabath-breakers, Profane, Liars, Swearers and Cursers, Adulterers, Fornicators, degenerate Sinners, and the Seed of the Devil; in return of which, they will call the other Hypocrites Publicans, Knaves in Masquerade, Dissemblers with God and Man, State Tormentors, Punishers of true Piety, deceitful Dealers, uncharitable Neighbours, Foes to Regularity, Sanctified Cheats, proud Zealots, Enemies to the Public, Faithless Subjects, and Old Nicks Agents: The Difference will be so highly Inflamed, there will be no hopes of Reconciliation, and will be likely to continue so, till the general Conflagration.  
Abundance of People will now forsake the Town, but very few their Vices, for Cuckold-making will be as practicable in all parts of the Country, as ever it was between the Court and the City; and the Servants of great Men will be obliged to drink their Master's Health in March Beer out of Horns, in respect to the Venerable state of Cuckoldom. Virtue will become so odious and intolerable in a Wife, that a man had better be half Hanged than be troubled with such a Bedfellow; for whoever has more Chastity to Boast on than the rest of her Neighbours, will be so very Proud, Saucy, and Imperious, that her Spouse may with more Comfort Row a Week in a Galley, than spend a Day in her Company, whilst she that makes a By use of her Tail to oblige herself, shall in all things else, thorough a sense of her own Failing, be very studious to oblige her Husband, and make him amends for the uneasy Burden she has laid upon his Forehead.  
Before the Summer has shaken Hands with his Younger Brother, Autumn, by the heat of the Sun will be hatched many Swarms of Maggots in the Brains of Zealots, which will at last take Wing, and quitting the Nests where they were first bred, creep into the Ears of all the Fools in the Nation, to the wonderful Satisfaction of some great men, and the Displeasure of others, but they will all die in Winter, so that we shall not be long pestered with this Vermin.  
Fat People will be so Lazy in the Dog-days, they will rather sit 3 Hours in a cool Room over a plentiful Dose of Claret, walk two Miles in the Sunshine; and most Married Shop keepers will Sweat more between the Sheets, than they will behind their Counters; for tho' warm Exercise is forbid this Hot Wether, yet Women, through an aversion to Restraint, will covet Titilation with as strong an Appetite, as a Roman-Catholick does Flesh-meat in Lent, and will hate to lose her Longing in this Season above all the parts of the Year; for when men are most troubled with Whimsies in their Heads, Women have 'em in their Tails, and whensoever the Maggot Bites, the Part aggrieved will call for a speedy Remedy.  
A great deal of Plank and Timber will now be brought into Smithfield Rounds, in order to erect a Nest for Whores, Thiefs, and Vagabonds, to the great Scandal or St. Bartholomew and his Grid-Iron; where all sorts of Rogues will be very Industrious in their several Occupations to get Money from the Lottery-man to the Pickpocket, and all sorts of Fools be as Busy in spending on't; where many a Jilt will play the part of a Queen in a foul Smock, and many a Knave represent a Statesman. Swine's-flesh, and Whore's-flesh will be as common as Beef and Mutton at Leaden-hall Marker, but he that wants Skill to choose, will go near to be Cheated if he meddles with either, for the one will be very incident to the Pox, and the other to the Measles. A great many Strong Beasts will be there to be Seen, and a great many worse Creatures to be Felt. This will prove a very Sickly Season, for some Hundreds will be glad to get under the Physicians Hands, before the Fair will be over.  
A Pot of Ale, with a To●●t and Cheshire, by a good Fire, and a clean Hearth, will be an excellent Breakfast for an Early Riser, by that time this Month's expired, and will he very good to defend his Stomach from those intolerable Enemy's Hunger and Thirst, as well as the 〈◊〉 Remains which Nasty Tom shall spill in the Streets from his Unfavoury Vessel.  
Autumn will introduce with it abundance of Distempers, and the Inhabitants of the Hundreds of Essex, will look as White as their Nightcaps: He that now stays a Fortnight in that Country, and returns without an Ague, may leap into the Thames at Christmas, without the danger of catching Cold; for the peculiar Providence that secured his Careass from that prevailing Evil, will surely protect him from all Distempers. Many other Diseases will be very Incident to the divers Constitutions of People in this Kingdom. Abundance of Women in Bridewell, will complain sadly of their Backs, and some others of their Bellies. Many a Saucy Rascal, who has been Corrected for his Insolency, will complain heavily of his Head and Shoulders, and for the future, hate the sight of an Oaken Cudgel, as much as a Thief does the sight of a Halter. But Fox and Poverty above all will be the most Epidemical, and will as commonly meet together, to the great Affliction of the Patient, as the Ague and Fever.  
Virtue and Villainy, are like to meet with equal Encouragement, for as many will be Starved through Honesty as are Hanged for their Roguery, only this Difference considered, Poverty shall take away the Life of the former without a manifest Crime, whilst the Law shall require Evidence to prove the latter Guilty.  
Lawyer's will now begin to Whet their Pen-knives against Michaelmas Term (whose Blades, like their Hats, are grown Rusty by a long Vacation) that they may be in a Readiness to Cut the Purses of 〈◊〉 Adverse Clients, who are at Enmity enough to Cut the Throats of one another.  
This Term will highly promote the Welfare of Watermen and Coachmen, for Boats at Westminster Bridge, and Coaches in the Palace-Yard, will stand much thicker than Honest 〈◊〉 in Westminster-Hall, where many a Plain Dealer will be glad to Grease a Knave in the Filled, because he would not be Ruined.  
Amongst the 〈…〉 many Inns of Court Squirrels will be seen walking, who cover their Backs with their Tails, and have no other Business there than to crack a Pennyworth of Nuts, and so to the Ladies, where they Study High-Gammar Cook's Lesson, much more than they do Cook upon Little●on, and never make it their endeavour to understand any other Copyhold than what a Woman carries about her.  
About this time, the Pomp and Vanities of the City, will be set forth with as much Splendour to entertain the Mobility, as their Laureate can well contrive, with a few Painted Board's, and Rusty Streamers; nothing will be heard the whole Day but ●e●feg●●'s Music Drums, Trumpets, Bells, Hoitboys, and the Shouts of the Rabble will make up the Melodious Consort; after which, the Grave Elders, wrapped up in Coney-Skin, will dance through the Dirt in the sight of their Wives, to a Sumptuous Dinner, where Mountains of Wildfowl, and Bogs of Custard, will be all overflowed, with an Inundation of Sack and Claret, to the Gluttonous Consumption of abundance of good Things, which, contrary to the Text, will be devoured by the Rich, and the Poor will be sent Empty away.  
The Wether will now go near to be very Dirty, and he that has a desire to keep his Shoes clean, must neither turn Porter, or Penny-Post-man.  
Good Protestants will be very careful to remember the Fifth of November, and adorn their Windows with lighted Candles, in memory of Guido Vauxes Dark Lantern, except such who had rather promote the Interest of the Woodmonger, than the Good of the Tallow-Chaundler, and they perhaps may give a Faggot to the Burning of the Pope, and Scorching of the Devil.  
Grocer's will now begin to advance their Plumbs, and Bellmen will be very Studious about their Christmas Verses. fanatics 〈…〉 above, are at Variance one with another, and he's a Cunning Fellow who knows how to R●con●i●e the Difference.  

Thus is the World Bewitched, 〈…〉  
To Folly, 〈◊〉, and 〈◊〉;  
And he who fin●● a 〈◊〉,  
At least a Conjuror 〈◊〉 be.   
FINIS