BACCHUS BOUNTY, Describing the debonair deity of his bountiful godhead, in the royal observance of his great feast of Pentecost. Necessary to be read and marked of all, for the eschewing of like enormities. Faecundi calices quem non fecere disertum? By Philip Foulface of Ale-foord, student in good fellowship. AT LONDON Printed for Henry Kyrkham, and are to be sold at his shop, at the little north door of Paul's Church, at the sign of the black Boy. 1593. To the right worthy, and renowned Roister, Sir Richard Swash, Lord and Master on mount Maluorn, chief controller on Salisbury plain, keeper of Accounts-in the Cart-way, chief Foster in the forest of Dalamere, high General of the Downs, Baron of Birlip hill, Sergeant of the Shores and Sea side, and Vicar of the Valleys: your daily Orator Philip Foulface, wisheth all health, wealth, might, long life, and prosperous success, in all your affairs and enterprises where so ever. WHen jupiters' head was great with child, and the time of travail near at hand: he scorning to complain, yet put to his shifts, was feign to send for Vulcan the Smith, to crase his crown with a downedriving blow; not only to cause the swelling to cease, but also to provide passage for the birth of his babe. Which thing when Vulcan had performed in giving him a sound pat on the pate, out start Pallas at the opening of his head, and danced before him so maiden-like, that the present sight so pleasant, expelled all former pains in the birth. Even so (most worthy sir) when the confused Chaos of this matter following, was first inhabitant in my witless head: then feared I no such swellings, as since I did feel, nor regarded those throws, which now are overpast. Nevertheless, when my brains fell to their business, and began to beat as though my head had been ready to burst, disdaining withal the help of mother Crackfart the Midwife; juno Lucina was as deaf as a dishclout, so that Volens nolens I betook myself to the herb Hellebore, whose pleasant operation produced so present a purgation, that forthwith there followed a most speedy deliverance, excluding cares, renewing joy. This young imp thus borne, being brought to the font, was named Bacchus' Bounty. Which Bounty I willingly offer unto your worthiness; doubting not at all, but that you will highly accept of him; not only because he is a bonny boy, and the gift of a well-willer: but also because he was begot by Bacchus your well-beloved friend; conceived by me, & nourished ever since with the juice of the grape. From Ale-foorde this 9 of December. Anno Dom. 1592. Bounden to your bigness, Philip Foulface. Philip Foulface to the courteous Reader. SO many men (some say) so many minds, The bravest Gnatho cannot but offend: men's minds do waver like unconstant winds, Hard then sometimes to please our dearest friend. Some hungry cur may bark above the rest, But please, or displease, I have done my best. He that delights to hear of mortal wars Is too austere to read this little book: But he that joys to hear of good ale jars, I licence him with leave herein to look. Here (gentle reader) mayest thou find great sport To ease thy cares, if hither thou resort. And welcome all, which read and mean none ill, No further ill than I, and welcome all: A merry mind to mirth inclineth still If weighty causes do not backward call. Be merry then: read here, and do not spare, And welcome still: here is no better fare. FINIS. Philip Foulface. BACCHUS BOUNTY, Describing the debonair deity of his bountiful godhead, in the royal observance of his great feast of Pentecost. Quint. Allicit externas praesuavi nectare gentes. Polit.— non mollia pleno Desunt vina cado. THe groutheaded Grecians, especially the anointed Achiues, I mean the Beziladistes, those devout doctors of Job libers can, these (I say) with their knightlike crew, thought it an high assumption to be as fathers in a frolic feast, or as base borne brothers, in bickering with the broth of bountiful Bacchus. Which coppernosed crew, the Knuckledebunions of Rome▪ so assaulted with a fresh Canuazado the city of Vinosa, that the alarm of the Romans broke Nectar's neck, head, and shoulders; in so much that Vesta in great outrage rushed out of a rock, and dedicated to sweet father Bacchus as Crimson a colour as was then seen in her peerless petticoat, most fragrantly fuming up unto Bacchus; and likewise into the nostrils of all his nosled novises wheresoever. This new-found Sacrifice in this sort offered to this bursten-bellied God; lent such a sweet sent to the rest of the gods and goddesses, especially to platter-faced jupiter, that presently he appeased their fury, mitigated the afore offered injury, renewed Nectar to former jollity, & sent out Mercury as Ambassador, to parley with Neptune rector of the Seas; that Triton his trusty trumpeter should sound along from shore to shore throughout the whole world the blessed bounty of Bacchus. Mercury discharging himself, and Triton by commandment of his king, tied to the aforesaid charged, with clattering clang he thundered out such joyful news, that not only mount AEtna yielded forth fiery flames in signification of sudden joys: but also Olympus merrily mounted, in hope that Permessus that pleasant spring, should be somewhat tainted with the sweet taste of so lovely a liquor. The decreed tidings of jupiter are word by word in effect as follow. Pass Mercury to Neptune's brinish bowers, My wish, my will, in haste to him unfold; Let Tryton scale those highest fleeting towers, In Bacchus' praise let all his tale be told. Let him command, the Curists change their lives, In vain strives he, with Bacchus' brood which strives. The Bacchanals hence forth shall bear the sway With help of Hypocrites they shall do well, This gift I give, it shall be as I say, Their forwardness in frays shall bear the bell. I give them right to swear it out with words, I give them might to swash it out with sword. I will that these the ancient order hold, Th'order of knighthood never to decay: The greatest soakers shallbe least controlled, Each Tyro shall of Nectar make his prey: And whose conceits God Bacchus deems the best, Shall have a rich reward above the rest. Come Ganymedes, come with crystal cups, Some nappy Nectar bring me here in place, Accursed be he which Nectar only sups, And turns not over pot by pot apace. Accursed be he which after Ceres gapes, And shuns to suck the sugared sap of grapes. In grief live they with carks of cares oppressed, Which leave their liquor and away depart, Till Bacchus have them crowned with his crest, Whose force expelles all sorrows from the heart. With Vivat Bacchus, let the Ocean ring The same let afric, Asia, and Europe sing. Now Echo, the babbling nymph at the sound of Triton, having intelligence hereof; resounded this decree so mightily towards the main, that it easily entered into the hearing of all the inhabitants in every haven. And even as at the bellewing of the bonny white Bull, the ardent heats of Pasiphaë were more & more increased; in so much that one horn of his head, was more precious in her precise imagination, than all her former sacrifices dedicated as dainties to delectable Diana: even so as soon as the bruit of most bountiful Bacchus was blazed abroad, Tom Typsay, an english tapster, welnere choked with a marvelous dry heat, which he of late had got by lifting overlong at old mother Redcaps; this Tom Typsay, I say, with a well tried tankard trailing at his tail: the more he thought of Bacchus' bounty, the more he desired to try the experience: and the further he laboured after his liking; the longer he lusted after his liquor: wishing at every foot, the worthy presence of so gracious a God. Thus Tom Typsay, not only in hope to tipple with the best, but trusting to merit a further reward: fell flat down on both his marrowbones, holding up his hands on high towards the heavens, and made his Orison to the renowned god Bacchus, as hereafter followeth. BOnny Bacchus God of wines, Chief maintainer of our vines, Sucker the soul, in grief which pines, Water to drink, I hold not good, Thy juice o Bacchus breeds best blood. Nectar (good Bacchus) Nectar send, Brave Bacchus do thy bounty lend: Unto Tom Typsay stand a friend, And so thy fame shall never end. Nectar, sweet Nectar, is my wish, Behold my tankard, and my dish, As for my plate I have it sold, And for pure broth my money told; Yet once again let me behold, Every morning warm or cold, Nappie liquor stout and bold Commended and boasted In a pot trimly toasted, The pots feet finely roasted In a worthy fire. And first of all for my part, To besiege and sack the quart Till it warm me well at heart, And then do it feel Sink down into my heel: And so next to take the pains To pass upward through the veins, And soak withal into these brains, Which witless now alas remains For want of good liquor. Scarce had he ended this his petitory prattle, but Bacchus as willing to lend him a long ear to hear, as he to open a wide mouth to ask: and as desirous to fetch him in for a foot man, as to turn him off his truss, & as ready to feed him as fat as a fool, as to teach him the trick to sue the go●se: presently he roused up his moisty head, and from a muddy muse so cleared up his cherry-like countenance, that the majesty of his nose seemed as the beams of the sun shining along throughout the coasts of arcady. But missing the sight of him whom he lately heard, forthwith he tumbled upon his tun, and standing bolt upright, through the marvelous influence which to him was imparted by Euriopazeus; he saw Tom Tipsay in an exceeding quandary, in so much that Bacchus for very pity, through the might of his deity, so curiously soared through the airy region, that in a moment he descried this perplexed Tapster, and drawing near him, he hailstd him after this manner. Whereas (my friend) thy groans are so great and grievous, that they have ascended the highest clouds, which cry out in thy behalf for my accustomed clemency, and pierced withal into my bountiful tun, which now troubled with the sharpness of thy speech, threats out a danger to her former swavitie: behold Bacchus, Bacchus I say, thy best beloved god, ready priest to perform what thou art willing to demand. Say on therefore boldly and fear not: and withal know this, that Bacchus hath not only a care to keep his clients in safety, but great cause (no doubt) to preserve them in felicity: for who is he that hath ever heard, much less seen, that any of the gods, at any time so tendered the welfare of their suppliants, as from age to age, both daily and hourly been seen in me. The tyranny of jupiter is testified by his threatening thunderbolt: the malice of Mars is expressed by his bloody blade. The outrage of Pallas is dissembled by the book; but evidently perceived by the piercing lance. The broils of Pan are performed by the crook. The fury of Sylvanus is known by the Club: the dismal decrees of Diana are noted by her darts, and to be brief, all the other gods and goddesses, Hercules like are cloyed with such choleric clubs; that their mouths taste nothing saving words of wrath, and their deeds seem undecent, unless they smell of revenge. But Bacchus that brave god, whom thou seest here present, abhorreth that his wights should be wearied with the weight of such unwieldy weapons. No, no, I bear (as thou mayest see) a beautiful branch of goodly grapes in token of joy & gladness: whereas the terror of other gods, to the grief of many, doth prognosticate sorrow and sadness. Now therefore Tapster, if thou wilt be as ready to make trial of my bounty, as I willing to invite thee to my banquet; behold, Whilson-wéeke is near at hand, then are my feasts called Bacchanalia; then resort together the whole band of Bacchus in their chiefest bravery, amongst whom (if it so please thee) thou shalt be entertained as a guest most welcome to Bacchus. Tom Typsay hearing so courteous a discourse, as a man marvelously amazed for joy, stood a long time staring in Bacchus' face, not able poor soul (as then) to make a reply. But Bacchus, a perfect physician willing to preserve his patiented in so pitiful a plight, revived his spirits with the sweet moisture of his tun, and refreshed his brains with the juice of his grapes. Hereat Tom Typsay awaking as it were from a drowsy slumber, yielded to his god Bacchus a tub full of thanks, and promised at the time appointed to be there with the first. Yet because he knew not the place, he demanded of him thus. Sith your worship's godhead hath vouchsafed to command my company to so famous a feast; let it not displease your majesty to put me in memory of the place: else by the mass, I promise you, I fear me, I shall never find out your honour's house; I pray you sir how do you call it? To resolve this doubt (quoth Bacchus) understand therefore, that my mansion house is called Alepotto, situate on the south side of Quaffington, inquire for me at the sign of the scarlet nose, and from thence shalt thou be set aright into Beerebury lane, so that being there, thou canst not miss to find out my palace, for thou shalt plainly see it before thine eyes. Hereat Tom Typsay made a long leg, vowing to be there without fail, and Bacchus willing to dismiss him, blessed the Tapster's tankard with part of his bounty, and thereupon departed. Thus the Tapster in great haste hies him home as merry as any hare in the month of March. For whereas before this so comfortable a conference, he was so lazy, that every foot seemed to have a leaden heel: every leg in such a quandary, as though they had took some new acquaintance with the gout; yea his very head so heavy, as if it had been harnessed in an horse-nightcap: and his whole body so distempered, as though he had been pricked to the very heart with a belclapper: behold, now the case is altered, and he is altogether become another man: for now is he as nimble as a dog's tail, as courageous as a butterfly, and as merry at the heart, as the best pair of bagpipes in all the country. But as times are altered, so divers accidents are inferred. Happy was Midas when it was granted unto him, that all which he touched should be gold: but soon hapless again, when his meat was metamorphosed into metal, and he with his wish ready to starve. Glad was Actaeon at the sight of Diana, when she bathed herself amongst her nymphs: but luckless was his lot, when shortly after he became himself a present pray to be devoured of his own dogs. And joyful was Tom Typsay in remembrance of the bounty of his god Bacchus, but sorrowful alas at his return when first he came within the view of his wife: for she (as is the manner of all heady housewives, whose tongues are more ready to rave, than their hands to work) not sticking one jot to teach him a new lesson, took him roundly by the topping, and welcomed him home after this manner. Ah ah sirrah, I see by Astronomy that the Moon is even now at full, and the sign settled just in the nose: in so much that (as by all mathematical probabilities I do conjecture) back and belly may this year both go bare, so that there be no want of harness for the head. Well, well I need not to tell thee what thou art, the gild of thy nose sufficiently bewrays thy good behaviour. In so much that either Luna hath come down alone, and in taking thee for her old Endymion, hath made thee her new Moon face: or (as thy tottering too and fro doth plainly testify) thou hast had some long tarriance at Simon Soakers house, the coppernose smith, your ever assured friend. But one thing assure thee, for so am I certainly persuaded, that as the devil hath already dubbed thee for a drunkard: so hereafter, one time or other, but never too late, Don Tyburn will invite thee to a lifeless feast, and teach thee the cross caper in an halfpenny halter. And thus in a fustian fume fling away. If true it be, as many report, that a cursed queans tongue is as sharp as a razor: experience then proveth, that this poor shaveling needed no better a barber. How ever it be, I will refer it to their rehearsal, which have had their crowns smoothed as well with a crabtrée comb, as those which have tried the sharpness of the sisers. But even as the clap of the thunder the greater it is, the sooner it ceaseth: and the blasts of Boreas the more furious they are, the less while is their continuance: so likewise, a woman's mouth the more full it is of words, the less it is of force, and sooner it wasteth into wind. The falling out of lovers is the renewing of love, and the bitterness of the tongue is easily seasoned with the sweetness of the lips: for what with pleasing speeches, sweet conceits, the clinking of the pot, and the drinking of new Nectar, these two sweet souls became both as one, and the heat of their former furies were frozen up as it were into a lake of everlasting love. Thus whiles this couple continued in solacing themselves to their hearts content, behold Whitsuntide drew on: and to be brief, away they both do walk to the banquet, but because these guests were wrapped up in their chiefest robes; it will not be a miss to describe them in their chiefest bravery, as they passed along on their journey. THe Tapster's hat was all in blue: Beseeming well his nutbrown hue: His nose was ruddy as I ween And bending as the Falcons been. His thin-set heir along did sit Which represents a woodcock's wit, Yet bald withal was Tipsay found With ears side hanging like a hound. His eyes were fiery on each side His mouth was open gaping wide, His lips great as cable rope, His teeth white as washed in soap. A bristled beard did flower his cheeks, His breath was sweet as unset leeks. Upon his chin a wart did grow Bacchus thereby might well him know. About his neck he wore a ruff A quarter long, which was enough. His jacket grey, well faced with fur, His voice was like a barking cur. His shoulders did like horseloves' stand, As pillars to uphold his band. His back was ridged like a boar, His belly like a tun before. There hangs a tap between his legs From whence he turneth forth his dregs. On either hand was placed a cuff, And bravely was he breeched in buff. His legs they were so crooked seen A yoked hog might run between. One foot was of the largest since The other clubbed crabtree wise. And here described is the guest Which Bacchus bade unto his feast. Now as concerning the costly attire of the Tapsters wise, because I am in haste at this time, I am rather willing to slip over so cumbersome a matter with silence, than to trouble idle heads with matters of so great importance. As they thus traveled together, at length they obtained their long desired haven, and entered into the Palace of god Bacchus, where they were, so worthily entertained, that the sun in his midday sphere shining out most brightly, doth scarce half represent such glory, as was by report seen in this feast. For whereas commonly now a days, we either invite them of our acquaintance, or such whose newfound friendship may be as means to cure old sores: this mighty god Bacchus, to the wonder of the world, inviteth not only such as be his familiars, but men altogether unknown, as well the poor as the rich. See then the goodness of this so gracious a god, all ye, which in the driest drought of summer had rather shroud your throats with a handful of hemp, then with the expense of an odd Crinclepouch wash yourselves within and without, and make yourselves as merry as daws: yea learn ye niggards at god Bacchus to be lively; whose especial favour spreads out itself so far, that every nation doth magnify his name, every country speaks in his commendation and all people paint him out with pen and pencil, in so much that jupiter himself doth wonder at his worthiness. But to return from whence I came, their entertainment I say was such, that they rather thought themselves transported into Paradise that place of pleasure, then remaining in any earthly habitation: for there they saw a royal resort as well of all lands and languages, as of all degrees and callings whatsoever. There was Ganymedes sent from jupiter, to employ his service at Bacchus' table, there was halting Hebe sent by juno to furnish this feast with all solemnity. There was Sylenus, a stately servitor, waiting at every wink, & preventing every want. Yea such was the bounty of Bacchus, that he sent down to Plutus prince of hell, and craved the company of divers his acquaintance, which Plutus performed accordingly. Thither road great Alexander upon the back of prancing Bucephalus, bravely accompanied with Sardanapalus king of Assiria, queen Semiramis and Ninus her son, first founders of Babylon. After these came Claudius Tiberius, the Roman Emperor, who for the zeal he had to the vintrée, was merely termed Caldius Biberius' mero: with him came Caligula, Nero, and Heliogabalus, Anthony, Cleopatra, and such like. After these again came stumbling in blind Homer the graecian poet, and with him came Aristophanes, Menander, & others: and along with these came Virgil, Horace, Ovid, old father Ennius, Geoffrey Chaucer, Lydgate, Anthony Skelton, Will. Elderton▪ with infinite more, whose several names to rehearse, were no les labour then to make a mouse to piss over Paul's, or a louse to leap over the high tops of Maluerne hills. Moreover after these came young Cicero, who for the large lose that he had in turning down his liquor, was called Bicongius; with him came the blockheaded Balatronus, and Vibidius, Maecenas trenchermates: & that old huddle and twang Aristodemus, the shadow of Saint Socrates. And Proserpina the infernal queen, willing to honour Bacchus in what she might, releaseth Tantalus from out of the river, causeth Sisyphus to cease from his tumbling task, sets Ixion free from his torture: calls down Prometheus, and compels the vultures, devouring his heart, to cease from their prey, and for the tune only that Bacchus' feast continueth, she doth licence them all to departed. Glad were they to be released tho but for a time, and glad was Bacchus that it was his lot to welcome such willing guests. As Bacchus was thus most busy amongst his friends, behold a reverend rout resorted towardst his court with a trumpet before them sounding most melodiously in token of great joy, for that they were so near the pleasant paradise of god Bacchus. Who they were, from whence they came, and in what manner they appeared in presence, followeth as thus. First of all came David Drie-throte, from Lesbona in Portugal; in his hand he held a piece well filled with wine of Canary, which with cap and knee he presented to god Bacchus, and gave place to the rest. Secondly, came Alexander Addlehead, from Dun Baur, a Scot, who offered to his god a dozen of red herrings to season his mouth before he sat down to taste his liquor. Thirdly, there skipped in a Spaniard, of the city of Logronio, named Blayner Bloblip, who gratifying his god with two lemons, & an orange pill, with a most lowly leg he leapt aside. Fourthly, came wallowing in a German, borne in Mentz, his name was Gotfrey Grouthead; with him he brought a wallet full of woodcock's heads, the brains thereof tempered with other sauce, is a passing preservative against the ale-passion or pain in the pate. Fiftly, came posting in one Peers Spendall from Brundisium, an Italian friar, with a pot full of holy water, sprinkling to and fro, and round about him, to drive away the devil, lest he should chance to come invisible and deceive them of their drink. The 6. was one Francis Franckfellow, a Corinthian in the the coasts of Achaia, with him he brought a box of oil, that Bacchus therewith might baste his belly, when it was ready to crack, with licking up over lavishly the small crumbs that tumbled out of his tun. The seventh was one Simon Swil-kan, he came from Colops a city in Africa, and presented to Bacchus a buttock of Bacon: which broiled on the coals, and so eaten, will set a man on longing for his liquor before sun shine, be the morning never so moisty. The eight was of Capsa, a town well known in Numidia: his name was Geoffrey Gooscap, and with him he brought a night cap for god Bacchus great godhead, lest through his hot compotations in the day, his head should crow with cold consumptions in the night. The 9 was a jolly gentlewoman, named mistress Merigodown; she came from Archelais, a city in Cappadocia, with a fan of feathers in one hand, and a looking glass in the other: which both she gave to Bacchus: the one to gather wind, lest his breath should fail him when he blew a long blast in a wine pot: the other to see to his nose, least continuing overlong in a fiery colour, it should chance to be changed into a Carbuncle. The 10. was one Philip Filpot, brought up in Varica a city of Iberia, and one of the sect of Saint Sinckator. This Philip was a physician, and brought to his god Bacchus a certain potion, marvelous in operation, of which who ever he were that did drink after he had been well whittled, by virtue thereof, if he once were a sleep, should never awake till he were wiser. The 11. was a jew borne in joppa, he had to name Christopher Crabface, a man famous in Astrology: he brought in his hand a Prognostication newly composed, which he bestowed on god Bacchus. In which book he had largely set down divers detriments accidental this year: Especially this I noted, that many drunkards whiles they looked upwards on high towards the man in the Moon, shall break their necks downwards below in the bottom of a ditch. The 12. was Gilbert Goodfellow, from Arbila, an Assyrian: this Gilbert was a butcher, and brought with him an hogs head, a sheeps tongue, and a calves chauldron; the hog's head for harness against entreaty: the sheeps tongue to temper his own the better in telling of a true tale, and a calves chauldron to wrap up his noddle, lest in the end of a banquet his inward heat should fume out with a farewell to all good fellowship. The 13. came from Choka a city in Arabia, named Nicholas Neverthrive; he brought with him a pudding pie, prettily powdered with such hot spices as his country plentifully doth afford: which being once tasted, doth marvelously increase a moystie appetite, which Bacchus received very thankfully. The 14. was called Hodge Heavie-breech, he came from Miserga a city in the confines of Persia: Hodge by his occupation was a Cardmaker, who for the zeal he had to god Bacchus and all good fellows, offered up to him that renowned ruffler the knave of Clubs, with a box of trim trillilles, commonly called the dice: the one to aid him in a needless combat, the other after his loss, to serve him in stead of recreation. The 15. was one Maudlin Moonface, a merry gentlewoman of Dublin, a city in Ireland: with her she brought a glass full, nose high of Aquavitae, the operation where of is no less monstrous than m●rueilous, for being drunk in a morning it so warmeth the heart, as if the body were in a bath, whose inward heats when they begin to budforth, transform themselves into gosbery grapes to be seen most plainly as under a vizard of glistering glass. The 16. was a pleasant Parthian of the stately city Catompylon, called Loblurchall; this youth was a feat fellow, and a fine falconer, with him he carried a water Wagtaile, ready to fly at the fairest goofe in Winchester: which present god Bacchus accepted very gratefully. The 17. was borne in India, at a fair city called Tyndis, this forsooth was a coy dame, called Cate Crashpot, she came clinking a quart pot for sweet music, in stead of the ta●●ret, to which manner of melody god Bacchus listened exceedingly. The 18. was one Baudwin Barrelbely from Ormusa, a place sufficiently known in the isle of Cyprusse, with him he brought a firkin full of wine of Bastards: assuring god Bacchus on his fidelity, that so many as he made thereof partakers with him, as long as they applied themselves to the hearty carouse, should never be daunted by death, and fail footing. The 19 came from Garma in Aethiopia, called Goody Goodale: she (in token of pure devotion) delivered to Bacchus a ●ack full of groute, and a sackful of hops, standing stoutly in this opinion, that the barley broth above all other did bear away●th bell, and that neither grape nor very might in any respect be compared to the majesty of the malt. The 20. was a worthy yeoman, one Tom Toss-pot, he came from Friburgum an Helvetian, he as willing to pleasure himself, as to honour his god, presented to Bacchus, a dainty devised compound, of sundry simples pastiewise, as the trimming of tripes, the fat of chitterlings, and the marrow of sweet sauce, leapt up altogether within the crusty walls of paste royal, in so much that a world of be●ly cheer was contained therein, which god Bacchus received with so great thanks, that he promised to honour the eating thereof, with the best increments of his over-flawing tun. When these had ended their devotion, they were placed all in order, and used as most welcome guests: busy was Bacchus in uttering his bounty, and the rest of the servitors no l●sse diligent, so that no man wanted his wish, nor deprived of his will. Scarce had they tippled gyrum wise, as commonly the sect of the Surratims use to do, as only of trial to wet their whistels: but in comes Bat Barlycap, a merry physician, ready with cap and knee to give them a song: which proffer god Bacchus accepted gladly; whereupon M. Barlicap tempered up his fiddle, & begun as followeth. THe Gods of love Which reign above Maintain this feast: Let Bacchus find Their hearts most kind To every guest. And long may Bacchus brave it here in pleasures to abound, That wine & beer, & belly gut cheer, with plenty here be found. I pray likewise, That ere you rise You drink your fill, That no man want Nor find it scant Whereof to swill. Then may you all carouse in bliss, and bid farewell to woe, Who lives in this, he cannot miss but strait to heaven go. Be merry all Both great and small Be merry here, And with your liquor Sweetly bicker, Do not fear. Wash well your throats which now are dry, and spare not you for cost, I tell you true, no shot is due where Bacchus rules the roast. Sadness and grief Bring no relief, Bid them adieu: In pain none pine Which love strong wine I tell you true. Then learn to laugh, carouse & quaff, and spare not while you may. hay dery dery, my masters be merry, and look for a joyful day. This song thus ended, the whole hall for joy did ring out a loud laughing peal, and thanked the fiddler for his mirth. Bacchus made him drink, Silenus bade him not spare, so Barlicap did drink till his eyes did stare. Thus every man falls to his task, and he happy that is able to stand stoutly in the forefront, to give the bravest onset. Whiles thus they tippled, the fiddler he fiddled, and the pots danced for joy the old hop about, commonly called Sellengars round: every man set to his foot, there was not whip snatch and away, but plain rack and manger, where every one drank himself out of danger: cups and cans went clip clap, the guests were all welcome, their tongues ran at random, sir Prattle kept a wrangling, and dame Tattle a great jangling, each one was merry, & no man wanted words to solace his next neighbour: to be brief, heaven was here, and hell where they were not, yea who but the guests of god Bacchus. Amids these only pleasures, and joys incomparable, jupiter sends down Mercury to make them pleasant: & Venus the queen of love, sent also her son Cupid to creep in amongst them for kindness, and to lead them along blindfold unto lust & loathsome self-liking. Then Pluto the master devil of hell seeing fit opportunity and place convenient, sent amongst the joyful guests of this feast, the furies of hell, who with all speed posted to god Bacchus' palace, to exercise their hellish outrage. Now Cupid lingered not out his time, but did drive his darts amongst them with such force, that some for pure love wedded themselves to wine: some became sworn brethren to the beer pot, other some matched themselves only to Metheglin, one liked this, another that, all was wonderful to behold. Bawdwin Barrelbelly was greatly grieved with love gripes, especially through the desire he had to goody Goodale the AEthiopian. Kit Crabface so ardently burned in the love of Maudlin Mooneface, that well near he burned himself to ashes. Mercury he cast his eloquence amongst them by horse loads at once, so that large promises with no performance, were as easy to be heard, as small bells in a morris dance. Medusa, Megaera and the rest of those furious hags, fly all at once in amongst them, and sets their teeth on edge to practise villainy, one against another: one pulls his fellow by the beard without cause; another cracks his next fellows crown with a quart pot, one flings a glass in another man's face, another makes a buckler of his hat to save himself before, whiles another with a black jack breaks his head behind: one cries down with him, down with him, not able of himself to kill a louse, another lies lurking under the table altogether speechless. Here David Drithroat gathered up his teeth, which Pierce Spendall the Friar had lately struck out, because David like an unmannerly knave, presumed to piss in the holy water pot. There Gotfrey Grouthead gins to fume, and foameth at the mouth like a savage boar, he falls at variance with mistress Merigodowne, and hales her along by the hair of the haead: in so much that (thou knave) was as common amongst them as cartway, or probo in the schools: and (thou whore) as usual a term, as hait harry in the mouth of a carter. Whiles thus they lay on heaps, one on the neck of another, some spurning others with their heels, some scratching their heads where they itched not, some sprawling underneath most glad to rise up again, some wiping the blood away from their faces: some rubbing their shins which they burst on the frames: some gaping for wind, almost choked with flies, while these, I say, did lie in this so great disorder, the gods above were constrained to wink at their follies, and the devils below rejoiced at the view of this our mortal wretchedness. Thus Bacchus arose, with the rest of his Barons, and dismissed every man very bountifully: who after long stumbling, at the last returned from whence they came. And Bacchus himself retired to arcady, whereat this day, for his singular liberality, & bounteous behaviour towards all inhabitants travelers & passengers, he is of power to make a greater company of able men than any man of his degree. Et largas epulas & bona vina dedit. FINIS.