More Knaves yet.  
The Knaves of Spades and Diamonds.  
With new Additions.  
LONDON   

THE EPISTLE TO any Man, but especially to Fools and Madmen.  
FOR custom sake, and for no other cause,  
Seeing ensample Imitation draws,  
I am content to use a Dedication,  
Which shall be framed of a newfound fashion,  
Not unto this, or that, great mighty Lord,  
To flatter what his bounty will afford,  
Nor unto such a rare and worthy Knight,  
To praise him far beyond his worship's right.  
Nor to this Madam, and the other Lady,  
My freeborn Muse is ●o such servile baby,  
I will not fawn with Matchless, valorous,  
Rarely renowned, divine Ingenious;  
Admired wonder, Map of clemency,  
Applauded, lauded magnanimity,  
The Mercury of perfect eloquence,  
True sphere of bounty and Magnificence:  
The fierce and cruel war God at the sharp:  
Apollo's better on the Lute and Harp.  
Old Hector's overmatch at Pike and Lance,  
Disgrace to Inno for a stately dance,  
The very Nonesuch of true courtesy,  
A Treasurer to liberality,  
No, I will call men by their own names thus:  
To the profane and graceless impious,  
To careless creatures brutishly inclined;  
To human shape, possessed with devils mind.  
To wretched worldling, either he or she:  
To fools and madmen, such as most men be.  
To them that ne'er will thank me for my pain:  
And such of whom I do expect no gain.  
Samuel rowland's.   

The Knaves, of Spades and Diamonds.  
OUR fellow Hearts did late Petition frame  
To Cardmakers, some better suits to claim.  
And for us all, did speak of all our wrongs:  
Yet they to whom redress her ein belongs  
Amend it not, and little hope appears.  
I think before the Conquest many years,  
We wore the fashion which we still retain:  
But seeing that our suit is spent in vain,  
we'll mend ourselves as means in time doth grow,  
Accepting what some other friends bestow,  
As now the honest Printer hath been kind,  
Boötes, and Stockings, to our Legs doth find  
Garters, Polonia Heels, and Rose Shoe strings,  
Which somewhat us two Knaves in fashion brings.  
From the Knee downward, Legs are well amended,  
And we acknowledge that we are befriended;  
And will requite him for it as we can:  
A knave sometime may serve an honest man,  
To do him pleasure, such a chance may fall,  
Although indeed no trust in knaves at all.  
He that must use them, take this rule from me,  
Still trust a knave no further than you see.  
Well, other friends I hope we shall beseech  
For the great large abominable breech  
Like Brewer's Hopsacks: yet since new they be  
Each knave will have them, and why should not we  
Some Laundress we also will entreat,  
For Bands and Ruffs, which kindness to be great  
We will confess, yea and requite it too,  
In any service that poor knaves can do,  
Scarves we do want to hang our weapons by,  
If any punk will deal so courteously,  
As in the way of favour to bestow-them,  
Rare cheating tricks we will protest to owe them.  
Or any pander with aring in sear,  
That is a gentleman (as he doth swear)  
And will afford us hats of newest block,  
A pair of Cards shall be his trade and stock,  
To get his living by for lack of Lands,  
Because he scorns to overworke his hands,  
And thus ere long we trust we shall be fitted,  
Those knaves that cannot shift, are shallow witted.   

 
The Knave of Diamonds promised before,  
That he would be for Sea, and Spade for Shore.   

Neptune's own Knavery.  

THe Ocean Monarch Neptune, in whose Palace,  
Thetis, with all her Mermaids made abode:  
Mounted the crooked Dolphin for his solace,  
And from his Court unto the Shore he road,  
Where he encountered with his lustful eyes,  
A richer beauty than was Paris prize.   

Caneus, sweetest fair Thessalian maid,  
Her did his lust with ravishment defile:  
As Tarquin dealt with Lucrece, so he played.  
The Dolphin was his pander: all the while,  
To jupiter she did lament the rape:  
And he transformed her into manly shape.    

The Picture of a Pirate.  

MY dwelling is upon the raging waves,  
My house by storms is tossed and carried still:  
My servants are a crew of thievish Knaves,  
To Neptune's rage I tenant am at will,  
My Neighbours are the Monsters of the Seas:  
The great Leviathan, and worse than these.   

My life is spent in all outrageous evils,  
Virtue abhors the place of my abode:  
My Ship is man'd even with Incarnate devils,  
My heart (with david's fool) denies a God,  
And those same laws (they say) he gave to men:  
My lawless nature keeps not one of ten.   

When for a time I have run on my race,  
As former Pirates, my ungracious Fellows:  
I must expect a fatal dying place:  
And make account to Anchor at the Gallows:  
There like a Swan, to sing my dying hour,  
That lived a Raven, only to devour.    

To a Reprobate Pirate that hath renounced Christ and is turned Turk.  
THou wicked lump of only sin, and shame,  
(Renouncing Christian faith & Christian name)  
A villain, worse than he that Christ betrayed,  
His Master, for God's Son, he ne'er denied,  
But did confess him Just and Innocent,  
When with his bribe back to the Priests he went.  
Thou that art worse than devils, they confessed  
Christ was the Son of God, thou Hellish Beast,  
That hast lived cursed Thief upon the Seas,  
And now a Turk on shore dost take thine ease,  
Like a devouring monster in a den,  
All that thou hast, being spoils of other men.  
Thou that dost serve both Turk, and devil so well,  
Thou seekest to draw (as they do) souls to Hell,  
Having a garment ready in thy hall,  
For him that next from Christian Faith doth fall,  
Receive this warning from thy native Land;  
Gods fearful judgements (villain) are at hand.  
devils attend, Hell fire is prepared:  
Perpetual flames is reprobates Re-ward.   

The Fox taken, coming to take.  
STrange is the strife, where Satan is divided,  
Two thieves would have a true man's cause decided  
Between them twain, for taking him at Seas,  
Or else they swore each other to displease.  
One would have all the ready Coin was found  
For boarding first, were it ten thousand pound;  
And then the other goods, equal divide:  
Quoth other, first i'll sink even by thy side.  
So to't they go with fierce and cruel fight,  
Until the one of them was sunk down right,  
And other had his men even almost slain:  
And those sore wounded, did alive remain,  
With that the prisoners being in the prize,  
For their recovery, with themselves devise,  
And of a manly resolution, fall  
Upon the Pirates, and subdue them all.  
Recovering that sea-losse they had before,  
So brought them kindly to be hanged a shore.  
And the old ancient Proverb true did make,  
Some Fox is taken when he comes to take.   

Like will to Like.  
SEa Thief, and Land Thief, met by accident,  
Upon the way: and so consorted went,  
Unto a Town, where they together Inn:  
There talk in what great dangers they have been,  
And in their cups comparisons did make:  
Which of them did most danger undertake.  
I (quoth purse-taker) that do live a Land,  
Prepare my foes to fight, in bidding stand,  
Drawing my weapon like a Martial man,  
Having no wooden walls to hide me than,  
And creep into a cabin from a shot:  
Quoth other, slave, my goods is manlier got  
A thousand times, than such night-crow's and Owls,  
That lurk in bushes, like hedge-creeping fowls,  
And cowardly upon a man will set:  
Through fire and water I my living get,  
By thundering shot and stormy raging seas,  
When thou wilt pick a pocket at thine ease.  
Pocket (quoth he) and stabs him suddenly:  
T'other again with poniard did reply,  
Each charging th'other for an arrant thief.  
So Constable came in, and to be brief,  
Wapping, and Tyburn chanced to be their ends:  
And so the hangman made them quiet friends.   

Lightly come, Lightly go.  
Captain, ti's we do make things cheap or dear,  
As by our penniworths it doth appear.  
A yard with us is just in length a pike:  
To buy silks so, what man is't will dislike,  
Or say we use our customers amiss?  
Your London measure (friends) comes short of this,  
Be't three pile Velvet, Satin, Taffeta,  
A Soldiers Pike's the Ell we measure by.  
Thus much for Mercers: next for Grocer's trade,  
Our weight is like unto our measure made,  
Our pound's a Cannon bullet, good down weight,  
In Spice, or Sugar, this is no deceit.  
Then for our wines (the squeaking Vintner's Art)  
WE can afford them for a penny a quart.  
Yea fill yond pints even by the bucket full,  
But how can this be, saith some simple gull,  
That never travailed out of Bow bell sound?  
Marry Simsimple hear and stand thy ground.  
That which we have, we steal from friends and foes,  
It comes good cheap, and so good cheap it goes.   

When thieves fall out true men come by their goods.  
WHen thieves fall out, it hath been often known,  
True men by their contention get their own.  
A sharing sort, extremely did fall out  
For true men's goods, they long had been about  
At seas (a thieving) and being come a shore:  
Some had too much, and others claimed more.  
So 'mongst them all there was extreme ado,  
For that which none of them had right unto.  
To law they durst not go about their claim,  
Fearing 'twould out how they had got the same.  
So in a fury even as hot as fire:  
To fight it out in field they had desire.  
And being met in strange tumultuous sort:  
Great companies to see them did resort,  
Who (after many wounds) do part the fray:  
And carry those that do the hurt away.  
They that were wounded made account to die,  
And therefore told the truth most willingly,  
Of this contention how the quarrel grew:  
So true men got their own, and thieves their due.   

All's Fish that comes to net.  
THese damned Dice (I think) if truth were known,  
Are made of devils horn, or Dives bone.  
Above a hundred pound I lost last night,  
But woe to them that next appear in sight:  
For whom they are, or whence so e'er they be,  
My money double and their deaths I'll see.  
Bring me a Can of wine boy, quickly lad,  
Put in Gunpowder, for i'll drink me mad.  
Get cords and sticks to turn about their brains:  
They'll ne'er confess unless a man take pains,  
And wring it out of them even in despite:  
Or burn their fingers ends with candle light.  
Where they have hid their money they'll deny:  
What mercy to such villains, that will lie  
To gentlemen like we, that venturous win,  
And have no other trade of coming in?  
I make as much account to kill a flea,  
As rob my father if we meet at sea.  
Be who it will, a stranger or my brother:  
Conscience is one thing, stealing is another.  
As Constables forget their friends in watch:  
So we'll know no man, when his goods we catch.   

False Knaves will never be true.  
TWo wicked villains of the cursed crew,  
Did vow to be unto each other true;  
In all they got upon the high way side,  
What ere it was, most equal to divide.  
Remaining sharers thus, too well they sped,  
Till one of them fell sick and kept his bed.  
The partner thief, than took the trade alone,  
And desp'ratly did venture, fearing none.  
As phrase is used, without both fear or wit,  
Many bold robberies he did commit,  
And scaped them all, but yet with many a wound,  
Mean time the other was recovered sound:  
And comes to question with his fellow thief,  
Acquainting him with wants and money grief:  
Demanding of him by their league and vow,  
The half that he had gotten to allow,  
For fellow (saith he) we are bound by oath,  
To share all purchase equal twixt us both.  
'tis true (quoth other) I'll not be forsworn,  
To break my promise with thee, I do scorn.  
So draws a Bag of money, and his sword,  
And says behold, I mean to keep my word,  
There's half the money for thee thou dost crave,  
And come and take thee half the wounds I have▪  
We will be halves aswell in th'one as th'other,  
I'll bate you not a scar, good Thief sworn brother,  
When he had heard his resolution thus,  
Pray judas (quoth he) keep the Bag for us,  
Share wounds, I like not, thou mayst sheathe thy blade▪  
we'll have a Scrivener, when next match is made.   

Cureless, and Careless.  
IN cruel storms at Sea, and great distress.  
The rage of Neptune seeming merciless,  
Shipwreck expected, each man full of grief,  
A desperate fellow fell to eat salt Beef:  
Feeding so greedy that the rest admired,  
And what might move him thereunto required?  
Marry (quoth he) you see we must be drowned,  
And I do feed upon salt Meat, thus sound,  
As the best victuals to cause thirst, Ithinke.  
For we in Sea shall have but too much drink.   

One good turn asketh another.  
ONe put a jest on's wife, (whose name I show not)  
To try her wit or patience, which, I know not.  
Walking together, they a wench did meet,  
A proper one, of beauty passing sweet,  
Of whom, unto his wife (my love he said)  
Behold and note well yonder dainty Maid,  
She was my Mistress ere I met with thee,  
A kinder creature I did never see,  
So affable and gentle in her loving,  
That of her like I never had the proving,  
But she hath one exceeding imperfection,  
Neglecting even her credit's chief protection:  
For, what we wantonness, ever did amiss,  
She told her Mother, even to a kiss.  
Husband (quoth she) that proves your wench a fool,  
Myself am better taught in Venus' School,  
For ere I met with you, I loved youngmen,  
And we had meetings too like Cock and Hen:  
But I was never such a silly ass  
To tell my Mother what good sport did pass:  
Troth wife (quoth he) I hope you do but jest:  
Husband (said she) because plain deal's best,  
If you mean earnest, or yourself belie,  
Just in the humour you are, so am I   

Like Master like man..  
TWo serving-men, or rather two men servers.  
(For unto God they were but ill deservers,)  
Conferred together kindly, Knave, with Knave,  
What fitting Masters, for their turns they have▪  
Mine (quoth the one) is of a bounteous spirit,  
And in the Tavern will be drunk all night:  
Spending most lavishly he knows not what,  
But I have wit to make good use of that.  
Mine (quoth the tother) loves to drink carouse▪  
And is for Tavern and for bawdy house.  
For if he meet a whore that's to his mind,  
No money parts them, oh he's pocky kind,  
He hath some humours very strange and odd:  
As every day at Church, and ne'er serve God  
With secret hidden virtues otherways,  
As often on his knees, yet never prays,  
Quoth other how dost prove this obscure talk?  
Why man he haunts the Church, that's Paul's to walk,  
And for his often being on the knee,  
'tis drinking healths, as drunken humours be.  
It's passing good (I do protest) quoth other,  
I think thy master be my masters brother,  
For sure in qualities they may be kin:  
Those very humours he is daily in,  
For drinking healths, and being churched so,  
They cheek by jowl, may with each other go,  
But pray thee let us two in love go drink,  
And on these matters, for our profit think,  
To handle such two masters, turn us lose,  
Shear thou the sheep, and I will pluck the goose.   

To the old young man..  
thouart old and grave, and only fit for grave,  
And hast all griefs that aged grey ones have,  
Deaf ears, blind eyes, the palfie, gout, and mur,  
And cold would kill thee but for fire and fur.  
Yet thou dost hate to hear of old and weak,  
And of thy end wilt neither think or speak,  
Nor measure life by length of David's span,  
But wilt be held a strong and lusty man,  
Well, since thy age of youth doth love to lie,  
I'll say thouart young (in grace) to learn to die.   

The Country cunning man..  
STand back you figure stingers, and give place,  
Here's goodman Gosling will you all disgrace.  
You that with heaven's 12. houses deal so high,  
You oft want chambers for yourselves to lie.  
Wise Gosling, did but hear the screech-owl cry,  
And told his wife, and strait a pig did die.  
Another time, (after that scurvy Owl)  
When Ball his Dog at twelve a clock did howl,  
He jogged his wife, and ill luck Madge did say,  
And Fox by morning stole a Goose away.  
Besides he knows foul weather, rain or hail,  
Even by the wagging of his dun cows tail.  
When any thieves, his Hens and Ducks pursue,  
He knows it by the Candles burning blue.  
Or if a Raven cry just o'er his head,  
Some in the Town have lost their maiden head.  
For loss of cattle, and for fugitives,  
he'll find out with a Sieve, and rusty knives.  
His good days are when's Chaffer is well sold,  
And bad days when his wife doth brawl and scold.   

To the Saint in show, and Devil in practice.  
THou best of all men, for thy outside praise,  
Yet worst of all men as thy inside says,  
That like a Tradesman's ware upon his stall,  
Sets out the good, to utter bad withal.  
Thou dost abhor all swearing (and dost well)  
Yet for thy gain a lie smoothly tell.  
Thou hat'st a drunkard's vice (which hate is good)  
Yet wilt deceive, pretending Brotherhood.  
Thou dost condemn the Prodigals expense,  
Yet wilt embrace the Usurers offencè,  
And in a word thou think'st it may suffice,  
If thou canst mask thy sins from human eyes,  
Consorting with the virtuous and most civil,  
Like jobs audacious, bold and saucy devil:  
Who compassing the earth (souls to molest)  
Amongst the Sons of God, stood with the best:  
How ever thou dost think thy faults obscure,  
And mak'st account to be esteemed pure,  
There is an eye that no man can delude,  
Such hypocrites, from mercy will exclude.   

The Country Cormorant.  
WIfe 'tis the only year since we were borne,  
To make us rich by hording up our corn,  
I hear rare news, the markets rise apace:  
The world will mend if this hold out a space.  
Within my barn is that must bring in Gold,  
Wheat, Rye, and Barley will be bravely sold.  
Let these same hungry needy Rats and Mice  
Famish, I care not, I will have my price,  
And let spice conscience fellows talk their fill,  
Mine own's mine own, to use it as I will:  
Shall I be taught to buy and sell by any?  
No, I'll make profit to the utmost penny,  
Let our sir Domine preach peace and plenty,  
And let me sell my wheat by bushel at twenty,  
For all his prating I not care a fig,  
I know he will not lose a tithing pig,  
Nor will I let advantage slip away:  
If this year (wife) prove not as I do say,  
I'll take a halter and go hang me then.  
Let all that hate a villain, say, Amen.   

Patience Perforce.  
A Quiet man (to wrath and anger slow)  
Matched with a quean (a most she-devill shrew)  
That kept him in obedience with her fist,  
To do, or leave undone, even what she list.  
Upon a time (choler grown very hot,  
Against the hair) a broken pate he got,  
But patiently wore night cap sickman like,  
And vowed a woman he would never strike,  
Being content to pocket that abuse,  
And keep true manhood for a better use.  
A friend met with him, and demanded why  
He wore a linen cap so pensively?  
Alas (quoth he) sorrow doth much offend,  
My wife's so ill I fear she ne'er will mend,  
No Doctor that will undertake her cure,  
For grief where of great headache I endure.  
And had beside a flux of blood of late  
To think upon her desperate estate:  
she's senseless grown, and will no reason hear,  
And so will lie long on my hand I fear.  
When the fit comes she is outrageous mad,  
Oh 'tis an old disease her mother had,  
Runs through the blood, because 'twas bred i'th' bone,  
But here's my comfort, I am not alone:  
divers my Neighbours I do understand,  
Have wives with like diseases on their hand,  
Whose fits they must endure as I do mine,  
Which makes me bear my cross with less repine.  
A Doctor that did view her urine late,  
Hath thus described her desperate estate,  
She hath a female frenzy in the brain,  
Her tongue the cureless palsy doth contain,  
In speech grown senseless, reason doth abhor it,  
Her heart is heart-burned, there's no cooling for it:  
Her stomach full of choler, corrupt gall,  
Her fingers, fists, and nails, rank venom all,  
No potion, nor no pill, can do her good,  
Sweet gentle Doctor Death come let her blood.   

Tobacco carted to Tyburn.  
A Fleming late that killed one with a knife,  
Carried by cart to end his wretched life,  
Toward Tibur●● riding did Tobacco take,  
(To purge his head against his heels did shake.)  
But I durst lay ten pounds to twenty shilling,  
To take his purge no wiseman will be willing:  
Though Englishmen are apt for imitation,  
Yet Masters, let the Dutchman keep his fashion:  
For howsoe'er it with his liking stood,  
The smoking did his choking little good.   

To smokey Noses, and stinking Nostrils.  
GReat jupiter being at a solemn feast  
With all the Gods, Vulcan that sooty beast,  
A Pipe of his Tobacco fell to drink:  
Venus displeased, said fie sweet love you stink,  
And I am sure that juno you offend:  
Neither will Pallas hold you for her friend,  
Ceres will say the fume will blast her corn,  
And Flora's flowers such loathsome smell 〈◊〉 scorn,  
Put up your pipe, smoke here no more you 〈◊〉  
The very steam makes Mars his armour rust,  
And clouds Appolloes glorious sunbright face,  
Saturn you see spits at it in disgrace,  
What rhume's in Bacchus' eyes, how red they look?  
How long ist love since you Tobacco took?  
Marry (quoth he) late sitting on my trough,  
(With that he whift till all the Gods cried fough)  
Came a young devil of th'infernal nation,  
And brought me that with Pluto's commendation.  
And said, to drink with me he had desire,  
Because I traded like to him with fire.  
Now they drink neither wine, nor ale, nor bear,  
But fire, and stink, and smoke, as this is here.  
When jove heard this, well Vulcan (quoth he) well,  
For shame let us distinguish Heaven from Hell.  
Cast hence your roll, and your Tobacco ball:  
Or else with thunder i'll destroy it all,  
My lightning shall consume it from your Nose,  
With that from Heaven Mercury it throws,  
And down amongst the Blackamoors it lights:  
Whom Ioues winged Herald did suppose were spirits.  
So by that error they Tobacco got,  
And fell to smoke it very burning hot,  
As common and frequent with every Moor,  
As with th'infernal furies 'twas before.  
Not long fire drinking was at their dispose,  
But that the smell came to the Spaniards Nose,  
And he would teach his brain some smother too;  
French, Dutch, Italian, they the like would do:  
But th'English to disgrace them all did strive,  
His Nose should smoke with any Nose alive.  
Thus like an ill weed that grows fast, 'tis come,  
To stink in Nostrils throughout Christendom,  
So that of most it may be truly spoke,  
Their tongues yield idle breath, their Noses smoke.   

To beggarly Contention.  
GOose late sued goose, for goodman Gander's land,  
And Fox the Lawyer took the cause in hand:  
Whose long demurs, and new delays together,  
Left both of them in th'end not worth a feather.  
Then being brought as poor, as poor might be:  
Fools they fell out, and beggars thus agree;  
Each took a man, to end their idle brawl,  
Who made them friends when Fox had fingered all.   

To a Domestical Cowardly Coxcomb.  
IT saves thy head from many a bloody knock,  
To play the Hen and let thy wife turn Cock,  
Thou dar'st not chide, thy wife hath tongue at will,  
Thou dar'st not fight, thy wife hath Fencer's skill,  
Thou dar'st not speak, if she dislike thy speech,  
Thou dar'st do nothing, she hath won the breech.   

On an ill Conscience.  
THe wicked wretch whom inward guilt doth sting,  
Most trembling hearted fearing every thing,  
He feareth God, for God's his enemy,  
Satan he fears to be tormented by,  
He fears all creatures 'gainst him will assemble,  
He fears himself, himself doth make him tremble.   

To Machiavelli the devils Statesman.  
TO thee that art imposed of villainy,  
The devils Statesman for all treachery.  
That art of that religion bears most sway,  
A Papist now, a Protestant next day,  
Or any thing with any man for gain:  
That canst all humours flattering entertain,  
To please the world, that it may pleasure thee,  
Just fashioned as incarnate Devils be,  
With gluttons, Dives: murderers, a Cain:  
With thieves, an Achan: and with Indas' train,  
A false and bloody vile Iscariot,  
That wilt be bribed to any damned plot.  
With Corah's crew, murmuring malcontent,  
Grudging at Magistrate, and government,  
To thee that in thy life deniest salvation,  
A wilful worker of thine own damnation,  
Know that thy hours do hasten on to death,  
And that a Devil at thy parting breath,  
Will find that soul, which thou deniest to have,  
And all thy life thou didst neglect to save.   

To Mr. Mony-bag the Usurer.  
THat riches swell the heart, it seems by thee,  
For thouart as bold with God as wretch may be,  
Who in more fearful case hath ever been,  
Then he that stoutly dar●s dispute a sin.  
God's law endures no change nor alteration,  
It is not form after human fashion.  
That which he once decrees remaineth still,  
He that hath said thou shalt not steal, nor kill,  
Blaspheme his name, commit adultery:  
That dreadful God prohibits usury,  
There is no place in all his sacred Book,  
Doth tolerate that interest may be took,  
Yet thou dost hold it a good christian trade,  
And very honest gains thereby is made,  
'tis but gratuity that men do give:  
And were it not there's thousands could not live.  
Well ten j'th hundred, thoust a friend in hell,  
'tis thought he got his money e'en aswell.  
For 'tis not said he lived upon his land,  
Or got his wealth by any Tradesman's hand,  
Or that he was a Merchant, none of these,  
But he was only rich, and took his ease.  
And who more easy gathers riches then  
The Churl that gains by sweat of other men?  
Yet to the poor that pining mourned and wept,  
He was more dogged than the Dogs he kept,  
For they licked sores when he denied his crumbs:  
But when the ender of all mortals comes,  
Pale Death, and brings the devil for his due,  
To carry thee unto the howling crew,  
Then shalt thou cry with horrors fearful sound,  
Oh weary ways on earth I wretch have found,  
The Sun of righteousness yields me no grace;  
Come hills and hide me from the judges face,  
Whose heavy wrath and just incensed ire,  
Hath sentenced me to everlasting fire.   

To compliment the dissembling Counterfeit.  
A Smooth-tongued fellow of our City fashion,  
That with what lack you? gives his salutation:  
And fleering fawns, and fawning flatterers all,  
Claimed acquaintance of a countryman at's stall,  
Demanding how his friends and neighbours fare,  
And if he wanted any of his ware?  
The Country fellow by the fist did take him,  
And in plain rustic manner did beshake him,  
He leaves the hand, and gives him the embrace,  
Above the Knees, the Thighs, and pissing place,  
Sir, says the clown forbear, it is enough,  
You once deceived me in a piece of stuff,  
Which makes me think the world is wondrous grown  
In outward tricks, to that which I have known.  
The time hath been, on terms men did not stand,  
But bargains held, with shaking by the hand,  
Now in the arms we do embrace each other,  
And in the heart false Knavery do smother,  
Well Citizen, friend Trades-man, and so forth,  
Your kindness is scarce God a mercy worth:  
I like a handful of old love and true,  
Better than these whole armfuls of your new.   

Harm watch, Harm catch.  
OF late when Boreas' blustering blasts had blown  
Down mighty trees, & chimneys tops o'erthrown:  
In th'interim of this fierce combustious weather,  
A Tyler and a Surgeon met together,  
Whose congees past, and salutations done,  
The Tilers further speech he thus begun:  
This wind he saith blows profit still to me,  
In lieu whereof, two pots i'll give to thee,  
The motions liked, and so they pass the street,  
Till with a painted Lattice they do meet,  
The sounding well they like, so in they went,  
And budge not till the Tilers pots were spent,  
When coming forth with sage and sober gate,  
Down drops a Tile upon the Tilers pate,  
Who seeing the blood run down his cheeks amain,  
Amazed he cried that he was almost slain.  
The Surgeon hauingh's box of plasters there:  
Strait stanched the blood to put him out of fear,  
And saith withal, 'twas more than he did know,  
The self same wind to him should profit blow,  
But seeing I was beholding to the air:  
In liquid substance you shall have a share,  
So in again they go, and twixt them twain,  
They drank out part of what they hope to gain.   

To all London's Naballs.  
LIke to the body of some carrion beast,  
Whereon the Ravens and the Crows do feast,  
So is't with churlish misers when they die,  
To share their goods their friends and kinsfolks high,  
Who rifle chests and ransack bags of gold:  
When they with Dives are in devils hold.   

On vain and curious Monuments.  
WHat trust of future praise in senseless stones,  
Containing rotten and worm-eaten bones?  
What do the gazers on report, but this?  
Fair Monument wherein fowl carcase is.  
Virtue dies not, her fame herself will raise:  
Let them trust Tombs that have outlived their praise.   

Of a wicked Magistrate.  
A Wicked Magistrate is like to those  
That shoot at birds in pieces and stone-bows,  
As with one eye their level they attain,  
So other wink at faults, and shoot at gain.  
For if a bribe do entertainment find,  
justice must feel, because her eyes be blind.   

To a Gentleman fool.  
THou boasts of scutcheons, arms, & high descent,  
That on fools legs even from thy cradle went.  
What credit to an idiot will arise,  
To hear him say he had a father wife?  
What honour can from Ancestor proceed  
To fool his son, that ne'er did virtuous deed?   

The Picture of a Swagerer.  
A Bedlam look, shag hair, and staring eyes,  
Horse coursers tongue, for oaths and damned lies,  
A Pickt-hatch pair of pocky limping legs,  
And goes like one that sees in shackles begs.  
A Nose that smoketh with Tobacco still,  
Stinking as loathsome as doth Hecla hill.  
His fist with hangman's firework closely filled,  
His itching back with Bridewell medicine killed,  
His Rapier pawned, that borrowed which he wears,  
And dares not see a Sergeant for his ears.  
His richest warehouse is a greasy pocket,  
And two pence in Tobacco still doth stock it,  
His boots that keep his legs from nakedness,  
Holding a pair of stockings but excess)  
Came to him from a friend that late did die,  
Being indeed a Tyburn legacy.  
For there they cap'red to their owner's pain,  
And there he means to bring them back again.  
Which shows some conscience in the cursed crew,  
That will not cheat the hangman of his due.   

To the devils Secretary.  
HOw can a man refrain but he must laugh,  
To see old birds deceived and caught with chaff?  
This age hath been by such experience taught,  
A man would think no Conie could be caught.  
Who will be drawn at Dice and Cards to play,  
With one he meets as stranger on the way,  
And be fetched in for all that's in his purse,  
Except some frantic madman, fool, or worse?  
I pity not such asses, I have known  
To borrow money when th'ave lost their own,  
To feed a cheater in his roguish play,  
Yea from their backs have pawned their cloaks away,  
Such rather ought with shame to be derided,  
That of their wits have been so ill provided,  
Nor such as will in secret (like close Foxes)  
Be gulled with these same gold and counter boxes,  
Made both as like in fashion and in show,  
As those are like to fools, are cozened so.  
For when they think they have good gold in pawn,  
On which some twenty pounds away is drawn,  
Viewing the lining of the box within,  
They find but copper Counters, lead, or tin.  
But room for one that thinks his art far better,  
The devils secretary with his letter,  
And tells you he is sent from such a friend,  
For certain money he entreats you lend,  
And for assurance, shows the party's hand,  
Whereby his meaning you may understand.  
Or with acquittance, else to you he's sent  
From such a Lord or Lady, for some rent,  
Having their hands so cunning counterfeit,  
Many are wronged with most false deceit.  
But Plutoe's penman you did late mistake  
The devils errand for your masters sake,  
To bring a letter in a Maltmans' name  
Unto a Brewer, twenty pounds to claim.  
Such customers they never will abide,  
The devils Malt is filthy over-dride:  
It stinks of Brimstone, bad for beer and ale,  
As you by this 〈◊〉 stink in Newgate jail.  
Where we will leave you till the Cart do call,  
To ride up Holborneto the Hangman's Hall,  
To be made free, after some hours swing,  
To cheat, to cozen, to do any thing.   

To a Gormondizing Glutton.  
ONe like to 〈◊〉 for a monstrous eater,  
Or rather of a glutton somewhat greater,  
Invited was unto a Gentleman,  
Who longed to see the fame Hungarian,  
And note his feeding: being set to dinner,  
A leg of Mutton was the first beginner.  
Next he devoured up a loin of Veal,  
Upon four Capons then his teeth did deal.  
And sent them down into his pudding house,  
So took the cup, and drinking a carouse,  
Fell to his Rabbits, and dispatching four,  
Some wished him choked that he might eat no more.  
After all this he took bake't-meats in hand,  
And spared nothing did before him stand.  
The Gentleman then took a bowl of wine,  
And drinking to his guest (the filthy swine)  
Said, you are welcome sir, I pray you eat,  
Me thinks your stomach doth not like my meat,  
I thank you sir (quoth he) for your good will,  
But all last night I have been very ill,  
And that's the cause my stomach is but small,  
When I am well i'll make amends for all.  
If this be thy sick feeding, shame require thee,  
When thou art well the devil shall invite thee.   

Fools and Babes tell true.  
TWo friends that met would give each other wine,  
And made their entrance at next bush and sign,  
Calling for Claret, which they did agree,  
(The season hot) should qualified be  
With water and sugar, so the same being brought,  
By a new boy in Vintner's tricks untaught.  
They bade him quickly bring fair water in,  
Who looked as strange as he amazed had been.  
Why dost not stir (quoth they) with nimble feet?  
Cause Gentlemen (said he) it is not meet  
To put in too much water in your drink,  
For there's enough already, sure I think:  
Richard the drawer, by my troth I vow,  
Put in great store of water even now.   

To Madam Mask or Francis Fan.  
WHen Conquering William had subdued this Land,  
Save only Kent, which opposite did stand,  
On terms of ancient privilege they held,  
The Norman Prince, with all his troops in field,  
In great amazement on a sudden stood,  
To see (as seemed to him) a walking wood,  
For kentishmen came marching all with bows,  
To offer peace, if he their suit allows,  
If not, to fight it out with manly blows,  
Before their Privileges they would lose.  
Like wandering wood, as did that time appear,  
May now be met withal in every Shire,  
Women are up in arms on every side,  
About a privilege they claim in pride.  
Braving it out with woods upon their backs,  
Except the Husband his poor Tenant racks,  
And deals extremely in the hardest manner,  
There is no peace, but with the bloody banner,  
They sound defiance and domestic war,  
Such Peacocke-tailes proud foolish women are.   

Or thus.  
WHen men amazed at their business stood,  
A speech was used; Faith I am in a wood:  
To make an end of that same wooden phrase,  
There's order taken for it now a days,  
To cut down wood with all the speed they can,  
Transforming trees to maintain Mask and Fan,  
So that the former speech being error tried,  
A new way turned it must be verified.  
My Lady's worship even from head to foot,  
Is in a wood (nay scarce two woods will do't)  
To such a height Lucifer's sin is grown,  
The devil, pride, and Madam, are all one.  
Rents raised, woods sold, housekeeping laid aside,  
In all things sparing for to spend on pride.  
The poor complaining Country thus doth say,  
Our Fathers lopped the boughs of trees away;  
We that more skill of greedy gain have found,  
Cut down the bodies level with the ground.  
The age that after our date shall succeed,  
Will dig up roots and all, to serve their need.   

A hot Contention.  
A Controversy there did happen late,  
Where strangers met about a hot debate,  
Which I hope (Reader) ne'er shall trouble us:  
A sweeting thing, called Morbus Gallicus,  
The Frenchman swore they did his Nation wrong  
That said the pox did unto them belong,  
Giving it nick names by the term of French,  
As though no other had the fault to wench.  
For he would prove to the Italians face,  
That it was borrowed from their stock and race.  
Th'Italian looked upon him stern and grim,  
And said the Spaniard had it before him,  
Threatening the Frenchman for his lying sin,  
The pox, or he, would pull his Beard from's Chin.  
The Spaniard vowed he manifest could show,  
He fetched it from the Indies long ago.  
When first they went for Gold and Silver ●hether,  
They brought home metal, and the pox together.  
At length came certain English, Scots, and Dutch.  
Who hearing their contention grow so much,  
Would take upon them an arbiterment  
To make all friends, so unto cups they went,  
Pouring in wine, taking Tobacco so,  
Upon them all the Frenchman did bestow  
His pocky kindness, which doth so appear,  
That none can boasting say, his Nations clear.   

Of Ghosts and Goblins.  
IN old wines days, that in old time did live.  
(To whose odd tales much credit men did give)  
Great store of Goblins, Fairies, Bugs, Night-mares,  
Urchins, and Elves, to many a house repairs.  
Yea far more Spirits did haunt in divers places.  
Then there be women now wear devils faces.  
Amongst the rest was a good fellow devil,  
So called in kindness, cause he did no evil,  
Known by the name of Robin (as we hear)  
And that his eyes as broad as saucers were,  
Who came● nights and would make Kitchens clean,  
And in the bed bepinch a lazy quean.  
Was much in Mills about the grinding Meal,  
(And sure (I take it) taught the Miller steal)  
Amongst the Cream-bowls & Milke-pans would be,  
And with the Country wenches, who but he  
To wash their dishes for some Fresh-cheese hire:  
Or set their Pots and Kettles 'bout the fire.  
'twas a mad Robin that did divers pranks,  
For which with some good cheer they gave him thanks,  
And that was all the kindness he expected,  
With gain (it seems) he was not much infected.  
But as that time is past, that Robin's gone,  
He and his night-mates are to us unknown,  
And in the steed of such goodfellow Spirits,  
We meet with Robin-bad-fellow a nights,  
That enters houses secret in the dark,  
And only comes to pilfer, steal, and shark,  
And as the one made Dishes clean (they say)  
The other takes them quite and clean away.  
What ere it be that is within his reach,  
The filching trick he doth his fingers teach.  
But as good fellow-Robin had reward,  
With Milk and Cream that friends for him prepared,  
For being busy all the night in vain,  
(Though in the morning all things safe remain:)  
Robin-bad-fellow wanting such a supper,  
Shall have his breakfast with a Rope and Butter.  
To which let all his fellows be invited:  
That with such deeds of darkness are delighted.   

The Seven deadly Sins all Horst and riding to Hell.  

1  
THus rides to Hell the seven deadly sins,  
The devil leads, and Pride the way begins,  
Mounted upon a Lion, stern of face,  
Of surly carriage, and as proud a pace.  
Ambitious, haughty, of vainglorious mind,  
To vaunting and presumptuous thoughts inclined,  
Boasting of beauty, riches, kindred, friends:  
Which like a bubble in a moment ends.   

2  
Lust on a Goat after her sister Pride,  
The self same journey doth consorted ride.  
Rich in attire, all outward lures to sin:  
Full of diseases, and the pox within.  
Seducing fools by her bewitching charms  
To buy destruction, with souls endless harms.  
Which sorrow out of season oft bewails,  
When unrepentant sin of mercy fails.   

3  
Wrath on a Boar, (incensed by furious mood)  
With case of Rapiers drawn, and died in blood,  
All choleric, not caring what he speaks:  
Nor whom he hurts, nor how the peace he breaks:  
Upbraiding all men of a devilish hate,  
Still quarreling, and wilful obstinate,  
And ever of a damned resolution,  
To put his cruel rage in execution.   

4  
Covetousness doth back an Elephant,  
He of his wealth and money still doth vaunt,  
And counts his poor (though honest) neighbour base,  
(Although far richer than himself in grace)  
God he neglecteth for the love of gold,  
His soul for money every day is sold,  
To scrape and get his care is night and day,  
And in a moment Death takes all away.   

5  
Gluttony mounted on a greedy Bear,  
To belly-cheer and banquets lends his ear:  
Though by excess he finds diseases breeding,  
Yet his insatiate gut is ever feeding.  
With abstinence he never can agree:  
And shuns the dinner where no gluttons be.  
An Epicure, inhuman, brutish beast,  
That pampers flesh, and of his soul thinks least.   

6  
Envy upon a Wolf; his inside gall,  
And never smiles, except at some man's fall,  
Hates equals, scorns superiors, loveth none,  
ne'er wisheth good but to himself alone.   

7  
Sloth on an Ass, with heavy pace behind,  
Of lumpish body, and as drowsy mind,  
Inclined to only ease and idleness,   

Makes up the seventh for the devils mess.  
The Knaves are dealt, the Game is played,  
And with this wish concludeth Spade:  
I would all Knaves who ere they be,  
Were known by sight as well as we.   
FINIS.