EPIGRAM in the oldest cut, and newest fashion. A twice seven hours (in so many weeks) study No longer (like the fashion) not unlike to continue.  
The first seven.  
john Weever.  Sit voluisse, Sat valuisse. 
At London Printed by V S. for Thomas bushel, and are to be sold at his shop at the great north door of Paul's 1599   

To the Right Worshipful and worthy honoured Gentleman sir Richard Houghton of Houghton Tower, Knight: justice of Peace, and Quorum: High Sheriff of Lanchishire, etc. Adorned with all gifts, that valour may give, or virtue gain.  
KNowing, and admiring (Right Wor.) the general applause, and love which you have of your country, won (no doubt) by your virtues, seated in a heart of courtesy: And the experience which many scholars have had of your kindness, never to be forgotten, but with ungratefulness: persuade me you will animate my young Muse, and vouchsafe to per use the fruits, of my not curious nor careless studies: albeit I must confess far unworthy your Wor: view; Unless, (like the wisest senator) you would have your serious affairs intermeddled with divers delights, to drive away the tediousness of time. Then (most bountiful Maecenas) if you favour the effect of my labour, it will serve you for a jest, to refresh your wearied mind, continually exrcised in matters concerning the common wealth. And thus I commend my Book to your mild censure, and yourself to your soul's content.  
Yours in desire Ioh: Weever.   

In commendation of the work and the Author.  

Nor dost thou praise, a pockworne tawny trull,  
Nor dost thou carve a lifeless slubbered stone,  
Nor dost thou fill thy page with great oaths full,  
Nor dost thou sonnet of King Solomon:  
Nor dost thou like a lovesick milksop gull,  
Unto thy Mistress for a kiss make moan:  
But salt with sugar, honey mixed with gall,  
Must needs be praised, must needs be liked of al.   

Now I am sure thou tends to virtues lore,  
Shows reading, judgement, and invention,  
Thus writ the Epigrammatists of yore,  
And told the world her foul abusion:  
Thus thou and thine shall ever enui de be,  
And like a Page will Envy tend on thee.    

In Authorem.  

Why so? halcyon maketh first her nest,  
And then into the river lets it slide,  
To see if 'twill keep water from her breast;  
So thou thy nest my friend in me hast tried:  
I like it well, it holdeth water out,  
Fear fire, fire is the curious scout.   
T. B. Gen.   

In Authorem.  

I wish my rough-hewn lines might gratify,  
The first borne of thy pleasing Poesy,  
These be but blossoms: what will be the fruit,  
When time and age, hath made thee more acute?  
Mean while how ever Momus bite the lip,  
Each man will praise the weavers workmanship:  
When witty verse is worthily regarded,  
Then shall thy verse be thankfully rewarded.   
I. K. Mag: Art.   

Ad Librum.  

So great a sense within in so short a verse,  
So great a work within so short a space,  
So great advise to find in so few years,  
Adds fame to Grant, and thee to Muse's race.   

These Epigrams the buds of thy first spring,  
Show what thy leaves in summer time will be,  
For more they do sprout forth, the more thou sing  
That th'after age thy wit may verify,  
Thus Grant is made Pyrene our willows bay  
This Book the honour of thy young wise days.   
Tho: Kedgewin Gent.  Vincit qui patitur.  

To the Author.  

Of Hemp and wool our country weavers make,  
Such kind of cloth as keeps us whole and clean,  
This silken Weever subtler looms gi'en take,  
And seven week's web hath warped with finer beam,  
His cloth discovereth vice,  
adorning virtues lore,  
Wherefore of greater price,  
than Weavers heretofore.   
Ed: Gurney. Gent.   

In laudem Authoris.  

〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉;  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉,  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉:  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉;  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.    

Eiusdem. In laudem Authoris  

Queris Amalthaeae cornu? num quaeris & Artis?  
Nec sine mente iocos? & sine dente sales?  
Huc vertes occulos, animumque aduerte benignum,  
Praeclarum doctae respice mentis opus,  
Saepe Poeta novem, celebravit carmine mu●●●:  
Nunc decima audita est, carmina Mu●al●qui.   
M. Milwardmag: Ar:  Statuto bono, statuto  

Lectores, quotquot, quales, quicunque estis.  

O let my words be sweetened in a mouth,  
(If your great highness can descend so lo●●●  
As deign to view my tender-blushing youth,  
That twenty twelve months yet did never know)  
Right Malmsey relished: one which ever saith,  
Good, very good nay, excellent in faith.   

Dew gracious looks upon mine infant Muse,  
Nip not my blossoms in their budding prime,  
These artless lines at leisure do peruse,  
Only to add more wings to idle time:  
My hovering muse could never get that spirit,  
Which to peruse me might your favour merit.   

I never lay upon a bed of Roses,  
Twixt Beauty's lips entombing of my tongue,  
Smelling rose-waterd odoriferous Poses,  
Pleasing my mistress with a mermaids song.  
Ofamorous kissing more than lovesick lavish,  
Whose juice might make my words the Readers ravish.   

The liquid waves nor did I ever plash  
Of silver-channeled/ si● purling river,  
(Yet Nestor-old nymph-nursing Grant will wash  
Her Nymphs: & scorns pre-eminence to give her)  
Nor have I spent in Troynovant my days,  
Where all good wits (some say) are crown d with Bays.   

I cannot show then in a sugared vain,  
Wit, judgement, learning, or invention:  
I cannot reach up to a Delians strain,  
Whose songs deserve for ever your attention:  
Nor Draytons' style, whose honey words are meet  
For these your mouths, far more than honey sweet.   

I never durst presume take in mine hand  
The nimble-tripping Faëries' history,  
I cannot, I protest, yet understand  
The witty, learned, satires mystery;  
I cannot move the savage with delight,  
Of what I cannot, Reader than I writ.   

Must I then cast in envies teeth defiance?  
Or dedicate my Poems to detraction?  
Or must I scorn Castilioe's near alliance?  
Nay, I must praise this Poet-pleasing faction;  
Lest in the Press my overthrow they threaten;  
And of the Binder's laugh to see me beaten.   

O that I had such eloquence as might  
Entreat the envious Reader 'bove the rest,  
(For his deep wisdom censures all aright)  
That by his lips I may be always blest!  
If this suffice not for the enviest,  
Know then, I am an Epigrammatist.   
john Weever.   

Intentio operis & Authoris.  

For pride with Clio Tamyras contend,  
For profit Otho, all thy Poems spend,  
Pedro for praise, praise Burgl●neroes vice,  
Please thou thyself, in reading over thrice  
Tubro thy verse. Speak fair ye Gnatonists,  
But whip and scourge ye Epigrammatists:  
To whip and scourge, my chiefest meaning is,  
With seven sour rods laid full seven weeks in piss  
Yet pleasure, profit, pride, nor praise allures me,  
To whip & scourge. But virtue that procures me.    

To the generous Readers.  
EPigramms are much like unto Almanacs serving especially for the year for the which they are made, than these (right judging Readers) being for one year penned, and in another printed: are past date before they come from the Press, that you may put them up in your pockets (like your old Almanacs) as not befitting this triumphant year of jubilee: yet I beseech you show me some courtesy, in hope to have the next calculated more carefully. If you look for some reasons because I keep no order in the placing of my Epistles and Epigrams, let this suffice, I writ Epigrams, and there is an old saying:  Non locus hominem, sed homo locum, &c: 

— The placing gives no grace  
Unto the man, but man unto the place.   
Some faults you shall find in the printing, and more in the penning, all which I reserre to your own correction, and myself to your mild censures.  
Ioh: Weever.   

The first week.  

Epig. 1. De se.  
NOr do I fear the satires venimed bite,  
Nor choplogs teeth, ne Railors vile reproach,  
Nor malcontented Envies poisoned spite,  
Ioues thunderbolt, nor Momus long sharp broach.  
Nor that I have in high Parnassus slept,  
Or pledged Apollo Cups of Massicke wine  
Or by the fount of Helicon have kept,  
That none dare carp these Epigrams of mine;  
But that I think I shall be carped of none,  
For who lourest water from a st, ●●●● stone?   

Epig. 2. Ad Lectorem  
Of all my Epigrams, Reader, read not one,  
Ne yet read two, but rather read just none▪  
Then read them all, or let them all alone.   

Epig. 3. In Elizzbetham.  
If that Elysium be no feigned thing,  
Whereof the Poets want so much to sing;  
Then are those fair fields in this Fairy land,  
Which fair Eliza rules with awful hand:  
By BAJAZET th' Egyptians signify the soul,  
Which doth the body's appetites control,  
ETH signifies man's heart, from whence we know  
The fountain of their vital breath doth flow.  
ELIZA gives this land the name: BAJAZET soul; har● ETH  
Name, soul, heart, of this land ELIZABETH.   

Epig. 4. In Cormungum.  
Cormung did wish well always to the poor,  
Wishing they had of Corn or money store:  
When wishing would not fill the poor man's box  
The poor man wished, and Cormung had the pox▪   

Epio. 5 In Crassum.  
thou'rt meddling with my hat, and meddling with my shoes,  
thou'rt meddling with my ruffs, and meddling with my hose:  
thou'rt meddling with my gate, and meddling with my looks,  
thou'rt meddling with my wit, and meddling with my books:  
Crassus, thy meddling hath this guerdon only gotten  
Meddlers are never ripe before that they be rotten.   

Epig. 6 In Brillum.  
Two Contraries more glorious far appear,  
When each to other they be placedneare:  
Until I knew this axiom I did muse,  
Why Gentlemen so much do Bases use:  
Yet Brillus Bases adds to Brill no grace,  
But make him base, whom by birth is base:  
Gentility than Brillus first should get,  
Before base Brillus do in Bases jet.   

Epig. 7. De Epigr●suis.  
My Epigrams were all new ready made,  
And only on the Printers leisure stayed;  
One of my friends on Sheep's green I did meet,  
Which told me one was printing in Bridge street:  
And would (if so it pleased to come thither)  
Print with a warrant both 'gainst wind & wether.  
I thanked him: my Book to Press now goes:  
But I am gulled, he printeth only hose.   

Epig. 8. In Thyrum.  
Thyrus, thou told'st one I might be ashamed  
To print these papers; and it did sore grieve thee,  
And that thou wouldst in print be never named:  
Thou darest not Thyrus therefore I believe thee;  
Yet twixt us two this strife we may soon stint  
Look at your breeches, are they not in print?   

Epig. 9 De Ingenio, Fortuna, Fama.  
Witte scorned Fortune, followed after Fame,  
That through the world she might extol his name;  
Fortune scorned Wit, and gave him this therefore,  
He might have Fame, but ever with it poor.   

Epig. 10. De Fama, & Amore.  
Fly thou from Love, and it will follow thee  
But follow Fame, and it will fly from thee:  
Then fly from Fame, and follow Love, if either;  
Then thou'lt lose fame, & yet attain love neither:  
Since divers are the ways of Love and Fame,  
No marvel then though love oft end with shame.   

Epig. 11. In Boscum.  
Boscus at bowls his shoulders cannot want,  
He thinks belike their made of Adamant.  
What way he would his brasil bowl should wend  
That way he doth always his shoulders bend:  
Hob, hob he cries, pox on that hob, naght's good,  
Blow wind, hold Bias, secure there, Gods ()  
But Bias wrong, that oath not shoulders drew it  
Just by an ass, back to the ass which threw it.   

Epig. 12. De carne leporina.  
Plini reports of all beasts in their kind,  
The flesh is best of a swift footed hare:  
It doth not only beautify the mind,  
But makes the body, face, surpassing fair:  
I wonder then why coneyes in request  
Should so much be, when hares flesh is the best.   

Epig. 13. In Rogerum Manners Rutlandiae Comitem.  
It's not the sea which doth our land enclose,  
That makes us mighty to withstand our foes:  
Nor farms, nor manours, but where manners be  
There stands the city, from foe's danger free;  
If Manners then make us our foes withstand,  
MANNERS may well be called ROOT of the LAND.   

Epig. 14. In Crassum.  
Crassus' will say the dog fauns with his tail,  
To men of worth he writes for's best avail:  
Crassus thou liest, dogs writ not deeds of men,  
Then thou the dog that snarlest at my pen.   

Epig. 15. In Monocerotem.  
Monoceros hath strength, but hath no wit,  
And therefore one horn will the fool befitte:  
But how can't be that he but one horn have?  
When to his neighbour Brusus two he gave?   

Epig. 16. De Poeno.  
Poor Poenus had since statute was made so,  
At every town some cheer, but whip and go:  
But ever since the Claricords came in,  
Of whipping cheer he surfeited had been:  
He never thanks his dearest friends therefore,  
That such good cheer provided for the poor;  
Except the Constables were physicians good.  
To know the sign before they let him blood.   

Epig. 17. In Felicem.  
Felix the fool, I said, as foolish writ,  
Therein myself more foolish I did show,  
But then he proved himself to have no wit,  
That did not call me ass for saying so.   

Epig. 18.  
Ask Lygdus who a Poet is by right,  
He with harsh Horace thus will answer strait,  
He that hath pulled his hair quite from his beard,  
And can invent brave oaths would make one feared,  
Pulled off his nails, and left no hair on's head,  
Thus would he have himself a Poet read;  
For Lygdus had a washing for three pence  
Three years ago, he ne'er need shaving since.   

Epig. 19 In Nigellum  
If I should choose, yea, for my life,  
To be thy hawk (Nigell) or wife,  
I would the hawk choose of the one,  
She wears a hood, thy wife wears none.   

Epig. 20 In eundem  
Dogs thou dost love, dogs thou dost feed,  
Thy wife thou hat'st in time of need;  
And still with her thou art at strife,  
Better to be thy dog than wife.   

Epig. 21  
One sued for service at florella's shrine;  
Florella kindly did him entertain  
To be her servant, she a Saint divine;  
This high preferment glad he was to gain;  
To make this match her friends he forward found,  
If but this one thing he himself would grant,  
To feoffee her by year in forty pound:  
He tried his wit (for wit oft comes by want)  
And brought them straight within his study door,  
And there he show'd them old Orations,  
A common place-booke of ten choir and more,  
Latins, Verses, Themes and Declamations;  
He swore these cost four hundred pound at least,  
(May be at learning he had spent so much)  
That's forty pound a year by interest▪  
But mark, her friends served him a crafty tuch,  
You shall have her (say they) but first know well,  
For so much coin you must your papers sell.   

Epig. 22 De se.  
Some men marriage do commend,  
And all their life in wiving spend;  
But if that I should wives have three,  
(God keep me from Polygamy)  
I'll give the devil two for pay,  
If he will fetch the third away.   

Epig 23 Ad Michaelem Drayton.  
The Peers of heaven kept a parliament,  
And for Wittes-mirrour Philip Sidney sent,  
To keep another when they do intend,  
Twenty to one for Drayton they will send,  
Yet had him leave his learning, so it fled,  
And vowed to live with thee since he was dead   
Finis.   

To the right worshipful and noble minded Gentleman, Robert Dalton of Pilling Esquire.  
FEaring (right Worshipful) lest I should die altogether ungrateful, Occasion every day proffers herself to perform more than my wit dare presume to promise: and it will be long (I fear me) before they jump in a full point. In the mean time, take (I beseech you) a few lines in this waste piece of paper, in part of a scholars payment. And withal, if not a Gerfalcon, think yet I send you a Hawk, which will be agreeable to my wish, and your Worship's worthiness.  
Ioh: Weever.   

The second week.  

Epig. 1 Ad Robertum Dalton Armig.  
GRace thou (kind Dalton) with a smiling look,  
These rude penned lines of this my second book;  
And I, my Muse, and Graces three will praise  
Thy judgement, wit, and valour:  
But I, my Muse, and Graces, are too few,  
To pen thy praise, to whom all praise is due.   

Epig 2 In Tortonem  
Torto hath crossed his jerkin and his hose,  
So without crosses Torto never goes,  
(Except whenas he dallies with his whore,  
For then crossed Torto runs upon the score;  
By all good tokens Roll a kissing took:  
And Item for, did set on Tortoes book)  
His greatest cross, that will cross all, I dread,  
Is, he wants crosses for to cross his head.   

Epig. 3 In Titum  
When harebrained Titus.  
Desunt nonnulla.   

Epig. 4.  
When wit is waning thus we writ of want,  
As though our works were all lost by the way:  
Or for their goodness stolen were we vaunt,  
And printed sore against our wills we say;  
Let's write in want, for I have tried this,  
Than one too many, want one better is.   

Epig. 5. De nomine in Marmore sculpto.  
Great Marcus made his pure proud marble toom  
In Paul's Church wall, for lack of better room:  
Fowl snake-eied Envy, s'daining his great praise,  
Hath cut M. thus (‖) as though she meant to raze  
His name quite forth of Fame's immortal book,  
And breaks the stones, makes all unseemly look:  
If stones and names decay, what wonder then  
Though death destroy us weak and mortal men?   

Epig. 6. In Ruffinum.  
Ruffinus lost his tongue on stage,  
And wots ye how he made it known?  
He spits it out in bloody rage,  
And told the people he had none:  
The fond spectators said, he acted wrong,  
The dumbest man may say, he hath no tongue.   

Epig 7. In eundem.  
Ruffinus hath no tongue, why?  
For now he lost one:  
Ruffinus hath a tongue, why?  
He says he hath none.   

Epig. 8. De Carione.  
Cairo brags and swears his wife's a maid,  
A lovely Lucrece, or Diana ●ath●●  
Some sacred saint in woman's clothes arraide,  
And why? his children are so like their father:  
Yet Carioe's cozened, do what e'er he can,  
She thinks of him, lies with another man.   

Epig. 9 In Coruum.  
Now old-cook Coruus you which do yet scorn it,  
That your fair Fulua with her golden hair  
Should rub your head, & afterwards then horn it,  
And all because you see no horns appear:  
But in thy mouth another man more seethe,  
In faith thou'rt horned: thou want'st thine upper teeth.   

Epig. 10.  
  
— Nihil his nisi carmina desunt:   

Epig. 11. In D. D. Palmer.  
Palmers in woods lived only by the Palm,  
And gave to passengers the sweetest balm:  
In wilderness when any went astray,  
Then Palmers set them in the ready way:  
So Palmer lives by our fresh Palm the Queen,  
(Victorious palm-tree grow thou ever green:)  
And in a wood or wilderness doth tell  
The passengers which way they may go well:  
(For the world is a wilderness of woe,  
Like passengers the people in it go:)  
Thus Palmer lives and gives the sweetest balm,  
To Palmer then of right belongs the palm.   

Epig. 12. In Castilionem malum quendam Poetam.  
Castilio writes when he might hold his tongue▪  
Castilio craves, though pardon for his writing,  
That's to confess unto the world his wrong:  
Which of the world (at least) deserves endiung:  
Well, thus the world is guilty of his sin,  
And the world hangs, how can the world hang him?   

Epig. 13. In eundem.  
Castilioe's sick upon it,  
jove help him in his anguish,  
Lest that worse verse he vomit,  
So oft as he doth languish.   

Epig. 14. Ad Philerotem.  
A great demean friend Phileros you have,  
And seven wives all lying in their grave:  
But yet the churchyard far more profit yields,  
Than all the revenues of your fairest fields.   

Epig. 15. In Stratum.  
Forty four pence brought Stratus to a play,  
Forty four pounds he carried yet away:  
A Coney-catcher who calls him for the same?  
A Money-catcher may be Stratus name.   

Epig 16. In obitum pi●ssimi, sapientissimi, omnique virtutum genere cumulatissimi viri Richards Vpeheri Armig.  
How Nature triumph▪ t at this Vpchers' birth!  
Swore he should be th'▪ ornament of the earth:  
In him she placed her imperial throne,  
As though mankind remained in him alone:  
All Wisdom, Virtue, Courage in his breast,  
As in their fairest lodge should always rest:  
But when Death saw this better work of Nature,  
And all perfections found in this one creature;  
Death likewise triumphed, and was wondrous glad  
That such a Champion to assault he had:  
Whom if he killed he killed (he killed we find)  
All Wisdom, Virtue, Courage, and Mankind.   

Epig. 17 In Caluum  
Some say that calvus lately lost his hair,  
By Paris garden baiting a white bear,  
The wiser sort affirm that he was shaven  
In devils ditch, knaves acre, Cuckold's haven:  
Ask calvus, he of scripture makes a scorn,  
Naked he le die, for naked he was borne.   

Epig. 18 In obitum Mirmedomis▪  
Here lies the man who whilom in a trance  
At Tyburn died wounded by men of France,  
For wading Tyburn there he got a quease,  
Which brought the perpendicular disease,  
And afterward of rope-seede took a surfeit,  
Which caused him be canvased in a hempon blanket▪  
Well, Mirmedon was sure to go to wreck,  
When that red headed Taurus ruled the neck   

Epig. 19 In Lollus.  
The lurcher Lollus at the Ordinary,  
Wiliest of all men's manners in the City,  
Another sot applauds him sitting by  
Thus: Sir, by heau▪ ns, that was wondrous witty:  
I overheard▪ and when I heard the best,  
In faith 'twas but an ordinary jest.   

Epig. 20 In eundem  
I laughed aloud to hear this wind-falne man  
Say, that he courted (at the play) his whore;  
Shall Court run currant for a Courtesan?  
Were Ladies ever thus abused before?  
Then jove a boon yield, yield to my request,  
Make me a Lady, for his sake at least.   

Epig. 21 In obitum sepulcrum Gullionis.  
Here lies fat Gullio, who caperd in a cord  
To highest heaven for all his huge great weight,  
His friends left at Tyburn in the year of our Lord  
1 5 9 and 8  
What part of his body French men did not eat,  
That part he gives freely to worms for their meat   

Epig. 22 In Coaem  
A nor Ω will Coa espy,  
Till she ascend up to the corner'd Π.   

Epig. 23 Ad Robertum Dalton Armig.  
Kindness itself, and virtues vicegerent,  
Learning's maintainer, Poverties releever,  
Valour's bright ensign, honours heir apparent,  
Gentleman's behaviour, Governments upholder,  
These titls claim, these, more than these thine own,  
If more may be, or more in man was known.   

Epig. 24 In Vertumnum judicem.  
Wicked Vertumnus Perylus redeem'de,  
With (Τ) though (Θ) Perilus deserved,  
For Chion (Θ) though it better seemed  
For Chion (Τ) for Chion never sweru'de:  
With (Λ) Lolus held in law too long,  
Thus ` Peril, Chion, Lolus he did wrong.   

Epig. 25 Ad Lectorem  
Courteous kind Reader, find my meaning out,  
Whilst that I go the hemisphere about,  
My wit's in waning, dark, obscure, and dull,  
Therefore must change before it be at full:  
To Phoebus or be my wit doth go this night,  
Of him to borrow some transpiercing light.   
Finis.   

To the right worshipful, sir Richard Mallineux knight, endued with the depth of wisdom, and all good government.  
THe wisest Romans (right Worshipful) delighted in the counterfeit gestures of Roscius; the gravest Cato would have his festival day to frolic in: then I think your thoughts intended to most serious studies, will sometimes take delight in trifles. And for a preparative to your mind-refreshing pastime, here are a few pills, which will purge melancholy: Provided always this, that little is their virtue in operation, unless you pardon the giners presumption.  
Ioh: Weever.   

The third week.  

Epig. 1 De Interlunio,  
The half faced Moon nights governess did change  
When in the Crab the Sun was retrograde;  
To th'hot dry Lion straight she meant to range,  
Till with the Dog in longitude he staid:  
So this next week by these signs you may gather  
You must expect crabbed, dry and dogged wether   

Epig. 2 In Fuscam  
Tell me Bollana if thou can,  
What means thy Mistress wear a fan?  
So fair a fan, so fowl a face,  
Fusca, or fan, must needs disgrace.   

Epig. 3 Ad D. Mounteagle.  
Mounteagle, which art now thy countries pride,  
Unto thy worth would I could tune my verse▪  
Then Wit and Art, and all I would provide,  
To be thy Poet, and thy praise rehearse:  
But with my Art I cannot equal thee,  
Then thou thyself must needs commend for me.   

Epig. 4 De homine in Luna.  
When Bunas viewed the wandering planets seven  
He spied a knave in Moon all clothed in black,  
Who for his theft could come no nearer heaven,  
But bore a bush of sharp thorns on his back:  
A knave in Moon? what need he look so high?  
When in the Sun a thousand stood him by.   

Epig. 5 In Ramistas.  
wisdoms adopted heir say what thou can,  
Ramists defend in Moon to be a man,  
If please him piss, than he doth send us rain,  
If drunk, a deluge, and a watery main:  
Come down thou man since Sturbridge fair four year,  
Thy pissing made us all drink single beer.   

Epig. 6. In eosdem.  
Fron whence doth come this root-upriving wind▪  
From the moons man, when he doth blow behind  
Snow, frost, and hail, be scales in's hoary crown,  
And from his nose the mildew drops ydowne:  
His Camphire breath doth all perfume the air,  
Bedews the flowers, & makes the fields seem fair:  
Vapours arising from the earth his meat,  
And like a glutton he doth always eat:  
I think those men be wiser far than these,  
Who think the moon is made all of green cheese.   

Epig. 7. Ad fatorum dominum  
Hence Braurons god to Taurominion,  
And you levalting Corybants be gone,  
Fly thundering Bronsterops to Hippocrene,  
And Mavors to Nymph-nursing Mytilene,  
Grisly magaera's necromantic spell  
Depart to black nights Acheronticke Cell,  
Avaunt transformed Epidaurian,  
Unto th'antipode Isles of Taproban:  
Away Cyllenius plumie-pinioned god,  
With thy peacemaking wand, snakecharming rod,  
And all the rest, not daring look upon  
Vranus blood-borne brood and fell Typhon,  
chymaera's victor great Bellerephon,  
Thou vanquisher of Spanish Geryon,  
Stout Hasdruball Sicilian Lord of yore,  
Thou that destroyd'st the Caledonian Boar  
Courageous Conqueror of Crete's Minotaur,  
Thou pride of Mermeros cloudy Semitaure,  
Perseus, whose marbl-stone-transforming shield  
Enforced the whale Andromeda up yield,  
You Argonauts that scour▪ d Syndromades,  
And passed the quicksands of Symplegades.  
Help Demogorgon king of heaven and earth,  
Chaos Lucina at Litigium's birth:  
The world with child looks for delivery,  
Of Cannibals or Poetophagie,  
A devilish brood from Ericthonius,  
From Iphidemia, Nox and Erebus,  
Chide Pegasus for opening Helicon,  
And Poets damn to Pyriphlegeton▪  
Or make this monstrous birth abortive be,  
Or else I will shake hands with Poetry.   

Epig. 8 Ad Lectorem.  
Say you that I am obscure?  
Why this is young men's Rhetoric,  
Owls must not judge of Coruus sure,  
For he speaks nought but Rhetoric▪  
Either too high, or else too plain,  
And this is now a scholars vain.   

Epig. 9 In Battum.  
Battus affirmed no Poet ever writ,  
Before that Love inspired his dull head wit,  
And yet himself in Love had wit no more,  
Than one stark mad, though somewhat wise before.   

Epig 10. De Ore.  
Os of O, a mouth Scalliger doth make,  
And from this letter, mouth his name doth take:  
I had been in Scalligers belief,  
But that I looked in O, and saw no teeth.   

Epig 11 In Fuscam.  
Is fusca's fan 'gainst winter, wind, and sun?  
She scorns their force so bright her face is done:  
Is fusca's fan to flap away the flies,  
Dare they come near her eagle-sighted eyes?  
Belike they think she is some Butcher's shop,  
Her face the flesh whereon they use to lop.   

Epig 12 In Byrrham  
Is Byrrha brown? who doth the question ask?  
Her face is pure as Ebony ●eat black,  
It's hard to know her face from her fair mask,  
Beauty in her seems beauty still to lack.  
Nay, she's snowwhite, but for that russet skin,  
Which like a vail doth keep her whiteness in.   

Epig. 13 In Roderingonem  
If Beard can make a good Divine,  
Then Rodering is one:  
But Beard can make no good Divine,  
Then Rodering is none.   

Epig. 14 In eundem  
Where Ivy-bush hangs out say I,  
There you may wine for money buy:  
Yet he for all his bushy sign,  
Is but a grapelesse dead dry vine:  
For take his beard from off his chin,  
Both bare without, and bore within.   

Epig. 15 In Fucam  
In fuca's face the Graces seem to mart,  
So like she is the blushing rose-red morn,  
Sure in her shape the Gods all bore a part,  
A withered Hermit fivescore winters worn  
Might shake off fifty, seeing her before:  
Yet Fuca dare not venture in the air,  
For fear the water wash away her fair.   

Epig. 16 In obitum Gloriani.  
First life, than death, next death was life before,  
And death gave life, a life for evermore:  
Life was not life, till death gave life, life better,  
To death for life than Glorian is a debtor.   

Epig. 17 In Lycum paedagogum  
Many are beholding Lycus for thy pain,  
Which with their sons and daughters thou hast  
Believe me Lycus, I did often wonder  
To see the wenches prove so well you under: ta'en:  
If that but once to Learning's lore you win them  
This I dare swear, you can put learning in them.   

Epig. 18 De Daphnide Apollinem fugiente.  
Daphne of Apollo never was afraid,  
But of the weapons which Apollo had;  
So modest maids of men stand not in fear,  
But of the weapons which we men do bear.   

Epig. 19 In Brutum  
The gallant Brutus jets it in the streets,  
Feign would have all look at his face he meets.  
And lest he pass unseen this way doth find,  
To cut his shoes before broad, and behind  
He puts in quills, as if his shoes would say,  
(Stand passengers and view me in your way)  
And yet the fool what he would have doth lose  
For none look at his face, all at his shoes.   

Epig. 20 Translat. ex Martial.  
Sabidi I love thee not, nor why I wots,  
But this I wots, Sabidi I love thee not.   

Epig. 21 De Georgio Grave non sepulto.  
Grave was George Grave, his gravenes caused him die,  
Grave should to grave, yet Grave doth graveles lie.   

Epig. 22 In Gulielmum Covel.  
Covel thy mind thou hast already seasoned,  
With salt of wit, and relish of all Arts,  
With Plato oft, and Aristotle reason▪ d,  
Seeking all means to beautify all parts,  
That twixt thy lips divinity doth fall,  
Like Berill drops from some fair crystal wall.   

Epig. 23 In D. D. overall Reg. profess.  
Sad Sisters suited in despairing black,  
Curb Cares unrest, sing Carolles now again,  
Lean rake-toothed Death is like to go to wrack;  
Of Whitaker a Phoenix breeds again:  
One over Death, moreover, over More,  
One over you, nay yet one over all.  
Death's overthrow let overall be therefore,  
A Victor's praise of you deserve he shall.  
And if my pen could overall give breath,  
Then overall should still be over death.   
Finis.   

To the right worshipful, sir Edward Warren knight, graced with all gifts both of the mind and body.  
I Do presume (right Wor:) to offer up to your good liking these small endeavours far unworthy the looking over of your so worthy self, yet because I am altogether destitute of a better present, I hope this small performance will be as willingly accepted, as zealously offered, and (hereafter) I vow thus to divide my chiefest studies, one part of the day shallbe devoted to your Worship's remembrance, and another of the might, in wishing you all health and happiness.  
Ioh: Weever.   

The fourth week  

Epig. 1 Ad awnculum suum Henricum Butler Armig.  
IF From the conquest thy antiquity  
I would derive, when William gave thy mot.  
Or boast the Butlers true gentility,  
My praises yet augment thy praise would not.  
Nay praise would be dispraise thy name to blot,  
Ne will I praise; or praise thyself alone,  
Or good deeds praise, or praises look for none.   

Epig. 2 In Daconem  
The Devil and Dacon both by chance did meet,  
With congees fair either did other greet,  
The Devil would dice, but Dacon had no crowns  
Dacon his soul pledged for a thousand pounds;  
Dacon could cog, and so the Devil paid  
His thousand pounds, a thousand more yet had:  
Is cogging then I pray you such an evil?  
Nay, ti's a quiddit how to cheat the Devil.   

Epig. 3 In obitum fortissimi ducis Io: Vpcheri.  
Sound a retreat, ye common soldiers sound,  
When captains thus imperious death dare wound,  
And steal to steel in powders smoky mask,  
Where Valour locked was in his plumed cask:  
Nay, spite of Death (like him) yet weeping come,  
And set this Verse on his heroic Tomb:  
Here Vpcher lies, who striving Death resist,  
Died with the falchion in his manly fist.   

Epigramma  
The wise Grammarian reprehends my Muse,  
Which In for praiseful Epigrams doth use  
This Rule; In pro erga, contra & ad,  
Will prove your good wise gramarisine bad.   

Epi. 4 Ad Ro: Allot, & Chr. Middleton.  
Quick are your wits, sharp your conceits,  
Short, and more sweet your lays:  
Quick, but no wit, sharp, no conceit,  
Short, and less sweet, my praise.   

Epig. 5 In Thomam Oxburghe  
Fame lost some feathers, yet I imp▪ t her plumes,  
My needle nought, Fame sty▪ s, but yet the fumes,  
Because she can thy praises not uprear,  
Nor with the Falcon fetch a cancelleere.  
Why thus it is when Fale'ners have no still,  
And yet will show a Falconers good wil   

Epig. 6 In Hypocritam fabrum.  
I told thee Suitor Faber was a star,  
And that he shined bright above compare:  
But since he went into the Spanish war,  
A rapier for a Bible he doth wear:  
The Spanish Cut graceth his holy face,  
His friend he crosses with a congee or cringe,  
His wife's gown's laid thick with velvet lace,  
Her petticorte is fur▪ d with costly fringe:  
So fallen he is, but Stars use not to fall,  
He was a Comet, and deceived us all.   

Epig. 7. In Bunnam.  
A shave-beard Barber Bunna chanced to meet,  
As she was going all along the street;  
The Barber swears he's glad they met so right,  
She should barb him, or he barb her that night:  
What was the reason of this their debate?  
Or what's the cause why Barbers Bunna hate?  
Bunna, she barbs too cheap, and barbs byth' score  
And whom she barbs they ne'er need barbing more.   

Epig. 8. De Palmone.  
Palmo, a Poet, Goldsmith, or a Glover,  
That so with gloves Nan's love thou dost retain▪  
A thousand verses of a faithful lover  
Can not suffice, but thou must send a chain:  
Nan laughs at thee, and wisheth in her heart,  
The chain were longer, and the letter short.   

Epig. 9 In Eripham vetulam.  
Eriphas that old trot every day  
Wafts over the water for to see a play,  
And there a withered o'erworn face she shows  
Beset with Rubies, and stoptfull of Oos.  
This water-witch a patch hath forth rheum,  
Her carcase she with Aloes doth perfume;  
With musk, civit, olibane, myrrh, incense,  
Breathing out an aromatic redolence:  
Her soulness makes me oft mine eyes up close,  
Her sweetness makes me wish I were all Nose.   

Epig. 10 In Steronem Legislatorem.  
Nor do I praise thy heart that's ill intending,  
Nor yet thy mouth that's foolish and a liar,  
Nor yet thine eyes, they're purblind still offending,  
Nor thy false tongue, that is a burning fire,  
Nor hands, for hands take oft more than their fees  
Nor arms, nor legs, nor breast, nor back, nor knees  
Yet Steron give me but one week thy veils,  
And I will praise, thy hair, thy beard, thy nails.   

Epig. 11 In Spurium quendam scriptorem.  
Apelles did so paint fair Venus' Queen,  
That most supposed he had fair Venus seen,  
But thy bald rhymes of Venus savour so,  
That I dare swear thou dost all Venus know.   

Epig. 12 In Hugonem.  
Though praise and please doth Hugo never none  
Yet praise and please doth Hugo ever one,  
For praise and please doth Hugo himself alone.   

Epig. 13 In D. D. Plaifer.  
Was't heavenly Plato in whose mouth they say  
The Bees were wont their home combs to lay;  
From whose sweet lips so sweet a sound did flow,  
As never Orpheus made in hell below?  
Mellifluous Plaifer, so men call thy name,  
And why Mellifluous but for Plato's fame?  
Thy heavenly Musics notes charming so well,  
Can fetch man's soul fair Eurydice from hell.  
Since Orpheus' Harp thou hast, & Plato's Bee,  
Mellifluous Plaifer, fittest name for thee.   

Epig. 14. Ad Mathonem.  
Matho I'm told that many do think much,  
Because I call you Pillar of the Church:  
Matho, you bought a Deanery at best rate,  
And two church-livings now impropriate,  
And sold to Gnidus a rich Parsonage;  
(For divers causes) gave a Vicarage:  
And now hath got three livings at one lurch:  
Art thou not then a pillar of the Church?   

Epig. 15 In obitum Roberti Shute just. de Reg. Banco.  
Shute did erewhile the Country foster,  
No penny now, no pater noster▪  
O desperate Death, how couldst thou dare,  
To put our Country thus to care?  
Can not his justice set him free?  
Nor yet his Law persuade with thee?  
Can not his honour stay the fire,  
Which was the credit of the shire?  
When Death such Lawyers doth outface,  
Then punies may not plead the case.  
When Captain once doth fall on ground,  
Then Soldiers the retaite may sound:  
If Peers to ground do go so fast,  
Let peasants know they must at last.  
A shoot was shot which lost the game,  
And yet the Shute hath won the same.  
The shoot was shot up very high,  
Which from the earth to heaven did fly:  
Then praise the Shooter and the Shoot,  
Which changed the world for better boot.   

Epig. 16 In Robertum Shute fill: Rob: Pre.  
How fair young Shute shoots at his fathers aim  
A few such shoots, and Shute will win the game:  
If Shute shoot on as now he doth begin,  
With learning's arrow he'll clive honour's pin:  
He le hit the white which Shute shot at (his father)  
He shoots beyond his virtues I think rather:  
Thus shoots young Shute, if then his father Shute  
For him we changed, we need not ask much boot.   

Epig. 17 In Rubrionem & Rullum.  
Rubrio, Rullus snout-fair Septimel,  
Both loved alike, yet could not bring about,  
Their chief pretence, but needs they must apparel  
Her breech-torn husband. Now he walks throwout  
The streets, to taverns goes, unto a play,  
Never at home save on some feasting day:  
At noon, at night, by turns enjoy you still,  
Rubrio Rullus snout-fair Septimell.   

Epig. 18 In Luciam.  
If any marvel why,  
Luce sells her love for gold:  
'tis she may have to buy  
Her love when she is old.   

Epig. 19 In Georoium Meriton, & Georgium Mountain.  
Your entertain (nor can I pass away)  
Of Essex with farre-famed Laelia;  
Nor fore the Queen your service on Queen's day  
When such a Master with you beareth sway,  
How can Queen's College ever then decay?  
No. Yet Queen's College evermore hath been  
Is, and will be, of Colleges the Queen.   

Epig. 20. Ad Dudlaeum North.  
The sparkling lust of a precious stone,  
Breeds often wonder to the looker on:  
But the resplendance of this pearl is more,  
If laid in gold enameled with over:  
Thy noble birth (young North) doth shine as bright,  
As doth a Crystal in the darksome night:  
But learning in so fair and young a mould,  
Is like a Crystal stone in burnished gold.   

Epig. 21 In Rudionem.  
Yond goes a gallant which will get repute,  
From head to heel in his Carnation suit,  
Slops, doublet, stockings, shoes, hat, band, & feather,  
Red yard-long ribbin, see the youth comes hither,  
Who lest his Dutchman hose should be unseen  
Above his mid-thigh he his cloak doth pin:  
O that he had to his Carnation hose,  
(I wish him well) a fair rich crimson nose.   

Epig 22. Ad Gulielmum Shakespeare.  
Honie-tonged Shakespeare when I saw thine issue  
I swore Apollo got them and none other,  
Their rosie-tainted features clothed in tissue,  
Some heaven born goddess said to be their mother:  
Rose-checkt Adonis with his amber tresses,  
Fair fire-hot Venus charming him to love her,  
Chaste Lucretia virgine-like her dresses,  
Proud lust-stung Tarquin seeking still to prove her:  
Romea Richard; more whose names I know not,  
Their sugared tongues, and power attractive beauty  
Say they are Saints although that Sts they show not  
For thousands vows to them subjective duty:  
They burn in love thy children Shakespeare haet them,  
Go, woe thy Muse more Nymphish brood beget them.   

Epig. 23 In Ed: Allen.  
Rome had her Roscius and her Theatre,  
Her Terence, Plautus, Ennius and Meander,  
The first to Allen, Phoebus did transfer  
The next, Thames Swans received fore he could land her,  
Of both more worthy we by Phoebus' doom,  
Then t' Allen Roscius yield, to London Rome.   
Finis.   

To the right worshipful, sir Thomas Gerrard knight, Marshal etc. ennobled with Learning's renown, and wars dignity.  
MAny mean Poets (Scholars chief patron) offered their well-meaning Poems to Alexander, whose rudeness he pardoned. Some to Augustus, which he highly rewarded. Others to Caesar which he kindly accepted: even so (right Worshipful) as you strive to surpass these in Chivalry, I do not doubt, but you will equal them in courtesy: and thus (boldly) I refer all to your Worship's clemency.  
Ioh: Weever.   

The fifth week.  

Epig. 1 Ad Petrum Leigh de Vnderline Militem  
THe ancient acts loved Leigh, yet undergoes  
Of his forefathers, Under whose old Line  
Have been kept under England's chiefest foes:  
But if Death do not Undergo the Line  
Of life; which now so long and true spun, shows  
He le overgo the Knights of Underline:  
And under few thus much I do divine,  
His name will be called Leigh of Ouer-line.   

Epig. 2 In Rufum  
Some say the soul within the brain close lies,  
Some in the head, in th'heart' some, some in the eyes,  
Others affirm it harbours in the breast,  
Others will have it in the blood to rest:  
'Gainst all Philosophers I do suppose,  
Rufus red soul lies hid in his red nose.   

Epig. 3 In Stellam  
Virginity doth Stella still commend,  
That for a virgin so she may be counted;  
Virginity she might though reprehend,  
Since she with Rufus in the coach was mounted:  
For tell me Stella virgin as thou art,  
To bear a virgin, is▪ t a virgin's part?   

Epig. 4 In Iscum.  
Iscus, invite your friends unto good cheer,  
When they before invited are you hear:  
But else invite them not in one whole year.   

Epig. 5 In Charin vestium ostentatorem.  
Charis doth change his raiment thrice a day,  
Belike because the weather is so hot,  
Nay 'tis to show his needle wrought array,  
His golden breeches, and his cordwaine coat:  
I have been with him, never saw him sweat,  
But once at table when he was at meat.   

Epig. 6 Ad Quintum.  
Thou asked one thing of me which I denied,  
That one thing nothing was, than thou replied,  
If it was nothing which thou asked of me,  
Then nothing Quintus I denied to thee:  
Now yet for nothing, one thing Quintus know,  
For nothing something Quintus thou dost ow.   

Epig. 7 In Braggadochionem.  
Did Braggadochio meet a man in field?  
'tis true, he did, the way he could not shun:  
And did he force great Brundon weapons yield;  
Nay there he lies. To untruss when he begun,  
He stole his weapons and away did run:  
Vain is thy vaunt, and victory unjust,  
Thou durst not stay till he his points untrust,   

Epig. 8 In Rubrionem.  
Rubrio follows learning, follows money;  
He follows pleasure, and doth follow glory,  
He follows goods, would follow God also,  
He follows Thetis, Galetaea too:  
So let him follow folly's journey make,  
He may long follow ere he overtake.   

Epig. 9 In Cumberlandiae Comitem.  
Iced true which saith the Pythagorean,  
One soul doth animate another man?  
Then doth Courageous Cumberland enjoy  
Ulysses' soul th'eternal scourge of Troy:  
For at his beck the winds commander bendeth  
And on his full sail fortune still attendeth.  
Wherefore his name & his al-conquering hand,  
A fatal CUMBER to our enemy's LAND.   

Epig. 10 Ad Nathanielem Fletcher.  
If judgement, Wit, and Learning I would call,  
My simple work of Epigrams to view,  
For judgement, Wit, and Learning, Fletcher shall  
Be called to read my Epigrams anew:  
But judgement, wit, & learning shall not see them,  
Lest judgement, wit, nor learning he find in them.   

Epig. 11 In Lippum.  
You say he spends all, nothing means to purse,  
Yet for this fault most men excused will hold him  
You spend just nought; he ill doth, you do worse;  
And as your neighbours (Lippus) of late told him,  
You spend yourself upon an errand whore,  
He doth spend much, but Lippus, you spend more▪   

Epig. 12 In Othonem.  
I pray you (masters) do but Otho note,  
How for his lies he doth an Author quote,  
Thus he gins; 'tis true yea in good faith,  
For as They say and as the Fellow saith:  
But who e'er heard of any that could tell,  
Where Othoe's (they) or (fellow) yet did dwell.   

Epig. 13 In Galbum.  
Who sees not Galbus both to bow and crouch  
Unto my Lorenzo () horses and his coach:  
And says (God bless them) when they do come forth,  
And thou (fair coach) proud of my L. great worth,  
He gives him nought: here Galbus hear we shall  
Curse his great horses, coach, my Lo. and all.   

Epig. 14 In Pontum.  
This golden Fool, and silken Ass you see,  
In every point a woman feign would be:  
He wears a fan, and shows his naked breast,  
And with a partlet his Crane's neck is dressed:  
Give him a mask, for certes he's afeard,  
Lest sun, or wind, should weather-beat his beard:  
Thus when he wears a partlet, mask, and fan,  
Is Pontus then a woman, or a man?   

Epig. 15 In Naevium  
Great Naevius still bids many unto meat,  
His meat is raw that no man can it eat:  
All in a chafe, finds fault and strikes the Cook,  
That to his meat he did no better look.  
Yet this poor Cook is in no fault I know,  
For certes Nevius bade him roast it raw.   

Epig. 16 Ad Thomam Holecroft De Vail Royal. Armig.  
Doth Valorous Holecroft royalize vail Royal,  
Or doth vail Royal royalize his name?  
His deeds too great unveiled to show his trial,  
Then through a vail I'll royalize his fame:  
Thus from vail Royal borrow I the vail,  
To hide his virtues when my wit doth fail.   

Epig. 17 In jellam  
Thou hast a vice if I may call it one,  
Nor good, nor honest, yet a vice alone,  
To come from London thou wilt never miss,  
Only thy friends to favour with a kiss:  
But jella thou dost only that man favour,  
Thou dost not kiss nor trouble with thy slavor.   

Epig. 18 De Rollo.  
Perforce (Roll said) from Full a kiss he took,  
And twixt her lips his soul (not knowing) left him  
But then he sent his heart his soul to look,  
And her brightey-beams of his heart bereft him:  
If with that kiss he had not drawn a breath,  
Whereby sustained his soulless body is,  
That day had been his dismal day of death,  
Wherein he snatched from chased Full a kiss:  
'tis strange her kiss was then so pleasing cold,  
When with the best she burned the boy of old.   

Epig. 19 In Vulpem puritanum.  
Whose lauish-tongued precisme will not spare,  
The chiefest pillars of our clergy men,  
But to a cast of counters them compare,  
Giving no count with Counters nor with pen:  
Nor can I count the ways he doth abuse them,  
Though late he had been in the Counter cast,  
If that his chief cast had not been to use them,  
And crave their friendship, for his words o'er past:  
And if cast counters yet he be not giving,  
His cast of counters casts away his living.   

Epig. 20 De Mella.  
From one eye always mella's tears do fall,  
And what's the cause? She hath but one in all.   

Epig. 21 In Sippum.  
Thou callest thyself Knight, Sippus of the Post,  
But on the pillor-I say knighthoods lost,  
Yet as thou dost for six pence cut a throat,  
At Westminster be perjured for a groat:  
Cheat and Crossbite, to all men do but evil,  
Thou mayst be knight, and ride post to the devil.   

Epig. 22 Ad Gulielmum Grantam.  
Suffice it Grantam that I Grantam name  
And say young Grantam will keep Grantams fame:  
Thy very name Antiquity sets forth,  
And Grantam proves a man of noble worth:  
Thus do I glance at Grantam; Grantam then  
Doth grant too great a subject for my pen.   

Epig. 23 Ad johannem Egerton.  
He that would garnish with a several light  
Thy several virtues, and in praise them dight:  
He should not want that witty treasures store,  
Which Muses gave to Homer once of yore:  
But wit I want, therefore I'll spare my song,  
Lest poor in praise, thou count me rich in wrong   

Epig. 24 Ad Henricum Porter.  
Porter, I durst not mell with sacred Writ,  
Nor woe the Mistress fore I win the maid,  
For my young years are tasked, it's yet unfit  
For youth, as eld is never half so stayed,  
Thyself which hath the sum of Art and Wit  
Thus much I know unto me would have said:  
Thy silver bell could not so sweetly sing,  
If that too soon thou hadst begun herring.    

To the right worshipful, sir Cuthbert Halsey knight, perfected with the ornament of Honour, and titles of Nobility.  
A Goodwit (right Worshipful) will show his vigour in any subject, and travel as easily over a mountain as a molehill. But mine (unworthy the title of wit) tired within three steps of the mountains foot, lay plodding there this long, and now at the last, hath brought forth a mouse: if you chance to ride this way, you cannot choose but laugh, and the pleasant remembrance of this strange sight will beguile the times haste, and shorten the ways length: and (perhaps) when you come home, serve for a boorde-ieast: which if it do, I shallbe satisfied.  
Ioh: Weever.   

The sixth week.  

Epig. 1 Ad Richardum Houghton Militem  
IF that my pen were of the wing of Fame,  
And Gods immortal Nectar for my ink;  
Then could I canonize great Houghtons' name:  
Till then my Muse speaks not what she doth think  
Long shuld'st thou live in thy gold-gilded tower  
If that my Muse could keep thee still from death:  
Long bathe thyself in that thy blissful bower,  
If my waste paper could but lend thee breath:  
Yet this my duty do not hold in scorn;  
My Muse hereafter may thy praise adorn.   

Epig. 2 Ad Lectorem.  
Reader, this fift last week in dead men's praise  
I would not spend one line, because I spread,  
That more than half the week were fasting days,  
And that thou wert already mortified:  
Remember yet (kind Reader) if thou can,  
Thou art no more than any mortal man.   

Epig. 3 In tumulum Thomae Houghton Armig.  
Sick sad-faced Sorrow mixed with malady,  
Upon this tomb now pitch thy coal-black tent,  
heartbreaking groans and howling misery,  
Be as Cares canons from Griefs castle sent,  
'Gainst Death's pavilion all make battery.  
In Houghtons' death, Death long before death went  
Unrest, pain, anguish, sighs, sobs, tears be counting  
Until some writ Diana's three days hunting   

Epig. 4 In Gulielmum Houghton.  
Feign would fair Venus sport her in thy face,  
But Mars forbids her his stern marching place:  
Then comes that heau▪ nly harbinger of jove,  
And joins with Mars & with the queen of Love  
And thus three gods these gifts have given thee,  
Valour, wit, favour, and civility.   

Epig. 5 In Gallam.  
Galla with mutton and pottage used to pray,  
A month together save one Venus' day:  
But now her pureness Lenton meat doth fast,  
Three Venus days in one week found at last:  
And yet she saith there are too few by three,  
Galla would have all Venus days to be.   

Epig 6 In Sullum.  
Thou hast desired me Sullus oft indeed,  
To thy friend Mat to do thy commendations,  
I would do more if that thou stood in need,  
Amongst acquaintance these are only fashions:  
Yet wish me not commend thee to thy friend,  
For I know nought in thee I can commend.   

Epig. 7  
My Cousin's life (I hear) is new out dated,  
And all his pounds could not pay for two years,  
And two rich Plutoe's, for his goods which waited  
Snatched them from me (a cross that all men bears)  
But ti's no matter, for goods gotten evil,  
Pluto will have, or else some other devil.   

Epig. 8 In tumulum juelli.  
Here lieth jewel, who knoweth not the rest,  
Is worthy to be ignorant at least.   

Epig. 9 In tumulum Ferdinand. Derby.  
Be not so bold to open this dead man's door,  
Unless thou come from th'airy house of woes,  
Ne dare thou once upon this Marble poor,  
Unless thou pour thy sight out on these roes,  
If to fair knighthood thou bear'st any zeal,  
Unrest, care, grief, sad discontent, and woe,  
On these five bells ring thou a doleful peal,  
Volies of sighs fast after them let go:  
Rest, in unrest, teares-spitting forge be burning,  
Until some writ The Muses nine days mourning.   

Epig. 10 Ad Samuelem Daniel.  
Daniel, thou in tragic note excels,  
As Rosamond and Cleopatra tells:  
Why dost thou not in a drawn bloody line,  
Offer up tears at ferdinando's shrine?  
But those that e'er he died bewitched him then,  
Belike bewitcheth now each Poets pen.   

Epig. 11 Ad Io: Marston, & Ben: johnson.  
Marston, thy Muse enharbours Horace vain,  
Then some Augustus give thee Horace merit,  
And thine embuskined johnson doth retain  
So rich a style, and wondrous gallant spirit,  
That if to praise your Muses I desired,  
My Muse would muse. Such wits must be admired   

Epig. 12 In tumulum Auari.  
Here lieth he who never aught  
To man or woman gave:  
And now it grieves him that thou readest  
For nought this on his grave.   

Epig. 13 Ad Gulielmum Warner.  
Live prince of Poets, thy affections guide,  
Where Wit attires herself in virtues suit,  
Whilst Englads fame thy flowing verse doth pride  
This be thy praise: Thy Albion's absolute.   

Epig. 14 In tumulum Abrahami Simple.  
Within this place lies Abraham the Civil,  
Who never did good▪ who never did evil:  
Too ill then for God, too good for the devil.   

Epig. 15 in Asin●● quendam.  
You know (sir Ass) how you did me annoy,  
To steal away my little tale of Troy:  
And ask for it, you all in a fume,  
Twixt two big jaws did wholly it consume:  
To be destroyed Troy's fortune sure it was,  
Once with an Horse, again now with an Ass.   

Epig. 16 In Rufum  
Foule red nosed Rufus, favour thou mayst gain,  
If with his children thou would take some pain:  
But until Rufus favour fairer be,  
He should not give his favour unto me.   

Epig. 17 In Zoilum.  
Zoilus, thou laughest but only when I weep,  
And when I laugh that's weeping cheer for thee,  
Then weeping Zoilus I will thee keep,  
My book and me still laughing thou shalt see:  
Now quickly Zoilus take up thy four quarters,  
And like a knave go hang thee in thy garters.   

Epig. 18 In obitum Thomae Fisher à Io: ●ishroc●is.  
The Fisher did the fish so dearly love,  
That still he gave the fish fresh worms to eat,  
O then what should the fish so nearly move,  
To give the fisher to the worms for meat?   

Epig. 19 In Scyllam  
By Lord nor Lady Scylla will not swear,  
By God nor goddess nor so great a thing,  
Yet she commits a greater fault I fear,  
In swearing always by her fair gold ring.   

Epig. 20 In Cynam.  
Nor you did swear not once since you were born  
Yet at each word you say you will be sworn:  
A fault you get whilst you a fault would fly,  
For when you swear not, Cyna then you lie.   

Epig. 21 Liber ad Authorem.  
I'm liked of many, many me approve,  
Some like me not, for thy sake ne me love:  
I do not care: who makes a banquet looks  
To please his guests, & not to please the Cooks.   

Epig. 22. In Gulielmum Rich: Cantabr: procu.  
But that I am too poor to pen thy praise,  
I would presume thy glorious name to raise:  
Beyond the riches of the Indian land,  
Worth more than worthless Tagus golden sand:  
But O thy virtues pass my praises pitch,  
Thy learning's fame above thy name is rich:  
How well then Virtue sorts her with thy same  
That art both rich in Art, and Rich in Name.   

Epig. 23 In obitum Ed. Spencer Poetae prestantiss.  
Colin's gone home, the glory of his clime,  
The Muse's Mirror, and the shepherds Saint;  
Spencer is ruined, of our latter time  
The fairest ruin, Faëries foulest want:  
Then his Time-ruines did our ruin show,  
Which by his ruin we untimely know:  
Spencer therefore thy Ruins were called in,  
Too soon to sorrow lest we should begin.   

Epig. 24 Ad jacobum Thornton.  
Thornton well read, say not I do thee wrong,  
In that I have deferred thy praise so long,  
Thy gentlemanlike parts when as I find,  
With thy grave studies, all in one combined:  
Feign would I praise thee, but I see my skill,  
Is now defective to my great good will.   

Epig. 25 In Ed: Wrightington.  
If venturous youth now in his chiefest prime,  
To virtues love be wholly thus addicted,  
What doth grave ●ld, with milk-white hairs in  
Assure us of one vice to be afflicted? time?  
For by and by the plant doth strait appear,  
Which afterward great store of fruit will bear.    

To the right worshipful, sir Peter Leigh of Vnderline knight, honoured with all virtue coequal to his ancient worth  
Fame's prodigal report (right Wor.) of your admired courtesy, and the no less virtuous than valorous disposition of Leighs antic family, (in whose praise a better Poet might spend whole quires of paper) persuade me you will read over these few Epigrams, though far differing from other wits, presented to the view of your Worship. And weigh withal well affected good will: so shall I ●●t●●ne my long desired wish, and the end of this my work.  
Ioh: Weever.   

The seventh week.  

Epig. 1 Ad Thomam Gerard Militem  
GErard, among the labours of my quill,  
Which my glad Muse presumingly hath writ,  
As one right worthy thee commend I will,  
For valour, wisdom, bountihood and wit:  
But valiant Gerard, thee or thine to praise,  
Is for to praise the star-bespangled sky,  
Fame long ago unto the heauns did raise  
Thy rare exploits and Mars-like Chivalry:  
Sith by thy deeds thy praise abroad doth fly,  
Thyself commends thyself, then need not I.   

Epig 2 In carum fictum amicum.  
Dost thou think Chloes he's a faithful friend,  
For whom this wondrous cheer thou dost provide?  
No: he but loves so long as thou wilt spend  
Thy beef and brawn, if that the truth were tried  
If every day I should so costly dine,  
Carus I know would be a friend of mine.   

Epig. 3 In Sparsum.  
Sparsus thou'rt sick ten times a veer and more,  
Yet not thyself, but us, thy sickness hurts,  
When thou recovers we look evermore,  
For thy relief some praetor to disburse:  
Fie, in one year be sick but once uneath,  
And when thou'rt sick Sparsus be sick to death.   

Epig. 4 In Pontum  
This for a wonder many men have made,  
That Pontus' house so many chimneys had:  
The workman's skill I for the wonder took,  
Which made them so that few could see them smoke.   

Epig. 5 In Hugonem.  
Did not once thine old familiar friend  
Chypus, desire thee ten pounds to him lend;  
Sir I have none (saidst thou) so God me save,  
Yet for his horse even then ten pound thou gave:  
Thus for ten pounds thou ●t sooner trust a horse,  
Than thy dear friend; & be forsworn, that's worse.   

Epig 6 In eundem  
And dost thou think thou offers Claius right,  
In causing him ten pounds of debt to pay,  
Because that Boscus ran the other night  
With twenty hundred in thy debt away:  
If thou canst lose by Boscus twenty: then  
In faith by Claius thou may well lose ten.   

Epig. 7. In Lacum  
Lacus I saw a cruel Cap still wear,  
(O cruel cap that pulls away his hair)  
I wondered much what plague had so him crossed,  
That both on chin and head all was quite lost:  
A new disease (some said) a dry hot cold;  
Yet this disease a thousand year was old.   

Epig. 8. In Portianum  
Portian is taken for a traveler:  
Why? For he wears a gold ring in his ear,  
Certes and if a ring may be a sign,  
Who better traveler than his mother's swine?  
They in their Nose he in his Ear;  
Whether then is the better traveler?  
Grilliis I wots hath deeper gone than he,  
If he hath further gone, they even be.   

Epig. 9  
But wooden chalices of yore,  
Yet golden priests were then great store,  
Now golden chalices we make,  
For wooden priests in hand to take:  
Let's cast our priests in a new mould,  
Or else for wood let's change our gold.   

Epig. 10 In Cacum  
Cacus is angry he hath not a place  
Amongst the Worthies of our Fairy land,  
Nor doth the peasant think himself too base,  
Among the bravest of the Lords to stand:  
He wears brave clothes; but what wears he within?  
An Ass an Ass is in a Lion's skin.   

Epig. 11 Ad Musam suam, de obitufortissimi insignisque invenis Thomae Egerton militis.  
Descend my Muse into the bed of Death,  
(Embalming first his body with thy tears)  
And chide the Fates until they lend him breath,  
Because they rapt him in his youthful years;  
Yet stay my Muse, Fates offered him no wrong,  
In virtue old he was, in years though young.   

Epig. 12 In Quintum.  
To give a book thou sayst I may do well,  
Yet thou ne'er readst a book, before a book thou sell.   

Epig. 13 In Tubrionem  
Extramnemers or Watermen give room,  
For by his feather Tubrioe's spied to come.  
A Sculler sir; here is a pair of Oars:  
if'ft please your Worship, I did speak before:  
I'm your first man; he lies, here is my boat:  
Your Worship lands at Paul's wharf, doth it not▪  
No, Westminster; O fool, dost thou not know▪  
That 'gainst the wind thou cannot Tubrio row▪   

Epig. 14 Ad Cordredum.  
O impudent! a living! for whose sake?  
This means to my Lord () dost thou make?  
Fie; thus to beg thyself, One of rare parts  
I am (my Lord) beside Master of Arts,  
And: Go no further; thou art too short legged,  
And beg no more, lest thou thyself be begged:  
Yet (Cordred) thou shalt have (do not despair)  
The Vicarage of Saint Fools at Steeple fair.   

Epig. 15 Satyricum in Audriam laenam.  
Look to yourself, I'll whip you mistress Audrie,  
For keeping such a brothel house of ()  
Is't true indeed? hath Silvius learned thy skill?  
Dried veins and arteries with pure blood to fill;  
In drinking cordials fearing to be too old,  
Of Ambergris prepared pearl and gold:  
Mandrake, Eringe and Potatie roots,  
Five pound a week in Apothecary's books:  
Oh stay, no more; for Audria I hear tell  
Is new become a bride, but in Bridewell.   

Epig. 16 Ad Richardum Houghton Militem  
O chide me not, for that I do enroll  
Thy worthy name here (Houghton) in the end,  
For now I hope none will my book control,  
Lest thine heroic spirit they offend,  
Close with thy Virtues then this silly scroll,  
That praise on thee, and it, may ever tend:  
Which if it do I will adventure then,  
To take a task fit for a golden pen.   

Epig. 17 Ad Lectorem.  
If in the first thou count me worthy blame,  
Yet pardon me, thus Homer did offend,  
If in the midst, than Pedo I can name,  
Chaerill in all, Getulicus in th'end▪  
Thy favour (Reader) then obtain I shall,  
I am but bad i'th' first, midst, end, and all.   
Finis.