A DIALOGUE BETWEEN THE King of France AND THE Late King James, occasioned by the Death of the Queen.  
Written Originally in French, at Paris.  
LONDON, Printed for Rickard Baldwin, near the Oxford-Arms, in Warwick lane, 1695.   

A DIALOGUE BETWEEN THE King of France AND THE Late King JAMES, occasioned by the Death of the Queen.  King of France Solus. 
SUre Princes never ought to be alone; for when they are, they think: And whereas that Prince who thinks and is not wretched. Thought's a thin, meager, haggard pale Magician, envious of our repose, who conjures up ourr vices in a throng, and shows 'em in such ghastly forms, we tremble to behold 'em: Then puts the question home upon our Souls, and asks us what it is that tempts us to be wicked.  
What is't that tempts us? Why Ambition tempts us: We wou d Command, Possess, Dispose, and be adored: For Gods do so, and therefore Gods are happy.— A specious answer this; and one would think, that Man could never mistake the Path to Bliss, by following the steps of Heaven; but man, alas, is a poor sickly wretch; his Stomach's weak, and quickly cloyed; he shares with Heaven in nothing but desires, his wishes are as copious as his Soul; but taste as bounded as his worthless Body. when therefore this Machine, is placed too high, the Head turns round, and giddy Qualms ensue; the small receptacle of Mortals Joys, is in a moment full; yet still the streams of Luxury flow in, till all delight is drowned, in floods of Plenty. But were that all,( as would to Heaven it were) were want of taste the sole complaint we had; Princes would be less wretched than they are; the gall of Conscience now lies bitter on their Souls, and makes them shiver at the Crimes they do: For should there be a God? which God forbid—  Enter page. of the Back Stairs. P. 
Monsieur de Pontchartrain is here, Sir.  K. 
Let him enter.  Exit P. 
— Business is welcome now: It may divert this last across thought.  Enter Monsieur de Pontchartrain. M. de P. 
I bring important news Sir; the Princess of Orange is dead.  K. 
Dead? Whence comes the News?  M. de P. 
From St. germans Sir.  K. 
Then 'tis false: Their intelligence is as bad as their cause.  Re-enter page.. P. 
Here's an Express with Letters Sir from Callis.  M. de P. 
Perhaps a confirmation.  K. 
Let him in.  Exit P. Enter the Express. K. 
What News do you bring us Sir.  Ex. 
What I hope is welcome. The Princess of Orange is dead. Your saithful Servant, Sir, at London, gave me this Letter, within these Eight and Forty hours.  K. 
'Tis well; thy diligence and his shall be rewarded. Retire.  Exit Ex. M. de P. Reads. 
Sir. Our Queen is dead of the Small Pox, in Six days: Her death has shook the House, I hope 'twill fall.  K. 
Well hoped my Friend: Thy master hopes so too, but there's a strong Foundation still to keep it up. Ha: Pontchartrain? What's thy Opinion of this stroke of Fate?  M. de P. 
Sir my Opinion's no yet formed; nor will be, till I know your juster thoughts.  K. 
Why then we'll model thine and mine, by one that's wiser than us both. Follow me.  Exeunt. Madam Maintenon in her Closet at Prayers. M M. 
— And so O Lord I conclude with thy most holy Servant David, that above all things it may please thee, with Fire, and Sword, Plague, and Famine, Thunder, lightning, Death and Damnation, to regal my Enemies without exception.  Enter Waiting Woman. W. W. 
Madam the King.  Enter the King, and Monsieur de Pontchartrain. K. 
Madam, I bring you cheerful News. The grand supporter of our dangerous Foe is Dead: The Prince of Orange is a widower.  M M. Te Deum Laudamus. 
This News has weight in t. How do the Rebels take it?  K. 
That I have no account of yet: But without doubt they mourn her hearty; she was their darling  M. M. 
She deserved to be so: For had she lived, she had made 'em great and happy. Nature had formed her to their nicest wishes. She had Wit, yet she was Wise; she had Fire yet she had Temper; she was Courteous, yet Reserved; she was Modest, yet draw d. A Glotious sovereign she d in time have been; she knew the secret Path that leads to grandeur on the English Throne; beyoud all Limits she'd have born her sawy; by making't easy to dispute her power. 'Tis well she's gone  K. 
'Tis well indeed; for whilst she lived, Fate wore a sullen, gloomy doubtful face, which in the midst of our success, made us look pale with fear. 'Twas she that rallied still our beaten foes; 'Twas for her sake the close Luxurious Senate so freely opened their beloved Viols, and sent such portions of their Golden Cordial, to the poor fainting League. You ll see em now grow cool, as a sworn friend just when you want his Aid. Their grand designs will moulder into dust; and all their Giant projects dwindle down to Pigmys. Courage my Banker; make my Purse hold out but two short Summers more, and thou, and I, and we shall all be great, fixed as the Sun, in spite of 'em I ll stand, and with my Rays disperse their envious Clouds; thou shalt behold 'em, like a crew of Dogs, who in a Frenzy have attaqu't a lion, lie at a distance, lick their Wounds, and howl. I know thou mournst my wretched people, thou fain wouldst put a period to their woes. But am I not to be preferred to them? Must I be wretched to supply their wants? Thou'st say perhaps their wants extend to bread, that were I forced to quit even half my Realm, there still would be a Kingly Portion left me. Alas, Thou art too good, even to conceive, what 'tis a Prince esteems a Princes Portion. If in the Infinity of his desires, his peevish Appetite grow sick with Plenty, restless and cloyed, prompts him but to a thought, that by the ruin of some Neighbouring State, he may divert a few uneasy hours: He signs their doom, then let his power fall short of his design; the Slave who works for bread, yet works and starves, is not so racked as he. No: Had I been lowly born, and humbly bread, I then perhaps had had a Soul like thine, compassionate and good; but 'tis too late to turn Philosopher, I am a King? Would I were more, or less.  M. de P. 
The peoples misery, Sir, indeed is great, I wish their Prosperity were equal to their victories: But tho I may in some measure appear touched with their misfortunes, I hope your Majesty will believe my gratitude for all your Royal favours, will guide my wishes; to your Will and Pleasure.  M. M. 
The King is satisfied with your Integrity: You have proved yourself his Faithful Servant, and he believes he has your friendship too; but truly Pontchartrain both he and I, have often smiled to see so much humanity dwell in a Statesman breast. Sure business has so taken up your thoughts, you han't had time to find out your mistake. Have you yet well considered on what terms mankind converse In War you ll own 'tis lawful to raise contribution on the Enemy; the nicest Casuist I think allows it. And what's the World throughout but one continued Theatre of War; does living in one Nation or one House set men at Peace? what are our Kinsmen. Brothers, Fathers, Sons, but Enemies? Husband and Wife, are they not still at odds? Is'nt Friend to Friend upon his constant Guard? Who dares lie down to sleep, and leave his Door unlocked? Has not each man his Weapons by his side? 'Tis true, the Sword is somewhat out of use, in our subdivided Wars, because our hands are tied; but we have our instruments of ruin; instead of Swords, Men fight with Rolls of Partchment; the Lawyer's General, and leads 'em on: Spares no encouragement that words can give; harrangues 'em on the weakness of their Foe; demonstrates Victory infallible, so marches on to Battle: Where let which party will lie stretched upon the ground; they're both assured of being undone alike. For an equivolent to Rapes,( that modest perquisite of War) who spares for Oaths of friendship to his Neighbour; that by receiving him into his House, he may present him with a fair occasion, to blast his Honour, and debauch his Wife; and as for Treasure, to support our enterprizes, don't we screw up invention till it cracks; isnt each mans brain a Pontchartrain to him, that studies Nights and Days for fresh supplys. Who cares what others feel, so he himself is at ease? show me among your vaunted Patriots, one man who will retrench his Luxury, to give his Tenant shoes; that will remit the tithe of his Revenue, to set a hundred Families at ease? He'll screw his Rents, to the last peg they'll mount, and think it is not worth one wandring thought, whither his Peasants and their Hogs eat in one Dish or no. And what's the difference 'twixt Rents and Taxes? Landlord and Tenant, is but King and People, and what the former does, the latter sure may do.  
No: Let every thing be levelled down to earth, crawl like a Worm, and never dare, without the Royal Aid, aspire to more, than food that they may live, and life that they may serve. For those whom Heaven has furnished with such Talents, as by their Courage, Beauty, or their Wit, they may in differenr spheres serve or divert their Lord; let them be taken from the crowd, and by his bounty raised. But let distinctions still proceed from him, and none be so presumptuous even to think of growing Rich, or Great, without his leave.  K. 
Of what importance is the man called Noble, either to Heaven or forth, or Thee or Me. An Idle, Worthless, despicable drone: Too Rich to think desert is worth his care. Who 'cause is Ancestors had merit, pretends a Title to their wealth and greatness. But I pretend it should be known, who will have Riches shall deserve 'em first. With one small puff of breath, I'll blow away these locusts of the Land; 'tis they devour the Fruits on't, 'tis not I. What I consume, is for the peoples use, I save 'em from the fury of their Foes, and make their name sound terrible abroad. I sacrifice for them my Royal rest; they lose for me a little worthless Blood, whilst I divide with them their sordid pelf, they share with me, the Glory of my Arms. Of every Laurel every wretch has part; the Body's honoured, when the Head is crwoned. Even to my Pleasures still my Slaves partake; the Limbs are wanton, when the Heart is gay. The Sun, that bright preserver of our beings, that generous source of Life and Health and Joy, on whose kind dispensations all depend, seems Ravenous as King.  
Does he not suck the Sea, and drain the Land, devour the surface of the one, and penetrate the bowels of the other? Is he content with all that they can give? Does he not still cry out for more and more? Yes; he would have each drop of moisture his. But what is paid him in unwholesome mists, returns in fruitful showers, and Heavenly due.  M. M. 
When Kings are ciphers, Fortune rules the World; a Reign for Knaves and Fools to flourish in: for Fortune's blind, and bubbled of her favours; but Kings have Eyes to recompense desert, and therefore Kings should have the gift of all; I say the gift, for 'tis alas but that: Princes can ear no more than rural Swains. When nations cry against their wild expense, and lay their costly pleasures to their charge they little think how small a share is theirs; for nothing's theirs but what they can enjoy, and that—  K. 
By Heaven 'twere hard to envy ' em. Courts are unknown to those whoenvy Kings, but wild mistake runs round the giddy Globe, and each man forms a Hell within himself, from a false glazing light of Heaven in others: for if it be upon a Throne be Heaven, let me sink down to Hell; there may be rest perhaps, but here there's none: State, Grandeur, Business, War, Drums, Trumpets, Noise, Confusion led us on, till Youth, and Heat, and Strength, and Life worn down, we crawl into some sudden close retreat, and fret out the small remnant of our days, in anxious thoughts of a past age of follies. So Asses, hung with Bells about their ears, insensibly through dirt and mire trudge on, till Nature spent, at length they sink at once, and feel, too late, the burden they have born.  
But to the present business: What may we hope from this great Womans's Death.  Enter page.. P. 
Sir, the King of England's here.  K. 
Nay, then we shall be enlightened.  M. M. 
The first consequence he'll draw from it, will be his own Re-establishment in a fortnight.  Enter King James. K. J. 
Sir, here's great News, Sir, My Daughter the princess of Orange is dead of the small Pox, Sir; I could not sleep till I had waited upon your Majesty, to consider what's to be done; Sir, I believe, Sir, I shall be called home into England very suddenly; for all my Intelligence, Sir, I say, Sir, all my Intelligence, assures me, the People are very weary of the Prince of Orange, for he s a stranger, Sir; and so, Sir, they don't love strangers; but they love me, for I'm a true Englishman; I have  told 'em so upon forty occasions, and they are mighty sorry that ever they partend with me, and they'd fain have me again, and especially now my Daughter, the Princess of Orange, is dead; for, Sir, she was a cunning Woman, Sir, and talked to 'em, and diverted 'em, and so, Sir, they were not so sensible of my Loss. But now your Majesty will see, Sir, that the Prince of Orange will lock himself up, and won't court 'em; and then, Sir, they'll grow surly, and make a Plot, for I know 'em, and so, Sir, they'll sand for me: But the thing will go a great deal better, if your Majesty please but to order me a hundred Men of War to clear the passage, forty thousand Men to land, and seven or eight thousand pistols, to equip those that come in to me at first, Sir, are my chief friends; and my chief Friends, Sir, want Money, and so, Sir—  K. 
Pray, Sir, how does the Queen?  K. J. 
She's not very well, Sir, else she'd have come too. And so, Sir, I say, I don't question but all will go well; for, Sir, my Lord Griffin thinks so; I say, Sir, my Lord Griffin; and he knows. But to make all sure, I think 'tis best to beat 'em first at Sea, and then—  K. 
How has your Majesty found the Road to day?  K. J. 
Very bad, Sir; and then, Sir, I say, when once they are beaten at Sea, we may land any where it's all alike, for the Prince of Orange did so; and when he was landed every body was for him; and so, Sir, when I'm landed, every body'll be for me. The man that brought me the News of my Daughter, the Princess of Orange's, Death, sayshe's sure on't. And so, Sir, the man being sure on't, Your Majesty's Army will run— will run— will run, no risk at all, Sir.  K. 
Does your Majesty design to go into Mourning?  K. J. 
No, Sir: For I'm very glad my Daughter's dead; and I never could dessemble since I was a King. Your Majesty may remember( for I remember, Sir) how I  told the Parliament, that, how I  told 'em, to their faces, I did not care a fig ' em.  M. M. 
'Twas greatly done indeed.  K. J. 
Yes, Madam; I did all things above board: I owned myself a catholic; and I set up an Ecclesiastical Court; and I suspended the Bishop of London; and sent for the Lords into my Closet, and without more ado, I asked them if they would take off the Test, and then they said, No; and then I turned 'em out of their places, and then they were angry, and then I did not care; and so I put a Jesuit into my Privy Council, and the whole Society into my Cabinet; and I called over the Irish; and sent the Bishops to the Tower; and broken all the Charters; and just as I was ordering Mass to be said in Westminster abbey, the Prince of Orange came and spoiled all. But I did all above board, Sir.  K. 
Ay, Sir.  K. J. 
Yes, Sir, all above board.  M. M. 
I 'm afraid your Majesty dealt a little too fairly with em.  K. J. 
O no, Madam they liked me the better fort; for my Subjects hate dissimulation: I know that, by experience, Madam; for when I came to the Crown I swore, I'd keep all the Laws, and when I was crowned, I did not keep one of 'em; and would you believe it, Madam, they have hardly forgot it to this day. And therefore, Sir, when your Majesty lent me an Army three year ago, to pass into England I published, Sir, I published a Declaration before hand, to satisfy my people how I intended to use 'em: That, Sir, was my contrivance, and my Lord Melfort's: And I was very much against the Advice my Lord Middleton gave me when he came over, to dissemble once more, but I yielded to persuasion with much ado; I say, with much ado, Sir, for whenever I yield, 'tis with much ado.  M. M. 
Resolution, Sir, is a very good second to a nice judgement.  K. J. 
Yes Madam, they are both very good things; for had it not been for my judgement and Resolution, I had inevitably been kill d at the Boyne; for Madam, I judged we should be beaten, and so resolvid to run away But what does your Majesty think of my proposal for an English Expedition?  K. 
Why truly, Sir, I'm afraid a French Army would make your Enemies Desperate, and your Friends Jealous.  K. J. 
Sir, I'll easily satisfy 'em about that, for I'll give 'em my word in a Declaration that I'll sand the Army back at the end of the first Session, of Parliarment; and that will do Sir, for they'll believe me. Why Sir they believed my Brother, and when I came to the Crown, they believed me too Sir: And so they Voted the Duke of Monmouth a traitor, and then they let me cut off his Head; and then they settled the Revenue, and so they set me on Horseback, and then they grew resty, for they love to Rebel now and then Sir; but they are a very good natured people in the bottom Sir, and mightily given to believe:— Not in God, Sir, I don't mean.  M. M. 
If your Majesty will permit me to give you my opinion of this important business, I think the surest, cheapest, and quickest way for your re-establishment, is to go over Incognio, slip into the House of Lords, and clap yourself into the Throne.  K. 
A lucky thought; the advice is admirable; and since the less the Ceremony the greater the Success, I'll give immediate order to provide a Mackerel Boat; and then Sir I think, the sooner you sail the better.  K. J. 
Yes Sir— But Sir— I can't tell Sir, I say Sir, if I should be taken Sir, as I was at Feversham: I say Sir, if I should be taken, then Sir—  M. M. 
O Sir, when great Souls engage in glorious enterprizes, they have no sense of danger.  K. J. 
No, Madam; Danger, a fig for danger; 'tis not that I 'm afraid, I don't value danger, Madam; but only I say, I say only, if I should be taken.  K. 
O Sir, there's no fear on't in the passage, and if once your Majesty is seated on your Throne, you'll see who dares pull you out again.  K. J. 
Nay Sir, if once I'm there, let me alone with 'em; for, not to flatter myself Sir, I say Sir not to flatter myself, an aweful look, and an elegant Tongue, are of great use of frighten some folks, and persuade others. I won't say Sir, I say Sir I won't say, that I am endowed with em, but one thing Sir I will say, I have made such Speeches in that Throne as never King made before me. Sir, I have one ready writ, which I intend to make to both Houses, upon my Restoration. Here 'tis in my Coat pocket.  

My Lords and Gentlemen,  
BY the Providence of God, here I am once more amongst you; and that you ll soon find. You have been a great while out of the Way; my Father  told you so upon the Scaffold, but you minded him no more, than St. James's Church does Doctor W— However I believe he'd have set you to rights, if you had let him but live, as you have done me.  
For my part I have long had it in my head to new mould you; but my Work-men were raw, and your day was too staff.  
You have now lain a soaking this six years, I hope I shall find you more suppling: But to make all sure, I have prevailed with our Dear brother of France( your very good Friend) to lend me forty thousand of his Men of Business, who have an admirable method of deciding Differences, both in Church and State, without the help either of Parliament or Convocation? which, as I take it have been the Cause of all our misfortunes. But now I hope by Gods good Grace, in a very short time, to make men of one mind in a House, catholic, Protestant, Whig and Tory, Christian, Atheist, Lords and Commons, shall join hand in hand to do what I bid ' em.  
I don't doubt but my Lords, the Bishops, are satisfied Heaven approved my former undertakings, since it has wonderfully restored me to pursue my project, and therefore, lest I should be guilty of the great Sin of Ingratitude, I resolve the Glory of God shall be taken care of in the first place, by the Restoration of his Vi egerent, our Holy Father, the Pope, in all his ancieut Rights, Prerogatives, Lands and Tenements whatsoever; either belonging to his immediate person, or those of his sacred Family, who for these hundred and fifty years past, have been scampering round the World in Querpo, like the Tribe of Levi.  
You little think, My Lords and Gentlemen, how many Rapes, Murders, Thefts and Buggeries, their holy persons have been forced to commit, for want of a settled Revenue, to buy Meat, Drink, and Whores at the Market price. So they must be taken care of in the first place.  
In the next, I intend to wipe my A— with the Habeas Corpus Act, for I think it much to the Dishonour of the Nation, the bastille at Paris should make more noise in the World than the Tower of London: And for a farther Supply of Bumfodder I have cast my eye upon your late Act for frequent Parliaments.  
When this is done, I intend to pursue the old Scent against Charters; for Corporations are but so many Commonwealths amongst us: and a Commonwealth is inconsistent with the noble English Spirit, as I have often heard say, by Men of Penetration. Your Concurrence in this, my Lords, I need not doubt; for your Lordships have sufficiently shown you are too fond of your Titles, ever to be in Love with your Interest.  
The next think I resolve to do, is, to shut up the Exchequer, which is an infallible way to touch the Hearts of my People; for if they have not yet repented they sent me abroad; they'll be sure at least to be sorry, they ever let me come home.  
There now wants but one thing more to complete your Happiness, and that belongs to you, Gentlemen of the House of Commons: For the Lords, I well know, amongst other distinctions, have the Honour to be exempted from meddling with the Wealth of the Nation: Which I think, alone, a sufficient ground, to set a Peer and a Republic at perpetual Odds. This one thing is, Gentlemen, to double the Revenue, and settle it upon me, and my Heirs.  
My Lords and Gentlemen,  
YOU fee the Scheme of my Government, I don't question, but you are resolved to approve on't; by your putting the Power once more into my hands.  
I don't know, whither I shall have any thing more to trouble you with this Sessions, which I desire may be a very short one: If I have, you shall hear on't; but my intention is, as soon as you have dispatched the business I have recommended to you, to dismiss you; and I hope to manage things so in your absence, that during my Reign, there may be no farther occasion for your presence.   
This is my Speech, Sir. How does your Ladyship like it, Madam?  M. M. 
As all the world, Sir, must that hears it.  K. J. 
Why truly, Madam, I think 'tis a home one; tho I must confess, 'tis none of my own penning; but I'm as fond on't, as if it were; for it hits my humour to a hair: Ha Madam?  M. M. 
I think nothing can come up to it, Sir.  K. J. 
No, Madam: But yet 'tis very well known, I made one at the beginning of my Reign came very near it.  M. M. 
Yes, Sir; we heard on't in France: 'twas much admired.  M. J. 
The Speech must have something in't, Madam, it moved the Passions so: For some looked melancholy, some pleased; some cried, some laughed; and at last up they came with an Address upon t. Oons, Sir, how I long to be among 'em again.  K. 
I wish you were, Sir, upon my word.  K. J. 
Sir, I'd use em like Dogs.  K. 
Sir, I believe it.  K. J. 
There s five new Dukes, Sir— Sir, I'd truss 'em; I say, Sir, I d truss 'em up, like five Ferrets in a Warren.  K. 
You'd do very well, Sir.  K. J. 
Sir, I'd hang half the House of Peers.  K. 
Sir, I believe they don't doubt it; they have good Estates.  K. J. 
Estates, Sir! Why the whole Kingdom is either Crown Lands, Church Lands, or Rebels Lands, Sir; and so, Sir, every man being restored to his own the Pope would have one half, and I t'other. Pray, Sir, lend me your Fleet, and forty thousand Men; I'll engage to give your Majesty a very good account of ' em.  K. 
Sir, both your Courage and your Conduct have been sufficiently tried to prevail with me to trust an Army in your hands: But truly, Sir, I have not at present forty thousand Men to spare: Besides it would be much more to the Honour of God( whose Cause you are so deeply engaged in) if you landed alone; your Re-establishment would then appear the greater Miracle  K. J. 
Miracle, Sir— Why, Sir, I must confess, I have a very great respect for a Miracle. Sir, my whole Life has been a Miracle: I'll defy the greatest Philosopher in France, to give a reasonable account of any one action in't.  M. M. 
Why truly, Sir, your Life has been often considered by me with admiration: I have found every step of it so very unaccountable, that I have been persuaded from the moment you were deposed, 'twould be owing to a Miracle whenever you were restored.  K. J. 
Does your ladyship think so?— Why, then I will go over alone— But, Sir— if I should be taken, as I was at Feversham, Sir?  K. 
Why if you are; God's strong, Sir.  K. J. 
That is true, Sir, God is strong— Yet I'm cruelly afraid of my Lord Danby, Sir, Sir; he'll never sorgive me.  K. 
Why so, Sir?  K. J. 
Because he knows, Sir, I'll never forgive him. Sir, he married my Daughter in spite of my Teeth. Pray Sir, lend me a hundred thousand Louis d'Ors to try if I can buy him. Sir, I'll immediately mortgage his Estate to you for your security.  K. 
Sir, if you could once purchase the Landlord, I don't doubt but the Estate would make good the Debt: But I'm afraid he'll hardly set himself to sale, since, if I don't mistake, he once refused that sum from me; at a time when he might reasonably have afforded himself a better pennyworth, than, I doubt, in prudence, he can do now. But I think, Sir, the House of Commons would have hanged him for all that.  K. J. 
Sir, the House of Commons would hang you.  K. 
Sir, I honour ' em.  M. M. 
Your House of Commons, Sir, often put s me in mind of the Egyptian Dragon: Up it comes roaring every now and then, and if you don't throw it a Minister to stay its stomach, it falls a smoking and fuming, till the whole Land's infected with it.  K. J. 
Yes, Madam; It has often played the Dragon; but if ever I get a Horseback again, I intend to play St. George: And so, Sir, I wish your Majesty a good nights rest. as soon as I get to St. germans, I'll ask the Queen leave to sand for my Lord Griffin into my Closet, and he and I'll settle the whole matter, for two Heads are better than one; and a wise counselor makes a discreet King. Exit K. J.  K. 
farewell, incorrigible! Would I had lost my Crown, just on the self same terms, as thou hast thine. Sure Heaven exerts its utmost stretch of bounty, when graciously it makes a Man a Fool: There was but that, to save this royal piece of Clockwork, from being the mournfullest Wretch that treads the Earth: Yet on the Earth, 'tis he alone I envy; baffled, and buffeted, and kicked about the Globe; beggerd, contemned, dethroned, driven like a Sparrow round from Barn to Barn, he chirrups still. The Darts of Fortune fly at him in vain, not one can pierce his Heart; his Armor's proof, Back, Breast and head-piece, all of hardened Folly. He had a sceptre in his Hand; he dropped it. What then? Has got another in his head worth five on't. His ancient Crown was circumscribed by Laws; this is as absolute as Heaven: He doubles his Revenne, he increases his Army, he rewards his Friends, he hangs his Enemies, he blows up his Parliament, he knocks down Heresy, he restores his Religion, and rides a Hare hunting at St. germans.  
O happy Monarch! He enjoys without possession; he's rich without Treasure, he's a Hero without fighting, he's triumphant without Victory, he's a King without a Crown, a Saint without Religion; he takes Heaven for his Guardian, and me for his Friend. All this, Almighty Folly! is due to thee  
But to business: This Farce has taken up our time too long. What think you, Madam, of the present face of our affairs?  M. M. 
I think, we have grounds to hope a favourable issue of this dangerous War. I look upon the Princess of Orang●… s Death, and the approaching Dissolution of the English Parliament, a sufficient encouragement to us to pursue it, unless they would now accept of very moderate terms. For tho 'tis true we have been deceived in the Conclusions we have made upon every Sessions of Parliament, that the Charge of the War would be voted inconsistent with the Luxury of the Nation; yet, to our comfort, we have seen that party, from whose nice spun care of Liberty and Property, we hope to receive our Deliverance, strong enough to throw the levying of the Subsidy upon such extraordinary methods, as in all probability will not suffice another year, if they do this: For I believe the Funds they have already established, have pretty well swept in the loose corns of the Kingdom. What think you Monsieur de Pontchartrain?  M. de P. 
Madam, I think there is great reason to hope so, from what we have experienced in our home affairs: Where upon all the new erections of Places, Tontine, Hotel de Ville, &c. we have not found above ten or twelve Millions Sterling paid into the Treasury since the beginning of the War, and this has drained the Kingdom of all the ready money people had to dispose of. Now if it be considered, that there is much more Money in France than in England( tho, in proportion to the extent of each Kingdom, they may be richer than we) and that the Trade here being generally at a stand, what Money was to be disposed of, has in probability been brought in, for want of other means to employ it; I believe we may reasonably conclude, that the English( whose Trade is open, and employs their Cash) will not be able another year to find two or three Millions upon any Fund whatsoever, unless they will give such exorbitant rates, as may make it worth the Merchants while to trade at home instead of abroad: Which if they please to do, we'll ask no more.  M. M. 
I 'm glad to find you are of my opinion. Does your Majesty join with us?  K. 
I believe y'are right.  M. M. 
If we are, their new Parliament is like to have this Game before ' em. Either they must accept of such indifferent terms of Peace, as 'tis probable we then may offer 'em, or they must lessen the expense of the War, or they must resolve to raise their Money by such means, as the whole Subsidy may be paid in within the year, without a Debt upon the Nation. If they accept the Peace, your Majefly makes a glorious end of the War. If they lessen their expense, the Confederacy drops at once. But if they once resolve( which Heaven avert) to raise the Subsidy without a Debt, you are undone, your Subjects hearts will then fink down at once, from the dread prospect of a tedious War: Your Victories have hitherto been Cordials to their drooping Spirits: Drunk with Success they have though the World their own; and wondered every day they did not see ambassadors with Ropes about their Neoks, crawling along upon their Hands and Knees t'implore a Peace. But the Defensive War, to which we are at last reduced, alarms ' em. They grow inquisitive; ask Questions: Why, What, and How; words obsolete in France, are now in use again. 'Tis true, they are  told, we are only parrying a thrust or two; and when our Enemies are out of breath we shall disarm 'em: This they are  told.  K. 
And may be they retold true: For my part, I hope more from the thickness of our Enemies Skulls, than I fear from the length of their Swords. Were their Understandings as well winded as their Purses, I'm afraid we should scarce be able to parry, so long as they to thrust; but my Faith is in their old british Policy, they have moved by it, through the whole Course of the War, and we know it always refines, when they draw to a Peace.  
Were their Brains nourished by any thing, but their Beef and their Pudding, they could never have conceived, I would offer 'em any reasonable terms, till they gave me demonstration both of their Will and Power, to make a Trojan War on't, if less time would not serve to decide our Quarrel in: But they have gone so gingerly to work( bar the word vigorous in the Subsidy Vote) one would think they were afraid of making me start. The most they have ever threatened me with, has been One Year longer: Let us try ove campaign more, cry they: Why what do these block-headly Islanders think of? Do they imagine, when Kingdoms are at stake upon one Summers throw, a Monarch, absolute as I, can want for any thing? I may exhaust my Substance by degrees, but never sure can want a Cordial Drop to rouse my Spirits, in a fainting fit. No: They may weary me, but ne're beat me down; they must not think to carry me by storm. When they can starve me, I'll capitulate: But their Blockade must have a much more lasting face, before it looks me even to a stomach.  M. de P. 
Sir, my Experience, as a Politician, is so very small, there may be some presumption in offering my Advice; especially where my Opinion happens to vary from that your Majesty seems to be of: But my fervent Zeal, I hope, Sir, will excuse me.  
The continued Refusals of the Duke of Savoy, and other Members of the League, to harken to those advantageous offers, Your Majesty has though fit to make 'em, even in the worst of times, I believe, has convinced you, Sir, your measures are not to be levelled to the prospect of a separate Peace. The whole Machine is moved by that great Wheel, the Commons of England, and till that stands still, the Engine will continue to work: 'Tis therefore, at that alone we are to point our thoughts; and from thence alone, we are to expect our Destiny. 'Tis a masly Wheel, Sir, tho there may be some rotten Spoaks in't, twill often crack, but I'm afraid 'twill be a tedious time a breaking; or to suppose the best that we can hope, that all its joints at length were loose, and shaking all to pieces; who knows, but in so great an exigence, Workmen may be discovered in the land, dexterous enough to plate it round with Steel, and then it lasts for every. 'Tis true, they must be dexterous indeed; for if they drive one Nail awry, 'tis odds they split the Wood. But would we were assured 'twould come to that: I am afraid the State will ne're grow sick enough to stand in need of Cupping; its health will be restored by gentler means: A little too much blood, I doubt's, the only cause of their Distemper. Their Veins are full, they have too many ways for raising Money, and thence their present difficulties come; for every man is fond of his own thought, and consequently must oppose his Neighbours. But let 'em bleed one Sessions more, and all their Cavils will reduce to one; the Question will be short,  
Shall we be baffled by the French abroad; 
 Or run the risk of an Excise at home.  
Sir, when once it comes to this; I am afraid Bugbears will prove but Shadows: Things, as they will then be nearer to the fight, will appear in true proportions: The danger of the Enemy will show much greater, that of an Excise much less: a thousand various causes will then concur, to make the Pill go down. Honour will make some friends to it; Revenge will stir up others; Fear will increase the Number, and Interest will ring in a Shoal. the Tide will be too strong for us to stem; our Advocates will pled in vain, the Point will be carried, and we perhaps undone. I tremble at the consequences of a fixed Revenue, a method in that, will produce order in every thing else: Wisdom in the Government, will bring Conduct into the Army; and Discretion in the Officer, will give Courage to the Soldier. That Nation once had a brave generous Spirit, we may remember it, it cost us dear: I doubt 'tis only lulled asleep in Luxury; too long a Noise of Drums may chance to wake it: I would they were unbrac'd.  K. 
Thou hast roused a thought, that shakes my resolution; yet still I stand resolved. Castles and stubborn Oaks sometimes will shake, yet 'tis no easy matter to remove ' em. This ponderous Globe, if self, will tremble too, yet round it goes, and still performs its work. Nay, the most timorous parts of the Creation, have in their kinds a generous perseverance; the School-boy trembles at the Rod, yet still pursues his Flay. The Thief rides shivering by th' ill boding Gibbet, yet takes your Purse before he's out of sight on't. Even the poor tattered Whore, tho threatening Batteries of fatal Pox mounted at her Gate, loaden, and primed, and ready to give fire; does she cry out for Quarters?— Nay, view the Coward Priest, with all his quaking prospects of Damnation, is he not still a Villain to the end; Will he not risk Salvation for Dominion; and leave his darling Soul, to patch up the best peace it can, at the last gasp of Life? And shall I yield, because there's ground for fear? No, blasted by my Laurels if I do: I'll never help my Foes to play their Game; I know they have it in their hands. But dost not see? They are such wretched Bunglers, they have not yet learnt how to sort their Cards, such Gamesters ne're can win.  M. de P. 
Unless they should improve, Sir.  K. 
That we must risk; if it will bear that name, for by the Gods, I think our venture's small: But let's suppose the worst, and most unlikely thing that can befall us. Our Enemys grown wise: Why this may cost us— half a score of Towns; for there's the mighty prise for which we battle, for which Families are destroyed by Plunders, Nations undone by Taxes, Countries consumed with Fire, Rivers run with Blood, Women ravished, Children murdered, the Earth in Confusion, and Heaven set at Defiance: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. The World's a Bubble, and Mankind's an Ass.  Exeunt. 
FINIS.