THE LAST SPEECH AND DYING-WORDS OF Thomas( Lord, alias Colonel) Pride;  
BEING Touched in Conscience for his inhuman Murder of the BEARS in the Beargarden, when he was High-Sheriff of Surrey.  
Taken in Short-hand by T. S. late Clerk to his Lordships Brewhouse.  
LONDON: Printed for C. W. 1680.   

THE Last Speech and Dying-words OF Thomas( Lord, alias Colonel) Pride.  
My good Friends and Neighbours,  
YOu are come( I thank you) to see me die, and let me request you to take my last Breath; I'll make no Set-speech; the Long-Parliament loaded you with those( so many Speeches, as if orderly burnt, would brew two hundred Quarters of Malt) and had sate speaking still, if his late Highness had not bid me Un-house them. I spake none, neither in the Commons, nor in the Other House; and yet I must either now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold my peace.  
My Conscience! 'tis my Conscience speaks; and the first thing that is upon my Spirits, is the killing of the Bears; for which the people bait me, and call me all the names in the Rain-bow. But did not David kill a Bear? Did not the Lord-Deputy Ireton kill a Bear? Did not another Lord of ours kill five Bears and five fiddlers? May Bears be killed in Nottingham, in Leicester, and not in Surrey? You know I was High-Sheriff of the County, and if I might not kill a few Bears, why was I made Sheriff? I thought it our interest to let nothing live that would fight; and therefore we made an Act against Cock-matches. Others have killed far greater things with less Commission. But perhaps they'll say I struck at the Prerogative; for Kings and Protectors have a privilege, when they find a good Mastive-dog, to clap their Collar upon him, and use him for the Game; and so if kill the Bears, hang the Dogs; no Bear, no Dog. But think you the Prerogative would reach to Bears? or that Great Britain were the Isle of Dogs? Are we like S. meadows, guarded by mastiffs? The French have ever made us their Apes, and must we follow their Dogs too? If an English mastiff get Whelps in France, they all prove curs:( I wish our English Souldiers there may never turn French.)  
Can we forget that horrid accident when Major-General Skippon came in a Horse-litter wounded to London? when he passed by the Brewhouse near St. John's street, a devilish mastiff flew( as at a Bear) at one of his Horses, and held him so fast by the Stones, that the Horse grew mad as a mad Dog: The Souldiers so amazed, that none had the wit to shoot the mastiff; but the Horse-litter, born between two Horses, tossed the Major-General like a Dog in a Blanket. Thus your Dogs use Horse and Man. And for Women, remember how Swash the abominable mastiff took a Dispensation with an Elders Maid. Nay, not a Sow in the streets by night, but the Watchmens Dogs steal privately to her; which makes your London-Pigs have such round heads. And when I myself had my first Brewhouse( which was at pie-corner) I heard a big bark, whereby I knew 'twas a City-Pig.  
Here's a sweet stir with Bears and Dogs, able to make a wise man mad: For, first they pretend to preserve their Dogs, yet rail at me for shooting the Bears that kill those Dogs; and then tax me for killing the Bears, yet set their Dogs to tear the Bears in pieces: Yes, and the man that owed the Bears, now sues me for destroying his Goods.  
But what the devil are Bears good for? They brag of a Weapon-salve made, forsooth, of the fat of Bears killed in the act of Generation( though Bears never generate but by night, when none can know it:) My Sword hath made some Wounds, let them anoint the blade of my Sword, and try how many Cavaliers 'twill cure. The Devil has a hand or a foot in this salue, if it come from Bears: for you know the Beast with seven heads and ten horns had the foot of a Bear; whence people say a Bear has the Devils foot. You think I mean the Bear at the Bridge-foot( for God sends Meat, and the Devil sends Cooks;) I mean a Limb of the Devil: And is it a sin to destroy the Devil? George was Gainted for killing a Dragon;( Saints of old, like honest George, used to kill Beasts, but now Saints commonly kill men;) the Dragon and Bear are the Pictures of the same; for the Devil hath divers suits to put on: He wears not onely the Beast( a read Dragon, an Otter, a Bear) but a very Man, a Woman, in Silks, in Buff, in a long Mourning-cloke( to hid his Cloven-foot) and too often a Saint or Angel of new light; yet then so like as one Devil to another.  
An Author of ours said, the Beasts ten Horns are the Kings of Europe; which may be the reason why the Members that voted against a King, were so hot for Decimation: Those Members were not the major-part, but the Major-General part. I confess that Author wrote after the King was beheaded, when our Liberties stood committed to several Keepers; and yet I would know that Members name that would not be a King: Every creature( above and below) hath a Monarch in his Belly. The Devil would fain have been King of Heaven; and Adam scorned not to be King of the Earth; and each of his Sons would be King of all the rest. And( to speak my Conscience) if the State should vouchsafe to name me King, I think I should not question the Election; no, though it were( as I hear the Persians once choose a King) by the neighing of a Horse. But he that hath Horse may soon be a King, and therefore I love to save my Horse; but why, with a vengeance, should we save Bears, that feed upon Horseflesh? My Physician says, that an old fellow, one Pliny,  told him that a piece of Bears-flesh will grow bigger by boiling; which shows the Devil and his Dam is in Bears; for all things else will boil away to nothing: Had all my Beer had a good sound boiling, I had not died worth a pound of Hops. Are these your Beasts of Game? I profess I hate game; there is an Act against it, though some of our own play deep as any; and the Gamesters made Dice of some of their Bones that made that Act:( O who can tell how a man is used when once he comes to be a dry Bone!) Something there is, that Dice run now more than ever, that so many new Curses follow these Bones. Perhaps the Bears came not within the Ring of the Act against game, yet both Dog and Bear are within the Lists of the Act against Duels. And though they are out of the Act of Oblivion, yet some new Justices brought them within the Act for Marriages. 'Tis confessed they fight, but not for us, they are no part of the Militia, and never paid so much as Pole-money. They never with Lions were admitted into the Tower, nor shew'd at Westminster among the fine sights; nor ever reckoned among the Crown-Jewels. There were Propositions for bringing in Plate, Money, and Horse, but not for Bears: And yet now must England turn Greenland? The War has made it Red-land, and Funerals make it Black-land, and our Ministers make it Blue-land. But if I never answer for killing any thing but Bears, I shall do well enough.  
Were I arraigned, it could not be murder, but Bear-slaughter: nay, I killed them in my own defence, for they would have killed me; which is more than can be said for putting many a thousand to death. O but they say I killed them not fairly, but shot them dead in could blood: And am I the first that did so? have we not done it over and over? I kill them as we killed Lucas and Lisle, two as brave men as the King had any. What, would they have me bait them to death? Do I look like a Bear-ward? or should I knock them in the head like an Ox? there is a Major-General can do that better than I. I remember one( now a great Lord) who speaking against Strafford, said, Beasts of Prey ought to have no Law: Shall we grant that to Bears, which we denied to Strafford? A Cavalier  told me, that this was but a Quibble upon the word Law; for there is( said he) no Law for Beasts, but that a man may kill them for his use; and the more sudden and less pain, the better. And if a Hare or Stag have Law, that is, liberty to run, 'tis not for their, but for our sakes, to prolong our sport in their destruction.  
However, that Quibble was seasonable then, and did our work upon Strafford and Canterbury; but mark how both sides pled for me! The one says, Beasts of Prey must have no Law; the other says, There is no Law for Beasts: So both say 'tis lawful for me to kill the Bears. No matter how; hang them, shoot them, chop off their heads, sand them to Jamaica, any way is best. For can there be Beasts more malignant than Bears? I looked but in my almanac, and there I found two Dogs and two Bears among the Stars; and those, I dare say, are malignant Stars: for within two lines, the great Bear is called Charles-wayn.  
By this you'll imagine Malignants are in Heaven; but we and they shall scarce meet in one place; for else 'twere madness in us to kill them, because thereby we sand them to be happy: But they, as well as we, would fain live, and would have good Estates as they had before, and as we have now. 'Tis in our power whether they shall live, but not whether we ourselves shall die; for though our Army be as strong to day as yesterday, yet our own Bodies draw near Death.  
Behold it in me, and remember Naseby, which made us what we are; how the King's best men, when the Victory was theirs, took a bottonles fancy of running all away, having done the like at Marston-Moor. I have known six thousand( and no Cowards neither) fly all like Bedlams when no Enemy was within seventeen miles; and if they were all examined upon Oath, they could not tell why. And they say, that one poor wooden horse at Troy, did more than all our Army in the Indies. 'Tis certain, no Woman is so fickle as an Army. I speak not for myself, for 'tis well known I have done my part; sure I have killed better things than Bears, and killed them as men should be killed, either in the Field, or in a High-Court of Justice: the best Cavalier among them all( the King himself) judged to the Block; my Lord Hewson is my witness, for he sate next to me. Perhaps they think my Lord Hewson and I not fit to be Judges, because of our Trades; but let them show me one Text of Scripture where Brewers and shoemakers are forbidden to be Judges. I confess, in Juries of Life and Death, we except against a Butcher, as blouded in slaying of Sheep and Calves; but if he onely kill Bears and Men, he may be either a Juror or a Judge. I knew a Judge did use to mend Stockings( I spare his name, because he did a business for me) and 'tis as lawful to mend Shoes as Stockings: and if a Judge may be a cobbler, a cobbler may be a Judge.  
As for me, 'tis true, I have born a Sling, which made a Knave call me Sir Thomas Slingsby; but I made the Slingsby's shorter for it by one, and that one shorter by the head; and had done as much for young Mordant, but that( having drank White-wine that morning) I stepped forth to the Wall, and before I could return, Mordant was quit. Thus the life of man is but a pissing-while. But what if I have born a Sling? did not David so too? The difference is, he laid by his Sword and took up a Sling, and I laid by my Sling and took up a Sword.  
Kings, Lords, and Gentlemen, take money for their Lands; others sow it, and sell the Corn to us; we advance it to good Beer and Ale, and then sell the Drink to those Kings, Lords, and Gentlemen: and thus the Cup goes round. They sell for money, and we sell for money; and if a Shilling had a tongue as well as a face, it would say, Sir, I am but Twelve pence, whether you meet me in the Brewhouse or in the Exchequer. 'Tis true, there are divers sorts of shillings; some are Brass, impudent Rogues, who when discovered, are nailed to a post; some are led, heavy dull beasts that will not go; others are right metal, but clipped, poor decimated things, that would go and cannot. But Brass is Brass, and Silver is Silver, at Court and at pie-corner. I was as warm in my Leather-Jacket as in my Scarlet-Cloak.  
'Tis strange what an eye-sore that Cloak was to some, as if the Garment itself could sin. Indeed we had a man that used to hang his Cloak in my Brewhouse( as Country-folk hang wool over Pails of water to make it weight,) and so though not he, yet his Cloak was a Drunkard. But Cloak and Jacket, I was the same man: I never denied, but still kept my Trade;( and if others had done so, a hundred thousand lives had been saved.) At last I got to be Brewer to the Navy, and if each man had drank like the Whale of Greenwich, I could have filled them all; for I had three Brewhouses, one at London, another at Kingston, and a third at edinburgh. And why not I have three Brewhouses, as well as Assembly-men three benefice? They were my Livelihood, as theirs were their Livings.  
One of those fellows at Margarets Westminster( who had four Preferments given him by the State) would needs teach us how to live by a Word: You'll ask( said he) what Word is that? 'tis Faith; get Faith, and I'll undertake you may live Gentlemanlike: but that Rascal broke his own word with me, and died twelve pound in my debt. I grant, he was the first that  told me my surname came from a King of Rome, called( as I remember) Turkquinius Suparbus;( there were seven of those Kings, but they are long since dead) and thence call me one of the seven deadly Sins; they may as well call me one of the seven Wisemen, or one of the seven Planets, or seven Wonders of the World. But if we credit such as he, 'tis a very hard thing not to be a King. They'll prove( if you'll pay them) that Rhombus and Remus, that founded Rome, were of English Extraction;( I know not whether we had the same Mother, but 'tis said many of us had the same Nurse;) but I never cared three pence for their Praise: Therefore I pray ye vex not my Corpse with a huge Monument, which cannot protect itself, nor me; and many a man's Bones had slept in quiet, if his prating Tomb had not  told where he lay.  
And trouble not my Ghost with any of their Elegies latin or English; they make a man but laughed at, and are not worth a handful of Grains. I do not mean Mr. George Withers, for he got the Statue-Office by Rhyming; he hath now sold that Office, but when will he sell his Verses? A Statute lies upon them, so as nobody will buy them. 'Tis not a month since one of the States Poets brought me an Anagram for me and my Wife; but I hear those Anagrams should be all fetched into a Court of Wards; for although they have not wit enough for lunatics, they are dull enough for Idiots. But now they'll all at me: What a heap of paltry Quibbles and Clenches will they throw upon me? You'll hear them cry, Now Pride hath a fall;— Now there are but six deadly sins.— O Sir, are you there with your Bears? They but saw me stand holding my Crabtree-Cudgel upright, and they cried, Lo, there's the Bear and the Ragged-staff! How have they dragged my poor name, and set me back from P. to B. to make me born in Bride's Church-porch? 'Tis false, and nonsense, to call me Bride, though my Wife was so when I lead her to Church. I know they'll tell you of my Letter to a Friend, where( instead of my best Beer) I wrote I had sent my best Bear. But all Letters and Books are false; there's none of them honest, except the Bible. I have an Abridgement of an English Chronicle, which drowns the Duke of Clarence in a roundlet of Malmsey;( the Duke might as soon be drowned in a Thimble;) but perhaps 'tis a whole Tun in the Chronicle, for my book is but a Pitome. Hang Names and Words; Greek and latin will not make an honest man; and a man may speak truth without true spelling.  
I remember when I dined with the Florida ambassador at Alderman Nowels, where we had Florence-Wines, I  told the Alderman that when that ambassador got home to his Country he'd sand us more of that Florida-Wine. They all smiled, but what cared I? 'twere not two pence to me if Florida were in Italy, and Florence in the Indies; they should remember I was a Brewer, not a Vintner.  
But I am posting thither where there are no Quibbles, though I fear( in the weak condition I am now) I myself have been forced upon many; for dying men talk idly, and he that is sick and talks much, can hardly escape from Quibbles and nonsense. And I hope you'll pardon my baiting your patience so long with the Bears: Consider, it was the great action of my Life, and the onely thing( in the opinion of many) that would lye upon my Conscience. I confess I thought the lease of my life had not been expired; there is breath enough in the world, but I must have no more of it: for Death, Death is the grand Malignant, and a malignant Fevour is his Lieutenant-General, and( which is worse) the new Disease is his Major-General; a Disease which sweeps through all Counties of England. And though the Weekly-bills of Mortality know not us who die in the Country, yet 'tis my comfort I die here in my own house at nonesuch. 'Twas the Kings house, and Queen Elizabeth loved this above all her houses; and some say my Wife looks like that Queen, though the old Earl of Manchester was said to look like her;( that Queen might look like whom she pleased, for she by Proclamation forbade any to draw her Picture;) but I would not have my Wife like both her and him, and so make her a Maphrodite. She hath brought me divers Sons, and I leave them good Estates;( I hope I do) and would gladly leave a good Name to keep them company. The very Malignants say my Sons are civil persons; but should I live a thousand years, they would not say so of me. I think 'twould not trouble them to see me renew acquaintance with my Sling. But how many know ye, that( raised like me to Power and Command) have willingly returned to the place from whence they came?  
They talk indeed of a Roman General who came from the plough( Dick Tator I think they call him) who having beat the Enemy, went home to the Country, rich, and renowned for a very wise man. And they say, if that pitiful Pilchard Massanello( who had a hundred thousand at his pleasure) had left his Command, he had not been rewarded with a Musquet-bullet, but had been honoured with a Statue of Gold. 'Tis true, the Queen of Sweden, though born a King's Daughter, resigned her Crown, and vows she never lived happy till now: But her successor loves Kingdoms better than so, and will onely have as many as he can get.  
He soon swallowed Poland, and as soon disgorged it; and is now in Denmark holding two Forts( with two hard names) which stand like our Gravesend and Tilbury: And had he strength to take Ours too, I think in my Conscience he would make us all Danes. He has many designs, but all my design is onely to save my Estate and my Soul.  
Indeed heretofore I had some little Plots, but they did not all take: I thought to make the same Horses serve both for my Coach and Dray, but I found my Dray-horses were too high shod, and I might as well have harness'd the Bears. And yet I know what belongs to Horses; for I was the first brought Horses into Pauls: and those Horses brought Saddles; for a Saddler hath set up another Exchange there.  
I was  told Epsome-water might do me good; but I durst not take it, having used the Vicar so very severely, lest the Parish-Priest should unhallow the well: and( to say truth) from my Youth I never used to drink Water.  
My Youth minds me of the late Earl of pembroke; for when he lay dying( as I do now) I went to visit him; and when they  told him Colonel Pride was there( for then I was but Colonel) Who? who( said he) Pride? Oh, a precious Youth! But what had he to do with my Youth? Had I such strength and health as in my Youth, I would not change with any Lord in England. I now die a Lord; and had I lived as long as that Earl, I might have been an Earl as well as he. And I die first of all the new Lords; whereby you'll see whether our Sons succeed us in the Peerage.  
I would have no Barons War, though I fear a world of doubts will be raised about the Other House. They'll put it to the question, whether our House be within the Act against New Buildings? and( if within the Act) whether as built upon a new foundation, or because 'tis a Cottage? Then( after the Foundation) have at the Roof; Whether it be tiled or thatched?( I do not mean by Wat tiler or Jack Straw) Whether it be the upper House, or a Garret, where old Shoes, old Casks, and such Lumber is placed? Whether this High-Court be a Court of War where none fit but Officers? With a hundred such Questions, too many for a dying man to remember. And truly I myself have been much puzzled with the Other House; for the Commons is one House, and ours is the Other; and ours is one House, and the Commons is the other. And I would fain know how I should know one House from the other?  
If I sand my Man to my Brewhouse, he'll ask if I mean to London? No( say I) but to my other House; then goes he to Kingston: When he returns, I sand him to my other House; then goes he to London: And when he comes back, I bid him not go to Kingston nor London, but to the other House; and then must he march to edinburgh.  
Thus a man must run through two Nations ere he can find this Other House: For this is the Other, and that is the Other, and all are the Other House; though sure our House of Peers is such, as there cannot be such another House.  
I hope 'tis no offence in me, to compare the House of Lords to a Brewhouse; for I am of both Houses: I know how men are at work in both, and what great Heats are often in both, and how in both they all work for one man, yet every man for himself; with twenty more things wherein the two Houses agrec.  
The difference is, that we took the Engagement against a House of Lords, but not against a Brewhouse; but that was meant of the old House of Peers, not the new; and a new House is worth two old ones: for the State hath a whole years Rent of a new House, if it stand within ten miles of London.  
But, alas!( my good Friends) I am now going to the Lower House, whither we all must go sooner or later; and the best and greatest Lord of us all had rather go to the other House, than to the other World: for no Brewhouse is there, but a great Oven that will never be could. Therefore take heed, for as we Brew, so must we bake.  
FINIS.