MONTELIONS' PREDICTIONS, OR THE Hogen Mogen FORTUNE-TELLER. Discovering as plain as a Pike-Staff, the Dark INTRIGUES, and Grand CATASTROPHES, carried on, or Designed in most parts of the WORLD. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 With Allowance, May 11. 1672. LONDON, Printed by S. and B. Griffin, for Thomas Palmer, at the Sign of the Crown in Westminster-Hall, 1672. MONTELIONS' PREDICTIONS, OR The Hogen Mogen Fortune-teller. ALthough we have ever been of Opinion, that the best of our Modern Prophtes have been only the most Lucky Guessers, and find the Press already oppressed with Swarms of Prophetic Pamphlets, no less numerous, than Impertinent. Yet that the Blind World may see our Skill, either in Astrology, or Coskinomancy (that more Mysterious Art of the Sieve and Shears) is not a whit inferior to the busiest of our fellow-Students, we have resolved on the Question to oblige the Public (we mean Hawkers, and Coffee- Houses) by delivering our Sentiments on the present Conjuncture of Affairs, induced hereunto; for that not only our Brother, the Apollo of Clerkenwel Green, hath for some time disappeared to Mortals, being (as we are credibly informed) gone to Visit his Nurse at the Antipodes, but also because the heretofore active Goose-quill of our beloved Pupil, the renowned Poor R●bin, is of late grown Dry and Stubbed, yielding little more than the Dregs of Red-Lettice Wit, or nauseous Repetitions. These Considerations we hope will be Apology enough (even in a Critic Conscience) and to offer more Reasons for Writing a Single-sheet Pamphlet, would be Absurd and Unmodish, since many of our great Authors now a days can show none at all for their more Voluminous Scribble, we cannot (to deal Candidly with or Readers) pretend to any Visions, Apparitions, Revelations, or strange Voices, though perhaps that excellent new Invention of, The speaking Trumpet (subtly managed) might put not a few Giddy Heads on that account, into a Dotage beyond Tom in the Wood's. Angels either Celestial, or Golden, we dare not boast Familiarity with; Comets they say are Generated above the Orb of the Moon, and so are too high for the Jacobs-Staff of our grovelling Understanding, to find out their particular portents. The old new Star in Cassiopeia we shall not meddle with, though we have heard our Nodding Grandmother in a Winter's Evening, discourse thereupon so profoundly, till she fell a sleep; not trouble ourselves with any Oppositions that may happen between Saturn and Jupiter, as not desiring to Interpose in a Quarrel 'twixt Father and Son: Nor yet shall we put ourselves to the unnecessary Charges of Building up Twelve Houses (mere Castles in the Air) in an Ill favoured Schem, not but that we Ken the Knack of those Celestial Scotch-Hoppers too, as throughly as the most Huffing Tailor i'th' Town: But out of pure Aversion to those Hackney Roads of Figures and Characters wherewith some pretend to Score out the Fortune of a Year, and Fate of Empires, in Terms so uncertain and ambiguous, that they may be Verified in any future Contingency whatever, we decline all those Amuzing Parades of Art, and without Clouds and Amphibologies, in plain English, and in Rhyme too, that I may appear the more Prophetic, do declare, The Time's now come must bring to pass, What Fates have Wrote with Pens of Brass. That Rebel Rout, whose swelling Pride, Princes Contemned, and Kings defied: Before bright Sol his Journey take, Three times a round the Zodiac, Shall be Reduced to more Distress, Than in the days of Royal Bess. Great York, the Neptune of the Main, Their Insolence shall once again Chastise, until they are become, Poor suppliant States of Belgium: And at his Brother's Royal Feet, Submissively beg, as 'tis meet. That he would lay his Thunder by, And take them to his Clemency. But because (according to the Grand Method we have always pursued in our Writings) a more particular Account of the grand Matters impending may be expected, we proceed in the Style of the most celebrated Sons of Art, and with all Caution and Sincerity, say: That from the vast preparations, both at Land and Sea, the Declarations of War lately Published on either Side, several Lowering Aspects of disaffected Planets, their Quarrelsome Positions at their vernal Ingress, and divers other Secrets in Art, we may (on good grounds according to the Doctrine of the Ancients) Prognosticate: That some Ruptures are at hand, or Acts of Hostility designed, or ready to break forth into Action in some parts of the World. And since Cancer is the Horoscopical Sign of Holland, and that none loves Buttered Crabs better than a Dutchman; we are induced to believe those very United Provinces may much be concerned in the formidable Catastrophes, whereof these Ph●enomina are the Indubitable Prod●omt. Not that we find by the abstrusest Rules of Geomancy, that the Hogen States are any more likely this year to Establish the Fifth Monarchy in an Universal Commonwealth, than Sa●othy Levy, to Revive and Recollect the Ten scattered Tribes, for taking Possession of the Holy Land: Yet are we more than Confident, that Sage Aphorism of the late Deceased Plagiary Tresmeg●●us in his Temple of Wisdom, will shortly be ●●●uied to a hairs breadth, viz. That wherever contrary Fleets, or opposing Armies happen to meet, Contests will be apt to arise, and that several Persons by means thereof, may chance, against all Rules of Physic, to be Let Blood i'th' Dog-days. About or rather much before which time we also discover, There will be heard strange and unusual Noises at Sea, to the great Affrightment of the Dolphins, and spoiling the Music of the Sirens: The Planets startling from their Orbs with wonder, To hear our Guns below out-roar their Thunder. Immediately after which, the long contested Sovereignty of the Narrow-Seas shall be decided by a most equal Distribution, the Surface remaining in the Possession of his Majesty of Great Britain (the undoubted Proprietor) and his Valiant Subjects, whilst the Bottom falls to the share of his usurping Enemies, as the just Reward of their unparalled Ingratitude; thereby replenishing the hungry Stomaches of Neptune's Scaly Inhabitants, who now Exercise Lex Talionis, and by Devouring their Devourers, produce of Metempsychosis of Bodies, that Pythagoras never dreamed of. For whereas a Dutchman is little more than Stockfish, and Red-herring Fleshified, our Crabs and Fresh-Cod, will now be only Dutchmen Fishified. Thus a Ravenous Shark unnaturally Feasts on the fat Paunch of his own Brother, an overgrown Burgomaster, whilst Margery the Cookmaid startles to find the Finger and Seal-ring of Mine Here, in the Belly of a Mackril, and the Rotterdam Frows deluge themselves in Tears for the loss of their Swil-Bottles. We further find by the Hermetick Learning, (For so of late our Quacks do call, All Tricks if Strange and Mystical.) That Coffeehouses (the Mint of Intelligence, and Forge of Lies) shall be much frequented; and many a Pragmatic Fop spend his sixpence there over Night, to hear News, that knows not where to get a Dinner next Day; who then with folded arms and croaking Guts, does Penance for his foolish Curiosity. To supply these Randevouse of Idleness, with continual Novelties, the Press Spawns abortive Pamphlets, that swarm Abroad as thick as Flies in Autumn. And Fame sets up a Cheating lottery, where for a Prize of Verity, you 〈…〉 forty Blanks of Falsehood, and in a whole Volley of News scarce meet a true Report: We do not find his Holiness much Inclinable to entertain thoughts of Marriage, but rather that if his Fancy should grow a little Rampant the Colic and Stone, would mainly Obstruct his Delights in the Caresses of an Olympia. And seeing he Labours under so many Crosses, we cannot but reprove the uncharitableness of some Gifted Brethren, who in their Little Conventicles, Rail so desperately at a Civil Grave old Gentleman, whom they know no more than the Pope of Rome: The Grand Signior may yet in spite of some foolish Prognosticators (who seven Years have threatened him with a Peck of Troubles) Live a long time as merry as a Fiddler, if the Mufty will but grant him a Dispensation to Drink now and then a Glass of Sack, but his Viziers' Corn cutter will probably be hurried with multiplicity of Business: His Mightinesses Toes being sorely afflicted by reason to tedious Marches towards Hungary. The Crym Ta●ter in the midst of his Triumphs, is Tipped into his Grave by a Surfeit on Stewed Truans. And may the Guardian-Angel of Green-Aprons, protect some eminent Senators nearer Home, from being choked with Custaras, or admitted Knights of the Noble Order of the Bull-Feather, at a Masquerade: Stephen Ratzins, Brother Stenko, seems Instigated by Venus, Lady of the Seventh, in his Radix Retrograte, to send an Env●y Extraordinary to the State's General, to demand in Marriage the most Ill●ustrious Bessabel, Daughter of the much Celebrated Van-Cobler-Hewson, that they may make a prudent provision for Futurity, and propagate a precious Seed of Rebels and Boutefeus', to disturb the Peace of the next Generation. Munsterus that Hermaphrodite of State, who with his Crosses in one Hand, and Sword in th'other, looks like a Royston Crow of two Colours, parte per pale, Ingrailed, Lay and Clergy, hovers with a wary Subtlety over the Heads of the furious Combatants▪ till Fortune declare on whose Crests she intends to Plant the Laurels of Victory, or takes up the Swissers Trade, and Cries, Who bids most for 30000. But Manet alta ment repostam, There is no playing one Game over Twice. Quo teneam Vultum mutantem proce a Nodo? What shall restrain him from the Breach of is Vows, That to no Altar, but 's own Interest Bowes. If the Forces of the most Christian King chance to set down before Maestricht, that unhappy Town will be in some Danger of a Siege, and rare it will be to see there so much Belly-Timber for a Breakfast, as is Confounded at a Guild-Hall Dinner; but a dried Sprat is excellent Commons for those in a Straight, that in their best Days thought a Red-Herring a Feast. Holland Cheese we confidently predict, will be a dear Commodity, but Butterboxes never so Cheap and Contemptible, it being but just all Nations should Bandy to Exterpate them, who have Confederated to Abuse all the World. If they have any Assistance, it must be from beyond the Line: For what Christian will be a Second to such Insolents? Nor can they appear Formidable since the Brandy that was wont to Inspire them with Valour is now prohibited. To conclude, England's Genius soars high, the Lilies flourish, and may they ever retain their Colour; the Emblem of Integrity, the Justness of our Cause, the Conduct and great Example of our Leaders, conspire with our native Courage to bespeak a Victory. And though we know the Innate Valour of our Noble Seamen, and others concerned in this Expedition, needs not to be raised up by Hobbling Rhyms, of a sorry Bard, yet to fill up their other Sheet, and that the Reader may be sure to have enough for his Twopences, we have thought very fit to add this Ballad Loyal. A BALLAD LOYAL. I. YOu Sons of Honour, that dare die! To serve your Native Land, And for your King and dear Country. The Shock of danger stand, Now prepare For the War, Show the world your glories, Do such deeds As must needs Live in future Stories. 2. Go on brave Hero's! you can't miss The Road to Victory. Where Mighty York High Admiral is, That Soul of Gallantry, He whose Name Rides on Fame. And must still more prevail, Till it make Fleming's quake, And humbly strike their sail. 3. Our Ships like floating Castles ride, The Waves are proud to bear them They deafen Thunder each Broadside, The Dutch or Devils must fear them, No place can boast, Besides our Coast Vessels so great and good, So many too, That Strangers do Think al'our Downs a Wood 4. Then pray what mean these Hogen States? (It passes our Construction) Insolently to dare their Fates, And tempt their own Destruction, On Shore and Sea Ruin they'll see On every side surrounding Brave Monmouth's hand Wasting their Land, Great York their Fleets confounding. 5. Dull Dutch! can you forget when we, In three Fights quelled your pride, Not long since when our British Sea With your base blood was die, d, And dare you then Fight us again: What honour can it be To beat a new Such Slaves as you, Whom we before made flee. 6. If Rebel Noll could make you bow, And 'fore him trembling stand, How think you fools to resist now, The mighty Charles' hand, Can it be said Against our Head You're likely to prevail, Who heretofore, Were glad t' adore, And cringe unto our Tail. 7. Wherefore Brave English Seamen all Rouse up your valour's fire Courageously upon them fall Make the dull World admire, Let not your breast Harbour a Guest, That treats of fear or flying, Let not a thought Centre in aught, But conquering or dying. 8. So may you vanquish still and take Rich Prizes every day: May no tempests your Vessels shake, Nor Rock lie in your way. So may you bring To our Great King A complete Victory. And he bestow Again on you, A fit Gratuity. 9 If any of you Sacrifice, Your hearts at Cupid's Shrine. May no Coy Wench your Love despise, Nor to you prove unkind; But may they all Before you fall, As 'tis indeed their duties: 'Tis reason such, As conquer Dutch Should Triumph over Beauties; 10. May all your Wives prove chaste and be, As deaf to Gallants charms, Whilst you are out, as Penelope, When her Lord was in Arms. Thus will we pray Each night and day, Till homewards you are bound Your deeds with praise Your Heads, with Baise, In glorious manner Crowned. The POSTSCRIPT: SInce Mr. Lilies Predictions in his admired Almanac for the Year 1654. have made so much noise in the World, we cannot but think it convenient to transcribe from that celebrated Author a Short Prayer, which we think as pertinent to the present conjuncture of affairs, as any of the rest, which follows in the said book in these word,, God grant us Unity in the Church and give the Presbyterians so much love unto their Native Country, as to rejoice when we worst the Dutch, and not to flag down their heads like sorrowful Rabbis at our Successes. FINIS.