¶ Imprinted at London in Pater noster row at the sygue of our Lady pity by Iohn Redman for richard banks Cum privilegio Regali ad imprimendum solum. ¶ Iohn birch Clerk/ to the right excellent Doctor in Physic Andrew Borde. AS I chanced for to walk, for my recreation To pass the time forth, to peruse a certain thing I saw two stand in communication And in their hand a book, whereupon they were redig I vailed my bonnet, with that they were smiling That not regarding. I passed forth by With that the one called me, willing to come nigh ¶ I marveled not a little, what was their intent To call me so hastily, this thing is plain An excellent work, to me they did present Instantly praying me, to take the pain To answer to your mastership that beards doth disdain And so upon that, they betook me the book praying me heartily, it to over look ¶ Wherein full ungodly, your doge rhyme doth reports Reed it who will, no doubt he shall find Nothing you do but rail on every sort As a man half distraught, wanting his mind So that unless, you would make men blind Mark who will in your book, in manner one and all You make all men linaves, yet are you the principal ¶ Thus when I had red it, I did consider How of beards you make, your definition Painting men's beards, after a strange sort I knew by that you were a physician And in ars Physonomye, had great speculation I never herd clener rhetoric, since the hour I was borne I judged when I read it, you were borne under Capricorn ¶ I marvel greatly, you being a physician And knoweth unto man, it is given by nature To have of hear abundance, by god's creation You will not this deny I am perfect and sure In case that you do, you may say your pleasure But this will I say, in our english speech And you love a beard no better, sing that of your breach ¶ It is a strange thing, to hear your phalitasy How goodly your beard, you would devise A muster develyce would become you prettily You say you love a beard, after that guise But and I might make you one, it should be on this wise Because I understand your name is master Board you should have an antic beard of a whelps toorde ¶ Now by jesus you make me not a little to study what should be the cause you hate so a beard I think in my mind you have the frenzy Or else perchance, one made you afeard His breach being bare came running backward For you study more than Physic, I perceive it well But before or you enter, I will you promote To come that shall draw your beard up by the root For I tell you, I do not love them that be hairy I am of that opinion, as well as you Therefore I would, that you should now speedily P●●●●…e up your beard then will it look new A●●●●…de as a Coote, this thing is true 〈◊〉 beware I say, of ●he frosty weather And when you will be shaven take a dish clout or a feather▪ ¶ I marvel not a little, as god shall help me To see a man inveigh, after such a fashion Excepting men, that are in great dignity That it is lawful, you make probation To wear their beards, but mark your conclusion you are so circumspect, and speaks so plainly Look who weareth beards, you call it knavery ¶ you say under beards, be both lice and neties Pocks and pockerelles, there doth remain I think if a man looked betwixt your lips A man might find there, perchance on● or twain Good store of scabs, in your breach to be plain saying under beards, diseases are not strange By like when you had a beard, you were full of the mange 〈…〉 in beards I perce●●… 〈◊〉 are so cunning Going from the order showed by scripture As appeareth by your book/ doth rail at your pleasures ¶ Then you show yourself to have been in far contrayes describing the manner how beards they use there And after this sort your book so says In token of auncyentnes this thing is clear Sage men use beards there for to wear Which thing you reckon in them for great sadness And englishmen the contrary, a point of madness. ¶ Now it is but folly this matter to delate Mark in ancient stories both new and old Look who was bearded, was ever in estate As a man of reputation, he might be bold If aught were spoken/ the bearded man it told Thus were the bearded men in high estimation And look who had none/ was of small reputation. ¶ In a beard doth manhood plainly consist The sign of a beard, strength doth signify This is found in natural things search who list The prudent Philosophers, this doth testify who list in them to search shall find it plainly And look who hath no beard, it is a sign he is no man And till he have a beard, he is much like a woman ¶ If you will know the thing to a beard belonging That is gravity sadness, and likewise discretion Full of force or strength always in his working 〈…〉 a beard should be of this condition 〈…〉 man, that uleth the court And wots you what they say, they marvel what you are They judge you seen in crane's dirt & call you master phisikar. ¶ Now for because perchance/ men will judge Malice should increase betwixt you and me I do you to wit I neither murmur nor grudge But if men shall write, let them write honestly notwithstanding, that I speak but merely praying you heartily, to take it as you list For I must needs praise beards and yours were bepyst ¶ Thus for fear I be to tedious/ I will make ●n end praying you heartily/ to be content For I think you and I/ have spent much wind yet notwithstanding/ after my judgement Take a ghostly father/ and confess you this lente So shall you be clean/ as the hour you were borne And have as clear a sauce/ as he that weareth a horn ¶ Now you know my mind/ of the some and all In case you be angry look that you freyt Take a wyspe and rub yourself on the gall Till that you have gotten you a knavish heyte Then walk up and down/ and look that you sweet And I pray you heartily/ take no cold For I had rather see you hylthe/ then that you so should ¶ This at the last/ but that I have forgotten I thought in mind/ to say far well I trow cocks body I am forspoken I would you were at the devil of hell