A PILL to purge Melancholy: OR, MERRY news FROM NEWGATE: Wherein is set forth, The pleasant Jests, witty Conceits, and excellent Couzenages, of Captain James Hind, and his Associates.  
How Hind, putting on a bear's Skin, attempted to rob a Committee-man at Oxford of 200 l. and how he had like to have been worried by a Mastiff Dog; and what means he used to free himself from the fury of the Mastiff, and afterwards got the money.  
How Hind cheated an Excize-man of his Mare, which was esteemed one of the best in England; and being afterwards apprehended for her at Newark, how neatly he made his escape, and got the Mare again.  
How Hind disguising himself in womens' Apparel, gulled an old Lawyer in the Temple of 14 l. showing him such a trick in the Law, that he never knew before.  
How Hind having knowledge that the old Lawyer had 100 l. more in his Trunk which stood in his chamber, devised a way to get that also; and how he was served by a Gentleman of the Temple▪ who new christened him.  
With variety of other delightful Passages, never heretofore published by any Pen.  

Let him whose mind perplexed is, with melancholy fits▪  
Buy, and read o'er this little Book, and 'twill preserve his wits.   
London, Printed by ROBERT WOOD, 1652.   


This is the Figure, if you'll the substance see,  
You must repair to Newgate, there lies he  
Close prisoner; till he have answered to those crimes,  
Laid to his charge, since these tumultuous Times.   

James Hind.    

To the courteous and ingenuous Reader.  

GEnteels, to you I do present this Book,  
Whose mature judgements will upon it look  
With an impartial Eye; having read it, than  
You'd censured favourably; whiles vulgar men  
Only peruse the Title Page, then throw't by,  
Saying, it is not Hind's, but some new lie:  
Let these say what they will, so it please you.  
I care not if they count it false, or true;  
And if these Pills cure not thy melancholy,  
Excuse his want of Art, pass by his folly;   
Who is ambitious of the title of Your humble Servant, R. W.   

A Pill to purge Melancholy; OR, Merry news from Newgate.  

How Hind disguising himself in womens' Apparel, gulled an old lecherous Lawyer, belonging to the Temple of 14 l.  
IT hath been a constant custom observed among the people of this Nation, to spend the time of Christmas in mirth and jollity, using to have Maskings, Mummings, Wasselings, &c. at which Season our Hind (who is the main subject of the ensuing Discourse) when he was in his youth, being at a private Vaulting School in Chancery lane in company of certain Ladies of pleasure, one of them laying her black bag on the Table, Hind catches it up, and puts it on his head, saying; Do not I look like a Lady? I protest so thou dost, answered one of the Wenches, and I have seen many a Lady have a worse face; prithee go into my chamber, and put on my gown and petticoat that lies on the Table, and go down and see if my Landlady will know thee: Hind delighting in mirth as well as any of them, was easily persuaded; and accoutring himself in the Lady's habit, he went down stairs with them, & there he found some of his Associates, who taking him for a Gentlewoman, and knowing him to be a stranger, they all saluted him; amongst the rest, one of them who was called Captain Smugson, was so sweet upon him, that he could not be rid of him: whereupon Hind desired him to hold him excused, for he was no such kind of person as he took him for; Smugson thinking he meant, he was no Whore, but an honest Gentlewoman, replied, What a poz do you here then? Come for a Wench as well as yourself you blind Owl, replied Hind; and with that pulled off his bag; & the other knew him to be his companion; the rest laughing heartily at the mistake. After they had caroused a while, and spent their time in merry discourse, one of the Ladies desired Hind to walk forth, and take up a Cully (for that is the phrase they give them) and bring him thither, and they would make excellent sport with him, telling him, if he went but to the Temple he should be sure to speed; he delighting in waggery as well as the best of them, condescended; and forth he marches in the aforesaid habit: And walking between the two Temple gates, was encountered by an old rusty Lawyer, one that loved his money so well, that he could not afford himself a good meals meat, yet would give a Crown or an Angel to a handsome Whore; This lump of Corruption, meeting with our piece of Mortality, cast such a lascivious look upon him, that Hind presently supposed him a man fit for his purpose, and thereupon he turned back, and looked after him, Grub seeing him look so after him, thought him to be a Wench that was right for his purpose, and thereupon he came back again, saying; Lady, I am confident I have been formerly acquainted with you; and Sir, replied Hind, I think I have been in your company, but I cannot call to mind where; if it please you (saith the Lawyer) let us drink half a pint together at the Devil Tavern, and perhaps we shall call one another to mind; to which Hind consented; and so they went hand in hand to the Devil (as all Lawyers and Thieves will, without repentance) When they came there, the Lawyer called for a whole half pint, in the drinking of which he did so beslaber Hind, and lick him under the snot-gall, that he wished himself rid of him; but at last they concluded, and agreed, That the Lawyer should give Hind 10 s. to do the feat; but they could not agree upon the place; Hind would have had him to have gone with him to his lodging (as he called it) where his companions were, to have made sport with him there; but the Lawyer thinking that further charges would arise from thence, would not consent to it, but persuaded him to go with him to his chamber in the Temple, into which he might privately enter, and so depart undiscovered. Hind seeing he should be disappointed of the mirth he intended to have had with him, vowed to himself he would have his money, and so he consented to go with him thither: as soon as he was entered, he welcomed him with an old lechers kiss, and desired him to sit upon the bed by him, which he did, and then the Lawyer began to put his hand under his petticoat; but Hind desired him to forbear a while, swearing he should not touch him before he had his money; Why think'st thou Love I'll be worse than my word (quoth the Lawyer) and with that puts his hand in his pocket, and pulls out a good quantity of silver, and about 14 l. pieces of gold, and gave Hind his 10 s. which he had agreed for: Hind putting that into his pocket, pulled out his pistol immediately, and setting it to his breast, swore if he spoke loud, or cried out, he would pistol him: so taking a Gag out of his pocket (for good workmen never go without their Tools) he gagd him, and bound him, and easing his pockets of his gold, in that manner left him, returning to his company, and giving them a relation of his adventure; at which the Wenches laughed heartily, wishing that all old lecherous curmudgeons were so served; for, said they, they have by their covetousness spoiled our Trade, and brought down the prizes of our Commodities, and swore that they could neither get Money nor good Ware from them, and before they would be troubled with them they would forswear their Occupation.   

How Hind having knowledge that the old Lawyer had 100 l. in a Trunk which stood in his Chamber, devised a way to get that also; and how he was served by a Gentleman of the Temple, who new christened him.  
HIND having left the old lecher, in manner as is before related, could not be satisfied till he was resolved what became of him after he had left him; and therefore he requested one Col. Scarface (a companion of his) to go to the Temple, and enquiring for his chamber, to pretend some business with him, and so (in all probability) he might hear how he came to be released out of that purgatory which he had left him in; at whose request Scarface went very early, & when he came to his chamber door, he found it open, and the old Lawyer in the same posture that Hind had left him in; who presently ungagging him, seemed very much to pity him, demanding what Villain had dealt so inhumanly with him, who very faintly answered him (for he was almost spent with lying so long in that condition) That the last night there came a fellow and knoekt at his chamber door, and he opening it to see who it was, he violently laid hands on him, & drawing out a pistol, threatened to shoot him if he made any noise, or stirred; so searching of his pockets, he took what money he found there, and so left him in that manner as he found him; saying moreover, that if he had not come so opportunely to have released him, he thought he should have perished. Scarface desiring to sift him further, said; but Sir, Did he take nothing from you but your money? No, I thank God (Replied the Lawyer) nor all that neither, for I had 100 l. in my Trunk, which by good fortune escaped his clutches. Scarface said it was a miraculous preservation, and that he might rejoice Fortune dealt so favourably with him: so breaking off that discourse (having as he supposed got sufficient intelligence from him) he began to tell him what business he came about, and laid open his case so handsomely, that the Lawyer promised him he would warrant him the better of his Adversary, and that he would follow it for him with all diligence: so (desiring him to be careful) he gave him his Fee, and departed. And coming to Hind, he told him what had happened, and what discourse had passed between them, blaming him for losing such a fortune: Soft (quoth Hind) it is not lost, forbearance is no quittance; ere many days pass, I'll have that too. So after Scarface and he had steeled their Noses with 3 or 4 quarts of Sack, he went to a handsome Whore of his acquaintance, and bestowing of a quart of Wine or two upon her, fell into discourse with her, telling her, If she would be ruled by him, he would help her to a business that she should get 10 l. by. She (being willing, poor Whore, to get money) promised him her assistance: Then Hind told her, that she should go with him to the Temple, and that there was an old fellow there that he was confident would take her up, and carry her to his chamber, and that then she should take an opportunity to let him in, and then the business should immediately be effected with security. Having passed away the time in this and the like discourse, Hind paid the reckoning, and so they departed toward the Temple; and by the way as they went he gave her further instructions what they should do. When they came to the Temple gate, Hind and his Landabrides went skulking up and down thereabouts waiting for their prey; and having been an hour or two in expectation of him, and seeing him not come, he began to be impatient, and walking towards his chamber, it happened that one of the Gentlemen of the House having been early at the sackshop had gotten his load, and rising to empty it, happened to throw it out just upon his head, which made him almost mad; but he might be stark mad if he would, for he knew not how to help himself in that place: but being in the heat of his fury, he happened to cast his eyes up to the lawyer's chamber window, and espied a light in it, which made him confident he was about some earnest business, and feared he would hardly come out that night: whereupon he went over to the Lyon-Tavern, and calling for a pint of Sack, sent one of the Drawers for him, bidding him to tell him, That there was a country Gentleman at their house that must needs speak with him; giving his Ningle charge to keep her station, and he was confident he would not pass her, for he would leave the best friends company he had for a Whore: The Drawer having delivered Hinds message to him, he laid by his Writings, and bade him certify the Gentleman he would wait upon him immediately. As soon as the Drawer was departed, the Lawyer setting his candle in the Chimney-corner, looked his Chamber door, and followed him down stairs; but coming to the Temple gate, espied Hinds Landabrides, and not being able to pass so fair an Object, stood gazing upon Her; and observing Her constant station, supposed she wanted a companion, and thereupon He made bold thus to salute Her; Lady, 'tis pity so excellent a Creature as yourself should wait thus unattended, wilt please you to accept of my service. Sir, replied she, I wait for a Gentleman, of whose fidelity I have had so good assurance, that it deserves it from me: But trust me Lady (said He) he is to be blamed to make you wait so long in the cold, wi●t please you to take part of a pint of wine with one who will endeavour to serve you as faithfully as he, or any man living? She seemed something nice at the first motion, but with little persuasions she consented, and went with him: When they came to the Tavern, the Lawyer bid the Drawer show them a room above stairs, and kindle them a couple of Faggots. Hind being in a room near the Bar, seeing them enter together, thought his business half done; and the Wench espying of Hind gave him a wink, and went up with her frosty lover; the fire being kindled, and wine brought up, as soon as the Drawer had voided the room, the Lawyer began afresh to court his Mistress, and to kiss and hug her close to him, proffering to fell her Conundrum, & call which she patiently suffered; but whiles He was busied that way, she was not unmindful of Hinds instructions; but diving into His pocket, got His key out, which was that she looked for; which when she had gotten, she desired Him to excuse Her a while, for she must go down and speak with the Maid, He suspecting nothing, could not deny Her request; so down she went to Hind, and delivered Him the Key; He having what He looked for, was not long in paying his reckoning, but went immediately about his business; and coming to his chamber, unlocked the door; and breaking open His Trunk, secured his money for him; and locking his Chamber door again, returned to the Tavern. The Wench having given Hind the Key, returned again to the Lawyer, who began again to use her as formerly, but she desired him to forbear such behaviour; but if he would come to some agreement with her, she would go with him to a more private place, where they might with the more security do the feat: Thus she held him in play till Hind returned, who immediately sent up a Drawer to her, to tell her, That there was a Gentleman would speak with her; at which the old Lawyer seemed to be discontented; but she promised him, that let it be who it would, she would but know his business, and return to him immediately: With which he was somewhat pacified. When she came to Hind, He told her he had effected his business; and giving her the key, wished her to convey it into his pocket again, and so take her leave of him: so up she went again to her sweet Swatterlin, who praised her for being constant to her word, and asked her who it was sent for her? bestowing many lascivions' kisses upon her; whiles in the interim she conveyed the key again into his pocket; which done, she told him, that it was her brother had sent for her, and that she must needs go along with him: Whereat the Lawyer began to fret; but upon her promise to meet him again to morrow, he consented; and so she went to Hind, who made no staying there, but went to a more convenient place to give the Wench what he promised her, leaving the Lawyer in a sad condition, having lost both Wench and Money.   

How Hind cheated an Excize-man of his Mare, which was esteemed one of the best in England; and being afterwards apprehended for it, how he made his escape, and got the Mare again.  
HInd having stuffed his pockets with the lawyer's Gold; the next Friday he went into Smithfield, and bought him a good Gelding; and furnishing himself with a pair of pocket pistols, periwigs, and other things necessary to disguise himself, he then fell to his Highway Trade; and having played some exploit, riding very hard for fear of being pursued, he overtook an Excize-man, and his son, riding towards York, the old fellow being mounted upon as handsome a Mare as ever he beheld; land as they rode together, they fell into discourse about several matters; amongst the rest, Hind inquired of the old man if that young Gentleman was his son? who answered him, Yes. Sir, said Hind, he is as like a brother of mine, as if one man had got them both, and still when I look upon him, methinks I should call him so; and if you would be pleased to honour me with that title: I should be proud of it. The old man replied, That he was unworthy of that name, yet if he pleased to accept of him for his Father, he should be proud of so worthy a son. Thus they passed away the time in this and the like discourse, till they came to their Inn, where after they had dismounted, and delivered their Horses to the Ostler, Hind goes to him, and gives him a special charge to be careful of them, and especially of his father's Mare, and when he had done, he returned to his new adopted Father, and told him, he had been to look after their horses, and that the Ostler had promised to be very careful over them. In their familiar discourse that night at Supper, they used no other terms, but Father, Son, or brother; insomuch that the Host of the House, and all his Servants, thought they had been both his own natural Sons. The next morning as soon as day began to break, Hind arose, and calling for the Ostler, wished him to saddle his father's Mare for him, for he was to ride to a gentleman's house some two miles from that town, to speak with him about earnest business, and that he was to return again by that time the old man was stirring; The Ostler quickly saddled the Mare for him, and away rides Hind; and questionless he was far enough before they were up. Between 6 and 7 of the clock, the old man and his son came out of their chamber, and making enquiry for his son Hind, the Ostler told him, that he caused him to saddle his Mare, and that he was rode out about 2 or 3 hours ago, and said he would return by that time he was stirring: Whereat the old man began to storm, protesting, he never saw him before yesterday in his life, and that he was run away with his Mare, and that the Master of the house should give him satisfaction. But for all his freting, the old man was forced to pay all the reckoning, and make use of Hinds Gelding to carry him hom, or else he must have footed it. About a quarter of a year after, it happened that the excize-mans' son being at Newark about business, Hind chances to come riding into the same house, that he had taken up for his Inn, upon his father's Mare, who espying him, said, O brother you used my Father finely, did you not? Friend, you are mistaken, I neither know you, nor your Father. No Sir, said he, but I am sure this is my father's Mare. Whereupon they fell to high words, insomuch that the excise-mans' son sent for the Constable; and disputing the business before him, Hind asked him what paces his father's Mare had? She paced after such a manner, replied the young Excise-man. Now Mr. Constable, said Hind, you shall see if he is not mastaken, and I'll hold him 5 s. she hath no such pace: Done, quoth the other: so Hind wished the Ostler to bring forth the Mare, and staked their money down in the constable's hand: Hind mounting upon her back, desired them all to take notice how she paced: he had not rid far, but the Excize-man said, Look Gentlemen, is't not as I said; Ye shall see that immediately, replied Hind; and putting spurs to her, she flew like an Arrow out of a Bow; and away rode Hind, not so much as bidding him remember his duty to his Father: which when the company perceived, they broke forth into a great laughture, and blamed the excize-mans' son for letting him to back her, saying, he might have let some other man to have ridden her. Why, replied he, would any man have thought he had been such a fool as to have left his money behind him: But, Mr. Constable, since he is gone, we'll spend his money, and drink his health; for in my conscience he's a goodfellow; but I begin to suspect he's a kind of a knave.   

How Hind putting on a bear's skin, attempted to rob a Committee-man at Oxford, &c.  
HInd having played his pranks in several places, durst not take up his constant habitation anywhere, but rode up and down the Countries, still harkening if he could hear of a good booty; and coming to the City of Oxford, it fortuned that where he took up his Inn, there lay that night about half a score Worcester-shire Gentlemen that were going to London (it being Term time) about their affairs; amongst the rest, there was a covetous Committee-man, that fearing his neighbours would tipple hard, and so he should be drawn to great expense) bespoke a shoulder of Mutton for his man's supper and his own, contriving it so, that the remainder (with a flagon of Beer) should serve them on the morrow for their dinner; at which the rest of his neighbours seemed to be much discontented, and mightily inveighed against him: Hind being in their company (intending to sup with them, in regard he was alone) seemed to excuse him, saying, Perhaps he was short of moneys: hang him old usuring Dog, cries one of them, he has 200 l. in his portmanteau, to my knowledge, which he intends to put into a scrivener's hand in London, to let out a use for him. Hind hearing this, took an occasion to break off company, and causing a fire to be made in his chamber, began to study how he should compass this money; To take it from him upon the Read, he perceived was impossible, he having so many in his company, and he having none of his Associates about him; at last he resolved upon a way, and going to a skinner's shop, he bought a bear's Skin; and bringing it privately to his chamber, told the Chamberlain, he was not very well, and that he would go to bed; desiring him he might not be disturbed in his rest, for he had a great journey to ride to morrow, & that he must be stirring betimes. After the Chamberlain was departed, Hind began to busy himself about fitting of the bear's skin for the purpose; and lacing himself in it, he waited till he saw the Chamberlain carry in his supper; which as soon as he had done, and gone down stairs, our Bear enters into the committee-mans' chamber, which he seeing, his man and he ran out of the room down stairs, as if the Devil had been behind them. Now it fortuned, that there was a great Mastiff Dog belonging to the house, who seeing the Chamberlain go up stairs with the meat, followed him into the Committee man's chamber, was under the Table when Hind entered in that manner, who presently fell upon him, and catching hold by the nose of the Bear, did so lug and tug him, that do what he could he pulled him on his back, and with tugging him, it happened that he pulled the bear's head off, and Hinds face appeared; at which fight the Dog (as if he had been amazed to see it) suddenly left tugging him, and fell a barking at him; Hind being joyful he was so well rid of him, yet desiring to stop his mouth, took the shoulder of Mutton which stood on the Table, and set it down to him; which courtesy of the Bear, was very well accepted of by the Dog, and he was quickly silenced. Hind not forgetting what he had to do, seized upon the portmanteau, and, carrying it into his chamber, presently uneased himself; and taking the money out of it, and putting it into his own, hung it up in the chimney, and the bear's skin by it. The Committee▪ man and his servant coming down stairs, told the man of the house (who was fuddling with the rest of his countrymen) that as he sat at supper, either the Devil, or a Bear, came into his chamber, and had frighted him from it; at which the Host wondered, but the countrymen laughed; and going up with him to his chamber, they neither saw Bear nor Devil, but the Dog, who by that time had almost filled his belly with the meat, and was a picking of the bone, which his neighbours seeing, one of them being a notable malignant, said, We are like to have our State well governed, when they choose those for Committee-men that know not a Dog from a Bear. So his neighbours thinking he had been mistaken, went down and left him. The Committee-man being hardly come to himself after his fright, desired his Host he might have another chamber provided for him, and bade his man take his things up, and carry them along with him; but when he came to gather them together, he missed his portmanteau, wherein was all his Money and his Writings, which made him begin to threaten his Host, telling him, he brought it into the house, and he should bring it forth: He told him, If it had been committed to his custody, he would have made it good to him; but now there was no way for him, but to go to lily, and inquire which of his Devils was abroad that night, for certainly one of them must have it. The Committee-man seeing himself thus jeered, sent for a Constable, and caused the house to be searched, which they did; and coming to Hinds Chamber, they looked about there too, but to little purpose; and seeing there was no hopes of finding his portmanteau, he went supperless to bed for grief, punishing his carcase for the loss of his money. In the morning Hind gets up very early, and his horse being ready saddled and bridled, he came up into his Chamber, and for the committee-mans' satisfaction, writ these Verses, and lest them upon the Table.  

Those that forsake their friends to save their purse,  
May they be served as thou hast been, or worse;  
Good company hereafter ne'er decline,  
But love good-fellowship; lest that the Coin,  
For which thou carp'st, and takest so much care,  
Be again taken from thee, by the Bear.    
FINIS.