A Second Edition OF THE NEW ALMANAC For the Year 1656. OR, THE Nocturnal Revised: Being Annotations upon the late Mercurius Aëro-machus.  
Wherein that Author, or the Printer for him, which is all one, was very rightly mistaken, when he Entitled the same A RELIATION OF Strange and wonderful Sights seen in the Air on the first of January last, at the time the Moon was in the Eclipse.  
The truth whereof, if any man doubteth, it is but airing his Horse in a morning or so, as far as Selby in Yorkshire, which is scarce an 150 miles off, where the print of the Horses feet are still to be seen in the Sky.  
Together with an huge Compasse-window Rainbow, seen that night at Jackdaw-ood, in the same County; where the Echo of the Drums and Trumpets remain visibly to be heard to this day.  
Being likewise Communicated in a Letter to a Friend, with an Epistle Dedicatory at the end of the Book.  
LONDON, Printed in the Year, 1656.   

The Printer to the Reader.  
Gentle Reader.  
THe nimble airy Mercury, having gotten the start of our Commentator, that he could not be bound up with him; not knowing whether his treatise may ever come to your hands, for the better understanding of the Following premises, I thought fit to give you in this page, in stead of the Actors names, a brief account of the story, without Interlarding, especially of those more remarkable passages, which are Anatomised and held forth in this Lecture.  
On Tuesday the first of january last, between 7 and 8 of the clock at night, the Moon being then in the Eclipse, the air very cold, but no wind at all stirring: The Author of that relation, with divers other spectators, discovered in the air, towards the Northwest, a certain stream or cloud, in form and colour like a Rainbow, which first passing away, there arose from the earth a bright and fiery pillar, standing strait up, but not very high: above this fiery pillar, there appeared a darkish cloud, out of which came a great company of Horse and Foot, the which in a little time, were form into a mighty army: so complete for order, and other things, that the beholders, though many of them soldiers, said, They never saw the like, and here you must be sure to remember, that a Minister, in a marginal note of the book, telleth you, that he being a hanger on at that scuffle, verily thought that the form of Battalia, resembled that of Naseby-field, as he remembreth to have seen the same set forth in maps: Those Gentlemen, having taken their seats, at the same time there appeared in the East another great army of Horse and Foot: the which came out of the Earth as the former, but without the prologue of a pillar, and a cloud, They being not willing to go to the charge  
The Eastern army was greater in number, and bigger in bulk of body, than the other, but not so comely to sight, nor any commander in chief therein nor somany field officers as the others had, who besides, inferior Captains, had a General much like to the Sun: riding before them] Both the armies marched one towards another, but it was observed, the Northwest, [being perhaps a flying army went much faster, and met the other the better half way being met, there happened a very formal and mortal battle between them, but in conclusion; the North west army beat the other out of the field, and yet durst not keep it all night, themselves for fear of an ambush, but went off too, And all this happened in a little more, then half an hour, and it is to be remembered, that when the Northwest army, went off, the Prisoners that were taken, were plainly seen amongst them, this sight is said to have been seen at wistoo near Selby in Yorkshire.  
The same Night was seen a Rainbow too, at Hull.  
Also at Cawood, the same night, the like to all this was discovered by a Company, who were viewing the Eclipse of the Moon: One of them being more quicksighted than any of the rest, First spying the Armies in the Air: shown them afterward to his fellows; According to the old proverb, One fool makes many.   

THE LETTER.  
SIR!  
BY the slender Ticket I bring with me for my admittance, you will easily perceive, how readily presumptuous I am to intrude upon your more serious affairs, it being only the enclosed printed paper; whose report, if in its passage up at first it blew the horn, or hath since reflected hence by other means unto you, I beseech you to pardon this absurdity, and then impute the reason of my sending, to be a desire of knowing; whether this have any better credit with you, then that of vagrant same alone; or of the no less impudent Press, which though no gadder abroad itself, hath still standing by it those vomitum absorbentes, as the Painter feigned of the Poet, such as are ready to lick up any thing, and all it casteth forth, that nothing be lost: Not knowing where to find the Author, who perhaps is fallen sick, poor man, with the fright he took; and therefore had not need be disturbed with questioning] I have presumed to trouble you for my satisfaction, who I suppose may be able to give some certain account thereof, if any such be to be expected; since I find it, if not acted in, yet forged for your own meridian; the very town, if I mistake not, where some of your friends in the North dwell, and where they say this Terrible big-bellied-Trojan-horse Cloud disburdened itself, and afterwards packed up again, and went off with a very orderly retreat. As yet I must confess I esteem it but what the Author himself, without correction, hath Entitled it, A RELIATION indeed; that half-piked letters [though he intended to smother the business; for fear it should be challenged again] which he took up after the field was fought, being in my judgement not redundant, but necessarily inserted, whereby that word alone is rendered true, and all the whole Book besides one great continued Erratum; which if so, the very Contempt thereof is punishment enough for such a forgery; Yet This fellow hath thereby so disturbed, and moved the air, that I cannot keep a Windmill I have in my head from running Sallengers round, a while with it; but being yet at liberty, I should be loath to immure myself, as needs I must, between two walls; If I should undertake to decide the nicety of the point in general (waving in all respects the present Relation) whether Apparitions of this nature, have indeed so much reality in them, as that of their very apparency, or no, there being not more confident maintainers on the one side, then obstinate opposers on the other; and therefore I shall decline the same, and confine myself to sit close upon the skirts of my Author, making some proper Annotations upon my present Don Quixot.  
First then, that there might be no stop in proceed, but that without sus-spending your belief, you may be ready to Join issue with him, he telleth you he was present himself, an eyewitness of the combat; and I think, with some small necessary alteration, I might add for him what his own modesty would not permit him to utter; viz. that great brag of Aeneas to Dido, in his story to her of the sack of Troy. Et quorum pars tota fui.  
But he was present, yes that he was, I will maintain it for him against any man; for he must needs be there, where he either saw or made this Tragedy: unless we will fond imagine the Seal can be absent from the Wax, while the impression is making; or that his Printer was drinking at the Alehouse, all the while his book was in hand: for my own part I shall easily believe him to have been present; And yet (if he aimed at that) think him never the more valiant; For though I assure myself the stoutest heart could not brook such a sight without some astonishment; yet I know no reason, but the shamefullest coward may stand by him too, cheek by jowl, with hazard little enough; however, certainly he was there, for we must not imagine, that these new raised Train-bands, of the Rare-Aërian-militia, would go to exercise themselves in their Artillery-garden without giving notice to their Cousin citts, that so they might, if they pleased, be Spectators.  
And thus far I have engaged my Author; and yet further, if honest probable contrivance, & selfdenying moderation, in what the Relator himself may be concerned, as sometimes it doth; I know no reason but it may here as well win upon our belief; for though the publisher (I will say that for him who ever he was) may be able no doubt to see as far into a millstone as another man, yet this Kitish Gipsy would not pretend to spy, or discover what these combatants did, until they were come clear out of the cloud; And then I hope it was as lawful for him to take a view of them at full, as another man, which if he did, as he saith, pace tua Domine. it was long of your eyes.  
Having thus far not only vindicated, but commended our Author; I hope for my good will towards him, it will not be expected I should answer for any of his after-failings, nor do I intent it; for I must needs confess, I cannot clear him in one particular of the contrivance, as to point of prudence, whereof perhaps he would purposely make no use, it being a Cardinal virtue; The matter is this: He fancied the Battalia form of the Armies he talketh of, to have resembled those real ones at Naseby field] An error I did not think he would have been guilty of, and for his credit's sake I would be loath any body else should take notice of, I much wondering how he could possibly hope, this Retrograde Prognosrication should any way take with the people, in foretelling them a thing from the sky, that had been already past more than ten years: And surely if Astrologers are judged to soar too high by some, who make the Stars a prophetical book, legible to judgements that way studied, yet this Revising Calculator to be sure erreth as much in defectu, who offereth to make them his post-book and Chronicle, only to register things already past, this in time might have been fairly provided for: If I had been of his counsel, I would have advised him to have winked at the business a while, and have let the skirmishers fought on till the 12 of June, and then a body might have had somewhat to say for him; That probably, the departed slain on both sides, were anniversarily allowed weapons on that day, to renew the memory of their Combat. I will urge this slip no more upon the publisher, it being more pardonable in him: But that the reverend Rabbi MANASSEH BEN ISRAEL too, should be found not only accessary, but principal in this foul mistake, is a thing whereby I humbly conceive He hath deserved to have his whole nation barred out of England, and that he should consent to have his folly hung up in the margin, like a head and purtenance, is such a desire of being taken notice of, I believe would set even the grave men of Gotham themselves, into a very dangerous irrecoverable laughter. That all things might have been answerable, I once thought to have had this man in my margin too, but then I intended to have had him drawn at length in his own proper colours; in a pied Coat, and such a like Sophister's Cap, with his worthy observation written in a scroll coming out of his mouth. Sir! your ingenuous confession, that you only make the comparison as it lieth in the Map, not pretending you were at the fight yourself, to have blown the coals. I approve of, and no man blameth you for your study of praelic-graphical maps, or that accurate Posture-Lexicon; where we have the same man in several places, shouldering, loading, resting, priming, and discharging his musket; no man blames you for this, it being requisite, that while so many soldiers in this later age have turned preachers, that some of these should go over and fill up their ranks, that so in time, if so it come to pass, all on both sides may be found to have changed station. It being better so, for aught I know, then being shuffled into one pack of milito-praedicant Clergy, or praedico-militant Soldiery: nor can any impute to you as a Seer, your itching desire of beholding this Ran counter. All this was well enough, but since you would needs have all things Hieroglyphical, nay and the very form of the Battle too: Yet sure it had been more consonant, especially for You, to have patterned the resemblance of the Battalia ex Sparta tua by some other Armies which the pillar and cloud, you all agree was there, might well have minded you of, but now to the Book itself.  
This sight he telleth you was seen the first of January.] And now Janus his gates are thrown of the hinges, and we are like to have a mad new year, which thus beginneth with fight for we must not think it will end thus. for if the weathermongers' rule hold true, that a jury of holy-days are summoned every year to give up their verdict of the following months; whether guilty or not of fair weather, whose corn, upon what ground I know not, they measure by their own bushel, than I say, Rawhead and bloody bones, we must look for terrible do all next July, that being the seventh month, as well as new year's day the seaventh feast from Christmas; but again I must remember you this first of January fell then on a Tuesday; for this tale would not have been so proper if it had had fallen on another day, it being very requisite Mars his puppet play, should be acted on his own holiday. Besides, it falling out so pat at that time of year; In my opinion it may pass for the prettiest piece of Enthusiastic Mummery, that ever was invented, to entertain the time in a Christmas Gamboile.  
The Author goeth on. Between 7 and 8 of the Clock at night,] He is somewhat too precise in the time, which might give occasion to some to think it a plotted business, but I am none of those, For indeed I hold his discretion commendable therein, who judged that such an antic mask as this, would show much better by owl-light. and therefore intending to have only a few wax candles and a torch or two to show by, it is observed that after be had lighted them up, it being only a private acting, that he put out the Moon taking her by the heels; and holding her head a while under water, in the ducking pond, making them who stood by believe she was burnt out and eclipsed in a snuff, there is a further reason why so late; Sed de hoc vide plura infra.  
There appeared saith he in the air] Our relator I see is a very fair gamester, and may be trusted another time, for though there was nobody there but himself to eye him, yet he scorned to deal foul, playing all above board, up in the air high enough to be sure, he need not fear any body should look in his hand, for which perhaps he had a private reason to himself, having been formerly, if same belie him not, burnt at sessions for forging of debentares:  
But again In the air] And why not I pray; you that giggle and fleer so at this? you would be loath in a winter night when you sit poring in the chimney corner, and frame Chimaeras to your self out of the fire, that any body should contradict what you protest you see there, while the night mare is upon you and the resemblance holdeth strong; and why then must this man be denied his Vis Plastica? being a man of very choice parts that way, as I presage will hereafter be judged of him, when his body cometh to be begged for an anatomy; why then must he I say be denied either the power, only berty, of forming to himself what fights he pleaseth, of horse, foot, arms etc. out of the other Element? and truly in my opinion this master of the ceremonies deserveth the monopoly better than any other, few besides himself being able to have marshaled all things in such excellent equipage as he hath done.  
There appeared in the Air what? A certain stream or cloud ìn ferme and colour like a rainbow] who can tell what to make of this? A certain stream or cloud? and only like a rainbow? he ascertaineth nothing, and yet if it reached from one end of the air unto the other, as probably it did, I shall not doubt to affirm for him it was a mere Cross-bow.  
This passing away there arose etc. the prologue being over, the play beginneth, enter the military pageant; but by the way hence may be collected that his warriors were but poor spirited men, or but meanly accoutred with defensive arms that they durst not come upon the stage until The coast was clear, you had like to have seen none of them, unless the bow be first removed (call and hang if you will) although it was certain there was no body there but the man In the moon to shoot it of:  
But now they hunt full mouth, having started the hare: There arose from the earth saith our Author a bright and fiery pillar; on the top of this pillar was seen a cloud, out of this cloud came forth a long et cetera of horse; foot, cannon, arms and what not? he now that thinketh these words are all to be understood, literally, I assure him will find himself very much deceived. for Ut similes haheant labra lactucas I am resolved somnium in somnio requiretur, to have my dream and vagary as well as he; not caring though I thereby entangle the. business so much the more, having provided as mad a comment for so mad a story: The truth of the matter than was This, the relator having nothing else to do, in an odd mood, observing his time, when the Moon was na pping, went and transferred Lets wife from the plains of Sodom, placing her more advantageously upon a rising hill in Yorkshire; this is meant by his pillar, where when he had fixed her, looking a while, and peering very wishfully upon her as e'er Pygmalion on his statue; at length Horrendum dictu from under her black hood, which he very subtly termed a cloud, this muster-master General espied these brave aerian duelists come crawling forth: nor doth it any way hinder this exposition, that the Author expressly saith this pillar was on fire, for we must know it is not said to be so in respect of matter, as the common sort, may be apt to take it, but in respect of the form thereof; in that it went pointing and spiring up like a flame, that so, let the matter have been what it would, yet still it might have been called fiery in respect of the Pyramidal form thereof; but to satisfy the further contentious I am resolved it was and shall be so as I have said and though I should grant them it were true and real fire. yet according to the rate that I intended to expound this treatise, it may stand well enough for salt too, and what is that to them, if the Author be content, to whom I think I have done a courtesy, since such stories as these use not to pass sine grano salis and unless we allow him some seasoning for his fiery pillar it would presently go out in igne 〈◊〉  
Thus much for the Learned: But that other people too may have somewhat for their money, I shall suppose the Rise to have been this: For we must know, That all fictions are built upon some Fundamental truth] Our Author as I understand, having been well warmed with a long wound mornings draught, which held him till two in the afternoon, laid himself down upon the bed, where slumbering away some two or three hours, at last he fell into a sound sleep; but being wakened on a fuddain, with a mighty noise over his head above in the Garret, he lay still and hearkened; but being much afraid, and judging the tumult rather to increase, he got him up, and went and raised the town, when having] The constable with them, they stole up stairs, to see what was the matter; being come to the door, they heard such a confused noise of scratching, squeaking, grinning, mauwing, etc. that they could not possibly devise, what should be the business: Having first demanded, yea and tried to have forced an entrance, as themselves give out, to excuse their fullness of Courage, finding the door fast barricadoed up, and all the crannies stuffed with well tempered ratsbane, they went up another pair of stairs, into the three-peny room, being resolved to see the fight what ever it cost; where when they were come, they untiled the top of the house, when looking down after all these pains these Skeptics saw the mortalest battle, that ever was sought between a company of North-westerne Cats, (whose feet were shod with Wallnut-shells, which caused the great noise) And an unruly rout of North-east Rats, which, as they truly report (for fear will make a man glad to say any thing) were much bigger than their Antagonists▪ But to be short, the Cattae (being a very warlike people, who give the lion rampant for their arms, being allowed by the Heralds so to do, for that as is found upon record, their Ancestor was spitten out of his mouth) and fight also in a just cause, to recover the Empery, nature had conferred on them over the other quickly subdued, and drove them all into a mousehole: This latter opinion I rather incline to, for that I find it giveth light to the decision of a former question viz. What that stream or cloud in form and colour like a Rainbow should be, which we were fain to stubber over before it was no other than the beam that went cross the room where they fought; Which being in a Gentleman's house, was painted all over of a light red colour: only here and there a streak of green and white, and other colours, even as pleaseth the Painter; you may laugh at this now if you please: but I assure you as well skilled in Hors-flesh, as the best of you are; the beam being arched, and coloured, as it was, you might have been deceived thereby, as well as our Author. The next thing we observe unto you is the great Number of both armies.  
Several companies of Horse and Foot, etc.] Now if any man on purpose to cavil, after so manifest conviction should yet peevishly examine, how so many regiments of Horse and Foot, carriage, Baggage, Ammunition, & all Habiliments of war, necessary to the furnishing forth a royal army, for a pitched field) could all be contained, & lie dormant, like Jack in a box under so little a Hovel as the Cloud he speaketh of, which in reason could not be very big, since being fixed on the pillar, it would well nigh have obscured the same; it being not very high, which yet was not so?) Our relator, hath herein to answer for himself, for aught I know, what a former Brother of his cloth was feign to make use of, when having confidently reported here at home, that beyond sea there were Bees as big as Hogs, & yet the hives no bigger than here in England; being thereupon demanded, how it was possible those swinish bees could get in or out those hivish sties; flearingly replied, Nay let them look to that; But not to put you off with a flame, nor yet to tell you the clouds are made of stretching Leather, whosoever giveth credit to the story of the Platter-faced Cabbage, which I hope we all do, who are not quite out of love with that Beef-sauce-budget-root dish, can no way doubt of the truth of this; since, for aught we know, the pillar was hollow, and where I pray then is the impossibility? This cloud on the top of the pillar, being then but as a round hole in the floor of a theatre, whereat there being through vaults underneath, all the men in the city might come up, If there were room as here there was to be sure the whole air being allowed them, for their Randezvous: But to leave no scruple, and fetch the author of clear, without ransom, what will you say If I can prove, they all came out of a much lesser place than the Cloud? And that is out of the Relators own noddle, the truth hereof if any man doubteth, I will undertake for your two pence a piece, Come when you will, you shall see him send forth ten times as many more; give him leave to whiff but a little Spanish first, which is but reason and then you shall plainly perceive the Pillar and Cloud he talketh of, were no other, but the lighted Tobacco-pipe he held in his hand: while at the same time he blew the Smoke out of his mouth.  
This pillar and cloud it is said, came out of the earth] out of the earth? hold a little: oh oh 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, to the tune of Joy come to thee old Dick, I have now found who these gentlemen should be: do you not remember, how at the beginning of these times there was much talk, of great numbers of papists and malignants, who were training themselves under ground, for a design, which but some five men knew of, who had been dead fifty years before? and though some few foolhardy infidels of that age, would not suffer themselves to be gulled into a belief thereof, yet the event now hath proved it too true; These were the men: but then a grand doubt will arise how our author brought these blades to his lure; for that side being wholly defeated, whose part they were to have taken, they grew sullen and intended never to have come out at all, And to think of forcing them was an idle enterprise, especially the Caves' mouth where they went in being altogether unknown, but our Author was no fool, for he had a trick for this too, which he formerly learned when he was apprentice to a wine Couper, who have a pretty art, by knocking their knuckles on a wine vessel to tell whether it be empty or not, and more than that, can force out the liquor into another vessel, without ever broaching, or pouring it forth at the top; well then Our Author having formerly satisfied himself, where their Centre was, which he accidentally discovered seven years ago, when he was fast sleeping on the ground, by a palpable noise which he heard in the room underneath him, which he kept to himself: But now on the first of January betimes in the morning; having received an express from his Socio-forger in the North east army, for between these two used to pass intelligence] that they were already upon the borders, and intended to be that night, at the place appointed between them for battle. This wine-Couper as I told you, taketh his Gamlock-pipe And goeth to his old Molehill where he had formerly slept, claweth of the bung with both hands And thrusting in his instrument a good way down into the earth, which he found hollow, being a good-smith-bellow-lunged Ruccinator, He sent such a thundering Alarm, into those low subterraneous caverns, That ne detur Vacuum, as the old books have it. But I rather, think for that they could not possibly endure his stinking breath came bolting up, in order as they stood next these brave warrior's Lees and all, not so much as a Landabrides being left behind; and here you must call to mind that all this was not done till between 7 and 8 at night, for which I promised to give you a further reason: Our Author would be loath to be found guilty of his slip, who made Hercules bring up Cerberus from Hell at noon day, when being un-used to the light, that Tripleheaded, and so consequently Twelve legged cur, stumbled three times every step he went, and was ready to knock at least one of his Chops against every post he met; this was a pretty tolerable fore cast,  
One guess more what Creatures these parties should be, & I have done: It being in the air where they fought, I believe they were no other than two great swarms of bees, striving for the propriety of some Rosemary hang growing on a wall, in the Relators garden: And if we take it thus, we must understand, that the pillar and cloud from whence they came, were no other, than the Hive and candle burning in it, to show them the way out, it being then dark, And then too the Author might very well have entitled his story, The History of the Maccabees:  
All this were well enough: But did ever man talk more idly, when he telleth us of the approach of the armies each to other: It was observed saith he, that the North west army moved much swifter, and met the other more than half way: could he not be content to play the fool to himself, but he must needs pull passengers by the cloak with an It is observed, who otherwise might happily not have taken notice of his folly? for if there be any, he himself must bear the blame, since he brought the North west army in a coach to the place of battle, dropping them fresh and lusty out of his cloud as Chesse-men out of a bag and therefore no wonder if happily they were nimbler for a spurt then the other, who had come a long march that day, Having neither pillar nor cloud to ease them] in a direct line from the Antipodes, being feign to be their own pioners all the way: And yet for all his talk I believe if the truth were known, neither army had the ball of the other, nor perhaps the goal, but that the Relator out of great partiality gave them both to the Northwest Army; For though I know no reason, but he ought to have stood equally affected; They being both alike, his own offspring, yet ever since the declaratory Bull of the old Parliament against neutrality, he is resolved to be of one side or other, and take to a Faction, although in a Fiction.  
The Eastern Army had no Commander in chief, but the Northwest had, and him a gallant person, like the Sun] Mounted upon a dark brown Barbary Pegasus, who having a Scymitar in one hand, and a Caemiterium in the other, to bury therein all he should kill, road up to the front of the enemy, and fought there all the while, which was I conceive a chief cause the other were beaten, fight at very great disadvantage, having the Sun in their faces.  
The fight continued half an hour] How, no longer? I wonder where this fellow got the nack of dispatching businesses of this nature in such a trice: What! Table spread? guests come? a running banquet? all either eaten or pocketed up, and then the Bells rung backward, Cloth taken away! Company gone! yea and room swept too, that no body can tell any body was there, and all this in less than an hour? Sure this was a rare Engineer: Ovid! why he was a fool to him in this kind. What a strange circuit doth he fetch to bring in his simple tale De fratribus denti-natis? First we must hear a tale of a Cock and a Bull, in which last shape (a likely matter) Jove beareth away Cadmus' sister; and we, as if we had nothing else to do, must go seek her with him, till at last we find her in the shape of a Cow; it was a wonder, having been so long away, she had not a Calse by her side too: And then again, after many more preambles, trots, gallops, and now and then a Parenthetical hedge and ditch to take over, at length he bringeth us to the place where Cadmus was to fight with the Serpent, which me thinketh, if the Poet would have done any thing for him, he might have got knocked down ready to his hands: However with much ado, he and Cadmus together make a shift to kill the Dragon, and having boned his jaws, he persuadeth this Wiseacres to sow the ground with the teeth, which having done, he rocketh him asleep in a cradle till harvest, where he might have snoared till this time, but that he was wakened with a very strange confusion, His new crop of corn being fallen together by the ears, and so continued threshing one another a pretty space in his sight, till a strong gale of wind laid them all one way; for that Cadmus' eloquence did it I will never believe: he might well have spared some of this Preface, and not have omitted as he hath done, because he could not get them into Verse, some more remarkable passages, which yet I am sure are as true as most of the rest; As that this Fray went afterwards by name of the battle of Cock-all; and that thereupon Cadmus instituted that ancient Olympic game called Scale-pins, in memory of nine of those gallants Lads, who were placed by themselves as a reserve, in such admired posture, that look which way you would, rank, file, or cross, they still were seen three, three and three, all Dactyle feet, like the beginning of the first verse in Virgil, Ty-ty-re-tu-pa-tu-lae-re-cu-; which goodly order they maintained, till an hand- Granado, Anglice a Bowl, unfortunately lighting among them, tipped them all down at once. I could have shown this Poet a shorter cut; for if he must needs have his men without either flesh or blood, for the more likelihood of the story, and better enduring the shock of the battle, he might but have gone to one or two of our London Teeth-chandlers, & have taken whole bushels of this Bone-seed upon his word, or at most there needed but a deed of bargain and sale have passed between them, which might very properly have begun with the usual form of This Indenture, etc. This had been the nearer way; for then being ready strung, rank and file, to his hands; he needed but have sent them into the lists, they having a long time stood ready drawn, expecting when the word should have been given: But what do we talk of him for! Our Author I am sure would have taken this course, if he had intended any such mockery: But he thanketh you, he will not be persuaded to venture his teeth to Dantzick in hopes of I know not what return, nor yet to bury them alive in the earth, before he goeth thither for good and all; as much doubting, I cannot blame him, whether ever they might spring up again. But if he must needs sow before reap, he is for a crop of Mushrooms, somewhat that will come up again quickly, all in a night, that he may be sure of his breakfast the next morning; And this method he useth in This invention. But that you may know I am as good at it as he, I will contract all in a less compass, and yet put in somewhat that he left out, Our Landlord then, on the first of the last January, having been very melancholy many days before, and sworn to see somewhat that night, what ever came of it; between 7 and 8 a night, having cleared his eyesight, and thickened his common sense with a good round Boul of muddi-cappado, he steppeth me forth from the fire side into his yard, where having seated himself upon a three-storied horse-block, which stood just by the pales; the air being very cold, that he could not possibly stay long out, presently by the word of command, starteth out a pillar from under the earth, as nimbly as ever Hiccius doctius out of Hocus Pocus cap: on the top of this pillar was seen a Cloud, out of this Cloud came forth an innumerable company of Soldiers, who being all in a trice set in order, without any speech at all made by the General to encourage them, they march towards another army, which were seen coming on from an opposite quarter; straight they meet, encounter, rout, kill, vanish, and all is well again; why now! is not this better than to beheld in suspense as long as a man hangeth in chains? To be racked with tedious expectation? to be fed with news like Apes, a bit and a knock? As this day came intelligence of a great defeat given by our forces to the enemy: next Post telleth us of numerous Recruits come to their Camp, whereby we are never the near; and so the whole year spendeth, sometime our own, sometime the enemy's Army declining engagement. What foolish dallying is this? Is this man-fighting? or not rather child-play? For my part, If when we are well we cannot be content, let us go to it quickly, agree who shall cut first, fight it out as these lads did, and so the last man take all: You are like to hear no more of these men I dare say, for our Author is no Cunctator Fabius, get the better who could, for he would not build any Castles in the air for either side to retreat to; and truly for my part, if such a thing must needs be, I am of of our Author's mind, The sooner over, the better; for though this Bear-heard did not well indeed to set these people together by the ears, yet he somewhat mended the matter, in stepping in with his Jacobs-staffe so soon as he did, and parting them: but then again, he did very ill, to report as he doth, that one side had so much the better of the other: For I spoke with two or three of the North-east Army, who say, that though they seemed indeed at first to be worsted, Their noses being more subject to bleeding then other men's, yet they made no question, as having, they were sure, the longer breath, but to have beaten the other in the end, would this spectator but have let them alone; which if I had been He, they should never have feared: But the truth is, there was somewhat in the wind with our Author, though he very cunningly would seem to anticipate any such, objection in laying down, There was then no wind at all stirring, yet he being very much afraid at the horrible product of his own fancy, having sufficiently Atkinized himself at this General Training, he was glad to lay the spirits, and hush all up again in quiet; in which sweet pickle, marvel not that I leave him, and have no more to do with him.  
And now put all this together: The unheard of approach, and unexpected arrival, of these forces, being never before so much as dreamt of; The causlessnesse of their quarrel, who for aught we yet hear, It being then Eclipse, fought only as they say for Moonshine: The place of combat in another guise ground then Calais sands, up in the air: A brave open Country; The certain cruelty of their fight shooting Stars against one another as fast as hopps, and making all the kennels in via Lactea, run with blood; And yet at last, which is the wonder of all, The Harmless Conclusion of the whole, it being more than probable, there was never a man Killed? And then tell me, If ever you heard of such a Tragae-Comoediall Romance  

THE POSTSCRIPT.  
SIR!  
YOu may see, though I say it; That I have been very merciful to these Armies, having only culled a passage, or two out of every Regiment, and made them ride the Wooden-Horse; For a terror to the rest, All of them having deserved to be hanged for fight without Order from the Council of War: It had been very easy for me to have enlarged my Commentary, but that I have exceeded my Author's Volume: But by this taste you may perceiv, what a rare subject this would have been, if some Learned Wiredrawer, or more refined neat-fingred Spinster would have pleased to have taken it in hand: For I will say that for our Author, and a fig for him, Though he be no very good worker up; yet he can cut out more in one hour then ten Journeymen are able to perfect in a month, or perhaps ever make good. Vale.    

A List of some Officers names, of the North-east Army, who were taken Prisoners by the enemy, for though the relator saith they had no Officers at all: Yet we are to take no great heed to that: Nor do I charge a direct falsity herein, upon our Author, for we cannot reasonably imagine how he should well discern them from common Soldiers: or indeed from any thing else, at so great a distance; And that there were some taken Captives; Himself expressly declareth.  
INprimis, Major General Wagstaffe, not he that danced the Coranto last, care in the West: nor any thing of Kin to him.  
Lieutenant Colonel Shakespeare. A very redoubted Commander.  
Mounsieur Through-Goe-Nimble: A French man, General of the Horse; Who Charged three times (After the rate of of ten Mile an hour,) Through all the Northwest Cavalry.  
Splay-foot, Ten-toes Colonel of a Regiment of foot.  
Peter Gunner, Master of the Ordnance:  
Captain, OF la mort Taken in the heat of the fight; Having been sent the Night before, with an express: And not as yet returned; to give notice of the near approach of the armies; And to hasten the coming up of some Forces: who were already drawn out in Battalia; In the place, where the Battle was sought.  
Ensign Scot, a Welsh man.  
One Major Spruce. A young Gallant who came thither to have his hair powdered, and get holes boared in his ears.  
Our Author himself too, in the rear, being Secretary General to a Corporal of Dragoones; But since had his liberty for reporting the business, so much to the advantage of his Enemies; As he doth in his relation.  
All these, together with several other The same Persons, whose names are not yet certified; Are now Close prisoners, In Concavo Lunae.   

The Epistle Dedicatory.  
To his Honoured Friend— in Cambridge.  
RUmpatur quisquis, etc. I am resolved with your leave, to have my own way in doing here as I do; for though some may think me mad for giving such hold against myself, in case the Relator should reply; who perhaps will indite me of false Heraldry, for laying Epistle upon Epistle, (as I remember I once heard him argue the case very learnedly with a Carpenter, who was making a Wicket in the middle of a great Gate) or which is as bad, send some Pedagogue with his ferula in his hand, to challenge me with a false Position, in placing this concluding Preface, in manner as I have done; yet I fear him not, let him do his worst: Be you Sir pleased to accept of it vultu annuente, it being made, I assure you, while I myself was nodding, inter sleeping & waking, neither one nor other; which you will the rather believe by what followeth, having, I protest unto you, been once such a fool as to dream, I must needs be reciting this May-game in your Schools at the next ensuing Act: And that you may know I tell you no tale, I still remember some of the Compellatorie Introduction, me thoughts I then used, which here you have. Reverendissime Procancellarie, cum toto doctoratus satellitie, hî ovium, caprorum illic, in utramque manum assidentium. Patres, viri, juvenésque Academici, and so wishing them all good rest, I proceeded; Mihi diutius excogitanti, qualem ansam, solennitatem vestram excipere, arrepturus essem, arrisit tandem Novus noster Gallobelgicus, quae nunc in toto notissima fabu●a coelo est: And then propounding my question, which you know I must of necessity do, some one or other, I took this, Omne gliscens non est aurum; made use of my Author as a medium, and so went on ut supra, animadvertizing upon his relation, Licet non omnino secundum sormam statuti, which forbiddeth all Anglicismes: Mine therefore being almost every word English, and yet I assure you, for those two or three Tipps of the other Neats-tongue, which you find therein, it had like never to have seen the light, if the zealous Stationer who printed the other, could have helped, it being a main reason why he refused to put forth this too himself, whereof I afterward understood the cause; for that he being a Fifth-monarchie man, could not away with the language of the Fourth. I never intended to have printed it at all, but that it being Termtime, there was never a Scrivener, or Lawyer's Clerk in Town at leisure to write it out. (The Relator, if you see him, perhaps will tell you this was a lie to his knowledge, but believe him not) And for mine own part, I think it no shame to profess, I can neither write nor read, so that it could not be otherwise engrossed. Vale.  
From my House near Strand-bridg Jan. 26. 1656.  
FINIS.