A Dialogue or accidental discourse Betwixt Mr. Alderman Abel, and Richard Kilvert, the two main Projectors for Wine, and also Alderman's Abel's wife, etc.  
Containing their first manner of their acquaintance, how they began to contrive the Patent itself, how they obtained it, and who drew the patent.  
Also in what state they now stand in, and how they accuse and rail at each other with invective speeches, etc.  
With the manner and fashion how Projectors and Patentees have rod a Tilting in a Parliament time, etc.  
A Patent for Wine   two men, one holding a scroll 
Printed also in the same year of grace. 1641.   

A Dialogue or accidental discourse betwixt Mr. Alderman Abel, and Mr. Richard Kilvert, two main Projectors, etc.  Kilvert. 
MAster Alderman Abel, as I take it.  Abel. 
And you Mr Richard K●lvert, or I much mistake myself; good morrow.  Kilu. 
The like to you: and I hope we may live to see many good days hereafter, and though neither of us have need much to complain of the Time that's past; yet who knows but the future may prove better than the former, and that's a thing which I think both you and I, in our own particulars, most aim at. O master Alderman, I have been a great guest to your house, I remember you kept then the Ship Tavern behind old Fish street.  Abel 
I did indeed, honest Mr. Kilvert, and I thank God I got a good estate there by retailing of wine, and by chance in digging a vault near my seller, I found some what which the world shall never know of, if I had not found some hidden Treasure in that Cardinal's seller, I had never come to wear this gold chain, with my thumbs under my girdle: and why are men sparing in their youth, but to get an estate there by to spend the more freely in their age? But I pray Master Kilvert, what course do you now take? or what Calling do you profess or use?  Kilu. 
Who I master Alderman, I do use no Calling, for money comes into me without Calling or either bawling for: I tell you I study the seavenliberall Arts, and am well versed in them all, but especially in Logic and Arethmetick, I have them ad unguem, I will tell you, I will never be ashamed of it, I have now got so much craft, that I excel in cunning. The Theory and Practice are both mine own, nay I am so well instructed in both, that I dare profess myself a Teacher in either.  Abel. 
Why, were you ever of any University?  Kilu. 
What tell you me of an University? There are company of poor Scholars, and suffer Ballads to be made of them, alas, the height of their ambition is to be become some Schoolmaster, or else some Vshe in a School to teach children to wright. I profess myself to be of the Uniting, that's the World; and a Discipline that the Academy was never acquainted with all.  Abel. 
As how master Kilvert? I ever preferred the one Art of getting and keeping, above all the seven liberal Sciences, for though prodigality be sooner ●ave at ●…en parsimony, yet it is no way so profitable in my opinion: give me that Learning, which lines the bag, and that Rhetoric that makes a rattling pocket.  Kilu. 
I sir, (and I speak in your ears while you have them) no matter by what indirect means the purchase comes, so we may compass the possession, that they say, is eleven points in Law: what care I who the Plaintiff be, so I the Defendant can maintain the fu●te with his money: These are the rules that guide me, and the principles in those Arts I profess. I am waited upon three or four hours in a morning before I rise by divers Gentlemen to solicit their business; and will not move a foot unless I have three or four weighty pieces given me for a fee, judge and justice like, for I had ever anitching palm, my Clients ever feed me largely, those pieces made me speak Louder in the justice's ears, for I knew I should not be justice long.  Abel. 
I should be glad to be your Scholar, and make no doubt but in small time to prove a good proficient: But I pray master Kilvert what use make you of your Logic?  Kilu. 
I le tell you master Alderman: By Logic I can wrangle with Worth, entangle Truth, make a bad cause good, or a good cause bad: nay more, I can prove Chalk to be Cheese.  Abel. 
As how, I pray you?  Kilu. 
As thus, that which is white is Cheese, now Chalk is white as Cheese is white: Ergo Chalk is Cheese.  Abel. 
But was ever any so mad as to take Chalk for Cheese?  Kilu. 
O yes, I myself before I came to serve my first master, have come into an Alehouse and called for Cheese to my break fast, and having then no money to pay for't, my Hostess hath been forced to score it up, and so she hath taken Chalk for Cheese.  Abel. 
You are pleasant M. Kilvert, but now to be more serious.  Kilu. 
Then thus, in steed of a Procurator, I am turned Promoter, and pry into the Laws both Civil and Common, where no Delinquency of any note can scape me: and whether the person that is questioned be a Peccant or no, if I be not pleased, he cannot scape thence unpunished, and by that means I have picked many a simple Clients pocket: and in the Arches from being a Servant, I am now become an Arch-Solicitor, and by that means have admittance into all the Courts of justice, where I have subordinate intelligencers, which I allow a groat a day throughout the year, that screw themselves into other men's causes, and afford me materials sufficient to work upon: now, when I have cast in my conceits to pick an hole in another man's Coat, or to find the least flaw by which I may overthrow him or his for tunes, then is my Spirits animated, my peticranion is employed to purpose, for my brain upon such an occasion is in the most able agitation: The very name of Kilvert makes men compound with my Client, if they do but hear that I have a finger in it, or relish the Cause.  Abel. 
'tis true, you have told me the matter, but not the means you work by.  Kilu. 
To that I was coming, (had you not interrupted me:) Then do I find out some one judge that hath bought his place at a dear rate, and he is easily corrupted, for as I have heard some of them say, (who died with a jest in his mouth) that if they buy dear, they must sell dear: For I always carry an Elixir about me, by which (if not quite fatuate) yet I can effascinate his senses.  Abel. 
As how I pray you Sir?  Kilu. 
As thus, I can whisper such a charm in his ear, as shall make him dear, save only to my ears: cast such a film over his eyes, as shall make him blind, to my benefit: Lay such a tye upon his tongue, as to temper it to fit mine own turn. The like power it hath over his Smell, Touch, and Taste; but folly it were in me to take away his feeling, for that is the principal verb, the primum mobile, the main wheel which moves the rest of the wheels.  Abel. 
And how?  Kilu. 
O, that by no means; for I must work upon that Subject, only to fool the other four Senses, for if a cause (be such) be not before felt, it will very difficultly after, be either heard or understood, and though opened as it ought to be, yet will not judge as it should be: and you know master Alderman an Ass laden with Gold may have admittance into the strongest Arcenal.  Abel. 
Master Kilvert, you are very witty, but proceed, I pray.  Kilu. 
First, you must put that into his hand, which may comfort his heart, or lay that under his cushion, which shall never trouble his Conscience: you know my mind. justice was wont (when her statue was to be figured) to be cut out of the whole stone, but in these days it must be made up from pieces. The spectacles they look through are not made of glass, but gold: and that you know is very sovereign for the sight: and they can see better with golden eyes then through the other brittle and more transparent mettle: did you never hear Bribo declined after the first Conjugation?  Abel. 
Never.  Kilu. 
I either read it in a Pamphlet or heard it in a Play) and as I can best remember myself, it was thus: Bribo, Bribe-asle (master Abel) Bribe-bravely, Bribe-and-I, Bribe-and-do, Bribe-and-Dumbe, Bribe-ba-tum, Bribe-ba-tu, Bribans; Bribe-at-your-house; thou understand me sir.  Abel. 
Yes, very well, I was once a Grammar Scholar myself.  Kilu. 
Then but observe this course (I have it by mine own Knowledge) your cause howsoever corrupt shall go on as currant and yourself appear to be as innocuous: as a Martin mounted in the air, a Duck dabbling in the Water, or an innocent Lamb of three score years and upwards.  Abel. 
I am much taken with your Discourse Mc. Kilvert, and I know you to be a most politic Projector, money is the matter we aim at, and profit the thing that we only pursue: We know what may be done. Now me thinks it at that we fix upon some Project to be done, and presently to have it put in practice: Those Patents for Cask and for Tobaco, and for Cards, and Dice, with divers others, have already past the Seal, but what new reach have you now by which to enrich us?  Kilu. 
Give me leave a little to recollect myself, hum, hum,— let me see, Mercers, Goldsmith, Drapers, Grocers, you are a Vintner, M. Alderman, what think you of a Monopoly or Patent for Wines, and for dressing of meat.  Abel. 
I do approve of the project exceedingly. But first tell me one thing Master Kilvert, are you a free man of our City?  Kilu. 
No indeed sir, but for some reasons best reserved to myself, I would I were.  Abel. 
Let me alone to procure that.  Kilu. 
And then let me alone to extract money out of your City mines; and drawit into our own purses.  Abel. 
And that's profitable projection: but Master Kilvert, in some things I would entreat you to take my vice (this cough doth so trouble me) my advice I should have said. Buy then your Freedom in the City, a small quantity of coin shall compass it, and in it you shall have my best favour and surtherance. Then, you have choice to be of what Company you most fancy: Which I could wish to be of the Vintners; of of which Society I am none of the meanest members. That done, I will bring you in to be one of our Livery, and in a short time to be made one of the Assistance; only you must be sworn is secrecy, and not to disclose any mystery belonging to our Trade, that may be talked on at the Table.  Kilu. 
To all these I shall subscribe unto freely. But what think you of my former motion, concerning the patent for Wine.  Abel. 
Indeed you now come close to me, and talk with me in mine own element.  Kilu. 
I know you Mr. Alderman to be a man every way Abel, join but your purse with my policy, and if I procure you not a Patent, think me to be a mere paltry fellow, and not worth the name of a Projector: I am nane of those fellows which were borne in a Dul-age, nor do I dwell at Dul-age; I am accounted wiser than ever my father was.  Abel 
Then now Master Kilvert acquaint me freely with the project upon which we may ground the begging of this Patent.  Kilu. 
Marry thus we must first pretend both in the Merchant and Vintner some gross abuses, and these no mean ones neither: for the reforming and rectifying of which, we are Petitioners for this Patent. And that the Merchants shall pay to the King forty shillings upon every Tun ere he shall vent it to the Vintner: in lieu of which, that the Vintner may be no loser, he shall rarse the price also of his Wines, upon all French Wines a penny in the quart, upon all Spanish Wines two pence the quart: it is no matter how the Subject s●ffer, so we get and gain by it: Now to cover this our Craft (I will not say Cozenage) because all things of the like nature carry a pretence for the King's profit: so we will allow him a competent proportion of forty thousand pound per annum. When the power of the Patent being punctually executed, will yield double at least, if not triple that sum, and return it into the Coffers of the undertakers.  Abel. 
Let me hug thee my Kilvert; But who do you think to be the fittest man to draw this Patent to the purpose for fear of over sight or mistake?  Kilv 
Who but Mr. Low that lives in Great S. Bartholmews, one mightily ●ried up for his Chamber Counsel: Let him but have a sound feeling in the fist, and then fortune for the French, and fico for the Spaniard.  Abel. 
My delicate and dainty Kilvert, thou shalt ever hereafter be in my Books: and no sooner shall this Patent be signed and sealed, but for thy pains and advice, thou shalt have seven hundred pound in hand, and two hundred pieces per annum during the date of this Patent.  Kilu. 
Most sweet and well sounding Abel, every way able both in promise and performance: if I fail in the prosecuting of this Patent, may I perish, and suffer hereafter some exemplary punishment.  Abel 
But in all this, we never dreamt of a Parliament.  Kilu. 
Tush, fear not that, we must have some great men to have a feeling in the cause; and by that means bacl us: but you see the stream roars contrary: but say one were called, I am a man Parliament proof, and no Mounparsons.  Abel. 
But think you the Commons will not mutter and repine at this?  Kilu. 
Let the monster multitude murmur, what need we to care? being possessed of the Cash: Foxes and Crows far best, when they be cursed: and so I hope shall We: for when We shall sit in Commission, and have our Refferrées, Advisers, Sharers, Complotters and Contractors about us, with full power and authority to countenance them, whom need we fear, or be afraid of.  Abel. 
Mr. Kilvert, I honour thee before all the Feasts in our Hall, nay we are free Vintners, and brothers of the Quill, and are for the most part true Troyans', and know where to find the best Butts of Wine in the Seller, and will pierce them for thee, it shall be pure Wine from the Grape, not mixed & compounded, but real and brisk: you think there is no Brewers but such as ●ew Ale and Beer, I tell you we do brew and cunger in our Sellers, as much as any Brewer of them all, yea and without fire too, but so much for that. Me thinks I see myself in Cheap side upon an Horse richly caparisoned, and my two Shrieves to attend me: and me thinks thee in thy Capoch drawn by four horses, and shall call to thee, and say friend Kilvert, give me thine hand, etc.  Kilu. 
To which I shall answer, God bless your Honour my good Lord Mayor, etc.  
This and the like discourse at meeting, and compliment at parting, past betwixt them. What effect their Project took, is known to all, and with what power (without pity) they executed the fore of their Patent, what charge & trouble divers of the best Vintners about the Town were put too both by fines and commitments: The misery they suffered by the Medium Wines and the like: But now (God be praised) the Tide is turned: And since that Edict concerning the price of wines was published in print, bearing date, the twenty sixth day of May last past: wherein the aforesaid Alderman Abel, and Richard Kilvert were by name brought within the compass of exemplary punishment, for which act of theirs, as they made their poor brother Vintner's purses and hearts ache, so now I fear this news will make their heads ache, if not their necks crack.  
Since which time they had an other accidental interview, at which some language, but differing in phrase from the former, past betwixt them to this purpose. Now imagine they are met, and their first salutation was by M. Abel.  Abel. 
Kilvert, Thou art a Knave. I say sirrah thou art a cunning Knave.  Klu. 
Setting your Worshipaside, you are but a plain Pattentee, and all such are called by a Word that gins with the first letter of my name.  
Mrs.  Abel. 
Sirrah rascal, I say so as my husbands says you are a Knave, and a whoremaster Knave, and a very sly crafty Knave.  Kilu. 
And I tell you Mistress Abel, your husband hath made me a brother of his Company; and you Mr. Abel, promisest when you met in Cheap side, to take me by the hand.  Abel. 
Of all men living I am bound to curse thee.  Kilu. 
I confess you to be Abel, but you cannot curse me in the true kind, without a Book and a candle.  Abel. 
I hope to see thee hanged.  Kilu. 
Indeed a Bell cannot be rung in tune till it be so. Mrs.  Abel. 
Sirrah do you know to whom you speak.  Abel. 
You are Parliament proof with a pox.  Kilu. 
But who the pox would have thought of a Parliament so soon?  Abel. 
I would I had kept my Tavern still in old Fish-street, for than I was counted an honest man.  Kilu. 
Yea, to have taken a way the sign of the Ship, and to have had a Bel hanged in the room of it.  Abel. 
Thou hast been mine undoing.  Kilu. 
And you mine: for as our faults are alike, so I am afraid our fates will be equal.  Abel. 
All this was by thy projects and policy.  Kilu. 
True M. Alderman, but countenanced by your purse & authority.  Abel. 
Kilvert, thou hast been called kill-Vertue, kill-B●nnet, kill-Bishop, and kilfart, and now kill Abel, and I hope thou wilt Kil-thy self.  Kilu. 
Take heed to yourself, that you do not go to the Devil quick.  Abel. 
If I do? it is of thy driving. I tell thee Kilvert thou art worse than Caine.  Kilu. 
Indeed, we read that inold time Cain Killed Abel, but now Abel Kills Cain; and I am afraid thére is a young Gregory born to make an end of us both.  
By this a great Company of people were gathered about them, which made them part for the present: their next meeting is to be expected either at the Bar where they are to be arraigned, or the place appointed for their punishment.  
The manner and form how Projectors and Patentees have road a Tylting in a Parliament time.  
FINIS.   


Tar-ar-ra-ra-   man seated backwards on horse