BEDLAM Broke lose, A Reveiw of that Boisterous Uproar, whereby the Lives of the Right Honourable DIGBY LORD GERARD and his Mother, were eminently Endangered, June 1677.  
Praeteriti dulce est Meminisse periculi.  
London, Printed 1677.   

BEDLAM broke lose, etc.  
OF all Wild Beasts, Heaven defend us from the Rabble Rampant! afric has not a Monster so outrageously Cruel, as This with the Many-Heads and no Brains. Next the mischief of their Hands, there is nothing more to be dreaded than the Venom of their Tongues; for when they have committed their Savage Exploits, they Bruit abroad Slanders to varnish over their Insolence, and pretend Reasons for their Frenzies.  
The Entertainment which the Noble Digby Lord Gerard met with in the City of London last Whitsuntide, was so far remote from common Civility, much more, the Respect due to a person of his QUALITY and MERIT, that Indians would have Blussht at those Barbarities, which an Ungovernable crew of Heathen-Christians Acted, without either Remorse, or (what is more to be lamented) Punishment from Justice; yet have they since made as hold with his Lordship's Honour, as then with his Person; and by spurious Reports (begot in close Adulteries between Lying Tongues, and Itching Ears) endeavour to cast the Odium of that Frantic Tumult upon those that were only passively concerned, and (to the grand hazard of their Lives) causelessly Assaulted.  
For Rectifying such false and scandalous rumours raised by Malice, and swallowed by Ignorance; 'tis become necessary to give the world the true Rise, Progress, and Upshot of that riotous Hubbub, the memory whereof I could otherwise wish might remain as obscure as its Original Authors, that our Age might be free from the scandal, and Posterity from the Ill-precedent of such a popular exorbitance.  
The Lord GERARD being but in the fifteenth year of his Age, ever Piously and harmlessly Educated, the natural sweetness of his Temper, and acquired Accomplishments from Liberal Studies and virtuous principles, rendering his deportment not only Inoffensive, but most generously obliging to the meanest persons. Going with his Mother and others in the Whitsun holy days 1677. (soon after his first coming to Town) to see new Bedlam (yet not out of curiosity, but on Extraordinary occasion) coming near to the Gate, desired a woman that there obstructed the passage, by the name of GOOD WOMAN to stand by, that he might speak with the Porter of the House.  
'Twas sure his Lordship's excellent Good-Nature overswayed his Judgement to bestow that improper Appellation upon her, for had he but considered the rules of Physiognomy he might have read the virtues of all the three Furies, with a Landscape of Bridewell and Newgate to boot, in the disorderly Hieroglyphics of her wretched countenance; whether not being used to be called so, and conscious how little she deserved the Title, made her take it for an Affront, or that the fumes of her indigested Ale and Brandy at that unlucky minute, caused an insurrection of Choler in her Pericranium, I cannot precisely determine, this is most certain, that only that mistake, or the mere presumption of speaking to her, without further provocation, was resented as so heinous an offence by her High and mighty Gammarship, that it had like to have cost my Lord his life; For forthwith looking steadfastly and grimly upon him, like the Devil over Lincoln, or a Witch reading one's Fortune, she rudely told him he must not come in there; and instead of a reason, at the same instant, gave him such a blow on the nose and eyes with her Clownish fist, as he was almost suffocated with his own blood, which superlative violence was seconded by a Brawny Porter, a fellow composed of NOISE and Rudeness, whom for fashion-sake she calls Husband that durst do no other than engage in the unknown quarrel of his imperious Bed-Cockatrice; and that their devilish paws might keep time to some Hellish Music, she called the Noble young Gentleman a thousand times ROGUE, and other abusive Names; but he was made incapable of returning her thanks in her Billingsgate Compliments (had he been versed in them) or any other Language; and had not the Divine Providence Protected him, had there by these insolent and bloody Savages lost his innocent Life, as he did much of the Beauty of that face which few can Equal.  
For this strapping Virago, and her Mate, and two men more of their Rascally Companions, like so many Irish Mastiffs, laid hold on him all at once: Four to one and he but a Child,, was I confess some small odds, but put that to the score of their valour; As likewise their plucking him barbarously by the Hair, which I am sure was contrary to Magna Charta and all the Fundamental Laws of the Bear-Garden itself— But Raillery apart— for they did not Jest, Having given him many desperate blows, they endeavoured to thrust him backwards down the stairs with an intent (no doubt) to Murder him upon the place: whilst he was thus held down by the Hair, having no other way to defend himself, and make them draw back (the crowd keeping off his Footmen and Pages) he drew his little sword, which the Porter too intent upon this Devilish design of gratifying his Raging Baggage, heedlessly met with, and thereby Razed the skin of his belly; but one might lawfully swear there was no Christian blood spilt.  
However an Outcry is raised, and immediately a mighty rout of men and women, possessed (had it been possible) with something worse than themselves, hurry about my Lord, endeavouring with fresh Attaques of violent fury to take away his Noble Life; and though he made no resistance but calmly offered to surrender himself to the next, or any Magistrate; yet they Hale him from one place to another, still pursued by the impetuous clamours of this worthy Applewoman, who began all the mischief; and now Halooed on the yelping Rabble as oft as she could get within Tongue-shot, discharging her Mouth Granades of Oaths and Curses, crying, let him come out i'll tear him to pieces, etc. at last being put into his own Coach to go before a Justice, an impudent Shoemaker broke the glasses, and he and another fling Brick-batts into the Coach, but for that my Lord can forgive them from a glorious precedent that patiently suffered the same and worse indignities; some of their elder Brethren threw the like into the Coach of St. Charles their KING, whom they Martyred; Thus now this blustering Hewson with many others of the same cast— cried— Kill him, kill him, knock him o'th' head, pull him to pieces, dash out his brains, and many other modes of Execution, more than Sicilian Tyrants ever invented, was he presently doomed to, by these Peerless and lawless judges; who to show that they were in bad earnest, made such severe blows into the Coach, that a Gentleman in it with my Lord wore the Marks a good while after on his Arms; The Bedlamites within were a sober discreet Tribe in comparison of these without; to appease their rage no Remonstrances of reason could be heard, neither Beauty, (which has disarmed Conquerors in the heat of battle) nor Eloquence (that has calmed the wildest Tumults) nor Youth (which usually engages pity) nor Obliging condescensions (which are wont to soften the most obdurate and incensed, to terms of moderation) could here prevail; The Tears of an innocent affrighted Lady, the Prayers of an indulgent Mother, (desiring only common justice for her endangered Son) were slighted; nay all Authority contemned and abused, for the very Constables and Officers that guarded my Lord, stood in need of a Guard for themselves, being threatened to be torn to pieces, for endeavouring to keep the Peace, and restrain them from Murdering him; So that my Lord was forced to quit his Coach, and to avoid being Assassinated by these Ruffians, make a Sanctuary of the Counter, where through God's mercy, his life was saved, though the Rout was so set upon mischief, that they broke, and began to untile the place to get at him, threatening to pull it down, which in all likelihood they had accomplished, had not the Sheriff Sir. Thomas Stamp (the only great officer that could be found) been sent for to quell them; who were grown to such a Head that the Lady GERARD has seriously professed she thinks she should (if not been killed by their actual violence) have died with the just apprehension of her son's danger, had it not been for the generous and Christian charity of four persons of Quality, two valiant Brothers, and two as worthy obliging Ladies, their near Relations, mere strangers to her Honour, who yet Rescued and assisted her and my Lord, and left them not till safe and out of danker, Nor can she forget with Gratitude to acgnowledge the civilities of a worthy Citizen and his virtuous wife, who secured and entertained them in his house to the hazard of having it pulled down over his head by the Bedlamiz'd multitude.  
To give an exact account of that motley crew is impossible, it comprehended more sorts of Beasts than Noah's Ark, and as many Sects of No-Religion as Presbytery ever spawned; many of them pretended themselves London Prentices famous for offering to demolish Bawdy-houses, out of a politic design i'll warrant you, to be Bribed with money to spend in them, For in earnest we may guests they had rather pull down all the Nobility and Gentry, than one of those; else 'tis strange, not only the Lord Gerard and his Mother too, should not by their will be suffered to live, but that another Noble Lady coming in her Coach occasionally to Bedlam whilst this godly work was carrying on, should be no less saucily affronted by a pestilent corporation of this Rabble, crying out— Tear her to pieces, knock out her brains, This is the Bitch his Mother, etc. breaking her Coach, and hurting several with her; The first time I dare affirm either that Honourable Lady, or the Lady Gerard ever received such usage or Language; yet would I not charge this Rudeness on the Apprentices of London in general, as hoping that the better sort of them as they are more generously descended, so they scorn to mix with such a mischievous Rascally Rout; but in all Tumults there are a parcel of Beggarly Filching Vermin that assume their names, and under that pretence Ravage at their pleasures, and commit the most nefarious Crimes.  
But now 'tis high time to see how the Porter does; Life you know is sweet, and had it not been for the Cordial drinking of Ale and smoking Tobacco, our man of Carriage might possibly have miscarried; for that night his Surgeon took a Corporal oath in spite of his Soul, that his wound was mortal; and indeed, To a Bruit that had neither Brains, nor Heart, the Likeliest Inlett of Death was in the Paunch; yet the man of Art never dressed it, for fear of making too speedy a Cure; and the very next day made a civil Affidavit, that he was in no danger; whence we may conclude, that he healed him and his own Conscience both by Sympathy; But notwithstanding in the vulgar Creed he has been mortally wounded, dead, and buried, yet he is since curs d into a Resurrection by living again (though in a perpetual Purgatory) with that she-Fiend before mentioned, to whom he durst not but return, dwelling at this instant near Newgate, a place as fit as any I know for him; nor is his name less suitable, for he calls himself J. NOISE, and all the Neighbourhood can witness that his spouse (whether the Ceremony ever passed between them or not) may yet very justly lay claim to that Name as well as he.  
And now one would think the Hurricane were pretty well laid, but I should be unjust to the Shoemakers excellent grace of perseverance, if I omit his Lasting valour and Christian charity, who several days after (when one might have hoped the Fermentation of his choleric blood had been somewhat abated) very gravely declared— That it was a world of pity my Lord Gerard's brains had not been knocked out; and some of this godly crew have threatened to have another bout with him, if ever he come into the City. Yet if we inquire into the worthy reasons of their spite, they have never been able to allege the least shadow of pretence; their greatest Plea being, That they knew not that he was a Lord; nor is it like they should, unless set on, as the manner of their Attempt induces many judicious persons to believe they were; hour 'tis not imaginable, they would have paid any Respect to that QUALITY, who by this very excuse do as bad as acknowledge, that they count all below it at least, though never so much their Betters, fit objects of their Abuses; In a word, all circumstances considered, this Honourable Child being, though of English and Loyal Parents, an absolute stranger to the Town, and one that none of them ever lost by, but some on the contrary gained, (the common measures both of their Love and Religion) 'twas as grand and Fanatical an insolence (bating but the bloodyfreaks of the Fifth Monarch-men) as ever was acted since the Restauration of our sacred King; who (as he is never wanting in Acts of Goodness and Justice even to the meanest of his Subjects) was graciously pleased on the first humble Address to deliver this oppressed young Gentleman, by giving orders to the Magistrates, but 'twas so long before any of them could be found, that Ten thousand Lives might have been lost, if not within the Pale of God's especial Protection, and had not his Creator blessed him with an Excellent Constitution, the hard and different usage from that of all his Life, which he received as well by the Cold as Bruises he had suffered, without application of any remedy, not being allowed to go to his Lodging, was enough to put a period to his Life they so much thirsted after, no body knows why.  
Yet must it be acknowledged, that my Lord was very civility and Hospitably treated at that worthy Gentleman Sr. William Turner's house, but was not dismissed till next day, and then not without City Bail, to appear at the next Sessions of the Peace at Guild-Hall, where he was discharged; And though there was all done, that could be there, and perhaps more than can be justified against this Noble Innocent, yet I know not how, nor why it happened, that there was not the least Prosecution admitted, or notice taken of any of those insolent Rioters, that so barbarously injured him, and notoriously broke the Peace, in affront of Law, and to the scandal of that City heretofore for Civil Government renowned throughout Europe.  
FINIS.