THE ANATOMY Of Et caetera.  
Or the unfolding of that dangerous Oath in the close of the Sixth Canon.  
As it was contrived by the Bishops and some of the Clergy, in their late Oath Ex Officio, cunningly obliging the Consciences of his Majesty's Subjects to observe and obey whatsoever errors they would impose.  
Condemned and dissected in a passionate Conference betwixt the two zealous Brothers Roger and Ralph, penned at the first injunction of the new Canons, and now published since their abolishment.  
By an Oxfordshire Gentleman.  
London printed. 1641.   

TWo of the zealous Tribe being inspired, as they termed it, and having a greater parcel of the spirit than at other times, after a great deal of chat, now concerning this thing, and now again concerning that thing, at last drew themselves as far as the New Canons, where they read, but yet you must not think that it was without rubs, and jars, but coming to the Sixth Canon that ended with Et caetera, at the very sight of which he swollen as much as Goliath with his weaver's beam, and thus began to break forth in these or the like terms.  Roger. 
I that have behaved myself so well, that now I am in sincerity elected a Zealous Brother, I that having my worth seen am for it rewarded with twenty Nobleses per annum, besides what I collect every year from our Female Charity, considering with myself what a vile and indiscreet thing these new Oaths and Canons are, I am even wrapped besides myself, and with this very word, or letter, or syllable, or whatsoever it is, I must and will dissect it.  Ralph. 
Why brother Roger? Are thou of so shallow capacity as thou makest thyself to be? Have patience pray, and rather find fault with the Printer than with the thing printed, or rather with him which set the Printer on work than with the Printer himself, these times are corrupted, for why? corrupt men have ruled us here in this Land.  
Here could Roger hold no longer, but like to a Bear-dog, he yawns, and barks, and bawls, saying.  Roger. 
In sincerity brother Ralph, thou dost not know what an urging this is to me, see what a vile misshapen monster it is, this Et caetera God bless us! is a Limb of the Devil, or as they please to construe it, according to their wooden headed wit, That brand which is upon the buttock of the Beast, the Dragon's tail tied up together in an Antichristian knot, it is nothing else but a nest of young Apocryphaes, nay, I think that the divinest inspiration can never unfold and set out to open view this Imp of Hell, this Caterpillar, this Toad, or what not.  
Now whilst Roger is in his mad way dividing the Text, Ralph gins to wink, to spit, to streak his beard, and expound, speaking to Roger.  Ralph. 
My pious and most zealous Brother, harken with fear and reverence to what I shall now say, not of myself, but by divine revelation. This is a very nice point, being clouded much with the sophistical fallacies of the quondam-learned, I never read on't but it caused me to fast twice at the least, insomuch that now I have had so much by revelation that I have found this Et caetera to be one of the idolatrous litter.  
But Roger now is all fire, all envy, all malice, Goliath when he vaunted himself against the Israelites had not half those proud postures which now Roger had.  Roger. 
I say to thee (said Roger) Et caetera thou liest, I say again, I will confute thee, what art thou better than a curled lock of Antichrist, thou art that very rubbish which was sent from the confusion of Babel, for before I have done with you I will make it plain to the whole world, that the best of Languages are confounded in this Beast Et caetera. Besides, all you which are my Brethren, harken, and take diligent notice of this which I shall say here, They say that men must swear by this Antichristian rubbish; take heed, take heed I pray, for I profess ingeniously in good sooth, and in very good deed, that it is dangerous to swear by Et caetera; for take this from me, whosoever swears by Et caetera, swears more Oaths at once, than ever came barks from tripleheaded Cerberus: Do you not see how the old cunning Serpent hath hid himself in folds here, and here in an Et caetera you may perceive him: O thou accursed Et caetera! thou prodigious Antichristian Bastard, now do I know what meant those portentous bloody Oysters which were seen the other day: O Alestre! thou ancient writer of Almanacs, how didst thou miss to name this Et caetera, that ill borne Bastard in thy prophetic Almanac: but here see and wonder, this Et caetera is that ill portentous vault where that infernal Powder-plot lay a great while at anchor, and surely Brother, I think it not amiss, and if you will be ruled by me, to keep another fifth day of November: nay, here is not all yet, Et caetera look to yourself, I protest I will have another bout at wastiers with thee, and so have at thee; thy name is as ominous as a blazing Star at three of the clock in the afternoon, or as a Schreech-owle hover about the house in daytime, nay my expressions fail me to paint thee out in thy colours. The Trojan Nag was never so gorged with mischief, as this ominous, ill-conditioned Et caetera, Og and Schon those two great Commissaries and enemies to the Lords anointed never deserved half that ill which this ilshapen slave Et caetera hath done. And now I find myself almost tired in following this lightfooted mischief, and now my Babes of Grace, my greatest desire is that you would be cautious how you swear by Et caetera, for you have already heard how dangerous and damnable Et caetera is, for indeed now to unfold the truth of all, if it were pulled out at length, it is just like unto a York shire way-bit, longer by far than a mile.  
But now he is inspired, he sweareth, now truly, in truth, in sincerity, and in very good deed; in words at length, and not in figures, that this Et caetera did more trouble his conscience than ever the fall of one of his dearest Sisters ever did. But now you must note, that he drank, which he takes off all, because he was afraid to leave Et caetera in the bottom of the cup: his Brother Ralph pledged him, and mark how it sell out, he swears by the Sack he drinks, he will prove a catylier, or worse to the Synod, if worse might be.  
Thus they drank on, not offering to part,  
Till they had sworn out the eleventh quart,  
Whilst all that heard and saw them, jointly say,  
They and their Tribe are all, Et caetera.  
Well, these two Zealous Brothers had drank so long together that they played the beasts, like a couple of drunken rogues, etc. and then they must needs quarrel, and make themselves, and Religion in them to be scoffed egregiously, and indeed it is an ancient proverb, When thiefs fall out, true men come by their goods.  
It chanced that Roger gave Ralph some words in his drink, which did not very well please him, which made Ralph break out beyond the bounds of modesty, and told him that he was a dissembling knave, and that he could prove him so, for said Ralph, Is it not the part of a knave to carry another man's wife so far as Banbury in Oxford shire, and there to live with her, and keep her as your own wife? fie, fie, for shame.  
Nay, said Roger, hicup, if you go to that, hicup, you are as arrant a knave, hicup, as myself, for do you remember, you Slave you, how you wished your wife in the Low Countries, to say, that you were her brother, because she was fair, and that it might be said that you imitated Abraham, when he was a good man, whereas thou art a stinking Rogue.  
Thus they brawled, and scolded, and scolded, and brawled, till they fell asleep, in which pickle I left them.  
FINIS.