THE BROTHERS of the BLADE: Answerable to The Sisters of the Seaberd. OR, A Dialogue between two Hotspurres of the Times, Sergeant SLICE-MAN, alias SMELL-SMOCK of Coney-Court in Chick-lane, and Corporal DAMMEE of Bell-alley near Pick-hatch. At their first meeting in the walks in moorefield's, upon the Return of the one from the Leaguer in the Low-Countries, and the late coming to London of the other from the Camp in the North, at the disbanding of the Army.   a man attempting to kiss a woman on a bed 
Printed for Thomas Banks and john Thomas, 1641.   

THE BROTHERS of the Blade.  Sergeant. 
DAmmee Jack, my brave Bilbo, and Brother of the Blade, well met.  Cor. 
What? Sergeant Sliceman, my quondam comrade, and old Smelsmock? By the blood of Bacchus, I joy to see thee, stab me, if your nimble servant corporal Nim, doth not earnestly desire to be incorporated into your firm friendship.  Ser. 
By Styx and Acheron, I embrace thee in the arms of my love and affection. But I prithee, what news from the North? For I suppose thou camest lately from thence.  Cor. 
Faith, very little news there, and that scarce worth relating: but the newest novelty to me is at this time & in this place here to see thee, I thought thou hadst been dead 7. years ago, either by the bullet or gullet, the lance or paunch, the sword or surfeit, or by some such disaster as the halter.  Serj. 
Thanks to my stars, I have many a time escaped the former, and I must confess ingenuosly, I have deserved the latter.  Cor. 
I make no question, but if thou hadst thy desert, thou hadst been noosed many years ago at Gregory's Plumtree in Judge Richardsons' days: I remember his Lordship was on the bench at that time of thy trial (as he was always) pleasantly disposed, and would have jeered thee to the gallows: but thou mayst thank that good man, first in giving thee not a choke-line (as he might) but the common Psalm of mercy, and next in saying for thee, Legit, my Lord, when thou readst no more a letter in the black book, than I can now read Hebrew, and that's ne'er a whit:  Serj. 
I must acknowledge myself over obliged to his goodness, having sent to him the night before a good Angel, by the means whereof and favour of him I had the law in my own hand: and now since thou art a chip of the old block, a bird of the same feather, and one & the selfsame sneelegall as both, give me thy wrist, and let me shake thee by the hand, being the most remarkable place, where the Hangman hath long since marked us for sheep for his own slaughter.  Cor. 
Nay, hold there, my man of war and son of Mars: I must confess, thou and I have been in times past as arrant Rogues as ever Newgate harboured, as daring in our attempts, & as desperate in our assaults, as the most resolute Rascal whatsoever under the cope; but for my part recollecting myself of late, and considering the vicissitude and revolution of the states and conditions of men in these last days of the world, Ego non sum ego, I am not the man I was, but am now reclaimed.  Serj. 
The Devil thou art, 'tis impossible that Dam jack the little Furio, & only Orlando Furioso of his age, should be metamorphosed from what he was, 'tis incredible, a paradox, and appears to me very strange.  Cor. 
Well, 'tis not so strange as true, take it as you will. But what course dost thou intent to take now thou art come over, at thy arrival here.  Serj. 
Faith, if all strings fail in the bow of my expectation, i'll fall to my old trade, turn highway Lawyer, or Padman.  Cor. 
Hang't, that's the way to be hanged indeed, to take a fair turn at the Triple-tre. Thou hadst better turn Tapster, or if (being a Gentleman) thou scorn'st to be subject to the imperious check and command of every sordid mechanic, I would wish thee to haunt Bowling-allyes, and frequent Gaming-houses, where you may live all day long upon the rook on the Bankside, or to play at Ninepins, or Pigeon-holes in Lincolaes-Inne fields; These are ordinary exercises, and (in my opinion) fare better than your sometimes walking in Westminster Hall, from 7. of the clock in the morning till 12. at noon in the Term time.  Serj. 
Jack, thou art not of my mind: those were my golden days, for in those Term times I could with dexterity in a crowd dive into a pocket, and fetch up with the slight and activity of my hand, twenty or thirty Pieces at a time. Indeed that way of getting money was more perilous, but most profitable; and yet I lie, for according to the old saying, lightly come, lightly go; so it fared with me, what I picked resolutely on a Monday morning from Country clients, was spent dissolutely before Sunday evening, among the Sisters of the Scabbard.  Cor. 
Thou sayest true in that, for gains so unjustly gotten, seldom or never prosper, when did you ever know a Cutpurse or pickpocket grow rich? If at any time they get a booty, & are taken in the act, then their long durance and captivity in the Jail in a short time exhausts them of all.  Serj. 
Troth, that's the reason we two are such poor rogues as we are. I prithee jack how strong art thou? What munition hast thou about thee? The weathers extreme hot, and my wind-pipes are so dry and dusty, having travailed lately many a long mile, and made many a short meal, that I begin to faint, and would very feign repose myself with thee a while under the next Jvie-bush; or let's entrench ourselves within the limits of some red-Lattice, where we may squench our thirst, drench our guts, drink one another's healths, and discourse of all our travails. Therefore speak, what cash or store of coin hast thou?  Cor. 
By love not a deneere, not so much as a single cross to bless me with. I have not seen the King's picture in silver of my own, never since his Majesty (heaven bless him) went into Scotland. At his departure, (half a dozen jovial blades of us, each one with his female piece of iniquity, feeding high, and drinking deep) all my money departed from me.  Serj. 
Alas poor lack, I perceive thy penury now was long of thy predigality upon the lasses then, but let that pass. For the present I grieve as much for thee as I do for myself, for by the beams of Phoebus I am in the same poor predicament, penniless as thou art: And without swearing, or lying i'll tell thee the true cause of my present indigency. On the second day of this month of August, coming out of the Boares-head-Taverne near Fish-street, as I was making water in Doe-little-lane, a brace of merciless shoulder-clappers with their griping-clawes seized upon my dody, disarmed me of my weapon (as jews pissing) and forthwith dragged me into the Paltry Counter.  Cor. 
But (by your favour, Sergeant Sliceman, were there no Brothers of the Blade in your Company to slice those shoulder-clapping slaves to sippets, for making such a dangerous assault and battery upon your body?  Serj. 
By juno, not one. All our Brothers of the Blade went forth at the foredoor, and I with my madonna Mrs. Luce Limetwigge came out at the back door into the Lane, where those tenterhooks kept sentry.  Cor. 
Do you know the varlets names, that I may know 'em to evade 'em lest I be at any time invaded by 'em.  Serj. 
The Yeoman, or younger inferior Rogue I am ignorant of, but the old cursed catchpole is sufficiently known, an inveterate curre-dogge they call Tripes.  Cor. 
I have heard much of the Caterpillar: 'Tis reported he's the archest Rascal of the whole Tribe.  Serj. 
Hell take 'em all, and him especially for me. But to be short, 'tis but two days since I crept out of that hole, like a poor snake, all tottered and torn as you see; so that these 18. days have I lamentably sung the Counter tenor, and am in fare worse case now I am out, then when I first came in.  Cor. 
But pray Sergeant Sliceman, let's know the cause of your first coming in, and you being so stayed a man as you were.  Serj. 
Pox on't, the cause of my lying in there so long, was long of the pocky whore Petronella Burnyard, that insatiate sister of our Scaband: This bold Bronstrops then lay in, would have fathered her bastard upon me, and if I would have married her, I had been the next day out.  Cor. 
Who? not she that looks a squint, and makes strange faces when she compliments with a gentleman, she that has an Amazonian Spirit, and is generally reputed the Metropolitan of all the Fructifers here about London?  Serj. 
The same: Do you know her that you so lively describe her.  Cor. 
Yes faith, I have known her in my time, (I will not say carnally) and I well remember her, since the springs of her beautiful parts caught the Woodcocks of your affection, and the Sunbeams of her reciprocal affections did so reflect upon your abilities, that you melted in your own grease, till you were so basted & roasted, that every one that beheld you, took you for the two legged city Pig.  Serj. 
Mum Jack mum, Rub not old sores, lest I harp upon the same string, and touch you to the quick, you have forgot since the like Cockatrice of yours sent you to the French Doctors, where you lay so long in Cornelius his tub to pickle, that at last the hungry Neapolitan eaten away a part of your right tubified rose.  Cor. 
I smell your meaning (Sergeant Smell-smock) and know what mutton you best affect by your gaping. But to return to your Lyndabrides: As you have many a time and often coney catcht her, so she wooed now in the conclusion coney, catch you.  Serj. 
True, the old whore wooed if she could.  Cor. 
But how got you clear off from her?  Serj. 
By the strength of my own Minerva: Indeed the old Justice laid the Law very shtowdly to me, which his worship as well understood, as a Country Major on the bench at an Assize. I thank his worship, he menaced me that I should lie a whole twelvemonth by the heels, or else allow the Tweak 5. pounds, than which sum he should sooner have had 5. of my teeth, toes or fingers. But i'faith, I am much obliged to Dapper the Just ass' Clerk, for if he had not stood my close friend, I had been still close enough to this hour.  Cor. 
Well, now thou hast thy heels at liberty, what course dost thou intent to steer?  Serj. 
Faith, even what the Fates please: And in my mind the old road I have formerly trod is the most pleasing.  Cor. 
I but the end of that way will be death, an infamous death here, & without we mend our manners by a seasonable Repentance, Hell & damnation hereafter. Then, when you are come to your journeys end, you will be forc'd to sing that doleful ditty, Per varios casus, per tot discrimina rerum Tendeimus in Laqueum.  Serj. 
Hang't, Finis and Funis are all one to me. Him, grass, and hays (as my host in the merry Devil of Edmonton says) we are all mortal, and since we must yield to nature, we know not the time when, nor the place where, for my part 'tis no matter the manner how I die. Still let me sing with the Epicure, Ede, bibe, lude, post mortem nulla voluptas.  Cor. 
I but there are intolerable torments to ensue an ill-lead-life: consider of them to deter thee from these lewd ways of wickedness.  Serj. 
So I will, seven years hence.  Cor. 
But if you persist, I fear you'll be cut off by the Sword of justice before one year goes about.  Serj. 
If I be, I'll make thee my executor, and in the mean time, I pity thy ignorance, than son of simplicity, never endeavour to dissuade me from which I am determined. 'Tis but labour in vain, and therefore it is and shall be my resolution.  

Hang't, let's be jovial, revel whilst we can,  
What's coin ordained for, but the life of man?  
Have I spent all my time in bloody wars?  
Been carbonadoed, and all-hackt to scars,  
Have I outdared the Canon's threatening death;  
Been bullet-branded, gaped and gasped for breath,  
And others slept, have I watched night by night,  
Discharged from sleep, each minute for to fight:  
Have I marched over the hills, gone through the dirt,  
Without either hat, or band, or shoe, or shirt:  
And must I now be base; cringe, creep, and troth,  
Beg, and entreat of every Peasant sot;  
No by this Martial hand, I scorn it, I,  
That man's not sit to live, that fears to die:  
To beg is base than to pick a purse,  
To cheat more base; of all thefts that is worse:  
Nor beg, nor cheat will I, I scorn the same,  
But whilst I live, maintain a soldier's name,  
I'll purse it I, the highway is my hope,  
His heart's not great, that fears a little rope.   Cor. 
I but that little rope will in the end be the breaking of your great heart; For my own part, I am as poor a rogue as thou art, and would be as glad to take any course of life, so I might put myself into present money; but I do not approve of the Highway Law. Let me see, what means had I best to use to get a little means, if it were but so much as to kept life and soul together. I would I were in service (as I have been before I went into the Northern parts) with some Courtesan, my mind gives me, and my mind prompts me, I could serve her turn well for a gentleman Usher, or at a shift upon occasion to be Pimp for her Ladyship, I must confess 'tis base, but 'tis a safer way of the two, and better and greater men than I or you do daily use it, well to morrow morning I'll about it, for as I am, 'tis impossible I should long subsist, I have long enough served under the colours of angry Mars, i'll now secure myself under the canopy of lovely Venus.  Serj. 
Well said Jack, i'faith: I commend thee forty resolution, pursue it with endeavour, & let thy fancy's best effects follow with diligence. But all this while we want (that I lately propounded) the blood of the Grape, or the juice of Barley, to water our dry plants, to refresh our dull senses, and to revive our decayed and stupid Spirits? Resolve, jack, where  build a Sconce?  Cor. 
I wooed I could as easily effect it, as we both desire it, yet now I think on't, if you'll perambulate with me towards Bishops-gate-street; there's an Uncle of mine this week come to Town, who has more wealth than wit, in one word, to speak his Character, he's a very gull, an essential Clown, and simplicity in the Abstract: His Fathers a mere Coridon, and lives in Essex, a rich Crummuchion of a vast estate, which this Calf and Cockaloach his son makes shift to consume as fast as the old fool scrapes. The young novice is so taken with the name of a Gentleman, that he will have it, though he buys it, and it cost him dear: He usually comes up to London every Term to learn to take Tobacco, and now he's come this week to see new motions and Puppit-playes in Bartholemew Fair. He is in his Kingdom, when he can but get into company, where (when he hath a cup in's pate) 'tis his pride and the height of his ambition to pay whole reckon, though he be sufficiently laughed at for his courtesy. This wiseacres will we fend for to the mouth Tavern, where before we part from him, we'll make a mere mouth of him.  Serj. 
I like the motion well, and the prosecution thereof better, but I think it best of all to catch this Gudgeon (for our own profit) at a more convenient time the next week then in the Fair time, we shall have the sairer opportunity to works upon him; in the interim, let me entreat thee to walk along with me (whether I was intended before I mere thee) to see our old acquaintance Tom Stitch the Tailor.  Cor. 
Why, Dus Mr. True-snip live still in London.  Serj. 
I was informed yesterday by Mat-Mulligrub the Vintner, and Dick Double-soule the Shoemaker, that he inhabits in a house of his own in Cloth-saire.  Cor. 
Does the Buttock his wife bear up still as she did?  Serj. 
They say, she's as blithe and buxom, as witty and wanton, and as plump and impudent as ever she was. Fame is false, if you have not been very inward with her.  Cor. 
Indeed, I must confess we have been often and familiarly in action together. The time was when I struck fire in her tynder-boxe, and it has taken; but it was in her former husband's days; yet I believe she's never a whit altered, but is the same in disposition, as she used to be: I am confirm'd in this opinion, semel & femper, once a whore, and always the same, I would either of us were Master of a quart of Canary, to bestow upon her, at our first visit of her. she'll take us for a couple of poor Rogues to come both to her house without a stiver in our pockets. Prithee Sergeant Smell-smock, hast any thing about thee to dip in Barbican or in Long-lane as we go along.  Serj. 
Let not that trouble thee; for I doubt not but before we come to Rodcrosse-street we shall meet with some or other, whom formerly I have known, of whom I will boldly take acquaintance, and (taking him or her a side, be it Brother of the Blade, or sister of the Scabbard) take occasion to borrow a shilling, or 6. d. till Doomsday.  Cor. 
I wooed I could see it, quoth blind Hugh, and so say I  Serj. 
Never fear it; besides (as I understand) Snips wife has two or three tubs of Ale continually in her house, which she draws in black Rammallian pots for her friends and acquaintance that visit her, (a pretty policy to firk out money of her customers) though she pretends it is to keep her husband at home from flying from his shopboard, and hunting after Alehouses.  Cor. 
Nay, then let's go, and by the way (now it comes into my mind) i'll call upon Tim Trebble-gaine the Broker, whom we'll take along with us living in Long-lane, and as he once gulled me, so i'll try if with all my wits I can fetch over him.  Serj. 
Godamercy for that jack; howsoever if all our plots fail, and nothing take effect, we'll make the Broker drunk, and then leave him for the reckoning.  Cor. 
Agreed. He has had many a pawn of thee, and now thou shalt pawn him.  
FINIS.