THE CHARACTER OF AN Oxford-Incendiary.  
AN Oxford Incendiary is a Court Salamander, whose proper element is Fire: An Englishman, yet lives by Antiperistasis to his native Climate; and turns our Northern-temperate into the Torrid Zone. All ancient Philosophers are by him confuted; having made one Region more of Fire than they dreamt of: Nor is it any wonder, seeing he creates new Prodigies every day.  
I suppose him lineally descended from St. George's Fiery Dragon; And if you please to inquire of Doctor Heylyn, he may chance to make good the Heraldry. But whosoever was the Sire, mother he hath none that I can hear of; nor do I believe, that Nature, our common-mother, will own the Monster. For his Name, you may, (if you please) make bold with Ovid, and call him Phaeton; for he rules the Chariot of the Sun, and having gotten the Reins in his own hand, hurries all into Combustion: yet the desperate wretch cares not, so he may work a Metamorphosis upon the Nation, or mingle his own with the Kingdom's Ashes.  
His Birth place I take to be Mount Aetna; there Empedocles acted the Man-midwife, and delivered him out at the Tunnels. If the Pope want a Leaguer for Purgatory, none can fit him better; he being of a Constitution and Religion suitable to the Service.  
But his employment must be altogether at home, else the Deluded Fraternity will grow i'll in their designs here; and to them there's no Sport without a Fire-drake, or an Ignis Fatuus.  
To be a little more plain; an Oxford-Incendiary is the excrement of ill-governed Monarchy; the vast volume of Treason wrapped up in an Epitome; one that feeds the Vulture Prerogative with the Carcase of the Commonwealth, that it may disgorge into his own Coffers; and makes a Mule (to say no worse). of Majesty, to carry him through all his own private designs against the Public.  
Yet notwithstanding, his proper Sphere is the Court; there He shines a bright Constellation of Royal Favour, though the whole Kingdom beside takes him for a Prodigious Comet, and behold him with the same countenance, as they did that in the year 1618. Nor is it without reason, when the meanest Prognosticator cries, that he portends the ruin of some great Princes. Upon his Influence depends the Almanac of Treason; exactly Calculated for the several Meridian's of England, Scotland, France, and Ireland; for from thence you may judge of all Eclipses between King and Parliament, or tell what weather will be in Great Britain the whole year following.  
Thus Jupiter and Mars meeting in Conjunction at York, with a direful Aspect threatened misery to the Nation; though it produced no effect, till an Interposition of Malignants at Shrewsbury, and an obliqne Course of Venus from Holland, bade us expect a Deluge of blood.  
Indeed it may serve for Great Britain and Ireland, with very little (or not) difference; for the Tragedy and Actors are the same, only the Scenes are several, the better to dress out the Plot, and make it seem more intricate: Thus the rare Irish Commission was begotten of English parents, when the Earl of Antrim was made a Godfather to the design; though Ormond had rather forfeit his Honour and Conscience, than say they were English Hands which cut the Protestants throats with an Irish knife.  
But this is not all, the train of Gunpowder reaches to Scotland; and there they light Matches to blow up the fidelity of that Nation: Which not taking effect upon the Heads, then Squib-cracks are tied to the very Breech of Thule, to set fire on the High-land Wilderness; for in such barren places is their Harvests Rare Vipers! who thrive best out of the Sunshine, in the dark Caves of Barbarism and Ignorance.  
But stand off, or provide an Antidote: The most prodigious Serpent comes crawling this way; some monstrous African or American, for sure it is not of the British Broad; yet every Cavalier carries it in his bosom, like a Tame-Snake: It is the Commission of Array, a very flying Dragon hatched in a Conventicle of Spit-fires; an illegitimate By-blow to supplant the Militia. It was spawned at White-Hall; there the Cock-brained Crew engendered with their Master's Female understanding: At York it became an Egg, O that it had then been crushed! But afterwards, scarce pen-feathered, it ventured a flight toward Hull; yet fell short, and was sore bruised. Notwithstanding this, it crept to Nottingham; and there, in hope of recovery, voided a Standard, with a Declaration or two; evident Symptoms of a Bloody Flux at hand.  
But the Leeches not able to draw blood there, betook themselves westward toward Wales; and there fell to sucking at the ●●ther Postern of the Kingdom: It was time then to cast the water of the State, and purge out the ●●●●ments of the Body Politic.  
Now the Gain gins; Room for the Roman Actors: Here the Bishop's wrack themselves in a Pulpit, vomiting up Daggers (like Hocus) to amaze the People; doctrine Cannon-proof, and let the Devil make Application, so he can convert all to his Majesty's use. If the Pope be Commander in Chief, it is but reason they should be Major-Generals; and for Inferior Officers, Deans and Arch-deacons the only Colonels; prebend's Lieutenant-Colonels;  Parson's Majors; Vicars Captains; Curates Eusignes: And for the rest, they cannot be wanting, when there are whole Swarms of the same Breed of Caterpillars in both Universities.  
These are Spaniels to the Incendiary in hope of Preferment: He leads them in Couples, breeds them to fetch and carry after his own humour, and to be at the word of Command: But the sport is, to see a Dog handle a Drum-stick; yet these docile creatures will do it, and beat up their Drums in all Churches and Chapels, to alarm the People against Reformation and the Parliament. This black Brigade are of the same lineage with the Incendiary; he hugs them as his white-Boyes: And to say the Truth, there is not a hair● difference between them; the Chief of the Prelatical Clergy being the principal, if not the only Fire-men: And therefore it cannot be amiss to present them in the first Rank of Tragedians, seeing our Scene is the precious University of Oxford.  
As the Prologue before the Play, enter Canterbury, the Pope's Pigmie-Champion, the meritorious Traitor, the Catholic Demi-Calvering, the reverend Granado; who lived to set all on sire, yet escaped the Martyrdom of hanging to be quenched upon a Scaffold; whereas the other kind of death had been more suitable to his Life, having always been a Pendant in the ear of Majesty. This is he that took water lately at the Tower, being bound for the Red Sea; but that for his presumption in comparing himself with Christ and His Apostles, and threatening Charon with the Star-chamber, he o'er▪ turned the Ferry-boat, and let him drop into Purgatory: Thus it is to quarrel with a Waterman.  
A Broome, a Broom; Sweep the Stage: Here comes Religion in Slip-shooes and Sandals; Mistress Novelties Gentleman-Usher clad in Robes of Antiquity; the Belman of the Jewish Temple; Aaron in the last Edition; Wren turned Robin redbreast, as gay as the Bird of Paradise, with his man Pockly●ton at his heels: These two (like Lightning and Thunder) never parted; two Dixesan E●●●e●st●, that conjured away all godly Ministers by Bell, Book, and Candle: Their Charms were so strong, that nothing could lay them but a Parliament, the Kingdom's Antidote.  
Now single out Pockly●con from his Maste●, and couple with him Heylyn, two of Canterbury's prime Beagles, and as famous as his Breed of Smyrna Cats. These two held a Conspiracy against the Sabbath; helped to rear up an Altar, with the Title of Christianum, set up the Ten Commandments over it, where they might plainly read themselves Sabbath breakers and Idolaters; and yet continued to worship both it and the Candlesticks, committing Fornication with Gold and Timber. Nor is this all; Heylyn can show more Tricks than ●ne for a Bishopric: To make good the Ro●an Calendar, he will prove St. George a Real Saint; and then upon this Sandy foundation, creates an imaginary honour to the most honourable Order of the Garter; as if the Protestant Nobility of this Kingdom would be taken with Romish Gugaws, or pleased with such trifling fetches: Yet believe me, (as the times went) it was a politic fetch for Preferment.  
And now we talk of Preferment, enter Owen Glendour on Horseback, Brutus' Cousin-German, and the Top of her kindred, Welsh Williams, the Prelate of York: This is th● Pepper-●osed Caliph, that snuffs, huffs, and puffes Ingratitude at the Parliament, though they freed him from Prison, and put his Adversary in his room. Tell him of Reformation, and you transform him to a Turkie-cock; A Jack-a-Lent made of a Red Herring and a Leek, will not more inflame him than the name of Presbytery: So●e kind Heart take this Incendiary and cool him, or vexation will consume him to Ashes.  
But I wonder how it comes to pass that Armagh should be Ranked here: The case stood otherwise once; nay, he Ebbed so far from his archiepiscopal dignity, as to turn Lecturer, and so brought himself into a possibility of Heaven, till the old man began to dote upon the World again. I cannot tell to what I might attribute his Apostasy; to his Climate, or his Conscience; his Country, or his Religion, or both; yet we have found him a right Irishman, and a second Spalleto.  
It is a rare Mystery, that this Pageant should be so persecuted by the Rebels, as to fly for his life out of Ireland, and yet be able to digest them and their Counsels at Oxford. But was it ever seen, that a Bishop would be out with any that were in at the Court? This is the Prelate's heaven; there they are all Parallel; though distant in their ends, as in the Circumference, yet united in the Centre: Give their Ambition Line enough, and you may De-Coy them whither you please: Thus our quondam Saint Patrick slipped into the Bog at Oxford.  
I should have done with them now, but that I find another in over head and ears; I mean the Brewer in Pontificalibus, Duppa the formal Dray-horse, that carries about Holy-water in Roundlets, to furnish the Court, Camp, and Vniversit: Davis the Barber shaves his Majesty with the very same; for there need no washbals, when the Exorcism scours beyond Sope-suds. This is he that puts down Gunter in his Firework Protestations against the Protestant Religion; and then (in His Majesty's name) charges them upon the People. For the same purpose also he frames Enchanted Prayers for Christ-Church Chapel; and so makes the Organs (at once) pipe out Impiety against Heaven, and Treason against the State. God bless Prince Charles, for this is his Tutor: He cries to him, when you pray, say thus; but what? A Paternoster or two, with a little Collect and Litany, after the Tradition of his Fathers; from which (my Litany shall be) Good Lord deliver him.  
But if you would know him better, let Stewart (the Ghost of Arminius) appear, to bring in the Catastrophe: These two are Brothers, both having the Whore of Babylon for their Mother: and the sons of Pelagius by heretical adoption. The foundation of old Rome (saith History) was laid in blood; and these Romuli take the same course to be Founders of new Rome here in England: The name of Peace puts them into a Fit of the Colic; It stings like a Tarantida, for nothing will cure them but the Music of war.  
Now sound aloud; Avaunt ye Black-coats, the Court-Pag●ants are Entering; Straford without a Head: But let him p●sse for a Dionbe show; the Tyrant hath had his Exit already by Order of Parliament.  
Who comes next? What, Henrieta Maria! Sure our Incendiary is an Hermaphrodite, and admits of both Sexes: The Irish Rebels call Her their Generalissima; what She willed they acted: She set them on work, and they pay themselves their wages out of the Protestants estates. Because the Pope is turned out of doors, She makes the Fatal Sisters and Furies' of her. privy-councel, and proceeds so meritoriously manful, that Kenelne Dighy consults now with His Holiness, to have her set in the Rubric by the name of Saint Nemesis in Breeches. How many Breeding Fits hath she had since the coming over of Madam Beldame! And no sooner Delivered of one Plot, but within the Month a Conception of another. I wonder at Neptune's rage against these two, Mother and Daughter; for they never crossed the Sea but a Tempest followed; which shows, that they were not of the Halcyon Brood.  
But the Flame rises not high enough yet; therefore hasten away the two Bellowes-menders from Holland; Rupert and Maurice, Simeon and Levi: A miracle, that a Phoenix should bring forth two such Vipers! If this be too bold, know that the Gain is begun, and then all fellows at Football: But I spare them, though they are so unnatural, as not to spare that Nation which bred them up.  
Next, enter a Gentleman in disguise, newly landed out of the ship called the Providence; Achitophel Junior, with store of Sampson's Foxes and Firebrands: Pull off his Vizard, and his name is George Digby. This is the beardless Solon; Lycurgus newly whipped out of long-Coats into the Privy Council; Treacherie's Man-midwife, and Machiavel's Catamite; for by him were spawned those desperate Aphorisms and Positions, of his majesty's wand'ring from his Parliament. What we wonder at in the rest is natural to him, being a native Spaniard, to have an Antipathy to the weal of our Nation; for an Atheist that hath neither Religion, nor Conscience to sway him, follows the Constitution and engrafted Principles of his Climate. The truth of this they knew well enough, that fetched him out of the Senate to the Court; and the Spanish Guilt-head swallowed the Bait immediately: Faces about; farewell to Religion, Honour, Parliament, Common-honesty, and all; for he waited but for such an opportunity, as well as Colepeper and Dering, though the latter miss●t it.  
More Spaniards yet? Bristol and Cortington, Rare Peccadillo's! Imps of Sp●●●●le; two of G●ndemar's Jockeys, that posted between Whitehall and Matr●l ●●ill at length they mortgaged England with the Protestant Religion, for a pension of Spanish Gom●●s, and Bars of Silver; which they have striven since to repay, together with the Interest of pernicious Counsels and secret Practices. Upon a Return of the Indian Plate-fleet, these Hirelings will do any thing, even sacrifice their Country to those Gods of America.  
Here comes a Gentleman of the Long-Robe; Littleton, the egregious Pickpocket, that would have stolen away the Kingdom's Purse from the Parliament; which renders him, by the known Laws, a most intolerable Traitor. He promises His Majesty to make all good by ●aw; but first intends to banish Dalton, Cook, and the rest, as Ho●erodox, Pettifoggers, and Sparious Authors. If no body will believe he can maintain the Slander of Revels, yet his Impudence can disdain all such Scruples, though with Arguments grounded upon a manifest Contradiction to the States Fundamentals.  
What he cannot do, Heath will: This Tetter converses altogether with Old outworn Records, to make good the Case: He might do well then to come and search in the Tower, if he dare venture his neck upon the Point, in a legal Trial. In him we find it true, that an old man is twice a child; for he stands in fear of every bigger Boy at Court: Beside, he makes a sine Hobby-horse of the Prerogative; and tricks it ever and anon with illegal Richards. He procreates Proclamations also in private, yet avows the Spurious Issue as legitimate as Acts of Parliament, and so (upon pain of high displeasure) the subjects must own them; like the needy Fornicator, that lays his Bra●s at other men's doors.  
There are more Adulterers of the Law; but stay, here's a Post come to Town with ill News: Oh, Bristol, Bristol is lost! Up starts the Jews; West ward hoy! Off goes their Parliament-purple, and away to Oxford. This rotten Limb of the Representative Body boasts itself as healthful and sound as the whole; and having been Catechised a while at Court, would answer to no Name but PARLIAMENT. O prodigious! Nay, the R●●●ga●e Conventicle had the Impudence to sit and Vote the Kingdom Slaves; and for this, thought themselves highly recompensed with a Smile or two, from the Supreme Petticoat. No heaven now but there; they offer Incense to Traitors, and have the conscience to Idolise and Irish Rebel, a murderer of Pruestants; imitating herein the naked Indians, who worship the De●●l for destroying their Kindred  
But the best of it is, this Firework never did much mischief, though all ways have been tried, from the Squib to the Cannon; for they never durst stand to it yet: Always in motion; the Curse of Cain pursue● them, as a just reward, that these who chose to live, should also die Run-aga●●s.  
What think ye then of Mon●●osse? This Lapwing-Incen●i●●y ran away balse-hatch's from Oxford, to raise a Combustion in Scotland: As his Totors in England, so he thrives best there, where is most Ignorance. He raked up the Remains of ancient Barbarism, and soudered them togethen with Creatures of like Mettle from Ireland; the very Dross of both Cou●●●●ie● coagulated into an Army. The first sight of them would convert a Sa●ducee, and make him confess a Resurrection of the old Heathen Picts and Kerns: Strange names they have! And should: Herald venture to reckon the C●nealogy, he might he taken for a Conjure●: The repetition of twenty Mac's O Connor's, OH Brian's, and O Donnel's, were a Charm for the G●●t on an Ague, beyond all the Magneticks in Chemistry.  
This Mountainous Breed of Pagans, like the old earthborn, Giants, fight against Heaven, bidding defiance to Christ and his Gospel; concerning which they know no more than what belongs to Blasphemy: Miserable then is that Prince, who counts such his best Subjects! Most abominable is that Cause, which cannot stand but with such Supporters! Of late they Domincered with Superlative Tyranny, and had in conceit swallowed all Scotland, but now the Monsters surfeit, with their own blood, And if eyer they recover. their Stomaches, it will be but for a running Banquet.  
There's Orm●nd too, the J●●gling Marquis, the new Popin-Jay Duke, and (to give him all his Titles) Lord Protector of the Rebels; for the Wolves, are brought now into the same Fold with the Sheep. They say commonly, now, that there's not a Rebel in Ireland: Are they not good men then at Oxford, to fight so long till they have left never a Rebel? But the late Peace confirms them good Subjects, though Rebels before: Thus, by entertaining this Paradox for Truth, the Piebald Marquis got his Dukedom of Ossory.  
Antrim's a Rebel not worth the naming, nor that precious piece of Ironwork, his Duchess; yet I must needs say, She was a Lady rarely marked out for two eminent Husbands, the beds of Buckingham and Antrim; this latter more pernicious than a bed of Scorpions.  
Yet there's one Marquis more, a wise one (God wots,) Winchester, the man of Basin; but let him pass, he has not wit enough to be an Incendiary. And for Newcastle, He's but a Counterfeit Marquis; at the best but a Play-wright; one of Apollo's Whirligigs; one that when he should be fight, would be fornicating with the Nine Muses, or the Dean of York's daughters; a very Thing; a Soul traducted out of Perfume and Compliment; a silken General, that ran away beyond Sea in a Sayler's Canvas: He with his Tinderbox of Authority, first lighted the Fire in the North, yet was so kind to see it quenched again, ere he left us.  
But the Wester●●● quib (〈◊〉) holds 〈◊〉 stills and r●g●● beyond Gunpowder with Aqua vilae; but there are other Ingredients of Atheism joined to him, which make the Blaze in the West show so big, for he of himself is nothing now: The man lives toward the Sunsetting, treads Antipodes of late to Victory, and despairs of appearing East again; yet to comfort him, because the Parliament lay claim to his Baldpate, the King hath given him a Perewigg of Honour.  
I had almost forgotten Goring, Her Majesty's Jeweller; She plundered the Crown, and he conveyed away, converting all into Arms, and Gunpowder: Rare Philosophical transinutation! But this is the least part of his skill; for in time of Peace he was so expert an Alchemist, that he turned Rags and worse things, into Gold and Silver.  
There's butcherly Jermyn too, contemptible Harry, the left Leg of a Lord; He that wraps up his Treason in fine Linen: He Master of the Horse? Mount the Chicken upon an Elephant; for he's a man of some Substance, though little Revenue; somewhat too ugly (in my opinion) for a Lady's Favourite, yet that's nothing to some; for the old Lady that died in Flanders, regarded not the Feature. This Featherbed Traitor must pass also for an Incendiary; for Justice put the Gentleman into such a Fright, that to make one Shift he avoided another, and at an ill Season took his long Journey in Spanish-leather Boots.  
There are other Whelps of Catiline; but it were endless to reckon up all. I shall conclude thus: What the Poets feign of Hercules his Hydra, is truth of our Incendiary; It is a fertile Monster of many heads, for by lopping off one, up starts a miraculous generation of many more: Then, as it cannot be imagined how he conquered that prodigious Enemy, but by striking off all the Heads at a Blow; So the ready way to quell this, must be to bring the whole Rabble at once to Excecution.  
FINIS.   

London printed for Robert White.